On this episode, Heather chats about her wild weekend in Oxford. She was back on stage slinging jokes as well as back in The Grove, celebrating an Ole Miss win. It was a very full week filled with a lot of memories, friends and drinks at the greatest bar in American, The Library. She responds to her voicemails that range from chair choices to wedding choices.

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On this wild bonus episode, Heather has Steph Tolev in the ATL studio. Steph and Heather chat what it feels like to be a woman in comedy, what the trolls say in the DMs and their favorite (and not so favorite) celebrity encounters. Heather is extra excited to have her on the pod because you *might* be seeing this extremely funny friend on a certain upcoming floating vessel! 

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On the second part of this weeks episode, Heather takes you from the oceanside to the Tuscan countryside. She hits up her favorite spots and even tries out some new places that you will be sure to add to your Italian vacation wish list. One caller also reveals an internet secret even Heather didn’t know about.

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   On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather prepares herself mentally for the battle of Christmas and reminds herself it's not about fighting a petite elderly woman for the last giftcard at Talbots. but rather a time to reflect on all the selfless good she has given the world through the years. She hits the Absolutely Not Line and gives unsolicited advice on how to survive the holidays and plan a cruise for your conspiracy theory loving in-laws. 

 

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    On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather sits down with friends and road dog, Andrew Collin. They are fresh off 3 shows in the midwest and recording live from a Hilton in Grand Rapids where the vibes are good but the temperature is frigid. Andrew and Heather discuss staying motivated, only working to 70% of their potential and what they would tell to their younger selves. This podcast is the least bit motivating and they are both idiots. 

 

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On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast Heather is recovering from a wild weekend in the Big Easy where she received alot of attitude from mixologists and almost fought a college kid in a night club. She gives advice to a newly wed who paid for their wedding, unveils the mystery of how our parents are still able to post on facebook and questions what happened to a man who went overboard on a carnival cruise! 

 

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 On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather is fresh from her weekend in Mississippi eating pork rinds & cheering on the Sportz- She hits the Absolutely Not Line to dissect all of your Post- Thanksgiving Drama. You hoes were eating out doing Zero Tipping, talking to pervs in Dog Parks and ended up with a crotch staph infection. It's been a wild weekend and Auntie Heather is here to help. 

 

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On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather is breaking down the pre-holiday anxiety we are all feeling in the back of our throats. The next week is going to be filled with family fights, food sensitivities and lots of farts! Heather walks you through your step by step Holiday survival guide so that you don't lose your shit on your Aunt Regina before the mashed potatoes even hit the deck. She hits the Absolutely Not-line and tries to give some sage advice to fellow stressed out holiday hosts- but remember at the end of the day- have your emergency cigs on stand-by.

 

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On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is fresh from a weekend of shows in Florida. She was not invited to Tiffany Trump's wedding but instead spent the weekend slingin' jokes and searching for a new therapist in West Palm. There is something bout that Florida humidity that stirs up forgotten emotions and family trauma. We are working through all the feelings leading up to Turkey Day and answering your questions on the Absolutely Not Line.

 

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On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather is fresh from her trip to Space Camp, aka a weekend of shows in Huntsville. She met a scientist at a bar that told her we only got a few weeks left- and wondered why can't the aliens fix our heavy periods? "Surely some bitch in outterspace knows how to stop a heavy flow?"- ya know that kinda vibe.

 

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    On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather is fresh off her comedy special taping weekend- full of gratitude and adrenaline. She witnessed a fight over a snack break in the back kitchen of a salad joint and was ready to jump in and pop off, if need be. She's back with her weekly dose of unsolicited advice such as- "How to spice things up in the bedroom" to "Is it ok to eat del taco alone in your car to avoid your in-laws?"

