Explore every episode of the podcast The Silent Why: finding hope in grief and loss
Dive into the complete episode list for The Silent Why: finding hope in grief and loss. Each episode is cataloged with detailed descriptions, making it easy to find and explore specific topics. Keep track of all episodes from your favorite podcast and never miss a moment of insightful content.
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Title
Pub. Date
Duration
Australia Update 1: Distracted by kookaburras
10 Nov 2025
00:49:24
#139. How's our big trip going so far? This is where you find out.
Welcome to The Silent Why - usually a podcast on a mission to open up honest conversations around grief and explore whether hope can be found in 101 different types of permanent loss - but right now, things are a little different!
If you've heard the previous episode, you'll have a good idea what this one is going to be all about.
We (Chris & Claire, your hosts) are on an adventure halfway around the world, spending some time down under. In this episode, we update you on our trip so far via Singapore to Western Australia.
And since recording (just a few hours ago), we've already remembered plenty of things we forgot to mention; like how warm the sea was in Singapore, the unexpectedly delicious ice cream sandwiches (thanks Mel!), the luge rides, the different Maltesers, and the glorious abundance of Earl Grey tea over here.
No doubt those stories, and many more, will make their way into a future episode.
So far we've seen and experienced some amazing things, but we've also had some disappointments, and you know us - we love to share it all with you, so tune in, and join us.
Plus, for videos of the kookaburra and bobtail lizard we mention, find us on social media.
Chris & Claire chat Oz, mini mics, Bin Chickens and a special form
30 Sep 2025
00:38:43
#138. We're off on an Ozzie adventure!
But, first things first, as promised, the all-important anonymous form: 👉 https://forms.gle/LmFrrd4xvvnEhG5R9 👈 (it'll make sense when you've listened to the episode!)
Welcome to The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around grief, exploring if hope can be found in 101 different types of permanent loss.
This episode is a little different, because we recorded in an unusual location about a very unusual topic!
We (Chris & Claire) are embarking on an adventure. For the rest of this year, we won’t be releasing our usual fortnightly episodes - primarily because we’re heading down under for a while - but this doesn't mean we'll be Silent. Why?
Listen to find out.
Oh, and about that ticking clock… no, you’re not going mad - I don't think you can hear it!
Chris & Claire's top takeaways from 20 years of marriage
27 May 2025
01:15:44
#129. What are the most valuable things we've learnt - or think really matter - after 20 years of marriage?
This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around grief, exploring asking if hope can be found in 101 different types of permanent loss.
On 26 May 2025, we celebrated 20 years of marriage! It's a big deal for us as we love being married and find we don't have that much to celebrate in life! So we decided to sit down and discuss what we've learnt over the past two decades, and share what we believe have been the most important ingredients in keeping our marriage as healthy and strong as possible.
And since we host a podcast, we thought 'why not record it for you to hear too?'
So that's exactly what we did. No editing (just the music and usual polish), a Sunday afternoon chat - published on Monday night.
In the build-up, we each wrote down our top five things we think have made the biggest difference in our relationship, but we didn’t share them with each other in advance. Were there overlaps? Surprises? Disagreements? You'll have to listen to find out!
Well, January is here, another marmite-month for many (in England that means you either love it or hate it), so what can we learn from the first month of the year?
Welcome to another My Why from me, Claire Sandys, co-host of The Silent Why podcast.
This My Why is number 11 of 12 blogs in the series ‘To every thing there is a season’, where on the first Friday of the month for a whole year (which I started in March for some reason) I'm sharing lessons I’m learning from each month, and I've reached January.
January gets a lot of bad press and I can see why, but I'm finding it has a lot to teach me about choice, beginnings, endings, contradictions, extremes and getting safely through doorways.
So if you're keen to see what you can learn from January - this blog's for you. If you've got the January blues - this blog's for you. If you're just a nosey creature that wants to know how on earth you can find anything good in January - it's also for you.
#061. Dislike New Year's Eve? Don't get it? Don't want to be a part of it? Hate it even?!
Well allow us to show you how you can turn it from foe into friend.
This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around loss and grief and to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of loss.
We (Claire & Chris) know New Year is hard and disliked by a lot of people, but as it's technically only a calendar change we also know a lot of these feelings actually stem from personal hurts and pains people have around their previous New Year experiences.
So we've got 6 top tips on how to find ways to enjoy New Year and make it into something helpful instead of hurtful.
We've also got 20 questions you can ask yourself and work through if you want to assess where you are right now and where you want to be next year. You can copy and paste them from the podcast transcript if you want to work through those (https://thesilentwhy.buzzsprout.com/1799189/11953644-another-new-year-why).
Wherever you are, however you're feeling, we wish you a New Year filled with hope, because... 'Hope is being able to see that there is light, despite all of the darkness.' Desmond Tutu.
For more of our content on New Year check out these episodes/blogs:
Permission to grieve What is loss? Living in the bittersweet Are you lonely? Disappointed with life Sunshine doesn’t fix everything When did we all get so fearf
If your answer is 'absolutely not' then this festive special might not be for you. But if you feel a sad little 'yeah it is' voice inside, then come with us as we chat through why some find it hard and how we can find - and share - comfort through it.
We're Claire and Chris Sandys, hosts of The Silent Why podcast, lovers of deep conversation, building community and marzipan.
We're also childless (not by choice) which adds a layer of discomfort to this special time of the year.
This time last year we recorded a similar episode (Chris' loss of Christmas spirit) and since then we've had a year of chatting to people who have been through loss, and found it has massively helped us to find our own ways to navigate and cope with grief, especially at tricky times like Christmas. So in this episode we reflect on that and how we're feeling about this Christmas.
We're also joined by a host of special guest voices, from previous Silent Why episodes, who share something short about what makes Christmas hard for them, and then something sweet about what is bringing them comfort.
Thank you to Sue Brayne, Virginia Solomons, Lori Alcorn, Alina Mavis, Sasha Bates, Lisa Newman, Peter Ellis, Elizabeth Leon, Jennifer Bute, Lis Whybrow, and Greg Williams.
Plus, a beautiful piano rendition of In the Bleak Midwinter was recorded especially for this episode by the very talented - Jon Sandys. Thank you, Jon!
We know not everyone's Christmas will be happy, but we are finding we can all have hope, so we're wishing you all a very Hopey Christmas instead.
Let's Chat... Food and grief (with Lisa Kolb Ruland)
20 Dec 2022
00:37:54
#059. What is the relationship between food and grief?
