Do not cross my state line, obey the legal limit, and is it time to reexamine negotiation?

Often the words boundaries and limits are used interchangeably in BDSM and kink but there are differences. Find out what those key differences are and why they are so important.

Next, the phrase "negotiate consent" covers an incredibly important topic but when it comes to consent are we really negotiating? Should we be negotiating something so precious? Ascertain why we can do better.

All in this episode!

You had questions, and you did not hold back. From the awkward to the bold, the curious to the complicated, your inquiries about BDSM, D/S, and kink were sharp, honest, and wide ranging. In part one, the conversation began. Now it is time to get into the rest, including the surprises, the tougher dilemmas, and the ones people usually keep to themselves. Grab those earbuds and settle in. Part two is ready for you.

BDSM Without A Script takes a fresh look at how bringing your true self into BDSM makes it more fulfilling. From something small, like the way you write D/S, to the pet names, avatars, and usernames you choose, every detail matters. This episode explores the importance of personal expression in BDSM. Forget about following someone else’s formula, BDSM is about creating a unique journey that reflects who you truly are. Tune in for an honest conversation about how embracing your individuality is key to a meaningful, kinktastic journey.

One of the most well-known sayings about advertising is “sex sells”. This is certainly the case in the D/S lifestyle as many lifestyle sites use sexual imagery as click bait and then some share sensual photos to gain likes which is designed to gain followers which then will bring profit, so it can feel that those seeking more than kinky coitus, those wanting substance over sexuality can be left wanting. So in this episode, we will get it on and chat about the quest to connect with those who seek something deeper from the lifestyle.

Within the D/S lifestyle there are many conversations, writings, blog posts, and so on about red flags, warnings, and things to be on the lookout for as these discussions are critically important but sometimes we can lose sight of what is good or those gorgeous green flags because we hyper-focus on what to watch out for. So this week the conversation is going to talk about all the great green flags D/S brings as well as lifestyle partners. So buckle up, it’s going to be a great go of goodness and going green in 3, 2, 1…

Everyone’s path to and in the lifestyle is unique but digging deeper, there are some amazing similarities in circumstances that brings people to explore and grow in D/S. While it is natural to feel a bit solitary as we start walking in the world of D/S, discovering that while our paths are unique, many commonalities link us, so this week’s conversation will flow around these common denominators that continue to bring amazing people into the lifestyle.

When we are newer to anything from being the new person at work to being less experienced in the lifestyle, we often allow our inexperience to be the reason we do not ask questions or present our perspective. It is easy to say in our mind that because one is new it is best to stay quiet and think our thoughts silently. In the world of D/S, experience shows that people who enter the lifestyle often join with fresh outlooks that need to be shared and this week the conversation revolves around the importance of sharing new and divergent viewpoints within the lifestyle.

Have you ever wondered how the lifestyle came to be? Where did all these kinks come from? Did they all just appear and grow out of conversations on the internet?

This week, we will chat about the history of the lifestyle, and unlike history classes in your past, this is not going to put you to sleep. So let’s hop into our time machines and discover a bit of the history behind D/S.

Welcome to this episode of Chatting With The Lightkeeper where the inbox is opened up, questions are asked and opinions are shared. Thank you to everyone who has asked a question and those who will be going forward. As a lover of books and bookstores, here are the books discussed in this episode and linked to the host's favorite bookstore: The Ethical Slut, Third Edition: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships, and Other Freedoms in Sex and Love By Janet W. Hardy, Dossie Easton The New Topping Book By Janet W. Hardy, Dossie Easton The New Bottoming Book By Dossie Easton, Janet W. Hardy Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism By Philip Miller, Molly Devon SM 101: A Realistic Introduction By Jay Wiseman

So you have been exploring, learning, and growing in your journey into all things D/S online and you find yourself ready to possibly meet someone amazing for a relationship or perhaps curiosity is getting the best of you with wanting to feel what a flogger impact is like all the while wanting to stay as safe as possible. How do you meet others and build connections in real life? The answer is munches, classes, play parties, and conventions. In this episode, the conversation will break down what they are, how to find them as well as what to expect when you attend so you can confidently start exploring the lifestyle in person. For reference: FetLife.com is a great site to find events local to you as well as larger regional/national gatherings. Should you be on FetLife or sign up to find an event near you, drop me a note and say hello while you are there, just search for TheLight_Keeper.

