Explore every episode of the podcast The Midlife Reset with Cheryl Gordon

Do you eat healthy all day long but then go off the rails after dinner?

So many of us midlife women are beating ourselves up, feeling like we’re not measuring up because we blow the healthy eating by 7 pm. But honestly… once you understand WHY this happens, it’s a common sense fix. I’m not talking iron willpower or cleaning out all the junk food from your cupboard.

Let’s clarify what is actually going on when those cravings hit and give you 3 easy strategies for sailing through those nighttime urges.

My Nighttime Pattern… Sound Familiar?

For me, it’s green smoothie for breakfast, high fibre salad for lunch. Even at dinner I start carefully. But then it tastes really good. And I’m not supposed to eat after dinner, so I’d better tank up now. Wouldn’t want to be hungry or I won’t sleep. And then I finish it all and think good, I’m full.

But…. The night stretches out long ahead. I’m tired. But a little wired. My sweet tooth starts grumbling. What about a little chocolate??? Dark chocolate has antioxidants you know. Yup. That sure was good. Another little square won’t hurt. I sit to watch something on YouTube and next thing I know, half the bar is gone. OK, no more of that. This is what goes on in my brain, literally.

This is my night time struggle. Literally every night.

I feel shame for caving on the chocolate. That uncomfortable feeling niggles in the back of my mind while I’m trying to distract with more YouTube or reading. More shame starts piling in because it’s a shame spiral. The more the merrier, right?

“You should sign up for an exercise class at night. You will never fit into your clothes if you don’t tackle this weight around the middle.” And for me, I make a living selling healthy lifestyle. What kind of advertisement is it if I look dumpy????

“Yeah, and I should sign up for a continuing education class. That would keep me away from food at night. I do feel kind of tired after dinner. I put in full days. But if I were really ambitious or organized I would have energy for that” More shame, yay!

How Habits Perpetuate

Meanwhile, my habit brain, the part of my brain that organizes all my background processes, is becoming a little concerned. All this shame coming to the party leads to feelings of isolation, being left out and not measuring up. Wayyyyy back in the caveman days, being left out or ostracized from the tribe was fatal. My habit brain still holds to that notion. So these feelings of isolation are being read as a survival threat. We could die!!!!

Habit brain to the rescue! It has a plan for all potential survival threats. And it has been gathering programming for millennia for just this moment.

Unfortunately, my habit brain does not have room or any desire to embrace my goals, dreams and higher human potential. It’s only interested in basic survival. It doesn’t know that I’ve resolved to kick night time snacking or that I desperately want to fit into my beautiful clothes.

The habit brain steadily amps up the signals that we should do whatever it takes to calm the feelings of isolation, shame and loneliness. Historically, you know what has worked super well???? Eating a snack!

The Role of Dopamine

When we eat something rich in carbohydrates, like chocolate or popcorn or Oreos, the brain receives a strong dopamine hit. This is a pleasure hormone. We are wired, super hard wired, to go after dopamine hits.

Ahhhhh. Pleasurable food. Brain happy. Shame spiral temporarily halted. Deep breath.

Unfortunately, that dopamine hit just band-aided the problem. Logically, I’ve just added more fuel to the shame fire. The whole circle of hell starts again.

Hopefully, my story helps you understand how absolutely normal you are. This is a trap so many of us fall into. You are not broken. I am not shame worthy. It’s just an unmindful pattern that we can totally hack into.

Hack into the Habit Brain

There are several reasons why this night time snacking cycle gets away from us. In the SHE Mindfulness Program, we take a much deeper dive. And you have access to our private Community within which you can ask questions specific to your situation and share your own strategies with others like us.

1. Trying to “Bank Calories”

Days can be busy. Sometimes it’s hard to fit in proper meals. And I often don’t notice my hunger or cravings because my brain is so entertained by all that’s happening. Also, I might take advantage of that distraction and skip some meals. You know… bank my calories for later. It’s feels so virtuous to say, “Oh I forgot to eat today!” Or “I only had an apple for lunch”.

Meanwhile, that habit brain is getting more and more concerned. Depriving ourselves and ignoring hunger cues can create a panic response in your system. Even mild hunger can trigger stress hormones. You might not notice the build up of anxiety because you are stimulated by your activities. But when the distractions start to wind down, the anxiety hits full tilt.

Do you find you are nibbling while cooking dinner? Do the hunger pangs attack as you drive home to make supper? Do you get “hangry”?

Routinely ignoring hunger cues sensitizes our alarm system so it’s super hard to control eating to enough. There is a brilliant communication loop built into our system. But if we are not attuned, the system loses its calibration. In other words, the habit brain becomes even more of a drama queen and sends these big panic messages as soon as it can find our attention.

Here’s the solution: Eat when you are hungry. And stop eating when you’ve had enough.

How elegant. In Mindful Eating (you can get a FREE copy of the guide ), we study exactly how to read the body for hunger and full cues. It sounds so simple but, for me, it has been an ongoing practice to recalibrate.

This is a long term process of learning to deeply listen to your body again. You don’t have to give up chocolate or popcorn. I promise.

2. Stress and Cortisol

The next strategy is helping to address the hormones that cause unnecessary night time snacking.

Cortisol is a normal hormone that is commonly released in the system to help us feel energized and prepped for activity. It starts to rise about 4 am and steadily grows all day. There’s nothing wrong with cortisol in the system. It’s normal.

But here’s the catch. We sit down at dinner. We’re probably hungry. We’ve been busy. Our brains are tired. Do you know you have to make tens of thousands of decisions each day and each one is an energy gobbler?

The relaxation that comes into the system with food is like a roller coaster downhill. We crash. Our system so needed that relaxation that it doesn’t want it to end. Especially if after dinner, there’s a whole bunch of yucky stuff like laundry or feeling lonely.

The habit brain knows how to keep the party going. Keep eating! It’s simple. So we take a little more chicken. That’s healthy right? And maybe just a spoonful more pasta. It is so good tonight. Did you miss lunch? Well… have seconds of course. You can afford the calories.

The body doesn’t really need those calories. They will likely be stored as fat… For most of human history, famine was a very real threat. The bottom line… you torpedo your weight loss goals before you’ve even really settled in for the evening.

Does this resonate? “Well, I blew through my portion control at supper. I’ll start over tomorrow. But for tonight, I might as well blow it out with chips.” And then it’s the shame spiral all over again.

There is a wonderful solution! In the SHE Mindfulness program we talk a lot more about mindful rest. Rest breaks throughout the day relate to weight loss. Most people think they need to exercise more. So this can be really counter intuitive. But stick with me.

IF you don’t want to try and wrestle with that big tank in cortisol at supper tonight, wouldn’t it make sense to bring it down a bit during the day? This is scientifically possible by taking 5 - 20 minute mid day reset for the nervous system. A restorative yoga pose, a quick nap, a meditation…. There are many options to reduce cortisol production.

The second part to this solution is to plan for a pleasurable activity after dinner that will mimic that dopamine hit you normally get from food. A juicy novel perhaps? A cuddle with a loved one or pet? A relaxing evening stroll to gab with the neighbours? Not laundry! Not a high energy boxer fit class! I love seeing the amazing ideas our community in the SHE Mindfulness program shares about getting that evening sense of connection and calm.

3. And then there’s Rebel Eating

You might be a wonderful, giving person all day… never saying no and always patient … then night time comes… it’s quiet, no one’s around… it’s your time and you’re going to have a little fun by golly… that’s often the junk food.

I have a friend. She stills writes handwritten thank you cards! She has impeccable manners. Never misses a birthday, etc. Her house is immaculate. Very successful at her career. But simmering underneath, that nobody can see usually, she’s pissed. People forget her birthday. They don’t say thank you. They don’t finish the file properly at work. Why do they get away with that sloppiness and she has to clean up the mess???

That simmering resentment is damned uncomfortable to live with. The voices in our heads can get nasty. And we don’t want to be nasty. BUT if I just dip into that leftover cake…. It makes all the voices quieter for a few minutes.

This is what we call Rebel Eating. ‘“I deserve a treat because I had one helluva day.” I just don’t know where else to turn for comfort.

Girlfriend, you got this. Through mindfulness, you can learn to be your own best friend. To have your back.

When I first looked at this behaviour, I was stumped as to how to nurture myself without food, wine or shopping. What else was there???? It took some soul searching to uncover the ways in which I was being unkind to myself so I wouldn’t feel so, well, USED at the end of the day.

The solution is to look at setting boundaries. This is a lot harder than the word suggests. We all want to be strong, kickass women who stick up for ourselves. But in reality, we’re pushovers. Can you babysit grama? Can you bring a three layer cake to the pot luck? You don’t mind taking over Jane’s files do you since she’s having cancer treatment? We will do almost anything to make the people we care about happy. It’s called people pleasing. And it’s exhausting and ultimately unsuccessful. Review your relationships and obligations … what expectations do I have for myself that are ridiculously high? Where can you start setting clear limits on your own choices so you don’t feel like rebelling with food is your only way to find comfort.

In the SHE Mindfulness program, I advocate strongly for making daily plans. This supports you in seeing the whole picture of the day. Spot scheduling overlaps. Pack snacks for when food is inaccessible. Gather the materials you’ll need to get everything done.

I’ve personally also found a life coach incredibly helpful in learning more about boundaries and discovering the tools I need to follow through.

In Summary

We’ve looked at three of the ways that night time snacking gets the better of us. Even if you aren’t looking to lose weight, snacking is often less than healthy. Not many of us grab the veggie sticks for movie night.

1. Don’t skip meals! Skipping meals and depriving yourself aggravates your stress response, leaving you vulnerable to over eating later in the day. The solution is to eat when you are truly hungry and stop when you’ve had enough.

2. Rest throughout the day. The relaxation that floods the system when you finally sit down to dinner is addictive. It’s hard to control portions when you just feel so good all of a sudden. The solution we reviewed here is to watch your energy expenditure during the day. Rest breaks can help even out the hormones, insulating you from that roller coaster ride at night.

3. Set healthier boundaries. People pleasing is wired in to us women but setting healthy boundaries can help prevent rebel eating at night. You are definitely worth some time and energy to investigate where you can put limits in place. No one likes feeling taken for granted.

Access your free mindful eating guide. It gives more detail about how to feel hunger cues and details the hunger scale. There are also some great tips on planning and other effective practices.

And if you would like a more in depth study of mindfulness to lose weight PLUS feel so much stronger and rested, I would encourage you to look into the SHE Mindfulness program. It’s the protocol that I used to lose 25 pounds of menopausal weight and the same practices that are supporting me as I build a life I love. I honestly would never have guessed a couple years ago that I’d be hosting a podcast and hosting retreats. So much has changed due to mindfulness. I have so much more energy now, optimism, excitement for the future. It’s not all rainbows and unicorns as listeners to this podcast well know. But I feel like I can handle all the challenges that aging inevitably brings. I’m not scared now. I don’t feel like the show’s over. I’m not at the mercy of how other people think of me. It’s pretty empowering. And that’s what I want for you, my friend.

Are health issues popping up out of nowhere, stressing you out and sending you down the Dr. Google rabbit hole at 3 am? Me too! It might be TMI but I’d like to share with you the crazy digestive symptoms I’m having right now and what I’m doing about it. It’s not about a special exercise or new supplement. This is down to basics yoga and mindfulness tools that you can start today to feel more yourself.

Be forewarned… we’re going to be very good friends at the end of this. If you are a bit squeamish about bathroom talk, you may want to skip this one.

I help midlife women rediscover their strength, build their sleep back up and lose that fluffy weight without extremes or deprivation. I use the tools that I teach in my SHE Mindfulness program everyday. Hundreds of other women are journeying right along with me. I’m genuinely honoured that you are with me now.

Random Health Issues Cropping Up

What the heck is happening with us? As new things crop up, I feel like a delicate flower… can only eat certain things or go certain places. Am I weak? Am I getting old?

The truth is that our bodies feel everything but can’t escape the way our minds can. The body is in it, 24/7. So all those late nights in your 20’s? Body remembers. All those great parties on vacation last year? Body’s still feeling it. The sleepless nights with kids? Body’s keeping score. You get the picture.

Mentally, I’ve moved on. I maybe don’t even remember half this stuff. But my body still bears the imprint of the stress. The exhaustion. The unhealthy food. Maybe bad drugs in the 60’s …but I admit nothing.

Why Things are Different Now

Before menopause, we had this little helper called estrogen. She floated around binding it all together. I’ve talked before about how estrogen is a little like that mom in our family. She does all this background stuff -remembers doctors appointments, gets permission slips signed, buys toilet paper … we don’t really acknowledge all she does to keep us together. But then mom gets the flu and the house goes to s**t. No one knows where we keep the toilet paper. I think I’m building a theme here. Oh boy. Anyway… you get the idea. When mom goes down, the real cracks start to show. Someone should have been helping mom with the toilet paper all along but she just did it.

This is like our bodies when estrogen goes down. It all goes to s**t. There I go again with the unintended puns. I warned that this episode is a bit down the toilet. The point is that the stuff we got away with in our 20’s, 30’s, even 40’s will now catch up with us. It’s not a personal failing but biology. Unavoidable.

Even if you exercise. Eat super healthy. Do yoga every day. Trust me. I know this from my clients but more intimately from my own experience.

Lessons from the Restroom

Recently my body has decided to send a stern memorandum that I need to make some changes. After returning from a trip in April, I thought I had a parasite. Fast forward through doctor’s visits, antibiotics, herbal remedies and cutting out dairy and gluten… blah blah blah… I’m pretty sure that my newfound desperation to always be by the loo is IBS.

We had some significant family stress in February (normal stuff for women our age) that I think pushed me over the edge. The routines of self care I had no longer were sufficient.

This is Common at our Age

Have you been hit with a health issue out of the blue? One of my clients just shared with me that she’s start bleeding after 10 years post menopause. Another developed a rash with no clear cause. Another client has started waking up at 2:36 am every morning for no reason. She’s exhausted. Another client got slammed with sciatica. Very painful, derailed her whole summer… no discernible cause.

The doctor will have some help for all these problems but as a yoga therapist, I see a common thread amongst all of us.

Stress.

Specifically, the cumulative load of a life lived in overdrive for decades.

Just a quick clarification here: WE DID NOT DO ANYTHING WRONG. A lot of times when people get diagnosed with a chronic disease that is exacerbated by stress, we blame ourselves. I should have retired earlier or left the marriage or been better somehow.

The truth is when you are in the weeds, you don’t know you’re in the weeds. Maybe it’s a bit of arrogance but we think we can handle it. And we did. But the body kept tally. And now the debt is being called in.

And because of what I do for a living, I’m particularly vulnerable to beating myself up for not recognizing the patterns earlier. But that is not helpful.

Look to Yoga and Mindfulness for Help

What is helpful is knowing simple adjustments and tools to employ to pay off the deficit and get us back into the game of life again.

Let’s talk about 3 simple shifts that you can start today to reassure your body, and your nervous system, that you are serious about getting better. These are really helping with my symptoms. I can get through teaching a whole yoga class now without rushing for the facilities. I’m back to eating cheese and pasta. Thank heavens because I love cheese and pasta. You obviously will assemble many things from your health care team like supplements, prescriptions, creams, dietary changes and other lifestyle habits… all this forms a puzzle unique to you and your healing. But these habits will accelerate your progress.

* Mindfulness Snacks

Ever been on a trip, using your phone for maps and photos and watching YouTube videos and it almost dies half way through the day? Your nervous system needs recharging when there’s a heavy load on it in that same way.

A mindfulness snack is 3 - 5 minutes segregated from normal activities to recharge the batteries.

This can be a quick “legs up the couch”, a short guided meditation or one of my favourite is the 3 minute breathing space. It’s a classic mindfulness tool that can be utilized almost anywhere. If you’re not driving or operating heavy machinery while you listen to this, let’s try it together.

* orient to present moment experience

* Focus on purpose on movements of breath in the belly

* Expand awareness to include breath but also full present moment experience.

2. Technology Boundaries

With smart watches and computer phones a part of our minute to minute lives, I see the nervous system toll for my students. They are getting buzzed and binged even through yoga class. The one place I would hope they could take a break from the outside world. I guarantee that our bodies were never designed for 24/7 connectivity with the entire universe. It’s just overwhelming.

Dumping the tech for long stretches can be even more stressful, or perhaps not practical. And turning off all notifications permanently might not even be safe or desirable.

The first step is just to be more aware of how often you are responding to notifications or prompts. Or how often you are checking the news headlines. Can you set boundaries around that? Be aware that every time you look at your device, your nervous system is getting a jolt. It’s burning through battery power, in other words.

Do you ever close apps on your phone to save the battery? You get the picture.

My suggestion is that you start with limits around bedtime. Maybe a one hour moratorium on devices before bed. No scrolling when you wake up at night. Then try creating sacred silence around mealtime. No devices. And another time of day that is precious real estate is first thing in the morning. So many of us reach for our phones to open our day. Consider creating another sacred space when your brain is fresh and the day is full of exciting new possibilities. Conserve your battery power for your own thoughts and plans.

Which segues to #3

3. Journal more

If you do decide to put the devices away in the morning, you could use that time to visit with the most amazing and fascinating person in the world… YOU.

Journalling can be complicated. But this doesn’t have to be.

Many of my clients who are more visually stimulated start with a blank page and a doodle. I love colour so sometimes I just draw a rainbow and let that start the juices flowing. Remember, you’re not writing a book report. It doesn’t have to make much sense.

There are so many compelling reasons to journal but in this context, it’s just about scheduling a little time to invest in the relationship you have with yourself.

Do you remember those pen pal letters we wrote in school? Hi. How are you. I am fine. Today we have a spelling test. Do you like spelling? Simple stuff. But it was pretty cool when the pen pal wrote back. And said the same stupid stuff. But you felt important right?

Carving out 10 minutes, or more, to write to yourself is a way to say to your body that you matter. You exist. Your feelings and experiences are worth writing down.

You can save them or burn them in a ceremonial fire. Doesn’t matter. You put in the effort and your body is keeping score.

So to recap:

You are not falling apart. Life isn’t in the toilet (another zinger for you!).

You’ve lost one of the most important buffers you had to all the s**t in life, your estrogen. Even if you are on hormone therapy, it’s a fraction of what your body produced in your heyday.

You are going to have to get more serious about self care. Today we talked about 3 little things that can start you on the road to feeling better right away.

But this is a bigger conversation for many of us. Setting boundaries. Eating healthier. Exercising more consistently and without punishing ourselves. Prioritizing sleep and rest. Basically undoing decades of the habitual pushing and forcing that kept life humming along.

If you would like to tackle this within a supportive group of women just like you, and with my expertise as a yoga therapist, please check out my SHE Mindfulness program. There are online and in person options so all are welcome. I’ll put a link to a free masterclass in the show notes that will give you a little taste of our approach.

You don’t need to suffer through this alone. There are supports waiting for you. And asking for help, for me, is the hardest part.

Please share this episode with a friend who could use a boost. It’s the best way to grow this podcast and help more women out there. Until next time, namaste.

You’re stretching every morning. You’re doing your workouts. You’re doing everything “right.” So why do you still wake up feeling like you slept on a plank of wood?

Here’s the thing — I hear this from women in our community every single week. It’s not you. There’s an actual name for what’s happening in your body right now, and it has nothing to do with how hard you’re trying.

Here’s exactly why your body feels stiffer than ever — even while you’re doing everything you were taught to do — and here are three simple rules that will change how you move, starting this week.

I’ve spent almost 30 years helping women sleep better, feel stronger and find a healthy weight using the tools of yoga and mindfulness.

“I’m doing the stretches. I’m doing the workouts. So why do I still feel like the Tin Man before his oil can?”

Here’s what I want you to know first: this stiffness you’re feeling? It’s real. It’s not in your head, and it’s not because you’re “not trying hard enough.”

What’s Really Going On

There’s actually a term for it that’s gaining more attention in research and in clinical circles — it’s called **Musculoskeletal Syndrome of Menopause**. And once you understand what’s going on underneath the surface, this whole stiffness thing starts to make a lot more sense.

Here’s the short version. As estrogen declines during perimenopause and menopause, it affects way more than your hot flashes and your mood. Estrogen actually plays a role in keeping your connective tissue — your tendons, your ligaments, your fascia — hydrated and elastic. It also plays a role in how your joints stay lubricated, and how quickly your muscles recover after you use them.

You know how your skin is looser? Wrinklier? Drier? The inner layers of skin are part of that fascia. So what you see on the outside is happening inside too.

When estrogen drops, several things can happen at once:

- Your joints can feel drier, stiffer, achier — even first thing in the morning before you’ve done anything at all

- Your muscles may take longer to recover after exercise than they used to

- Your fascia — that connective webbing that wraps around every muscle, bone and organ in your body — can lose some of its natural glide and elasticity

- And you may notice new aches in places that never used to bother you — hips, shoulders, hands

This is why so many women tell me, “I’m doing the same workouts I’ve always done, and somehow I feel worse, not better.” It’s not that you’re doing something wrong. It’s that your body’s underlying chemistry has changed, and the old rules don’t automatically apply anymore.

You Didn’t Invite This

I want to be really clear about something here: this isn’t about scaring you, and it’s definitely not about telling you there’s nothing you can do. It’s actually the opposite — once you understand why this is happening, you can work with your body instead of constantly feeling confused by it.

What About Hormone Therapy?

If you haven’t already, this might be a really good moment to have a conversation with your doctor about hormone therapy.

I know — for a lot of us, that phrase used to carry some baggage. Maybe you heard scary things about hormone therapy years ago, or maybe your mother’s generation was told to avoid it altogether. But the research and the medical guidance around this has evolved a lot, and for many women, it’s worth an honest, individualized conversation with a doctor who’s up to date on the current research — ideally someone who specializes in menopause care.

I’ve had some great conversations with experts like gynaecologists and nurse practitioners and naturopaths here on the podcast. It might be worth a listen before you go to your doctor.

I’m not a doctor, and I’d never tell you what’s right for your specific body and your specific health history. But what I will tell you is this: you deserve to walk into that appointment informed, and you deserve a provider who takes your symptoms seriously instead of brushing them off as “just part of getting older.”

So if stiffness, joint pain, or these musculoskeletal changes are something you’re dealing with — bring it up. Ask specifically about how hormone therapy might relate to joint and connective tissue health. You are allowed to advocate for yourself in that room.

What Does Work Now

What you can actually do — starting today — to work with your body instead of against it. I’ve got three rules for you. Write these down if you need to.

Rule #1: Don’t Stretch

What kind of craziness is this??? I teach yoga, right? I know this sounds backwards. Your body feels tight, so your instinct is to stretch it more, right? Pull a little harder, hold a little longer?

Here’s the problem. When your fascia has already lost some of its natural elasticity, aggressive or forceful stretching can actually create more stress on that tissue — not less. Instead of gently encouraging the tissue to lengthen, you can end up creating micro-stress, which your body then responds to with more tightness, almost like a protective clench.

