Welcome to the Charisma Quotient hosted by dating, makeover and confidence expert, Kimmy Seltzer. Each week, learn from Kimmy and other experts about how to build confidence from the outside, in. She’s consulted thousands of people to revamp their style, boost their confidence and most importantly, find love. Her lighthearted, down-to-earth and practical approach brings a fun and knowledgeable style to the podcast. She alternates the podcast with solo episodes highlighting various topics, interviewing experts, reading questions and answering them with surprising answers and live coaching sessions.
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Beyond the Swipe: How to Meet People in Real Life with Jena Kingsley
Friday, June 13, 2025 • Duration 41:41
Have you ever wanted to strike up a conversation with a stranger—at a coffee shop, in line at the store, or on a first date—but felt totally tongue-tied or worried you’d seem awkward? In Episode 399 of The Charisma Quotient, “Beyond the Swipe: How to Meet People in Real Life with Jena Kingsley” Kimmy sits down with the fearless and funny Jena Kingsley. Jena is a comedian, writer, and the viral sensation behind daring, hilarious social experiments that turn the everyday awkward into unforgettable moments. Featured on CNN, MTV, The Today Show, and with her popular book Darcy Dates: An Unfiltered Dating Diary, Jena brings unmatched insight on how to break out of your shell and connect in real life.
Kimmy and Jena tackle the mental barriers that hold most of us back—fear of rejection, negative self-talk, overanalyzing interactions—and reveal how curiosity and authenticity can turn those fears upside down. You’ll learn why embracing spontaneity and sharing simple observations can spark genuine conversations, plus why it’s better to focus on whether you like them rather than worrying if they like you.
You’ll hear some of Jena’s most memorable stories, like the time a rainstorm in LA led to a flirty chat at a bar, or her viral New York subway pole-dancing prank that proves sometimes you just have to leap…and trust it’ll work out.
You’ll hear:
Why “perfect” opening lines actually don’t matter—imperfect, spontaneous comments often lead to the most real connections
How practicing small risks, like playful social challenges or “scavenger hunt” dates, can massively boost your social confidence
Jena’s favorite mindset hacks for ditching self-censorship and staying present
Stories of awkward elevator moments, viral public pranks, and what they teach about authenticity, humor, and breaking the ice—even with total strangers
Want to finally shed your social anxiety and start connecting for real? Come to Kimmy’s next interactive workshop, Conversation Hacks to help you get from boring conversations to flirty ones. Register at www.stophatingdating.com
Charisma Quotient Podcast is available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and many of your other favorite podcast channels.
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Kimmy Seltzer is a Confidence Therapist and Authentic Dating Strategist implementing targeted style, emotional and social intelligence to your life.
How Self-Worth Sabotages Your Dating Life: Coaching with Kimmy
Thursday, June 5, 2025 • Duration 38:57
Do you ever wonder how your self-worth is secretly impacting your dating life? Are you stuck in the same painful patterns—chasing the unavailable, feeling unworthy, or never quite connecting with the right match? In Episode 398 of The Charisma Quotient, “How Self-Worth Sabotages Your Dating Life: Coaching with Kimmy” Kimmy coaches Jessica, a single mom and nurse who’s struggling with insecurity, self-concept, and a cycle of unfulfilling dates. Together they unpack why feeling “not enough” can become an unconscious magnet for the wrong partners—and why genuine confidence, not external validation, is the real key to love.
In this episode, Kimmy dives deep into how low self-esteem, formed long before your first date, acts as a silent magnet, influencing who you're drawn to, the choices you make, and even your body language.
Jessica bravely shares her journey—from a 15-year marriage and a supportive family, to the struggles she faces dating after divorce. Despite external affirmations of her attractiveness, Jessica wrestles with persistent feelings of not being "the pretty one," a pattern rooted in childhood and shaped by past relationships. Together, Kimmy and Jessica explore how past wounds, perfectionism, and protective shields can keep you stuck in unsatisfying dating loops—chasing after emotionally unavailable partners and feeling disconnected from those who are present and genuine.
Kimmy offers relatable coaching and actionable steps, encouraging Jessica to step into her confidence, get comfortable being seen, and shift the way she views herself inside and out.
