I'm back briefly after a long hiatus! In this episode I describe some health issues that began shortly after the previous episode and how I set out to manage them. I have been listening to my heart as a messenger for my soul and have been making some big changes in my life. You'll hear an update of what's going on right now and what to expect in the near future. I love sharing my own journey of spiritual growth and healing on this podcast so I will probably continue to provide updates from time to time.

In this concluding episode of the series on my grief travel through Italy I share some insights I gathered on a subsequent trip that introduced me to a doctor who became a saint. This episode includes:

• The life of Dr. Giuseppe Moscati who was later canonized as a saint
• Embracing the fact that death comes for everything and only love lasts
• Why I'm saying goodbye to this podcast for awhile

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Part 2 of this grief travel story takes place in Rome and at the Vatican. Be sure to listen to Part 1 if you haven't already! This episode includes:

• Learning about chiaroscuro
• The loving embrace of the Divine Feminine
• Losing my identity

In this episode I consider the 3rd question of those that people most frequently Google about life: How do I forgive? This is an important that signals the timing is right for some healing and growth to occur if you feel motivated to forgive. Here are some things you should know as you start to work on forgiveness:

• Have a mindset that you are willing to move on from the past and no longer want to carry a load of resentment and pain from the past.
• Acknowledge that harm has been done to you and you didn't deserve or cause it, but it did happen.
• Take one step back from the bundle of pain you have just acknowledge and recognize the weight of it that you have been carrying.
• Look deeper to see if there are other emotions hidden within the pain (anger, shame, rejection, betrayal, guilt, fear).
• Allow yourself to sit with that pain until you feel ready and strong enough to begin the work of releasing it.
• Use the 4-View Forgiveness Process (you'll need a journal).
• You can also use Ho'oponopono.

"Forgiveness is letting go of the belief that things should have been different." - Caroline Myss

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In this episode I'll discuss my current project to declutter my house and how it's forcing me to deal with the balance between holding on to things and letting go. This turns out to be an important issue spiritually. This episode includes:

• The ego is primarily interested in holding onto things (especially power and control).
• Spiritual growth involves training the ego to let go.
• But sometimes holding on is what is needed and the timing matters a great deal.
• How I've found the balance between holding on and letting go in my long-term marriage.
• Why we need to rise above the duality of holding on vs letting go to master doing both at the same time.

Check out my episode on Swedish Death Cleaning on End-of-Life University Podcast.

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Today I'm reflecting on another of the most common questions about life that people ask Google: How do I find love? While most people are probably searching for romantic love and wondering what is the best dating app to use, I'm talking about the much bigger picture of Divine, universal, creative love and some of the work I'm doing in my life to increase my ability to give and receive love (which is what we came here to do!) This episode includes:

• We already carry love within us (in fact we are made of it!)
• The lower self (or ego) perceives that we are separate from everything else in the universe and can't recognize our connectedness.
• To find "the barriers within that we have built against love" we have to learn to calm our chaotic emotions.
• Next we learn to open our hearts and become vulnerable and authentic.
• Then we begin to recognize our own true nature.
• And we work on healing our old wounds and pain.
• Finally we become capable of healing others because we can truly carry and share the divine love that resides within us.

"Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it." - Rumi

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In this episode I'll briefly share some ideas for non-material gifts you can "give" yourself to help make the holiday more meaningful and less hectic and exhausting. This is part of my own journey to get better at self-care so I'm sharing it with you as I try to learn how to do it myself. There won't be an episode next week because I'm taking the week off to enjoy the holidays (self-care!!) so I'll see you next time in 2022! This episode includes 6 gifts you should try to give yourself this year and that includes starting a journal, if you don't already have that practice. Until next year I wish you and your beloveds a meaningful and joyous celebration. May you find the strength and love and courage to move into the new year and face whatever challenges and blessings await us there!

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In this episode I talk about another pressing question we all deal with about life: how do we find happiness? I'm definitely not an expert on happiness but I have spent much of my life wishing I could be a happier person. So I'll share some poems and Rumi quotes with you and some stories of my own quest for happiness. Here are some of the things I've learned:

• Don't compare yourself to others.
• Trust happiness to come when you are ready.
• Happiness is an inside job so do your inner work.
• Savor each moment of joy that you experience and learn to be present.
• Recognize happiness in all the possibilities of life.
• Remember that everything has a life of its own.

