Sleep like a baby? (Hannah @ Little Nest)

• What if you can't imagine loving. your new baby as much as your first? How does the bond work?
• How do you do bedtime with two children (and one parent?)
• Are nap times always a disaster if your older child doesn't understand the concept of 'quiet! the baby is sleeping...'?

Do you have to sleep train in order for this regression to end?

Why is your baby suddenly more wakeful?

Why is there so much fearmongering out there about this stage?

In this episode I talk about the sleep science at this age as well as all the other reasons why it can be a tough patch.

If you want to know what you can do to improve the situation (without sleep training) and what red flags to look out for, I've got you.

Becoming a parent for the first time brings up a lot emotions and memories for us all... and yet this doesn't get talked about a lot.

In this episode I speak to Stephanie Beucher who is a lactation consultant, midwife, maternity nurse and currently studying for her Masters in Psychology. Her company Holistic Babies London supports and empowers families to find what works for them.

We cover permissive and authoritarian parenting, mother wounds, supporting our children's mental health and being kinder to ourselves as parents. It's a really powerful episode and covers a lot of raw subjects, I am so grateful to Steph for her generosity and eloquence!

My guest today is the relationship therapist and coach, Catherine Topham Sly who you may know from her Instagram account Insight and Connection.

She is the expert in happy relationships after kids – and this is a subject that I have been desperate to cover for so long.In my opinion, how our relationships and partnerships change after becoming parents is still not spoken about widely enough. Especially in the lead up to birth itself.

So when our relationship is adapting to this new stage of life it can come as a real shock when things aren’t as harmonious and blissfully loved-up as they seem to be in the movies.

Today we are going to be talking about sex, communication and resentment after having a baby.

I asked Catherine:

• What is normal?

• Is everyone else having loads of sex?

• How can you stay connected when your libido has left the building?

• And why does that happen for so many new parents?

• How can you stay connected when you’re totally touched out?

• And what about sex after you’re out of the baby stage? How can you get back on the saddle, so to speak – is it awkward now?

• How can you talk about intimacy without it becoming an argument or hurting your partner’s feelings?

We even covered sex for co-sleepers…

So join us for some myth-busting, taboo-breaking and practical ways to improve your relationship today!

For more information about Catherine Topham Sly’s work go toinsightconnection.uk/ or follow her on Instagram at @InsightAndConnection.

For more information about her Back in the Sack Workbook see https://insightconnection.uk/sex-after-kids/. Catherine's The Contented Relationship Guide is also brilliant and can be found at https://insightandconnection.teachable.com/p/the-contented-relationship-challenge.

• Can you be a responsive parent when you've got more than one baby?

• How do you get two or three babies to sleep at the same time? Do they 'have to' self-settle?

• Is it possible to co-sleep with twins?

• And what happens if you've got a big family and the youngest is a highly sensitive soul that needs a lot of extra support?

Kathryn Stagg is an International Board Certified Lactation Consultant (IBCLC for short!) and qualified sleep coach. She's also a mum of four and runs the brilliant Breastfeeding Twins and Triplets group on Facebook.

https://kathrynstaggibclc.com/

https://en-gb.facebook.com/groups/BfTwinsUk/

And my new webinar (Starting Childcare + Sleep) is available to purchase here for £14: https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=22681540&appointmentType=37961409

Lyndsey Hookway is one of the UK's leading infant sleep experts and is a passionate advocate for gentle and responsive parenting.

Lyndsey's third book, Still Awake: responsive sleep tools for toddlers to tweens is out this month so I decided to pick her brains all about bedtime boundaries, wants versus needs and how to tackle early rising with verbal little ones.

For more information about Lyndsey see www.lyndseyhookway.com or follow her on Instagram @lyndsey_hookway.

Kerry Secker has one of the most successful holistic infant sleep companies in the UK and ever since this podcast started I have been itching to sit her down and find out more about why she went down the care-it-out route when all her peers were putting their kids on naughty steps and leaving babies to settle themselves.

We talk about what crying means and why it's not necessarily a bad thing - but also why cry-it-out and controlled crying are very different strategies to how we approach sleep.

