This week we’re sharing a special episode from our friends at How To!, the 2026 Ambie Award-nominated “Best Personal Growth Podcast” that’s back with a new host and new topics to fuel your curiosity. 

Each week on How To!, award-winning journalist Mike Pesca tackles a listener’s question – on topics ranging from travel and finance to health and relationships – with help from world-class experts who actually know what they're talking about. Think of it as eavesdropping on someone else's therapy session, without the co-pay or awkward silence. 

And today, we’re sharing their recent episode “How To Take Psychedelics for Your Mental Health” where Mike interviews psychiatrist Dr. Will Van der Veer, a psychedelic researcher, and Myq Kaplan who has taken psychedelics for his mental health and other reasons. I love this episode because you get to hear a bunch of personal experiences of medical psychedelics and learn more about this emerging treatment for mental health conditions. 

And for more interviews like this, make sure to follow How To! on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. And tell them we sent you.

Dr. Margaret focuses today on the vital importance of what’s termed “cultural humility” as she responds to a listener voicemail, pointing out that as she’s a white person, her advice comes from a place of privilege in the US.

Do you have to have walked in someone else’s shoes, carried the same load as they have, lived a life very similar to theirs – to truly understand them? Or to offer something helpful to them?

I received a very open and honest voicemail this week that addresses this question. What follows is also a discussion of the difference between cultural competence and cultural humility.

Order The Perfectly Hidden Depression Workbook - A stand-alone workbook exploring the ten traits of Perfectly Hidden Depression, with guided exercises to help you decide what to keep from your drive and perfectionism, and what to let go.

Be a part of the conversation and join Dr. Margaret’s newsletter for one weekly email featuring the latest blog post and podcast episode. 

Have a question or comment? Send a voice message for possible use on the podcast. By recording, you give permission for your voice to be used on SelfWork!

In this episode, Dr. Margaret gives her best advice about enmeshment, Anne Burrell’s suicide, and perfectly hidden depression to those that have reached out to her in the past few months.

This episode is kind of a grab bag; one comment from a woman who loved Anne Burrell (as a response to a piece I wrote about her), another from a young man in an arranged marriage whose mother is harsh and who he feels very controlled by.

Then I’m also bringing in some comments from the TEDx on perfectly hidden depression – they’re so relatable and hit to the core of the message.

And... my new workbook was published on April 1st and is now available to you! If your drive is driving you, if you have to keep people from sensing that you may struggle, if you're someone who keeps tight emotional control always... this workbook may be for you!

Send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

How do you thrive with anxiety? Dr. David Rosemarin is our guest today who talks specifically about how to understand your anxiety as something that can help you thrive - when you work with it, and not against it.

David is the director of the Spirituality and Mental Health Program at McLean Hospital. And he's an associate professor of psychology in the Department of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. He studies the relevance of spirituality to mental health. His own research has identified that faith is associated with improved treatment outcomes for depressed patients who see themselves as "spiritual beings."

Have you been putting off getting help? BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

Today we're focusing on the lasting impact of trauma. Many of us are quite good - or efficient is perhaps a better word – at avoiding and denying and building a façade that’s rock solid around you… that no one would guess that trauma had every occurred in your life. Or how it could be affecting you now.

I have a story for you that will illustrate how easily it can be affecting you in ways that you don't recognize... until you do. And healing from trauma can occur, perhaps slowly, but it's more than possible. As always, we'll focus on "what you can do about it."

Our listener email is from a young woman who watched my TEDx and decided to write me about her lifelong battle with depression – how she feels she’s a horrible disappointment to her parents – and in her short email, has only shaming and self-destructive things to say about herself. But there’s one thing she never mentions that seems so obvious… I hope I can help her see her condition differently, so she can take action toward a better life.

Click HERE for the NEW fabulous offer from AG1 – with bonus product with your subscription!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

What do you do when you hit a wall? And what IS that wall anyway? How often are you able to recognize that that’s what’s happening? Some of you might quickly say, “I can’t hit a wall. I’ve got too many responsibilities. I need to make money. I need to keep going no matter what.”

The three walls we'll focus on today are exhaustion, self-doubt, and saying, "I don't know" or "I need help." First, how to recognize that you’re coming close to hitting your wall (which will be different for everybody) way before a negative flow of energy or what’s called a negative spiral begins to happen. And second, what you can do about it and how you can use mindfulness to slow yourself down.

Our listener voicemail is from a guy that says, “Oh my god, everything is coming together… enmeshment, depression and perfectionism” but his sentence made me laugh so hard… as he laughed at himself!

Have you been putting off getting help? BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

Perfectly hidden depression can end in tragedy.

I don’t quite remember when Penny Gray and I first talked. It was after 2019 when PHD was published. But not long after.

She’s the widow of a man, Dave, who tragically fit the rubric of perfectly hidden depression. She tells the story in this interview about how she happened upon the term "perfectly hidden depression" when she was seeking some kind of understanding about the “why” of her husband’s suicidal death. I am honored to share her story with you and could think of absolutely no better person to feature on our 400th episode.

My respect for Penny is immense. She’s fighting severe kidney disease now on top of everything else, but has a passion to tell Dave's story. You’ll hear just how hard it was for her and her children as one minute, she was texting back and forth with her husband who seemed to be having a "moment" but saying he was ‘fine’, then killed himself 15 minutes after finishing a text to her.

What exactly kept Dave from revealing his pain? She’ll talk about what she’s pieced together, while at the same time, she’s still reeling from questions and emotions that she deals with every day. Her grieving family is left to try to understand, "What was so hard that you had to kill yourself?" But there’s no real answer. Just speculation. Wonder. And maybe a sense of one or two things that, with time, are becoming more clear.

I’m truly honored to introduce you to Penny Gray.

Click here for International Suicide Hotlines

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

Photo by Sebastian Palomino.

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) is a fast-growing therapeutic model that I wanted you here at SelfWork to know more about. So, I reached out to Dr. Diana Hill who's an expert on the technique and a firm believer/practitioner in what it has to offer. ACT seems to offer safety and structure, which of course is vital in therapy. I found her to be very real, approachable, and caring as she explains how ACT can help you see how commitment to your core values and staying in the present are so easy to lose when you're faced with struggle. And, as we like to focus on at SelfWork, what you can do about it.

