Welcome to 0%, the podcast that explores the outsized impact of the Jewish people! 🌟

Join us as Tehilla, a Polish-Catholic turned Orthodox Jew, shares her extraordinary journey of spiritual discovery, from feeling disconnected in church to finding profound meaning in Judaism. Hear how unexpected encounters, a transformative Purim party, and her journey of learning to elevate the physical world to something spiritual led her to embrace a life of purpose, community, and connection with God. Whether you're curious about conversion, seeking spiritual depth, or interested in personal transformation, Tehilla's story offers a unique window into choosing Judaism.

Reach out to Tehilla
Email: Tehillatalks@gmail.com
Social only Instagram: @tehillatehillaa  

Catch Zero Percent on all podcast platforms, available on your go-to platform!

Whether you're Jewish, curious about Jewish culture, or interested in the secrets of success against all odds, this episode offers thought-provoking insights into the Jewish people's enduring impact on the world.

Don't miss our upcoming episodes featuring inspiring stories of individuals who chose to join the Jewish faith. Tune in on the last Wednesday of each month for new episodes of 0%!

Keep the conversation going! If you have questions or ideas about Jewish success and impact Please email us at Zeropercent@joidenver.com.🌟

Help others discover 0%! Please leave us a five-star review and share it with friends who might find this podcast enlightening.
Follow us for more:
Website - https://www.joidenver.com
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/joidenver
Facebook - http://www.facebook.com/JOIdenver
YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/c/JOIdenver
Pinterest - http://pinterest.com/jewishdiy

Subscribe to "JOI to the World" to access all our podcasts, including Yada Yada Yiddish, Kids Say the Deepest Things, Reconnect, and Dear Rabbi.

Join us as we uncover the treasures in our own backyard and explore what makes the Jewish people truly extraordinary! 🕎📚🎙️

Welcome to Zero Percent, the podcast that explores the outsized impact of the Jewish people! 🌟

Mrs. Leah Schiermeyer shares a raw, inspiring story of her transition from a Baptist upbringing to embracing Judaism, navigating through deep personal questions, community challenges, and profound transformations. Get a window into her journey, filled with courage, faith, and discovery, including what ultimately drew her to Judaism’s rich traditions, like Shabbat. Whether you’ve faced a crossroads in faith or are simply curious about paths that lead people to Judaism, Leah’s story will resonate deeply.

Catch Zero Percent on all podcast platforms, available on your go-to platform!

Explore more of Leah's story with her book, Simple Twist of Fate, available on all major book platforms.

Whether you're Jewish, curious about Jewish culture, or interested in the secrets of success against all odds, this episode offers thought-provoking insights into the Jewish people's enduring impact on the world.

Don't miss our upcoming episodes featuring inspiring stories of individuals who chose to join the Jewish faith. Tune in on the last Wednesday of each month for new episodes of 0%!

Keep the conversation going! If you have questions or ideas about Jewish success and impact Please email us at Zeropercent@joidenver.com.🌟

Help others discover 0%! Please leave us a five-star review and share it with friends who might find this podcast enlightening.
Follow us for more:
Website - https://www.joidenver.com
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/joidenver
Facebook - http://www.facebook.com/JOIdenver
YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/c/JOIdenver
Pinterest - http://pinterest.com/jewishdiy

Subscribe to "JOI to the World" to access all our podcasts, including Yada Yada Yiddish, Kids Say the Deepest Things, Reconnect, and Dear Rabbi.

Join us as we uncover the treasures in our own backyard and explore what makes the Jewish people truly extraordinary! 🕎📚🎙️

It's hard to put into words the profound devastation witnessed at Kibbutz Be'eri. Even months after the tragedy, the acrid scent of fire lingers as the homes where innocent people were burned alive still remain in destruction.

Join us as we delve into the aftermath of this heartbreaking event with the woman who first saw the terrorists infilitrating the kibbutz.

Click here to view the video footage capturing the raw emotions and wreckage from this episode on youtube.

This is recording from the first trip I took in November from the communnity of Shlomit when they first got to their temporary living location at the cramim hotel. You can see the full talks with video on instagram here.

During the second trip at the end of February, the community returned to their home in Shlomit. We celebrated with them before their return, you can see that clip here. You can see their heartfealt return to their home here and here.

Help protect those who are protecting us. Click here to support Unit 5, Div 162.
Visit joidenver.com or reach out at mlehrfield@joidenver.com for other opportunities to help.

Help protect those who are protecting us. Click here to support Unit 5, Div 162

Visit joidenver.com or reach out at mlehrfield@joidenver.com for other opportunities to help.

Click here to support our soldiers!

I had the incredible privilege of traveling to Israel with Aish amidst a war, accompanied by a group of over 60 volunteers from across the US. It undeniably stands as the most profound experience of my life. Since then, I have grappled with attempting to articulate my journey to those who inquire, "So, how was Israel?" Describing it proves nearly impossible as I am tasked with translating emotions into words.

I have endeavored to share my experiences in these podcast episodes, aspiring to inspire others as I have been inspired. I perceive this opportunity not merely as a personal encounter but as a responsibility to disseminate what I witnessed and learned to as many individuals as possible.

I've also included this recording broken down into smaller episodes (Episodes 2-5)

We are in early talks of putting together another journey and we have ongoing campaigns to support the people and places we visited during this mission. Many of the people and units we visited still have real needs that we can help with. If you are interested in getting involved, please feel free to reach out to me at mlehrfield@joidenver.com. You can find ways to get involved with helping the people of Israel at joidenver.com

Click here to support our troops!

I had the incredible privilege of traveling to Israel with Aish amidst a war, accompanied by a group of over 60 volunteers from across the US. It undeniably stands as the most profound experience of my life. Since then, I have grappled with attempting to articulate my journey to those who inquire, "So, how was Israel?" Describing it proves nearly impossible as I am tasked with translating emotions into words.

I have endeavored to share my experiences in these podcast episodes, aspiring to inspire others as I have been inspired. I perceive this opportunity not merely as a personal encounter but as a responsibility to disseminate what I witnessed and learned to as many individuals as possible.

This is episode 1 of 4. I also have all the parts combined together in one long episode as episode #6

We are in early talks of putting together another journey and we have ongoing campaigns to support the people and places we visited during this mission. Many of the people and units we visited still have real needs that we can help with. If you are interested in getting involved, please feel free to reach out to me at mlehrfield@joidenver.com. You can find ways to get involved with helping the people of Israel at joidenver.com

6I had the incredible privilege of traveling to Israel with Aish amidst a war, accompanied by a group of over 60 volunteers from across the US. It undeniably stands as the most profound experience of my life. Since then, I have grappled with attempting to articulate my journey to those who inquire, "So, how was Israel?" Describing it proves nearly impossible as I am tasked with translating emotions into words.

I have endeavored to share my experiences in these podcast episodes, aspiring to inspire others as I have been inspired. I perceive this opportunity not merely as a personal encounter but as a responsibility to disseminate what I witnessed and learned to as many individuals as possible.

This is episode 3 of 4. I also have all the parts combined together in one long episode as episode # 6

We are in early talks of putting together another journey and we have ongoing campaigns to support the people and places we visited during this mission. Many of the people and units we visited still have real needs that we can help with. If you are interested in getting involved, please feel free to reach out to me at mlehrfield@joidenver.com. You can find ways to get involved with helping the people of Israel at joidenver.com

I had the incredible privilege of traveling to Israel with Aish amidst a war, accompanied by a group of over 60 volunteers from across the US. It undeniably stands as the most profound experience of my life. Since then, I have grappled with attempting to articulate my journey to those who inquire, "So, how was Israel?" Describing it proves nearly impossible as I am tasked with translating emotions into words.

I have endeavored to share my experiences in these podcast episodes, aspiring to inspire others as I have been inspired. I perceive this opportunity not merely as a personal encounter but as a responsibility to disseminate what I witnessed and learned to as many individuals as possible.

This is episode 4 of 4. I also have all the parts combined together in one long episode as episode #6

We are in early talks of putting together another journey and we have ongoing campaigns to support the people and places we visited during this mission. Many of the people and units we visited still have real needs that we can help with. If you are interested in getting involved, please feel free to reach out to me at mlehrfield@joidenver.com. You can find ways to get involved with helping the people of Israel at joidenver.com

Welcome to 0%, the podcast that explores the outsized impact of the Jewish people! 🌟
In this season's premiere, Rabbi Menachem Lehrfield delves into the paradox of Jewish influence despite making up just 0.2% of the world's population. 🌍

Discover:

• The profound insights of Mark Twain on Jewish contributions
• A preview of Season 3's focus on "Jews by Choice"
• Remarkable statistics on Jewish achievements in various fields
• The concept of the "cut flower phenomenon" in Jewish identity

Whether you're Jewish, curious about Jewish culture, or interested in the secrets of success against all odds, this episode offers thought-provoking insights into the Jewish people's enduring impact on the world.

Don't miss our upcoming episodes featuring inspiring stories of individuals who chose to join the Jewish faith. Tune in on the last Wednesday of each month for new episodes of 0%!

Keep the conversation going! If you have questions or ideas about Jewish success and impact
Please email us at Zeropercent@joidenver.com.

🌟 Help others discover 0%! Please leave us a five-star review and share it with friends who might find this podcast enlightening.

Follow us for more:
Website - https://www.joidenver.com
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/joidenver
Facebook - http://www.facebook.com/JOIdenver
YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/c/JOIdenver
Pinterest - http://pinterest.com/jewishdiy

Subscribe to "JOI to the World" to access all our podcasts, including Yada Yada Yiddish, Kids Say the Deepest Things, Reconnect, and Dear Rabbi.

Join us as we uncover the treasures in our own backyard and explore what makes the Jewish people truly extraordinary! 🕎📚🎙️

I had the incredible privilege of traveling to Israel with Aish amidst a war, accompanied by a group of over 60 volunteers from across the US. It undeniably stands as the most profound experience of my life. Since then, I have grappled with attempting to articulate my journey to those who inquire, "So, how was Israel?" Describing it proves nearly impossible as I am tasked with translating emotions into words.

I have endeavored to share my experiences in these podcast episodes, aspiring to inspire others as I have been inspired. I perceive this opportunity not merely as a personal encounter but as a responsibility to disseminate what I witnessed and learned to as many individuals as possible.

This is episode 2 of 4. I also have all the parts combined together in one long episode as episode #6

We are in early talks of putting together another journey and we have ongoing campaigns to support the people and places we visited during this mission. Many of the people and units we visited still have real needs that we can help with. If you are interested in getting involved, please feel free to reach out to me at mlehrfield@joidenver.com. You can find ways to get involved with helping the people of Israel at joidenver.com

Terrorists murdered 1,400 Jews in cold blood while recording their massacre on their GoPros. Over 200 people were taken hostage, including women, children, babies, and the elderly, some of whom were Holocaust survivors. "Never again" is now.

While the Nazis tried to conceal their crimes against humanity, Hamas is live-streaming them.

The world's silence is deafening, as some "enlightened" individuals from prestigious institutions are celebrating and supporting terrorism either openly or through their silence. The world appears to be growing darker. How can we bring light to this very dark world and help our brothers and sisters in Israel from so far away?

In this episode, Rabbi Lehrfield speaks about the holiday of Lag B'Omer.

In this episode, Rabbi Lehrfield talks about the time between Passover and Shavuot: The Counting of the Omer.

In this episode, Rabbi Lehrfield continues his discussion on Passover and talks about the nature of inspiration.

This week, we rebroadcast episode 9 of Zero Percent and talk about failure, the "F Word".

To view the full transcript visit: www.joidenver.com/zeropercent/9---the-f-word

In this episode, Rabbi Lehrfield continues his discussion about Passover with an emphasis on the growth mindset ideas we gain from the holiday.

This week, Rabbi Lehrfield continues his discussion on Passover.

To view the full transcript, visit: www.joidenver.com/zeropercent/30--walmart-moments

This week, Rabbi Lehrfield talks about the holiday of Passover.

To view the full transcript visit: www.joidenver.com/zeropercent/29--the-greatest-educational-tool

In this episode, Rabbi Lehrfield dives into the holiday of Sukkot.

For the full transcript visit: www.joidenver.com/zeropercent/28--sandcastles-(sukkot)

Listen to Rabbi Lehrfield as a guest on the ‘It Matters To Me’ Podcast with Adam Casey.

In this episode, Rabbi Lehrfield pays tribute to Rav Chaim Kanievsky- the "Prince of Torah"

In this episode, Rabbi Lehrfield talks about Ukraine, specifically the history of Jews in Ukraine, and their incredible President Volodymyr Zelensky.

View the full transcript here: www.joidenver.com/zeropercent/26--glory-to-ukraine

Continuing our discussion on the Jewish Holidays, Rabbi Lehrfield focuses on Purim.

View the full transcript here: www.joidenver.com/zeropercent/zeropercent/25--they-tried-to-kill-us%2C-we-won%2C-lets-eat!-(purim)

This week, Rabbi Lehrfield dives into Yom Kippur.

View the full transcript here: www.joidenver.com/zeropercent/24--the-goat

In this episode we continue our discussion on Jewish holidays with an emphasis on Rosh Hashanah.

See the full transcript here: www.joidenver.com/zeropercent/23--constant-change

In this episode, Rabbi Lehrfield dives a little deeper into the Jewish calendar with a focus on the new month, Rosh Chodesh and its lessons of renewal. If you are interested in a Spirals in Time podcast, email Rabbi Lehrfield at mlehrfield@joidenver.com.

View the full transcript here: www.joidenver.com/zeropercent/22--new-month-new-you

Continuing our discussion on antisemitism with a look back in history.

View the full transcript here: www.joidenver.com/zeropercent/21--the-truth

In this episode, Rabbi Lehrfield continues unpacking the classic reasons for Anitsemitism.

To view the full transcript visit: www.joidenver.com/zeropercent/20--a-unique-hatred

Continuing our talk on Antisemitism, Rabbi Lehrfield speaks more on why it's the most unique hatred.

To view the full transcript, visit: www.joidenver.com/zeropercent/19--reasons-or-excuses

In this episode, Rabbi Lehrfield starts the discussion on Antisemitism.

View the full transcript here: www.joidenver.com/zeropercent/18--response-to-colleyville

My reflections from my second solidarity mission and thoughts on the current state of antisemetism.

If you want to join one of our solidarity missions feel free to reach out - mlehrfield@joidenver.com

In this episode, we wrap up our discussion about Jewish lifecycles by looking at love, relationships, and marriage.