So here’s the shift: gentle, sustained movement — not forceful stretching. Think slow, breath-led movement that invites your fascia to soften, rather than yanking on it and hoping it gives.

In practice, this means less grabbing a toe in a pose or pulling with a strap. It means stopping the movement before you feel a big sensation. It means smaller, slower, more boring movements. What you are doing is creating a sense of sensitivity and safety for your body. Not overriding its signals. This has a longer term effect of easing discomfort.

It’s like if every time you rounded a corner, you stubbed a toe. After a few times, your body would begin to brace for impact. Your jaw might tighten, Your digestive system might brace. A headache might pop up. If you walked more mindfully, and didn’t stub your toe for a few days, those symptoms would abate. Sensation is your body’s love language.

This is actually one of the core principles we build into every session inside the SHE Mindfulness program — movement that respects where your body actually is today, not where it used to be ten years ago.

Rule #2: Allow Adequate Rest Days Between Workouts

This one trips up a lot of high-achieving women, because so many of us were raised on the “no days off” mentality. But remember what we just talked about — your recovery time isn’t what it used to be, because of those hormonal shifts.

If you’re doing strength training or more vigorous movement back-to-back with no rest, you may actually be working against your own progress. Your muscles and connective tissue need that recovery window to actually rebuild and adapt. Skipping rest days doesn’t make you tougher right now — it can just leave you more inflamed, more stiff, and more exhausted.

So build in real rest. Not guilt-laden rest. Real, intentional recovery.

I know this is so hard for me. It’s like a badge of honour to say I hit the gym today or rode my bike to work. I don’t want to admit to how many injuries it’s taken to teach me this hard lesson.

How does this look for your weekly fitness plan? Strength training twice a week lower body and twice a week upper body. You can combine these into one workout, if you have the time. Which means gym 2x weekly. Or working a muscle group 2x weekly. That allows 3 days recovery. You need that much, girlfriend. To really build the muscle.

For cardio, it means 3 bike rides a week maximum. Or 3 runs a week. Get the picture?

I love to move and I can’t just sit still all week. So fill in the recovery days with very gentle yoga (remember rhythmic, breath centred movement), slow walks in nature, easy swimming, tai chi, etc. So many of the SHE clients have seen scales move and bodies lose their fluffy aspect by incorporating more rest time. This is reflective of what midlife womens’ bodies need.

Rule #3: Balance Slow Strength Training With Vigorous Movement in Mini Doses

This is where a lot of women get stuck in an all-or-nothing pattern — either they’re doing slow, gentle stretching every day and nothing else, or they’re going hard with high-intensity workouts and wondering why their body is rebelling.

The sweet spot is a balance: consistent, slow strength training to protect your bone density and muscle mass — that’s non-negotiable as we age — *combined* with short, vigorous bursts of movement in small doses. Think 5 to 10 minutes of something that gets your heart rate up, rather than an hour-long, high-intensity session that leaves you flattened for two days.

This combination — slow and steady strength, paired with small doses of vigour — tends to work *with* a menopausal body instead of depleting it.

What I love about this rule is that it is so time saving. Remember we always thought 60 or 90 minute CrossFit classes were the ticket to getting in shape? Forgetaboutit. On your exercise days (remember there are multiple rest days per week), add in a little jumping, skipping, plank walks, push ups or some similar movement.

I can feel you cringing when I say this. What about my knees? What if I break something???? I know. This is the thing as we get older. The fear of movement starts to control our lives. The goal is about 10 minutes but what if you tried a little sprint just til the stop sign ahead. Build up the tolerance in your joint to handle the impact of sudden movement. We run into problems when we try to sustain that joint jolting for more than a few minutes. But a little wake up call? That builds tissue, muscle, proprioception and confidence.

Of course, if the movement causes sharp pain in the joint- abandon ship. Let’s find an alternative. But I think you may be pleasantly surprised that us old girls can still run, jump and play when we go about it carefully.

The Takeaway

If you’re feeling stiffer than you used to, even while doing “everything right” — please hear me when I say, it’s not a personal failure. Your body is going through a real, physiological shift, and it deserves a new approach, not more punishment.

Have that conversation with your doctor about hormone therapy. And start applying these three rules — gentle movement over aggressive stretching, real rest days, and a balance of slow strength with small bursts of vigorous movement.

There’s a Comprehensive Solution

Looking for a little more guidance on how to implement this in real life? I have a couple suggestions.

First, there is a free online course called “The Miracle Cure for Sore Joints”. There are 4 versions of a simple, five minute stretching routine (including one in bed and one in a chair) that I myself use every day. My clients love the simplicity of this. Gets them “juiced” up for whatever activity comes that day.

We go deeper into this topic within the SHE Mindfulness program. It’s where these principles come to life in real, guided sessions, so you’re not left guessing about how to apply any of this on your own.

Until next time — be gentle with your body. It’s not working against you. It’s just asking you to listen a little differently.

If you found this podcast interesting, please consider sharing with a friend. Let’s help more women discover this common sense approach to their health.

Have you seen a pic of you lately and thought “what happened?”. Did you get out the summer clothes and find nothing felt right? I know you’re eating healthy and walk every day. And the belly fat is still there — and growing. What if I told you it has absolutely nothing to do with willpower?

You’ve heard all this before: eat clean, exercise more, reduce your stress levels.

Yup. Check. But the weight keeps finding you. I know! The same thing happens to me.

I am active. I teach yoga and meditate daily. I eat fresh from my own garden. Yadda yadda yadda. And then I think, what does it matter? I’m 63… a grama. Just be happy with who you are. Right?

But there is a voice inside of me that doesn’t like this giving up. A part of me that feels abandoned when I just let the scale creep up week after week. And clothes don’t fit. And I feel more and more out of my own body.

You start avoiding picture taking. Beach trips. Anything with a belt. You bravely declare that you are body positive but inside, not so much. You know you felt better 10 or 20 pounds ago.

But it is a bloody mystery what it would take to get there these days. You just don’t have the energy to sort it all out, right?

Simple Answers.

There are simple answers. I promise. I found them in mindful eating. At the end of this episode, I’ll share details on how you can get your free guide and start your own journey toward food freedom today.

But let’s dive Into this episode. I want to share • what the fitness dudes totally miss for midlife women

• how pushing ourselves to be perfect = belly fat

• what to focus on instead of dieting & exercise

My approach is grounded in yoga therapy, mindfulness, and modern neuroscience—translated into real life for women in midlife.

🌿 You deserve understanding, not more rules.

Busting Myths around Weight Loss

#1. Should you exercise harder and longer? It isn’t going to help you shed that belly fat. It’ll probably equal a new injury and we have enough of that already, right?

I still believe these old myths. I notice the scale go up a couple pounds and the first thought is… gotta get serious! No more snacking! And tomorrow, I’m doubling my walk time. (Check out this previous podcast on cardio myths)

Even after YEARS of study and proving this in my own body (I lost 25 pounds in 2024 with Mindful Eating)... those old thoughts still haunt me. So you’re definitely not alone in this struggle. We’re all feeling it.

Here’s something that got my attention.

The total daily expenditure of energy (your calorie burn) is a good fundamental concept to understand when it comes to metabolism and weight management.

Basically it’s the total amount of energy your body burns in a day. It’s made up of four parts:

Basal Metabolic Rate (BMR) – This is the energy your body needs just to keep you alive—breathing, circulating blood, and even thinking! It makes up the largest chunk of your TDEE. about 70%

Non-Exercise Activity Thermogenesis (NEAT) – This includes all the little movements we don’t think about—fidgeting, walking to the kitchen, even talking with our hands! Which makes up about 15% of the total

Thermic Effect of Food (TEF) – This is the energy your body uses to digest and process food. Protein-rich foods actually burn more calories during digestion! This uses about 10% of TDEE

Exercise Activity (EA) – This is the energy burned during intentional movement, like workouts, yoga, or a dance class. 5% Just 5%! So it’s not just about the gym! In fact, NEAT can make a bigger impact than you think. Small daily movements add up over time, and understanding your TDEE helps you make smart choices for sustainable energy balance.

So all the diets we’ve been on that calculate our Basic Metabolic Rate plus the calories I’m burning in exercise are - well - pretty much bogus. Well maybe not completely bogus, but definitely incomplete. Most diet plans focus only on BMR and workouts, ignoring NEAT and the Thermic Effect of Food.

Which means, we’ve been missing two key pieces of the puzzle.

If you only focus on exercise, you’re overlooking the 10-15% of calories burned through daily movement. Plus, digestion itself burns calories—especially when you eat protein and fibre-rich foods. The problem is, most diet plans don’t factor in how your body uniquely uses energy.

Sustainable weight management isn’t just about burning calories in the gym—it’s about working with your metabolism all day long.

Myth #2

And this is why going for a run or a zumba class, while great exercise and hopefully lots of fun, doesn’t give you a free pass on calories for the rest of the day. It just doesn’t affect total burn that much.

So if you have been frustrated because you are tracking everything and pushing the calorie burn with extra cardio, but belly pudge won’t budge… now you know why!

Ditch the Smart Device Tracker

And a shout out to the rooftops that all that data on your smart device about calories burned is probably hurting your progress?!!! It can really distracting from mindfulness. Which, in a few minutes, we’ll talk about how essential that is for weight loss.

Eat less = Lose Weight?

Let’s myth bust some more around why calories in and calories out is not an effective model. Eat less and lose weight right? It’s just math. NOT! You’ve tried that so many times and where are we now?

1. The body is a super efficient machine. For most of our existence as humans, starvation was a reality. For the first few minutes of an activity, the body might kick in extra energy but very quickly, it adapts and minimizes energy expenditure. So this phenomenon is not reflected in calorie counters on your smart device.

2. Even if you did burn 500 calories on the treadmill, eating one store bought muffin blows that away.

3. All that time pushing yourself into more and more km or calorie burn means you get pressed for time in other areas. This creates stress. Which inhibits weight loss.

4. Long periods of steady state cardio exercise can actually reduce muscle mass. And losing muscle mass is not where we need to go. Because muscle is like a metabolic engine—it keeps your body burning energy efficiently. But as we hit midlife, things start to shift.

Midlife Metabolism Doesn’t Have to Slow Down

* We naturally lose muscle mass—starting as early as our 30s. As women, we can lose up to 2% per year, and this loss speeds up in our 40s and 50s. Less muscle means a slower metabolism, which can lead to weight gain, less energy, and even a higher risk of injury.

* Hormonal changes—declining estrogen, progesterone, and even testosterone can make it harder to maintain muscle and easier to store fat.

* We often move less—life gets busy, stress increases, and we might not prioritize movement like we used to. Less movement = fewer calories burned daily.

And that’s why it feels like your metabolism is slowing down. It’s so discouraging when you try to do everything right. Are you sometimes tempted to just give up? And maybe you feel like you have thrown in the towel. That you’re too old to fight this any more.

Of course, that’s normal. So much of what we’re sold around healthy eating and weight loss is - if not just regurgitated programming from some dude’s sports workout - it’s not designed for a mature woman’s needs.

Here’s the good news

Honestly, it’s not that complicated.

It’s a combination of prioritizing muscle building in fitness, focusing on protein and fibre each meal and investing in meaningful self care that shifts the needle… NOT cutting out food groups, starving yourself or doing killer workouts!

This is why I recommend Mindful Eating. As I mentioned earlier, it really helped me tame menopausal weight gain. And, honestly, I had fun doing it. It is a total plan for not only attuning to what I really want and need to eat but also figuring out where I need authentic self care. All this supports my nervous system and builds my energy naturally. Without forcing, restricting or harsh rules. I do have a free guide that I can send you so you can get started today. Be sure to check the show notes for the link.

This is not about quick fixes—it’s about making small, sustainable shifts that work with your body.

Natural Metabolism Reset

Move More – Prioritize strength training and increase daily movement (NEAT) to preserve muscle and keep your metabolism active.

Fuel Smart – Eat protein and fibre at every meal to support muscle maintenance and boost the Thermic Effect of Food (TEF). In Mindful Eating, planning your fuel is a big part of the protocol.

Recover Well – Stress management, quality sleep, and self-care all help regulate hormones that impact metabolism.

When you put these together, your body starts working for you instead of against you!

I still find myself a little panicky that I didn’t get my “k’s” in. And feeling guilty when I’m putting up my feet mid day. But I look at my scale with a big grin and know this is the secret sauce.

Bottom line:

Midlife weight gain is not a failure… you don’t lack willpower. Pushing or forcing yourself may work in the short term but will eventually wear you down. And it will be harder than ever to bring back balance. Try Mindful Eating. It’s natural, completely individualized and leads to so many other benefits.

I feel lighter hearted, more open to fun during the day. I feel like I’ve discovered a new best friend in myself. And my confidence is so much higher.

If anything here resonates, please share with a friend and subscribe so you don’t miss next episode. It’ll be another chance to sort through the noise out there and get some tools that you can really use.

Who hasn’t found themselves wide awake at 3 a.m. with a racing mind?

You’re not broken. You’re not lazy. You’re human, living in a culture that glorifies exhaustion and overstimulation.

If you’re a woman over 50 and waking up between 2–4am feeling wired, anxious, or restless, this episode is for you.

Midlife insomnia isn’t just a sleep issue—it’s often a nervous system and hormonal shift that most women are never taught how to regulate.

In this episode, I explain: • why sleep changes after menopause • how stress and cortisol disrupt deep rest • what actually helps your body feel safe enough to sleep again

I have nearly 30 years of experience helping women over 50 restore energy, calm their nervous system, and feel strong again—without pushing or extreme routines.

Resting is Not Wasted Time

Rest—even when you can’t sleep—isn’t wasted time. It’s medicine.

You’ve heard all the lectures about sleep and how important it is to your metabolism. Sometimes this just adds even more pressure during those restless nights. And anxiety and pressure are the opposite of what is helpful.

So many hormones naturally balance themselves during rest. If you are looking to maximize your energy, weight or strength in midlife, working with this natural system is key.

Busy-ness as a Badge of Honour

Somewhere along the line, busyness became a badge of honour. We say things like, ‘I’ll sleep when I’m dead. Isn’t that crazy??? But the truth is, our bodies haven’t caught up with the pace of modern life. Twenty-four-seven stimulation, blue light, endless entertainment—our nervous system was never designed for this.

My dad was born in 1939 in a small handyman’s cottage on a farm. There was a wood stove for heat and a hand pump at the kitchen sink for running water. My grama had 3 babies in 4 years in that cottage with the help of her older sisters. Can you imagine???? I asked her once and she said, “it seemed busy at the time”. Anyway…. My dad grew up on that farm, rising with the sun and living in synch with natural rhythms. He went to a one room school house. Once, every three weeks or so, they would hitch up the horse and buggy and head the 5 miles into town. Buy the few things they couldn’t produce themselves on the farm. It was a big deal to expose themselves to the bustle of a town with almost 5000 people in it. Whew! Everyone was exhausted after that outing.

That was how my dad’s nervous system was programmed. Quiet country living. Most of our grandparents or a generation of so back were raised the same way. Seeing very few faces over the course of a day and travelling just a few miles from home. Not too exciting by today’s standards.

Think of the number of faces you saw today. The number of images, books, online stimulation, grocery items, etc. Your brain struggles to process all that stimuli. It’s not really wired for that. Our ANS is the same as generations of humans… the cave people really… maybe even dinosaurs. It can’t evolve at the pace of modern change. Do you remember getting a coloured tv? Your first home computer? How about the smart phone? We’re old enough to have experienced that pace of change first hand. It’s dizzying right?

It’s such an overwhelming pace of change and stimulation that our brains just default to auto pilot a lot.

Brains are super big energy gobblers. The biggest calorie burn in your body can be the brain. Your super intelligent body has adapted by shunting a lot of thinking and decisions to habits. Saves energy which is smart as most humans over the course of history didn’t have enough to eat.

But here’s the kicker: If you want to lose weight, feel energized, or learn something new, your brain needs more energy to change old habits. Which means rest isn’t optional—it’s the foundation.

Why Sleep is Less Stable Now in Midlife

This was easier, at least for me, when I was younger. A lot of kids can sleep anywhere if they’re tired enough. I used to sleep… wait for it… ten hours a night! Loved my bed in those days. Every person is wired a little differently but I bet most of us noticed sleep changes as we hit perimenopause. The dramatic change in hormones makes sleep much more challenging.

Here’s why. Your nervous system talks through neurons. Neurons tell your glands what hormones to release. Hormones tell you when to pee, when to eat, when to sleep… even when to feel angry.

In perimenopause, progesterone and estrogen levels drop. These hormones are an essential part of the cocktail that creates a relaxation response. That’s why sleep, mood, and energy often feel unpredictable.

When we skid into bedtime with high cortisol levels (the stress hormone) and insufficient melatonin (the circadian rhythm hormone that responds to increasing darkness), releasing into sleep is more difficult. AND we’re more likely to wake up after that first wave of sleep ie 3 am.

Knowing about cortisol and the changes in sex hormones is one thing. I want to give you solid strategies to start the shift to more natural rhythms. You do have power over hormones and using these tricks are part of your power. Video/audio resources to support you are available in the Sleep Solutions Course. Use promo code sleepbetter to get $10 off.

The Real Story on Sleep

How many of us wish we could get a solid 8 hours? What if I were to share that this goal isn’t necessary or even really worth it? Here’s why.

There are different stages of sleep.

* N1: dreamy, relaxed, drifting.

* N2: light sleep, body is letting go.

* N3 or Slow Wave Sleep: the deep physical recovery zone, critical for healing and learning. NB 20% of sleep is N3 for 20 yr olds, only 5% for 60 yr olds.

* REM: where your brain is wildly active, dreams happen, emotions and memories get sorted.

* We think waking at night is a failure, but it’s normal. Sleep is a series of waves. The first wave has the most deep sleep. Later waves carry more REM. So yes—you may pop awake between cycles. That’s biology, not brokenness. The pineal gland releases 4 hormones (melatonin, serotonin, epithalamin - a naturally occurring polypeptide extract from the pineal gland, known for its anti-aging (geroprotective) effects. It normalizes bodily functions, boosts stress resistance, and works by activating telomerase (to lengthen telomeres), increasing melatonin production, and acting as a powerful antioxidant, potentially slowing cellular aging and improving healthspan - and vasopressin - controls urination) from 9 pm - 2 am.

* Iron processing also changes so nerve signalling is more restless = harder to calm… and there’s just more inflammation in general in our bodies due to circulatory changes …. Which means being more wakeful is NORMAL.

It’s what we do and how we view the wakefulness that makes all the difference.

Turning the Bus Around

When we change behaviour, even in tiny ways, we can calm the all those imbalances. Systematically and patiently, we can train our ANS to “sleep through the night” just like we trained the babies.

That’s why small, sequential shifts are powerful. Sweeping changes? They alarm the habit brain, which just drags us back into overwhelm.

So the secret isn’t more effort. It’s more rest.

When we’re not sleeping, it’s nasty. Super frustrating. We get mad at ourselves. We do feel broken, even embarrassed to keep complaining about it. I was a yoga teacher, for heaven’s sake! How mortifying to drag my sorry butt to a morning class, bleary eyed and promising bliss to the masses. It was unacceptable so I did a deep dive into sleep science, yoga tools, and put them to the test in my own bedroom.

Here’s my most important finding. You don’t need to sleep solid for 8 hours in order to wake rested, focused and positive. What you need to do is find a way to self soothe during those wakeful times.

I know this first hand. I do not sleep solid. But I feel sooo much better since working through these tricks.

Most of us panic. We have to get up in the morning. Not another bad night?!!!

Picture this with me. It’s 3 am. Witching hour, right? You wake up. You could panic OR you could stay in bed where it’s warm and cosy. You need rest above all and you can still get that even if you’re not unconscious. Using the tricks we’ll share in just a few moments, you can self soothe.

Solid Strategies for 3 am Wake Ups

These tricks are based on the science of Non-Sleep Deep Rest, or NSDR. It is intentionally putting your brain into a relaxed, restorative state—without actually being asleep. It restores energy, calms hormones, primes learning. Think of it as plugging your phone into the charger. Research suggests that one hour of NSDR is equal to 4 hours of regular sleep cycles. That’s a super power if I’ve ever heard of one.

Strategies for the 3 a.m. wakeup:

* Acceptance — instead of fighting wakefulness, breathe and remind yourself another wave will come.

* Eye Relaxation Protocol— soften the gaze or close eyes gently, signalling safety to the brain.

* Backwards Breath — breathe in time with counting backwards

* Restorative Pose — even if you don’t fall back asleep, your brain still benefits.

You can get audio and video guidance for all these strategies, as well as further tips for how to set yourself up with a better morning routine too in my Sleep Solutions course. Use this code for a $10 off coupon (sleepbetter). This is the kind of work we do step-by-step inside my SHE Mindfulness Program.

When your nervous system feels safe, your body can heal. When your body heals, your brain learns. And when your brain learns, midlife becomes a season of possibility, not decline.

So tonight, when you wake in the wee hours, instead of panicking, try rest. Non-sleep deep rest. Because even when you can’t sleep, you can still restore.

So what’s going on for you? Night sweats? Hot flashes? Tossing and turning at night? Belly weight from nowhere? How about the anxiety???

You might feel as though your body is in full blown crisis mode. Digestive issues crop up. Joints go out of whack. Life just feels… well, really hard now.

This is the biggest hormonal upheaval since puberty. And, girlfriend, there is so much misinformation and manipulation out there. We go to our doctor, thinking that’s where we’ll get the real truth, and leave feeling more confused than ever.

Today, my guest is a Nurse Practitioner who got fed up with seeing old, sick and frail women in hospital and doctors’ clinics. She KNEW that if she could get to them earlier, give them supportive hormone treatments to help bring balance back to their systems… their lives would be transformed.

In this post, we’re going to highlight three essential hormones, what their role is in your body and how to boost them in perimenopause and menopause. Our information will give you clarity on what the buzz is all about.

Welcome to the Midlife Reset. My name is Cheryl Gordon. As a yoga therapist, I have helped 1000’s of women create calmer, stronger and more meaningful lives through the tools of yoga and mindfulness.

So many women going through perimenopause or menopause do the right thing: they go to their doctor. They describe the night sweats, the hot flashes, the weight gain, the sleeplessness. And too often, they leave with a prescription for antidepressants or sleeping pills — but without answers, and without feeling seen as a whole person.

That gap in care is exactly what nurse practitioner Jenny Coffey set out to fill.

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A Healthcare System That’s Failing Everyone

Jenny’s path to hormone health wasn’t a straight line. She completed her undergraduate degree at McMaster University (Hamilton, Ontario) to become a registered nurse, spent nine years working in hospitals, then went back to Western University (London, ON) for a graduate degree to become a nurse practitioner — someone who can diagnose, prescribe, and order labs, functioning very similarly to a family doctor.

