Explore every episode of the podcast When Our Adult Children Walk Away

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.

You’ll peel back the second layer of the coercive-control “onion” and learn seven concrete ways control shows up: isolation, monitoring and surveillance, degradation and humiliation, control over everyday life, gaslighting, threats and intimidation, and rules with punishments. You’ll hear real-life examples (from “just preferences” to silent treatments) and why these patterns so often lead to estrangement. 

Most importantly, you’ll get calm, practical guidance on what you can do right now—how to keep communication gentle and consistent, how to avoid confronting the partner (and why that matters), and how to signal a safe haven without adding pressure. If you suspect coercion in your adult child’s relationship, this episode gives you language, lenses, and next steps—at a pace that protects connection.

**All stories are an amalgamation of stories shared by clients and podcast listeners.

• Peeling the Onion One Layer At a Time (Layer 1) - Overview of Coercive Control and Estrangement — the foundation for this series; defines the dynamics and why they escalate.
• Peeling the Onion One Layer At a Time (Layer 3) Gatekeepers & Coercive Control  Navigating “gatekeepers” without triggering coercive abuse and further estrangement.

#FamilyEstrangement #CoerciveControl #EstrangedAdultChildren #ParentReconnection #Gaslighting #ParentalAlienation #ParentChildReunification #FamilyCommunication #EstrangementGrief #ReconnectionStrategist #EstrangementExpert #DomesticAbuseAwareness #AdultChildRelationships #FaithFamilyHope

Support the show

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.

In this episode of When Our Adult Children Walk Away, Dr. Janet Steinkamp helps you peel back the first layer of the topic of coercive control. If you’ve noticed your estranged adult child suddenly changing their identity, distancing from family, or echoing words that don’t sound like their own, you may be witnessing coercive influence at work.

You’ll learn what coercive control looks like and why it is so pervasive in parental estrangement, why it’s so hard to detect, and the seven key warning signs to watch for—like social isolation, gaslighting, and control over daily life. More importantly, you’ll gain encouragement and practical strategies for keeping the light on in your relationship without fueling the coercive partner’s power.

This is about giving you clarity and hope as you navigate the painful reality of estrangement while still holding space for love, trust, and reconnection with your child.

Mentioned Episodes

• When Communication Becomes a Power Struggle: Power, Influence, Gaslighting & Coercive Control
• Future mini-series: Seven Aspects of Coercive Control

Suggested Reading: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/it-is-all-coercive-control/202508/when-estrangement-masks-abuse 

#familyestrangement, #estrangedadultchild, #coercivecontrol, #parentreconnection, #estrangementexpert, #parentalalienation, #adultestrangement, #repairingrelationships

Support the show

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.

Jealousy is a natural emotion, and still, it can complicate an already painful estrangement.

In this thoughtful episode, Dr. Janet helps parents and adult children understand the role jealousy plays in their strained or fractured relationships.

Parents, you’re not alone in this. Estranged adult children also tell us they experience jealousy. But the experience for parents and adult children is different. 

What does jealousy have to do with estrangement? And pointedly, how can jealousy hinder our ability to establish healthy and respectful communication?

Listen in to hear compassionate insights and consider practical examples. 

This episode offers tools to recognize, manage, and move through jealousy in healthy ways.

Past episodes referenced in this conversation:

• The Continuum of Estrangement
• Friendly Advocate or Flying Monkey (Short)
• What is the Difference: Gaslighting vs Reframing

Support the show

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.

Join me as I walk you through the challenges and some solutions when you need to respond to invitations scheduled on or related to high-risk days. So often, these events include your adult child. So what then?!

How do our adult children decide whether to attend family events, annual festivities where you'll be present, etc?

In this episode, I provide a decision-making process to help you choose whether to attend high-risk social events.

What happens when a social invitation coincides with a high-risk day during estrangement? What should a parent do? 

Think through this challenging decision: why we might feel pressure to attend, how adult children are also navigating similar questions, and when choosing to attend—or decline—might be the healthiest path.

Past episodes referenced in this conversation:

• Cracking the Busy Body Code: Managing Your Message
• Friendly Advocate or Flying Monkey? (Short)

Support the show

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.

When estrangement is part of your life, even small talk can feel fraught. 

