Explore every episode of the podcast Think Thirsty with Katherine Wela Bogen: A Podcast for Smart Sluts

Today, I chat through best practices for how respond when a survivor discloses an experience of sexual or intimate partner violence — and how those reactions can shape mental health outcomes. Drawing on decades of research (Ullman, Ahrens, Filipas, O’Callaghan, and more - see citations in show notes), I break down the difference between positive, negative, and unintended-harm responses, and why some reactions help survivors heal while others quietly compound the trauma. If you’ve ever wanted a clear, compassionate, science-based roadmap for showing up when someone trusts you with their story, this is the episode.

This podcast is created and recorded by me, Katherine Wela Bogen, in my personal capacity as a private citizen and writer. It is unaffiliated with, and does not represent, any academic, clinical, or research institution. Think Thirsty is for educational and entertainment purposes only and should not be considered a substitute for professional psychological advice, diagnosis, or therapy.

Recommended reading:

Ahrens, C. E., Campbell, R., Ternier-Thames, N. K., Wasco, S. M., & Sefl, T. (2007). Deciding whom to tell: Expectations and outcomes of rape survivors' first disclosures. Psychology of women quarterly, 31(1), 38-49.

Ahrens, C. E., Stansell, J., & Jennings, A. (2010). To tell or not to tell: The impact of disclosure on sexual assault survivors' recovery. Violence and victims, 25(5), 631-648.

Filipas, H. H., & Ullman, S. E. (2001). Social reactions to sexual assault victims from various support sources. Violence & Victims, 16(6).

O’Callaghan, E., Lorenz, K., Ullman, S. E., & Kirkner, A. (2021). A dyadic study of impacts of sexual assault disclosure on survivors’ informal support relationships. Journal of interpersonal violence, 36(9-10), NP5033-NP5059.

Relyea, M., & Ullman, S. E. (2015). Unsupported or turned against: Understanding how two types of negative social reactions to sexual assault relate to postassault outcomes. Psychology of women quarterly, 39(1), 37-52.

Ullman, S. E. (2000). Psychometric characteristics of the Social Reactions Questionnaire: A measure of reactions to sexual assault victims. Psychology of Women Quarterly, 24(3), 257-271.

In this episode of Think Thirsty, I dive into the difference between dissociation—depersonalization, derealization, numbness, freeze states—and true erotic submission in BDSM scenes. I unpack how dissociation pulls you away from yourself, while subspace pulls you deeper into embodied surrender, trust, and chosen pleasure.

I walk listeners through the early warning signs of dissociation, the sensory and auditory grounding tools that can help bring you back into your body, and why safewording, nonverbal signals, and pre-scene communication are essential for safe and attuned play. I also describe what subspace actually feels like, how to recognize when “going quiet” is surrender versus survival, and what partners can do to keep scenes connected and conscious.

A thoughtful, intimate exploration of kink, trauma responses, and the psychology of erotic surrender.

As always, this podcast is created and recorded entirely in my personal capacity as a private citizen and writer. It’s unaffiliated with—and does not represent—any academic, clinical, or research institution, and it isn’t a substitute for professional psychological advice.

READING:

Ambler, J. K., Lee, E. M., Klement, K. R., Loewald, T., Comber, E. M., Hanson, S. A., ... & Sagarin, B. J. (2017). Consensual BDSM facilitates role-specific altered states of consciousness: A preliminary study. Psychology of Consciousness: Theory, Research, and Practice, 4(1), 75.

Gewirtz-Meydan, A., Godbout, N., Canivet, C., Peleg-Sagy, T., & Lafortune, D. (2024). The Complex interplay between BDSM and childhood sexual abuse: a form of repetition and dissociation or a path toward Processing and Healing? Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, 50(5), 583-594.

Larva, M. A., & Rantala, M. J. (2024). An evolutionary psychological approach toward BDSM interest and behavior. Archives of sexual behavior, 53(6), 2253-2267.

Wuyts, E., & Morrens, M. (2022). The biology of BDSM: A systematic review. The journal of sexual medicine, 19(1), 144-157.

Wuyts, E., De Neef, N., Coppens, V., Fransen, E., Schellens, E., Van Der Pol, M., & Morrens, M. (2020). Between pleasure and pain: A pilot study on the biological mechanisms associated with BDSM interactions in dominants and submissives. The Journal of Sexual Medicine, 17(4), 784-792.

In this episode of Think Thirsty, I chat about what the science actually says about the term “porn addiction.” We talk through how researchers distinguish between addiction and compulsion, what brain studies show about habit and reward, and how the Problematic Pornography Use Scale helps measure distress, control, and emotional coping. I break down how repetitive porn use can shape attention, arousal, and emotion regulation in everyday life. And we end by talking through psychological frameworks—like cognitive restructuring, behavioral activation, and reward reorientation—that can help us think more compassionately and curiously about our own patterns of desire.

1. De Sousa, A., & Lodha, P. (2017).
   Neurobiology of pornography addiction – A clinical review.
   Telangana Journal of Psychiatry, 3(2), 66–70.
   https://doi.org/10.18231/2455-8559.2017.0016
   ➤ Read on DOAJ

2. Shu, Q., Tang, S., Wu, Z., Feng, J., Lv, W., Huang, M., & Xu, F. (2025).
   The impact of internet pornography addiction on brain function: A functional near-infrared spectroscopy study.
   Frontiers in Human Neuroscience, 19, 1477914.
   https://doi.org/10.3389/fnhum.2025.1477914
   ➤ Read full article

3. Kor, A., Zilcha-Mano, S., Fogel, Y. A., Mikulincer, M., Reid, R. C., & Potenza, M. N. (2014).
   Psychometric development of the Problematic Pornography Use Scale (PPUS).
   Addictive Behaviors, 39(5), 861–868.
   https://doi.org/10.1016/j.addbeh.2014.01.027
   ➤ Read on ScienceDirect

• Duffy, A., Dawson, D. L., & Das Nair, R. (2016). Pornography addiction in adults: A systematic review of definitions and reported impact. The journal of sexual medicine, 13(5), 760-777.

• Mauer-Vakil, D., & Bahji, A. (2020). The addictive nature of compulsive sexual behaviours and problematic online pornography consumption: a review. Canadian Journal of Addiction, 11(3), 42-51.

• Grubbs, J. B., Volk, F., Exline, J. J., & Pargament, K. I. (2015). Internet pornography use: Perceived addiction, psychological distress, and the validation of a brief measure. Journal of sex & marital therapy, 41(1), 83-106.

• De Alarcón, R., De La Iglesia, J. I., Casado, N. M., & Montejo, A. L. (2019). Online porn addiction: What we know and what we don’t—A systematic review. Journal of clinical medicine, 8(1), 91.