Explore every episode of the podcast Today’s Lucky Winner
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Debbie has a highly erotic meeting and makes a handshake deal. Azrael, The Angel of Death, creams their G-D jeans over who pops into their cubicle next. We ponder the plural of panini. Nostradamus accidentally eated too many shrimps. We learn more than we wanted to about goat demon anatomy. Leonard knows someone who may have JUST what the gang needs to sabotage the DMV. Kieghan is AT CAPACITY, do you hear me?! He's had ENOUGH! Don't talk to him about stuff or things, ANYMORE. They're sabotage and betrayal! Rita, Dawn, Sunny, and Jacksie take a trip.
We're taking a short break after this episode! We will be back with regularly scheduled nonsense, and the last half of the season on January 15th.
Dawn - Autumn Potts @littleinkpotts
Narrator, Leonard, Nostradamus, Carl - Sean Turner @seanwkturner
We hear about the best place to get your live Christmas trees, if you live in or around Buda, TX. We meet a talented actor from Evil Julliard. Carmilla gives the best TV interview. I mean the best one of all time. Barbara Walters has been awful quiet since it aired. (mostly because she's dead, but you get it) Rita defends her stinky son. Dawn gets a very bad vibe at the Warlock Magic Depot. Leonard gets a call at an inopportune time.
Dawn - Autumn Potts @littleinkpotts
Narrator, Leonard, Colt - Sean Turner @seanwkturner
In this episode: Jacksie is a big, strong boy- like, more so than usual. Dawn, Sunny, and Leonard arrive in hell. Viv and Kieghan do shrooms together. They don't really know each other super well, so that sounds weird out of context, but we swear it makes sense. We learn that the Rita is genetically predisposed to enjoy gay oil wrestling. Kyle may or may not be violating someone's intellectual property, with one of his dreamscape rooms. Rita meets her new nemesis. Blender guacamole guy is dead. Horny Derek is her enemy now. Millie learns a powerful new tactic for torture. Rita discusses the finer points of Hamtaro.
Dawn - Autumn Potts @littleinkpotts
Narrator, Leonard, Stinky Derek - Sean Turner @seanwkturner
Kieghan - Taryn Gray @tarynmgray
Sunny, Viv, Millie - Violet Lantz @ultraviolet222
Rita, Maria - Brianne Leeson @AuDHDBri (Instagram)
Horny Derek, Kyle - James Leeson
Jacksie - Jacks Leeson-Lantz AKA The Most Missed Boy in the World
In this episode: We take a trip back to a WWII bomb shelter, with Judith! Kieghan nearly sends his weird gay aunts to hell, with his lack of impulse control. Leonard models the most charming novelty backpack. Jacksie does a poop in the kitchen. Debbie is in BIG trouble at work. Rita has issues with soap. Millie tries a carbonated beverage for the first time.
Dawn, Uriel - Autumn Potts @littleinkpotts
Narrator, Leonard, Jens - Sean Turner @seanwkturner
In this episode: Judith explores the local cuisine in hell. Dawn confirms that she's not receiving coded messages from the Duolingo owl. Leonard takes us back- WAY BACK- to the first attempted Infernal Bacchanal. Millie and Rita have some sisterly time, complaining about their dad. Rita is handling some new and exciting (derogatory) changes to her body.
Anything you heard about demons coming from holes in the sky was entirely in your head. This isn't gaslighting. If the tretinoin and sunscreen aren't cutting it, Sanguis has a new anti-aging topical medication that will blow your balls clean off. Dawn has an unexpected lunch date over Vietnamese food. Cardi B is also there? Rita gets acquainted with the fast casual dining options and fauna of the hell dimension in which she finds herself. GUARD YOUR BUTTHOLE.
We're back, baby! Mix a bunch of flavored syrups into your lead filled Stanley cup, and have a listen. The final season starts with our little family being split between dimensions. Dawn and Sunny come back home after the events of last season's finale. Leonard tells us about his struggle with Peyronie's Disease. There's a big hole in Dallas, and Rita had nothing to do with it. We meet a charming woman with 6 boobs. Rita learns that she really needs to start reading things before she signs them.