This Let’s Chat… episode is exploring the relationship between food and grief. Does it help or hinder?Heal or hurt?
These Let’s Chat… episodes pop-up every now and then instead of one of our 101 different types of loss, as I (Claire Sandys, co-host of The Silent Why podcast) chat to a guest who has lived-experience or expertise in a particular area that can help us deal with, or prepare for, loss.
In this Let’s Chat… I’m talking to Lisa Kolb Ruland, a food editor, writer and young widow who divides her time between Washington, D.C. and Brooklyn, New York.
Lisa was a full-time food editor when she went through her own very sudden loss; in 2014 her husband Erik was in a group of explorers who died in a mountain climbing accident.
Lisa manages the food website Unpeeled Journal and the ‘Food + Grief’ project that you’ll hear us speak about. She has a unique insight into both areas from a personal and professional standpoint.
With Thanksgiving just gone and Christmas ahead I thought it was a good time to explore the relationship we can have with food when we, or others around us, are grieving.
Food plays a huge role in our lives, and therefore in our grief too, whether it’s eating alone for the first time, big family meals, taking other 'griefy' people food, under-eating, over-eating, cooking recipes that link us to those we’ve lost, or avoiding foods too connected to those we’ve lost, there’s so much to explore.
And with each Let’s Chat… guest I'm building a tool shed (metaphorically) of tools to help you face and get through loss. So let’s see what Lisa adds to my growing list of tools.
Because it is an art, not a science. Have you got someone coming to your family or group gathering and you're not sure how to include them and make them feel welcome?
Maybe they're single, childless, divorced, grieving, unemployed, or just having a really tough time and you're keen for them to fit in.
I'm here to help.
Welcome to another My Why from me, Claire Sandys, co-host of The Silent Why podcast.
As a childless woman I know it's hard in gatherings, especially with families. And not only for those of us that don't feel like we fit in, but also for those that are trying to help us fit in. So I thought I'd offer some tips on how to include someone in your gathering and make them feel truly at home.
Now, bear in mind this is only for those that want to expend time and energy on helping someone that might find fitting in a bit difficult at the moment. It's not really for people who don't have trouble socialising or feeling like they belong, or for those that don't want to invite people round and try to go the extra mile to make sure they enjoy themselves.
I'd also say that this isn't meant as a way of encouraging you to invite others round just for the sake of it either, that can do more harm than good.
But if you really want to help a friend or family member feel like they fit in this Christmas, or at a gathering another time, and you know they find it difficult because they're the only single person, or the only childless couple etc, then these tips will help you do that.
Loss 39/101: Loss of riding a motorbike: Mark Riddles
13 Dec 2022
00:40:13
#058. How do you grieve a loss that others might be happy about?
This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around loss and grief and to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of loss.
Loss #39 of 101 - Loss of riding a motorbike
Meet Mark Riddles, from Northern Ireland, who was hit by a car while out riding his motorbike in 2021. Despite only going 30-40mph the collision was enough to end Mark’s motorbiking days, a passion he’d had for as long as he could remember.
Mark had two (very nice!) motorbikes and loved everything about the biking life. However, like many family members of bikers, not everyone was as encouraging of his potentially dangerous hobby, so when he had to give it up it wasn’t just sympathy he got but also a bit of ‘I told you so’.
This episode opens a fascinating conversation about how sympathetic we are to other people's losses if we can't understand the love for what they lost. How we might put our own spin on their loss because of our opinion of what happened. An important example of how all losses contain grief.
In this episode Mark talks openly about his experience of losing something he loved, how he might have responded differently if he didn’t have a family, why he hadn’t really thought of it as a loss to grieve before, and what he wants others to know in similar situations.
This My Why is the next episode of my ‘To every thing there is a season’ series, where on the first Friday of the month for a whole year I will share lessons I’m learning from each month of the year, and I've reached December.
December is a painful and busy month for lots of people, and I get it, being childless we've found this season particularly hard over the years, but as well as a season that can be hurtful, I've found it also has the power to heal too, and I'm going to share share why, and how, through this blog.
If you're dreading this month and season - do not fear (as the angel said) - I'm here to tell you there are things you can do to make it better. If you want to that is. As with so many things in life, I've found it's all about choice.
Loss 38/101: Loss of a reality: Mary Turner Thomson
06 Dec 2022
00:49:39
#057. Imagine what it might be like to lose everything around you - husband, house, car, money, financial security, and even your trust in people. Now imagine what that would be like if it was all because you met and fell in love with a psychopath.
This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around loss and grief and to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of loss.
Loss #38 of 101 - Loss of a reality
Meet Mary Turner Thomson, from Scotland, who has an incredible story about the loss of her whole reality when her world - as she knew it - fell apart in 2006.
Mary met Will through internet dating, got married and had children, but six years later she had a phone call from another woman that shattered everything Mary thought she knew about her life. The man Mary had married turned out to be a serial bigamist, con man, convicted sex offender and a psychopath (by the true definition of the word).
In this episode Mary talks openly about her experience of multiple losses including the devastating loss of her wonderfully supportive mum to cancer, just months after it all happened.
Mary has used her experience to help many other women in similar situations and wrote an amazing book telling the full story (The Bigamist - https://amz.run/6C6Y). Her experience has since led her to study and write about psychopaths, which added a fascinating layer to our chat and prompted her second book (The Psychopath - https://amz.run/6C6Z).
In our fascinating chat Mary talks about what it’s like to process so many losses in one go, her desire to help others and not be a victim, the difficult loss of her mum which still affects her greatly, what the term ‘psychopath’ really means and why she doesn’t vilify the man who conned her.
This is just a short hello to let you know we are having a three-week break from releasing episodes as normal. We wanted to offer a short explanation, so this mini episode explains why The Silent Why won't appear in your feed until the beginning of December 2022.
Out of the two of us, Claire carries the bulk of the load with the mission to explore 101 different types of loss, and producing two episodes a week demands a lot of time, effort, energy and emotion. While we love it, we don't want this to drown out her other passions, such as creative writing, and so we're scheduling occasional breaks like this to allow her to stop and check our priorities.
Plus, it's also important to make time to focus on our own loss and check-in with that, so that's what much of November 2022 will be about for us.
We have some brilliant people to introduce you to in December so we're excited about coming back refreshed and reenergised ...and hopefully another step closer to publishing a book!