Her goal was to help people earlier, before they arrived at the hospital with fractures, diabetes, and UTIs.

What she found instead was a system built to manage disease, not prevent it. In all her years of training, she doesn’t remember a single class on menopause, hormones, or even how to keep people healthy.

And it wasn’t just her. Primary care, she’ll tell you, is a tornado. Fifteen to twenty minutes per patient. Piles of prescription refills. Stacks of forms. There’s simply no time to sit with someone and explain the *why* behind their symptoms, let alone explore alternatives to medication.

The system, she’s quick to point out, isn’t just failing patients — it’s failing healthcare providers too.

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The Turning Point

Jenny eventually opened a practice with her sister Camilla, initially focused on medical aesthetics. But they kept hearing the same refrain from clients: *sure, I’ll take the Botox, but what about these night sweats?*

For a while, Jenny didn’t know what to tell them. She had almost no training in it. But the pattern was impossible to ignore.

She started slowly, taking a course here and there, before completing advanced training under physician Dr. Neil Rousier. It changed everything.

“Every time I attended a lecture, my head would just pop off. Wait — what? We can prevent *that*? Why isn’t everybody doing this?”

She came home from each training weekend more fired up than the last. Things, she decided, had to change.

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What Women Are Actually Missing: The Hormone Conversation

When women arrive at Jenny’s clinic, they’ve usually tried everything else. Many believe they’re choosing between hormones and breast cancer risk — and some are so desperate they say they don’t even care anymore.

The first thing Jenny does is untangle that fear.

When we talk about menopause and perimenopause, the hormones in question are the ones made in the ovaries: **estradiol, progesterone, and testosterone**. Much of the fear around hormone therapy stems from studies using *synthetic* versions — the kind found in some birth control pills and older hormone therapies — which behave differently in the body. Bioidentical hormones, by contrast, are structured the same way as what your ovaries used to produce. Your body simply knows what to do with them.

And almost all women, Jenny says, are candidates — even those with a personal or family history of breast cancer.

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Progesterone: More Than Just a Sleep Hormone

Progesterone has remarkable effects on the central nervous system. Jenny has helped women come off Ativan and sleeping pills by simply getting their progesterone to a therapeutic level. The results speak for themselves: better sleep, fewer night sweats, improved mood, no more heart palpitations, no more 3 a.m. racing thoughts.

Beyond that, progesterone has been studied for its protective effects against breast, ovarian, and uterine cancers. It reduces inflammation. It helps regulate mood and anxiety in ways that antidepressants simply don’t address at the root.

One of the most common frustrations Jenny encounters: women who’ve been told “hormones didn’t work for me.” More often than not, it was a dosing issue, not a hormone issue. Some women need very little; others need quite a bit. Getting that calibration right takes time, attention, and the right questions — none of which the current system is set up to provide.

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Estradiol: Protecting Your Future Self

Estradiol is a specific form of estrogen — estrogen being a broad umbrella term, the way “vacation” covers everything from road trips to cruises. Estradiol is the form your ovaries used to make, and it’s what the clinic uses.

Most women wait out their hot flashes thinking that once they pass, they’re done. But that’s actually the moment to pay closest attention. Once the ovaries shut down entirely, bone density begins to break down rapidly. The brain changes. The skin changes faster. And the risks that quietly accumulate — hip fractures, heart attacks, strokes, dementia, serious urinary tract infections — become much more real.

Estradiol is protective against all of these. That’s not a small thing.

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Testosterone: Not Just for Men

Hormones, as Jenny puts it, are for humans — not for genders. Women produce testosterone too, and its absence is felt everywhere.

Testosterone supports muscle mass, energy, mood, and libido — both physically and mentally. It improves the pelvic floor. It maintains the health of vaginal tissue, the bladder, and the urethra, which is part of why UTIs become so common in older women.

One of the most quietly devastating symptoms of menopause is what’s known as genitourinary syndrome of menopause (GSM) — where the anatomy of the vulva and vagina actually changes, tissues thin and shrink, and sex becomes painful or impossible. Many women are told to just relax, or drink more wine. Most eventually stop having sex altogether.

The answer isn’t lubricant. It’s restoring the hormones that kept those tissues healthy in the first place. Lubricant has its place, but it can’t rebuild what hormones built.

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Thyroid: The Missing Piece

One more thing that often gets overlooked: thyroid function. Changes in the thyroid frequently accompany perimenopause and menopause, but because doctors are trained to look for *disease*, a thyroid that’s simply becoming less efficient often goes unnoticed and untreated.

A sluggish thyroid affects metabolism, energy, joint pain, hair, and body composition — all things women are often told are just part of getting older. They don’t have to be.

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A Different Kind of Care

At Jenny’s clinic, Font Health, new patients go through a 16-week program — because that’s roughly how long it takes to get hormones dialed in, address the misinformation people have absorbed, interpret labs in context, and truly move the needle. After that, many choose to stay on a maintenance plan, because their family doctors often don’t know what to do with a carefully individualized hormone protocol.

The results are striking: body fat reduction (particularly visceral fat), significant improvement in joint pain, reversal of diabetes, people coming off antidepressants and sleeping pills, and a general reclamation of energy and quality of life.

But the vision is longer than that. The goal isn’t just to get rid of hot flashes. It’s to protect bone density, keep blood sugar stable, support brain health, and prevent the cascade of conditions that quietly accumulate when hormones are left to decline unchecked.

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Access Jenny’s clinic to learn more: https://fonthealth.ca/contact/

What to do with your new found energy? Once you start sleeping better and have a greater endocrine balance, I have a great program to help you assemble a life filled with passion, purpose and peace. It’s called the SHE Mindfulness program. Hundreds of women just like you have lost weight with mindful eating… stopped people pleasing with mindful self care… and gained strength & confidence with mindful movement.

Are we gonna have sex or what? This is the question that so many of us midlife women are asking. Desire has been lost in a haze of hormones, deadlines, sleep deprivation and relationship meltdown.

Let’s unpack what it will take to get you back to feeling pleasure again. And girlfriend… it’s not what you think!

Reclaiming desire is one part of your midlife reset. Watch a full masterclass on reclaiming better sleep, losing midlife weight and building strength.

Meet Dr. Julie Merriman, clinical therapist, author and podcast host. She has spent 25 years counselling high-achieving women over 50 on burnout, compassion fatigue, and nervous system depletion— including how this stress shows up as disconnection, shutdown, and loss of intimacy.

By the end of this post, you’ll understand that lacking desire is not a character flaw. You are not broken. This state of affairs is an adaptive nervous system response to decades of responsibility, care, and chronic demand. Let us help you start to unwind the mess right now.

Why Midlife Changes Everything About Desire

“Are We Gonna Have Sex or What?” is the title of Dr. Julie’s new book. This is a question that’s big on my mind. I’m actually going to turn 63 at the end of this week. I have always loved intimacy with my partner — it was a big part of who I am and who I was. Through my menopausal journey it’s been really challenging. Challenging to keep up the libido, to keep my parts functioning.

Hormones are an issue — at one time estrogen was flooding through our bodies. And estrogen plays a big role not only in reproduction but also in brain function, which I think we forget.

Here’s something most women don’t know: it doesn’t matter if you’re 25 or 65 — only about 10 to 15% of women experience spontaneous desire.

The rest of us — that’s 85 to 90% — depend on responsive desire, where we’re responding to our partner or responding to a context. As we age, it’s still there, but it might take a little longer to get her online. And our nervous system plays a huge role in this. Hormones are very important, but the full picture isn’t just hormones. You have to look at the person holistically.

The Superwoman Myth and the Fried Nervous System

Think about women over 50. A lot of us came up with the superwoman myth — you can have all the jobs, raise all the kids, take care of the house, and how dare you say you’re tired.

You have to stay thin and sexy, keep a perfect house, remember everyone’s birthday, get all the kids to the doctor’s appointments, and be ambitious at work.

And we were told, if you weren’t doing that, something was wrong with you. That was a myth — we cannot do all of that. But we arrive in midlife completely fried. Our nervous system has been in a pressure cooker for 20 or 30 years. There’s an allostatic load that builds — it’s not just one stress cycle, it’s decades of unfinished stress cycles.

When our nervous system is dysregulated — when we’re over-functioning and holding everyone’s emotional load — we cycle through three states. There’s the ventral state, where we’re regulated and social, and that’s where intimacy feels wonderful. There’s the sympathetic state, where we’re in fight or flight, which is where many of us live. And then there’s the vagal state, where we’re dissociated from our body entirely.

Our nervous system’s job is to keep us alive. So it tells our brain: you are in survival mode, and I’m taking pleasure off the table. We just need to get you through this day.

After 20 or 30 years of this, we’re living on adrenaline and cortisol.

And coffee.

It’s become quite habitual. I call it the habit brain running the show. Because when we’re going through those busy years, we didn’t even have time to think about it. Kids hanging off of us, gym, laundry — and then at night, husband winks at us and we’re like, no way, buddy. Resentment builds up. He got to go to hockey, or golf, or guys’ night out. All of that has been building for 20 or 30 years.

There’s a myth that we can’t pour from an empty cup — except we’ve done it for years, to the point that we’ve become the empty cup.

We bring forward from childhood the belief that our worth is tied to our performance. The idea of not doing, or even receiving, is deeply uncomfortable.

Dr Julie works with women where she’ll give them an assignment: just colour for 10 minutes this weekend. Something completely unproductive. And the client comes back and say, I nearly crawled out of my skin — I couldn’t just sit there without feeling guilty.

So yes, we have years of unmet needs, and of course it leads to resentment.

Chakras, the Vagus Nerve, and Sacred Resentment

It can be helpful to use chakra psychology alongside somatic psychology. If one has their neuroscientist hat on, one talks about the vagus nerve through neuroscience language. If one has a yoga instructor hat on, one talks about it through chakra language. They’re the same thing — our vagus nerve runs right through our chakra system. And for my clients, that framework is often more tangible than an anatomy chart.

What it reveals is this: for years, we’ve swallowed our truth to keep the peace — and that lives in the throat chakra. The unexpressed accumulates and moves down into the heart and solar plexus as resentment. I think of it as sacred resentment, because if we’ll slow down and listen to it, she has a lot to tell us about the needs we need met.

Until we make our body a safe place to live, desire cannot return. When we’re in a constant state of fight or flight, our body doesn’t feel safe. And pleasure really depends on a safe body to open up to. Sex is wonderful, but it’s a very vulnerable place to be.

From a very basic biological point of view, there’s no point in procreating if lions are about to eat you.

It’s so fascinating that the chakras line up with where the vagus nerve is most active. The vagus nerve is a long-wandering nerve that activates our rest-and-digest response. It’s attached to the parasympathetic side of the autonomic nervous system — and it has branches in the groin, the gut, the heart, the throat, and the face.

I usually start with the root chakra, because that’s where safety lives. The root chakra runs from the sits bones down to the tips of the toes. Right above it is the sacral chakra — that’s where our sensuality, creativity, and emotions live. Those two need to be balanced and talking to each other. When we’ve been in a state of functional freeze with a dysregulated nervous system, those two areas are completely depleted.

And I want to name something about the self-care industry.

It can be very gaslighting to say, just go get a massage. Or just meditate. When you are in a dysregulated state, your frontal cortex isn’t available to settle into meditation — and then we feel like we’ve failed at that too. Which just dysregulates us a little more.

Defrosting — Practical Tools to Regulate and Re-Embody

Grounding, above everything else, is the place to start. I want clients to start with a walking meditation — going outside without a phone, just birds, leaves, vitamin D from the sun. Five to ten minutes. That’s it.

Because a walking meditation starts at the root chakra, and it begins the process of re-embodiment. We are floating heads of competence, completely disconnected from the fact that we have a body.

The next tool is shaking. Dr. Julie lives on a cattle ranch in Texas, and after a ride, her horse will shake from nose to tail. That’s the nervous system completing its cycle. So she has her clients do full body shakes, especially when something has activated them.

Then hip circles — so many women carry trauma, shame, and tension in the hips and the sacral area. Just gentle hip circles, placing a hand on the sacral chakra, inviting movement and groundedness.

From there, a full body scan — approaching your body with curiosity and self-compassion, noticing any physical sensation. We have told our bodies for years: shut up, I don’t have time for you. We have to invite the body back online.

People overlook these tools because they seem simplistic. They’re looking for complicated solutions because life feels so complicated. But baby steps, getting back to nature — these have always been part of the human experience. We’ve just sanitized them out because we’ve become floating heads.

And here’s what’s interesting — as my clients start to defrost, pain starts coming back online, because they’ve ignored it for so long. Dr. Julie had one woman who started a walking meditation and her feet began burning like they were on fire. Her doctor couldn’t find anything wrong — he thought it was a nervous system response. They worked on helping her hold space for the pain rather than immediately trying to make it go away. To sit with it, get curious, ask what wisdom might be there. And sure enough, over time it became minimal.

I see this in yoga classes all the time. People say yoga isn’t working for them because their shoulder or hip started to act up. And really, things are just waking up. Communication channels are opening. We have so many tools to bring the vagus nerve into activity, to invite natural healing — rather than running away again.

And in that healing, your desire lives. We bring things back online. Think about bracing — when we’re in a dysregulated state, we’re braced everywhere, including the pelvic floor. You’re starving your genitals of blood flow. Softening is very important. You cannot force desire back. She has to be invited back through a soft and connected place.

Reclaiming Pleasure — The Homecoming

We also have to be honest with our bodies. How much obligatory sex have we had through the years? How many orgasms have we faked, just to get to sleep?

Our body has been lied to for so many years. So we really need to help ourselves remap pleasure — just for us, first. Dr Julie always has her clients start with a pleasure map with themselves.

They get a new vibrator — but we can’t use it on our genitals for about a month. The first thing we do is run it in various places on the body to discover where pleasure actually lives, because we’ve completely lost track. It’s wonderful for the vagus nerve too. We need to find where pleasure lives for us now, without any rules and without pressure to perform.

As we age, things feel different, and that’s okay. Dr Julie had breast cancer a few years ago. She had a double mastectomy and reconstruction. An area that used to be highly pleasurable for her is very different now — but there are other areas that are very pleasurable. She has to start mapping that for herself, just for her.

Then, slowly, as you have that map, you can invite your partner in — but sex and intercourse are off the table for a good month. Just be together. Connect. Because desire is about connection. Intimacy is about connection.

Get Dr. Julie’s free somatic signature quiz at www.juliemerriman phd.com/quiz. It gives you a good idea of what’s going on in your body and where you need to start.

I would really encourage all of our sisters to reclaim pleasure again. Don’t let decades of taking care of everybody else deprive you of something so fundamental to the human experience — pleasure and intimacy.

How many times have you bought into a course or book, hoping it would make things better? How many diets or cleanses have you jumped into thinking that this expert has that certain secret that will finally unlock the weight gain?

Only to discover that the end result is lacklustre at best… and sometimes the fall out ends up feeling like a failure yet again. Why can’t we stick to things? And how much longer will we beat ourselves up over it?

Is the solution to just give in? Admit we’re getting older. Accept life as it is?

In today’s post, I want to shout out a resounding NO. Let me offer the KEY reason why these fixes have not worked for you and three solid strategies for finding what will work.

Welcome to the Midlife Reset podcast, episode 59. My name is Cheryl Gordon. I guide midlife women to greater strength, happiness and energy without dieting, harsh exercise or rigid rules. I’m a yoga therapist and mindfulness coach with almost 30 years field experience with women just like you. If you’re looking to find a publication that distills all the noise out there into a doable plan… you’re home!

Marching to Your Own Beat

I don’t practice headstand. Are you allowed to be a yoga teacher if you can’t hold headstand for 20 minutes? I used to think no, but then I taught like 10000 classes and realized… I guess I’m a teacher.

But there’s a very good reason I never took to the pose. I have an anatomically unusual neck length. I’m very short but long necked. This makes headstand a risky pose to hold. It could crunch those delicate vertebrae.

What’s this got to do with why cleanses, diets and workout plans often fall flat? Stick with me.

If you go to traditional yoga classes, headstand is almost always part of the series. And for a lot of people, it’s a great pose. The ancient texts call it king of the poses.

What the ancient texts don’t talk about is anatomy. They talk a lot about meditation, spirituality, breathing. But nothing about spinal anomalies.

You know why? Because yoga was shared 1:1. Often, a student would live with their teachers for years, yes maybe in caves. But in this intimate arena, poses were adapted to each individual as they needed them. Text books didn’t have to cover this stuff because it was understood that the teachings wouldn’t be doled out to 10, 20, 50 students at a time in a group setting.

So in here is your first clue.

What worked for your neighbour, sister-in-law or instagram star is not necessarily right for you.

The ancient yogis knew this. And we’ve lost that wisdom somewhere.

As the guru developed the student’s program, it was a two way conversation. There was constant adaptation. Adjustment. Listening.

When you jump into a solution that comes from an external source, it’s a one way conversation. You’re the one listening to that external source.

Here’s my point.

Unless you have intimate access to an enlightened, wizened teacher in your house (my dog comes pretty close to be honest and I do learn a lot of yoga from her), seeking generalized advice will always lead to disharmony and ultimately abandonment of your goal.

The key problem is that you are looking outside yourself for answers. You are the world’s expert in you. No one, not a guru with a million followers or the doctor with lots of letters after her name, knows you better than you.

And girlfriend, we have not been encouraged to trust our own instincts.

How Did We Get So Far Off Track?

I remember working so hard in high school to fit in. I think all teenagers do, don’t they? Painfully conscious of every zit. Whether our jeans were the right brand. Did we really just blurt that out???

The need to be liked and accepted by the tribe started way before high school was even invented. As a human species, it could be fatal to be shunned by our people. And this hard wiring is still very real today.

Add to this fact… most of us were parented by emotionally immature and less than full formed humans. They passed along to us, along with grandma’s gravy bowl and those beautiful eyes, all their insecurities and worries about not fitting in.

I remember coming home from school after having an accident wetting my pants. This happens to a lot of little kids but at the time, I only knew it happened to me. And it was a rough day. My mom’s reaction? Don’t do this! The kids will make fun of you! Which of course they had. Which made my nervousness worse.

You can see over time, we clearly get the picture that we need to fit in, be accepted and conform. So if Susie has a red coat, I want a red coat. If Debbie takes ballet, I have to take ballet. If Bonnie is sad, I have to act sad too.

A lot of this is that hard wiring. It’s called mirror neurons. And it’s a part of our deep survival adaptation.

Anne’s Story

I had a client who sustained a painful hamstring injury. She came to me, as a yoga therapist, to help her get back to running. She wanted to know how to stretch the muscle and reduce the pain.

Which I can help clients do.

But yoga therapy goes deeper than that.

As we worked together, it came out that she didn’t actually love running that much anymore. She started because her former partner was part of a club and in order to spend time with him, she ran. And then, even though it was getting more painful every year, she kept pushing for longer and faster runs because the club members (who were a big part of her social group) did that.

Her injury had necessitated a change in her habits. Now she was ready to address the fear of not fitting in… of being left behind… of being alone…on a deeper plane.

She went on to take up pole fitness. Don’t laugh. It’s a big growth sport these days and she loves it. She feels alive when she’s dancing and loves the strength challenge of lifting upside down.

The moral is that you don’t have to wait for a catastrophic injury to start dancing to your own beat.

Carving Your Own Path

Sometimes it’s just so hard to see the path ahead. There is so much noise in our complicated universe… so many products and advice.

This is where the SHE Mindfulness program really shines. It is a comprehensive, step by step guide to resetting midlife. It takes all the aspects from physical to mental to spiritual and puts it all together in a customized plan.

We’re not in the jungle fighting for survival anymore. We have time and resources to evolve to higher pursuits. It is safe, and definitely desirable, to define our individuality. To trust our individual instincts regarding what is supportive to our goals.

So how do we break free from this conditioning? And it goes deep. In some circles, it’s called people pleasing.

Here are three ways you can start marching more fearlessly to the beat of your own drummer:

Journal

So much of our behaviour is unconscious. Some research suggests 95%! And our behaviours are driven by our emotions. We feel something and we do something in reaction. Experiencing boredom might lead to scrolling my phone. I didn’t plan to scroll but it was an habitual reaction to having a few open minutes. Boredom might also lead to wandering toward the pantry to choose a quick snack. It’s not mealtime but it just occurred to me that I feel peckish. I’m not truly hungry but actually just reacting to that open space in my day. Emotions drive behaviour whether you register it or not.

When you sit down in front of a blank page and commit to writing a certain amount or for a certain time, your brain will draw the emotions out from the habitual part of your brain into the pre-frontal cortex. It makes your subconscious - well, conscious.

This method of journalling is not about complaining, dreaming or fixing. It’s about illuminating what is actually going in at that moment.

Am I bored? Lonely? Hopeful? The first three sentences are the hardest. After that, the words flow more easily.

Handwriting is more powerful than typing for this.

And remember, you are not writing for any other reason than to give voice to your hidden brain. No one ever reads this. You can burn it or rip it up right after. It’s the exercise of journalling that produces the results.

I journal morning and evening. Every day. Consistency is key.

2. Makes dates with yourself.

I bet if you promise to meet a friend for lunch, you’re right on time. I bet if you commit to leading a project at church, you rock it. But how many times do you put yourself off? Too busy. Too tired. Something came up.

I have a client who loves yoga. She’s my biggest fan really. But she misses most of her classes. Because she prioritizes everyone and everything else. She can’t relax in yoga if there is a babysitting request or someone’s moving or a good sale is on.

My client MUST start marking her yoga dates in her calendar and giving them the same power as any other appointment. If you cancel your dental cleaning, there’s a charge. So you don’t cancel it. Maybe try assigning a penalty if you skip out on yourself. Become your own rules master.

This is way more important than just getting to yoga class. It’s about the relationship with yourself… taking responsibility…. Not waiting for external circumstances to perfectly align.

The universe reads your cavalier attitude toward your needs and provides many chances to abandon yourself. It seems that’s what works for you. So don’t let it work for you anymore. Put down your foot.

Which brings us to #3:

3. Boundaries

This is really a whole podcast on its own. But for today, let’s just practice how to say no, lovingly, when you have something scheduled, like a yoga class, and a dear one offers you something else to do.

Let’s practice together. Here’s a real life example from my world. I love my grandsons and would love to spend more time with them. I get a last minute text that there is a baseball game tonight at 6. BUT I work till 5:30 and have a healthy dinner to cook when I get home. And I take a 30 minute walk after dinner for digestion. I COULD grab takeout on my way home and make the game, skip the walk. And then spend time with my kids. BUT that means abandoning my healthy habits. What does it matter? Just this once!

Hmmmm. This is a tough one that gets me right where it hurts. There is no right answer. And many of you will judge me for the one I choose.

I choose me. My healthy commitments to myself.

