Explore every episode of the podcast Xtinction Agenda

The cartoon world of No Girl sprawls rotten, cable-ridden among dislodged monuments, a landscape of fouled water and lonely souls. Here a mutant death machine towers over young lovers, jealous and drowning, pulled by the riptide of its broken heart into the trench of darkest despair. The hope of this world can only be found in a forsaken union and in the blessed release of fire.

"The supermen fight and die and return in a meaningless shadowplay because we make them do it."

Shakespeare is not the source of the phrase "Power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely." But don't tell that to Bill Jemas. Walk silently through the halls. Keep your head down. Don't talk back. Keep your job. Keep your job. Keep your job. The rains will come. Just wait. And don't talk back.

"...and where would we be without a laugh?"

We are enfolded in the hot white wings of the red phoenix, journeying into small worlds of pressure, passion, and forced evolution, the thin tendrils of tiny machines licking the flames that power our pathetic lives and make us weep. Is this everything? Our purpose? Beyond the infinite rock that surrounds this cave, what truth is there? Red and claw catastrophe looms.

"Scott my friend...how can I help?"

Here is what we shall do. We shall take hundreds of our soldiers, most of them borrowed from a smash and grab that occurred hundreds of years ago. We will paint them as True Warriors. We shall put them behind enemy lines and ask them to help conquer themselves. We shall call this Valour. Then, when it all goes tits up, we shall pretend it never happened.

"Ach, I've seen worse up the shore road on a Saturday night, sir. That's no word of a lie."

Did you feel that? Reality Storm. Always happens this time of year. Thunder. Lightning. Twenty centimetres of allegory expected. Chance of simile. Like a young girl hiding among men in a universe of No Girls Allowed, it's best to stay Inn. Find your stories there. If you have any.

"That's your proof."

Captain America #400 "Murder by Decree!" Written by Mark Gruenwald, pencilled by Rik Levins, inked by Danny Bulanadi, coloured by Christie Scheele, and lettered by Joe Rosen.

Avengers West Coast Vol. 2#82 "Shi'ar Hatred!" Written by Roy and Dann Thomas, pencilled by Dave Ross, inked by Tim Dzon, coloured by Bob Sharen, and lettered by Joe Rosen.

Quasar #34 "The Scorched Sun" Written by Marc Gruenwald, pencilled by Rurik Tyler, inked by Keith Williams, coloured by Paul Becton, and lettered by Janice Chiang.

Wonder Man Vol. 2 #9"Big Decisions" Written by Gerard Jones, pencilled by Jeff Johnson (w/Stephen B. Jones), inked by Dan Panosian and Bud LaRosa, coloured by Joe Rosas, and lettered by Pat Brosseau.

Avengers #347 "Empire's End" Written by Bob Harras, pencilled by Steve Epting, inked by Tom Palmer, coloured by Gina Going, and lettered by Bill Oakley.

May, 1992

Warning: This episode has some terrible audio. We didn't realize it was recording so badly. Now we can't fix it. Sorry.

Also, we try not to swear in this one. That doesn't go well either.

Fortunately, we do have other attributes... 

"Okay, they're stupid infants."

And there came a day when the chips were down and the deck was stacked and the rain fell and fell. Widows wept and pulled their hair, wailing. We waited for the dust to settle. We waited for a champion to emerge.

They never arrived. They never even wrote to say they'd be late.

All we got were these hideous amalgamations, these blurred icons, these terrible nightmares breathing flame, kicking mud all over the barn doors.

Thanks for everyone who made it this far. We hope you survive the experience.

"Another small assurance that age and treachery will overcome youth and luck."

It's like a toilet plunger, isn't it? That suck suck sludging noise following you around. Like pulling your feet up from the mud. Or the oil sands. Black crude leaving marks behind you for the rest of your life. All for the slim hope of one day being an artist. Or at least human.

Kate Beaton - Ducks. An investigation.

"Coal, fishing, steel... but that's all gone, isn't it?"