Violet and Brianne made another show (non-fiction this time)! Infodumpies celebrates the autistic and ADHD skill of infodumping, following topics close to Brianne and Violet's hearts, and featuring occasional autistic and ADHD guests. Enjoy a sampling of Infodumpies, and make sure you subscribe to the show on your podcathcer of choice! ____________________________________________________________________________________ Violet takes a dump!
Expert 90's hacker babe, Violet, teaches Brianne that hacking wasn't invented when the movie Hackers came out. Going far beyond Matthew Lillard's ouvre, Violet teaches us about phone phreaking, how the movie War Games changed federal law, ransomware, wtf "Eternal Blue" is, and giant bitcoins.
Listen, it’s the season finale, ya’ll. After that hell of a cliffhanger for the musical episode, things aren’t looking so great for the gals. Rita- Dawn- separated?! A relationship on the rocks?! I thought this was a goddanged comedy show, but we’re really leaning into the “drama” part of “audio drama” this time, huh?
It’s a musical extravaganza! Join our GOR-geous, BEAU-tiful starlettes as they tickle your ear holes and dazzle the senses- in an all singing, all dancing, mostly drug-induced cabaret, the likes of which you’ve never heard before. Will Rita come clean to her undead lesbian lover and soulmate? Will Dawn snap at being tricked into a musical? Find out, in “Dreamscape!: The Musical”
In this episode: Jacksie takes on some personal projects in his room. (Under Rita and Sunny’s bed) Rita works on her mime skills, and she received a thoughtful gift from Sunny that leaves her wracked with guilt. Dawn and Rita grab a couple of frosty mangonadas. Carmilla definitely had nothing to do with the Telemoraid leak. She knew nothing about it, she hates it, and she’s definitely not lying. We learn about a new, non-surgical option for your saggy sack. Dawn hops into the dreamscape, catching Rita in a carefully choreographed method of procrastination.
Cast:
Dawn, Hottie - Autumn Potts @littleinkpotts
Narrator, Saggy-Scrote - Sean Turner @seanwkturner
Debbie does a Scott Bakulas at Githmar's! (That will make sense when you listen) There's erotic ring toss and shirtless demons! Judith discusses the economy on the news. Debbie's fanny pack is the talk of the town. Rita gets so angry, she could shit.
Guard, Dawn - Autumn Potts @littleinkpotts
Narrator, Leonard, Blue Shirt, - Sean Turner @seanwkturner
In this episode: Rita learns about proper hoof maintenance. Jacksie meets an old acquaintance. There *might* be leftover fruit snacks. Rita awaits hearing back from some contractors on some serious repairs. Carmilla lays off some of her managerial staff ( By eating them. She eats them. ) Crawford pulls a li’l sneaky on em’. Leonard gets an EXTREMELY intrusive call from Rita.
Cast:
Dawn - Autumn Potts @littleinkpotts
Narrator, Leonard, Crawford - Sean Turner @seanwkturner
In this episode: Dawn, Kieghan, Rita, and Viv visit the bustling town of Strappsville. Rita keeps on trying to be the best ally to her autistic BFF, and makes a disability accommodation for Dawn in the Dreamscape. Listen, if Rita can do it- who do we have to kill to get them elsewhere? No, seriously- WHO? Keighan and Rita buckle some swash. Viv looks at wibbly hole. Someone damages the facade of the historic Strappsville Herald building.
In this episode: We flash WAY back to when Judith and Carmilla first met. Rita pays homage to tap dancing legend, Cora LaRedd. Dawn may be coming around on the idea that The Narrator isn’t an auditory hallucination- wait…NAH, That would be wild if he were real. Nevermind. Judith hatches a plan that’s, I’ll say it- downright sinister.
In this episode: We partake in the #oldtimeymedicine challenge. Dawn has made a flow chart, and it is NOT shaped like a beepis this time! Rita learns a new vocab word, and Kieghan makes an enemy- even though he’s just a little guy. Vicki struggles to combat some dodgy potato salad. The mystery of Amelia Earhart’s disappearance is solved. Judith is NOT going to get the security deposit back on the Godslayer’s underground lair.
