Explore every episode of the podcast THE QUACK
| Title | Pub. Date | Duration | |
|---|---|---|---|
| THE WEEK MY BOOK CAME OUT IN GERMANY | 17 Dec 2025 | 00:09:37 | |
“'This isn’t happiness' is about a woman’s inner turmoil when the intimacy vanishes from a relationship…” *Puffs cigarette*
On this week's episode, I try my best to be cool as I launch my book, 'This isn't happiness', in Germany.
Visit: TheQuack.Blog Buy: This isn't happiness (German translation) Preorder: Amy Elman Doesn't Feel Sexy (UK version) Follow: @MaryNewnhamWrites | |||
| HOW TO AUTHOR: JANUARY 2026 | 15 Dec 2025 | 00:00:55 | |
In the lead-up to the launch of my debut novel, Amy Elman Doesn't Feel Sexy, I am asking three established authors for advice about the author life. Join me here on The Quack for the first episode of HOW TO AUTHOR—coming Monday, January 5th. Follow: @marynewnhamwrites Visit: TheQuack.Blog
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| THE STORY OF WRITING A NOVEL PART 1: THE BOOK THAT DIED. | 30 Jul 2025 | 00:10:38 | |
"It would be called Can of Worms. Sunday Times Bestseller list, here I come."
In this first episode of the series, I am going back to the very beginning when I attempted my first novel.
Skip Introduction | 2:21 Visit | TheQuack.Blog Sound | Soundstripe.com Preorder Amy Elman Doesn't Feel Sexy on Amazon and other popular book stores. | |||
| BILLBOARD DAD | 16 Jul 2025 | 00:08:52 | |
I made the mistake of asking Dad, “But do billboards actually work?” I may as well have asked if Tottenham Hotspur was a synchronised swimming team.
This week is about growing up in an 80s advertising family and working out what my dad did for work.
Skip Intro | 2:11 Visit | TheQuack.Blog Follow | @MaryNewnhamWrites Sound| Soundstripe.com | |||
| THE CATHOLIC SCHOOL PROM | 02 Jul 2025 | 00:09:17 | |
"The turnout was 50 girls and 10 terrified boys..."
This week is a flashback to my 2010 school prom...which wasn't anything like the ones in the movies.
Skip Introduction | 2:27 Follow me | @MaryNewnhamWrites Visit | TheQuack.Blog Sound | Soundstripe.com
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| FINDING MY TRUE COLOURS AT THE RUGBY. | 18 Jun 2025 | 00:09:46 | |
"I then remembered it wasn't football, so these grown-ups could be trusted not to punch each other in the face..."
I went to the rugby final on Saturday, which made me reflect on my football upbringing.
Skip Introduction | 2:05 Sound | Soundstripe.com Follow | @marynewnhamwrites Visit | TheQuack.blog
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| THE GREAT BRITISH BIRTHDAY | 04 Jun 2025 | 00:09:00 | |
“STOP! I LEFT THE CHEESE!” We twisted around and punted back to the boathouse to collect the cheese. 🧀
It's Hermione's birthday, and this year we all went punting in Oxford. I made the mistake of getting in the wrong boat....
Skip Introduction | 1:38 Follow | @MaryNewnhamWrite Read | TheQuack.Blog Sound | Soundstripe.com
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| MY RETURN TO HINGE | 21 May 2025 | 00:10:11 | |
"I was biting into my vegetable kebab when I received a message from the Hinge bloke. I read the top line and rolled my eyes..."
It's been over a year since I've been on Hinge, but I'm now back on the dating horse. This is the story of my first online dating experience of 2025.
Skip Introduction | 1:50 Read | TheQuack.blog Follow | @marynewnhamwrites Sound | Soundstripe.com
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| WHEN THE GIRLS WENT TO FRANCE... | 07 May 2025 | 00:13:04 | |
"I did wonder, as I was walking around the Eiffel Tower in a red dress, whether, perhaps, I had watched too many movies..."
