Something remarkable is being born.
I created The Science and Soul of Midlife because the people inside this publication are doing some of the most important work on the planet right now, and the people who need them most do not yet know they exist.
This is a visibility project, yes. But it is much bigger than that. It is a movement, and movements need many voices.
Every contributor in this debut edition is a lead voice in their field. Some are doctors. Some are clinicians, therapists, and practitioners. Some are executives and coaches. And some are everyday human with lived experience so profound it became their life’s mission. Together they carry decades of expertise, hard-won wisdom, and perspectives that do not exist anywhere else.
In this first edition, we have come together to debunk the myths we inherited about what the “Midlife” season is supposed to mean.
Midlife is not about fading, enduring, or making peace with less. It is a rebirth. It is, in many ways, access to the greatest life that has ever been available to you.
Please read every piece. Subscribe to the contributors whose work moves you. And share this.
Sharing or “restacking” this article is the only ask. It is how we all grow the movement.
Now, my own myth to disrupt:
Sexual desire does not have a midlife expiration date. In fact, midlife may be exactly when it finally gets to EXPAND & IGNITE.
Yes, you can have the absolute best sex of your life with your long-term partner in midlife.
I work with couples in long-term relationships who have quietly drifted into a version of their relationship that feels more like roommates than lovers.
Where the evenings end with two people scrolling their phones on opposite sides of the couch. Where she feels invisible and he feels unappreciated. Where the distance between them has grown so familiar it almost feels normal.
I offer a path back to playful flirting, long eye gazes, hugs that melt your heart and deeply connected sex.
What I do is different from traditional therapy or psychotherapy. My approach is somatic and yogic. It works through the body, the nervous system, and the energetic field between two people. Pleasure is the portal. I help couples understand how the past is living in the space between them, clear it, and come back into the natural energetic poles that create real attraction. The kind where he gazes at her from across the room while she is doing the dishes and she can feel his desire from where she stands. Where she feels fully seen in everything she is and everything she contributes. Where he feels honored, respected, and deeply appreciated. Where best friends also cannot wait to get their hands on each other.
I help couples go from fighting to flirting again. From scrolling separately in silence to making out like teenagers the moment the kids go to bed.
For women, I offer feminine embodiment through sensual somatic yoga, drawing from my own methodology, my certification as an S Factor teacher trained by Sheila Kelly, and decades of somatic healing practice. Virtual classes and a traveling yoga studio are available at www.wildfemmeyoga.com
For men, the Polarity Studio offers audio and somatic practice for deepening into masculine leadership and masculine embodiment.
And for couples ready to do this work together, I would love to work with you directly. Book a private couples coaching call here: https://calendly.com/wildfemme/private-polarity-assessment-session
Not quite ready for one-to-one work? Come inside the Polarity Studio to begin immediately with the Couples Clarity Ritual experience: https://wildfemme.substack.com/p/polarity-studio
Still exploring? Become a free subscriber and take the relationship attraction quiz. It will show you exactly how strong the attraction currently is between you and your partner, and where the main breakdown is happening:
Welcome to the movement.
Darlene Cook Founder, Wild Femme Polarity
Now, let me introduce you to the voices waiting for you inside this edition.
Zach Werner, licensed clinical therapist and founder of Mental Health 4 Men, opens us up with something every household needs to hear. This is a phenomenal read for everyone on anger, especially for the DADS out there! Happy Fathers Day to all of you.
Eva Valera, midlife erotica writer and intimacy guide, tells the truth about desire, drift, and the courage it takes to choose differently. Her publication will OPEN your eyes and your mind to a new way of looking at midlife EROTICA!
Ayesha Hilton, mentor and author of Fully Expressed, reminds every midlife woman that her prime era is not behind her. She creates inspirational audios for Midlifers, you must check them out!
Alison Bame, registered dietitian and functional medicine practitioner, connects the dots your doctor never did between your hormones, your sleep, your digestion, and your energy.