Cast:
Dawn, Metatron - Autumn Potts @littleinkpotts
Chad, Narrator, Guard 2, Leonard - Sean Turner @seanwkturner
Viv, Debbie, Guard, Martin - Violet Lantz @ultraviolet222
In this episode: Rita shares a mixing bowl full of chili with one of her heroes. Master Leonard shares his thoughts on The OC. Kyle and Vicki have certainly found themselves in quite the predicament, and gas station boner pills may be their ticket out of it. Carmilla has a phone conversation with Charles. Charlie? Oh, “Carl”? That can’t be right.
Cast:
DEA - Autumn Potts @littleinkpotts
Narrator, Master Leonard, Guard 2, DOJ, Crawford, Carl - Sean Turner @seanwkturner
In this episode: Dawn threatens to strike down Carl with the most heinous of Necromancer curses. Carl teaches us all about why pesto is a great choice for someone who’s trying to sober up after eating an edible and smoking two joints (Ahem…DAWN). Sunny threatens someone with a gun. Wait, what? It’s Sunny- she probably has her reasons. Rita learns that her favorite hobby, recreational drugs, may be off the table for now.
In this episode: Dawn and Rita’s accidental fusion dance leads to an honest heart-to-heart. Dawn calls a friend to help de-Rita her brain. Bertram learns about a giant karate rat. Carl sets a fine example of body positivity. Viv shows up outside of The Workshop, so she’s definitely not some artificer hologram- not that Rita suspected that.
In this episode: Dawn buys a lap dance, for reasons I’m sure will make a hell of a lot more sense once we listen to the episode. Rita makes some really poor decisions (what’s new). Carl the warlock shows off his collection of Super Sonico statuary. Dawn and Rita learn what it’s like to walk a few hundred feet in the other’s shoes. We meet the coolest kid on all of Victorian England: Bertram Thrompwhomple IV.
Jacksie - Jacks Leeson-Lantz AKA The Most Missed Boy in the World
Special Thanks: @fintago, for his Bertram joke contribution. You can reach @fintago by taping a note to an old Blockbuster VHS, and putting it through the return video slot in the carcass of an old Blockbuster Video. If he finds your message worthy, either he or his cats will find you and deliver a response.
Writer, Director Brianne Leeson
Producers Brianne Leeson, Violet Lantz
Editor, Sound Design James Leeson
Original music by Sean Turner Cover art by Bryn Keenum @brynandbristles
Hello, my babies- Mistress Boobenheimer here. Enjoy this relaxing, highly erotic, and only slightly foot based, ASMR livestream experience. Listen to the dulcet tones of whale song surround you, in thrilling stereo, as you listen to a tale of historic love and shapely gourds.
We're taking a short break until February 1st! In the meantime, you wanna listen to us fuck up a whole bunch again? By far our THICCEST blooper reel to date, enjoy a veritable buffet of fart and dick jokes.
Also: Check the links below to preorder your "Thirty, Squirty, and Vibing" shirt!
Producers Brianne Leeson, Violet Lantz
Editor Brianne Leeson
Original music by Sean Turner Cover art by Bryn Keenum @brynandbristles
In this episode: Carmilla has a press conference, which is impressive for someone who had her head ripped off last season. Kyle talks to an old friend. Kieghan receives a cryptic message about his future from a frenchman. Dawn keeps that MF-ing thing ON HER. Rita tries to discuss her fantasy Star Trek threesome. Oh, and by the way- Cowabunga.
Weird Hat, Dawn - Autumn Potts @littleinkpotts
Narrator, Leonard, Blue Shirt, Helmet Hair, Nostradamus - Sean Turner @seanwkturner
This holiday season, The Phallus Palace Channel will have you falling in love, and filling your holes. Tune in for our new line-up of original holiday films. Beginning this Friday night at 9/8 Central, see the premiere of the new rom-com, that’s sure to be an instant classic. When Betty Bingus came to Strappsville, she thought the only thing that would be getting topped was the tree. Thanks to Mona Glasscock and her artisanal dildos, she’ll learn the true meaning of the holiday season. Starring Rita, Sunny, and a horned up granny- cozy up with your loved ones to watch “Rita’s Holiday Special”.
