Birth doula Sarah Auna has attended nearly 500 births. Today, she shares the story of one particularly powerful birth—an experience that unfolded not only in the body, but in the mind and spirit of everyone present. Through vivid storytelling, Sarah reflects on the physiology and psychology of labor, the art of creating safety in moments of intensity, and the lessons birth has taught her about trust, presence, and self-knowledge.

Sarah originally performed this story live on stage at Intersections, a live storytelling event produced by the Center for the Art of Medicine in Minneapolis in 2024 through our program, The Nocturnists Satellites. 

Music by Rachel Kurtz (song: "Lioness")

The Nocturnists is made possible by the California Medical Association and donations from listeners like you.

This episode of Stories from the World of Medicine is sponsored by The Physicians Foundation. 

Infectious disease Physician Meghan Rothenberger grew up feeling uncertain and disconnected from her body. As a teenager, she struggled with an eating disorder, trying to make sense of the changes of adolescence and the cultural messages around her. Years later, as a medical student studying anatomy, she began to see the body not as something to control, but as something wondrous and worthy of care. In this conversation, Meghan talks with Emily about growing up, navigating an eating disorder, and finding healing through science, pregnancy, and the everyday miracle of being alive. Together, they explore how understanding the body can open the door to compassion, connection, and belonging within oneself.

Meghan originally performed this story live on stage at Intersections, a live storytelling event produced by the Center for the Art of Medicine in Minneapolis in 2024 through our program, The Nocturnists Satellites.

The Nocturnists is made possible by the California Medical Association and donations from listeners like you.

This episode of Stories from the World of Medicine is sponsored by The Physicians Foundation. 

Today, we're releasing a special bonus episode featuring Emily and our "uncertainty correspondent" Alexa Miller, in conversation with the ABIM Foundation. Together, they reflect on the key insights from creating the Uncertainty in Medicine series.

Thank you to the ABIM Foundation for hosting and recording this webinar. To sign up for a webinar in the future, visit buildingtrust.org/webinars.

Find show notes, transcripts, and more at thenocturnists.org, and subscribe to our substack.

The "Uncertainty in Medicine" series is generously funded by the ABIM Foundation, by the Josiah Macy Jr. Foundation, and the Gordon & Betty Moore Foundation.

The Nocturnists is supported by The California Medical Association and donations from listeners like you.

Host: Pamela Browner White

Uncertainty Correspondent: Alexa Miller

Series Illustrations by Eleni Debo

In medical culture, shame is often wielded as a teaching tool. We shame learners for not knowing, for forgetting, for making mistakes. When does this serve us? When is it harmful? Is there a better way?

Find show notes, discussion guide, transcript, and more at thenocturnists-shame.org.

On the path to medicine, we're constantly taking tests: MCAT, shelf exams, step exams, boards, and more. What are these numbers good for? What are they not good for? What is the emotional impact of these tests, and their scores, on medical learners?

Find show notes, discussion guide, transcript, and more at thenocturnists-shame.org.

We all arrive at the gateway to medicine carrying baggage from our past. We've had different hopes, hurts, and childhood arcs. How do these early life experiences guide us toward our careers? And once we "arrive," how do they impact the way we experience shame in the workplace?

Find show notes, discussion guide, transcript, and more at thenocturnists-shame.org.

Medical culture is filled with impossible ideals: the resident expected to work a 28-hour shift without complaint or error; the surgeon with the steel bladder; the doctor with perfect bedside manner; the student with all the answers. How should a doctor look, act, think, speak, dress, feel? What should they value?

In this episode, we explore the concept of "The Ideal Doctor." Where do these "ideals" come from? How are they communicated? And what do they have to do with shame?

Find show notes, transcript, and more at thenocturnists-shame.org.

What is shame? And how does it manifest in medical culture? In this episode, The Nocturnists teams up with two shame experts to investigate these questions. From a pool of over 200 stories submitted to The Nocturnists from healthcare workers across the US, the UK, and beyond, we'll explore the tension between who we are, and what the culture expects of us.

Find show notes, transcript, and more at thenocturnists-shame.org.

