SexTok with Tracey and Kelsey – Détails, épisodes et analyse

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:

1) My partner is very shy when it comes to talking about sex. He found a sex compatibility quiz which we took as a way to open communication between us and the results showed we’re very in sync. In the quiz, he expressed interest in using a penis ring. But how do I know which one to buy, and what is the best way to use it? We’re a hetero couple, both 30, healthy, and have sex twice a week. He doesn’t have issues with stamina—sometimes quite the opposite (which makes him self-conscious). I’m worried if I get the wrong one, it will exacerbate that for him.

2) My wife of 30 years says she’d like more romance when I initiate sex. But she’s not a flower type of person. I know everyone's definition of romance is different, but do you have any suggestions for me?

3) Can women have premature orgasms? I sometimes feel like I orgasm way too fast, and sex is over before I want it to be. I know I could aim for another, but I’m generally done after one orgasm. I have my orgasms through my girlfriend using her fingers on me or through oral sex. There’s a lot of information about men having orgasms before they’re ready, but I can’t find anything on women. I’m 26 and lesbian.

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:

1) I split with my husband of 14 years and my divorce has just come through. I’m a combination of nervous and excited. The marriage wasn’t bad, it was just boring and the sex was never good or satisfying. I’m now ready to get out there and start dating again, but I’m nervous about sex. Any tips on how to ease back into it? I’m 46.

2) I love my wife but I have just finished a work affair that lasted two months. I didn’t finish it, she did. The affair was just sex—she chased me, rather than me making the moves—so I guess you would call it an opportunistic affair. I’ll miss the sex, but I’m glad it’s over and I am praying my wife will never find out. What concerns me though is how easy I found it to cheat. Is this a male thing? It meant nothing to me, but I know my wife sure as hell wouldn’t view it that way. I feel ashamed now that it’s over, but I didn’t while I was having it. Does this mean I will do it again?

3) How do I stay in the moment during sex? I am so easily distracted, half the time I forget I’m actually having sex. I drift off into my own world, thinking about things I have to do or things I want to buy.

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Tracey and Kelsey discuss these three anonymous questions:

1) When I first got together with my partner of four years, we had lots of fun tying each other up. That stopped about a year ago and I really miss it, so I asked if we could incorporate it back into our lovemaking. The very same night, I walked into the bedroom ready for bed—not even slightly in the mood for sex—and there was a tie on the bed. I asked him what it was for, and he said to tie me up. I was in my dressing gown, listening to a podcast, slippers on—how could he not see that was not the time? I told him his timing was off and felt annoyed that he didn’t get that. I don’t want this to be a box that he's ticked—I want it to happen naturally, when we’re both really turned on and in the mood. It’s now been two months and he hasn’t initiated any tie-up sessions since. I don’t understand why, when I was very clear in what I wanted. Why doesn’t he want to please me?

2) My husband and I have sex once every two months. We have two young kids, so that seemed about right to me. Recently, I used his computer and looked at his history and was quite shocked to see he’d been watching porn earlier that day while I was out. I’d be happy to have sex more often and feel insulted he’d prefer to masturbate to porn than have sex with me. Why didn’t he ask? Should I confront him about this? I feel quite hurt.

3) I’m a 29-year-old female and I have a hard time orgasming. I've done a lot of research and listened to many of your podcasts. I've bought the toys, my partner is patient and generous—there is no good reason I shouldn't be successful! When I am able to orgasm, I have to tighten the muscles in my legs and lower abdomen. I also hold my breath. I read online that this is called a ‘tension orgasm’ and that the best fix is to relearn the way I orgasm. I've tried, but the sensation won't even begin to build unless my legs are flexed. I can vibrate, stroke for an hour or more and never feel an ounce of arousal. What gives?

To have Tracey and Kelsey discuss YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously at https://bit.ly/3C4AelU

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Tracey answers these three anonymous questions:

1. Is it true that a red rash appears on the chest if she’s had a real orgasm? Or is this old-school thinking? I remember hearing that a lot when I was a young boy growing up but I haven’t heard anyone talking about it for a while. Another sex myth? Is there any way you can tell for sure? I getting paranoid my new girlfriend is faking it.
2. My partner wants sex all the time to the point where I worry it’s now an addiction. We have sex twice a day but that’s no longer enough. He’s 34 and I’m 36, so this isn’t some horny adolescent who’s just discovered how great sex is. If I deny him sex or refuse to have it a third or fourth time, he sulks and disappears off to the bathroom to take care of himself. (On top of all the sex we have, I know he has extra orgasms solo as well.) I’m starting to feel like a receptacle rather than someone he loves. There’s no intimacy in our sex, it’s all done to give him an orgasm. It’s like he becomes another person. Is sex addiction even real? How do I handle this? He’s always been sex-mad but not to this extreme.
3. So, I know lots of people will judge me on this but I feel like you two won’t. I am having a relationship with one of my son’s friends. Let me reassure you: this isn’t as icky as it sounds. My son is 26 and I had him very young. His friend is 28 and I’m 43. I’ve been single for a long time and this all came out of an innocent friendship that developed between us. My son is aware we are friends and doesn’t seem to mind that but he has no idea we are now lovers. Am I crazy to think this might last? He says he’s serious about me and wants a proper relationship. Should I believe him or assume it’s just a sex thing? If it is just sex, am I better off not telling my son, because it probably won’t last long? Or should I confess anyway? We’re doing a good job of hiding it but it’s getting harder and harder and I would hate my son to find out before we told him.

