Bringing Up Boys Summit – Details, episodes & analysis

00:19 Dr Justin Coulson introduces the Q&A

02:02 Q1 Anger management

10:52 Q2 Controlling screen time

16:51 Q3 Keeping bedroom clean

21:18 Q4 Choosing not to drink & identity

24:23 Q5 Alcohol standards & split homes

30:42 Q6 How to bring up issues without being critical

36:06 Q7 8 y/o on screen time

36:59 Q8 Overcoming generational trauma

42:07 Q9 What to do when lacking strong male role models

44:15 Q10 Neurotypical children - learning at school

51:26 Q11 Do we share our past mistakes with our kids?

53:53 Q12 Sport + the boy code

56:11 Q13 What if they don’t want to spend time with you?

58:11 Q14 'Fitting in' at school & choosing good friends

01:00:36 Q15 How to talk about pornography & masturbation

01:11:19 Q16 Brain science in boys & girls

01:11:41 Q17 Teenage son feels they don't love him enough

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

When our boys grow up, it hurts. The heartbreaking grief that comes as our sons grow up and don’t need us anymore is not spoken of often enough. At the same time, there is an incredible joy that comes from watching them fall in love and take steps to begin their own life. In this important conversation, Dr Justin Coulson and Mia Freedman talk about our boys growing up, how to teach them good principles, and how to let go of them when the time is right.

• 00:18 Dr Justin Coulson introduces Mia Freedman
• 01:54 What is masculinity to Mia?
• 04:47 Do boys really believe they aren't as good?
• 07:00 Misrepresenting feminism
• 09:25 The biggest issues for boys and parents
• 13:59 The pool metaphor
• 19:43 Don't shame them
• 21:40 Responding to inapproriate behaviour without shame
• 26:52 Teaching them good principles
• 31:56 Be the best boy in the room
• 32:47 Parental grief
• 39:19 Final message

Mia Freedman is the co-founder and Chief Creative Officer of the Mamamia Women’s Media Company in Australia.

Mamamia has an audience of more than six and a half million women every month and is also the largest women’s podcast network in the world, with over 173 million listens and 46 different shows. She is also the founder of Lady Startup. An education-based community supporting female-founded small businesses, helping them launch and grow through online courses, podcasts, and social media.

Mamamia’s core purpose as a business is to make the world a better place for women and girls. Before founding Mamamia as a blog in her lounge room in 2007 and becoming one of Australia’s best-known digital entrepreneurs, Mia was a magazine editor, national newspaper columnist, radio presenter, and TV host. She was named one of Australia’s 100 Most Influential Women by the Financial Review and is a former chair of the federal government’s Body Image Advisory Board.

She is an ambassador for Rize Up, a charity supporting women and children fleeing domestic violence, and Share The Dignity, which supports women and girls facing poverty and homelessness. Mia is the author of four books including the best-selling Work, Strife, Balance and she hosts two award-winning podcasts, Mamamia Outloud and No Filter, Australia’s leading interview podcast. Mia has three children, two dogs, and runs the Mamamia Women’s Media Company with her husband, Jason Lavigne, who is the CEO.

The wheels of her bus fall off regularly.

• Mia Freedman - website
• Mamamia

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

In this important conversation, Dr Justin Coulson and Paul DIllon discuss what’s actually happening with our boys around alcohol, drugs, vaping and other substances in the schoolyard. They also share ways to bring up the drug and alcohol conversation with our boys so they can learn to make healthy decisions when they are out in the real world. 

• 00:19 Dr Justin introduces Paul Dillon
• 01:37 Differences in drug use from young men and young women
• 03:17 Alcohol
• 18:23 Drugs
• 27:10 Vaping
• 32:26 Talking to your kids about it
• 40:42 Tobacco
• 44:16 Percentage of young people smoking
• 46:12 Stimulants 
• 48:56 Notes to parents about drugs
• 51:55 Paul’s concluding words

Drug and Alcohol Research and Training Australia (DARTA)

Paul Dillon has been working in the area of drug education for more than 25 years. Through his own business, Drug and Alcohol Research and Training Australia (DARTA) he has been contracted by many organisations to give regular updates on current drug trends. He continues to work with many school communities across the country to ensure that they have access to good quality information and best practice drug education. With a broad knowledge of a range of content areas, Paul regularly appears in the media and is regarded as a key social commentator, with interviews on television programs such as Sunrise, TODAY and The Project.