"Assassination" Written by Bob Harras, pencilled by Steve Epting, inked and coloured by Tom Palmer, and lettered by Bill Oakley.

"Bad Judgement" Written by Len Kaminski, pencilled by Paul Ryan, inked by Bob Wiacek and Keith Williams, coloured by Mike Rockwitz, and lettered by Michael Heisler.

"Now Strikes the Starforce" Written by Tom DeFalco, pencilled by Pat Olliffe, inked by Al Milgrom, coloured by Gina Going, and lettered by Michael Heisler.

April 1992

It is a truism that one never has enough time to pleasure a woman. Walker knows well this ancient truth. He learned it the hard way, splitting himself between ages like a muscular Belgian splits his legs. A man out of time, forever separated from himself. 

Halt! Put down the gold bullion! It's Timecop!

"Poor bastard. Tomorrow might have been a brighter day."

To walk the realm of mortals and feel the dirty air, risking death, bringing destruction in your wake. We all want this. Even the ones who cannot die. Them most especially. They look up to the ones below, secretly desiring their own inevitable loss. And then kill their children to bring it about.

"Shall we go back to your place?"

NOTE: Contestants of the 'He Who Dares Wins' Essay Competition can write to xtinctionagenda6@gmail.com by March 1st, 2023. Winner gets a full run of Alan Moore's Promethea or the complete run of Warren Ellis' The Wild Storm (winner's choice) sent right to their door. But to win you must write a 300 word essay insulting us. Most creative insult essay wins.

These primary colour flatland print objects are growing up. They have kids now. Responsibilities lacking in youth. Time slips away from them, leaving past triumphs in the past. Tradition spurs them forward. Tradition and the perpetual threat that one day the status quo will no longer suffice to push units.

Ask yourself who benefits. Ask yourself what possible motive could have inspired the death of Sue Dibny. And when you solve the mystery of Brad Meltzer's Identity Crisis, remember:

"... you should never underestimate what someone will do for the people they love."

NOTE: Contestants of the 'He Who Dares Wins' Essay Competition can write to xtinctionagenda6@gmail.com by March 1st, 2023. Winner gets a full run of Alan Moore's Promethea sent right to their door. But to win you must write a 300 word essay insulting us. Most creative insult essay wins.

Sweet small crime hustlers of Sunnyvale, they of foiled scams, driveways of hash, a daily menagerie, a misfit cast. Theirs is the land of lost souls who lost nonetheless impose their will, trapped in the churning grind of statute mill, self-representing, shameless and still. Within this park under camera lens they scheme and trade the day away until such time as law doth raid and bring the boys from their trailers hence to prison quick to serve sentence.

"You have permission to smoke and swear."

Born from the murky river of tarnished America, the trundling beast sat at its typewriter. One claw tick tack tick. Ding. Another sentence. Nixon is in the white room waiting with Kissinger. I will never forget this moment, the beast writes, not even in the dreamless sleep of the plaza strip. Nowadays, bastards everywhere you look.

Frank Miller - Spawn/Batman. Steve Gerber - Adventure into Fear.

"The lash is --- no illusion!"

NOTE: Contestants of the 'He Who Dares Wins' Essay Competition can write to xtinctionagenda6@gmail.com by March 1st, 2023. Winner gets a full run of Alan Moore's Promethea sent right to their door. But to win you must write a 300 word essay insulting us. Most creative insult essay wins.

The horse walks slowly atop the dusty rough, carrying the man wearing a star. The man reads the signs left in the night, sees the swollen bodies and the blood. 9mm rounds, .45 ACPs. Knows that something larger is at play. And that someone needs his help.

The man thinks it's all waiting on him. But that's vanity, isn't it?

NOTE: Contestants of the Insult Essay Competition can write to xtinctionagenda6@gmail.com by March 1st, 2023. Winner gets a full run of Alan Moore's Promethea sent right to their door. But to win you must write a 300 word essay insulting us. Most creative insult essay wins.