A 10-part audio documentary series on The Nocturnists podcast, "Shame in Medicine: The Lost Forest" explores how shame manifests in medical culture.

Shame is ubiquitous in healthcare. Shame experiences in healthcare workers contribute to burnout, depression, suicidality, impaired empathy, disengagement from learning, social isolation, diminished physical wellness, unprofessional behavior, and altered professional identity formation — all challenges that continue to vex the medical community and lead to poor health outcomes.

Hosted by Emily Silverman, MD and produced in collaboration with the Shame and Medicine project at the University of Exeter, this podcast series breaks the silence about shame in medical practice, sharing intimate stories told by healthcare workers from across the globe.

"Shame in Medicine: The Lost Forest" starts on September 13. Listen to the series trailer and follow The Nocturnists wherever you listen to podcasts.

In this episode, Emily speaks with pediatrics resident Nina Shevzov-Zebrun about movement, medicine, and the creation of The Ten Tensions Project, which explores core dilemmas of the physician experience through photography and dance

The Nocturnists is partnering with VCU Health Continuing Education to offer FREE CME credits for healthcare professionals. Visit ce.vcuhealth.org/nocturnists to claim credit for this episode.

Find show notes, transcript, and more at thenocturnists.com.

In this episode, Emily speaks with physician-author Danielle Ofri about the science of writing, the art of medicine, and the imperative of recognizing stories as a tool for healing.

The Nocturnists is partnering with VCU Health Continuing Education to offer FREE CME credits for healthcare professionals. Visit ce.vcuhealth.org/nocturnists to claim credit for this episode.

Find show notes, transcript, and more at thenocturnists.com.

In this episode, Emily speaks with data scientist and author Cathy O'Neil about her book The Shame Machine: Who Profits in the New Age of Humiliation, which investigates how society exploits the powerful emotion of shame.

The Nocturnists is partnering with VCU Health Continuing Education to offer FREE CME credits for healthcare professionals. Visit ce.vcuhealth.org/nocturnists to claim credit for this episode.

Find show notes, transcript, and more at thenocturnists.com.

In this episode, Emily speaks with documentary filmmaker and journalist David France about his films How to Survive a Pandemic (2022) and How to Survive a Plague (2012), and the role of storytelling in documenting public health crises and holding institutions accountable.

The Nocturnists is partnering with VCU Health Continuing Education to offer FREE CME credits for healthcare professionals. Visit ce.vcuhealth.org/nocturnists to claim credit for this episode.

Find show notes, transcript, and more at thenocturnists.com.

In the series finale, we explore a different type of uncertainty—the uncertainty that arises around the healthcare system itself. This episode follows Ed Stratton, a stage IV cancer patient who beat his cancer, only to be denied a life-saving liver transplant by his insurance provider. His daughter Erin, armed with industry knowledge and unshakable determination, teams up with a healthcare whistleblower and an AI-powered startup to wage an extraordinary battle for his life. We end with a quiet reflection on uncertainty, and what it means to keep going. 

Find show notes, transcripts, and more at thenocturnists.org, and subscribe to our substack.

The "Uncertainty in Medicine" series is generously funded by the ABIM Foundation, by the Josiah Macy Jr. Foundation, and the Gordon & Betty Moore Foundation.

The Nocturnists is supported by The California Medical Association and donations from listeners like you.

Host: Emily Silverman, MD

Uncertainty Correspondent: Alexa Miller

Series Illustrations by Eleni Debo

In this special episode, Emily speaks with The Nocturnists' Executive Producer, family medicine physician and abortion provider, Dr. Alison Block, who recently published an Op-Ed in The New York Times called "Why I Learned to Perform Second-Trimester Abortions for a Post-Roe America."

The Nocturnists is partnering with VCU Health Continuing Education to offer FREE CME credits for healthcare professionals. Visit ce.vcuhealth.org/nocturnists to claim credit for this episode.

Find show notes, transcript, and more at thenocturnists.com.

In this episode, Emily speaks with physician Rupa Marya and political economist Raj Patel about their recent book Inflamed: Deep Medicine and the Anatomy of Injustice, which explores the impact of oppressive systems on our health, and how deep medicine can facilitate collective healing.

