DIABOLICAL: Evil Schemes Done Better – Details, episodes & analysis

“Juicy action in the future”

The panel of peril do what no other man has done before them and hoverboard over a small body of water, thereby proving themselves Best At Hoverboarding. To celebrate, they watch a film which fails to portray such a successful act, Back To The Future Part II (Robert Zemeckis, 1989) with this week’s guest Darin Lundberg of NostalgiaCast. Happy Christmas!

Marty McFly (Michael J. Fox) has been dragged back to the far flung future of 2015 by wild-haired oldster Doc Brown (Christopher Lloyd) to unintentionally cause chaos in the past! Whilst trying to prevent his own teenage son from making a bad deal, old enemy Biff Tannen (Tom Wilson) scarpers back to 1955 with a certain book that will make life misery for the McFlys.

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MdENmefJRpw

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

That’s right, old man Biff has taken a Sports Alamanac, with 50 years of big-time sports results, and given it to young Biff back in the 50s. Swiftly accruing a fortune from successful wagers, Biff dominates Hill Valley with his lurid casino and band of ne’er-do-wells destroying both the town and the lives of the McFly family. Can this chaos be unravelled and the timeline restored?

Did the panel enjoy this week’s televisual/cinematic serving? Could they find a way to improve the Biff’s villainous plan? And who will be named this week’s most diabolical (person/podcast((er)))?

See you sometime in 2025, Peril Pals!

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“I’m fond of the Loch Ness Monster but not enough to jizz”

The panel of peril stand before boardroom, magic marker in hand, and write “PANEL OF PERILS” on the whiteboard. They then turn the S into a $, and the rest is history. To celebrate a successful bit o’ business, they watch this week’s film Aliens (James Cameron, 1986).

Ellen Ripley (Sigourney Weaver) wakes up from a decades-long cryo-sleep only to find herself pushed back into conflict with the xenomorph$ she encountered aboard the Nostromo. Accompanied by Weyland-Yutani rep Carter Burke (Paul Reiser) and a band of Colonial Marines headed up by sexy boy Hicks (Michael Biehn), Ripley heads back to LV-426 to mop up what remains of the penis-headed not-so-sexy boys.

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oSeQQlaCZgU

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

Naturally Burke sees Ripley, young orphan Newt (Carrie Henn) and the team of Marines as expendable. The only thing that matters is capturing that sweet sexy xenomorph for the nefarious Company. Will he succeed by facehuggering Ripley and Newt, or will the ragtag group of roughnecks shoot their way out of a very, very bad $ituation?

What did the heck panel think of this week’s movie? How in all that is holy can they improve upon the Burke’s scheme? And which evil schemer will be christened this week’s most diabolical?

Craig, Adam and Gaz discuss the Alien franchise on Fandomentals here: https://open.spotify.com/episode/4UGzAnrlLrcqk4paSV4Zvf?si=R1JuR53FRCCFSrCx64jnJQ  and here 

https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/fandomentals/id1521728883 

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“Why would you pre-make pancake batter?”

The panel of peril take a large glug from a strong bottle of something hidden within a brown bag as they trudge downtown. They’re on their way home to watch this week’s film, Little Shop Of Horrors (Frank Oz, 1986).

Seymour (Rick Moranis) and Audrey (Ellen Greene) are two unlucky-in-love florists assistants hoping for a better future, away from their dead-end jobs and Skid Row digs. Their luck appears to be in when Seymour brings a wonderful new species of plant – dubbed Audrey II (Levi Stubbs) into the store and it proves a smash hit, bringing in custom beyond their wildest dreams. But at what cost?

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QqFZuR6UzjA

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

The cost be that the wondrous new fauna is capable of both speech and devouring human flesh. So, quite a big cost as it turns out. Sure it might pay dividends when trying to get rid of Audrey’s abusive boyfriend (Steve Martin), but Audrey II’s plan to enter every home in America will surely result in mankind’s annihilation, and therefore is probably a net negative. Can Seymour and Audrey stop the lyrical dragon before time runs out?

Just what did the panel think of this week’s movie, pray tell? How can they improve upon Audrey II’s plan? And who will be christened this week’s most diabolical?

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“Is homunculus a verb?”

Wandering absent mindedly into a local shop, the panel of peril become quite concerned as one of the proprietors begins to strip naked whilst the other rants at them about having been in a war. They are summarily tied to a stake and told to watch this week’s film The League of Gentlemen’s Apocalypse (Steve Bendelack, 2005).