Here's how she explains it: "When you are faced with life’s challenges, it’s easy to lose track of what’s important, get stuck in your thoughts and emotions, and become bogged down by day-to-day problems. Even if you’ve made a commitment to live according to your core values, the ‘real-world’ has a way of driving a wedge between you and a deeper, more meaningful life."

Dr. Hill's recently published daily journal!

Her podcast Wise Effort

Click HERE for the NEW fabulous offer from AG1 – with bonus product with your subscription!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

Cyclothymia, compartmentalization, and Taylor Swift don't seem to have much in common.

But they're sharing this episode of SelfWork! And both are in response to listeners' questions and comments!

Cyclothymia is another one of those more unusual depression diagnoses (like we covered last week with PMDD) and one that doesn’t get much attention as its more dramatic cousins, Bipolar I and II. Yet it shares some of the characteristics of those cyclic disorders (hence the name cyclothymia). Dave wrote about his questions about his own diagnosis of cyclothymia and how much relief and help it brought him.

For this week’s listener email, I’m going to talk to you about a song by Taylor Swift, “I can do it with a broken heart.” A listener posted it in my closed FB group saying, “this sounds like perfectly hidden depression.” But is it?

The link to the song by Taylor Swift: " I can do it with a broken heart"

Have you been putting off getting help? BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

What is Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder or or PMDD? We're going to focus today on what it is and what it's not, who suffers from it, how early can it emerge, why is it so misunderstood, misdiagnosed, or even ridiculed (which of course makes seeking treatment much harder). And, as always, what you can do about it.

This episode is in response to a listener's Instagram message to me about the "monster" that emerged every month from within her. So, I’m delighted to share with you what I know and have learned about PMDD through researching what the experts have to say. And I’ll offer a few really great support links in the show notes.

Our listener voicemail was hard for me to decipher – but the gist of it is that she’s describing that all she can think about is work and she feels very self-centered, with little empathy or support for others. Her pain is evident in her voice (in fact that’s probably one reason it was more difficult to understand).

Incredible help and support with the International Association of Premenstrual Disorders

YouTube video featuring sufferers of PMDD

YouTube video of expert and up-to-date information about PMDD

Recent studies on PMDD

Cosmopolitan article on PMDD

What's happening hormonally with PMS

Click HERE for the NEW fabulous offer from AG1 – with bonus product with your subscription!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

Marjorie Aunos' story is not one you'll forget. In one second, she went from being an able-bodied mom to a disabled one.

As a clinical psychologist, Marjorie developed the first program offering support for families headed by parents with intellectual disabilities in the province of Quebec, Canada. She fought for parents with intellectual disabilities to not be judged as “incapable” because of that disability. Yet in 2012, she sustained a spinal cord Injury in a car accident. Mother to a 16-month-old at the time, the accident and injury left her with paraplegia. Dealing with her own fear, her own drive, and all the feelings in between, Marjorie tells her story of learning to mother from a wheelchair – and what she learned about life in the course of doing so.

Marjorie Aunos, Ph.D. is 2021 Inspirational Speaker of the Year, an author, internationally renowned researcher, psychologist, adjunct professor at Brock University and UQTR, and a member at large of the Council of Canadians with Disabilities. She is the co-author of a book on Parenting Capacity Assessment and the author of Mom on Wheels: The Power of Purpose as a Parent with Paraplegia.

Have you been putting off getting help? It's 2024, and BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

Why don't you talk about your struggle with depression?

You may have lots of reasons, or excuses, or justifications. But I found out by reading the responses on (what I'm honored to say) is a viral TEDx talk, "How to recognize perfectly hidden depression", that so many of us need to know that this struggle is common - and doesn't have to be hidden.

Some of those reasons are: "It came on so gradually, I didn't notice," or, "I don't trust doctors," or "I"m afraid what will happen if I talk about a mental health struggle."

Today I answer the question of why you don't talk about your depression, and give you solid reasons why most of those justifications are just that... justifications. Not rational reasons. It' s not easy.... but there are so many benefits to seeking understanding and help.

HealthLine article on common hurdles to revealing depression

Andrew Solomon’s TED talk

Ten traits of perfectly hidden depression

Click HERE for the NEW fabulous offer from AG1 – with bonus product with your subscription!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

Do you feel guilty for not doing enough? Many people do... the problem is known as productivity guilt. But as always, there's something you can do about it.

Today on SelfWork Dr. Margaret offers nine helpful reminders that can guide you away from this guilt, so that you can stay on task and realize your goals.

Here they are:

One: Attaining goals isn't immediate. It takes time. Two: You can't avoid risk. Three: Your belief in yourself will wax and wane. Four: Life is a process not a product. Five: Ask for help if you're struggling. Six: Be aware of the impact of those around you. Seven: If you're in an overly controlling or abusive relationship, realize it. Eight: Have a growth mindset and know you can learn. Nine: Realize if your goal aligns with your values.

The listener email for today focuses on when trust is lost and what it takes to regain it.

Dr. Mark Traverse's article in Psychology Today on productivity guilt

Trauma Bond Episode on SelfWork

My TEDx : How to Recognize Perfectly Hidden Depression

Have you been putting off getting help? It's 2024, and BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

.

Friendships are vital for your sense of well-being.

When you know that you have people that you can count on to be there for you when you need them, who you feel solidly connected to. that knowledge can offer a kind of grounding that's unshakeable.

Dr. Margaret invites Marisa Franco to SelfWork to discuss how she discovered this for herself, how friendships have provided her with steady caring and acceptance, and how she uses the science of attachment to help you understand how to create and keep friendships in your life.

Pre-order The Perfectly Hidden Depression Workbook - A stand-alone workbook exploring the ten traits of Perfectly Hidden Depression, with guided exercises to help you decide what to keep from your drive and perfectionism, and what to let go.

Publishes April 1st! Pre-orders matter!

 Be a part of the conversation and join Dr. Margaret’s newsletter for one weekly email featuring the latest blog post and podcast episode.

 Have a question or comment? Send a voice message for possible use on the podcast. By recording, you give permission for your voice to be used on SelfWork!

