Author and speaker, Bob Goff, kicks off season three of The WinShape Marriage Podcast! Bob Goff’s life is a master class in not taking yourself too seriously, and he shares with Marlee Arnold how he’s followed this in his marriage. There are so many nuggets of wisdom woven throughout the stories he tells about his marriage and family—one-liners like, “Oneness doesn’t mean sameness,” and “I’m not looking for efficiency in my marriage. I'm looking for presence.” If you love Bob Goff and you’re curious about his thoughts on marriage after being married to Sweet Maria for 39 years, tune into the very first episode of season three of The WinShape Marriage Podcast.

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Time Stamps:

(1:25) Bob Goff’s background and marriage to wife, Sweet Maria

(4:35) Oneness doesn’t mean sameness

(6:05) Marriage principles that have stood the test of time in the Goffs’ marriage

(18:22) Your marriage can be an example of the Gospel

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Links:

Bob Goff https://www.bobgoff.com/

WinShape Marriage Website https://marriage.winshape.org/

WinShape Marriage Instagram https://www.instagram.com/winshapemarriage/

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Season 3 of The WinShape Marriage Podcast kicks off next Wednesday—don't miss it! We’ve got incredible guests lined up like returning favorites, Dr. Gary Chapman and Dr. Juli Slattery, and brand-new guests, authors, speakers and marriage experts—Ted Lowe and Gary Thomas. Stay tuned for new episodes dropping every Wednesday and catch up on seasons 1 and 2 while you wait.

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Merry Christmas from WinShape Marriage! As joyous as the holiday season can be, we know that trying to align you and your spouse’s calendars with the calendars of your in-laws and extended family can be challenging and even cause some tension. On today’s Christmas themed episode of The WinShape Marriage Podcast, Marlee Arnold and Rob Philo interview several WinShape Marriage friends to get their perspectives. Every family has their own established rhythms and traditions which is why we asked multiple spouses the same three questions to hear their unique responses. Learn how these spouses currently navigate conversations around holiday schedules (and how they’ve navigated discussions in the past) with one another and with their in-laws and extended families as well as their best piece of advice for couples of all ages when it comes to this hot topic.

Spoiler—there are several similar themes that emerge like:

—Talking about holiday schedules early

—Being flexible as you enter different seasons of marriage

—Remembering your spouse is your first priority

It’s likely most of you have already locked in your plans for the 2024 Christmas season—we get it. So, consider listening to this episode through the lens of, “How can we approach this conversation differently in 2025, especially if it didn’t go well this year?” Whatever you’ve already experienced this holiday season and considering the days leading up to Christmas, from all of us here at WinShape Marriage, we wish you and yours a very Merry Christmas!

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Time Stamps:

(1:10) The Francis Family—Genee and Rashad Francis; Genee, Assistant Director of Content and Programming at WinShape Marriage

(11:52) The Agan Family—Bob and Suzanne Agan, WinShape Marriage Host Couple

(22:35) The Smalley Family—Dr. Greg (Erin) Smalley, Vice President of Marriage and Family Formation at Focus on the Family

(36:23) The Deagle Family—William and Jessica Deagle, WinShape Marriage Host Couple

(49:46) The Feldhahn Family—Shaunti (Jeff) Feldhahn, Social Researcher, Author, and Speaker

(58:26) The Arnold Family and The Philo Family—Cohosts Marlee Arnold and Rob Philo

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Links:

WinShape Marriage Website https://marriage.winshape.org/

WinShape Marriage Instagram https://www.instagram.com/winshapemarriage/

WinShape Marriage Retreats https://marriage.winshape.org/retreats/

260 Free Printable Conversation Starters for Couples https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/conversation-starters-for-date-night/

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Relevant Resources:

“How To Find a Marriage Counselor” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/how-to-find-a-marriage-counselor/

“10 Tips to Foster Positive Communication at Christmas” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/10-tips-to-foster-positive-communication-at-christmas/

“How To Tell Your Parents You Won’t Be Home for Christmas” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/how-to-tell-your-parents-you-wont-be-home-for-christmas/

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Sometimes, it’s what you don’t do in your marriage that makes the biggest difference. Scott Kedersha, the marriage and family pastor at Harris Creek Baptist Church in Waco, Texas, joins Rob Philo on today’s episode of The WinShape Marriage Podcast to unpack six common characteristics he’s noticed in couples who struggle in their marriage. Don’t fret—he provides practical, biblical advice for counteracting these traits. Learn how isolation impacts your marriage, boredom is dangerous, and humility shifts conflict. Whether you desire to break out of a rut or you want to strengthen your marriage foundation, this episode is packed with actionable insights.

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Time Stamps:

(7:00) Neither spouse is pursuing Jesus

(13:14) They don’t know how to communicate or manage conflict

(17:18) They tend to find themselves isolated and absent from strong community

(21:13) They’re bored and tired

(27:31) They blame their spouse

(31:13) They’re not committed, and they look for a way out

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Links:

Common Characteristics Of Couples Who Struggle https://www.scottkedersha.com/blog-pages/common-characteristics-of-couples-who-struggle

WinShape Marriage Website https://marriage.winshape.org/

WinShape Marriage Instagram https://www.instagram.com/winshapemarriage/

260 Free Printable Conversation Starters for Couples https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/conversation-starters-for-date-night/

Pastor & Ministry Leader Retreats https://marriage.winshape.org/ministry-retreats/

Spark deeper conversation with your spouse related to the episode with our free discussion questions. https://marriage.winshape.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/4/2024/12/WSMPodcastDiscussionQuestions-S2Ep11-1.pdf

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Relevant Resources:

“Let’s Talk Marriage Communication Exercises” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/lets-talk-marriage-communication-exercises/

“Seven Ideas: How To Communicate Better With Your Spouse” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/seven-ideas-how-to-communicate-better-with-your-spouse/

“Four Steps To Repairing Conflict With Your Spouse” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/4-steps-to-repairing-conflict/

“Conflict Resolution Strategies” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/conflict-resolution-strategies/

“100 Date Ideas for Couples” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/100-date-ideas-for-couples/

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Relevant Episodes:

How To Have Better Arguments With Your Spouse https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mdfGBQ-yU7s&t=337s

Making Your Marriage Fun Again! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VjZQkSDz3UA

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Happy Thanksgiving from WinShape Marriage! We know Thanksgiving is a day to reflect on gratitude, but gratitude extends far beyond one holiday in the calendar year. How can you and your spouse build a culture of gratitude in your marriage? Spoiler—saying, “Thank you,” is just the tip of the iceberg. Building a culture of appreciation affects your marriage positively in many ways. For example, it impacts your marriage when you’re experiencing a challenging season, and it rubs off on your kids and the culture of your family. Rob Philo sits down with Genee Francis, assistant director of content and programming at WinShape Marriage to unpack this timely topic!

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Time Stamps:

(2:06) What is the difference between saying, “Thank you,” and truly being grateful

(7:55) How can you tell yourself a better story about who you are/who your spouse is

(9:41) How can you practically be a better spouse when it comes to appreciation

(11:24) How can you set up a routine/system of showing gratitude

(15:32) The impact gratitude has when you and your spouse are experiencing a tough season

(19:30) What does it mean to model a culture of gratitude to your kids?

(21:53) Is it true that spouses receive appreciation in different ways?

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Links:

Creating and Sustaining a Culture of Appreciation in Difficult Times https://www.gottman.com/blog/creating-and-sustaining-a-culture-of-appreciation-in-difficult-times/

Share Fondness and Admiration https://www.gottman.com/blog/share-fondness-and-admiration/

Everyday Is a Day of Thanksgiving https://www.shazam.com/song/719632328/everyday-is-a-day-of-thanksgiving

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1%20Thessalonians%205%3A16-18&version=ESV

Gratitude journal https://www.amazon.com/Intelligent-Change-Mindfulness-Reflection-Affirmations/dp/0991846206/

The 5 Love Languages https://5lovelanguages.com/

WinShape Marriage Website https://marriage.winshape.org/

WinShape Marriage Instagram https://www.instagram.com/winshapemarriage/

WinShape Marriage Retreats https://marriage.winshape.org/retreats/

260 Free Printable Conversation Starters for Couples https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/conversation-starters-for-date-night/

Spark deeper conversation with your spouse related to the episode with our free discussion questions. https://marriage.winshape.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/4/2024/11/WSMPodcastDiscussionQuestions-S2Ep10.pdf

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Relevant Episodes:

How To Love Your Spouse Well | Dr. Gary Chapman https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gI2Bnl_lBzc&t=131s

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Did you know nearly half of adults are a part of a stepfamily relationship? We know blending families comes with its own set of unique challenges, so on today’s episode, Rob Philo talks with Ron Deal, a licensed marriage and family therapist and an expert in stepfamily education; he’s also one of the most widely read and viewed experts on this subject. In this conversation, Ron shares practical strategies for coparenting straight from his book, “The Smart Stepfamily.” If you are a co-parent, or you know someone who is, check out this episode packed with helpful advice and encouragement for fostering harmony in your blended family.