For more information about Kerry, go to www.careitout.com

We really don't hold back in this week's episode!

• Is it ok to live sleep train a 4 month old baby on Instagram?

• Do paediatricians have the right to tell new parents they should leave their baby to cry it out?

• Are we shaming other mothers by saying controlled crying isn't for us?

Rachael runs HeySleepyBaby - the largest biologically-normal infant sleep account on Instagram - and as a result, she receives a lot of DMs from people who think differently to her.

So I knew she'd be the perfect person to dissect the baby sleep industry with. These are really important conversations, especially as the internet (especially social media) is now such a huge part of parenting culture.

For more about Rachael, head to heysleepybaby.com and don't miss her new baby sleep course that launches this week.

• Are babies harmed by having less sleep? Will they develop poorly?
• How can you handle judgement from others who think babies and toddlers should have more sleep?
• What are the benefits of parenting a low sleep needs child?

Have you ever wondered if your child's sleep is influenced by their gender?

Do baby boys wake more?

Do little girls take longer to fall asleep?

To explore this I sat down with Kirstie from Sonshine Magazine, a proudly feminist quarterly publication that explores the challenges and the joys that come with raising boys in the modern world.

If we want the world to be a more equal place for everyone, we need to think about how we raise our sons as well as how we raise our daughters.

Are you ever ready?

What might sleep look like the second time around?

Is there such a thing as a 'perfect age gap'?

How do you keep your sh*t together when sleep deprived AND looking after another small human?

I talk to my very good friend (and fellow sleep consultant) Lucy Bagwell about what she's learnt since having her second baby and try to take in as much advice as possible now that I'm verrrry pregnant again...

For more about Lucy, see https://www.secondstarsleep.com/ or follow her @secondstartotheright_sleep

• Are you holding yourself to the highest standards as a mum?
• Have you noticed a cycle of self-criticism creeping in?
• What happens when perfectionists and people pleasers have babies?

Have you experienced unwanted intrusive thoughts as a new mum? Why does the arrival of (very normal) maternal rage feel like such a shock to so many of us?

I sat down with perinatal psychologist Dr Caroline Boyd who has written a beautiful, incredibly helpful book called Mindful New Mum as an antidote to all the parenting manuals out there currently prescribing a ‘right’ way to mother. Instead she takes a holistic look at the transition into matrescence with a focus on mindful compassion, evidence-based psychology ideas, meditations, visualisations, nutritional advice, natural remedies, baby massage and yoga.

In this episode we talk about ways in which we can learn to soothe ourselves before we can effectively soothe our babies, and yet this is something too few people are talking about in the parenting world.

If you thought it was just you who had intrusive thoughts, or felt rage, this episode is for you!

Trigger Warning: we explore postnatal depression, anxiety and psychosis, and discuss unwanted, intrusive thoughts and taboo topics like self-harm, suicide and harming babies.

If you are in the UK and struggling with unwanted intrusive thoughts or are experiencing any other mental health challenges, please do speak to a trusted health professional/GP who can refer you to further support.

The PND charity PANDAS is another fantastic resource with a free helpline as well as free email and text support.

https://pandasfoundation.org.uk/

Or you can contact Samaritans whose 24hr free helpline as well as email and in person support options.

https://www.samaritans.org/

To purchase Mindful New Mum by Dr Caroline Boyd, go to:

https://www.dk.com/uk/book/9780241531365-mindful-new-mum

Emily was kind enough to share her story of pre and postnatal mental health struggles and how this led her to become a holistic sleep coach and help families who have been through tough times.

A word of warning though, some of the subjects are a little heavy and may be triggering for some people, so best to avoid if the following things are difficult to hear about right now:

PTSD, suicide, sick children/babies and NICU, breathing difficulties, intrusive thoughts and birth trauma.

These subjects are discussed between 6mins and 50mins.

Emily mentions psychotherapist Anna Mathur who you can learn more about at www.annamathur.com.

If you or someone you are concerned about are in crisis, despairing or suicidal, please contact one of the agencies below.

