Rich Clarke spent years feeling ashamed of his sexuality. Now he meets others who, for many different reasons, kept theirs hidden - and asks why.
From Olympic icon Dame Kelly Holmes to a Zimbabwean refugee and a former Conservative MP, these are unflinching stories of secrecy, shame, and survival.
Forget the rainbow-washed headlines... coming out isn't always safe, or even possible. Across 12 gripping episodes, Rich explores the emotional cost of hiding who you are, and what it takes to finally live your truth.
Raw, heartfelt, and long overdue. These voices are done hiding.
🎧 Subscribe now on Global Player or wherever you get your podcasts.
💬 To share your story, email: alwaysme@global.com
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This Was Always Me is a powerful new series hosted by Rich Clarke, launching this Pride Month. Through raw, emotional conversations, it shares the untold stories of people who felt they had to hide their sexuality or gender identity - sometimes for years.
From a former Conservative MP to a Zimbabwean refugee, each episode explores the complex reasons people stay silent including religion, politics, family, and personal safety. These are real stories of secrecy, shame, and the strength it takes to finally live your truth.
If you're looking for a Pride Month podcast that goes beyond the headlines, diving into identity, mental health, and the cost of hiding who you are, This Was Always Me is the one to hear.
🎧 The first three episodes drop Monday 9th June, including a conversation with Dame Kelly Holmes.
Available on Global Player or wherever you get your podcasts.
It Was Illegal To Be With The Love Of My Life: Richard Martin on secret heartbreak & waiting until his 60s to come out
Season 1 · Episode 3
Monday, June 9, 2025 • Duration 37:38
Richard Martin joins Rich Clarke to share the story of a love that shaped his life.
At university, Richard fell deeply in love with another man. It was a relationship full of hope, but lived in secrecy at a time when being gay was illegal. When his partner returned to America, Richard stayed behind and tried to move on. Years later, they saw each other again, both married to women, and the meeting was painfully strange.
Richard went on to to live a life of marriage, children, and silence. But in his 60s, he finally came out.
This is a story of first love, quiet heartbreak, and finally becoming who you really are.
80 Years In The Wrong Body: Isobel on transitioning in later life, with her wife's blessing
Season 1 · Episode 2
Monday, June 9, 2025 • Duration 01:04:36
Rich Clarke sits down with Isobel - a remarkable trans woman who underwent gender-affirming surgery at 80.
Isobel reflects on a lifetime of hiding her true self, trying to meet the expectations of others as a sailor, firefighter, husband, and father. With honesty and warmth, she shares how her wife Margaret, now living with dementia, offered her the support and permission to finally live as herself.
Now, two years after surgery, Isobel describes the profound joy and peace she’s found in her body. She talks about identity, love, family, and the courage it takes to become who you really are... at any age.
This is a powerful story of truth, transformation, and the freedom that comes with finally being seen.
I Wouldn't Be Double Olympic Champion If They'd Found Out I Was Gay: Dame Kelly Holmes on having to hide her sexuality in the army & the spotlight
Season 1 · Episode 1
Sunday, June 8, 2025 • Duration 59:54
Rich Clarke speaks with Dame Kelly Holmes, double Olympic gold medallist, former soldier, and proud gay woman, about the reality of hiding her sexuality for 34 years.
Kelly reflects on her time in the British Army, when being gay was still illegal, and the constant fear of discovery. She opens up about the emotional toll of living in silence, the pressure of public life, and the lasting impact on her mental health.
She also discusses survivor’s guilt... the belief that if she’d been discharged for being gay, she might never have become an Olympic champion... and the inner conflict of being celebrated while concealing such a significant part of her identity.
This is a conversation about fear, identity, and the unseen weight of silence
'Created perfect, but made flawed’: Gail Rose on how she found self-acceptance after conversion therapy at Church
Season 1 · Episode 4
Monday, June 16, 2025 • Duration 52:42
Gail Rose spent decades believing she couldn’t be both gay and Christian.