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Time Stamps:

(1:35) What inspired Ron Deal to get involved in stepfamily ministry

(4:35) When it comes to coparenting, respect the other parent and his or her household

(13:42) Schedule a regular meeting to discuss coparenting matters

(16:40) When children express confusion or anger towards your ex, don’t use it as an opportunity to berate the other parent

(19:47) Children should have everything they need in each home

(21:35) Make your custody structure work for your children even if you don’t like the details of your arrangement

(29:04) If you plan to hire a babysitter for more than four hours, give the other parent the option to watch the kid

(30:37) Resist the urge to only do special activities with all of the children around and not just some of the children

(33:29) Have financial conversations in private; your kids shouldn’t be your messenger

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Links:

Smart Stepfamilies https://smartstepfamilies.com/

“The Smart Stepfamily” https://www.amazon.com/Smart-Stepfamily-Seven-Healthy-Family-ebook/dp/B00GHXRSOK/

Romans 12:17-18 https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Romans%2012%3A17-18&version=ESV

“The Smart Stepfamily Guide to Financial Planning” https://www.amazon.com/Smart-Stepfamily-Guide-Financial-Planning-ebook/dp/B07PZZ483X/

FamilyLife https://www.familylife.com/familylifeblended/blended-families/

Blended Families Moving Ahead WinShape Marriage Retreat https://marriage.winshape.org/retreat/blended-families-moving-ahead-october-2025/

Jeff and Tammy’s Story: Redemption for Their Marriage and Family https://marriage.winshape.org/story/jeff-tammys-story-redemption-for-their-marriage-and-family/

WinShape Marriage Website https://marriage.winshape.org/

WinShape Marriage Instagram https://www.instagram.com/winshapemarriage/

WinShape Marriage Retreats https://marriage.winshape.org/retreats/

The Journey https://marriage.winshape.org/journey/

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Anxiety is a heavy word. Saying it out loud can invoke strong emotions, and dealing with it as an individual can be challenging enough. So how do you navigate through seasons of anxiety in your marriage? In this episode of The WinShape Marriage Podcast, Marlee Arnold sits down with Monique Wells, a licensed professional counselor with over 25 years of experience. They navigate this important conversation answering questions like, “How can I support my spouse if they’re dealing with anxiety?”; “What can we do if we’re both walking through an anxious season?”; and “How can we stay connected amidst it all?” Hear practical ways you can show up for your spouse and strategies to manage this season as a team.

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Time Stamps:

(1:50) What does anxiety look like and how do you pay attention to it

(4:47) If you’re noticing signs of generalized anxiety for yourself, how do you let your spouse into how you’re feeling

(8:45) How to support your spouse if they’re experiencing stress and anxiety 

(14:39) How to navigate a stressful or anxious season together, if you’re both experiencing it

(21:03) How to recognize if generalized anxiety is moving into more chronic anxiety

(26:53) How to approach anxiety from a biblical perspective 

(33:12) How important is it to maintain connection and intimacy during seasons of anxiety

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Links:

2 Corinthians 10:5-6 https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2%20Corinthians%2010%3A%205-6&version=ESV 

Philippians 4:8 https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Philippians%204%3A8&version=ESV 

John 10:10 https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John%2010%3A10&version=ESV 

WinShape Marriage Website https://marriage.winshape.org/

WinShape Marriage Instagram https://www.instagram.com/winshapemarriage/

WinShape Marriage Retreats https://marriage.winshape.org/retreats/

Pastor & Ministry Leader Retreats https://marriage.winshape.org/ministry-retreats/

Spark deeper conversation with your spouse related to the episode with our free discussion questions. https://marriage.winshape.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/4/2024/11/WSMPodcastDiscussionQuestions-S2Ep8.pdf 

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Relevant Resources:

“How To Find a Marriage Counselor” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/how-to-find-a-marriage-counselor/

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

There is so much more to intimacy with your spouse than just physical intimacy. In fact, Dr. Juli Slattery says there’s a difference between being sexually active and sexually intimate. So, how do you tap into deeper intimacy in your marriage? Dr. Slattery is back on The WinShape Marriage Podcast talking about just this with Rob Philo and Marlee Arnold. They discuss practical ways you can engage with your spouse outside the bedroom that will impact intimacy in the bedroom and even ways you might be sabotaging intimacy without realizing it. 

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Time Stamps:

(1:12) How intimacy extends beyond the bedroom

(3:10) How does intimacy outside the bedroom impact intimacy in the bedroom

(4:56) What are some practical things you can do outside the bedroom that will impact intimacy in the bedroom

(8:14) How “talking” can fail to build intimacy at times

(11:28) How you might be sabotaging intimacy without realizing it

(21:06) How to work toward recovering intimacy after a breach of trust in marriage

(24:28) How to develop intimacy in your marriage when there are walls built up

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Links:

Authentic Intimacy https://www.authenticintimacy.com/

“God, Sex, and Your Marriage” https://shop.authenticintimacy.com/products/god-sex-and-your-marriage

Faithful & True https://www.faithfulandtrue.com/

Be Broken https://www.bebroken.org/

WinShape Marriage Website https://marriage.winshape.org/

WinShape Marriage Instagram https://www.instagram.com/winshapemarriage/

WinShape Marriage Intensives https://marriage.winshape.org/intensives/

The Journey https://marriage.winshape.org/journey/

260 Free Printable Conversation Starters for Couples https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/conversation-starters-for-date-night/

Spark deeper conversation with your spouse related to the episode with our free discussion questions. https://marriage.winshape.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/4/2024/10/WSMPodcastDiscussionQuestions-S2Ep7.pdf

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Relevant Resources:

“90 Date Ideas for Couples” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/90-date-ideas-for-couples/

“How To Find a Marriage Counselor” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/how-to-find-a-marriage-counselor/

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Relevant Episodes:

God’s Design for Sex in Marriage | Dr. Juli Slattery https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mY5u0EL6HzI&t=1797s

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What does the “honeymoon phase” mean? What about the “seven-year itch?” Do all couples experience them? Is there scientific evidence behind them, or are these made-up phrases? Rob Philo breaks down these two phrases and more with Julie Baumgardner, senior director of WinShape Marriage, and Dr. David Banks, marriage author and speaker. Learn practical advice from two experts on how to navigate these seasons well with your spouse. And if you’ve surpassed the early years of marriage, don’t count this episode out—there are plenty of great reminders for having a healthy, thriving marriage for the long haul.

Note: This conversation is focused on building a healthy, thriving marriage. If you are experiencing abuse in your marriage, or someone you know is, contact the National Hotline for Domestic Abuse. If someone is monitoring your device, call the hotline 24/7 at 1−800−799−7233. Learn more about what defines an abusive relationship.

