Explore every episode of the podcast TOP SELF | Tips on Jealousy and Insecurity in Relationships
Dive into the complete episode list for TOP SELF | Tips on Jealousy and Insecurity in Relationships. Each episode is cataloged with detailed descriptions, making it easy to find and explore specific topics. Keep track of all episodes from your favorite podcast and never miss a moment of insightful content.
Rows per page:
50
1–50 of 138
Title
Pub. Date
Duration
How Shame Turns a Trigger Into a Spiral w/ Frank Spinelli EP 138
08 Sep 2026
00:37:53
In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn sits down with physician and author Dr. Frank Spinelli to talk about shame, why it can become so deeply tied to jealousy and insecurity, and how one triggering moment can quickly turn into a spiral.
You get triggered. You check the phone, withdraw, accuse, react, or do something you later regret. Then comes the second layer: “Why did I do that?” “What’s wrong with me?” “Why am I like this?”
That’s where shame can take over.
Dr. Spinelli explains the difference between guilt and shame, why old wounds can shape the way we interpret what is happening in the present, and how the voice in our head can become the most damaging part of the cycle.
He also shares the framework behind his book, The Shame Compass: A Radical Framework for Trauma Healing and Self-Acceptance, and explains why shame may not be something we simply “get over.” Instead, it can become information that helps us understand what is being activated, where it may be coming from, and how we can respond differently.
Key Moments
• The difference between guilt and shame
• Why shame can become a belief about who you are, not just something you did
• How past trauma and painful experiences can get replayed in present relationships
• Why the voice in your head can become an unreliable narrator
• The difference between having a thought and treating that thought as a fact
• Why practicing the pause outside of triggering moments can help you respond differently when emotions are high
• How shame can turn jealousy into a loop of checking, reacting, judging yourself, and repeating the behavior
• Why the most damaging part of the spiral may be what you tell yourself after the trigger
• The COMPASS framework and how Dr. Spinelli uses it to help people understand shame
• Why acceptance does not mean excusing, minimizing, or pretending something didn’t happen
• How core values can help you understand when shame is pointing to something that feels out of alignment
• The areas where women often experience shame, including body image, motherhood, fertility, sexuality, aging, career ambition, and relationship status
Golden Episode Nuggets
💎 Guilt says, “I did something wrong.” Shame says, “I am wrong.”
💎 A thought is not automatically a fact just because it showed up in your mind.
💎 The trigger may start the reaction, but shame can keep the cycle going.
💎 The story you tell yourself after you react can be more damaging than the reaction itself.
💎 Practicing the pause when you are calm makes it easier to access when you are triggered.
💎 Sometimes we bring old wounds into current relationships and unconsciously try to get a different ending.
💎 Shame does not always need to disappear before you can move forward.
💎 Shame can be information about what is being activated, what story you are telling yourself, and what needs your attention.
About Our Guest
Dr. Frank Spinelli is a physician, author, speaker, and advocate whose work explores trauma, shame, addiction, and emotional health.
Drawing from both his professional experience and his personal history as a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, Dr. Spinelli developed the COMPASS framework to help people better understand and navigate shame.
His book, The Shame Compass: A Radical Framework for Trauma Healing and Self-Acceptance, explores how shame can be recognized, understood, and used as information rather than treated as proof that something is fundamentally wrong with you.
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
What Your Hardest Feelings Are Trying To Tell You w/ Daniel Smith EP 137
In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn sits down with psychotherapist and New York Times bestselling author Daniel Smith to explore a question most of us never stop to ask:
What if the emotions you're trying hardest to get rid of are actually trying to help you?
Whether it's jealousy, shame, envy, regret, or anxiety, many of us spend our lives chasing relief—seeking reassurance, distracting ourselves, or trying to think our way out of uncomfortable feelings. But according to Daniel, our darkest emotions aren't problems to eliminate. They're messengers carrying important information about who we are, what we fear, and what needs our attention.
Together, Shanenn and Daniel talk about why self-criticism often causes more damage than the original emotion, how shame keeps us trapped in painful cycles, and why curiosity may be one of the most powerful tools for healing.
If you've ever wondered why you keep having the same emotional reactions despite knowing "better," this conversation is for you.
Golden Episode Nuggets:
💎 Emotions are messengers, not enemies
💎 The feeling itself is rarely the problem—our resistance to it often is
💎 Shame says "there's something wrong with me," not simply "I did something wrong"
💎 Self-hatred is not an effective strategy for personal growth
💎 Curiosity creates space where judgment creates suffering
💎 Understanding yourself is often more powerful than trying to fix yourself
💎 The goal isn't to never feel difficult emotions again—it's to relate to them differently
About Our Guest:
Daniel Smith is a psychotherapist, journalist, and New York Times bestselling author of Monkey Mind. His latest book, Hard Feelings: Finding the Wisdom in Our Darkest Emotions, explores emotions such as shame, envy, regret, despair, and annoyance—revealing how these often-misunderstood feelings can become powerful sources of self-understanding and growth.
Through personal stories, psychological insight, and cultural exploration, Daniel challenges the idea that difficult emotions should simply be eliminated and instead invites us to learn from them.
Resources Mentioned:
Hard Feelings: Finding the Wisdom in Our Darkest Emotions by Daniel Smith
Monkey Mind by Daniel Smith
The Buddhist Parable of the Second Arrow
Quote of the Episode:
"Emotions don't come because they're trying to attack us. Emotions come because they have meaning and because they have purpose." – Daniel Smith
Key Moments:
• 2:00 – Why our desperate search for emotional relief often backfires
• 5:00 – The Buddhist "Second Arrow" and how we create unnecessary suffering
• 9:00 – Why understanding the "why" behind your feelings isn't always enough
• 12:00 – The difference between shame and guilt
• 16:00 – How curiosity can reduce emotional suffering
• 21:00 – Why talking about shame weakens its grip
• 24:00 – The hidden ways regret helps us avoid the present
• 33:00 – Why shame may be the most painful emotion of all
• 38:00 – How childhood experiences shape our emotional patterns as adults
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
Still in Your Jealousy Hangover? Try This. EP 136
28 Apr 2026
00:16:54
You messed up. You spiraled. You said something you wish you could take back. And now you feel terrible — which actually means you're doing something right. Feeling bad after a jealous episode is healthy. It means you care.
But there's a difference between feeling bad and living there. And if you're someone who stays in the spiral for hours, days, or even weeks after a jealous episode — replaying it, shutting down, telling yourself you're broken and unlovable — this episode is for you.
Because here's what that extended spiral is actually costing you. It's not just making you miserable. It's reinforcing the belief that jealousy is who you are. It's keeping the incident alive in your relationship long after it should be over. And it's exhausting your partner in ways you might not even realize.
Today Shanenn introduces the Pity Timer — a simple, deliberate tool for feeling your feelings fully without letting them swallow the next three days of your life. This isn't about stuffing it down or pretending it didn't happen. It's about giving your guilt its time, and then making a choice to move forward. In this episode:
Why staying in the spiral actually reinforces jealous behavior What your partner experiences when you're still "off" days later Why moving on fast doesn't mean you don't care How to use the Pity Timer to actually close the loop What to do when the spiral tries to come back
00:00 Stop Letting the Spiral Run Your Life 02:14 How the Spiral Builds a Case Against You 05:19 How Your Guilt Is Hurting Your Partner 08:01 Why You Can't Just Stop Feeling Bad 10:29 How to Use the Pity Timer 13:02 What to Do During the Window 14:37 When the Timer Goes Off
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
Still Mad. Still Wrong. Here's Why. EP 135
07 Apr 2026
00:16:42
You knew you were wrong the second he flipped that phone around. Nothing suspicious. Just a bacon recipe. And somehow you were still annoyed at him. That feeling has a name — and once you understand it, you can’t unsee it. You’ve done the spiral. You built the whole case in your head. And then the truth came out and it was… a bacon recipe. You know you were wrong. They know you were wrong. And somehow you’re still a little irritated at them. This episode is about that moment — the one most people blow right past. Shanenn breaks down the shame-anger switch, why relief doesn’t always show up when it should, and how to actually recover without making it worse.
Golden Episode Nuggets: 💎 Your jealous brain doesn’t file ambiguity as neutral — it skips straight to the most threatening interpretation 💎 Relief doesn’t always show up when you’re proven wrong — sometimes you get a stomach drop instead 💎 Guilt says “I did something bad.” Shame says “I am bad.” Those lead to very different places. 💎 That flicker of anger toward your innocent partner? It’s shame looking for an exit — not really about them at all 💎 A real apology doesn’t need a “because” attached to it Resources Mentioned: 30 Days to Different — Shanenn’s program for breaking jealousy and insecurity patterns
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
You're Already Living Worst Case Scenario EP 134
24 Mar 2026
00:33:15
You’re Already Living the Worst Case Scenario
What if the thing you’re most afraid of happening would actually hurt less than what you’re putting yourself through right now? It sounds hard to believe—but there’s real research behind it.
In this solo episode, Shanenn digs into why the jealous spiral itself is the worst-case scenario—not the thing you’re afraid of. You’re not waiting for the bad thing to happen. You’re already in it.
From Harvard psychologist Daniel Gilbert’s Impact Bias to the neuroscience of naming your fear, this episode is packed with science-backed insight and a simple 3-step tool (the Fog Lift) to help you stop the loop.
Golden Episode Nuggets:
💎 You’re not waiting for the bad thing to happen. You are already in it.
💎 Vague fear gives you all the pain and none of the tools your brain would normally use to deal with it.
💎 The psychological immune system only activates for real events—the spiral has no off-ramp.
💎 Naming your specific fear literally shifts brain activity from reactive to regulated.
💎 The spiral has no arc, no end. It takes exactly as much as you give it.
💎 It’s all the cost and none of the outcome.
Resources Mentioned:
· Matthew Lieberman’s UCLA research – “Name it to tame it” (affect labeling and the amygdala)
· Dan Siegel – Clinical professor at UCLA, coined “name it to tame it”
· Top Self on YouTube – Subscribe and watch the show there
Quote of the Episode:
“You’re not waiting for the bad thing to happen. You are already in it.” – Shanenn Bryant
Leave a Review:
📝 Have you ever realized the spiral was costing you more than the thing you were afraid of? Leave a review and tell us - what’s one thing that shifted for you after listening?
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
What If Your "What Ifs" Were Wrong EP 133
10 Mar 2026
00:30:14
You know that voice in your head—the one that takes a missed text or a sideways glance and turns it into a full-blown crisis? That's your What If Machine, and it's been running the show for way too long. In this episode, Shanenn breaks down why your brain defaults to worst-case scenarios, where those fear stories actually come from (spoiler: it's usually not your current partner), and how those protective instincts end up creating the exact outcome you're terrified of.
She also walks you through a 5-step Evidence Check framework you can use the next time your brain tries to convince you that everything is falling apart—so you can figure out if you're dealing with a real red flag or just old fear wearing a new outfit.
Golden Nuggets:
💡 Your brain's What If Machine isn't trying to ruin your relationship—it's running a protection program written long before this relationship existed. 💡 Vague fear is the most powerful kind. Once you name it, it gets smaller. 💡 In the absence of clear evidence, you're choosing an explanation—and if you consistently choose the scariest one, that's not logic, that's fear driving. 💡 Preparing for the worst doesn't protect you from the pain. It just means you experience the loss twice. 💡 Sometimes the What If Machine isn't protecting you from your partner—it's protecting you from hope.
Resources Mentioned:
Episode 8 – Ashley Greer: Is This My Fear or Intuition?