“Ever since happiness heard your name it has been running through the streets trying to find you.” - Rumi

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In this episode I talk about the perennial question of life: Why do bad things happen (to ALL people - not just good people.) It's important that we talk about this because we need to develop a mindset that helps us when unwanted things do happen in our lives. This episode includes:

• The Parable of the Chinese Farmer and how some things that appear to be "bad" can actually turn out to be "good" in the end (and vice versa.)
• Why we should learn not to label events in our lives as bad or good and think of them instead as unwanted challenges or difficulties.
• The 1st and 2nd Laws of Thermodynamics and how they can help us look at these events in our lives.
• A process for experiencing the pain of things falling apart in life.
• Why it may take years before you can see that an unwanted event has contained or led to anything positive.
• The importance of tending to your physical well-being, mindset, emotions and spiritual awareness so that you can be a bit more prepared the next time something falls apart in your life.

"We spend our lives fighting against entropy to create order, beauty, growth and meaning, hoping it will last forever. But, like everything material in the Universe, it too will one day fall apart."

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In this quick episode I share what I'm learning right now and how I'm planning ahead to have a healthy and low-stress holiday season this year (wish me luck!) But to do that I have to work on setting better boundaries and honoring my own needs, which is what I'm working on. I hope you have a healthy and happy holiday season too! Remember to plan ahead, set clear priorities, communicate your needs and focus on the things that you enjoy most!

Watch my 1-hour presentation on Self-Care for the Holidays! https://youtu.be/qXaI7Lr9w1o

In this episode I share some quotes and poems about gratitude in honor of Thanksgiving Day in the US. If you live elsewhere I hope you'll also take a moment to be thankful and to commit to making gratitude a daily practice as part of your Shadow work. This episode includes:

• Why we need to give thanks even if we can't see anything positive around or within us.
• How the intentional practice of gratitude helps "clean the window" through which we view life and adds more clarity, peace and order to our lives.
• Gratitude is the ability to see each moment of life as sacred, even when challenges, darkness, pain and confusion are present.
• Gratitude can be practiced only in the present moment. (Poem "Being Home" by Gunilla Norris)
• Gathering together with loved ones and with our past memories is a powerful experience of the richness of life and the depth of connectedness. (Poem "Perhaps the World Ends Here" by Joy Harjo)
• What nourishes us is sometimes the invisible and the insignificant. (Poem "The Traveling Onion" by Naomi Shihab Nye)

"To be joyful in the universe is a brave and reckless act. The courage for joy springs not from the certainty of human experience, but the surprise. Our astonishment at being loved, our bold willingness to love in return--these wonders promise the possibility of joyfulness, no matter how often and how harshly love seems to be lost. Therefore, despite the world's sorrows, we give thanks for our loves, for our joys and for the continued courage to be happily surprised." - Molly Fumia

In part 4 of the series on the Shadow I talk about the collective Shadow and why we need to work on our own internal pain before we can begin to heal the problems of the world that are external to us. Be sure to listen to the previous 3 episodes on Shadow if you haven't already done so! This episode includes:

• The collective Shadow is becoming more apparent now as evidenced by the increasing awareness in society of racism, homophobia, misogyny, genocide, mistreating the planet, and all the other ills of mankind.
• The ego hates change and will resist the external changes we are trying to create if we haven't already done our own work to train the ego.
• Change is an internal process and more about what we let go of than what we grab onto.
• We need to let life itself change us - recognize that life is always offering us new (and painful) opportunities to grow.
• Next we must recognize that we are connected to all of life through our Shadow wounds, our broken hearts. Embrace the role of the wounded healer.
• Use pain as fuel for creativity.
• Learn to dwell in wonder, awe, and curiosity for life.

Eleven by Tanya Markul

The pain

that made you

the odd one out

is the story

that connects you

to a healing world.