Manifestation has been widely dismissed as self-involved, materialistic phooey. Now, James R. Doty, MD—a Stanford neurosurgeon, New York Times bestselling author, and Dalai Lama collaborator—reveals that manifestation is rooted in science.

Throughout his latest book, Mind Magic.  Dr. Doty unveils his six-part plan for harnessing your mind’s power to change your brain structure and reclaim your agency. He grounds you in practices for neurological transformation by strategically targeting your attention, desires, obstacles, intention, passion, and expectations, so you can consciously create the life you want.

In addition to his medical expertise, Dr. Doty has the lived experience of using manifestation to revamp his reality. After he went from rags to riches back to rags, Dr. Doty overhauled his thinking to focus on being spiritually and morally centered. In turn, the riches stayed for the long haul.

Click HERE for the NEW fabulous offer from AG1 – with bonus product with your subscription!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

We'll talk today about the interweaving of depression and knowing you matter (or mattering). In my FB group, someone asked the question, "Do you ever wish you were more important to someone than you are? Like, I know I’m important to some people but there are others where I feel like they are more important to me than the other way around and I feel bad about it. Thats sooooo stupid right?

The main answer was, “No that’s not stupid.”

How have learned you matter or didn’t matter? How is mattering different from self-esteem? Or is it? And as always, what you can do about it – meaning what you can do about it if you feel you don’t matter.

Our Speakpipe message this week is from a mom who’s very worried about her son’s drinking and alleged abuse of his wife. There’s a grandchild involved as well… I’ll have a couple of ideas for her… and for you if you’re in this situation. It’s a really really tough one.

Scientific American article on mattering

SelfWork episode on self-esteem and self-acceptance

SelfWork episode on trauma bonding

Mayo Clinic article on interventions with people who struggle with alcohol

Have you been putting off getting help? It's 2024, and BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

Suicide is discussed in this episode. Here is the link to the suicide prevention text hotline. 

"My bipolar disorder almost killed me." These are the words of Gabe Howard as he talked about his life with bipolar disorder. He's also an award-winning podcast host, author, and sought-after speaker. And he's someone that so many admire for his openness and knowledge around mental health issues - including me. In this episode, he talks about the ins and outs of being bipolar and passes on vital information about how to have a great life with bipolar!

In 2003, he was diagnosed with bipolar and anxiety disorders after being committed to a psychiatric hospital. It took him four years to begin to understand and cope effectively with his illness. But he's gone on to act as a huge advocate for mental health treatment.

Gabe hosts the weekly Inside Mental Health podcast for Healthline Media and is the author of Mental Illness is an Asshole and Other Observations.

Click HERE for the NEW fabulous offer from AG1 – with bonus product with your subscription!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

The Surgeon General Vivek Murthy has stated that there is an epidemic of loneliness in the United States and the World Health Organization has declared it as a pressing global health threat, with a mortality effect equivalent to smoking 15 cigarettes a day. In this episode, we’ll talk about loneliness, how simple acts of empathy can be vital to healing loneliness, and "the power of eight minutes" - a way of communicating about needing help, as suggested by thought leader Simon Sinek.

In our email segment,I’m going to read a response one of my blogposts received a few months ago – from a partner who watches his wife dealing with enmeshment with her mom – and what kinds of problems that has caused.

Scripps News article: Why Are Americans Spending More Time Alone

New York Times Article on happiness phone call challenge

Simon Sinek post on the power of the eight minute phone call

SelfWork podcast on enmeshment

Have you been putting off getting help? It's 2024, and BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

This week we're focusing on all of you who might see yourself or someone you love as being a HSP - or highly sensitive person. Given that 15 to 20% of the population is thought to “have” it – and I say that in quotes because it’s not something you have, it's something you are - it’s not an illness or a problem. It’s a personality trait. It characterizes you. It’s what people might say about you when they’re trying to describe you. Like he’s stubborn or she’s persistent. They might say, “She gets things before many people do.”

I’ll read the messages and questions that several people had in contacting me, and will do my best to answer. We'll cover the gifts of being highly sensitive, but also some of the struggles inherent within it. But also this episode will have lots of great information for you – one link is a self-test for HSP researched and designed by the psychologist who coined the term HSP, Dr. Elaine Aron.

Dr. Elaine Aron's website where you can find the free self-tests!

Dr. Judith Orloff's website and her books on empathy 

Dr. Caroline Leaf's interview with Dr. Aron and tips and techniques to cope with it

Recent study comparing those who are HSP and those signaling they "have" HSP

Click HERE for the NEW fabulous offer from AG1 – with bonus product with your subscription!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

What do you do when your child is an addict? My guest on SelfWork this week is Ken Guidroz, author of Letters To My Son In Prison. He's a husband, father of three sons, a grandfather, and an ex-pastor. All three sons had struggles with drugs. But his middle son? For years, Lucas was a heroin addict. And he accidentally killed a man while driving high. And he ran from the scene.

Ken takes the reader through the years his son served in prison and what they both learned; not all the letters they wrote are published. But you can see and hear the complexity of the emotions both experienced.

I sat down to read and four hours later got up. It was riveting.

Get your SelfWork merch here on Zazzle!

Have you been putting off getting help? It's 2024, and BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 This week we’re going to be talking about couples therapy – and what misconceptions keep couples away from trying it. I can’t tell you how wonderful it is when a couple comes in WAY before there’s a crisis. But most don't. And these misconceptions are often the culprit; these six misconceptions keep couples out of therapy which also acts to help them avoid vulnerability.

What are some of these misconceptions? You're no longer in control. It takes too long and it's too expensive. Individual therapy is better than couples. And I'll also add some direct suggestions for those who might be talking about divorce.

Hope you'll listen in!

The listener email is one I won’t read. But it made me want to share a couple of my thoughts about why I do this podcast, and what I hope you take from it. And what I hope you don’t.

Advertiser's Link: 

Click HERE for the NEW fabulous offer from AG1 – with bonus product with your subscription!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

From getting through divorce to illness to death, your life can be turned on a dime in a seeming second. And you need your friends and loved ones to understand that you’re grieving, and need comfort. But that's not always what you get. Sometimes, they say the wrong thing and at the wrong time.

