Building a Better Dave – Details, episodes & analysis

In this episode, Dave shares a candid account of his recent health updates, and it's a mix of challenges and victories. From starting the year with new exercise routines to discovering unexpected health issues, Dave opens up about how turning 60 has brought a wave of concern regarding blood sugar, blood pressure, and thyroid issues.

With a dash of humor, he recounts the quirks of testing his blood sugar and the surprise diagnosis of diabetes. Yet, amidst the medical hurdles, Dave finds a silver lining—a triumphant return to the ping pong table despite the obstacles.

 Join us as Dave explores the balance between health management and enjoying life’s simple pleasures. Whether it's doctor visits or winning ping pong matches, it's all about building a better Dave. Tune in for a story of resilience, self-discovery, and the occasional game-changing rally.

Today I share some insights as I deal with the loss of a friend. Death sucks, but when you lose people who are YOUNGER then you, with no warning, it really sucks.

Today I talk about losing my friend Niel Guilarte who I worked with during the making of The Messengers: A Podcast Documentary

We got to room with each other at events, and we just clicked. We always made each other laugh. My favorite was when Niel would start laughing and he couldn't finish the story he had started. 

When you start to see your heroes get old and some cracks around the edges, it's sad, but it's a warning sign. Niel was here, and the next day he wasn't. He leaves a wife and 11-year old daughter he adored, and a new house. 

He was the best friend of one of my favorite people Chris Krimitsos. Which is one of the things that is adding to the pain. I have people in Florida who could use a hug. I love to help people, and in this case there is nothing I can do. 

Mentioned In This Episode

Bookends - Simon and Garfunkel

Bette Midler - Stay With Me

Niel's Gofund Me

There are times you feel bad. The lights are off and it seems like there is no way home. Keep moving. It's funny when I have to do a sermon in my church, something ALWAYS comes up on Facebook that fits. This is what came up:

41 is Coming

In the Bible, it rained for 40 days and 40 nights.

Day 41 came and the rain stopped.

Moses committed murder & hid in the desert for 40 years.

Year 41 came, and God called him to help rescue Israel.

Moses went up on the mountain for 40 days.

On day 41, he received the Ten Commandments.

The Israelites wandered in the wilderness for 40 years.

Year 41, they walked into the Promised Land.

Goliath taunted Israel for 40 days.

Day 41 came, and David slew him.

Jonah preached a message of repentance to Ninevah for 40 days.

On day 41, God stopped His plan to destroy them.

Jesus fasted and was tempted for 40 days.

Day 41, and the devil fled.

After His resurrection, Jesus appeared to His disciples for 40 days.

On day 41, He ascended into Heaven.

All this to say...don't quit. The rain will stop, the giant will fall, and you will enter your "promised land." Don't give up at 40.

41 is coming.

See you later Niel.

Today I turn 59 and apparently, I have one goal: Don't Break a Hip. So I reflect a bit on my 20s, 30s, and 40s, as I have 365 more days in my 50's. According to AI, "From reminiscing about past relationships and experiences to contemplating the inevitability of aging and the challenges of staying healthy, Dave's musings offer a heartfelt and relatable perspective on navigating life's journey." So click Play already

Key Points:
You can't change people.

I don't want to live a life filled with Ozzy Lyrics.

With some lessons, you need two chances to learn.

Getting old is weird, and I don't want to live in fear.

While the baby of the family gets away with murder, there is still a price to pay.

While she may be a queen, I need another divorce.

Mentioned In This Episode

River by Joni Mitchell

Joni Mitchell on the Grammys 2024

Ozzy See You On The Other Side

Prince Lonely Christmas ( the snare is weirdly in the right headphone)

Future.co (virtual weight loss coaches)

Like the Show? Consider buying me a coffee.

I went to Washington DC last week. I met a girl who does a show called "Good Grief." She started recording her podcast after he died and she found out he had a second family with two additional children of which she was one. Woa. I also got to meet Darwyn Dave who does the show Dealing With My Grief. Darwyn's Dad was murdered. Damn. Like straight up murdered. So I listened to these shows on the way home. This lead to some strange thinking, and emotions bubbling through.