 And offers her sex tip of the week!

To have Tracey answer YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously on zibbyowens.com/sex.

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Tracey answers these three anonymous questions:

1. My husband of 30 years recently bought a pair of VR goggles for work. The other night I found him in bed wearing the goggles and he was fully aroused and touching himself. He didn’t know I was in the room at that time. When I asked him what he was watching he told me it was virtual porn and that I should try it. I was repulsed and would not. Am I out of touch? Is it wrong to think that he's cheating on me with a virtual person? Is this even normal?
2. I can't orgasm from oral sex, and I would really like to learn to. This is especially an issue because I date women as well as men, and oral is a big deal for women who date women. I'm in my mid 20's, was raised to be very unashamed and to have a positive view of sex. I don't feel awkward or ashamed of my genitals and have no issue with someone's face all up in there. I just feel awkward lying on my back like a bug who can't flip back over, and I don't know what to do with my arms. I also find the sensation of a tongue down there is just...annoying. It tickles a little and other than that feels like nothing. I can orgasm just fine with my fingers (I've owned vibrators but don't like them) and oral just never compares. Can I learn to enjoy oral? Have my partners just been bad at oral?
3. My boyfriend is having trouble staying hard and I’m worried if it’s because of me. He has no problem getting it up, and with me touching him he responds quite well. It’s when we get to penetration that he loses some, if not most of, his erection. Once he’s inside he has no problem getting going and is able to orgasm. But it’s the in-between period of penetration and sex that is causing the issue. Is this potentially ED related? I can tell he’s quite very frustrated with it and want to be able to help/reassure him.

 And offers her sex tip of the week!

To have Tracey answer YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously on zibbyowens.com/sex.

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Tracey answers these three anonymous questions:

1. I know women can have multiple orgasms but that never happens for me. Once I have one, any further stimulation feels too intense. How many women are actually are having multiple orgasms regularly? Is it a myth?
2. I've been with my wife for 14 years and we enjoyed a healthy sex life. Over the past 18 months or so (during the various lockdowns) my wife has put on weight which has affected how attracted I am to her sexually i.e. I no longer wish to rip her clothes off and have passionate sex. Is it wrong of me to lose some of my sexual attraction towards her because of the weight gain? I don't know what the best thing is to do; not say anything or communicate to her how I truly feel (which I know she's going to immediately react defensively to)? Help!
3. Do you have any advice for bisexuals who have struggled with their identity? I put off having sex because I struggled with whether I was straight or gay and wanted to wait until I figured myself out. Now I feel I’m behind in forming relationships and having sex compared to my friends and other young adults. I would really appreciate advice for non-straight sex as well.

 And offers her sex tip of the week!

To have Tracey answer YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously on zibbyowens.com/sex.

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Tracey answers these three anonymous questions:

1. I have been married for eight years and am worried my partner has fallen out of love with me. Our sex life is alright – we don’t do it as much as we did, but I know that’s normal. But we used to sit on the sofa together and now I’ve noticed he settles himself into an armchair. When I asked him why he said it’s better for his back. (He’s only 42 but he does have back problems so might be telling the truth?) We don’t hold hands anymore and he only says he loves me, if I say it first. Is this just how all relationships end up? I have always worried I love him much more than he loves me and that he may be planning to leave.
2. I love your podcast and am hoping you can help me make sense of something that keeps happening to me. I swear to God I’m the straightest man you will ever meet but I have a recurring fantasy which scares me. In it, I go to a gay club with my gay friends - I do this in reality, I’m not homophobic at all. But instead of just having a laugh with them, I go into a cubicle and let a guy give me oral sex. I have no desire at all to do this in real life. Does it mean I am secretly gay? I don’t think so because I love having sex with women and don’t feel attracted to men. I just don’t understand why this gets me off.
3. My boyfriend and I have lots of sex (I’m 28, he’s 26). Recently, I came home unexpectedly to find him watching porn on his phone in the living room and pleasuring himself. I was shocked – why would he do this when he knows he can have sex with me anytime he wants? Does it mean he doesn’t enjoy sex with me? Are we not having it enough? Is it normal for men to continue having solo sex even if they’re having regular sex with their partners?