You’ll hear:
Why unresolved insecurities silently run the show in dating
How early experiences and family patterns fuel attraction to the wrong people
Real-life coaching moments and simple challenges to boost confidence and presence
Actionable steps to move towards more self confidence
If you are finding yourself not able to attract love or even date due to self worth issues, book a FREE private call with Kimmy to discuss ways of overcoming your love challenges: https://meetme.so/kimbreakthrough
Why you keep attracting the wrong people: Uncovering your love blocks with Orna and Matthew Walters
Thursday, May 29, 2025 • Duration 49:06
Have you ever found yourself thinking, “Why do I keep attracting the wrong people?” Or maybe you’re out there dating, putting yourself out there, but it just never seems to click or you think there are no good men or women out there left? In Episode 397 of The Charisma Quotient, “Why you keep attracting the wrong people: Uncovering your love blocks with Orna and Matthew Walters” Kimmy welcomes Orna and Matthew Walters, internationally acclaimed dating coaches, co-founders of Creating Love on Purpose, and co-authors of the powerful new book “Getting It Right This Time: Break Free from Your Hidden Blocks to Lasting Love.” With over two decades of experience helping thousands find real and lasting love, Orna and Matthew bring a unique blend of expertise, personal vulnerability, and actionable advice to the table.
In this episode, Kimmy, Orna, and Matthew unravel why our brains cling to the familiar—even if it hurts—and how family-of-origin experiences lay down a “love imprint” that shapes our future relationships. You’ll learn why even smart, successful singles fall into “job interview” dating or keep a long checklist to protect themselves, and why vulnerability feels so unsafe until you finally break the cycle. Orna and Matthew walk listeners through their three-step system found in their new book. They offer powerful personal stories: Orna’s courageous journey as a survivor of domestic abuse and how she learned to trust herself and love again, plus Matthew’s honest admission of once being a “toxic bachelor” and his transformation through deep self-work. Together, they share concrete, real-life examples (like the “fig fight” that helped them build healthier conflict resolution), proving lasting love is possible—no matter your past.
You’ll hear:
Why lasting relationships require both chemistry and compatibility.
An explanation of ‘love imprints,’ the deeply ingrained beliefs about love that shape your emotional patterns and behaviors in relationships
Why so many high-achieving, analytical daters struggle to “let go,” flirt, and reveal their true selves.
Step-by-step exercises you can use today to start re-wiring your love patterns and building a relationship from a place of wholeness and confidence
If you keep attracting the same patterns and want to know about your personal love blocks, book a FREE private call with Kimmy to discuss ways of overcoming your love challenges:
5 Hidden Shields That Block Love After 40
Friday, May 23, 2025 • Duration 29:24
Ever feel like no matter how much you’ve accomplished, lasting love is still just out of reach? In Episode 396 of The Charisma Quotient, “5 Hidden Shields That Block Love After 40" Kimmy peels back the layers on the “hidden love shields” that so many successful, independent later-in-life daters unknowingly wear as armor—and reveals how these silent protectors can be the very barriers keeping true intimacy at bay.
This episode zeroes in on the subtle beliefs and patterns that form after years of heartbreak or flying solo, unpacking how they sabotage romance despite your best intentions. Kimmy walks you through the five classic love shields she sees time and again: from the ultra-independent “I’m Fine” shield, to the ever-rational “Over Analyzer,” the charismatic “Performer,” the heavily-protected “Guarded Heart,” and the “Time Ticking Bomb” urgency to rush into relationships. This episode is packed with actionable insights as Kimmy shares powerful real-life stories—like the 52-year-old financial analyst who tracked every dating detail in a spreadsheet to “protect” herself (and how giving up checking boxes led her to unexpected chemistry), and Susie, the super-capable woman whose very strength kept her walled off from real intimacy.
Learn why dropping your love shields isn’t about losing yourself, but about expanding your capacity for joy and closeness, and find out what practical habits and tiny risks you can start today to let love truly in. Kimmy’s vibrant storytelling and step-by-step guidance bring you the tools and encouragement to break out of your comfort zone, stop managing love with logic, and open yourself up to authentic connection—regardless of age or history.
You’ll hear:
How to slow down and permit space for connection, not just achievement or outcome.
Why true connection and chemistry need authentic presence and vulnerability.
How to avoid rushing into relationships due to fear that “time is running out,” focusing on locking things down rather than experiencing true connection.
