The Reactionaries: An Action Movie Podcast – Details, episodes & analysis

The boys are back with an episode recorded in person! They take a look at Street Fighter (1994) and ask themselves questions about destiny, megalomaniacal dictators, the amount of cocaine done by JCVD and, of course, NFL football? There was a good movie somewhere in here, but poor Steven E. de Souza (Die Hard, Commando) got hemmed in by Jean-Claude Van Damme's insanity. 

This movie is for rent on YouTube, and next week's movie is for rent everywhere... F9! We return to our friends, the Torettos, and the dumbest crew on the face of the earth... and also, off the face of the earth!

The boys are back in town, with Robert Patrick, Alyssa Milano, Alyssa Milano's ex-boyfriend and the Chairman from Iron Chef: America! Nintendecember rolls on with Double Dragon, one of the few movies we do that the actors don't universally hate. In this, we explore if Alyssa Milano is one of the most sadistic villains in movie history, what exactly Bo Abobo is supposed to be, what the different gangs of New Angeles stand for, and the Hollywood sign conspicuously being 10 feet above sea level.

Next time we will take on Street Fighter! 

Double Dragon is on YouTube, for free. Just search for it. It's right there!

You can read about how many days of the week there are here.

The Boys return with another late-90s summer blockbuster... Con Air! This movie stars Nicolas Cage, John Malkovich, Colm Meaney, Ving Rhames, Steve Buscemi, and also, John Cusack is there, I guess? The guys discuss if it's actually possible to be too cool at fighting that it's illegal, the American penal system, a space weirdo, whether or not themed casinos have gone too far, and if it's possible to just tell guards about an undercover agent in their midst.

...And what exactly happened with Steve Buscemi to get the gimp mask put on him?

Next week's movie is a true summer blockbuster... Murder in the Orient (1974)! This is Ron Marchini's first film and is almost impossible to find. I am just going to link off to the Daily Motion of it so you don't have to wade through a million "Did you mean 'Murder on the Orient Express'?" Google search results.

The boys continue the Summer of Blockbusters with the only movie filled entirely with the stupidest people on earth... Broken Arrow! Broken Arrow is a coming-of-age dramedy that involves two old friends passing the same $20 back and forth, while wacky hijinx ensue. Surprisingly, this movie is kind of boring, despite a $2 billion jet exploding.

Broken Arrow stars John Travolta and Christian Slater, and involves John Travolta ripping off Christian Slater lines. Unfortunately, this movie is mostly just professionals going about their jobs behind the scenes, and also Howie Long was there?

BUT FIRST!!! We saw F9, and we have some thoughts. Hint: the movie is good, and maybe bad? 

Next episode's movie is Con Air, starring Nic Cage and John Malkovich. It's absolutely wild, so we know that next episode will have a lot more to discuss.

Joe and Jeff return with this week’s absolutely amazing flick: Face/Off! In this movie, they take Nicolas Cage’s face… off, and put it on John Travolta. Then they face off, see it has layers! The boys explore 3D printing technology, one simple way to destroy the whole plot, the absolute chaos that took place behind the scenes, an unearned Jesus allegory, as well as the ultra-creepy face-touching thing, including an alternate ending!

If you want to see Face/Off in about 50 seconds, this is all you need. Also YES we forgot to mention there is a Face/Off sequel in the works! This is Jeff's fault!

If you want to watch the whole thing (which we wholeheartedly recommend), you can watch it on Hulu and Paramount+.

Face/Off and John Woo-ne kicks off The Summer of Blockbusters, where we tackle some of the biggest flops in the last 30 years. We will also, of course, watch a Ron Marchini movie. Broken Arrow is up next on the docket, followed by Con Air, Speed 2, Mortal Kombat: Annihilation, Jaws: The Revenge, and one movie that Jeff promised himself that he would never watch ever again.

Broken Arrow, the next episode’s movie, is not currently free to stream but is rentable starting at $2.99.

The boys are back after some scheduling snafus, with a big announcement... We are going bi-weekly. It turns out a podcast about stupid movies is easier to do during a worldwide pandemic than outside of it! We send off our weekly episodes with another Asylum flick... Sharktopus vs. Whalewolf! In this movie, Casper Van Dien sort of drunkenly wanders onto the set of his wife's movie and the cast & crew are too kind to tell him no. Plus, Jeff lies to Joe again and they play a trivia game. Why is this 2.5 hours when the movie barely clocks in at 85 minutes? Who knows! Probably because there are two miniature episodes of Homers at the Bat squeezed inside. 