In the meantime, if you'd like to support the show with your time, money or encouragement, visit: www.thesilentwhy.com/support to see how to do that.
And a special thanks to Chris for the sound effects in this episode. ;)
Flexing your mental muscles is like training your body - it takes time and consistency. But once you start, they grow stronger and more reliable. In this episode, I’m sharing the tips and tools that helped me through tough times, including practical ways to stay grounded and protect your sanity and your relationships.
Think of this as a mental workout: exercises to support you when your mind feels hormonal/confused/frustrated/depressed/griefy [you fill in the gap].
If you’re aware that you’re not always your best self - snapping at loved ones, stuck in negative thought spirals, or simply struggling to cope with your own mind - this episode is for you. (And if you’re supporting someone who’s feeling that way, it might help you too.)
This My Why is the next episode of my ‘To every thing there is a season’ series, where on the first Friday of the month for a whole year I will share lessons I’m learning from each month of the year, and I've reached November.
November is known in the northern hemisphere for being fairly dull, grey and wet. It's not got great autumn colour, it's not Christmas - what is it?! Is it just a depressing start to winter? Or is there more to November than meets the eye? Is it angry or passionate? Is it full of depressing grey loss or helping us face our own losses?
Loss 37/101: Loss through sexual grief: Edy Nathan
01 Nov 2022
00:46:35
#056. Grief can be hard enough to talk about, but throw 'sex' into the same sentence and you've got the makings of an intriguing conversation that many people will willingly side-step. But it's a conversation that needs to be had.
So what is 'sexual grief'? And how do we know if we've encountered it?
This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around loss and grief and to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of loss.
Loss #37 of 101 - Loss through sexual grief
Meet Edy Nathan, a licensed therapist, certified sex therapist, public speaker and published author. Edy is currently working on her second book, based around the area of sexual grief which is an area not openly discussed.
We explore it in this conversation, as well as who it impacts and why it's important.
It's important to note sexual grief doesn't just relate to the act of sex or sexual abuse, it also includes the loss of touch and physical contact (something Covid has greatly affected), the loss of affection which every human needs from birth, and also incorporates damaging belief systems that say you don’t deserve these things, or you were unwanted as a child, or detached from parents.
Edy speaks as an expert but also someone who has experience, having been the victim of sexual abuse as a child and also having watched cancer take the life of her partner, Paul, when she was in her twenties.
For more about Edy and her book, 'It’s Grief: The Dance of Self-Discovery Through Trauma and Loss', visit: https://edynathan.com/
I love the BBC TV sitcom Ghosts and so when I watched an episode in the latest series that revolved around grief and loss (the very themes my podcast is based on) I just had to re-watch it. Twice. And then I thought, why not share my musings with you too? And so a new addition to The Silent Why family was created.
Welcome to The Silent Why, a podcast exploring every type of loss and grief and all the places we find them.
I'm Claire Sandys and every now and then, among our regular episodes and my audio blogs, I've decided to share another love of mine - commentating on fictional storytelling. And to remain on theme I'm going to explore specific programmes, books or stories that handle grief or loss in a particularly good (or maybe even bad!) way.
The first programme I'm dissecting is a recent episode of one of my favourite British TV sitcoms - Ghosts, from the BBC. Specifically Episode 4 of Series 4, called Gone Gone.
SPOILER ALERT: This episode does contain spoilers from 5:40 onwards, basically after my husband's impromptu piano rendition of the theme tune (which is well worth hearing, and really hard to play!).
So join me as I take a closer look at the themes of grief and loss in this episode and how the writers and producers handled a subject very close to my heart (and my podcast).
Let's Chat... Understanding ourselves better through the Enneagram (with Lori Alcorn)
25 Oct 2022
00:39:02
#055. Let’s Chat… about you, me and personality.
More to the point, how can a personality tool lead us towards knowing more about who we are and how we can better navigate loss, grief and stress.
These Let’s Chat… episodes pop-up every now and then instead of one of our 101 different types of loss, as I (Claire Sandys, co-host of The Silent Why podcast) chat to a guest who has experience or expertise in a particular area that can help us deal with, or prepare for, loss.
In this Let’s Chat… I welcome back Lori Alcorn, from Manitoba in Canada.
Lori spoke to us in Episode 24 about the loss of multiple pregnancies, infertility and childlessness. It’s from her experience in this area that she’s created ‘At a Loss Infertility Supports’ to provide resources like Life Coaching, therapeutic art journaling, grief gifts, and her book; The Pregnant Pause.
She's also a certified Enneagram Coach and uses it in her life-coaching.
The Enneagram is apparently “one of the most powerful and insightful tools for understanding ourselves and others. At its core, the Enneagram helps us to see ourselves at a deeper, more objective level and can be of invaluable assistance on our path to self-knowledge.” It has nine basic personality types, but as you’ll hear it goes a lot deeper than just those.
Lori and I explored how it can be of use to us in everyday life, but also when we’re going through stressful times like loss and grief.
For an easy place to start your Enneagram journey, try the book, ‘The Road Back to You’ by Ian Morgan Cron & Suzanne Stabile Available on Amazon: https://amz.run/62yW (.co.uk) https://amz.run/62yX (.com)
And with each Let’s Chat… guest I'm building a whole tool shed (metaphorically), of tools to help you face and get through loss. So let’s see what Lori adds to my growing list of tools.
I’m back with another episode full of hope and encouragement from our podcast guests.
Welcome to another My Why from me, Claire Sandys, co-host of The Silent Why podcast.
My Why episodes are weekly audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here:thesilentwhy.com/post/hermontage2
Yes our podcast is about loss but it's also about hope. And the biggest dollop of hope we've received so far comes from our guests and their answers to the final question we always ask - "What's your Herman?"
Loss 36/101: Loss of a young granddaughter: Greg Williams
18 Oct 2022
00:55:05
#054. What’s it like grieving the loss of your child’s child? How does the grief of a grandparent differ from that of a parent?
This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around loss and grief and to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of loss.
Loss #36 of 101 - Loss of a young granddaughter
Meet Greg Williams from Cayuga, Indiana, where he lives with his wife, Marsha. Greg has been an English Teacher for 40 years, and he and his wife have five children and twelve grandchildren. Sadly, their first grandchild, Reagan, died in 2006 at the age of just two years old, and in this episode Greg shares his grief journey with us.
Reagan’s death was diagnosed as Shaken Baby Syndrome, also known as Abusive Head Trauma or Shaken Impact Syndrome, and her death was the result of being shaken violently by her mother’s boyfriend.
