This week we get into 1985's Perfect, starring Terl from Battlefield Earth, and our favorite scream queen, Jamie Lee Curtis... but the only screaming that can be heard would be coming from our respective domiciles as we thrust and wiggle our way through this two-hour-long abomination.

Aerobics amateur and aerobics auteur are actually annoying and acting atrociously! On-the-nose artwork all over your architecture! Walking through women’s post-workout waterworks! Gang-bang engagement party? Splashing your Sazerac on your stenographer, staining the scenic eatery! Johnny T’s meat market meandering! Sphincter Muscles! Tarantino sucking on the brava-toes? Tits McGee! Curtis’ yogurt devotion! Badminton in the West Wing? Gyroscopic genuflecting! Transcending the sniffing distance, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made!

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This week, we take a look at White Chicks, a movie that couldn't be made today because of THE CULTURE WAR according to some dipshit on YouTube.

Yelling:

Shitty spies - shrouded as shallow socialites - shimmy, shoot and, go shopping! Hangnail trebuchet! Wanton destruction of small business! Popping pistols at purveyors of Popsicles! The bestiality buildup! Cosby Drops (™) in the club! Dexter Deb’s eating disorder! Faux-feminine flatulence! Janice is not X-Ray Cat! Travolta trotting a Hilton hound! Chris’ rap battle reaction vids, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made.

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This week we talk about Uwe Boll's Alone in the Dark. This is our first Boll film on the pod, and now that we know what to expect, it probably won't be our last.

Here we go:

Creature critters created by crooked archeologist crawl and crush craniums! SyFy CGI! Shattering sheet glass at the showroom by 713! Sledgehammered senior! White Walker from Wuhan knows Wushu! Anubis Glyph Reader 3.5? CROSSFIREEEEEE!!! That fucking nun! Sleeping security trope! Seven second strangulation! Tara Reid! The Xenomorph connection, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made!

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We go a little long on our SEASON FINALE, and rightfully so! We had to take time out of our regularly scheduled daily suffering, and make things even worse for ourselves by reviewing Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. There’s just so much to talk about… including, but not limited to: Inter-dimensional sneeze snizz! Ivy league adlibs! Bargain bin Uma Thurman! Close encounters of the one third of an orgasm kind! Flob Noggin Blarfyblobbers! Careless corrosion of commemorative conquistadors! Saving sinking associates with a snake! Monkey man mud moving more meteorically than the motor vehicles via vine! Ancient alien acknowledgment! Surprised unexplained suicidal cliff dives! Geriatric fuck trophies! Chris’ ghost pinochle theory! Injuring innocent indigenous Incas! His name is Mutt, ber-der-ber-der-deng, ber-der-ber-der-deng! All knowing gophers! THE FUCKING FRIDGE, and much, much more on this week’s episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made. www.theworstmovieevermade.com Stay tuned for next week’s “good movie” episode where we talk about The Exorcist.

This week we shoot for the moon for space action gambling heists. We're talking of course about "The Adventures of Pluto Nash." So many wrongs in this movie that all are somehow six degrees separated from Nickelodeon's "Hey Arnold!" More on that later though. 

Flat salty lakes! Hot feather duster ass! Bob’s girl! Eddie Murphy’s turdy wordies! Randy robots! Bruno’s battery baton! Carefree companion cloning! Straight scripts! Beefy catchalls! Assy side-gigs! Slut machines! Dusty dystopian Stallone tropes! Randy Quaid losing it, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! 

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Please write us hate mail, because we hate ourselves too, and would like to agree with you.

They're cats! They're cats! But their butt holes aren't intact! So many wondiferous things to talk about in this fantastic farce of feline feces, so let's just get this over with and go home. 

Jamming in the Jellicles! Cat bowl cum puddles! Reverse engineering the rhyme! Ineffable inevitability! Digitally removing dirt buttons! Executing Isabella extremely unethically! Catnip compliance! Birthday suit Bustopher gargling back alley glizzies, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! 

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Just fucking email us already!

The gang gets sensually seductive with the black flame candle on their way to Walgreens, which is a real store, as they plow through through rounds of the witches brew known as Hocus Pocus II. Or as we like to call it: Dogshit. This is a sequel that nobody asked for, and yet it happened to us anyways. Let's do this! 