World’s collide as The League of Gentlemen (Mark Gatiss, Reece Shearsmith, Steve Pemberton) are confronted by their own creations from two fictional worlds – but what do Geoff Tipps, Herr Lipp, Hillary Briss, Dr. Erasmus Pea (David Warner), Sir Nicholas Sheet-Lightning and the gang want with the writer-actors?

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oBCfhBEH2jQ

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

Discovering a portal into the real world, the fictional characters of Royston Vasey venture forth to implore their creators not to kill them off or turn their attentions to new script The King’s Evil. But when the characters of that new script get wind of the nature of their existence, they too seek the creators. And their plan is of a far more diabolic nature.

What did the panel think of this week’s movie? How can they improve upon the villains’ masterplan? And who will be coronated this week’s most diabolical?

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“Once women everywhere are empowered, it would be time to bring in the rent boys”

One by one the panel of peril change up their weapon set as they engage in a life or death four way dual, as they smash and slice each armament to pieces in turn. The only thing that breaks their furious combat is a swift two hour viewing of this week’s film, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (Ang Lee, 2000).

Jade Fox (Cheng Pei-pei) is a woman with a grudge against Wudan. And it just so happens that she and her apprentice Jen Yu (Zhang Ziyi) are in close proximity to a pre-eminent member of Wudan in Li Mu Bai (Chow Yun Fat). Can the nefarious duo exact revenge on Mu Bai and his forbidden love Yu Shu Lien (Michelle Yeoh), and take control of the legendary Green Destiny sword too?

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-jTdOdcMKoY

Spurned by a former Wudan lover and told that, as a woman, she cannot learn the secrets of their art, Jade Fox is ruddy fuming. She has already managed to assassinate Li Mu Bai’s master, but will she succeed in taking him out too?

Did the panel enjoy this week’s cinematic serving? Could they find a way to improve the villainous plan? And who will be named this week’s most diabolical (person/podcast((er)))?

Music by AntipodeanWriter from Pixabay

Sound Effect from Pixabay

Sound Effect by u_f1ee7vf7na from Pixabay

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“Doesn’t matter, badgers are infinite”

The panel of peril all arrive home at the same time, Craig narrowly avoiding being run over by Gaz pulling his car into the garage, and dive onto their couch (and then something funny happens). Then they stick on this week’s film, The Simpsons Movie (David Silverman, 2007).

Springfield has become the most polluted town in the US and special measures will have to be taken. Head of the EPA, Russ Cargill (A. Brooks) decides that the best course of action is to place a dome over the entire town to seal the mob in like… carrots. Just how will Homer (Dan Castellaneta), Marge (Julie Kavner), Bart (Nancy Cartwright), Lisa (Yeardley Smith) and Maggie cope?

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XPG0MqIcby8

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

How will they cope? By escaping through a sinkhole and fleeing to Alaska, of course. During the course of their journey though, The Simpsons discover Cargill’s actual plan is to wipe Springfield from the map and turn the smouldering remains into a tourist attraction. Bugger. Can local idiot Homer foil the EPA’s evil scheme, or is Springfield done for?

What did the panel think of this week’s movie? How can they improve upon the villain’s masterplan? And who will be anointed this week’s most diabolical?

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“I’d feel vulnerable in little pants and a vest”

The panel of peril wake up from hypersleep (normal sleep really), cough for absolutely ages, have a quick brekkie, and stick on Ridley Scott’s 1979 classic Alien.

The Nostromo mining ship is on its return journey to Earth when it intercepts a distress beacon form LV 426. But Dallas (Tom Skerritt), Brett (Harry Dean Stanton), Parker (Yaphet Kotto) and Ripley (Sigourney Weaver) find more than they bargained for on the planet’s surface. In space no one can hear you say “ermahgerd an alien(s),” after all.

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jQ5lPt9edzQ

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

What the crew don’t know is that they have a Company stooge on board, the android named Ash (Ian Holm), and he has been given a diabolical task. They are to locate an alien species on LV 426, and return it to Earth – crew expendable. There must surely be a hero amongst the crew of the Nostromo who can stop him (Ripley)? And if there is no hero (Ripley) then who can possibly stop the Company and their drive for profits (Ripley)?

