F**king Normal – Détails, épisodes et analyse

Our first live show was recorded at the Parcel Yard, London Kings Cross in April 2024. The event was jointly hosted by Hibi and the F**King Normal Podcast. We were absolutely overwhelmed by the love, warmth and connection in the room. Thank you so much to everyone who was able to join us. For those who weren’t, you can share in the experience with this episode and we hope to have news of more events for the community to join very soon. 

During this live event, the incredible Polly Hazelwood stepped in at the last minute to host a Q&A with Lauren and Rina. Audience members also had their chance to both answer and ask questions of the panel. The conversation was honest, emotional, supportive and often f**king joyous.     

Content Warnings

Strong Language 

Diagnosis

Life limiting conditions 

A huge thank you to…… 

Sam and all at Hibi Health for partnering with us and sponsoring this live event.

The incredible Melanie Dimmitt, who coordinated the live event with us. 

Polly Hazlewood (@polldoll) for stepping in at the last minute to compere the Q&A on the night. 

Photographer Matt Macpake 

Videographer Elamai (@elamaiscamera)

The venue and the wonderful staff at The Parcel Yard in Kings Cross. 

Genevieve Porritt & Victoria Wason, for putting the event together.  

Clare Wright, Helen Gamble Shields, Sharon King-Chai and Gemma Sherlock for their support and efforts on the night. 

Thank you to the following organisations for their generous donations to our goodie bags: 

MahaDevi Yoga Centre  

Coraline Skincare 

London Heathrow assistance and accessibility team.

Sharon King-Chai  

Beauty Boutique Hampstead  

Sherlock London    

Resources (and those who donated books for the resource table & prizes on the night):

Find your local Parent Carer Forum at Contact.org 

Penny Wincer: ‘Tender: the imperfect art of caring’

Jess Moxham: The Cracks that Let the Light In   

Melanie Dimmitt - ‘Special’ 

Sharon King-Chai  

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On this week’s episode, Rina and Lauren sat down with dad Kevin Troy to talk about his journey to fatherhood. Having previously worked in fast paced, male dominated environments, centred around the ‘work hard, play hard’ philosophy, Kevin’s world has slowed down significantly since his daughter Coraline was born in 2018. Diagnosed with Downs Syndrome, Coraline not only made Kevin a dad, but inspired him to create an organic skincare brand named after her. 

The conversation is funny, light hearted but deeply personal. Kevin openly shares his struggles with his own wellbeing and how eating well, exercise and mediation have allowed him to become the best version of himself, for both Coraline and his wife Liz. 

Content Warnings: 

Strong Language 

Diagnosis

Mental Health  

Guest Biography: 

Kevin Troy lives in Devon with his wife Liz and daughter Coraline, who is almost 7 years old. Coraline has Downs Syndrome and potentially Autism too. Passionate about leading a healthy lifestyle, Kevin has always been interested in food. During his late teens and early adulthood he worked as a chef in London, France and Australia. After the birth of his daughter in 2018, Kevin noticed that her skin began to react to baby shampoos the family were using. Upset by the ingredients he read on the packaging, Kevin used his chef know-how and vast knowledge in food combinations to create an organic, natural and vegan skincare brand, launching Coraline Skincare in 2020. 

Resources: 

https://www.downs-syndrome.org.uk 

https://smallsteps.org.uk/ 

The Untethered Soul: A journey beyond yourself, Michael A Singer 

The Surrender Experiment, Michael A Singer 

Tapping with Brad Yates on Youtube 

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In the final episode of series 2 Lauren and Rina take to the couch for a different kind of conversation with psychotherapist Charlotte Fox Weber. The discussion covers some of the emotional themes that come up again and again with parents of disabled children and Charlotte answers questions submitted by listeners. 

Charlotte shares her professional and candid insight on topics like: the pressure to cope; the sneaky emotion that is guilt; asking for help; and how to deal with ongoing trauma. It is an illuminating conversation, peppered with vulnerability, wisdom and laughter.   

Guest Biography

Charlotte Fox Weber grew up in Connecticut and Paris. She is a UKCP accredited psychotherapist and a writer, who in 2015 founded the School of Life Psychotherapy. Charlotte now works in private practice with individuals, couples, and groups on all manner of psychological and emotional issues. Her book, 'What We Want' (Hachette) is a fly on the wall account, that takes the reader behind the closed doors of the therapy room and looks at the desires and wants that make us human. It is both powerful and beautiful and a real eye opener on the realities of therapy and its transformative power. She’s currently writing her second book about the hurtful relationships we hold onto. It will be published by Penguin.