Deep delves into the balrog! Lazy nodding! The virginity assumption! Big witch smelling Winnie from ankles to ear! High school house party's where they hold the hooch! Attempted asphyxiation upon apple bobbing buddies! Breaking the fourth Walgreens! Butter! Rick from Pawn Stars shows his laugh at the pumpkin patch! Ginger Minge! Future Fabric, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! 

RESPECT THE EGG!!!

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We made it to episode 69 (nice!), so we HAD to talk about Hellraiser. Chris, Bob, and Rob blur the lines between pleasure and pain as they take down this pile of shit. Why do people love this movie? Sounds like empty praise from a bunch of pinheads, amiright? 

Mummy Cummies! Reverberated daddies! Box trauma! The full spread! Spinning barbed wire boards! Putting the Parliament out on the Persian! Frank fetish flashbacks! Lumps! Nourishing nectar of the niece! Cobweb cardiovascular blood vessel revival systems! Rat infested renovation rooms! Frankie facials! Dimension evidence! Cinnabon Cenobites, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made.

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Riddle me this... what's sweaty, smelly, and coiled up in a pungent lump at the bottom of the toilet? If you answered 1997's Anaconda, then you're 100% correct. Though it turns out Roger Ebert was a massive fan (not even joking, Google that shit). Ice Cube is somehow the best actor, and John Voight is nothing more than a shiny sausage with an axe to grind and a scowl that's as flaccid as a microwaved hotdog at 3am (TM). 

Paraguayan person popping up in mid production! Lopez letting the ladies loose! Buckets full of monkey blood! Lame Horniness! Penile pipe logic! Double gun face butts! Resurfaced Faculty trauma! Leg lock neck breaks! ...Snake... trophies! Slimy winks! Dollar store dictators, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! 

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You need it. You want it. Watch Bob's trailers. Follow us on social media. Email us. And sell us bitcoin! 

We love you, we only want what's best for you, and sadly that involves listening to this show. 

We know October is spooky month, and we're going to get into all that good stuff next week. But in the meantime we wanted to boof you with the doozy known as Mortal Kombat! A childhood favorite of many, but a sweaty turd on the radiator for most. 

Weepy Western Unions! Flawed victories! Side boob central! Caucasian Raiden! Cage/Kang carry-on confusion! Prying open those soul holes! White lightning wet willy whispers! Unwilling mousse tousles! Large electrical disturbances with a side of vocal fry! Surviving the Hard R! Two man Goro horse suits? Faulty claw logic! Cosmic blob camouflage! High octane turkey slapping, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made.

Listen to us, watch us, socialize with us, and for fuck's sake email us! It's all on our website, which is basically just Linktree. 

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No introduction for Cabin Fever as we kick off Season 8. Let’s skip to the good part, AHHHHHH, AHHHH- AHHH-AHHHH…you know like that song. The TikTok song for the glow ups…  Pinwheel piss casts! Pipelogic comes back with a vengeance! Rubbing your chauffeur’s penis! Unconsenting capture of canoodling couples! Funny haha finger in the fanny! Punching the blood clam! Child abuse! Kung Food! Convenient hog slaughter! Zombie people pooping people poop meat, and much, much more on This Week’s Episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made!

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Put it in your bookmarks!

We're a day late, but we promise it's for a good reason... we had scheduling conflicts. But we're back with a vengeance with a good movie to close the season out! Back with a vengeance, you say? That sounds familiar. Like 1994's The Crow, perhaps? Chris thinks this movie is just "okay," but Bob and Rob deliver death blows that convince him to think it's still just "okay." That's fine. Can't win them all! But do you know who won over our hearts this week? The Crow. Brandon Lee. The revengencer of a thousand caw-caws! But when it comes to perfectly executed film noir anti-hero epics that fully capture rage, revenge, and redemption, there's lots to talk about it, so let's get into it!

Proper pipe logic! Rampant cocaine abuse! Stunt skater legs? Cop banter! Really cool bullet holes! Reverse morphine maneuvers! Incest! Shock cut building hops! Convincing miniatures, and much, much more on this week's episode of The BEST Movie Ever Made! 

Go to our website. Click the links. We're on YouTube now. Check out our TikTok and Instagram. We're everyyyyywhere!