 

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With each can only 25 calories and 5g of sugar or less, Poppi can be found on Amazon for 15% off with code “ABSOLUTELY15” and in retailers nationwide

 

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    On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather has a few biohacks for her early girlies. She hits the Absolutely NOT-line and comes up with a genius idea of how to start a men's therapy group under the full disguise of a man named Harry. 

 

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   On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast Heather has a very exciting announcement for the new tour! It's a big one! She hits the Absolutely Not Line only to give life changing advice for a young listener, help a woman keep her job at the gym and navigate what to do if you've dated a murderer. 

 

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On this episode, Heather is back in the good ol’ US of A after an epic two-week trip to Italia. This will be a two part episode of everything she got into while on vacation. We start with week one, landing in Milan, visiting Lake Garda and then headed to Villa Yeppa to film some exciting things with her ATL Italians (and a few new characters). While she thrived living La Dolce Vita, the gastro issues started back up as soon as she sat down in Delta One. 

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         On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast Heather recounts a scary moment from Trader Joes, how her life flashed before her eyes and why she was mad at Robin. She also hits the Absolutely Not Line- We've got grown men sucking on hard candy while they sleep, children getting tattoos, Ole Randy shits the bed and more!      Sponsors:     Check out Brooklinen.com today for their luxurious home and bedding essentials, and use Promo code [absolutelynot] for $20 off plus free shipping on your purchase of $100 or more.     Athletic Greens is going to give you a FREE 1 year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D AND 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase at athleticgreens.com/absolutely     Go to Talkspace.com and make sure to use the code ABSOLUTELY​ to ​get $100 off of your first month​ and show your support for the show     Thanks to our friends at Spritz Society, you can try their iconic sparkling cocktails for 10% by using code ABSOLUTELY on spritzsociety.com     From Sony Music Entertainment, Hello Sunshine, The Home Edit and Somethin' Else, listen and follow Best Friend Energy wherever you get your podcasts.     Produced by Dear Media    

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  On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast - Heather hits the hotline to answer questions like " Why Kentucky" and " How do I  stop scrolling the internet for my ex's"? The fact that folks come to Heather for actual advice is alarming but dammit she's hitting the advice line HARD. Heather also has a guided meditation for anyone over 30 who is feeling the weight of the world. 

 

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Everlywell is offering a special discount of twenty percent off an at-home lab test at everlywell.com/absolutely.

 

Right now Ritual is offering my listeners 10% off your first three months at Visitritual.com/ABSOLUTELY

 

Go to Zocdoc.com/ABSOLUTELY and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. Then start your search for a top-rated doctor today.

 

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Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.

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 On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is back from her trip to Detroit with a new respect for the thin women of Michigan and the attitude of the TSA precheck staff. She hits the hotline and asks the age old questions like "Why dont Boomers drink water?" to "Do people in Charleston have pubic hair?"

 

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Right now, you can get 15% off your first order when you visit ThriveCausemetics.com/absolutely

 

f you want to support the show and pick up a pair, goodr is giving my listeners FREE SHIPPING on your first order at Goodr.com/absolutely

 

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Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.

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 On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather  hits the Absolutely Not Line and the voicemails are SHOCKING! One caller is getting fired from her job for being with child, while another is out-of-the-blue allergic to pulled pork. It's literally a game of survival. We have deep embarrassing confessions and some triggering core memories. No stone is left unturned on this insane episode! 

 

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On this week's episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast - Heather is back after way too many difficulties joined by best friend of the show, Raymond Padilla. They talk about everything from the royal family to Ray almost losing an arm after his monkey pox vaccination - and Robin joins in after being bamboozled by the MOMA.

 

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Right now Ritual is offering my listeners 10% off your first three months at Visitritual.com/ABSOLUTELY

 

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Right now you can get $20 off your first month of Nuuly when you sign up with the code ABSOLUTELY20

 

For listeners of the show, Everlywell is offering a special discount of twenty percent off an at-home lab test at Everlywell.com/absolutely

 

Use code “ABSOLUTELY15” for 15% off Poppi on Amazon and get sippin'. 