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In this episode we continue to look at Shadow and how we can begin to heal our own individual wounds and traumas that are hidden away from view. Remember that this is the most important work you can do if you want to grow spiritually and to increase your capacity for love. This episode includes Ken Wilber's 3-2-1 Process for working on the Shadow and I'll walk you through each step with an example from my own life. Be sure to start by listening to Episodes 32 and 33 to get the background you'll need before trying this process. 

• Keep a journal and write about your Shadow work each day.
• Stay humble, no matter how much you know or have already learned.
• Listen deeply to the stories of other people and to your own stories.
• 3rd person: Face whatever you have rejected and repressed in your Shadow that you now recognize from doing work with your dreams or relationships or life situation. (see Episode 33)
• 2nd person: Talk to the rejected and repressed part and ask questions. Invite that part to "write" answers in your journal.
• 1st person: Be the repressed part and take the perspective of the wound or trauma you have rejected in the past. This is when a transformation often occurs
• Remember that Shadow work heals gradually over time--keep pulling weeds and planting seeds and one day they will manifest in a beautiful garden of love and forgiveness.

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In this episode I begin a series of stories from a trip to Italy I took several years ago that was "ruined" by grief. I'll share the amazing insights and lessons I learned on that journey over the next several weeks. This episode includes:

• The H1N1 influenza epidemic
• Getting lost in Rome
• The Novena inspiration

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In this episode I talk about some simple ways you can begin to get in touch with your own shadow issues so that you can heal and reintegrate them. This is an essential first step in doing shadow work because "you don't know what you don't know." These 4 suggestions will help you explore and analyze the ways your shadow reveals itself in your day-to-day life, which will be tremendously helpful as you move forward with healing work that leads to your spiritual growth. These 4 suggestions are:

1. Examine conflicts in your work or daily life and analyze the other people who are part of those conflicts.
2. Review situations that cause you to lose control over your emotions. Identify the surface emotions you feel and look for the deeper hidden emotions in those situations.
3. Scrutinize the blow-ups you have with other people. Record the details so that you can review them in the future to look for commonalities.
4. Analyze your dreams for evidence of hidden issues that your subconscious is trying to push to the surface.

Be courageous as you begin this work because it is important and necessary! Francis Weller writes that "unexpressed sorrow blocks access to the Soul" which is why we must give expression to all that is hidden deep inside the shadow.

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In this episode I discuss the Shadow aspect of the ego or lower self and why the spiritual journey requires us to delve into all the pain and wounds that are stored there. Our Western society shuns the idea of the Shadow and rejects all failure, weakness and loss. But the "shadowlands" as Richard Rohr writes "are good and necessary teachers." So let's look within on our spiritual journey and begin the task of healing what has been relegated to the shadows. This episode includes:

• Metaphors for the rich, nurturing aspect of the shadow (lotus, tulip, butterfly).
• Shadow begins when we turn inward on our life journey and look with honesty at ourselves.
• If we don't heal our own shadow we will project it onto others.
• Why we shouldn't fear the process of shining light on our own shadow.
• The Guest House Meditation as a practice for coming to terms with shadow.

"One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious. The latter procedure, however, is disagreeable and therefore not popular." -Carl Jung

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In this episode I talk about the merging of my end-of-life studies with my spiritual practice and why the two are inextricably linked together. Through the writings of Carl Jung and Ken Wilber it is clear that there is a time in life for many of us when our focus turns inward, toward our spiritual growth rather than toward success in the external world. That shift often occurs suddenly when we become aware of our own mortality or can happen after a consciousness-expanding experience such as taking a psychedelic substance. This episode includes:

• In Tibetan Buddhist culture people contemplate death on a daily basis.
• In Western society more than 2/3 of people say in polls that they are unhappy with life.
• Confronting and accepting mortality helps us stop wasting our time and energy on projects and pursuits that are designed to help us deny the existence of death.
• Why you should start a daily "death awareness" practice in your own life.
• How to use the book The Tao of Death to contemplate death every day.

