The Worst Movie Ever Made – Details, episodes & analysis

This week we get into 1985's Perfect, starring Terl from Battlefield Earth, and our favorite scream queen, Jamie Lee Curtis... but the only screaming that can be heard would be coming from our respective domiciles as we thrust and wiggle our way through this two-hour-long abomination.

Aerobics amateur and aerobics auteur are actually annoying and acting atrociously! On-the-nose artwork all over your architecture! Walking through women’s post-workout waterworks! Gang-bang engagement party? Splashing your Sazerac on your stenographer, staining the scenic eatery! Johnny T’s meat market meandering! Sphincter Muscles! Tarantino sucking on the brava-toes? Tits McGee! Curtis’ yogurt devotion! Badminton in the West Wing? Gyroscopic genuflecting! Transcending the sniffing distance, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made!

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This week, we take a look at White Chicks, a movie that couldn't be made today because of THE CULTURE WAR according to some dipshit on YouTube.

Yelling:

Shitty spies - shrouded as shallow socialites - shimmy, shoot and, go shopping! Hangnail trebuchet! Wanton destruction of small business! Popping pistols at purveyors of Popsicles! The bestiality buildup! Cosby Drops (™) in the club! Dexter Deb’s eating disorder! Faux-feminine flatulence! Janice is not X-Ray Cat! Travolta trotting a Hilton hound! Chris’ rap battle reaction vids, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made.

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This week we talk about Uwe Boll's Alone in the Dark. This is our first Boll film on the pod, and now that we know what to expect, it probably won't be our last.

Here we go:

Creature critters created by crooked archeologist crawl and crush craniums! SyFy CGI! Shattering sheet glass at the showroom by 713! Sledgehammered senior! White Walker from Wuhan knows Wushu! Anubis Glyph Reader 3.5? CROSSFIREEEEEE!!! That fucking nun! Sleeping security trope! Seven second strangulation! Tara Reid! The Xenomorph connection, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made!

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We go a little long on our SEASON FINALE, and rightfully so! We had to take time out of our regularly scheduled daily suffering, and make things even worse for ourselves by reviewing Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. There’s just so much to talk about… including, but not limited to: Inter-dimensional sneeze snizz! Ivy league adlibs! Bargain bin Uma Thurman! Close encounters of the one third of an orgasm kind! Flob Noggin Blarfyblobbers! Careless corrosion of commemorative conquistadors! Saving sinking associates with a snake! Monkey man mud moving more meteorically than the motor vehicles via vine! Ancient alien acknowledgment! Surprised unexplained suicidal cliff dives! Geriatric fuck trophies! Chris’ ghost pinochle theory! Injuring innocent indigenous Incas! His name is Mutt, ber-der-ber-der-deng, ber-der-ber-der-deng! All knowing gophers! THE FUCKING FRIDGE, and much, much more on this week’s episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made. www.theworstmovieevermade.com Stay tuned for next week’s “good movie” episode where we talk about The Exorcist.

This week we shoot for the moon for space action gambling heists. We're talking of course about "The Adventures of Pluto Nash." So many wrongs in this movie that all are somehow six degrees separated from Nickelodeon's "Hey Arnold!" More on that later though. 

Flat salty lakes! Hot feather duster ass! Bob’s girl! Eddie Murphy’s turdy wordies! Randy robots! Bruno’s battery baton! Carefree companion cloning! Straight scripts! Beefy catchalls! Assy side-gigs! Slut machines! Dusty dystopian Stallone tropes! Randy Quaid losing it, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! 

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Please write us hate mail, because we hate ourselves too, and would like to agree with you.

They're cats! They're cats! But their butt holes aren't intact! So many wondiferous things to talk about in this fantastic farce of feline feces, so let's just get this over with and go home. 

Jamming in the Jellicles! Cat bowl cum puddles! Reverse engineering the rhyme! Ineffable inevitability! Digitally removing dirt buttons! Executing Isabella extremely unethically! Catnip compliance! Birthday suit Bustopher gargling back alley glizzies, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! 

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Just fucking email us already!

The gang gets sensually seductive with the black flame candle on their way to Walgreens, which is a real store, as they plow through through rounds of the witches brew known as Hocus Pocus II. Or as we like to call it: Dogshit. This is a sequel that nobody asked for, and yet it happened to us anyways. Let's do this! 

Deep delves into the balrog! Lazy nodding! The virginity assumption! Big witch smelling Winnie from ankles to ear! High school house party's where they hold the hooch! Attempted asphyxiation upon apple bobbing buddies! Breaking the fourth Walgreens! Butter! Rick from Pawn Stars shows his laugh at the pumpkin patch! Ginger Minge! Future Fabric, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! 

RESPECT THE EGG!!!

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We made it to episode 69 (nice!), so we HAD to talk about Hellraiser. Chris, Bob, and Rob blur the lines between pleasure and pain as they take down this pile of shit. Why do people love this movie? Sounds like empty praise from a bunch of pinheads, amiright? 

Mummy Cummies! Reverberated daddies! Box trauma! The full spread! Spinning barbed wire boards! Putting the Parliament out on the Persian! Frank fetish flashbacks! Lumps! Nourishing nectar of the niece! Cobweb cardiovascular blood vessel revival systems! Rat infested renovation rooms! Frankie facials! Dimension evidence! Cinnabon Cenobites, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made.

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Riddle me this... what's sweaty, smelly, and coiled up in a pungent lump at the bottom of the toilet? If you answered 1997's Anaconda, then you're 100% correct. Though it turns out Roger Ebert was a massive fan (not even joking, Google that shit). Ice Cube is somehow the best actor, and John Voight is nothing more than a shiny sausage with an axe to grind and a scowl that's as flaccid as a microwaved hotdog at 3am (TM). 

Paraguayan person popping up in mid production! Lopez letting the ladies loose! Buckets full of monkey blood! Lame Horniness! Penile pipe logic! Double gun face butts! Resurfaced Faculty trauma! Leg lock neck breaks! ...Snake... trophies! Slimy winks! Dollar store dictators, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! 

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We love you, we only want what's best for you, and sadly that involves listening to this show. 

We know October is spooky month, and we're going to get into all that good stuff next week. But in the meantime we wanted to boof you with the doozy known as Mortal Kombat! A childhood favorite of many, but a sweaty turd on the radiator for most. 

Weepy Western Unions! Flawed victories! Side boob central! Caucasian Raiden! Cage/Kang carry-on confusion! Prying open those soul holes! White lightning wet willy whispers! Unwilling mousse tousles! Large electrical disturbances with a side of vocal fry! Surviving the Hard R! Two man Goro horse suits? Faulty claw logic! Cosmic blob camouflage! High octane turkey slapping, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made.

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