The Nocturnists is partnering with VCU Health Continuing Education to offer FREE CME credits for healthcare professionals. Visit ce.vcuhealth.org/nocturnists to claim credit for this episode.

Find show notes, transcript, and more at thenocturnists.com.

In this episode, Emily speaks with neuroscientist and author Sidarta Ribeiro about his book The Oracle of Night, which investigates the art and science of dreams and the extraordinary power dreams have in shaping our world.

The Nocturnists is partnering with VCU Health Continuing Education to offer FREE CME credits for healthcare professionals. Visit ce.vcuhealth.org/nocturnists to claim credit for this episode.

Find show notes, transcript, and more at thenocturnists.com.

In this episode, Emily speaks with poet, physician, and medical ethicist Dr. Laura Kolbe about her poetry collection, Little Pharma, the languages of poetry and medicine, and how poetry can help illuminate the various aspects of self.

The Nocturnists is partnering with VCU Health Continuing Education to offer FREE CME credits for healthcare professionals. Visit ce.vcuhealth.org/nocturnists to claim credit for this episode.

Find show notes, transcript, and more at thenocturnists.com.

In this episode, Emily speaks with Dr. Wesley Ely about the harms of deep sedation and immobilization in the ICU, and how he's transforming critical care, one patient at a time.

The Nocturnists is partnering with VCU Health Continuing Education to offer FREE CME credits for healthcare professionals. Visit ce.vcuhealth.org/nocturnists to claim credit for this episode.

Find show notes, transcript, and more at thenocturnists.com.

In this episode, Emily speaks with cancer biologist and poet Jenny Qi, about her poetry collection "Focal Point," which examines science, disease, love, and family.

The Nocturnists is partnering with VCU Health Continuing Education to offer FREE CME credits for healthcare professionals. Visit ce.vcuhealth.org/nocturnists to claim credit for this episode.

Find show notes, transcript, and more at thenocturnists.com.

In today's episode, Emily speaks with Professor Cindy Weinstein and Dr. Bruce Miller, authors of the book Finding the Right Words, which explores literature, grief, and the brain. It tells the story of Cindy's father, who lived and died with early-onset Alzheimer's disease, and serves as a dialogue between patient and doctor, literary critic and neuroscientist. A great example of narrative medicine in action.

The Nocturnists is partnering with VCU Health Continuing Education to offer FREE CME credits for healthcare professionals. Visit ce.vcuhealth.org/nocturnists to claim credit for this episode.

Find show notes, transcript, and more at thenocturnists.com.

In today's episode, Emily speaks with New York Times columnist Ross Douthat about his book The Deep Places, which tells the harrowing story of his experience with Lyme disease, and what it's like to navigate a chronic illness that mainstream medicine hasn't yet fully explained.

The Nocturnists is partnering with VCU Health Continuing Education to offer FREE CME credits for healthcare professionals. Visit ce.vcuhealth.org/nocturnists to claim credit for this episode.

Find show notes, transcript, and more at thenocturnists.com.

The American healthcare system is a tapestry of providers, insurers and chargemasters, and often leaves patients with unexpected and crippling bills. That is, if they show up to the hospital at all.

In this episode, Emily speaks with Emily Maloney who has been on both sides of the health care cost equation. After being hospitalized for a suicide attempt, she began working as an emergency room technician to pay off her medical debt. Emily Maloney tells her story in a new collection of essays, Cost of Living.

The Nocturnists is partnering with VCU Health Continuing Education to offer FREE CME credits for healthcare professionals. Visit ce.vcuhealth.org/nocturnists to claim credit for this episode.

Find show notes, transcript, and more at thenocturnists.com.

Physician Tobin Greensweig makes an unannounced visit to a patient's house to check on him after he leaves the hospital. Recalling stories from his father's community medical practice, he is struck by the constraints on the doctor-patient relationship in modern medicine.

The Nocturnists is partnering with VCU Health Continuing Education to offer FREE CME credits for healthcare professionals. Visit ce.vcuhealth.org/nocturnists to claim credit for this episode.

Find show notes, transcript, and more at thenocturnists.com.

