In this episode of The Observing I, I explore the life and ideas of Terence McKenna, one of the most fascinating and controversial voices in psychedelic thought. More than just a writer or lecturer, McKenna became a symbol of something deeper: the modern hunger for mystery, wonder, and a world that feels more alive than the one we are usually taught to accept.

This episode looks at both the brilliance and the danger in his vision. We examine his call to re-enchant reality, his critique of modern disconnection, and the point where insight can begin to blur into excess. At its heart, this is an episode about consciousness, meaning, and the challenge of staying open to mystery without losing our footing in the process.

Much love, David x

Episode 146 of The Observing I is out now on YouTube, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and wherever you listen. But it’s ad-free, always, at theobservingi.com.

Timothy Leary is often remembered as a prophet of psychedelic liberation, but his story is more complicated than that. In this episode, we look beyond the slogans, the counterculture mythology, and the public spectacle to explore the deeper tension at the heart of his life. This is not just a story about psychedelics or the 1960s. It is a story about consciousness, ego, escape, and the uneasy line between revelation and performance.

Along the way, we explore how Leary became such a powerful symbol, why his ideas still linger in the modern imagination, and what his life reveals about the human desire to break out of ourselves. Because beneath the cultural iconography is a more difficult question: when we say we want freedom, what is it that we actually mean? And at what point does the search for awakening become another way of avoiding the ordinary work of being human?

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure you follow The Observing I on Spotify so you never miss a new release. And if this conversation gave you something to think about, share it with someone else who might find it meaningful. You can also leave a rating on Spotify, which really helps more people discover the podcast.

Much love, David x

September 1922. A German steamship loaded with Russia’s most dangerous weapons. Not bombs. Not guns. Philosophers. Seventy intellectuals who committed the ultimate crime against the Soviet state. They wouldn’t stop thinking.

Among them, a man named Nikolai Berdyaev. Aristocrat turned Marxist turned mystic turned professional pain in the ass to every authority that ever tried to tell him what truth looked like. Lenin personally approved his deportation. Think about that. The man who orchestrated a revolution was scared of a philosopher. Not scared enough to kill him. Scared enough to make him someone else’s problem.

Berdyaev’s scandalous idea, the one that got him exiled, was this: Freedom doesn’t come from God. Freedom comes before God. It’s not a gift. It’s not earned. It’s the primordial chaos that existed before anything existed, and even God has to respect it.

We follow Berdyaev from his aristocratic childhood through his revolutionary phase, watching him get exiled once by the Tsar for being too radical, then exiled again by the Bolsheviks for being too free. We explore his core philosophy: that humans aren’t here to obey. They’re here to create. That every system - communist, fascist, capitalist - tries to turn persons into things, subjects into objects, unrepeatable individuals into predictable units.

We watch him survive Lenin, Stalin’s early terror, Nazi occupation, spending twenty-six years in exile writing warnings nobody wanted to hear. Warnings about the mechanization of the soul. The objectification of persons. The slavery we volunteer for because comfort is easier than freedom.

Berdyaev died in 1948, but he saw your life coming. The algorithm-curated existence. The dopamine-harvested attention. The productivity-optimized, self-quantified, perpetually-performing version of yourself that you mistake for freedom. He watched the Bolsheviks try to engineer New Soviet Man, and he’s watching you engineer yourself into the optimal unit for whatever system you’ve decided to serve.

The question Berdyaev asked for seventy-four years, through revolution, exile, occupation, and loneliness, is the same question waiting for you right now:

Are you a person or a thing? Are you creating or consuming? Are you choosing freedom or choosing comfort? Are you living or are you performing life for an audience that’s also performing for you while nobody’s actually present?

Berdyaev chose exile over silence. Chose the terrifying responsibility of freedom over the comfort of any system that promised to tell him who to be.

So if you need to hear that creativity isn’t a luxury, it’s a spiritual necessity, or if you’re tired of being a function and want to remember what being a person feels like, then I dedicate this episode to you.

Much love, David x

Warning: This isn’t comfortable listening. Berdyaev doesn’t offer you five steps to a better life. He offers you a choice you’ve been avoiding. And once you see it, you can’t unsee it.

In this episode, I’m talking about how to get out of our comfort zone. It’s a challenging space, pushing ourselves beyond the boundaries of what we’re used to.

It can be unsettling, leave us uneasy. But it’s in this space that we truly grow as a person, and in this space that we can really learn about ourselves.