The Power of ONE (Open to New Evidence/Explanations)
The 5-Step Evidence Check Framework
Quote of the Episode:
"Sometimes the scariest thing isn't the relationship falling apart. Sometimes the scariest thing is letting yourself fully trust it, fully relax into it, fully believe you're loved." — Shanenn Bryant
Perfect for listeners who:
Wake up spiraling for no reason and can't turn it off
Know their jealousy is irrational but can't stop the loop
Have pushed a partner away with checking, testing, or accusations
Want a practical tool to use in the moment (not just "calm down")
Are trying to figure out if their fear is instinct or old wounds talking
If this episode hit home, share it with someone who needs to hear it. And leave a review and let us know—what's one what if that's been running your relationship that you're ready to question?
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
Secure People Just Think Differently EP 132
24 Feb 2026
00:18:29
We're on YouTube - Join us there.
In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn explores one of the most confusing and isolating experiences for anyone who struggles with jealousy: watching a secure person stay completely calm in a situation that would send you into a spiral.
Starting with a vivid poolside story that will feel painfully relatable, Shanenn breaks down why secure people aren’t blind to what’s happening around them—they just don’t assign the same meaning to it. She explains how your brain builds stories based on its existing “library” of past experiences, fears, and beliefs about yourself, and why that library is the real difference between jealousy and security.
Plus, she introduces a powerful new tool—the Meaning Audit—three simple questions you can use to interrupt the spiral and start thinking like the secure person you’re becoming.
Golden Episode Nuggets:
💎 Secure people see the same things you do—they just don’t assign the same meaning to them
💎 Your brain is a meaning-making machine and it pulls from your existing library of fears, wounds, and beliefs
💎 True security comes from trusting yourself to handle whatever comes, not from guaranteeing your partner will never hurt you
💎 The spiral isn’t about the photo or the party, it’s about the fear underneath
💎 Security isn’t a personality trait. It’s a skill, and it’s learnable
Quote of the Episode:
“Your jealousy is not the enemy. It’s been trying to protect you from the things that scared you the most. But at some point, that protection has become a prison. And you deserve to be free.” – Shanenn Bryant
📝 Leave a review and let us know—what’s one meaning you’ve caught yourself assigning that turned out to be wrong?
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
Does your relationship feel… quieter lately? The butterflies are gone. The texts are shorter. Affection feels different. And now your brain is spiraling:
Did they lose interest? Is this my fault? Is the spark gone?
In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn breaks down what’s actually happening when the intensity fades in a long-term relationship — especially if you struggle with jealousy, insecurity, or fear of abandonment.
You’ll learn why early love feels intoxicating, why that high is biologically designed to fade, and why the loss of “spark” doesn’t mean loss of love. For many anxious or jealous partners, this phase is when insecurity spikes — not because the relationship is failing, but because the nervous system is finally no longer distracted.
This episode will help you stop catastrophizing calm, understand your attachment system, and learn how to build security without needing constant reassurance.
Key Moments
• 1:00 – The questions everyone asks when the spark fades • 2:20 – Why early love feels addictive (and why it can’t last) • 7:00 – The shift from dopamine to oxytocin explained simply • 10:00 – Why calm love can trigger anxiety and jealousy • 13:30 – How hypervigilance replaces excitement • 17:50 – Why jealousy often peaks after commitment • 22:00 – When “boring” is actually emotional safety • 25:00 – Why leaving too soon repeats the same cycle • 27:20 – Stop chasing the spark — start building inner security
Golden Episode Nuggets
💎 The spark fading is a biological transition, not a red flag 💎 Early love distracts you from insecurity — it doesn’t heal it 💎 Calm can feel unsafe if your nervous system learned love through chaos 💎 Jealousy often increases when things stabilize 💎 You don’t need more reassurance — you need more internal safety
Resources Mentioned
• 30 Days to Different – Learn how to regulate your nervous system, rebuild emotional safety, and stop spiraling in your relationship
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
3 Lies Insecurity Tells You Ep 130
03 Feb 2026
00:33:16
🦋. 30 Days to Different is starting soon - ENROLL TODAY
Insecurity doesn’t always scream. Sometimes, it whispers lies that keep us stuck.
In this solo episode, Shanenn unpacks the three most convincing lies insecurity tells you—and why they feel so real even when they’re not. Whether it’s the urge to check their phone, overanalyze tone, or control every detail in your relationship… this episode will help you finally understand what’s really driving that behavior and how to stop reacting from fear.
This one is for the insecure person who’s exhausted from bracing for betrayal and ready to come home to herself.
🧠 WHAT YOU'LL LEARN:
✔️ Why “staying alert” doesn’t actually protect you ✔️ How strong emotions can lie to you ✔️ Why control is a false sense of peace ✔️ The one mindset shift that rewires your inner safety ✔️ How to respond to triggers without spiraling
🔥 GOLDEN EPISODE NUGGETS:
💎 You can’t out-alert life—but you can trust that you’ll handle what comes 💎 Feeling something intensely doesn’t make it true 💎 Control doesn’t create safety—it creates stress 💎 Trust is built by showing yourself you can survive discomfort 💎 You’ve handled hard things before. You can handle this too
⏰ TIMESTAMPS:
[00:00] A PB&J story that shows how deep-rooted patterns shape us [05:45] Why insecurity feels like your identity [07:37] Lie #1: “If I don’t stay alert, I’ll get hurt” [13:21] Why hypervigilance robs you of peace [18:23] Lie #2: “If I feel this strongly, it must be true” [24:59] How emotional urgency leads to overreaction [31:16] Lie #3: “If I control more, I’ll finally feel secure” [36:30] The truth: You don’t need more control—you need more trust [39:04] Final reframe to anchor self-trust
🧭 RESOURCES & LINKS:
🎯 30 Days to Different – Registration Now Open! Ready to stop spiraling and start self-trusting? Join Shanenn’s daily support container to process emotions without the panic. → JOIN NOW
📝 LEAVE A REVIEW:
If this episode gave you a truthbomb or breakthrough, would you leave a review? It helps other women find these tools too.
💬 What’s a lie insecurity has told you? Drop it in your review or DM Shanenn on Instagram @topselfco
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
Get It Out Of Your Jealous Head W/ Annette Furio EP 129
30 Dec 2025
00:28:34
If you’ve ever felt stuck in a mental loop, replaying conversations, spiraling into insecurity, or feeling something is wrong but you can’t quite name it—this episode is for you.
In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn sits down with Annette Furio, founder of Season Journals, to talk about how journaling can help you slow down, make sense of your thoughts, and create space between what you feel and how you react.
f your brain feels loud or stuck, this episode is about giving those thoughts somewhere to go so you can think more clearly.
Together, Shanenn and Annette break down why your brain gets stuck on repeat, how journaling helps close mental loops, and how even five minutes can shift your clarity, emotional regulation, and self-awareness.
Golden Episode Nuggets
💎 Your brain keeps looping because thoughts feel unfinished 💎 Writing forces your mind to slow down and complete thoughts 💎 Journaling creates space between emotion and reaction 💎 You don’t need consistency—you need permission to start 💎 Gratitude journaling is one of the fastest ways to shift your mindset
Key Moments
· 2:00 – Why unfinished thoughts keep looping in your mind · 4:00 – How writing slows your brain and creates emotional space · 6:30 – Why journaling doesn’t have to be daily to work · 9:30 – How journaling helps you spot patterns in jealousy and insecurity · 12:00 – Looking back at old entries to see growth (or stuck points) · 20:45 – The easiest way to journal when you only have five minutes · 24:00 – Why journaling should never feel like another chore
About Our Guest
Annette Furio is the founder of Season Journals, a brand focused on helping people strengthen their relationship with themselves and others through intentional journaling. Since launching in 2020, Annette has created guided journals for major life seasons—including engagement, marriage, pregnancy, and everyday wellbeing.
Her journals are designed to be both keepsakes and tools, helping people document their lives while also working through challenges with clarity and intention.
Resources Mentioned
Season Journals – Guided Journals for Life’s Seasons Available at seasonjournals.com and on Amazon
Quote of the Episode
“Journaling puts space between what you feel and how you respond.” – Annette Furio
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
Calm You vs. Anxious You. Who's Telling The Truth? EP 128
23 Dec 2025
00:12:46
In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn breaks down a question so many people quietly struggle with—especially this time of year:
Why do I feel calm and trusting with my partner sometimes… and anxious, suspicious, or insecure with them at other times—when nothing has actually changed?
As the holidays approach and routines shift, old patterns can resurface. Shanenn explains why these emotional swings don’t mean you’re inconsistent, broken, or ignoring red flags. Instead, they’re signals from your nervous system responding to changing conditions—not changing relationship facts.
This episode offers a powerful reframe that removes shame, self-blame, and overthinking—and replaces them with clarity, self-trust, and nervous-system awareness so you can stop turning emotions into verdicts about your relationship.
Key Moments:
1:45 – Why the holidays can make anxiety spike even in “good” relationships
3:50 – The core truth: calm and anxiety come from your nervous system, not your partner
6:40 – Why feeling calm doesn’t mean you’re “healed” or fixed
9:00 – What’s really happening when you start scanning, spiraling, or overthinking
11:30 – Why emotions are signals of state—not proof of truth
13:45 – The shift that helps anxiety soften without controlling your environment
Golden Episode Nuggets:
💎 Calm and anxiety can exist in the same relationship without either one being “the truth”
💎 You didn’t lose trust—you lost nervous system capacity
💎 Emotional states are signals, not verdicts about your relationship
💎 Feeling anxious doesn’t mean something is wrong with you or your partner
💎 Regulation comes from working with your nervous system, not fighting it
Quote of the Episode:
“Your ability to feel calm, trusting, and connected isn’t created by the person in front of you. It’s created by the state your nervous system is in.”
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
How To Keep Your Reactions From Being Bigger Than the Moment EP 127
16 Dec 2025
00:20:33
In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn breaks down why small moments in your relationship can trigger huge emotional reactions.
If you’ve ever felt embarrassed by your reaction, overwhelmed by jealousy, or hijacked by anxiety over something that logically felt minor, this episode explains what’s really happening beneath the surface.
Shanenn introduces the concept of emotional agility—the ability to feel deeply without losing yourself—and explains why trust, confidence, and security aren’t built by suppressing emotions, but by learning how to stay present with them. This episode offers practical tools to help you stop spiraling, rebuild self-trust, and respond instead of react
Golden Episode Nuggets
💎 Your reactions aren’t random—your nervous system is trying to protect you 💎 Feeling deeply is capacity, not a weakness 💎 Trust is built through experience, not reassurance 💎 Naming sensations instead of emotions creates emotional power 💎 Discomfort doesn’t mean danger—nothing has gone wrong 💎 Staying with a feeling builds confidence one moment at a time
Key Moments
2:30 – A relatable story about reacting “bigger than the moment”
4:20 – Why your body reacts before your brain can catch up
7:45 – What emotional agility actually means (and what it’s not)
9:00 – Why trust isn’t about your partner—it’s about you
12:10 – The truth about “feeling too much”
16:30 – Why resilience isn’t toughness or pushing through
18:20 – One simple shift that gives you power over emotional spirals
20:30 – Four practical ways to stop getting hijacked by your emotions
24:20 – Reflection questions to build self-trust in real time
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
Why Your Anxious Attachment Picks Terrible Partners EP 126
02 Dec 2025
00:40:08
If you've ever thought "I'm too much," felt shame around your jealousy, or struggled with feeling "needy" in relationships, this episode will be a relief and a revelation. Shanenn sits down with Trevor Hansen, coach and founder of The Art of Healing, to dismantle the shame loop of anxious attachment and show how it can be transformed into self-trust and secure connection.
Trevor shares his raw personal story—from toxic relationships and a broken jaw to leaving a high-powered career at Tesla—and the powerful tools he discovered to move from fear to security. This is a must-listen for anyone stuck in the cycle of over-functioning, people pleasing, or "proving" their worth in love.