What does it mean to live well in a world where nothing is certain — not in medicine, not in life? In this episode, we follow a high school teacher who asks his students to examine "the good life" through philosophy, Buddhism, and existential inquiry. We meet two women — a Buddhist monk and a disability rights advocate — who bring spiritual wisdom to the messy realities of illness, caregiving, and embodiment. Their stories, woven with reflections on impermanence, suffering, and compassion, offer a new way of thinking about uncertainty: not as something to fix, but as something to live with.

Find show notes, transcripts, and more at thenocturnists.org, and subscribe to our substack.

The "Uncertainty in Medicine" series is generously funded by the ABIM Foundation, by the Josiah Macy Jr. Foundation, and the Gordon & Betty Moore Foundation.

The Nocturnists is supported by The California Medical Association and donations from listeners like you.

Host: Emily Silverman, MD

Uncertainty Correspondent: Alexa Miller

Series Illustrations by Eleni Debo

Psychiatrist Shaili Jain tells the story of a pivotal experience on a road trip with her father, and how it catalyzed her career as a PTSD specialist.

The Nocturnists is partnering with VCU Health Continuing Education to offer FREE CME credits for healthcare professionals. Visit ce.vcuhealth.org/nocturnists to claim credit for this episode.

Find show notes, transcript, and more at thenocturnists.com.

Pediatrician Christina Lee recounts a memorable ambulance ride from residency, in which she helped transport a child from the hospital to hospice.

The Nocturnists is partnering with VCU Health Continuing Education to offer FREE CME credits for healthcare professionals. Visit ce.vcuhealth.org/nocturnists to claim credit for this episode.

Find show notes, transcript, and more at thenocturnists.com.

Medical student Pablo Romano tells the story of losing his mother to complications of surgery, and how he continues her legacy as a medical student.

The Nocturnists is partnering with VCU Health Continuing Education to offer FREE CME credits for healthcare professionals. Visit ce.vcuhealth.org/nocturnists to claim credit for this episode.

Find show notes, transcript, and more at thenocturnists.com.

Internal medicine physician Natasha Spottiswoode reflects on her flying days from Oxford while teaching a green intern how to recognize whether patients are "sick" or "not sick."

The Nocturnists is partnering with VCU Health Continuing Education to offer FREE CME credits for healthcare professionals. Visit ce.vcuhealth.org/nocturnists to claim credit for this episode.

Find show notes, transcript, and more at thenocturnists.com.

Internist Ashley McMullen decides to let her hair go natural for the first time in over a decade — a process which serves as a metaphor for self-acceptance in the rigid world of medicine.

The Nocturnists is partnering with VCU Health Continuing Education to offer FREE CME credits for healthcare professionals. Visit ce.vcuhealth.org/nocturnists to claim credit for this episode.

Find show notes, transcript, and more at thenocturnists.com.

Interventional Radiologist Bobby Chiong's patient codes on the table during a procedure, prompting a frantic but successful resuscitation. Afterward, Dr. Chiong reflects on the high-stakes nature of his job and the intimidating responsibility of being entrusted with patients' care.

The Nocturnists is partnering with VCU Health Continuing Education to offer FREE CME credits for healthcare professionals. Visit ce.vcuhealth.org/nocturnists to claim credit for this episode.

More at thenocturnists.com.

An improv workshop transforms the way psychiatrist David Elkin approaches a patient on the psych consult service, and catalyzes a philosophical shift in his approach to patient care.

The Nocturnists is partnering with VCU Health Continuing Education to offer FREE CME credits for healthcare professionals. Visit ce.vcuhealth.org/nocturnists to claim credit for this episode.

More at thenocturnists.com.

Alzheimer's disease used to be a rare diagnosis. But today, more than 5.8 million Americans are living with Alzheimer's and this number is projected to triple to 14 million over the next forty years.

In this episode, Emily discusses the mounting practical, moral, and ethical quandaries of caring for patients with Alzheimer's and other dementia-causing diseases with Dr. Jason Karlawish, author of The Problem of Alzheimer's: How Science, Culture and Politics Turned a Rare Disease into a Crisis and What We Can Do About It.