Episode transcript-

Hey everyone. I'm Menachem Lehrfield and this is Zero Percent. We are now wrapping up our Jewish life cycles with a conversation about relationships, from a Jewish perspective. Specifically where we see the growth mindset research in the Jewish approach to relationships, the Jewish approach to marriage. And I hope that it will help enhance your relationships again, whether you're Jewish or not.
So we left off last episode talking about the difference between love and infatuation. We said, love is not blind, love is a magnifying glass. Just as your parents love you more than anyone else, they also see your faults more than anyone else. The thing that is blind is infatuation. If you recall, we talked about the three phases of every human experience. There's phase one, the male phase, which is all about quick flashes of inspiration. Then comes the middle phase, the phase where it's unclear and it's difficult and it takes work and effort. But in that phase, in that stage, things become real. And that's why it's so hard, that's why it takes work and effort. That is the stage and the phase where real life happens. That is the growth mindset at its best. It's about rolling up our sleeves and working hard. And then the beauty of phase three is I get to experience phase one again, but this time it's real. This time it's worked for, its earned.
The Rambam Maimonides uses the analogy to describe these three phases and the concept of inspiration in general. With the analogy of a person who's lost on a dark night, and imagine it's pitch black and you're lost trying to find your way home. And all of a sudden there's a flash of lightning. And in that instant, the entire sky lights up. I'm from Miami, we have these torrential downpours in the summer. And when you hear that crack of thunder followed by that lightning, that lights up the sky. You know what I'm talking about. The sky lights up and in that instant, you see everything clearly. But as soon as it comes, it goes. So now you have to reconstruct in your mind the way home. In that moment, in that instant, you saw everything clearly, you understood you have to move a little bit to the right and then go straight and then turn a little bit. And now you have to make your way home with the memory of what that all looked like when it was clear.
And then a little while later you get another flash of lightning and that allows you to course correct, and figure out how to get home. The same is true with life. You have those moments, those flashes of inspiration. But those are not real. It's not really light. You have moments where you see those things clearly. You have those moments where you feel inspired. But if I think that that inspiration is there to last forever, I'm setting myself up for a life of disappointment. The inspiration lasts exactly as long as it has to. And as soon as I think this is the way it's supposed to be, that's exactly when it ends.
So you might ask, "Why would God create the world that way? Why would the Almighty make us in a way that we have this artificial fake experience at the beginning of the process?" I think in relationships, we understand this analogy the best. What is infatuation? What is the initial stage of a relationship where we feel this deep romance? We feel all the feels. The fireworks and the feelings and the emotion, and just this walking on clouds experience. What is that? What is infatuation? It is, I think, the most tangible way we can understand phase number one. It is completely artificial, it's fake. So why would God give it to us?
And as soon as we think it's going to last forever, it doesn't. And then we say, "You know what? Maybe this relationship is not what I thought it was. Maybe it's broken. Or even worse, maybe I'm broken. Maybe she's broken." The Almighty gave us the gift of phase one to show us how great phase three can really be. It's a preview, it's a taste. Just like in the trailer, you get to see the best parts of the movie without watching the whole movie. Phase one is a trailer of phase three. But we can't skip the phase in the middle. We can't skip the work of phase two or else we'll never truly get to phase three. But if we do it right, phase three is just as remarkable and magical and exciting as phase one. But now it's real.
You see this all the time. You have a friend who's dating a girl and he tells you, "Oh, she is perfect." First of all, if you say someone is perfect, you know that is a red flag. But he says, "No, she is perfect. She's amazing. And she's funny. And I feel so great when I'm with her." And sometimes all those things are true, but more often than not, it's not true. And the friends are all looking at each other, like, "What does he see in her? This girl is a psycho." And yet he cannot see it. Why? Because he's infatuated. And as we said, infatuation is blind as a bat. And only once the relationship is over, does the guy say, "What was I thinking? She was totally wrong for me. But I couldn't see it because the three parts of my soul were not in the proper order. I wasn't thinking with my head."
Once a person enters that infatuation stage, it's so hard to think clearly. And what makes it even worse? What makes it even more difficult is when the relationship becomes physical. Because as soon as it becomes physical, now I am completely lost hook, line and sinker. When we think that stage one, infatuation, is really love. When we confuse love and infatuation, we make really bad choices. The reality is that real love takes a lifetime to build. In describing Isaac and Rebecca's relationship, the Bible tells us that Rebecca became his wife and then he loved her. And many people look at this verse and they say, "It's out of order. Surely he loved Rebecca first and only then married her. Why would he have married her if he didn't love her?"
What it's teaching us is that true love takes a lifetime to build. And in Judaism marriage comes first. If your wedding day is the happiest day of your life, then don't get married. I tell this to every single couple that I marry. Every single time I officiate a wedding, my blessing to the bride and groom is that this should not be the happiest day of your life. If it is, don't do it. And we see this so often, couples who live together for years and decades and they're happy and everything's great. And then all of a sudden they get married and within six months they're divorced. What went wrong? Now that they're married, things became real. Now there's a real level of commitment. And you know what? Relationships are hard. Relationships take work.
The problem is that we grow up with these ridiculous ideas that we get from fairy tales. I mean, just look at the story of Cinderella for a second. Years ago I was reading ... I wasn't actually reading, you'll see in a second. But I was tucking in my daughter, [Rahel 00:08:23] she was maybe three at the time, now she's 11. So this was a while ago. And we were laying down in her bed getting ready to go to sleep. And I had on my iPad this ebook which was the story of Cinderella. And it basically had the pictures and you pushed the button each page and it would read the words and continue to the next page. And I don't think I truly understood how stupid the story of Cinderella was until I heard this ebook reading it to my daughter. To Disney's defense, they did a much, much better job with the remake of Cinderella, with the real characters.
But at least in the original story, you have a prince who's looking for a princess. He dances with this girl and she runs off leaving behind a glass slipper. And they search the kingdom high and low, trying to find the girl whose foot fits in the glass slipper. And they're trying it on the ugly stepsisters and stop for a second and think about that. He wants to marry this woman, he doesn't even remember what she looks like. He can't pick her up out of a lineup. You're telling me the ugly stepsister who looks nothing like Cinderella, maybe that's her. I don't know. We're reading this page after page and at least in this book version, the prince is actually going along through the process. He doesn't know what the girl looks like. He knows nothing about her or aspirations or her thoughts or ideals or the things that are important to her. And yet he wants to spend the rest of his life with this girl.
And then all of a sudden Cinderella comes out, she tries on the slipper, it fits. And then the prince says, "Oh, that's the girl." Flip to the next page, they're getting married. They're standing there under their altar or at the altar, under their ... not quite a chuppah, but looks like a chuppah. And the prince turns to Cinderella and says, "I love you." Because of course they always have English accents. And she looks to the prince and says, "I love you, too." And the next page, they all lived happily ever after. Are you kidding me? That is the worst ending to the worst story ever. They lived happily ever after. They don't even know each other. What is the statistic probability that they lived happily ever after? No, I bet you, the next morning they had some blowout fight over some miscommunication because they don't know each other. They know nothing about each other and they probably don't even like each other. And the whole basis of their relationship was that a stupid shoe fit on her foot. Or that the prince like dancing with her.

Get the full transcript here: www.joidenver.com/zeropercent/17---what-is-love%3F-hopefully-more-than-baby-don't-hurt-me

In this episode we continue our discussion on Jewish lifecycles and talk about the transition into adulthood.

Episode transcript-

Hey, everyone. I'm so glad that you're here. This is [inaudible 00:00:11], and this is 0%. I'm so grateful that you are taking some time to learn with us today. We've been talking about the growth mindsets in Judaism, and more specifically where we see them throughout the Jewish life cycle. Last week, we left off talking about the transition between childhood and adulthood, and that transition is marked in a life cycle event in Judaism known as the bar or bat mitzvah, which literally translates as the son or daughter of the mitzvah. And this is the lifecycle event that is marked in a young boy or girl's life as they transition from a child to an adult.
And I love the terminology we use to describe this life cycle event, the bar or bat mitzvah, the idea that a person can be the son or daughter of Mitzvot. Mitzvot are often translated as good deeds. And I think that is a inadequate description at best, perhaps a bad description, but I don't want to go that far. And I don't want to talk today about what a mitzvah actually is. In short, it's a way that we connect to either God ourselves or people around us. It's a means of connection, a means of building relationships. But in any event, when we talk about someone being the son or daughter of something, what we mean is that it is an integral part of who they are. Every human being on earth has a mother and a father. And even if they've never even met their biological parents, their parents, the people who gave them life are an integral part of who they are in a way that a person could never completely cut off or divorce themselves from that relationship.
A person will always be the son of the person who fathered them and the daughter of the person who gave birth to them, no matter what. That is something that is inseparable. It's something that you cannot separate from the identity of that person. Oftentimes we'd like to, but we can't. Look at that term in relation or in contrast to a different term we have in Judaism. When a person makes a mistake, they are known as a [inaudible 00:02:35], which means the owner of a mistake. What that means is I am not defined by the mistakes that I've made. I am not defined by those of [inaudible 00:02:46]. Quite the contrary, I am a [inaudible 00:02:50]. I'm the owner of that mistake. And the same way an airline can lose your luggage as they do often, our mistakes are like baggage.
They are things and items that I own, and therefore I can cut those things off. I can disconnect those things from who I am. I am not defined by the mistakes of my past. I might be a [inaudible 00:03:13]. I might own that mistake, but I'm just an owner of it. In the same way I can own something and I can get rid of it, I can choose to get rid of my mistakes. I can choose to let go of them and move past them beyond them. We'll bring this up again when we talk about the different holidays in Judaism, when we talk about Yom Kippur, but I like to contrast that term [inaudible 00:03:35] with the idea of a bar or bat mitzvah. When we say that a child becomes a bar or bat mitzvah, what we're saying is in the words of CS Lewis, "You don't have a soul. You are a soul. You might have a body."
What we say to this young bar mitzvah or bat mitzvah boy or girl is you are essentially good. Deep down inside, you have a soul that is a piece of the infinite. And because of that, you are essentially good. You have this deep connection to what is right and what is good in this world. And you have the ability to make good choices with that soul. You are a bar mitzvah. You are a bat mitzvah. It is an integral part of who you are. You are defined by the mitzvot that you strive to achieve. Not by the mistakes you might have made. And you know what? In life, there's going to be lots of mistakes. That's what it means to be a human being. To be a human being means to make mistakes, to fall.
But as we've learned so far, falling is not a permanent condition. You can always get up. The righteous fall seven times. It's not despite the falling, it's because of the falling. And we look at this young child and we say, yes, there are going to be moment throughout your journey that you are going to fall, but you have the ability, you have everything you need deep down inside to get back up and to become even stronger as a result of your falling. Now, I use that term become a bar mitzvah or become a bat mitzvah as opposed to have a bar mitzvah, because it's not about marking the life cycle event. It happens whether or not you do anything, whether or not you get up in synagogue and read from the Torah, whether or not you have a party. None of those things make you a bar or bat mitzvah and not having those things does not take away from the fact that you become a bar or bat mitzvah.
It is a reality and something that happens to you. Unfortunately today, the bar mitzvah becomes more bar than it does mitzvah. It's really all about surviving [inaudible 00:05:56], just so that you can have a big party and get lots of presents. That is obviously not what this is about. In fact, it's exactly the opposite. What it essentially is, is a celebration of responsibility. It's celebrating the fact that now this young child is no longer a child. Now you are responsible for yourself and for the entire Jewish people. You are now a card carrying participatory member of the Jewish people. And with that comes the responsibility of all of the Mitzvot. With that comes the responsibility to support and defend and take care of the entire Jewish people. For a boy this takes place at 13. And for a girl, it takes place at 12. And I know a lot of people celebrate the bar and bat mitzvah for a boy and a girl at the age of 13 in order to make everyone the same.
And I know some of you are going to be offended by what I'm about to say, and I apologize in advance, but having your daughters bat mitzvah at the age of 13 is essentially telling your young daughters, I know that you are more mature than let's say your twin brother. And I know that Judaism tells us that you are ready to take on the mantle of responsibility to be an active member of the Jewish community. But because we want you to be the same as your brother, you have to wait another year. Number one, I don't think that's empowering to her as a human being. I don't think that's empowering to her as a young woman. And I think it's just simply wrong. Telling ourselves the lie that we are all the same, that boys and girls are the same, that everything is the same and everyone is the same does us such a disservice because we're not the same.
We develop differently. We develop at different times. That is true both spiritually. That is true emotionally. And that's true physically. I almost fell out of my chair. I was listening to a TedTalk and they were talking about the different development stages of the human brain. There are three primary parts of the brain. There's the neocortex, which is responsible for rational thinking. There's the limbic brain, which is responsible for the emotions. And then there's the reptilian brain, which is responsible for our instincts. It's fascinating, by the way, way before there was a brain scan or any ability to know the parts of the brain, Jewish sources.Talk about the human soul, having these three components, one responsible for intellect on the top, the middle responsible for the emotions. And the third is the part of our soul that's responsible for our urges, our desires, our human instincts.
And when we talk about mankind being an upright being as opposed to an animal, which is horizontal, what we mean is that a human being has the ability to put our brain, put our soul in the proper order in a way that our intellect rules over our emotions, which in turn rules over our drives. I had a teacher used to say, Hollywood wants to do the exact opposite. They want to cut off our head and put us upside down. They say, do what feels right. Do what you feel like doing. Follow those instincts. And what that does is it convinces our emotions to feel a certain way. And then we rationalize it afterwards. But Judaism teaches exactly the opposite. We have the ability to control the way we feel.
So these are the three parts of the brain. The reptilian brain, the instinctual brain is fully developed by months in utero. That means before the baby is born, the reptilian brain is completely developed. It's what demands instant comfort and satisfaction of all of our physical desires. That is not being developed. Then comes the limbic brain. The limbic system, which is located between our ears tries to satisfy emotional needs, like our need for attention and belonging. It's what's responsible for all of the things that we feel and then comes the neocortex. Now just 20 years ago, we thought that most of the brain growth happens between the ages of zero and five. Only now because of new advances in MRIs, which have shown us the function and structure of the brain in a way that we weren't able to see before, do we now understand that the brain continues to develop and grow throughout adolescence and into the 20s and even 30s?

Get the full transcript here: www.joidenver.com/zeropercent/16---more-bar-or-more-mitzvah%3F

In this episode we continue our discussion about Jewish lifecycles with a spotlight on the Bris Millah.

Episode transcript:


Hey everybody, I'm Menachem Lehrfield. Welcome back to Zero Percent. We're in the middle of talking about how we see the growth mindsets and the way Judaism marks lifecycle events. So the first stop on our Jewish lifecycle journey is probably the bris milah or the brit milah. This is the oldest Jewish ritual dating all the way back to our patriarch, Abraham, Abraham Avinu, and in the words of the mohel from the famous Seinfeld episode.