What the actual flip did the panel make of this one? How the actual flip can they improve upon the villain’s dastardly scheme? And who the actual flip will be victorious in this week’s competition?

Music by Lexin_Music from Pixabay

Sound Effect from Pixabay

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“We had a wonderful conversation. Please don’t print it in the newspapers that I got mad”

The panel of peril sanitise their hands, walk out of the hospital that they’ve been visiting a badly burned acquaintance in, and thank the staff for all of their hard work. Because we support the NHS. And the Postal workers, heck all of Britain’s workforce! Once home, the panel grab a glass of blackcurrant squash and turn on this week’s film The Dark Knight (2008).

Bruce Wayne/Batman (Christian Bale) believes that he is winning the war on crime in Gotham. The Scarecrow (Cillian Murphy) is back behind bars, Salvatore Maroni (Eric Roberts) and the mob are scared to be seen dealing in public, and there’s a new idealistic District Attorney by the name of Harvey Dent (Aaron Eckhart). But chaos lies in wait as the mysterious Joker (Heath Ledger) enters the fray to unmask Batman.

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TQfATDZY5Y4

The Joker is a very changeable fellow: first he says his plan is to kill Batman, then he decides he’d rather unmask Batman, then he thinks he’d rather see Batman kill someone (even if it’s him), and finally lands on Harvey Dent turning on his crime fighting allies Batman and James Gordon (Gary Oldman). What a ride. Will he succeed in his campaign of corruption, or will it be Batman triumphant?

Did the panel enjoy this week’s cinematic serving? Could they find a way to improve the villainous plan? And who will be named this week’s most diabolical (person/podcast((er)))?

Sound effects from Pixabay

Also, forgot to mention it in the podcast, but check out The Tangerine Knight for a quick giggle at Bruce and Alfred's expense The Tangerine Knight - YouTube

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“Wes Anderson uses the power of symmetry to travel through time and space”

The panel of peril square up to one another all of a sudden, snarl, and flap their arms around whilst saying things like “Cuss you!” “Cuss me! Cuss you.” Things soon de-escalate though, they are friends after all, and they take a pew to watch Wes Anderson’s Roald Dahl’s Fantastic Mister Fox (2009).

Foxy (George Clooney) is an animal who has it all; a beautiful wife (Felicity voiced by Meryl Streep), smart son (Ash voiced by Jason Schwartzman) and a lovely home inside a tree. But it’s never enough for the little cuss. When the foxes nephew Kristofferson (voiced by Eric Anderson) comes to visit, it sets off a chain of events that will threaten the lives of the whole family.

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n2igjYFojUo

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

Plotting to raid the farms of local hard men Boggis, Bunce and Bean, Foxy has not considered the terrible wrath that might be rained down upon him if he gets caught. And caught he is, and swift the terrible wrath also is. Kristofferson is captured and the cast of family and friends are trapped with no hope of food or drink. How will they resolve this little pickle, I wonder?

What did the panel think of this week’s movie? How can they improve upon the villain’s masterplan? And who will be anointed this week’s most diabolical?

Music by Caffeine_Creek_Band from Pixabay

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“Well, you’ve blown my toy”

The panel of peril run screaming around the house like a bunch of absolute little monsters amongst an army of siblings and extended family. It is, to be honest, an absolute nightmare. Fortunately they have the respite of settling in to watch a Boxing Day treat in the form of 1990’s Home Alone!

Kevin McCallister (Macauley Culkin) is just an ordinary kid: he likes plain pizza, leaving toys laying around all over the shop, and not having to sleep in the same space as bed wetters. But when he is accidentally left behind by the family on their trip to Paris he has to contend with The Wet Bandits, Marv (Daniel Stern) and Harry (Joe Pesci) as they attempt to ransack the empty homes of their quiet Chicago suburb.

Watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jEDaVHmw7r4

********PLOT SPOILER ALERT********

Rather like Hans Gruber last week, Harry and Marv didn’t plan for a spanner in the works of their plan as little Kevin rigs his house with obstacles, ready for their intrusion. Micro Machines, cans o’ paint, blow torches, and a simple nail all stand in the Wet Bandits’ way. Can they secure the loot, silence Kevin and/or escape with their lives? Not if comedy has anything to say about it.

What did the panel think of this week’s movie? How in all that is holy can they improve upon the Bandits’s masterplan? And which evil schemer will be christened this week’s most diabolical?

Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals!

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