This week on The Quack, I reflect on the face-palm moments from my recent girls' trip to France. Includes a desperate scene of me trying to create a romantic moment by the Eiffel Tower, a game of charades with the Airbnb host, and an AI song about tariffs.
Skip Introduction| 2:09 Follow me| @MaryNewnhamWrites Visit | TheQuack.blog Sound | Soundstripe.com | |||
| HOW TO COMPLIMENT A STRANGER: THE RESULT. | 23 Apr 2025 | 00:09:46 | |
"3 days into the challenge, I realised I wasn't the dazzling compliment giver I originally thought I was."
For Lent, instead of giving up cherry cola Tic-Tacs, I challenged myself to compliment 40 strangers in 40 days. Today, I have the results of how it went. (Not well).
Thank you for continuing to support. I have a few deadlines coming up, and so for now, The Quack will be coming out once a fortnight until life gets a little less crazy. On the plus side, I have some exciting novel news, which I will announce very soon. MN x
Visit | THEQUACK.BLOG Follow| @marynewnhamwrites Sound | Soundstripe.com | |||
| HOW TO STAY SINGLE THIS SUMMER | 16 Apr 2025 | 00:12:13 | |
"Have sex with them. I find they stop laughing at your jokes once they've seen your nipples."
The sun is out, and couples are uncuffing, ready for their hot single summer. As an expert singleton, I have a few tips to share...
Skip Introduction | 2:22 Visit | TheQuack.Blog Follow me | @marynewnhamwrites Sound | Soundstripe.com
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| A THURSDAY NIGHT WiTH THE BIG BANG CROWD. | 09 Apr 2025 | 00:09:50 | |
"Are you literally carrying around a focaccia?” Last Thursday night, I went out with my science friends. It was a typical night for any friendship group in their 30s, except (as this is The Quack) there were some face-palm moments.
Skip Introduction | 1:28 Follow me | @MaryNewnhamWrites Visit | TheQuack.Blog Sound | Soundstripe.com If you're in London, you must watch News Revue | Link here
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| THE STORY OF WRITING A NOVEL PART 4: THE BOOK THAT CAME TO LIFE. | 26 Nov 2025 | 00:11:38 | |
"I, an adult, had made some characters in my head, and now I’m in a boardroom, having a professional discussion with another adult about them..."
It's Part 4 of the Story of Writing a Novel, and some remarkable things are starting to happen. Includes a failed therapy session and the creation of a Liverpudlian stripper.
(Note: there is some swearing in this episode. Also note, some dialogue has been exaggerated for creative purposes.)
Visit | TheQuack.blog Follow| @marynewnhamwrites Preorder | Amy Elman Doesn't Feel Sexy Sound| Soundstripe.com
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| IT'S ONLY BANTER... | 02 Apr 2025 | 00:09:53 | |
"I watched with astonishment as boys clumsily worked out that the humour which impressed their mates wasn't necessarily the humour that impressed us girls..."
As it was April Fool's this week, I thought I would explore the differences in humour between men and women, particularly when pranking.
Skip Introduction | 2:01 Follow me on the Gram | @marynewnhamwrites Visit | The Quack Sound | Soundstripe.com | |||
| ARE YOU MOTIVATED YET? | 26 Mar 2025 | 00:11:27 | |
"Like reaching for a diet book when you’re unsatisfied with your body, I leaned into self-help because I was frustrated with my personality."
This week's muddled observation is about the self-improvement industry and how I used it during my quatre-life crisis.
Skip Introduction | 3:13 Follow Me on Instagram | @marynewnhamwrites Visit Me | THEQUACK.BLOG Sound | Soundstripe.com
Sources https://www.zionmarketresearch.com/report/self-improvement-market | |||
| DON’T YOU WANT A BABY? | 19 Mar 2025 | 00:08:58 | |
“Let me show you something that will make your ovaries twerk.”