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Time Stamps:

(1:30) What does the “honeymoon phase” mean

(4:30) What is going on “chemically” in your body in the early years of marriage

(7:23) What to look out for when you’re approaching the two-year mark

(10:48) Strategies to maintain connection beyond the two-year mark

(15:35) Rhythms to set up to play again in your marriage

(22:50) Common myths newly married couples believe that aren’t true

(37:00) What does the “seven-year itch” mean

(41:56) Is the “seven-year itch” inevitable and what to look out for when you’re approaching the seven-year mark

(43:24) Advice for the couple experiencing the “seven-year itch”

(46:28) One piece of advice for any couple regardless how long they’ve been married

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Links:

Proverbs 23:7 https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Proverbs%2023%3A7&version=KJV

Proverbs 27:12 https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Proverbs%2027%3A12&version=ESV

WinShape Marriage Website https://marriage.winshape.org/

WinShape Marriage Instagram https://www.instagram.com/winshapemarriage/

WinShape Marriage Retreats https://marriage.winshape.org/retreats/

Pastor & Ministry Leader Retreats https://marriage.winshape.org/ministry-retreats/

Spark deeper conversation with your spouse related to the episode with our free discussion questions. https://marriage.winshape.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/4/2024/10/WSMPodcastDiscussionQuestions-S2Ep6.pdf

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Relevant Resources:

“90 Date Ideas for Couples” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/90-date-ideas-for-couples/

“How To Find a Marriage Counselor” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/how-to-find-a-marriage-counselor/

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Relevant Episodes:

The Secret Ingredient To Staying Connected https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QdK9Mm-Qo4o&t=930s

Making Your Marriage Fun Again! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VjZQkSDz3UA&t=2232s

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Tragedies, losses, and uncertainties are all a part of life. Jesus promises tribulation to us. It’s not if but when. So, when tragedy strikes in your marriage, how do you cope? How do you navigate grieving with your spouse or how do you support your spouse when they’re experiencing grief? And where is God in the middle of grief? Marlee Arnold navigates this sensitive conversation with Laurie Lokey, a licensed professional counselor based out of Spring Hill, Tennessee.

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Time Stamps:

(2:40) Laurie’s background helping individuals and couples navigate grief

(7:55) How do you begin navigating a season of grief with your spouse

(11:00) How do you share with your spouse if you are experiencing grief differently than they are

(13:50) What is the next step to take when grieving if you realize you need more help

(18:35) How do you walk through a season of grief when you experience a miscarriage

(23:25) How and where do you see the character of God amidst grief

(29:54) How important is it to maintain connection and intimacy during seasons of grief

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Links:

John 16:33 https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John%2016%3A33&version=ESV

Bill & Laurie Lokey https://billandlaurielokey.com/

WinShape Marriage Website https://marriage.winshape.org/

WinShape Marriage Instagram https://www.instagram.com/winshapemarriage/

The Journey https://marriage.winshape.org/journey/

260 Free Printable Conversation Starters for Couples https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/conversation-starters-for-date-night/

Spark deeper conversation with your spouse related to the episode with our free discussion questions. https://marriage.winshape.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/4/2024/10/WSMPodcastDiscussionQuestions-S2Ep5.pdf 

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Relevant Resources:

"How To Find a Marriage Counselor” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/how-to-find-a-marriage-counselor/

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

It’s time to get up, get moving, and play with your spouse! What?! What does it mean to “play” as an adult? Isn’t that something kids do? Spoiler—play is not just for toddlers, elementary school kids, or even teenagers. Play is for adults, too, and it’s a healthy and vital part of your marriage relationship. Marlee Arnold is back with Julie Baumgardner, senior director of WinShape Marriage, and Bradley Joseph, a team leader of facilitation at WinShape Foundation, aka an expert on play. Together, they talk about what playing looks like in a marriage context, what the benefits are, and personal examples as well as detail different play personalities. It’s a great conversation where you are certain to learn something new.

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Time Stamps:

(1:17) Introduction to Bradley Joseph and his role at the WinShape Foundation

(2:20) What we mean when we say at WinShape Marriage Retreats we bring experiential learning into our experiences

(8:30) What does “playing” in marriage look like; what are some examples

(11:48) The definition of play

(12:05) What are some benefits for your marriage of playing with your spouse

(16:24) Breaking down “play personalities”—collector

(19:53) Competitor

(21:47) Creator

(22:34) Director

(23:49) Explorer

(26:30) Joker

(27:00) Kinesthete

(27:38) Storyteller

(29:24) How can you engage with your spouse in play if you have different play personalities

(33:15) How to have time to have fun and play with your spouse

----------

Links:

National Institute for Play https://nifplay.org/

Play Personalities https://nifplay.org/what-is-play/play-personalities/

Identify Your Play Nature https://nifplay.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/08/take-your-play-history-2023.08.02.pdf

The Importance of Play in Couple Relationships https://extension.usu.edu/relationships/research/the-importance-of-play-in-couple-relationships

90 Date Ideas for Couples https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/90-date-ideas-for-couples/

260 Free Printable Conversation Starters for Couples https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/conversation-starters-for-date-night/

60 Free Printable Would You Rather Questions https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/free-printable-would-you-rather-questions/

“The Body Keeps the Score” https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748

Pastor & Ministry Leader Retreats https://marriage.winshape.org/ministry-retreats/

WinShape Marriage Website https://marriage.winshape.org/

WinShape Marriage Instagram https://www.instagram.com/winshapemarriage/

Spark deeper conversation with your spouse related to the episode with our free discussion questions. https://marriage.winshape.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/4/2024/10/WSMPodcastDiscussionQuestions-S2Ep4.pdf

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What would you say to yourself as someone who’s newly married if you could go back in time? Or what would you tell your younger self as you were preparing your heart for marriage? Dr. Rob and Amy Rienow, co-founders of Visionary Family Ministries and authors of multiple books including, “Visionary Marriage,” have been married for 30 years. Rob Philo asks them to share “what they wish they knew earlier in marriage,” how they’ve grown as a couple, and how they’re continuing to grow in their marriage, even after 30 years. You’ll be encouraged in this episode that no matter how long you’ve been married it’s impossible to have it “all figured out”—that's the beauty of marriage!

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Time Stamps:

(:48) The Rienows’ background in the marriage and family space

(2:35) I wish we set better work/life boundaries

(5:38) Physical boundaries vs. emotional boundaries

(10:32) I wish we set better rhythms of communication with extended family

(15:37) I wish we trusted the Lord’s timing with having children

(20:35) I wish we under promised and over delivered more

(23:32) I wish we were more intentional about date nights

(32:29) I wish we prayed together every day

(36:29) I wish we were more diligent when managing finances

(40:59) I wish we had more people speaking wisdom into our lives

(42:37) I wish we focused more on the positive

----------

Links:

Visionary Family Ministries https://visionaryfam.com/

“Visionary Marriage” https://visionaryfam.com/shop/visionary-marriage/

EveryDolllar https://www.ramseysolutions.com/ramseyplus/everydollar?snid=free-tools.budgeting.everydollar-budget-app

WinShape Marriage Website https://marriage.winshape.org/

WinShape Marriage Instagram https://www.instagram.com/winshapemarriage/

The Journey https://marriage.winshape.org/journey/

260 Free Printable Conversation Starters for Couples https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/conversation-starters-for-date-night/

Spark deeper conversation with your spouse related to the episode with our free discussion questions. https://marriage.winshape.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/4/2024/10/WSMPodcastDiscussionQuestions-S2E3.pdf

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Check out our highlight reel for season 2 of The WinShape Marriage Podcast. We’ve loved being a part of your weekly routine through the fall and winter—thank you for engaging with us! As we officially wrap season 2, Rob Philo and Marlee Arnold run through their eight biggest takeaways from this season. With so many amazing guests ranging from Dr. Gary Chapman to most recently Nick Stumbo, it was hard to choose just eight. Tune into today’s episode for a high-level overview of what you might have missed. Then, catch up on any episodes you didn’t listen to when they were first released. We’ll see you later this year for season 3!

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Time Stamps:

(1:26) Dr. Gary Chapman – On a scale of 0 – 10, how full is your love tank?