DARTA

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

As parents we have a tendency to only talk about risk and danger when it comes to sex. Instead, if we change this focus to responsibility and joy, our boys will view sex differently, their partners differently, and make safer, healthier, and wiser choices. In this conversation with Dr Justin Coulson and Peggy Orenstein, they discuss where challenging male sexual behaviour come from and how to give your boys a healthier understanding of both the physical and emotional aspects of sexual intercourse.

• 00:19 Dr Justin introduces Peggy Orenstein
• 01:42 Where do challenging sexual behaviours come from?
• 03:50 What is it like for boys growing up?
• 08:57 Why does ‘masculinity’ impact on boys’ sexuality?
• 10:43 The disconnect in boys’ behaviour at home and outside - assault and consent
• 15:21 Expectations put on boys
• 16:46 Vulnerability and ‘The Hook-Up Culture’
• 19:23 Tips for parents for a conversation about ‘good sex’
• 24:06 Pornography
• 26:46 Talking to your kids about Pornography
• 33:37 Consent 
• 38:14 How to teach consent? 
• 44:16 Summary of key points so far from Dr Justin
• 45:50 Gay boys are a model of consent
• 49:04 Central take-home messages
• 51:53 Last message of hope from Peggy

Peggy Orenstein is an internationally-recognized speaker and author of, among others, the New York Times best-sellers Boys & Sex, Girls & Sex,  Cinderella Ate My Daughter and the classic SchoolGirls. A contributing writer for  The New York Times Magazine, Peggy has also written for such publications as  The Los Angeles Times, The Washington Post, New York, The Atlantic and The New Yorker. She has been a featured expert on television and radio programs throughout the world. Her TED Talk, “What Young Women Believe About Their Own Sexual Pleasure,” has been viewed over 5.6 million times.

• Chanel Contos - the consent petition
• Peggy's website
• Resources for positive sexuality
• Talking to younger kids about sex

Boys and Sex | Peggy Orenstein | Available in Australia | Available in America

Girls and Sex | Peggy Orenstein | Available in Australia | Available in America

Cinderella Ate My Daughter | Peggy Orenstein | Available in Australia | Available in America

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Dr Justin discusses how we can raise strong, caring boys in the current climate. He’ll explain why it’s vital that our boys know who they are and that they matter, as well as share practical ways you can teach your son empathy and to respectfully say and hear “no”.

00:19 Dr Justin introduces his topic

02:15 Culture & the messages we send boys

05:57 Dr Justin’s schoolyard anecdote

08:12 The lowest acceptable behaviour 

13:13 'Don't be a simp'

16:42 We have a cultural problem

22:50 You can set the masculinity culture in your family 

25:13 The boy crisis 

26:43 #1 Teach them who they are | Identity

27:48 Example 1 | Dr Justin’s brother

30:49 Example 2 | Saying no to drugs story

34:08 How to teach them who they are 

40:13 #2 Teach them they matter

44:42 #3 Teach them to believe in themselves

48:49 Listener question - split families

50:06 #4 Teach them to say ‘no’ respectfully

52:57 #5 Teach them to hear ‘no’ respectfully

54:45 #6 Teach them empathy

55:13 #7 Teach them about life, the universe… and everything!

56:14 Summary of the summit

Dr Justin Coulson is the co-host and parenting expert on Channel 9's "Parental Guidance", the founder of happyfamiles.com.au, and one of Australia’s most trusted parenting experts.

Over the past decade he has helped innumerable families with his 6 books about raising children, his hundreds of media appearances (including all of Australia’s major news outlets, and even the Washington Post and the New York Times), and two viral videos that have been viewed a combined 80 million times!

Justin earned his PhD in Psychology from the University of Wollongong. He and his wife Kylie have been married since the late 1990’s and are the parents of 6 daughters . 