Join me this year as I take on the mantra “get comfortable being uncomfortable”, and let’s see where it leads us.

Much love, David

In this episode, I'm talking with Ralph Sutton. Ralph is a TV and radio veteran, the host of the goodsugar podcast alongside Marcus Antebi (founder of the health and wellness platform "Juice Press"), and the SDR Show.

He's also the founder of the Gas Digital Network, and you can find him online at www.iamralphsutton.com and on Instagram at @iamralphsutton.

Ralph shares his wellbeing journey with us, offers some sound advice on living a healthy life, and opinions on the current state of the wellbeing industry. Do what's right for you, and watch out for guru b******t.

This is from a podcast I created a few years back called “The State of Mind", so it’s not the usual format that you’ve come to expect from The Observing I. As it’s the Christmas break, I wanted to give you some content whilst still getting some rest time in for myself.

Hoping that you’ve all had a restful break yourselves, and usual transmissions will resume next week.

Much love, David

In this episode, we’re getting into the Christmas spirit and exploring the different personality archetypes of Santa Claus. What do the archetypes tell us about ourselves, what are their potential downfalls, and how do they impact the wider cultural unconscious?

I want to wish you all a fabulous holiday, and to thank you for all of your support. It’s now been one year of running this podcast and both the experience and the feedback have been amazing. There’s much more to come next year, with new things on the horizon and something very special in the works (which I am hugely excited about, so watch this space).

Much love, David

Thanks for reading The Observing I! This post is public so feel free to share it.

In this episode, I’m diving into the fascinating world of liminal spaces.

Existing in the physical, emotional, and spiritual dimension, liminal spaces are these in-between zones that exist in our lives. They're not quite here, not quite there, and in those spaces, neither are we.

They can be physical, like that weird hallway between two buildings, or emotional, like the feeling you get when you're on the cusp of a big life change.

We'll explore different examples of liminal spaces, and I’ll give you some thoughts on how best to navigate them.

Don’t forget to give this a share if you think it’ll be interesting for someone else!

Much love, David

In this episode, I’m drawing on a lot of philosophies and religions to find what it is that constitutes self-discipline.

From Confucius, to the Stoics, to Kant and the Existentialists, what has philosophy got to teach us about the importance of discipline and how to maintain it?

Turns out, quite a lot, as you’ll discover.

Much love, David

In this episode, I’m talking about personal wellbeing, its commoditization in the wellness industry, and the concept of toxic wellbeing.

It's like everyone and their grandma is trying to sell you the secret to eternal happiness. But here's the thing, wellbeing isn't something you can buy off a shelf. It's a journey, a process, and sometimes, a downright rollercoaster ride.

Much love, David

Thanks for reading The Observing I! This post is public so feel free to share it.

In this episode, I’m diving into the Greek philosophy of Stoicism and how it can help us to exercise gratitude in our daily lives.

There’s talk of the Dichotomy of Control (stop worrying about the external and start focusing on your responses to the external), a dig at “individualism”, and how actively being engaged in the bigger construct than ourselves is good for our perspective.

Much love, David

In this episode, I’m talking all about how we can take charge of our own wellbeing.

I’ll be covering how self-care isn’t selfish, the importance of boundaries, engaging some self compassion, and how the physical is just as important as the mental when it comes to managing how we’re feeling.

Thank you for being a part of this journey. I'm grateful for each and every one of you.

Much love, David

In this episode, I'll be sharing my thoughts on the whole meaning vs. revenue dilemma in our work lives.

I want to stress that money is important, no doubt. But it shouldn't be the only thing that drives us. We need to find that sense of purpose in our work, something that truly gives us meaning. That's what makes it all worthwhile.

I just want say a big thank you to all you awesome listeners out there. Seriously, your support means the world to me. And if you want to connect with me, feel free to reach out on any of the platforms I'm on. Let's keep the conversation going!

Much love, David

In this episode, I discuss the concept of hedonism and its impact on happiness.

We explore how consumer culture and capitalism fuel a cycle of desire and dissatisfaction, with the pursuit of material wealth and status often seen as the key to happiness.

Practicing gratitude can counteract this, allowing us to appreciate the present and find contentment in simple joys.

So step off the hedonic treadmill, get grateful, and experience a deeper, more sustained sense of happiness.