(4:13) Bradley Joseph – A benefit for your marriage of playing with your spouse

(7:05) Dr. Greg Smalley – Make sure your spouse knows fully they are your loyalty and top priority 

(12:10) Dr. David Banks – One piece of advice for any couple regardless of how long they’ve been married

(16:28) Genee Francis – How gratitude can help your spouse think about himself/herself differently

(20:27) Dr. Rob & Amy Rienow – I wish we focused more on the positive

(26:12) Dr. Juli Slattery – Comparing sex to a box of LEGO

(31:07) Scott Kedersha – Couples who struggle are bored and tired

----------

Links:

Download the free Creating a Vision for Your Marriage Workbook https://airtable.com/appzg0DO93ibXJtNo/pag2Q81SiX49xkjZX/form?prefill_Download=Creating+a+Vision+for+Your+Marriage&hide_Download=true

WinShape Marriage Website https://marriage.winshape.org/

WinShape Marriage Instagram https://www.instagram.com/winshapemarriage/

Pastor & Ministry Leader Retreats https://marriage.winshape.org/ministry-retreats/

Spark deeper conversation with your spouse related to the episode with our free discussion questions. https://marriage.winshape.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/4/2025/02/WSMPodcastDiscussionQuestions-S2Ep20-1.pdf

----------
Relevant Resources:

“How To Create a Vision for Your Marriage” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/setting-a-vision-for-your-marriage/

“100 Date Ideas for Couples” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/100-date-ideas-for-couples/

“280 Free Printable Conversation Starters for Couples” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/conversation-starters-for-date-night/

----------

Relevant Episodes:

How To Love Your Spouse Well | Dr. Gary Chapman https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gI2Bnl_lBzc&t=131s

Making Your Marriage Fun Again! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VjZQkSDz3UA&t=883s

Getting on the Same Page at Christmas https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N6p5iRioIvY&t=3442s

Understanding the Honeymoon Phase and the Seven-Year Itch https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TAXg5K_cIEE

Building a Culture of Gratitude in Your Marriage https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P7Iibms1kUk&t=964s

What We Wish We Knew Earlier in Marriage | Dr. Rob & Amy Rienow https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NDtA5hxzvMs

God’s Design for Sex in Marriage | Dr. Juli Slattery https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mY5u0EL6HzI&t=61s

6 Common Traits of Couples Who Struggle | Scott Kedersha https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AWp0Eh7X5B0&t=1329s

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Let’s talk about sex—healthy, biblical intimacy and sexuality. Cohosts Marlee Arnold and Rob Philo talk to Dr. Juli Slattery, clinical psychologist, author, and president of Authentic Intimacy, about the cultural view of sex as compared to the biblical view of sex. Why did God design sex and how should Christian couples be thinking about and talking about this topic in the context of their covenant marriage? This conversation is not only fascinating but foundational for couples to have a healthy viewpoint of sex and intimacy in their marriage.

----------

See below for a free PDF defining the following: the cultural narrative of sex, the purity narrative of sex, and the biblical narrative of sex.

----------

Time Stamps:

(1:24) What inspired Dr. Juli Slattery to step into studying and researching healthy biblical sex and intimacy

(3:33) What Dr. Juli Slattery thinks the current cultural view of sex is

(5:55) From a biblical perspective, how should Christians be thinking about sex and sexuality

(8:30) What does sex mean in the context of a covenant marriage

(13:15) How Dr. Juli Slattery sees the purity culture affecting Christian couples in this space

(17:55) For couples listening affected by purity culture, what can they do to start taking the right step

(19:27) What is the purpose of sex

(24:02) What are some ways Christian couples get tripped up related to sex

(27:13) Dr. Juli Slattery compares sex to a box of LEGO

(29:03) What are some foundational conversations couples can be having related to sex to lay the groundwork for healthy sex and intimacy

----------

Links:

Sex: The Cultural Narrative, The Purity Narrative, The Biblical Narrative https://marriage.winshape.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/4/2024/10/Rethinking-Sexuality.pdf

Authentic Intimacy https://www.authenticintimacy.com/

“God, Sex, and Your Marriage” https://shop.authenticintimacy.com/products/god-sex-and-your-marriage

Faithful & True https://www.faithfulandtrue.com/

Be Broken https://www.bebroken.org/

WinShape Marriage Website https://marriage.winshape.org/

WinShape Marriage Instagram https://www.instagram.com/winshapemarriage/

WinShape Marriage Retreats https://marriage.winshape.org/retreats/

260 Free Printable Conversation Starters for Couples https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/conversation-starters-for-date-night/

Spark deeper conversation with your spouse related to the episode with our free discussion questions. https://marriage.winshape.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/4/2024/10/WSMPodcastDiscussionQuestions-S2Ep2.pdf 

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What’s your love language? What’s your spouse’s? To kick off season two of The WinShape Marriage Podcast, Marlee Arnold talks to the author of The New York Times Best Seller, “The 5 Love Languages,” Dr. Gary Chapman. Not only do they break down The 5 Love Languages, but they talk about how to utilize them to enhance your marriage. Even if you are a love language fanatic, or you know nothing about them at all, you’ll definitely learn something in this episode that will help you be a better spouse this week.

----------

Time Stamps:

(1:41) What first inspired Dr. Chapman to step into the marriage and family space and eventually write, “The 5 Love Languages” 

(7:27) Acts of service 

(8:10) Receiving gifts

(10:20) Quality time

(13:00) Words of affirmation

(14:21) Physical touch

(17:00) What does it mean to love your spouse well based on their love language

(21:37) Are you only supposed to love your spouse via their primary love language?

(23:45) Is there any correlation to the love languages you received or didn’t receive growing up that contributes to your love language?

(25:17) How Dr. Chapman responds to criticism of The 5 Love Languages...“My spouse doesn’t love me well...they never...”

(29:29) How The 5 Love Languages influenced other work by Dr. Chapman

----------

Links:

The 5 Love Languages https://5lovelanguages.com/

1 John 3:18 https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1%20John%203%3A18&version=ESV

1 John 4:19 https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1%20John%204%3A19&version=ESV

WinShape Marriage Website https://marriage.winshape.org/

WinShape Marriage Instagram https://www.instagram.com/winshapemarriage/

90 Date Ideas for Couples https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/90-date-ideas-for-couples/

WinShape Marriage Retreats https://marriage.winshape.org/retreats/

Spark deeper conversation with your spouse related to the episode with our free discussion questions. https://marriage.winshape.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/4/2024/09/WSMPodcastDiscussionQuestions-S2Ep1.pdf

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

We're back! The WinShape Marriage Podcast is returning this fall with a wide range of marriage experts. Cohosts Marlee Arnold and Rob Philo talk with Dr. Gary Chapman, Dr. Juli Slattery, and other guests about how couples can build stronger, more fulfilling relationships. Join us right here on September 25 for the first episode of season 2!

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You asked; we answered! In the final episode of season one of The WinShape Marriage Podcast, the team answers the rest of your listener submitted questions. This episode dives deeper into marriage questions related to communication, intentionality, and parenting, follow-up questions to episode eight’s marriage and parenting conversation. Listen to part two of our Q&A, and stay tuned for season two of the podcast coming later this year.

----------

Time Stamps:

(:21) I hear having kids changes your marriage for the worse, and it makes me fearful. Can you speak about how having children affects your marriage positively?

(5:50) How do you know when it’s time to have children?

(9:30) What guidance do you have for couples struggling to get pregnant?

(12:41) We are expecting a baby later this year and are wondering what conversations we should have around parenting styles?

(18:09) What is one piece of advice you would give a couple in their first year of parenthood?

(19:49) How can blended families work better together to build love, belonging, and confidence in their kids?

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Links:

Smart Stepfamilies Website https://smartstepfamilies.com/

“The Smart Step-Family,” Ron Deal https://www.amazon.com/Smart-Step-Family-Seven-Healthy-Family/dp/0764226576/

Jeff and Tammy’s Story: Redemption for Their Marriage and Family https://marriage.winshape.org/story/jeff-tammys-story-redemption-for-their-marriage-and-family/

WinShape Marriage Website https://marriage.winshape.org/

WinShape Marriage Instagram https://www.instagram.com/winshapemarriage/

Spark deeper conversation with your spouse related to the episode with our free discussion questions. https://marriage.winshape.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/4/2024/05/WSMPodcastDiscussionQuestions-Ep10.pdf

----------

Relevant Resources:

“Are We Ready for a Baby? 10 Questions To Ask Yourselves First” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/are-we-ready-for-a-baby/

----------

Relevant Episodes:

Ep 9 | Answering Your Marriage Questions: Part 1 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gAWv6X3imwY&t=15s 

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We’ve been asking you all season long to submit your marriage questions, and in episode nine, Marlee Arnold and Rob Philo ask Julie Baumgardner to answer them. They discuss a variety of questions related to previous episodes such as, “What do healthy boundaries look like with in-laws from both perspectives?”, and, “Should spouses be best friends?”. There were too many to answer in one episode, so the Q&A will be released in two parts. In this episode, the WinShape Marriage team talks through finances, connectedness, and conflict. Listen to this conversation, and stay tuned for part two next week. 

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Time Stamps:

(1:11) What do healthy boundaries with in-laws look like from both perspectives, the perspective of the couple and the perspective of both of their parents?