My kids are amazing. My boy will kill it at the game. They don’t really need me there. And as much as I would love to be part of their world, at the end of the day, I face myself … just me alone…. In the mirror. Am I looking tired? Is my digestion upside down again? My choice is to wait until a time with the family that works for everyone. And look after my own wellbeing as a number one priority.

It feels scary just saying that out loud. Selfish. But this is hard won wisdom, my friend. Continually putting others first is draining, unrewarding and lonely. You wait for your turn and it never really shows up.

The Next Step

Make your own rules. Run your own life. Stop copying what someone else does or what the celebrity of the week says is life changing.

When you start taking back your own life, you invest in activities and projects that are meaningful to you. And you have confidence that you will complete them because you know how to prioritize and set boundaries.

If any of this resonates, I would love to talk more about applying this in your life. I have a masterclass you might find interesting that called “Midlife Weight, Sleep and Confidence without Diets, Drugs or Burning Out”. I’ll get you started on three basic steps that will help you reset your life. Get free, instant access.

Until next time, please share this podcast with a friend who needs a boost. Like and subscribe so I know what content inspires you.

What if the reason you feel overwhelmed… isn’t your hormones, your calendar, or your to-do list?

What if it’s your kitchen counter?

Or the drawer you avoid opening. Or the piles you’ve stopped seeing.

Midlife has a way of amplifying everything. The brain rewiring is real. The anxiety is real. And when our external world feels chaotic, our nervous system follows.

Here’s the truth:

Physical clutter becomes mental clutter.

Mental clutter becomes emotional weight.

And emotional weight becomes body stress.

That’s why this conversation matters.

In this episode of The Midlife Reset Podcast, I sat down with professional organizer Tracy Hoth to talk about a simple, doable plan:30 days to a calmer home — using just one 15-minute daily decluttering habit.

This isn’t about perfection. It’s about nervous system hygiene. And in midlife, that’s powerful.

The Shame Behind the Clutter

Tracy has been helping people create peaceful, organized homes since 2008. But her journey into this work began with something deeply human: shame.

She once met a family whose children weren’t allowed to have friends over because of the state of their home. The mother felt embarrassed and stuck. When Tracy offered to help, they worked together room by room — and the transformation was more than physical.

It lifted a weight.

So many women believe they’re the only ones struggling. They think everyone else has it together. Meanwhile, half the world is quietly drowning in paper piles, overstuffed closets, and mental overwhelm.

The isolation fuels stress. And stress fuels everything else.

As I’ve learned through building my SHE Mindfulness program, chronic stress — especially in midlife — isn’t just emotional. It’s biochemical. Elevated cortisol levels affect sleep, weight, mood, and energy. And here’s what’s fascinating: research shows that clutter can raise stress levels even when we say it doesn’t bother us.

Your nervous system knows.

Small Shifts Create Big Change

One of Tracy’s clients was caregiving for her husband, raising a teenager, and working full-time. Paper had taken over her home. She felt frozen.

Instead of attacking the whole pile, Tracy gave her one small commitment:

Sort five pieces of paper a day.

That’s it.

Five.

The client’s thought shifted from “I’ll never get through this” to “I have a plan.” Over time, she sorted every piece of paper in her home. She created systems. She built confidence. Her entire family felt the difference.

This is exactly what I teach inside the SHE Mindfulness Program.

We don’t overhaul everything overnight. We create small, embodied shifts. Consistency over intensity.

Whether it’s regulating blood sugar, calming the nervous system, or decluttering a countertop — sustainable progress comes from doable daily practice.

The 15-Minute Rule

We tend to believe we need a full weekend — or a massive burst of motivation — to make progress.

But 15 minutes is enough.

You won’t declutter your entire garage in 15 minutes. But you can declutter one shelf. One category. One drawer.

Tracy encourages choosing one focused area for 30 days — clothes, paper, a closet — and breaking it into micro-projects.

You can divide by:

* Category (tank tops, pants, shoes)

* Or physical area (top shelf, left drawer, shoe cubby)

Then follow her five-step system, which spells the word SPACE:

S – SortP – PurgeA – Assign homesC – ContainE – Energize

That final step matters most.

Energize: The Step Most People Skip

Energize means maintaining your space by tying it to something you already do.

Every time you put laundry away, you tidy that drawer. Or before bed, you clear one portion of the counter.

One of Tracy’s clients committed to keeping just a small section of her countertop clear. She did 10 minutes before bed every night. Then she added a second section.

Momentum builds energy.

And energy builds identity.

You begin to see yourself differently.

In the SHE Mindfulness Program, I call this self-leadership — stepping out of survival mode and into intentional action. In midlife, we are less tolerant of chaos. That’s not weakness. That’s awareness.

Our nervous systems are more sensitive. Visual clutter becomes constant micro-stress. Creating systems is a form of nervous system care.

You cannot meditate your way out of a chaotic environment. But you can build structures that support a calmer brain.

Organizing as a Practice

I loved something Tracy said: organizing is a practice — just like yoga.

You don’t do yoga once and call it done.You don’t regulate your nervous system once and never revisit it.You don’t declutter once and expect life to stop happening.

It’s a rhythm.

And part of that rhythm is celebration. Ideas to celebrate wins include:

* post before-and-after photos in community groups.

* write down wins in a journal.

* do a five-second happy dance.

* One couple even keeps a glass jar and adds written “wins” every Friday, then reads them at the end of the year.

In the SHE program, I encourage colourful sticky notes on the fridge — just like we celebrate children’s artwork. We deserve visible reminders of our progress, too.

Celebration wires the brain for repetition.

The Legacy Piece

There’s another layer to this conversation.

At some point, someone will have to go through our things.

One of Tracy’s clients recently lost her father after caregiving for him. She shared something powerful: “Just don’t stop telling people to take care of their stuff before they go.” Grief is heavy enough.

Decluttering isn’t just about aesthetics. It’s about legacy. It’s about lightening the load — for yourself now, and for those you love later. Letting go can be generous.

Decluttering the Mind

Perhaps the most powerful takeaway from our conversation was this:

The same five steps work for your mind.

Sort your thoughts.Purge what isn’t needed.Assign homes to tasks.Contain them in calendars or notebooks.Energize by reviewing and celebrating.

When you walk into your kitchen and drop items on the counter, ask:

Does this have a home? Or does it not have a home yet?

Same with your thoughts. Do your worries have a place to land? Or are they just piling up in your nervous system?

Decluttering your mind and decluttering your home are deeply connected practices.

That’s why in the SHE Mindfulness program, we address all three layers:

* Mind

* Body

* Environment

Because everything talks to everything else.

Where to Begin

If you’re feeling paralyzed by clutter, start here:

* Choose one small area.

* Set a 15-minute timer.

* Follow the SPACE steps.

* Celebrate the win.

Repeat tomorrow.

You don’t need a mountain retreat. You need a timer and a drawer. When you reset your space, you reset your nervous system.

That is midlife magic.

Resources

Tracy offers a free 15-minute Declutter Challenge that walks you through the SPACE steps, plus her Organized Life Academy for deeper, structured support.

And if you’d like to explore how decluttering your environment connects to regulating stress, improving energy, and finding clarity in midlife, I invite you to watch my free masterclass on the SHE Mindfulness program.

Because a calm home supports a calm mind. And a calm mind supports a vibrant body. And you deserve all three.

You wake up tired after a full night’s sleep.

You feel anxious for no reason you can name.

Your joints ache. Your memory feels foggy. You’ve gained weight even though you haven’t changed anything. Maybe your heart races unexpectedly, or you feel hot and then cold, or you just feel… shitty.

And you go to the doctor, and maybe they don’t dismiss you right away. Maybe they run some tests, and then look at you and say — “Everything looks fine.”

I know. So many of my clients have exactly this experience.

Here’s what you need to know: you are not imagining it. You are not being dramatic. And there is a real, biological reason your body feels different. In this episode, you’ll get five strategies to get the treatment you need and start feeling yourself again.

It’s Your Hormones.

In your 40s — and for some women even earlier — your body starts producing less estrogen and progesterone. This is called perimenopause, and it can begin 8 to 10 years before your actual last period. I didn’t clue in at all that I was in this stage. Despite the heavy periods, sleeplessness and joint pain. Many women don’t.

But here’s the thing about estrogen that most people don’t know: it’s not just a “reproductive hormone.” It affects your brain, your heart, your bones, your joints, your sleep, your mood, your metabolism, and your skin.

So when estrogen starts fluctuating — not disappearing, but wildly fluctuating — it can affect all of those things at once.

And because the symptoms are so varied, and because they often look like other things — depression, thyroid issues, anxiety, chronic fatigue — many women spend years going from specialist to specialist, never getting the full picture.

You might have been told: “It’s just stress.” Or “This is just part of getting older.” Or “Your labs are normal.”

What is Normal?

Normal labs don’t always capture what’s happening hormonally, especially when you’re in perimenopause. Hormone levels can look “normal” on a single blood draw and still be causing real symptoms. Because hormones fluctuate constantly. And, in this stage, wildly.

This is not a personal failing. This is a gap in how medicine was designed. Research on midlife women was woefully inadequate until very recently.

I hear this from my clients all the time.

They’re in perimenopause.

They’re not in perimenopause.

Based on some sort of lab test. But the doctor didn’t even really look at them! Or spent five minutes asking about their lives!

And so many of my clients are like Norma. She did not have hot flashes. However, her mom had osteoporosis. And she was experiencing severe allergies, lethargy and weight gain. But because she didn’t complain of the hot flashes, her doctor didn’t investigate any further regarding hormone therapy. MHT can be really helpful for Norma’s other symptoms. Life saving even, in the case of bone density. But there was no curiosity or education. So Norma came away thinking hormones weren’t for her. And maybe they aren’t. But the question hasn’t been thoroughly explored, right?

Symptoms your Doctor May be Missing

Let’s walk through seven symptoms that are genuinely connected to hormonal changes — and that are very frequently dismissed or misdiagnosed. Now you’ll know when to push a little harder at the doctor’s for the answers you need.

Number one: Brain fog.

Difficulty concentrating, forgetting words mid-sentence, feeling like your mind just won’t cooperate. This is real. Estrogen plays a direct role in memory and cognitive function. Research shows that brain fog peaks in the transition phase and often improves afterward.

Number two: Anxiety and mood changes.

Many women describe developing anxiety for the first time in their lives in their late 40s or 50s. Others notice they feel tearful, irritable, or emotionally reactive in ways that don’t feel like them. This isn’t a personality change — it’s neurochemistry. Estrogen influences serotonin (a hormone that boosts a feeling of safety and connection), dopamine, and GABA (a neurotransmitter that assists concentration, calm and focus). When it fluctuates, so does your emotional regulation. In addition, the amygdala, which is the gland that decides whether you are under threat or not, gets trigger happy. Due to these chemical changes, the coating on the brain part literally gets thin skinned. Anxiety can show up differently at this stage than it did when you were younger. Maybe more anger. Insomnia. Or a generalized confusion or uncertainty. Every decision feels above your pay grade.

Number three: Sleep disruption.

Not just hot flashes waking you up — but the inability to fall asleep, stay asleep, or reach deep sleep. Progesterone, which drops significantly in perimenopause, is naturally calming and sleep-promoting. When it falls, sleep often suffers. Because we are bombarded with warnings that sleep is so important, the anxiety (see number two!) Ramps up creating a vicious loop of exhaustion.

In the SHE Mindfulness program, we deal with this problem in detail. There are videos to help you understand morning and evening routines as well as other lifestyle changes to set you up for smoother sleep (in other words, naturally boost progesterone production). And I show solid ways to deeply rest when insomnia is stubborn. These are the tools that I use almost every night to cope.

Number four: Joint pain and muscle aches.

This one surprises a lot of women. Estrogen has anti-inflammatory properties. When it drops, many women experience new aches — in the knees, hips, hands, even the jaw. If you’ve been told “it must be arthritis” but it started around the same time as other symptoms, keep pushing. It’s called the musculoskeletal syndrome of menopause. The puzzle pieces only came together a few years ago so many doctors are unaware that it is a medically verified condition.

And a nod back to number three. Most of my clients report shoulder or hip pain getting worse at night when they try to sleep. A major contributor to insomnia. Rather than sleeping pills, maybe we should be looking at the root cause????

Number five: Weight changes — especially around the belly.

Estrogen influences where your body stores fat. As it shifts, fat distribution tends to move toward the abdomen. I’ve done a number of podcasts on this. I’ll include some links in the show notes. Metabolism also slows due to muscle loss. This can happen even with no change in diet or activity — and it doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong.

Number six: Heart palpitations.

Unexpected racing or fluttering heart. This is common and often alarming. In most cases during perimenopause it’s benign — but always get it checked. Once cardiac causes are ruled out, know that hormonal fluctuations can absolutely cause this.

Number seven: Painful sex and urinary symptoms.

The tissues of the vagina and bladder are estrogen-sensitive. As estrogen drops, these tissues can thin and dry — leading to discomfort during sex, increased UTIs, or urgency and leaking. This is called the genitourinary syndrome of menopause, and it’s very treatable — but many women are too embarrassed to bring it up, and many doctors don’t ask. For goodness sake, let’s talk about it!

Vaginal estrogen (either a cream or insert) is basic health care for midlife women. It is extremely safe because the hormone stays locally in the vagina. And the symptoms will not get better with time. In fact they get worse. My grama had constant UTI’s as she aged. With the risk of sepsis, these infections are not only embarrassing and painful but deadly. I went off the cream because I went on full hormone therapy. But then I got a UTI. Back on girlfriend.

In the SHE Mindfulness program, we have these kind of conversations in our group calls. It’s a supportive community where us women can get real answers.

What to Say at the Doctor’s

First: track your symptoms. Before your next doctor’s appointment, write down everything — not just the big ones, but the subtle ones too. When they happen, how often, how disruptive they are. Doctors respond to patterns. A list is harder to dismiss than a conversation. And I don’t know about you, but that brain fog makes my memory less reliable. My dad used to say “a short pencil is better than a long memory”. If you feel reluctant to have a laundry list for the doctor, pretend you’re appearing on behalf of your daughter or best friend. We can often find the assertive energy we need if we’re protecting someone we love. Of course, I would love you to be part of our SHE program so you learn to love and protect yourself in that same way.

Second: ask specifically about perimenopause. Don’t wait for your doctor to bring it up. Say: “I’ve been reading about perimenopause and I think some of my symptoms might be connected to hormonal changes. Can we talk about that?” You are allowed to direct this conversation.

Third: consider seeing a menopause specialist. Very few general practitioners have deep training in menopause management. Organizations like the Menopause Society — formerly NAMS — have directories of certified practitioners. And some excellent patient papers that explain these symptoms is greater detail. You deserve someone who takes this seriously. And I know that when you’re feeling exhausted and embarrassed the last thing you need is going from appointment to appointment. But you deserve answers.

Fourth: learn about your options. Treatment isn’t one-size-fits-all. For some women, lifestyle changes — sleep hygiene, strength training, reducing alcohol, managing stress — make a significant difference. For others, hormone therapy is a game changer. The research on MRT has evolved a lot since the early 2000s, and many of the fears around it have been revisited. This conversation comes up in our SHE group all the time.

Fifth: be your own advocate. You know your body. If you leave an appointment feeling dismissed, you are allowed to get a second opinion. You are allowed to push back. You are allowed to say “I don’t think this is just stress.”

Because here’s what I believe: a woman who understands what’s happening in her body is a woman who can make informed decisions for her own health. And that’s exactly what you deserve.

And in closing….

For too long, women’s health experiences — especially in midlife — have been minimized. Symptoms have been attributed to anxiety, to aging, to “just being a woman.” And so many women have internalized that. They’ve started to doubt themselves.

If that’s you — please hear me say: your experience is valid. Your body is communicating something real. And you deserve care that takes that seriously.

You are not falling apart. You are going through one of the most significant biological transitions a human body can experience. And with the right information and the right support, you can feel like yourself again.

I would love to be part of your transformation. The SHE Mindfulness program is a comprehensive, step by step approach. We have education, community, support and practical tools all arranged for busy, exhausted women.

If this video helped you, please share it with someone who needs to hear it. Leave me a comment and tell me — which symptom resonated most with you? I read every single one.

PS: Please consider joining Norma and hundreds of other women who have used the SHE program to rediscover their strength, confidence, energy and joy again. It draws from the time tested practices of yoga and mindfulness to provide solid solutions for menopausal hormone challenges.

When most people hear hypnotherapy, they think stage shows… swinging watches… maybe someone clucking like a chicken.

But what if it’s actually one of the most practical tools for what women are struggling with in midlife?

As hormones shift, our brains literally rewire. Some things get way better… like speaking our truth finally. But some things, that aren’t so welcome, get much louder. It’s coming from the subconscious mind.

Thanks for reading The Midlife Reset - Sleep, Strength and Joy for Women 50+! This post is public so feel free to share it.

So today, we’re diving into a conversation most women have never heard—but deeply need. By the end of the episode, you’ll have a whole new appreciation for what hypnotherapy can accomplish along with clear guidelines of how to access this innovative therapy.

My guest today is Amanda Cole, an Award Winning Accredited Transformational Hypnotherapist based in the UK.

How Does One Become a Hypnotherapist?

It’s been a huge part of Amanda’s life for about 14 years now. It started after her mum passed away. She was looking for counselling at the time and thinking about leaving her corporate role to become a bereavement counsellor.

And then hypnotherapy kind of found her.

It allows you to go much deeper into your well-being by working with the subconscious mind—not just the conscious mind—and that’s where real change can happen.

A big part of the work is understanding what the “habit brain,” which is really the subconscious.

Hypnotherapy for Grief

Hypnotherapy allows one to reconnect with memories in a much deeper way. Things that the adult brain has maybe pushed aside or forgotten.

One of the most powerful sessions Amanda had was being able to have that final conversation with her mum—the one she didn’t get in real life.

Because the subconscious mind doesn’t know the difference between what’s real and what’s imagined, it felt like she truly had that conversation. And that gave her such a deep sense of comfort and completion.

What Hypnotherapy Really Is

There is science behind hypnotherapy, because a lot of people picture stage hypnosis— someone being made to cluck like a chicken on a stage in Las Vegas.

That’s stage hypnosis, and it’s very different from what Amanda and I discussed.

Hypnotherapy is a form of talk therapy, like counselling or psychotherapy. But what we’re doing is using techniques to bring the brain into a slower, more relaxed state. That allows us to access the subconscious mind.

From there, we can offer suggestions—sometimes gentle, sometimes more direct—depending on what the client needs.

Amanda has worked with people on sleep issues, anxiety, even physical symptoms like nausea related to anxiety. But what really matters is going deeper—looking at the root causes behind those symptoms.

Because once you address what’s underneath, the surface issues often resolve themselves.

Feeling “Not Enough” - It’s Universal

There are common patterns—especially around conditioning.

There’s often a deep sense of not feeling “enough,” or a lack of self-worth underneath it all.

And midlife is such a significant transition. It’s not talked about enough, but women are seeking support during this time because so much is shifting—not just hormonally, but subconsciously.

We often talk about the hormonal changes, but those changes amplify what’s already there. Everything becomes heightened.

The part of the brain that regulates emotions, memories, and survival responses becomes more activated. So emotions can feel more intense, and old memories or limiting beliefs start to resurface.

It’s almost like the veil between the conscious and subconscious mind starts to thin. Things that have always been there suddenly come to the surface—self-doubt, intrusive thoughts, old conditioning.

That’s why so many women feel more anxious or overwhelmed during this stage of life.

The Midlife “Veil” and Deeper Awareness

From a scientific perspective, the amygdala—our fight-or-flight center—has receptors for estrogen. So when hormone levels drop, that system becomes more reactive. Things that didn’t bother us before suddenly feel overwhelming.

But there’s also another perspective.

As we age, we start to loosen our attachment to the physical world. In yoga philosophy, we talk about the Atman—the part of us that isn’t limited to this body.

So as that attachment softens, the boundary between what’s logical and tangible and what’s more subtle starts to dissolve.

And that can feel unsettling.

That’s where that feeling of loss of control comes in. You start questioning everything—what really matters, how you want to live, whether you want a slower, more peaceful life.

A lot of the women I work with are asking those deeper questions, even if they come in with something like sleep issues or anxiety.

How We Typically Cope

And when all of this is happening—when the subconscious is more active and emotions are heightened—we become more vulnerable to coping behaviors.

Overeating, over-drinking, over-shopping, over-exercising… anything that helps us avoid what’s coming up.

That’s why there’s such a need for tools that help us work with the subconscious instead of against it.

In my work, I use things like yoga nidra, breathwork, and meditation.

Hypnotherapy is an intriguing addition to this toolbox.

What a Hypnotherapy Session Looks Like

The first session is really about understanding you. You’ll spend about 90 minutes talking—going deep into your story, your patterns, your beliefs, and how you see yourself and the world.

Yes, we talk about the surface issues like sleep or emotional eating, but we’re really looking for what’s underneath. A key question is: is there a part of you that’s been hidden or silenced for a long time?

Because in midlife, that part is often trying to come forward.

From there, we move into hypnosis over a series of sessions—usually around six, but it depends on the person.

Inside the Hypnosis Experience

During hypnosis, you’re guided into a deeply relaxed state.

That might involve breathwork, progressive muscle relaxation, or visual techniques like imagining yourself walking down steps.

Once you’re in that state, Amanda uses imagery, metaphor, and personalized scripts to communicate with the subconscious. The subconscious doesn’t respond well to direct commands—it responds to stories, symbols, and imagery.

And sometimes, very powerful things happen.

People can have emotional releases—crying, physical sensations, even movement in the body. That often signals resistance, which is actually really valuable information.

Because the subconscious is always trying to keep you safe. Even unhealthy patterns can feel “safe” because they’re familiar. So when we try to change them, there can be resistance—and that’s something we work through together.

Making Peace with Your Subconscious

What I love about this work is that it helps you build a relationship with your subconscious. Because it’s not the enemy—it’s just trying to protect you.

When you understand that your subconscious is wired to seek pleasure, avoid pain, and keep things the same, it makes so much sense why change feels hard.

But when you start working with it instead of fighting it, everything shifts. You become more resilient. More adaptable. More at peace with yourself.

How to Work with Amanda

Amanda offers a free 30-minute heart-to-heart call so you can talk about what’s going on and see if it’s a good fit. I love that—a heart-to-heart. Because honestly, so many women in midlife feel unseen or alone in what they’re experiencing. Having someone who really listens and knows how to guide that conversation can be incredibly powerful.

In nearly every yoga class I teach, at least one woman approaches me with concern after receiving a DEXA scan result or another osteoporosis diagnosis. Many of these women are already doing “all the right things,” like exercising and trying to take care of their health—yet it still feels scary and discouraging.

But as Candy and I discuss in episode 55 of the Midlife Reset Podcast, it doesn’t have to be that way. Bone health is something we can improve at any stage, and the key is knowing where to start.