This week on The Quack, I contemplate motherhood and whether it is right for me after being traumatised by my 90's singing doll. Also, I take the time to admire the hot dads of the world.
🎈 HAPPY 1ST BIRTHDAY TO AUDIO QUACK 🎈
Skip Intro | 2:21 Follow me on IG @MaryNewnhamWrites Visit and subscribe to The Quack Blog Sound credits | Soundstripe.com
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| HOBBY HORSE | 12 Mar 2025 | 00:08:35 | |
"I bought a horse in a car park!" Dad texted.
It's Cheltenham Festival! I will not be going, but my Dad certainly is. This week is about being an outsider of a horse racing family, and witnessing a hobby that gets out of hand....🏇
The Guardian article | https://www.theguardian.com/sport/2011/dec/30/tony-mccoy-fractured-ribs-taunton Visit The Quack | www.TheQuack.blog Follow me on IG | www.Instagram.com/MaryNewnhamWrites Sound Credit | www.Soundstripe.com
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| HOW TO COMPLIMENT A STRANGER. | 05 Mar 2025 | 00:08:26 | |
Nobody wants to be the heavy-breathing stalker who whispers to someone, "You have nice long spine."
Today's Quack is a muddled observation about complimenting strangers...and why we avoid it.
Vist | TheQuack.blog Follow me | @marynewnhamwrites Sound | Soundstripe.com
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| BRACE FACE | 26 Feb 2025 | 00:07:48 | |
If it wasn’t tricky enough to try and lure a man away from his life of freedom, football, mates and Camden Hells, try adding a brace.
This week on The Quack is about the trauma of wearing braces as a teenager, and again as a single woman in her thirties.
Follow IG | @MaryNewnhamWrites Visit | TheQuack.blog Sound | Soundstripe.com
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| JUST A DUMB CRYING WOMAN. | 19 Feb 2025 | 00:11:22 | |
“DON'T YOU DARE SAY JUST. THAT’S THE WOMAN’S CURSE WORD. IT’S JUST…. IT’S JUST...”
This week in the Quack, I tell the story of doing a home makeover and all the characters I met, from the Hang Man to the angry sofa man.
Skip Intro | 1:38 Sound | Soundstripe.com Follow me | @MaryNenwhamWrites Visit | TheQuack.blog | |||
| THE AUDIENCE THAT WENT WRONG. | 12 Feb 2025 | 00:11:33 | |
“I can’t stay any longer. I’m sorry, it’s just not my cup of tea!”
This week on The Quack, I reflect on all the times audience members (including myself) have not behaved in the theatre.
Skip Introduction | 1:30 Read Here | TheQuack.Blog Sound & Music | Soundstripe.com
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| HAVE YOU GOT ANY WORK EXPERIENCE? | 05 Feb 2025 | 00:10:55 | |
"I had a striped shirt on because I thought that's what people wore to offices..."
In today's Quack, I reflect on the years when I was building up my CV with work experiences...Some experiences were better than others.
Read and see photos | TheQuack.blog Skip Introduction | 1:55 Sound & Music | Soundstripe.com Follow me on The Gram | @MARYNEWNHAMWRITES
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| THE LAYOVER | 29 Jan 2025 | 00:07:25 | |
“You want him to have the pick of the bunch, but he picks you,” Sausage said, waving her fork in the air. Four school friends have brunch and discuss being single in their thirties. Skip Introduction | 1:35 Visit| TheQuack.blog Music | Soundstripe.com | |||
| CAN YOU SURVIVE THE ROMANTIC GETAWAY? | 12 Nov 2025 | 00:13:51 | |
"We paused in front of the bed, where there was a display of red and white balloons." 🇫🇷🎈 I had my first romantic getaway in Paris. I was so concerned about discovering unflattering details about my new boyfriend that I had completely forgotten just how tricky I could be to travel with.