Why these shields, while protective, actually block genuine connection and keep you stuck in unsatisfying dating patterns.
If you’re ready to ditch your emotional armor, book a FREE private call with Kimmy to discuss ways of overcoming your love challenges:
Finding Love After Divorce: Where Are They Now with Jeff
Thursday, May 15, 2025 • Duration 36:25
Are you ready to hear a transformative love story that will light a spark of hope and motivation in your own dating journey—no matter where you’re starting from? In Episode 395 of The Charisma Quotient, “Finding Love After Divorce: Where Are They Now with Jeff” Kimmy sits down with her former client. Meet Jeff: a successful lawyer, devoted dog dad, and someone who, after a 40-year marriage, found himself navigating the modern dating scene for the very first time.
When Jeff first began coaching with Kimmy, he confessed to feeling like a fish out of water—uncertain about online dating, struggling with confidence and rejection, and stuck in old habits that just weren’t serving him in love. But by bravely opening up to guidance, updating his wardrobe and even revamping his online image with professional photos, Jeff started to turn everything around.
In this heartfelt episode, you’ll hear how Jeff and Kimmy worked through his biggest blocks: letting go of perfectionism, learning to approach women assertively, finding the balance between vulnerability and confidence, and developing a playful, relaxed mindset around dating. Listen in as Jeff recalls pivotal moments, like using his volunteer therapy dog Belle as the ultimate “wing girl” at the dog park, and the hilarious anxiety of keeping his age under 70 on dating apps—plus the bittersweet lessons learned from a “bridge relationship” that ultimately set him up for meeting his now-partner who values his authenticity and the care he invests in himself.
You’ll hear:
Why making simple changes to your wardrobe and online photos can dramatically affect how others see you
The power of relaxing and taking pressure off yourself
The importance of “dating yourself” first—discovering what you truly want, setting boundaries, and being upfront about who you are
Why honoring your values ultimately brings the right partner into your life
If you’re wondering if you can truly find love after divorce or a long relationship, join Kimmy’s next co-ed interactive Flirt Workshop where you will learn the skill of flirting and having fun. Just go to www.stophatingdating.com to grab your spot as they do go fast.
Why Intimacy Is a Skill—Not Just Chemistry: Reclaiming Desire & Connection with Danielle Harel & Celeste Hirschman
Thursday, May 8, 2025 • Duration 39:27
Did you know intimacy is a skill that is a learnable, empowering skill? In Episode 394 of The Charisma Quotient, “Why Intimacy Is a Skill—Not Just Chemistry: Reclaiming Desire & Connection with Danielle Harel & Celeste Hirschman” Kimmy chats with Celeste Hirschman and Danielle Herrell, co-founders of the revolutionary Somatica Institute and authors of three powerful books, including Making Love Real. With extensive experience training over 1,000 coaches and transforming countless lives, Celeste and Danielle blend science, humor, and heart to help people build confidence in intimacy.
In this episode, you’ll discover why intimacy is not just about sexual or physical attraction—it’s an evolving set of skills involving emotional safety, intellectual connection, shared experiences, and even spiritual alignment. Kimmy and her guests discuss common roadblocks to intimacy, from childhood wounds to societal messages that make people feel shame about their desires. They explain how flirtation and erotic energy are foundational to authentic relating (not just “nice-to-haves”), and share the step-by-step practices their clients use to move past blocks, build confidence, and celebrate pleasure in ways that feel natural.
Listen in for memorable stories, like Kimmy’s account of a client unwittingly creating a “love shield” with her body language, and a playful demonstration by Danielle about using your five senses (and even eating ice cream!) to connect with your body’s pleasure zones. You’ll hear how Celeste coaches clients to enjoy being appreciated, and learn tips to help both men and women feel empowered instead of ashamed in their pursuit of intimacy.
You’ll hear:
Why true intimacy means expressing what feels good for you and setting boundaries.
How shame, gender roles, and societal messages can make people feel disconnected from their own desires.
Skills in intimacy and sexuality that lead to more confidence and authentic relationships.
How putting your own pleasure and desires at the center actually leads to healthier intimacy.
If you are having a hard time letting go and having intimacy and playfulness in your dating life, join Kimmy’s next co-ed interactive Flirt Workshop where you will learn the skill of flirting and having fun. Just go to to grab your spot as they do go fast.