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"Man ... lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived." - Dalai Lama

In this episode I discuss what I call the "Garden" and "Galaxy" views of life and why we need to be able to take both perspectives right now. Life in our individual "garden" existence here on planet Earth is under threat right now and we are overwhelmed with stress and uncertainty because of the pandemic. The view from the Galaxy is needed to help us cope and contribute to positive change. This episode includes:

• Pandemics are historical and part of the cycle of life and death.
• Human behavior has been similar in each of the pandemics and plagues of the past.
• Pandemics are great change-makers on this planet and while they cause destruction, they also lead to transformation.
• The Galaxy view encourages us to: focus on the good of the whole, be patient, be in it for the long haul, learn to cope, be adaptable, let go of attachments and expectations, be creative, and make the most of each tiny moment.

Get my latest book The Journey from Ego to Soul here! 

Today I'm sharing a tool I've used for many years to help me stay in alignment with my values and my higher wisdom. These 4 pieces of advice come from teacher Angeles Arrien and her Four-Fold Way - I have paraphrased them over the years and this is how I think of them. I'll talk about each one and then give an example of how to use this tool in any situation such as helping a loved one who is grieving.

1. Show up.
2. Pay attention.
3. Tell the truth.
4. Don't attach to the outcome.

Check out my website at www.eoluniversity.com and my other podcast End-of-Life University!

In this episode I share why it's important to be aware of your own spirituality whether you believe in God or not. You can work on your spiritual growth and the expansion of your consciousness even if you don't or can't believe in a deity. In fact it's essential that we each do this work now in order to become our best and highest selves. This episode includes:

• Why we each need to be aware of our own spiritual nature.
• A new definition of spirituality that doesn't require a deity.
• Three levels of consciousness that are predominant in Western society right now (and at war with each other.)
• How to move beyond our personal spiritual "set point".
• The 7 lessons that can help us grow in consciousness to become the best humans we can be, with or without a belief in God.

Be sure to listen to previous episodes on the 7 lessons for more information! You can leave a voice message for me at the link below! Check out my book The Journey from Ego to Soul.

In this episode I discuss the 5th lesson the ego needs to learn: You are going to die. This is the most difficult concept for the ego to master because death is ego's greatest fear. I'll share why learning this lesson is essential before true spiritual growth can occur and how to continually work on this concept. Confronting the mortality of the physical body is an ongoing, life-long practice! This episode includes:

• Why this is the last of the 5 lessons.
• Why we can't rush ahead into teachings about the afterlife before the ego has grasped its own mortality.
• How humans create "immortality projects" (Ernest Becker) to defend against the ego's fear of death.
• Practices for contemplating mortality and moving beyond fear. 

Be sure to listen to the previous 4 episodes to learn about all 5 lessons for the ego!

"Nothing in the world is permanent, and we're foolish when we ask anything to last, but surely we're still more foolish not to take delight in it while we have it." - W. Somerset Maugham

In this episode we discuss the 4th lesson the ego needs to learn, which is "You are not in control." This is one of the greatest challenges for the ego since its primary desire is to achieve control over as much of life as possible. But that's why this is one of the most important steps toward spiritual growth - helping your ego surrender to higher wisdom and consciousness. This episode includes:

• Why the ego is determined to control our lives.
• The mixed messages in our society (and our own minds) about surrendering.
• The spiritual teachings about surrender.
• Why we actually need to both engage with the world and let go of control at the same time.
• What surfing can teach us about the balance between control and surrender.
• Practices for teaching the mind and ego to let go of control.

"Surrender is faith that the power of Love can accomplish anything, even when you cannot foresee the outcome." - Deepak Chopra

In this episode I talk about the 3rd lesson the ego needs to learn, which is "Your life is not about you." This is a challenging lesson for us to hear but an important one. The ego needs to learn that life has a higher and greater purpose than just this human existence. This episode includes:

• We are part of the greater purpose but we don't create or control that purpose.  
• We may not even understand or comprehend the role we play in the greater purpose. 
• We are actually here to be channels of love.
• The greater purpose of life is to remove the obstacles that prevent us from channeling love.