Visit | TheQuack.Blog Follow | MaryNewnhamWrites Sound | Soundstripe.com Preorder | Amy Elman Doesn't Feel Sexy | |||
| THE MUSICAL THEATRE FAILURE. | 22 Jan 2025 | 00:08:03 | |
🎶Oh, look what I have…. another emotionally unavailable man. 🎶
A passion for musical theatre but without the talent. This week on The Quack, Sex-Ed Tom and I go to see the musical Titanique. And it brings back memories of when I dropped out of theatre school... | |||
| SEEKING APPROVAL FROM MY FARROW & BALL MOTHER. | 15 Jan 2025 | 00:08:51 | |
She can list the names of Farrow & Ball paints as if they were her nephews and nieces... This week on The Quack, I'm decorating my bathroom with Hermione. 👯♀️But will my interior designer mum approve of the colour? 🎨👩 Find me on TikTok @MaryNewnham for an attempted ‘before and after’ time-lapse video Skip Introduction | 1:35 Blog | www.TheQuack.blog Sound | Soundstripe.com
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| #BODYGOALS | 08 Jan 2025 | 00:09:31 | |
"By 5 pm, I was such a hangry goblin that I could have jumped on someone’s shoulders and ripped their head off like the vampire in Twilight." Gym-uary is here, and everyone is pumped! I may groan, but it's far better than the Size 0 trend that was around when I was a teen. Skip Introduction | 1: 54 Visit | www.TheQuack.Blog Sounds & music | Soundstripe.com | |||
| HOW TO GET GUTS WITHOUT ALCOHOL | 01 Jan 2025 | 00:08:24 | |
"I realised that if I was ever going to achieve my goal, I either needed singing lessons.... or alcohol."
Happy New Year! Today, I am reflecting on my New Year's resolution to try to gain enough courage to perform karaoke while sober.
Skip Introduction | 1:30 Read The Quack | Www.TheQuack.blog Music & Sound | Soundstripe.com Book recommendation | This Naked Mind: Control Alcohol by Annie Grace.
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| A CHRISTMAS TREE FOR ONE. | 18 Dec 2024 | 00:08:45 | |
"If you want to attract attention to yourself, I highly recommend walking around with a tree."
This week's episode features a history-ish lesson about the Christmas tree and a very dramatic journey carrying a tree. Check out The Quack for photos of the journey.
Skip Introduction | 1:38 Visit | www.TheQuack.Blog Music & SFX | Soundstripe.com Contact | Mary@thequack.blog | |||
| 'TIS THE SEASON TO FACE THE MUSIC. | 11 Dec 2024 | 00:10:36 | |
"I’m relieved Spotify Wrapped was not around in my school days because my delicate ego would have been smashed to pieces."
This week on the Quack is about Spotify Wrapped and how it exposes your true cringe-worthy self.
Skip Introduction | 3:05 Visit | www.thequack.blog Sound | Soundstripe.com
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| THE OFFICE CHRISTMAS PARTY 🎄 | 04 Dec 2024 | 00:10:05 | |
If David Cameron were to peep out of his curtain, he would have seen a blob of tangled fairy lights running down the street.
The Christmas season is here! 🎄 Today's muddled observation is about how the office Christmas party has changed over the last decade. Featuring a facepalm moment about my first office Christmas party.
Skip Introduction | 1:45 Music & SFX | Soundstripe.com Visit The Quack | www.TheQuack.Blog | |||
| A DOG NAMED CLEMENTINE | 27 Nov 2024 | 00:09:43 | |
Clementine glared at me as if to say, “Please give her a grandchild.”
Today I tell a story about the time Mum adopted an old Cornish Retriever named Clementine. 🐕🦴🌊☀️
Skip Into | 1:50 Sound | Soundstripe.com Blog | TheQuack.blog | |||
| HOW TO FIND LOVE WITHOUT DATING APPS. | 20 Nov 2024 | 00:11:29 | |
"DO NOT join a running club!" 🏃♀️
Redownloading Hinge. Deleting Hinge. A rejection from RAYA. How to attract someone without the apps?