 And offers her sex tip of the week!

To have Tracey answer YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously on zibbyowens.com/sex.

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Tracey answers these three anonymous questions:

1. My best male friend has – out of the blue – confessed that he loves me. I have never thought of him that way. I love him as a friend but I'm not sure I can move him from the ‘friend basket’ into the ‘boyfriend basket’? Is it really possible for that to happen? We’ve been close friends for over four years. Should we take it slowly or dive right in there with sex? What if the sex is awful and I only want him as a friend. What then?
2. My wife of 20 years and I love each other dearly. We share the same values. We have similar likes and dislikes. But not when it comes to sex. We are very different sex types. I’m adventurous; she’s conservative. I adore foreplay; she wants to go straight to intercourse. I’m a giver; she’s a receiver. She likes sex in one position; I crave variety. If I’m honest she’s a rather selfish lover. We’ve talked a lot about it and I’ve read a lot about it and I don’t think things can or will change. But I couldn’t leave her as despite all this I really, really do do love her. Recently she said that she doesn’t mind if I do my own thing sexually and have the adventure I feel I need, provided I practice safe sex and don’t tell her. My question is should I take up this offer and if so what, how and where?
3. What are your thoughts on this?! It’s been bugging me forever and I can’t get it out of my mind. This guy and I had a thing for years on and off and while having the most passionate sex, he would gladly accept a blowjob from me but wouldn't go down on me at all. I am the cleanest person ever and don't understand why he would refuse when I asked him to. I'm thinking maybe because he would only do this to his wife and nobody else? Or he’s just not experienced. Thoughts?

 And offers her sex tip of the week!

To have Tracey answer YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously on zibbyowens.com/sex.

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We’ve had so many questions in response to a cheating question we did, we thought we would do a special and answer questions that center around the three most asked themes:

1.  THEME: SHOULD YOU ASK FOR DETAILS? My wife had an affair with an ex of hers who was always sniffing around. She stopped it after I found out (I found text messages). I do believe her when she says it’s stopped but I can’t stop wondering what they did together. I want to know the sordid details but also don’t want to know. Does it help people recover from affairs or make it worse, knowing exactly what went on?
2. THEME: SHOULD YOU EVEN UP THE SCORE BY HAVING YOUR OWN AFFAIR? I’ve been with my husband for 9 years, married for 2 of those. I found out a year after our wedding he lied to me about his Bach party in Canada. He went to strips clubs, he brought strippers back and had “private shows”. He even went as far as to hire prostitutes. I found out via a random message someone sent to me and he was forced to admit it. We’ve done couples counseling but I secretly still hate him and want revenge. Should I have my own affair to even the score?
3. THEME: HOW TO RESUME HAVING SEX AGAIN AFTER AN AFFAIR. My partner cheated on me. We’ve been to therapy and have decided to work through it but we haven’t had sex since I found out he cheated. I can’t even masturbate anymore. The instant image of him with a stripper ruins my mood because all I see is him with someone else. How do I get past this and enjoy sex with him and self sex again?

And offers her sex tip of the week!

To have Tracey answer YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously on zibbyowens.com/sex.

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Tracey answers these three anonymous questions:

1. My wife of 35 years has just reached her 60th birthday and she has come through the menopause in style. She has just had her first tattoo and wants to be more 'wild' in all aspects of life, including sex. She wants to do fun things, be a bit rebellious and take more risks. I sense this is also, in part, a reaction to the pandemic (we both caught Covid but were okay). While I am excited, I am a bit worried, too. I asked her what this might mean in the bedroom and she told me to "come up with some wild ideas." I am a bit out of my depth and don't know what to suggest, though I do have a wild side in me too. I am also not sure I can be wild enough for her.
2. We’re a busy couple and hardly ever have time for sex so find ourselves having lots of quickies. Is that a bad thing? How can we make them more rewarding? We invariably end up doing it him from behind and that’s about it.
3. Can you ever really change someone? I’ve been with my partner for four years and I’m near the end of my tether. During this time he’s had money worries, problems with alcohol, exes that reappear and text and call him out of the blue and he has cheated on me twice. He’s a good-looking man and I appreciate that he has a past but I feel like he uses his looks to excuse all the other bad behavior. He’s promised me he will change but I’m not sure he can. Should I give him another chance or bail?

And offers her sex tip of the week!

To have Tracey answer YOUR secret sex question, enter it anonymously on zibbyowens.com/sex.

Want a copy of Tracey’s book, Great Sex Starts at 50? Enter code GREATSEX on ChronicleBooks.com for 30% off!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.