Jennifer Seven, founder of The Menopause Map, gives women the map they were never handed.
Tamara Mutter, founder of Iconic Physique and Lifestyle, shows us what becomes possible when women stop shrinking and start building.
Carolyn, founder of The Great Rest Experiment, gives us all permission to finally stop, breathe, and rest without guilt.
These are YOUR people.
Start with Zach, then keep reading and please share the movement.
Welcome to Unleashing Midlife: The Movement.
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Todays Topic: Anger & Why Your Family Gets the Worst of it...
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In that response lies our growth and our freedom.” — Viktor Frankl
Hey all,
Let’s be honest about how most men in MY generation were “taught” to deal with anger.
You burned a CD (or had your older brother burn it for you). Grabbed a Sharpie, & wrote “ANGRY MIX“ on it ... or if you were really trying to sell it, “ANGRY MIX WORKOUT,” because that made it sound more productive and less like you were a 14-year-old with feelings you didn’t know what to do with.
That was the emotional education.
By middle school the burned CD evolved into an iPod Shuffle loaded with Slipknot. And my personal favorite song: Headstrong by Trapt (LINK TO THE SONG, YOUR WELCOME), which I listened to before EVERY single middle school basketball game because I genuinely believed that getting angry enough was the competitive edge I needed. I was not starting on that team. The song was not the problem.
Only picture I could find playing Middle School Basketball for the CCA Lions. 100% was rocking out to headstrong before this b-team game.
Back to my point... That was the method: get angry, put on the song, channel it somewhere physical, move on. Nobody talked about what the anger actually was, where it came from, or what it was covering up. You just turned up the volume and hoped it worked itself out.
For a lot of us, that approach followed us into adulthood. The iPod Shuffle became a Spotify playlist. The basketball game became a hard workout or a long drive. The outlet changed but the understanding didn’t.
And then we got married.... Had a kid or two. Built a life with people who are close enough to see through the playlist.
Now here’s the thing....There’s no shortage of content out there telling men to “manage their anger“ or “take deep breaths.” That’s not what drives guys into my office.
What drives guys into my office is a very specific pattern: men who hold it together all day at work, in every public setting, and then come home and give their family the worst version of themselves. Their wife is walking on eggshells. Their kids are reading the room before dad even takes his coat off. And the man himself can’t fully explain why the people he loves the most keep getting the worste.
This happens not because your family is more annoying than your coworkers or you love them less...It’s actually because of how the brain works. And in a strange way, it’s because of how much you trust them.
Why the People You Love Might Get the Worst of You
This concept explains 90ish% of almost everything I see in my office with men and anger...
In clinical psychology, anger is widely understood as a secondary emotion. It almost never shows up first and reacts to a primary emotion. A primary feeling is what we experience immediately before we feel anger. We almost always feel something else first.
That “something else” is almost always one of these: fear, shame, hurt, rejection, helplessness, or exhaustion, loneliness, etc.
Think of it like a smoke alarm. The alarm is loud, visible, demands your attention. But the alarm isn’t the fire. The alarm is just how you found out there was one. Anger is the alarm. The “primary emotion” is the fire.
Most people spend their entire day holding it together. That takes an enormous amount of effort.
By the time you walk through your front door, your brain’s capacity for emotional regulation is pretty drained... and the people inside that door are the only people in your life with whom you’ve ever allowed yourself to take the”armor” off.
The problem is that underneath the armor, there’s a lot of accumulated weight they didn’t know you were carrying.
So...What’s Happening in Your Brain?
Psychologist Daniel Goleman coined the term “amygdala hijack” to describe what happens when your brain’s emotional alarm system overrides your rational thinking.
Here’s how it works... You have 2 key players in your brain when it comes to anger.
The first is the amygdala — think of it as your brain’s smoke detector. It’s small, it’s fast, and its entire job is to scan for threat. When it senses danger, real or perceived, it fires a stress response in milliseconds causing you to react.