Spice up your world... every boy and every girl.

Ahhhhhhhhhh.....

Balled up Ferret muscles! Everest ostriches! Gray gregarious white men! Frenetic fandering! Jovial particle blasting! You say goodbye, I say hello by squeezing your honkers! Baggin Saggin Barry Bus! Seinfeld squares! Ben Stiller babies! Photographer toilet stalkers! Reverse turd burgling, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! 

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This week, we talk about Rudy Ray Moore's Dolemite, a film described as "The Citizen Kane of kung-fu pimpin' movies." Pretty sure we all loved it, but you'll have to listen along to find out.

Prison preventing protagonist from pimpin' puss, so parole the playa! "That's mighty black of you, reverend!" The detective downing dominoes on a dude just to be a dick! Destitute dude main-veins meth in a drug den! Dish powder muff diving! Brothel bits! Tumultuous tummy tickles! Bob clinches the Tit-Scope M title! Two Torgos knocking knees! Cocaine fish, and heroin stuffed halibuts! Squeezin' bitches out of existence! Pasty politician ass! Protagonist pimp punching his paramour mid-pounding, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made!

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Chris impersonates a leprechaun, Bob's foolery hits its zenith, and Rob pretends to question his own mortality as if that wasn't already a weekly recurrence as the gang raids Castle Grayskull to dump on Masters of the Universe! Oh, how we used to spend our Tuesday nights before we started this show... Musical butt plug keys! Chromatose Krispy Kreming! Octode rectifiers! Shiny metal blinky things! Dubbed Dolph dialogues! Impossibly deep shafts! English adjacent accent impressions! Laughing at people drowning! The Japanese assumption! Microwaved ribs! Parsec aeons! Deferring to the Swedes! Back alley meat exchanges, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! 

www.theworstmovieevermade.com for socials, streaming, video, and more! 

Check us out on YouTube too! 

*sigh* 

Lionheart... 

Let's get into it.

Front foot fuckery! Joshua tree listening party! Raisinet nipple reconnaissance! Clanging and not banging in the penthouse! Sneaky peeky poos! Ass flattery! Attempted pool party murder! Crab puff safety protocol! Dropping the French bomb! Jean Claude Can Dammes! The full spread! Creepy crouchies! Bozo blasting! Roller blader waiters, and much, much, more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! 

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We're on YouTube every Sunday now. Sometimes we stream on social media. Go to our website, and give us a follow! 

Until next time! 

This week we talk about 1992's Under Siege with none other than Steven Seagal. We learn that he's more than just a cook, and has like 9 purple hearts and is so awesome at everything. We also learn that Tommy Lee Jones might be wearing a hair piece... or is he? Listen to the show to find out. The truth may surprise you. Let's do this! Loony Poons! Hnghnughnugh on the bayou! Return of the horsefishes! Summer’s Eve eating contests! Night milk titty rewinds! Death dangling! Ocean motions! Nuke equity, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made!

Check us out on YouTube every Sunday!

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Judge Dredd is the law! And we're subjecting ourselves to his chiseled jawline, and remarkable stature. Oh, how we've been humbled by this steamy loaf. Let's not dilly dally... here we go! Sloppy Sly slaw! Faulty pipe logic (again)! Sci-Fi Denial! Wanton destruction of small businesses! Tit to toe leotard ensembles! Celebratory starvation pacts! Stabby soliloquies! Leslie Shats, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made!

www.theworstmovieevermade.com

Now on YouTube!

What has three heads, smells like puke, and will probably quit podcasting forever after the release of this episode? If you guessed Chris, Bob, and Rob, you guessed correctly. We done did it, ladies and gents. Listen to the baffled bewilderment of your beloved hosts performing mental gymnastics trying to explain away any decision made by the people who put this one together. It doesn't make any sense. Here's the yelling part: Equestrian enjambments! Impressive fingers! Livid liquids! Cocaine Quills! Horse stable fuck dungeons! Samurai florists and the machine! Green card jockey jokes, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made!  You're fucking up if you don't make www.theworstmovieevermade.com your home page. Everybody's doing it except for you. 