This is a bris, a sacred ancient ceremony, symbolizing the covenant between God and Abraham, or something.

Today, I want to talk about that something. What is the bris and why do we do it? If man was meant to be circumcised, wouldn't God just make us that way? Why create us in a way that we need this procedure done in order to fix what seems like God's mistake? We know that He can make a creature without requiring circumcision, he made women.

I just got back maybe two weeks ago from the bris of my nephew and my brother-in-law was telling me that a few weeks before the baby was born, my niece, the older sister of the baby who had the bris, didn't know if the baby was going to be a boy or a girl. She said to her father, she said to my brother-in-law, "Are we going to have a bris when the baby's born?" So my brother-in-law said, "Well, it depends. If it's a boy, then we'll have a bris. If it's a girl, then we won't."

She looked at him, stunned and said, "Well, why won't you have a bris for a girl?" And he began going through a complicated anatomy lesson for a seven year old, which I think went way over her head and freaked her out just a little bit. Leaving the anatomy aside, why don't girls need a bris? Why would God have created us in a way that boys do need a bris but girls don't?

The Talmud records dialogue between the evil Roman general Turnus Rufus and the great sage Rabbi Akiva. Rabbi Akiva by the way, was eventually killed brutally by the Romans for teaching and studying the Torah, we'll probably get to that story in a future episode. But here he comes to Rabbi Akiva and he asks him, "Whose deeds are more beautiful, God's or man's?"

He was obviously expecting that Rabbi Akiva, who's a rabbi and a God-fearing Jew, would say, "Obviously what God does is better than what man does." To which he was trying to catch Rabbi Akiva in a trap and say, "Well, if God's actions are greater than man's, so then why wouldn't you leave baby boys the way they are, the way God made them? Why would you change them?" Which reminds me of a line from Duante Culpepper. He was explaining to somebody why he smokes weed. And again, this is not in any way an endorsement of doing drugs or drinking alcohol, but someone asked him why he smokes weed. And he said, "Well, it's quite simple, man made booze, God made weed. Who do you trust?" One would think that if God made it, it must be perfect.

So the evil Roman general, asked Rabbi Akiva, "Whose deeds are better, whose deeds are more beautiful, God's or Man's?" Rabbi Akiva obviously understood where Turnus Rufus was going with this and in response, he brought him bread, rolls of bread, and he brought him some stalk of wheat. He said to him, "The stalks of wheat are the work of God. But these baked rolls, this bread, this is the work of people. Aren't the rolls better than the wheat?" As if to say, "Well, obviously God made the wheat, but God didn't make the wheat for us to eat plain wheat." He made the wheat, but he also gave us the intellect and the ability to take that wheat and transform it into delicious bread. I don't know about you, but there is nothing I would rather eat than to delicious, warm bread. I've never really tried chewing on raw wheat.

The ritual of circumcision represents the idea and the awareness that God made the world perfectly imperfect. He didn't create a perfect world. Even better, he created an imperfect world and he allowed mankind to partner with him in perfecting that world. And so, God creates at least some of us, the males among us, imperfect. He makes us in a way that we are not physically perfect, we're not complete, so that we can work to perfect ourselves.

We work to perfect our physical bodies that are created imperfect, but on a deeper level, we work to perfect ourselves. We don't strive to leave this world the way we came in. We were created imperfect in an imperfect world and our job is to work hard to perfect ourselves and to perfect the world and make it a better place.

We do believe that women who are given the ability to create life themselves are more in God's image than men are and because they are on a higher spiritual level, they come into the world more physically perfect, just like they are more spiritually perfect as well. But the concept of the bris milah, the concept of working and striving to perfect ourselves is true both with men and women, all of us are created in a way that we are perfectly imperfect so that we can work drive to perfect ourselves.

Throughout the entire creation dialogue, every step of the way, every day of creation, the verse says, "[Hebrew 00:05:55] and God saw that it was good." Which is really strange, what's going on? Is God patting himself in the back and saying, "Ooh, I had a great day at work today. Look, I did a great job." We're talking about God over here. He doesn't need to pat himself on the back. He doesn't need to say, "Oh, look what a great job I did." That's first of all.

Second of all, really? "And God saw all that he did, and it was good." Have you seen the manatee? Have you seen the platypus? What does this mean, "And God saw that it was good?" And why is the very first time we find the expression, [Hebrew 00:06:31], that something is not good, with the creation of man? Why by the creation of man do we find for the very first time, [Hebrew 00:06:41], it's not good?

So to understand this, let's take a detour and travel to the garden of Eden. God says to Adam and Eve essentially, "You can eat from all the trees of the garden, just not this one tree." Where does he put that tree? Right in the middle of the garden. I don't know about you, but if I don't want my kids to play with something, I'm not going to stick it in the middle of the living room and say, "Don't play with this." If I put it in the middle of the living room, it's going to get broken. If God didn't want them to eat from that tree, why not put it somewhere else? Why not put in a completely different place? God puts it in the middle of the garden and He gives them the commandment not to eat from it, to remind Adam and Eve that they were guests in the garden. They were not the creators of the world. They were not in charge, they were just guests.

Only the creator can choose if something is [Hebrew 00:07:50] or not [Hebrew 00:07:51]. The word [Hebrew 00:07:52] doesn't really mean good, it means it's finished. It's good in its current state. So when God looks at creation, there are three options. Something that is [Hebrew 00:08:04] is good the way it is. On the flip side, we have something that is [Hebrew 00:08:09], something that is bad. In the middle, we have something that is [Hebrew 00:08:15], doesn't mean it's not good. [Hebrew 00:08:19] means it's not good yet.

When an artist is painting on a canvas, they get to a point where the art is perfect the way it is. One more brushstroke and you're ruining it. When the art is [Hebrew 00:08:37], when it's good, it goes in the wall, it gets framed. If the artwork is [Hebrew 00:08:43], it's bad, that means there's no way it's going to reach the purpose for which it was created. There's no way this is ever going to look like it's supposed to look and the response is it gets destroyed. The art gets ripped up and thrown in the garbage.

In fact, the very first time we find the word [Hebrew 00:09:01], bad, used in the Torah as by the flood. When something is [Hebrew 00:09:07] it needs to be destroyed, needs to get rid of, but then we have something in the middle and that's [Hebrew 00:09:14], means it's not good yet, it means it needs improvement.

When Adam and Eve eat from the tree, what they really wanted to do is they wanted to be the decider of good and evil. They wanted to choose what is [Hebrew 00:09:33], what is good? And what is [Hebrew 00:09:35], what is bad? And God says, "You are the created." The piece of art on the canvas can never make that determination. Only the creator, only the artist can make that determination. You see, as human beings, God says, "You are rationalizing beings." And what that means is you confuse [Hebrew 00:09:55] and [Hebrew 00:09:57]. You confuse good and bad because instead of defining good by that which is actually good, you define good by what you desire, what you want.

So, I look at ice cream and I say, "That is good." And I look at broccoli and I say, "That's bad." That's not true, that's not reality. When as a human being, I say that ice cream is good. I don't mean it's actually good. What I mean is I like it, I desire it. It makes me feel good, it tastes good. But that's not good. The human being is always capable of saying that if I want something, I convince myself that it is the right thing.

For the full transcript visit www.joidenver.com/zeropercent/15--the-gift-of-childhood

In this episode we start our exploration of time and how it allows us to connect to the growth mindset.

Transcript-

Hey everyone, I'm Menachem Lehrfield. Welcome back to Zero Percent. This season we've been learning all about the growth mindsets, and how we see them in Jewish thought. How the different ideas that we learn ourselves, that we teach our children, over time can help encourage and build a growth mindset, and how profound even the slightest change in the way we educate, and the way we praise and encourage our children, how even that slightest thing can help produce a growth mindset. But even more profound is the way we incorporate all of these growth mindset concepts, into the way we live our lives. That is the type of organic, natural exposure to the growth mindsets, that produces generations of growth mindset people, which in turn produces generations of successful people.

Life has lived in the realm of time, and the reality is when you look at religion, the majority of religious life is based on time, whether it's the different ritual or events that happen throughout the year, and Judaism, like all other religions does mark different times of year in specific ways at specific times. But also in the way that we individually, we mark different life cycle events at different times. And in doing so, both in stopping throughout the year, to mark a specific season or a specific time, or, pausing through my life at specific junctures in time, as I am experiencing certain things, allows me to bring religion, to bring significance and meaning into time, and thereby allows me to bring significance into life itself. I'd like to spend the next couple of weeks, exploring how Judaism approaches time, how we approach different lifecycle events, different moments in our individual lives, that allow us to connect organically and naturally, to this growth mindset research.

And then we'll begin to explore the different times throughout the year, where we may commemorate or remember a specific thing that happened in our past. But more importantly, we tap into something right here in the present, that is deeply connected to the different concepts we've been learning up until now. So let's begin with the Jewish life cycle. Now, where should we begin? Many would start from the first Jewish event in the life of a child. But the reality is, that the Jewish life cycle begins way before that. It begins all the way a conception. Jewish wisdom teaches, that when a child is in utero, when a child is in its mother's womb, it studies the entire Torah, with its own special angel.

So what that means is, as a child is in utero, it learns every single thing the child is ever going to learn. Everything the child ever needs to know for the rest of its life, it learns while it's in its mother's womb. And then right before the baby is born, the angel taps the baby on the top of its lip. And just like that, everything that he learned is now forgotten. What's the point? What's the point of teaching a child, everything he's ever going to need to know, and then causing him to forget it. If he's going to forget it, what's the point of learning it. It must be that it's not truly forgotten, it's just not accessible to the conscious mind. What that means is, every time I learn something new, I am not really learning a new idea, I'm remembering something I once knew. And therefore, when you learn something that is steeped in truth, you learn a true idea. Deep down, you should feel this sense of familiarity.

I remember hearing that before, it makes sense, I recognize it as true. Plato believed, that we all inherently have all the knowledge we need, deep down inside. And he tries to prove this concept from an experiment where Socrates is talking with this uneducated slave boy, who didn't have any background in geometry. And he manages to show that the boy actually understands some very basic and important geometric principles, even though he never formally learned them, just because he must have innately understood these things inside. I remember learning this in grad school and our philosophy class, and thinking that it was really stretched. And even though I don't think the experiment proved the idea, the idea is nonetheless, deeply rooted in Jewish theology. We believe that deep down inside, we have the answers to all the questions we'll ever need to know. Deep down inside the wisdom is there.

And it acts almost like a litmus test to understand innate truth, if I can remove all the biases, which is not an easy thing to do. But if I can remove all the biases, when I hear an idea that is true, it should deeply resonate as something that I recognize from my past, something that I know is true. But again, if that's the case, why cause us to forget it. There's something beautiful about being able to open up a computer, that you just bought from the store. You come home from the Apple store, you open up your MacBook, you turn it on. And it just works. I don't know if you remember, but I certainly do. Like in the nineties, when we got our first computer, you took it out of the box, and it took hours if not days to set it up. You had to manually install the operating system. You had to type all of these long commands into MS-DOS. And, why go through that whole process if you don't have to. Wouldn't it be great to come as a human being, just like a pre-loaded computer.

Already having all of the software that you need. Wouldn't that be amazing. Imagine being born as a human Google. Imagine having all of the wisdom completely and totally accessible, at any time you wanted it. Why forget it? The point is, we want the inspiration to be deep down inside. We need this compass deep down inside that allows us to understand if something is true or not. But if we didn't forget, if we were born with all the information we ever needed, then we'd never work hard for anything. We would miss out on a lifelong pursuit of knowledge. We would miss out on the journey. We'd miss out on the process of working hard for something. And that is the entire point. The point is to work hard. The point is to put in the effort. This is the pattern of every single stage of life. Every single stage, every phase of life begins with that artificial gift of inspiration. Just like when we were in utero, we learned everything that there is to know, but then as quickly as it comes, it's taken, it's gone.

And our job is to work hard. Our job is to put in the effort to build ourselves back to that same point. Every single phase of life, every single human experience, is made up of three distinct phases. The first phase, is the flash of beginning. In Jewish mysticism, the analogy that's given for these three phases, is the male contribution, the female contribution, and the product of both, which is the child. So we have the male stage, the female stage, and the child stage. And this is an analogy, for these phases as we see them throughout life and in future episodes, as we talk about different life cycle events, we may come back to this paradigm. But aside from just being an analogy for all of the other phases of human experience, it's also true in terms of the conception of a child. The first phase, the male contribution, is something that is quick, is easy, doesn't take up a lot of physical space, and not saying that conception is easy.

There are many people who cannot conceive, and it is one of the most painful and difficult experiences. But when it does work, the male contribution to the conception and creation of a child, is a very easy, quick experience. It's something that's pleasurable, it's a realm that's imbued with a concept of newness. The male body is producing millions of sperm every single day. And at this point, in the male phase, its endless possibility. Any one of those millions of sperm can produce a child. But if it stays in that first phase, if it stays in the concept of maleness, it's nothing. It's potential for potential sake. The story is told of a king who's riding along in his royal chariot. And as he's riding along, he sees this poor man standing on the side of the road.

And in a moment of empathy, he pulls over. And he begins talking with this miserable, impoverished gentleman. And he hears this man's plight. And he says, you know what, I'm the king. I own all of the land. I'm going to give you four stakes, four pieces of wood, not the meat. Four pieces of wood, and I want you to drive those stakes into the ground. And any space between those four stakes, that land will belong to you. The royal guards go, they get the stakes, they come back, they hand them to this poor gentleman. And he takes the first, and he sticks it right into the ground, right in that spot. And he takes the second one, and he travels a couple miles down the road, and he puts it in the ground. And as he's putting it in, he thinks, well, if I go a little further, I'll get more land.

So he goes a little further, he is about to put it in the ground, and he thinks himself, just a little further. And as this story goes, he never stopped. That is what we call potential for potential sake. That is a very male concept. It's about amassing money, not because I want to buy things with the money, but just to have the money. It's about having all of my options open. Because as soon as I make a decision, as soon as I decide I'm killing off all the other options. I heard once, I don't know if this is true, if anyone has a source for this, please let me know. But apparently, the suffix in english cide, means to kill, like homicide means to kill somebody, suicide means to kill oneself. What does decide mean? When I make a decision, I decide something. To decide apparently, allegedly, is to kill off all other options. And that's exactly what happens.

For the full tra

In this episode we discuss how everyone can change, and we are not defined by our natural gifts, but by the effort we put forth.