If you live in the UK and are looking for extra support or advice urgently, there are a number of services you can approach:

• Talk to a health professional e.g your own GP, midwife or health visitor

• Go to A&E at your local hospital

• Call the emergency services on 999

• Call Samaritans on 116 123 (free to call and will not appear on your phone bill), or email jo@samaritans.org

Action on Postpartum Psychosis (APP)

Association of Postnatal Illness

Helpline: 10am – 2pm – 0207 386 0868

Maternal OCD

Netmums

Netmums offer peer support via their Maternal Mental Health Drop-In Clinic.

PANDAS

Helpline open from 9am-8pm every day – 0843 2898 401

Petals

Petals offers free-of-charge specialist counselling to anyone who has experienced pregnancy or baby loss.

Tel: 0300 688 0068

Samaritans

Tel: 116 123 (this is a free telephone number and will not appear on the phone bill)

Twins Trust

Twinline is open Monday to Friday 10am to 1pm and from 7pm to 10pm. 0800 138 0509, alternatively email asktwinline@twinstrust.org.

Tommy’s

Tommy’s has a team of in-house midwives who offer free support and information for women and their families at any stage of pregnancy and after the birth.

Email: midwife@tommys.org

What exactly IS separation anxiety and how does it impact sleep and bedtime for little ones?

I speak to clinical psychologist Dr MDC about what it means throughout infancy and childhood, how we can handle it and why separation is actually a good thing for parent and child.

If bedtime has become a battle, or you are anxious about how childcare may impact your family, this episode covers some strategies to boost connectedness and how to put some boundaries in place to help you feel less touched-out and overwhelmed by the demands of parenthood.

We also discuss the benefits of crying and separating within a responsive, nurturing adult and with age appropriate boundaries.

For more information about Dr MDC check out her website https://www.drmdc.co.uk/ or Instagram account @dr.mdc_psychologist.

This week I'm speaking to midwife and lactation consultant Olivia Hinge (aka @olivia_lactaction_consultatant on IG) about the adjustment we all go through into motherhood, whether that's with your first baby or your fourth. We discuss the process of matrescence and how unrecognised it is in society, even though it is as significant a change for a woman as adolescence!

However you feed your baby, this episode explores all the hormonal changes we go through as mothers and why we often find it so hard to say 'I am struggling!'

We talk about what is normal infant sleep for a breastfed baby, when you might want to seek feeding help and some free resources out there for new parents looking for feeding advice.

Olivia mentions a few resources such as:

The Unicef Breastfeeding checklist

La Leche League, NCT infant feeding and National Breastfeeding helplines

KellyMom website

Do you have an orchid or a dandelion? How do you know if your baby is highly sensitive? And how can you parent with your own specific sensory needs?

As mentioned in the episode, you can do a HSP test here: https://hsperson.com/test/highly-sensitive-test/

What kinds of sleep challenges do people with training in infant sleep face? The same ones as anyone else, of course!

In the last year Lucy and I have navigated dummy drops, cot to bed transitions, separation anxiety, parental preference, dropping naps and bedtime battles. So we wanted to get together and talk about how we have personally figured these issues out as mums.

Lucy Bagwell is a holistic sleep consultant also based in South East London and is the mum to a spirited 3 year old. She is the founder of Second Star To The Right Sleep and you can read more about her approach at www.secondstarsleep.com/ or by following her on Instagram @secondstartotheright_sleep

Do you have to bed-share, breastfeed and baby-wear in order to have a securely attached child?

Can your little one be TOO attached?

Are you making them clingy by contact napping and feeding on demand?

Is it your fault if your baby or toddler has a strong preference for one parent over the other?

These are really common questions that come up all the time, and there are also a lot of claims that sleep training will impact attachment as well - but what should we believe? What do we need to know about attachment?

