Explore every episode of the podcast The Tom Barnard Podcast

We had Maggie Faris and Randall Reid on the show, and they both made it to the finals of the Funniest Headliner competition at Gambit Brewing. That can't be a coincidence. Today we've got Juice, another finalist out of six. Since he was the most recent one to be on our show, that means he's going to win, right?

Are we alone in the universe? I hope so. Earth is loud enough as is. Can you imagine two of them? Unfortunately, the math doesn't check out. Or, depending on who you ask, the bible. And when you get math and the bible joining forces against you, you might as well just give up.

Did you know that Alex used to work at NABC? Andy also worked at a bank for a period. Only one of them ever owned a gecko, though.

Masters of the Universe isn't doing so great. Is it because it came out too late? 80s nostalgia seems to be on the way out, so maybe they missed the boat. Or maybe they didn't spend enough money, because the two options for success seem to be "ultra low budget" or "hundreds and hundreds of millions".

What's a Squishy? It's a thing you squish. It's also the new craze that every kid demands. We don't understand it. We also don't understand why Pink is hosting the Tonys. Or why people are allowed to cheat alphabetical order. There's a lot we don't get.

Matt is a horse vet. We grew up around horses. It's the perfect match. Matt is also a comedian. We think we're funny, even when we're not. Need I say more? Yes: go to https://mattevanscomic.com/ for more of his comic stylings, and also his book.

Remember your childhood snacks? Remember your childhood TV shows? Of course you do. And so do we. We also remember every lyric to every theme song.

Sadly, Peabo Bryson succumbed to his stroke. Also sadly, it's really hot outside. Maybe those two aren't directly comparable. Nor are Toy Story and Taylor Swift, even though they share initials and apparently one is making a song for the other. Can you guess which is which?

You can't escape Jesse the Shrink, even when he's not actually here. He's put together a contest called Funniest Headliner, and Randall and Maggie are both in it. It's at Gambit Brewing tomorrow, the 9th, and the 16th at 7 PM. The first two shows are free!

On this segment, we watch a political ad. No, we're not getting that sweet campaign fund money quite yet. We were just told it was funny. And it was. Sad, but funny.

Hollywood might be on the downswing. But that doesn't mean movies are making no money - far from it. It's just that half the ones making money are low budget indie horror movies. Is that a good thing? It is if you're sick of endless sequels and derivative works. Not so much if big budget spectacles are more your speed.

The 2025-2026 TV season is over, and the numbers are in. Broadcast TV is in the tens of millions again. Netflix is still higher, but still. We thought TV would be dead at this point.

Topics:

TV season wrap-up

The Simpsons are still going

Old TVs

Dressing up on planes

Defunct stores and malls

The Backrooms

Indie horror

The Crash

Tim's Mother-in-law

There's a house for sale on Lake Minnetonka. It's got 18 bathrooms, a bowling alley, two guest/guard houses, and those are the least insane aspects. We're thinking of starting a GoFundMe and making it the new podcast HQ.

Childhood obesity is a major issue. Diet is the biggest factor there, easily. But is fitness lagging as well? Vinnie thinks that kids these days aren't being made to exercise in school like they used to. Mike disagrees. The rest of us are still thinking about that matzo ball soup. In moderation, of course.

Topics:

Comics Unleashed isn't doing so well

People aren't watching late night TV

The decline of the deli

Gene Simmons breaks Lassman's desk

Vinnie Tortorich's business woes

Fitness in school

As it turns out, maybe not Spencer Pratt for mayor. He's all talk and no actionable ideas. Wait, isn't that almost every politician?

Topics:

Tom Hardy allegedly ousted from MobLand

Eggs

Bananas

Spencer Pratt

Minneapolis police chief resigns

Kids need discipline

Remember The Hill? Remember that guy from The Hill? Apparently he's running for mayor of LA now. Go figure.

Topics:

Fawn turns 10

Mandalorian and Grogu at #1

This Is It

Full Swing

Spencer Pratt

Changes to the show

A long time ago, a movie came out called The Blair Witch Project. That's not totally relevant, except for the fact that it made hundreds of millions off a small budget. There's a new movie out called Obsession and it's shaping up to be the latest low budget horror movie to make bank. I guess after years of movies with budgets to rival the GDP of a large city, audiences are looking for something different.