In this episode, I help parents prepare and practice responses for when people — from close friends to casual acquaintances — ask about their adult children or grandchildren. 

Practice, practice, practice. Thoughtful, intentional responses to questions about our estrangement circumstances can preserve privacy, reduce gossip, and keep the door open for future reconciliation. 

By responding with positivity, honesty and gratitude, all parties concerned can feel they've done their part to support us, to show concern, and we feel like we're keeping the light on. 

When a busybody comes with questions, we handle them differently. To learn more about managing busy bodies without causing conflict or increasing their curiousity check out the episode titiled Cracking the Busy Body Code: Managing Your Message

Episodes referenced in this episode:

Cracking the Busy Body Code: Managing Your Message 

Support the show

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.

If you’re an estranged parent working with a therapist—or thinking about it—this episode is a must-listen. In this episode, I walk listeners through five common mistakes therapists make when working with us, the estranged parents. From unfair blame to giving advice, therapists who are not familiar with familial estrangement may actually worsen the situation. I offer insights to help you recognize red flags and get the most beneficial and effective therapeutic services to assist you in navigating your estranged relationship. Grab your notebook and your favorite chair, and let’s dig into this important topic together.

Support the show

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.

This episode is especially for our dads experiencing some degree of estrangement from their adult child.

Father’s Day is coming up—and if you're an estranged father, you know this day can land like a punch to the gut. Whether you're sitting in silence, hoping for a message that may never come, missing the traditions of the past or wondering if reaching out is the right move… this episode is for you.

Let’s talk about what makes Father’s Day so hard for estranged dads—and how you can take care of your heart while staying open to healing.

Highlights

• Father’s Day can stir deep emotional pain: feelings of loneliness, guilt, or shame—and society often compounds that by painting a picture of what fatherhood “should” look like.
• Estranged dads often wrestle with tough questions: Will my child reach out? Should I say something first? What if I just make things worse?
• Develop a strategy for open communication:  recognize and respond to your estranged adult child's boundaries. Plan your response to and recognition of their needs and expectations.
• If you’re considering reaching out this Father’s Day, lead with reflection, not reaction: Keep messages simple and pressure-free, and know that trust is built through steady, respectful steps over time—not just one day.

#EstrangedDads #EstrangedParents #EmotionalHealing #GriefSupport #MentalHealth #RebuildTrust

https://www.whenouradultchildrenwalkaway.com/about

Support the show

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.

This episode is a follow-up to our Mother's Day conversation—and it's all about what to do next. If you’ve been blamed, shut out, or accused of things that hurt to hear… this one’s for you.

We’ll walk through how moms can start rebuilding trust when a relationship with their adult child is fractured or strained, especially when they're not sure how to begin. Each point helps build a roadmap to reestablish communication channels, listen actively, and build a truth-based relationship. Learn how to respond with humility, strength, and real change.

We’ll talk about:
 ✔️ How to recognize, stop overstepping and start respecting boundaries
 ✔️ When to apologize—and how to do it without making things worse
 ✔️ Why listening (really listening) is more powerful than defending
 ✔️ What to say—and what not to say—when trust is broken

You’re not alone. You don’t have to be perfect. If you’re willing to do the work, there’s hope for reestablishing a respectful and healthy connection. 💛

#EstrangedParents #MomsRebuildingTrust #EmotionalHealing #GriefSupport #MentalHealth

Support the show

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.

Premier Content - Subscriber-only Episode

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.

This one’s tough—there’s no getting around it. And! It is a new and growing element of conversations related to estrangement.

There was a time when incest was all-inclusive - physical, mental, emotional, etc. The times have changed. Around 2002, the mental health world began to recognize emotional incest as its own and different trauma. The core difference between physical and emotional incest is that physical abuse is often not involved in emotional incest.

Emotional incest is a term that can feel offensive, confusing, or just plain shocking, especially if it's thrown at you as an accusation. Learning about the concept of emotional incest also gives you a chance to look at your upbringing and how your parents raised you.

More and more adult children use it to describe parts of their childhood that felt overwhelming or emotionally out of balance.

