We Read The Clickbait So You Don't Have To!
The Comedy News Show that no one knew that they actually needed. Every week Jarred and Kyle jump into the weirdest and funniest news articles from all over the internet, giving their own brand of off the cuff humor while trying to decipher: news stories so poorly written that there's no way that a professional news syndication published it (we're looking at you Fox News), or crimes so dumb that it seems impossible a person chose to commit them, and of course stories so NSFW that you'll blush just listening to us explain it (and it happens a lot)!
We find out if there's actually more to a story than just a headline, we click on the links you're too nervous to click on, and we waste our time so you don't waste yours. So listen to us waste your time because in the end...it's funny!
Site
RSS
Apple
Data updated on 14/07/2026
Recent rankings
Latest chart positions across Apple Podcasts and Spotify rankings.
Shared links between episodes and podcasts
Links found in episode descriptions and other podcasts that share them.
Happy Mother's Day from the Rum Runnas! In the spirit of the day here are a few mom centric stories that will make you feel like calling your Mom no matter your relationship and saying "Hey, Thanks for not being Terrible."
From a Mother in India who threw her 6 year old disabled son into a crocodile infested canal because her husband kept blaming her for making a broken kid!
To a PA Mom at a local little league field, forgetting her son wasn't in the car after having a few too many drinks and backing directly into him!
So no matter what your mom's like at least she's not these two, so to all the Mom's trying their best and not throwing their kids to the crocodiles or hitting them with their cars have a Very Happy Mother's Day from the Rum Runnas!
Jarred and Kyle are back to go over more of the internet's weirdest and funniest news stories. This week the guys talk about a Botswana threatening Germany with Elephants and Cambodia hating dancing.
The President of Botswana threatens to send 20,000 Live Elephants to Germany if they don't change their current ban on the import of hunting trophies to combat poaching. Honestly if your giving away Elephants we'll take 3!
Cambodian President outlaws musical car horns because he saw a video on the internets that showed kids dancing to them, no one let this guy know about car radios or driving in Cambodia will be accompanied by only the sounds of the wind a blowing.
*Watch nearly Unedited Video Versions of this Episode and More available to Patrons
Join the Conversation and Speak With Us on Discord:
The Nuduelist and The Missing Brain
Episode 119
Friday, March 29, 2024 • Duration 01:53:57
Jarred and Kyle are back to go over more of the internet's weirdest and funniest news stories. This week the guys talk about a Nude Duelist aka a Nuduelist fighting at Venice Beach with a Spiked Club and an AL Prisoner who died and was returned to his family with no brain.
A Nude Woman in CA was videoed fighting with a clothed woman (shirts vs skins) each battling with specifically spiked clubs. Even though this fight took place in front of witnesses and people were filming this no reports or charges have been filed.
An AL man died in prison and his family is trying to figure out why he was returned with no brain...but to make it even worse he was missing all of his organs.
*Watch nearly Unedited Video Versions of this Episode and More available to Patrons
Join the Conversation and Speak With Us on Discord:
Is It AI News?!
Episode 118
Saturday, March 16, 2024 • Duration 01:27:33
Jarred and Kyle are back to go over more of the internet's weirdest and funniest news stories. This week the news goes feudal with both stories involving ancient Japanese warriors, well one involved a "samurai sword" and the other involved "ninja-like people":
In Vancouver WA a man is arrested for threatening people in Walmart with a samurai sword, that's pretty much all the story told us; the craziest thing to come out of this story is that we still after (not exhaustive but a decent amount of) research we still have no idea if this story is real or not because the story was so short and lacked any substance on any "legitimate" (cough* Fox News cough*) News Source and the better written more detailed source was literally NEWS GPT!!! So what came first the Fox Story or the AI Story...honestly we don't know.
GA is arrested for firing 127 ROUNDS at a store, shooting at "ninja-like" people, and hitting nothing but inanimate objects. We know that sounds (not even vaguely but very) racist on first listen, but we've reached a couple of options as to what happened. 1: This man was playing a real-life prop hunt and didn't win. 2: He stole a motorcycle and really hated the guy he was robbing so he really really really shot up the place. 3: This man is basically John Wick, he was actually being attacked by ninjas sent by a secret underground criminal syndicate and he did kill a bunch of them but the super-elite syndicate cleaned up the bodies before the cops got there (honestly think about how crazy John Wick would sound if he got arrested and tried to explain what he was doing). 4: Meth! All equally plausible.
Jarred and Kyle are back to go over more of the internet's weirdest and funniest news stories. This week the guys start with an apparent biblical smiting and end on a good old-fashioned Rum Runnas brand story involving stuff being inserted into a part of the body it doesn't belong. Stories this week include:
A football player in Indonesia is struck by lightning and killed in the middle of the game. This is why you should definitely never play sports during a rain storm, but we honestly don't know the odds that this would happen with the sheer amount of taller and most likely metal objects that are all around sports stadiums how did a lightning bolt pick one player out. This is one of the few instances where the chance of a higher power might be real...and apparently, they bet on the opposing team.