Armageddon, Interstellar, and The Day After Tomorrow walk into a bar. They see two brothers touch wieners while shaking the president’s hand. A daughter who has a total of 3 minutes of screen time is supposed to be the emotional anchor that holds it all together. Bartender says the title of the movie half a dozen times for no reason. Everybody is confused. If you're troubled by what transpired, you might as well have watched Geostorm. A movie that defies space, time, science, and our sensibilities. Let's get into it... Daddy daughter proxy smarts! Zeus suit riots! Who holoframed Roger Rabbit?! Presidential potty mouth! Fried egg semantics! Secretive Servicing! Hidden Dutch Boy backdoor entrances, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made!  Now in 2D and color on YouTube Every Sunday.  www.theworstmovieevermade.com  

Season 7 starts off with a bang as we hopefully end this George Lucas Streak. George Lucas, the man who's indirectly responsible for the MCU (we think!). Let's get right into it. Regions of demons! Casual bestiality! Duck dick TikTok! Locking in the flavor! The career manipulation of Bodacious Beverly! Satan's Sluts, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made!  www.theworstmovieevermade.com Coming soon to YouTube! 

It's our season finale, so that means we end with a good movie! That's right, episode 5. The one with all the great quotables, betrayal, romance, and action. This movie was so good, that Rob actually kinda liked it. Lots of great nerding out on this one, and we get to once again cleanse our palates before diving into another season of hot garbage. Let's get right to it. Animal igloos! Milky Androids! Severe Severings! Bob Foolery! A distinct lack of debate over intergalactic trade routes! Total yak annihilation! C-3P0 being a total douche, and much, much more on this week's episode of The BEST Movie Ever Made!  theworstmovieevermade.com

We know, we know... you're looking at the title, and thinking, "not that movie!" It's okay. There are some things to consider. For one, our podcast runs shorter than the actual movie, we actually have a structure and sense of direction to our show, and we'd like to think we're charismatic and exuberant in our delivery. Based on those stats alone, we're already doing a better job than the assholes who made this piece of shit! Here's what we're going to talk about: Jar Jar Jargon! Serendickity! Missing the Mark (Hamill)! The ole wizard slip! Polishing the droid! Unlocking the double jump! Bob's red herring reversal! Poon boons, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made!  Next week, we watch The Empire Strikes Back as our season finale "good movie."  Wow.

Gather round, and grab a seat. It's time for your hosts to tell you a story about absolutely nothing happening. This is our fourth movie featuring the legendary JCVD, and we don't know why. It's basically the same movie every time. Want the deets? Here they are! Strategic stump assault! Smuckity Huckerson! Spooky Cataracts! Top Heavy Boob Maneuvers! Rob's pizza ruins the show! Jim West Boot Knives! CyBORING results! The lost city of... Atlanta, Georgia, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made!  This episode was made possible by the State of Florida's Toll Enforcement Division... a group of suck-fucking tax grubbers. Stay tuned next week for The Phantom Menace.

This week, we talk about 1985's Malibu Express. Or as we like to call it, "Tits: The Movie."

Melons and milk monsters and mammaries, oh my! Shane shamelessly shoots shower shenanigans after committing coitus with coerced consent! Blblblbl in the porn water! Penile puns! Finagling the fudge rudders! Eating furniture? Buffington buffoonery! Pulsating Playmates! Shielding from the sun with a shoe visor! Rump radar! Far too many characters to keep track of! Cody’s almost anal adventures! Car dealership desert daughter does the deed for a drive! Distinct lack of Buffington butt water, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made!

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You guys! We know you probably think that we're making a bold assertion that 1:36:22 of 3 guys bitching about Battleship has more entertainment value than the 2:11:00 runtime of the movie itself, but we assure you we know what we're talking about. What a festering shit-box of a movie. Where do we start? Botched burrito burgling! Cyborg strutting! Cops leaving paraplegics to die! Top Gun soccer knockoffs! Art of War of the Worlds! Rihanna! Thunderstruck Boomer Blasters, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! 