We've spoken to several parents who have faced the grief of losing a child, but this is the first time we've spoken to a grandparent about what the grief feels like from their perspective.
Greg openly and honestly talks to us about the grief of losing a granddaughter he was very close to, the frustrations with the DCFS (Department of Children and Family Services) system, the complexities of grief when the death is at the hands of someone else, the feelings of guilt, the challenges of trying to help in the area of preventative abuse, and setting up their charity Reagan’s Rescue.
And you can buy Greg’s book, which includes his equally beautiful and heart-breaking journal entries, on Amazon: https://amz.run/62NC (UK) https://amz.run/62NE (US)
Loneliness is a huge thing in our society today and I'm learning how closely linked it is to loss.
Welcome to another My Why from me, Claire Sandys, co-host of The Silent Why podcast.
My Why episodes are weekly audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here:thesilentwhy.com/post/areyoulonely
Mother Teresa said: "Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty."
In world where we are more connected than ever, we are also more lonely than ever. I hate the idea of anyone feeling alone, so I'm here to tell you that you're not alone, even if you feel lonely, and how you might be able to start to change that.
Plus, my favourite scene from Sex and the City, and what Love Island taught me during lockdown when a friend convinced me to watch it.
Loss 35/101: Loss of photos: Chris & Claire Sandys
11 Oct 2022
00:31:28
#053. We've all done it haven't we? Lost, damaged or deleted important photos and videos with absolutely no way of retrieving them. There's that sinking feeling followed by a knot in your stomach as you realise what just happened.
Loss #35 of 101 - Loss of photos
This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around loss and grief and to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of loss.
This week, we (your hosts, Chris & Claire Sandys) are back to share a personal loss we went through last year.
Damage to our back-up hard drive ended up with us losing thousands of photos from a four year period, including holidays of a lifetime, our 40th birthdays, a 100th birthday, special memories and many zoo animals.
As it's very important to us that ALL losses are covered in our 101 losses (not just bereavements), this week is an example of how the pain of grief can occur even in situations we might be likely to try and dismiss as a 'lesser loss' that we should just 'get over'. Yet all losses affect us and need processing, on any level.
Join us as we tell the story of what happened, how we've come to terms with it (if we have!) and why it's important to share these kinds of losses too.
Last October I wrote a blog/episode called 'The Autumn Fall' about how autumn teaches us how beautiful it can be to let things go. I was fully expecting to be writing along the same lines this year, but to my surprise I was feeling very different.
Welcome to another My Why from me, Claire Sandys, co-host of The Silent Why podcast.
This My Why is the next episode of my ‘To every thing there is a season’ series, where on the first Friday of the month for a whole year I will share lessons I’m learning from each month of the year, and two thirds of the way through, I've reached October.
October is known for autumn colour, Halloween, the Cheltenham Literature Festival and the entrance way to winter, but I'm also throwing in lumpy hedgehogs, scraggly magpies, ruffled crows and why this October feels a bit sadder for me and my grief than last year.
I also coin the new phrase 'my grief is on the bubble'.
Loss 34/101: Loss of health and life in paediatric patients: Hui-wen Sato
04 Oct 2022
00:55:15
#052. Imagine working with sick and dying children, where feelings of loss are all too familiar. How would you prepare for going to work everyday?
In this episode we chat to Hui-wen Sato, a Paediatric Intensive Care Unit nurse at Children’s Hospital Los Angeles.
This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around loss and grief and to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of loss.
Loss #34 of 101 - Loss of health and life in paediatric patients
Hui-wen lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young daughters and two tortoises. She has worked as a Paediatric Nurse since 2010, after changing careers from working with the elderly. Since starting this work she has truly seen the best and the worst of humanity, and through this journey she has developed a passion to talk about the ‘inner heart experiences of nurses’.
We wanted to chat to her to find out what it’s like to work in a job that involves facing constant loss of health and life in children and their families. What drives her to do it? What can you find to enjoy in work like this? How does she protect herself from compassion fatigue? And what has she learnt about grief through her role?
Hui-wen has a beautiful way of expressing how grief has taught and shaped her, and her view of life, faith and family. She shares wisdom to help us all when facing loss and grief, but especially those who face it in their workplaces on a daily/weekly basis.
She also shares a fantastic text response her friend sent, that we should all remember when dealing with friends and family who are grieving.
Loss 62/101: Loss through menopause: Diane Danzebrink
29 Apr 2025
01:16:04
#127. Think menopause is just a physical change? What if we told you it can also bring grief, loss of identity, and a hit to your mental health?
This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around grief, exploring asking if hope can be found in 101 different types of permanent loss.
Loss #62 of 101: Loss through menopause
In this episode, we welcome Diane Danzebrink, advocate, educator, and author of Making Menopause Matter. Diane experienced surgical menopause following surgery related to a potential ovarian cancer diagnosis in 2012. What followed was a mental and emotional decline that she never expected, and a battle few talk about openly.
This topic is especially close to our hearts. In 2019, Claire (your host) was also thrust into surgical menopause following a total hysterectomy, so we’ve been waiting to find the right person to speak to about the unique grief and loss tied to menopause. And we definitely found her!
Diane brings both lived experience and professional dedication to this conversation. She works tirelessly to support women through the often-invisible losses of menopause while campaigning for improved education, awareness, and support.
In this heartfelt episode, Diane speaks openly about the loss of identity, confidence, stability, and mental health, and how she ultimately transformed her pain into purpose.
Whether you’re going through menopause, supporting someone who is, or simply want to better understand this transition, this episode offers compassion, clarity, and hope.
A lot of people are curious about how to create your own podcast, so on the first anniversary of The Silent Why I thought I'd share my advice with you. This is my brief overview of what it takes to create and launch a podcast, and why we called ours The Silent Why.
Welcome to another My Why from Claire Sandys (co-host of The Silent Why podcast).
For some people podcasts are these slightly confusing things that appear on their podcast app and they have no idea how you would actually get one on there. Well, I'm here to demystify all that for you and explain how the process works, what an RSS feed is, and how you get from a podcast idea through it being available on somewhere like Apple Podcasts, Spotify etc.
I also wanted to explain a bit more about why we chose this name for the podcast and why I've recently added 'because shhh happens' to our podcast artwork.
