The Not Safe For Mom Group Podcast – Details, episodes & analysis

Writer, author, and mom of three Sara Peterson has been down all the instagram wormholes and has lived to tell about it. On this episode, your host Alexis , and Sara have a super candid conversation on the ways in which performative motherhood and momfluencers are wearing us all down. Sara shares with us what it means to be a "hot mom", why prescriptive parenting doesn't work, the new mom haircut, and we also discuss . . . haunted Mormons (IYKYK). Sara's book, MOMFLUENCED, will be out this spring. We go deep into momfluencer culture in this episode, so here are a few articles to provide "supplemental reading":

Articles by Sara:

• Momfluencer Culture Enrages Me: Why Can't I Look Away?
• Why I want to quit social media
• Apparently makeup for children is just as much a thing as skincare for children
• Why I’m struggling to explain my beauty routine to my 4-year-old daughter

Also discussed in the episode:

• Mormon influencer exposes ‘soft swinging’ secrets on TikTok: ‘Everyone hooked up’

Subscribe to Sara's Substack, "In Pursuit of Clean Countertops", here.

Poppyseed Health offers 24/7 on-demand text access to doulas, midwives, and nurses.

The National Council on Sexual Addiction Compulsivity has estimated that six to eight percent of Americans, and  approximately one in six women struggle with an addiction to pornography and sex. (Many women with sex addiction engage in casual sex, have multiple partners, or affairs. ) Author, and mom Erica Garza is one of the few women speaking out about her struggles with porn and compulsive masturbation (beginning at age 12), and later, sex addiction.  Her memoir, "Getting Off: One Woman’s Journey Through Sex and Porn Addiction" is a brave and eye-opening story that helps dispel myths and opens up a necessary conversation about addiction. On this episode of the podcast, Erica talks about the underlying anxieties that contributed to her addiction, the pain of living a secret life, and how she finally was able to experience pleasure without feelings of shame. Erica also shares how her former addiction informs how she parents her daughter, and offers tips for those who may be struggling with sex addiction and want to seek help.

Ways to get help:

• Attend Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous which follows the 12 Step Model from Alcoholics Anonymous
• Disrupt unhealthy patterns by turning off your internet or traveling someplace new
• Connect with others who are working to recover from addiction (any kind)

You can find her book here.

Poppyseed Health offers 24/7 on-demand text access to doulas, midwives, and nurses.

Today's guest suffered one of the worst things one can imagine happening to a person as a child, and lived with this secret well into adulthood. The Christine Blasey Ford hearings were a catalyst for the memories and flashbacks coming back to her and finally letting go of the shame she'd been holding onto for so long.  Our guest tells her story of trauma, memory, grace, and resilience because she knows the power and healing that can come sharing her truth. She also shares some of the things she's done that have helped her process her pain and trauma, and that continue to promote her healing.

"I often think of it as as sort of a choir; the more that you speak up, and raise your voice others can join with you and before you know it, you all are singing this incredible tune that can change hearts and minds." - A.

To learn more about I Will Not Be Quiet:
https://www.iwnbq.com/

To read her essay in Elle:
https://www.elle.com/culture/a37501793/rape-pregnancy-texas-abortion-law/

TW: This episode contains material of a sexual nature, including rape and abuse.

How do you learn how to mother when you grew up "basically, without parents?" Our anonymous guest talks about growing up as an autistic woman with parent figures who were detached at best, and physically and emotionally abusive at worst; and how she vowed to "become the village" she never had once she had a child of her own. But of course, like all best- laid plans -- especially when your aspirations are that of an "influencer" living a perfect Pottery Barn life -- things go quite a bit differently than she had hoped.

Content warning: This episode contains content that involves issues of abuse and harming of children.

For this week's guest, living with several undiagnosed mental illnesses her entire life wreaked havoc on her childhood, her relationship with her family, and her own self view. Nothing could have prepared her, however, for how the near-fatal blow new parenthood would deliver. Our anonymous guest shares her story of family secrets, going through hell while still showing up for her daughter, and finally getting the support she needed. It shouldn't be this way, but as our guest says in the episode: "Even when we have nothing left to give, we still show up for our children."

*This episode contains content of a sexual nature, references sexual abuse, and may not be suitable for young ears.

If you learned something absolutely shocking about your partner that you never would have imagined, how would you react? Would you stay and support them? How "bad" would it have to be for you to decide to leave? Today's guest shares her almost-unbelievable story about a discovery she made when she was just 12 weeks postpartum with her daughter,  everything she did next, and why. 