Much love, David

Your life is being optimized into a coffin. Every app on your phone, every metric at your job, and every "wellness" routine you follow is designed to turn you into a predictable, manageable, frictionless unit of production. They want you to live in a Crystal Palac. A world of glass and iron where everything is calculated, every need is met, and every "correct" choice is incentivized. They want to convince you that two times two always equals four, and that if you’re still miserable, it’s just because you haven't updated your software yet.

Fyodor Dostoevsky saw this coming a hundred and fifty years ago, and he hated it. He hated it enough to spend his life documenting the exact moment the human soul decides to stick its tongue out at perfection and burn the whole palace to the ground. In this episode, we’re not doing a literature lesson; we’re pulling apart the modern ego like meat from the ribs.

We’re tracing Dostoevsky’s descent from a mock execution in a frozen St. Petersburg square, where he had five minutes to live, to the Siberian labour camps where he realised that humans don't actually want happiness. We want intensity. We want friction. We want the right to be a disaster.

We go deep into the Siberian Laboratory to understand why a ten-pound shackle is a better teacher than a self-help book, and we confront the Grand Inquisitor’s Deal to see why we’ve traded our terrible freedom for the digital bread of the Feed. This is the story of the Roulette of Grace, exploring why your life only starts making sense when the math fails and the Extraordinary Man you’ve been playing finally hits the floor.

Stop trying to fix yourself. Stop trying to be rational. The firing squad is already leveling their rifles, and the only question is what you’re going to do with the five minutes you have left. Get out of the palace. Go find some friction.

Much love, David x

In this episode, I’m exploring identity. What is it that shapes who we are, and how does that impact our reality? Is it fixed, or does it constantly change? And how much agency do we have to change it?

Much love, David

In this episode, we're going to be discussing the art of listening, a very important and very powerful skill that all of us can learn.

I'm going to be explaining what makes a good listener, and I'm going to give you some techniques and tools to improve your listening skills. Be that at home, at work, with friends, family, colleagues, whomever, we're going to make you an effective listener.

Much love, David

In this episode I’m exploring vulnerability. Why we hide certain facets of ourself, the benefits of accepting our vulnerabilities, and what happens when we expose our vulnerabilities to the world at large.

Much love, David

In this episode, I’m talking about free will. The red pill or the blue pill. What are the different takes on whether we have free will or not, what's been done to prove that we both do and don’t have it, and why is it such a challenging thing to discern in the first place.

Much love, David

In this episode, I dive into how a sense of belonging is vitally important to our human experience, the different between traditional and modern societies, and what we can consider when it comes to curating our own tribe - the people that we surround ourselves with.

Much love, David

Here we go, part 2 of my dive into the cult mindset. In this episode, I’m talking about cult thinking in society. Most notably, the cult of celebrity, and the cult of self. Oh, and there’s that time I visited the Church of Scientology and had to make a quick exit.

Much love, David

We’re embarking on a two-part series exploring a topic that may seem fringe but has broader implications than you might think: The Cult Mindset. In Part 1, I’ll be talking about the origin of the cult mindset, and the psychological tools that are used by cults to suck people in.

Much love, David

Are you constantly doubting your abilities, attributing your success to luck, or fearing you'll be exposed as a "fraud" at work? You're not alone; Imposter Syndrome affects approximately 70% of people at some point in their lives. Including me.

In this episode, I explain what it is, the psychological indicators that inform it, and explore some strategies on how to beat it.

Much love, David

In this episode, I’m talking all about framing our human experience in the cosmic perspective, our intrinsic need to be connected to the numinous. and how these two things are deeply interconnected.

Much love, David

In this episode, I’m talking about where consistency turns up across all sorts of philosophy, from Aristotle and Epictetus, to Kant and Nietzsche. How these philosophical frameworks can help us improve our consistency, and the power of consistency in fostering motivation and self discipline.

Much love, David

Welcome to 2026. The calendar flipped, but the gears didn’t stop grinding.

Most people think Franz Kafka wrote fantasy. They think he dreamed up giant bugs and invisible judges because he had a colourful imagination. They’re wrong. He wrote the user manual for the meat-grinder of modern life.

He spent his daylight hours at the Workers’ Accident Insurance Institute in Prague, putting a dollar sign on human misery. He was the guy who decided exactly how much a crushed pelvis was worth in the eyes of the law. He was a suit. A corporate drone. A high-performing variable in a bureaucratic equation that never quite balanced.

