Jessica's world was turned upside down when her husband died suddenly and she uncovered evidence of his endless lies and a second life that she'd known nothing about.

Had she been blind to the red flags her husband was waving? Or did she know more than she allowed herself to admit?

In this special (mid-hiatus!) episode, Leah talks with Jessica Waite whose book "The Widow's Guide To Dead Bastards" is available today from Atria. 

They focus on a pivotal chapter from the book, exploring the questions that still linger for Jessica: What did she know? What was she intentionally blind to? And what could she have noticed if she had known what to look for?

Some people swear by Dear Abby, others swear at Dear Abby. Today we look at some of Dear Abby's terrible advice.

PLUS: Stay until the end to hear an important announcement about the podcast going on hiatus so Leah can take a well-deserved rest.

Become a client:
www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Support Leah's work:
www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

Full episode show notes:
https://www.goodgirlstalk.com/posts/podcast/go-to-bed-angry 

In this coaching episode, Maria asks the age old question: why is it so hard to ask for what I want?! She's convinced that her problem is in poor communication skills, but it doesn't take long to discover that the issue lies in a complete different area.

Leah works with Maria to:

• understand how gender dynamics are creating friction in the "what do you want?" conversation,
• rethink how her definition of "sex" makes asking so difficult,
• practice the way she'd like to initiate a conversation about sex with potential partners.

Maria is a 27-year-old cisgender woman. She describes herself as white, bisexual and single. She describes her body as athletic.

Leah offers valuable insights and tools to help Maria and all listeners to reconsider talking about their desires.

BEYOND PERMISSION workshop:
www.beyondpermission.com

Apply for a free coaching session:
www.goodgirlstalk.com/session 

Become a client:
www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Support the show:
www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

Full show notes: 
www.goodgirlstalk.com/posts/podcast/slow-down-maria

Jocelyn is a full-service sex worker who’s seen many aspects of the industry, and who currently specializes in sexual healing and sexual surrogacy.

Joslyn is a 37 year old, cisgender female who describes herself as white, pansexual, polyamorous, single and dating, and Canadian.  She grew up in a Protestant Christian home.  She describes her body as athletic with curves.

 How Healing Happens: Sex work can be a bridge to all levels of healing, from getting basic touch needs met to helping the body re-wire for safety after trauma to helping people with physical difficulties achieve sexual experiences at all.

Bookmark moments:

• 5:04 - Jocelyn shares her first memory of sexual pleasure—kissing during after-school care with a boy she liked.
• 7:30 - There was no Sex Ed or discussion at home. She was raised by a single mom and she didn’t tell her when she got her period.
• 10:40 - Jocelyn opens up about experiencing emotional, physical, and sexual abuse at the hands of her father. When she confronts him, he gets ugly.
• 20:42 - Jocelyn talks about her first consensual sexual experience with her long-term boyfriend at age 17.
• 22:37 - She shares an early pregnancy and abortion experience with the same boyfriend.
• 23:55 - She then has her first affair, with a beautiful man who has a tiny penis. Discussion follows about tiny penis taboo, and what men can do to pleasure a woman via other means.
• 31:13 - Friends keep asking Jocelyn to participate in threesomes.
• 34:05 - Sex work comes into her life during a time of financial struggle when she’s a single mom at age 29.
• 36:55 - Jocelyn shares her internal conflict about the stigma of sex work even while the money is great. She starts to withdraw from her friends.
• 39:37 - A friend introduces Jocelyn to “The Secret Diary of a Call Girl” in the context of her own sex worker fantasies, and it changes how Jocelyn relates to her profession. She begins to open up to the healing potential of her work.
• 48:48 - Jocelyn talks about what a surrogate can do in the context of healing sexual trauma.
• 50:10 - She gets into detail about being a sexual surrogate and her work with folks with disabilities, and tells us about one specific client.
• 1:02:42 - Jocelyn talks about her hard red lines, and how she communicates boundaries to clients.

The audio extras for this episode are:

• Jocelyn’s first experience of penetration was not consensual and involves some physical trauma that may be too graphic for some listeners. Therefore I’ve placed it in this separate space so you can opt in to listening to it if you choose.  Jocelyn shares how she initially gave consent, how it rapidly turned non-consensual, the processing she has done in the intervening years, and the feelings she now has about the man she was with that night. This is available to everyone, regardless of whether you are a patron or not. 
• Jocelyn and I talk about whether the reported statistics for childhood abuse of boys are far too low
• How Jocelyn separates her personal sexuality from her “work” sexuality; also, how she talks with her son about sex
• The extended Lowdown Q&A

REMEMBER: ALL audio extras are now FREE for everyone!!!!!  They can be accessed at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex.  If you’d like to support the work I do, you can make a monthly contribution at that site.

 PJ PARTIES!! Information and registration at www.leahcarey.com/PJparty

 FACEBOOK GROUP: www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk

CALL-IN: Want to leave a message for Leah? Call 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739)

PATREON: Become a community supporter at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

RATE THIS POD: Leave a rating and review at www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls

BE A GUEST: Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest

COACHING: Want to talk with Leah directly? Visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Host – Leah Carey (website, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby

Music – Nazar Rybak

Leah talks about a consent violation she experienced during medical care last year, and also shares her insights into her own fear around exercising.

• 1:52 - Leah begins by sharing about her quarantine weight gain, which led her to confront a lifetime’s worth of avoidance issues around exercise — and an insight into how that mirrors the effects a negative body image had on safety in her sex
• 3:52 - Leah shares a traumatic memory of assault at age 12 at the hands of her father.

• 6:55 - Built-in responses to trauma complicate our culture’s idea that pushing through weight loss difficulties is just about
• 11:05 - Early socialization and sexualization for those who grew up in girl bodies adds further trauma and mixed messaging.

• 13:35 - Leah talks about an experience of violation of consent during a visit to a new Boldly, she addresses it after the visit.

• Evelin Dacker’s Good Girls Talk About Sex episode –
• Stand up to medical consent violations -

www.leahcarey.com/medicalconsent

Book a PJ Party!!! All the info and registrations are at www.leahcarey.com/pjparty

FACEBOOK GROUP: www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk

HAVE A QUESTION?: Leave a voicemail for Leah at 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739)

PATREON: Become a community supporter at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

RATE THIS POD: Leave a rating and review at www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls

BE A GUEST: Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest COACHING: Want to talk with Leah directly? Visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching Host – Leah Carey (website, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Music – Nazar Rybak

Lynn shares her trauma history, and then opens up on a deep and detailed level about hiring a sex worker to save her marriage.  Because no one in her family talked about sex or bodies, for much of her early life, she believed that her vagina was a fatal birth defect.

Lynn is a 49-year-old, cisgender female. She describes herself as white, NOT straight, mostly monogamous, married, and peri-menopausal. She describes her body as "very average."

How Healing Happens: Sex workers can play a critical role in sexual healing. It’s a safe space with clear boundaries, and without the emotional charge (or baggage) often built up with a partner. A sex worker can help you overcome resistance to pleasure, focus on sensation, and figure out what *does* feel good to your body. And some do work with couples.

Bookmark moments:

• 4:25 - Lynn’s first memory of sexual pleasure occurs at age 9, with the accidental placement of a blanket between her legs on a hot summer night. Her surprise discovery leads to a serious misconception but she knows not to ask questions.
• 11:11 - She experiments with touching and kissing with her best friend, trying to figure things out with the benefit of sex ed.
• 17:56 - As her home life falls apart in her teens, Lynn falls prey to attention of older men.
• 24:14 - She leaves home at 16 and gets married, in order to escape things at home. Things are good at first, but when she gets pregnant, he gets violent.
• 34:48 - Lynn meets her second husband. He is wonderful and so is the sex, but life quickly throws a few wrenches into the works.
• 38:41 - The lack of sex in the marriage destroys their emotional bond.
• 41:49 - Lynn tells her husband he has permission to see a sex worker to get his needs met. He resists…at first.
• 45:42 - After some deep introspection, she suggests an alternate set of plans to her husband to celebrate their upcoming anniversary—involving Lynn visiting the sex worker.
• 53:30 - Lynn discovers her body is not, in fact, broken.
• 54:00 - They go to the sex worker together for their anniversary. Much unfolds from this and subsequent sessions with the sex worker.
• 1:03:30 - Lynn shares about the medical help and therapy she sought before turning to a sex worker, and her fears of social disapproval.

The Patreon extras for this episode are:

• Lynn and I took a deeper dive into the nature of the relationships she was having with older men – was it predatory? Was it healthy?  Is it possible that it could be some combination of both? 
• Lynn and I talk about how, having had a history of violent homes, she managed to create a home without violence for her son. We also talk about how she approached the topic of sex with her son, and what her relationship with her body is – and how that has changed since menopause.
• The extended Lowdown Q&A

ALL audio extras are now FREE for everyone!!!!!  They can be accessed at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex.  If you’d like to support the work I do, you can make a monthly contribution at that site.

 PJ PARTIES!! Information and registration at www.leahcarey.com/PJparty

 FACEBOOK GROUP: www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk

CALL-IN: Want to leave a message for Leah? Call 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739)

PATREON: Become a community supporter at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

RATE THIS POD: Leave a rating and review at www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls

BE A GUEST: Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest

COACHING: Want to talk with Leah directly? Visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Host – Leah Carey (website, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby

Music – Nazar Rybak

Receiving oral sex isn’t just about a tongue on a clit – it’s about all the emotional and mental conversation happening at the same time.

Bookmark moments:

• 6:13 - The women answer “Do you enjoy receiving oral sex?”
• 10:21 - Leah answers. She opens up about the relationship dynamics in which her first experience of receiving oral took place, and how that impacted subsequent relationships.
• 14:10 - Leah suggests a new technique to her second partner, which works, but he doesn’t stick to it.
• 16:10 - She shares how she’s working on staying present with the physical sensation when her current partner goes down, and tracing the history of her hindered state of responsiveness to oral sex back to that first partner.
• 20:24 - Am I Normal? A powerful, independent woman is confused by her desire to be dominated in the bedroom.
• 23:23 - Leah talks through common fantasies and the reasons why domination can feel so refreshing.
• 25:20 - Masochism is discussed.
• 27:00 - Podcast recommendation

Extra Bits

PSA: Hey. Not everybody likes pizza, either.

Podcast recommendation:

• Biracial Unicorns with Dani and Dameca
• “Let’s Talk About Sex-ualization” episode - https://biracialunicorns.pinecast.co/episode/31f5a12674034660/let-s-talk-about-sex-ualization
• Facebook – https://www.facebook.com/biracialunicorns/
• Instagram – https://www.instagram.com/biracialunicorns/
• Twitter - https://twitter.com/Biracialmagic

 Resources mentioned:

• FREE DOWNLOAD - How to propose a new sexual adventure to your lover, leahcarey.com/newadventure.

Book a PJ Party!!!  All the info and registrations are at www.leahcarey.com/pjparty

FACEBOOK GROUP: www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk

AM I NORMAL?: Leave a message for Leah at 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739)

PATREON: Become a community supporter at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

RATE THIS POD: Leave a rating and review at www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls

BE A GUEST: Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest

COACHING: Want to talk with Leah directly? Visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Host – Leah Carey (website, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Music – Nazar Rybak

Jade opens up about the tension and difficulties in her past marriage, and the sexual dynamics of subtle pressure and coercion she experienced in the marriage and in her earlier dating. Maturity and emotional safety are at the core of her current partnership and it revolutionizes her sex life. She’s now in love with her girl parts!

Jade is a 51-year-old, cis-gender female who describes herself as bisexual, monogamous, in a relationship, and the mother of 2 children who are still at home.  She has had 2 miscarriages and still gets her period.  She describes her body as slender.

Countering Culture: Jade shares that although she knew her husband (at the time) never would have actually forced her into sex, she felt the pressure to satisfy his needs because she—along with most of the rest of us—grew up immersed in a culture that frames it as a “wifely duty” and bases a woman’s value (and therefore social safety) on being a “good” wife.

Bookmark moments:

• 2:36 - Jade’s first memory of sexual pleasure is at age 10, having a sexual fantasy in a swim club sauna.
• 5:36 - Her first memory of masturbating is at age 13 while reading Clan of the Cave Bear (ironically given to her by her father), and then mounting her giant teddy bear.
• 10:21 - She meets her first boyfriend in high school; he’s a few years older. She assumes that love leads to marriage leads to sex, but she knows from her Catholic upbringing she’s not supposed to have sex out of wedlock. She and a friend find a bible and search through until they find what they interpret as permission.
• 15:09 – She experiences her first intense, magical state of turn-on with her second boyfriend.
• 17:07 - Jade shares how the relationship with her first college boyfriend leads her into subtle but uncomfortable sexual dynamics.
• 22:33 - Her first marriage hits tension early on. The birth of their first child adds both joy and more difficulty; her husband feels sexually frustrated, and she feels pressured.
• 27:52 - After ongoing and increased tension after their second child, she makes the decision to separate. They work on their issues and re-unite, but the relationship is still “messy.”
• 36:11 - Six months after leaving the marriage, much to her surprise, Jade starts having sexual feelings again. She re-enters the dating world and discovers some unmet emotional needs with her first post-divorce lover. After dating a few men, she meets her current partner and experiences a whole new level of sexuality.