Today's episode is brought to you by not actually being a real episode. Our beloved co-host, Bob, has gone missing, and last we heard  from him, he was speaking in code through a balled up sock and kazoo from a pay phone in Montreal. We're going to record the real episode on "Battleship," tomorrow night once we reconvene, but we didn't want you, our beloved audience, to miss out on your Wednesday bad movie drive time banter. Chris and Rob talk about lots of stuff in this short and sweet chat. The fate of The Asscheek Arena (TM)! What they're watching outside of the show (hint: Jurassic World fucking blows)! Titties (twice somehow)! The recent lack of Shitcoin (TM), and much, much more!  We made it 52 episodes without one of us mysteriously going missing under questionable circumstances, and we'll be back on track Thursday with our "Battleship" episode.  Thanks for listening, and don't forget your Zippy Zap.

The boys go back to school with 1998's The Faculty. You know, that movie that got a bunch of grunge artists on their fall from grace to botch a Pink Floyd song for the soundtrack. There's so much to talk about, so let's get right to it. Body-snatchers rules! Flogging the Bishop! Lost tits in the locker room! Double pussy puke! Teacher's lounge water whipping! Diuretic space cocaine! Underbelly dermis tickles, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made!  Wow.

The boys are back in town, but unfortunately so is John Gotti. We crawled through every single inch of marble-mouthed dialogue... fuck, even the guy who writes captions for TUBI quit his job forever and has not been seen since. Let's get right into it! Badfellas! Hairpiece philanthropy! Junior Gotti's secret youth elixir! Spousal abuse! Cop hat takesey backsies! Proper penis assessment, and much, much, more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever made! 

More like "Vantage Disappoint," amiright? Wow. Just wow. No further introductions, here we go: Spanish Rambo! Ice cream cone kerfuffles! Double-mint Democracy! Trouble on camera three! Rob's son shits himself! Forest Whitaker's insatiable lust for danger! Electoral dysfunction, and much, much, more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! Brought to you by Milton Bradley's new strategic board-game, "who fucked my couch?"

The gang slips into their avatars and gets bent on M. Night Shyamalan's The Last Airbender... a movie so bad, that not even Bruce Willis' ghost can save it from itself. Element bending! Too much diet coke! M. Night Shyamalan's shadow war with the Catholic Church! Frozen water balls! Celibate fire breathers! Unprompted, nonchalant, and effortless elder sacrifice! Whispered exposition, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made!  This is the season 6 kickoff, so scroll down, and get caught up! 

“End of Watch?” More like “total dogshit,” amiright? Liberace strikeouts! Befuddled Blair Witch buffoonery! Fuck tally burnouts! Big evil dunk jumps! Candid camera camaraderie! Jarhead Jake’s droopy face, and much, much more on this week’s episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made!!! Omg

The gang brushes up on their jive talk, and straps in for this season's good movie palate cleanse! Mayo Clinic Mishaps! Suicidal exposition! Straight faced tomfoolery! Back-stabbing on the dance floor! Autopilot blowjobs! Unnecessary amounts of Van Halen! Surely Temples, and much, much, more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! 

The gang splits logs and flips phone-booths with Commando this week! Chris does intense muscle analysis, Bob fools everybody with "fact or no fact," and Rob complains about his debit card not working or some stupid shit. So much to get into, so let's get into it shall we? Recurring pipe logic! Lawn care homicide! Shiny mullets! Dump truck assassins! Brown sugar face! Putting the shed in machete! Pectacular protuberances! Daddy daughter laundry logistics! Buffering Bob, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! KA-KOWWWWWW!

Wrap up your shins, and get ready for some good ole fashioned tree kicking as the gang talks about 1989's Kickboxer! The action! The revenge! The romance! So, so much to talk about, so let's get right on to it. Doggy Daggers! Eric's wheelchair ejections, of which there are multiple! Maxed out scrotal sacks! Seductive dance fights! Cobra head quiche! Rob hates Rory Gilmore, but can't articulate it. Shimmering, oiled and taut buttocks! Underwhelming glass slapping, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made!  

Season 18 kicks off with a bang... wait that's not well written. And neither is 1987's The Garbage Pail Kids Movie. A Topps Chewing Gum Production. Great to be back in the bad movie trenches, but we weren't prepared for this one.

Crude creatures from collectible cards cause confusion! Keeping ugly kids in a garbage pail! Attempted murder/pipe logic combo from hell! Overworking the otherworldly for snizz-snazz! Tangerine teasing a tiny teen! Chasing children for chump-change! Dodger sneaking sweat-shop sniffs! Fire-escape peeping tomfoolery! Making merriment with the less mature! Misguided marketing mishaps! Rivers of shit! Chris and Rob both piss their pants! Boy gets booby baffled! Pedo-film-ia? Aerosol Cosby Drops! Dodger jumped the Juice and jammed his jowls, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made!

