Valid Love – Details, episodes & analysis

Rebecca and Leah delve into the often-overlooked issue of sexual pain, discussing its prevalence and the shame that keeps many suffering in silence. They explore the critical distinction between pain being common but not normal, emphasizing that persistent sexual pain requires appropriate investigation and treatment.

• Types of sexual pain including superficial versus deep pain and pain during versus after penetration
• Sexual trauma as a major cause, with the body developing protective responses during intimacy
• Religious and cultural conditioning, particularly purity culture, creating disconnection from bodily knowledge and pleasure
• Vaginismus (involuntary tightening of vaginal muscles) as a common condition requiring specialized treatment
• Medical and hormonal factors including endometriosis, PCOS, menopause, breastfeeding, and medication side effects
• Treatment approaches including pelvic floor physical therapy, dilators, somatic therapy, and couples therapy
• The importance of partner involvement in the healing process
• Realistic expectations about recovery timeframes, typically taking at least a year
• Myth-busting common misconceptions about sexual pain being normal or inevitable
• The option to redefine what sex means for you and your relationship if penetration remains painful

Recommended resources: "Come As You Are" by Emily Nagoski (with accompanying workbook), "The Sexual Healing Journey" by Wendy Maltz, and "Pure" by Linda K. Klein. 

Contact us at podcast@validlove.org with your questions or comments.

The cultural war between parenthood and child-free living requires more nuance and understanding of both perspectives, their joys, and their challenges.

• Different categories of people exist in this conversation: parents, child-free by choice, child-free not by choice, fence sitters, and even antinatalists 
• Chapel Roan's controversial comments about motherhood being "hell" sparked debate and defensiveness from parents
• Motherhood can involve significant physical changes, identity shifts, and bring up unresolved childhood trauma
• The first five years of parenthood are statistically the unhappiest for couples, contradicting the myth that babies save marriages
• Child-free by choice people often value freedom, autonomy and need to constantly defend their decision against social pressure
• Fence sitters exist in the middle ground, considering context, partnership, and different possible life paths
• Happiness and satisfaction aren't the same thing—parents may experience less happiness but deep satisfaction
• Equity in relationships becomes crucial when children enter the picture, with fair division of visible and invisible labor
• Viewing children as separate from legacy is healthier—"I want my kids to want to be my legacy, but that's not what they are"
• The most important question isn't "Do I want kids?" but "What kind of life do I want to build and with whom?"

Email your feedback and topic ideas to podcast@validlove.org

In this Episode we talk Ace and our TitBits this week is all about the Kink of Sensualism.

Referenced in this Episode:

The Invisible Orientation By Julie Sondra Decker
https://www.skyhorsepublishing.com/carrel-books/9781510700642/the-invisible-orientation/

Ace By Angela Chen
https://www.angelachen.org/ace.html

Absolutely No Thoughts Of Pounding During My Fun Day With This Kind T-Rex Because I'm Aromantic And Asexual And That's A Wonderfully Valid Way Of Proving Love Is Real By Chuck Tingle
https://www.amazon.com/Absolutely-Thoughts-Pounding-Aromantic-Wonderfully-ebook/dp/B08WPQG6ZR

In this episode of Valid Love, we answer some common questions and attempt to breath normally.

Resources:
50 shades of consent: https://www.hercampus.com/school/u-vic/50-shades-consent-intro-kink/
Guide to Getting It On by Paul Joannides:
https://www.amazon.com/Guide-Getting-Paul-Joannides/dp/188553504X/ref=sr_1_1?qid=1647836254&refinements=p_27%3APaul+Joannides&s=books&sr=1-1&text=Paul+Joannides

In this episode we are down one host but have a special guest from down under. 
Leah is out sick this week as we are joined by Sky to talk about their love story. 

In this episode we talk to our special guest Carrie about ADHD and how it corresponds to relationships.

Our TitBits this week is all about the big O, Orgasms. 

Carrie's Resources:
Scattered by Dr. Gabor Mate (Title: Scattered Minds for our Non-US listeners) https://drgabormate.com/book/scattered-minds/

The ADHD Effect on Marriage by Melissa C. Orlov

Married to Distraction by Edward Hallowell, Melissa C. Orlov, and Sue Hallowell

ADDitudeMag
https://www.additudemag.com/

Referenced in this episode:

Orgasm Statistics:
https://pleasurebetter.com/orgasm-statistics/

Come as You Are by Emily Nagoski

OMGYES.com

Thriving with Adult ADHD by Phil Boissiere

We stand with Ukraine

In this episode, we discuss an overview of Ethical Non-Monogamy.

Reading referenced: Polysecure By Jessica Fern
https://www.jessicafern.com

TitBits: America is getting kinkier
 https://www.prnewswire.com/news-releases/hot-kink-summer----lovehoney-and-kinsey-institute-r esearchers-discovered-americans-are-kinkier-301327893.html

https://theconversation.com/polyamorous-relationships-under-severe-strain-during-the-pandemi c-154335
 

In this episode, we talk with Sarah about interracial relationships and her personal experience.  TitBits: Ethical Porn 

Links referenced in this episode: 
When asian women are harassed for marrying non asian men:
https://www.thecut.com/2018/10/when-asian-women-are-harassed-for-marrying-non-asi an-men.html

https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/ethical-porn

https://www.thebody.com/article/kink-managing-chronic-pain

In our introductory episode we discuss a bit about ourselves, our expectations of this podcast, and delve into the topic of first loves. 

Links: 
My fan fiction for the week: 
https://archiveofourown.org/works/28588152/chapters/70064043

The study we discussed: 
https://bigthink.com/neuropsych/psychological-first-love/

Kaelin, a therapist specializing in OCD, explores relationship OCD and the destructive cycle of intrusive thoughts and compulsions that can hijack healthy relationships.

• OCD operates through intrusive thoughts causing distress, followed by compulsions that temporarily relieve anxiety
• Relationship OCD involves persistent doubts about one's relationship despite evidence of compatibility
• Common intrusive thoughts include questioning attraction, compatibility, or whether there's someone better
• Compulsions often involve reassurance seeking, comparing relationships, and obsessively researching relationship advice
• Partners of those with OCD often feel invalidated when constant reassurance doesn't help
• Effective OCD treatment includes Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP)
• Setting boundaries as a partner is important but challenging—supporting without feeding the OCD cycle
• Resources for help include NOCD and the International OCD Foundation
• Sexual OCD and pedophilia OCD are particularly stigmatized forms that attack a person's core values
• Intrusive thoughts about taboo subjects don't reflect a person's character or desires