ICYMI: What Is Your Dating Archetype?
Thursday, May 1, 2025 • Duration 40:50
Why do we keep finding ourselves in the same frustrating dating patterns, no matter how much we try to shake things up? In Episode 393 of The Charisma Quotient, “ICYMI: What Is Your Dating Archetype?” Kimmy gets to the heart of the matter by introducing her breakthrough framework: the Five Dating Archetypes. Whether you’re struggling to meet the right person or find yourself replaying old dynamics, this episode is your fast track to self-awareness—and real change.
Drawing from years as a leading dating and makeover expert, therapist, and matchmaker, Kimmy has worked with thousands of women (and men!) both in her “Wing Girl” sessions and individualized coaching practice. She’s seen personality patterns repeat across clients and created the Five Dating Archetypes to help you identify what may be holding you back and possibly creating a love shield you are not aware of. Kimmy was inspired to create this framework after noticing similar challenges in client after client, whether working with high-profile celebrities or everyday singles.
In this lively, down-to-earth conversation, Kimmy breaks down each archetype in detail, describing telltale behaviors, mindsets, and the powerful ways your history shapes your dating style. You’ll hear real-life stories—like the Hollywood powerhouse whose “Chief” energy was intimidating every man she met, or the “List Lady” whose sky-high standards secretly protected her from heartbreak. Kimmy shares deeply personal accounts, including courageous clients who overcame trauma or old roles to open up to love again—proving that transformation is possible no matter your situation or age.
You’ll hear:
An overview of the “Big 5” dating archetypes
How subtle things like your body language, wardrobe choices, communication style, and past wounds could be sending the wrong signals in love.
Practical strategies and “secret weapons” for each archetype, from developing self-awareness to making small tweaks that yield big changes in your confidence and connection with others.
Why most of us fall into these same patterns, and exactly what you can do to break free.
If you want to know what kind of dating archetype you are, take her free archetype quiz https://form.jotform.com/231376592380157 an then book a FREE private call with Kimmy to discuss ways of overcoming your love challenges:
Stop Dating the Wrong People: Decode Your Conflict Style with Dr. John Elliot
Thursday, April 17, 2025 • Duration 39:04
The key to lasting love is more than just chemistry, it’s really knowing how you (and your partner) handle conflict. It’s communication, emotional intelligence and how you handle stress that builds a lasting connection and relationship In Episode 394 of The Charisma Quotient, "Stop Dating the Wrong People: Decode Your Conflict Style with Dr. John Elliot,” Kimmy is joined by Dr. John Elliot, an acclaimed psychologist, conflict resolution expert, and co-author of "How to Get Along With Anyone." With a career spanning consulting for NASA, the US Olympic Committee, the Mayo Clinic, Fortune 500 companies, and appearances in outlets like The New York Times and ESPN, Dr. Elliot is uniquely equipped to reveal why true relationship success depends on how you both show up when the going gets tough—not just when it’s smooth sailing.
Together, Kimmy and Dr. Elliot break down the five conflict personality styles—the Avoider, Competitor, Analyzer, Collaborator, and Accommodator—explaining the habits, triggers, and communication patterns that come out when tension rises. You’ll hear actionable advice on how to identify your own (and others’) conflict styles, why some personality pairings struggle while others thrive, and how to turn moments of tension into lasting intimacy instead of drama or distance. They discuss why your "must-have list" should go beyond looks or job titles, and how picking up on someone’s conflict style early can save you heartache down the road.
You’ll hear:
The “five conflict personality styles”—discover if you’re an Avoider, Competitor, Analyzer, Collaborator, or Accommodator (and why it matters so much!)