The second is the prefrontal cortex — this is the reasonable part of your brain. It’s the part that says “okay, let’s think about this before we react.” It evaluates the situation, pumps the brakes, and keeps you from saying something you’ll regret.
Under normal conditions, these two work together. The smoke detector goes off, the reasonable roommate checks if there’s actually a fire, and you respond proportionately.
Here’s the problem: the amygdala cannot tell the difference between a physical threat and an emotional one.
Now here’s the part I think can be helpful if you’re struggling with anger...
Research on prefrontal cortex function shows that your brain’s capacity for emotional regulation draws on a shared pool of resources...and that pool depletes across the day. Every act of self-control at work, every suppressed frustration, every decision made under pressure; it all draws from the same tank.
Think of your prefrontal cortex like a phone battery. In the morning, it’s fully charged. You’re ready for the day. But every time you hold your tongue in a meeting, absorb a frustrating interaction without reacting, or push through stress without processing it... the battery drains. By the time you pull into your driveway, you might be running on 15%.
At 15%, the amygdala wins almost every time!
So when your kid spills the drink (or eats the entire bottle of toothpaste. Yes this is my example from this past week), it’s not that those things are actually that serious. It’s that your reasonable part of your brain has gone offline. The amygdala is running the show. Yikes.
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In that response lies our growth and our freedom.” — Viktor Frankl
Here’s a 3 Step Protocol to Help you Work Through Your Anger...
Step 1: Recognize the Depletion Before You Walk In
Your brain after a hard day is neurologically different from your brain in the morning. Don’t walk through your front door on 10% battery and wonder why you crash.
You cannot regulate something you cannot detect. And you cannot defeat what you cannot define.
Step 2: Buy Yourself TIME!
Research found that the physiological surge of an emotional response lasts approximately 90 seconds in the body. After that, if the anger keeps going, your thoughts are feeding it.
When you feel it firing:
* Don’t act for 90 seconds
* Breathe slowly
* Step Away
Your anger doesn’t have to win just because it showed up first.
Step 3: Get Underneath the Anger to the primary emotion
Once you’re calm enough to think, ask the question:
What was I feeling before the anger showed up?
Research consistently shows that the inability to name primary emotions is one of the strongest predictors of chronic anger and relationship breakdown.
* Criticized → shame or fear of not being enough
* Ignored at home → loneliness or hurt
* Out of control → anxiety or fear
* Snapping at your kids → exhaustion or helplessness
The anger is not the message. It’s the notification. It’s your brain tapping you on the shoulder saying something is wrong here, pay attention.
Just name it for yourself. Research shows that putting a feeling into words measurably reduces amygdala activity. The naming is the intervention.
Look, a lot of us started with a burned CD and a Sharpie. Nobody handed us a manual. We learned to suppress, and push through. And for a long time that worked kind of well enough.
But the people in your home deserve more than what’s left over after a long day. They deserve more than the version of you that only comes out when the armor is off and the tank is empty.
The angry playlist got you through middle school basketball. It’s not going to get you through your marriage.
Now you know. That changes what’s possible.
Put on whatever playlist you want. Just don’t let it be the only tool you have.
Zach
Clinical Therapist and Founder of Mental Health 4 Men Campaign
werhanforhouse.com
Newsletter
Mental Health 4 Men
Clinical Practice
Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor
Licensed Master Addiction Counselor
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Desire does not die in midlife,
something else does
Eva Valera
What dies in midlife is the capacity to keep swallowing the lies and acquiesce. Most of us were handed scripts we never consciously chose, and one of those scripts is marriage. It starts with romantic love and, too often, ends in a dead bedroom, but why?
I was the woman in her forties who didn’t want sex and was fine with it. I even joked, “Oh, I’m dead down there. Hello? Anybody there?” I accepted it as normal in a long-term relationship until one day I realised “down there” wasn’t dead at all. It was dormant, buried under everyday life.
That night I asked the question that changed the path of my life: “Am I really going to live like this for the rest of my life? I’m only 43.”