Skip Introuduction | 2:10 Soundtrack and SFX | Soundstripe.com Blog | TheQuack.Blog | |||
| HOW DID THEY SURVIVE WITHOUT PUMPKIN SPICE LATTES? | 13 Nov 2024 | 00:08:23 | |
He took great joy in telling me that the word ‘avocado’ translates into ‘testicle’. A muddled observation about the differences between millennials and boomers. Skip Introduction 2:00.
Sound | Soundstripe.come Visit the blog | www.thequack.blog
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| THE STORY OF WRITING A NOVEL PART 3: THE CRINGE ERA. | 29 Oct 2025 | 00:12:53 | |
I couldn't risk wasting time on real men when I had fictional men to worry about.
This week, we continue the story writing the book. This is the part where I try to get an agent and fail at dating — also known as 'The Cringe Era'.
Listen to Parts 1 and 2 before this episode.
Visit | TheQuack.Blog Follow | @MaryNewnhamWrites Skip Introduction | 3:15 Sound | Soundstripe.com
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| ARE YOU STILL IN ❤️ WITH NEW YORK? | 06 Nov 2024 | 00:09:01 | |
“There are some smells, but surely you can’t hate the city for that?” said the Man in Finance.
This week Sausage and I are in a West Village bar, having a debate with a 'man in finance' about New York.
SKIP INTRO | 1:30 SOUNDTRACK & SFX | Soundstripe.com READ THE BLOG | www.TheQuack.Blog QUACK MAP | https://thequack.blog/make-the-quack-map-pink/
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| WHY AREN'T YOU LAUGHING? | 30 Oct 2024 | 00:09:58 | |
“Move ooon!” The woman next to me heckled.
An awkward night in a comedy club; Unanswered questions, a heckler, and an audience who didn't want to laugh.
Music & SFX | Soundstripe.com Blog | www.TheQuack.Blog Quack Map | http://thequack.blog/make-the-quack-map-pink/
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| BEEN THERE. DONE THAT. GOT THE PHOTO. | 23 Oct 2024 | 00:10:15 | |
Meanwhile, Sausage and I attempted to be pinpricked by the Empire State Building’s ariel.
This week is about photos and holidays 📷. Hear how my face got turned into a cloud at a New York tourist hot spot ☁️, to queuing for a photo booth in East Village. See photos and videos of the trip on Www.TheQuack.Blog
SKIP INTO: 2:50
Music & SFX | Soundstripe.com Blog | TheQuack.blog | |||
| GOLDILOCKS AND THE THREE CLUBS. | 16 Oct 2024 | 00:09:11 | |
We tried to dance, but after two songs we felt like school teachers at an out-of-hand raunchy school disco. A hunt for the perfect club in Soho. Skip Into - 3:00
SFX & Music |Soundstripe.com Blog | TheQuack.Blog | |||
| WHAT'S A SACK? AND OTHER QUESTIONS ABOUT THE NFL. | 09 Oct 2024 | 00:10:06 | |
"And WHO is that beautiful bald man with the gigantic headset?" This week, my friend, Sian and I went to watch Minnesota Vikings vs. New York Jets. We were left with a lot of questions, and a small crush. 🏈 Skip Intro 2:31
Music and SFX | Soundstripe.com Blog | TheQuack.Blog | |||
| MY DREAM PUB - THE KING'S KNEES. | 02 Oct 2024 | 00:08:59 | |
The snacks are NOT deep-fried pig skin with the hair still on.
A quick look into what I would change about the Great British pub.
Skip Intro | 2:12
Music and SFX | Soundstripe.com Visit The Quack | TheQuack.blog.
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| SURVIVING FILM SCHOOL | 25 Sep 2024 | 00:08:36 | |
"In hindsight, it would have been easier if I had just smoked pot."