(6:48) My wife is a child of divorce, and this has developed insecurities in our marriage, specifically when we argue. How can I reassure her and help with those insecurities?

(11:26) How can you identify and address how you and your spouse’s family handled finances, and from there, how that affects finances in your marriage?

(16:05) What is the best way to love a spouse whose love language is receiving gifts but giving gifts is not always financially wise?

(18:55) What advice do you have for couples where one spouse places work and responsibilities as their main priority and doesn’t prioritize self-care and personal interests?

(22:23) Should spouses be “best friends,” or does that minimize the relationship?

(25:00) When talking through growth areas, what are ways to be sure you aren’t trying to change your spouse to be more like you and your personality?

(29:11) What are healthy ways to diffuse conflict over minuscule things? Can you talk about “nitpicking” and conflicts that don’t matter in the grand scheme of things? How do you choose your battles?

(35:25) What are some ways to hold yourself accountable, so you refrain from using a harsh start-up?

(40:00) How should you respond to your spouse if they use a harsh start-up versus a gentle start-up?

----------

Links:

“Boundaries,” Henry Cloud and John Townsend https://www.drcloud.com/books/boundaries

“The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce,” Judith Wallerstein, Julia Lewis, and Sandra Blakeslee https://www.amazon.com/Unexpected-Legacy-Divorce-Landmark-Study/dp/0786886161

Money Habitudes https://www.moneyhabitudes.com/

The Love Language Quiz https://5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/love-language

“The 5 Love Languages,” Gary Chapman https://5lovelanguages.com/store/the-5-love-languages

WinShape Marriage Website https://marriage.winshape.org/

WinShape Marriage Instagram https://www.instagram.com/winshapemarriage/

Spark deeper conversation with your spouse related to the episode with our free discussion questions. https://marriage.winshape.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/4/2024/05/WSMPodcastDiscussionQuestions-Ep9.pdf 

----------

Relevant Resources:

“How To Talk About Finances Before Marriage” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/how-to-talk-about-finances-before-marriage/

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Is it possible to thrive in your role as husband and wife and mom and dad?! We think so! It won’t come without its challenges, but choosing to prioritize your marriage will only benefit your kids. Whether you’re currently navigating the parenting season of life or you hope to be a parent one day, this episode encourages you and your spouse to step into your roles as mom and dad, establish a strong foundation for your children, and navigate times when you’re trying to make decisions and you can’t agree. Be encouraged by Julie Baumgardner, who is on the other side of this journey and has great insight and wisdom to share.

----------

Time Stamps:

(1:28) When you and your spouse have different ideas when it comes to parenting your children

(5:07) How to have conversations about parenting your children

(8:29) Navigating parenting conversations when there is tension between you and your spouse

(14:08) Is it OK to have conflict in front of your children?

(16:52) What are some ways to disciple your children?

(25:15) Thrive in your roles as mom and dad

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Links:

“Visionary Parenting,” Rob and Amy Reinow https://www.amazon.com/Visionary-Parenting-Capture-God-Sized-Vision/dp/0892655763

“How To Help Your Child Clean up Their Mental Mess,” Caroline Leaf https://www.amazon.com/Help-Child-Clean-Their-Mental/dp/0801093414 

“Grace Based Parenting,” Tim Kimmel https://www.amazon.com/Grace-Based-Parenting-Your-Familiy/dp/0849905486 

“Parenting,” Paul David Tripp https://www.amazon.com/Parenting-Gospel-Principles-Radically-Change/dp/1433551934 

“The 5 Love Languages of Children,” Gary Chapman https://www.amazon.com/Love-Languages-Children-Secret-Effectively/dp/0802412858

“Boundaries With Kids,” Henry Cloud and John Townsend https://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-Kids-Children-Control-Their/dp/0310243157 

“Parent Differently,” Kathy Koch https://www.amazon.com/Parent-Differently-Biblical-Character-Changes/dp/0802431186 

“Habits of the Household,” Justin Whitmel Earley https://www.amazon.com/Habits-Household-Practicing-Everyday-Rhythms/dp/0310362938 

WinShape Marriage Website https://marriage.winshape.org/

WinShape Marriage Instagram https://www.instagram.com/winshapemarriage/

Ask a marriage question to be answered on the show. https://marriage.winshape.org/podcast/

Spark deeper conversation with your spouse related to the episode with our free discussion questions. https://marriage.winshape.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/4/2024/05/WSMPodcastDiscussionQuestions-Ep8.pdf

----------

Relevant Resources:

“The Power of a Parent’s Words” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/the-power-of-a-parents-words/

“How To Explain God to a Child” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/how-to-explain-god-to-a-child/

“140 Free Printable Family Conversation Starters” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/family-conversation-starters/

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

No one wakes up in the morning thinking, “I’d like to argue with my spouse today,” but all healthy marriages experience conflict. It's normal! So, how do you navigate conflict well and come to resolutions with your spouse without damaging your marriage? This episode isn’t meant to answer every question related to conflict, but it will begin unearthing the origins of conflict as well as the cycle of conflict aka the “fear dance.” How does conflict start? What are your “buttons,” and where do they come from? What should you do when you are aware your buttons are being pushed? Listen to this episode to learn more, so next time you and your spouse find yourself in a disagreement, you’ll have a broader understanding of what is happening.  

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Time Stamps:

(1:02) Breaking down the structure of conflict aka the “fear dance”

(4:52) Understanding your “buttons” and what to do when they’re pushed

(7:50) If you react to your buttons being pushed, what’s next?

(14:20) Harsh start-up versus gentle start-up

(20:05) Is it OK to get a third party involved?

(21:43) Is it OK to agree to disagree?

----------

Links:

WinShape Marriage Website https://marriage.winshape.org/

WinShape Marriage Instagram https://www.instagram.com/winshapemarriage/  

Ask a marriage question to be answered on the show. https://marriage.winshape.org/podcast/

Spark deeper conversation with your spouse related to the episode with our free discussion questions. https://marriage.winshape.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/4/2024/05/WSMPodcastDiscussionQuestions-Ep7-2.pdf 

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Relevant Resources:

“Four Steps To Repairing Conflict With Your Spouse” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/4-steps-to-repairing-conflict/

“Is It OK To Agree To Disagree With My Spouse?” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/is-it-ok-to-agree-to-disagree-with-my-spouse/  

“How To Stop Arguing With Your Spouse” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/how-to-stop-arguing-with-your-spouse/  

“How To Find a Marriage Counselor” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/how-to-find-a-marriage-counselor/

----------

Relevant Episodes:

Ep 4 | Don’t Fall for These 7 Marriage Myths About Conflict https://youtu.be/tFQrzCRVH1E?si=1adlsOt9I_Bk8Arq

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Several noted relationship experts have raised red flags of warning regarding marriage and opposite-sex friendships—are their warnings antiquated, or are they worth considering? How close is too close? These are the challenging questions Marlee Arnold and Julie Baumgardner address in today’s episode of The WinShape Marriage Podcast. As you might imagine, there isn’t a black-and-white answer to the question, “Can opposite-sex friendships exist in marriage?”, but there are clear guardrails to consider to keep you and your spouse from entering the danger zone. This episode guides you through healthy boundaries and considerations to keep top of mind related to this controversial topic.

----------

Time Stamps:

(1:37) Can opposite-sex friendships exist in marriage?

(4:05) Boundaries and scenarios related to opposite-sex friendships such as lunch with a coworker

(8:50) Are there any things that should be off-limits when talking/having conversations with friends of the opposite-sex?