In this episode: Dawn and Sunny are concerned, when they overhear Rita having a secret meeting with a shady character. Dawn INSISTS on going to the strip club- hold on, that can’t be right. Carmilla has a sad announcement. Trapper and Judith get matching tattoos! How cute!
Up next, your local news- sponsored by Sanguis Pharmaceuticals. Sanguis Pharmaceuticals LOVES the LGBTQ community! They make their logo a rainbow for Pride every year. What- What are you doing? Stop! Stop looking at their political donation history!
Were old-timey doctors right? Is cocaine just vitamins that make you strong? Maybe?
Cast:
Dawn, Actor 1, Erica - Autumn Potts @littleinkpotts
Narrator, Crawford, Actor 2 - Sean Turner @seanwkturner
In this episode: Rita and Sunny discuss whether or not they should really be taking the warnings of an anxious, gassy vampire dog to heart. Dawn takes a look at Rita’s pink eye. Vicki and Kyle take a stroll, on their way to crack open a couple ice-cold containers of cottage cheese. Crawford learns that his dang telephone can take pictures! Judith finally remembers to call her mom. Carmilla plays some dodgeball.
In this episode, the gang experiences what every TTRPG player has experienced: They have to finish a session that was supposed to be a one-shot, but it’s taking forever. Lucky for us, it’s funny! Rita gets folded up like a paper airplane, the Narrator might get laid, Dax and Grackna discuss how fragile masculinity can be, Rita receives a gift from a mysterious portal, and Kieghan talks to a very good boy.
In this episode, the gang does what anyone would do, while playing D&D under the influence of magical psychedelics- turn into opossums and start a riot in a tavern. Grackna makes a love connection, Sunny experiences a little barbaric rage, and Rita throws that ass in a circle. Also, wtf is Dawn supposed to do with a backpack full of rope?
In this episode, Dawn and Rita run some errands. We learn more about Viv’s whole story- you know? I’m glad we learn more about her. She’s a nice lady. Sunny gives Dax her sales pitch for vampirism. Rita makes a shocking discovery about koalas, while Dawn gets into mycology. At the end of the episode, the gang rolls for initiative.
How was your summer break? Uh-huh. Wow! And you all hid the body together? Neat! Okay, we’re done talking about you. Our break was fine, but we’re back with a new episode, and we’re mad horny to tell you about it.
In this episode, Rita tells Sunny she’s being an asshole. Dawn and Jacksie spend some quality time together in the shitter. Rita avoids distraction, and crunches some serious numbers. Sunny commands Jacksie to do her bidding. Rita learns something new about vibrators.
Cast:
Dawn - Autumn Potts @littleinkpotts
Narrator, Carl, Master Leonard - Sean Turner @seanwkturner
We're taking a short, mid-season break! That means as a small consolation, you get this funky little remixed table reading of our pilot episode. The gang swapped roles, and did their very best to play each others' parts (that's not a sex thing). Listen to narrated foley work, the wisened counsel of "The Dick Wolf", and a whole lot of ad libbing.
We'll be back with regular episodes on September 15th.
We're taking a short, mid-season break! That means as a small consolation, you get to hear the latest volume of some of our silliest fucky-wuckies. We fuck up A LOT. Listen to us go on tangents, talk about gay moon sex, splurt that 'gurt, and discuss off-label usage of Fushigi balls.
We'll be back with regular episodes on September 15th.
Producers Brianne Leeson, Violet Lantz
Editor Brianne Leeson
Original music by Sean Turner Cover art by Bryn Keenum @brynandbristles
It’s the mid-season finale, and the thrilling conclusion of the mission at Dallas Digital. Why is that chair made of skin? What’s Rita’s beef with Bobby Flay? What does one person do with 5 Fushigi balls? No, really. We we’re asking you. You don’t know either? I guess we should listen to the episode, huh?