You’ll hear about:

• What emotional incest shows up in everyday family life
• How emotional boundaries can get blurred, even with good intentions
• Why some adult children are using this term to express pain
• How to reflect without getting stuck in shame or blame

Remember, my podcast content isn’t about agreeing with everything you hear—it’s about understanding where some of the hurt may have come. For both you and for your hurting adult child. If you’ve been accused of emotional incest, or just want to know what it means, take a listen.

This episode gives you a chance to take a peek at emotional incest with honesty and courage. Knowledge is power and can open our eyes to blind spots. Knowledge can lead to compassion for everyone involved.

#EstrangedParents #EmotionalIncest #EmotionalHealing #GriefSupport #MentalHealth

Support the show

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.

Mother’s Day can bring up a lot of emotional turmoil, can trigger our grief, and can shine a light on the empty chair at the dinner table - especially when your relationship with your adult child feels broken or distant. 

In this episode, we’ll examine 10 reasons adult children who are or have been estranged say they step back or walk away from their moms. We'll also consider how you might respond to open the door instead of pushing them further away.

We’ll talk through:

✔️ What estranged adult children mean when they bring up things like “control” or “favoritism”.

✔️ How to respond without getting defensive—even when it hurts

✔️ Ways to show empathy, take responsibility, and rebuild trust

✔️ What accountability actually sounds like in real-life conversations

This isn’t about blame—it’s about understanding. It’s about getting honest, staying humble, and taking steps toward a healthier relationship, even if that road is long.

Support the show

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.

Whether it's a holiday, birthday, or significant life event, high-risk days may – usually do - heighten the pain, loneliness and embarrassment of estrangement. In this episode of When Our Adult Children Walk Away, Dr. Janet Steinkamp offers practical strategies to help you prepare, set boundaries, and maintain emotional balance.

💡 Understand why these days feel harder than others and why you feel more vulnerable.

💡 Learn how to avoid emotional spirals, reactive behaviors and regret.

💡 Discover ways to create new traditions, strengthen self-confidence, and reclaim peace.

Estrangement is a lonely journey, but you are not alone - over 70,000,000 of us in the US today are walking this same path. Each with our own circumstances. Choose to join our subscribers and listeners. Dr. Steinkamp and the When Our Adult Children Walk Away podcast are here for you.

Check out other services - upcoming classes, blog posts, interviews and coaching at https://www.whenouradultchildrenwalkaway.com.

Support the show

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.

If you’re experiencing some degree of estrangement, you have almost certainly experienced the sting of rejection and the emotional gut punch of dejection. When some part of our involvement in our relationship is rejected, we can become overwhelmed by disbelief, anger,  hurt feelings and despair. In this episode, we’re breaking it down. Rejection is the action – the delivery of the message. It is what happens when someone shuts you out—it’s external. Dejection? That’s the inner impact - the emotional crash, confusion, and heartbreak that lingers.

We’ll talk about how these emotions show up in estranged family relationships. In future and related episodes, we’ll explore how to handle both to keep you moving forward. If your messages of love and attempts to be supported have been dismissed or perceived to be harmful in some way, and if you’ve ever felt shut out or disappointed, take a listen!

Support the show

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.

In this episode, we dig into some of the differences and similarities of how moms and dads tell us they experience and navigate estrangement.

Yes, dads and moms often experience estrangement differently. And, in ways, similarly. Only... we know it isn't really that simple, right?

I hesitate to categorize how we experience and navigate estrangement by our gender. The concept oversimplifies and discounts the complexities of our individual, emotional, social, relational, cognitive and physical uniqueness.

We are each shaped by societal expectations, gender roles, and the people around us. We are taught what is right and wrong in the context of our families values. We each are raised in different circumstances and bring our unique selves as a whole to our relationships. So, it only makes sense that we each also have individual relationships with our children. And... still there are some elements (generally speaking) that can be considered gender specific.

These differences can influence how we process the distancing of our adult son or daughter, how we respond to feelings of rejection, and how we prepare to be our best selves when opportunities to reconnect or connect present themselves.

Take a listen and let me know what you think. Share your questions and comments at Janet@jesteinkamp.com. Or go to the When Our Adult Children Walk Away website and post a comment. I do read and respond to all email that finds it's way to my inbox. Thank you. And be brave!

Support the show

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.