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This week, we talk about a movie that double drags onnnnnn, amiright? Eek gad, golly gee willikers, what a boner of a film. We don't even want to do a write-up it's so bad. Here we go. Nitro powered Cheeze Wiz! Tunnel crawling butt invasions! Spinach funnels! Medallions that don't work! Inexplicable jet-ski adventures! Organized Anarchists! Shitcoins that fail to launch! Sudden Brooklyn accents! Disappointing lack of rope burn, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! 

The gang giggles and sleuths, and bimble and boof as they tip their hats to this adaptation of the great Dr. Seuss. We're talking The Cat in the Hat, a film so bad that there was legal intervention to make sure another adaption of this kind was never made again. Popcorn knee pads! Sanitary supervisors! Nocturnal emissions! Dirty hoes! Shit cars! No lessons! No rhymes! No respect for our time! Slow speed chases that would make O.J. blush, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! 

A wise man from the YouTube comments once said, "Cliffhanger hanging from a cliff and that’s why he’s called cliffhanger." He's not wrong. Psychotic snowman shenanigans! Bunny chasing tracker logistics! Sweater swapping semantics! Bats for no good reason! Radical dudes catching some gnar gnar (read: bullets in their faces)! Horse combing schedule kerfuffles! Cliffhanger! Hanging from a cliff! And much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! 

It's a full house this week as Jay (@dusty_penguin_112) joins the gang to go, go, gadget review this fucking pile of shit. This episode runs a little long, but it's jam packed with witty dialogue, comedic timing, excellent pacing, and ALL THE OTHER THINGS THAT ARE SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN IN A 90 million dollar MOVIE THAT DO NOT HAPPEN IN INSPECTOR GADGET. Maybe Matthew Broderick was in on the scam a la The Producers. If the film flops, then you make MORE money. Sure there's no tap-dancing Hitler in this flick, but hey, maybe somebody will pick up the licensing, and franchise it out. Never say never! Here's the exclamation points. Oil slick dental plans! Robotic foot theft! Offensive physics! Sentient fuck bots! Heartless NSA chips! Andy Dick! Engelbert Humperdinck is actually a stage name, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! 

Spawny, Spawny, he's our man, if he can't do it... well, anybody with $40,000,000 and a thesaurus turned to the "poop" page can. Seriously, if you just dropped your pants and took a dump into a film canister, you'll probably have a better movie. At least flies scrambling to get a last meal is somewhat compelling compared to this steaming pile. The gang unpacks a lot here, but they mainly focus on how so little was said with so much exposition. Rob discovers that if you watch a movie at 1.5x speed, you can get it over with faster, and then do other stuff. Flaccid Wanda screams! Heavy under-bite energy! Disembodied bodies! Impromptu heat vision surgery! Inexplicable goo exchanges! Dog neglect, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! 

We kick off season 5 with an announcement! Chris and Rob welcome Bob (think_in_movie_scenes) onto the show as a full time shitty movie analyst. This show is too big for two hosts to handle. 2 backs cannot carry the weight of all this terrible cinema week after week. That being said, the gang tries to "mess with the best, and die like the rest" as they unpack "Hackers," from the product placement to the roller skatin'. Checkin' out poopers! The plague's affinity for sour straws. Wheelie-board disk swapping! Matthew Lillard's pigtails! Rob gets fired from his own bit! 30 year old high school students! Half baked hacker names, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! 