I'm Menachem Iehrfield, and this is Zero Percent, where we explore world changing ideas. The past couple of weeks, we've been exploring the acronym, be free. Looking at Carol Dweck's growth mindset research from a Jewish perspective, seeing how we learn so many of these ideas and concepts through classic Jewish sources and topics of Jewish thought. We talked about the idea of be curious, asking questions, focusing on questions, constantly being open to learning and to acknowledging what we don't know as a way of learning more. Not just looking smart, but trying to be smart. We talked about the idea of enjoying the journey, embracing life's challenges and understanding that life is a process and life is a journey. And if we fail to recognize and focus on that journey and we're so overly consumed with the end result, we miss out on life. Ultimately, the end result is outside of our hands, so the journey is all we have.
We learned and focused on the idea that failure is not a permanent condition. I may make a mistake, but that doesn't mean that I am a mistake. Failure is where we learn the most. We learn from our mistakes. We grow from our mistakes. Mistakes are human, and they're not meant to be covered over and avoided, but rather acknowledged and learned from. We talked about the idea of recognizing the uniqueness of each person, how every single person is unique. How every single person, every [inaudible], every internal reality is different just as every pun of every face is different. And how no two people have ever looked completely identical, just as no two people are the same inside. Every person is different. Every person is unique and we need to approach people and especially our children as the unique beings that they are and not just make the assumption that everyone is the same and everyone needs the same thing.
We explore the importance of effort and understanding that effort is a key to mastery and not a sign of weakness. What truly matters is not how far I've come, what matters is how far I've come from where I started. And because effort is so important, and because effort is what defines who I am as a person, when I focus on effort, it helps me grow and become better and improve in every area of my life. We explained that the Jewish heroes are not the overnight successes. They're not the people who are born with tremendous intellect or charisma or power or wealth, but rather the person who worked as hard as they possibly could, the person who worked to achieve their success. And that leads us to our topic for today. This week, we're exploring the idea that everyone can change.
Because effort is a key to mastery, the more effort I put in, the more I reach a level of mastery. And as a result of that, I am not defined by my natural gifts or the way I am right now. I am defined by the effort I put forth. I am the sum total of the choices I make based on the difficulty of those choices. There's a Calvin and Hobbes clip that Carol Dweck includes in her book Mindset, where Susie's studying and Calvin comes up to her and says, "What are you doing, homework?" And she said, "I wasn't sure I understood this chapter so I reviewed my notes from last chapter and now I'm reading this." So Calvin looks at her surprised and says, "You do all that work?" And she says, "Now I understand it." And as Calvin walks away, he mutters to himself, "Huh? I used to think you were smart."
Calvin's response is indicative of a culture where we are so convinced that people's value and worth is based on their natural abilities. And in his mind, if you were smart, you wouldn't need to try. You wouldn't need to study. And the very fact that you're doing so shows that you don't have the natural gifts to do it on your own. That is a classic fixed mindset way of looking at the world and it's antithetical to everything Judaism stands for. Judaism teaches that effort is always the key to mastery, that we can never accomplish anything without putting in the effort. In the book of Jeremiah, the prophet says, so said God, a wise man should not praise himself with his wisdom. A strong man should not praise himself with his strength. A rich man should not praise himself with his wealth. Those are not the things that we are proud of.
Those are not things that define who we are. We are proud of what we do with our wealth, what we do with our wisdom, what we do with our influence, what we do with our strength. Like we talked about in the praise episode, if I rent tools from Home Depot and all I do is show them off and I don't do anything with the tools, when the rental period is up, I give the tools back and I have nothing to show for myself. But if instead I use those tools to build a house, when the rental period is up and I give the tools away, I have a house to show for myself. The almighty gave us so many skills and talents, but they're not meant for us to use as crutches. They're not meant for us to coast through life, getting by on them. They're meant for us to use those, to make ourselves and the world a better place, to apply effort and to change ourselves and the world through those skills and talents.
If we define ourselves by our natural gifts, if we define ourselves and others by the natural abilities that we have, instead of what we do with those abilities, then we are setting ourselves and our children up for a life of mediocrity. Why settle for mediocre when you can be great? A person's value is not based on the God-given gifts for which he or she has been endowed. Those are tools on loan like the tools I borrow from Home Depot. Only that which is built with those tools matters. That's why it's so detrimental to praise a person's abilities instead of their effort, because it reinforces to them erroneously that what matters is the abilities that they're given. So why put in the effort, why try? The Talmudic Ethics tells [foreign language] had five students and he would enumerate each one of their praises.
And the [foreign language], one of the commentators on the Talmud explains the reason why he enumerated their praise was because he knew that they naturally were not inclined to these things, but they worked on themselves and through their diligence and through their effort, they developed these character traits. He says, this needs to be the case because otherwise why would he have even considered those their accomplishments? If they didn't work for them, then those aren't their accomplishments. And besides why on earth would the Talmud tell us of these praises if there's nothing we can learn from it? If I wasn't born with the same level of intellect as these great rabbis, then this is completely irrelevant to me. If the Talmud is sharing it, it means that something that I can learn from. But I've always been a little bit conflicted about teaching this episode from the Mishnah in the context of the growth mindset research. On one hand, Rabbi Yohanan ben Zakkai was considered a great teacher because his students became so great.
And the Talmud is telling us how they became so great. They became great because their teacher had focused praise. He didn't just praise them generally. He praised them specifically for areas that they worked on, areas that they put in effort. He praised them specifically for the areas that they personally excelled at. He showed each of them where their particular strength lay, and that is so crucial and so important in building up students. But the following Mishnah seems very different. It explains that the same Rabbi Yohanan ben Zakkai used to say, if all the sages of Israel were in one scale of a balance and [foreign language] was in the other, he would outweigh them all. However, [Abba Scholl] said in his name, if all the sages of Israel, including [foreign language] were in one scale and [foreign language] in the other, he would outweigh them all.
So here he singles out two students and essentially is praising them, not for their effort, but for their natural ability. Saying they were so much smarter, naturally more gifted. So is he an example of proper praise? Of praise that builds a growth mindset? Or the opposite? I came across an essay from Rabbi Jonathan Sacks of lesson memory, where he explains that perhaps [foreign language] was responsible for the tragic aftermath of these two great sages. He had these five students, three of them remained great. And two of his two most promising students ended up going off the deep end. The Talmud relates that [foreign language] ended up getting excommunicated by his colleagues, because he failed to accept the majority view on a Jewish matter of law. So essentially he wasn't willing to accept the majority opinion because he had a fixed mindset. He believed that he was right and there nothing to learn from them.

For full transcript, visit: www.joidenver.com/zeropercent/13---tools-on-loan

In this episode we continue our discussion about effort.

Hello, my friends, I'm Menachem lehrfield and this is 0%. We've been talking about the importance of effort and how from God's eyes all that truly matters is how much we've moved our needle. It doesn't matter necessarily how far we get, what matters is how much do we move from where we started to where we are right now. You may look at two people, one who does so many good things and is so charitable and philanthropic and kind and giving and another that we would look at and say, that's a bad person. But without knowing where somebody started and where they are right now, there's no way to truly know which one is a better person. The person who moved their needle the furthest, the person that grew the most in their lifetime is the one who's a better person. Now, this is a hard concept for us to wrap our head around because we don't really work in an effort based system. We live in a very result based system.
If I hire you to paint my house and I come back at the end of the day and the house isn't painted, I'm not going to pay you a dime because you didn't do your job. I don't care how much you tried. I don't care how much you wanted to paint the house. If you didn't do it, you don't get paid. We live in a very result based system. All we really care about, all we focus on is the result, but from God's perspective, he doesn't need the result. The outcome, as we said is always outside of our control. And so the result is never the focus. The focus is always on the effort. That is what I bring to the table. Jewish wisdom teaches us “L'fum tzara agra" based on the effort is the reward.
With this concept we can understand an interesting episode. We find Abraham has a nephew named Lot, who he raises as his own son and takes care of him and provides for him and eventually for whatever reason they part ways and Lot goes off to live in the city of Sodom and eventually the city is so corrupt that God decides he's going to destroy the whole city and Abraham pleads on behalf of the city. He goes back and forth. It's what Alan [inaudible] calls the first example of a Jewish lawyer and he actually says that perhaps that's why so many Jews have gone into law because it's kind of part of our DNA going all the way back to Abraham. But in any event, Abraham fights on behalf of the city of Sodom unsuccessfully but he does get permission to save Lot and the angels go to the city. They save Lot's life and what's interesting is the reason that's given for why Lot is saved.
Rashi who's our classic commentator and I call him our classic commentator because he wrote on almost everything. Rashi who is Shlomo Yitzhaki is a medieval rabbi born in the 1040s I believe, wrote commentary on the books of the Torah [inaudible] the entire collection of biblical books he wrote on the Talmud. Rashi's job was always to help us understand the words that are in front of us. Rashi's job is to provide context and understanding in the words, as we see them in these classic sources. So when the Torah describes Lot being saved from the city of Sodom's destruction, Rashi explains why he was saved and Rashi explains the reason why Lot is from Sodom and Gomorrah is because of his behavior in a previous episode.
There was a famine in the land and Abraham and Sarah and Lot were escaping to Egypt to get some food. Now in ancient Egypt, they had some pretty messed up priorities. So they had no problem killing somebody, but for whatever reason, they were very strict in adultery. They would never ever take another person's wife. But if they really wanted to, they had a great solution. They would make the woman into a widow that do it yourself way, which reminds me. I had a teacher who was once a chaplain in a jail. He was meeting with the prisoners and he met with one prisoner and he said to him, so what are you in for? And this big muscular man leans over the desk and says, I became a widower, the do it yourself way. So back to Egypt, if people would come to Egypt and there was a woman who they wanted, they would kill her husband as a way of taking her, again messed up priorities.
Now Abraham knew this. He knew that the second he gets into Egypt, because Sarah is so beautiful that she's going to be taken, but not only is she going to be taken, they're going to kill him first and then they're going to take her. And so he tells Sarah, when we go into Egypt, just tell them that you're my sister. God is going to protect you. Nothing's going to happen to you. You'll be just fine. But if we don't do this, they're going to kill me and they're still going to take you. So that's their plan. And they come into Egypt. As they're coming in, Sarah says that she's Abraham's sister.
Now Lot is watching all of this and Lot could have easily ratted out his uncle. He could have said, they're lying. Sarah is not Abraham's sister Sarah is Abraham's wife. And in the merit of the fact that Lot didn't rat out his uncle, who again, raised him as his own son who took care of him and provided for him and was taking him on this journey to get food so they didn't starve to death. But in that merit, the fact that he didn't rat out his uncle, which again, would've been a horrific, terrible thing for him to have done, he merits to have his life saved, even though he doesn't really deserve it in the land of Sodom.
But why, why was that a reason for him to be saved as Chris Rock would say, what do you want, a cookie, you're supposed to do that? If he would've ratted out his uncle, that would've been the lowest, most despicable thing he could have done. And yet with that action, he gets rewarded with life itself. What makes this even more puzzling is that leading up to this destruction of the city of Sodom, Lot risks his life to take care of the angels. He doesn't know that they're angels. They come knocking on the door in need of hospitality. And in the city of Sodom offering hospitality was a capital offense. In the city of Sodom and Gomorrah, you are not allowed to offer any hospitality to strangers. If you did, they would come in and kill you. And Lot despite having his life threatened takes in these people. They're angels, but he thinks that they're people, he takes them in, he provides them a place to sleep, he gives them food. He does all of these things and risks his life to do so.
If anything, I would think that should be the merit with which he is saved. Why the episode earlier with Abraham and Sarah, I have two things, two episodes where Lot does something that's good and right. I would think the thing that causes him to be saved was the one where he risked his life and he did so much more than the passive act of not ratting out his uncle, which would've been a terrible thing to do. So why do our sages tell us that it was the episode with Abraham and Sarah that deserves this reward?
We said, Lot grew up in the house of Abraham. Abraham was the pillar, the epitome of kindness and hospitality. We know that Abraham and Sarah's tent was open in all sides. When a young couple gets married, they get married under [inaudible] and the [inaudible] is open on four sides, like the tent of Abraham and Sarah, because just as their home was open to everyone and their primary goal and their primary focus was taking care of people in need. So too, we hope that every Jewish couple, as they get married will have a home like Abraham and Sarah, have a home that is open and they too will be hospitable and look out for the needs of everybody else. Lot grew up in that kind of home. For Lot providing hospitality was second nature. And yes, his life was being threatened because of what he was doing. But what he was doing was something that was normal for him. It was something that was automatic.
When Abraham and Sarah came to Egypt, had he ratted out his uncle, he could have potentially gained financially. And for Lot who was a greedy person who valued and loved money, as we see from many episodes in Lot's life. For Lot to not say anything took so much tremendous effort, it took effort to keep his mouth shut as the dollar bills were rolling in his eyeballs. And therefore he's rewarded for that. On Friday night, there's a custom to give your children a blessing. And the blessing we give our boys, our sons, as we say, "Yesimcha Elohim k’Ephraim v’chi-Menashe". We say may God make you like Ephraim and Manasseh, the sons of Joseph and the biblical verse in Genesis tells us why. The reason why we ask that God make our sons like Manasseh and Ephraim is because they are like Reuben and Simeon their uncles, meaning to say that even though Manasseh and Ephraim were one generation lower, they were the sons of Joseph.
They had the stature of the sons of Jacob, the stature of the heads of the tribes of the Jewish people and they were on the same level as Reuben and Simeon, Levi and [inaudible] Judah, the sons of Jacob. Now that might be makes sense until you actually think about it. If the reason why we want our sons to be like Ephraim and Manasseh is because they were like Reuben and Simeon, they were like the sons of Jacob. Then why don't we just say on Friday nights, God, please make our sons like Reuben and Simeon. I would think that being like Reuben and Simeon is better than being like someone who was like Reuben and Simeon. So why not just say "Yesimcha Elohim k’Reuben v’Simeon", make our sons like Reuben and Simeon.

For full transcript, visit: www.joidenver.com/zeropercent/12--the-tortoise-or-the-hare

Using our acronym Be Free, we talk about the most important concept- Effort.

Episode Transcript:


Hey everybody, I'm Menachem Lehrfield and you're listening to 0%, where we explore world changing ideas introduced by Judaism. If you're enjoying this podcast, I hope you've already subscribed. Why not take it one step further and share it with a friend? Or give us a five star review so that others can find this podcast as well. Now let's get to today's episode. We've been moving through the acronym BFREE as a way of approaching Carol Dweck's mindset research through a Jewish lens. Today we're up to the meat and potatoes of the entire series. I think this is perhaps the most important of all of the different concepts that she talks about, and that is the idea that effort is a key to mastery and not a sign of weakness. There is perhaps no idea more foundational to Judaism.