At night, he performed the surgery. He took the sterile, bloodless prose of the office and used it to describe the smell of the machine that eats us alive.

In our first episode of the new year, we’re tearing the skin off the machinery of modern dread. Consider it a survival guide for the cubicle. We’re diving into the logic of the eternal Trial, where you’re guilty by default and the charges are redacted for your own protection. We’re looking at the Metamorphosis, where the horror isn’t turning into a vermin, but worrying about missing the 5:00 AM train while you’re doing it.

We’re talking about the Castle, that god of Middle Managers, where authority is everywhere and nowhere, and “help” is always one more form away. We’re witnessing the Penal Colony, where the company handbook is carved directly into your nervous system with glass needles until you finally “understand” the policy.

You’ve been standing at the gate for long enough. You’ve been waiting for an acquittal that isn’t coming and a permission slip that was never printed. The machine only has power as long as you believe it has a purpose.

If you’ve ever felt like a glitch in someone else’s software, this episode is for you.

The court is in session. Don’t bother bringing a lawyer.

Much love, David x

Join Project:MAYHEM

It’s been a minute. I’m back from my two week hiatus, fully charged and raring to go. In this episode, I’m talking all about rest. Why it’s important, the nature of quality rest over quantity, and what I gained from downing tools for a fortnight.

Much love, David

I am amazed that it’s been a year since I started the Observing I. In this episode. and in honour of that, I’m taking a moment to breathe it in and reflect on what we’ve done, and where we’re going.

Much love, David

In this episode, I’m throwing some ideas into the mix to help with being more authentic, or speaking your truth. What can we consider to help us be more authentic, and how can we ensure that our authenticity is a dialogue and not a broadcast?

Much love, David

In this episode, I’m talking about my own personal mantra - "Do the work". I discuss what stops us from doing the work, what’s involved in the process of doing, and how we have to stop starting and start finishing.

Much love, David

In this episode, I’ll be talking about the cognitive nature of time, how much I love time boxing, and emphasising the importance of treating time as your most valuable asset.

Much love, David

In this episode, I’m talking about positive and negative self-narratives and the affect they have on our perspective, how affirmations can be useful in the right context, and get a bit argumentative on the subject of manifestation.

Much love, David

In this episode, I’m diving into the idea of cognitive fluency, which is all about how efficiently our brain’s process information. I’ll be exploring what it is, how it can benefit us, and what we can do to try and improve it.

Much love, David

In this episode, I'll be exploring an essential concept in Stoic philosophy, known as the Dichotomy of Control. I'll delve into the aspects of life within our control and those outside of it, discuss the critical role of perspective in our suffering, and provide actionable tips on adopting a more Stoic outlook when encountering adversity.

Much love, David

In this episode, I’ll be delving into two crucial concepts that can profoundly shape our lives: apathy and agency. How we can use agency to create discipline, and turn discipline into habits.

Much love, David

In this episode, I’ll be discussing why we’re so uncomfortable with failure, what’s going on in our internal narratives when we fail, and what we can do to try and change our thinking so that we can better handle failure going forwards.

Much love, David

This episode is a little different. It’s a work of fiction. A Christmas ghost story for philosophers. A Dickensian horror wrapped in VHS static and existential dread.

In 1983, a philosophy professor named Vernon Pale went on public access television to deliver a Christmas lecture. He argued that every gift we give is violence. That obligation is the real present we’re exchanging. That Christmas is capitalism’s most honest ritual, because it makes that transaction explicit.

For forty three minutes he built his case. Then the station cut the feed. The philosopher disappeared. Never taught another class. Never cashed another paycheck. Just walked out of the studio and off the edge of the world.

This episode explores that broadcast. What was said. What was censored. And why a forgotten tape about the danger of gifts feels more urgent now than it ever did.

We’re drowning in obligation. Every relationship transactional. Pale saw it coming. Tried to find the exit, to love without imposing. Tried to give the only gift that doesn’t create debt…

His absence.

Did it work? Does philosophical disappearance solve anything? Or is presence, with all its weight, all its terrible grace, just what it costs to be human?

What do we owe each other? And what does it cost to find out?

This is a work of fiction. But the philosophy, the discomfort, and the questions are not.

Happy Christmas.

Much love, David x

In this episode, I’m talking about how being selfish can help us to be selfless, prioritising our own physical and mental wellbeing, and some tools for personal growth.

There’s even a bit about Matthew McConaughey. Alright, alright, alright.