Topics:

Kyle Busch dies during a training exercise

Colbert has his final show

Makeup/wardrobe inconsistencies in movies

Hockey fights

Gilbert Gottfriend

Mandalorian and Grogu

Obsession

Remember Ed Sullivan? Statistically, you probably don't. The man has been dead for 50 years. But you've heard of him. That used to be the power of talk shows. If we're still talking about any of the current hosts fifty years from now, I'll be shocked. You know what we'll definitely be talking about? Hangnails. They're the human condition.

Topics:

Ed Sullivan

Local media is dying

Jesse and Johnny

Tormented genius

Aimee Bock sentenced

Bemidji

Cuticle clippers

The Moderate Majority party is back and they need signatures. If you're interested, they'll tell you what they're about and what the signatures are for. If you're not, you can still hear us talk about celebrities overdosing, or people getting CTE. There's something for everyone.

Topics:

Mark Fuhrman dies

CTE

"Michael" on track to make a billion dollars

Celebrities dying young

Street drugs are bad

Moderate Majority party

Minnesota's poor governance

Kids being taught to be victims

Prebiotic soda. It's all the rage. Even Pepsi has one. And as gross as it sounds, apparently it's pretty good. So from our perspective, there are two primary ways to make a lot of money: sell prebiotic soda, or join congress. How hard could it be?

Topics:

True Don Bleu

Forgetting interviews

James Bond coming back

Celebrities being approached on the street

Pelosi tracker

Presidential net worths

Ethan got sick again

Coyotes

Prebiotic soda

The beginning of the show is a bit of a mess. That's what happens when the producer is stuck in traffic for an hour and a half. There's a silver lining, though. They say that no matter how long you live, you always want more time. But if you sit in stop and go traffic, time will stretch out for eons. Maybe the secret to eternal life is just making it feel like an eternity.

Topics:

Traffic on highway 12

Devil Wears Prada 2 blew out Mortal Kombat 2

In The Grey

Tim saw Marty, Life is Short

Loss of loved ones

Tim's dream

All good things must come to an end, and Journey has been going since the 70s. That's not to say Jonathan is done working: he's got a solo career as a Christian artist and, apparently, plans on becoming a minister. He's also concerned about the future of war robots, so he may have a career as a John Connor type as well. Who knows what the future might hold?

Topics:

Appointment TV is coming back

Meat vs leather

Drone taxis

Army recruitment

Jonathan Cain from Journey

AI likenesses and art

War robots

Music licensing

Bankruptcy court

Conan O'Brien is back to host the Oscars in 2027, which reminds us: talk shows kind of suck. Petco's customer service could also use a bit of tweaking. But you know what doesn't suck? Podcasting. We do it. Jake Hudson does it. Who's Jake Hudson, you ask? You'll find out today.

Topics:

Conan O'Brien Oscars 2027

Talk shows are not for us

Martin Short's new documentary, "Marty, Life is Short"

Kathryn vs. Petco

Animals getting drunk off fermented fruit

Jake Hudson talks to a radio legend

Dave Ryan retiring

It's the world cup. It's like the playoffs of soccer. Or something. I'm gonna be honest, none of us know what we're talking about. That's not gonna stop us from talking about it.

Anyone who's ever been anything approaching famous will tell you - sometimes fame isn't great. People will approach you during dinner, chase you down into an elevator, and other fun ways to interrupt your day. You also, inevitably, end up getting a cult of lunatics who want you dead. Why? It's the human condition, I guess.

Topics:

The Mystery of Richard Simmons

Deranged fans

Kids these days with their phones and their bad grammar

Minnesota sports

The history of the Lakers

All this hatred of one another

Presidents suck

Kevin Hart got roasted. Apparently it was pretty cutthroat. That's not our thing, but roasts have been around for long enough that clearly they have an audience. Let's ask Randy Lubas, hosting Loons on the Lake at Crooners for the fourth year. He's a comedian, therefore he is a comedy expert. By the way, he's giving away tickets. Listen to the show to find out how to get 'em.

Topics:

Kevin Hart roast

Person sucked into jet engine

CBS News Radio shutting down

The AI Bubble

Loons on the Lake

Comedy as a platform for politics

Mother's day

There's a hot new sport sweeping the nation, and once again it's named after a food. It's banana ball, and it's basically baseball but weird. Kind of like how pickleball is tennis but weird. You know what's not weird? Sequels to ancient franchises. Devil Wears Prada 2 and Mortal Kombat 2 are making waves at the box office. There's never been a better time to be over the age of 30. In some cases, well over.