To dig a little deeper into this subject I chatted to sleep coach, toddler mum and psychologist Charlotte Inskip who you may have come across online via her Instagram account @theholisticsleepmama

For more information about Charlotte and her work, see www.theholisticsleepmama.co.uk/

We mention a few books* in this episode:

The Power of Showing Up: how parental presence shapes who our kids become and how their brains get wired - by Daniel Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson

The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (and Your Children Will Be Glad That You Did) - by Philippa Perry

*these are affiliate links, I make a small commission from each sale

This week's chat is super personal!

My mum, Jan, shares her experience of having four very different babies (born in the 70s, 80s and 90s) - we discuss breastfeeding, bed-sharing and responding to cries in the night.

In 1978 my mum was 21 years old and had just given birth to her son. Six weeks later she found herself moving from a small town in NW England to the Yemen.

She was breastfeeding and sharing a bedroom her her baby, and her own mother was appalled.

I wanted to talk to my mum a little more about her experiences of early motherhood and how it changed with each subsequent baby. We talked a lot about her adventures but also compared our experiences as different generations of mothers.

Has the internet made things better or worse for new parents?

Do babies sleep better nowadays, or worse?

What gems of wisdom does my mum want to share with parents in 2022 and what does she wish she'd known back then?

If you co-sleep with your baby now, will you have to do it forever?

Are you holding your child back from independence?

And what if you WANT to do it long-term - how do you cope with other people’s opinions about that?

We also get into sex and bed-sharing, cosleeping when you have a baby as well as older children and establishing your own boundaries.

This week I was lucky enough to spend an hour in the company of Tiffany who runs Cosleepy - my favourite website and Instagram account all about bedsharing life.

Tiffany is a UCLA graduate and adventured in the television and film industry prior to parenthood. In 2020, she founded Cosleepy to help modern parents keep their babies safe and close at night. She and her husband are currently bedsharing with their two little boys in Sacramento, California.

https://cosleepy.com/

The advice about over-tiredness is always changing when it comes to babies... is it a thing? is it the end of the world? is there any science involved in this whole concept that a person can be TOO tired?

Ever since I had my mum on this podcast, I've been desperate to ask her mum more about parenthood.

Did she choose to cry-it-out?

Was she obsessed with how her baby slept?

What were her generation's expectations of infant sleep?

This episode is a super special one to me as my 90 year old grandmother and I reflect on early parenthood - what do we have in common and what can we learn from her generation?

Neuroscientist, infant sleep specialist and mother of two Rocio talks to me all about the enormous changes in our brains that take place when we become parents.

We learn a lot about how our babies' brains develop but know very little about our own enormous neurological shifts. Rocio is on a mission to correct that!

As she says: "when a baby is born, there is also a rebirth of the new parents through the remarkable brain plasticity that accompanies their journey. Newborn Parents is a movement that informs and empowers families to take advantage of these brain changes so that they can create a lifelong nurturing relationship with their babies."

Rocio runs an online course via her website (link below) and you can find out more about her work via her free email series and ebook too.

www.newbornparents.net/

Follow Rocio on Instagram @rociozunini_newbornparents

If you are interested in purchasing one of my webinars mentioned in today's episode, please see littlenest.uk/shop/

It might be common for a baby to spit up, but if you're the parent of a little one who is super unsettled with reflux or colic, being told it will pass isn't good enough.

I spoke to holistic reflux specialist Faye of Rockabye Reflux all about the emotional cost of reflux and what we need to understand about digestive discomfort in babies.

Reflux is common, but not normal - and help is out there! It all starts with figuring out the underlying cause...

For more information about Faye see www.rockabyereflux.co.uk or follow her on Instagram @Rockabyereflux

This was one of the most enlightening, inspiring episodes I've ever recorded.

Zoe Blaskey's Motherkind podcast is one of my favourite things to listen to and I just knew she would be the best person to talk to about maternal guilt and shame.

We covered the intricacies of disagreeing with your partner over different parenting choices (what do you do when one of you really wants to sleep train?). As well as how to start giving yourself validation and recognition for the invisible labour of motherhood.

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My new webinar about Starting Childcare + Sleep is here: https://littlenest.podia.com/

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Zoe Blaskey is the founder of Motherkind, a self empowerment platform for modern mums.