IN THIS EPISODE, YOU'LL LEARN:
Why awareness alone won't heal your insecure attachment
How childhood experiences can create a "love gap" that fuels jealousy
What emotional reprogramming looks like in practice
Why inner child work isn't woo-woo—it's essential
A powerful shift from controlling to compassionately curious in relationships
GOLDEN NUGGETS:
You’re not too much. It’s the behavior that needs support, not your worth.
Anxious attachment is just a part of you—not all of you.
You can turn your jealousy into a catalyst for deeper connection.
Emotional healing > intellectual awareness.
When you stop outsourcing your worth, you stop fearing abandonment.
GUEST BIO: Trevor Hansen is a relationship coach and the founder of The Art of Healing. After navigating his own journey through anxious attachment and emotional wounding, he now helps individuals break the cycle of fear-based relationships and build secure emotional foundations. His Secure Self Club is transforming lives by helping clients go from insecure to grounded in just months.
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE: "You're no longer a problem to be solved, but a person to be loved."
PERFECT FOR LISTENERS WHO...
Feel shame around their jealousy or emotional needs
Struggle with anxious or insecure attachment styles
Want to stop overthinking and start feeling secure in love
Are tired of outsourcing their peace and self-worth
Crave emotional safety, clarity, and confidence in their relationships
Loved this episode? Be sure to leave a review and share how you're starting to show up for your inner child.
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn flips the script on what it means to be “the jealous one” in a relationship—and trust us, you’ll never see your spirals the same again.
Ever swear you’re not going to snoop, spiral, or snap... and then do it anyway? That doesn’t mean you’re some controlling jerk. It means you’ve got a genius-level nervous system doing exactly what it was wired to do: keep you safe.
This solo episode unpacks the psychology behind jealousy, why it’s not sabotage but stabilization, and how to trade unhealthy patterns for new, empowering ones—without shaming the old you who just wanted to feel safe.
Oh, and there’s a German shepherd, a deer, some stargazing, and one mood-ruining poop. You’ve been warned.
💎 Golden Episode Nuggets:
Jealousy isn’t sabotage—it’s a stabilizer your nervous system picked to survive pain
You don’t need to feel ashamed of your coping strategies—they were genius solutions for impossible circumstances
You can teach your body new patterns—because you’ve done it before
The most powerful shift isn’t “How do I stop this?” but “What was my system trying to protect me from?”
New stabilizers aren’t about perfection—they’re about choosing different
🗝️ Key Moments:
1:10 – Why repeating patterns doesn’t mean you’re failing—it means your body is succeeding at survival
3:40 – What stabilizers are and how they show up as jealousy, control, or overeating
6:20 – Why we don’t pick yoga or the gym as coping tools (hint: your nervous system doesn’t give a damn about kale)
13:20 – How the jealousy loop works and why it feels so hard to break
17:30 – You’re not controlling—you’re a genius at creating predictability
25:00 – The dog poop that ruined a magical moment (and why it matters)
27:00 – What it looks like to pick new, healthy stabilizers and stop suffering silently
28:50 – Introducing: 30 Days to Different, the transformative new experience to rewire your relationship patterns from the inside out
🔥 Want to Go Deeper?
30 Days to Different is officially open for enrollment! If you’re ready to ditch the spiral and actually rewire the patterns of jealousy, this is your moment. ✔ Daily mindset rewires ✔ 6 live Zoom sessions ✔ Nervous system & neuroscience-based tools
🔗 Join now: TopSelf.com or scroll down to the show notes to click the link!
🎧 Perfect for Listeners Who:
Feel ashamed or guilty about their jealousy or control habits
Want to understand why they keep reacting the same way
Are ready to replace old patterns with better ones
Need real talk, not perfection talk
Want to feel safe instead of just “calm”
💬 Quote of the Episode:
“You’re not a jerk. You’re a genius. You built brilliant coping strategies inside a broken ecosystem.” – Shanenn Bryant
Let me know if you'd like this formatted for upload to your podcast host (Buzzsprout, Libsyn, etc.), or if you want social media promo captions for this episode next.
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
Do You Need to Change Your Partner or Your Patterns EP 124
In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn dives into one of the most exhausting relationship cycles—when you keep second-guessing your partner, breaking up, getting back together, and wondering if they’re “the one.”
The truth? Your confusion isn’t about your partner. It’s about your pattern.
If you’ve ever caught yourself analyzing every text, tone, or gesture, or if you’re tired of asking “should I stay or should I go?”, this episode will hit home. Shanenn unpacks how fear, self-doubt, and emotional hot potatoes (yep, you read that right) keep us in chaos—and what to do instead.
You’ll learn how to pause the decision, regulate your nervous system, and start building self-trust, so you can finally feel confident in your choices—no matter who you’re with.
💎 Golden Episode Nuggets:
You’re not confused about them—you’re disconnected from you.
Fear-based decisions aren’t decisions; they’re safety strategies in disguise.
If it’s hysterical, it’s historical.
You can’t heal what you keep outsourcing.
Until you trust yourself, you’ll doubt every relationship—even the right one.
💡 Key Moments:
2:00 – Why your breakup reflex isn’t about your partner—it’s about escaping discomfort
6:45 – The “emotional hot potato” that keeps you stuck in the same patterns
10:25 – Why your feelings might be valid… but not about what’s happening right now
13:20 – The difference between deciding and reacting
17:00 – How to tell the difference between a red flag pattern and a personal trigger
22:37 – Why you don’t have to decide today if your partner is “the one”
30:00 – The 30-day pause: the simple reset that stabilizes your decision-making
33:50 – How to soothe your own nervous system without outsourcing it to your partner
38:00 – The question that changes everything: “What would I choose if I trusted myself to handle any outcome?”
❤️ Quote of the Episode:
“Until you trust yourself, you’ll doubt every relationship—even the right one.”
🧠 Resources Mentioned:
Free Discovery Call with Shanenn → Schedule Here
✨ Perfect for listeners who:
Break up and get back together on repeat
Feel anxious, jealous, or unsafe in relationships
Want to stop obsessing over every text or tone
Are ready to make decisions from confidence, not fear
Are tired of repeating the same emotional patterns
🔥 Call to Action:
If you’re ready to stop spiraling and start trusting yourself again, book a free discovery call with Shanenn. This is the work she does every day—helping you rebuild from the inside out, so you stop changing partners and start changing your pattern.
🎧 Subscribe, leave a review, and share this episode with a friend who needs to hear:
You don’t have to fix your relationship today—you just have to come back to yourself.
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
What Would Your Life Be Like If You Weren't Jealous EP 123
In this powerful solo episode, Shanenn cracks open a question many of us quietly carry:
“If I weren’t jealous… who would I be?”
From the deck of a cruise ship years ago to the emotional trenches of everyday hypervigilance, Shanenn walks you through how jealousy feels like its become your identity—and how to begin shedding it.
She reveals why your brain clings to jealousy like a job, how it tricks you into thinking you're protecting yourself, and the truth about what control really looks like. If you've ever spiraled over a thong-wearing dancer or found yourself interrogating a partner just to feel safe, this one’s for you.
This episode is an invitation to stop playing small, stop playing scared—and remember who you were before jealousy moved in.
💎 Golden Episode Nuggets:
Jealousy feels like protection, but it’s just fear in disguise
Hypervigilance is a survival strategy, not a love strategy
Your brain learned jealousy from chaos—but it’s ready to relearn
Without jealousy, you don’t lose love—you get your life back
That confident, secure version of you isn’t new. She’s just been waiting
🔑 Key Moments:
1:10 – The cruise ship moment that cracked something open
5:55 – When jealousy becomes a job you never applied for
10:45 – Why control isn’t the same as protection
14:30 – The origin story of your inner security guard
20:40 – Does jealousy actually prevent betrayal—or just exhaust you?
27:00 – What happens to your energy when jealousy leaves the building
36:08 – Why your “security guard” isn’t crazy—just untrained
41:00 – Create your own security protocol
44:50 – The difference between a red flag and a one-off
46:19 – How to become the version of you that trusts again
💖 Perfect for listeners who:
Feel like jealousy has hijacked their personality
Replay conversations, stalk socials, or analyze texts for clues
Want to stop managing a partner’s behavior and start managing their own peace
Crave deeper self-trust, emotional regulation, and a life beyond fear
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn gets real about a silent habit that so many listeners can relate to—but few talk about openly: using alcohol to cope with jealousy, anxiety, and emotional overwhelm in relationships.
From the glass of wine that helps you "take the edge off" before date night… to the third drink that leads to a spiral of shame, regret, and disconnection—this episode breaks down what’s really happening when we reach for a drink to manage our feelings.
Shanenn explores how alcohol not only numbs the bad stuff, but also disconnects you from your intuition, dulls your emotional clarity, and makes jealousy even harder to navigate. You'll learn practical tools to pause, get curious about your emotions, and build real self-trust—without having to escape into a buzz.
This episode isn’t anti-alcohol. It’s pro-you.
💎 Golden Episode Nuggets:
You're likely not drinking because you have a drinking problem—you're drinking because no one taught you how to feel your emotions.
Alcohol doesn't just numb pain—it numbs joy, intuition, and connection too.
Every time you reach for a drink instead of feeling your feelings, you’re teaching your brain you can't handle them.
Shame keeps the cycle going; guilt helps you change.
Your emotions aren't your enemy. They're your superpower.
🔑 Key Moments:
2:10 – Why alcohol is often used to manage anxiety and jealousy
6:30 – The emotional pattern behind pre-date drinks (and how it backfires)
10:45 – What happens when “buzzed you” says too much
14:30 – The brain science: how alcohol blocks emotional processing
22:00 – Alcohol, anxiety, and why the fire comes back stronger
25:00 – Shame vs. guilt: the emotional cycle that keeps you stuck
28:30 – How using alcohol creates self-abandonment and insecurity
34:00 – The practice of sitting with emotions without numbing
39:20 – 3 questions to ask before you drink
43:00 – How to experiment with alcohol-free moments and collect emotional “data”
🧠 Resources & Coaching Mentioned:
30-Minute Discovery Call with Shanenn – Learn how to break emotional patterns and build self-trust. Book via TopSelf.com
Coaching Program: Feel Free Again – For women ready to stop outsourcing emotional regulation to alcohol, anxiety, or partners.
Whitehall II Study & Sleep Research – Learn how alcohol disrupts emotional processing during REM sleep.
🗣️ Quote of the Episode:
“Every time you choose to be real instead of numb, you’re doing something really brave.” – Shanenn Bryant
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
In this solo episode of Top Self, host Shanenn dives deep into one of the most anxiety-triggering scenarios in relationships: witnessing your partner flirt with someone else. Is it a sign they’re unhappy? Are they secretly interested in someone else? Or…could it mean something entirely different?
Drawing from scientific research and her personal journey, Shanenn shares the six core reasons people flirt—and reveals that only one of them is actually about sex. With compassionate insights and a powerful reframe on validation, esteem, and trust, this episode offers a fresh, empowering take on how to handle flirting without spiraling into insecurity.
If you've ever felt the sting of jealousy or wanted to understand what flirting really means in a committed relationship, this episode is a must-listen.
💎 Golden Episode Nuggets:
Flirting does not always equal sexual or romantic interest.
Only 1 out of 6 reasons for flirting involves a desire for sex.
Flirting can actually boost relationship satisfaction—not destroy it.
Feeling attracted ≠ acting on attraction. The nuance matters.
Jealousy is a signal—not a certainty. Trust your gut, not your fear.
You can’t be your partner’s only source of validation—and you shouldn’t have to be.
🧠 Key Moments:
2:40 – That sinking feeling when your partner flirts: What’s really going on?