Topics:

Tom's teeth

Banana ball

Harlem Globetrotters

Disney Cruise CSAM sting

Devil Wears Prada 2

Mortal Kombat 2

Should I Marry a Murderer

Parenthood insanity story

Rats. They've got a terrible reputation. Maybe they deserve it. Between eating your pizza and giving you Hantavirus, they're real troublemakers. And speaking of troublemakers, Myq and Tiffany are both doing shows, but they're not at the same time so there's no bad blood.

Topics:

Hantavirus cruise getting worse

Rats

Gas prices

Presidential assassination attempts

Tom's dentist

Bobcat Goldthwaite

Comedy's broad audience

Cynthia Schumacher is 97 years old and has been writing poetry since high school. For those less math-minded among you, that adds up to a very long time. She's still at it, too, having just put out a book of short stories called Prose Pizza. Where's Tom, you ask? Probably performing amateur dentistry on himself.

Topics:

Tom's broken tooth

Blake Lively vs Justin Baldoni resolution

No more alcohol on Delta flights under 350 miles

Hantavirus cruise

Sanitary traveling

Ted Turner dies

AI data centers

Hasselhoff vs. the burger

Cynthia Schumacher

Teaching Hamlet to 9th graders

Florida in the early 20th century

Colin defends Ethan

The Met Gala happened again, and apparently it was a less ostentatious affair this year. That doesn't mean it was free of dumb stuff. Far from it. It does mean that we spend more time talking about festering skin lesions than what the celebrities were wearing. But who doesn't, really?

Topics:

Movie production coming back to America

Met Gala

Capitol Records days

Dr. Pimple Popper

3000th episode party

Bob/Tom interview

Spoiler alert if you care about Song Sung Blue. If not, perhaps you care about Michael? A lot of people seem to. Personally I think it sounds like a bit of a downer. And speaking of downers, have you ever had a BAC in the upper teens and still managed to walk around? That can't be easy.

Topics:

Glyphosate in wheat

Tom and Kathryn saw Song Sung Blue and Michael

Kristyn in Salt Lake City for Dancing With the Stars

Spirit Airlines defunct

Britney Spears DUI

Monkey outbreak in Fort Lauderdale

Minnesota sports

Earthquake in Mexico

Crested and non-crested geckos

Kristyn's talking about it. Tim's talking about it. Even Craig Gass is interested once he learned who's in it. We're talking about Devil Wears Prada 2, a movie about how magazines and newspapers are floundering. And also fashion, probably.

Topics:

Grandparents' day

Nicknames for grandparents

Kristyn's late night flight

Devil Wears Prada 2

Anne Hathaway hall pass

Craig's Mat Becker intuition

Rodney Dangerfield meets Eddie Murphy

Will Smith's slap and its effects on comedy

Hecklers

Our 3000th episode is a celebration not just of the show, but the people who've been part of it. Whether they were only there for a while or have been here the whole time, we've got more people on the show today than we could possibly fit into the studio at any given time. We still remember when we made a big deal about 500. I wonder how far we can take this thing?

Guest list:

Kristyn Burtt

Melissa Barnard

Mike Gelfand

Mike Rasmussen

Mike Molina (yes, we had three mikes on in a row)

Don Shelby

Jimmy Francis

Timmy Lammers

Michael Bryant, Bradshaw and Bryant

Bob Sansevere

Paul "Meatsauce" Lambert

Winnie Schrader (AKA Cassie)

Tevin Pittman

After nearly 14 years as a podcast regular, Kristyn finally meets us in person for the first time. She'll be there for episode 3000 as well, but it felt kind of dumb to have her fly all the way here for a 20 minute segment on a special, so she gets a bonus episode. She's here for the whole time, too. Also with us are Ralph, all the way from LA, and Dave. We're certainly not having any shortage of well-wishes today.

Tom and Kathryn drove from Florida to Minnesota last week. It was mostly uneventful, which is exactly how you prefer your drives. Mostly. Also, did you know that sugar alcohol has an unpleasant side effect? Because we do.

The internet is back! Kind of! We might not have five nines uptime, but we do have the ability to hold an only slightly disastrous conversation about these politicians. You know the ones.

Topics:

Truck ramping off a Lamborghini

Appreciating where you came from

Dance schedules are crazy

Running Point season 2

Oprah makes another trillion dollars

These politicians

Anthony Edwards' baby mamas

The internet went down just before showtime, so instead we did what we could with what we had. The result? Pretty similar, but certainly different. This is just the most recent bad thing that's happened over the past few days.