After becoming a young mum and joining a church that preached same-sex attraction was wrong, Gail kept her true self hidden for years, fearing rejection from her faith and loved ones.
She speaks with Rich Clarke about living a ‘dual life’, the pain of being outed, and the turning point that made her want to keep going. Gail opens up about losing her place in church, the struggle to be accepted by her son, and how she finally found a community where she could belong.
Now 55, she’s happily married to her wife Tina and is an elder in the church that married them.
This is a story of faith, love, and finding peace after years of hiding.
A Love Hidden For 29 Years: Former Conservative MP Sir Nick Gibb and Michael Simmonds on fear, love and coming out in politics
Season 1 · Episode 5
Monday, June 23, 2025 • Duration 50:23
Sir Nick Gibb and Michael Simmonds have been together for 38 years, but kept their relationship hidden from the world until 2015 - the year they married.
Nick knew he was gay from university and accepted it, but as a Conservative MP, he felt he had to keep his personal life private to protect his career.
For decades, they lived together but kept up appearances - even owning separate properties and spending holidays apart to avoid suspicion.
In this honest and moving conversation with Rich Clarke, they reflect on the long years of secrecy, the toll it took, and the joy and relief of finally sharing their truth with the world.
This is a story of quiet love, public pressure, and finally, freedom.
From Arranged Marriage & Exorcism to Activism: Moud Goba on escaping Zimbabwe and starting over
Season 1 · Episode 6
Monday, June 30, 2025 • Duration 51:32
Moud Goba speaks to Rich Clarke about her journey from silence to pride. Growing up in Robert Mugabe’s Zimbabwe, she was taught that being gay was sinful, criminal, and impossible. She faced exorcism, was pushed into an arranged marriage, and eventually fled - leaving her home and family behind.
But her fight for freedom didn’t end in the UK. Seeking asylum meant proving her sexuality, living in poverty, and hiding once again... this time in plain sight.
Today, Moud is a mother, a leading LGBTQI+ activist, Chair of UK Black Pride, and National Director at Micro Rainbow - helping others build the safe, free life she once only dreamed of.
Decades of Silence: Norman Goodman on surviving aversion therapy & embracing his bisexual identity in his 70s
Season 1 · Episode 7
Monday, July 7, 2025 • Duration 46:00
Norman Goodman knew he was different from a young age. But it was seen as a mental illness. He faced aversion therapy and electroconvulsive therapy to ‘cure’ his feelings. For decades, Norman hid his bisexuality, even from himself, and lived a life as a husband and nurse.
It wasn’t until after his wife Marilyn passed away that Norman found the courage to come out publicly. Now in a loving relationship, Norman shares how embracing his true self brought peace... and why telling his story matters for other older LGBTQ+ people still in the shadows.
Norman speaks with Rich Clarke about decades of silence, mental health struggles, and finally living openly.
Hiding Behind the Uniform: Retired Met officer Josi Clay on coming out as a trans woman
Season 1 · Episode 8
Monday, July 14, 2025 • Duration 48:01
Josi Clay always knew she was different. But growing up in the 1950s, there were no words for how she felt - only the fear that telling anyone could destroy her future. So she stayed silent.
At 19, Josi joined the Met Police. For 47 years, she served as a respected officer rising through the ranks and hiding a truth that could have ended her career. By the time she was 60, she was living as a woman in every part of her life… except at work.
Josi speaks to Rich Clarke about identity, resilience, and what it means to finally be seen.
Choosing the ‘Normal’ Life: Al on coming out after marriage, fatherhood & grief
Season 1 · Episode 9
Monday, July 21, 2025 • Duration 44:58
Al speaks to Rich Clarke about growing up feeling different. Not just because he was gay, but because he was half Chinese in a mostly white school, where he was bullied and made to feel like an outsider.
In the shadow of the AIDS crisis, with strict parents and no one to turn to, Al stayed silent. He chose what felt like the “normal” life: marriage, children, and hiding who he really was.
It wasn’t until his 40s, after the death of his mum and a mental health crisis, that Al found the courage to come out and begin again.
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