"Daddy ever tell you how Max came to his reward?"

"They Also Serve..." Written by Roy and Dann Thomas, pencilled by Dave Ross, inked by Tim Dzon, coloured by Bob Sharen, and lettered by Joe Rosen.

"Spatial Deliveries" Written by Marc Gruenwald, pencilled by Rurik Tyler, inked by Fred Fredericks, coloured by Paul Becton, and lettered by Janice Chiang.

"Death Adrift" Written by Gerard Jones, pencilled by Jeff Johnson (w/Stephen B. Jones), inked by Jan Anton Harps and Art Nichols, coloured by Joe Rosas, and lettered by Pat Brosseau.

April, 1992

Well, we finally watched it: animated cult classic Heavy Metal (1981). Although none of us are really pleased with ourselves, we like to think that we got something out of it. Something important. Like we put our finger on the pulse of a dying god and felt with our own flesh its final expiration. Ultimate evil is expunged. The universe is safe.

"Earth women who experience sexual ecstasy with mechanical assistance always tend to feel guilty."

When you go into the circle and it gets tighter and tighter and you realize that something is around your neck and know that if you don't smile in just the right way you are dead. That's life in the Big Leagues. Where the Grand Ones live and dine. Where Stalin lived and died. And where you and I must now go. Tonight.

"I wasn't afraid but now I'm afraid."

"The War and the Warrior" Written by Tom DeFalco, pencilled by Pat Olliffe, inked by Al Milgrom, coloured by Mick Rockwitz, and lettered by Michael Heisler.

March 1992

"Twenty Million Light Years From Earth" Written by Mark Gruenwald, pencilled by Rik Levins, inked by Danny Bulanadi, coloured by Christie Scheele, and lettered by Joe Rosen.

April 1992

God this collection of stories sucks. Somehow though, because Chris, James, and James are True Professionals, they still manage to talk for nearly two hours. This is the nature of the beast that is The Sandman: Fables and Reflections. Like this podcast, it is a great yawning chasm of words that numb you into complacency.

Do you wish to submit to our discourse?

"I do not dance. Not even with you, my wife."

Spoiled western rat children are run amok. A psycho has seized Santa's village. The Federal government has activated the contract. James and James are on the scene. Santa is here to clean house.

And clean house he does.

Christmas is back everyone. No worries.

"Fentanyl. Yeah. That'll get the job done."

Deck the halls with gore and monsters, fa la la la la, lalala. 'Tis the season to be sorry, fa la la la la, lalala. Don we now our dreadful horror, fa la la la la, lalala.

Christ Mass time is Junji Ito time. Your time to connect with the one you love. Tomie. The only one you love. The one who's love consumes you from the inside out. The one who's love just makes you want to cut her into pieces.

Don't hide it. I want it too. She is everything....

"I told you not to leave my condo!"

This December, Chris, James, and James celebrate the Mass of Christ. And what better way to celebrate the flesh and the blood than a cannibal flick?

Eli Roth had a beautiful experience deep in the forest of Peru. He shows us how beautiful. We gaze into the crimson mirror of gore. We are the enemy. There is nothing we can do.

"Only a freshman would speak with such insolence."

Everything is fine until, inevitably, the gnarled bone of infidelity protrudes into the world and blood drips onto the pages of your life. You will forget your sniveling soft manor and soft father, replacing them quickly with a man who will take from you your love. You will be made in a camp and let loose into the wild, betrayed by forces that you never had a hope of understanding.

"My name is Smitty. Remember it well."

"Storm Gathering" Written by Bob Harras, pencilled by Steve Epting, inked and coloured by Tom Palmer, and lettered by Bill Oakley.

"Decision in a Vacuum" Written by Len Kaminski, pencilled by Paul Ryan, inked by Bob Wiacek, coloured by Mike Rockwitz, and lettered by Michael Heisler.