And this is where we need to tell the truth we avoid.
Sometimes desire disappears because the romantic bond has ended. It doesn’t always need a villain, a betrayal or a dramatic reason. Sometimes it just happens, the same way love happens and we cannot fully explain why.
The longer we live inside those scripts, the deeper into the mud we can find ourselves in midlife, until something in us finally stops and says: “Hang on. Is this actually my life?”
For us, the lovers had long gone, but everything else worked. We were kind. We were family. We were co-managing a life. But instead of facing that, we lied - the way so many people lie in long-term relationships. “It happens to everyone.” “It is what it is.”
Excuses, like “I’ve got a headache” or “I’m too tired,” repeated for years until one day you wake up inside an intimacy-starved marriage.
Sexlessness is rarely the root issue. The drift almost always started a long time ago, unnoticed beneath the noise, the routine and the avoidance.
Desire came back for me inconveniently... somewhere else. And once that happened, I had to face the truth: I wasn’t dead down there. I was dead in that dynamic.
It was messy and painful at first. I wish I’d had support. But ultimately, it was honest and
Coherent. That is now the work I care about: helping people in sexless or emotionally disconnected marriages stop spinning in shame, blame and panic, and find clarity to make conscious, loving decisions.
This guide is the one I would have needed back then, made for others sitting in that same painful place, looking for clarity.
There are three possible paths, but the path itself is not the point. The consciousness is, and it begins with the truth.
Have you lived inside a sexless or intimacy-starved marriage? Your anonymous story may help someone else feel less alone - and help break the silence around this hidden pain.
Sexless Marriage Guide
https://innerwalkabout.com/
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Midlife is Our Prime Era
Ayesha Hilton
When I was 16, my grandmother came to visit. She was in her early 50s.
In my innocent teenage mind, I remember thinking she was so old.
She wore floral housedresses. She talked about her ailments. She seemed resigned somehow, as though life had already happened and she was simply watching the years pass.
I don’t remember her talking about dreams she still wanted to actualize.
Now I’m in my 50s and I am the heaviest and oldest I have ever been, yet I feel juicy, sensual, and beautiful.
I don’t feel old enough to be put out to pasture as I have so much more I want to create in my life. I haven’t even reached my true potential yet.
50 is no longer old.
The midlife woman is the most underestimated force on the planet.
I am constantly in awe of the women in my circle who are entering their prime era. They aren’t done yet. They have this beautiful depth of experience, knowledge, and wisdom to offer the world.
We are living through uniquely challenging times, and I believe it is midlife women who can lead the changes so needed in the world right now.
It is our time to step into our roles as mentors and leaders.
We do this by living our lives in full color. Fully expressed. Following our desires. Going for what we truly want. Taking up more space without apology. Challenging outdated ideas about what women, particularly older women, are allowed to want, create, become, and contribute.
Speaking our truth from our hearts and minds.
By sharing our voices, we encourage and give permission to others to do the same.
I often imagine I am holding a candle. I use this to light the candle of the woman next to me. She in turn, lights the candle of the woman beside her, who lights the candle of the next woman, and before long there is light spreading around the world.
Each voice mattering. Each woman reminding another woman what is possible. This is the vision that moves me.
It is also why I feel so passionate about mentoring women to transform their voice, wisdom, and lived experience into meaningful bodies of work — books, podcasts, oracle decks, thought leadership, and work that fully expresses who they are and what they know.
It takes courage to put yourself out there. To say, “This is me. This is what I have learnt. This is what I believe.”
We need the sisterhood of other women who are also courageous to support us as we also take this leap.
My invitation to you is to fully express yourself in whatever form that takes. Know that your voice matters. All the things you have endured and overcome, the things you have already created, give you the depth required to lead and mentor other women.
Bio
Ayesha Hilton is a mentor, writer, and guide for midlife women ready to fully express themselves and share their wisdom with the world. She helps women transform their lived experience, expertise, and hard-earned knowledge into meaningful bodies of work — from books and podcasts to oracle decks, thought leadership, and legacy projects. She is the author of Fully Expressed on Substack, where she writes about midlife, voice, desire, self-expression, and becoming more of who we truly are.