The Lowdown (42:46)

• Do you have sex during your period?
• What’s the approximate number of sex partners you’ve had?
• Are you generally more active or more passive during lovemaking?
• What’s your favorite part of your body?

The Patreon extras for this episode are:

• Jade talks about her adventures in non-monogamy
• Jade talks about what she learned in her childhood home about sex – including why her mother got married to her father
• The extended Lowdown Q&A

ALL audio extras are now FREE for everyone!!!!!  They can be accessed at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex.  If you’d like to support the work I do, you can make a monthly contribution at that site.

Book a PJ Party!!!  All the info and registrations are at www.leahcarey.com/pjparty

FACEBOOK GROUP: www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk

CALL-IN: Want to leave a message for Leah? Call 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739)

PATREON: Become a community supporter at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

RATE THIS POD: Leave a rating and review at www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls

BE A GUEST: Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest

COACHING: Want to talk with Leah directly? Visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Host – Leah Carey (website, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby

Music – Nazar Rybak

We follow the oral sex question with a deep dive into swallowing ejaculate (or *not*.) We hear a wide variety of yes/no answers, but also yes/no conditions. Then Leah share her personal experience with blowjobs and the journey she took to make sure it was as good for her as it was for him.

How Healing Happens: Little boys get just as much bad messaging as little girls do. Learning how to openly and safely communicate with your sexual partner can re-educate and heal you both.

Bookmark moments:

• 1:49 – A chorus of women answer the question “Do you swallow?”
• 6:01 - Leah answers. She opens by sharing that in the pre-internet days, Cosmo was her primary source of information.
• 7:52 - The “If you love him, you swallow” rule and its fallout.
• 11:13 - Leah gives her first blowjob, and it’s disastrous for her afterwards.
• 13:03 - A new approach learned at a STARS class blows her mind.
• 16:25 - Leah and her partner try something new with blowjobs and it’s a win-win.
• 19:05 - Leah shares a listener email that offers an unusual perspective—a man’s response to the podcast.
• 24:47 - Podcast recommendation:

When Women Speak by Sara Sanderson - https://whenwomenspeak.buzzsprout.com/1104935

The Emma Case interview - https://whenwomenspeak.buzzsprout.com/1104935/4128944-am-i-welcome-here-why-we-must-do-more-than-simply-say-everyone-is-welcome

When Women Speak website - https://www.wwsgn.com/

Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/whenwomenspeakglobalnetwork/

 Resources mentioned:

• The STARS episode - https://link.chtbl.com/STARS

Book a PJ Party!!!  All the info and registrations are at www.leahcarey.com/pjparty

FACEBOOK GROUP: www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk

AM I NORMAL?: Leave a message for Leah at 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739)

PATREON: Become a community supporter at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

RATE THIS POD: Leave a rating and review at www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls

BE A GUEST: Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest

COACHING: Want to talk with Leah directly? Visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Host – Leah Carey (website, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Music – Nazar Rybak

This week, 72-year-old Paulette gives us a window into growing up in a conservative time and culture, and how those tight-lipped and sexually discouraging tropes impacted her lifelong ability to experience pleasure.

Paulette is a cisgender female. She describes herself as mixed Black/Latinx, heterosexual, monogamous, and post-menopausal. She describes her body as "thick."

PSA: Restrictive beliefs can impact so many areas of life and pleasure. If something is confusing you and holding you back, ask, ask, ask for help.

Bookmark moments:

• 2:52 - Paulette shares her first memory of sexual pleasure, kissing a boy at around age 8 and liking it.
• 7:45 - Growing up in an African-American and West Indian family, the expectation was that girls would not bring shame to their family.
• 8:50 - She got her period at elementary school unexpectedly, and up to that point had received no education about sex or reproductive bodily functions. Even afterwards there was little detail imparted. “Keep your legs closed, your skirt down. You’re a young lady now.”
• 14:50 - Paulette opens up about her love of foreplay and less-than-love of penetration and tells about an early love experience with only kissing.
• 19:08 - She loses her virginity around age 20, though she is still very nervous to have sex because of the intense shaming around pregnancy out of wedlock.
• 21:13 - Paulette has a pregnancy and miscarriage, which she thinks may have been caused by her intense fear of the pregnancy. She has another pregnancy later with the same fears, and decides to seek an abortion. She later adopts two children.
• 26:28 - She marries at age 35, and finds herself sexually unsatisfied and unable to work on it with her husband.
• 31:25 - Paulette diverts her energy to her kids, in the face of her lack of satisfaction in the marriage.
• 33:57 - The talk turns to masturbation; Paulette has never done it, and the repressive effects have lasted her lifetime.
• 37:14 - They discuss body image and being “thick.” Paulette consciously raised her boys to have the body comfort and confidence she didn’t.
• 43:30 - Paulette shares that sometimes she gets what feel like incorporeal nighttime visits. Her husband has passed away at this point, as has her first love.

The Lowdown (47:30)

• What belief did you have about sex as a child or teenager that you wish you could correct her on now?
• (Follow up) Do you ever feel like there was a possibility of a breakthrough to enjoying it, or was it just something that did not seem available to you?

The audio extras for this episode are:

• More about Paulette’s relationship with her first lover, and how it felt when they progressed from making out to penetrative sex; plus a longer look at Paulette’s marriage to her husband
• The extended Lowdown Q&A

Audio extras are available to everyone FOR FREE at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex.  Because this material is marked explicit, you will need to create an account to access it, but no pledge is required.  Of course, all pledges are happily accepted!

Book a PJ Party!!!  All the info and registrations are at www.leahcarey.com/pjparty

FACEBOOK GROUP: www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk

CALL-IN: Want to leave a message for Leah? Call 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739)

PATREON: Become a community supporter at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

RATE THIS POD: Leave a rating and review at www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls

BE A GUEST: Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest

COACHING: Want to talk with Leah directly? Visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Host – Leah Carey (website, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby

Music – Nazar Rybak

A variety of women answer whether or not they enjoy giving oral sex; host Leah goes more in-depth about her own personal experiences and preferences, and about how to engage in, negotiate, and enjoy the act. Then, the discussion turns to navigating a polyamorous relationship for someone new to the practice.

Extra Bits:

PSA—Beware of performative standards (what you see in porn), and always feel free to negotiate the specifics of a sex act according to what is both comfortable and pleasurable for you—like, if you have a sensitive gag reflex, or don’t want ejaculate in your mouth. And on the flip side, positive feedback is important!

Bookmark moments:

• 3:45 - Leah shares how her recent move with her partner into a two-bedroom apartment gives them the option to sleep solo, and why this is a good thing for the relationship and not a sign of deprivation or trouble.
• 5:41 - “Do you enjoy giving oral sex?” – the women answer.
• 12:51 - Leah answers: “I’m a bit agnostic about genitals.”
• 14:27 - Leah talks about her refusal to swallow ejaculate, and how she and her partner innovated around it.
• 17:01 - Her current partner communicates what he wants and likes, and guides her with positive feedback to hone in on what feels best that also feels good to her to provide.
• 18:05 - Leah discusses the myth of the home field advantage in oral sex.
• 21:17 - Am I Normal? – “Am I crazy to believe I might be ok with her sleeping with other people?”
• 22:14 – Leah answers: Is it possible for a mixed monogamous/polyamorous relationship to work?
• 28:09 – New podcast recommendation:

Sistory Untold - join hosts Marva and Sabrina as they explore history through the eyes of sisterhood

Website - https://www.sistoryuntold.com/

Instagram – https://www.instagram.com/sistoryuntold/

Facebook – https://www.facebook.com/sistoryuntold/

Twitter - https://twitter.com/SistoryUntold

Resources mentioned:

• Trustex Condoms – https://www.condomdepot.com/trustex-assorted-colors-non-lubricated/ (this is not an affiliate link)

Book a PJ Party!!!  All the info and registrations are at www.leahcarey.com/pjparty

FACEBOOK GROUP: www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk

AM I NORMAL?: Leave a message for Leah at 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739)

PATREON: Become a community supporter at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

RATE THIS POD: Leave a rating and review at www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls

BE A GUEST: Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest

COACHING: Want to talk with Leah directly? Visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Host – Leah Carey (website, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Music – Nazar Rybak

Mel had plenty of boyfriends but had trouble being faithful. She has chosen ethical non-monogamy as a way of meeting her variety of relational and physical attractions and needs.

Mel is a 55-year-old, cisgender female. She describes herself as very petite, polyamorous, and post-menopausal.

Public Service Announcement:

If you think monogamy is the vanilla prison for which there is no safe word, or find yourself cheating yet again to get your needs met, it may be time to think outside the box. Relationships—both romantic and play—can accommodate a variety of numbers, shapes, and parameters. For anything from regular group sex to family game night households, consider polyamory.

Bookmark moments:

• 3:03 - Mel’s first memory of sexual pleasure is of rubbing against her pillow at age 7 when sent to her room for a “nap.”
• 8:55 - She started having sex at 14 with a boyfriend and had a great first experience.
• 12:31 - Mel talks about her first lesbian encounter with an older mystery rich woman.
• 14:13 - She describes how she is attracted to and attaches to women differently.
• 17:37 - Mel opens up about an abortion at 18. She got pregnant with a Swedish foreign exchange student.
• 19:02 - Mel tells “the story” from college, about the time she wrote a song for a disastrous first date with the future author of “He’s Just Not That Into You.”
• 22:18 - She talks about how her height (very petite) has affected her body image and confidence, the pressure to be thin growing up in the south, and about her shape fluctuations after motherhood.
• 28:35 - During grad school Mel was in a “friendly” relationship with good-but-boring sex and accidentally became a mother.
• 29:22 - She opens up about the fact that she has cheated in every past relationship, and what drove her. She talks about exploring the relationship model of ethical non-monogamy.
• 31:35 - Mel explains that she loses part of herself when she’s only with one person because she over-adjusts to the dedicated partnership.
• 37:35 - She talks about her current “triad” with a man and woman and two separate relationships with men.
• 45:32 - Menopause has been non-catastrophic for Mel!

Resources mentioned:

• TV Show - “Big Mouth” on Netflix
• Book – The Ethical Slut
• Book – Sex At Dawn

The Patreon extras for this episode are:

• Mel talks about how she responded to her parent’s divorce and to being anally raped
• The extended Q&A

Book a PJ Party!!!  All the info and registrations are at www.leahcarey.com/pjparty

FACEBOOK GROUP: www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk

CALL-IN: Want to leave a message for Leah? Call 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739)

PATREON: Become a community supporter at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

RATE THIS POD: Leave a rating and review at www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls

BE A GUEST: Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest

COACHING: Want to talk with Leah directly? Visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Host – Leah Carey (website, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby

Music – Nazar Rybak

Leah asks the women’s she’s interviewed about their relationship status with their pubic hair. Then she shares her own story of growing up with a combination of a genetically inherited bountiful mound and a learned lady-like horror of the same.

EXTRA BITS:

What we learned: Once again we learned that the range *is* the norm. Women go from no hair at all, to all the hair there is. Even for one person, it varies by day, week, month, or major life event.

Bookmark moments:

• 2:00 – Chorus of voices answering the question “Do you have hair down there, or are you bare?
• 11:30 - Leah answers, including seeing her mother’s body naked with full pubic hair, and witnessing her mother’s embarrassment and swimsuit discretions.
• 12:50 - In her teens, Leah discovers she’s grown her own big bush.
• 14:00 - Leah’s first boyfriend asks her to go bare. Then later, another one demands it.
• 17:32 - A boyfriend leaves it up to her, and it’s a blissful new world of comfort and self-determination.
• 20:10 – New podcast recommendation – Queersplaining by Callie Wright
• 26:12 – Info on PJ Parties!
• 28:08 – “Am I Normal?” This week’s caller asks if it’s normal to hate giving blow jobs.
• 28:30 – Leah discusses why some people dislike giving blow jobs, why that’s okay, and a couple of options for hating it less if you choose to go forward.