What We Want is available in hardback, paperback and audio.

https://www.waterstones.com/book/what-we-want/charlotte-fox-weber//9781472281470

Charlotte Fox Weber

What do you secretly desire? | Charlotte Fox Weber | TEDxManchester - YouTube

Content Warnings

Postnatal depression

Mental health struggles  

Diagnosis  

A small note on our sound…

Unfortunately there were some technical issues with this recording and we apologise for the odd blip on the episode. We felt it was important to release the episode still as there are such valuable insights in it. Hopefully it does not spoil your listening.

Resources

Information on short-breaks for families with disabled children can be found on your local authorities website. More information is provided by the organisation 'Contact' - Short breaks | Contact

If any of the issues in this episode affect you or you need more support, please speak to your GP, paediatrician, CAMHS (there are some SEN parent specialists, in certain parts of the country), your local special parent forums (via the local council website), your child's school or close trusted friends and family.

You can self refer to the NHS for free psychological talking therapies at NHS talking therapies - NHS (www.nhs.uk).

Other organisations for help include: Samaritans (jo@samaritans.org), Mind, Scope.org.uk also have a list of specific diagnosis support groups for parents.

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In this week’s episode, Lauren and Rina interview the incredible social entrepreneur and campaigner, Tinuke Awe. Tinuke recounts her experiences raising her black autistic son and passionately describes the work that she is doing to challenge prejudice, create community and shine a light on her son’s identity. The group discusses the absence of role models and representation, the importance of finding community and how to tackle cultural barriers to acceptance of disabled children. It is an emotional and joyful conversation that veers between anger, tears and lots of laughter.   

Guest Biography

Tinuke Awe is a social entrepreneur, black maternal health campaigner and early years diversity and SEND inclusion champion, who was named British vogue “force for change” in 2021. Tinuke earned that accolade as the cofounder of 5X More, a campaign dedicated to improving the maternal outcomes of black women. She has two children Ezekiel, aged 6 and Eden aged 3. When Ezekiel was born, Tinuke was frustrated by not seeing any black mums at the parent groups she attended, so she started her own black parenting network - Mum’s & Tea, which is now a 12,000 strong community. Since her son’s Autism diagnosis Tinuke has been on a mission to help other black mums navigate the journey of parenting neurodiverse children and has also started a business focused on inclusive educational flash cards because as Tinuke rightly puts it “representation matters for all”. 

Content Warnings

Diagnosis

Culturally or religiously driven denial

Mental health struggles

Resources

Articles written by Tinuke recently:

https://graziadaily.co.uk/life/parenting/autism-and-early-intervention-what-it-means-and-how-to-access-help-and-information/

https://graziadaily.co.uk/life/parenting/autism-black-children-autistic-send/

Learning with Ez - Diverse educational resources for babies and young children 

FIVEXMORE - Grassroots organisation committed to changing Black women and birthing people’s maternal health outcomes in the UK. (Black women in the UK are 4 times more likely to die in pregnancy and childbirth, MBRRACE, 2021)

www.mumsandtea.com 

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In this week’s episode, Rina and Lauren discuss the importance of connecting with people who share your experience, building a community (hello the fkingnormal podcast!) and just how valuable this is for providing a safe space to cope through difficulties — together. They interview Australian author and advocate Melanie Dimmitt on her journey to accepting her less typical parenting path, what she has learnt and what she has now done to support others in a similar position. 

Mel shares her initial feelings on hearing her son’s diagnosis, her path to finding acceptance and how connecting with others in similar situations opened her eyes and prompted her to write her debut book. The group discuss their own routes to acceptance and how building support networks with others was the life line that they all needed. Mel speaks candidly about her own struggles, but also highlights just how relieving it was to find others that she could relate so deeply to.

Guest Biography

Melanie Dimmitt is an Australian freelance journalist. She is also a mother of two young children, one with profound physical disabilities and the other she describes as ‘medically boring’, but both cute as hell. She released her debut book ‘Special: Antidotes to the Obsessions that Come with a Child’s Disability’ and has written, spoken, podcasted and advocated far and wide for parent’s on similar parenting journeys. She currently heads up news and features at disability support organisation, Hireup, and publishes The Blend – an annual magazine for the tube-feeding community. She also hosts the NDIS Know-how podcast, where she aims to help parents navigate the difficult Australian disability insurance system.