Ayesha on Substack
CLICK TO LISTEN TO HER SONGS: Juicy at Any Age & Prime Era
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Menopause May Be Universal. What YOUR Body Needs During Menopause Is Not.
Most women arrive with a list of symptoms. I start looking for the thread that connects them.
A reliable sign of midlife: sooner or later, every conversation with women our age turns into an exchange of symptoms, supplement recommendations, and 3 a.m. ceiling-staring stories.
We’re all trying to figure out the same thing. What happened?
We start comparing notes:
Poor sleep.
Brain fog.
Anxiety.
Weight gain.
Mood changes.
Many of these symptoms seem to arrive around the same time, piling into your life like a car full of teenagers.
The common explanation is simple:
“It’s menopause.”
And while that’s not wrong, it’s also not particularly helpful.
Because menopause is a life stage. It’s the backdrop, not the whole story.
The more interesting question is:
What is YOUR body trying to tell you during this transition?
I’ve Always Been a Dot Connector
I’ve always been a bit of a detective.
My first career was as a sales analyst. My job was to look at data, identify patterns, and figure out what story the numbers were telling.
But I was equally fascinated by food and the powerful role it plays in our health, so I went back to school to study nutrition and became a dietitian.
Then, at 42, a cancer diagnosis forced me to pay much closer attention to my own body.
After treatment, I was dealing with extreme fatigue, digestive issues, hormone chaos, and thyroid autoimmunity.
Like many women, I initially looked at each symptom separately.
What changed everything was realizing that the body doesn’t operate in separate departments.
Those symptoms weren’t arriving one at a time.
They were part of the same story.
That realization led me to study functional medicine, which deepened my understanding that hormones, digestion, sleep, stress, and metabolism are constantly influencing one another.
Now, instead of looking for patterns in spreadsheets, I look for patterns in women’s health.
I spend less time asking, “What should you eat?” and more time asking, “Why is your body asking for help?”
Two Women. Same Symptoms. Different Stories.
Two women can be the same age and appear to have the same problem.
Both are tired.
Both aren’t sleeping well.
Both feel frustrated by a body they no longer recognize.
But their bodies may be telling completely different stories.
One woman may be struggling with blood sugar swings that leave her exhausted, craving sugar, and waking up in the middle of the night.
Another may be dealing with chronic stress, a nervous system that’s been carrying too much for too long, and a body that no longer feels safe enough to rest and recover.
The women I work with want better sleep, less weight gain, fewer hot flashes, steadier moods, more energy, and a brain that can remember why it walked into the pantry.
Of course they do.
But what really brings relief is understanding that their symptoms aren’t random and their struggles aren’t a lack of willpower.
The woman waking at 3 a.m. realizes she isn’t “just a bad sleeper.”
The woman who suddenly feels anxious, irritable, and unlike herself realizes she isn’t losing her mind.
The woman whose headaches, itchy skin, and middle-of-the-night wakeups seem unrelated realizes they may be connected.
For the first time, the dots start connecting.
She finally understands what HER body needs.
A plan that fits her.
Not every woman.
Her.
Invitation
If you’re a woman over 40 trying to connect the dots between your symptoms, hormones, energy, sleep, and overall health, I’d love to stay connected.
I write about the changes happening beneath the surface in midlife and how to better understand what your body may be asking for during this transition.
You can find me on Substack. And if you stop by, leave me a note. I’d love to know what part of this midlife mystery you’re trying to solve.
Alison Bame, RDN, AFMC
Functional Medicine Practitioner
alisonbame.com
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Your body is not broken. It is telling the truth.
Jennifer Seven
I serve midlife women who are exhausted, confused by their changing bodies, and tired of being told to “just try harder.”
My work is rooted in one belief:
Your body is not broken. It is telling the truth.