5:00 – The 6 scientific motivations behind flirting—and only one is sexual
10:15 – Why people flirt to boost self-esteem (and why it’s not a threat)
14:30 – The “relationship development” vs. “relationship threat” misunderstanding
18:00 – Do happy partners still crave external validation? Yes—and here’s why that’s okay
23:45 – How jealousy can mislead you into toxic behavior patterns
30:00 – The research-backed truth about fantasy, flirting, and fidelity
38:00 – Shanenn’s real-life jealousy moment (and what it taught her)
42:00 – How to use “The Power of One” to reframe your thoughts around flirting
🧰 Resources & Mentions:
The Study: Northern Illinois University research on the 6 motivations for flirting
Power of One Exercise: Practice reframing jealousy with one new explanation
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn shares a deeply relatable scenario: it’s 10 p.m., you’re staring at your phone, spiraling over a text that simply says, “Okay, sounds good. Talk to you tomorrow.” If that’s ever sent you into an emotional tailspin, this episode is for you.
We explore why relationship insecurity creates an overwhelming urge to process everything out loud—and why your friends might be reaching their limit. Shanenn dives into the neuroscience of emotional regulation, the critical role of co-regulation, and why being understood by someone who “gets it” can feel like a lifeline.
You’ll learn why exhausting your friendships isn’t the answer—and how group support like Talk It Out Tuesday and the Behind Your Jealous Mind Bootcamp can offer real change, practical tools, and deep emotional relief.
💎 Golden Episode Nuggets:
Criticizing yourself for needing support only deepens the wound.
Relationship insecurity is a nervous system issue, not a character flaw.
Friends mean well—but they’re not therapists. Group support gets it.
Shame thrives in secrecy. But when you share your story with people who truly understand, it loses its power.
You are not "too much." You are not broken. You are human.
⏱ Key Moments:
1:30 – That late-night spiral we’ve all had—why your brain won’t let go
6:00 – The neuroscience behind why we have to talk things out
9:30 – Why your friends can't always be your emotional support system
12:00 – How insecurity starts impacting all of your relationships
15:50 – The invisible burnout your friends may be feeling
17:40 – “You’re not broken”—the power of being truly understood
20:00 – Why shame thrives in silence and how to break the cycle
24:30 – Group support vs. going it alone: the real difference
26:40 – How helping others with their insecurity reinforces your own healing
28:30 – Group coaching isn’t exposure—it’s your power move
👩🏫 Shanenn Says:
"Insecurity is a terrible roommate. It never cleans up its mess and always leaves you drained."
🧰 Resources Mentioned:
Behind Your Jealous Mind Bootcamp – A six-week guided experience to rewire your nervous system and build relationship security. [Register here]
Talk It Out Tuesday – Free group coaching calls inside the Jealousy Junkie Facebook Group. Join now to get notified of upcoming sessions.
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
This Is Why Your Partner Is Not Meeting Your Needs EP 119
16 Sep 2025
00:33:13
In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn breaks down one of the most common communication traps in relationships: expecting your partner to read your mind.
Whether you're silently hoping your partner just knows you need a hug—or you're dropping hints that never land—this episode is your guide to getting what you actually need without spiraling, snapping, or shutting down.
From attachment styles to the six human needs, Shanenn explains why asking isn’t needy—it’s necessary—and gives you the exact words to use so your partner can finally show up for you.
💎 Golden Episode Nuggets:
💬 “Asking isn’t needy—it’s necessary.”
🧠 If you don’t say it, your partner is just guessing—and they’ll guess wrong.
🔄 Every time you don’t ask, you reinforce the belief that your needs don’t matter.
💥 Complaints like “you never text me” are often just unspoken needs for connection.
💡 Hint-dropping leads to disappointment. Clear, direct asks lead to connection.
⏰ Key Moments:
1:30 – Why “If they loved me, they’d just know” is a romantic myth
4:10 – How your partner’s brain is wired differently—and what that means for unmet needs
6:45 – What each attachment style sounds like when trying to get their needs met
10:15 – 3 hidden costs of not asking for what you want
13:50 – Shanenn’s hilarious story about trying to “fix” her mom’s venting session
17:10 – The 6 Human Needs and why your priorities may clash with your partner’s
23:20 – What your complaint is really about—and how to find the core need
26:30 – Simple scripts for clearly communicating your needs without guilt
30:00 – Why unmet needs aren’t about being needy—they’re about being unclear
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
Is This What You Needed To Hear EP 118
05 Aug 2025
00:21:55
In this powerful episode of Top Self, Shanenn Bryant delivers something your inner child may have never received: acknowledgment, validation, and the words you needed most.
This episode is a gentle but honest space for anyone who grew up feeling unseen, unprotected, or responsible for everyone else’s emotions.
Shanenn talks about how childhood trauma—whether loud or silent—gets stored in the body and shapes adult patterns. Through reflections on her own healing journey and a moving message written as a voice of apology from the caregiver you never had, this episode offers a path to release, reframe, and reclaim your power.
💎 Golden Episode Nuggets:
“You’re not born with trauma—you inherit patterns through what you witnessed, heard, and experienced.”
“It’s not about blame. It’s about the chain—and you might be the first brave one to break it.”
“You don’t need their permission to heal. You just needed to be seen.”
“This isn’t who you are—it’s who you became. And you can become something new.”
“If you’ve been waiting for an apology, this is it.”
🔑 Key Moments:
1:45 – Trigger warning and who this episode is for
3:00 – “This is not who you are—it’s who you became”
5:20 – What trauma really is: the unseen, unfelt, unprocessed
6:40 – It’s not about blame—it’s about breaking the chain
9:15 – Generational trauma: how pain becomes parenting
11:30 – The ACEs test and its lifelong impact
14:00 – “You don’t need an apology to heal—but here’s one anyway”
15:00–21:00 – A powerful reading of the apology you never received
🛠️ Resources Mentioned:
Episode 20: Interview with Candace Alley on the ACEs Test & Trauma
ACEs Test – Adverse Childhood Experiences
Learn more about coaching and upcoming programs at Top Self website
📌 Quote of the Episode:
"You don’t need their permission to heal anymore. You just needed to be seen—to finally hear, ‘I’m sorry.’ And now you have." – Shanenn Bryant
🎯 Perfect for Listeners Who:
Grew up with emotional neglect, instability, or high expectations
Feel guilt around acknowledging childhood pain
Want to understand how trauma shows up in adult relationships
Are learning to reparent themselves and break generational cycles
Are seeking healing without waiting for an apology that may never come
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn gets deeply personal, sharing the origin of the podcast and a powerful realization about the hidden shame many people carry from their childhoods. If you’ve ever felt like you had to hide how you grew up—because of addiction, dysfunction, or chaos—this episode is a must-listen.
She shares the moment she realized she wasn’t alone in her struggles with jealousy and insecurity, and how our pasts—when left unspoken—can quietly sabotage our relationships and self-worth.
This isn’t just about healing from jealousy. It’s about learning to release the shame of your story so you can show up as your full, authentic self.
💎 Golden Episode Nuggets:
Shame about your past doesn’t mean something’s wrong with you—it means you’re human.
You’re not alone in still being affected by how you grew up.
Confidence begins where the old story ends.
Letting go of shame starts with being honest—with yourself.
You don’t owe your story to everyone, but you deserve not to carry it alone.
🔑 Key Moments:
1:00 – How the podcast was born from a talk on growing up with an alcoholic parent
4:45 – The shift from “Jealousy Junkie” to “Top Self” and why that mattered
6:30 – A listener’s message about struggling to make friends as an adult
9:50 – Why hiding your past isn’t protecting you—it’s suffocating you
13:00 – How your upbringing may still be impacting your self-worth and relationships
16:00 – Shanenn’s personal journey of reconnecting with her father
21:00 – The surprising story she’s not ashamed to tell—and what that reveals about internalized shame
22:50 – A powerful reminder: you don’t owe anyone your story, but you do owe yourself relief
🧠 Perfect for listeners who:
Grew up in a chaotic, addicted, or dysfunctional environment
Still carry shame about their upbringing—even as successful adults
Struggle to be vulnerable or build close friendships
Want to understand how childhood experiences shape adult relationships
Are ready to rewrite the story they’ve been carrying
📌 Resources Mentioned:
Behind Your Jealous Mind Bootcamp – Learn how to break free from insecurity, jealousy, and people-pleasing.
[Link to register]
Free Discovery Call with Shanenn – Coaching for women ready to stop hiding and start healing.
[Link to schedule]
🧭 Quote of the Episode:
“You don’t owe your story to anyone. But you do owe yourself relief from the weight of hiding it.”
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
Ever started pulling away just when things got good? If calm, consistent love feels boring—or even threatening—you’re not broken. You’re human.
In this episode, Shanenn explores why “safe” love can trigger your nervous system, especially if you grew up in chaos or experienced emotionally unpredictable relationships. You’ll learn:
Why peace can feel like a red flag to a dysregulated nervous system
The hidden link between chaos and connection
Subtle ways we sabotage healthy love without realizing it
A powerful affirmation to ground yourself when you’re spiraling
How to begin rewiring your system to trust calm instead of rejecting it
If you’re ready to stop pushing away the love you crave, this episode is for you.
💎 Golden Nugget: “Peace isn’t the problem. My pattern is.”
Timestamps:
1:15 – Why calm triggers fear in a chaos-wired nervous system
3:00 – How your past relationships shaped your patterns
6:30 – A real-life story (with a German Shepherd!) that explains stored trauma
10:40 – Signs of self-sabotage when things feel “too good”
12:50 – Tools to rewire your nervous system for trust
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
Tapping Into Emotional Freedom W/ Amy Vincze EP 115
In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn welcomes tapping expert Amy Vincze to explore how tapping can help release jealousy, insecurity, and emotional triggers. With over 17 years of experience, Amy shares how she went from skeptic to certified coach—using tapping to navigate personal trauma, anxiety, and even breast cancer recovery.
This isn’t just theory. Amy walks listeners through the science of tapping, the emotional patterns that fuel insecurity, and a powerful guided tapping session to help you shift from emotional reactivity to grounded self-worth.
If you’ve ever felt consumed by jealousy or struggled to manage emotional overwhelm in relationships, this episode is a must-listen.
Golden Episode Nuggets:
💎 You can’t heal what you’re afraid to feel
💎 Jealousy and insecurity are symptoms—not the root problem
💎 Tapping helps regulate the nervous system and release stored trauma
💎 Emotional honesty is a gateway to confidence and connection
💎 Healing is an inside job—and tapping gives you the tools to do it
Key Moments:
· 1:30 – Why most of us avoid uncomfortable emotions and why that’s a problem
· 4:45 – Amy’s backstory with tapping and how trauma triggered transformation
· 10:15 – How emotional energy gets trapped in the body
· 14:30 – The neuroscience of tapping and what happens in the brain during a session
· 20:00 – A full guided tapping session focused on jealousy and insecurity
· 34:10 – The real goal of tapping (hint: it’s not to be positive all the time)
· 38:00 – How to create your own tapping practice without overthinking it
About Our Guest:
Amy Vincze is the founder of SOAR with Tapping and a certified Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) practitioner. She combines energy therapy, cognitive techniques, and somatic work to help people process emotional triggers and build resilience. Her mission is to make tapping accessible for anyone ready to break emotional patterns and reclaim their peace.
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
🎧 In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn breaks down the 3 stages of jealousy that sabotage emotional security—and how to work through them.
If you’ve ever felt stuck in spirals, constantly checking your partner’s phone, or craving reassurance just to get through the day—this episode is for you.
Through her own experience and years of coaching clients through jealousy, Shanenn identifies 3 specific levels most people go through: High Alert, Distance Dependent, and Emotionally Equipped. You’ll learn how to recognize where you are, why each stage feels the way it does, and how to move forward with more self-trust and less shame.
This is your roadmap out of relationship anxiety and into emotional strength.