 

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Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.

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    On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather hits the hotline with some wildly new and improved SCAMMMMS! After a weekend of dealing with Robin's international catfishing fiasco, Heather is on High alert to the tricks and deals y'all are trying to pull. As if we didnt have enough shit to deal with already- The hotline is filled with 1200 back cracks and a frantic 911 call from Australia!

 

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Get $20 off your fertility test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely

 

Start your 100-day trial and shop the entire Away lineup of travel essentials, including their best-selling suitcases and bags at AwayTravel.com/absolutely

 

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 On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather hits the Absolutely Not Line to solve the world's problems. However, after the first voicemail she quickly realizes we need to call animal control. On this week's episode- we've got a lady with a bat in her designer bag, a lady on a cruise to nowhere, and a mom trying to navigate how to save teenagers from turning to the darkside!   

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Athletic Greens is going to give you a FREE 1 year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D AND 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase at athleticgreens.com/absolutely.  

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Use code ABSOLUTELY15 for 15% off on Amazon and get sippin' Poppi soda.  

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   On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather has business consultant and friend, Raymond Padilla come to the Absolutely Not Headquarters for a full take over. It's the Board Meeting no one wanted to sit down for, but absolutely needed to attend. We're getting our ducks in a row while simultaneously fixing the world's problems by using the 5 pillars of efficiency. Ray also asks for donations at the end because Heather is sure as hell not paying him for his time or knowledge. 

 

Get a FREE 1 year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D AND 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase at athleticgreens.com/absolutely

 

Head over to WooMorePlay.com and use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout for 20% off the entire site.

 

Get 35% off site-wide at CozyEarth.com when you use the code ABSOLUTELY.

 

Get 20% off and free shipping with code ABSOLUTELY EatDeux.com

 

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    On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is reporting live from the PANHANDLE of Florida, aka 30A.  She is back from Mississippi and narrowly skirted death on the highway, only to have a new lease on life. She is taking no bullshit and dishing out some of the best advice she's ever given from the hotline. Like- Why heterosexual couples should never own catering companies- to what to do if your teeth are falling out. That and more! 

 

Check Out Squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, and use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

 

Use promo code absolutelynot for $20 off and free shipping on your order of $100+ at Brooklinen.com

 

Modern Fertility is offering our listeners $20 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely

 

Go to Zocdoc.com/ABSOLUTELY and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. Then start your search for a top-rated doctor today.

 

FX’s Little Demon premieres August 25 on FXX. Stream on Hulu!

 

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 On this week's episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- After a wonderful weekend back in the college town of Athens, GA- Heather is shooketh to her core taking a walk down memory lane- the nostalgia of sorority row, the tequila shots from locals are all flooding back to her hypothalamus. She hits the Absolutely Not Hotline to fight with a woman who doesnt like Tang- another broad bitching about getting a titty on her back during a massage- and makes a public apology to the Mid Atlantic. 

 

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FX’s Little Demon premieres August 25 on FXX. Stream on Hulu!

 

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On this bonus episode, Heather takes your questions all things Italy travel. Ever wonder what Heather’s travel itinerary is, what she packs in her bags, and if you should or should not buy the designer bags at a discount- then this episode is for you. 

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On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast Heather is wondering if her August invite to the hamptons got lost in the mail? So weird- no one has invited her to stay at their mega mansion while Robin skeets down the long island highway on a crotch rocket on her way to a tj maxx. She hits the Absolutely Not line in hopes that the invitation is on the voicemails.. but looks like she'll have to wait till next summer. 

 

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On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast Heather is hitting the Absolutely Not Hotline to answer your hard hitting questions- like "Why can't we make Tanning Booths a thing again" or "What should I  do if I have Alopecia on my head but not my crotch". Heather dissects her own quarter life crisis while simultaneously helping your figure out yours- its a real team effort this week! 