I created The Menopause Map because so many women arrive in midlife feeling lost. They are sleeping poorly, gaining belly fat, losing strength, feeling anxious, foggy, flat, inflamed, invisible, or disconnected from the woman they used to be.
And too often, they blame themselves.
They think they have lost discipline.
They think they need more willpower.
They think aging means decline.
I do not believe that.
I believe women were never given a real map for the hormonal transitions of their lives. We were handed silence around periods, confusion around postpartum, shame around body changes, and almost no meaningful preparation for perimenopause, menopause, or postmenopause.
My own turning point came through years of coaching women in weight loss and wellness, while also walking through my own midlife body changes. I saw brilliant, capable women doing “all the right things” and still feeling like their bodies had stopped responding. I also knew what it felt like to wonder why the old rules no longer worked.
That became the doorway.
I realized the problem was not that women were failing. The problem was that most of us were trying to navigate a new biological season with outdated rules, incomplete information, and very little honest support.
The Menopause Map was born from the desire to give women language, structure, compassion, and practical next steps. Not another quick fix. Not another plan built on shame. A map.
My framework focuses on five foundations I call the floors: sleep, food and blood sugar, strength, stress and nervous system support, and joy. Because midlife women do not need to fix everything at once. They need to know where to start.
I serve women through The Menopause Map Substack, my free Skool community, weekly MPOWER Hour conversations, private coaching, workshops, digital resources, paid community support, and sound healing experiences for nervous system restoration, emotional release, and deeper reconnection.
The midlife myth I disrupt is this:
Midlife is decline.
No.
Midlife is renegotiation.
It is the moment we stop abandoning ourselves to old rules that no longer fit. It is the season where the body gets louder, not to punish us, but to tell the truth.
My mission is to help women rise strong in the body they have now.
Not the body they had at 30.
Not the body culture told them to chase.
The body they are living in today.
You are not lost.
You were never given the map.
Now we are building it together.
Read more of my work at The Menopause Map on Substack:
Take the Free Menopause Assessment:
https://jennifer-q0wotuwu.scoreapp.com
Join The Menopause Map community:
https://www.skool.com/the-menopause-map-8338/about
Jennifer Seven
Founder of The Menopause Map
Health Coach, Menopause Guide
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Your Legacy Season: Building Strength, Vitality & Longevity in Midlife
Tamara Mutter
Menopause often begins with a whisper from the body before it becomes a conversation you can no longer ignore.
The weight gain that doesn’t respond to old strategies. The disrupted sleep. The anxiety. The brain fog. The loss of energy, confidence, or vitality.
For many women, these symptoms feel frustrating. I see them differently.
They are an invitation.
In our 30s and 40s, we are often busy building careers, raising families, caring for others, and making our mark on the world. Our health frequently falls to the bottom of the list, until our body asks us to pay attention.
Midlife is not a crisis.
It is an awakening.
A chance to pause and look introspectively: How do I want to live this next chapter?
I believe menopause is about far more than symptom management. It is an opportunity to create a breathtaking next season, one where you prioritize yourself, move your body, pursue what lights you up, and have the strength and vitality to fully experience life.
Because longevity isn’t simply about living longer.
It’s about living optimally
It’s about traveling, hiking, skiing, paddleboarding, playing pickleball, playing with grandchildren, dancing and saying yes to the experiences that set your soul on fire.
Strong is the new feminine.
Not because of how it looks, but because of what it allows you to do.
Strength training is one of the most powerful forms of preventative medicine available to women. It helps preserve muscle and bone density, support metabolic health, improve cognition, and build confidence. We also need mobility, flexibility, balance, power, speed, and endurance—all of which naturally decline if we don’t intentionally train them.
Daily walks, movement snacks throughout the day, compound strength exercises, quality sleep, stress management, meaningful connection, and nourishing foods create a powerful foundation for healthy aging.
And let’s disrupt one of the biggest myths.
Lifting weights will not make you bulky.