🔑 Key Moments:
2:00 – The High Alert stage: spiraling thoughts, hypervigilance, and the toll on your nervous system
10:00 – Breaking out of unhealthy validation habits using the Think-Do-Say framework
17:00 – The Distance Dependent stage: calm on the surface, but still triggered by what you see
23:00 – Using self-focus and small wins to rewire your emotional patterns
28:00 – The Emotionally Equipped stage: meeting your own needs without over-relying on your partner
31:00 – How to bounce back after a setback without shame or spirals
💎 Golden Episode Nuggets:
Jealousy isn’t just emotional—it becomes physical stress if left unchecked
The Think-Do-Say model helps break compulsive habits by replacing them with conscious choices
You can stop checking the phone without stopping all the habits—just start with one
Self-validation is the gateway to emotional safety
You don’t need your partner to fix your jealousy—you need tools to manage your emotional responses
❤️ Perfect for listeners who:
Feel overwhelmed by jealousy or insecure thoughts in their relationship
Are trying to stop spiraling and start self-soothing
Want practical, non-judgmental tools for emotional growth
Are ready to take their healing seriously but with compassion
Crave deeper connection—without losing themselves
✍️ Leave a review and let us know—what stage do you see yourself in right now? And what’s one habit you’re working to change?
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
A Nervous System Reset For Jealousy EP 113
27 May 2025
00:33:46
In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn unpacks one of the most misunderstood truths about jealousy: it doesn’t start in your mind—it starts in your body.
If you’ve ever told yourself “I’m just going to think positive thoughts” or “I’ll be chill tonight”—only to spiral the moment your partner picks up their phone—then go ahead and hit play now.
Shanenn introduces a nervous system-based approach to jealousy, built around her signature BAM Method: Body And Mind. You’ll learn how to stop shaming your reactions, calm your nervous system, and respond in a healthier way—rather than fear, panic, or reactivity.
This episode is a must-listen for anyone stuck in the cycle of body-based jealousy and emotional spirals.
Golden Episode Nuggets:
💎 Jealousy isn’t crazy—it’s a stored survival response from your nervous system
💎 Your body reacts before your brain can even form a thought
💎 BAM = Body And Mind (Breathe, Acknowledge, Move) is your new reset tool
💎 A safer body allows you to choose a better thought
💎 Explaining your nervous system reactions to your partner can build deeper understanding
Key Moments:
3:25 – Why jealousy can’t be “thought away” (and why 95% of your reactions aren’t logical)
7:17 – The real reason your stomach drops when he texts—and what your nervous system is doing
10:28 – Introducing BAM: Why calming your body comes before calming your thoughts
15:02 – The “hot stove” analogy to help explain jealousy to your partner
19:33 – BAM, defined: Breathe. Acknowledge. Move.
24:51 – What to do when your body believes an old wound is happening again
27:42 – How to shift into your “choice moment” once your body feels safe
Resources Mentioned:
Behind Your Jealous Mind Bootcamp – Join the next session starting June 18th. Register here
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
Unhealthy Thought Patterns And How To Spot Them w/ Amy Kemp EP 112
20 May 2025
00:32:57
In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn sits down with thought habit strategist and author Amy Kemp to unpack one of the most damaging patterns women struggle with—tying our self-worth to performance.
From subconscious thought loops to resentment signals, Amy shares the surprising truth behind why we feel exhausted, unseen, and over-obligated—and what we can do to reclaim our identity and energy.
If you're spiraling in your own pool of thoughts, this episode will help you understand the thought habits secretly draining you and how to replace them with empowering defaults.
Golden Episode Nuggets:
💎 You are not your thoughts—your brain’s habits can be rewired
💎 Resentment is a neon sign flashing: “Missing boundary here”
💎 “I should” and “I have to” are energy leaks disguised as productivity
💎 Confidence isn’t a feeling—it’s what shows up after you act
💎 Your natural genius is the thing that feels easy to you but amazes others
Key Moments:
· 3:45 – Why 80% of our thoughts are subconscious (and how to catch the unhealthy ones)
· 7:10 – The “value vs. performance” hand exercise that could change how you see yourself
· 12:50 – What resentment actually means (hint: it’s a missing boundary)
· 15:00 – The 3 most common toxic thought habits women carry
· 21:40 – The Resentment Audit: a practical way to uncover unspoken needs
· 25:15 – How to find your “natural genius” and stop undervaluing your gifts
About Our Guest:
Amy Kemp is a leadership coach, speaker, and author of I See You: A Guide for Women to Make More, Have More, and Be More. Her work helps women reprogram limiting thought habits so they can stop second-guessing themselves and start living and leading with clarity and energy.
Take her free Habit Finder assessment to discover your subconscious thought patterns and how to shift them at www.amykemp.com.
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
5 Daily Gratitude Habits to Quiet Anxiety and Reclaim Joy w/ Dr. Peggy DeLong EP 111
13 May 2025
00:29:57
In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn sits down with clinical psychologist and gratitude expert Dr. Peggy DeLong known as The Gratitude Psychologist to explore how gratitude can be a lifeline in life’s hardest seasons.
Whether you’re navigating grief, anxiety, or emotional overwhelm, Peggy shares the science and soul behind why gratitude is most powerful on your worst days not your best. From the moment she found comfort in a cup of hazelnut coffee while sitting at her fiancé’s deathbed, to her 5-minute daily gratitude practice, this episode is packed with perspective shifts that can change the way you cope, connect, and heal.
If you’ve ever thought “I know I should be grateful, but I just can’t right now,” this conversation is for you.
💎 Golden Episode Nuggets:
💡 Gratitude is most impactful in pain—not after it
10:00 – The Reticular Activating System and how it filters what you notice
13:00 – The most important gratitude habit for improving mental health
18:00 – Gratitude letters: why they benefit the writer more than the recipient
20:00 – Using pain as a trigger to practice gratitude
24:30 – How gratitude can significantly improve your sleep
26:40 – The link between gratitude, resilience, and rewiring your brain
👩⚕️ About Our Guest:
Dr. Peggy DeLong is a licensed psychologist, speaker, author, and founder of the Feeling Good Institute. Known as “The Gratitude Psychologist,” she teaches people how to cultivate joy, emotional resilience, and well-being through the power of gratitude and positive psychology. Her programs, books, and workshops are designed to make science-backed tools feel simple and accessible for anyone—especially during difficult times.
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
Detach From These If You Want Love, Peace, And Clarity w/ Bob Rosen EP 110
22 Apr 2025
00:31:26
In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn sits down with psychologist, leadership advisor, and author Bob Rosen to explore what it really means to let go—not of people, but of the stories, fears, and beliefs that silently run your life.
Whether you’re obsessively checking your partner’s texts, chasing success but never feeling satisfied, or stuck in pain from your past, Bob’s message is clear: your attachments are stealing your peace.
Together, they unpack how detaching from control, perfection, and outdated narratives helps you build emotional security, deeper relationships, and a more grounded sense of self-worth.
From the fear behind obsessive thoughts to the healing power of self-forgiveness, this episode is a must-listen for anyone ready to stop spiraling—and start feeling free.
💎 Golden Episode Nuggets:
💎 We obsess to feel in control—but it keeps us stuck in fear.
💎 Letting go of the past isn’t forgetting—it’s releasing your grip on pain.
💎 Control shows up as perfectionism, people-pleasing, and overthinking.
💎 True intimacy starts when we stop trying to manage the outcome.
💎 You can’t build a secure relationship without building self-trust first.
🔑 Key Moments:
· 3:00 – The 10 invisible attachments that are silently running your life
· 6:45 – How childhood wounds show up in your adult relationships
· 8:50 – Why control and perfection are actually fear-based addictions
· 12:10 – How to stay connected to your partner without getting consumed
· 16:00 – The real reason self-love is essential to relationship security
· 21:00 – What “obsessive thoughts” are trying to do—and how to break the loop
· 24:50 – Bob’s personal battle with addiction, and how he finally let go
· 29:00 – The success myth: why achievements won’t heal your insecurity
· 32:00 – Why we fear aging—and how to detach from youth-based worth
· 35:00 – How to take Bob’s Attachment Assessment and start your own healing
👤 About Our Guest:
Bob Rosen is a psychologist, leadership expert, and author of Detached: Letting Go to Gain Clarity, Control, and Peace. With decades of experience coaching Fortune 500 CEOs, Bob brings a unique blend of Eastern and Western psychology to help people release mental baggage and reclaim their peace.
He shares not only client stories but his own powerful personal journey—including his recovery from opiate addiction and perfectionism—and how letting go gave him his life back.
📍 Find Bob’s book, take the Attachment Assessment, or download his Book Club Kit at: www.bobrosen.com
📚 Resources Mentioned:
Book: Detached: Letting Go to Gain Clarity, Control and Peace
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
Are You Guilty Of This Common Habit That Destroys Relationships w/ Jessica Higgins EP 109
15 Apr 2025
00:45:35
In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn sits down with relationship and communication expert Dr. Jessica Higgins to unpack one of the sneakiest relationship saboteurs: criticism.
Whether you’re nitpicking over the garage door or bottling resentment until it explodes, criticism can quietly damage your emotional connection. Dr. Higgins breaks down why we criticize, how it's often tied to fear, insecurity, or control—and what to do instead.
From revealing instead of blaming, to communicating needs without making your partner defensive, this episode is packed with powerful reframes and tools to shift from criticism to connection.
Key Moments:
· 2:00 – Why criticism is often an attempt to control, not connect
· 6:00 – How to tell the difference between a complaint an emotional need
· 12:20 – What your criticism is actually trying to say
· 20:40 – How to turn a complaint into a “reveal or request”
· 29:00 – The neuroscience behind why we misread our partner’s silence
· 38:00 – A hilarious hot tub story that’ll test your jealousy triggers
Golden Episode Nuggets:
💎 Criticism is often a shield for unspoken fear or vulnerability
💎 Most people don’t sign up for unsolicited feedback in their relationships
💎 Turning a complaint into a request helps your partner want to meet your needs
💎 You can feel connected and secure—even in uncertain moments
💎 When you reveal your “real” feeling, your partner is more likely to show up for you
About Our Guest:
Dr. Jessica Higgins is a licensed psychologist, relationship coach, and host of the Empowered Relationship podcast. She helps couples break out of reactive patterns and build deeper emotional intimacy. Her work blends neuroscience, emotional intelligence, and practical tools to help couples thrive.
Her free guide, “Shifting Criticism into Connected Communication,” offers powerful real-life examples to help you reframe common communication pitfalls and start getting your needs met—without pushing your partner away.
Resources Mentioned:
Free Guide: Shifting Criticism into Connected Communication (www.drjessicahiggins.com)
The Gottman Institute’s Research on Criticism & the “Four Horsemen”
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
You Can't Control Others But THIS Question Will Change Everything w/ Leah Lemberg 108
01 Apr 2025
00:34:34
In this powerful episode of Top Self, host Shanenn Bryant sits down with Leah Lemberg, who shares her remarkable journey from growing up in an alcoholic home to becoming 16 years sober and helping others transform their lives. From IV drug use at 18 to finding sobriety and purpose, Leah's story offers hope and practical wisdom for anyone struggling with addiction, unhealthy patterns, or leadership challenges.
Golden Nuggets:
💎 "How am I complicit in creating the conditions that I say I don't want?" - A powerful question for self-reflection
💎 Creating space in your day for reflection helps you make better choices when triggered
💎 There's always a moment of choice between reactive patterns and intentional responses
💎 Recovery isn't just about abstinence - there's a "third way" that offers true freedom
💎 "How you show up here is how you show up everywhere" - Our patterns affect all areas of life
About Our Guest:
Leah Lemberg is a coach who combines her 16 years of sobriety experience with business leadership expertise. After transforming her own life, she now helps others apply 12-step principles to business and personal challenges. Her sobriety date is January 9, 2009.