💪 Strength Training: The Foundation of Bone Health

When it comes to improving bone density, strength training is the number one place to begin.

But that doesn’t mean jumping into heavy weights or copying what others are doing at the gym. Instead, it’s about starting safely, with proper guidance, and building from where you are right now.

Working with a knowledgeable coach, like Candy, can make all the difference—you need someone who understands the unique needs of women with osteopenia or osteoporosis.

The focus in the beginning is simple:

* Start with bodyweight movements

* Learn proper form

* Build awareness in the body

Foundational exercises like squats and deadlifts are a great place to begin, particularly for the lower body, where we maintain the most strength as we age.

🧠 Why Form Matters More Than Reps

This isn’t about rushing through a workout or chasing numbers.

If we’re not paying attention to how we move, we’re simply reinforcing poor patterns. Strength training is really about retraining the brain and developing better neuromuscular coordination.

Candy encourages starting small—even with shallow movements—and focusing on cues like:

* Keeping weight in the heels

* Sitting the hips back

* Maintaining a lifted chest

It may feel awkward at first, and that’s completely normal. With repetition and patience, those movements begin to feel more natural.

And most importantly—give yourself grace.

❤️ Reframing Exercise: Strong, Not Skinny

Many women grew up in the era where cardio was everything. Aerobics, dance fitness, and constant movement were seen as the path to being “fit”—while strength training was often avoided out of fear of becoming bulky.

Candy challenges that belief.

Cardio is valuable for heart health, but it’s not the foundation of long-term strength and bone health. Strength training is.

And contrary to popular belief, women simply don’t have the hormonal profile to “bulk up” in that way.

The goal shifts from getting smaller… to getting stronger.

Strong instead of skinny.

⚖️ Building Strength Can Feel “Boring”—But It Works

Strength training may not look flashy at first. It can feel repetitive, even slow.

But that’s where real, lasting progress happens.

Taking the time to build a solid foundation—before adding weight or intensity—is what creates true strength, stability, and resilience.

And over time, that strength becomes deeply empowering.

🚫 What to Avoid with Osteoporosis

If you’ve been diagnosed with osteopenia or osteoporosis, there are a few key movements to avoid:

* Deep spinal flexion (like forward folds)

* Deep or loaded twisting movements

* Quick, jerky motions

Instead, the focus should be on controlled, stable movements and gradual progression under proper guidance.

🧘‍♀️ The Missing Piece: Stress & Mindset

Bone health isn’t just physical—it’s deeply connected to the nervous system.

Stress, fear, and even the diagnosis itself can leave women feeling fragile and disempowered. That internal stress not only affects overall health, but also increases the risk of falls and injury.

Incorporating meditation, breathwork, and restorative practices into your program is essential to support the whole person—not just the bones.

Because you can’t separate the physical body from the emotional and mental experience.

🌿 Give Yourself Grace

One of the most powerful tools? Your inner dialogue.

Candy encourages women to become their own biggest supporter:

* Notice negative thought patterns

* Replace them with supportive, empowering ones

* Use affirmations like “I am strong” or “I am stable”

Even in something like balance work, what you tell yourself matters. Shifting from “I’m going to fall” to “I am steady” can change the outcome.

🥗 Nutrition Matters More Than You Think

When it comes to bone health, it’s not just about calcium supplements.

Candy keeps nutrition simple and realistic, focusing on:

* Protein (especially at breakfast)

* Fiber for gut health

* Healthy fats

* Hydration

* Whole, minimally processed foods

Many women, she notes, are actually under-eating—especially protein—which can negatively impact both muscle and bone health.

Aiming for 20–30 grams of protein per meal is a helpful guideline, and starting the day with a protein-rich breakfast can make a big difference.

🌈 Gut Health, Fiber & Real Food

Fiber plays a critical role, not just for digestion, but for overall health—including bone health.

Candy emphasizes:

* Eating a wide variety of whole foods (“eat the rainbow”)

* Including fermented foods like yogurt

* Reducing processed foods, especially highly processed breads

Simple, nourishing meals can go a long way in supporting the body.

🥑 Don’t Fear Healthy Fats

After decades of low-fat dieting, many women are still hesitant about fats—but they are essential.

Healthy fats from sources like:

* Olive oil

* Avocado

* Nuts and seeds

support joints, brain health, and the overall structure and function of the body.

🌟 Final Thoughts

Bone health is not a lost cause—and it’s not something to ignore until a diagnosis appears.

With the right combination of:

* Strength training

* Mindful movement

* Stress regulation

* Nourishing nutrition

women can feel strong, capable, and confident in their bodies again.

You know the feeling.

You wake up with good intentions, maybe you’ve planned to go for a walk, start a new habit, or finally finish that project. And then… it hits. That tiny, whispering thought in your mind that slowly chips away at your motivation.

Today, I want to talk about the five most insidious thoughts that sabotage our motivation. These are the sneaky little mental scripts that we replay over and over — often without even noticing — and yet they have the power to stop us in our tracks.

Welcome to episode #54 of the Midlife Reset podcast. I’m your host Cheryl Gordon, founder of the SHE Mindfulness program. We’re a group of kick ass women who are building the life we were always meant to have. A new cohort is starting soon so if you’re looking to lose weight, feel stronger or sleep better, this could be the opportunity you’ve been seeking.

Back to those five insidious thoughts. They are so benign… so common… so unnoticeable… that your motivation is zapped before you begin.

And here’s the thing: knowing these thoughts exist is the first step to taking back control. Once we can spot them, we can respond differently. We can step off autopilot. We can choose action over stagnation.

So let’s dive in.

Thought #1: “It doesn’t matter.”

This is one of the most subtle, yet destructive, thoughts. It shows up in many forms:

* “It’s not a big deal if I skip today.”

* “No one will notice if I don’t follow through.”

* “It won’t make a difference anyway.”

On the surface, it sounds harmless. But underneath, it’s a form of self-sabotage. It minimizes the value of your actions before you even start. And I worry about … over time… if we just abandon ourselves over and over… what does that say about our priorities? Would you blow off a friend? Your kid? Why do you blow off yourself???

This little baby is often tied to perfectionism or overwhelm. If you believe that only perfect, massive action counts, you may unconsciously tell yourself, “Why bother at all?”

Example:

Imagine you’re trying to meditate every morning. You wake up and think, “Well, if I can’t do a full 20 minutes, it doesn’t matter.” Before you know it, you skip the practice entirely. That tiny voice — “it doesn’t matter” — has already won.

How to fight it:

* Reframe small actions: Instead of “it doesn’t matter,” think: “Every little bit counts.” Five minutes of meditation is still five minutes more than yesterday. Such an important point here. I always tell myself, just move the stick a little down the yard. I know there is soooo much more work to be done, but a journey of a 1000 miles begins with the first step. What was that Confucious?

* Focus on momentum, not perfection: Motivation grows when you act, even imperfectly. The act itself is the reward. We think we need to get motivation before the action but motivation comes from feelings of happiness, confidence, enthusiasm. Just taking that first step generates those thoughts on purpose. Then we are on the road to momentum.

* Create visible wins: Write down small successes. Crossing them off reinforces that your actions do matter. I love stickers, the kind you put on kids’ school work. You rock. Great job. Sounds silly but the little girl in me really digs them.

Remember: the smallest consistent steps can create the biggest changes over time. All the most successful people - the ones you’re seeing on book shelves or the internet - are there because they DID NOT QUIT.

Thought #2: “I don’t know how.”

This thought often masquerades as humility or honesty, but it’s really a fear-based saboteur. It shows up like this:

* “I don’t know how to start a workout routine.”

* “I don’t know how to eat healthier.”

* “I don’t know how to start writing that book.”

Here’s the trap: if you focus on not knowing, you stop thinking about what you can do. Your mind freezes in a loop of uncertainty, which feels like a very real and urgent reason to do nothing.

When I started this podcast, I had no idea. No really. No idea. But I told myself, I’ll figure it out. And here we are. One year later. I’m still figuring it out.

If you wait to know everything there is to know about doing something, and you run everyone pitfall through your nervous system and create all the disaster scenarios… no wonder you feel stuck. Start small. Just do something to push the stick.

Example:

I have a client who wanted to start strength training but kept saying, “I don’t know how to use those machines, I don’t know the right exercises, I don’t know where to start.” The longer she rehearsed that thought, the longer she delayed.

Eventually, after learning all this and more through the SHE Mindfulness program, she crafted an action plan. She started at home with 5 pound free weights. Built up slowly based on what she learned in the program. She got some big high fives in our private community. That helped her find the positivity around this and gain momentum.

She just needed to know what to do first — and then take one small, clear step. Breaking down weight training into

1. 5 squats with 5 pound weights and then building a progressive plan over adequate time with numbers and dates and stuff. That’s how she did it.

How to fight it:

* Shift focus from knowledge to action: Instead of “I don’t know how,” try: “I know one thing I can do today.”

* Break it down: Focus on the very first, smallest step. You don’t have to know the whole journey to start.

* Leverage resources: Ask for guidance, use a simple plan, or hire a coach. Knowing a little is enough to get moving.

This thought is dangerous because it convinces you to wait for the “perfect conditions” or complete knowledge — conditions that never exist. The antidote is clarity on the next step, not the whole path.

Thought #3: “Just this once.”

This is the thought that rationalizes sabotage as a one-off indulgence. It’s often tied to habits we want to change — like sugar, scrolling social media, skipping a workout, or procrastinating.

It sounds innocent:

* “Just this once, I’ll eat the cookie.”

* “Just this once, I’ll skip the workout.”

* “Just this once, I’ll put it off until tomorrow.”

But here’s the insidious part: our brains don’t really do one-offs.

A “just this once” becomes two, then three, then a week. Suddenly, the habit you’re trying to create is derailed. Motivation falters, guilt sets in, and the cycle repeats.

Example:

A client dreamed of writing her book. Originally, the pages flew out her fingers. But, life got busy. Husband needed some tests. One of the kids went through a tough breakup. Kitchen renovation. She started telling herself, “Just this once, I’ll skip writing.” That one “just this once” led to two skipped days. Within a week, she felt like she’d fallen off the wagon completely. What with the stress of all the things, it was too hard to climb back up that mountain alone.

In the SHE Mindfulness program, we talk about how life sabotages our dreams. And specifically how to apply the tools so you don’t lose track of your goals.

* Use micro-commitments: Instead of aiming for an hour of writing, commit to just 5 minutes. It’s easier to say yes to small actions than to big ones.

* Visualize the pattern: Recognize how one exception can turn into a habit. Catch the thought early.

* Swap “just this once” for “just for now”: This subtle language shift focuses on the present moment rather than long-term defeat.

“Just this once” is motivation’s stealth killer. The antidote? tiny, consistent wins.

Thought #4: “I’ll start again Monday.”

Ah yes, the classic delay. The brain loves a neat restart date — Monday, the first of the month, after the next vacation, when I retire — but here’s the truth: tomorrow is a myth.

This thought allows you to postpone indefinitely. It tells your brain that change is in the future, which reduces the urgency to act today.

Example:

You tell yourself: “I’ll start tracking my eating on Monday.” Monday comes. You’re tired. Busy. The new Monday shows up. The cycle repeats. Meanwhile, habits aren’t forming, and motivation drops.

How to fight it:

* Start now, not later: Pick one small, meaningful action that can happen today, even if it’s tiny.

* Reframe Monday: Monday is just another day. The first step doesn’t need a calendar date. The extra food that you mindlessly eat before Monday is just more you need to work through. Might as well start now.

* Anchor to triggers: Use routines you already have. “After I brush my teeth, I’ll do 10 push-ups” or “After my coffee, I’ll write 2 sentences.”

Starting doesn’t require perfection. It requires action. Any action.

Thought #5: “I’m too busy.”

This is the thought that justifies inaction by citing life’s many demands. And for midlife women, this is especially real. Work, family, caregiving, appointments, social obligations… the list never ends.

The subtle sabotage is in framing. We’re not too busy. We’re prioritizing everything except ourselves. Motivation falters because our own needs seem “less urgent.”

We had a very accomplished woman come on retreat last year. Burnt out from stress. She thought the answer was to quit her job and move to a different house. But, after going through the SHE Mindfulness program, she began to see that she had exactly the same amount of time as everyone else, she started looking at how she was spending it.

She discovered how to:

* Reclaim small pockets of time: Even 10 minutes counts. She could invest that in a quick meditation or restorative yoga pose.

* Prioritize like a VIP: She would never skip a big work meeting or babysitting for the grandkids. She learned to prioritize her self-care the same way. It went on the family calendar. Her family cheered her on as she stuck to her guns. And they saw the results for the woman they all loved.

* Batch and simplify: She started a fresh meal delivery service. She hired house cleaning help. She got a meditation app that reminded her. She tracked workouts at the gym. Efficiency increases consistency.

“Too busy” isn’t the problem. Clarity, priority, and small action are.

Pulling It All Together

These five thoughts — It doesn’t matter, I don’t know how, Just this once, I’ll start Monday, I’m too busy — are deceptively simple. But left unchecked, they sabotage motivation day after day.

Here’s the good news: recognizing them is half the battle. Once you can spot the thought, you can choose your response.

Step 1: Notice it.Pay attention to your self-talk. Don’t judge yourself for thinking these thoughts. Awareness is the first act of power.

Step 2: Reframe it.

* “It doesn’t matter” → Every little bit counts.

* “I don’t know how” → I know one small thing I can do today.

* “Just this once” → I’ll do the tiniest action right now.

* “I’ll start Monday” → Monday is just another day; I can start today.

* “I’m too busy” → Where can I fit in a small action that matters to me?

Step 3: Take micro-action.Motivation grows when you act. Even a tiny step fuels confidence and momentum.

Think of it like lighting a candle in a dark room. The flame doesn’t need to illuminate the whole space immediately — but it gives you light to move forward.

Closing Thoughts

Motivation is not a mysterious force that some people have and others don’t. It’s the result of mindset, small actions, and attention to our thoughts.

If you’ve ever felt stuck, overwhelmed, or frustrated that you “can’t get motivated,” know this: it’s not a personal failure. It’s your brain running habitual scripts — scripts that can be rewritten.

By noticing the five insidious thoughts, reframing them, and taking tiny, consistent actions, you reclaim your power. You take control of your day, your habits, and ultimately, your life.

And the beauty? Once you start recognizing and countering these thoughts, motivation stops being this elusive, frustrating thing. It becomes something you can create, cultivate, and sustain.

If you would like to explore this way of working in the world with a group, consider looking into the SHE Mindfulness Program. We’re starting a new cohort soon so it’s a great time to join. There are online study tools, group coaching and a live private community. Change is so much more fun with friends!

How many times girlfriend have you heard you should lift weights? But what does that really look like? Is it safe for menopausal women?

Today’s episode of the Midlife Reset podcast is all about strength. By the end, you’ll have a solid understanding of where it fits into your fitness plan and 3 guidelines to keep you injury free.

I’ve had to reorganize a lot of my activities to prioritize strength at the age of 62. And I’m helping hundreds of other women figure out how to age strong through my SHE Mindfulness Program.

What Works and What is all Hype

Flash back to the 80’s. We’re old enough to remember the hair, the high cut leotards and “5 more, 4 more, 3 more”. Right? Aerobics was queen. God forbid we bulk up like guys. We wanted to be toned. And cardio burned those calories. Or so we thought.

I remember working at the YMCA, 1984. In my fitness trainer course, the leader actually put a slide up that said “eating fat makes you fat”. I bought it. Didn’t you?

Hindsight, which is of course 20/20, shows all the flaws in that logic. But the old ideas are still very pervasive.

I have a friend, I bet you do too, that is super fit. She runs with the big dogs. If exercise is healthy then she is going to be extra healthy by exercising hours every day. In the old days, I wanted to be her. I wanted to be super fit. It just turned out to be really painful. And if you watch a lot of those long time athletes in their 60’s and 70’s, notice the limping when they get up? The number of pain pills they need to just get going?

In our wiser years, I think we want to age strong. Maintain our independence. Have agency to choose an overseas hiking trip or play on the floor with grandkids. Isn’t it time to let go of those false narratives around exercise?

Here we are in midlife. You may be sticking to your aerobic fitness habits but the belly is getting awfully soft. Darn. It’s so hard to buy nice pants now. Right?

Here’s what no one told us in the 80’s

… or even now. Cardiovascular fitness is important for longevity and quality of life. But it is not a great weight loss strategy in and of itself.

When we were young, we had a lot of estrogen. And it was doing a lot more than regulating our cycles. It was quietly acting like a metabolic bodyguard.

Estrogen helped direct where fat was stored in the body. In our reproductive years, it encouraged fat storage in the hips, thighs, and butt — what we often call the “pear shape.” That pattern isn’t random. It’s biologically protective. Subcutaneous fat in those areas is metabolically safer and less inflammatory than abdominal fat.

But estrogen didn’t just influence fat location. It also helped:

• Improve insulin sensitivity• Support healthy glucose uptake into muscle• Reduce visceral (belly) fat accumulation• Maintain muscle mass• Regulate appetite and satiety signals in the brain. I literally have leptin insensitivity now. Which means it’s hard to tell when I’ve had enough to eat. That’s why I push Mindful Eating so vigorously. I do have a free guide to get you started. Check the show notes.

Anyway, in simple terms: estrogen made it easier for our bodies to use carbohydrates efficiently instead of storing them.

It also enhanced how muscle cells responded to insulin. And muscle is a major glucose “sink.” The more efficiently muscle absorbs glucose, the less likely it is to be stored as fat.

That’s one reason many women could eat more freely in their 20s and 30s without the same metabolic consequences they experience in midlife.

There’s also a mitochondrial piece.

Estrogen supports mitochondrial function — those little energy factories in your cells. Better mitochondrial function means better fat oxidation. You were literally better at burning fuel.

I was telling all this to a different friend recently and she said, “estrogen does all that?”. And way more we can talk about another day.

We need to talk strength training

Because muscle can take over some of the metabolic work estrogen used to help with. And cardio or aerobics do not make muscle, in fact the opposite can be true. I covered this in detail in episode 19. Really recommend having a listen because those outdated ideas still hold a lot of real estate in my brain. Probably yours too.

For years, I puttered around on those circuits that show up in gyms. You sit in the machines and pump out a few rounds. Done in less than 30! Or I signed up for fusion classes that included throwing around a few free weights. We all did the same moves at the same pace for the same time. It was sweaty. But did it really build strength?

Here’s what I’ve learned.

From friends like Lynn Sederlof-Aristo of Be Fit after 40. And PJ Wren from Fitness with PJ, I will link to their podcast episodes in the show notes so you can hear this from the experts directly.

Strength training in midlife is not about becoming a bodybuilder. It’s about replacing some of the metabolic support estrogen used to provide and keeping your body resilient, strong, and independent. And it does not need to be extreme to be effective.

I have shaved 5% body fat off after the age of 60. I’ve kept my weight lower than it was in high school. I feel confident slinging my kayak around by myself. And it’s not rocket science.

It truly is mainly a mindset shift. We were soooo steeped in dance fit, running, cycling, getting our heart rate up. We just didn’t get the exposure to strength training.

And fitness programs, gyms and influences on the socials push these one size fits all programming. It just gets more and more confusing.

So let’s break it down.

1️⃣ Lift Something Heavy (For You) — 2–3x Per Week

Focus on full-body sessions that hit major movement patterns:

* Squat

* Hinge (like a dead lift)

* Push (like a chest press or pushup)

* Pull (like a lat pull down or cable machine)

* Carry (hauling a weight in each hand and walk across the room)

This can be done with dumbbells at home, resistance bands, or gym machines. The key is that the last 1–2 reps of a set feel challenging, without causing pain.

Here’s how I do it. I pick a weight that I’m confident about. I do 10 reps of the exercise. How hard was that? Did I finish and say, whatever. Or did I get to #8 and was shaking. You may have to play with a couple different weights at first. Once you find the weight that left you shaky at #8. Go down a pound or two. Or for lower body stuff, go down 5 pounds.

Now do a second set. Can you get to 10 feeling pretty tired but not like you’re going to drop dead? That’s your weight for the first 6 weeks.

Aim to do 2 sets of each of the five types of exercises at this weight. Before upping the weight, add a 3rd set to each exercise. Increase weights in small increments. Muscles adapt faster than tendons so to prevent injury, take this cautious approach.

Keep a log of what weights you’re using. I use the notes app on my phone.

2️⃣ Short Sessions Work — 20–30 Minutes Is Enough

Most of those fitness classes are one hour so we got the idea that we needed to exercise that long. And a 5k walk is about that too. But consistency beats duration.

Follow the simple formula we’ve already laid out:

* 5 movements representing the major muscle groups and how they function

* 2–3 sets each

* 8–12 repetitions

Done in 25–30 minutes, 2–3 times per week. Short, focused sessions protect your muscle, improve metabolism, and support your overall health — without taking over your life. Imagine what you are going to do with the literally HOURS left over that you used to spend on the treadmill. Reading a juicy novel? Dinner with friends? Starting the SHE Mindfulness program? You’d have time for thinking about your life plan wouldn’t you?

3️⃣ Focus on Progress, Not Variety

Strength training can feel repetitive. But repetition is how muscles adapt. I like to listen to podcasts to keep it fresh. My friend actually listens to yoga chanting music and makes this a meditation in motion thing. In the past, I’ve enjoyed like really raunchy heavy metal from the 1990’s. Find your groove and it makes the session much more fun.

Instead of constantly switching workouts, generate challenge by adjusting the weights every six weeks. You can also progress from 10 to 12 reps. And then there’s pacing. The movements done really slowly builds muscle one way and adding some more explosive aspects builds different ways.

If you are going to a gym, I hope you make friends. That motivates me. But if you’re working out at home, find a buddy that you can text how great you feel post workout. We have accountability partners in the SHE Mindfulness program and it keeps you going for sure.

Tracking progress is also motivating. Seeing yourself get stronger is deeply satisfying — especially in midlife, when so many other things feel out of your control. I’m pretty proud of myself for what I’m lifting now. Kinda bad ass.

Is it Safe?

You might be thinking “I’m afraid of getting hurt.” Valid. Many midlife women have old injuries, joint sensitivities, or bone concerns. But properly loaded strength training improves bone density, joint stability, balance, and pelvic floor function. Start with guidance if needed — even a few sessions with a trainer or physiotherapist can build confidence.

I got several injuries from yoga. Ooops. And from pushing too hard when my body was exhausted in classes and group rides. But I have to say… since I’ve taken this seriously and got the expert guidance, nothing. In fact, old injuries are less a concern now.

It all seems so confusing.

A few months ago, a friend messaged me. I joined this really amazing gym because I know I have to lift weights but omg I have no idea what to do. Can you help? You know it! Let’s have fun, I said.

We have not had much exposure to the whole bro gym thing. It feels so masculine and overwhelming. But you know, I go to my local university to work out. Alma mater, I get a discount. And these young girls today…. They rock. I can’t believe what some of them are pushing. It opened my eyes.