Much love, David

We all face challenges and crises in our lives, and it's during these times that our personal growth is really put to the test. In this episode, I’m talking about what tools we can employ and what we can think about so that we don’t succumb to that proverbial tornado.

Much love, David

In this episode, I’m talking about the benefits of consistency in our personal and professional lives, things we can do to cultivate consistency and discipline, and some of the things that I struggle with when it comes to discipline.

There are 3 questions I pose in this episode that I’ll invite you to think about - here they are for easy reference:

* How has consistency played a role in your past successes or failures?

* Can you think of a time when being inconsistent held you back from achieving a goal?

* What habits or routines can you adopt to increase consistency in your life?

Much love, David

In this episode, I’m talking about the art of doing nothing, borrowing heavily from the Italians, and about being present, considered, mindful, and deliberate in doing nothing.

Please also enjoy the subliminal jazz.

Much love, David

In this episode, I’m talking about a trip to the Tate Modern, how art can be a powerful tool in our wellbeing kit, and what I learned about staring at an apple for half an hour.

Much love, David

In this episode, I’m talking about my own experiences of being down in the mud the past few weeks, what reflections I took from it, and how I turned to strategic thinking to get myself back up again.

I appreciate there’s some content in this one that might resonate with people. If it does, please feel free to reach out in the comments. I’m here and I’m listening.

Much love, David

In this episode, I’m talking all about internal conflict. What it is, and how you can manage it a little better.

Had a little trouble with the throat in this one, so it’s going to be choppier than usual. Apologies in advance.

Much love, David

In this episode, I’m talking about how we can be more focused on the process of “doing” rather than on the outcome, the things that are in our locus of control, and what causes us to be so focused on goals anyway.

Much love, David

In this episode, I go on about purpose and meaning, what it is that we need as human beings to be able to understand where we sit in the context of our existence, and some things to think about if you’re struggling with the zeitgeist.

Much love, David

In this episode, I’m cramming in as much as I can on relationships into about 13 minutes. Seeing as we’ve just had Valentine’s Day. I touch on empathy, emotional maturity, shared values, and expectations. Not that I’m an expert.

Much love, David

What if everything around you has a secret life you’ll never access?

Graham Harman’s object-oriented ontology makes a radical claim: objects aren’t just props in the human drama. The hammer in your toolbox, the coffee cup on your desk, the chair holding your weight. They all have withdrawn realities that remain forever hidden from you. They exist in depths you can’t penetrate, no matter how hard you grip them or how much you think you understand them.

This episode explores Harman’s philosophy of withdrawal, where every object, human and nonhuman, hides its true nature in an inaccessible core. We examine how this changes everything: causation, relationships, art, and what it means to live in a world populated by billions of entities that are fundamentally unknowable.

You’ve never actually met anyone. Not really. You’ve only encountered sensual versions, translated surfaces, proxies that stand in for the real person who stays withdrawn in depths even they can’t access. Every conversation is between ambassadors of hidden kingdoms. Every touch is between surfaces while the real entities watch from somewhere you’ll never see.

But maybe that’s not loneliness. Maybe that’s reality. Maybe the unbridgeable gap between objects is what makes relation possible at all. We explore Harman’s democracy of objects, where dust mites and black holes and human consciousness all have equal ontological status. Where nothing is special and everything matters in its own withdrawn way.

This is a philosophy that makes the familiar strange and forces you to see the world differently. From vicarious causation to aesthetic encounters, from the terror of withdrawal to the relief of accepting you’ll never fully know anything, this episode takes Harman’s ideas and makes them visceral, urgent, personally devastating.

The hammer dreams of nails. You dream of being understood. And somehow, in all that mutual withdrawal, reality keeps happening anyway.

Welcome to the secret lives of objects. Welcome to a universe where you’re not special. You’re just here, withdrawn and strange, forever beyond anyone’s grasp. Even your own.

Much love, David x

In this episode, I’m talking about how to spot those warning signs of stress before it goes too far, and how I manage it.

Remember, pay attention.

Much love, David

In this episode, I’m talking about shaping our internal narrative, the factors that can influence our perspective, and having agency in curating our values and authenticity.

Much love, David

In this episode, I’m talking about what I believe makes a good meditation practice, and some things to think about if you’re getting into meditation.

If you have any questions about getting into meditation, drop some comments below, or message me directly at david@theobservingi.com.

Much love, David