Do You Know scale by Marshall Duke

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Welcome to the Bringing Up Boys Summit

We're confident that as you participate in this summit, you won’t just find solutions to help your son through friendship breakdowns, the lure of drugs, anxiety and other mental health issues, or even the life-changing process of puberty. You’ll find ways to rekindle the connection you both want… and both need.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

It’s easy to convince ourselves they our boys are not the ones participating in sexist jokes or watching pornography with their mates at school, because they have such good manners around us. But perhaps that is not the full truth. In this engaging conversation, Bec Sparrow and Dr Justin Coulson discuss how to help our boys develop their identity and morality, recognize good relationships, and set healthy boundaries with their friends.

• 00:19 Dr Justin introduces Bec Sparrow
• 01:39 The biggest challenge parents face with boys
• 05:33 Parental obliviousness to kids’ behaviour 
• 10:43 Conversations about sex
• 16:24 Boys vs girls friendships
• 21:26 ‘Ruminating’
• 23:48 Red flags 
• 27:04 Green flags
• 29:38 Personal boundaries
• 35:27 Consent
• 40:34 Peer pressure and being a 'simp'
• 44:56 Male inappropriate bonding
• 52:01 Developing values and identity
• 54:48 Belief leads to identity
• 57:42 3 quick tips
• 1:00:08 What’s something you wish everyone knew about you?

Over the past 25 years Rebecca Sparrow has earned a living as a travel writer, a television publicist, a marketing executive, a magazine editor, a TV scriptwriter, a radio producer, a newspaper columnist and as an author.

She is the author of three best-selling novels The Girl Most Likely, The Year Nick McGowan Came to Stay and Joel and Cat Set The Story Straight (co-authored with Nick Earls).

Aside from writing books Rebecca has written for Mamamia, co-hosted two seasons of the award-winning health and happiness podcast The Well with Robin Bailey and played Agony Aunt to teenagers across the country on the Ask Me Anything podcast. She also talks to thousands of school students (and their parents!) every year about friendship, resilience, giving back and how to have a more positive experience online. Rebecca is an ambassador for The Pyjama Foundation and Suncorp’s #TeamGirls initiative. In 2018 she was invited to sit on the Queensland Government’s Anti-Bullying Taskforce.

Rebecca lives in Brisbane with her husband Brad, her three kids and two labradoodles (one of whom is INCREDIBLY naughty).

Rebecca Sparrow - website

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Many boys are taught from a young age that they must be ‘tough’ and hide their emotions. In this conversation, Dr Justin Coulson and Professor Marc Brackett discuss how parents can give their boys ‘permission to feel’ all of their emotions. Marc Brackett also shares with us how to increase our emotional intelligence and become a better emotion coach for our boys.

• 00:19 Dr Justin introduces Marc Brackett
• 01:29 Establishing the gender of this conversation
• 02:12 Boys and their emotions
• 05:19 Expression of emotions is a nurture not nature issue
• 09:41 How to change the culture?
• 13:25 Effects of masking emotions
• 15:22 Willingness to demonstrate empathy
• 18:05 Nurturing our boys’ emotions
• 24:05 Permission to feel all emotions
• 26:40 Theory vs in-practice
• 29:10 Justin shares an incident - naming your emotions
• 32:20 Deactivating parental emotions
• 35:40 Emotion regulation
• 37:14 Final message

Marc Brackett, Ph.D., is the founding director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence and a professor in the Child Study Center, Yale School of Medicine at Yale University. His grant-funded research focuses on the role of emotions in learning, decision making, creativity, relationship quality, wellbeing, performance, and organizational climate; the measurement of emotional intelligence; and the influence of emotional intelligence training on key life outcomes.

Marc has published over 150 scholarly articles, received numerous awards, and is featured regularly in popular media outlets such as the New York Times, Good Morning America, CBS This Morning, and The Today Show. He also is on the board of directors for the Collaborative for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning (CASEL).

Marc is the lead developer of RULER, a systemic, evidence-based approach to social and emotional learning that has been adopted by over 3,000 public, charter, and independent pre-school through high schools across the United States and in other countries, including Australia, China, England, Italy, Mexico, and Spain. Research shows that RULER boosts academic performance, decreases bullying, enriches classroom climates, reduces teacher stress and burnout, and enhances teacher instructional practices.

Marc regularly consults with large companies on best practices for integrating the principles of emotional intelligence into training and product design. He is co-founder of Oji Life Lab, a corporate learning firm that develops innovative digital learning systems for emotional intelligence.