Maybe it’s laughable. Maybe it’s not. But often, either the most self-centered or ignorant or awkward responses will come your way.

That’s what we’re going to talk about today on SelfWork. How NOT to say the wrong at the wrong time. I’ll use an article that one of my own clients told me about – an opinion piece from the LA Times written by Dr. Susan Silk and Barry Goldman a few years back. Their slogan? Comfort in, dump out.

The listener email is from a SelfWork listener about her identification as a HSP – a highly sensitive person - and both the relief and confusion that brings her.

Dr. Silk's article in the LA Times

A description of ring theory in Wikipedia

A wonderful article about HSP or highly sensitive people.

The article where I was quoted about grandparenting

Get your SelfWork merch here on Zazzle!

Have you been putting off getting help? It's 2024, and BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

Today’s SelfWork was inspired by feedback from members of my FB group when I asked for potential topics - and they suggested Answering Your Questions About Therapy.

So.. what were the questions?

1) How to be real with your therapist about what’s not working...

2) Why do I want to feel that my therapist likes me?

3) How do I handle the fear that I’m “too much” for my therapist?

4) How to leave therapy...

Everyone in every profession has an innate or learned comfort level and interest in certain kinds of work. Therapists are no different. And clients also have “kinds” of therapists they prefer and want to work with. Today I'll answer these questions about therapy and more!

The Speakpipe voicemail for this week left me with several thoughts about the impact of chronic trauma and the lives of people who are living it, and at times, may be creating it.

I want to thank Choosing Therapy for including SelfWork in their top 15 podcasts on depression for 2024! And to thank all of you for tuning in, sharing, and helping to make SelfWork… work! You are the reason that we keep growing so my gratitude of course extends to you as well!

Wonderful article on therapy in MindCenter

Get your SelfWork merch here on Zazzle!

Have you been putting off getting help? It's 2024, and BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

Today, SelfWork is featuring Stanford psychiatrist Dr. David Spiegel, one of the world’s most respected and published experts in the field of hypnosis. And if you think hypnosis is some magic trick, you don't know what true hypnosis is. What’s often relegated as a sideshow is actually the oldest form of Western psychotherapy and a powerful evidence-based treatment for numerous disorders.

Dr. Spiegel is aiming to break the stigma around hypnosis and introduce its clinically backed power to the masses. He’s treated 7K+ patients suffering from chronic pain, insomnia, mental illness, eating disorders, addiction, and more with hypnosis, and cofounded self-hypnosis app, Reveri. The app offers personalized, guided sessions that mirror the experience of in-person sessions with Dr. Spiegel––and it works. Over 90% of users feel the immediate, impactful relief.

And you, the listeners of SelfWork, can get TWO free weeks to try out this new app! Just use this link: https://reverihealth.app.link/selfwork. I'm using it and I can see and feel changes already. And by the way, there's no financial gain for me if you try it out. I've featured this app and Dr. Spiegel because I believe it can help some of you - and it's what you can do about it.

Get your SelfWork merch here on Zazzle!

Link for your two week free trial of REVERI! 

Click HERE for the NEW fabulous offer from AG1 – with bonus product with your subscription!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

Choosing a career is one thing. However, knowing if it's the right choice for you or if you need to consider other alternatives? That can be more difficult.

In this enlightening episode, Dr. Margaret speaks with Ashley Stahl, the author of the best-selling book, You Turn: Get Unstuck, Discover Your Direction, Design Your Dream Career . They delve deep into the complexities of career choices and the transformative journey of discovering your true calling - one that more exactly fits with your core values. Throughout this conversation, listeners will gain invaluable insights on how to navigate these choices effectively and achieve outcomes that bring joy and fulfillment.

Pre-order The Perfectly Hidden Depression Workbook - A stand-alone workbook exploring the ten traits of Perfectly Hidden Depression, with guided exercises to help you decide what to keep from your drive and perfectionism, and what to let go.

Publishes April 1st!  Pre-orders matter!

 Be a part of the conversation and join Dr. Margaret’s newsletter for one weekly email featuring the latest blog post and podcast episode.

 Have a question or comment? Send a voice message for possible use on the podcast. By recording, you give permission for your voice to be used on SelfWork!

Last week SelfWork focused on what fear has to teach you – what it may lead you to think, feel, or experience. And this week, I want to talk about panic, panic disorder, and how you can listen to, learn from, and work with panic.

If you’ve listened to SelfWork for a while now, you probably know that I experienced my first panic attack when I was in my late 20’s. Having them changed my life – I thought at the time, for the worse. But I’ve learned that, like many things, there are gifts that come into our lives that are initially experienced as unwelcome, unexpected, or hurtful.

We're also going to talk about treatment for panic. As my friend and anxiety expert Kimberley Quinlan says, to approach anxiety and challenge its hold on you, her mantra of “It’s a beautiful day to do a hard thing” applies.

The Speakpipe voicemail for today is from a young woman who describes her father as having narcissistic traits and at the least, has been emotionally and verbally abusive. He seems to have demanded that both of his daughters care for him rather than developing lives of their own – her mom died several years ago, and now, she’s asking me what to do. The tape is a little fuzzy at times but I’ll do my best to answer her question. My answer may not be as simple as you think...

Get your SelfWork merch here on Zazzle!

Kimberley Quinlan's guest post episode on working with your anxiety

Great article in Psych Central on stopping contact with narcissistic relative 

Click HERE for the NEW fabulous offer from AG1 – with bonus product with your subscription!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

I remember my dad telling me that the main thing he feared in life was to have a heart attack when he was still young. His dad had had that happen and it killed him when my father was only a teenager. My dad, when I was 16, had a heart attack. It didn’t kill him but I so remember the look in his eyes, one of acceptance but also one of demoralization. He lived until his early 80’s but his life changed – and thus our family’s life changed due to that event.

Today we’re going to be talking about coping with fear, its difference from anxiety, and the unexpected gifts it has to offer.  I’ll offer several stories of people I’ve seen and what helped them begin to cope with their fear, whether it’s fear of failure, fear of being away from family, fear like in a phobia, fears of public speaking (one of the most common), fear of death. The range of fear we can feel is immense – but in this episode, we’ll focus on some of the positive aspects of fear.