How mismatched conflict styles sabotage romantic chemistry—and what style pairings work best for long-term happiness
Real stories from pro sports, high-stakes business, and dating that illustrate these personality clashes and how they’re resolved
Simple, practical tools and mindset shifts to help you attract, connect with, and keep truly compatible partners
If you’ve ever felt stuck repeating the same painful patterns, or want to break free from being an overgiver, people-pleaser, or the “nice guy,” book a FREE private breakthrough call with Kimmy: https://meetme.so/kimbreakthrough
Fear of Abandonment in Dating: Why You Push Love Away ~ Coaching With Kimmy
Wednesday, April 9, 2025 • Duration 53:55
Are your past experiences getting in your way when it comes to dating? Specifically you may have a fear of abandonment that stems from childhood which is the reason you push people away subconsciously. Most people don’t realize that they hold onto their past traumas which impacts relationships. Fears that are created from this dynamic makes dating feel frustrating and anxiety-provoking. In Episode 393 of The Charisma Quotient, “Fear of Abandonment in Dating: Why You Push Love Away ~ Coaching With Kimmy” Kimmy coaches a woman live on this episode whose personal history and experiences echo the struggles many face in the realm of intimacy and self-perception.
In this coaching session, Kimmy and Evelyn delve into the intricacies of how past abandonment issues can manifest in adult relationships, influencing the patterns we fall into and the people we attract. From forming quick, intense attachments to pushing partners away through self-sabotage, the discussion covers a spectrum of behaviors that many listeners will find familiar. Evelyn shares poignant anecdotes, such as the emotionally charged and rapid-moving relationship that led her to relocate across the country, only to find herself ensnared in familiar emotional pitfalls. Her story is a testament to the power of self-awareness and the challenges of translating that awareness into action.
You’ll hear:
The top 5 ways a fear of abandonment may show up in a person’s romantic relationships and actionable steps for tackling these deep-seated fears.
The concept of "shape-shifting" in relationships and why it causes you to lose touch with your authentic self.
Actionable steps from Kimmy for rewriting personal stories and reinforcing self-worth.
How seeking excessive reassurance from partners can lead to emotional exhaustion and breakdowns in relationships.
The duality of either erecting emotional walls or forming overly rapid attachments as a result of abandonment fears.
An unsuspected breakthrough Evelyn had on the call that caught her by surprise on why dating has been so hard.
If you want help overcoming your fears around dating book a FREE private breakthrough call with Kimmy:
Overcoming Dating Anxiety: Interview with Katie Krimitsos
Thursday, April 3, 2025 • Duration 41:22
Did you know that anxiety disorders affect 18% of the adult population in the United States? Anxiety is your body’s natural response to stress and uncertainty. Let’s face it - uncertainty is a huge part of dating. Kimmy talks about understanding Dating Anxiety which is a common experience that involves excessive worry, fear, and nervousness related to dating. It can manifest in various ways, affecting a person's thoughts, emotions, and behaviors during the dating process. In Episode 392 of The Charisma Quotient, “Overcoming Dating Anxiety: Interview with Katie Krimitsos,” Kimmy is joined by Katie Krimitsos, the founder and CEO of the Women's Meditation Network, who talks about her personal journey with meditation and self-awareness.
In this engaging conversation, Kimmy and Katie delve into the epidemic of dating anxiety, discussing its common symptoms like fear of awkward conversations, obsessive checking for texts, and the constant nagging thought of not being "good enough." Katie candidly shares her journey from feeling not enough to mastering self-awareness through meditation. She reveals how simple practices of mindfulness have helped her tackle overwhelming thoughts, embrace vulnerability, and most importantly, trust herself in relationships.
Get ready for Katie's transformative story of how, by embodying authenticity and letting go of the need to control, she attracted a soulmate relationship that flourished into marriage. Discover her ingenious concept of "mini meditations" – bite-sized, practical practices that even the busiest among us can integrate into our daily routines to stay grounded and present.
You’ll hear:
Eight common symptoms of dating anxiety and tips on how to recognize and manage them.
Innovative strategies to incorporate meditation into your daily routine — even for those who've never meditated before — to help ground you before a date.
A powerful reminder that "what's meant for you will not miss you".
How to embrace imperfection and vulnerability in relationships for true connection.
A surprise mini meditation that you’ll be able to practice right away
If you struggle with dating anxiety and it is hindering your ability to stay present and it is pushing people away, check out Katie’s amazing meditations including her 3 day stress and anxiety detox by going to womensmeditationnetwork.com and then hop on a private call with Kimmy to reduce your dating anxiety by coming up with a plan here
Charisma Quotient Podcast is available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and many of your other favorite podcast channels.
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Kimmy Seltzer is a Confidence Therapist and Authentic Dating Strategist implementing targeted style, emotional and social intelligence to your life.
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