Perfect for listeners who:
Are struggling with addiction or have loved ones who are
Want to break unhealthy patterns in their personal or professional lives
Are interested in applying 12-step principles to business leadership
Need strategies for self-reflection and emotional regulation
Want to improve how they show up in their relationships and work
Resources Mentioned:
Book: "Reboot" by Jerry Colonna
Key Moments:
[00:01:07] Introduction to Leah Lemberg and her dog Ajax
[00:02:28] Leah shares her background growing up in an alcoholic home
[00:04:35] Discussion of the rarity of maintaining sobriety
[00:06:27] How addiction affects family dynamics and connectivity
[00:08:04] The impact of maintaining appearances and facades
[00:09:23] Exploring hypervigilance and its effects on relationships
[00:13:47] How Leah transformed her experiences into helping others
[00:16:04] The powerful question: "How am I complicit in creating the conditions I say I don't want?"
[00:18:26] Breakdown of the 12-step approach adapted for business and personal growth
[00:20:48] The "Hansel and Gretel" approach to reflection and awareness
[00:23:50] The "Trash Heap" analogy for making better choices
[00:28:22] Leah's wisdom on finding "the third way" beyond using and white-knuckling
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
Uninstall Your Triggers w/ Dr. Greg Stewart EP 107
18 Mar 2025
00:34:35
In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn sits down with Dr. Greg Stewart, counselor, executive coach, and author to explore why insecurity might be the most valuable emotion we experience. Dr. Stewart shares his powerful framework for understanding emotional triggers and reveals how owning our insecurities can be the key to personal freedom.
From his concept of "the house of your heart" to practical techniques like "embrace the digs," Dr. Stewart offers a refreshing perspective on emotional intelligence that can transform how you experience your relationships.
Golden Nuggets:
💎 "The plain and simple fact that you can't stand it when you fail proves it's not who you are at your core." - Dr. Greg Stewart
💎 "What happens when we take things personally? The insult is impacting our value and worth. And it should not."
💎 "Your identity is you at your best. This takes the impact of failures and weaknesses down from devastating to just disappointing."
💎 "I don't need my partner to validate or pursue me. I want them to, but I don't need them to."
💎 "When a strength is taken too far, it becomes a weakness—especially when we experience negative emotion."
About Our Guest:
Dr. Greg Stewart is a counselor, executive coach, and consultant who spent 15 years as a pastor and 3 years in organizational development. He's the author of two books: "I Cubed" for individual growth and "I Cubed for Couples," with a third book "I Cubed for Leaders" in development. Dr. Stewart completed his PhD studying emotional intelligence and brings a unique perspective on healing from insecurity and developing healthy relationships.
Resources Mentioned:
Dr. Greg Stewart's book "I Cubed" for individual growth and development
Dr. Greg Stewart's book "I Cubed for Couples" for relationship development
Coming Soon: "I Cubed for Leaders" (Fall release)
Perfect for listeners who:
Struggle with jealousy or insecurity in their relationships
Want to stop taking things personally and being easily triggered
Need to break free from seeking validation from others
Are working on building confidence and self-worth
Want to understand the deeper causes of their emotional reactions
Action Steps:
Identify what lies you believe about yourself that cause "inflation of emotion"
Practice "embracing the digs" by owning truthful criticism instead of defending
Evaluate whether your need for validation is making you emotionally dependent
Recognize when your strengths might be taken too far and becoming weaknesses
Ask yourself "What did I lose?" from past trauma that you need to reclaim
Episode Highlights:
[00:01:16] Why insecurity is the "richest emotion" for what it can reveal about ourselves
[00:02:49] The concept of "inflation of emotion" and why we often react more intensely than situations warrant
[00:04:08] The three main reasons our emotions get inflated beyond what's reasonable
[00:07:26] The powerful technique of "uninstalling your buttons" to prevent being triggered
[00:09:30] Dr. Stewart's "embrace the digs" approach to disarm criticism and own your truth
[00:14:49] Why placing your value and worth on others' validation leads to emotional turmoil
[00:19:57] How to recognize when a strength taken too far becomes a weakness
[00:23:21] Taking authority over your emotional experience: "Nothing bothers me unless it should"
[00:25:28] The different emotional goals of men and women in relationships
[00:28:50] Healing from past relationship wounds and recognizing unhealed patterns
[00:31:36] How to heal by reclaiming what you lost rather than revisiting trauma
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
Reframing Friction For Relationship Growth w/ Dr. Rachel Glik EP 106
04 Mar 2025
00:29:33
In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn sits down with Dr. Rachel Glik, a licensed professional counselor with over 30 years of experience as a couples and individual therapist. Dr. Glik shares insights from her new book "Soulful Marriage: Healing your Relationship with Responsibility, Growth, Priority, and Purpose," offering her thoughts on how to nurture lasting love and embrace conflict as an opportunity for growth.
Golden Episode Nuggets:
💎 "The impact of our own personal growth work and turning to ourselves first to transform, evolve, heal, and feel whole is how we create a better impact with the people in our lives."
💎 "When we are reactive, we only plant seeds that keep us in the same patterns."
💎 "Your relationship is your purpose to grow. Whenever there's growth, there's some sort of confusion or conflict."
💎 "Don't stop growing. Don't be afraid to grow. You can do it thoughtfully while still respecting your partner's journey."
💎 "People who are going to have long-lasting energy in their relationship are those who continue growing together."
About Our Guest:
Dr. Rachel Glik is a licensed professional counselor with more than 30 years of experience as a couples and individual therapist in her private practice. She has been featured on Fox 2 AM Show in St. Louis as a relationship and mental health expert. Her new book "Soulful Marriage: Healing your Relationship with Responsibility, Growth, Priority, and Purpose" offers a comprehensive approach to creating lasting, fulfilling relationships.
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
The Jealousy Scale - From OK to No Way: A We're Not Fine & Top Self Collaboration EP 105
18 Feb 2025
00:56:03
🤣 🤣 Get ready to laugh your way through relationship real talk!
In this episode, we're joined by the hilarious duo from the "We're Not Fine" podcast - relationship therapist Dr. Talia Jackson and Doug Jensen - for an unfiltered discussion about those "Is this normal?" relationship questions.
Shanenn, Talia, and Doug dive into:
The great memorabilia debate: Is it okay to keep items from past relationships?
The Instagram thirst trap dilemma: When does looking become liking?
The workplace flirting fear: Where's the line between friendly and flirty?
Don't Miss Moments:
"We're all human. And one of the things I think we don't do well in our culture is allow humanness." - on relationship reality checks
"If you can't have fun and make light sometimes about serious things, you know, we just gotta lighten the mood sometimes." - on keeping perspective
The hilarious algorithm incident that has Doug mysteriously following muscular men cooking with pugs 🐶
Golden Nuggets:
💎 Transparency and trust are more important than trying to protect your partner from difficult truths
💎 Every relationship needs its own unique agreements about boundaries
💎 Growth in relationships often means moving from insecurity to security through open communication
💎 Sometimes the hardest conversations are the most important ones to have
Action Items from the Episode:
Have an open discussion with your partner about relationship boundaries and agreements
Practice distinguishing between secrecy and privacy in your relationship
Consider whether your social media behavior aligns with your relationship values
Remember that what works for one couple might not work for another
About Our Guests:
Dr. Talia Jackson and Doug Jensen host the "We're Not Fine" podcast where they talk about relationships with no holds barred. Their combined expertise in relationship therapy and real-world experience brings both professional insight and practical wisdom to relationship discussions.
Find the Guests:
Instagram: @DouglaslJensen and @DrTaliaJackson
Podcast: We're Not Fine
Website: werenotfine.com
YouTube: We're Not Fine
TikTok: @werenotfine
Perfect for listeners who:
Want honest, unfiltered relationship advice
Need a good laugh while tackling serious topics
Are curious about what's "normal" in relationships
Want to build healthier relationship boundaries
Enjoy real talk about modern relationship challenges
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
The Sneaky Way Your Past is Picking Your Partners w/ Dr. Christie Kederian EP 104
13 Feb 2025
00:39:24
❤️ The Date Doctor is Here!
In this episode of Top Self, we sit down with Dr. Christie Kederian, renowned relationship therapist, former eHarmony matchmaker, and author of the upcoming book "Ten Dates to Your Soulmate." Dr. K shares her expert insights on building healthy relationships, understanding family dynamics, and navigating the modern dating landscape with authenticity and purpose.
Key Moments
🎯 [02:04] The unique perspective of a therapist-matchmaker and the importance of having expert guidance in relationship choices
🎯 [05:09] Understanding family dynamics and how they shape our relationship patterns
🎯 [09:42] How to have vulnerable conversations about your past without oversharing
🎯 [17:54] Reading relationship red flags through someone's response to boundaries
🎯 [22:37] The truth about chemistry: It's more than just physical attraction 🎯 [29:58] Why over-filtering potential partners might be blocking you from finding love
🎯 [32:39] The role of attachment styles in relationship dynamics
Golden Nuggets
💎 Chemistry isn't just about initial spark - it develops over time and has multiple dimensions
💎 It typically takes women 5-7 dates to truly sense chemistry with someone
💎 Your family background influences your relationship patterns, whether you're close to them or not
💎 The "village mentality" is crucial for healthy relationships - don't expect your partner to be everything
💎 True empathy is a key indicator of relationship potential
About Our Guest
Dr. Christie Kederian is a renowned relationship therapist and former eHarmony matchmaker known as "The Date Doctor." Her upcoming book "Ten Dates to Your Soulmate" provides a strategic roadmap for finding and maintaining healthy relationships.
Action Steps for Listeners
Practice sharing vulnerable information progressively rather than all at once
Notice how potential partners respond to your boundaries
Look beyond surface-level chemistry to explore emotional and intellectual connections
Consider how your family background influences your relationship patterns
Focus on one date at a time instead of immediately evaluating long-term potential
Notable Quotes
"Chemistry has a lot more to do with the connection with someone over a period of time... There's physical chemistry, emotional chemistry, intellectual chemistry." - Dr. Christie Kederian
"How someone responds when you communicate that you're triggered... that's where really the beautiful corrective emotional experience happens." - Dr. Christie Kederian
Perfect For Listeners Who:
Are actively dating and feeling overwhelmed by the process
Want to understand how their family background affects their relationships
Struggle with vulnerability and sharing their past
Are seeking to build deeper, more meaningful connections
Want to understand the true nature of chemistry and compatibility
Resources Mentioned
Dr. Christie Kederian's upcoming book: "Ten Dates to Your Soulmate" - Get it here
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
Get Rid Of This Survival Skill EP 103
04 Feb 2025
00:28:00
In this powerful episode, Shanenn opens up about childhood trauma and how it shapes our relationship behaviors through hypervigilance.
Episode Highlights
The development of hypervigilance as a childhood survival skill
How childhood experiences with alcoholic parents can create heightened threat detection systems
Why hypervigilance often gets mistaken for good intuition
The physical and emotional toll of maintaining constant vigilance
Key Insights
70% of children from alcoholic homes develop hypervigilant traits that persist into adulthood
Our body's stress response system gets programmed in childhood
Emotional threats are processed by our bodies the same way as physical threats
Hypervigilance can create false beliefs and misinterpretation of neutral situations
References Mentioned
"The Body Keeps the Score" by Dr. Bessel van der Kolk - Purchase Book
Please note, I am an Amazon affiliate and I may receive a commission if you purchase this book from this link
Any issues with registration reach out to support@topself.com
Call to Action Join the Behind Your Jealous Mind Bootcamp for: - Access to the Overthinkers Toolkit - 21 days of core wound reprogramming - Daily check-ins and support - Private session included - Workbook and guided meditation resources
Time Stamps
[00:00:00] Introduction and welcome [00:01:22] Personal story about childhood trauma [00:05:04] Development of hypervigilance as a survival skill [00:06:21] Scientific explanation of threat detection systems [00:09:15] Research on childhood trauma and relationship hypervigilance [00:15:07] Difference between curiosity and hypervigilance [00:17:06] Body tension awareness exercise [00:21:12] Reference to "The Body Keeps the Score" exercises [00:22:18] Information about the bootcamp program [00:25:52] Closing thoughts and practical steps forward
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
How To Be Happy w/ Tia Graham Ep 102
28 Jan 2025
00:22:04
Wanna know the science behind being happier? Check out this week's episode with Tedx speaker and happiness expert Tia Graham.