Instagram- @the_special_book

www.melaniedimmitt.com.au

Content Warnings

Diagnosis

Life Limiting Disabilities

 Resources

The Blend Magazine -www.theblendmag.com

Book- Special - Antidotes to the Obsessions that come with a child’s disability

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Special-Antidotes-obsessions-childs-disability

The NDIS Know How Podcast - https://hireup.com.au/ndis-know-how/

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This week, Rina, Lauren and season one guest Gemma Sherlock, interview trained psychotherapist Emmett de Monterey on his extraordinary life and memoir ‘Go The Way Your Blood Beats.’ 

Diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy at 18 months old, Emmett was raised by loving and liberal parents and yet he grappled for a long time with accepting his own identity. In his early adolescence, these feelings were compounded by the discovery that he was gay, and by becoming a media sensation for ground-breaking gait surgery in the US.

In this heart warming discussion we delve deep into Emmett’s story, into the prejudice he encountered, his route to acceptance and the impact his parents played in helping him to embrace his own identity. Lauren, Rina and Gemma discuss how their own views on disability have changed and Emmett shares why owning and writing his story was so important.

Guest Biography

Emmett de Monterey grew up in South East London in the early 1980’s. When he was eighteen months old he was diagnosed with cerebral palsy which, up till then, was a condition his young, bohemian parents had never heard of. At aged 12, Emmett was selected to undergo a revolutionary gait surgery in America and was the subject of national media attention. The story in the papers was one of ‘cures’, but while the surgery was a success, it wasn’t the ‘miracle’ of the tabloid headlines. Around the same time, Emmett was also realising he was gay, but thought that to be both disabled and queer was impossible, and that his sexuality would always remain theoretical, a secret.

Emmett has recently written a memoir Go the Way Your Blood Beats, a powerful story about finding your place in the world, embracing your identity, and fighting to be seen in a society which would still prefer the disabled to be invisible.

Go the Way Your Blood Beats - Amazon

@PenguinUKBooks

@VikingBooks

Content Warnings

Diagnosis

Traumatic Birth

Surgery

Eating Disorders

Death in Adolescence

References the haemophiliacs contaminated blood scandal (1970s-90s UK)

Resources

Watch Crip Camp: A Disability Revolution | Netflix Official Site

Far from the Tree by Andrew Solomon – review | Health, mind and body books | The Guardian

End the Awkward | Disability charity Scope UK

Visible Hate Campaign | Ending Appearance Related Hate Crime (changingfaces.org.uk)

Emmett refers to 22% of the population experiencing disability. See below for relevant statistics.

Disability facts and figures | Disability charity Scope UK

Disability, England and Wales - Office for National Statistics (ons.gov.uk)

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In this episode, Miriam Elia shares her approach to living with the uncertainty that comes with her son’s mitochondrial and neuro-degenerative condition - Leigh Syndrome. With her characteristically dry wit and wicked laugh, Miriam shares her unusual gung-ho and joyful parenting approach as she beautifully describes the profound impact that Sid’s diagnosis has had on her entire family. With a ridiculous number of references to Legoland (no they are not a sponsor of the show!) and frequent bursts of laughter from Miriam, the group discuss how their children have changed them and how to try and live life in the moment and let go of controlling everything.  

Content Warnings 

Life limiting conditions

Inherited conditions

Diagnosis

Covid 19 

Depression 

Guest Biography 

Miriam Elia is a visual artist, comedian and broadcaster hailing from North London. Her diverse work includes short films, animations, illustrated books, prints, drawings and surreal radio writing.

She is best known for her art book ‘ We go to the gallery,’ in which she illustrated the classic Peter and Jane ladybird book characters grappling with conceptual art.

In 2008, Miriam was nominated for a prestigious Sony Award for her debut BBC Radio 4 sketch show ‘A Series Of Psychotic Episodes’, a surreal comedy series.

She frequently collaborates in writing with brother Ezra Elia, and in 2011 published ‘The Diary Of Edward The Hamster’; the story of a philosophical yet deeply troubled Hamster living and contemplating the meaning of life in the solitary confines of his cage.