A couple years ago, I was giving a class to a group of young professionals, and we were talking about the importance of every human life and the value of human life. And I posed a theoretical question which I was not expecting to get an actual response, and you'll see why in a second. I posed the following question, I said, "Imagine you're walking along the beach and you see in the distance a person who's drowning, and the opposite direction you see your dog that you've had since he was a tiny little puppy is drowning as well, and you can only save one. So on one hand you have a complete stranger who you don't know, you've never met before, you know nothing about. On the other hand, you have your dog for the past 10 years who you've had since childhood, who you love and adore. Who do you save? Assuming, again, you could only save one."

And I thought it was a given that everybody would say the moral correct thing to do is to save the human being, but there was one guy, let's call him John, because his name is John, and John raises his hand and says, "I don't know. Maybe I would save the dog. After all, it's my dog. And I don't know anything about the other person." And much to my surprise we actually discussed this back and forth. Now if you would save the dog over the stranger, I'm not making any judgments about you or your character. Well, actually, I guess I probably am. I think the moral thing to do is to save the human being, but regardless of whether you would save the dog or the person, most people would agree that if faced between killing someone else or letting yourself be killed, I'm willing to go out on a limb to assume that all of you listening right now would agree that it's wrong to kill the other person, even though your life is being threatened, and it's better to die than to kill somebody else.

The Talmud actually brings down this very case and rules the way we would expect it to rule. It's brought down in the track date in Sanhedrin in 74a. The Talmud says, "A certain person came before Rabba and told him the governor of my village said to me, "Kill such and such a person or else I will kill you."" That seems exactly like our case. If you don't kill Steve, we're going to kill you. And the Talmud rules as we would expect it to, that let yourself be killed and do not kill him. What's puzzling though, is the reason the Talmud gives. The Talmud doesn't say, "Let yourself be killed and don't kill because it's wrong to murder." What the Talmud says is, "Let yourself be killed and do not kill because who says that your blood is redder. Maybe that man's blood is redder."

Now we have to zoom out for a second and understand the case the Talmud is talking about. The Talmud does not talk about the nature of each one of these parties involved, and so this ruling would apply regardless of who these two people are. So imagine for a second, on one hand, I have Mother Teresa, a wonderful woman who spent her entire life doing kindness and good. And from the moment she woke up in the morning until this very moment where she's being threatened at gunpoint, she has already done dozens and dozens of wonderful kind things. And on the other side of the barrel is Steve, who is a scumbag, adulterer, rapist, thief. In that very scenario, the Talmud rules that Mother Teresa is not allowed to kill Steve.

Now again, I think all of us would probably agree with that ruling. I think we would all agree that it's wrong for Mother Teresa to kill Steve. But the reason why I think, at least I would say, is because for her to do so would be committing murder, and that is ethically, morally wrong, especially because she's such a great person. But that's not what the Talmud says. The Talmud says in that case as well, we don't know whose blood is redder. What do you mean? Of course, we know whose blood is redder. We don't know whose better person? Again we have on one side Mother Teresa, who's done wonderful things since the time she woke up this morning until this very moment. And on the other side, we have this horrible, terrible person who's committed multiple crimes just today. How could the Talmud say the reason why she can't pull the trigger, the reason why she can't kill Steve, is because we don't know whose blood is redder? We do know whose blood is redder.

What we see from this piece of Talmud is that from God's perspective, we cannot say who is a better person, because from God's perspective this is an effort based system, not a results based system. You see, you can look at someone like Steve, who does all of these bad things and say he is a bad person, but we really have no idea. We are the sum total of the choices we make based on the effort it takes to make those choices, and ultimately, in God's book, that's all that matters. All that matters is the effort. They say you can't judge a person until you've walked a mile in their shoes. The problem is you can never walk a mile in anyone's shoes, and that is why we could never, ever judge another human being.

Actions? Absolutely. We judge actions. We have a very specific legal system. In fact, Judaism is the basis of most of the Western world's legal system today. We gave the world a concept of law and equality before the law, and we do judge actions. We have a very clear guidebook called the Torah, the instructions for living that tell us these actions are right and these actions are wrong. And we unapologetically will say, "This is right and this is wrong." But we never, ever judge another person because we could never know what's going on inside of that person. We could never know the effort that was involved in that decision.

For all we know, if Steve had the exact same upbringing as Mother Teresa, if his life was exactly the same in every other aspect, it could be he would be even kinder, even nicer, do even more acts of kindness and goodness. And on the flip side, for all we know if Mother Teresa really had the same life as Steve and the same upbringing and the same disadvantages and the same challenges, it could be she would do even worse things.

In God's book, Steve might be a better person. It could be that Steve, every time he robs somebody, he has this deep innate desire to snap their neck on the way out. And maybe, just once in his life, after he robbed an old lady, he didn't slit her wrist, he didn't snap her neck, and maybe the amount of effort that it took for him to withhold himself, to stop himself from committing this gruesome murder that we would be disgusted by. For all we know, that one action was a greater moment of self-restraint than everything else that we have ever done, and because of that Steve is actually a morally better person. We don't know. We don't know whose blood is redder.

Rabbi Eliyahu Dessler writes a famous essay in his book Michtav Me'Eliyahu, where he describes two nations that are engaged in war, and he writes that when they're fighting on the battlefield, all the territory conquered by one army now comes under its control and the enemy has no foothold there whatsoever. Similarly, the territory of the second army comes totally under its control. If one of the army's conquers further ground and advances and takes over the enemy territory, then subsequent battles will resume with the new battle lines. But territory, which was already been conquered will not be fought over again for it has already been occupied. There is only one battleground and this can shift between the territories of the two waring nations.

I think a better analogy for us today in the 21st century is probably a football field. If we're on the 50 yard line and we're advancing towards the end zone, all that may matters is moving the line of scrimmage. Our 10 yard line and 20 yard line might as well not even be on the field. Unless something goes terribly wrong and we throw an interception, that side of the field doesn't matter. We're not even playing over there. And the same is true with the nature of free will. Every single person has what Rabbi Dessler calls a nekudas habechira, a point of free will, a zone of free will.

We think that we're completely free to act and to choose, but the reality is our free will is actually quite limited. There are certain things that are beneath our level of free will, things that we are not compelled to do, things that we have no temptation or desire to do at all. I would think most of us listening right now do not have a desire to murder another person. In fact, to do an action like that would cause such emotional upheaval, therefore, the fact that I don't reach out and slit the throat of my coworker is not something that I'm truly free to choose. I was brought up to know that murder is wrong, and for me to commit murder would be so difficult. And therefore, I don't get credit every time I'm annoyed at somebody and I don't pull out a knife and slit their throat because that's not something that takes any effo

This episode we explore our uniqueness.

Episode Transcript: Hey everybody. I'm Menachem Lehrfield and you're listening to Zero Percent, where we explore world-changing ideas introduced by Judaism. This season, we've been talking all about education, and specifically we've been going through some of Carol Dweck's mindset research from a Jewish perspective. Frank was a regular fixture in his synagogue, never missed a day. He was getting a little bit older. And when he reached his 100th birthday, he just stopped showing up. So one week, and then another week and then a third week. And at that point, the rabbi. Got a little nervous. So the rabbi goes and he visits Frank and he thought, God forbid, maybe something happened. And he knocks on the door and Frank answers, and Frank looks wonderful. He looks great.
So the rabbi says, "Frank, how's it going?" He's like, "Never been better." "So well, how come you stopped coming to synagogue? In my entire time as rabbi of this shul, I've never seen you absent once. You've never missed a week. How come all of a sudden you hit 100, you stopped coming?" So Frank says, "Rabbi, come here." And he motions him over. And he whispers in his ear and says, "Listen, Rabbi, when I turned 95, I thought any day God is going to take me. And then 96 and 97 and 98. Finally, I turned 100. I'm beginning to think he forgot about me. And if he forgot about me, I'm not going to remind him."
Oftentimes, we go through life and it's hard to know, well, do I really matter? The Hebrew word for face is [foreign language 00:02:00], which is the same as the word [foreign language 00:02:03], which means internal. And the idea is that just as no two faces are exactly alike, even identical twins, that means from the beginning of time, until the end of time, no two human faces are exactly identical. And just as no two faces are the same, no two people are the same inside. Every single human being is unique. Each and every one of us is unique. And there is nobody in the history of mankind that has ever been exactly like any of us. And we need to begin to look at ourselves as those unique beings. And we need to begin to look at others in that same way.
There's a beautiful story, which I'm beginning to doubt actually happened. And I usually don't like telling stories unless I can actually verify that they've happened. So the following story... I'm going to tell you the story first, so I don't take away from it because it's a beautiful story. And then if you want afterwards, you could hear my cynicism as to whether or not it's true. The great composer Arturo Toscanini hired a biographer to write his biography. And this great biographer is writing a story of Toscanini's life. And he asked him if he can come by his apartment to interview him one evening, and Toscanini said, "I'm sorry, I can't. I have plans." So the biographer said... He pried a little bit. He had that relationship with him. He said, "Well, what are your plans?"
He said, "I'm going to be listening to a symphony on the radio. It's actually a symphony that I conducted myself several years ago." So the biographer said, "Oh great. Can I just come and listen with you?" He said, "No, I'm sorry. I always listen to these things by myself." He said, "Come on, just let me come." And they fought back and forth, and Toscanini finally said, "Fine, you can come, on condition you don't say a word. If you want, you can come. You can sit there with me quietly, but not a word." Fine, okay.
So that night, the biographer knocks on the door. He comes ahead of time so he's not interrupting in the middle of the symphony. And they sit there in complete silence, listening the entire time. And as soon as it's over the biographer looks at Toscanini and says, "Wow, wasn't that magnificent? Wasn't that beautiful?" And the famous composer looked at the biographer and answered with just one word. He said, "No." "What do you mean, no? It was so beautiful. What was wrong with it?"
And Toscanini said, "There were supposed to be 120 musicians playing. There was only 119. They were missing a violinist." So the biographer's smirking to himself. He's not going to get started arguing with the great composer. He says, "Okay, whatever you say." The entire way home, he's thinking, is that possible? Can Toscanini really know if one violinist was missing? Can't be. So the next morning he calls the director of the orchestra, and he says to the director, "How many musicians were playing last night?" And the director said, "Funny, you should ask. We were supposed to have 120, but at the last minute, one of the violinists got sick and he didn't show up."
The man's floored. How's that possible? It's not even like he was live and sitting there. You're hearing this over the radio. You can really hear the difference? So he goes back to Toscanini and he says, "Come on, did you call ahead of time? Did you know that the guy... you like friends with the violinist who didn't show up? What's the catch?" And Toscanini said, "There's a huge difference between you and I. When you listen as a member of the audience, you hear and you say, 'Oh, it sounds nice. It sounds beautiful, magnificent.' But as the conductor, the conductor knows every single note. The conductor knows every single musician. Every single person has a part to play. And if you're not playing your part, it doesn't sound the same. You might not be able to hear it. You might not be able to understand the difference, but he knows because he's the conductor."
We each have music to play and we have to play our own instrument and we have to play it to the fullest. Every single one of us is unique. That means there's no extras. None of us gets to be the rock in the school play. Every single one of us is the lead role in our lives. That's what it means. The Talmud tells us that God created man alone. Why? Creates billions of rocks, billions of trees, tons of each type of animal. Why create just one human being, especially when the world is meant to be populated? Just create lots of them. The Talmud says the reason why God created just one man by himself is to teach us that every single human being is a world unto themselves. And if somebody saves a life, it's like you save the entire world. And if somebody destroys a life, it's like you destroyed the whole world.
That is the emphasis we place on every single individual because every one of us has unique opportunities, unique capabilities, unique potential. Every one of us is truly unique. The historian Paul Johnson met with the chief rabbi of England, and Rabbi Sacks asked him why... Paul Johnson's not a Jew. He said, "Why did you spend so much of your career writing about the Jews? Why were you so fascinated by the Jewish story?" And he said, "The Jewish people are the only people..." Again, this is not me saying this, this is Paul Johnson the historian. "The Jewish people are the only people who have properly found the balance between the individual and the community." He said, "You have places like China, where it's all about communism. It's all about the greater good. You have places like America, where it's all about the individual." We live in the I generation, the iPhone, the iPad. I always say even the we is just two Is.
There's something really telling about that. We live in a very I-centric society. The Jewish people find the balance between the two. It's not just about the I and it's not just about the we. The American ideal is e pluribus unum. out of many, one. It's the idea of the melting pot. Everyone come from all over, come with all of your uniqueness and all the things that make you unique and special, melt them all down. That's the idea of the melting pot. And then we'll spit out this product of the American. We'll strip you of all of your culture, of all of your background, take it all away and produce something that's this amalgamation of everything.
Judaism is exactly the opposite. It's not out of many, one. It's out of one, many. Even when we're unified, even when we're one, we look at the individuals. We look at the unique elements of every single person. In the Torah portion of Nasso, the Torah goes into great detail recording the different gifts that the [foreign language 00:09:46], the priests, the princes, the heads of each tribe brought to the tabernacle, to the temporary portable temple in the desert. What's unusual as the Torah does not waste any extra ink. There's not a single extra letter in the entire Torah, and yet what's remarkable about the gifts that the [foreign language 00:10:07] brought is that every single one of them was identical.
Go back and look at the Torah portion. You'll see it repeats the same verse practically over and over and over and over and over again. The Torah doesn't waste a single extra letter anywhere else, and yet it's repeating the exact same thing over and over again. Just say the heads of each tribe brought the following and then say the things. Say what the gifts were. Why go through every single one? And the answer, our sages tell us, is because they might've brought what looked like the same thing, but because every single human being is unique and every single person is different, when each one of those [foreign language 00:10:49], each one of those princes brought a gift to the temple, they brought it with the full range of who they were. And therefore, every gift was unique.
It might've looked the same from the outside. The materials might've been identical, but the way each one of them brought it and the representation of who each person was, was truly different and unique. And therefore the Torah goes through every single gift, saying word after word after word, to teach us that it might look the same from the outside, but inside it's truly unique.

For full transcript, visit: www.joidenver.com/zeropercent/10---the-power-of-one

Continuing our discussion of the acronym "Be Free" we talk about the F word. Failure.