The listener voicemail is from a listener who watched my YouTube video with Lewis Howes as well as seeing my and being a part of some FB Lives that I was doing at the time. What he noticed was that I seemed “different” during the interview than I did in the FB Live session… and he’d learned something positive from that. So we’ll feature his comments a bit later!

Excellent article by Carey Rossi on the gifts of fear

Article on 'healthy fear' in the Washington Post

My interview with Lewis Howes

Get your SelfWork merch here on Zazzle!

Have you been putting off getting help? It's 2024, and BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

I was honored to offer a TEDx talk this past year in Boca Raton, Florida. It's entitled "How to recognize perfectly hidden depression," and in it, I describe clients I've seen who'd never have seemed depressed to anyone around them. Two in particular are featured: one tried to take her life; the other came in well before that happened, but admitted he'd also had thoughts about doing the same. Having thoughts about wishing for the end of your life is much more common than many people realize—and we, as a culture, need to talk about those thoughts with one another much more transparently. Without judgment.

It's also imperative that those with an intent to die by suicide should get the help they desperately need. Yet the distinction between having thoughts about it and having a suicidal plan to carry it out is vital to understand. The first is a conversation; the second requires immediate action by whatever mental health provider or family member is told.

But if you don't feel safe to reveal such thoughts, how are those conversations ever going to happen? And that's what this episode is all about - how to talk about your depression.

The listener email is from a woman in Poland who's choosing to estrange herself from her abusive father; trust is earned not given, and there are certainly times when deciding that having no relationship - or estrangement - is the best way to protect yourself.

If you or someone you love is contemplating suicide, seek help immediately. For help 24/7, dial 988 for the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, or reach out to the Crisis Text Line by texting TALK to 741741. To find a therapist near you, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.

NEW PRODUCTS! Support SelfWork and Click here!

Dr. Margaret and The SelfWork Podcast

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

I’ve stayed away from the topic of forgiveness here on SelfWork. Why? Because the word itself means very different things to different people – especially due to your culture or religious belief. But this week, I received an email from a listener that was so poignant AND was about forgiveness, that I’ve decided to talk about it, I've learned that there are emotions that are are important to acknowledge and work through in order to “get” to forgiveness. What are those emotions? Anger. And empathy.

Let me say first… forgiveness isn’t an emotion. It’s a decision. A decision based on your beliefs, yes. But also based on information and emotional processing. And forgiveness doesn’t mean returning to or trying to be okay with abuse or manipulation.

So today once again, thank you to this listener for allowing us into her life in such a meaningful way. And I invite all of you to do the same – email me at  askdrmargaret@drmargaretrutherford.com.

Check out the work of Karla McLaren on anger and forgiveness.

Dr. John Sommers-Flannagan's work on forgiveness

Have you been putting off getting help? It's 2024, and BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

“My feelings were hurt” is a phrase very commonly used. We even use it when we talk to our children.  “Did someone hurt your feelings?” It’s kind of interesting when you think about it. Instead of asking, “What happened and how are you feeling about it?” and helping your child sort out their exact feelings, we lump them all together.

Many of us carry that lumpy mess of “hurt feelings” into our adulthood. Instead of saying, for example, “I want you to ask me what I think, or what I’d like, instead of assuming you know," you might say,  “You hurt my feelings all the time and you don’t even realize it.”

So today we'll focus on how to clean up those " hurt feelings" and express them in much clearer, healthier ways - that hopefully can lead to much better results.

Click HERE for the NEW fabulous offer from AG1 – with bonus product with your subscription!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

I’ve pulled what is the most downloaded episode of SelfWork’s history today because I've had to step off the stage again in my work to allow my body and mind to heal. Two weeks ago, I was in a huge hurry, bounding down my staircase, talking to my husband over my shoulder, in my clumsy Uggs boots – and I managed to pull off a head over heels tumble down the steps, eight or nine of them – and landed on a slate floor. Broken collarbone, mild concussion, and so many bumps and bruises... we won’t even go there.

I’m doing okay. Having some nightmares – which I suspected I would. My body is healing. My husband has been incredible. But I obviously got way behind – and so today I turn to Tina Turner who died this past year for a little inspiration for all of you.

This episode is about a night in my own life, when I realized that I needed to take a different role in my family. It’s what happens in healthy families. The change felt odd. But I realize now that it was the beginning of what should have been and needed to be. I think I love this concept so much because it uses a stage analogy. Roles change in families. And accepting those changes is part of being healthy in your own role, both on your own stage and the stage of your family.

Have you been putting off getting help? It's 2024, and BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

So many of us are living "what if" lives, meaning that we're not looking at the present and for opportunities that might be right in front of us. Instead we're worrying about the "what ifs" or "what if nots" of the world. And that can keep you in a constant state a perpetual indecisiveness. Of course, foggy thinking is a part of depression and worry is typically a huge part of anxiety. So we'll weave all that together on this episode of SelfWork.

Our SpeakPipe voicemail  for today is also about anxiety; she's talking about anticipatory anxiety as she stutters and experiences fear of ridicule because of that.  Understandably.  So, I'm going to include her excellent question in our discussion of anxiety.

Excuse Me As I Kiss The Sky - a book of poetry by Rudy Francisco

Link to A Guest House by the poet Rumi

We have a brand new sponsor of SelfWork – moonbird. What is it? It’s the world’s first, tactile breathing coach designed to fit in the palm of your hand. To try it yourself, click here and use the code SELFWORK!

Click HERE for the NEW fabulous offer from AG1 – with bonus product with your subscription!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

Norman Lear is someone whose work, talent, and creativity I’ve admired for a long time. I've used an interview that he gave before he died as my inspiration for this episode, when he said about his own mortality, "It's not the going... it's the leaving that's hard."

So today on SW, we’re going to focus on endings and grieving and three facets of grief that may be surprising:

• When grief is harder the second year and facing the future is hard
• When your grief means that you fear risking loving again
• When grief is characterized by "counterfactuals" - "what if's" for example - that keep you paralyzed and living the same life you did when the deceased was alive

Our Speakpipe voicemail today is from a daughter who’s looking for answers for her mom – after her mother has moved in with her own mother (the listener’s grandmother). “She feels a heavy energy…”. And asks how I can help…

What are counterfactuals and how do they keep you stuck in grief?