In 2012 Miriam wrote and starred in her own comedy mini series for Channel 4’s Random Acts short film strain ‘Survival’, which tells the story of 5 different animals living in and handling the circumstances of modern society in contrasting ways. From a bunny claiming benefits and selling ‘pure’ carrots to get by to a wealthy hipster fox partying her life away in Shoreditch.

March 2023 saw the opening of her first major solo show at the Ujazdowski Centre for Contemporary Art in Warsaw, Poland (24th March – 11th June 2023). The show displays original illustrations and prints from books in the Dung Beetle Learning series ‘We do Lockdown’ and ‘We see the sights’, as well as a series of new Dung Beetle educational wall charts inspired by 1960s classroom displays, depicting ‘The New Normal’ in jolly colourful illustrations.

Learning with Miriam – work by Miriam Elia 

Resource Links 

https://leighnetwork.org.uk/ ran by the amazing Faye Wylie, who has lived with Leighs syndrome most of her life.

www.thelilyfoundation.org.uk

https://www.curemito.org/

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In this episode Lauren and Rina discuss neurodiversity and how we want the world to evolve, with the team behind the play ‘Just be Normal’ - Connor Pearce and sister's Emma and Sophie Jackson. The conversation includes a beautiful monologue performance from the play by Sophie, as well as each guest sharing their own personal experiences and their hopes and wishes for a more accepting and accessible world. 

“Just Be Normal” explores the topics of Autism and neurodiversity. Sophie wrote the play and stars in it alongside her sister Emma. It is inspired by their own lives and personal stories. Written off as the problem child, the play explores how Emma (the older of the two sisters) seeks to understand her Autism better as she comes to terms with the fact that even those closest to her are poorly equipped to help her on her journey. Meanwhile Sophie secretly struggles with her own unidentified neuro-divergence, which is reflective of Sophie’s quite recent real-life discovery that she’s been living with OCD. 

Connor’s production company Akimbo is behind the play, and as its director he brings his own lived experience with OCD and neurodiversity. He is passionate about making more inclusive and accessible creative spaces, about making inclusion and diversity at the centre of such productions rather than a tick box after thought. 

Content Warnings 

Diagnosis

Mental health challenges 

Vaginismus

Guest Biographies

Emma is a part-time actor and full-time Mum to 1-year-old Nala. Emma was diagnosed with Autism aged 17, after a difficult period of not being sufficiently catered to at school lead to her dropping out. She has since gone on to star in Just Be Normal, a play inspired by her life, at London's acclaimed Vault Festival.

Sophie is an East London based actor/writer with OCD. Her debut play Just Be Normal came together as a result of her feeling a deficit in real representation of Autistic and neurodivergent women. Sophie starred in Just be Normal alongside her sister Emma at Vault Festival 2023.

Connor is a London-based writer, director and filmmaker impassioned by compelling story-telling and diverse experiences. He was diagnosed with Pure OCD aged twenty-seven, having unknowingly lived with it his whole life.

Resources, links:

Inside our Autistic minds

BBC iPlayer - Inside Our Autistic Minds

PLEASE SUPPORT: #SaveVault campaign https://vaultfestival.com/save-vault/ https://www.givey.com/vault

Following its triumphant return for the first time in three years having battled to survive through cancellations and postponements, VAULT Festival has been dealt the devastating blow of being told by its landlord, The Vaults, that it must find a new home for future festivals as the venue is instead looking at other more commercial projects. This decision leaves VAULT Festival without a home for 2024 and beyond and poses a significant threat to our survival and to the wider creative industry.

Over the past 11 years, VAULT Festival has delivered over 3,000 bold and brilliant shows to over 400,000 audience members. The festival is recognised for being vitally important to the live performance landscape of the UK, has helped launch the careers of thousands of artists from underrepresented backgrounds, who otherwise may not have had access to creative opportunities, and has had a significant positive impact on local businesses.

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In this episode, Rina and Lauren talk with Jazz Manley about her experience of searching for answers and a diagnosis for her son Max. Jazz is candid, being open about her own vulnerability and mental health struggles. She discusses her son’s difficult birth and the challenges she faced when he was young and her concerns surrounding her son were not shared by others. We also discuss how Jazz came to discover that she herself was autistic. Jazz provides a raw, honest, but also funny and heart-warming account of coming through this difficult period in her family's life.     