"On the path of love we are neither master nor the owners of our lives. We are only a brush in the hand of the master painter." - Rumi

"Love is the whole thing. We are only pieces." - Rumi

Today we're looking at the 2nd lesson the ego needs to learn (see the previous episode for lesson #1): You're not that important. This is a challenging truth for the ego to face but essential if we want to truly grow spiritually. This episode includes:

• Western civilization is functioning at an individualistic ego-driven level of consciousness right now.
• How most of our current problems on the planet stem from ego-driven behavior that is not modulated by higher consciousness.
• Why we have to humble the ego with this message before we can begin to learn higher spiritual truths.
• How the ego can hide behind higher spiritual messages and trick us into believing that we are more evolved than we are.
• Why we need a daily practice to help remind our ego "You're not that important" while we simultaneously develop our unique gifts that we came here to share with the world

Links: Register for Surviving the Aftermath of Suicide Workshop

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In this episode I talk about the difference between knowing and believing when it comes to spiritual awareness and why that's an important distinction right now with what is happening in the world. This episode includes:

• The "knowing" that comes from consciousness-expanding experiences
• How to live from that knowing rather than regressing to tribal desires for vengeance and retribution
• Why we should be grateful and humble for the opportunity to see life through an expanded lens
• How to keep shining a light and radiating love when the world is falling apart
• The importance of maintaining a center of calmness and stillness in the midst of the world's darkness

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In this episode I share the first of a series of "lessons" the ego needs to learn in order to become a better ally for our higher consciousness and for our day-to-day lives. "Life is hard" is not something the ego likes to look at but that realization is the very beginning of all of our spiritual growth. This episode includes:

• The ego divides everything into "good" and "bad" and places blame on others for the "bad" parts of life.
• Why ego-controlled thinking leads to perpetual victimhood.
• How to sit with the difficult situations of life and embrace all of our negative thoughts and emotions without judgment.
• Working toward a place of equanimity with the hard parts of life.
• Embracing what is hard to make space for more light and love and peace.

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In this episode I share some excerpts from my book The Journey from Ego to Soul and talk about why we need to recognize the ego when it controls our behavior instead of our higher consciousness. This episode includes:

• A description of the ego's common behaviors.
• How to recognize times when your ego is in control.
• Understanding that the wounds your ego hides will always have an effect on how you see the world.
• Why looking at our ego behaviors honestly can help us identify our shadow issues, and healing our shadows can help us "train" our ego.
• Why we need to cultivate compassion and grace toward our own wounded egos.

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Today I'll discuss how to experience something new in our relationships rather than replaying old history again and again in our interactions. This discussion includes:

• How the brain's negativity bias has caused us to store old memories of pain and woundedness regarding our relationships (the "box of resentments").
• How our confirmation bias also prevents us from recognizing growth and change in our partners but rather leads us to see what we already believe to be true.
• How we can override our brain's wiring toward negativity and confirmation bias to truly experience something new.
• The fact that we are new in every moment allows for change and transformation to take place.
• Using forgiveness of self and others to dissolve away the "box of resentments" that keeps us trapped in the past.

“When I say that every lesson is the first lesson it does not mean that we forget what we already know. It means that what we are doing is always new because we are always doing it for the first time.” – Chunliang Al Huang quoted in The Dancing Wu Li Masters by Gary Zukav 

I'm recording this episode on 8/8/21 which is the "Lionsgate Portal" - a time of creativity, healing, and a shift toward new "agreements" for our lives. I'll share why this particular moment in time has been very powerful for me and how my own consciousness is shifting right now. Here are some of the topics inspired by an email I received from spiritual teacher Matt Kahn:

• Why right now it's important to shift into our higher consciousness selves rather than our "ego-selves".
• When we make this shift we will be living our "life purpose" even if we don't know in our minds what that is.
• Our timing will be right for our own higher good (and for others as well).
• We will automatically offer others what they need from us without worrying about it or trying too hard.
• We will be able to offer compassion, mercy, kindness, and to be witnesses to the pain of others.
• A feeling of overwhelm will remind us that we need to step back and care for ourselves.
• Our self-care will send ripples of positive consciousness to the whole world.

I also announce my upcoming workshop (September 9th at 1 pm Pacific) on Surviving the Aftermath of Suicide (which I finally have realized my whole life has been preparing me to teach!) Registration information will be available soon.