Let's Chat... Returning to work after pregnancy loss & infertility (with Jackie Mancinelli)
27 Sep 2022
00:35:08
#051. Let’s Chat… about the challenges of returning to work for teachers after pregnancy loss and infertility. Educators don’t just have adult colleagues to navigate when going back to work after loss but also classrooms full of students.
These Let’s Chat… episodes pop-up every now and then instead of one of our 101 different types of loss, as I (Claire Sandys, co-host of The Silent Why podcast) chat to a guest who has experience or expertise in a particular area that can help us deal with, or prepare for, loss.
In this Let’s Chat… I chat to Jackie Mancinelli in New Jersey, a high school English and ESL teacher, and founder of Start Healing Together - an organisation dedicated to supporting educators and teachers experiencing pregnancy loss and infertility.
Jackie is passionate about advocating for rights in the workplace, to educate others on how to discuss pregnancy loss and infertility grief, provide helpful resources, and support educators when they return to work.
She shares her own experiences of returning to teaching high school students after the loss of her son, Richard, as well as the different challenges when returning to teach younger age groups.
In this chat you’ll hear about all the areas Jackie works in to help parents, including updating contracts for bereavement leave, developing individualised plans for returning to work and support services for students, as well as what employees and colleagues can do to help those around them in the workplace.
You’ll also hear her written answer to the one question I wanted to know the answer to but forgot to ask during our chat.
And with each Let’s Chat… guest I'm building a whole tool shed (metaphorically), of tools to help you face and get through loss. So let’s see what Jackie adds to my growing list of tools.
Turns out - there's no 'fun' in funeral. They're just a really awkward, painful necessity to endure when someone dies.
Or are they?
This week I share why I didn't want to attend family funerals, how my view has now changed, the value they hold in the grieving process, how mourning allows our grief space, and how not hiding death away allows us to face it and understand it more.
I also share some tips for surviving those lonely days that follow.
One day in the future you will most likely find yourself at a funeral, and I guarantee you'll find that a lot easier if you understand their value and purpose, and are prepared for how you might feel afterwards.
Whether you knew the person that died well, or didn't know them at all, the time after a funeral can be very lonely and confusing, but that's perfectly natural, you just need to know how to navigate, and understand, what you're feeling.
After all, as a guest on the podcast recently shared: 'Funeral's are for the living, not the dead.'
Welcome to another My Why from Claire Sandys (co-host of The Silent Why podcast).
#050. For this special episode we (your hosts, Chris & Claire) shared some thoughts and reflections while watching the live televised state funeral of Queen Elizabeth II at Westminster Abbey in London (a mere few hours drive from where we live in England).
For this episode there's no script, no editing of what we say (partly because there's music in the background a lot and that makes it nearly impossible!), no prior discussion, just us pressing record on our phones when we had something to share or capture.
Following 10 days of national mourning in the UK and 4 days of the Queen's coffin lying-in-state (with hundreds of thousands of people queueing for hours to walk past and pay their respects), we have arrived at the funeral. Predicted to be potentially "the biggest live TV event in history", with viewing figures estimated at up to four billion people across the world. This is an event of a lifetime for many people.
Loss and mourning on this scale throws up a lot of questions, debate and interesting insights into how comfortable our country is with grieving. Since we've been discussing it a lot at home, and how it relates to our own personal journeys with loss, we thought it would be good to record our thoughts, comments and reflections while we were watching it live on television.
So, welcome to our lounge, with the funeral in the background, and our thoughts on the loss of our Queen, the pomp and ceremony, the Royal family and female bishop's haircuts.
Elizabeth Alexandra May Windsor 21.04.1926 - 08.09.2022
As the UK remains in a period of national mourning following the death of Queen Elizabeth II, there’s a lot we can learn about our own response to it. And what does national mourning actually look like when you swap a Queen for a King?
Welcome to another My Why from me, Claire Sandys, co-host of The Silent Why podcast.
It struck me as I was watching a long silence in Westminster Hall, just after the Queen’s coffin arrived to 'lie in state', that in the busyness of our capital, at the very heart in fact, there was a reverence and a silence. And whatever you thought of Great Britain's Queen, or our new King Charles III, the decision to stop and reflect on loss is never a bad thing. Whether a monarch, or someone/something else you've lost - it is always good to pause.
Loss 33/101: Loss of a Queen: Chris & Claire Sandys (and friends)
13 Sep 2022
01:09:05
#049. Reflections on, and tributes to, our longest-reigning monarch, Queen Elizabeth II, after the announcement of her death three days ago.
Elizabeth Alexandra May Windsor 21.04.1926 - 08.09.2022
We never considered that in the short time we'd be exploring 101 losses, we'd need to hastily prepare an episode on the loss of our Queen. Yet here we are.
Loss #33 of 101.
At 7pm on Thursday 8 September 2022 the UK was stunned by a statement from 'His Majesty the King'.
Just 30 minutes earlier, news had officially been shared that HM the Queen had died.
For his first words as the UK's new monarch, King Charles III wrote this:
"The death of my beloved Mother, Her Majesty The Queen, is a moment of the greatest sadness for me and all members of my family. We mourn profoundly the passing of a cherished Sovereign and a much-loved Mother. I know her loss will be deeply felt throughout the country, the Realms and the Commonwealth, and by countless people around the world.
During this period of mourning and change, my family and I will be comforted and sustained by our knowledge of the respect and deep affection in which The Queen was so widely held."
Meanwhile on BBC TV, senior presenter Huw Edwards was making an announcement he knew would be making history: "A few moments ago, Buckingham Palace announced the death of Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II."
As our country enters 10 days of official mourning, we wanted to stop and reflect on our thoughts and memories of the Queen, what this sort of loss might look. So we both wrote down three particular aspects of the loss we'd been thinking on to discuss and share with you. These include; media coverage, the impact of one little life on the world, wording, a life of service, the past influencing the future, and the importance of mourning. Plus, you can hear tributes and reflections from those we know (that's what makes this the longest episode we've released to date, they were too good to cut down).
Earlier today our country was told that our Queen, the UK’s longest-reigning monarch, had died. These are my reflections, written just hours after receiving the news, on the loss of our Queen.
A huge loss for a grieving world, a history-changing loss to our grieving nation and a personal loss to a grieving family.
Dedicated to the memory of Queen Elizabeth II: Elizabeth Alexandra May Windsor 21.04.1926 - 08.09.2022
Rest in peace ma'am, for your peace has been well earned.