What do you call it when Batman sneaks out of Church? A Christian Bale! We know, we know... The Dark Knight? On The Worst Movie Ever Made? Well in case you're just tuning in (earth to you, hellooooooooo!?), we watch a good movie at the end of every season to cleanse our palate. Listen, Chris knows his shit when it comes to movies, and Rob literally only watches cartoons, so in order to stay objective, we sometimes need to throw something actually worth watching into our steaming cauldron of poopy movies. So let's get into it, shall we? Cool Bat Gadgets! Morgan Freeman! Dramatic Tension! Heath Ledger! Police Corruption! Saggy Gyllenhaal! Hot Topic Quotables! Complete lack of Jared Leto! Convincing character development, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! Also we have a website now. www.theworstmovieevermade.com 

Chris and Rob, AND BOB (Think_In_Movie_Scenes) calculate the worst movie ever made up to this point in 4 seasons. 32 movies put to the test, and the results will surprise you! Or not. They probably won’t. If you’ve been listening so far you pretty much know where this disaster ranking is going. Episode is hella funny though. In the wise words of Wilfred Brimley, bad movie make jackrabbit slap de bear. We’ll be back next week with our regular programming.

Chris and Rob dust off their mud-flaps, and haul a payload of garbage across The Ice Road. This wet turd in a blanket withstands all our tests, but will it be ranked amongst the worst of the bad? You’re gonna have to tune in and find out. Tip Toeing through the R-word! Decades old ad placements! Moping miners! Poopy diamonds! Triage massage! Shifty claims adjusters! Fun facts we just made up! Craig’s an asshole, and much, much more on this week’s episode AND SEASON FINALE of The Worst Movie Ever Made! Stay tuned next week for our “March Badness” bad movie bracket.

Chris and Rob recruit instagram’s Dusty_Penguin_112 for assistance in breaking down Elektra. And it’s good they have a guest, because Rob pretty much checked out on this one. Delayed resuscitations! Covert Cabbage! Botched box cutter burgling! Dead mom pissing contests! The uncomfortable gurgling of anthropomorphic tattoos, and much, much more on this week’s episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made!

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh man... Chris doesn't want to admit it, but he loves Grosse Pointe Blank. One of the best rom-coms ever crafted, starring John Cusack, Minnie Driver, Dan Aykroyd (Chris' personal favorite), and ... others. It's a thrill ride. Enemies become friends, and friends become enemies. POPCORN!!! let's do this.

Hunky hitman hooks up with honey from high school for hi-jinks and hilarity! Jumpy John’s judo-ing a gentleman in the gym! Aykroyd abusers! Randy Quaid & the Star-Whackers?Minnie Driver! Jeremy gets Jameson and Cusack gets a club soda! A convincing level of guarded enthusiasm! Actio-dramedy? Extreme pipe logic, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made!

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Chris and Rob run to the hills in order to properly survey the damage caused by Volcano. Tommy Lee Jones (TLJ) delegates his way through disaster one flip phone at a time as he races the clock to save his daughter from the lava bomb to end all lava bombs. Manhole blowouts! Steamy heat holes! Rodney King Volcano Tacos! Tectonic Technicalities! Magma Explanations! Basketball confusion! Chris having a stroke, and much, much more on this week’s episode of The Worst Episode Ever Made!

Chris and Rob welcome back Bob Hasak from @think_in_movie_scenes to talk about Hard to Kill, to break down exactly what makes this movie so unwatchable. Is it the literal and figurative grooming of a man who's been in a coma in 7 years to be a fuck buddy? Or is it simply the fact that we have to watch Steven Seagal run in a training montage? In this movie there is one scene where a horse is shown running through the opening in a fence. I don’t know if it was an artistic decision that was made, or if a horse ran through by happenstance and they decided to leave it in. I want to be that horse. Because the horse runs with the wind in its hair. Not a care in the world. Just a leisurely gallop toward the horizon looking nowhere but forward. I want to be this horse because it’s running away from the movie, not toward it. Even being turned into glue would be a fate better than having to sit down and watch this flick. Sorry, that went long. Here's the exclamation points. The Oscars! Convenience store rumbles! Complete disregard for how costly it actually is to fake your own death (I've looked into this for personal reasons)! Mustard collusion! Icebox assault! Mop bucket maneuvers! Crouching Cops, Hidden Badges, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! 

Chris and Rob take a Double Deuce all over 1989’s Road House, and ask each other who is this movie for? On one hand, there’s titties and fighting. On the other hand, it’s kinda written like one of those beach bum books with Fabio on the cover. Enough chatter, let’s get into it. Ass taxidermy! Dagger Duels! Absent authorities! Penis logistics! Barn Burning Millionaires! Sharp footwear! Homicidal coin toss ultimatums, and much, much more on this week’s episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made!