It is common to hear single submissives complain about the lack of “good dominants” splendid submissives, the hard part is finding the right fit for you. The internet is filled with memes proclaiming what is or is not good dominance mixed with submissives sharing sad experiences so that devoted dominants can feel like a myth. So this conversation will be celebrating deserving d-types and some of the characteristics that make them amazing.

S.2 Episode Twelve: Quietly Rioting For A Healthier Tomorrow Discussing challenges we face in our physical well-being and how they impact our lives and D/S is much easier than talking about mental and behavioral health issues. For example, sharing that you are recovering from a broken leg is more comfortable than telling someone about your mental health. The lifestyle requires us to be open not only about the physical but the mental side too. In this episode, the conversation will discuss D/S, mental and behavioral health, and ending stigmas to create a brighter tomorrow. For reference the resources discussed in this episode: National Coalition For Sexual Freedom - ncsfreedom.org 7 Cups of Tea - 7cups.com In the United States, crisis and suicide prevention - Call 988 Worldwide crisis and suicide prevention - Save.org

An easy thing to forget is that behind every blog, social media post, meme, and podcast there is a living, breathing human. With that in mind, this episode tells a little about the guy behind the podcast who as you are reading this probably in line, waiting for coffee. Plus there is a vexing question asked and your help is needed to answer it.

Imagine the feeling of being watched, constantly.

What seemed like a simple part of my life soon spirals into a harrowing experience with a cyber stalker, altering everything.

How does one keep going when someone is always lurking?

Tune in for a personal account of the emotional toll and the lasting impact of being stalked, and how it has reshaped how I view safety and privacy.

Because poly does not fit the traditional relationship methods most have been taught or experienced, it can easily be misunderstood thus making it challenging to explore with an open mind. In this episode, the conversation is about understanding a few basics about poly, the various styles/types of partnerships, terminology, and how even if one is not poly, the relationship skills positive poly partnerships possess can help monogamous relationships. So even if poly is not your cup of tea, there will be some coffee here to help your current or next relationship thrive.

Work, school, kids, family, friends, hobbies plus everything else has a nasty way of upsetting the dynamic between dominant and submissive. When all of these pressures start to compress on a partnership, the relationship can have the D/S pillar kicked out from under it. This episode is devoted to finding ways to counter these demands and how to make choices that keep the lifestyle building blocks firmly entrenched.

Ah, the vanilla world, what a pain the rump. It is always pressuring, pushing, and pulling away at D/S, especially in a relationship. One place, in particular, it can have a stinging impact, is on the accountability side of the lifestyle. In this episode, the conversation will revolve around how to uphold D/S responsibilities in the face of real-world pressures.

In this episode, the conversation will revolve around the most asked question in D/S, no the questions isn’t going to be revealed in the summary here, you will need to listen to discover it, plus in the first of this three-part series, the conversation will be around the importance of “P” in the lifestyle. Before anyone gets any unique ideas about P, it is twofold, people and partners which are key to finding success in a real world lifestyle relationship.

Safety and consent are two things that everyone must prioritize when engaging in D/S play. When it comes to play and how to do so in a safe manner, different acronyms describe the four main practices. In this episode, S.S.C., R.A.C.K., P.R.I.C.K., and the Four C’s are discussed and explained to help find which may be the right fit as well as to foster understanding of those who may engage in a manner differently than your choice.

Queue up the theme from Star Trek, okay actually best to hold off on that since a copyright law or two would be sidestepped if a theremin was playing that tune here. Since there is no need to get lawyers involved, let’s chat about another kind of exploring in space that happens in the D/S lifestyle. In this episode of Chatting With The Lightkeeper, sub, as well as dom space, are on the menu so  please join the conversation about these sensations as well as staying  safer should one experience them.

Life comes at us all in unique ways and routinely does not follow the plan we have for it. It has an amazing way of doing what we least expect when it is least expected. One of the things I expect from myself is that I can think of a topic for a podcast episode however life colluded with my brain to leave me without ideas I was excited about, so I decided to try something unexpected for myself. I went unscripted. With no notes and no practice, I just sat down and started talking about a few lifestyle thoughts that have been swirling in my mind and these are lifestyle loneliness, supporting, and believing.

Welcome to this exciting episode of Chatting With The Lightkeeper. Rarely do my podcast episodes have a topic that might arouse some passionate feelings but this one might do a little of that. This I believe is a good thing because there are a zillion and one paths to enjoy life while there are a few wrong ones too. 