Walking on Eggshells is a concept we use to describe the extreme hypersensitivity parents feel when their relationship with their adult child is faltering. It means being hyper-aware or fearful of saying or doing anything that might upset the estranged child, often to avoid further damage to an already fragile relationship. This can lead to stress, frustration, and feelings of helplessness for parents. One of the most frequent questions I hear is whether the eggshells will always be a part of a struggling relationship. And how to get back to “normal”. This episode introduces the 20 aspects of walking on eggshells – and how to harness the crunching noise to understand your adult child’s boundaries. By embracing your eggshells, you can learn how to relate differently and establish a trust based and mutually gratifying relationship

In two future extended episodes, I will dig into 1-10 and 11-20 of the Reasons Walking on Egg Shells is a Gift.

Support the show

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.

In this episode, I discuss six tips that will proactively ensure you give space to your adult child and avoid misrepresentation by others. This topic is a continuation of discussions about communication, how to maintain it, how to ensure direct access if and when either the parent or adult child is compelled to reach out, and how to ensure others represent you accurately to others who may also be in contact with your adult child. These tips will help ensure your communication is authentic, accurate, timely, and respectful. Using these tips, you can engage in proactive communication, demonstrate consistent behavior, and address any potential sources of misrepresentation directly.

Support the show

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.

In this episode, we consider avoiding or getting out of the habit of catastrophizing. You might be saying, “Hasn’t the worst already happened?” I suggest that it hasn’t. Or, maybe it’s more accurate to say that anticipating a catastrophe does not help move you toward preparing to repair and establish a new connection. Catastrophizing holds you in disbelief, anger and despair.

Catastrophizing is a common behavior that affects many people during times of stress. Well… when is life more stressful than when our adult child starts pulling away, stops communicating constructively or goes no contact?

The good news is that catastrophizing does not necessarily signal a mental health condition. In fact, preparing for the worst-case scenario can be a coping mechanism and defense mechanism. 

However, it is also true that if it becomes a chronic habit or interferes with daily life and functioning, it may be a sign of depression or anxiety. If you find yourself unable to stop the worst-case cycling in your head, please consider finding a licensed mental health provider who can assist in quieting the cycle.

Support the show

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.

In this episode, we crack the Busy Body Code. I share several easy strategies to manage a busy body by controlling your message. You can protect your privacy, ensuring that more energy can focus on maintaining emotional well-being. I share several responses you can use when approached by even the most well-meaning "share-er." I provide ways to sort through publicly neutral messaging to ensure the difficulties you're experiencing with your adult child are not enflamed by misinformation or the appearance that you aren't protecting your family's privacy.

Support the show

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.

So often, people who love and support us are also in contact with or know our distancing or estranged adult child. I'm often asked whether it is "a good idea" or "will it work" to have one of these people talk to the adult child on the parent's behalf. 
 
 I also hear stories about people taking it upon themselves to  approach an adult child without the parent's involvement—to defend us, advocate for us, or encourage our adult children to "stop the madness." 
 
 The third scenario related to this topic involves parents recruiting, encouraging or requesting that a friend or family member approach their estranged child to advocate on their behalf. 
 
 Regardless of who, how or why people advocate for us, after a time, these efforts often end in more sadness and disappointment for the parent. 

So, how can we make sense of it when advocacy on behalf of the parent’s does not bring the intended outcomes?

In this episode, I explore these three scenarios from the adult child's perspective. You'll hear some strategies for navigating all three, and I'll explain why ensuring a clear and direct path for communication between the adult child and estranged parent becomes essential.
 
 This episode is a shorter introduction to the topic. For a deeper dive, you can find the expanded episode on the When Our Adult Children Walk Away website.

Support the show

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.

Memory distortion is common in our human experience. It can be particularly relevant in crumbling relationships between parents and their adult children. Too often, what were once happy or benign memories morph - seemingly - suddenly into abusive and traumatic events. Parents are often caught off guard and sent reeling into a cycle of disbelief, anger, helplessness and pain.

To complicate matters further, outsiders can influence or drive the reconstructive process. Have you heard the terms Gaslighting and Cult of One? Check out those specific episodes for more information.

So, what is the difference between what we organically recall (reproductive memory) and the changed or revised version (reconstructive memory)? 