Episode Transcript:

Hey, everybody. Welcome back to Zero Percent. I'm Menachem Lehrfield. We've been discussing the topic of the growth mindset. Last time we talked about the idea of enjoying the journey. And today we move on to a crucial and important topic, which is the understanding and awareness that failure is not a permanent condition. So we've gone through the B and now we're up to the F in FREE, which is again, failure is not a permanent condition. A wise man once said, "Trying is the first step to failure." That was of course, Homer Jay Simpson. But the truth is, he is absolutely right. Trying is the first step to failure. You can't really fail if you never try. The thing is, it turns out failure isn't really so bad after all. In fact, studies show that we are actually more likely to learn something better when we're given the opportunity to fail and get it wrong.
If you have a test and you're asked a question that you know nothing about, if you actually try to come up with an answer, even if your answer is completely wrong, you are more likely to understand, know and retain the information once you learn the correct answer. This goes against a hundred years of education where we try to drill our children with these math drills. We try to have our children memorize these words and these definitions and these multiplication tables. All of those things were there because scientists believed, which was wrong, but they believed that if you teach someone something wrong, it would be so much more difficult to unteach the wrong information.
What we know now is, is exactly the opposite, that when you give a child or a person the opportunity to get the answer wrong, to fail, to make a mistake, they're more likely to retain the information. So instead of saying, memorize all these things that you never get anything wrong, now let's try to figure out how we go through the process of understanding, how we go through the process of learning. In Judaism, not only as a mistake or a failure not bad, it's actually good. It's actually the process that brings us to success.
In the book of Micah, in Micah, chapter seven, verse eight, the verse reads, "Do not rejoice over me, my enemy, [foreign language 00:02:37]. Because I fell, I will arise." And I've seen people translate this as despite the fact that I fallen or although I have fallen, I get up. But that's not what it means. The word [foreign language 00:02:49] does not mean despite, it means because of. [foreign language 00:02:55]. The falling is what leads to me getting up. We find a similar source in the book of Proverbs 24:16, where the verse says, [foreign language 00:03:07], because the righteous one falls seven times, he will arise." Again, not despite the fact that he falls, he gets up. The falling is what leads to getting up. The darkness is the source of the light. The failures are what lead to the success.
I don't know if you remember, but Michael Jordan did an ad for Nike. It was a print ad. And in it, it says, and this is a quote from Michael Jordan. He says, "I've missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times I've been trusted to take the game-winning shot and missed. I failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed."
Thomas Edison said the same thing when they asked them about the light bulb. It took him 10,000 tries to produce the light bulb. And someone said to him, "How did you have the ability to keep on going after failing so many times?" And he said, "I didn't fail 10,000 times. I learned 10,000 ways that it doesn't work. I discovered 10,000 ways not to make a light bulb." When that's our approach to failure, everything changes. You see, we're obsessed with this concept of the overnight success. But the reality is, Albert Einstein said that somebody who's never made a mistake has never tried anything in their life.
You see, the world tries to sell us the story of the overnight success, the person who just like that turned their whole life around and became world famous and successful. And the reality is it does not exist. If it was overnight, it was not success. And more likely than not, if it's success, it wasn't overnight. See, we just see the end result. We see the Michael Jordan. We don't see the fact that he was cut from his high school basketball team. People look at that story and they say... And I've heard people say this. "Michael Jordan's coach must feel like an idiot." Can you imagine being the coach that cut Michael Jordan from your basketball team? But he didn't feel stupid. Do you know why he was cut from the basketball team? Because he wasn't good enough.
And when he came home from school and he told his mother that he got cut from the team, his mother didn't say, "Oh, you poor thing. I'm going to go down to the coach and yell at him," which many parents would do today. But you know what she said to him? "You weren't good enough. Now here's a basketball, go outside and try harder." And that's what made him into Michael Jordan.
You look at so many people who have succeeded and you think, oh, they had it so easy. Look at Oprah. Nobody's more famous than Oprah. She was told she wasn't fit for TV. Walt Disney was told he wasn't creative enough. Thomas Edison, we said, failed over and over and over again. Steve Jobs was fired from his own company, the company that he started himself. He went from literally nothing, a college dropout, created a company in his parents' garage that had 0% chance of success. He built it up from two people to over 2000 employees, made this huge company, and then they fired him.
If you would've asked somebody 30 years ago, "What would be the world's most valuable company?" and I understand it's not currently, but it will be, give it a couple of months and it was for a decade, "What's going to be the world's most valuable company?" They never would have told you to it'd be a computer company. That that's unfathomable. He completely revolutionized the world's technology. But what's amazing, and the point I want to focus on it, yes, it doesn't mean he was a nice person. Walt Disney was not a nice person either. And it doesn't change the fact that he completely created an industry that didn't exist before, and he was an extremely successful person. And we can learn from a person's success without necessarily idolizing that person as a good human being.
But the point I want to focus on is that you can look at that experience. I know if it was me, if I was in my 30s and I was a... I don't know if he's a billionaire at that point. He's probably a billionaire at that point. Either way, he was set for the rest of his life. He suffers a public firing where it's on the front page of almost every single newspaper or magazine that he is fired from his own company. If it was me and I had enough money to live easily comfortably for the rest of my life, I would retire and be done. What did he do? He started two companies, Pixar next. And he says that getting fired from Apple was the greatest thing that ever happened to him. Because while he got fired and he was working on all this other stuff, that's what led to the renaissance of Apple.
I don't know if you remember. I remember growing up. Apple computers were like these dorky old... You couldn't do anything cool or fun with them. Do you remember the big floppy disks? You'd stick them in with two hands and like crank the thing, the drawer, to close it. What changed and revolutionized Apple was when Steve Jobs came back to the company. And that's what produced the iPod and the iPhone and the iPad and those cool iMacs that have that all in one funky colorful machine. And all of the things we have today never would have existed had not got fired. It was specifically that failure, that challenge, that created that impetus for him to pivot and pivot and pivot, to eventually create all the things we see today.
So if you asked him... I mean, we can't ask him anymore, but he said this publicly many times. Getting fired from Apple was the best thing that ever happened to him. Michael Jordan not making his high school team was the best thing that ever happened to him. Oprah, being told she wasn't fit for TV was the best thing that ever happened to her. It's those failures that allow us and propel us to that next level. It's not despite the falling it's as a result of the falling. Because if I can get up, I've got it made.
On Rosh Hashanah we blow the shofar, and there's three different types of shofar blasts. There's what's known as a tekiah, which is a strong blast. It's a triumphant blast. Then there's the shevarim and the teruah, which are broken blasts that are supposed to represent crying, weeping. We never blow a shevarim and a teruah by itself. It's always sandwiched between two tekiahs. So we'll do a tekiah, shevarim, takiya, takiya, teruah, tekiah. And the idea that we're giving across is that all's good in the end. If it's not good, it's not the end. Failure is not a permanent condition. I might be down right now, but that's not the way it's always going to be. I have the ability to rise up. I have the ability to change. And if it is truly bad right now, I know it's not the end. And therefore, whenever we have that blasts that are represented by the shevarim and the teruah, the blast of crying, the blast of weeping, the blast of sadness, it is always followed by that strong tekiah, that triumphant blast.

For full transcript, visit: www.joidenver.com/zeropercent/9---the-f-word

In this episode, we continue the conversation "Enjoy the Journey" and discuss facing challenges, and the outcomes that come from those challenges.

You can hear more from Dr. Dweck here: https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=2ahUKEwipi-3RjLbzAhWYvp4KHaBkCEEQwqsBegQIBRAB&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DhiiEeMN7vbQ&usg=AOvVaw0ZqEGfXWawIoLla_rt0vmU

You can get a copy of Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Dr. Carol Dweck here:
https://www.amazon.com/Mindset-Psychology-Carol-S-Dweck/dp/0345472322

Episode Transcript:

Hey everybody, I'm Menachem Iehrfield. Welcome to Zero Percent. In this episode, we continue our discussion about enjoying the journey, so make sure you listen to part one of this, which is the previous episode. I want to start our conversation today by exploring the Hebrew word, nissayon, which means an ordeal. The root of the word is nes, N-E-S, or [foreign language 00:00:34] in Hebrew, which means a miracle. When we find a Hebrew root of a word, that means that there must be a connection between the word and its root. What is the connection between a nissayon, an ordeal, and nes, a miracle?
When we're challenged with something, all right? When I look at a challenge, I'm looking at an obstacle, something that I didn't necessarily choose. When God challenges us, why does he challenge us? Why does he test us? I test a student because I want to know whether or not they know the information, whether they can pass. If God is all-knowing, then he knows whether or not we can pass the test, so why would he challenge us and give us a test? Either I can pass it or I can't. If I can't pass it, it would seem cruel, and if I could pass it, it would seem pointless.
There was a mother who was trying to encourage her young child to play the piano and she took him to see the great Paderewski. They get to the concert hall, and before the show starts she sees a friend she hadn't seen in quite some time. So she goes over and the two women begin talking. While they're talking, the lights go down and it's time for the show to start. So everyone goes back to their seats, and the woman looks down and her son has gone. She's panic-stricken. She has this pit in her stomach of fear. Where is her little boy? And that pit in her stomach, that fear, very, very quickly turns into embarrassment, because she sees her child and he is on the stage. She is mortified. I mean, she wants to dig a hole in the ground and jump right in. So the spotlight is on this boy as he walks right to the grand piano, and he sits down at the bench and he begins pounding on the keys.
Meanwhile, Paderewski walks out. Everyone is just sitting there in silence, trying to see what is this great pianist going to say. What is he going to do? He walks over to the boy, he puts his left hand to the left, his right hand to the right, and he whispers in the boy's ear. He says, "Don't stop playing." He begins to play all around the boy and the people there said they heard the most magical music that night. He transformed that boy's noise into music.
In life, we're that little boy sitting at the piano, and we bang at the keys and we make lots of noise. Ultimately, God takes that noise and he whispers in our ear, "Don't stop playing." What he does is he transforms that noise into magical music. That is the process of an ordeal. When somebody is truly being challenged, not something that's difficult, not something that's uncomfortable, because if we haven't figured this out at this point, life is not supposed to be comfortable and it's not supposed to be easy. That's not what we're talking about. I'm talking about a real challenge, a real ordeal, a nissayon. To really be a nissayon, means that at that moment you truly can not pass the test. And that's where the miracle lies.
And when you talk to somebody that's going through a real challenge, they'll tell you, especially when they're on the other end, they'll tell you, "At that time I do not know how I made it through, and if you would've asked me then, I would tell you, I can't make it through, I can't do it, I can't get through this, I literally can't." And the truth is you can't. But that is a nissayon, that is what it means to have a real ordeal. An ordeal is something that you need to try your hardest at that moment, and you jump and God takes you to the other side. He says, "You on your own could've done up until here. I'll take you the last five feet. I'll take you to the other side." The amazing thing, and the miraculous thing is not just that he helps you accomplish it and you get to the other side, but now this is something that you can do. Now this is something under your tool belt, and the next time you have a similar challenge, you can do it.
My point is that one of the reasons why it's so crucial to focus on the journey and to enjoy the process, is that the outcome is always out of our hands. Judaism teaches us that the outcome, literally, is always out of our hands. We can do everything we can. There's an expression, man plans, God laughs. You can make all the plans, and you should make all the plans, and you should have goals and they should be realistic goals that you set and you're trying to accomplish. But ultimately, the only thing you can do is put in the effort. You can almost never control the outcome of a situation. You can always control your response, you can always control your reaction, but you can't control the outcome.
There's an expression we use in my house where we say, "I'm doing the best I can with the tools that I have." My wife once said that when my kids were really young, and I don't remember what the situation was, but she looks at my two children. It was probably my then five-year-old and the four-year-old, and she says, "Come on kids, mommy's doing the best I can with the tools that I have." And Ozzie turns to his younger sister and says, "She doesn't have any tools." All we can do is the best we can with the tools that we have. And ultimately whether or not it succeeds is out of our control. [foreign language 00:06:11] said, "If someone tells you I tried and I did not find, don't believe him. I didn't try and I found, don't believe him. If he says I tried and I found, believe him." [foreign language 00:06:21] doesn't say that if someone says that I tried and I succeeded. What does he say? He says, "[foreign language 00:06:29], I toiled, I worked [foreign language 00:06:31] and I found."
When you find something, that's something that happens accidentally. It something that happens for you, it's a gift. It's not something that you work towards. You don't work to find something. You might work to look for something you lost. But when you find something, [inaudible 00:06:44] is something you find in the street that you weren't expecting that's owner less. You don't expect to find that. That's not something you work towards, it's something that just happened. So even when I work hard, the outcome is the [foreign language 00:06:56] telling us [foreign language 00:06:57], it's something I found. It's a gift, because that is ultimately outside of my control.
I have a friend of mine, Mendel Boxer, who has an expression that I absolutely love and I've begun trying to make this my mantra for life. He says, "Not my circus, not my monkeys. I would so love to help you with whatever it is that you're asking me for right now, but right now that is not something that I am able to be in control of. I'm so sorry. It's just out of my control." And being able to accept that that is not in my wheelbarrow right now is something that's so freeing.
That expression is generally used to mean that's just not in my department right now, or not in my department ever. But, if you think about it, the outcome is always out of our control. What if the same way, if someone came to you with some sort of project or problem that needed solving, but it's just not in an area of your expertise or not something that you can deal with right now. And, the same way in those instances, I can say, "You know what? I'm so sorry, but that really belongs in the accounting department. Can you please go speak with them?"
What if we were able to look at the outcome of every situation in that same way? I'm required to put in my effort, I'm required to do my utmost at every moment to try and bring this thing to fruition, but after that, I'm done. I'm like the boy sitting at the piano, I'm pounding on those keys, I'm putting in my effort, but I can say to the almighty, "Now it's up to you to transform that noise into music. Now it's up to you to take my effort, and whatever is meant to happen will happen." It's no longer in my control. Not my circus, not my monkeys.
This attitude can allow us to let go of so much stress, so much of that questioning of, "Well, what if, and what if, and have I done everything I can?" Yes. So now the worry doesn't accomplish anything. I can focus on the journey, I can focus on the process and the end product is out of my control.
We spoke last time about the beauty of the growth mindset and how somebody who's focused on the journey is able to try all kinds of things that they wouldn't try otherwise. And the reason is, that if I truly believe that the outcome is in my hand, it's in my control, if I am only outcome oriented then if I don't succeed in exactly the way I planned, exactly the way I wanted to, then the whole thing was a waste. When I begin to focus on the journey, when I acknowledge that the outcome is anyway completely out of my hands, so then all I can do is try. All I can do is put in the effort. And if I choose to see the journey as the most important part of this process, if I choose to enjoy the journey, if I choose to grow and learn from the journey, so then no matter

Instead of focusing on the outcome, we need to "Enjoy the Journey". In this episode, Rabbi Lehrfield continues the discussion using our acronym Be Free.