In this episode let's talk about what it takes to be a leader for those around you when you are going through a challenging time (like the COVID pandemic we are experiencing right now.) We are all leaders in some way whether or not we hold administrative or managerial positions. Here are some skills to help us ride the waves of crisis like a surfer rather than be tossed about in the tumult:

• Be adaptable and learn to be grateful for change.
• Stop trying to control what cannot be controlled.
• See the bigger picture of life.
• Focus on the present moment and what has to be accomplished right here, right now.
• Be tolerant of mistakes - your own and others'.
• Have compassion for everyone while also holding them accountable.
• Remember that "this too shall pass."

In this episode we dive into the challenging subject of self-forgiveness, why it's important and how to do it! This is a project I'm currently working on that I plan to continue for the rest of my life. This episode includes:

• The definition of self-forgiveness.
• Studies on forgiveness that show it takes a process over time to complete.
• Why self-love and self-forgiveness go hand-in-hand.
• The "Pillars" of self-forgiveness.
• A 9-step process toward actually forgiving yourself.

Download the notes for this episode here.

"You don't want to beat yourself up for beating yourself up in the vain hope that it will somehow make you stop beating yourself up." - Kristin Neff, PhD

In this episode I talk about grace, which is an essential element of any dance. Learn how the many different of meanings of grace apply to both life and death and discover a daily practice that can help us prepare for the end of life with ease and dignity.

This episode includes:

• The many definitions of “grace”.
• That grace is always given freely, not earned or deserved.
• How grace “finds us” during our darkest times of brokenness.
• Forgiveness as an act of grace.
• How I want to live and die with grace and gentleness.
• A daily practice to cultivate grace:
  G – Gratitude
  R – Release
  A – Awareness
  C – Compassion
  E – Equanimity
  

In this episode I talk about rhythm, which is an essential element of any dance. Learn how the rhythm of nature and the universe includes both stillness and motion, waiting and movement, and how we can find peace and hope by surrendering to this rhythm as it unfolds in the moment.

This episode includes:

• Why it’s important that rhythm contains both stillness and movement, whether in dance, music, or the written word.
• The power of the liminal space of waiting for an uncertain outcome.
• Why spiritual growth requires learning how to return to the rhythm of nature and the universe.
• How to surrender to the natural rhythm of living and dying and why it benefits us.
• How we can discover our connection to every other being on the planet when we remain in rhythm and open to synchronicity.

This is part 2 of the series on the intertwining of life and death in a perfect dance that spirals throughout eternity. This episode covers:

• Why we cannot live fully (and in balance) if we ignore death.
• How the medical system perpetuates the separation of death from life.
• How being mindful of death helps us let go of attachments and live with equanimity.
• Practices for bringing death awareness into daily life:
  Morning gratitude practice.
  Mantra: This day is a gift.
  Notice death around you – including tragedies in the world.
  Observe the “little deaths” each day.
  Practice getting back into balance.
  
• Discover joie de vivre (the joy of living) and practice love through your final breath.

This begins a 4-part series I call "The Dance of Life and Death." You'll learn where the title comes from when you listen! This episode includes:

• Rainer Maria Rilke’s letters to the bereaved.
• Why death and life are locked in an inseparable dance.
• How we learn slowly about death through life’s experiences.
• How to cope with the unique timing of life’s events when it doesn’t fit our hopes and expectations.
• Why even our mistakes and failures turn out to be perfect.

In this episode I discuss the history of a devastating earthquake in Lisbon in 1755 that I learned about on my recent trip to Portugal. The outcome of this tragedy reminded me that even the horrific wars that are taking place right now contain a tiny seed of hope for transformation. This episode includes:

• The devastation caused by the triple disaster in Lisbon in 1755
• How the entire world was affected by this disaster
• How the Age of Enlightenment was hastened by this event
• Why we need to carry all the pain of the world right now and still continue to spread love

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In this episode we'll look at why self-love is important and why it's so hard to do. I share poems by Alex Elle, Rupi Kaur and Nikita Gill plus a story of a self-love workshop gone wrong that turned out to be the perfect thing. Here are some suggestions from Buddha's Brain by Rick Hanson for working toward healing of our self-judgment, wounds, and shame:

• Recognize the pain and shame when it arises; where is it coming from? what is the underlying wound?
• Cool down the judgment and soothe the pain of your wounds by "bringing in the good".
• Notice the positive around you.
• Experience the positive with all of your senses.
• Let the positive sink in all the way down to your inner wounds.
• Pause to notice the good wherever you are.
• Remember that little moments add up over time.