 

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On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is back from her whirlwind year long honeymoon. While she should feel refreshed, renewed and wildly in love- she is lucky to not be in an italian jail cell after clearly spending TOO MUCH TIME with her husband Jeff. She breaks down the importance of communication, how much wine she drank every day at lunch and her plans to do it all over again. 

 

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 On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast - Heather chats with fellow comedian and newly single pal, Jared Freid. They break down the hard truths of what it's like to navigate show biz, inspire folks with humor and have someone literally NOT be a fan. Jared breaks down his new- on-the-scene dating horrors and these two giggle like thelma and louise over how TikTok will slowly kill us all. 

 

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   On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather sits down with her favorite grumpy old man- comedian Andrew Collin. They dissect his new life living with a lady, reminisce on Spring Break in Destin and he helps Heather understand why Jeff packed a scale in his carry-on. 

 

 

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   On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather interviews the queens of the southern hair empire, Salty Locks, Britt and Amber Harrington. They discuss working with family, a female run business and explain why the alligators near the nuclear plant in Augusta got 3 legs and an attitude. These girls mean business while also keeping it real country and that's why we love them!      Athletic Greens is going to give you one FREE 1 year supply of immune-supporting vitamin D AND 5 free travel packs with your first purchase at athleticgreens.com/ABSOLUTELY     Go to dailyharvest.com/ABSOLUTELY to get up to forty dollars off your first box!     Get free shipping on all water and merch at LiquidDeath.com/ABSOLUTELY     Head over to WooMorePlay.com and use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout for 20% off the entire site.     Article is offering our listeners 50 dollars off their first purchase of $100 or more at article.com/ABSOLUTELY     Produced by Dear Media

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       On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather chats with her genuine friend, Jackie Schimmel. They discuss their summer plans to move to Europe, Eat all the food, lay horizontal and release their aggression on innocent bystanders through shoving and pushing tourists. It's unhinged, it's dialed in and it's insane. 

 

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On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather has had a fully mental breakdown from the complete shitshow that has been her wedding prep. She has finally turned into one of THOSE brides and is about to hoard the wedding gifts and tell everyone to fuck off. Honestly- she's probably spending too much time in her sauna bag and its quickly kiling off her brain cells- but who is even paying attention anymore. She hit the Absolutely Not line- She's unglued, unhinged and unwell! 

 

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On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather hits the hotline- only to double down on the fact that women might be the REAL scammers. We've got a lady running an ER out of her garage, A time traveler, a handful of bad drivers and a sweet woman named Abby prepping for a colonoscopy- All that and more! 

 

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 On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is back from her final farewell tour performance. Just when she thought it was time to get an IV drip of propofol for her medically induced coma, her friends throw her a surprise party filled with drag queens, secrets and snacks! Heather breaks down what a wild week its been and also hits the Absolutely Not Line and more! 

 

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On this episode, Heather goes in on JT’s recent encounter with the police in the Hamptons. She is in Italy at the moment, but answers voicemails about your traumatizing travel experiences including one of our best frienemies.

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 On this episode of the Absolutely not podcast, Heather is letting you know, School is out for summer and bitch we are fully booked! It doesn't matter if you are hustlin' as a lifeguard, taking the kids to camp or treating yourself to a hoagie by the highway, Summer 2023 bout to be on and poppin! 

 

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On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather takes you down memory lane and drives you right into the "Core MeMories" of your childhood- from the sheer joy you'd feel on a field trip day, to the sadness you felt if your mom was late to chaperone- It's a whirlwind of emotion and its all flooding back after hitting the Absolutely Not Line. 

 

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 On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is back south of the border from her weekend of shows in Toronto. After getting held up at the border, listening to a threesome all night and crushing an international Nordstrom- she lives to tell about it- We also have a surprise appearance from Robin McMahan to spill the tea on the latest suburbian drama! 

