Explore every episode of the podcast The Rules

In the fifth compilation episode, Simon is joined by Alasdair Beckett-King (Loremen / Alasdair & Eleanor Read That) to put opera twats in their place, Shalaka Kurup (Hard Lines) to stop people disrespecting time and Jordan Brookes to consider loading everyone into the Matrix.

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In the fourth compilation episode, Simon is joined by Matt Crosby (Pappy's) to curb his family's obsession with opening packets of cheese, Eleanor Morton (Alasdair & Eleanor Read That) to clean up streets covered in phlegm and Chris Cantrill (Icklewick FM / Rural Concerns) to make sure train seats are for bums not bags.

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In the third compilation episode, Simon is joined by Elis James (Elis James & John Robins) to ensure everyone laughs at his jokes, Lorna Rose-Treen (Time of the Week) to bring a halt to unwarranted tickling and Jake Bhardwaj (Joe Marler Will See You Now / The Pub Quiz Pod) to limit people's access to dad-jokes.

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In the second compilation episode Simon is joined by Rhys James to quell the chaos on pavements, Finlay Christie to abolish awkward conversations about money and Annie McGrath to make lidos great again.

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In the first compilation episode, Simon is joined by Tom Parry (Pappy's) to make house buying a breeze, Rob Copland to reign in food influencers and Sikisa to bring equality to weeing in public.

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Legendary stand-up and presenter Russell Howard (Five Brilliant Things) guides Simon towards diffusing hatred with pensioners dressed as animals and gluing society together with pranks.

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Comedian and director Stuart Laws (Week Minded Podcast) helps Simon invoke God to humble bad drivers and one-man bands to prevent people standing too close in queues.

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Comedian, artist and podcaster Poppy Hillstead (Poppy Hillstead Has Entered The Chat) encourages Simon to punish wrongdoers by putting their avatar into a digital nightmare inspired by Hideo Kojima and her Uncle Dave.

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Award-winning comedian, writer and podcaster Dane Buckley (Welcome to Hell) schools Simon in the art of tea-making and launches a mutiny to take over the Rulebook itself.

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Award-winning stand-up Evaldas Karosas implores Simon to make cities more like villages by introducing everyone to each other's mothers and divvying up the world's information.

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Stand-up, writer and presenter Andrew White insists Simon introduce rules to make supermarkets honour their deals, charity shops keep their prices low and football bores stop ruining games for everyone around them.

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Multi-award-winning stand-up and writer Heidi Regan urges Simon to silence disruptive noises with withering insults and beefeaters.

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Writer and Youtuber Mark Cooper-Jones (Map Men) encourages Simon to figure out rules that make it easier for him to talk with strangers and get rid of everybody's pets.

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Writer, producer, author and stand-up Ashley Blaker (BBC Radio 4's Hyperfixations) begs Simon to make people stop starting conversations about his tattoos and start stopping at zebra crossings.

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Writer, actor, comedian and podcaster Tom Crowley (Crowley Time, with me Tom Crowley) persuades Simon to help eradicate meat walls on train platforms with hopscotch and dedicated perv-carriages.

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Comedian, actor and presenter Abi Clarke guides Simon towards dramatically restricting small talk and dramatically expanding self-service checkouts and car horns.

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Stand-up and actor Lenny Sherman goes into business with Simon to stop people over-sharing their phone conversations and over-feeding their neighbours' cats.

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Internationally renowned stand-up and podcaster John Hastings encourages Simon to adopt a more North-American attitude to bad drivers and morons by throwing small rocks and bags of ****.

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Comedian, writer, actor and presenter Kyrah Gray implores Simon to fill the streets with gravel to make tackling rude people more effective and remake disappointing TV show finales to stop the creation of new traffic wardens.

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Celebrated stand-up Neil O'Rourke helps Simon control K-munters and seat encroachers by filtering gilets and putting Michael Palin in a box.

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Comedian, writer and co-host of Oh What A Time Tom Craine helps Simon improve everyone's mood with showers and 90s-themed sleepovers.