However, talking about our favorite Little Rascals, while it may involve some strong opinions, no one is incorrect.

So I want to invite you to join me as I share why Alfalfa makes me chuckle, why some who adore Alfalfa can be a bit of a red flag, especially for narcissism, and how we may agree in principle but still disagree over labeling.

Ever have one of those days where after work you are hungry, do not feel like cooking, and on the commute home are running through some of your favorite restaurant's menus in your mind trying to decide which one to stop at for dinner? 

I was having one of those days and not only was I thinking about food but my latest podcast. My thoughts went from what to order to how we create a menu of what we will do, might do, or will not do in the lifestyle as well as how to do it safely. So join me on this episode where we will chat about creating your menu and how to bring it to life.

As I was percolating on a podcast idea, the Winnie-the-Pooh quote popped into my brain, “I sometimes wonder if it’s true. That who is what and what is who.” While my head is not stuck in a honey jar, thankfully, Mr. Pooh’s words caused me to think about the well-meaning, yet misguided information floating around that may confuse someone newer to the lifestyle. Join me on this episode for a case study of well-intended but unsound advice along with how to avoid the pitfalls of guidance that misses the mark.

What if I told you there is a multi-billion dollar industry hiding in plain sight, where pleasure meets profit, and taboos transform into thriving businesses? In my new podcast episode "Thirty-Two Billion," I am lifting the lid on the kink economy. Get ready for a wild ride that will surprise you how the intersection of sexuality and entrepreneurship create profits. This is not just another episode, it is a peak into the unseen economic side of kink that you cannot "afford" to miss. Tune in and prepare to have your mind blown!

Dating is never fun and is often a convoluted mess and when the lifestyle gets “shaken, not stirred” into the dating pool things become a convoluted hot mess.

In this episode, I chat about how when we are single and kinky we can date ourselves which will help us grow which in turn will help us be even more attractive or an even better ‘catch’ for our next prospective partner.

If Only I Had A TARDIS Or Time Machine but since fate has kept me from acquiring a means for time travel, (although I hear Stewie Griffin has one available, does anyone have his contact info?) thinking back to some of the questions I had when I was starting my lifestyle journey is a best a touch muddy. So I did what I think is the next best thing by reaching out for help to discover some of the questions that people who are newer to the lifestyle have rather than relying on my murky memory. I am so glad I did. There were so many great questions, things I had forgotten about or never thought to ask. Join me on this episode as I answer questions from those who are less experienced in their lifestyle journeys.

With Mother’s Day fast approaching, my thoughts went to my Mom and some of her little words of wisdom. One of those phrases kept bubbling up again and again inside my mind coupled with a question I was asked about how to make real, quality connections/friendships within this lifestyle. These thoughts percolated up in my mind until they brewed up this episode of Chatting With The Lightkeeper. Happy Mother's Day and I hope a bit of my Mom's wisdom can help others as they build and grow connections and friendships within D/S.

Sometimes when we look back at the start of a journey in life, it would have been helpful if our current self was able to travel back in time to impart the wisdom that we learned as we explored that path forward. Because of this, I wanted to chat about a few of the amazing lessons I have learned in my journey in D/S with the hope that the things I would share with my younger self at the beginning of my journey will help others on their explorations.

If you are in or around the lifestyle, there are constantly people reminding others to be safe, make good choices, and bad things can happen to good people. So many of these well-meaning bits of advice on keeping safe can almost feel like a lecture and who has not heard a few of these things and thought “It can't happen to me” or “I’m too smart to have something bad happen”. No matter how we phrased it to ourselves, we all have found our unique reasons to set aside safer choices to pursue something we wanted. Now, this might not have happened with lifestyle-related pursuits but I am confident all of us have made a poor choice but somehow made it through the misadventure fine. So rather than share safety lessons like a professor lecturing to a class, I want to take a few minutes and share my experience. I still do not fully understand why it happened to me, but it did, so please join me on this trip back in time to learn from my experience.

With the dawn of 2022, I have had a few friends proclaim that this year was going to be the year of their last first kiss or maybe a better way to say with more than a hint of lifestyle is a last first spanking. Since I have heard this phrase, it has stuck in my mind which caused me to think more about those who are looking for a lifestyle partner and how it can feel challenging to meet new people. So in this episode, I chat about some ideas on how to meet a perfectly imperfect lifestyle partner.