You can hear more from Dr. Dweck here: https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=2ahUKEwipi-3RjLbzAhWYvp4KHaBkCEEQwqsBegQIBRAB&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DhiiEeMN7vbQ&usg=AOvVaw0ZqEGfXWawIoLla_rt0vmU

You can get a copy of Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Dr. Carol Dweck here:
https://www.amazon.com/Mindset-Psychology-Carol-S-Dweck/dp/0345472322

Hey everyone. I'm Menachem Lehrfield. Welcome back to Zero Percent. We've been discussing the importance of the growth mindset, and delving into the work of Professor Carol Dweck. We're using the framework of freedom and our acronym BE FREE. In our last episode, we talked about the importance of being curious, asking questions and the focus Judaism places on those questions. This week, we continue our discussion with our first E, of BE FREE, which is enjoy the journey.
Carol Dweck writes in her book Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, that in the fixed mindset, everything's about the outcome. If you fail, or if you're not the best, it's all been wasted. The growth mindset allows people to value what they're doing regardless of the outcome. And this is so crucial because when you look at people with a fixed mindset, it really all is about the outcome, and more importantly, what other people perceive as success in that outcome. It doesn't matter so much whether or not I succeed. What really matters is do I look like a success.
And when everything is judged based on the outcome, what ends up happening is instead of discovering what we're really good at, instead of improving in certain areas or even better yet, instead of just enjoying something I'm not good at, somebody with a fixed mindset shies away from anything that they're not good at instantly, naturally. And if we don't try new things, we don't get better at new things. And what ends up happening is the gap ends up widening more and more and more. And we see this in really all areas of progress. Oftentimes we see a lot of these things, most notably in sports and athletics, and it's not that those are necessarily more profound, more detrimental, more positive. It's just that oftentimes in sports, you see a much... I'll say you have a much clearer delineation of progress, of lack of progress, of how these things work.
So we see with children in sports, kids who are good at certain sports, continue playing those sports. And what happens? Because they continue playing them and because they can continue trying, they get better. The kids who are not so good instantly ended up not playing because they know that when they play it, they don't play very well. People are going to make fun of them. They're much better off shying away from and not playing that sport. And then what ends up happening? Obviously they don't get any better because they don't try and they don't participate.
So you end up going through whatever it is, the next 10, 20, 50, really the rest of your life, where those who are athletic and good at sports end up getting better at sports. Those who are not so athletic end up getting worse or staying the same, not improving at all. And that gap that was somewhat small at the beginning, ends up widening more and more and more, until one day you look back and you say, "Wow, these kids are so athletic, and these kids are not." Is that somebody with a fixed mindset would say, "You see, it's true. I told you I wasn't good at basketball. Look, they're so much better than me."
The reality is that the only reason why that person is so much better than you is because that person continued trying and continued playing, whereas you didn't because you didn't want to embarrass yourself by trying something you weren't instantly good at. And that's true with everything, right? The kids who are labeled the smart kids in kindergarten, first grade, ended up remaining the quote unquote smart kids for the rest of their academic career. And the kids who are considered the so to speak dumb kids end up staying the dumb kids. What we we're seeing is that people who are not instantly good at something, especially if they have a fixed mindset, shy away from participating, which is exactly the one thing they need to do to get better at the thing that they're trying.
And that's why you have the same kids winning the spelling bee and the science fair year after year after year after year, which really isn't teaching them anything. Because oftentimes the kids who are winning are not the kids who are putting in the effort. They don't put in effort. They just coast through. And the kids on the other end of the spectrum fall off as well, because they've already decided they're not good at it. If we can change our mindset and learn to really embrace the journey, the process, so that I can do something that I'm not good at, and that's okay.
Now, I think it's really crucial, and I wish we had time to delve into all of these things deeper, but we're just limited in our time. But I think it is crucial, especially as we move into adulthood, to figure out what it is that we're good at, to figure out what it is that I can devote my life to. But that doesn't mean I can't do something that I'm not good at. Now, I wouldn't advise spending your entire life doing something that is going to be a constant struggle. I wouldn't advise doing something your entire life that you're not naturally good at. Happiness, I think, is really the product of using your signature strengths in a way that makes an impact on the world and you find meaning in your life.
So yes, it's important to know what it is you're good at, but somebody with a growth mindset can do something as a passion, as a hobby that they're not good at, and that's okay. I could be a terrible dancer, but if I like to dance, if I have a growth mindset, I'll be confident and say, "You know what? I enjoy this. I'm going to do it." And I could be a horrible musician, or I have a horrible voice. But if I like to sing, I'm going to sing. Somebody with a growth mindset has the ability to do the things that they enjoy regardless of how it looks and regardless of whether or not they are so to speak good at it. Not only that, someone with a growth mindset can try new things. And the more we try new things, the more we discover things that we're good at that we never would have known otherwise. There are so many things that you are probably fantastic at that you have no idea. There is so much potential we have inside, and we have no clue what that is.
There's a famous story of the Netziv, Who's a great sage. And he wasn't doing very well in school. And his parents had decided... And he overheard this conversation they were having in the kitchen. He ever heard his parents having this conversation where they said to one another, they said, "He's not doing very well in his studies. He's not going to grow up to be a sage. Why don't we have him apprentice as a shoemaker? At least this way he can make a living. He can do something with his life and do something productive." And he heard this conversation and he decided he was going to really devote himself to his studies. And he did. And he ended up becoming one of the greatest ages we've ever had, the Netziv. And he said, "Can you imagine, after 120, I would have gotten up to heaven, and they would have said to me, 'Where are all the books that you wrote? Where all of your Talmudic discourses? Where is everything? Where's the Netziv?" And he would have said, "I don't know what you're talking about. I'm a shoemaker."
That's a scary thought, isn't it? There are so many things that we can become. We have the potential inside to do so many things, but if we don't try those things, we're never going to know. The growth mindset is the internal motivation that says, "You know what? I'll try that. Why not? I've never done it before, but that's exciting." Because it's not about the end result. It's about the journey. It's about the process. So as parents, I think personally, we have the responsibility to encourage our children. And when I say encourage, in my family, that means bribing children to do things that they don't necessarily want to do right away, because I think that they're going to enjoy it. My children live in Colorado. I strongly believe that as they become teenagers, they are going to love and want to ski. So I will bribe my children to go to ski lessons for X amount of time. Once they've done enough lessons that they can get down in mountain comfortably and safely, then it's up to them.
If they want to do lessons, I'm happy to put them in. If they don't want to do lessons, then we're done. And I have this argument with my children now. I'm like, "I'm not bribing you with a prize to go to ski school. Ski school is the prize. Do you have any idea how much money it costs between... and what a pain it is between schlepping up there, paying for the lesson and the lift ticket and the equipment and the rentals? I mean, it's unbelievable. There's no way I'm going to Target to buy your prize after all of that. That is the price. You can do it if you want. But at the beginning, I will bribe you. At the beginning, I will pay for all that and take you to Target for the prize afterwards, because I want to give you the opportunity to say that you really tried it."

For full transcript, visit: www.joidenver.com/zeropercent/7---mind-the-gap

Using our Acronym "Be Free", we dive into the letter B: Be Curious. Being curious and asking questions is a fundamental Jewish value. Find out why!

You can hear more from Dr. Dweck here: https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=2ahUKEwipi-3RjLbzAhWYvp4KHaBkCEEQwqsBegQIBRAB&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DhiiEeMN7vbQ&usg=AOvVaw0ZqEGfXWawIoLla_rt0vmU

You can get a copy of Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Dr. Carol Dweck here:
https://www.amazon.com/Mindset-Psychology-Carol-S-Dweck/dp/0345472322

Episode Transcript:

Hey everyone, I'm Menachem Lehrfield. Welcome back to 0%. We've been discussing the importance of the growth mindset and delving into the work of professor Carol Dweck. We're using the framework of freedom and our acronym B free. In this episode, we are finally ready for the beginning. The B, which stands for B curious someone with a growth mindset is constantly curious about the world around them. They're interested, interested in learning, interested in growing. Being curious and asking questions is one of the most fundamental and foundational Jewish values. From a young age, we teach our children the importance of asking questions and focusing and emphasizing those questions. We're a religion that never shuns questions. Asking a question doesn't mean you don't have faith. It doesn't mean that you don't truly believe.
We do not believe that faith is blind or unquestioning. We constantly learn about our great sages and patriarchs that question God. The very name Israel, Yisrael, means to wrestle with God, to ask those hard questions. We are not a religion that believes that education is about adults talking to children. About adults talking and children listening. That's not what it's about. I remember when my cousin became a bar mitzvah. So here in America, when a bar or bat mitzvah child gets up, they usually give some sort of D'var Torah, a nice speech that talks about something in Torah portion that has a nice lesson and everyone listens respectfully and quietly. And when he or she is done, everyone gets up and they clap and they applaud, and they go on about their day. That is not what happens in more religious circles. Definitely not at my cousin's bar mitzvah.
So what they do is what's known as a [foreign language 00:02:16] which is essentially a Talmudic thesis that you are defending. Only difference is you're talking about a 13 year old child. So the 13 year old comes up with some sort of novel Torah idea that they came up with her on their own, and then they begin to present it. But instead of the audience sitting back and listening quietly and respectfully, the audience actually pushes back. They ask questions, they give answers. So my uncle happens to be a student of some great sages, some who are still alive, some who have passed away. And I remember this 13 year old kid presenting his [foreign language 00:02:56] his Talmudic discourse in front of some really, really great sages, [inaudible 00:03:01] for those who know who those people are and others, and he begins, and he honestly, I don't think I understood a word of what he was saying, but he was about five minutes in and [inaudible 00:03:16] began to ask some questions and then [inaudible 00:03:18] piped in and the two of them are beginning to pick apart his speech, his dissertation, and ask questions. And my cousin responded and defended himself and they continued to ask. And the three of them went back and forth in this argument until finally my cousin answered it enough that they said "okay, you're right." And I remember being so floored from that experience.
Can you imagine? Listen, if it was me, if I got up there and one of the greatest sages alive told me I was wrong because of reason X, Y, and Z. Even if I didn't think he was correct, I would've just sat down, shut up and said, thank you anyway, I'm sorry for wasting your time. I would've dug a hole and just jumped in, but that's not what happened. I remember thinking, can you imagine in a university setting a professor says something and then a student, a very, a junior student raises their hand and says "Professor, you're wrong. Let me tell you why." That student is finished. Done.
When I was in grad school, I had a law class and I called my father up. Cause I had some question about some case. He said to me, ultimately, it doesn't really matter. You can be a hundred percent right and it makes no difference whatsoever. The only thing that matters is what your professor taught you. You need to answer whatever it is that your professor thinks the right answer is, regardless of the truth, that's all they care about. Can you imagine a professor being challenged by a 13 year old child? And then ultimately in the end, acknowledging that the kid is right? That would never, ever, ever happen. And yet in Yeshivas throughout the world, a child does not feel inhibited to ask a question, to challenge a something and say "I don't think that's correct. Let me explain why." That's what it's like to be a people that value questions above all else.
In 1944, Isador Rabi won the Nobel prize in physics for his discovery of nuclear magnetic resonance. I have no idea what nuclear magnetic resonance means, what it does or what it is. But what I do know is that when he was asked why he became a scientist, he replied, "My mother made me a scientist without ever even knowing it. Every other child will come from school and be asked 'So what'd you learn today?' Or even worse 'Did you have fun?'" But says, Isador Rabi "My mother used to ask a different question. She would look at me and she would say, Isi, did you ask a good question today?" And Isidor Rabi says, that's what made him into a scientist. That question, focusing on questions, because questions are the seeds of learning. It's important to understand what a question is.
I think we all assume everyone knows what a question is. I have this conversation with my children all the time, and I think it's so important to define a question. My children, especially when they were young, they would mix up questions with statements. They would say things like "Daddy, Daddy, I have a question. I want to ask you a question. I have to ask a question" and you'd say "Yeah, go ahead. What's your question?" And say "On the way to school today, we saw a firetruck." That's wonderful, and I'm so happy you saw the firetruck, and it must have been really exciting, but that's not a question. That's a statement. And the reality is so many of us, even adults, still confuse questions and statements. A question is only a question if the following is true,. Every question contains within it the following acknowledgement. There's something I don't know. And I'd like to know more about it. If that is not the intention I have with whatever it is, that's coming out of my mouth. Then it's not a question.
When I ask a question, cause I want to sound smart. When I ask a question, cause I want everyone else to look around and say, wow, what a clever fellow. That is nothing more than a statement with a question mark at the end. A question is always an acknowledgement that I don't know something. That's why inherent in a real question is vulnerability. But that is the vulnerability that is necessary for understanding. Someone with a fixed mindset is more concerned about looking smart than actually being smart. That be all an end all for someone with a fixed mindset is that everyone else should believe that I am smart. That everyone else should be that I am talented and qualified. So somebody with a fixed mindset will never ask a real question. They will only say statements with question marks. The problem is without asking questions, we cannot learn. Without being vulnerable we can't learn.
In the Talmud, in the book of ethics, chapter two mission of five, it says [foreign language 00:08:51] "The easily embarrassed person does not learn." [inaudible 00:09:00] explains what is the mission to mean? What does that mean? That one who's a "easily embarrassed person" doesn't learn? It means if you're bashful, you can't learn? No, he explains that one who is embarrassed to ask out fear of being ridiculed will always remain in doubt. Someone who's too afraid to acknowledge and admit they don't know something. Someone with a fixed mindset, will never learn anything. Because in order to learn, I need to make myself vulnerable. I need to acknowledge the fact I don't know something, but I want to learn more. And then, and only then, am I able to begin the process of learning.
But why are questions so important? Why are questions the seeds of learning? The morale of Prague explains that questions create a hole. They create a void that can now be filled with information. If I just share an insight with you, I just give you information. So it goes in one ear and out the other. It doesn't have a place to take hold. Only when somebody is curious. Only when you ask a question or more importantly, you prompt somebody to ask the question themselves. Only with that curiosity will there now be a void. A hole that can be filled with the information.
Questions also engage a person. The most important night of the Jewish calendar is [foreign language 00:10:29] night at the Seder. On a Passover our entire Seder is formatted by question and answer. We encourage our children to ask questions. We cannot tell the story of our Exodus until a child asks, because once they ask, like we said, through the morale, they're now open. They're now curious to learn and hear more. But more than that, it engages a person. It connects a person. We learn this from the fact that after Adam sins, the almighty doesn't come down and say "You did this. You did that. You were wrong." He begins by asking questions.