I’m Claire Sandys, co-host of The Silent Why podcast, and My Why episodes are weekly audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here: thesilentwhy.com/post/thankyouyourmajesty
Let's Chat... Back to School Pain (with Elizabeth Leon)
06 Sep 2022
00:48:24
#048 If you're feeling any pain with the words 'back to school' - this episode is for you.
This last-minute Let's Chat... episode was inspired by a very honest Instagram video that I saw posted by a previous guest about the pain of ‘Back to School’ week. I know it’s a hard time for a lot of people, because it is for me too, so I reached out to this person to see if she’d return to The Silent Why to chat to me about it. And she said 'yes!' So I’m putting the episode straight out for anyone else that finds September hard - you’re not alone.
These Let’s Chat… episodes pop-up every now and then instead of one of our 101 different types of loss, as I (Claire Sandys, co-host of The Silent Why podcast) chat to a guest who has experience or expertise in a particular area that can help us deal with, or prepare for, loss.
In this episode I chat to Elizabeth Leon from Virginia, US, about back to school pain.
Whether you’re facing the excitement and heartbreak of sending a child to school for the first or last time, fed up with the holidays and enjoying that first peaceful cup of tea, wishing your child could hit those 'normal' milestones, or watching it all play out wishing you had any part in it (and all the other emotions!), this conversation is a safe space to listen and explore your own feelings.
Elizabeth went live on Instagram last week because it was the first time for 22 years that she wasn't part of the back to school week. The shock came about partly because her two high school children aren't living with her this year, but she's also aware that her son, John Paul (who was born with Trisomy 18 and only lived for 28 hours), would have been starting school next year.
So I invited her to explore what a conversation might sound like between a mum of ten, a loss mum, an empty nester and a childless woman (and that's just two women!).
I ended up throwing out all my questions part-way through this interview because our heart-to-heart was so natural it didn’t need them.
This My Why is the next episode of my ‘To every thing there is a season’ series, where on the first Friday of the month for a year I am sharing lessons I’m learning from each month, and we’ve reached September.
So tune in to hear my thoughts on the month of 'Septem', why it is often dominated by two other things beginning with 's', and how being able to hold things in tension can make us better, deeper, more mature humans.
Loss 32/101: Loss of physical ability after a stroke: Peter Ellis
30 Aug 2022
00:40:10
#047. Peter had big plans for his retirement. But within months of his career ending, while gardening at the Georgian house he was renovating with his husband, he felt a pain like a bee sting shoot up his arm. This turned out to be the first sign of a massive stroke which would see his retirement dreams being cruelly torn away.
This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around grief and to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of loss.
Loss #32 of 101 - Loss of physical ability after a stroke
In March 2018, not long after he’d retired, Peter Ellis from Norfolk, England, was in the garden when he felt the effects of the start of a massive stroke caused by a brain bleed.
Peter spent six months in hospital and is still continuing rehab four years later. Despite regaining some mobility he still suffers with paralysis of the left side of his body which impacts his mouth, left arm, and foot. He's also been diagnosed with epilepsy and has had falls resulting in fractures of the hip, pelvis and shoulder.
And because a stroke affects the brain it can change emotions and behaviour too, and Peter also has to deal with emotionalism, which results in bouts of crying. Something he rarely did before the stroke.
Peter has faced an enormous amount of loss and is still coming to terms with, not only the physical abilities he’s lost but also the loss of his retirement plans and dreams, loss of independence and loss of control.
Peter’s experience is a challenging one, especially for any driven, motivated man with big plans for their retirement. Peter, and his husband Duncan, were looking forward to renovating their Georgian house together, and Peter has also had to watch the effect his stroke has had on the life of his partner too as he cares for him at home.
This conversation is an honest look at how a stroke can impact someone’s life and the complicated list of losses that follow. Peter is using writing as a way of processing this journey through his blog, and is relearning the joy of small achievements and a new appreciation for those with disabilities that he’d previously cared for himself. It’s a testament to how even in some of our darkest days there are still some things that just insist on rising to the surface to get our attention, and it’s not just hope (like we focus on on the podcast), but faith, love, and a sense of humour.
Let's Chat... The Adventure of Grief (with Bianca Neumann)
15 Apr 2025
00:53:26
#126. Let's Chat... about seeing grief as an adventure.
Welcome to another Let’s Chat episode, where instead of continuing our 101 Types of Loss list, I sit down with guests who have expertise and personal insight into different aspects of loss.
In this episode, I (Claire) have the pleasure of talking with Bianca Neumann, the Assistant Director of Bereavement at Sue Ryder – a charity dedicated to providing the right support, at the right time, for people who are end of life or grieving.
We explore the idea of grief as an adventure - what it is, what it isn’t, and how we can navigate its unfamiliar terrain. Bianca shares insights on how grief is often misrepresented, the power of support groups, and why learning to self-soothe in sorrow matters.
We also talk about the idea that while we can’t choose our losses, we can choose how we respond. And we reflect on one powerful question: What do you want from life?
Also, Bianca adds a tool to my metaphorical shed, which is bursting with resources to help us grow through grief.
For more about Bianca and Sue Ryder's work (including their Grief Kind Spaces), visit:
BLOG: My Why: A Sky Full of Scars by Coldplay (& Claire)
26 Aug 2022
00:07:43
Last Saturday (20 August 2022) Chris and I went to see Coldplay at Wembley Stadium in London, part of their Music of the Spheres World Tour. It was an amazing experience.
Welcome to another My Why from Claire Sandys, co-host of The Silent Why podcast.
My Why episodes are weekly audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here:thesilentwhy.com/post/askyfullofscars
Watching some people being interviewed about their favourite Coldplay songs on social media, before seeing them perform, I realised how many people connect with their songs when going through grief and loss. So I thought, what if I took the lyrics that speak into love, loss, grief and hope (can't forget about hope) from twenty-two of their songs and put them all together, in a Coldplay mashup about loss and love? So I did. It's called A Sky Full of Scars. Enjoy.
#046. What's it like to spend your day job leading other people's funerals? And what are the top things you should put in place for your own?
Welcome back to Let’s Chat…
These episodes pop-up every now-and-then instead of one of our 101 different types of loss, as I (Claire Sandys, one of the co-hosts of The Silent Why podcast) chat to a guest who has experience or expertise in a particular area that can help us deal with, or prepare for, loss.
In this Let’s Chat… I speak to Evelyn Calaunan about being a Funeral Celebrant.