In this episode: Judith tries to find a snack for her newborn baby at the train station. Dawn is a stereotypical Texan…AGAIN! Rita’s body of work as a photographer is explained to a hobgoblin. Dawn falls asleep, and it’s kind of a big deal. Sunny does a smooch on someone! Leonard gets uppies.
Dawn - Autumn Potts @littleinkpotts
Narrator, Leonard - Sean Turner @seanwkturner
Business Demon, Figgle, Warehouse Demon - Taryn Gray @tarynmgray
We left you with a bit of a cliffhanger last time, huh? But relax, we're back to offer some answers to that nail biting conclusion. JUST KIDDING! DON'T UNCLENCH YOUR BOOTYHOLES YET! Dawn and Rita find that Dawn's dick-shaped flowchart did NOT account for anything in this entire episode. Uncle Nate kicks some ass, and he also kicks some other things he probably shouldn't have been kicking. We meet the ever-so-charming cater waiter, Vergooba Simmons. Also, no matter what Rita says, don't Google the word "trubbing".
Cast:
Dawn - Autumn Potts @littleinkpotts
Narrator, Lukas - Sean Turner @seanwkturner
Sunny, Energy Vampire - Violet Lantz @ultraviolet222
In this episode: Tonight's the night! It's the full moon, and the ladies bring Uncle Nate along to help them infiltrate the energy vampire meeting at Dallas Digital Labs. What does this have to do with French patisserie? What's this episode name about? Well, I guess we'll have to listen to figure it out.
When there’s something out of the ordinary in your sexual dreamscape, who are you going to call? The Nutbusters, probably. In this episode, Dawn finds that the Dopplebanger is far from passing the Turing test. We find Rita revolutionizing dance. Kyle and Vicki discuss 90’s boy bands and art supplies. We get REALLY worried that Dawn is taking her artificer-ing in a not so great direction. Seriously, the optics are terrible. Master Leonard has to deal with Debbie’s INCESSANT sexual innuendo.
Cast:
Dawn, Television - Autumn Potts @littleinkpotts
Narrator, Jizzmore, Leonard - Sean Turner @seanwkturner
In this episode: Dawn and Rita discuss furry erotica. Kyle enjoys a thrilling conversation about the writings of Heraclitus, with a vital, sexual woman. Carmilla visits Amsterdam, and she’s not even going to any museums. What the fuck? Not even the Van Gogh museum? Whatever, it just sounds like a wasted trip. Anyway, where were we? Oh! Dawn and Sunny discuss higher education and Mr. Worldwide. Rita adds dicks to a classic Andrew Lloyd Webber musical. A couple of succubi present Rita with a business opportunity.
In this episode! Rita finds a combo of foods that would instantly kill a pilgrim. We take a trip to Jizzleburg, with a layover in Boobtown. Judith entertains a thought experiment with a new friend she makes while out to dinner with Crawford. The ladies have a late night rendezvous in front of the unnecessarily sexy construction worker statue at White Rock Park.
Cast: Narrator, Crawford - Sean Turner @seanwkturner
In this episode! Rita’s phone won’t stop farting. Dawn shares the beauty of an impeccably organized binder with Viv. We meet a cardigan named Greg. Sunny entertains a particularly HORNY guest on her porch. (It’s a goat man. The guest is a goat man.) Kyle makes a new friend in hell, and they discuss what the heck French Stewart has been up to lately. For real, what’s he been up to? Rita chats with The Library, and they discuss the time Rita chugged laudanum at a party in 1830.
Cast: Narrator, Master Leonard - Sean Turner @seanwkturner
Crawford is gonna give you a peek at HIS Big D (he means Dallas). Wrap your mouth around a Big Red (That’s a local cream soda), and let Trapper Crawford show you what a REAL man can do. (You’re literally just spending the day at work with him, nothing weird.) You’d better show some respect to this former Texas Ranger, or he’ll eat your ass. (He may mean sexually? I genuinely don’t know. He needs to work on his phrasing, BIG TIME.)