The metamorphosis of memory can and does affect us all. If you think it doesn't happen to you, read things you wrote years ago. Consider a diary or your child's baby book. You will likely find discrepancies between what you wrote and when you recall. You might wonder if you mistakenly wrote things in the original document or if your memories have changed.

Revision of memory is a usual and natural human process. However, in the face of estrangement, transforming memory can and often does lead to disastrous outcomes.

Listen in to learn more about the differences and processes that take place. When you want more information and to explore this topic more deeply, look for the extended version.

Support the show

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.

A few years ago, in the middle years of our family's estrangement from my adult daughter and grandchildren, I adopted the phrase "Parent Partner.” 

I borrowed the term from the early days of divorcing parents (remember Gweneth Paltro's divorce from Chris Martin?) working together to co-parent young children. The concept is that divorcing parent-partners choose to work collaboratively, in a friendly manner, to jointly parent young children. They may even vacation together, celebrate birthdays together, etc. 

The separation we - the parents - experience from our maturing children is actually a close cousin to the concept of divorce. If we manage it well, it doesn't have to lead to estrangement.

The Oxford Dictionary defines divorce as " the separation or dissociation from something.” Isn’t this what happens as our children individuate from us in their young adult years? In my experience, it certainly felt like a divorce at times. Individuation is natural. It is natural for our adult children to separate from us as their primary family - to create their own separate lives.

So (insert shoulder shrug here), why not adapt proactively and intentionally in our relationship with our adult child?

This episode provides 10 tips for growing into the parent-partner role, including how to integrate our adult children's expectations and needs - in the face of today's complex world - so we can stay connected and actively involved in their lives - AND not risk estrangement. 

Support the show

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.

In healthy and effective communication, the strategic use of apologies and explanations can significantly influence the outcome and effectiveness of our efforts to manage potential rifts in our relationships. Both play an essential role in maintaining trust, reducing confusion and ensuring seemingly small grievances don’t become catastrophic.

In this episode I provide a detailed explanation of how apologies and explanations function within the context of conflict management. In short, where apologies address the emotional aspects of a conflict, explanations tackle the rational side. 

By understanding when and how to use each communication tool strategically, we can foster an environment of trust, clarity, and mutual respect, leading to a more healthy and mutually respectful relationship.

Listen to the shorter episode to hear a brief and specific explanation of the differences between an apology and an explanation.

Support the show

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.

In healthy and effective communication, the strategic use of apologies and explanations can significantly influence the outcome and effectiveness of our efforts to manage potential rifts in our relationships. Both play an essential role in maintaining trust, reducing confusion and ensuring seemingly small grievances don’t become catastrophic.

Where apologies address the emotional aspects of a conflict, explanations tackle the rational side. By understanding when and how to use each communication tool strategically, we can foster an environment of trust, clarity, and mutual respect, leading to a more healthy and mutually respectful relationship.

 In this episode, I provide a brief and specific explanation of the differences  between an apology and an explanation.

Listen to the extended episode to learn more about how and when to use each.  

Support the show

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.

The concept of gaslighting has become a common term over the past few years. So what is it and why is it that our adult children are quick to accuse parents of gaslighting?

Gaslighting is when someone says something convincingly and with authority puts into question another's perspective and experiences. Gaslighting pushes others to change their own thinking, beliefs, observations, and values. That, my friends, is gaslighting.

There are people in the world who believe the earth is flat (no offense if you are one of those people) even with all the evidence to the contrary. People have been to space and seen our planet - round and rotating. And, still, there are people who will argue and debate to convince others that we live on a slab.

More importantly, to how we communicate and interact with our adult children, we are often caught off guard when events, experiences, exchanges, and other aspects of family history are (seemingly) suddenly are described as hurtful, shaming, painful and perhaps even abusive. 

It isn't unusual for parents to push back, and try to persuade their adult child that they "simply don't remember correctly". That might be true, and still we are called to listen and consider their perspective. So, how do we listen, consider and acknowledge there are different perspectives to what, for parents, has been factual and true?

Support the show

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.

Estrangement is most accurately defined as a continuum of distancing.  Estrangement in families refers to voluntarily or involuntarily distancing oneself from one or more family members or loved ones, usually due to significant conflicts or issues within the relationship.  Checkout https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement  to find a very helpful image of the estrangement continuum. 