I focus on the weirdest things lately. My brother got pretty sick a little while ago and he had a weird situation where he was sweating under a bunch of blankets because he was freezing. He had lost a lot of color, and looked bad. It was spooky even though I knew he would pull through. The bottom line is we are out of Grandparents, we have a few Aunts to play, one Uncle who is 94, and then we become the next generation in line. You know and I know that it's going to get here sooner or later. There is nothing we can do about that. 

Maybe it's because my brother and I were estranged for years, and now we're not, that the thought of us being apart can cause my eyes to leak. 

And when I start to grieve, I feel like I have a buy one get one free. That I have leftovers that have been sitting in the pantry waiting to be consumed. 

My Mom died in 1989. That's a while ago. My finals at college were the next week and yet I still had to take them. I cried. I wept. Then it was back to school. I was now running a house as my Dad was still a long distance truck driver, and my sister..... while she has never been diagnosed I think she has assburgers.  She doesn't like any change in her routine. I remember trying to get her to write things on a shopping list. She would say, "but that's not how Mom did it." I would have to answer, "I know, but Mom's not here." It was a strange relationship because I was the little brother taking care of my older sister. When my Dad got home on the weekends, I would fill him in on the bills, house, and get to my homework. 

I remember my last semester. I took more credit hours than I have ever taken because if I didn't graduate I was going to lose my mind. It was graduate or die trying. My GPA took a hit, but I got the piece of paper and moved on. 

Being That Guy

My Mom died when I was 24. Looking back, I was a baby. I thought I was an adult, but I was pretty young. It deeply affected me. I became a workaholic. I still am. I've never wanted that to be my calling card. Hello, I'm Dave Jackson and my Mom died when I was 24. Yet, it is part of my history. It left a scar. It shaped me. I just don't want it to be my definition. 

I Asked God For a Kid and He Said No

I spent myself into bankruptcy trying to have a kid. It didn't happen and instead, my wife became an alcoholic and cheated on me. Pity party for one, again... 

The last episode of Good Grief, Sam has her Dad (the man who raised her ) explain what it means to be a Dad. He explained how it changes you. It transforms you. It makes you complete. It was like a bad horror flick where the person rips out your hear and holds it in front of you. 

Again, I don't want to be that guy. When I got to meet my friend's nine-month-old son it was awesome. He is the sweetest kid. This doesn't bother me. I don't ache to have my own, but I do have a major fear of missing out. If having children makes you complete, then I'm not. Am I broken? I dunno. I like me. I think I'm ok... confused..

Playing Ball With My Dad

My Dad was not a bad Dad. He just wasn't around. He was on the road four to five days a week and would come home and sleep and then repeat. My brother bought me my first baseball glove. My brother was pushing the bike that I learned to ride. My Dad did take me fishing once. But it was that ball thing. Aren't you supposed to go in the backyard and toss the ball, any ball around? It never happened. Now here is the stupid part. We played ping pong on a regular basis. It was fun. We laughed, and battle hard. I'm not sure why this doesn't count for me. I guess cause you don't see it on TV or in the movies...

I was at the park walking through the woods. The woods opened into an opening with a baseball field. There it was. A boy about age seven or eight pitching the ball to his Dad playing catcher. My heart just jumped out of my chest. It was like looking into a store window of something you will never be able to buy. I wanted to run out on the field and go, "DUDE, do you know how LUCKY you are?!" Then I got mad. Like any child who doesn't get what they want. Why did everyone get to play catch but me? Pity party for one. 

When I was young, some of my oldest memories are sitting on my Granpa's living room floor. My Dad would argue with him Mom about something stupid, and eventually, my Grandpa and my Dad would go outside. I'm assuming they talked. They had a father and son moment, some sort of discussion. I'm assuming this is why we came over. My Dad wanted to hang with his Dad. This again pisses me off. My father and I had chit chat. We talked about my weather. For most of my life, my father was confused about what I did for a living. I was a corporate trainer teaching people software and he still thought I was fixing copiers. Actually, he thought I was fixing printers. He's open a Best Buy advertisement and say, "David here's your stuff." I got tired of correcting him. 