But it’s totally normal to feel intimidated. Getting a personal trainer can help but I know it’s expensive. Most facilities do have general staff that can explain the use of a machine when you ask. I’ve made a goal to try something new each week. Today it was wrist straps to support my hands so I could up my weight on deadlifts. Anyway.…

Most people are focused on themselves really. And I’ve found most people are pretty enthusiastic about sharing what they know. The young students at the university could be my grandchildren but they’re quite sweet.

Walking in that first time, with the crazy music and those smells and some bro swearing as he drops the barbell. Yeah. It’s a lot. But you’re on a mission. Get strong! One benefit of getting to midlife… we don’t have a lot of time to waste. We are so over impressing someone else or making them happy. It’s our turn, right?

But what if you’re really busy?

And if you think you don’t have time, heavens girlfriend… have you been listening??? This is about priority, not hours. Strength training is one of the highest ROI health habits you can do. It reduces visceral fat, improves insulin sensitivity, supports mood, cognition, and bone health — and protects your independence.

In your 30s, exercise may have been about burning calories. In your 50s and 60s, strength training is about sending signals to your body:

* “Keep this muscle.”

* “Stay metabolically active.”

* “Protect my bones.”

* “Stabilize my joints.”

That signal changes everything. Consistent, safe, progressive strength work is your midlife superpower.

Get A Whole Program

And if you are interested in just getting everything going in an exciting direction… weight loss, better sleep, feeling kick ass strong… then we should talk! The SHE mindfulness program contains wisdom about all aspects of midlife growth. And you’ll have a supportive community of women just like us to work alongside. A new cohort is starting soon so it’s a great time to join.

Thanks for tuning in and please share this with as many women as you can. We need to get the word out there my friends.

In this episode, we explore how women can reclaim joy, ease, and alignment in midlife—beyond people-pleasing, sacrifice, and self-abandonment.

As midlife women, if you’re anything like us, it’s exhausting and soul sucking to always be “reading the room”. We constantly put others needs and feelings ahead of our own. We sacrifice and suffer.

We challenge you in this podcast episode to ask ….. why?

Why are you sacrificing and suffering? Why do we get so exhausted that we lose all contact with joy in our lives? Where is the ease?

Dawn Drew is a mom of four, long time entrepreneur and author of “Joy and Ease: Are you Ready to Change your Life?”.

Here are the six key takeaways from our conversation:

1. Allowing StillnessDawn encourages creating space to simply be present with others’ emotions without rushing to fix or rescue them. Just 90 seconds of stillness when someone else is uncomfortable can help you honor your own boundaries while letting others experience and process their feelings naturally.

2. Morning Mindfulness: Five Minutes for YourselfStart your day by dedicating just five minutes to yourself—without your phone, email, or distractions. This small practice helps calm your nervous system and sets a foundation for experiencing life with clarity and intention, rather than reacting automatically to the demands of others.

3. Regular Check-ins with the “Truth Triad”Dawn recommends checking in with your thoughts, emotions, and actions throughout the day. This self-awareness helps you recognize when you’re saying yes out of obligation or people-pleasing rather than genuine alignment with your values.

4. Journaling for AwarenessWriting down triggers, emotions, and thought patterns provides clarity. Journaling helps you understand why you feel resentment, jealousy, or discomfort—and how these emotions signal misalignment with your values.

5. Reading Emotions as SignalsEmotions aren’t bad—they’re guidance. Dawn explains how feelings like resentment or jealousy can highlight unmet needs or limiting beliefs, giving you the chance to respond consciously rather than react automatically.

6. Compassion—for Yourself and OthersApproach yourself with curiosity, courage, and compassion as you navigate life’s challenges. Compassion isn’t just for others—it’s essential for sustaining joy, setting boundaries, and fostering healthy relationships with yourself and those around you.

Throughout the conversation, Dawn emphasizes that joy and ease are practices, not destinations. By committing to yourself, observing your triggers, and honoring your needs, you can show up in the world with more energy, alignment, and presence—benefiting both you and those you care about.

Resources from this episode:

* Dawn Drew’s book: Join These: Are You Ready to Change Your Life?

* Dawn’s Substack: https://joyandeasewithdawndrew.substack.com/s/lets-begin-with-joy

Connect with Cheryl Gordon: SHE Mindfulness Program

How did you sleep last night? So many midlife women are struggling. Do we need sleeping pills? Separate bedrooms? A better mattress?

Before you do anything drastic, stay tuned for 5 simple sleep secrets that really work. I know because insomnia drove me crazy through perimenopause. And then the hot flashes decimated any shreds of sanity that were left.

This episode is based on the latest sleep science but also my own laboratory… my bed! Each of these 5 secrets are ones that I use and follow religiously to get proper rest.

I come from the world of yoga and mindfulness so I am offering solutions that are holistic, gentle and have stood the test of time. All of what we’re discussing today is contained within my signature program, SHE Mindfulness. This comprehensive online course provides the information, support and structure that women like us need to get our lives back on track.

But it really starts with sleep. So let’s dive in.

You’ve heard the dire warnings. And I don’t want to add to all the doom and gloom. You know how shitty you feel when you don’t sleep. And I am going to offer five simple secrets to building better sleep. Don’t worry.

But we do need to recognize the seriousness of this problem. So many of my clients and friends kind of take a martyr like view of this. Oh well. This is just my cross to bear. I’m used to suffering. And I say… b******t! Girlfriend, this is just unacceptable. Somewhere along the line, women are fed this crap that if we suffer and still show up for the ones we love then we are morally superior. Again I call b******t. Why is it that women do all the suffering? Where did I sign up for that???

Here’s why your sleep matters.

Really matters.

1. Metabolic Dysfunction (Weight Gain, Insulin Resistance, Diabetes)

Sleep loss directly disrupts blood sugar regulation.

When you’re short on sleep:

* insulin sensitivity drops

* cortisol rises

* hunger hormones increase (more cravings, especially carbs)

* fat storage shifts toward the belly

Even one poor night of sleep can raise blood glucose the next day regardless of what you ate. Over time, chronic sleep deprivation significantly increases the risk of:

* insulin resistance

* type 2 diabetes

* stubborn midlife weight gain

This is one of the strongest and most underappreciated links.

2. Cardiovascular Disease (Heart Disease & High Blood Pressure)

Heart disease is the #1 killer of women, and sleep plays a major role.

Insufficient sleep:

* increases blood pressure

* raises inflammation

* disrupts cholesterol balance

* increases risk of stroke and heart attack

Women who consistently sleep fewer than 6 hours per night have a much higher risk of cardiovascular disease, even when diet and exercise are good.

Sleep is not passive rest — it’s active cardiovascular repair.

3. Mood, Cognition & Mental Health Decline

Sleep deprivation hits the female brain hard.

Chronic poor sleep is linked to:

* anxiety and depression

* irritability and emotional reactivity

* brain fog and memory problems

* increased risk of cognitive decline over time

In midlife, when estrogen is already fluctuating, lack of sleep amplifies:

* stress sensitivity

* emotional overwhelm

* feeling “not like yourself”

This isn’t weakness — it’s neurobiology.

The Big Picture (Why This Matters in Midlife)

For women, especially during perimenopause and post-menopause, sleep is foundational.

Without it:

* metabolism can’t regulate

* hormones can’t stabilize

* the nervous system stays in fight-or-flight

Sleep isn’t a luxury or a reward. It’s preventive medicine.

Now will you take this seriously my friend????

What about sleeping pills?

Because when you haven’t been getting enough rest, and you’re starting to feel pretty frantic, that’s what the doctor has to offer, right? And for a short term fix, it may be just the thing. But for many women, it quickly becomes their go to.

Here’s why I want you to think twice about the pills.

1. They Don’t Fix Sleep — They Sedate the Brain

Most sleeping pills don’t create natural, restorative sleep. They sedate the nervous system.

That means:

* reduced deep sleep and REM sleep

* impaired memory consolidation

* poorer hormonal repair overnight

So you may be unconscious for 7–8 hours… but still wake up unrefreshed, foggy, or anxious. Over time, your brain becomes less capable of producing sleep on its own.

2. Tolerance, Dependence & Rebound Insomnia

Sleeping pills are meant for short-term use, but many women end up on them for years.

What happens:

* the same dose stops working

* higher doses are needed

* stopping leads to rebound insomnia (often worse than before)

This creates a cycle: I can’t sleep without it → I take it → I never relearn how to sleep.

For midlife women, hormonal changes already make sleep fragile — dependence makes it even harder to restore naturally.

3. Increased Risk of Falls, Cognitive Issues & Mood Changes

This is especially relevant after age 50. AND for my clients/friends who are dealing with osteoporosis, this is really important.

Sleep medications increase:

* nighttime falls and fractures

* next-day grogginess and poor balance

* memory and concentration problems

* depression and emotional blunting

Long-term use has also been associated with increased risk of cognitive decline, especially when combined with alcohol or other medications. How many of us have a glass of wine at night to relax and then also take the pill? Who can blame us with the level of s**t we’re handling every day.

The Bigger Truth (and the Good News)

Sleeping pills are not “bad” — they can be helpful short term, during acute stress or crisis.

But as a long-term solution, they often:

* mask the real issue

* weaken the brain’s sleep drive

* keep the nervous system from recalibrating

The good news?

Sleep is a learnable skill, even in midlife.

Before we get into the five secrets, can I just repeat LEARNABLE skill. Which means these tricks do not work the first time you try them. You are learning about sleep. It takes time.

A bajillion years ago, I took piano lessons. I did not sit down and play Chopin. I started with silly little finger drills that were super boring. But those scales progressed to little tunes and, well I never practised enough so Chopin was off the table, but you get the picture. During those boring practice drills, I was creating the neurological connections that trained my mind/body to play the piano.

When you PRACTICE sleep skills, you get better at sleeping.

* Nervous System Regulation

This is a big buzz word nowadays but it’s what we’ve been doing in yoga for millennia. There is a lot more detail on this topic in the SHE Mindfulness program but for today, let’s just highlight that it is your automatic wiring, the nervous system, that decides if you are going to sleep or not.

You know the antsy feeling that your limbs won’t settle? That’s nervous system disregulation. You know the racing, repetitive thoughts? That’s nervous system disregulation. You know how you don’t notice your shoulder all day but when you try to settle to sleep, it kills? That’s nervous system disregulation.

You may think of these symptoms as the reason you can’t sleep. BUT they are symptoms of why you can’t sleep. Your nerves are misfiring. That’s the underlying truth.

I have so much I want to teach you about this topic but I have to stay focused. Let’s pick one tool. Breath.

Breath speaks the language of your automatic wiring. To convince your nervous system to relax, try extending the exhales. So you might inhale for 4 and exhale for a count of 8. Do this for about 5 minutes or so.

You may not immediately fall asleep but you are learning about allowing relaxation. As with any new skill, the more you practice, the faster it takes hold. Consider this breath work 3 x per day for a week or so. Then evaluate your overall stress levels.

2. Blood Sugar Stability

Back in episode #46, I talked in detail about insulin, blood sugar spikes and cravings. Highly recommend you go back and catch that one.

Suffice it to say that if you are getting up in the night to nibble, or if you think you have to have a bedtime snack so you won’t get hungry in the night… you probably have blood sugar issues.

If you feel bloated by day’s end, puffy in the morning… blood sugar issues.

Again, sooo much I want to teach you but let’s pick one tool. Eat enough protein through the day. Most of us need to aim for 30 grams per meal. And not loading all our protein at dinner ladies. Spread it out.

Here’s why that’s important… protein slows glucose absorption. When you eat carbohydrates alone, blood sugar rises quickly — and then falls quickly. Those crashes are stressful for the body. At night, they can trigger cortisol and adrenaline — which wake you up around 2–4 a.m.

Protein provides amino acids used to make:

* serotonin

* melatonin

* GABA

All hormones that support relaxation. And this is why spreading protein across the day matters. Many women eat very little protein at breakfast, some at lunch and most at dinner. This pattern:

* destabilizes daytime blood sugar

* increases cortisol

* sets the stage for poor sleep

To give your nervous system a steady sense of safety, spread your protein out somewhat evenly throughout the day. It matters at night what you’ve ingested through the day.

3. Light Exposure

There’s a little command centre in your brain called the pineal gland. It reads the light in the room. And then it decides whether you should be up and about or sleeping soundly. It gives you these instructions via hormones such as melatonin.

There are common sense ways to reset your pineal gland and the hormones that help regulate your circadian rhythm. By paying attention to light.

I’m going to give two secrets in this regard.

First, get outside first thing in the morning. There is a unique combination of yellow and blue light within the first two hours of sunrise. Your pineal gland will read that clearly that it’s up and go time. Build natural energy, even after a night of poor sleep. It takes about 10 minutes, maybe even less.

Second, reduce exposure to overhead lights from 7 pm onward. Read with a desk light or use a nightlight when you get up to pee. The pineal gland will again read the room and gradually increase melatonin as you get closer to bed time. This is so easy once you are aware.

5. Stretching

Inside the SHE Mindfulness program, I teach a specialized yoga routine for before bed that combines breath and movement. But you can get similar effects from any mindful movement times with breath.

You probably have noticed that you do feel calmer after a yoga class. I love that effect! But here’s why it’s important to recreate that before sleep.

The brain loves rhythm and predictability. The brain reduces threat detection, quiets excessive mental chatter and decreases amygdala activation (fear centre) when you’re stretching softly. This is why mindful movement feels different from exercise — it’s regulating, not stimulating.

Also, many people carry chronic, low-grade tension without realizing it. Hit the pillow and all those aches, pains and creaks magnify. Moving slowly with the breath sends the signal “nothing bad is happening”, reduces protective muscle guarding and helps the body let go of stored tension. Safety is the prerequisite for relaxation.

And when we live our days rushed, anxious and feeling alone, our attention is fragmented. Part of us is always somewhere else rather than right here and now. Mindful movement can bring a sense of coherence that is deeply soothing. It restores a sense of wholeness and safety that is mandatory to release into sleep.

So let’s recap.

If you’re dismayed at menopause belly, brain fog or mood issues, poor sleep is a big part of the picture. Sleeping pills are not the final answer… they don’t replicate proper cycles of sleep and can mask the real issues. And cause some nasty risks for us like falls and depression.

We instead offered five secrets to building the skill of better sleep.

* Extended Exhale Breathing

* Adequate protein spread over all three meals

* Early morning light

* No overhead lights after 7 pm

* Easy bedtime stretching

This is such a big topic. These five secrets won’t solve every sleep issue. But take these to heart. Practice. Build the skill of sleep again.

If you want more support, I have two suggestions. First, my Sleep Solutions course. This is $29 and contains practice resources to support your skill building like an evening stretch routine, a sleep meditation and more. Or take your renaissance deeper with the SHE Mindfulness program. Tackle all these issues in a systematic way with lots of group support.

Please share this podcast with a friend. Let’s help as many women as we can feel stronger, happier and energized!

Did you look down one day and say … where did all this flesh come from?

I did.

At 60 years old, I was feeling bloated, exhausted and embarrassed that I couldn’t figure this out in my own body. So I dug into my yoga therapy resources and created a protocol called Mindful Eating.

By the end of this article, you’ll have a few solid answers about where that menopause belly came from and some simple fixes you can start right now.

So let’s dive in.

We’re not alone.

So many of my clients come to me frustrated about menopause weight — especially that stubborn “menopause belly” that seems to appear overnight and refuses to budge.

And I totally get it. It’s confusing and demoralizing, because what worked in your 30s just doesn’t work the same way anymore.

For years, the messaging in my own mind was harsh and judgmental: You’re snacking too much. You should do more cardio. Get your heart rate up.

But here’s the first big myth we need to bust — and I want to shout this from the rooftops:

Midlife weight gain isn’t just about eating less and moving more.

It’s about changing hormones and a shifting metabolism.

That’s why going on diets that punish, restrict or cut out whole food groups just don’t work long term. That’s why joining a cross fit class results in more injuries and little weight loss. It’s why it seems everyone else can eat the fun stuff but you are forced to suffer with celery sticks and dry chicken breast.

Girlfriend, we need a new way to interacting with food, dieting and even our lives. What we used to do has to change.

Here’s why.

Guess what! We’re going to talk estrogen. But stick with me. One of my teachers compares estrogen to a mom. You know how the household works because mom makes the lunches, remembers the appointments, cleans the toilets? But then mom gets sick. The house goes to s**t. It’s not the house’s fault. It is because the working dynamic in the house disproportionately relied on mom. Pull her out of the game and the other systems collapse.

That’s kinda like estrogen. When we’re in our 30’s, it does all kinds of stuff. Maybe we relied on it too much? Remember burning the candle at both ends, girlfriend? And we got away with it then.

But estrogen is declining. In my case, bottoming out. So the working systems all go to s**t. That’s why it seems like overnight, the bottom falls out of sleep, weight, energy, joint pain, brain fog… you name it.

As the sex hormones decline, fat storage patterns change, and the body becomes more inclined to hold weight — especially around the midsection. At the same time, insulin sensitivity decreases (check out episode 46 for a more complete description), which means blood sugar spikes and crashes become more common. That fuels cravings and increases fat storage.

Add higher cortisol from chronic stress — which tells your body it needs to store fat for “protection” — along with a natural decline in muscle mass, and suddenly your metabolism is operating at a completely different speed than it used to.

This isn’t a personal failure. It’s physiology.

What doesn’t help is beating yourself. Just like our poor overworked mom, you can’t help getting sick. We are all getting older. It’s not a failure but an invitation to get wiser.

But I was beating myself up for not exercising enough or cutting out all carbs.

This is the stuff we see on social media and we’re vulnerable to it.

Here’s the good news: you’re not stuck. And it’s not impossible to get back on track now.

Midlife weight gain isn’t inevitable.

Once you understand how your hormones and metabolism are shifting, you can make small, strategic adjustments that work with your body instead of against it. And I know this not just because the research supports it — but because my own body proved it to me.

And one of the most important principles here is this: trying to change everything at once is counterproductive. Sustainable change happens sequentially — in manageable steps.

That meant setting realistic goals, being kinder to myself, and cultivating patience as my body and I learned how to navigate this new stage of life.

Protein

I know that’s all you’re hearing right now but it’s a message that we really need to understand. One of the biggest metabolic game-changers for midlife women is prioritizing protein.

As we age, muscle mass naturally declines, which slows metabolism and makes fat storage — especially around the belly — more likely. Protein helps preserve muscle, keeps metabolism active, stabilizes blood sugar, reduces cravings, and supports energy. It also helps you feel fuller for longer, so you’re not constantly battling hunger.

A general guideline is about 25 to 30 grams of protein per meal, though this varies by individual. That might look like three eggs at breakfast, salmon or chicken at lunch, or a hearty lentil and vegetable bowl at dinner. An advanced strategy is also to rotate protein sources, because our bodies need a variety of amino acids that we can’t produce on our own.

And breakfast is key. All those years of intermittent fasting screwed up my natural hunger signals. And a lot of my clients report just not feeling hungry first thing. But to set up for a hot metabolic day, your system needs that breakfast reassurance. Some of us do well on a protein smoothie and a couple eggs. Fairly light. Fast. But it’s important to focus on.

Instead of focusing on eating less, start focusing on eating smarter.

But nutrition isn’t the whole picture.

2. Build Muscle

I was already doing yoga daily, meditating, hiking, biking — and yet joint pain caught me completely off guard. It made me nervous to move. I worried that one wrong Zumba class could throw out my back.

As muscle mass declines, we do become more susceptible to injury — and that fear can create a vicious cycle where we move less, lose more strength, and feel “old” far too soon.

What many women don’t realize is that estrogen plays a regulating role in nearly all musculoskeletal tissues — bone, muscle, tendons, cartilage, ligaments, fascia, and even fat tissue. The drop in estrogen that begins in perimenopause is often the catalyst for widespread aches and stiffness.

In fact, the musculoskeletal syndrome of menopause affects about 70 percent of women, yet in nearly 40 percent of cases, imaging like X-rays or MRIs shows no structural damage. Many women are told it’s psychological — or simply that this is what aging looks like.

Meanwhile, the scale goes up, and the pressure to exercise more increases.

Again, move smarter, my wise friend.

I’ll link to episode 19 in the show notes where I explain why the cardio we all thought would give us toned bodies just doesn’t. And I’ll link to episode 36 that explains what building muscle really looks like. And why you should care. So go back and listen to those for sure.

Yes, strength training is something I really want you to adopt but right away you can build your Non Exercise Activity Levels. About 15% of the calories you burn each day is just moving about… walking the dog, hauling laundry up the stairs, waving your hands around when you talk. And this is the kind of movement that you can safely and easily increase even with injuries.

I’d also love to hook you up with my free joint freeing series videos. This series of simple flexibility exercises can even be done in bed! And all that basic movement counts as NEAT.

But if your joints already hurt, exercising more doesn’t feel supportive — it just adds more stress to an already overloaded system.

Which brings us to cortisol.

3. Get serious about managing stress.

One of the biggest turning points for me was realizing that the stress in my life was actively hoarding weight.

Cortisol is your body’s main stress hormone. When it’s elevated — from work stress, poor sleep, skipping meals, or even over-exercising — your body goes into survival mode. That means holding onto fat, especially around the belly, slowing digestion, and conserving energy.

Did you know just one night of poor sleep can increase your blood sugar levels the next day, regardless of diet? So it’s VERY influential. And insulin problems reveal themselves in that little Buddha belly.

Here’s the kicker: even if you’re eating well, high cortisol can interfere with digestion and nutrient absorption. Food can feel heavy, bloating increases, and energy crashes follow.

Ever notice how your belly feels 5 months pregnant by day’s end? That’s stress my friend.

Stress itself isn’t the enemy. Even yoga teachers experience stress — it’s what gets us out of bed and helps us organize our lives. The problem is chronic, wearisome stress that feels uncontrollable.

The good news is that cortisol can be lowered naturally. Balanced meals, slowing down when you eat, breathing before meals, prioritizing sleep, and allowing genuine rest can make a profound difference.

For many driven, capable women, one of the most radical acts of self-care is prioritizing comfort and safety.

Decades of making sure everyone else was fed, happy, and okay can leave you quietly starving for nurturing. I had to relearn how to celebrate small wins, prove to my nervous system that I mattered, and move away from coping strategies like wine, sugar, or retail therapy — none of which truly nourished me.

Rest is essential for weight loss. So are supportive relationships, boundary setting, asking for what you need, and being fully present. These aren’t luxuries — they’re foundations.

So let’s recap:

First, prioritize protein — aim to include healthy fats and fibre every time you open your mouth to eat.

Second, build muscle instead of burning calories. Excessive cardio can raise cortisol and break down muscle. Strength training and walking are far more effective for hormone balance and metabolism.