Through Motherkind Zoe coaches mothers of all backgrounds from Global CEO's to full time mums on how to navigate the huge challenges of modern motherhood.

Zoe hosts The Motherkind Podcast which is the UK's number one family podcast on i tunes and speaks every week to world leading experts on a range of topics from self care, mental health, career, nutrition and parenting. Zoe is has two daughters, and lives with her husband Guy in Dorset.

https://www.motherkind.co/

Feeding and sleep are completely intertwined for babies and toddlers. And regardless of how you get milk to your baby, whether that's boob, bottle or a bit of both, tongue ties can and do impact little ones.

Carmelle is an independent midwife and IBCLC infant feeding specialist as well as a tongue tie now expert on a mission to raise awareness of how tongue ties impact babies.

For more information about Carmelle see gentlebirthsandbeyond.co.uk or her IG @Gentle_Births_and_Beyond

To find help and support for your little one's possible tongue tie in the UK see tongue-tie.org.uk

Nobody talks about how lonely it can be if you're the only one with a child who continues to be wakeful when everyone else around you seems to be getting more sleep.

And then you might feel the pressure to sleep train if you ever talk about how tired you are.

Perhaps your partner or someone else close to you is trying to get you to make changes in a way that doesn't feel right for you right now.

This is an episode for anyone stuck in a comparison trap or a cycle of disagreement over whether to sleep train or not.

For more information on my guides and webinars, see https://littlenest.podia.com/

Sometimes the biggest change we can make to our family's sleep situation is to find acceptance and surrender to the present.

I sat down with Ana from The Octopus Club to talk about how she found peace and patience over her own son's sleep (and frequent waking) over the last 3 and a half years.

If you have a very wakeful baby or toddler, it can feel so lonely... and you might even blame yourself.

If we can let go of that extra burden of responsibility and guilt over how our children sleep - and understand our kids for who they are - it can be a really powerful mindset transformation.

For more about Ana and The Octopus Club - see theoctopusclub.com

"Just put your baby down drowsy but awake"

"Never feed to sleep"

"Infants don't develop properly unless they get 12hrs of unbroken sleep every night"

Are you overwhelmed by the number of people telling you that you're creating a rod for your own back by responding to your baby or by supporting them to fall asleep?

Why do well-meaning family members still insist we are spoiling babies by cuddling them at night?

In this episode I speak to fellow holistic sleep consultant Lucy Bagwell, who you may know from her Instagram account @SecondStarToTheRight_Sleep, about all the scary lies and myths told to new parents.

There is a lot of noise out there about baby sleep, this episode will help you learn what to disregard and who you can ignore!

www.littlenest.uk

Greer Kirshenbaum is the world's first neuroscientist doula and in this episode she shares her expert knowledge about the superpower that is nurture.

We cover so much:

• How sensitive, attuned caregiving meets a growing brain's needs

• Why your baby or toddler settles differently in a childcare setting compared to home

• Why you don't need to feel guilty about childcare and going back to work

• Highly sensitive babies and strong sleep preferences

• How we can repair a rupture with our child if we have previously been less responsive or they have found a particular change really difficult to adapt to

For more about Greer, go to nurture-neuroscience.com and don't forget to sign up for her free downloads on the site.

Making her very welcome return to the Sleep Like a Baby? podcast is the one and only midwife and lactation consultant Olivia Hinge! You may well know her from much-loved Instagram account (@olivia_lactation_consultant), I know I am a super-fan.

In this week's episode we talk a lot about the pressures that mothers put on themselves and celebrate the importance of imperfection. If you think you're not a good enough mother because you find crafting torturous or you find life with a small baby boring a lot of the time - you've come to the right place.

But how do we practise self-acceptance in the age of mass information and parental comparison?

And then throw in sickness season (which us Northern Hemisphere folk are currently enjoying) and tricky infant sleeping patterns and - well, it's a lot.

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As mentioned in this week's episode, my 0-18m + Toddler Sleep Guides are available here as both pdf AND audio: littlenest.podia.com.