In cases other than those involving abuse or addiction, adult children who pull away from their parents and other family members often point to a lack of respectful communication and miscommunication as the underlying or last-straw problem. While every estrangement is unique and influenced by individual circumstances, some general themes exist. These themes appear regularly in the resources available to our adult children as they consider whether or how severely to estrange a loved one.  And! When they consider reconnecting. 

I've reviewed research studies, books, articles, and other resources for the past six  years to understand these themes better. I talked with parents and adult children struggling in relationships, family systems therapists and estrangement experts. I also studied support resources for adult children seeking solutions to resolve their unraveling parental relationship – including estrangement. In short, I sought out any resource that focused on or related to the continuum of estrangement – and written for an audience of adult children. 

In this episode, I share and discuss what I have found to be the most commonly considered relational aspects adult children consider as they pull away. And! When they consider reconnecting.

Support the show

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.

https://www.whenouradultchildrenwalkaway.com/about

One of the most frequent questions I'm asked is, "How do I know if my child is cutting ties and wants to be estranged?"
 
Why is it important to understand the differences and similarities? Knowing the difference helps us assess the health of a relationship. 

Take a listen as I dig in and talk about the differences. And - importantly - the similarities.

Support the show

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.

 Determining the level of estrangement between you and your adult child can involve some introspection and assessment of your relationship dynamics. 

Are you asking yourself questions like: What is the Continuum of Estrangement? What is the progression of distancing? How do I know if my adult son or daughter is on the continuum? How do I slow down the increasing distancing of my son or daughter?

This episode is a great place to get initial insights into your questions and some information to help find answers. 

Let's get started. Listen in to this session and learn more about the Continuum, how to assess your relationship, and how to begin to slow down the distancing.

Support the show

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.

For parents and adult children experiencing some level of estrangement (see the Continuum of Estrangment link below) understanding what an authentic apology means can be pivotal in repairing their differences. In this episode we dig deeper into the 5 imposters of an authentic apology. You will learn how to recognize and avoid these imposters, preparing you to recognize your responsibililities, how to hold yourself accountable and how to communicate your authentic apology.

An authentic apology is more than just a string of words; it's a genuine acknowledgment of wrongdoing, accompanied by sincere remorse and a commitment to make amends. An authentic apology requires humility, vulnerability, and sincerity.  It's not about saving face or avoiding consequences but about genuinely seeking to repair the harm caused and rebuild trust and respect in the relationship.

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

Support the show

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.

In this episode, Dr. Steinkamp presents the sixth stage of  Estrangement Grief. During the stage of maintenance - Maintenance.
 
In this stage, we have embraced some of the changes we chose to make in our lives after moving through the first five stages of estrangement grief. We have embraced our imperfections, grown to forgive ourselves and our adult child and come to recognize that we can find purpose and joy without needing the parent-child relationship. This is not to say we have stopped hoping to reconnect, or that we take all responsibility for the fracturing of our relationship. 

In the Maintenance stage, we understand and accept our new emerging selves - find our new sense of purpose, and establish satisfaction with our changed life.  We embrace our new parent-partner role and are ready for potential opportunities to reconnect with our adult child.  The possibility of reconnecting may feel scary and fragile like will be walking on eggshells - but we're ready! This is the stage where all of our work in the previous stages comes becomes our new normal. 
In the early stages of estrangement, many of us swirl through disbelief, anger and despair (the first three stages of my model) over and over, round and round, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. Take a listen to understand better the reasons behind this cycle and how to navigate and manage our grief.

Check out episode episodes 1 - 7 of this podcast series. No matter where your relationship struggles sit on the continuum of estrangement you are likely experiencing some level of loss and therefore, are also experiencing grief. 

The continuum of estrangement referenced in this episode can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

Support the show

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.

The transformation stage of grief in the context of estrangement typically refers to the process of adapting and finding meaning after experiencing the loss of a relationship with a close family member, friend, or significant other. Estrangement involves a significant emotional distance or fracturing of a once-close relationship. The stages of grief in my model are: Disbelief, Anger, Dispair, Acceptance, Transformation, and Maintenance.