“The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same nor would you want to.”
― Elizabeth Kubler-Ross and David Kessler

Have you been putting off getting help? It's 2024, and BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

.

When I heard the name of the book my SelfWork guest - Rachel Marie Martin - has written, I knew I wanted her on the show. What's the title?  Mom Enough: Inspiring Letters for theWonderfully Exhausting but Totally Normal Days of Motherhood (Dexterity, September 26, 2023). In it you'll find greatly affirming letters written for moms at various stages of motherhood, from the melancholic to the "tear your hair out" to the poignant.

Mom enough. It reminded me of an early psychological researcher, Winnicott,  who was the first guy to stop blaming moms for all their children's psychological problems. He called it, "the good enough mother." And I know that's what I tried to be. Good enough. A

Rachel is also the founder of the popular social media community FindingJoy.net, as well as an author and host of the very popular FB page also called Finding Joy where millions of readers learn from her.  I loved having her on SelfWork - and I know you'll enjoy her thoughts about everything about motherhood. And realizing just how hard it is.

Click HERE for the NEW fabulous offer from AG1 – with bonus product with your subscription!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

You’re getting back (or will be soon) to the office or to work or school.. and you start hearing about what everyone else did over the holidays. Maybe you’ve already seen stuff on social media that seems to tell their story. Maybe you’ve scrolled Instagram reels or watched hilarious TikToks. Your own life may shrink in comparison - especially if you're living in fear.

That's the topic for today. How to confront your fear of missing out (FOMO) or how to stop chasing the "next best thing" and instead, to live in joy (JOMO) or at least contentment. Here's Lauren Cook's and Dr. Cathy Sullivan Windt's definition of JOMO: "JOMO is the satisfaction one feels in the current moment, with accompanying acceptance of what one doesn’t have in that moment.” (their article is linked below...).

Lauren Cook and Dr. Cathy Sullivan-Windt's wonderful article on JOMO:

An earlier SelfWork episode on FOMO

Click HERE for the NEW fabulous offer from AG1 – with bonus product with your subscription!

Have you been putting off getting help? It's 2024, and BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

Note: In this episode, Dr. Margaret talks with Penny Gray, who lost her husband to suicide. Please read/listen carefully. Here are international numbers of suicide hotlines.

Suicide is hard for all, and horrific for others. Why? Because someone they loved died by suicide, and they were absolutely shocked.

Not that suicide isn't always extremely hard on those that loved the person who took their own life. But when you suspect nothing... the emotions that come are hard to understand and accept.

Whether you're a parent, a wife, a friend, a partner - the question of why they couldn't tell you what they were going through can haunt you.

Maybe the concept of perfectly hidden depression can help.

Pre-order The Perfectly Hidden Depression Workbook - A stand-alone workbook exploring the ten traits of Perfectly Hidden Depression, with guided exercises to help you decide what to keep from your drive and perfectionism, and what to let go.

Publishes April 1st!  Pre-orders matter!

 Be a part of the conversation and join Dr. Margaret’s newsletter for one weekly email featuring the latest blog post and podcast episode.

 Have a question or comment? Send a voice message for possible use on the podcast. By recording, you give permission for your voice to be used on SelfWork!

Today we’re going to focus on how the inner child model of therapy has been used and what exactly does it mean. Simply put (which to me is always the best way), how much does a client realize and connect with the idea that their past is influencing their present. I’ll offer a story about how that connection is made in therapy if it has not been so far. It’s definitely something that many struggle with – as they battle the belief that what happened years ago might be impacting who they think of themselves now.

The listener voicemail for today is one I somehow missed last year – and I apologize for that! Because it’s an excellent comment: How do therapists experience their own struggles with what the listener called “moral injury,” compassion fatigue and burnout?  I’ll look forward to talking about my own struggles and way of trying to achieve, or I should say maintain, my own stability as a therapist.

We have a brand new sponsor of SelfWork - moonbird. What is it? It's the world’s first, tactile breathing coach designed to fit in the palm of your hand. To try it yourself, click here and use the code SELFWORK!

Have you been putting off getting help? BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

VeryWell Mind article on inner child work

Forbes article on Internal Family Systems therapy

SelfWork Episode on Dissociative Identity Disorder with Lynn Barrett

Differences in moral injury and burnout

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

I've never laughed harder than in this interview with the self-proclaimed "failfluencer" Erin Diehl!

Erin is a Top 1% podcast host, Founder & CEO of improve it!, and one of the most electric keynote speakers in the world, using her work as an improvisational actor to teach you and me how our bodies are trying to give us messages about the healing that needs to happen. She's been on global stages with companies like Amazon, LinkedIn, and The Obama Foundation.

As a graduate from Clemson University, a former experiential marketing and recruiting professional, and a veteran improviser from the top improvisational training programs in Chicago--including The Second City, Erin can speak to anything from how every day of your life is an "improv scene" to the moment she discovered her chronic back pain was a result of unresolved emotional trauma.

Click HERE for the NEW fabulous offer from AG1 – with bonus product with your subscription!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

I received an email from one of you that saddened me. It opened with, “Listening to today’s podcast has left me feeling more hopeless than ever.”

Hopelessness. Feeling despair. And its counterpart – helplessness, which is believing that nothing can be done to prevent what’s happening - are two of the worst feelings of depression, and two of the ones non-depressed people often can’t seem to understand. Maybe even my own mantra that I repeat in almost every episode, “Look for what you can do about," for those who are fighting these two demons – sounds like I’m skimming the surface of deeper depressions and not talking about the heavy burden and darkness that you might feel.

Since I’ll be using much of this one listener’s email, we won’t feature another for today. I promise you this listener’s life holds much to be understood, and to have compassion for.

She did say toward the end, “I felt the need to write this.  Much of it has never seen the light of day.  Perhaps that alone might help?

I can only hope that featuring her email might help as well.

Advertisers' Links: 

We have a brand new sponsor of SelfWork - moonbird. What is it? It's the world’s first, tactile breathing coach designed to fit in the palm of your hand. To try it yourself, click here and use the code SELFWORK!