(11:00) How to know if you’re in the danger zone

(12:44) How to talk to your spouse if you’re uncomfortable with an opposite-sex friendship

(15:45) Boundaries and scenarios related to friendships with other couples

(17:38) What to do if you’ve started developing feelings for an opposite-sex friend

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Links:

“NOT ‘Just Friends,’” Shirley Glass https://www.amazon.com/Not-Just-Friends-Rebuilding-Recovering/dp/0743225503

“Anatomy of an Affair,” Dave Carder https://www.amazon.com/Anatomy-Affair-Attractions-Addictions-Marriage/dp/080241673X 

“Close Calls,” Dave Carder https://www.amazon.com/Close-Calls-Adulterers-Protecting-Marriage/dp/0802442110

“Torn Asunder,” Dave Carder https://www.amazon.com/Torn-Asunder-Recovering-Extramarital-Affair/dp/0802471358

WinShape Marriage Website https://marriage.winshape.org/

WinShape Marriage Instagram https://www.instagram.com/winshapemarriage/

Ask a marriage question to be answered on the show. https://marriage.winshape.org/podcast/

Spark deeper conversation with your spouse related to the episode with our free discussion questions. https://marriage.winshape.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/4/2024/04/WSMPodcastDiscussionQuestions-Ep6.pdf

----------

Relevant Resources:

“Can Opposite-Sex Friendships Exist in Marriage?” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/opposite-sex-friendships/

“How To Find a Marriage Counselor” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/how-to-find-a-marriage-counselor/

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What does spiritual leadership mean, anyway? In today’s conversation with Julie Baumgardner, Rob Philo shares how he and many hear growing up, “It’s your job to be a spiritual leader for your family,” but what does that mean? Together, Julie and Rob break down what spiritual leadership means, what it looks like on a day-to-day basis, and how men and women can invite God into their marriage relationship. If the topic of spiritual leadership feels ambiguous, check out this conversation to begin to unearth a bit of the ambiguity.

----------

Time Stamps:

(0:45) What does spiritual leadership mean, anyway?

(3:35) What does spiritual leadership look like on a day-to-day basis?

(9:10) How to invite God into your relationship if you and your spouse are in different places spiritually 

(14:07) How to pray together

(16:40) What is God calling us to in our marriage?

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Links:

Sacred Pathways Quiz https://www.csmedia1.com/paseodelrey.org/sacred-pathways-quiz.pdf

Spiritual Pathways Assessment https://groupleaders.org/curriculum-feed/spiritual-pathways-activity#personal-assessment

Baylor University Data https://www.praystay.org/rare-research-on-prayer/

WinShape Marriage Website https://marriage.winshape.org/

WinShape Marriage Instagram https://www.instagram.com/winshapemarriage/

Ask a marriage question to be answered on the show. https://marriage.winshape.org/podcast/

Spark deeper conversation with your spouse related to the episode with our free discussion questions. https://marriage.winshape.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/4/2024/04/WSMPodcastDiscussionQuestions-Ep5.pdf

----------

Relevant Resources:

“Seven Simple Prayers To Pray for Your Spouse and Kids” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/seven-simple-prayers-to-pray-for-your-spouse-and-kids/

“Prayers for Adult Children” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/prayers-for-adult-children/

“How To Create a Vision for Your Marriage” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/setting-a-vision-for-your-marriage/

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In episode one of The WinShape Marriage Podcast, Julie Baumgardner busted seven dangerous marriage myths. Today, she’s back to bust seven more, with a focus on conflict. Have you ever heard, “Never go to bed angry,” or “Differences will ruin your marriage,”? These, and other similar statements, are marriage myths! For example, Julie explains that differences can wreak havoc in your marriage if you don’t learn how to make them work for your marriage, but they aren’t going to ruin your relationship from the start. Differences aren’t deficient; they’re just different. So, don’t fall for these marriage myths related to conflict—listen to this conversation with Rob and Julie and learn how to debunk them.

----------

Time Stamps:

(0:43) Never go to bed angry.

(4:15) Healthy marriages are conflict free.

(7:40) Getting married helps couples in struggling relationships.

(9:46) Having children helps couples in struggling marriages.

(11:56) Differences will ruin your marriages.

(15:27) Seek out marriage counseling as the last resort.

(18:20) Every disagreement must have a resolution.

----------

Links:

WinShape Marriage Website https://marriage.winshape.org/

WinShape Marriage Instagram https://www.instagram.com/winshapemarriage/

Ask a marriage question to be answered on the show. https://marriage.winshape.org/podcast/

Spark deeper conversation with your spouse related to the episode with our free discussion questions. https://marriage.winshape.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/4/2024/04/WSMPodcastDiscussionQuestions-Ep4.pdf

----------

Relevant Resources:

“15 Common Marriage Myths” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/15-common-myths-about-marriage-dont-fall-for-them/

“Is It OK To Agree To Disagree With My Spouse?” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/is-it-ok-to-agree-to-disagree-with-my-spouse/

“How To Find a Marriage Counselor” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/how-to-find-a-marriage-counselor/

----------

Relevant Episodes:

Ep 1 | Busting 7 of the Biggest Marriage Myths https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wmvqStm35U4&list=PLRJSsrzAeNkWj1V-edJVI2OBzGXurWsJV&index=5

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What’s the best marriage advice you’ve ever received? In this episode, Rob Philo and Marlee Arnold sit down to reflect on the wisdom, lessons, and practical tips they've learned during their time with WinShape Marriage. From profound spiritual insights to helpful daily reminders, they unpack the life-changing advice that has helped them navigate marriage in the early years.

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Time Stamps:

(3:49) “Women like to process life together and men like to do life together.”

(8:30) Luke 2:52—Jesus grew in wisdom and stature

(12:31) It’s OK to just sit and be together with your spouse

(17:00) “Is it your spouse or the season?”

(20:55) When you “do” something with your spouse, how do each of you experience it differently?

(26:20) What is actually happening when you experience conflict

(31:09) “I already know what you’re going to say...because I am you.”

(36:51) “Do you want to be right or in relationship?”

(38:31) “Am I listening to understand or to respond?”

(40:40) It is vital to continue celebrating and playing together throughout your marriage

----------

Links:

Luke 2:52 https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Luke%202%3A52&version=NIV

The Magic Ratio: The Key to Relationship Satisfaction https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-magic-ratio-the-key-to-relationship-satisfaction/

Can You Read Your Spouse’s Mind? https://www.instagram.com/p/CfcYZW8lZxa/?img_index=1 

WinShape Marriage Website https://marriage.winshape.org/

WinShape Marriage Instagram https://www.instagram.com/winshapemarriage/

100 Date Ideas for Couples https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/100-date-ideas-for-couples/

Pastor & Ministry Leader Retreats https://marriage.winshape.org/ministry-retreats/

----------

Relevant Episodes:

Intimacy Is More Than Just Sex | Dr. Juli Slattery https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B-Ky8vS5aWo&t=1544s

What Research Suggests About Husbands and Wives | Shaunti Feldhahn https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sFbdfLEuFew&t=1770s

Understanding the Honeymoon Phase and the Seven-Year Itch https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TAXg5K_cIEE

How To Have Better Arguments With Your Spouse https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mdfGBQ-yU7s&t=338s

Making Your Marriage Fun Again! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VjZQkSDz3UA&t=883s

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Is it possible to stay connected to your spouse and communicate well even during the busiest seasons of marriage? Yes! Marlee Arnold and Julie Baumgardner walk couples through how to do just that—connect with each other amid the chaos. Whether it’s graduate school, demanding careers, little kids, teenagers, or elderly parents, there’s something you’ll be able to relate to in this episode. Learn practical tips for communicating well—how much should you be communicating daily and about what? How do you enter into deeper, more intimate conversation? How do you incorporate fun and playing together back into your marriage? Listen to this conversation!

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Time Stamps:

(6:33) How much should you be communicating daily and about what 

(10:45) One way to improve overall communication and connectedness 

(13:37) How to enter deeper, more intimate communication 

(20:48) How to incorporate having fun and playing together back into your schedule 

----------

Links:

WinShape Marriage Website https://marriage.winshape.org/

WinShape Marriage Instagram https://www.instagram.com/winshapemarriage/

Ask a marriage question to be answered on the show. https://marriage.winshape.org/podcast/

Spark deeper conversation with your spouse related to the episode with our free discussion questions. https://marriage.winshape.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/4/2024/04/WSMPodcastDiscussionQuestions-Ep3.pdf

----------

Relevant Resources:

“25 Ideas: How To Reconnect With Your Spouse” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/25-things-to-do-to-reconnect-with-your-spouse/

“What To Talk About With Your Spouse To Reconnect” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/what-to-talk-about-with-your-spouse-to-reconnect/

“Learn How To Make a Daily Difference in Your Marriage” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/learn-how-to-make-a-simple-daily-difference-in-your-marriage/

“Five Reasons Why Date Nights Matter for Your Marriage” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/why-date-nights-matter/

“Seven Ideas: How To Communicate Better With Your Spouse” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/seven-ideas-how-to-communicate-better-with-your-spouse/

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Rob Philo and Julie Baumgardner break down the controversial topic—in-laws. Spoiler—in-laws aren’t monsters! But navigating relationships with them can be challenging for couples of all ages. In this conversation, Rob and Julie discuss three common scenarios couples may face with their in-laws, providing several strategies along the way for how you and your spouse can wade these waters in the most Christ honoring way for one another and each of your parents. Julie reminds us all that becoming one with your spouse and forming the foundation for your unique family dynamic is honoring you and honoring your parents. It’s possible to have respectful, successful, and life-giving relationships with your in-laws!