“Why Are You So Upset? I Was Only Joking!” Or “I’m not mad. Fine, Whatever!” These are phrases most of us have heard before and may recognize signs of passive-aggressive behavior. In this episode of Chatting With The Lightkeeper, I talk about identifying common examples, what to do when confronted with this behavior, as well as what it could mean if your partner is being passive-aggressive towards you.

Would You Like Soup, Salad, Submission, Or Dominance With Your Entree?

In this episode, I am going to chat about some of my thoughts on picking sides. I am not going to be offering advice on if soup or salad would complement your dinner but on the process of discovery that leads a person to call one side of the D/S slash home and how that decision may evolve. So grab your salad, soup, or both and join me in conversation about picking your side.

It is the holiday season and so let’s celebrate. This episode is about celebrating the successes of a D/S partnership, rather than focusing on the consequences of flubs, dubs, and broken rules.

People say that wisdom comes when a person embraces their biggest mistakes, so with that in mind, I chat about some of my missteps in the lifestyle with the hope that others will use my blunders to create wisdom for themselves.

What does a dominant truly gain in a D/S relationship? In this episode of Chatting With The Lightkeeper, explore the unique rewards of leadership, trust, and emotional connection that define this dynamic. Discover how structure, mutual growth, and the fulfillment of desires create a bond that goes beyond traditional relationships. From a deep sense of purpose to the joy of watching their partner thrive, this conversation illuminates the empowering and satisfying journey of being a dominant. Tune in for an insightful look at the emotional and personal rewards that make this role so meaningful.

I understand that many were in a frenzy for my next podcast to drop so here it is and on this episode, I chat about being in a lifestyle frenzied state along with how to safely handle navigate things should you find yourself there.

In this podcast, I chat about some of the things that I believe all D/S relationships need to have to create a successful partnership. So much of social media and lifestyle sites are filled with horror stories of relationships going wrong, I wanted to talk about positive ways to craft a thriving D/S partnership. Also, because I am a superstitious ice hockey goalie, I could not bring myself to use a number that shall not be said in the title, thus the reason this is episode 12.5 :-)

In my twelfth installment, I want to chat about a few of the things I would change if I should ever be anointed king of kink, even for a day.

Welcome to the eleventh installment of my D/S lifestyle-themed podcast. In this episode, I will be discussing the danger that dominant 'trainers' bring to new or newer submissives and how mentors are a much better path for lifestyle growth.

On this episode, I chat about lifestyle play, consent, understanding yourself as well as the joys of toys, and the best part of all the lifestyle fun and games, aftercare.

The thoughts for this episode came out of a question about long term lifestyle partnerships and will touch on the pitfalls of lifestyle love which, spoiler alert, are not normally lifestyle issues.

So often all of us can get caught up in a sea of no. Often, saying no can be easier than yes but saying yes, especially in a D/S relationship has so many benefits. With that in mind, I chat about the power of saying yes.

Within the D/S lifestyle it is so important to agree to disagree while learning from the journeys of others, even if we do not practice things the same way.

On this episode of my podcast, I chat about what I think are the five most common mistakes people make when they are starting a new lifestyle relationship. I hope that sharing these mistakes will help others avoid these pitfalls.

I am joined by my friend Ali and we have a conversation about being Wordie, lighthouses, and of course the D/S lifestyle. To learn more about Ali, please head over to her blog, alibabe48.tumblr.com (You must be signed in on Tumblr).

Is your online safety in BDSM at risk? In this urgent episode, uncover hidden digital threats that could jeopardize your privacy, including blackmail, catfishing, cyberstalkers, and scams. Learn the necessary steps to protect your identity, secure your content, and avoid dangerous situations. This essential guide will help you maintain your online safety. Do not wait until it is too late. Listen now and take control of your security.

Welcome to episode four of my podcast. On this episode, I chat about red flags and why these are things to be aware of, look out for, and to step away from. 

In this episode (said in my dramatic TV voice), I chat about coming to and going away from the lifestyle and how it is a beacon of light, not darkness.

In this episode, I discuss some of the myths that compare the D/S lifestyle to vanilla relationships, my take on "Crime and Punishment" or better said rules and punishment and while I did not record this in black jeans, my mind was humming Michael Penn's No Myth while I was jotting notes down before recording.

Please enjoy episode two and I look forward to chatting with you again in two weeks. Until then please stay healthy and safe.