Podcast recommendation:

Queersplaining by Callie Wright - http://www.queersplaining.com

Don’t forget to shave episode - http://www.queersplaining.com/2020/04/30/dont-forget-shave/

Slaying Dragons episode - https://www.queersplaining.com/2020/02/27/slaying-dragons/

Find Callie on Twitter at @queersplaining and @calliegetsit

Resources mentioned:

• Trustex Condoms – https://www.condomdepot.com/trustex-assorted-colors-non-lubricated/ (this is not an affiliate link)
• STARS episode – https://link.chtbl.com/STARS

Book a PJ Party!!!  All the info and registrations are at www.leahcarey.com/pjparty

FACEBOOK GROUP: www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk

AM I NORMAL?: Leave a message for Leah at 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739)

PATREON: Become a community supporter at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

RATE THIS POD: Leave a rating and review at www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls

BE A GUEST: Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest

COACHING: Want to talk with Leah directly? Visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Host – Leah Carey (website, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Music – Nazar Rybak

Leah delves into a deeply personal topic: how trauma and mental health have impacted her ability to show up authentically. She talks about the impact her demanding, charismatic father had on her psyche and sense of safety. In admitting her fear of being viewed as not good enough or too much like their father, Leah discusses the creation of a performative persona and the desire to shift to a more authentic voice. 

Who Is Your Sex & Relationship Alter Ego?
www.leahcarey.com/quiz

Work with Leah:
www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Apply for a free coaching session:
www.goodgirlstalk.com/podcastcoaching

Support the show:
www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

Full show notes: 
www.goodgirlstalk.com/posts/podcast/identity-crisis

Heather grew up assuming she would marry a man and have children.  So she did.  But sex was never a good experience. Then she had sex with a woman for the first time, and her life was changed forever.

Today she lives with her female partner and co-parents her four daughters with her former husband. 

She opens up about her early sexual journey through the lens of parenthood, and what she wants for her daughters compared to what she experienced.

Heather is a 45-year-old, cis-gender female who describes herself as lesbian, monogamous, peri-menopausal, and in a long-term domestic partnership.  She has four daughters, ages 6 to 15, and describes her body as “a little pudgy”.

Bookmark moments:

• 2:22 - Heather’s first memory of sexual pleasure is at age five, discovering it felt good when the bath water hit “down there”; this opens up the topic of talking to one’s children about masturbation.
• 11:00 - Heather’s loss of virginity as a teenager under less-than-great circumstances brings up the issues of consent and assault.
• 16:19 - Heather and Leah talk about the confusion girls feel, often before they realize they are lesbian, around noticing female beauty because our culture teaches us early on to sexualize women.
• 26:08 - The talk turns to body image, and Heather shares that she had a breast reduction at age 15 which helped her comfort and confidence.
• 31:00 - Heather meets her ex-husband at 26. The sex was “vanilla” and “hopefully quick.”
• 33:00 - Heather meets a woman she’s wildly attracted to, and has a hot 2-week affair with her.
• 35:57 - She and her husband experiment sexually with a lesbian couple. Complications ensue.
• 38:00 - After divorcing, Heather accidentally “outs” herself on Facebook with her new partner.

The Lowdown (41:30)

• Do you have sex during your period?
• What is the approximate number of sex partners you’ve had?
• Do you prefer clit stimulation or penetration?
• Can you orgasm from penetration alone?
• Do you use hands, or strap-ons?
• What is your favorite way to orgasm during sex?

Extra Bits: Parental PSA: “I actually told my kids, you need to test this shit out. Do not marry somebody you haven’t had sex with. That is a terrible idea.”

The Patreon extras for this episode are FREE for everyone:

• How Heather talks about sex with her daughters – and why she thinks Gilmore Girls is a great teaching tool!
• The Extended Lowdown Q&A

Book a PJ Party!!!  All the info and registrations are at www.leahcarey.com/pjparty

FACEBOOK GROUP: www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk

CALL-IN: Want to leave a message for Leah? Call 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739)

PATREON: Become a community supporter at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

RATE THIS POD: Leave a rating and review at www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls

BE A GUEST: Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest

COACHING: Want to talk with Leah directly? Visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Host – Leah Carey (website, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby

Music – Nazar Rybak

Leah tackles the hierarchy of orgasms—and getting there at all. This week women respond to whether they prefer clit or vaginal stimulation, which opens up a penetrating (see what we did there?!) discussion about preferences.

Sex Ed For Adults: “You are the only one who knows what’s right for your genitals.” As long as what’s under consideration is consensual, pretty much everything else falls on a scale from “I desire it” to “I don’t desire it.” There is no norm within that scale—the scale IS the norm. You can be anywhere on it, and still be “normal.” It’s a matter of your (and your body’s) preference, and you alone are the interpreter and boss. Trust yourself and your body.

Bookmarks for this episode:

• 3:00 - Leah discusses the false hierarchy of orgasms: having a clit orgasm vs vaginal orgasm vs g-spot orgasm.
• 5:03 - Chorus of voices answering the question “Do you prefer clit stimulation or vaginal penetration?”
• 9:37 - Leah answers the question and discusses the mechanics of penetration with regard to differences in everyone’s body, and how bodies fit together.
• 11:45 - Leah discusses difficulties in reaching orgasm due to medication, and myths about using vibrators.
• 20:22 – “Am I Normal?” This week’s caller asks if it’s okay that she doesn’t like receiving oral sex.
• 23:20 - Leah discusses worries about the taste and smell of our lady parts.

New podcast recommendation (25:15):

“Speak From The Body” by Avni Trivedi

Excerpted episode - Craving Touch Whilst Isolating

Find Avni at www.avni-touch.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/avnitouch

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/avnitouch

Twitter: https://twitter.com/avnitouch

FACEBOOK GROUP: www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk

AM I NORMAL?: Leave a message for Leah at 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739)

PATREON: Become a community supporter at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

RATE THIS POD: Leave a rating and review at www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls

BE A GUEST: Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest

COACHING: Want to talk with Leah directly? Visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Host – Leah Carey (website, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Music – Nazar Rybak

Stacey grew up aware of and comfortable with her own pleasure from an early age. She has a daughter and is twice divorced. She’s had a rich sex life, and now finds happiness, satisfaction, and opportunity for personal growth in open relationships.

 Stacey is a 45-year-old, cis-gender female, who describes herself as Black, heterosexual, and non-monogamous. She is currently single and open to exploring a relationship with a “primary partner.”

This is a re-broadcast of episode 5.

Public Service Announcements:

How to be multi-orgasmic, step 1: Pay attention to what is happening and where. “My whole thing is staying in the room.”

How Healing Happens: Stacey has a moment of deep personal growth when she realizes that the anger she was able to openly display to her mom was misplaced anger she was really feeling towards her emotionally unavailable father: “Love makes us feel safe enough to be horrible.”

OVERVIEW

Here are some of the notable moments she shared with us:

• 4:58 - Her first memory of sexual desire, at about age 6, is of playing with a “male” doll and rubbing its hand on her vulva.
• 6:35 - Stacey shares early childhood memories of making out with girls, imitating intimacy as she sees in families on TV, and low-level sexually exploring for pleasure with a male cousin. She knows enough to keep these secrets from grownups.
• 10:18 - She talks about her first make-out as a teen.
• 11:38 - Pleasure dynamic in sexual explorations and experiences is focused on herself even from the start.
• 12:10 - She tells the story of losing her virginity.
• 14:00 - Stacey tells her mom she’s had sex.
• 16:30 - She associates the ability/need to communicate with feelings around intimacy, and notes the difference between physical intimacy and sexual intimacy.
• 20:10 - Stacey realizes she’s been able to work through anger by directing it at her mother, because her mother was emotionally available for it.
• 26:50 - Stacey embraces being comfortable with sexuality with her own daughter, and talks about the positive energetic impact of good sex.
• 28:00 - Stacey opens up about her first “real” boyfriend, the distinction being that it was “reciprocal.”
• 28:43 - She meets her first husband.
• 31:35 - She currently practices ethical non-monogamy, but shares how non-monogamy was more like cheating with earlier relationships and marriages. She also shares what it looks like with her current lovers.
• 40:42 - Stacey and Leah discuss orgasms, and ways to be multi-orgasmic.

The Lowdown (39:40)

• Approximate number of partners?
• Favorite sex position?
• Favorite sex toy?
• Sex during your period?
• Do you have hair down there, or are you bare?
• Do you have single orgasms or are you multi-orgasmic?
• Do you swallow or not?
• How much noise do you make during sex?
• Do you prefer penetration or clit stimulation?
• Do you prefer to be the giver or the receiver of sexual pleasure?

The Patreon extras for this episode are:

• The full, unedited interview with Stacey, available to all patrons at $5/month and up.

Book a PJ Party!!!  All the info and registrations are at www.leahcarey.com/pjparty

FACEBOOK GROUP: www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk

CALL-IN: Want to leave a message for Leah? Call 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739)

PATREON: Become a community supporter at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

RATE THIS POD: Leave a rating and review at www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls

BE A GUEST: Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest

COACHING: Want to talk with Leah directly? Visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Host – Leah Carey (website, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby

Music – Nazar Rybak

Leah has asked many of her interviewees how many sexual partners they’ve had. The answers, in their surprisingly wide variety, show that there is no “normal.” This also opens up a discussion about what “counts” as sex.

Here’s a Thought: Your sexual desires don’t always overlap with your romantic relationship preferences. You can be attracted to and visually stimulated by both men and women, but maybe you only want to engage in long-term committed partnerships with men—or vice versa.

Bookmarks for this episode:

• 6:38 – Chorus of voices answering “How many people have you had sex with?”
• 10:33 - Leah gives her “number” and discusses what “sex” means.
• 16:00 - “Am I Normal?” This week’s caller asks if being attracted to women means her heterosexual marriage is over.
• 21:55 - When *not* to ask your husband for a threesome.
• 23:40 - Our sexual desires and our relationship styles don’t always match up.

"Pimp That Pod" recommendation:

The Change Over by Alanna Sparrow

Highlighted episode - White Privilege v. Black Punishment

Resources mentioned:

• Literotica is an online collection of user-submitted erotic fiction and fantasy. You can find stories of all types at https://www.literotica.com/stories/.  For stories specifically about lesbian sex, go to https://www.literotica.com/c/lesbian-sex-stories.  You can search for any other topic that might be of interest at https://tags.literotica.com/.  Please be aware that many pages will have sexy pictures and/or ads for porn sites.  You do not need to click on any of these to use the site.
• Feminist porn – Watching explicit sexual acts can help you understand what turns you on, however most of the available porn is focused on male satisfaction and neglects the woman’s pleasure. Feminist porn directors create explicit material in a way that’s not objectifying or degrading to women. The following are a selection of directors and websites. PLEASE PAY FOR YOUR PORN!
  • Erika Lust is one of the most well-known feminist porn creators.
  • pinklabel.tv
  • brightdesire.com
  • AbbyWinters.com
  • CrashPadSeries.com

Book a PJ Party!!!  All the info and registrations are at www.leahcarey.com/pjparty

FACEBOOK GROUP: www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk

AM I NORMAL?: Leave a message for Leah at 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739)

PATREON: Become a community supporter at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

RATE THIS POD: Leave a rating and review at www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls

BE A GUEST: Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest

COACHING: Want to talk with Leah directly? Visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Host – Leah Carey (website, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Music – Nazar Rybak

Jessica is one of so many women who have been told, “You have such a pretty face, if you could only lose 50 pounds…”

During her teenage years, she allowed that to define her perception of herself.  Then, at the end of high school, she discovered that there were cute clothes that fit her body and she could show off her curves and get attention. And that’s just the beginning of the story!

Jessica is a 38-year-old, cis-gender female who describes herself as white, bisexual, monogamous, and married to a man.  She grew up in the United States, has one child, and calls her body curvy and plus size.

Here are some of the notable moments she shared with us:

• 3:35 – Jessica’s first memory of sexual pleasure is from the bathtub
• 7:00 - She discovers masturbation around age 10, and checks out a book on sexuality from the library.
• 9:30 – Jessica’s school lacked any helpful sex education — they only discussed physical secondary sex characteristics and periods.
• 12:05 - Experimenting with kissing boys but not having boyfriends early on, she developed physically ahead of her classmates and noticed the differences
• 14:30 - She loses her virginity to a guy she barely knows in an unremarkable and vaguely humiliating way
• 15:30 - After losing her virginity, she avoids dating/interaction for a year
• 19:03 - Her attraction to women and her first dating relationship with a woman
• 20:10 - Being told by her own father to lose weight, being bribed to lose weight, and dressing in baggy men’s clothes to hide her body. Eventually, she finds clothes in her size and begins to show her curves
• 22:00 - Using sex to gain attention from men
• 24:30 - Meeting her husband and how he was different from other men she’d dated
• 26:33 - The power she felt when she was able to seduce men while being promiscuous in her 20’s, and how it may have been a response to the powerlessness she felt when she lost her virginity. It was emotionally unfulfilling but she felt good about her body and her sexual power.
• 31:00 - A non-consensual experience during a BDSM scene, and later realizing it was rape
• 34:00 – Leah talks does some myth-busting around dom/sub (BDSM) relationships and assault.
• 37:30 – Jessica’s sexual relationship with her husband, how she is the more experienced partner and has taught him how to please her

The Lowdown (42:15)

• What do you consider to be the kinkiest thing you enjoy?
• Is there something you fantasize about but have never asked for in real life?