----------

Time Stamps:

(1:35) Scenario one—how to deal with unsolicited advice from in-laws 

(5:30) When you think a conversation needs to be had with your in-laws, but your spouse doesn’t 

(10:00) Boundaries in the context of relationships with in-laws 

(13:48) Scenario two—balancing time between two sets of in-laws 

(17:45) Scenario three—when you married into a family and you don’t feel like you’re a part of the family 

----------

Links:

“Reluctantly Related,” Deanna Brand https://www.amazon.com/Reluctantly-Related-Mother-Law-Daughter/dp/098881000X

WinShape Marriage Website https://marriage.winshape.org/

WinShape Marriage Instagram https://www.instagram.com/winshapemarriage/

Ask a marriage question to be answered on the show. https://marriage.winshape.org/podcast/

Spark deeper conversation with your spouse related to the episode with our free discussion questions. https://marriage.winshape.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/4/2024/04/WSMPodcastDiscussionQuestions-Ep2.pdf

----------

Relevant Resources:

“How To Tell Your Parents You Won’t Be Coming Home for Christmas” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/how-to-tell-your-parents-you-wont-be-home-for-christmas/

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

The WinShape Marriage Podcast tackles the big questions and everyday challenges couples face in marriage, anchored in biblical truth and research, and it’s hosted by Marlee Arnold and Rob Philo. In episode one, Julie Baumgardner, senior director of WinShape Marriage, busts seven dangerous marriage myths like “Marriage is 50/50,” and “Married sex is boring.” The statements addressed are common sentiments couples read or are told, but the truth is, they are marriage myths, and dangerous ones at that. Don’t fall for them—instead, learn how to debunk them! 

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Time Stamps:

(1:45) If you marry the “right” person, you will always feel in love. 

(3:30) Marriage is 50/50.

(7:38) Your spouse completes you—they should fulfill all your needs.

(11:33) If your spouse really loves you, they will know what you want and need.

(14:38) Happy couples do everything together.

(17:57) Married sex is boring.

(21:30) There is a universal path in marriage like having children.

---------- 

Links:

“Hot Monogamy,” Patricia Love and Jo Robinson https://www.amazon.com/Hot-Monogamy-Essential-Passionate-Lovemaking/dp/0452273668

“God, Sex, and Your Marriage,” Juli Slattery https://www.amazon.com/God-Your-Marriage-Juli-Slattery/dp/0802429017

Authentic Intimacy Website https://www.authenticintimacy.com/

WinShape Marriage Website https://marriage.winshape.org/

WinShape Marriage Instagram https://www.instagram.com/winshapemarriage/

Ask a marriage question to be answered on the show. https://marriage.winshape.org/podcast/

Spark deeper conversation with your spouse related to the episode with our free discussion questions. https://marriage.winshape.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/4/2024/04/WSMPodcastDiscussionQuestions-Ep1.pdf

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Relevant Resources:

“15 Common Marriage Myths” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/15-common-myths-about-marriage-dont-fall-for-them/

“How to Spice up Your Marriage” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/how-to-spice-up-your-marriage/

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Have a marriage question you'd like answered on the podcast? Submit it at winshapemarriage.org/podcast.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Did you know 61% of the U.S. population (men and women) say they view pornography and 54% of practicing Christians (men and women) say they view pornography—only a 7% difference—according to the latest research. Additionally, only 11% of practicing Christians say they feel comfortable talking to their pastor about this struggle. Pornography is pervasive among our culture, even those with a Christian worldview. On today’s episode of The WinShape Marriage Podcast, Rob Philo talks with Nick Stumbo, executive director of Pure Desire, an organization dedicated to providing resources for those struggling with sexual brokenness, addiction, and betrayal. Nick shares his personal testimony with sexual brokenness and redemption. He also breaks down the latest research Pure Desire conducted with Barna Group regarding pornography use. The data is surprising. Tune into this fascinating conversation!

Note: This conversation is focused on building a healthy, thriving marriage. If you are experiencing abuse in your marriage, or someone you know is, contact the National Hotline for Domestic Abuse. If someone is monitoring your device, call the hotline 24/7 at 1−800−799−7233. Learn more about what defines an abusive relationship.

----------

Time Stamps:

(1:58) What first inspired Nick to step into the sexual brokenness and redemption space

(11:50) Understanding the inspiration behind the research study Pure Desire conducted with Barna Group

(19:41) Why people may be afraid to share their struggle with pornography with their community

(22:58) The impact of pornography on mental health and well-being

(25:40) How pornography use affects marriage

(31:17) Taking the first step towards recovery

(37:08) What advice Nick would give to someone as a first starting point who is struggling with a pornography addiction

(46:06) Resources for those interested

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Links:

Pure Desire https://puredesire.org/

Beyond the Porn Phenomenon https://marriage.winshape.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/4/2025/02/BTPP-Media-Fact-Sheet.pdf

5 Steps to Freedom from Porn https://puredesire.org/5-steps-to-freedom-from-porn/

7 Keys to Understanding Betrayal Trauma https://puredesire.org/free-ebook-7-keys-to-understanding-betrayal-trauma/

Genesis 1:27 https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Genesis%201%3A27&version=ESV

James 5:16 https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=james%205%3A16&version=ESV

WinShape Marriage Website https://marriage.winshape.org/

WinShape Marriage Instagram https://www.instagram.com/winshapemarriage/

100 Date Ideas for Couples https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/100-date-ideas-for-couples/

The Journey https://marriage.winshape.org/journey/

----------
Relevant Resources:

"How To Find a Marriage Counselor” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/how-to-find-a-marriage-counselor/

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Happy Valentine’s Day—almost—from WinShape Marriage! We know Valentine’s Day is right around the corner, so Marlee Arnold and Rob Philo pulled together a list of 20 Valentine’s Day gift ideas—10 for the guys and 10 for the gals. Even if you think Valentine’s Day is overrated, don’t miss the opportunity to show your spouse a little extra love by getting something meaningful for them. We have a variety of ideas ranging from experiential to material and budget-friendly to more expensive. You’ll have no reason not to get your husband or wife a Valentine’s Day gift after listening to this episode!

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Time Stamps:

(1:28) #1 – Comfortable socks

(2:45) #2 – Cozy gift basket featuring socks, bath bombs, candle, eye mask, etc.

(4:10) #3 – Heated coffee mug

(4:34) #4 – Morning to yourself and breakfast in bed

(5:17) #5 – Gift certificate for a lesson such as a golf lesson

(5:50) #6 – Gift certificate for a spa day

(6:45) #7 – Devotional

(7:13) #8 – Planned date night

(9:13) #9 – Pickleball paddles

(9:34) #10 – Bible

(10:25) #11 – Tickets for a sporting event

(11:09) #12 – Getting the car detailed

(12:24) #13 – Wallet

(13:06) #14 – Personalized blanket

(14:34) #15 – Tool set

(16:12) #16 – Watercolor painting of first home

(17:30) #17 – Massage gun

(18:35) #18 – Perfume

(19:27) #19 – Adventurous experience

(20:02) #20 – Digital photo album

----------

Links:

WinShape Marriage Website https://marriage.winshape.org/

WinShape Marriage Instagram https://www.instagram.com/winshapemarriage/

----------

Relevant Resources:

“30 Valentine’s Day Gifts for Him” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/30-valentines-day-gifts-for-him/

“30 Valentine’s Day Gifts for Her” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/30-valentines-day-gifts-for-her/

“15 Valentine’s Day Date Ideas for Couples” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/valentines-day-date-ideas/

“DIY Valentine’s Day Baskets for Your Spouse or Kids” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/diy-valentines-day-baskets-for-your-spouse-or-kids/

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Intimacy is so much more than just sex. We talked about this earlier in season two with Dr. Juli Slattery, and today’s episode builds on this conversation. Genee Francis, assistant director of content and programming at WinShape Marriage is back on The WinShape Marriage Podcast to break down the six different types of intimacy with Rob Philo. They are spiritual, emotional, intellectual, creative, experiential, and physical. Learn what each one means and practical ways you and your spouse can begin growing and continue growing in your intimacy with one another.