I remember after my first divorce, and I thought I need to try to play catch up with my Dad. We weren't close, and the only way to fix that was to spend some time together. I asked my Dad if he wanted to go to an Indians game. I was going to buy some tickets, and he could get to see the new stadium the team had built. He turned me down. He said you can see things better on TV. To this, I can't argue. It's true. But it wasn't about the game, it was about spending time with your son. I would go over to his house and watch a game with him, and we would exchange chit-chat. This an often open the door of anger. Like why did you not want that? I had more "Mentoring talks" with my oldest stepson about women, school, life in the eight years I was in his life than my Dad and I had in the 50 years I knew him. 

When he died I mourned what I lost, but I mainly mourned that what never was and never would be. I mourned a blown opportunity. It was classic cats and the cradle. He was busy, then I was busy. Then his mind left before I could pick his brain. 

Closing the Hallway Doors

As I go through life, I feel I'm OK. My life could be so much worse. I have a job I love, a cool apartment and the freedom to do pretty much whatever I want whenever I want. But there are times when I'm left alone with my thoughts, or I'm listening to a podcast about grief that I hear the drips of grief. I hear a door stressing against the pressure of what is behind it. I turn the knob and a river of tears covers me. I'm not surprised but still shocked. What is up with this? I struggle, I push hard, and finally, the door closes. I few more steps and sometimes the weirdest thing will set off another door. It glows orange from the anger behind it. When I crack the door, the heat blows back my hair like opening an oven. I fell it engulfing my body, but I don't want it. I push and push with all I have and eventually, it closes. 

What Happened to Time Heals All Wounds

It's been decades. What is up with this? I read about Grief, and I hear how some people can't move on. I've moved on. I work, I eat, I laugh. I accept that this is the new normal. This is as good as it is probably going to get. My Dad burned two things into my brain:

1. The world doesn't revolve around David Jackson
2. The world is not fair (which is somewhat of a rerun). 

So when I didn't want to do something, I did it anyway. When I wanted something, and couldn't have it. I had to suck it up. I remember on the few occasions when my Dad had to spank me it was always the most conflicting of actions. He would put me on his legs, smacked my butt and then I would cry. This would last for about 10 seconds, and my Dad would then tell me to go get a warm washcloth and bring it to him. Not wanting to get spanked, I would do that. He would then take the cloth, put on the back of my neck, shoosh me and tell me it was going to be OK. It worked, and I calmed down, and in many cases that's all my parents needed me to do. 

But When Is This Grieving Thing Over?

I thought time heals all wounds. Well, I guess if you count that I can function a win, I guess it's true. When you read about the seven steps it always sounded like when you got done with the last step you would be back to normal. 

As I don't want to be "That Guy" I looked into this and found an article that seemed to make sense. Here is a paragraph

The misguided notion that grief is a process that allows a final working through of a loss is likely the fault of my own profession--mental health professionals who have promoted this notion in their work with grieving individuals. Clinical data makes it clear that any significant loss, later and repeatedly, brings up longing and sadness. Is it because these people have not achieved closure by traversing prescribed stages of mourning or because they have not "worked through the loss" as some therapists boldly claim? No. It's because you never get over loss. As time passes, the intensity of feelings about the loss will lessen, you might also find ways to sooth or distract yourself, or you can partially bury grief-related feelings by creating new memories. But you're not going to get over it because that's impossible: you cannot erase emotional memory. Besides, it's not about achieving closure. Instead, you have to figure out what you are going to do when your emotional memories are later triggered.  (Full Article)

This is good and bad. It's good that I no longer feel like I'm broken because I still miss my parents. It's bad, because grief is like a website design. It's never done. You always need to tweak it. It might be fine for years, but something will come along and you will need to tear it all down and rebuild it. A website is never really done, and apparently, you cannot erase the emotional memory. 

A West Virginia school during Patriotism week made a sign about their opponent from Pittsburgh. They made the sign red white and blue, and the sign read, "Trump Perry." It did not say, "WE HATE BLACK PEOPLE." A football banner is intended to intimidate the other team.