The Nocturnists are partnering with VCU Health Continuing Education to offer FREE CME credits for healthcare professionals. Visit ce.vcuhealth.org/nocturnists to claim credit for this episode.

More at thenocturnists.com.

The emergency room is a place of intensity—a place of noise and colors and human drama. This is the setting of Dr. Michele Harper's memoir, The Beauty in Breaking, which explores how the healing journeys of her patients intersect with her own. 

Emily and Dr. Harper discuss the back stories that become salient in caring for patients who may be suffering from more than just the injuries bringing them to the ER.

The Nocturnists are partnering with VCU Health Continuing Education to offer FREE CME credits for healthcare professionals. Visit ce.vcuhealth.org/nocturnists to claim credit for this episode.

More at thenocturnists.com.

Do no harm. Thou shalt not kill. Life is sacred and should be protected at all costs, right? But when is life no longer worth living? Who decides? And what do we do about it?

In this episode, Emily discusses the murky ethical dilemmas of medical aid in dying with award-winning journalist Katie Engelhart, the author of The Inevitable: Dispatches On The Right to Die.

The Nocturnists are partnering with VCU Health Continuing Education to offer free CME credits for healthcare professionals. Visit ce.vcuhealth.org/nocturnists to claim credit for this episode.

More at thenocturnists.com.

Today, we explore the paradox of mortality: something both certain and utterly unknowable. Through a haunting parable from Ursula K. Le Guin and stories from doctors and loved ones, we hear what happens when people try to plan for death—or avoid it. A daughter processes her mother's calm decision to pursue assisted dying. A physician grapples with an ambiguous advance directive. A neurointensivist weighs the line between hope and false hope. What do we do when clear answers are impossible? And what happens when our attempts to control death only bring more suffering?  And in the midst of all this uncertainty, how do we find peace?

Find show notes, transcripts, and more at thenocturnists.org, and subscribe to our substack.

The "Uncertainty in Medicine" series is generously funded by the ABIM Foundation, by the Josiah Macy Jr. Foundation, and the Gordon & Betty Moore Foundation.

The Nocturnists is supported by The California Medical Association and donations from listeners like you.

Host: Emily Silverman, MD

Series Illustrations by Eleni Debo

In the last few years, the medical profession has been grappling with the problem of gender bias in medicine, with how the symptoms of women are seen as atypical, or worse, are minimized, dismissed or ignored. But where did this problem come from? How far have we come and where should we go from here?

In this episode, Emily discusses these questions and more with Dr. Elinor Cleghorn, author of Unwell Women: Misdiagnosis and Myth in a Man-Made World.

The Nocturnists are partnering with VCU Health Continuing Education to offer free CME credits for healthcare professionals. Visit ce.vcuhealth.org/nocturnists to claim credit for this episode.

More at thenocturnists.com.

It's been over a year since the first case of COVID-19 appeared in Seattle, and it's been a long cold lonely winter. But in our series finale, we wanted to hear about a bright spot in all the darkness: the first vaccines that found their way into the arms of healthcare workers all around the country.

More at thenocturnists.com

Where did the pandemic become real for you? This has been the most significant global public health crisis in a generation, but we each experienced it through a different set of eyes.

More at thenocturnists.com

The acute phase of the COVID-19 pandemic is over, but some things are here to stay. How have N-95s, face shields, gowns, gloves and ventilators inserted themselves into our everyday lives?

More at thenocturnists.com

The COVID-19 global health crisis shed light on the immense value of doctors, nurses, public health workers, and research scientists. At the same time, the pandemic has all but obliterated the arts: theater artists, dancers, and performers have lost their livelihoods and their purpose. But doesn't art save lives, too?

More at thenocturnists.com

We know the pandemic has affected the waking lives of healthcare workers. But what happens after we fall asleep? Does the pandemic haunt us in the shadows too?

More at thenocturnists.com.

One of the hardest things about being healthcare workers going through this pandemic is that we've both experienced and borne witness to moments that nobody should have to go through alone. Who do we need by our side when everything falls apart? And what do we do when they can't be there?

More at thenocturnists.com.