 

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On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast - Heather is back in the LA studios fresh from a midwest weekend on tour. She's working, but apparently not enough to save her from being humbled in a burger joint by general manager who takes his job REAL serious.

 

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On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather is back from a 3-day bender on the West coast. She saw a mormon trying to escape in Salt Lake, a man with a neck tat cry in Phoenix and a drive-by in Sacramento. Three amazing shows but spilling all the tea, with Tina T. 

 

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On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is celebrating the Rising of the lord, with some street safety tips and life advice. She is so full of knowledge and shit at the same time it's alarming. She hits the Absolutely-NOT-Line  to solve some of y'alls problems and realizes you all need a lot more than Jesus. 

 

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On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather has on her man of honor, Raymond Padilla, and they give you a play by play of how they scammed their way into the Masters this weekend. There were a lot of chicken salad sandwiches and white wine to be had, but most importantly they learned about themselves. 

 

Get 5% off + a free Pique sampler pack (with 6 of their best-selling flavors) when you purchase 2+ cartons at PiqueLife.com/absolutely with code ABSOLUTELY.

 

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On this roller coaster of an episode of the Absolutely Not podcast, Heather is back in the LA studios. She talks about her wedding woes, nightmares and THAT guy at the gym - then hits the hotline to save the world, one problem at time. 

 

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On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is back from the Boca Yacht Club and has decided she needs to be on the intercoastal with Annie Hathaway & some old dude from New Jersey. She spent a weekend on Spring Break, not by choice. She also hits the hotline and answers life's dumbest questions.

 

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Receive 20% off PLUS free shipping on your first order at DRINKOLIPOP.COM/ABSOLUTELY or use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout.

 

Use code HEATHER at checkout for 25% off your first month or diagnostic test. Visit www.AllaraHealth.com/heather for more information.

 

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On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is back from a magical midwest weekend. She had a tour stop in Tulsa and Omaha and in between had one of the creepiest Airline lounge experiences of her life. But in true McMahan fashion, Heather slays the Absolutely Nots while keeping it somehow glass half full.

 

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Get $20 off your fertility test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely.

 

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On this episode, Heather has an epiphany while listening to the new XCX album. It is a Brat Summer. She recaps her travels to the Belmont Stakes, to NYC and to Chicago. She thought he was going to be sitting at home, but summer is here and she is ready to travel. She takes on the voicemails and dishes out advice to the gals!

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On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast - Heather is so selfless she does ACTUAL work on her birthday to give you the full scoop on her Parisian travels from the weekend. What a wild, dairy-fueled ride that was. She gives you a list of what she wants for her birthday so you can plan accordingly and explains that if a grown man drinks an apple juice next to you on a flight - Watch out!

 

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Go to Zocdoc.com/ABSOLUTELY and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. Then start your search for a top-rated doctor today.

 

Go to ShipStation.com, click on the microphone at the top of the page, and type in ABSOLUTELY to get a 60-day free trial.

 

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On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast - Heather is on a real tear on International Women's Day. After a great weekend in Albany slinging jokes, she's back with attitude and some health advice - sort of. Heather hits the Absolutely-Not-Line and tries to fix your wildest problems.

 

Head to squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, and use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

 

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Right now Ritual is offering my listeners 10% off your first three months. Visit ritual.com/ABSOLUTELY and turn healthy habits into a Ritual.

 

Go to catalinacrunch.com/ABSOLUTELY for 15% off your first order—plus FREE shipping.

 

Nuuly is already a great value at $88 a month for any 6 styles, but right now you can get $20 off your first month at Nuuly.com when you sign up with the code ABSOLUTELY20.

 

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On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather tries her best to understand what the absolute fuck is going on- but it's pretty much all a big Absolutely NOT. She hits the hotline to see if y'alls problems are any better.. news flash- they aren't. We've got peeping toms, angry tennis coaches and ex's who won't leave us alone!

 

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