Tia Graham shares some powerful stuff about choosing happiness, managing triggers, and transforming childhood trauma.
From practical happiness frameworks to deeply personal stories about motherhood and healing, this episode is jammed packed with valuable tools for anyone looking to increase their joy and emotional regulation.
Episode Highlights:
The SPIRE framework for wellbeing: Spiritual, Physical, Intellectual, Relational, and Emotional
Why some people are naturally happier than others (and what we can all do about it)
How childhood trauma can impact our adult relationships and parenting
Practical tools for managing triggers and regulating your nervous system
The power of short, meaningful connections with friends
Key Takeaways:
The MEDS Framework for Daily Happiness
Three Ways to Increase Happiness
Tools for Managing Triggers
Guest Spotlight:
Tia Graham is a happiness expert and speaker who helps working moms find peace, joy, and emotional regulation. After transforming her own relationship with happiness through both personal experience and scientific study, she now leads the Calm Working Moms Collective.
"Happiness is a choice and it's something that you have agency over."
"Everyone can make it better for themselves... there is a component of choice and agency, and that's really around your thoughts, your behaviors, your responses."
Timestamp Highlights:
[00:01:23] Tia's journey into happiness research [00:04:17] Understanding happiness set points [00:04:51] The SPIRE framework explained [00:12:33] Personal story about childhood trauma [00:17:14] Practical tools for emotional regulation [00:21:25] Free self-care resource introduction
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
Who Can You Trust? Ep 101
21 Jan 2025
00:22:02
Ever caught yourself having a meltdown or giving your partner the cold shoulder because you're feeling insecure? (Been there, done that!)
In this follow-up to our conversation with Dr. Brittany McGeehan, we're going in hard on a game-changing truth: the only person who can't abandon you is yourself.
Get ready for some fiery talk about self-trust, validation-seeking, and why your inner child needs a time-out from running your relationships.
Key Takeaways
Why are you testing your partner with "abandonment scales" that don't exist
How suppressing emotions is actually self-abandonment in disguise
The truth about external validation and why it's like trying to fill a leaky bucket
Why building self-trust doesn't mean becoming a totally independent island
How to stop abandoning yourself (even when you're feeling super insecure)
Memorable Quotes
💭 "Self-trust is the belief that you can rely on yourself to make decisions, handle emotions, and honor your needs"
Signs You Might Be Abandoning Yourself
Ignoring or suppressing your true feelings
Saying "yes" when you really mean "no"
Overworking to prove your worth
Putting others' needs first (even when you're running on empty)
Tolerating disrespect to keep the peace
Your Self-Trust Action Plan
Notice when you're seeking external validation
Challenge your black-and-white thinking
Start honoring your emotions
Practice setting boundaries
Trust that you can handle whatever comes your way
Episode Timeline
00:00 Welcome & Episode Recap
02:33 The Only Person Who Can't Abandon You
07:15 What Would Complete Self-Trust Feel Like?
12:45 The Closet Meltdown Story
18:30 Understanding Self-Abandonment
25:45 Building Real Self-Trust
29:20 Final Thoughts & Resources
Resources Mentioned
Free Self-Discovery Workshop (Registration is Open!)
Last Week's Episode with Dr. Brittany McGeehan (Episode 100)
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
Stop Acting Like His Mother w/ Dr. Brittany McGeehan Ep: 100
14 Jan 2025
00:31:45
This episode is fire! 🔥
In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn talks with Dr. Brittany McGeehan, who dropped a major truth bomb that made her stop everything: You’ll have to hit play to hear it. This may be the only thing you need to hear today!
Dr. McGeehan, a licensed psychologist and performance coach specializing in empowering high-achieving female CEOs, shares the "Drama Triangle" and why we keep getting stuck in these relationship cycles. And you better believe Shanenn of course asked her how to get off the Drama Triangle cycle.
Key Moments:
2:36 - Review of the Drama Triangle (your new favorite relationship framework)
5:03 - The sneaky way victim mode shows up
15:18 - Your practical escape route from the triangle
21:40 - Why female CEOs are exceptional fixers
Golden Episode Nuggets:
💎 Your inner five-year-old has bigger control issues than you think
💎 The most dangerous thing you can do is talk to another human being (what?)
💎 Why your planning mode might be making things worse
💎 Giving the silent treatment is just spicy punishment in disguise
Don't Miss Moments:
"Humans are messy. The most dangerous thing you can do in life is talk to another human being and be in relationship with them." - on why relationships are inherently risky
"Adults always have a choice. We might not feel like we do, and we might not like that choice, but we always have a choice." - on breaking free from victim mode
Resources Mentioned:
- The Drama Triangle Framework
- The Powerhouse Paradox Framework
About Our Guest:
Dr. Brittany McGeehan is a licensed psychologist and performance coach who helps high-achieving female CEOs navigate personal and professional challenges through inner child work and leadership development.
Take Action:
Ready to figure out your drama profile? Take Dr. McGeehan's Powerhouse Paradox Quiz to discover your unique profile and get a personalized roadmap for building better relationships.
Perfect for listeners who:
- Find themselves constantly trying to "fix" their partner
- Feel trapped between victim and villain roles
- Are tired of being the relationship project manager
- Want to understand why they keep falling into the same patterns
- Need to stop treating their partner like a task list
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
The Next Chapter EP 99
07 Jan 2025
00:12:50
Shanenn understands how deeply our patterns are embedded in every corner of our existence. It turns out that relationship anxiety isn't just an isolated phenomenon – it's part of a larger tapestry of how we navigate life's complexities.
What We're Diving Into:
The revelation that your inner critic has apparently developed a rather impressive portfolio, showing up everywhere in your life from dating, to work, to relationships... all of it
What Top Self is currently offering so you can make this your year of change.
The fascinating discovery that our defense mechanisms are surprisingly consistent performers across all life domains
Notable Moments:
"Our programming isn't compartmentalized" – which explains why some people lead the way they do, why some people react the way they do, why some people take things so personally. our patterns are everywhere and we are on autopilot unaware of most of them.
What's Available For You Now:
Behind Your Jealous Mind Boot Camp: Six weeks of methodical pattern disruption ($397)
One-on-one coaching: For those ready to conduct a thorough investigation of their life patterns
CIS Membership: A collective of women examining their shared experiences with refreshing candor
Episode Breakdown: 00:00 - Embracing 2025 01:00 - The Paradigm Shift 03:00 - Origins and Evolution 05:00 - Pattern Recognition 08:00 - Strategic Next Steps 12:00 - Closing Thoughts
Remember: You're part of a community navigating these waters together.
For your next steps in pattern recognition and reformation, visit topself.com/bootcamp.
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
New Year, New Thoughts EP 98
31 Dec 2024
00:07:18
What will you be thinking ONE YEAR from now?
Will it be the same thoughts you're having today? Will you're focus be on the same things?
In this episode, we explore how your life could look totally different one year from now and why your thoughts might be your biggest obstacle to change. Shanenn gives an example of what she calls "heavy thinking" or better known as a thought spiral and suggests you could try to do the opposite.
What?
Shanenn shares:
How your thoughts have likely been your biggest enemy this year and the physical impact of negative thought spirals on your body and emotions 🌀
Why "heavy thinking" can be as intoxicating like heavy drinking, and how it leads to anxiety, upset stomach, and racing thoughts 😰
The snowball effect of negative thoughts and how one small trigger (like a partner's schedule change) can lead to a full-blown emotional crisis 🔄
The power of intentionally changing your "think of choice" and creating positive thought spirals for the new year 🌟
Don't Miss Moments:
"Repetition plus emotion programs life's commotion" - on how repeated thought patterns shape our reality
"What if, in this new year, you intentionally change your think of choice?" - on taking control of your thought patterns
Action Items from the Episode:
Practice awareness of your thought patterns
Start creating intentional positive thought spirals
Envision how you want to feel and think in the next year
Consider joining the upcoming Behind Your Jealous Mind Boot Camp in early February
Practice positive overthinking, especially during morning anxiety
You would be amazed what a difference a year can make and you're worth putting in the time!
00:00 Introduction and the Power of Belief in Change 02:15 Understanding Heavy Thinking 03:45 The Spiral of Negative Thoughts 04:30 Physical and Emotional Impact of Thought Patterns 05:20 Creating Positive Thought Spirals 06:40 Envisioning Your Future Self
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
Why Shame Is Sabotaging Your Relationship (and what to do instead) EP 97
This episode talks about the crucial difference between guilt and shame, and why one might be secretly sabotaging your relationship growth.
Shanenn shares:
• How guilt is like your relationship GPS - letting you know when you've made a wrong turn, while shame is more like a brick wall blocking all possible routes 🚧
• Why treating yourself like your own mean girl isn't helping (and what Brené Brown has to say about it) 💭
Don't Miss Moments:
• "Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change" - breaking down Brené Brown's powerful insight
• "We're not going to take the steps to become self-aware if we believe we're fundamentally flawed" - on why shame keeps us stuck
Action Items from the Episode:
• Notice the difference between "I did something bad" vs. "I am bad"
• Practice self-compassion by asking "What would I say to a friend?"
• Start shortening your recovery time after jealous reactions
• Break free from shame cycles with practical tools
• Save your spot in the January "Behind Your Jealous Mind Boot Camp"
⚡️ Special Holiday Offer: Book your pay-what-you-can coaching session (min. $25) through December 31st at www.topself.com - Limited spots remaining!
00:00 Understanding Jealousy and Negative Emotions 00:18 Holiday Season Special: 12 Hours of Giving 01:58 Exciting Announcements for 2025 02:41 Introduction to Guilt and Shame 03:46 The Difference Between Guilt and Shame 04:33 The Impact of Guilt and Shame on Jealousy 10:44 Strategies to Manage Guilt and Shame 12:02 Upcoming Bootcamp and Final Thoughts
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
The Connection Formula: Are You Wasting Your Time Worrying? Ep 96
17 Dec 2024
00:35:50
Do you enjoy how you're currently spending your time? Do you feel like you use your time wisely? When I am insecure and jealous, I don't!
When you're feeling jealous, most likely you are spending your very precious time thinking about your partner rather than spending it on things that bring you joy, not a stomach ache.
In this episode, Shanenn and Dr. Adam Dorsay talk about the concept of connection in our modern world. Despite being more technologically connected than ever, many people struggle with loneliness and disconnection. Dr. Dorsay shares insights from his new book, Super Psyched about authentic connection and how to find it in various aspects of life.
Key Topics Discussed:
The paradox of being technologically connected yet feeling disconnected
The four dimensions of connection: self, others, world, and something greater
How social media comparison affects our relationships and self-image
Practical tips for maintaining long-distance friendships
Creating novel experiences with your partner to strengthen connection
The importance of investing time in activities that truly energize us
Notable Quotes: "We're more connected technologically than ever before... And yet, we are less connected than ever before." - Dr. Adam Dorsay
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
Why Your "Everyone Cheats On Me" Story Might Be More Fiction Than Fact Ep 95
10 Dec 2024
00:20:50
Ever felt like you're starring in your own personal soap opera where every relationship ends with infidelity? Host Shanenn Bryant unpacks her own journey from "everyone cheats on me" to "huh, maybe I should check my math" in this eye-opening episode.