The Patreon extras for this episode are:

• Available FOR ALL - How to talk to her husband about making sex last longer without hurting his feelings
• $7/month - Extended Lowdown Q&A

FACEBOOK GROUP: www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk

CALL-IN: Want to leave a message for Leah? Call 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739)

PATREON: Become a community supporter at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

RATE THIS POD: Leave a rating and review at www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls

BE A GUEST: Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest

COACHING: Want to talk with Leah directly? Visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Host – Leah Carey (website, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby

Music – Nazar Rybak

In this episode, Leah begins answering the Lowdown questions – with a twist!

To date, she has done well over 60 interviews, most of which have included an in-depth Q&A. As she answers each Lowdown question, you’ll hear a chorus of voices answering the same question. The goal is to remind you, once again, that no matter what your answer is, you are completely normal and you are not alone.

In the second half of the show, she answers an “Am I normal?” question about feeling attractive after major surgery.

• 2:00 – Chorus of voices answering “Do you have sex during your period?”
• 8:30 – Leah answers the question “Do I have sex during my period?”
• 8:50 - Leah talks about her earliest shame/trauma experience around menstruation, being lectured by her dad in a way that made her feel overwhelmed, invaded, and disgusted.
• 10:30 - When Leah gets her first period at age 12, she ignores it. Her mom discovers evidence in the laundry.
• 12:00 - In her 30’s, she has her first experience with a partner wanting to proceed with sex while she is on her period. He’s fine with it. But the sight of her blood on his fingers nearly breaks her.
• 12:55 - She occasionally will have sex while on her period with her current partner, even though she still experiences shame and emotional discomfort.
• 14:03 – Am I normal? question – how can I have sex and feel attractive after major surgery?
• 14:55 - Leah talks about our culture’s ideal body type, how we are harmfully held against a specific and limited standard, and how our belief that we are lovable is tied to that standard.
• 16:34 - Going to a nude sex resort helped Leah see that all types of bodies are sexually attractive to someone.
• 17:58 - Leah directs the audience to Instagram to see bodies with colostomy bags, in wheelchairs, and after breast cancer normalized.
• 19:13 - Leah talks about “body neutrality.”

Check out some of these Instagram accounts to see a variety of bodies enjoying life:

Normalizing ostomies:

https://www.instagram.com/ann_liseeva/

https://www.instagram.com/ostomydiaries/

Love and vacations in a wheelchair:

https://www.instagram.com/naomifernandez__/

Life after breast cancer:

https://www.instagram.com/laureneliseox/

Fat yoga / Curvy girl yoga:

https://www.instagram.com/journey2antoinette/

https://www.instagram.com/thiscurviyogi/

https://www.instagram.com/bipolar.yogi

PSA from Leah -

Body Neutrality: Body image is tied to feeling lovable in our culture, and the specific body image (young, thin, smooth, and perfect) that we hold as the standard actually rarely occurs in the population. So, most of us feel like crap—and the uber-positivity message of “love every inch of your skin no matter what” rings false and seems impossible to achieve. Body neutrality takes a different approach.

These are some of my favorite Instagram accounts that are working in the field of body neutrality:

https://www.instagram.com/virgietovar/

https://www.instagram.com/tiffanyima/

https://www.instagram.com/jessikneeland/

https://www.instagram.com/iamstefaniemichele/

https://www.instagram.com/beyondbeautifulbook/

https://www.instagram.com/kenziebrenna/

 FACEBOOK GROUP: www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk

CALL-IN: Want to leave a message for Leah? Call 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739)

PATREON: Become a community supporter at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

RATE THIS POD: Leave a rating and review at www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls

BE A GUEST: Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest

COACHING: Want to talk with Leah directly? Visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Host – Leah Carey (website, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Music – Nazar Rybak

Melissa experienced childhood sexual abuse and is dealing with its long-term impacts. She has a complicated pleasure response and is working on reframing how she views sex after abuse.

Melissa is a 40-year-old, cis-gender female who describes herself as Latina, heterosexual, monogamous, married with 3 boys.  She grew up in the United States and currently lives with her family in Australia.

Public Service Announcements:

Sex is not just about the male partner’s ejaculation, and the male partner’s ejaculation is not your job! For more on this, listen to our conversation at 42:05.

How Healing Happens:

After childhood sexual abuse, Melissa is determined to keep unpacking her experiences and shaping a sex life that feels like actual fun. She knows she is blessed with a good partner. She’s sought therapy, and pays attention. She just plain wants better. The search for real joy has become her driving force. “I’m all about breaking generational issues! That’s just me!”

Here are some of the notable moments she shared with us:

• 4:15 - Her first memory of sexual pleasure at 16 and having a moment alone that felt differently and purely “good.”
• 5:50 - Melissa reveals that she experienced childhood trauma around sex.
• 9:00 - Sex ed (in the 90’s) was mostly watching old (70’s/80’s) videos in school which were biologically oriented. She received a lot of negative messaging around sex—from parents about pregnancy, from her childhood abuse.
• 15:40 - The repressive effects of growing up Catholic and of childhood sexual trauma continue into college.
• 17:00 - Her first relationship is with the man who later became her husband; she met him at age 17 in college.
• 18:10 - She didn’t have sex with her boyfriend initially but the activities they did remind her of something wrong.
• 18:50 - Melissa describes what it’s like to be energetically divided within the sexual experience by past trauma—part of the brain being devoted to assuring herself she’s safe, and only whatever is left can experience the pleasure.
• 20:00 - Her boyfriend/husband is the first person she opened up to about the abuse and he suggested getting therapy.
• 22:50 - She had sex for the first time with her boyfriend (now-husband) 2 years into their relationship.
• 25:25 - She describes in detail what the body detachment from pleasure was like to experience, and it turns out this is a common trauma response. Also that she performed the acts to please him, not herself.
• 26:40 - Leah talks about autonomic responses, with or without the experience of actual pleasure.
• 28:00 - Leah talks about how little girls are socialized into the habit of taking care of others and performing pleasure.
• 32:50 - Melissa reconciles “ordinary” behaviors with her trauma behaviors, and through trust in her husband she’s able to try new things and through therapy to hold new ideas.
• 36:00 - Melissa shares her sexual turn-ons.
• 37:15 - She talks about the impact of timing and motherhood and having to shift mindsets for sex.
• 38:18 - Sex currently in the marriage is “good” though not “yay” or “joy.”
• 40:00 - Going to the gym, in addition to therapy, has helped Melissa with health and body image and reaching desired goals while releasing trauma. She’s also trying to consciously transition from thinking of sex as work to thinking of it as fun time.
• 41:30 - She talks more about what it means to feel like sex is a job.
• 42:05 – Is it sex if the man doesn’t ejaculate?

The Lowdown (45:33)

• Do you have sex during your period?
• What’s the approximate number of sex partners you’ve had?
• Do you prefer clit stimulation or penetration?
• What is your favorite way to orgasm during sex?

 The Patreon extras for this episode are:

• $5/month – How having kids has affected Melissa’s relationship with her body and with sex
• $7/month – The extended Lowdown Q&A

FACEBOOK GROUP: www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk

CALL-IN: Want to leave a message for Leah? Call 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739)

PATREON: Become a community supporter at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

RATE THIS POD: Leave a rating and review at www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls

BE A GUEST: Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest

COACHING: Want to talk with Leah directly? Visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Host – Leah Carey (website, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby

Music – Nazar Rybak

This week we put aside the regular episode to feature the stories and voices of women and non-binary folx of color.

The first half of the show calls back to clips from previous Good Girls Talk About Sex interviews:

• 2:01 – Jazz from the episode “Vibrators changed my life”
• 7:12 – Tenisha from the episode “I had to get drunk to have sex”
• 9:59 – Shana from the episode “It was never: I’m ready, let’s do this”
• 12:58 – Maya from the episode “The worse I felt, the more sex I had”
• 15:49 – Michelle from the episode “A throbbing in my nether regions”

The second half of the show features excerpts from podcasts created and hosted by women of color that I think you may enjoy:

• 24:36 – “A Consequence of Being The Strong One” from Courage Hackers with Nesha Frazier
• 26:28 – “When Brands Are Silent, We Stop Supporting” from Brown Girl Self-Care with Bre Mitchell
• 29:55 – Podcast trailer from So-Called Oreos with Kia, Janae, Rachel and Amari
• 32:15 – Introductory episode from The Way Thru with Raven Delana

Other recommendations are:

• The Sexually Liberated Woman with Ev’Yan Whitney
• Dear White Women with Sara and Misasha

FACEBOOK GROUP: www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk

BE A GUEST: Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest

Host – Leah Carey (website, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Music – Nazar Rybak

Maya was born in the Sudan and came to the United States at age 6. She shares the frustrations she’s had around religion and how it affected her sexuality, the way she used sex in her early life to fill an emotional void, and the pleasure she has finally found with her husband. 

Maya is a 30-year-old, cis-gender female who describes herself as mixed race (black and white), heteroflexible, married, monogamous with the possibility of some monogamish play, with a young daughter.  She was born in the Sudan and came to the United States at age 6.  She was brought up Muslim and describes her body as tall and thicc.

Here are some of the notable moments she shared with us:

• 2:40 – As a girl, Maya thought sexuality was perverted and made fun of it with friends
• 6:00 - Growing up in an Islamic household where sex was a sin, and she wasn’t allowed to date
• 8:30 - Maya describes being chaperoned by her mom on a date to the movies (but her brother was allowed to date without chaperone)
• 10:52 - Losing her virginity at 19 to a senior in college
• 16:45 - Her “first love” was a typical bad boy.
• 20:00 – The way Maya used sex during a deep depression – needing the attention to feel desired and feel better about herself.
• 22:30 – A boss who paid her for sexy play
• 25:50 – The impact Osho’s book “Sex Matters” had on her view of sex and religion
• 27:44 - How her appearance (being tall and “thicc”) differs in desirability/impact on black vs white men—and how she only dates black men.
• 29:37 - Her husband is the first person she’s with who prioritizes her pleasure and it’s disconcerting.
• 31:31 – Contemplating a threesome with her husband and another woman, and the nerves she has about the idea
• 34:40 – The reasons sex has slowed down since Maya married her husband – not just having a child, but also their deep beliefs about sex and the role it should have in marriage

The Lowdown (37:27)

• What belief did you have about sex as a child or a young woman that you wish you could correct her on now?

A lot of people are under financial strain right now, so I’m making all the Patreon extras available for free to everyone.  Thank you to community members who continue to show your support through this hard time. The Patreon extras for this episode are:

• A deeper dive into Maya’s experience of depression, and how losing her identity as an athlete in college was a big driver
• Maya talks more about her “lesbian phase”
• The extended Lowdown Q&A 

Resources mentioned:

• “Sex Matters” by Osho - Osho is a complicated figure – he is still revered by some for his insights into sexual energy and relaxing attitudes toward human sexuality. However he has also been accused of sexual impropriety and abuse by many of his followers.  I am not one to throw the baby out with the bathwater, however, so I’m providing this resource for those who may find it helpful while also encouraging you to do some further reading of the full context of Osho’s teachings.

FACEBOOK GROUP: www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk

CALL-IN: Want to leave a message for Leah? Call 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739)

PATREON: Become a community supporter at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

RATE THIS POD: Leave a rating and review at www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls

BE A GUEST: Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest

COACHING: Want to talk with Leah directly? Visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Host – Leah Carey (website, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby

Music – Nazar Rybak

In part 4 of my conversation with Jessi Kneeland, we talk about how I ended up doing a six month solo road trip around the country in my car, and talk about the sexual healing I never expected to find while on the road.

In “Am I normal?” we talk about female lubrication – is there such a thing as too much? Thanks to Jessi for interviewing ME! She is an amazing body image coach and I highly recommend following her on Instagram and signing up for her weekly #TransparentTuesday emails.