Chris, James, and James sit down to a banquet of authentic Indian cuisine, including snake surprise and chilled monkey brains. The child ruler assures us that the Thugee are no more. We rest comfortably, fattened in our ignorance. All is well until an interloping grave robber sees fit to insult our hallowed palace...

"Indie, I love you!"

Chris, James, and James, like a myriad of eyes winking across the desert floor, squat firmly among the blackness of sleep. We pull back the curtain of self-deception and insecurity to reveal the final drama of a forgotten land. The Cuckoo is our mistress. We obey. We give all to obey.

"Um. Are you okay?"

"The Tomb of Mar-Vell" Written by Marc Gruenwald, pencilled by Greg Capullo, inked by Henry Candelario, coloured by Joe Rosas, and lettered by Janice Chiang.

"Shared Space" Written by Gerard Jones, pencilled by Jeff Johnson, inked by Dan Panosian, coloured by Joe Rosas, and lettered by Pat Brosseau.

March, 1992

Chris, James, and James discuss Misery. Not the book though, none of us had ever read that. In fact, of the three of us, only one soldier had ever read a Stephen King novel before. Mind you, that one soldier read, like, a lot of Stephen King novels so we felt sufficiently qualified to tackle the matter. Besides: great movie. Real classic. Who even reads nowadays anyway? Losers.

"Oh Darling, it will be so beautiful."

Chris and James meow me ow meowmeow meow me ow meowme ow moew Kazuo Umezz meow me owmeowmeow meow me Cat Eyed Boy Vol. 1 and 2 ow meow meowmeow Viz Media meow meow adolescent horror meow me owmeow no innocence meow me owmeow. Meow.

"They got my eyes and throat!"

This episode, Chris, James, and James are enveloped in a radiant, indescribable light. Their bodies, mutated, fused together, struggle like amoebas--hungry, monstrous, internecine war stomachs. A Colour Out of Space compels them, drives them, burns them into and against one another. An Alpaca screeches its unholy misery while Tommy Chong passes the blunt.

"Drink? I'm having one."

"Turn of the Sentry" Written by Roy and Dann Thomas, pencilled by Dave Ross, inked by Tim Dzon, coloured by Bob Sharen, and lettered by Joe Rosen.

March, 1992

Chris, James, and James are back at it! The Sandman: Season of Mists. We look it over from stem to stern. But be warned! At the 50 minute mark or so some communist infiltrators attack the podcast--YOUR podcast--with a sonic weapon, leaving our hosts mildly irritated and apologetic. Rest assured, we've destroyed the enemy and you needn't worry about anything at all ever again.

"Hell is closed."

Chris, James, and James hit the LZ running, moving straight into the ruined heart of a once vibrant but oppressed country. Tom King guides the way. Mitch Gerads makes it real. We are smitten (almost). We are troubled (completely). But at least there is progress. At least there is that.

"I want a cigarette before you kill me"

Drunk numb stumbling Ben burns his life away to drive into oblivion. The tarnished angel he finds along the way dotes lovingly. She is a caretaker for the walking dead, captive to their gravity. Grey Ben, resisting, married to the bottle, the hell of his life, singes the angel's wings. And, despite it all, in the end, she mounts him as he dies and says her goodbyes to the early morning light.

"Sera... what you don't understand is - no, see, no. You can never, never ask me to stop drinking. Do you understand?"

"It Came From Outer Space" Written by Mark Gruenwald, pencilled by Rik Levins, inked by Danny Bulanadi, coloured by Christie Scheele, and lettered by Joe Rosen.

March 1992

James and James are very enthusiastic this week. Our breathless passion will give you pause. Can you trust us? Do you know, really know, where we stand? And where you stand? In Sin City? I doubt it. I really really doubt it.

"Everybody calls it Blitz"

To be powerful as a man, you must be corrupt. The truth-seeker is inept and jailed. Listen to Chris and James marvel at their hero's uncompromising purity of purpose. Ponder the meaning of his love with the innocent foreign boy. Grow concerned as they elaborate upon the strange world contained within Akimi Yoshida's.... Banana Fish!