Have you been putting off getting help? BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

Vital Links:

Dr. Margaret's podcast episode on "stinkin' thinkin'

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

​

​

One of the reasons why many people suffer during the so-called “holiday” season is because it’s the first - or one more of many holidays - that they’re actively grieving a loved one’s death within the last year or even farther away – and they cannot seem to work through their grief enough to want to step back into life. Into living this moment that’s right before them.

I tuned into a Hidden Brain episode  this week that discussed a recently researched concept of grief in a very personal way, as resilience researcher Lucy Hone told the story of her own nightmare - the death of one of her children. So, I wanted to pass her ideas on to you – as you might be one of those people who are struggling with grief – and not knowing how to get out from under its shadow.

Our listener email is a from a listener who says he’s been diagnosed with what’s called “schizoaffective disorder” – and wonders if I know much about – or can help him with – intrusive thoughts that he can’t seem to rid himself of.

Click HERE for the NEW fabulous offer from AG1 – with bonus product with your subscription!

Stroebe and Schut research in 1999

Resilient Grieving: How to Find Your Way Through Devastating Loss, by Lucy Hone, 2017

My own recent podcast on grief

Schizoaffective disorder symptoms

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

Here at SelfWork, we focus on what you can do about it - right? I preach and I encourage all of you to figure out the one thing that’s in your control and make a change that will help you with your sense of wellness. Like all of you, I laugh at memes and try to take myself with a grain of salt. Usually, I think I’m pretty good at this… but not the last few weeks.

I’ve been in the dumps.

So today we're going to spend some time talking about being in the dumps and the slumps - as well as getting over the humps (the murky middle of a journey where you can lose sight of hope. And as always, "what you can do about it."

Our Speakpipe voicemail of the week is from a woman who checks in with my website and left a message there – which all of you can do at drmargaretrutherford.com! Love her question about whether to “let someone with apparent BPD” know that you’ve learned what they did in a fit of rage. It feels like you’re keeping a secret.. and a powerful one… But what makes it so powerful? That’s where my answer will lie – how does this voicemailer want to use that power?

Advertisers' Links:

We have a brand new sponsor of SelfWork - moonbird. What is it? It's the world’s first, tactile breathing coach designed to fit in the palm of your hand, which provides real-time biofeedback. Created for those grappling with stress, anxiety, autism, or insomnia, it's a compact device that aids users through soothing breathwork exercises. For their special Black Friday offer of 20% off (November 20-27th, 2023) or 10% off after Black Friday, click here and use the code SELFWORK!

Have you been putting off getting help? BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

I’m so excited about this new SelfWork sponsor and I’m doing something a bit unusual and letting you know about it today! Because they have a Black Friday double discount offer that’s sensational – and I wanted to quickly pass it on to you!

The product is moonbird..

Used by over 25,000 people in Europe, moonbird is the world’s first, tactile breathing coach designed to fit in the palm of your hand, which provides real-time biofeedback (which I was trained in years ago and very much believe in!) Created for those grappling with stress, anxiety, autism, or insomnia, it's a compact device that aids users through soothing breathwork exercises..

It's the brainchild of Stephanie Broes (a PhD researcher) and her brother, Michael, and was created out of her experience suffering from insomnia and exhausting all other options

What does it do? Moonbird uniquely measures your heart rate and heart rate variability to guide you to change your own breathing patterns when you download their free app – but basically you hold device in your hand – and you can feel it moving in and out. And you follow it. Simple as that.

Just click here and enter the code SELFWORK for $20 off this week! It's for Black Friday week only! If you balk at the price, think of all the sleep aids you’ve bought over the years – I have a drawer full of them!

All I can say is – enjoy! And learn to breathe! It’s what you can do about your stress, your insomnia – and your life!

Photo Attribution: Tim Goedhart/Unsplash

As TikTok has taken over the world of social media throughout the last few years, many psychological trends have become increasingly popular, and could be more harmful than helpful. Glowing up, bed rotting, and lucky girl syndrome are only three of the harmful effects the so-called "psychological help" on TikTok and other outlets can bring - and we have a fantastic expert here today on SelfWork to discuss them.

Dr. Sanam Hafeez is an NYC based licensed clinical psychologist, and the founder and Clinical Director of Comprehensive Consultation Psychological Services, P.C. a neuropsychological, developmental and educational center in Manhattan and Queens. Dr. Hafeez masterfully applies her years of experience connecting psychological implications to address some of today’s common issues such as body image, social media addiction, relationships, workplace stress, parenting and psychopathology, and often shares her credible expertise to various news outlets in New York City and frequently appears on CNN and Dr.Oz.

Click HERE for the NEW fabulous offer from AG1 – with bonus product with your subscription!

Have you been putting off getting help? BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

Out of curiosity,  l listened to an older voicemail this week. It was from "this time last year." How many times have you said that to yourself, "This time last year I... " Maybe the end of that sentence is joyful. Maybe it's sad. But it's an exercise in self-reflection - which is the topic for today's SelfWork.  This particular question is a  sort of time travel in your own head and heart.

Self-reflection isn't about over self-involvement: it’s what we humans can do to get perspective and learn ways you might be getting in your own way of creating the life you want. Show you how to move out of depression or anxiety. And when you pair self-reflection with action - it can lead to healing change. 

So here are the self-reflective questions that lead to action that we’re looking at today.

• What am I needing to still learn? What have I learned?
• When do I recognize that I need to put something new in place?
• Where was I last year at this time? What did I learn? What did I find out about myself?
• Why am I doing what I’m doing? What’s my purpose?
• How do I want to put the answers to these questions in place in very real ways in my life?

Advertisers' Link: 

Have you been putting off getting help? BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

Today we’re focusing on your choice to be transparent and how it can be important in your mental health. Self-transparency. Think of it like this – if you put a lot of energy into covering up – into not allowing anyone to see your own struggles. There can be repercussions from that. You’re living in fear of being known – of being seen. What are you so afraid of people seeing? And what would have to happen for you to risk transparency?

The SpeakPipe voicemail is from a listener who wants to know how she can determine her own diagnosis, if it’s CPTSD or BPD. She’s worried about her own kids – so I’ll do my best to answer her. But let’s just say – anyone who’s concerned about their impact on their children already may have my vote as NOT having BPD – but we’ll talk more about that dynamic.