Here are some time markers for this episode:

• 3:09 – Conversation with Jessi
• 28:47 – AM I NORMAL? question – Is it normal that I get so “wet” that I don’t feel much during sex? What can I do about it?
• 29:43 - Leah’s answer – Myth busting about female lubrication, and suggestions for dealing with both excessive lubrication and vaginal dryness

Resources mentioned:

• COVID Confidential video series – https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLZPyfFHzvbHbuFG5oAIO5N3-ymiZHqgYy
• The Savage Lovecast – https://www.savagelovecast.com/
• Leah’s favorite lube – https://youtu.be/i_Ok69EI-ks
• Intimina KegelSmart – https://www.intimina.com/kegel-smart
• The Womanizer - https://www.womanizer.com/

FACEBOOK GROUP: www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk

CALL-IN: Want to leave a message for Leah? Call 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739)

PATREON: Become a community supporter at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

RATE THIS POD: Leave a rating and review at www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls

BE A GUEST: Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest

COACHING: Want to talk with Leah directly? Visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Host – Leah Carey (website, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Music – Nazar Rybak

In this coaching episode, Lisa talks about learning to stay present when she's having pleasure.  Currently her mind wanders during sex to making grocery lists or worrying that what she's doing is wrong.

Leah works with Lisa to:

• understand what's underneath her brain's tendency to wander,
• reframe her judgments about sex workers, and
• recognize the effects of early childhood parentification.

Lisa is a 44-year-old cisgender woman who lives in Italy. She describes herself as white, heterosexual, single & having fun, and exploring different relationship styles because she's not sure she believes in monogamy anymore. She had a Catholic upbringing and is finally exploring pleasure for the first time in her life. She describes her body as average and athletic.

Leah offers valuable insights and tools to help Lisa and all listeners to navigate the challenges of staying present during sex.

Apply for a free coaching session:
www.goodgirlstalk.com/session 

Become a client:
www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Support the show:
www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

Full show notes: 
www.goodgirlstalk.com/posts/podcast/tantra-lisa

Lois carried shame into her adulthood due to childhood sexual abuse. As an adult, she found healing and had wonderful sex with her current husband, which has dwindled as they’ve gotten older.  She talks about her how the abuse affected her relationship with her body and sex, participating in “free love” during the 60s, and her relationship with sex as she has gotten older.

Lois is a 70-year-old, cis-gender female who describes herself as mostly white, straight, married for 38 years, monogamous, and post-menopausal.  She has three grown children.

Here are some of the notable moments she shared with us:

• 4:29 – Lois talks about being abused as a child
• 9:20 – Lois’ mother witnessed the abuse and didn’t stop it
• 10:05 – Lois’ experience of sexual shame in the aftermath of the abuse
• 12:45 – Her early consensual sexual experiences, and feelings of extreme guilt.
• 15:00 – The pleasure response that can happen even during abuse
• 17:15 – Coming of age sexually in the mid-1960s and her first consensual sexual relationship.
• 22:50 – The Summer of Love
• 27:20 – Meeting her first husband at age 24
• 29:00 S- Making sure she received pleasure during sex
• 31:30 – How the abuse affected her feelings about her body, and hating her body as a sexual vessel
• 34:13 – Experiencing love at first sight with her second husband
• 35:10 – Telling her husband about her abuse background after a triggering event at work
• 38:51 – Having a great sex life in her 40s
• 39:40 – Going through early menopause after a hysterectomy and the dwindling of their sex life

The Lowdown (43:37)

• What is your relationship with your body like today?
• How long ago did you stop having regular sex?
• Is there anything that you fantasized about that you didn’t have a chance to try?

The Patreon extras for this episode are:

• $5/mo – How her own experience of childhood sexual abuse affected Lois’ communication with her children about sex.
• $7/mo – Extended Q&A

FACEBOOK GROUP: www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk

CALL-IN: Want to leave a message for Leah? Call 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739)

PATREON: Become a community supporter at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

RATE THIS POD: Leave a rating and review at www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls

BE A GUEST: Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest

COACHING: Want to talk with Leah directly? Visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Host – Leah Carey (website, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby

Music – Nazar Rybak

In part 3 of my conversation with Jessi Kneeland, we talk about how I learned the difference between sensual and sexual touch, learning how to determine and voice my boundaries, and my ongoing battle with body image issues.

Thanks to Jessi for interviewing ME!  She is an amazing body image coach and I highly recommend following her on Instagram and signing up for her weekly #TransparentTuesday emails.

• 3:05 – Conversation with Jessi
• 23:36 – Preview of “COVID Confidential: Behind closed doors” video series
• 26:39 – AM I NORMAL? question – Is it normal that my libido is higher than my male partner’s?
• 27:00 – Leah’s answer – Myth busting about sex drive/libido, and a discussion of the spectrum of sexual desire

“COVID Confidential” YOUTUBE SERIES: www.youtube.com/goodgirlstalk

FACEBOOK GROUP: www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk

CALL-IN: Want to leave a message for Leah? Call 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739)

PATREON: Become a community supporter at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

RATE THIS POD: Leave a rating and review at www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls

BE A GUEST: Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest

COACHING: Want to talk with Leah directly? Visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Host – Leah Carey (website, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Music – Nazar Rybak

As a child, Cathy experienced extended molestation, which caused her to dissociate from her body and feel huge shame about her body. As she grew older, she also gained weight, which left her feeling like no one would ever want her.

In this interview we talk about those early experiences, plus the healing she has done and why she now feels passionate about helping others know that they are lovable and acceptable just as they are.

Cathy is a 52-year-old, cis-gender female who describes herself as white, pansexual, polyamorous, and single with playmates. She describes her body as “round.”

She is the founder of The Intimacy Dojo, which you can find at www.theintimacydojo.com.

Here are some of the notable moments she shared with us:

• 3:37 - Her first memory of sexual pleasure is confusing because she experienced pleasure around age 5 while being abused. The abuse was also confusing because it filled a need for touch and connection.
• 7:15 - The body can respond autonomically to unwanted stimulation, which is confusing and can cause long-term emotional impact.
• 7:45 - Cathy talks about how her fantasies to achieve pleasure were impacted by the childhood abuse and by growing up on a farm.
• 11:00 - The abuse stopped around age 11 as her body developed, causing a new set of body issues (thinking she is no longer desirable in a more developed, larger, womanly body) and she feels shame about her body.
• 14:50 – Cathy associated feeling the pleasure of an orgasm with guilt, even as she masturbated frequently in her early teens.
• 15:45 - Her first boyfriend in college – they were able to explore with each other and he later came out as gay.
• 20:00 - Her first experience with a woman was exciting because the power dynamics were different than with a man. She was convinced that she was a lesbian.
• 25:00 - Further evidence of early abuse impact, when she crushes on a particular girl and ends up initiating a sexual experience with her, she assumes that she herself is the corrupting influence on the other innocent woman—there’s something wrong with her innate desires, and that she’s leading the other down a bad path.
• 28:00 - the body shame associated with living in a larger body.
• 30:00 - Cathy and Leah share their experiences of how confusing it is when you believe you are not desirable, yet other people express their attraction to you.
• 36:00 - The discussion turns to healing around body image issues and embracing pleasure in any size and shape.
• 43:00 - Cathy talks about her own efforts to break the stereotype that only thin people are worthwhile and sexually desirable, and her return to dating as a “big” woman.
• 47:00 - She’s taking a break from dating to focus on personal transitions and personal growth.
• 48:51 - Getting needs and touch needs met during quarantine.

Resources mentioned:

• Reid Mihalko, sex educator – ReidAboutSex.com
• EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) - eft.mercola.com
• Somatic experiencing therapy - https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapy-types/somatic-therapy

A lot of people are under financial strain right now, so I’m making all the Patreon extras available for free to everyone. Thank you to community members who continue to show your support through this hard time. The Patreon extras for this episode are:

• Cathy’s first relationship, with a gay man who was having unprotected sex with men during the height of the AIDS crisis
• The aftermath of childhood abuse and the therapies she tried, including EFT and Somatic therapy
• A deeper dive into Cathy’s dating life
• The extended Q&A

FACEBOOK GROUP: www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk

CALL-IN: Want to leave a message for Leah? Call 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739)

PATREON: Become a community supporter at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

RATE THIS POD: Leave a rating and review at www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls

BE A GUEST: Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest

COACHING: Want to talk with Leah directly? Visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Host – Leah Carey (website, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby

Music – Nazar Rybak

In part 2 of my conversation with Jessi Kneeland, we talk about working through the messaging I received as a child about my body and sexuality, learning to say “no”, and how women protect men’s feelings during heterosexual sex.

Thanks to Jessi for interviewing ME! She is an amazing body image coach and I highly recommend following her on Instagram and signing up for her weekly #TransparentTuesday emails.

• 3:20 – Being assaulted by my dad, but not believing it was sexual because his hands didn’t get under my clothing
• 6:07 – Confronting my father about the assault
• 8:49 – Silencing and gaslighting
• 9:41 – Detangling violence and sexuality in my brain
• 14:26 – Learning what consent actually means
• 16:45 – Learning to say “no” so that I could have a real, strong “yes”
• 18:20 – Protecting men’s feelings during heterosexual sex
• 19:24 – The body image work I’ve done
• 21:30 – Conversations I heard about my mother’s body and how that affected my own body image
• 23:45 – What it’s like to carry conflicting beliefs about myself
• 25:43 – AM I NORMAL? question – Is it normal that I have no sex drive during quarantine?
• 26:04 – Leah’s answer – YES! How stress affects our libido and our touch need

FACEBOOK GROUP: www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk

CALL-IN: Want to leave a message for Leah? Call 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739)

PATREON: Become a community supporter at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

RATE THIS POD: Leave a rating and review at www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls

BE A GUEST: Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest

COACHING: Want to talk with Leah directly? Visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Host – Leah Carey (website, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Music – Nazar Rybak

Julia and her partner have agreed to a certain amount of openness in their relationship – openness that they haven’t taken advantage of yet. But their conversations on the topic – and Julia’s clear-headed consideration of the potential pitfalls – provide an amazing example for anyone who is considering opening this door with their partner. In fact, it’s so good that I think it should be required listening!

Julia is a dear friend and I love how deeply she thinks about how we can all be better to ourselves and each other.

Julia Sheldon is a 30-year-old, cis-gender female who describes herself as white, queer, and monogamish. She grew up in Canada and still lives there with her male partner. You can find her on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/juliasheldon.sex.ed

Here are some of the notable moments she shared with us:

• 3:10 - Her first memory of sexual pleasure, making out and dry humping with friends of both genders. They knew to hide the activity.
• 11:25 - Masturbating with toys and vibrators.
• 14:20 - Her first conscious sexual interaction with a boy, at a youth church event. She flirted and made out and then didn’t want to date him.
• 16:20 - She realizes that anxiety makes her not want to date the boys she was making out with.
• 19:20 – Peer pressure in college to get laid, even though she’s not ready.
• 21:20 - The first sexual relationship is with someone she knew and had a friendship with. It turned into a 2-year long distance relationship.
• 25:48 - She realized she likes women too.
• 28:00 - She discusses what “queer” means to her.
• 29:35 - She hasn’t had a sexual relationship with a woman yet but makes sure those she dates know she’s queer.
• 30:30 - She has the discussion with her partner about her desire/need to be able to sexually explore with other people of both genders that she’s interested in; establishing ground rules.
• 39:00 - Talking about what it will actually be like when play with an outside partner happens, on either end, getting needs met, and emotional processing.

The Lowdown (40:30)

• What’s the approximate number of sex partners you’ve had?
• Do you prefer clit stimulation or penetration?
• Do you prefer the orgasm from masturbating or from sex with another person?
• What kind of touch do you enjoy most?

The Patreon extras for this episode are:

• $1/mo – Dealing with low libido
• $5/mo – Sex education in Canada and her exposure to info about sex as a kid
• $7/mo – Extended Q&A

FACEBOOK GROUP: www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk

CALL-IN: Want to leave a message for Leah? Call 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739)

PATREON: Become a community supporter at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

RATE THIS POD: Leave a rating and review at www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls

BE A GUEST: Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest

COACHING: Want to talk with Leah directly? Visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Host – Leah Carey (website, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby

Music – Nazar Rybak

Good Girls Talk About Sex is now a weekly show! Every other week you’ll get these shorter solo episodes where I tell bits of my story and answer YOUR questions about sex and sexuality.

Thanks to Jessi Kneeland for interviewing ME! She is an amazing body image coach and I highly recommend following her on Instagram and signing up for her weekly #TransparentTuesday emails.