And tickets to my upcoming December Night Weaning Webinars are here:

Breastfeeding: https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=22681540&appointmentType=38787046

Bottle-feeding: https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=22681540&appointmentType=38787155

Use code NIGHTWEAN20 for an early bird discount up until 1 December

When did it become mainstream for parents to go down the Cry It Out route?

Why do all the parenting 'experts' insist on telling mothers and fathers to ignore their instincts and focus on self-settling instead?

And why do so many of us feel like failures if our babies don't yet sleep through the night?

To find out how we got here, I spoke to anthropologist Alice-Amber Keegan from the The Durham Infancy & Sleep Centre about the history of baby sleep and night-time parenting.

For more information about biologically normal infant sleep please see www.basisonline.org.uk

Have you been warned against making a rod for your own back by carrying your child?

Has someone told you that slings and carriers are just a new trend or something used only by a certain 'type' of parent?

What about the idea that they won't ever learn to walk if they are always carried?

Zoe Woodman from The Sling Consultancy joins me for this week's episode to dispel these ideas and share her knowledge and expertise all about carrying, child psychology and infant neural development.

We discuss how to foster authentic independence and resilience, as well as make our lives as parents more convenient!

Many of us are living in a culture that celebrates separation over connectedness. And certainly, separation-based parenting strategies like sleep training do "work" - but at what cost?

To find out more about Zoe go to www.theslingconsultancy.co.uk

The TED talk by Dorsa Amir that Zoe references is here: http://www.tedxcambridge.com/talk/modern-childhood-is-strange/

Is she a good baby?

Is he sleeping through the night yet?

These questions can unintentionally fill a new parent with dread and anxiety.

My guest today, Suzanna aka @RealKindParent, and I talk about all things motherhood: the quest for control over sleep, the illusion of the perfect baby, the freedom of surrendering and accepting you are where you are.

If you had a baby you couldn't put down for naps or a little one who needed a lot of support from you to fall asleep, you are not alone - even if you sometimes feel like you're the only one!

Helen Davies is a health visitor, PICU nurse and sleep specialist as well as a mother of four. She has 22 years of parenting experience and also runs the very funny, very real Instagram account @Essential_Parenting.

TW: domestic abuse and mental illness

In this week's episode Helen shares her story of overcoming a toxic relationship and mental health challenges. With such generous (and often hilarious) honesty, she talks about how these things have shaped her professional life - having now worked with thousands of families - as well as her mothering and personal healing experience.

We reflected on how the social media worlds of both 'gentle parenting' and sleep training can have a negative impact on new parents today with such unrealistic standards being touted as normal.

Helen and I also asked:

• Why do people say it's a trend to respond to and treat babies with respect and compassion?

• Does this age of information make us feel like bad parents when we do inevitably feel overwhelmed or burnt out?

For more about Helen her website is https://essentialparenting.co.uk/

If you're affected by any of the issues we discuss, the following links may be helpful:

• Women's Aid

• Refuge

• UK Government website

• Samaritans

• Pandas Foundation (postnatal depression awareness and support)

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If you're interested in the upcoming Night Weaning Webinars, see here:

Breastfed babies: https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=22681540&appointmentType=38787046

Bottlefed babies: https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=22681540&appointmentType=38787155

Sam Meachin is a hypnobirthing coach with a difference and in this week's episode she shares her two very different birth stories that lead her to creating The Wonderhood's online courses.

We talk about how birth can lead to feeling like we have lost control over ourselves and how this can then impact how we feel about sleep, feeding and other areas of parenthood. When we cling onto control, and things then don't go to plan, lots of new mothers label themselves as failures.

Sam's story is one of transformation and empowerment, about how learning all about our bodies and births can rebuild confidence and wellbeing, and how we can stop feeling like failures.

If you think hypnobirthing is just breathing and lighting candles, think again!

Online birth prep course: www.thewonderhood.co.uk/

Feeding course: https://www.thewonderhood.co.uk/feeding-with-olivia

The Sleep Like a Baby? podcast is coming soon. This preview episode lays out what the series will be all about.

Find out more on Instagram @LittleNestSleep or via www.littlenest.uk