Evelyn lives in the Blue Mountains in Australia, where she’s lived for over 20 years, but her accent reflects her earlier years spent growing up in US Army bases around the world. Her father’s sudden death and becoming a funeral celebrant have profoundly changed her life and I was very curious to hear more about what a role like this does, and what she’s seen and experienced in the world of funerals - and I was not disappointed!
She shares her world of leading funerals, funeral planning, memorable experiences, practical tips for thinking about how we want to be remembered, stories of saying goodbye to old and young, and an infectious zest for life and her job.
And with each Let's Chat guest I'm building a whole tool shed (metaphorically), of tools to help you face and get through loss. So let’s see what Evelyn adds to my growing list of tools.
Evelyn has her own podcast where she explores the narrative of people’s lives by having courageous conversations that tackle compelling topics to help us expand our minds, gain perspective and inspire us to do things differently. For more information visit: Life’s Rich Tapestry - https://lifesrichtapestry.com.au/.
Urgh. Providing creative content and hoping you can get paid for it is hard and confusing, but I think I've worked out why I had such a problem asking for money and how a shift in my mindset can help me, and my audience.
Welcome to another My Why from me, Claire Sandys, co-host of The Silent Why podcast.
My Why episodes are weekly audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here:thesilentwhy.com/post/askingformoney
I'm plagued by the word 'monetization' at the moment. Not only can I not work out if I should spell it with an 's' or a 'z', but as one of my only hopes for income through the podcast I've been trying to learn about all the different ways this can work, and it's terrifying. Why is asking for money so flippin' hard?!
I've worked out it's partly because I viewed this concept as people expecting to jack in their paid job and seek money from others so they can do some thing they love, and yet when I really sat down and opened it up I realised I'd got it all back-to-front.
It turns out those asking for support weren't just expecting anyone to give them money - there's more to it than that. And if we wrestle with all this, it actually says a lot about us than others. So, if this is something you struggle to get your head round, I hope my thoughts and (rather brilliant, if I do say so myself) analogy will help you understand monetization a bit more.
Loss 31/101: Loss through parenting a child with Angelman Syndrome: Vlad Korotkov & Irina Karaseva
16 Aug 2022
00:55:08
#045. Vlad Korotkov & Irina Karaseva, had the typical dreams of parenting when they got pregnant with their first child in 2019, but sadly this was not going to be their experience.
On The Silent Why podcast we're on a mission to open up conversations around loss and grief, to see if hope can be found in 101 different types of loss. Can it be found in the parenting of a child with disabilities?
Early on in their parenting journey Vlad & Irina, a Russian married couple from London, had suspicions that everything was not as it should be, and when their daughter, Emily, was 1 year old, she was diagnosed with Angelman Syndrome.
Loss #31 of 101 - Loss through parenting a child with Angelman Syndrome
Angelman Syndrome is a genetic condition that affects the nervous system and causes severe physical and learning disabilities.
This episode is the first time we’ve interviewed both sides of a couple and had four people chatting together. When Irina asked if her husband could join us on this chat we replied with an enthusiastic ‘yes!’, because just like she’s experienced, we’ve found it’s often the women that are found to be speaking out on some of the tougher issues around loss and grief.
In this honest chat, Vlad and Irina share what it was like to find out their daughter wouldn’t be the healthy child they were expecting and what losses and griefs are involved in raising a child that may not see the typically expected milestones. They also share about the unique traits associated with the condition, including extreme affection and fascination with water.
What form and shape does your grief take right now? Because working that out can actually help you through it, and those around you.
Welcome to another My Why from Claire Sandys, co-host of The Silent Why podcast.
My Why episodes are weekly audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here: thesilentwhy.com/post/softorspiky
Around our village this week we've seen a lot of soft, spiky things floating around (I can even see one now out of the window!), and being a curious person I set off to find out where they're coming from and what they're up to. To my surprise the mission actually led me to a few places, including a verge down the road as well as Scotland, poetry and then back to good old grief.
#044. Another milestone reached! We've hit loss number 30 on our mission to explore 101 different types, meaning we only have 71 (!) to go.
In this episode we (Chris & Claire Sandys) pause briefly to discuss what we've learned so far on this journey. What are the takeaways? What has encouraged us? What will we try in the future? What's most memorable about the last 10 losses we've explored?
We're loving every second of talking to others on this podcast, but we're also learning a lot about healthy ways to process our own childlessness grief.
And because we ask every guest 'What's your Herman?', we've mixed together the last 10 guest's Hermans - so tune in for the not-yet-famous 'Hermontage' to hear what they want to share to help you in your loss.
Huge thanks to Losses 21-30: Carol Tyler, David Richman, Lis Whybrow, Grant Morgan, Sasha Bates, Mick North, Clarissa Moll, Jennifer Bute, Steve Keogh, and Alicia Williams.
If you'd like to see our guests and encourage them, pop over to our social media for the latest collage of their lovely faces and hit 'like'.
What can we learn from this month that helps us the rest of the year?
This My Why is the next episode of my ‘To every thing there is a season’ series, where on the first Friday of the month for a year I am sharing lessons I’m learning from each month of the year, and we’ve reached August.
Welcome to another My Why from Claire Sandys (co-host of The Silent Why podcast).
As far as I can see, in literature, poetry and quotes there are two main themes about August - heat and holidays. Which tells me two things - a) they're mostly written by people living in the northern hemisphere, b) it's not going to be the easiest month for a childless woman living in England!
Join me as I ponder August and all the questions (that I don't want to answer) that it so kindly throws my way.
Loss 30/101: Loss through Young-Onset Dementia: Jennifer Bute
02 Aug 2022
00:52:17
#043. A big welcome to our first in-person podcast guest for this episode - Dr Jennifer Bute, a retired medical doctor from Cheltenham, Gloucestershire. Exciting!
The Silent Why is our podcast mission to open up conversations around loss and grief, and to see if hope can be found in 101 types of permanent loss. Someone recently described us as “collecting stories of hope” and we liked that!
Loss #30 of 101 - Loss through young-onset dementia
In 2009, in her late 50's, Jennifer was diagnosed with young-onset dementia, which ultimately caused the loss of her much-loved career as a GP. Since then she relocated with her husband, Stanley, into a retirement home for extra care, but sadly and unexpectedly he died just four months later.
In this episode Jennifer opens up about the challenges of living with dementia, her passion for helping others with the same condition, her hope for the future of dementia care, her strong faith in good coming from bad, and why they now call it 'young' onset rather than 'early' onset dementia.