Here are some time markers for this episode:

• 4:57 – Jessi Kneeland interviews Leah
• 5:42 – Leah’s first memory of sexual pleasure, including a significant kink interest
• 11:15 – Looking at her father’s adult magazines that she wasn’t prepared to handle as a child
• 12:55 – Jessi and Leah reminisce about both reading “Clan of the Cave Bear” at ages 10 or 11
• 16:00 – Leah’s sexual confusion in her early 30s
• 17:30 – What did Leah learn about what sex was “supposed to” be like as a kid?
• 19:00 – Leah’s dad’s message to her about getting “fat and ugly”
• 20:30 – The way Leah conflated sexuality and assault in her head
• 22:35 – AM I NORMAL? Introduction
• 24:35 – Listener question – Is it normal to fantasize about my partner cheating on me?
• 25:00 – Leah’s answer – This is a fetish referred to as being “cuckolded,” and it’s more common than you would think!
• 27:39 - Ways to indulge the cuckolding fantasy without fully acting it out and having your partner sleep with another person

Resources mentioned:

• www.literotica.com – stories about all sorts of sexual acts and fantasies

FACEBOOK GROUP: www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk

CALL-IN: Want to leave a message for Leah? Call 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739)

PATREON: Become a community supporter at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

RATE THIS POD: Leave a rating and review at www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls

BE A GUEST: Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest

COACHING: Want to talk with Leah directly? Visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Host – Leah Carey (website, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Music – Nazar Rybak

Jillian offers us a glimpse into a story that I am intimately familiar with. It’s the story of having huge blank spots in your memory along with an aversion to sex. There’s nothing specific to grab on to so you can say, “This is what happened,” but it’s obvious that something happened.

I usually sit back and let the guests tell their story, but in this instance, Jillian is actively searching for answers and for healing. So in this episode, you’ll hear us doing a bit of exploration and coaching. I offer her a couple of exercises. If her story mirrors your own, you may want to try these exercises as well. Or send me an email and I’ll be happy to offer you some other resources.

Jillian says in this interview that she wanted to share her story so that anyone else out there going through something similar will know that they’re not alone. And I echo that. If you listen to this podcast because you have difficulty with sex and are looking for a way forward, you are not alone. You are welcome here. And I will be happy to talk with you whenever you are ready.

Jillian is a 49-year-old, cis-gender female who describes herself as white, heterosexual, monogamous and married.

Here are some of the notable moments she shared with us:

• 6:25 - Jillian is unable to remember her first experience of sexual pleasure and still doesn’t feel pleasure.
• 7:50 – When a boy in kindergarten touched her
• 9:10 – Jillian has memory gaps, though she has narrowed it down to ages 5-8 where “something” happened that caused her fear of and aversion to sexual touch
• 11:20 - She starts therapy at the request of her husband after an intense outburst of seemingly displaced trauma response.
• 12:20 - She tries hypnosis to access memory. She also asks her mother for information about her childhood and is shut down.
• 16:45 - She meets her future husband to whom she is attracted and despite/because of fear/aversion moves very quickly into sex.
• 17:40 - Leah talks about impact of being sexualized at a young age, affecting one’s ability to determine readiness and how it should fit into a relationship.
• 20:00 - She talks about the emotional energy it takes to not only fake enjoying sex, but to fake feeling happy or content.
• 21:20 - Her husband intuits she’s acting like everything is ok when it’s not.
• 22:40 - Where her mind goes during sex—fantasy, and sometimes about not being treated well. Or just being anxious to get the sex act over with while thinking she owes him pleasure, doing it for his sake. (**Follow up of how BDSM and ravishment play can be therapeutic.)
• 30:12 - Pregnancy and childbirth bring up new fears and aversions, particularly around breastfeeding.
• 31:45 - She finds faith and prayer to be a better and more effective tack at present than therapy for resolving trauma and pain.
• 33:15 - She still does not enjoy sex but can participate without revulsion about once a month.
• 36:40 - Leah leads a conversation/coaching about how to focus on intimate touch that is enjoyable but without genital touch and penetration.
• 40:10 - She’s just now trying masturbation and self-exploration to see if she can experience pleasure, using an external vibrator.
• 42:25 - Leah coaches how to bring the vibrator into the partnered sexual experience.

Resources mentioned:

• My favorite internal/external vibrator - https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01MRYF9TD/
• Slim/beginner vibrator (please note – I have not used this particular vibrator, so this is not a recommendation, but rather an example) - https://www.amazon.com/SlimCharger-Rechargeable-Slender-Moving-Bullet
• My favorite lube - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i_Ok69EI-ks

The Patreon extras for this episode are:

• At the $5/month level, Jillian’s abortion and subsequent breakup with her first boyfriend
• At the $7/month level, that conversation plus the extended Q&A

FACEBOOK GROUP: www.facebook.com/groups/goodgirlstalk

CALL-IN: Want to leave a message for Leah? Call 720-GOOD-SEX (720-466-3739)

PATREON: Become a community supporter at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

RATE THIS POD: Leave a rating and review at www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls

BE A GUEST: Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest

COACHING: Want to talk with Leah directly? Visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Host – Leah Carey (website, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby

Music – Nazar Rybak

Voluptuous Leah is a plus-size model and Instagram influencer. At the time this episode is released, she has over 166,000 followers and she regularly posts photos of herself, her adorable dog Luna, cute plus-size fashion, and plus-size lingerie. You can find her on Instagram at Voluptuous Leah and her website at www.VoluptuousLeah.com

Voluptuous Leah is a 31-year-old, cis-gender female who describes herself as white, heterosexual, monogamous, plus-size, and in a new relationship while going through a divorce from her previous husband.

The major theme in this episode is sex as a plus-sized women.

Here are some of the notable moments she shared with us:

• 6:40 – Leah’s first memory of sexual pleasure
• 9:00 – How she broke her ankle because she was looking at a boy that she had a crush with
• 12:15 - Her relationship with her ex-husband and how he fetishized her larger body
• 14:45 – Her new relationship and how he interacts with her and her body

The Lowdown – (15:20):

• Do you have sex during your period?
• What’s the approximate number of sex partners you’ve had?
• Do you prefer clit stimulation or penetration?
• Do you think it’s generally easy or challenging for you to orgasm?
• Have you ever faked an orgasm?
• What’s your favorite way to orgasm during sex?
• Do you need to make accommodations for sex in a larger body?
• Do you prefer the orgasm from masturbating or sex with another person?
• Can you orgasm from penetration alone without clit stimulation?
• What kind of touch do you enjoy most?
• What are your hard red lines?
• Are there sexual things you’ve tried that you never want to do again?
• How do you feel about your partner masturbating without you in the room?
• How do you feel about your partner watching porn?
• Do you have hair down there or are you bare?
• Have you ever had a threesome?
• Do you enjoy giving blow jobs?
• Do you enjoy receiving oral sex?
• Do you ever worry about your smell or taste?
• How do you feel about ass play?
• Do you enjoy dirty talk during sexual encounters?
• Do you enjoy laughter during sexual encounters?
• Have you ever felt a sexual urge that confused you?
• What’s your favorite part of your body?
• What’s your least favorite part of your body?
• What is something about your current sex life that isn’t quite as satisfying as you’d like it to be?
• What beliefs did you have about sex as a child or teenager that you wish you could correct her on now?

More links from this episode:

• Curvy Girl Sex book
• SheBop for sex toys - coupon code HUNKERDOWN (15% off online orders through at least March 31, 2020
• Sunny Megatron’s live stream about how to connect with partners and do sexy things when you're self-isolating due to the virus - bit.ly/sunnygetvokl

If you like this show, please leave a rating and review at www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls.

Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest and let me know that you’re interested. I’d love to talk with you!

To learn about Sexual Communication Coaching, visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Host – Leah Carey (Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Editor – Gretchen Kilby

Music by – Nazar Rybak

Part 2 of our conversation with Brianna! Today she details her recent entrance into the swinger lifestyle with her husband.  She spares no details about how they discovered their mutual interest in swinging, their early conversations, and their first experiences.  She talks about the state of their relationship and how swinging has affected it, her feelings about monogamy, jealousy, and so much more.  If you’ve ever wondered about swinging – DON’T MISS THIS CONVERSATION! 

Brianna is a 30-year-old cis-gender female who describes herself as white, bisexual, married, monogamish, Baptist, and exploring swinging for the first time. She and her husband have two young children.

Major themes in this episode include exploring swinging.

Here are some of the notable moments she shared with us:

• 4:00 - opening lines of communication with her husband, revealing fantasies
• 5:25 - arriving at the Desire resort
• 5:55 - body insecurity after childbearing
• 7:00 - experiencing role reversal with wild husband being shy, her being wild when free of rules
• 9:00 - meeting swingers and becoming open to the idea
• 10:00 - going to their first swingers club at home
• 11:00 - meeting the first couple they felt compatible with
• 13:50 - starting a 4-way chat between the couples
• 15:00 – a “soft swap” between the spouses for oral play
• 16:30 – continued conversation about safety and consent
• 19:40 – where they are in terms of doing a full swap
• 24:20 - the lack of male/male interaction in swinging
• 25:50 – the issues that have come up around trust and feeling like she’s not enough
• 28:30 – her emotional processing after encounters
• 30:55 - the moments that spark jealousy aren’t the sexual ones
• 33:30 – discussing emotional monogamy
• 38:30 - maintaining marital sex life after children
• 39:20 - reconciling swinger sexual activity with church community/mindset

The Patreon extras for this episode are:

• The extended Lowdown Q&A for ALL supporters at ALL levels!

Learn more and become a community supporter at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex.

If you like this show, please leave a rating and review at www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls

Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest and let me know that you’re interested. I’d love to talk with you!

To learn about Sexual Communication Coaching, visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Host – Leah Carey (Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Editor – Gretchen Kilby

Music by – Nazar Rybak

(Part 1 of a 2-part episode) Brianna grew up in the Baptist church where she learned that sex was sinful. Today, Brianna talks about her childhood sexual explorations with other little girls, her unfortunate first relationship with a boy, and the beginning of her relationship with her husband, including their recent introduction into the world of swinging.

Brianna is a 30-year-old cis-gender female who describes herself as white, bisexual, married, monogamish, Baptist, and exploring swinging for the first time. She and her husband have two young children.

Major themes in this episode include growing up Baptist, learning about consent, discovering bisexuality, and exploring swinging.

Here are some of the notable moments she shared with us:

• 4:10 – Her first memory of sexual desire in first grade while playing “house” with a friend
• 9:10 – Identifying as heterosexual but kissing girls in high school
• 10:25 – Her first sexual experience with a boy in middle school, including heavy petting and attempting to give oral
• 13:00 – Talking with her mom about sexual activity
• 14:20 – Watching her father cheating on her mother, resulting in trust issues
• 17:00 – The True Love Waits movement, which gave extreme messaging about abstinence—causing dissociation when she pursued activity anyway
• 23:45 – Her high school boyfriend penetrated her without consent, but at the time she thought it might have been her fault
• 26:25 – Believing it was her fault, she decided she must be a slut and experienced grief over the loss of her virginity
• 27:40 – A discussion about consent, readiness, and choice
• 30:00 – How she plans to talk to her kids about sex and consent
• 34:40 – Using sex to get attention, playing the field
• 36:45 – Meeting her husband-to-be and making him wait to physically engage
• 37:40 – Childhood masturbation
• 40:25 – The introduction of swinging into the marriage
• 43:00 – Talking about what is allowable at the resort, opening up major communication about the relationship as a whole

The Patreon extras for this episode are:

• The extended Lowdown Q&A for ALL supporters at ALL levels!

Learn more and become a community supporter at
www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex.

If you like this show, please leave a rating and review at
www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls

Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest and let me know that you’re interested. I’d love to talk with you!

To learn about Sexual Communication Coaching, visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Host – Leah Carey (Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Editor – Gretchen Kilby

Music by – Nazar Rybak

Leah shares the next step in her health care journey: hypermobility. And this one has even more wide-ranging implications than the endometriosis diagnosis that upended her world six months ago.

Take the brand new quiz to find your Sex & Relationship Alter Ego! Find the quiz at www.leahcarey.com/quiz

Links to earlier health update episodes:

• March 2nd
• May 25th
• July 20th

Also mentioned in this episode:

• Hypermobility coach Tracy Rodriguez - www.instagram.com/thetracyrodriguez/
• Hypermobility and Proprioception: What’s with the clumsiness? - https://www.mybendybody.com/body-awareness-hypermobility/
• Psychiatric and psychological aspects in the Ehlers–Danlos syndromes - https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1002/ajmg.c.31544
• Low- and high-anxious hypermobile Ehlers–Danlos syndrome patients: comparison of psychosocial and health variables - https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s00296-018-4003-7
• Labia Library - https://labialibrary.org.au/photo-gallery/
• The Vulvarium - https://vulvarium.com/gallery-and-stories/
• The Vulva Gallery - https://www.thevulvagallery.com/stories
• Why I photographed 100 vulvas : Most women have no idea what’s down there - https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/resources/idt-sh/Why_I_Photographed_100_Vulvas
•  

Who Is Your Sex & Relationship Alter Ego?
www.leahcarey.com/quiz

Coaching with Leah:
www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Apply for a free coaching session:
www.goodgirlstalk.com/podcastcoaching 

Support the show:
www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

Full show notes: 
www.goodgirlstalk.com/posts/podcast/hypermobility-and-labiaplasty

Timari is a 37-year-old, cis-gender woman who describes herself as white, straight, monogamous, married and the mother of two children.