Advertisers' Links: 

Click HERE for the NEW fabulous offer from AG1 – with bonus product with your subscription!

Have you been putting off getting help? BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

Talking about narcissism has become somewhat of a national pastime in the US at least. Everyone is calling someone who used them or who they felt manipulated by a narcissist. And perhaps they are – or were. But what exactly is narcissism and how is it different than healthy self-esteem? Is it on a spectrum or can it ever be helpful?  Is it necessary to have a bit of it to have self-confidence?  And how does humility play into this? Or is "humility" weakness?

I’ve seen some dramatic examples in the last few years of things going wrong for my clients– when the focus on self and the need to be and look successful has led to a huge escalation of depression (sometimes silent as in perfectly hidden depression) due to way over-the-top feelings of failure – rather than allowing that to be an example of making a mistake and learning from it. Or of life handing you some hard, even cruel, or tragic experiences.  In our self-focused world, this kind of acceptance can be punitively described as accepting failure -  instead of what humility truly is – recognizing your true place in the universe, not buying in too much to your successes, your desires, or your failings.

To me, humility is the moderating factor to prevent narcissism from becoming destructive, and instead promotes self-esteem and self-love rather than self-worship or self-centeredness.

The listener email today is about finding out about a spouse’s affair with a work colleague and how to discuss whether the spouse should leave that workplace or not. It’s a sticky discussion and one I’ve witnessed many times in my office as a couple tries to balance regaining trust with other factors, like financial stability.  People have tried some very unhealthy solutions which’ve only created more distrust, not less. Regaining and rebuilding trust can be a full-time job, but months of hypervigilance isn’t going to be helpful.

Vital Links:

Psych Central article written by Hilary Lebow on healthy versus unhealthy narcissism

Article by Dr. Dimitrios Tsatiris on the power of humility

https://drmargaretrutherford.com/005-selfwork-after-an-affair-the-essential-steps-of-regaining-trust/

Advertisers' Links: 

We welcome back BiOptimizers and Magnesium Breakthrough as a returning sponsor to SelfWork and they have a new offer! Just click here! Make sure you use the code “selfwork10” to check out free product!

Have you been putting off getting help? BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

Bipolar disorder can be very difficult to diagnose. But that pales in comparison to what it can be like to live with and manage.

This week, Dr. Margaret Rutherford is republishing her interview with Terri Cheney who writes about her own battle with bipolar disorder. Sometimes she's won that battle. But not every time. And she talks about mixed episodes, which are harder to understand and certainly harder to live through.

Pre-order The Perfectly Hidden Depression Workbook - A stand-alone workbook exploring the ten traits of Perfectly Hidden Depression, with guided exercises to help you decide what to keep from your drive and perfectionism, and what to let go.

Publishes April 1st!  Pre-orders matter!

 Be a part of the conversation and join Dr. Margaret’s newsletter for one weekly email featuring the latest blog post and podcast episode.

 Have a question or comment? Send a voice message for possible use on the podcast. By recording, you give permission for your voice to be used on SelfWork!

I could think of no better way to continue this 8th season of SelfWork than to feature your questions and comments! Whether you communicate through email or voicemail or through my website contact form, YOU are the lifeblood of SelfWork. Yes, it’s true I often use what my own clients either have gone through or are going through as my “inspiration” for these episodes. Yet hearing from you means so much. It’s like turning up the lights in an auditorium so the person speaking can see the audience – it helps me see you. And your three topics for today are compatibility vs commitment, facing constant anger from your partner, and feeling abandoned by friends. So thank you!

All of these listeners are dealing with situations that have been ongoing for months if not years – so even though they don’t necessarily say “I’m depressed,” yet these kinds of relationship problems that drag on and on can certainly be a set-up  for symptoms of depression, like hopelessness or helplessness.  All three are about boundaries – the difficulty of setting them, of maintaining them, and  when you get hurt by or don't understand them.

Advertisers' Links:

Have you been putting off getting help? BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

We welcome back BiOptimizers and Magnesium Breakthrough as a returning sponsor to SelfWork and they have a new offer! Just click here! Make sure you use the code “selfwork10” to check out free product!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

Come celebrate with us! SelfWork is having its seventh anniversary so we're celebrating by bringing on the whole team! Please join me, Christine Mathias and John Crowley for a completely spontaneous conversation (which you'll be able to tell...) about our topic for today - the seven year itch! (Sounds appropriate don't you think?)

I'm offering seven ideas (keeping in the swing of things): three on how to avoid the itch altogether; one to use if you feel the itch to leave or to not act out what you know is best; and three more to help you keep on keeping on, growing in trust and intimacy with one another.

I'll announce the winner of Marriage Is Not for Chickens as well!

Advertiser's Link:

Have you been putting off getting help? BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

Research Links!

Wikipedia's take on the seven year itch

Dr. DiDonato writes in Psychology Today about seven year itch

Your career and the seven year itch

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, The Selfwork Podcast.  Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it’s available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

October is ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) Awareness Month. SelfWork has never focused on this very difficult disorder, often affecting children who are what's now called "neurodivergent" but in the past, have been unjustly stigmatized as "lazy, stupid, or crazy" which was finally described in 2006 for the actual processing difference it is in the now classic book, You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid, or Crazy?.

But ADHD contains hyperactivity as a symptom of the disorder; what used to be called ADD, or simple attention deficit disorder, is now labeled as inattentive ADHD. And these kids (and adults) often slip through the cracks of adult recognition, because they're seen more as daydreamers, or unmotivated, not causing the classroom behavioral problems that hyperactive kids can seem to create. But they still can truly struggle and... go unseen.

Cynthia Hammer has a new book, Living with Inattentive ADHD:  Climbing the Circular Staircase of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, where she offers her own hard-earned wisdom of living with IADHD. I found the book at times chilling because of the dangers she could put herself in, poignant as she lives through tremendous sorrow of the accidental death of her first child, and hopeful, as - at almost age 80 - she shares what she's learned about surviving and thriving.

Advertiser's Link: 

We welcome back BiOptimizers and Magnesium Breakthrough as a returning sponsor to SelfWork and they have a new offer! Just click here! Make sure you use the code “selfwork10” to check out free product!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

And there’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!