Key Takeaways:
A shocking 50% of our memories aren't even accurate (Thanks, Dr. Joe Dispenza, for this incredibly eye-opening fact)
Only 20-23% of men cheat in relationships (Sorry to ruin your trust issues with actual statistics)
Married people cheat less than unmarried folks (Apparently, putting a ring on it does mean something to both men and women)
The divorce rate isn't all about cheating (Turns out money problems are the real home-wrecker)
Shanenn shares a mind-blowing exercise that will make you question EVERYTHING you thought you knew about your dating history. Spoiler alert: her "everyone cheats on me" narrative turned out to be more like "25% of people cheated on me." Talk about a plot twist!
The Episode Breakdown:
✓ The relationship audit: A step-by-step guide to analyzing your dating history (grab your pen and tissues)
✓ The truth behind the numbers: Why your "everyone cheats" story might be as reliable as your ex's excuses
Crucial Reality Checks:
Your partner's cheating probably has more to do with their issues than your worth
Young relationships, unstable backgrounds, and core wounds all play a role in infidelity
If your "yes" list is above 50%, you might not have a cheating problem – you might have a "picking partners" problem
Want to dive deeper? Shanenn mentions her "Behind Your Jealous Mind Boot Camp" coming up in January for those ready to break free from their trust issues and core wounds.
Contact: sbryant@topself.com to share your own percentage or insights from this exercise.
Remember: Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean your math is right. Time to crunch those numbers and maybe, just maybe, give trust a fighting chance.
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
The 'Just So You Know I Know' Protection Strategy EP 94
26 Nov 2024
00:22:05
Ever catch yourself saying "just so you know, I know what you COULD be doing" to your partner... even when you're pretty sure they're innocent? In this episode, Shanenn's calling you out when she gets into why we sometimes choose accusation over acceptance, even when our rational brain is screaming the obvious.
THE HEART OF IT
The moment your logical brain offers the truth (and why we often ignore it)
Why we feel the need to prove we're "not stupid" in relationships
The protective pattern of "just so you know I know" statements
How choosing trust over proof can completely change your relationship
Have you ever noticed that quiet moment before you launch into relationship detective mode? That split second where your mind offers up a perfectly reasonable explanation, yet something pushes you to prove you're not easily fooled? Shanenn breaks down this fascinating pattern and reveals why our need to appear "aware" might actually be working against us.
Through real-life examples, she shows us how these small moments of choice can shift our entire relationship dynamic. Learn why phrases like "just so you know, I know" might be hurting your relationship. Other topics covered in this episode are:
The split second when your rational brain offers the logical explanation
Why proving you're "aware" actually creates more anxiety
The freedom in choosing not to voice every suspicion
How tiny choices to trust can lead to massive relationship shifts
TRUTH BOMBS "Your life will be so much calmer, so much happier, and with less anxiety if you make the choice of saying, 'You know what, I'm going to go with this logical explanation.'"
MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE
[Coming Soon] "Triggered to Transformation" Course
Email: sbryant@topself.com (Share your moments of choosing trust over suspicion!)
YOUR NEXT STEPS (Choose Your Own Adventure)
Notice when you're about to launch into "just so you know" mode
Pause when your brain offers the logical explanation
Try sitting with the peaceful explanation (just for 5 minutes!)
Did this episode hit home? Share it with someone who's ready to choose peace over proof.
Remember: Choosing not to say "just so you know" doesn't make you naive - it makes you brave.
00:00 Introduction to Top Self Podcast 00:49 A Teenage Adventure: Sneaking Out 04:41 The Consequences and Realizations 09:10 Understanding Triggers and Jealousy 17:49 Making Healthier Choices 21:28 Conclusion and Listener Engagement
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
Why You Control And How To Let Go Of It w/ Joanna Kleinman EP 93
19 Nov 2024
00:32:32
🎙️ Where my freaks at? Control Freaks that is.
In this episode, we dive deep with psychologist and author Joanna Kleinman to unpack why that voice in your head is working harder than a barista during morning rush hour.
Shanenn and Joanna talk about:
How your inner critic is just like the mean girl at school when you were growing up and she's been messing with you since you lost your first tooth 🛡️
The Jerry Maguire "you complete me" line is such a bad representation of the way relationships should really work and your relationship expectations may be as older than that movie. Big red flag 🚩
How social media has become the Olympic Games of impossible standards (and why we keep competing) 🏅
Don't Miss Moments:
"We're like starving dogs waiting for that bone of validation" - on why we stay in unhealthy relationships
"We're dishwashers - I'm a Whirlpool, you're a GE, but we all run the same programs" - on universal human patterns
Action Items from the Episode:
Name your inner critic ... 😉
Practice catching yourself in "control mode"
Start asking "What evidence disproves this belief?" when your inner critic goes on a rant
Start getting curious about your beliefs instead of judging them
Practice being okay with the possibility of things not going "perfectly"
Follow Joanna on her podcast "Dethroning Your Inner Critic" where she dives deeper into the MIND Method and helps women stop being their own worst critics and start being their own best advocates.
00:00 Introduction and Guest Welcome 00:20 Understanding the Inner Critic 01:58 Origins of the Inner Critic 06:47 Cultural and Social Influences 09:33 Control and Perfectionism 11:35 Healthy Relationships and Self-Worth 21:32 Practical Steps to Dethrone the Inner Critic 29:20 Conclusion and Podcast Promotion
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
The #1 Question To Ask Yourself: Am I Being Honest? EP 92
12 Nov 2024
00:41:15
In this episode of Top Self, Shanenn's guest, award-winning psychologist Dr. Courtney Warren opens up about her own struggles with relationship insecurity and shares her thoughts about the lies we tell ourselves.
From crying when her college boyfriend went out with friends to becoming an expert on self-deception, Dr. Warren's personal journey and professional wisdom offer hope for anyone wrestling with jealousy and relationship fears.
Key Moments: - 2:00 - Why self-honesty is the key to living a fulfilling life - 9:00 - Dr. Warren shares a vulnerable story about her college relationship - 21:00 - The Three A's of Authenticity framework revealed - 31:00 - Why your friends might not understand your jealousy (and that's okay) - 37:00 - Small changes that lead to massive transformation
Golden Episode Nuggets: 💎 The most damaging lies are the ones we tell ourselves 💎 Jealousy often has nothing to do with your partner 💎 Your worth isn't determined by your relationship status 💎 Change happens in micro-steps, not overnight transformations 💎 Finding the right support system is crucial for healing
About Our Guest: Dr. Courtney Warren is a board-certified clinical psychologist and author who specializes in addictions, self-deception, and eating pathology. Her TEDx talk "Honest Liars" has helped countless people understand the psychology behind self-deception and personal growth.
Quote of the Episode: "You are not defined by your romantic relationships... whether you are loved or liked or rejected or single or coupled actually has no bearing on your value as a person." - Dr. Courtney Warren
Perfect for listeners who: - Struggle with jealousy in relationships - Want to build healthier romantic partnerships - Are ready to face their own self-deception - Feel alone in their relationship insecurities - Are working on building self-confidence
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
How To Recover With Your Partner Quickly After A Jealous Meltdown EP 91
05 Nov 2024
00:33:02
Feel like your relationship is hanging on by a thread? Do you wonder if too much damage has been done to the relationship?
I was there too but you can turn things around. Your relationship can recover from this, but it's might take you going against how you normally feel after an argument to make a difference.
It may take you recovering quickly instead of letting the shame and guilt of your actions take over. Apologize to your partner, forgive yourself, and push yourself to get back to normal as quickly as possible.
In fact:
Research shows couples who recover quickly from disputes have higher relationship satisfaction
One partner's ability to recover quickly can positively impact the other partner
Quick recovery helps prevent conflict spillover into other areas of the relationship
Here are some common things to avoid but there's so much more packed in this episode:
Getting defensive when partner isn't ready to accept apologies
Seeking excessive reassurance
Engaging in catastrophic thinking
Shanenn also shares some recovery strategies like:
Use "I" statements when explaining your perspective
Focus on impact rather than intent
Give partner space to process their emotions
Return to normal daily routines
Avoid forcing immediate reconciliation
## Resources Mentioned - Behind Your Jealous Mind Bootcamp - Individual coaching options - ForYourMarriage.com - PsychologicalScience.com
Something to highlight from the episode: "As bad as it gets, if you start making the changes, remember, you can make big changes with small steps."
---
## Social Media Posts
### Post 1 🔄 Recovery is key in relationships! Research shows couples who bounce back quickly from conflicts have higher satisfaction levels. It's not about never fighting - it's about how you recover and reconnect.
### Post 2 💭 Struggling with post-conflict guilt? Stop the catastrophic thinking! Your relationship isn't doomed because of one argument. Learn how to recover and rebuild stronger than ever. New episode out now!
### Post 3 🗝️ Quick Recovery Tip: Focus on impact, not intent. Take accountability for your actions without getting caught up in explanations. Sometimes the "why" conversation needs to wait.
### Post 4 💪 Your partner's recovery process might look different from yours - and that's okay! Give them space to process while maintaining your normal routine. Trust the process.
### Post 5 🌱 "You can make big changes with small steps." Ready to transform your relationship? Start with mastering quick recovery after conflicts. Listen to our latest episode for actionable tips!
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
Break Free From The Identity Of Jealousy EP 90
29 Oct 2024
00:27:55
🎉 Special Announcement: Join our FREE Two-Day Self-Discovery Workshop! Dates: November 4th & 5th at 1:00 pm ET Register at: topself.com/workshop
I'm talking about you on this week's episode. The REAL you. Often we think we have to transform into someone else to overcome jealousy and insecurity and that seems like a huge feat to become your future self you want to be.
However, you already ARE your future self. In fact, you are much closer than you think because its not about changing who you are, its about uncovering the layers of pain, hurt, disappointment and programming that you've been layering on over the years, covering up that care-free, relaxed person you once where.
Key Topics Covered:
Why jealousy isn't who you are – it's just a protective pattern
Understanding the root causes of jealous behavior
How your nervous system creates safety through control
Why fighting jealousy doesn't work (and what to do instead)
Accessing your future self's wisdom today
You weren't born jealousy and insecure, you were conditioned that way. These are just faulty, fear-driven habits—not core components of who you are. Your feelings are perfectly valid but the thoughts creating them may need to be examined and adjusted.
Lucky for you... I have a free workshop coming up and I will share a little bit about what we'll do in that workshop in todays episode. The link to join is in the show notes or go to Topself.com/workshop to register.
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.
How To Know What You Need EP 89
08 Oct 2024
00:30:38
Feeling needy? Do you feel like you're high-maintenance and your constantly asking for things from your partner to make you feel better?
It has everything to do with your core wounds and your relationship to self. In this episode, Shanenn share's her acronym S.E.L.F to learn how to identify your personality needs and how to self-source those needs.
She shares the importance of becoming the captain of your own ship to maintain emotional balance and independence. Shannen invites you to take small steps towards self-sufficiency and happiness.
Don't miss this lighthearted take on serious topics, as she promises cracking the code on meeting your own needs could be a game-changing, life-altering experience.
00:00 Welcome and Introduction 00:19 Understanding Limiting Beliefs 01:03 Today's Topic: Meeting Your Own Needs 01:41 The Acronym SELF 05:49 Identifying Your Needs 14:46 Steps to Identify and Meet Your Needs 28:27 Conclusion and Challenge
Disclaimer The information on this podcast or any platform affiliated with Top Self LLC, or the Top Self podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. No material associated with Top Self podcast is intended to be a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment, Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding your condition or treatment and before taking on or performing any of the activities or suggestions discussed on the podcast or website.