Leave a message with your comments or your own story!

This episode tells the story of the mysterious and miraculous lotus blossom and how it grows up from the mud to blossom in the sunshine every day. The lotus is a perfect symbol for our own spiritual journey and why we must embrace the darkness and explore it for opportunities to heal our old wounds and transform our lives. The poems The Well of Grief and Self Portrait by David Whyte are featured in this episode. 

The Well of Grief by David Whyte

Those who will not slip beneath
     the still surface on the well of grief,

turning down through its black water
     to the place we cannot breathe,

will never know the source from which we drink,
     the secret water, cold and clear,

nor find in the darkness glimmering,

the small round coins,
          thrown by those who wished for something else.

It's challenging when we feel despair or depression hovering around us and we don't really know why it's there. But, like Rumi's poem The Guest House, it's important to welcome in even the feelings we don't like and wish would leave us alone. So today I'm recommitting to accepting my own despair and letting it in the door. I'll stop rejecting this down time, allow it to be present, and receive whatever it has to teach me. I'll also stop judging myself for wanting to push away the negative feelings. If you are feeling down right now too just remember that you're not alone, we all go through these days and weeks, and it will go away someday. I'll check back in when things are going better to look at these down days from the other side!

In this episode I share a simple model for how spiritual growth occurs based on the work of Fr. Richard Rohr: Order, Disorder, Reorder. We'll talk about each of these 3 stages and how to navigate them with a focus on finding a "thread" that carries you through each time of life, loving the life you have, and learning to cherish change and impermanence.

Today let's talk about how our greatest devastation can lead to transformation and growth. I've experienced it in my own life and have been excited to read the research on Post-Traumatic Growth. This coincided with reading about Dr. Edith Eger who is a survivor of Auschwitz and wrote about her own healing and growth after the horror of her experiences in early life. She writes about having been victimized but not being a victim and how she chooses to be responsible for her own growth and happiness. 

• Research on Post-Traumatic Growth by Richard Tedeschi and Lawrence Calhoun UNC: Article from Psychology Today
• Father Richard Rohr's Center for Action and Contemplation
• Dr. Edith Eger's website

Learn the lesson of impermanence and why it is essential for life.

This episode includes:

• The Buddhist concept of impermanence.
• How everything that is fleeting becomes more precious to us.
• Entropy – the 2nd law of thermodynamics – from the Greek word entropia, which means a turning toward or transformation.
• How life moves from order to disorder, structure to non-structure, physical form to energetic form or Soul.
• The benefits of mortality:
  Creativity, growth and transformation are made possible,
  Even our suffering and pain will not last (“this too shall pass”),
  This is the unifying characteristic of all humans on the planet: we all will die one day and we all grieve over our loved ones who have died.
  
• Rituals for getting comfortable with and honoring our impermanence:
  Contemplation and journaling using books like The Tao of Death,
  Observation of nature,
  Mandala creation,
  Flowing water ritual.
  
• We are here to dissolve into love, our ultimate destiny.

Learn how to let go of expectations and your bitterness over life’s disappointments.

This episode includes:

• How suffering increases when we believe that things should have been different.
• How clinging to the need to control the events of life can lead to bitterness and regret.
• Life flows like a river and we cannot control or stop the flow by resisting it.
• Why staying attached to our expectations keeps us from experiencing what life is offering us in each and every moment.
• How to reframe disappointments by being curious about what life is bringing.
• Journaling practice to identify attachments and resentments so that they can be reframed.
• Bridge ritual for letting go of attachments and receiving the flow of life.
• Untying the knots as a practice for letting go. (Thank you to our beloved angel Megory Anderson and her book Sacred Dying)

Learn how to find more clarity about your life’s purpose and why it’s not just about choosing the right career path.