Jennifer is a beacon of hope despite facing a number of previous losses including what she describes as 'the totally avoidable' death of her husband, a last-minute end to an engagement, loss of sleep for two years after her daughter’s birth and the death of her mother when she was 4 years old.
For more about Jennifer, her book and the resources she has created for all areas of dementia care (including end of life, travelling, melt downs, restoring speech and much more) visit: https://gloriousopportunity.org/
Strap yourself in, because I'm on my soapbox this week!
Welcome to another My Why from Claire Sandys (co-host of The Silent Why podcast).
My Why episodes are weekly audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here:thesilentwhy.com/post/itsnotmevsyou
Over the last few years I’ve had an increasing number of discussions with people on topical issues and subjects. Through these I've noticed how many people are feeling the pressure to pick one side, and tear apart the other side. When did we stop allowing space for doubt, discussion, or individual interpretation? Or even the journey from one viewpoint to the other? Life is so much richer with diversity of thought, it's not me vs you.
My fear is that this culture is starting to leak into how we deal with our grief, and this might actually do us more harm than good.
Tune in for my soapbox moment, why I'm concerned about how we deal with grief in front of others, a new take on dealing with grief that next week's podcast guest has challenged me on, a dollop of hope, and a whole lot more.
Let's Chat... Environmental and Ecological Grief (with Dr Kriss Kevorkian)
26 Jul 2022
00:37:55
#042. Did you know you can feel 'environmental or ecological grief'? Find out more in this episode about what it is and who is feeling it.
Welcome to Let’s Chat… These episodes pop-up occasionally instead of one of our 101 different losses, as I (Claire Sandys, one of the co-hosts of The Silent Why podcast) chat to a guest who has experience or expertise in a particular area that can help us deal with, or prepare for, loss.
In this Let’s Chat… we hear from Dr Kriss Kevorkian about Environmental and Ecological Grief.
And I'm building a toolkit, well actually a whole tool shed, of equipment to help us face loss. So I'm very keen to see what each guest adds to my new shed.
Kriss lives in beautiful Gig Harbour, Washington, and holds a doctoral degree in Thanatology and a Masters in Social Work, but she also specialises in Eco/Climate Thanatology.
Kriss is an expert in grief, death and dying and has worked hard to become a leading authority on environmental and ecological grief. She is no stranger to loss and grief in her personal life, and since seeing them on a seventh grade field trip, has a great passion for whales which has led her to study and research the decline of the Southern Resident Orcas in the Salish Sea.
We chat grief, nature, whales, how we can all do our bit, why it’s important and lots more.
For those who haven't heard of the Salish Sea, it's an inland sea of the Pacific Ocean located in British Columbia, Canada. It's 440 kilometres (270 miles) long, contains more than 400 islands, has a very active marine ecosystem, diverse community of kelp species, glass sponge reefs, 253 fish species and 172 bird species.
#125. What impact can possessions have on grief? The lack of them, the loss of them, too many of them etc.
This is The Silent Why, a podcast on a mission to open up conversations around grief, exploring asking if hope can be found in 101 different types of permanent loss.
Loss #61 of 101: Loss of possessions
In this episode we welcome Naomi Westerman, a playwright, screenwriter, and author from South East London. Naomi's experienced profound loss from a young age, and with that, the difficult task of sorting through her loved ones’ possessions.
Naomi shares about the emotional weight of dealing with a parent's belongings after they die, the unexpected and sometimes painful discoveries made during this process, and how our personal experiences, relationships, and circumstances shape the way we interact with these items.
She also talks openly about her two-year journey to sort through her mum’s house and the surprising childhood object she still treasures, and the special jumper she chose for her dad’s burial.
Naomi has also wrestled with the difficult "why" questions that can arise in grief – Why me? Why did this happen? So, she shares with us what has helped her find healing, connection, and hope.
To find out more about Naomi and her book, Happy Death Club, visit:
On the hottest day ever in the UK it seems appropriate to finally introduce you to my biggest fan.
Welcome to another My Why from Claire Sandys (co-host of The Silent Why podcast).
He's tall, got a big head, a lazily chosen name, and has been my editing colleague all day, but he’s also sparked thoughts about the importance of embracing my uniqueness, and I want encourage you to do the same.
My Why episodes are weekly audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here:thesilentwhy.com/post/mybiggestfan
Loss 29/101: Loss of a sister to brain cancer: David Richman
19 Jul 2022
00:54:27
#041. Loss of a sibling can have a huge impact, but when you share as much as David did with his sister, the blow can be literally life-changing.
The Silent Why podcast is on a mission to open up conversations around loss and grief, to see if hope can be found in 101 types of loss, or as David described us; “collecting stories of hope”.
In this episode we talk to David Richman, an author and motivational speaker from California. Since his sister’s life was ended by cancer, he’s been on a transformational journey from ‘sedentary, overweight smoker in an abusive marriage’, to an endurance athlete boasting such feats as 18 Ironmans …and an 85 mile rollerblade race!
Loss #29 of 101 - Loss of a sister to brain cancer
David had a tough childhood. His mum was 21 years old when he was born (“not equipped to have kids”, David said, “and didn’t want them”) and his dad was aged 59 (“too old to have kids”). Following the death of his sister, June, he became very aware he'd lost the one person who fully understood his challenging upbringing.
David began a mission to talk to people about the emotional trauma that goes alongside a life touched by cancer. This resulted in a 41-day bike ride, covering 4,700 miles solo across America, visiting 15 people he featured in a book called Cycle of Lives he had published in 2020.
David has so much wisdom and experience to share, stemming from conversations with hundreds of people that have been through cancer, or had someone they love go through it. We chatted about what led him to change his life so drastically, how he coped with the death of his sister, the pain of being on a bike for 41 days, how he copes mentally with endurance sport, why it’s important to talk about the emotional side of cancer and loss journeys, and so much more.
So, as it hots up here in the UK for summer, I decided that the symptoms of heatstroke are pretty similar to that of grief, or griefstroke if you will, but are the remedies the same? Plenty of water, wet flannel, moving to a cool place, cold packs in the armpits... Let's find out.
Welcome to another My Why from Claire Sandys (co-host of The Silent Why podcast). These episodes are weekly audio shorts of my latest blog post. If you'd prefer to read it, you can find it here:thesilentwhy.com/post/griefstroke