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Actor, comedian and producer Jacob Edwards joins Simon to tackle dodgy deliveries and malfunctioning machinery by holding fat cats to account.

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Award-winning comedian, writer and storyteller Marjolein Robertson helps Simon attempt to spark conversations on the tube and find a way to stop people dropping litter for good.

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Stand-up, writer and Edinburgh Comedy Awards Best Newcomer winner Toussaint Douglass insists Simon induct rules to improve self-checkouts and ensure that everyone waves at his son.

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Comedian, director and Roast Battle Champion James Mileham enlists Simon to stop people trying to be cool and find a way to make sure everyone has a good name.

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Always Be Comedy's James Gill helps Simon quell male rage with the assistance of Jason Statham and curb unsolicited advice with QR codes.

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Stand-up and writer Chloe Petts helps Simon counter chaos on the streets, the injustice of vending machines and the total mess that is the world wide web.

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Comedy legend Matt Lucas joins Simon to sort out the problems of improvised toothpicks, impersonal e-cards and improper exaltation of Nutella.

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Writer, stand-up and producer of Russell Howard's Five Brilliant Things, Dan Atkinson urges Simon to stop people dancing like nobody's watching by drastically reducing the size of human settlements.

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Stand-up and social media comedian Sam Picone helps Simon come up with rules to make internet users and binmen behave themselves.

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Multi-award-winning comedian, writer and actor Lorna Rose Treen invites Simon to consider rules to end the tyranny of tickling and kick-start the next stage of human evolution.

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Writer and stand-up Steve Hall presents Simon with rules to stop people making spam phone calls, sending intrusive emails and projecting irritating noises.

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Stand-up, writer and actor Aideen McQueen joins Simon to dole out slap-based retribution and ensure that we can all listen in to other people's public phone calls.

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Joe Marler Will See You Now and The Pub Quiz Podcast's Jake Bhardwaj joins Simon to keep Dad jokes to the minimum and get his Dad's knowledge of pop culture to the maximum.

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Stand-up and writer Nick Elleray employs Simon to give everyone plenty of personal space and a nice quiet life.

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Stand-up and social media star Alfie Dundas coerces Simon into controlling the rich and stupid by testing their contribution to society and forcing those who come up short into combat for our entertainment.

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Award-winning stand-up Samira Banks inspires Simon to induct rules to control jobsworths and ensure that people put in more effort when they lie.

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Comedian, broadcaster and impressionist Matt Forde joins Simon to figure out how to stop people being rude to waiters by curtailing obsession with status.

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Edinburgh Comedy Award winning Jordan Brookes inspires Simon to use complex computer simulations and child labour to stop people dropping apple cores.

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Writer, actor and producer Michael Stranney helps Simon get to grip with people who don't respect fellow tube passengers or communal fridges.

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The one and only Rich Fulcher helps Simon figure out how to stop bus seat blockers and remind his kids to put on their socks.

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Writer, podcaster and comedian Eleanor Morton encourages Simon to introduce rules to curb public spitting and avoid boring conversations.

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Stand-up and actor Andy Field joins Simon to inspire driving empathy and psychedelic misadventure.

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Prolific writer, broadcaster and Pappy's member Matthew Crosby helps Simon restore the high street to its former glory and guarantee that people really mean it when they say "thank you"

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The Delightful Sausage and Rural Concerns' Chris Cantrill convinces Simon to eradicate bags on train seats and littering, while rewarding the socially conscientious with visions of the future.

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Multi-award-winning comedian Shalaka Kurup teams up with Simon to ensure that everyone will always be on time and respectful to bus drivers.

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Actor, comedian and musician Nick Helm vents to Simon about angry gym-goers, unfriendly neighbours and trying to maintain empathy.

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Co-host of Loremen and Rural Concerns James Shakeshaft joins Simon to combat anarchy in the world of eggs.

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Podcaster and Youtuber Robbie Knox implores Simon to reward elite airport users and punish traffic-light-ignoring cyclists.

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Writer, stand-up and co-host of The Screen Rot Podcast Jacob Hawley inundates Simon with rules on drinking, driving, queuing and poltergeists.

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