My high school was Ellet High School so Ellet rhymed with Smell iT. As our mascot was a giant Orange Hulk, and we were known as the Orangemen, we often saw many signs about "Squeezing the Orangemen."

Our arch rival was Springfield High School. Springfield had a lake. So we called students from Springfield, "Swamp Rats."

I guess by today's standards we were bullying when we played the fight song after a touchdown.

I can't believe this made the news. Instead of the superintendent from the WV school writing an apology, they should've suspended the LIBRARIAN for being a narcissist and making everything about her, and for not being able to process any opinion besides her own.

While I can't "tell you how to feel" you should be willing, and wanting to hear the other side of a story and be willing to participate in a dialogue. Here is the story from CNN

See http://www.cnn.com/videos/tv/2017/10/21/trump-banner-at-hs-football-game-sparks-furor.cnn

I was born and raised in Akron Ohio, and my elementary school had one African-American student (Melody Hardy) and she sat right next to me. What I'm worried about is it seems if a white person says something that is insensitive, they are INSTANTLY labeled a RACIST. 

If a person is like me, we aren't racist - we are untrained. We've had zero practice dealing with different cultures and races. If a white person says something that sounds racist, it may be that they are missing some key ingredients in their education of what it's like to be a person of color. 

The problem is if we are all waiting with our "guns" locked and loaded, then everyone (especially white folks) don't start any conversations. The ability to grow, and understand other cultures is limited if we don't open up the door to understanding different perspectives.

As someone who constantly hears about "White privilege," it sounds like all I need is to be white and have a penis and I will never have anything to worry about. It didn't work for my Dad when we went on welfare and we got to enjoy the awesome taste of government cheese. This doesn't mean I had it worse than you, I'm just saying not all white males got a free ride. 

Some of the best conversations you can have are when you quit trying to convince someone to think you like you do, and instead just provide your side of the story and let people make their own decisions. This requires you to listen, and I don't think we are open to hearing another side of the story because you might actually change your opinion. 

Just be careful labeling all white people as racists.

I haven't been to a McDonald's in quite some time, and apparently, we've come a long way from the days of the paper hat and smock. Maybe it's just me flashing back to the days when I had to have my hair above my collar to keep my job.Maybe it's because I'm the only person on the planet who doesn't have a single tattoo, but some of the people who serve my food at the drive through are startling.

I drive up to the window to hand them my ATM card and they turn around and HOLY CRAP!

It looks like the dove face fist into a tackle box. I don't care that you have enough hardware in your face to pick up a shortwave radio stat, but when you're not ready for it, it can be quite a surprise.

Tonight I went to a Books a Million (BAM) and was surprised to see they had installed a Library in the coffee shop. There were at leat 10 people who are not "Skimming" a book to see if they should buy it, but starting at page 1 and going straight through. I swear one guy was in there the last time I was in this location. At some point, shouldn't you just buy the book and take it home? Why would you when you can buy a water and an oatmeal raisin cookie and come back tomorrow and finish up the book. One person even fell asleep in his chair.

It is one of the few places on earth that doesn't have 50 TV's on the wall.

Today I talk about how I'm stuck.

I don't want to be a person who lives in the past. 

On the flip side, if I don't remember life changing events is that disrespectful?

There is a great quote in the Sheryl Crow song "Every Day is a Winding Road" and she asks, "Why am I a stranger in my own life?"

I talk about the day I watched my Mom breakdown upon hearing her father's voice for the first time in a long time. So now I'm worried about playing an old tape that has my Mom's voice.

I don't want to be "THAT GUY" who is always talking about his Mom. At this point, I've spent more time without her than I did with her. 

So I get really worried that I spend too much time looking back. 

So I was halfway filling out the application at match.com when I hear a familiar voice in my head ask, "Is that what you're going to wear?" 

There is a part of me that feels I need someone to go through life with, and someone to hold my hand, when I get old and feeble. This might've been brought on by the Death of my Dad followed by my Aunt, but I can see the bus coming, and it's a ways off, but its not that far away. So I am torn between two worlds. 

And today I decided to turn on a microphone and talk about it. 

Today I share what it was like to go through the holidays ALONE last year. 

As horrifying as that might sound, there were some perks.