In this episode: Dawn and Rita discuss JFK’s boyfriend. Rita takes a trip to the library, and this time, it’s NOT for anonymous sex! Whoa!! Carmilla is both mad and disappointed at her terrible son. An evil unlike we have ever encountered challenges Carmilla. Sunny receives a charming invitation.
Cast: Narrator, Crawford, Master Leonard - Sean Turner @seanwkturner
Dawn, Library - Autumn Potts @littleinkpotts
Jacksie - Jacks Leeson (No social media. He’s just a little dog.)
In this episode: Dawn plays cards with a new friend, and for once, she isn’t playing Magic the Gathering. Carmilla gets candid about her TV watching habits. We learn about demonic genitalia. Carmilla is confronted with the consequences of some of her actions. For real? I thought that didn’t happen to rich people!
Cast: Narrator, Nostradamus - Sean Turner @seanwkturner
In this episode, Rita grapples with jealousy, and an overprotective good boy. Dawn struggles with allistic people and their need to use SUBTEXT in EVERYTHING. (Just say what you mean, wtf? Like it’s hard?) Sunny proposes something EXTREMELY CUTE AND GAY. Rita’s Dreamscape gets a little disorganized.
Cast: Narrator, Mister Cock - Sean Turner @seanwkturner
Dawn, ADHD - Autumn Potts @littleinkpotts
Jacksie - Jacks Leeson (No social media. He’s just a little dog.)
Sunny, Deputy Handy, Lady Railington - Violet Lantz @ultraviolet222
In this episode: Kyle keeps on barging into workshops where artificers are jorkin' their peanitses. Kieghan really needs to see a therapist. Viv learns about the DMV's magic computer. Kyle struggles with the word "patchouli". Sunny and Dawn enjoy the temporary comfort of Leonard's house- and his weird shower head attachments. Para español, oprima el dos. Rita freaks tf out, but TBH, that could be half of these episodes. Rita is DEFINITELY NOT HAVING MOOD SWINGS. Cameron dies. You know, beloved TLW character "Cameron"?
In this episode, we learn about doggies! Little puppers! Wif their little baby fangs and their glowing red eyes- wait, what? The gals hunt for what could be the CUTEST demon they’ve ever encountered. Rita throws fistfuls of guacamole at a columbusing restauranteur. We learn about the newest cryptocurrency, Goochcoin.
Cast: Narrator, Wishbone, Crypto-bro - Sean Turner @seanwkturner
Dawn, Alex - Autumn Potts @littleinkpotts
Jacksie - Jacks Leeson (No social media. He’s just a little dog.)
In this episode: Kyle sets some clear boundaries with Dawn. You know what? Good for him. Sunny gets a surprise in a parking lot, and that isn’t a sexual innuendo for some sex act performed in a car. She’s just in a parking lot, and she is surprised. It’s more exciting than it sounds, but less exciting than the vehicular sex act. The gals get a voicemail from someone who saw their ad on social media, and they are fucking PUMPED.
Cast: Narrator, Voicemeail - Sean Turner @seanwkturner
We’re back, BAY-BEE! In this episode, shit’s bugnuts in Dallas. Demons are tearing up straight people trying to bone down in their cars, Sunny has a garage full of VHS tapes, Dawn sounds a lot different, but we aren’t going to make a big deal about it. There’s a 30ft tall dildo, Rita’s beggin’ for a peggin’ from a lady night, and Kyle is experiencing some real executive disfunction.
Also: Help the whole gang who makes this show exist under the crushing burden of late stage capitalism by becoming a patron through the link to our Patreon at the bottom of these show details! Yeah! The ones you’re reading right now!
Cast: Narrator, Bobby, Ian Jizz - Sean Turner @seanwkturner
Ya’ll want a little SNEAKY SNEAK of what’s happening in Season 2? You got it, BAY-BEE! For this trailer, we welcome Autumn Potts to the cast, as Dawn. Season 2 begins on January 15th!