Marc speaks to tens of thousands of people each year and has been the keynote speaker at over 500 conferences around the world, including the White House, U.S. Departments of Education, Justice, and Defense, the Surgeon General’s office, the New York Times, Microsoft, Google, Facebook, and Twitter, as well as dozens of education conferences.

Marc is the author of Permission to Feel: Unlocking the Power of Emotions to Help our Kids, Ourselves, and our Society Thrive, published by Celadon (Macmillan), which has been translated into 20 languages.

• Mood Meter App
• Permission to Feel | Professor Marc Brackett

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

The ‘man box’ is the set of beliefs that society has defined as what it means to be a ‘real man’. When men try to step outside this, they are pushed back into the box of how they should think and behave. Matt Tyler, passionate about this topic, shares with Dr Justin Coulson in this conversation how to undo ‘toxic masculinity’, gender stereotypes, and break down ‘man box’ behaviour. The astounding life outcome statistics that result from living in the man box will blow you away.

• 00:19 Dr Justin Coulson introduces Matt Tyler
• 01:11 Matt’s backstory
• 02:31 The Men’s Project
• 05:27 The Man Box
• 13:42 The Man Box in Australia 
• 14:18 Perceived social pressures 
• 16:24 Personal endorsement of man box themes
• 18:30 Endorsement vs beliefs
• 21:20 Life outcomes of living in the man box 
• 22:14 Sexually harrassing women
• 24:50 Physical violence
• 27:55 Australian boys in the Man Box
• 29:20 Four adolescent man box sub pillars
• 29:27 Constant effort and bravado
• 30:03 Emotional restriction
• 30:37 Heterosexism
• 35:43 Social teasing
• 37:41 Impact on society from the Man Box
• 42:06 How can parents overcome the Man Box?
• 49:43 Other concrete strategies

Jesuit Social Services

Matt Tyler is the executive director of The Men’s Project at Jesuit Social Services working with a team committed to providing leadership on the reduction of violence and other harmful behaviours prevalent among boys and men. A particularly important part of this work is broadening the definition of what it means to be a man by translating findings from The Men’s Project’s Man Box research into practice. 

Matt brings to his role over 10 years of experience across the private, public, academic and community sectors. Prior to joining Jesuit Social Services he worked as a fellow for Harvard’s Government Performance Lab, focused on child protection, and he has also worked on projects related to family violence and mental health. He is trained as an economist with a particular focus on statistics, holding a Master of Public Policy from Harvard’s Kennedy School and Honours in Economics from Monash University.

• The Men’s Project
• The Man Box
• The Man Box and Language
• Modelling Respect and Equality Program – a case study

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Boys are absolutely capable of emotional vulnerability. But they are often more comfortable opening up within close friendships than without. Here Michelle Mitchell and Dr Justin Coulson dive into the topic of connection and communication with our boys. They also cover emotional expressiveness and handling big emotions.

• 00:19 Dr Justin introduces Michelle Mitchell
• 01:33 Introduction to the topic
• 04:00 The hurdles that boys face today
• 09:12 Emotional expressiveness
• 10:33 Boys want us to hear their ‘man voice’
• 14:03 Balancing kindness and limits
• 16:23 We talk to boys differently
• 19:29 We have a lower expectation on boys to behave good
• 20:27 Emotional and physical outlets 
• 23:23 Be clear on your family values
• 26:04 Competitiveness in boys and girls
• 33:28 Big emotions 
• 35:51 Validating statements and empathy
• 41:04 Parents can be needy
• 43:25 Responding to boys when they’re riled up
• 46:33 Setting limits
• 49:53 Building blocks for better communication
• 54:41 Boys and puberty
• 56:54 Final practical tips

Michelle Mitchell is an award-winning speaker, and bestselling parenting author. She has been termed ‘the teenage expert’ by the media and is sought after for her compassionate and grounded advice for parenting tweens and teens. Michelle started her career as a teacher, but soon discovered a special interest in wellbeing. She left teaching in 2000 and founded Youth Excel, a ‘boutique’ health promotion charity which delivered tailor made life skills programs and psychological services to thousands of young people and their families each year.  Today she uses her experience to write and speak in schools, community events and through media.   

• Michelle Mitchell - website
• A Guy's Guide to Puberty | Michelle Mitchell
• The Everyday Resilience Journal | Michelle Mitchell

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.