In 2010, I went from catholic school to film school. These are the six survival tips I learnt whilst I was there.
Skip Intro: 2:14
Soundtrack and Sound Effects | Soundstripe.com Blog | TheQuack.Blog | |||
| THE AWKWARD LIFE OF A PEOPLE- PLEASING-PLANT-BASED-PERSON. | 18 Sep 2024 | 00:09:14 | |
"No meat, no fish, no eggs, no dairy…. and no friends..." The awkward date chats and funny restaurant scenarios, when you're a people-pleasing-plant-based-person.
Skip into (2:12)
Read | TheQuack.Blog Music and soundtrack credit | Soundstripe.com | |||
| THIRTY-THREE | 11 Sep 2024 | 00:08:21 | |
"What is that strange ticking noise?"
The week I turned thirty-three—A Barbie nightmare, a hot tub chat. beans, and forcing my friends to wear crowns.
Skip Introduction (2:00) Soundtrack and sound effects - Soundstripe.com | |||
| WHEN YOUR GIRL LEAVES YOU ON THE SHELF. | 04 Sep 2024 | 00:10:40 | |
You sit on the edge of the shelf waiting for Helen to return….
A muddled observation about when your friend falls in love and leaves you on the shelf.
(Skip me babbling on. 3:28)
Soundtrack and sound effects: Soundstripe.com Visit www.TheQuack.blog | |||
| MIND THE GAP: MOVING BACK TO LONDON. | 15 Oct 2025 | 00:09:19 | |
"I should have kids with names and a strong opinion on Peppa Pig, but somehow, at 34, I have found myself back in London..."
This week is about my move back to London as a 34-year-old. After leaving with a bad taste in my mouth at 26 (which inspired me to write a terrible poetry book), I never thought I'd come back to live in The Big Smoke, but here I am... maybe it's where I was supposed to be all along.
Visit | TheQuack.Blog Preorder | Amy Elman Doesn't Feel Sexy Follow | MaryNewnhamWrites Sound | Soundstripe.com
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| THE NOT-SO-WHOLESOME CALIFORNIAN HOLIDAY. | 28 Aug 2024 | 00:08:49 | |
"All we needed was for one of us to know how to play acoustic guitar and for Dad to tell stories about what it means to be a man… " Skip Intro/Me talking about a UFO sighting. (2:40)
Twenty years ago, Mum booked a Californian ranch in an attempt to make us more wholesome....but it didn't quite work out. 🍪
Sound Credit: Soundstripe.com
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| I CAN'T CALM DOWN - IT'S TAYLOR SWIFT! | 21 Aug 2024 | 00:11:53 | |
"The stadium was full of 91,998 screaming Swifties, plus Amy and Hermione."
A facepalm moment about the time I went to the Taylor Swift concert, with my non-swiftie friends.
SKIP INTRO 4:00
Soundtrack and sound effects | www.soundstripe.com Visit www.TheQuack.blog
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| CARROT, MY HALF A LIFETIME FRIEND. | 14 Aug 2024 | 00:08:44 | |
As we walked out of the garage beneath the starry autumn night, I began to think of what to say when Carrot confessed his love to me. 🥕❤️
A story about a friendship that began half a lifetime ago when Carrot had something to say. Includes a great escape.
Skip introduction: 2:12
Music/Sound Effects: Soundstripe.com | |||
| THE PERFECT MEET-CUTE: FINDING LOVE ON A BUS. | 07 Aug 2024 | 00:10:43 | |
There is something about meeting someone in transit...
Stories about finding near-love on transport, featuring the true story of when Sausage met a man on a bus from D.C. to NYC, and when I shared a taxi with a stranger.
(You can play a drinking game with the amount of times I say, 'meet cute').
SKIP INTRODUCTION: 2:26
Music and sound effects | Soundstripe.com Visit | TheQuack.blog Email | Mary@thequack.blog | |||