----------

Time Stamps:

(1:32) Definition of intimacy

(4:00) Spiritual intimacy

(6:23) Emotional intimacy

(8:25) Intellectual intimacy

(12:59) Creative intimacy

(15:29) Experiential intimacy

(18:40) Physical intimacy

(22:02) How the six types of intimacy work together

(25:29) How to balance the different types of intimacy 

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Links:

WinShape Marriage Website https://marriage.winshape.org/

WinShape Marriage Instagram https://www.instagram.com/winshapemarriage/

The Journey https://marriage.winshape.org/journey/

260 Free Printable Conversation Starters for Couples https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/conversation-starters-for-date-night/

Spark deeper conversation with your spouse related to the episode with our free discussion questions. https://marriage.winshape.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/4/2025/01/WSMPodcastDiscussionQuestions-S2Ep16.pdf

----------

Relevant Resources:

“Six Different Types of Intimacy: Worksheet” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/six-different-types-of-intimacy-worksheet/

----------

Relevant Episodes:

How To Love Your Spouse Well | Dr. Gary Chapman https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gI2Bnl_lBzc&t=131s

Making Your Marriage Fun Again! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VjZQkSDz3UA&t=96s

Intimacy Is More Than Just Sex | Dr. Juli Slattery https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B-Ky8vS5aWo&t=1544s

Growing Your Relationship With God and Your Spouse in 2025 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bcfI9tHeTh8&t=1396s

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Shaunti Feldhahn is a social researcher, author, and speaker, and today, she’s on The WinShape Marriage Podcast with Rob Philo breaking down her fascinating research on what husbands need most from their wives and vice versa. Her findings may surprise you more than you think. Together, Rob and Shaunti unpack why husbands need companionship and to know they “did good” as opposed to why wives need to be shown they are lovable and physical affection outside the bedroom, to name a few. If research interests you, listen to this episode with an open mind and consider, “What of this is true of me?”; “What of this is true of my spouse?” Then, unpack your thoughts with your spouse in a follow-up conversation.

Note: This conversation is focused on building a healthy, thriving marriage. If you are experiencing abuse in your marriage, or someone you know is, contact the National Hotline for Domestic Abuse. If someone is monitoring your device, call the hotline 24/7 at 1−800−799−7233. Learn more about what defines an abusive relationship.

----------

Time Stamps:

(1:00) Introduction to Shaunti Feldhahn

(2:25) What husbands need most: companionship

(8:04) To know they “did good”

(15:20) Two words—thank you

(19:46) What wives need most: to be shown she is loved and lovable

(26:35) Physical affection outside the bedroom

(29:36) A sense of deep security in you rather than in your finances

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Links:

“What Husbands Need Most From Their Wives (Part 1)" https://shaunti.com/2024/02/what-husbands-need-most-from-their-wives-part-1/

“What Husbands Need Most From Their Wives (Part 2)" https://shaunti.com/2024/02/what-husbands-need-most-from-their-wives-part-2/

“What Wives Need Most From Their Husbands (Part 1)" https://shaunti.com/2024/02/what-wives-need-most-from-their-husbands-part-1/

“What Wives Need Most From Their Husbands (Part 2)" https://shaunti.com/2024/03/what-wives-need-most-from-their-husbands-part-2/

“For Women Only” https://shaunti.com/shauntis-books/for-women-only/

“For Men Only” https://shaunti.com/shauntis-books/for-men-only/

WinShape Marriage Website https://marriage.winshape.org/

WinShape Marriage Instagram https://www.instagram.com/winshapemarriage/

100 Date Ideas for Couples https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/100-date-ideas-for-couples/

Pastor & Ministry Leader Retreats https://marriage.winshape.org/ministry-retreats/

Spark deeper conversation with your spouse related to the episode with our free discussion questions. https://marriage.winshape.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/4/2025/01/WSMPodcastDiscussionQuestions-S2Ep15.pdf

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Spiritual formation is a “fancy” term that basically means being on a journey of becoming more and more like Jesus. What if your only goal in 2025 was to become more like Him? How would that impact your marriage for the better? Marlee Arnold sits down with Jeremy Marshall, senior manager of learning and development at WinShape Foundation. Together, they discuss what it means to encourage your spouse in their individual faith journey, how you and your spouse might relate to God differently, and what it means to spiritually lead in your marriage. There’s nothing more fundamental to your marriage relationship than your relationship with God and how that impacts your marriage. Tune into this enlightening conversation.

----------

Time Stamps:

(1:14) Introduction to Jeremy Marshall and his role at the WinShape Foundation

(2:45) What is spiritual formation?

(4:10) Where does spiritual formation intersect with becoming one with your spouse in marriage?

(7:05) How can you support your spouse on their individual spiritual formation journey?

(14:10) What does it look like to grow together spiritually in your marriage?

(20:00) What is, “Sacred Pathways?”

(24:54) What is spiritual leadership and how does that terminology sit with Jeremy as a husband of 22 years

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Links:

“Sacred Pathways” https://www.amazon.com/Sacred-Pathways-Discover-Your-Souls/dp/0310329884

Spiritual Pathways Assessment https://groupleaders.org/curriculum-feed/spiritual-pathways-activity#personal-assessment

WinShape Marriage Website https://marriage.winshape.org/

WinShape Marriage Instagram https://www.instagram.com/winshapemarriage/

Pastor & Ministry Leader Retreats https://marriage.winshape.org/ministry-retreats/

The Journey https://marriage.winshape.org/journey/

Spark deeper conversation with your spouse related to the episode with our free discussion questions. https://marriage.winshape.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/4/2025/01/WSMPodcastDiscussionQuestions-S2Ep14.pdf 

----------

Relevant Episodes:

What Does Spiritual Leadership Mean, Anyway? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g7g0T2-8izo&t=57s

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Happy New Year from WinShape Marriage! We know the new year inspires many to create a list of resolutions they hope to accomplish, so we’re providing a unique twist on this practice. Instead of creating New Year’s resolutions, consider making a 2025 bucket list of date ideas for you and your spouse to check off throughout the year. To get you started, Marlee Arnold and Rob Philo run through their list of 25 date ideas for 2025 featuring some tried-and-true ideas like booking a spa day, some of their personal favorites such as having a themed night, and some brand-new ideas like having an upside-down dinner. This lighthearted episode will help you ease into the new year with excitement and anticipation for all the fun to come with your spouse in 2025!

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Time Stamps:

(1:08) #1 – Participate in a glassblowing class

(2:52) #2 – Take on Rob’s “farmers market challenge”

(4:11) #3 – Write “open when” letters

(5:50) #4 – Book a couple photo shoot

(6:53) #5 – Have a board game marathon

(8:02) #6 – Attend a live concert or performance

(8:32) #7 – Play mini golf

(9:34) #8 – Have a themed date night

(11:23) #9 – Drive to see fall foliage

(12:24) #10 – Book a spa day

(13:14) #11 – Visit a Christmas tree farm

(14:26) #12 – Go on a lunch date

(15:20) #13 – Go on a food tour

(16:27) #14 – Book a cool Airbnb

(17:18) #15 – Recreate your first date

(19:10) #16 – Rate the animals at the zoo or aquarium

(19:56) #17 – Have a “color date”

(21:24) #18 – Pick your next date night restaurant on Yelp

(22:06) #19 – Watch a documentary

(23:43) #20 – Participate in a candle making glass

(24:32) #21 – Go to an open mic night

(25:10) #22 – Volunteer

(25:50) #23 – Have a movie marathon

(27:07) #24 – Paint

(28:10) #25 – Have an upside-down dinner

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Links:

WinShape Marriage Website https://marriage.winshape.org/

WinShape Marriage Instagram https://www.instagram.com/winshapemarriage/

2025 Date Ideas Bucket List PDF https://marriage.winshape.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/4/2025/01/2025-Date-Idea-Bucket-List.png

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Relevant Resources:

“100 Date Ideas for Couples” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/100-date-ideas-for-couples/

“12 New Year’s Resolutions for Couples” https://marriage.winshape.org/resource/12-new-years-resolutions-for-couples/

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