Third, support your nervous system. Chronic stress tells your body to store fat and disrupts sleep, which creates even more stress. Simple practices — breathing, slowing down, sleeping well — matter more than you think.

Midlife weight management isn’t about eating less and moving more.

And your body isn’t broken — it’s always working for you.

The key is understanding what it needs now and learning to work with it instead of fighting it. When you do that, everything gets easier.

Beyond the Joint Freeing videos, I also have a free Mindful Eating guide that incorporates many of these principles.

And if you’re ready to do full tackle on all these issues in a systematic way, check out the SHE Mindfulness program. This is online so you go at your own pace. It will help you reset from the ground up … learning tools to eat mindfully, exercise better, rest more soundly, practice more soul satisfying self care… and you aren’t doing it alone. We have a lively community with a private social page as well as weekly group calls. You belong with us so learn more as soon as you finish listening.

So many of my friends are busy. Exhausted. Doing all the things — and yet somehow, not feeling satisfied… settled… or content. One friend has had a painful shoulder that prevents her from kayaking or sleeping … no time to do the rehab. Another friend wants to lose weight but is continually derailed by her active social life. Too busy to make a food plan.

Their days are full of activity, but it isn’t intentionally oriented toward what they really want.

They take care of everyone else’s needs, react to whatever feels urgent. And then jump at the latest distraction (glass of wine, booking a trip, scrolling their phone, getting a massage) — what sounds like self care — but they choose it because they’re kinda pissed that life is so freakiin’ overwhelming. It’s payback.

But what if the problem isn’t that you need more rest, more motivation, or another break? What if the real missing piece is self-discipline — not as punishment, but as self-care?

By the end of this podcast, you’ll learn about the ancient yogic concept of “tapas” (which has nothing to do with Spanish appetizers by the way) and 3 ways how this deeply passionate practice can help you ditch the exhaustion and begin deeply caring for yourself.

My friends and my midlife women clients aren’t lazy. They’re not unmotivated. They’re not “bad at follow-through.”

They are over-responsive.

They respond to:

* other people’s needs

* the loudest request in the room

* the newest idea, program, supplement, or shiny solution

* whatever feels urgent in the moment

And over time, something painful happens — They stop responding to themselves.

This is how you can be constantly busy… And still feel like you’re failing your own life.

Let’s break down the solution.

We’ve been sold a very limited idea of self-care.

Self-care as:

* pedicures

* spa days

* vacations

* “treat yourself” moments

Those things can be lovely — of course we deserve and should seek pleasure. The issue is when we use these “fixes” to buffer the disappointment, frustration, loneliness, confusion, exhaustion and fear that are constant companions as we enter midlife. There is more anxiety these days. You are not imagining it. Of course, it’s got to do with the large shift in hormones. Doesn’t everything???? But these distraction won’t change your life. They are just… distractions.

Even taking a yoga class… which I hope you do… can be symptomatic of what we call “spiritual bypassing”. I see this a lot in my world. People to do the practices like yoga, meditation, attend retreats… but back in every day life, they still feel fear as to how to navigate grief, anger, loneliness, boredom, relationship challenges.

I freely admit that I fell into this category for decades. There was “yoga Cheryl” and “party Cheryl”. Psychologists call the resulting confusion and conflict in my mind “cognitive dissonance”. This happens when we really believe and value one type of behaviour (like teaching yoga) but then engage in a conflicting type of behaviour (like drinking way too much wine).

Spoiler alert: this will factor into one of our 3 strategies later.

And it’s digging myself out of cognitive dissonance and lovingly embracing tapas that helped me find my direction in my 60’s. And I can help you discover what you really want and how to arrange your life to support that change through the SHE Mindfulness Program. Keep listening and I’ll explain more of the how it works.

Truth bomb… seriously.

True self-care is structural.It’s not about escaping your life — it’s about building one you don’t need to escape from.

Real self-care is:

* knowing what you actually want

* protecting it with your time and energy

* and showing up for the small, boring, unglamorous steps — even when no one is watching

But we think of self-discipline as:

* white-knuckling

* forcing yourself

* being harsh or rigid

* “what’s wrong with me that I can’t stick to this?”

And that, in my opinion, is more self aggression. And in what universe does yelling, name calling, threats of physical violence and denial of affection yield positive results? Sounds like old school parenting (spare the rod, spoil the child stuff).

And yet, this is how we treat ourselves when our shoulders ache in the middle of the night, rupturing our sleep cycle. Or when the scale is up again this week.

So let’s reframe self care and ditch our preconceptions about self discipline.

This is where tapas comes in.

Tapas is one of the niyamas. This is one of the limbs of the 8 branched tree of classical yoga practice. These kinds of practices are hardly mentioned in your hot yoga class but they have always been considered to be fundamental to the true practice of yoga.

There are five niyamas, all qualities that the ancients sought to encourage us to develop deeper relationships with.

Tapas asks us to get passionate. About ourselves and our dreams.

Think about something that really gets ya right in the heart centre. Is it your kid? Grandchild? Pet? Family cottage? Something or someone that deeply matters to you. You’d do anything for them or it. Now you’re accessing passion.

Tapas wants you to turn that passion back on yourself. That level of care, concern, awareness, motivation to support or improve. You deserve and must have that passionate gaze. And the practice of tapas connects your heart to your experience now.

Tapas is self-trust in action.

It’s the practice of not abandoning yourself.

Every time you say to yourself:“I’ll start tomorrow”“I’ll do it when things calm down”“I’ll get back to that when everyone else is okay”

Every time my friend chooses to scroll to book vacations rather than do her physio, she dies a little inside. Every time my other friend watches a cat video instead of doing her daily food plan, she abandons herself yet again.

You teach your nervous system one thing:

My needs are negotiable. This isn’t my priority.

Tapas is the opposite message:

I matter enough to follow through.

Tapas is often translated as discipline, heat, or inner fire.

But tapas is not punishment. It’s the sacred heat that comes from consistent effort aligned with your values.

Tapas is what happens when you:

* commit to something meaningful

* stay present through discomfort

* and let small, repeated actions transform you from the inside out

Tapas builds confidence, clarity, and vitality — not because life gets easier, but because you become more grounded.

And discipline is getting harder to access for us. Midlife isn’t the time of unlimited energy.

You’re managing:

* hormonal shifts

* changing roles

* Brain rewiring

* Insomnia

* More joint pain

So when discipline is framed as “do more, push harder,” of course it fails.

Tapas asks something different:

What is the smallest, most sustainable action that honours the woman you are becoming?

THREE STRATEGIES TO BUILD TAPAS (WITHOUT BURNOUT)

1. Shrink the Promise, Keep the Commitment

Stop making big emotional promises to your future self.

Instead of:“I’m going to totally eat healthy and work out every day.”

Try:“I will show up for 10 minutes, at the same time, most days.” This might mean— and in the SHE Mindfulness program and my mindful eating course, I do recommend starting with food planning — taking 5 - 10 minutes each morning to look at the day ahead and prioritize your goals. How are you going to get in enough protein? What about when you have a zoom call through lunch? Should I check the menu at the restaurant for the going away party later?

Instead of:

“I’m going to get the house organized”, try this week, I’m organizing one bathroom cupboard per day. Next month, move onto kitchen cupboards. Before you know it, closets get on the list.

I had a client who really needed to get a better job. She felt stuck because the economy was bad, there is ageism in the workplace, she’s newer in her community so networking is tough. These are real barriers.

You know how she found tapas here? By letting go of the big picture and focusing on one small change that would feel good… yoga twice a week. How could that help with job hunting? She knows that yoga supports a healthy mind and body. Committing to practicing at home 2x per week was something totally within her power. She loves how she feels on the mat. She brought passion to her decision. Love and caring. Her nervous system responded.

My client was amazed that when she kept up her commitment to yoga, her brain almost magically began noticing coincidences and ideas that had been totally off her radar before. All of a sudden, she felt more hopeful about getting a better job and that energy came with her to her interviews. She felt more motivated to put out the feelers and resumes.

Consistency builds enthusiasm — not the other way around. Motivation comes from momentum.

Tapas grows from keeping small promises repeatedly out of love and caring.

2. Create Structure That Protects Your Energy

Discipline isn’t about willpower — it’s about design. The same skills that you would bring to bear on planning your best friend’s surprise birthday or that amazing Thai vacation, put to use on yourself.

Tapas isn’t about just the love. It’s a lot about love. But there is this fire too. A deep passion to see something birthed. A deep caring about how things turn out. We always think about looking externally to find that kind of validation or affection… but girlfriend, it’s right here for you.

I know you can do this because I’ve watched us women single handedly manage families, work teams, soccer tournaments, Sunday schools. It’s our turn, my friend. Reapply those skills in your own life.

Like any successful manager, you want to utilize the assets you have to your best advantage.

Ask:

* What time of day supports me best?

* What distractions can I remove before they derail me?

* What decision can I make once, instead of every day?

Questions like this remove friction and reduce decision fatigue. At 8 am, you can do that food plan almost effortlessly. By 5:30 pm, starving and exhausted, you have made approximately 30,000 decisions and your executive brain is toast. Who could blame you for just ordering in pizza. I don’t!

If you have that leg workout on your calendar already, and you’ve previously used tapas to bring firey passion to the goal of aging strong, then you just push go. No decision required.

Planning smart… installing structure… is a way to love yourself. To practice tapas. Don’t expect that you’ll magically develop iron willpower in the moment. Because I promise you… when it comes time to make dinner, go to the gym, do the yoga… you won’t want to. I never do! My toddler brain tries everything to distract me. I have to have a higher calling. I have to really care about my priorities. There’s passion here.

3. Track Integrity, Not Outcomes

Midlife women often quit because they don’t see results fast enough.

“Is this working yet?” Have I lost weight? Did I make 6 figures this year? Is my house all organized?

Honestly…. Who cares? Because here’s the truth. Getting the thing (whatever it is … losing weight… better job…) will not make your life perfect. You will not be happy all the time. The human mind is not wired like that. Life is not like that.

The reason that you employ tapas and make the plans and practice self discipline as self care is BECAUSE of what you learn and experience a long the way.

The more important question is “How did I show up in integrity with myself today?” What were my wins today? What went really well today? How am I feeling about myself today?

Tapas builds when your self-worth is tied to showing up, not achieving. And the nervous system doesn’t read the scale or your income slips. Your nervous system learns from those feelings of satisfaction and compassion.

Let’s recap.

True self-care is structural.It’s not about escaping your life — it’s about building one you don’t need to escape from

This is the number one mistake I see my clients making. Escapism.

So how do you reclaim your power?

* Make commitments that you can follow through on. I’m always preaching small steps = sustainability.

* Create a plan that aligns with your true values. Don’t go with the crowd. You’re going to have to say no to some invites or shift the way things have always been done in service of change.

* Reward sticking to your commitments, not the final outcome. That’s what is going to build motivation.

Tapas is an ancient practice that guides you toward a more compassionate and productive relationship with your current life.

It isn’t about becoming someone new.

It’s about coming home to yourself — again and again — through small, faithful actions.

This is tapas.This is self-care.And this is how busy, exhausted women begin to feel successful again — not because they did more, but because they stopped letting themselves down.

If you would like support in this sort of work, the SHE Mindfulness Program offers a structured, step by step framework to lose that weight, get more sleep or tackle those squats. Tapas is built right in.

There comes a moment for many women when effort stops delivering results. You’re doing all the right things — working harder, staying capable, caring for everyone — and yet you feel stuck, exhausted, and frustrated.

In this conversation, I sat down with Leslie Gordon Christie of BUFF Nation to explore what really changes when women stop pushing and start listening. What unfolded was a deeply honest discussion about subconscious programming, nervous system regulation, embodiment, and the powerful questions that can quietly shift everything.

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When Hustle Stops Working

I asked Leslie to take us back to the moment she realized that pushing harder wasn’t the answer anymore.

She shared that this realization came early in her career while working as a television anchor and reporter. On the surface, everything looked successful — but internally she felt stressed, stuck, and disconnected. She didn’t yet understand how much her thinking patterns were shaping her experience.

What she noticed was a familiar spiral: the more she focused on frustration and what wasn’t working, the more entrenched those feelings became. Life began to feel like a snowball rolling downhill, gathering momentum in the wrong direction.

At the same time, she was navigating a divorce and returning to work after maternity leave. It was a moment of reckoning — the kind that forces you to either stay stuck or choose something different.

That was when she hired a coach and discovered something essential:Pushing, hustling, and driving harder only create more of the same. The real shift has to happen internally first.

Why External Fixes Aren’t Enough in Midlife

Leslie comes from a strong fitness and nutrition background, but her work today goes far beyond workouts and meal plans.

Like many women, she initially believed the external solution would be the fix — exercising more, doing better, trying harder. And while making time for yourself is important, the mistake many women make is assuming that external action alone creates lasting change.

What she learned is this:

Your habits create your results — and your habits are driven by your subconscious programming.

Until we understand and work with that internal operating system, real change remains out of reach.

Your Subconscious Is Running the Show

Research suggests that 96–98% of our behaviors and results are driven by subconscious patterns. In coaching, this is often referred to as our paradigm.

Leslie shared a powerful analogy:Imagine trying to take photos on a phone that’s out of storage space. The phone freezes or shuts down — not because it’s broken, but because it needs an upgrade.

We’re no different.

If we want new results, we need to upgrade our internal operating system so we have the capacity to receive and sustain change.

You can always tell what your subconscious program is by looking at your results.

The Exhausted High-Capacity Woman

This conversation struck close to home for me. I described a dear friend — incredibly capable, caring, and generous — who looks like she has it all together. Her home is immaculate, she shows up for everyone, and she never says no.

And yet:

* She doesn’t sleep

* She lives with chronic pain

* She’s emotionally exhausted

* She carries quiet resentment

* She keeps going anyway

So many women recognize themselves in this story.

Why do we do this to ourselves?

Leslie named it clearly: many women carry a deep, unconscious identity as the protector and caregiver. Over time, those roles — combined with outdated beliefs — become exhausting.

Which brings us to the five questions.

Five Powerful Questions That Change Everything

1. Where am I still playing small out of fear, not truth?

This question asks you to look honestly at the roles, habits, and stories you’re holding onto that no longer reflect who you’re becoming.

Often this shows up as:

* Turning down opportunities

* Minimizing your visibility

* Staying “safe” instead of seen

Before answering, Leslie suggests first asking:Who do I want to become now?

2. What parts of me have I been silencing or hiding?

Many women learned early on that certain parts of themselves weren’t welcome. Over time, those parts get buried — not healed.

There is tremendous freedom in acknowledging them with compassion.

At this stage of life, we have the wisdom and experience to meet ourselves honestly — and that can be a profound turning point.

3. What do I need more of — not just in my schedule, but in my soul?

This is a game-changing question.

What brings you joy, peace, and a sense of aliveness?

For me, when I asked this at 60, the answer was simple: connection. Not grand gestures — just more intentional moments of closeness, conversation, and presence.

Often, what we need more of is already within reach.

4. Who do I become when I fully trust myself?

If fear and doubt weren’t in charge:

* How would you speak?

* How would you move?

* How would you lead?

* How would you live?

I love reframing this as:What would I do if I knew I couldn’t fail?

So many women edit their dreams before they ever try — because they’ve never seen someone “like them” do it.

That’s not truth. That’s conditioning.

5. What is one bold step I’m ready to take in the next 30 days?

This isn’t about overhauling your life.

It’s about one courageous step:

* Investing in support

* Saying yes to an opportunity

* Taking a trip

* Beginning a new practice

One step forward — without overwhelm.

Coming Home to the Body

We also talked about embodiment — learning to feel emotions instead of overriding them.

So many women fear their emotions:What if I get overwhelmed? What if I can’t handle it?

Leslie’s approach is simple and grounded:

* Slow down

* Breathe (inhale 4, exhale 6)

* Notice where the emotion lives in the body

* Name it without judgment

When emotions are felt and moved through the body, they lose their power.

She also shared tools like Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) and personal mantras such as:

I am safe. I am guided. I receive.

These practices calm the nervous system and create space for clarity.

Why “Just Be Positive” Can Be Harmful

We touched on toxic positivity — the idea that negative emotions shouldn’t exist.

True growth doesn’t come from bypassing feelings. It comes from perspective, not suppression.

Every disappointment holds information. Not failure — feedback.

As Marianne Williamson says:If the bus doesn’t stop for you, it’s not your bus.

That doesn’t invalidate the experience. It simply invites a wider view.

Strength as Self-Trust, Not Punishment

We also reframed strength training — especially for midlife women.

Exercise doesn’t need to be punishment.Our bodies want cooperation, collaboration, and partnership.

Some days that means strength training.Other days it means walking or resting.

Strength becomes an act of self-respect — a way of helping the body work for you, not against you.

Is It Ever Too Late?

The idea that “it’s too late” is just another inherited program.

Leslie shared the famous pot roast story — habits passed down without questioning their original purpose. Many beliefs linger long after they’ve stopped serving us.

The real question isn’t Is it too late?It’s:

Is believing this serving you — or shrinking you?

Growth doesn’t stop at any age. When we stop growing, we feel stuck. When we choose expansion, we feel alive.

A Gentle Invitation

This conversation is a reminder that midlife isn’t a closing chapter — it’s a turning point.

If you’re feeling the call to slow down, listen inward, and take one brave step forward, trust that impulse.

It’s not too late.It never was.

What if feeling wildly alive in midlife had nothing to do with doing more — and everything to do with finally being seen?

If you’ve ever stood in front of your closet thinking, “I’ve lost myself,” this conversation might change the way you think about style, confidence, and visibility forever.

Welcome back to the Midlife Reset Podcast episode 47, where we explore what it really means to age strong — physically, emotionally, and energetically. I’m guiding 100’s of midlife women to losing weight, sleeping better and feeling more alive through this podcast and my online programs, like my free masterclass “5 Step Midlife Reset”. More details on that later.

Today’s conversation is such a treat. I’m joined by Mary Michele Nidiffer, a style coach with nearly two decades of experience who is helping midlife women stop shrinking, stop hiding, and start showing up as their most authentic selves.

Mary Michele is the creator of Live Wildly Alive, a philosophy and movement rooted in self-trust, self-expression, and visibility. Through her proprietary Style Finder ID system, she helps women reconnect not just with their style — but with who they are becoming in midlife.

In this episode, we talk about:

* Why so many women feel invisible in midlife

* The difference between fashion and true personal style

* How what you wear affects your confidence, energy, and presence

* And why reclaiming your style is an act of self-respect — not vanity

If you’re ready to stop feeling frumpy, tired, or unseen — and start feeling wildly alive — this episode is for you.

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Cheryl Gordon:So, Michelle, I’m so excited you’re here. Welcome to the Midlife Reset Podcast!

Mary Michele Nidiffer:Oh, thank you so much, Cheryl. I’m so excited to be here and chat with you.

Cheryl:You look beautiful today, as always. Michelle, I reached out to you because I love the name you’re using for your work right now. Tell us what you’re calling it.

Mary Michele:Thank you. I’m calling it Live Wildly Alive. It’s interesting—my mom actually asked me why I chose that name. I told her it’s been on my vision board for the past two years, because that’s how I want to feel. Not just alive. Not just awake. But wildly alive.

That phrase really resonates with the women I work with, especially midlife women. So many of them say they want to wake up feeling vibrant and invigorated again. It just clicked, and I thought, why not name it exactly what we’re all craving?

“Wildly alive” is such a great phrase.

Cheryl:I think a lot of us feel tired and worn down in midlife. We need inspiration, support, and community—and that’s exactly what you’re offering.

Let’s back up a bit. You’ve been a style coach for 18 years.

Mary Michele:Yes! And while that sounds like a long time, I honestly feel like I’ve been doing this my entire life. I started sewing when I was about five or six, and I had this deep knowing even then that I was meant to be a designer.

I spent years in the clothing design industry, and one thing led to another. My personal journey ultimately brought me into style coaching, but it was really about the process I was guiding my clients through—not just the clothes.

Cheryl:So let’s talk about that.

If someone wanted to work with a style coach, how would you help them?

Mary Michele:I developed a proprietary system called the Style Finder ID. It’s similar to something like DISC, but for your style—and it goes much deeper. It looks at your personal style, your leadership style, your communication style, and even identifies visibility blocks—what’s keeping you stuck or holding you back from being seen.

I created it because so many women were coming to me saying, “I don’t have a style,” or “I’ve lost my style.” Style came naturally to me, but I realized most women weren’t taught how to identify or trust it. So I built a system—and it’s been about 99.9% accurate.

Women tell me it gives them clarity right away. It’s the starting point for everything I do.

Cheryl:You mentioned visibility blocks. What does that mean?

Mary Michele:I now call myself a visibility stylist because so many women—especially in midlife—tell me they feel invisible. A visibility block is something internal that keeps you from being fully seen.

For example, one of my primary style words is “dramatic.” Dramatics are meant to be seen. But for years, I didn’t feel safe being visible. I avoided the stage, felt uncomfortable speaking up, questioned whether I had the right to take up space.

Once I worked through that and understood that visibility was actually part of my purpose, everything shifted. Now I’m on stage all the time. Each Style Finder type has its own visibility blocks, and when women understand theirs, they can stop hiding and start showing up more fully.

Cheryl:I love awareness tools. Awareness is the first step to any real change.

What’s the difference between fashion and style?

Mary Michele:Fashion and style are polar opposites. Fashion is about trends—what’s coming down the runway. Style is about who you are.

Style isn’t about labels or wearing a head-to-toe outfit from one store. It’s about expressing yourself authentically. When your style aligns with who you are, you show up differently—you walk differently, speak differently, and feel more confident.

Cheryl:You can see that confidence when a woman walks into a room fully embodied in her style.

If you had to give a few basic guidelines for midlife women wanting to step into their style with confidence, what would you say?

Basic Guidelines for Midlife Style

Mary Michele:The first one is simple: trust yourself. If you put something on and it doesn’t feel good, don’t wear it.

Second, if it’s too small, don’t wear it. There’s nothing wrong with your body—your clothes are the problem. Trying to squeeze yourself into something makes you shrink energetically too.

Third, honor yourself. Wear things that light you up and fit your body now.

Fourth, wear color. Color is powerful. When you learn which colors make your eyes pop, your skin glow, your energy lift—it changes everything.

And finally, dress for who you truly are. Experiment. Give yourself permission to try things. If something doesn’t feel right, let it go. No guilt.

Cheryl:That really resonates. I’ve taught yoga for 25 years, and for a long time I wore basically pajamas to work. Over the years, I started being more intentional—even for teaching or going out for breakfast. It’s a way of honoring myself.

It’s not vanity. It’s self-respect.

Mary Michele:Exactly. What you wear tells the world who you are. Style speaks before words do—through color, texture, and how things are put together.

Style is storytelling. The jewelry from a friend, the ring from your grandmother—those pieces matter.

Cheryl:That’s the secret power of style.

You’re also working on a book, which I’m really excited about.