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What does it mean to be free? This episode explores the Jewish concept of Freedom and introduces Dr. Carol Dweck's Mindset research with the acronym "BE FREE"

Check out the Dear Rabbi Podcast at https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dear-rabbi/id1565016262

You can hear more from Dr. Dweck here: https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=2ahUKEwipi-3RjLbzAhWYvp4KHaBkCEEQwqsBegQIBRAB&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DhiiEeMN7vbQ&usg=AOvVaw0ZqEGfXWawIoLla_rt0vmU

You can get a copy of Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Dr. Carol Dweck here:
https://www.amazon.com/Mindset-Psychology-Carol-S-Dweck/dp/0345472322


Transcript:

Hey, everybody. I'm Menachem Lehrfield. Welcome to Zero Percent, where we explore world-changing ideas from Judaism, ancient wisdom for modern living. The past few weeks, we've been exploring Carol Dweck's mindset research, and I'm really excited to jump into it, to understand where we see all of these fascinating earth-shattering ideas within Judaism. We'll explore Jewish thought, Jewish ritual, and Jewish custom. In our first episode, we talked about how Jewish success is not so much about the Jewish people as much as it is about Judaism. And I think this is where we'll really see it come to life. I like to say that we're looking at a 3000-year-old case study on the growth mindset, that if you spend 3000 years developing a growth mindset, this is the result.
It's not so much about just the things that we teach our children and teach ourselves. It's not just about the ideas that we study and we learn, which are crucially important. But even more so it's about how organically we give over this growth mindset research in our everyday lives. And that's why we're not just going to explore Jewish thought. We're going to then go into Jewish practice, our life cycle events. How do we mark the different parts of our lives and how through that marking do we not just encourage but really build that growth mindset? We'll then explore the different Jewish holidays and how each holiday throughout our year, we go through the cycle of the year and as we go through the cycle of the year, we are constantly focusing on and building that growth mindset.
To introduce Carol Dweck's research through a Jewish lens, I've created the acronym, BE FREE, six different points, six different steps that we're going to focus on in the coming episodes. Number one, the B stands for be curious. The idea of cultivating curiosity, the idea of when somebody has a growth mindset, they care about being smart, not just looking smart.
Number two is the idea of enjoying the journey, being process-focused instead of product-focused. Understanding that everything is a process that takes time, that takes effort, and learning to enjoy that process. Number three, the F, stands for failure is not a permanent condition. Understanding the importance of failure in our growth and looking at failure as a part of that journey, not this crushing, all-encompassing end of the process.
Number four, the R, is recognize the uniqueness of each person. Understanding that every person is different, every person learns differently, every person has different strengths, different weaknesses, and the importance of recognizing the uniqueness of each person. Number five is the E, is effort is the key to mastery, not a sign of weakness. The importance, as we talked about in the last episode, of praising process and effort, not the result. And lastly, number six, the second E, is everyone can change. Understanding that I'm not defined by my natural gifts or the way I am right now, but rather I can constantly change. I can constantly become better, more proficient, constantly I'm going through this process of change and why it's so crucially important to never praise natural ability. If I understand that everyone can change, then the way I am right now, or the way I was born, really has very little to do with the person I can become. And that's BE FREE. And we'll go through the next couple episodes going through each one of those six points.
Before we do, I just want to explain why I chose the paradigm, the concept of freedom to present this research. I want to spend the rest of our episode today just exploring the Jewish concept of freedom. What does freedom really mean? We, as Americans living in the United States of America, think we understand everything there is to know about freedom. After all, we're living in a country that was founded and is really all about freedom, that that's what America's all about. The land of the free and the home of the brave.
But what is freedom really? I always found it interesting, you never hear someone shout, "Hey, it's a free country," when they're doing something nice. You ever notice that? You ever see someone like hold the door open for somebody, and then as they walk in, they say, "Oh, thank you so much." You say, "It's a free country." People only talk about how it's a free country when they're being obnoxious and they're doing something they're not supposed to do. It's never like done with this, "Oh, it's a free country." It's always, "Hey, it's a free country. I can do whatever I want." And the reason is that that's the American concept of freedom, which is very different from the Jewish concept of freedom.
The American concept of freedom is I am free to. I am free to vote. I am free to bear arms, let's say. I don't want to get into anything political. I am free to practice my religion. I am free to do X, Y, and Z. There are many things that this great land affords me the ability to do. The Jewish concept of freedom is different. It's not just the ability to do X, Y, and Z, which I'm not saying is unimportant. Obviously, it's important to live in a place where I have the freedom to vote, to practice my religion, to speak, to fill in the blank. The Jewish concept is that I am free from. See, freedom is really about having the ability to do what I know is right, to do the right thing, and to be free from anything that's holding me back from that. Each one of us has the potential for greatness. Everyone does. But we get held back by all kinds of things. Freedom is the ability to break free from that which is holding me back and to become great.
You see, when you look at Judaism, in America, we're very into our rights, and rights are important. But when you look at Torah Judaism, there's not a single right overtly mentioned anywhere in the Torah. The Torah never says you have a right to anything. What it does say is you are obligated. You have an obligation. And if we each fulfill our own obligations, then everybody else has rights. I am obligated not to infringe upon your property. I am obligated to ensure that you're taken care of. I am obligated to fill in the blank. If every single person upholds their obligations, so then by default, we all have rights. The point is, where is the focus? Is the focus on me and what's coming to me, or is the focus on what am I responsible to make sure I don't do to somebody else? So we end up with the exact same rights.
In fact, we gave the entire world the concept of rights. We gave the world the concept of equality before the law. We gave the world the concept that every human being has inherent value and should be treated as such. We gave the world those concepts. We gave the world the value of rights. But we did so by focusing on responsibility. Victor Frankl writes that we should have on the West Coast a statue of responsibility to counterbalance the Statue of Liberty on the East Coast. And together, they would create this equilibrium, so to speak. Because we live in a world where we're so focused on our rights that we forget about our responsibility. That might be a point of semantics, but the semantics are very important.
The analogy I always give is Halloween versus Purim. So on Halloween, what happens? Children go knocking door to door, threatening people and saying trick or treat, which essentially means either give me something or I'm going to do something bad to you. That's literally what it means. Trick or treat. Give me a treat or I'm going to play a trick. So you teach your children to go knocking door to door, taking and say, give me, give me, give me, give me. And then at the end of the day, they have a bag full of candy. But what do they do? That entire day was reinforcing selfishness and taking. Purim, we go door to door. But instead of taking, we spend our entire day giving one another. At the end of the day, the child who celebrated Purim and the child who celebrated Halloween have the same amount of candy in their bag, because one child spent his day giving and one child spent his day taking. It's all a matter of perspective.
So we can spend our lives focusing on our rights, mine, mine, mine, me, me, me, or I can focus on my responsibility, my obligation. When we look at real freedom, freedom is the ability to act independent of what everybody else thinks. The freedom to act independent of what I used to believe about myself, about the world. Freedom means that I have the ability to grow as a human being. And just because I was one way yesterday, doesn't mean I'm stuck being that way forever. [inaudible 00:10:30] Noah Weinberg used to say, and I quote this often, "Never be afraid to discover that the real you is different from the current you." I am not defined by who I am right now. I am not defined by the natural way I came into this world. I am not defined by the way you define me. That is real freedom. That's what it means to truly be free.

For full transcript, visit: www.joidenver.com/zeropercent/5---be-free

In this episode, we continue our exploration of Dr. Carol Dweck's Growth and fixed Mindsets and learn about the profound impact of praise on building a growth mindset.

Check out Menachem Lehrfield's Dear Rabbi Podcast at https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dear-rabbi/id1565016262

You can hear more from Dr. Dweck here: https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=2ahUKEwipi-3RjLbzAhWYvp4KHaBkCEEQwqsBegQIBRAB&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DhiiEeMN7vbQ&usg=AOvVaw0ZqEGfXWawIoLla_rt0vmU

You can get a copy of Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Dr. Carol Dweck here:
https://www.amazon.com/Mindset-Psychology-Carol-S-Dweck/dp/0345472322

Episode Transcript:

Hey everybody. I'm Menachem Lehrfield welcome to Zero Percent, where we explore world-changing ideas introduced by Judaism. Ancient wisdom for modern living. We've been discussed the book Mindset by Carol Dweck. And before we continue exploring some of Dr. Dweck's research, it's important to get a little bit of context. Professor Dweck wanted to understand why some people reached their potential while others do not. And she discovered that a person's success has less to do with our abilities and everything to do with our belief about our abilities. She introduced this research at the height of the self-esteem movement. We believed, and I think we still do, that self-esteem is perhaps the most important thing, especially when it comes to our children's performance. If we want our children to perform. If we, as individuals and human beings want to perform at our optimum best, we need to have a healthy self image. Self-esteem is crucial.
And for decades, parents and psychologists and teachers were operating under the assumption that if we want to increase a child's self-esteem, the best way to do it is through praise and reward. And that created an entire generation that gave participation trophies. I remember when I graduated high school, every single kid in the class got an award. It was a small class. We only had 20 kids or something. But I remember I got an award which I thought I really... I didn't do very much academic work, but I did do a lot of service work and I was the president of student body. And I got this award at the end, and I felt very proud of that accomplishment until I realized literally every single kid in the class was getting an award. When we all win, nobody wins. We got into a situation where we couldn't tell our children when they were doing anything wrong, because their self-esteem, their way of looking at themselves was so fragile that if we did anything, we were going to crush it. And then came the prizes and the reward, and most importantly, the praise.
What Carol Dweck recognized is that praise alone does not equal self-esteem. Praise alone does not produce self-esteem. What's crucial is not whether or not we praise, but how we praise. When I praise somebody for who they are, I say you are so... fill in the blank. You are so pretty. You are so smart. You are so athletic. What I am telling that person is, "You are fixed. That's the way you are." I'm labeling them. And what that does is it puts them into a fixed mindset. So not only does that praise not build their self-esteem, in fact, it crushes it. When a child receives praise for something they know they didn't deserve, something they know they didn't earn, their brain actually translates it as criticism, which is amazing.
Think about it. I'm giving the child a piece of praise, because I want to help their self-esteem. The way the child translate that is I know I didn't do a good job. Right? All this negative self talk. I know I didn't do a good job. If you're telling me I did a good job, I must have done on so poorly that you felt the need and the necessity to tell me, I did a good job. Think about how backwards that is, but that's the way we interpret it. So it's not about the praise. It's about the way we praise. When I praise somebody for who they are, what I'm saying is, "You are fixed. And if you want to continue getting my praise, you need to show me that that's the way you always are." Somebody with a fixed mindset will never try new things, because when I try new things, it shows the world, when I don't succeed right away, I'm not so talented.
When I praise somebody for what they do, I praise somebody for the process. I praise somebody for the effort that they put into the process. And again, she happened to have done her research on children, but this has been replicated and done in a business setting. It's been done with adults in a personal setting. This works regardless of who it's working on. This works, whether this is the way I speak to somebody else. This works in regards to how I speak to myself, how I speak to my spouse, to my partner, to my friend, to my coworkers, to my boss, to my employees. And I can tell you, when you first learn about this, I know at least me personally, when you first hear about this concept of well praising natural ability is not only neutral, it's actually negative and bad for our children, it's very difficult to switch gears. And you find yourself saying the words and trying to like rip them back. Like, "Oh, you're so ..."
And you find yourself trying to edit because it's a very difficult thing to do to make that paradigm shift. I remember when we had... We used to have an early childhood center, which hopefully we will restart one day. But one of the basises of our early childhood center was the idea of the growth mindsets. And one of the things that we did on a regular basis is I would go in and I would have workshops with the teachers to help them incorporate certain growth mindset philosophies into the classroom, into the way they interacted with the children. And it's actually really difficult to do, and it's not the way you are brought up.
I mean, think about it. Most of our society, the greatest compliment you can give them is, "You're a natural. Wow, such a natural." When you think about the types of compliments that make us feel good, what are they? Oh, you look beautiful. I remember when I was living in Israel, I used to sell photographs as a hybrid between a hobby and a excuse for a profession. And I would sell photographs. And I remember somebody once giving me a quote unquote compliment where they said to me, "Wow, that's a really beautiful picture. You must have a great camera." And I thought to myself, can you imagine translating that into an anything else in the world? Can you imagine going to somebody's house for dinner and after dinner saying, "That was delicious. You must have amazing pots. Your oven must be out of this world." It's obnoxious. But when you think about it, the compliments that make us feel the best are things we did absolutely nothing to achieve. When somebody says that you look beautiful and that's the first thing they mention about you, we should be embarrassed.
When the first thing somebody says to you is, "You look beautiful," we should be thinking to ourselves, that means that that was the first thing the person noticed about me. I didn't do anything for that. "Oh wow. Your eyes are gorgeous." I was born like that. I did literally nothing. You can say maybe I put on makeup. I worked out. My eyes? I did literally nothing. I was born. That was it. Why do I feel good when someone compliments my eyes? I hear this all the time. After a big lecture, someone will come out to me and say, "Wow, you're such a natural."
And for many people, and the truth is, for a long time, I would look at that as a compliment and say, "Wow." Because that's a fixed mindset. In a fixed mindset, I want to appear like a natural. I want to get off the stage and for everyone to think, wow, that was so effortless. But for someone with a growth mindset, that's embarrassing. For someone with a growth mindset, effortless, that's not something to be proud of. In our home, we sit around the dinner table. We'll each share something that was challenging or what's something that you failed at, what's something you tried, you didn't try before. Or what's a question that you asked, something that you you didn't know the answer to that you wanted to know and now you know something that you never knew before?
When our children come home and we say, "How was school?" They're going to say, "Fine." And even more detrimental when our children come home, we say, "Oh, did you have fun today?" What we're doing is we're creating an entire generation of children who believe that the ultimate goal of everything we're doing is to have fun. Life is not about having fun. Yes, it's important to have fun in life, but that's not our goal. When my children come home after a long day of school and they tell me they had no challenges that day, my response is, "That's so sad. I'm so sorry your brain didn't have a chance to grow today." Usually at that point, they'll come up with something.
But our approach totally changes. If we still feel most proud about the things we did absolutely nothing to achieve, that means we're still primarily operating from a fixed mindset. The good news is we can change. One of the most amazing things about her research and what really got me so drawn to it was how quickly we can create an onset of a growth mindset versus a fixed mindset. And I've tried this with my own children and it is remarkable. She brought in groups of two children one by one. And they gave them a visual IQ test. The first test was very easy. It was way below their grade level. They gave them the test, a test that they were all going to do very well at.

For full transcript, visit: www.joidenver.com/zeropercent/4---praise