Twelve months. One year. 365 days. And somehow… it still doesn't quite feel real.
In this deeply personal episode of It's A Death Sentence, Emma and Carrie reflect on 12 months of grief after losing two of the people they loved most: Emma's dad and Carrie's brother.
What actually changes when you reach that one-year mark?
Is grief different at 12 months, or are you simply different because you've had 12 months to learn how to live alongside it?
They talk about the strange, suspended feeling of grief — those moments when you instinctively think “I need to tell Dad that” or “I need to tell my brother this”, before remembering they're not there anymore.
They explore the long goodbye of dementia and terminal illness, and whether some of the grieving had already happened before their loved ones died.
They talk about the things nobody warns you about:
· Missing the completely ordinary, mundane things you never expected to miss
· Forgetting for a split second that they're gone
· The random Tuesday-afternoon grief that can hit harder than the big anniversaries
· Feeling guilty for laughing, enjoying yourself or simply having a brilliant day
· How memories begin to change as the illness becomes less dominant
· Watching children grow up without the people they should have had beside them
· Becoming the oldest generation in your immediate family
· The strange emotional finality of finishing the paperwork and “death admin”
· Finding yourself laughing at memories and wondering whether you're allowed to
· And the question of what you would say to them if you could talk to them now
There's sadness, of course.
But there's also plenty of laughter, because grief isn't one emotion. It's messy, unpredictable, sometimes ridiculous and often completely ordinary.
And perhaps that's the biggest thing Emma and Carrie have learned over the last year:
You don't necessarily move on from someone. You learn how to carry them differently.
They ask whether grief actually gets smaller — or whether we just get bigger around it.
And after six months of surviving the first half-year, they ask:
What is 12 months actually about?
No neat answers. No five-step guide to grief. Just two friends, talking honestly about what happens when the person is still missing… but life keeps moving.
If you've lost someone, are grieving someone, or simply want to understand what grief can really look like beyond the funeral and the first few months, this one is for you.
If you’ve enjoyed it, found it useful, thought-provoking, or just found us thoroughly entertaining — which is entirely possible — please like, follow, subscribe and share. It genuinely helps us grow.
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And finally… Halloween!
Come and celebrate the success of the podcast with us at our Halloween Masquerade Ball, Saturday 31st October at Moor Hall, Sutton Coldfield, Birmingham.
There’ll be food, a string quartet, live band, DJ, dancing until late and, presumably, some questionable decisions in fancy dress.
Limited Tickets still available Tickets are on Eventbrite — link Eventbrite Masquerade Halloween Ball ticket
Please share us with anyone who might need us… or anyone who just enjoys two women talking about death over a microphone.
Thanks for listening — and as always, we’re dying to talk to you.
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