She is a listener who contacted me to say that she’d like to talk about her history with abortion, because it hadn’t been addressed much on the show yet. Along the way, we also talk about being raised in the Mormon church, being in an abusive marriage and cheating, and her sex life with her current husband.

Here are some of the notable moments she shared with us:

• 4:40 – Timari’s first memory of being told not to touch herself
• 6:00 – What she considers the benefits of frequent masturbation, especially early in life
• 7:40 – Her first experience with a penis
• 11:00 – The impact of sex ed
• 15:05 – Growing up in a Mormon home
• 19:28 – Timari’s “fuck buddy”
• 23:20 – Feeling empowered by childbirth and sex after giving birth
• 24:50 – Watching her sisters get involved in abusive relationships
• 27:30 – Her decision to leave the LDS church over their stance on homosexuality
• 29:45 – Timari’s curiosity about polyamory
• 30:20 – Healing from the emotional impact of her own extramarital activity
• 32:00 – How her current relationship satisfies her emotionally and romantically
• 32:20 – Her history with abortion

The Lowdown (37:30):

• What kind of touch do you enjoy most?
• What are your hard red lines?
• Are there sexual things you’ve tried that you never want to do again?

The Patreon extras for this episode are:

• At the $1/month level, Timari talks about learning to be comfortable with her period thanks to a boy she dated when she was young
• At the $5/month level, Timari talks about the abortion process and the aftermath in her first marriage
• At the $7/month level, that conversation plus the extended Q&A
• At the $10/month level, all that plus a monthly Ask Me Anything!

Learn more and become a community supporter at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex.

If you like this show, please leave a rating and review at https://ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls.

Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest and let me know that you’re interested. I’d love to talk with you!

To learn about Sexual Communication Coaching, visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Host – Leah Carey (Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Editor – Gretchen Kilby

Music by – Nazar Rybak

In this short solo episode, Leah talks about what she has learned since spoke to you directly in January - what she affectionately thinks of as her "breakdown" episode.  Also: Valentine's Day wishes and good news about the future of the "Good Girls Talk About Sex" podcast!

Tenisha is a 29-year-old, cis-gender woman who describes herself as black, heterosexual, monogamous, average body type, currently in a relationship, and Christian.

A few months ago, Tenisha interviewed me for her podcast Choose Love. During that conversation, Tenisha mentioned that she was a practicing Christian who chose a period of intentional celibacy as an adult. So of course I wanted to interview her here!

In this conversation she talks about her early conversations in internet chat rooms, needing alcohol in order to have sex, her choice to become celibate at age 23, and the relationship she’s in now.

Here are some of the notable moments she shared with us:

• 6:10 – Tenisha’s first memory of sexual experience – getting kissed by a boy on the bus and being embarrassed
• 8:00 – Tenisha signed on to AOL chatrooms at age 8, pretending to be older
• 12:00 – Her early “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours” explorations
• 13:00 – The convergence of masturbation and guilt as a result of her religious upbringing
• 16:20 – Growing up in a home where Christian teachings are espoused, yet with parents who were lying and cheating
• 19:00 – Tenisha talks about witnessing domestic violence as a child
• 25:40 – The lack of sex ed at school and discovering porn online
• 29:00 – Tenisha’s traumatic first sexual experience
• 32:00 – Her history of having to get drunk in order to have sex
• 33:30 – Embracing Christianity, getting baptized and deciding to become celibate
• 38:35 – Realizing she’s ready for love again, meeting current boyfriend
• 42:00 – Tenisha’s decision to end celibacy within her current relationship
• 43:45 – Finally experiencing orgasm and sexual pleasure, while still having to deal with old trauma and issues around sex

The Lowdown (47:38):

• Do you have sex during your period?
• Can you orgasm from intercourse alone without other stimulation?
• Do you prefer the orgasm from masturbating or sex with another person?
• What kind of touch do you enjoy most?
• What are your hard red lines?
• Do you enjoy giving blowjobs?
• Do you swallow?
• What belief did you have about sex as a child or teenager that you wish you could correct her on now?

The Patreon extras for this episode are:

• At the $1/month level, Tenisha talks about her relationship with alcohol and what sex was like when she quit
• At the $5/month level, Tenisha talks about the relationship she ended after her mom’s death
• At the $7/month level, that conversation plus the extended Q&A
• At the $10/month level, all that plus a monthly Ask Me Anything!

Learn more and become a community supporter at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex.

If you like this show, please leave a rating and review at www.ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls

Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest and let me know that you’re interested. I’d love to talk with you!

To learn about Sexual Communication Coaching, visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Host – Leah Carey (Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Editor – Gretchen Kilby

Music by – Nazar Rybak

Jazz is a 31-year-old gender non-conforming, femme-identified person who uses the pronouns "they" and "theirs". They describe themselves as black, polyamorous, and pansexual with an active dating life.

The major theme of this episode is gender. Jazz talks about how genitals are not the be-all-end-all of gender. If all of the recent talk about gender as a spectrum has you confused or uncomfortable, this is the episode to listen to!

Here are some of the notable moments they shared with us:

• 3:55 – Jazz’s “attacks of pleasure” in elementary school
• 7:45 – Their first time masturbating at age 14
• 9:40 – How training as a performer left them disembodied and dissociated
• 13:50 – The emergence of Jazz’s gender non-conforming identity
• 16:10 – What non-binary means
• 19:25 – Jazz’s first boyfriend, including a lack of negotiation and advocacy for themselves
• 24:40 – Discovering vibrators and toys
• 26:10 – Discovering attraction to multiple kinds of bodies and kissing a girl for the first time
• 30:20 – Jazz’s defines what “solo-poly” means to them
• 30:48 – What is a comet partner?
• 32:00 – Trying out triad relationships
• 32:56 – How Jazz’s body shape has impacted their experience of sex—not being able to be fully themself because partners have identified them as female
• 37:00 – Being affirmed in a recent relationship and embracing their chin hair
• 41:30 – The joys of group sex

The Lowdown:

• Do you have sex during your period?
• Can you orgasm from intercourse or strap-on sex alone?
• Do you prefer the orgasm from masturbation or partnered sex?
• Have you ever had a threesome or more?
• Have you ever had public sex?

The Patreon extras for this episode are:

• At the $5/month level, Jazz talks about their journey to discovering non-monogamy
• At the $7/month level, that conversation plus the extended Q&A
• At the $10/month level, all that plus a monthly Ask Me Anything!

Learn more and become a community supporter at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex.

If you like this show, please leave a rating and review at https://ratethispodcast.com/goodgirls

Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest and let me know that you’re interested. I’d love to talk with you!

To learn about Sexual Communication Coaching, visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Host – Leah Carey (Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Editor – Gretchen Kilby

Music by – Nazar Rybak

In this special episode, Leah talks about her recent slide into anxiety and depression.

The "too long, didn't listen" version is: the podcast will continue on a regular schedule, but I'm taking a step back from everything else to give myself some time to reset and refocus. Also, listener emails mean the world to me, so if you want to send something please do: leah@goodgirlstalkaboutsex.com.

It's been a year! In this final episode of 2019, we revisit some of our most popular conversations so far.

We've got excerpts from the Q&A portions from episodes featuring Danielle, Betsy, Jessi, and Michelle. Much of this material ended up on the cutting room floor the first time around, so it’s all-new content for regular listeners (Patreon supporters got a sneak peek at these extended conversations when they first came out!)

Information about the 5% BRAVER group coaching process can be found at www.leahcarey.com/brave.

If you’ve got room in your 2020 budget and would like to support female-positive, sex-positive, judgment-free conversations that help us all to shed shame and SAY ALL THE THINGS, I invite you to join the community of supporters at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex. For as little as $1/month, you can help make this podcast financially-viable long into the future.

The full episodes for these four conversations can be found:

Danielle - Bad self-esteem but a great body

Betsy - When we started to explore kink

Jessi - Exploring queer sex

Michelle - A throbbing in my nether regions

Danielle's podcast: Marriage & Martinis

Jessi Kneeland's Instagram account

Michelle's favorite sex toy, Tracy's Dog, here.

Leah's favorite toy to use on a penis, the Tenga Egg, here.

Join me on Instagram and YouTube

Lisa is a 40-year-old cis-gender woman who describes herself as white, currently in a relationship that is heterosexual, monogamous, and long-distance. She has also long been attracted to women and is considering the likelihood that she is bisexual.

Major themes in this episode include body image and eating disorders, sex outside marriage, long distance relationships, and exploring kink.

Here are some of the notable moments she shared with us:

• 5:20 – Lisa’s discovery of sexual pleasure in the shower
• 6:45 – Growing up as a gymnast, giving her a heightened sense of body awareness as a kid
• 8:00 – Developing an eating disorder
• 9:45 – Lisa’s first experience of dating and sexual exploration
• 12:40 – “Losing” her virginity
• 14:00 – Having a partner stop penetration when asked
• 16:30 – Having bad sex in college
• 18:45 – Getting married right out of college and meeting her sexual needs outside the marriage
• 20:00 – Having flings during work travel
• 21:58 – Lisa’s ability to compartmentalize sex from a relationship
• 24:30 – Communicating relationship needs/boundaries/parameters over the course of a relationship
• 27:25 – Lisa’s second marriage and its unhealthy aspects
• 29:00 – Opening up to kink and anal sex
• 30:20 – Exploring new fantasies with her current partner
• 33:33 – The day Lisa’s partner thanked Leah on Instagram for opening new vistas in their relationship!
• 35:30 – How they keep sex alive in a long distance relationship
• 39:30 – How Lisa talks to her kids about sex and consent
• 42:30 – The ramifications of leaving a trail of sexy pics in today’s digital world

The Lowdown (44:14):

• Do you prefer the orgasm from masturbation or sex with a partner?
• Are there sexual things you’ve tried that you don’t ever want to do again?
• Have you ever faked an orgasm?

The Patreon extras for this episode are:

• At the $1/month level, Lisa and I discuss the confusion we’ve both encountered around bisexuality
• At the $5/month level, Lisa talks about the prevalence of GHB, a date rape drug, when she was in college
• At the $7/month level, those conversations plus the extended Q&A
• At the $10/month level, all that plus a monthly Ask Me Anything!

Learn more and become a community supporter at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex.

If you like this show, please leave a rating and review at https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/good-girls-talk-about-sex/id1436501617?mt=2.

Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest and let me know that you’re interested. I’d love to talk with you!

Host – Leah Carey (Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Editor – Gretchen Kilby

Music by – Nazar Rybak

Sarah is a 35-year-old, cis-gender woman who describes herself as white, married, monogamous, and pansexual. She clarified however that while she has experienced attractions to people of all genders, her sexual experiences have been limited to cis-gender males.

Through her teens and early 20s, Sarah dated MUCH older men. She reflects back on those experiences, sorting through the ramifications of her partner choices, including the pressures she felt and how the power differentials in those relationships worked. She is now married to a man her own age and in the second half of the show we talk extensively about the physical difficulties she has with sex and how she and her husband work around them.

Major themes in this episode include the stigma, power dynamics, and secrets involved in dating much older men; physical challenges with sex and difficulty with orgasm; and expanding the definition of what counts as sex.

Here are some of the notable moments she shared with us:

• 3:00 – Sarah’s first memory of sexual pleasure around age 8
• 8:30 – Sarah’s first relationship with a moderately older partner
• 12:00 – Not knowing how to behave when receiving pleasure
• 13:50 – Sarah’s first relationship with a significantly order partner
• 17:30 – Sarah considers power dynamics and coercion in relationship with an older man
• 18:55 – When a partner removes a condom without permission it is sexual assault
• 27:00 – Sarah’s first orgasm at age 25—through more communication, focus on her pleasure, comfort level
• 33:00 - Navigating sexual interaction when orgasm isn’t going to happen
• 36:30 – The physical challenges Sarah contends with including carpal tunnel, autoimmune disorders, and vaginal dryness
• 39:30 – Experimenting with lubricants and dilators
• 41:00 – An important PSA about lubrication!