In the transformation stage of estrangement grief, individuals may undergo a series of psychological and emotional changes as they work towards an open and authentic new understanding of themselves and the circumstances of their estranging adult child. A key element of the work people do in this stage is to better understand their own communication style and relational behaviors.  As they gain new self-awareness they can then begin expanding their communication tools and strengthen their communicaion skills. They can then ready themselves for the potential opportunities to establish  communication that better aligns with their adult child's needs (expectations). Effective communication is the bedrock of relationships - our communicaton skills and style can lead to trust, authenticity and strong boundaries.  In this episode we take a deep dive into what the transformation stage might involve in your circumstances.

Support the show

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.

The acceptance stage of estrangement grief is one of the phases individuals may go through when experiencing the pain and emotional turmoil associated with being estranged from a family member or significant other. It is important to note that the grieving process is subjective and varies from person to person.

During the acceptance stage, individuals may begin to acknowledge and come to terms with the reality of the estrangement. This phase involves accepting that the relationship has changed, and there may be no immediate resolution or reconciliation. In this episode we take a deeper dive into some key aspects of the acceptance stage.

It's important to note that the grieving process is not linear, and individuals may move back and forth between stages. Additionally, not everyone experiences all stages, and the intensity and duration of each stage can vary widely.

Seeking professional help, such as counseling or therapy, can be beneficial for individuals navigating the complexities of estrangement grief. It provides a supportive space to explore emotions, gain insights, and develop coping strategies.

Support the show

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.

In this – the 3rd stage in my estrangement grief model, we sit in Despair. 

In the Despair stage, our primary experience and emotions include agony, hopelessness, depression, rejection, lack of joy and happiness, woefulness, blame and shame. We ask questions like – why me, why our family? Where did I go wrong? Embarrassment and isolation set in and can sometimes take hold. 

In the early stages of estrangement, many of us swirl through disbelief, anger and despair (the first three stages of my model) over and over, round and round, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. Take a listen to understand better the reasons behind this cycle and how to navigate and manage our grief.

Check out episode episodes 1 - 7 of this podcast series. No matter where your relationship struggles sit on the continuum of estrangement you are likely experiencing some level of loss and therefore, are also experiencing grief. 

The continuum of estrangement referenced in this episode can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

Support the show

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.

[This episode was recorded and produced in November of 2023. It was published and distributed in January of 2024. The content is applicable to all holiday celebrations and gatherings. Our apologies for the delayed availability.]

Dealing with the holidays as estranged parents can be challenging, but it's possible to navigate this time with self-care, communication, and thoughtful planning. In this episode, we explore the unique pressures and triggers of family celebrations to help estranged parents survive the holidays.

Remember, the key is to prioritize your well-being and the well-being of your adult children. I encourage you to seek support and make decisions that will contribute to a more positive and manageable holiday experience.

Support the show

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.

Remember the 2006 comedy Failure to Launch, starring Sarah Jessica Parker and Mathew McConaughey? I found it pretty easy to identify with Kathy Bates, who plays the mom (Terry Bradshaw plays the dad) – of a son who would not stand on his own two feet. They had to creatively coerce their adult son to move out. 

Well, news flash. The tide has turned, and we – the parents –- are more and more often attempting to scrub the launch. Or at least that's what our adult children claim. We want to hold tight and keep our place at the center of their lives. 

Unfortunately, our adult children often experience this as overinvolvement, being directive and too instructional. The outcome can be devastating when we fail to respect their request. They are asking us – need us to - get out of their way and step back. We are being asked to support, encourage and cheer them on from the sidelines – and as parents, we often resist.

Support the show

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.

In this episode, we take a deep dive into the 2nd stage of my model of estrangement grief - Anger.  This and the other five stages are uniquely related to crumbling relationships between family members.

The primary experiences in the Anger stage are overwhelming indignation, exasperation, animosity, antagonism, bitterness, spite, fury and rage. We find ourselves saying things like – how dare they…. after all I’ve done for them, and don’t they realize how much I’ve done for them and how much they depend on me? 

In the stage of Anger we as parents might communicate our raging feelings to our adult children by lashing out, making accusations, and even making threats (i.e., references to inheritance). These actions are seldom if ever effective in healing the relationship, and any momentary relief we might feel after lashing out, is commonly followed quickly by despair and hopelessness.