Building muscle is a slow process requiring consistency, patience, and adequate protein. Muscle is denser than fat and helps create a stronger, leaner physique while supporting long-term health and independence.
Perhaps the greatest transformation, however, isn’t physical.
Many women have been conditioned to stay small—to under-eat, over-give, people-please, and put themselves last.
Midlife invites us to unlearn that story.
To nourish rather than deprive.
To build rather than shrink.
To take up space.
I often tell my clients, “Be prepared to be amazed by you.”
Because when women stop performing and start becoming, everything changes.
This is your legacy season. The best version of you isn’t behind you , she is waiting for you
Welcome to Your ICONIC Era.
Tamara Mutter is the Founder and CEO of Iconic Physique & Lifestyle, a Certified Personal Trainer, Transformational Nutrition, Hormone, and Menopause Coach helping women 40+ build the strength, vitality, confidence, and longevity required for the life they still want to live.
Through virtual and online personalized fitness, nutrition, and lifestyle coaching, Tamara helps women navigate peri-menopause and menopause while creating sustainable habits that support energy, resilience, body composition, and overall well-being. Her bio-individual approach recognizes that every woman is unique, meeting her exactly where she is, whether that’s at home, in the gym, or taking the first step toward prioritizing herself again.
Tamara Mutter
ICONIC Physique & Lifestyle
Fitness.Nutrition. Hormone and Menopause Coach
To learn more, e-mail directly or book a complimentary zoom consultation:
Email: tamara@iconicphysique.ca
Calendly: https://calendly.com/iconic-physique/60min
Website: www.iconicphysique.ca
Substack
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The Great Rest Experiment
Carolyn
My mission is to help you stop waiting for permission to rest. Life isn’t going to calm down any time soon, and it doesn’t need to. You can rest and feel good in the small spaces of your life, without everything falling apart.
I show women over 45 how to rest in the life they already have: not the fantasy version where everything is done, dinner is sorted, the laundry is folded (and put away) and someone else has dealt with whatever the cat just dragged in (now I know where that phrase came from!).
The real one.
With the appointments.
And the group chats.
And the ageing parents.
And the nearly-adult children who somehow still need feeding (and sometimes money).
My story
I graduated with a Bachelor of Music in Voice Performance, armed with a love of early music and absolutely no reliable way to earn a living.
So I learned how to type, use a computer, and generally become more employable.
For over 20 years, I helped build a business. I built a family. And for a long time, I believed that if I could just get on top of things and sort myself out, life would finally feel perfect.
My higher self had other plans.
Just over fifteen years ago, depression, anxiety, and panic attacks brought me to a full stop.
So I started again. This time with hot stone massage, singing bowls, energy healing, meditation, Yoga Nidra, and rest.
I’m still at it. Always experimenting and learning. And sometimes tossing everything out the window, reading a book, and eating a packet of Mint Slice biscuits in one go.
The midlife myth I lovingly disrupt
The myth? That rest has to be earned. That you have to wait until everything’s done and the conditions are perfect. The conditions are never going to be perfect.
And they don’t need to be: they just need to be chosen.
Ways to work with me
The Great Rest Experiment Quiz (Free) www.thegreatrestexperiment.com/quiz
Ten minutes and a few honest answers. By the end you’ll know which kind of rest you’re actually short on.
You’ll find out why you feel absolutely knackered even when you’ve slept eight hours and get a 5-minute practice built for your specific result
The Great Rest Experiment Book www.thegreatrestexperiment.com/book
A book about resting in the life you’ve actually got. It won’t magically fold the laundry or answer your 24 unread messages. But it will help you lie down without guilt, say no without overexplaining, and remember what it feels like to just be for a minute.
The Great Rest Experiment on Substack www.thegreatrestexperiment.substack.com
Every Sunday I write about rest for women who are running on empty. Stories, small experiments, and audio to lie down to. No 5am routines, no sleep-score guilt. Just somewhere to stop pretending everything’s fine.
Carolyn
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