The Lowdown (45:20):

• Do you have sex during your period?
• What is your definition of sex?
• Do you prefer the orgasm from masturbation or sex with another person?
• Do you enjoy receiving oral sex?
• Do you every worry about how you taste or smell?

The Patreon extras for this episode are:

• At the $5/month level, Sarah talks more about her relationships with older men
• At the $7/month level, that conversation plus the extended Q&A
• At the $10/month level, all that plus a monthly Ask Me Anything!

Learn more and become a community supporter at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex.

If you like this show, please leave a rating and review at https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/good-girls-talk-about-sex/id1436501617?mt=2.

Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest and let me know that you’re interested. I’d love to talk with you!

To learn about Sexual Communication Coaching, visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Host – Leah Carey (Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Editor – Gretchen Kilby

Music by – Nazar Rybak

Michelle is a 42-year-old, cis-gender female who describes herself as black and married. She is currently sorting through whether she is gay or bisexual, and in the process she and her wife have opened up what was previously a monogamous marriage.

Major themes in this episode include discovering (and re-discovering) sexual orientation, mismatched libido in a marriage, infidelity and honesty within a marriage, and discovering physical desire in her 40s.

Here are some of the notable moments she shared with us:

• 5:35 – Michelle’s first-grade crush on her female teacher
• 10:00 – Michelle’s experience of inappropriate touch at 7 years old
• 11:00 – Michelle’s first kiss in college
• 13:00 – The power dynamic of giving blowjobs
• 14:30 – The cultural taboo of black men giving oral sex to women
• 16:00 – Michelle’s first experience of receiving oral sex and intercourse
• 18:18 – Michelle’s first experience with a woman
• 22:30 – Discomfort with sexual fluids
• 26:50 – Coming out to her friends as gay – and their reaction
• 33:00 – Mismatched libidos lead her wife to seek sex outside the marriage
• 35:50 – Michelle feels stirrings of raw passion with a man
• 41:05 – Michelle’s identity crisis over attraction to a male and potentially losing her identity as a strong lesbian
• 45:50 – Finally having an honest conversation with her wife – the impact and the aftermath

The Lowdown:

Because this episode ran so long, this week’s entire Q&A is available to everyone FOR FREE at Patreon!

The Patreon extras for this episode are:

• FREE – The extended Q&A
• At the $1/month level, Michelle and I talk about how strong she was to get help as a young child, and how she doesn’t see herself that way
• At the $5/month level, Michelle considers whether her early attraction to men was authentic or manufactured so she could feel “normal”
• At the $10/month level, all that plus a monthly Ask Me Anything!

Learn more and become a community supporter at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex.

If you like this show, please leave a rating and review at https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/good-girls-talk-about-sex/id1436501617?mt=2.

Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest and let me know that you’re interested. I’d love to talk with you!

To learn about Sexual Communication Coaching, visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Host – Leah Carey (Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Editor – Gretchen Kilby

Music by – Nazar Rybak

Jo is a 58-year-old, cis-gender woman who describes herself as white, heteroflexible, and in a friends-with-benefits situation. She deals with ongoing physical issues that make sex challenging. Her preferred relationship style is “none” – as in, she doesn’t want a defined romantic relationship. Before we started recording she said, “I don’t want to be picking up your socks or do your laundry. I may cook you dinner occasionally, but that’s because I want to cook not because you’re hungry.”

While I did my best to maintain my regular sense of equilibrium during this interview, it was a particularly personal one for me. Jo and I don’t really know each other, but our families have been intertwined for a long time. In order to preserve the privacy of others not on this call, we kept the specifics vague, but we were both curious to find out if we would learn new things about our shared history in this conversation.

Major themes in this episode include preferring to not have committed relationships, navigating sex with physical difficulties/birth defects, internet dating, and sex after menopause.

Here are some of the great moments she shared with us:

• 2:52 – Jo’s first memory of sexual pleasure
• 5:00 – Jo’s early medical history, including birth defects (Jo’s language for her physical challenges) and surgeries to correct them
• 13:00 – Jo’s sexual experience with a family friend, then listening to his brother getting beaten for masturbating
• 17:00 – Being pushed into sexual interaction and having to say no
• 25:00 – Learning to self pleasure; also having no one to talk about it with, and the fear of AIDS
• 25:40 – Her fears about sex easing after the death of her mother, and starting to explore internet dating
• 29:55 – Having sex with another person for the first time at 46, and her difficulties with intercourse due to childhood surgeries
• 32:20 – Jo’s techniques to learn how to have intercourse pleasurably, if at all; necessity of mentally relaxing for it to be possible
• 34:00 – Using blow jobs to take pressure off of her during sex
• 35:00 – Insisting on a friends-with-benefits structure for relationships
• 38:00 – Jo’s trauma response, including needing to know when touch will be coming

The Lowdown (37:40)

• What kind of touch do you enjoy most?
• Approximate number of sexual partners
• Do you enjoy receiving oral sex?
• How do you feel about ass play?
• Do you enjoy dirty talk during sexual encounters?
• What is a myth about sex you’ve had to unlearn?

The Patreon extras for this episode are:

• At the $1/month level, Jo talks about the violence she experienced as a girl because she didn’t dress or act according to gender expectations.
• At the $5/month level, Jo describes the sexual harassment she experienced in the workplace in the early 1980s.
• At the $7/month level, that conversation plus the extended Q&A.
• At the $10/month level, all that plus a monthly Ask Me Anything!

Learn more and become a community supporter at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex.

If you like this show, please leave a rating and review at https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/good-girls-talk-about-sex/id1436501617?mt=2.

Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest and let me know that you’re interested. I’d love to talk with you!

To learn about Sexual Communication Coaching, visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Host – Leah Carey (Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Editor – Gretchen Kilby

Music by – Nazar Rybak

This week's episode is delayed due to another project I'm working on. But there's some really important information in this quick feed drop, so please don't skip it.

The emergency alert test will be happening in the United States on Wednesday, Oct. 4 at approximately 2:20 pm Eastern Time.

Article about how domestic violence victims can protect themselves during next week's emergency alert test: https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/technology/how-hidden-device-users-can-protect-themselves-ahead-of-national-emergency-alert-test/ar-AA1h5MCj

Forbidden Fantasies Unleashed: https://www.leahcarey.com/fantasies

Apply for a free coaching session on the podcast: https://www.goodgirlstalk.com/guest

Shasta is a 45-year-old, cis-gender woman who describes herself as Canadian First Nation/Cree, heterosexual, monogamous, and married to her husband who she has been with for 20 years.

Major themes in this episode include

• balance of power in heterosexual relationships,
• bedroom boredom in a long-term relationship, and
• working to heal childhood issues as an adult

You can find Shasta online at www.ShastaTownsend.com. Her book, Happy, Sexy, Shameless – What Our Mother’s Didn’t Know About the Birds and the Bees, is available at Amazon.

Here are some of the notable moments she shared with us:

• 5:30 – Her first memory of sexual pleasure, masturbating at age 4
• 8:00 – The challenge of overcoming staleness in the marriage bed
• 9:30 – Rediscovering masturbation as an adult
• 10:30 – Encountering shame and childhood trauma when her husband requested new sexual explorations
• 12:45 – What she learned as a child about being a “good girl”
• 15:00 – The messages we hear about being a smart and outspoken female
• 17:00 – Using sexual dominance as a protective measure, sexual prowess as power over men
• 21:00 – The cultural balance in wanting men to pursue women and ask for things vs. men being perceived as aggressive/entitled
• 25:00 – Shasta’s experience with body image—being the “smart one” but also flaunting/accentuating what you have
• 32:00 – Trying new things with her husband to break barriers around shame and stories

The Lowdown (34:40):

• What kind of touch do you enjoy most?
• What is something sexual you’ve done that you never want to do again?
• Do you have hair down there or are you bare?
• Have you ever had a threesome or more?
• Have you ever had public sex?

The Patreon extras for this episode are:

• At the $5/month level, Shasta talks more about her First Nation/Indigenous background and what it was like to grow up as a mixed race child in Canada. She also talks about the messages she heard about being a “good girl.”
• At the $7/month level, that conversation plus the extended Q&A
• At the $10/month level, all that plus a monthly Ask Me Anything!

Learn more and become a community supporter at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex.

If you like this show, please leave a rating and review at https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/good-girls-talk-about-sex/id1436501617?mt=2.

Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest and let me know that you’re interested. I’d love to talk with you!

To learn about Sexual Communication Coaching, visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Host – Leah Carey (Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Editor – Gretchen Kilby

Music by – Nazar Rybak

Aimee is a 37-year-old, cis-gender woman who describes herself as white, straight, and married.

Although Aimee considers herself monogamous, she has recently begun an affair with another man that her husband does not know about. We talk about this extensively in the second half of the episode.

This is a challenging subject, but it’s also real – there are so few places to learn about healthy relationships and healthy sexuality that many people are struggling in unhappy marriages and looking for affirmation and connection outside of their primary bond. I am not condoning cheating or violating relationship agreements, but I hope that you can listen to this conversation with an open heart and hear the pain and distress Aimee is experiencing that has led her to this point.

Major themes in this episode include:

• infidelity and seeking sex outside the marriage
• lack of sexual communication
• erectile dysfunction

Here are some of the notable moments she shared with us:

• 5:00 – Aimee’s first masturbation experience including both pleasure and shame
• 7:00 – Bad first experience of sex
• 14:00 - Getting into relationships just because the man showed interest
• 16:00 - Lack of sex ed and sex talk from parents, even about menstruation
• 19:00 – Aimee’s first experience of sexual pleasure with another person
• 21:45 - Navigating her partner’s erectile dysfunction
• 25:00 – Lacking communication about sex with her partner
• 31:00 – Developing an extramarital relationship
• 39:30 – Aimee’s true feelings about the future – and how she hopes the relationship with her husband will end

This conversation is so raw and exposed that it didn’t feel right to tack on a light-hearted “Quick 5” segment at the end. But, as always, you can find the full Q&A over at Patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex

The Patreon extras for this episode are:

• At the $1/month level, we talk about the mismatch Aimee and her husband have in their touch needs and their understanding of boundaries
• At the $5/month level, Aimee talks more about the dissatisfaction she has in her marriage and what she’s getting from the new man in her life
• At the $7/month level, those conversations plus the Q&A
• At the $10/month level, all that plus the monthly Ask Me Anything!

Learn more and become a community supporter at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex.

If you like this show, please leave a rating and review at https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/good-girls-talk-about-sex/id1436501617?mt=2.

Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest and let me know that you’re interested. I’d love to talk with you!

To learn about Sexual Communication Coaching, visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Host – Leah Carey (Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Editor – Gretchen Kilby

Music by – Nazar Rybak

Erin is a 34-year-old, cis-gender female who describes herself as queer, in a new relationship, she isn’t certain of her preferred relationship style.

Erin deals with OCD, plus related mental conditions that cause her to pull her hair (Trichotillomania) and pick her skin (Dermatillomania). Those conditions cause her nervousness when exposing herself with a new partner.

Major themes in this episode include being queer, OCD, and exploring sex in adulthood.

Here are some of the great moments she shared with us:

• 3:25 - Feeling the tingle watching animated cartoons
• 6:10 - Growing up in a progressive culture
• 10:30 – The lack of good sex education, even in a progressive city
• 13:20 – Erin’s first time having sex
• 16:00 – The dreaded moment of receiving oral from a boyfriend who didn’t like doing it
• 18:00 – Basing her teen body image on being the “funny one”
• 19:30 – How getting tattoos as an adult has helped Erin to embrace her body
• 23:20 – The positive impact improving her body image has had on her sex life
• 26:00 – Erin’s first relationship with a woman
• 31:00 – Navigating dating and sexuality with a form of OCD that is very visible (skin picking and hair pulling)
• 34:20 – Erin talks about her hard red lines around sex

 Quick 5:

• Do you have sex during your period?
• What is your favorite way to orgasm?
• Have you ever faked an orgasm?
• Do you have hair down there or are you bare?
• Do you enjoy dirty talk during sexual encounters?

The Patreon extras for this episode are:

• At the $1/month level, Erin and I talk about bisexuality – the language that is used around it and the experiences each of us have had around being rejected for it as well as being fetishized for it
• At the $5/month level, Erin talks about choosing a monogamous relationship after exploring ethical non-monogamy.
• At the $7/month level, those conversations plus the extended Q&A
• At the $10/month level, all that plus the monthly Ask Me Anything!

Learn more and become a community supporter at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex.

If you like this show, please leave a rating and review at https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/good-girls-talk-about-sex/id1436501617?mt=2.

Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest and let me know that you’re interested. I’d love to talk with you!

To learn about Sexual Communication Coaching, visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Host – Leah Carey (Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Editor – Gretchen Kilby

Music by – Nazar Rybak