"Of course, if he's been infected with HIV, that's a different story."

James and James are hunting snark. They look for it under the logs and in the forest of the night. But something is killing the children. And so they ask whether James Tynion IV or Werther Dell'Edera have anything to do with it. A steady drum beat wakes the dawn.

"You knew this was going to happen, didn't you?"

Chris, James, and James explore yet another of the comics industry's extended reactions to the Image Revolution of the 1990s. This week: The Reign of the Supermen crossover. But only the middle part. That's right, the boring part with the lowest imaginable stakes. The part where you can have the least amount of fun. That was a good idea, right?

"Toast 'im!"

Chris, James, and James renewed their passport. The flight for Dream Country leaves anon. And although the journey may be short, our intrepid explorers vow to wander among the byways and corridors and cul de sacs of this furtive realm. There are mysteries and secrets to unearth.

Open a page. Start the adventure.

"A beautiful child. Most pleasant. Will I meet him?"

This week, Chris, James, and James march merrily along into a murderous multitude of serial killers and mask our faces with our mitts as the machinations of Desire unfold! That's right! We're back at it with Neil's Gaiman's The Sandman. Pierce the veil of haunted sleep with us. Dream a little dream.

"Like every true citadel since time began, the Threshold is inhabited."

James and James cap off this year's Avatar August with a return to the man from the Thames Delta himself: Warren Ellis.

Steampunk Sherlock Holmes? Check. Cast off ideas from Planetary? Check. Half-baked ideas drawn from popular science websites? Check. It's a perfect storm. Get your galoshes and brew your tea.

"But once you've heard the song of a spaceship, you'd never be anything but a royal naval outer serviceman."

Chris, James, and James continue with Avatar August.

In 2014 and 2015, Alan Moore (you may have heard of him) took some time out of his busy Northampton schedule to dig deep into his ongoing concerns about global ecological and civilizational collapse. The result was Crossed +100 #1-6. We decode the lingo, unlock the keys of meaning, and otherwise pull this thing apart, showing our esteemed colleagues (aka YOU) how it all works.

"Huh. Movie."

Chris, James, and James kick off this year's Avatar August with yet another look into the mind of Garth Ennis. Ever seen Alien? Event Horizon? Ever find yourself worried about Body Snatchers? How about all three?

Drop out of warp, quick! We've encountered something: Caliban.

"...the implications are enormous. And simultaneously, meaningless unless we survive."

Awoken from the slumber of illusion by the apparent loss of apparent family, the young man of genius curdles. He boners after wisdom and sex and starts a gang to get it all rolling. Rocks fall. The school is shattered open. And a young woman loses her life. Time for a cover up.

Note: there is about two minutes of mild static feedback around and about the 55 minute mark. Our apologies. You'll hear us catch and correct it.

"I'm only twenty-seven, you ungrateful wretches!"

James and James take stock of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles as a franchise, talking very briefly about Sophie Campbell's recent teen-friendly work on the series and then looking in-depth at some classics of the past. Most of all, however, they satisfy their lust for the old ultraviolence reading Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Body Count. Kevin Eastman and Simon Bisley, there are no sweeter names in the English lexicon.

"I hate guns."

Chris and James discover the raw power of what it means to be a boy in love with another boy. And also what it means to be a Japanese girl. Sorta. We also learn how to suck blood through our finger tips...? And sometimes we forget to reflect light off of our pale, immortal, puerile bodies.

Never ever, however, do we fail to reflect at length on the first volume of Fantagraphics' collected edition of The Poe Clan.

"Well Matthias? Do you like your roses more than me?"

Only those who are worthy may imbibe our mighty discourse! If yee be so worthy, mayhaps yee may find thy person in the buxom company of fine maidens such as James and James may be. Pour your mead! Man your steed! And prepare thyself for cosmic battle most fierce!

Jason Aaron and Esad Ribic kill it in Thor: God of Thunder #1-12 (2013)

"life will still find a way."