To some, the pandemic is a distant thing. The deaths of hundreds of thousands can feel unreal and even impossible to comprehend. That is, until COVID hits home.

More at thenocturnists.com

The Nocturnists is back with the second installment of "Stories from a Pandemic". How have healthcare workers been holding up over the past year? In this episode we hear stories from healthcare workers around the country about what it's been like after the dust has settled. 

Visit our website for episode show notes here.

The Nocturnists is proud to announce the second installment of Stories from a Pandemic, which explores what the murky, middle part of the pandemic has been like for healthcare workers.

Tune in Tuesday, June 8, 2021 for the first of eight episodes, "The Space Between".

Today, we step inside the studio of visual artist Leila Simon Hayes, whose bold, shape-driven designs are born from a process rooted in imperfection, intuition, and trust. Through her story, we explore how Leila's creative practice helped her navigate decades of chronic pain and medical dismissal, eventually leading her to healing not through certainty, but through listening—both to her art and her body. Her journey invites us to reconsider our own relationship with uncertainty, and to ask: what happens when we stop demanding answers and start embracing the unknown?

Find show notes, transcripts, and more at thenocturnists.org, and subscribe to our substack.

The "Uncertainty in Medicine" series is generously funded by the ABIM Foundation, by the Josiah Macy Jr. Foundation, and the Gordon & Betty Moore Foundation.

The Nocturnists is supported by The California Medical Association and donations from listeners like you.

Host: Emily Silverman, MD

Uncertainty Correspondent: Alexa Miller

Series Illustrations by Eleni Debo

Emily talks to Dr. Suzanne Koven, author of Letter to a Young Female Physician: Notes from a Medical Life. Dr. Koven graduated from medical school in the 80s at a time when there were so few women in her residency program that she had to write up her own maternity leave policy. Her memoir is a testament to how, while some things have changed for the better for women in medical education, much of the culture remains the same.

Dr. Suzanne Koven is a primary care physician and the inaugural Writer in Residence at Massachusetts General Hospital. 

Hosted by Emily Silverman.

Produced by Emily Silverman and Adelaide Papazoglou.

Edited and mixed by Jon Oliver.

Recorded in San Francisco by audio engineer Jon Oliver and at Ugly Duck Studios in Brighton by Ian Bouslough.

Original Theme by Yosef Munro. Other music by Blue Dot Sessions.

This episode of The Nocturnists is sponsored by Fabled.

The Nocturnists is made possible by the California Medical Association, the Patrick J. McGovern Foundation, and people like you who have donated through our website and Patreon page.

As much as our culture delights in talking about sex, we do not relish discussing the sexually transmitted diseases which sometimes follow. But STDs are not just a fact of life, they are a subject that has been shrouded in mystery and moralizing throughout the history of medicine.

In this episode, Emily speaks with Dr. Ina Park, a family medicine doctor, Associate Professor of Family and Community Medicine at the University of California San Francisco, and the author of Strange Bedfellows: Adventures in the Science, History, and Surprising Secrets of STDs.

Hosted by Emily Silverman.

Produced by Emily Silverman and Adelaide Papazoglou.

Edited and mixed by Jon Oliver.

Original Theme by Yosef Munro. Other music by Blue Dot Sessions.

The Nocturnists is made possible by the California Medical Association, the Patrick J. McGovern Foundation, and people like you who have donated through our website and Patreon page.

All of us have experienced physical pain at some point in our lives. Yet many of us are unaware of how essential context is to the pain experience. Even today, there is much about pain that remains poorly understood. How is it that something so core to being human can remain such a mystery?

Joining me to unravel some of these complexities is Dr. Abdul-Ghaaliq Lalkhen, an anesthesiologist and author of An Anatomy of Pain: How the Body and the Mind Experience and Endure Physical Suffering.

Hosted by Emily Silverman.

Produced by Emily Silverman and Adelaide Papazoglou.

Edited and mixed by Jon Oliver.

Original theme by Yosef Munro. Additional music by Blue Dot Sessions.

The Nocturnists is made possible by the California Medical Association, the Patrick J. McGovern Foundation, and people like you who have donated through our website and Patreon page.