This episode contains reference to and details around attempted suicide. It is important to stress that we are not mental health experts, but we have spoken to Jazz outside of the podcast to ensure that she is able to access more support. If you are affected by the content or concerned about anyone you know, please reach out for help. Suicide is preventable, and support is available. We have included some links below. 

Contact Us | Samaritans 

Where to get urgent help for mental health - NHS (www.nhs.uk)

Useful contacts - helping someone who feels suicidal - Mind

Content Warnings

Suicide 

Traumatic birth stories 

Diagnosis

Guest Biography

Jazz is 28 years old and lives in Cheshire with partner, Ryan and their 5 year old son, Max. Max is suspected to have a rare, (as yet) undiagnosed genetic condition which has culminated in autism, global development delay, hypermobility, low muscle tone, microcephaly, dyspraxia and febrile convulsions. Jazz is also autistic, having been diagnosed at the age of 24.

Jazz has an undergraduate degree in Law and has worked as a paralegal and a police officer. Due to Max’s growing needs, she is now self-employed as an accounts assistant and recently set up her own payroll company with her best friend, another special needs parent. Jazz’s biggest passions in life (besides her family) are music, books and writing. When Jazz finds an unusual moment for herself you will find her playing guitar, some sport, reading Harry Potter or Game of Thrones books or blogging on her social media account, Autiemum & Max.

Instagram - @autiemumandmax

Facebook – Autiemum & Max

TikTok - @autiemumandmax

Resource Links 

What is autism? - NHS (www.nhs.uk)

Microcephaly (who.int)

What Is Global Development Delay? Find Out More | Mencap

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In the first episode of our new series Lauren and Rina speak to performer and writer Bryony Kimmings. Bryony's son Frank is autistic and two years ago, she was also diagnosed with ADHD. They talk about Bryony’s parenting approach, discovering your own neurodiversity and how to balance a neurodiverse family with sometimes conflicting needs and wants. With her characteristic candour and wicked humour, Bryony describes how much she has learnt about herself and in doing so, how she has become a better parent to Frank as she drives to create their own neurodivergent utopia in their crumbling old country home. 

Content Warnings 

Drug taking and alcohol misuse 

Diagnosis

Guest Biography 

Bryony Kimmings is a playwright, performer, documentary maker and screen writer from the UK. She is inspired by female stories, social taboos and dismantling power structures. Kimmings’ work is brutally honest, very funny and often a bit geeky and dangerous.    

Bryony’s stage work includes her plays (as writer and performer): Sex Idiot, 7 Day Drunk, Credible Likeable Superstar Role Model, Fake it til’ you make it and I’m a Phoenix, Bitch.    

Her TV and film work includes the documentaries The Sex Clinic (C4) and Opera Mums (BBC) and the feature film Last Christmas, which Bryony co wrote with Emma Thompson.   

Bryony is working class and loud mouthed; a deep thinker, world fixer, activist and trouble maker all wrapped into one. She likes adapting and reimagining books, creating 3D female characters. She enjoys writing about class, gender and disability. Having toured all over the world with her shows (created about real events in her life) from the National Theatre to the Sydney Opera House, Bryony is now focusing on writing for film and TV.  

Bryony is also an ADHD mother to an ASC son of 7 years. She lives in the country, trying to homestead and get off grid with varying degrees of success. Nature and food brings Bryony joy, as well as cracking cinema and splashing in water with her son. 

www.Bryonykimmings.com

Resource links

Social model of disability | Disability charity Scope UK

A Radical Guide for Women with ADHD: Embrace Neurodiversity, Live Boldly, and Break Through Barriers - Sari Solden

https://www.sarisolden.com/publications

Bryony recommends....

How to raise a happy autistic child, by Jessie Hewitson

The secret to… raising a happy autistic child | Parents and parenting | The Guardian

ADDitude magazine

ADDitude - ADD & ADHD Symptom Tests, Signs, Treatment, Support (additudemag.com)

"I follow Instagram accounts of autistic teenagers, as an insight on how to support younger children; Write an access document for friends/family, a 'how-to' for supporting your kid;

Be wary of the online reading you do on ASC and check charities actually have ASC people on their staff and board, that it comes from thoughts in the community; I try my best not to watch or support films or tv where disabled people are played by non disabled actors, called 'cripping up'. Its offensive and reductive."

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