This episode includes:

• The difference between “inner” and “outer” purpose.
• Why it’s important to recognize that there is a larger reason for our existence.
• Why we must change ourselves before we try to change the world.
• Steps to discovering your inner purpose:
  Awaken to the fact that you are here to learn,
  Look for recurring themes in your life so far,
  Journal about the pain and suffering you have experienced since they often center around your inner purpose.
  
• How the Japanese concept of “ikigai” can help you find your outer purpose:
  What you love,
  What you are good at,
  What the world needs,
  What you can be paid for.
  
• Why your outer purpose should align with you inner purpose.
• Why you need to let go of attachment to your outer purpose and accept change in your life.

Learn how to make the most of the present moment and give the gift of presence to those you love.

This episode includes:

• Presence is an essential skill for working with dying patients.
• Many dying patients seem to have a new-found ability to focus on the present and appreciate each moment.
• According to Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hahn presence is the ability to align body, mind, spirit, emotions in a single focus on the here and now.
• Being fully present with a patient or a loved one allows us to create a sacred space within which healing and transformation can occur.
• Steps for developing the skill of presence:
  Create time (5 minutes) and space for stillness each day,
  Tune in to your physical body,
  Breathe deeply with intention,
  Allow emotions to arise without attaching to them,
  Let thoughts drift by.
• Practice total focus during small moments e.g. eating a special food, watching a sunset, listening to music, spending time in nature, being with a loved one.
• Daily AWE Practice:
  I am Awake in this moment
  I am Willing to experience and accept whatever life brings in this moment
  I am Engaged fully in living my life moment to moment
  

Learn the importance of forgiveness for moving forward in society, personal life, and spiritual growth.

This episode includes:

• Why there is so much outrage in our society today.
• Why we need to remember our interconnectedness and interdependence in order to solve the problems we are facing,
• How hospice patients focus on forgiveness as they face the end of life,
• How forgiveness benefits health, relationships and spiritual growth.
• Why forgiveness should be an intentional, daily practice.
• Tools for practicing forgiveness:
  Journaling,
  the “4-View” Process for forgiveness,
  Ho’oponopono.
  

In this episode we explore another theme present in the Tao of Death: life is a paradox. This episode includes:

• What does paradox mean
• How things tend to get worse before they get better
• Why things are not as they seem from the outside
• Surrender is necessary for spiritual growth
• We need to rise about fear of death to make a difference in the world

Get my latest books: The Tao of Death, Stories from the Dark Night and The Journey from Ego to Soul

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In this episode I share how love can transform and heal our lives even during our last days.

This episode includes:

• The story of my “Love Project”.
• The importance of love for those at the end of life.
• How forgiveness makes room for even greater love.
• The many ways love can break our hearts.
• Why we need to remain open to love even after we have been hurt.
• The “violin metaphor” and why we should allow love to hollow us out.
• Practices for opening to love.

In this episode I discuss how our greatest tragedies can ultimately lead us to growth through the gift of grace. This is the lesson of Suffering, the first of the 7 lessons I learned from my hospice patients. 

This episode includes:

• How my father’s suicide changed the trajectory of my life.
• Why the remedy for pain is found “inside the pain” as Rumi wrote.
• There is no “other side” of the tunnel of grief.
• How our grief journey can only be viewed clearly in retrospect.
• How to “burn our pain as fuel”.
• The meaning of grace and how it arrives as a mystery.
• How sorrow prepares us for joy.

For the very first episode of this podcast I introduce you to the 7 lessons I learned from my hospice patients and wrote about in my books: 7 Lessons for Living from the Dying and The Journey from Ego to Soul.  We'll be diving into each of these lessons in upcoming episodes but this is a brief overview to get you started. These lessons are the foundation of all the spiritual work I've been doing and I hope they will help you visualize your own journey to becoming the best person you can be, even in a world full of challenges:

1. Suffering
2. Love
3. Forgiveness
4. The Present Moment
5. Purpose
6. Surrender
7. Impermanence

We have so much more to talk about! Check out the next 7 episodes to go deep with me on these lessons!

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