Topics:

Correspondents' dinner shooting

Ethan gets sick

Pinning

All this hatred

There are certain movies they really shouldn't show on a plane. Nudity is, you'd think, a given. Marley and Me is also a given, but for a very different reason. Nobody wants a stuffy nose while at 10,000 feet. How about Michael? A little child abuse and psychological torment won't cause any problems for the audience.

Topics:

Song Sung Blue was sad

Smoking is coming back

Michael is polarizing

I Swear is also polarizing

Tom and Kathryn are gone. That means today's show is just Andy and Kristyn, right? Nope, Kristyn is gone too. Good thing she's got a husband who's no stranger to a microphone. It's also a good thing that Bob and Mike Bryant were there, because Raphael is a sports oddsmaker - among other things. Have you ever bet on how many people John Wick would kill? You might have used his odds.

Topics:

Nostalgia in entertainment

Running Point renewed

Darrell Sheets apparent suicide

Bill as Ricky Ricardo

Sports betting

Movie prop bets

What's it like to be a celebrity? Lots of money. Not a lot of peace. Everyone knowing you can be, ironically, very isolating. But one thing unites us all: we all get old. We also all pay lots of money for our license tabs. Except for Jesse. He gets two years' worth for $200.

Topics:

Dave Mason dies

Michael Jackson

The isolation of fame

Netflix might be buying Radford Studios

Aging fast vs slow

SPLC indictment

Tribalism

Ethan's car adventure

Concert prices are through the roof. DoorDash commands outrageous prices. Netflix is raising their rates. And all of this is happening while nobody has any money, apparently. How is this possible? We don't know. What we do know is that car repairs suck.

Topics:

Michael documentary

Ticketmaster monopoly

Food delivery service fees

Alan Osmond died

Ilhan Omar's accounting error

UK cigarette ban

Tom's car repair bill

Patrick Muldoon and Bob from Bob and Tom are dead. Madonna doesn't even get applause anymore. Is the old world fading away? It seems so. That's why we name drop people like Errol Flynn and Andre the Giant. You'll never have an excuse for not knowing old names if you listen to this show.

Topics:

New show name brainstorm

Patrick Muldoon dies

Madonna's lukewarm reception

TV is no longer the family gathering spot

Good Fortune sucked

Young people don't like old things

Bob Kevoian dies

Brock Lesnar retired

Wrestlers and bodybuilders

Andre the Giant

Top Gun, Star Wars, and Toy Story continue to chug along. But even older than that is The Mummy. The first one was in 1932, and we're still being chased by it. According to Tim, the most recent one is certainly a different take on the genre. If you liked The Exorcist, you'll probably like this.

Topics:

Top Gun 3

Toy Story 5

Michael (MJ documentary)

Lee Cronin's The Mummy

Normal

The Foshay Tower might get foreclosed on

Disney is laying everyone off, TMZ is in the blackmail business, and voiceovers are all AI. Is anything okay in the entertainment industry? Yes: classic rock. There's a reason it's been called "classic" since about five years after it started. Larry Wiegand was a member of CROW, so he'll tell you all about it.

Topics:

Disney/Marvel layoffs

Scammers

TMZ vs. capitol hill

AI narration

Voiceover business is dying

Larry Wiegand from CROW

60s/70s Minnesota music

Dave Waggoner's celebration of life

Dr. Moricz joins us from the Alzheimer's Treatment Centers of America. That's the place Tom is going. If you've been curious as to the methods and practices, now's your chance to sate that curiosity.

Since 1988, Uncle John - the legend, not the one on our show today - has been providing trivia for you to learn while in the bathroom. Why in the bathroom? Because what else are you going to do? Doomscroll? I wouldn't recommend it.

Do you golf? If so, is your putting maybe not so good? Of course it is. Putting is hard. But it could be easier, if only you read Putting by the Numbers at https://boblabbe.com/. Divot sand not included.

Calvin is the author of the Northfield Saga and an appreciator of Minnesota in the warm months. The vast majority of people dream of writing a book one day, and the vast majority of Minnesotans feel like winter is too long. Coincidence?

You use your card for everything. Tipping at those obnoxious point of sale machines they have everywhere now. Malls that may or may not be fronts for money laundering. Even for divvying out racial slurs. Maybe that last one doesn't apply to you, but it certainly applies to someone.

What's at the top of your Facebook algorithm? Entertainment news, perhaps? If so, maybe it's because the algorithm knows you like this part of our show. If not, maybe it's because celebrities won't stop dying and that's sad.