This is the third in a trilogy, and don't worry if you haven't seen the first two; you kind of already know what happened in those. In this iteration of the Sharktopus Saga, former baseball player Felix Rosa (Feliz Rosa?) gets mad he can't get RBI anymore and decides to go on a murderous rampage. 

Sharktopus vs. Whalewolf is on Amazon Prime and Tubi, both free with ad support.

We will be back in two weeks with FACE/OFF (1997), the John Woo, John Travolta, Nicolas Cage classic! If you know anything about bad action movies, you know FACE/OFF. We follow that up with BROKEN ARROW, a 1996 John Woo, John Travolta, Christian Slater flick. So, you know, completely different!

Joe and Jeff return from an impromptu hiatus because Joe's house was hit by a glitch (it was organic, not reptilian). We take on Ape vs. Monster, a movie that Jeff ended up watching three times because it made such little sense. In this one, we figure out how Ape vs. Monster ties into Planet of the Apes, King Kong vs. Godzilla, time travel, parallel universes, 1990s treats (and not treats), and QAnon! Jeff also has an aneurysm because he has a degree in History, and the person who wrote this... doesn't (to put it delicately). 

Ape vs. Monster is on YouTube in a bunch of places, we watched "Giant Ape vs. Giant Monster."

Next week's movie is SHARKTOPUS VS. WHALEWOLF as we have a truncated Monsters vs. May before turning to John Woone. Next week's episode will be recorded on Tuesday due to Jeff's lovely wife's birthday!

Sharktopus vs. Whalewolf was pulled off YouTube but is on Amazon Prime and Tubi!

Monsters vs. May rolls on with the O.G. Godzilla vs. Kong! This 1963 flick is a re-edit of a 1962 *comedic* King Kong and Godzilla movie in Japan, that America turned into a more serious adventure. The boys discuss what exact role Eric Carter, the head of the UN news desk plays in world politics, if the Giant Octopus was a false flag,  if King Kong needs intervention, who exactly is naming these creatures, and why this movie is obsessed with a satellite. Also, Jeff lies to Joe a whole bunch!

Next week's movie is Ape vs. Monster (2021), the first of three Asylum Pictures movies for Monsters vs. May. This is definitely not a Godzilla vs. Kong rip-off! 

Both Ape vs. Monster and King Kong vs. Godzilla are on YouTube, for free.

The boys return from an impromptu week off due to seasickness (Joe was knocked out and tied to a boat headed toward Antarctica) to review Godzilla vs. Kong, a movie that literally delivered on everything it promised, straight from the beginning of the movie! So grab your showerin' bleach and get ready to see Godzilla and King Kong finally square off in a way you have never seen before (unless you have seen Neon Genesis Evangelion)!

In this episode of the podcast, the boys explore the deepest, darkest conspiracies, determine if the movie backdoored a new anti-Semitic slur, argue about if Matthew Fox and Kyle Chandler look alike (they don't), and learn some great science facts! If you know the difference between 7 and 11, then you're way ahead of Joe on this one!

May around these parts is MONSTERS VS. MAY! Godzilla vs. Kong inspired us to see other classic duos square off. In order, we will find out who wins in a rematch: King Kong vs Godzilla (1963), then Ape vs Monster (2021), then Megashark vs. Crocosaurus (2010), and finally, the mack daddy battle of them all: Sharktopus vs. Whalewolf (2015). All of these movies, like all fine flicks, are streaming on YouTube.

Godzilla vs. Kong was on HBO Max... And probably will be, again?

Son of Kong is the 1933 sequel to the 1933 hit King Kong! All your old friends are back (I think!). This is an action-adventure movie promising a little version of King Kong, which forgets all three of those components until the last ten minutes. This one was made back when they knew how to make movies: quick, incoherent, and meandering. There's a return of everyone's favorite segment... Jeff Does Math! 

Son of Kong is on HBO Max. Next week we wrap up Ape-Ril with Godzilla vs. Kong (2021), which is also on HBO Max. Our upcoming theme months include Monster May, John Woo-ne, Joystick July, Arcade August (the same thing, really), and Sequel September. That leads us either into a mental break or Brawloween 2!