An AUS man is in the hospital after attempting to get sexual gratification by shoving 3 (YES 3) batteries into his PENIS!!! We'll let the wave of pain fade from the male audience. We don't know why he did it or how he planned on getting it out, but this man shoved 3 BATTERIES IN HIS PENIS and then waited a whole 24 hours to go to the hospital! And then his penis started DYING!!!! Some people don't deserve to have a penis and the doctors agreed with that sentiment.
Jarred and Kyle are back to go over more of the internet's weirdest and funniest news stories. This week the guys start with a complete misunderstanding and end on a violent story that they don't know how to feel about. From UK people using weird words and making us think there is a war on birds with medieval weapons to a CO man "allegedly" biting off a cop's finger and all our thoughts on how it's alleged. Stories this week include:
In the UK Swans are under attack in a Swan Sanctuary, now 4 swans are dead and the method of death is a catapult. As two schmucks from America when we hear catapult we think medieval siege engines! Apparently, that's not what the UK thinks of when they hear catapults they think a freaking slingshot. We were disappointed with the twist but that didn't stop us from coming up with a slew of alternate theories of how 'swan attacks can leave 4 dead by catapult'.
In CO a man is in trouble for "allegedly" biting off a cop's finger, we didn't read any of the article before immediately building an elaborate tale of a young partner's hatred for his old backward-thinking partner with a penchant for unnecessary violence. In a world where you are that hated by your partner who truly would believe you didn't cut off your own finger? In the end, we discovered more but not enough info and have a few theories: 1: The guy really was a D-Bag and bit off the cop's finger 2: He was attacked by ninjas 3: he was possessed by a ghost like from the movie Fallen 4: This cop sucks and he cut off his own finger by uppercutting the man and hammer-fisting while his finger was in his mouth 5: The cop is entrapping this man and cut off his finger to sell it 6: It's meth! All Equally Plausible!
Jarred and Kyle are back to go over more of the internet's weirdest and funniest news stories. This week the guys dive deep into some bathroom-heavy stories; between a Chinese Chess Scandal that had bathtub poop to a Floridaman covered in excrement from an exploding toilet, topped off with a good deal of anger toward fast food places and our pleas to bring back all the good stuff you got rid of. Stories this week include:
In the world of Chinese Chess, the new tournament champion is in some hot water, now being stripped of his win after partying to celebrate and taking a poop in the bathtub that in some way that is not detailed damaged the bathtub. That isn't even the end of their problems after accusations of more anal bead cheating rocks the chess world.
Floridaman visits his local Dunkin and instead of coffee and donuts, he found himself walking out covered in poop and piss! Now he's suing and honestly, the amount he's asking for is too low cause being covered in excrement after a toilet explodes and the employees know it was an issue is so icky yucky gross this dude needs a million dollars.
Jarred and Kyle are back to go over more of the internet's weirdest and funniest news stories. With their fair share of tangents; speaking of that who's down to invest in a house built inside of a barn let us know if you're in after you hear the pitch. This week we talk about:
Firefighters in OK were having a hard time putting out a house fire due to the recent unseasonably cold weather, if that wasn't bad enough they kept running into venomous snakes all throughout the house!
2 St Louis men robbed a local foot locker at gun point and fled, they would have maybe gotten away with it too if it weren't for one of the men's overwhelming need to blast porn and take care of business in a stolen car parked in Waffle House Parking Lot. There aren't many rules at Waffle House but that's one of them.
The Boys are back talking about all the weirdest, wildest, and wackiest clickbait news stories from all over the internet. This week we go in hard on two crazy clickbait stories to catch up from our end-of-year break. This week we talk about:
A real piece of garbage PA field hockey coach who was on the run for doing terrible things that I won't even repeat gets his just desserts after running to CO and becoming a farm hand, karma finally caught him and he was crushed to death in a lawnmower crash...and we were introduced to the world's greatest coroner, Sandy!
A Chicago man who has been in prison for the past 12 years for a murder they didn't commit is finally released after discovering that the key eyewitness is blind...honestly, we don't know if they were blind at the time of witnessing it was weirdly vague about it. Also, Kyle doesn't know what a diplomat is, and somehow that led to death by butt soap!
It's 2024 and the Boys are Back! New Year New Season, even though we don't actually have seasons and we never really tell you they're happening...But we're back! Jarred and Kyle return to reading all the weirdest and funniest news stories with the most questionable headlines they can find online and for our return episode, we're starting off strong:
OH man finds a crackpipe in his McDonald's order. Was it theirs, was it his, we don't know the times and information was weird and they didn't focus much on the crack, what we do know is this McDonald's had way too much construction debris to reopen like nothing happened!
UK man has his balls bitten off by an XL Bully! We subscribe to the thought process that there aren't bad dogs just bad owners and England with all the hate and the now official ban of the XL Bully, this is probably your fault. If you love your dogs, prove it!
Discover shows related to The Rum Runnas Podcast, based on actual content similarities. Explore podcasts with similar topics, themes, and formats, backed by real data.