In the early stages of estrangement, many of us swirl through disbelief, anger and despair (the first three stages of my model) over and over, round and round, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. Take a listen to understand better the reasons behind this cycle and how to navigate and manage our grief.

Check out episode episodes 1 - 7 of this podcast series. No matter where your relationship struggles sit on the continuum of estrangement you are likely experiencing some level of loss and therefore, are also experiencing grief. 

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com where you will find resources, events, book clubs, communication training, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed in this episode can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

Support the show

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.

Unlike other models and theories, I refer to the first stage of grief in estrangement as Disbelief.

In the stage of Disbelief, our primary experiences include shock, panic, overwhelming doubt, denial, minimizing or skepticism and rationalizing.

During this stage, we tend to send many texts, email messages, and voice messages - imploring our adult children to listen to our explanations or answer our questions. So often, the adult child remains silent or pulls further away.

Though not all parents enter into the estrangement grief cycle in this stage, those who are in the stage of Disbelief often work tirelessly to 'fix things' and explain our side of the story. When really, this is a time to listen openly and without judgment. Our desperation too quickly leads us to do the opposite. 

In the early stages of estrangement, many of us swirl through disbelief, anger and despair (the first three stages of my model) over and over, round and round, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. Please take a listen to this episode to understand better the reasons behind this cycle and how to navigate and manage our grief.

Check out episode episodes 1 - 7 of this podcast series. No matter where your relationship struggles sit on the continuum of estrangement you are likely experiencing some level of loss and therefore, are also experiencing grief. 

The continuum of estrangement referenced in this episode can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

Support the show

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.

Are you cycling through your emotions at warp speed? Are you angry in one moment and crippled by sadness in the next? Are you feeling helpless and hopeless? Wondering if life will ever be good again? Are you embarrassed to tell your friends, or perhaps your friends begin to pull away when you tell them about your broken relationship? In this episode, I provide an overview of the six stages of estrangement grief. Disbelief, Anger, Despair, Acceptance, Transformation and Maintenance. 

This episode is the 1st segment of a 7-part series.

Footnote: Since this recording, the first stage of the Estrangement Grief Cycle has been renamed from Denial to Disbelief. This is due to the differing aspects of grief related to death vs aspects of grief related to estrangement. Please listen to Episode 4 to hear a more extensive explanation of the differences. Thank you.

Support the show

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.

Is your relationship with your adult child falling apart? Are things between you changing, but you can't quite understand why? Are you looking for ways you can stop the unraveling without making things worse?  How bad are you willing to let things get before you take action? In this episode, we dig into the first two levels of estrangement on the estrangement continuum - Cordial Contact and Low Contact. And I provide 5 tips you can use to slow down the unraveling.

Support the show

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.

Is your adult child walking away? Did you miss the warning signs? How can you make sure it doesn't get worse? In this episode, I will define estrangement and we will get familiar with the continuum of estrangement. You will be able to determine where your relationship falls on the continuum. And I'll share some things you can do to stop the progression of estrangement in your relationship.

Support the show

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.

Hello Sweet Parents,

Welcome to the When Our Adult Children Walk Away Podcast. 

I invite you to join me for a series of episodes in which we dig deep into the challenges today's parents face as we navigate the expectations of our adult children. In each episode, I explore a different aspect of estrangement, including the continuum of separation, the estrangement grief cycle, the critical role of communication in estranged relationships, the differences in how parents and our adult children experience estrangement, how to navigate the dark and silent times, and how to prepare to repair. 

Checkout our podcast episodes and begin to:

• Let go of guilt, blame & the what-ifs 
• Get unstuck from your dark and lonely isolation
• Learn to maximize the quiet times for your growth
• Understand your and your adult child’s communication style
• Create a path forward that honors you and your adult child
• Find a renewed sense of purpose and hope

Like all services provided at WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com, this podcast is designed to meet the unique and complex circumstances of each individual's estrangement journey. You can do as much or as little as you need to help navigate the rocky terrain of your journey

Please pick an episode that sounds like it may help you today – at this moment. Click in, and take a listen. I hope that you find encouragement and renewed hope in what you hear. Thank you for joining me!   -Janet

Support the show

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.