If you or someone you know is in a similar situation -
Links to Places that Can Help:

• https://thewomenscenter.org/services/legal-financial-resources/
• https://herjustice.org
• https://www.benefits.gov
• https://www.fns.usda.gov/snap/supplemental-nutrition-assistance-program
• https://www.highconflictinstitute.com

TW: This episode contains material of a sexual nature, including rape and abuse.

Keren Keyzner's daughter Lily was diagnosed with neuroblastoma on the evening of September 16, 2018, at 2.5 years of age. Neuroblastoma is an extremely rare form of cancer, with only about 700 new cases diagnosed every year in the United States.  In this episode, Keren shares her daughter's journey, and how Keren and her family coped with such unimaginable loss. If you've ever wondered how you could support friends and loved ones caring for a sick child, or who are mourning the loss of their child, give this episode a listen.  

Organizations to donate to/ learn more about pediatric cancer and neuroblastoma:

• Candle Lighters: Local non profit that supports families coming to NYC to get treatments- they support the kids, parents and siblings!
• Band of Parents: Grassroots non profit started by parents of children with Neuroblastoma to raise funds for new treatments.
• Whip Pediatric Cancer: Another great org that raises money for childhood cancer at Sloan and supports families. 

Click here to see some images of beautiful Lily and read the poem Keren wrote for her funeral.

Poppyseed Health offers 24/7 on-demand text access to doulas, midwives, and nurses.

Today we have writer, and coach Jenn M. Choi on the podcast, who shares with us her story of surviving the deaths of both of her immigrant parents (on top of going through a huge life change) and how that process helped her face the generational trauma she'd held onto for so many years.  She talks about how she found self-compassion, how reframing healing is a constant process, and how we all have the tools we need within us to become "the moms we wish to be."

Listen to her expert suggestions on how to heal, and move through generational trauma in your own life, and how the ultimate self care is knowing that you need help and that you can't do it all alone:

Jenn's healing go-to's:

• Mindset - Knowing to accept help. This is the first step: To get into the mindset of receiving help and saying, it is ok to not be ok, and I cannot do this alone.
• Therapy is one of the best tools in helping you not implode with feelings of rage. Finding the right modality of therapy and good chemistry with your therapist is essential.
• Coaching - therapy looks at present and past; coaching is more future focused.
• Writing - journaling helps you process and come up with things from your subconscious and bring it to light. Writing a letter to your past self can be very powerful.
• Online communities - going online and finding your community (FB, IG, Reddit’s sub communities).

Poppyseed Health offers 24/7 on-demand text access to doulas, midwives, and nurses.

"I could tell you maybe two people at my son's school know, and this is the crazy thing, maybe even more because I have been around people in those times I was using and you just don't think you look drunk. You did this, you forgot lunch, you did that, and who knows what people picked up on? My disease would lead me to believe they didn't at all, but I'm sure some people did."

In today's episode, we talk with someone who doesn't appear to be an "addict" but only because we have so many misconceptions of how an addict should look. An addict can be someone whose life has completely fallen apart, and it can also be the well-dressed mom at drop-off who is on her way to her C-suite office. Our guest tells us about the origins of her addiction, the career that helped fuel it, and how she has found recovery. She also talks about why she insists on considering herself an "addict" even though she is sober. We'll hear what it is like to parent while in recovery and how she talks to her child about her sobriety.

Resources for recovery:

• Online Intergroup of Alcoholics Anonymous
• Caron.org

Poppyseed Health offers 24/7 on-demand text access to doulas, midwives, and nurses.

SEASON 2 PREMIERE! Today we are talking with award-winning author Angela Garbes, of LIKE A MOTHER: A Feminist Journey Through the Science and Culture of Pregnancy, and the just-released ESSENTIAL LABOR: Mothering as Social Change.  Her latest book reads like a manifesto for the kind of world we aspire to have for mothers and women and all caregivers, and  it asks the question, what if we built a system that lets us care for the people that actually care for us? How do we, in a society that is so detached from our bodies create a world where we value bodies, the human experience, and our right to pleasure?
We talk with Angela about:

• how to establish a strong foundational understanding for our children that their bodies are worthy of love, and good care
•  the responsibility parents hold for teaching our kids to respect all kinds of bodies, and that all bodies are different
• how to navigate talking about difficult topics (like bodies, sex, scary news) with our children
• the benefits of intergenerational living, and caring for elders
• reframing sex and pleasure for ourselves and our kids
• how to reconnect sexually with a partner during/after periods of low libido

LIKE A MOTHER, is out now. Grab this must-read book here.

This episode is sponsored by Poppy Seed Health - 24/7 text access to doulas, midwives, and nurses.

Poppyseed Health offers 24/7 on-demand text access to doulas, midwives, and nurses.