French Women Don’t Get Frumpy

Mary Michele:Yes, the book is called French Women Don’t Get Frumpy, coming out in 2026. I chose the word “frumpy” because it’s what women have been telling me for years. When I was in Paris last winter, I asked French women in midlife what their challenges were getting dressed—and they said they didn’t have any.

That sent me down a deep cultural exploration. France honors being over doing. They value rituals, sensuality, and slowing down. In contrast, American culture values hustle and burnout—and midlife women feel lost in that.

French women pivot. They update their hair, get jeans that fit, and keep going—with confidence and joy.

Cheryl:I’ve seen that even in Quebec—the joie de vivre, the confidence. It’s inspiring.

And people don’t have to wait until 2026 to access your work, right?

Mary Michele:That’s right. I created the Paris Atelier membership, where I release a chapter each month along with audio, journal prompts, style tips, and behind-the-scenes content. The conversations there are incredible—it’s really about reimagining midlife.

Beep! Beep! Delivery coming in! That’s what insulin sounds like in your body. If you’ve been hearing a lot of buzz lately about insulin resistance and think that your menopause belly might have something to do with that… stay tuned.

Today I want to make it super easy to understand what this hormone does for you, why you should care and offer 7 fast, simple ways to balance your blood sugar.

I know you’ve heard it all before. Insulin is a hormone manufactured in your pancreas and it is responsible for moving glucose into your cells. Yawn. Do I need to know this for the test, right?

Here’s the way I finally started to get the real low down on insulin. With a story!

A Love Story

Let’s say you eat a really wonderful meal. All that fuel is digested and your body has a brilliant shipping and receiving system set up. Way better than Amazon even. It gets the nutrients to the places you need them in record time.

That wonderful meal contained proteins, fats and carbohydrates. Each one of the macronutrients has its own special pathway. The carbs are quick fuel for your system. As soon as possible, the molecules are converted to glucose (otherwise known as sugar) and your body races to get these energy packed nuggets to where your body requires get up and go.

Carbs are all the bread, pasta, rice, muffins, syrup, jam, popcorn, chips, starchy vegetables, legumes, candy, soda…. Your body absolutely needs carbs to provide that quick energy.

Ok… so you ate that gorgeous meal and you have glucose ready to go. Can you picture all the little sugar molecules dressed for a hot date and waiting for the Uber? Bazillions of little molecules, lookin’ hot and just floating around.

Ahhhh. Here comes their specialized Uber now. Insulin! Wow he’s lookin’ hot! Bazillions of insulin molecules pull up and load the glucose. Woot! Woot! We’re on the road, looking for a hot spot to kick up our heels.

Now the best place for a zesty glucose molecule to hang would be muscle tissue. That’s where the real action is. But, sometimes, muscle tissue isn’t really rocking. Maybe it’s sleep time. Or just a really good Netflix documentary for like 4 hours. Not much movement so muscles really don’t feel like hooking up.

Poor glucose! I guess a bit like being a wall flower.

Anyway…. There are other options for this hang out. Glucose can head to the liver or be stored in fat tissue. These are not first choices but hey, a girls’ gotta do what a girls’ gotta do.

Labour Troubles

As the Uber (our insulin hormones) pulls up at the storage facility, either the liver or the fat tissue, ambitious warehouse guys figure out how to pile it all in. But these guys get cranky with a lot of overwork. If that glucose keeps flooding in, day in and day out, they start grumbling… “why doesn’t that muscle do it’s part???”. They start a little work to rule. They stop responding to unload the glucose from the Uber (insulin) and so the Uber keeps driving around and around. Can’t get out of the loop. Stuck in the blood stream.

This my friends is insulin resistance. Your warehouse guys are on work to rule…they’re burnt out. Storage gets really sloppy which means a lot more fat in places that you would not choose. Liver gets congested which causes a big commotion with our skin, hair, digestion. Ack!

And your doctor warns you that your blood sugars are running high. Which puts you at risk for cardiac disease, diabetes and Alzheimers.

And you know the really frustrating part?

There’s really an excess of glucose available out there. Lots of hotties lookin’ for love. But due to the inventory management debacle, our warehouse guys practically on strike, the body THINKS we need more energy. It takes a lot of calories to run this gorgeous machine that we call the human body, especially our amazing brains.

And the brain has got a big procedural manual. Developed over your whole lifetime, even in times way before your daddy winked at your mommy. In this tome, your brain has experience that if we need quick glucose, send up a flashy billboard to attract the ladies. You experience this sordid attempt at romance as a craving.

It FEELS like you have low blood sugar. You feel hungry even. At least peckish. It’s probably not an actual meal time so you just grab what’s easy and appeals to you. Which will almost always be a simple sugar like a donut in the break room, a granola bar from the bottom of your purse, an iced coffee, a bag of doritos. Your very smart brain knows that those sort of cravings get answered quickly and dependably.

Unfortunately, the brain does not read the press releases from your warehouse guys and knows little about that labour unrest. It doesn’t know that the warehouses are in a sloppy mess and there is plenty of glucose and love to go around. It will default to the quickest and more habitual solution. Carb craving.

This is so interesting to watch. I’ve been using mindfulness tools to really try and feel this happening in real time in my own body. I’ve written a free guide to mindful eating that I’d love to share with you.

Remember… this is not the fault of your insulin. The poor Uber drivers are just following the app, right? They aren’t responsible for the extra fuel we’ve ingested. They can’t make the muscles do more. They can’’t solve the labour problems in the warehouses. They just drive the glucose girls around. It’s supply and demand, man.

You know who can solve this whole mess? YOU!

The Exciting Part of the Story

The part where you fly in wearing a super hero cape and save yourself from all those horrid chronic diseases. Wow, you’re amazing!

Some really simple shifts in your habits can solve all that labour unrest. You can reduce the number of girls out there looking for love. You can get those muscles to do their part. It’s all just common sense really.

Here are 7 Simple Habits

These will reduce insulin sensitivity and your risk of cardiac disease, diabetes, Alzheimers and so many other nasty and annoying conditions we thought we due to aging. But it’s really just an energy mis-match.

The first two tips address the muscle movement problem.

1. Take a 1000 steps post meal. This equals about 10 minutes strolling casually. This is not a power walk. It’s not about burning calories. In fact, research shows that delaying your walk 30 minutes post meal and going longer is actually less helpful. This works because the large muscle groups you move walking will signal the Uber to drop the glucose ladies with them instead of going to the warehouse. Already your labour troubles are eased.

2. Another movement trick… calf raises. There’s something about those calf muscles that really attract the ladies. All it takes is 10 up on the toes and down with the heels done quite quickly. Really pulls in the glucose.

Now, how can you reduce the glucose hit without giving up all the carbs that you absolutely do need?

3. Eat the protein and veg first during your meal. These macronutrients take longer to break down so glucose will be delayed. Absence makes the heart grow fonder! The warehouse guys will have more time to get organized.

4. Consider eating the salad first and use apple cider vinegar dressing. It’s so simple to make… 1/3 vinegar, 2/3 olive oil and salt & pepper to taste. You can get fancy and add a dollop of dijon mustard or a bit of honey but it’s so basic. If you’re not eating salad this meal, you can take 1 T vinegar in 8oz room temp water. That’s great first thing in the morning. The acetic acid in the vinegar boosts the power of your digestion. Breaks the glucose down more thoroughly so the stomach empties well. Sluggish digestion really confuses the Uber drivers.

And the timing of your meals is important. In my mindful eating guide, I’ll explain how to plan effectively so the whole when to eat and what to eat becomes effortless.

5. Because your warehouse guys are fresher in the morning, shift your eating window earlier in the day. Before they get too tired and cranky. Meals ideally are spread over 10 - 12 hours per day. The remaining hours without glucose going into the system allow the warehouse to get better organized. And it might even stimulate the stores of fat to give up a few glucose goodies when the brain realizes that cravings just won’t get them the love. But your brain will DEFINITELY try the cravings first. It’s science.

6. Which brings us to, yes, breakfast may be the most important meal of the day. Skipping that first meal tends to bring on greater blood sugar spikes at lunch. The wild Uber ride gets the girls just too excited and the whole system is destabilized.

So many people just don’t feel hungry at breakfast or they lack time to make anything substantial. Remember… you don’t have to rely on cereal or toast. You can eat leftovers. A really good hit of protein and fibre first thing will set up your digestion for a stellar day. I know everyone is pushing the protein…and it’s not the be all end all… but if you’re looking at about 30 grams at breakfast, you’re well set. This would be 3 eggs, whole grain toast with nut butter and a bit of Greek yogurt. Which probably sounds like a lot of food. But in mindful eating, we don’t count calories. We look at eating smart. Timing your protein is smart. I have a smoothie most mornings with pea protein power, almonds, kefir, ground flax seed and greens. I don’t think I hit 30 grams but I’m close. On days that I lift weights, I’ll add a homemade protein bar which clocks in at about 8 grams. These kind of details don’t matter to the glucose girls. They just need the Ubers to show up on time and the muscles to be ready to rock n roll.

7. And I bet you guessed that I’d get around to stress. How can I yoga therapist address insulin resistance without that conversation? Cause it’s huge!

Simply put, when you are experiencing chronic stress (and who isn’t these days???), your body produces cortisol. That’s the stress hormone everyone talks about. But it’s real. Stress hormones are meant to support your body to fight or flee. Which means those muscles may need to spring into action. So your super smart body, when there’s cortisol rising, signals the warehouse guys in the liver to ship out some glucose girls. Which would be amazing IF the muscles were actually going to fight or flee. But highly likely they’re not. We’re exhausted. We’re stressed. We’re too busy. It’s all just too hard. So the glucose girls are once again floating around in their Ubers looking for love in all the wrong places. Which means… higher blood sugar numbers even if you watched your diet!

How depressing is that! You resisted the carbs cravings… which spiked your stress hormones… which upped your blood sugar anyway. Ugh!

I really hope you look at my mindful eating program. I have a free guide to get you started but if you really want to get to the bottom of this mis-match, the SHE Mindfulness program takes it deep. We look at the stress in your life. Go further into the hormone mess. Create structure and support to tackle all this. You don’t have to do it alone. Drop me a comment and we can talk more.

It’s the new year. Big plans. What if doubling down on those resolutions… really gritting your teeth and going for it… pushing really hard… was the opposite of what really works?

Today I want to offer a magic formula, well it seems magic at first, for breaking through long time barriers and discovering a natural well of motivation and momentum. I’ll give you 3 ways to slay your goals this year and it’s definitely not what you think.

Are you hoping this is permission to just give up? Slack off?

Hell, no, my friend. This is a rally call to get you pumped, motivated and slaying it.

But not how we’ve been doing it.

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Think back to your days at work. Push, push, push. Always looking ahead and feeling more behind by the minute. And then you went home to a whole new level of insanity. Never enough hours in the day.

For me, I just got totally lost in all that. Forgot the sound of my own voice. Forgot what brought me joy. Forgot how to say “I don’t want to”.

When We Lose our Voice

I heard some research the other day. At age 9, little girls are very similar to little boys. They confidently assert what game or food or whatever that they want. They own up to what they want to be when they grow up. By age 11, little girls are beginning to waffle a bit. “I think…” is used much more often than with boys. And by age 13? Girls are much more likely to respond with, “what do you think or want?”. We lose our voice in our socialized pressure to please and nurture others.

No wonder we get to 50 or 60 years old and feel lost. We’re so accustomed to just doing what needs to be done… serving others… that when life changes (which it does, right, at our age?), it feels like someone has changed not only the board in this game but all the rules too.

I was raised with the idea that looking after others’ needs would be how I stayed valuable. It’s how I earned love. My worth could be measured by the number of people who depended on me.

Is Keeping Busy Avoiding your Life?

I complained about how busy I was but secretly, I felt needed. Like I was part of something. I had no down time but that was ok. It felt pretty scary when the house got quiet and there was nothing between me and the snack cupboard. Staying busy was a great buffer so I didn’t have to really think or feel for myself.

What typically happens when you hit the hormonal tsunami of menopause, however, is that busy pace gets harder and harder to support. You’re not sleeping well, you’re not digesting and assimilating minerals well, you’ve been depleting yourself for decades now.

Looking back, I wonder what on earth I thought was going to happen?

But I honestly had no idea how menopause was going to feel. I had always held it together for everyone so I guess I assumed I always would???

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Menopause is an Invitation to Reset

Here’s what I really want to share. Aging feels different than being 30. Chasing that old “burn the candle at both ends” energy is futile and self aggressive. We can be wiser. And I want to give you three ways to achieve your goals without burnout and that desperate energy.

Longtime listeners have heard me share before how, at the age of 60, I lost weight, started an online school and this podcast, calmed fractious family dynamics and welcomed the most exciting years of my life.

And this was through being kinder to myself in so many ways. That’s the simple truth.

Part of the process (I share more in my free “5 Step Midlife Reset” Masterclass which I’ll link to in the show notes) was more effectively utilizing therapeutic rest.

Here’s the typical scenario. After a full day of holding everyone else and their s**t together, you finally collapse on the couch with the remote in one hand and a glass of wine in the other. This is your “down time”. Your reward for slugging it out all day. Although quite enjoyable, it is not truly supercharging your depleted battery. In fact, the action movie and alcohol may interfere with that all important sleep later tonight. I mean, you know this intellectually but you’re too damn tired to change anything about it.

Been there.

The result of decades of this coping was uncontrolled weight gain, interrupted sleep, anxiety, joint pain and just feeling like everything that felt normal before did not anymore. I didn’t fit with my friends like before. I didn’t know what to do about work. Everything kind of pissed me off to be honest.

I finally reached out and got some help. Many of those teachings are assembled in the SHE Mindfulness Program. You can get a taste of the whole approach in the free masterclass, “5 Step Midlife Reset”.

All the well meaning advice and the most fantastic tools mean nothing if you are as depleted as I was. Most of us are, girlfriend. We grind into menopause with exhausted adrenals, low grade chronic health concerns and no time to pause and take a wider look.

This is the superpower that we all have. This is what I want to hone in on today. Therapeutic relaxation.

The Power of the Pause

Hear this: relaxation will get you to your goals (be it losing weight, building a business or fixing a relationship) BECAUSE it creates a grounded state that feels connected, safe and capable.

An exhausted nervous system cannot support new learning. It can’t afford any resources to shift to better habits. It can’t grasp the new concept necessary to motivate a new behaviour.

Knowing all this, which I knew very well as a yoga therapist, you might understandably ask, “Cheryl, why didn’t you just rest more?”

It seems so clear in hindsight. I know the research. I taught the practices. I have a nice space all set up in my house.

Over the years, I have seen so many clients who had all the resources but still failed to put the tool into practice. And that’s me too.

We get so accustomed to the hamster wheel that we just don’t see the forest for the trees. That’s why I needed to reach out for help. And why you, as a powerful over achiever, may need to as well.

So if you just take a little more time on the courch with the remote, will that magically make all your dreams come true?

I’m so sorry. But no.

What I’m suggesting is that we use relaxation strategically. It’s not a free pass to slack off.

In order to achieve your dreams, you will need to show up. It will involve planning, journalling, exercising, researching, trying new things and so much more. Which sounds exhausting right?

It can be if you are just grinding away, using sheer willpower and self aggression.

What softens all that grasping energy is the self care, self compassion and gentler self talk. We find our way to this energy by taking rest.

3 Ways to Harness the Power

Here are the three ways that you can strategically insert therapeutic relaxation into your day to support motivation, momentum and lasting change.

* Mindfulness snacks

These are small breaks in the flow of your daily living that take about 5 minutes or less. One of my favourite is the 3 minute breathing space. We can practice right now together. Unless you’re driving. Comfortable seat…. Become aware of your body, sensations, thoughts, mood, energy level…. Reorient attention to movements of breath in the body…. Keeping breath in the background of your awareness, open lens to encompass all sensation, thought and emotion again. Notice any shift.

Why this works: we shift our brains from being “in the weeds” to watching the weeds. It takes activity out of the amygdala and more reactive areas of the brain to the pre-frontal cortex where our executive function lives. Literally, more of our brain become available to utilize.

Consistency is key. Regular practice trains us in the witness capability. Waiting until you are frazzled or upset is too late.

Other snacks could be a quick meditation or breathing break. The key to remember is you don’t have to jump out of your life or leave other activities entirely in order to reset your brain.

2. A Restorative Pose

My biorhythm is low energy in late afternoon. This is when we typically reach for a coffee, candy bar or glass of wine. I wanted stay on track with my health goals so I decided to give myself the gift of 15 minutes at 4 pm-ish every day.

You maybe have a favourite restorative yoga pose from class. One of the easiest things I’ve found is throwing my legs up the couch. I put an eye pillow on (I keep one in the freezer to reduce puffiness as an added bonus… this can also help some headaches). And maybe a throw pillow under my head. Maybe some soft music (or yoga chanting) on the headphones. Invite Natalie to snuggle. Set my phone timer for 10 - 20 minutes. And then just do it. Just lie there.

The first few times, other people in the house thought I was ill. Some of my clients rebel against the impression that they need a nap, like old people. Most of us feel the pressure to finish getting the day’s tasks done.

And it does feel awkward to just lie around in the middle of the day. Nothing between me and my thoughts but an eye pillow. Ack!

But I’ve come to treasure that respite. Because I have read the research on the power of the pause but to actually see how my life is reshaping BECAUSE I drop out regularly… well it’s amazing.

Why it works: As the day progresses, your unconscious or habit brain is called upon to handle more and more decision making. Brains take a lot of energy to run. And habits are more energy efficient. Trying something new is exhausting. This little recharge for the body and mind will armour you for the decisions facing you in the evening ahead. What to cook for dinner, how much to eat or drink, whether to snack, should you pick a fight with your husband… all these decisions will be more in alignment with your goals if you are slightly more rested.

3. Stretch breaks

It’s not big news that your body feels tension and gets contracted from it. Most of us associate stretching with a full yoga class or at the gym after exercise. Wonderful on both counts.

But every little worry, every sideways glance, every loud noise…. It’s all being registered and stored in your physical body.

You know hours at your desk or being locked driving long distances can leave you stiff and sore. But all this can be shifted with small movement breaks.

Not only will you ease that stiffness BUT you’ll have the amazing brain benefit of clearer thinking and more energy.

Let’s try it right now. Stand up (if it’s safe to do so) and rise up onto the balls of your feet and then lower your heels a couple times. Inhale, stretch your arms out to the sides and exhale give yourself a little hug. Swing your arms to one side and then the other a few times. Stretch to the side and then the other. Take a deep breath or two. Notice how you feel now.

Why this works: the neurochemical signature of every thought/emotion is stored in your system. This is a brilliant survival strategy. If anything like this every happens again in your life, your brain can send out the reactionary hormones much faster on automatic pilot. So there is huge vault of all the sensory experiences you have ever had in your mind. And if you ever smell that smell or hear that sound again, the body will start to react almost instantaneously. That’s A LOT of physical stuff going on unconsciously moment to moment. And the body gets weary.

A little stretching like we just did loosens up the relationships. Gives the brain newer, more pleasant and relaxing data to work with. It can stop the exhaustion that comes with all the bracing and tension.

Let’s recap.

Training your relaxation response equals easier learning, more creativity, clarity and calm. Pushing and grinding create the opposite state of mind. To achieve our goals and dreams, soften and strategically insert therapeutic rest on a consistent basis.

We talked about 3 different tools, but there are so many. The 3 minute breathing space… a restorative yoga pose and stretching breaks.

It doesn’t really matter what you do as long as you remember the true reason you’re doing these things. You are nurturing yourself. Opening space for more self compassion. Working with your natural wiring instead of straining against it.

If you would like to learn more about this wisdom, 5 Step Midlife Reset is a grounded, sensible series of sustainable changes that can provide the springboard to deeper work. Get it free and watch as often as you like.

Are you feeling embarrassed and old because you leak when you laugh, jump, or cough? Me too. And I got tired of saying no to things like group hikes or going dancing.

My guest and I are both “women of a certain age” who have found the answers to embarrassing leaks and demoralizing diapers. We’ve helped hundreds of women find freedom from bladder accidents. Today, we’re going to give you the five basic tools to bring your bladder back from the brink.

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By the time you’re done with this podcast, you’ll be able to confidently ask your healthcare team for the support you need to start rehabbing your plumbing.

Welcome to Episode 44 of the Midlife Reset Podcast. I’m your host, Cheryl Gordon. I’m a yoga therapist and mindfulness coach, and today, we’re going to bring clarity to why your pelvic floor bottoms out in midlife—and share the astonishingly simple answers that help you get your confidence back.

Please welcome my guest, Kim Wenger-Hall, from Flourishing Third Wellness. She’s a fellow yoga teacher, certified health coach, and artist specializing in pelvic floor health, chair yoga, and art therapy. She’s dedicated the last ten years to educating women about their pelvic floor. Rooted in evidence-based practices, she provides tools, insights, and community to navigate aging as a vibrant, expansive chapter—not a countdown of years, but a celebration of what’s possible. Welcome, Kim! I’m really pumped to have this conversation.

Kim: I am too! I’m a little nervous—it’s only my second podcast ever.

Cheryl: Well, welcome!

Kim: Thank you.

Cheryl: Now, we promised listeners that we’re going to deliver five things many people don’t know about keeping their plumbing bouncy and responsive. Such an important topic, right?

Kim: Yes! It’s really remarkable. I never thought I’d focus so much of my work on pelvic floor health, but honestly, 90% of the traffic on my website, my classes, and my courses is about pelvic floor health—mostly incontinence. Never in my wildest dreams did I think my high school classmates would be seeing post after post about bladder leaks… but this is the conversation we need to be having. Nobody talked about this with us earlier.

The biggest takeaway I give people is that pelvic floor issues—bladder leaks, prolapse, diastasis recti, all of it—are pressure management problems. Maybe you’re loading improperly, maybe you’re not strong enough in certain areas, maybe you’re disconnected mind-to-body. It comes down to managing pressure. And when we learn to manage our stressors—both the physical ones and the emotional ones like politics, finances, relationships—it makes all the difference. There is a finite amount of pressure your pelvic floor can withstand.

Cheryl: And we’re going to look at this today through a yoga lens, which doesn’t get talked about nearly enough. I’ve had other guests speak about hormones or pelvic floor physiotherapy, but today we’re focusing on yoga—holistic, integrated, whole-body.

1. Thoracic Spine Mobility

Cheryl: First thing—and hardly anyone talks about this—is your thoracic spine. That middle part of your back around the shoulder blades. Why is that so important for what’s going on “down south”?

Kim: Great question. Think about the diaphragm up here and the pelvic floor down here. As we inhale, the diaphragm drops and the pelvic floor softens and lengthens. They manage pressure together in three dimensions.

Wherever the breath can’t expand, the pressure has to go somewhere. The body will always prioritize breathing—if we stop breathing, we die. So if your upper back is tight, the body compensates: shoulders creep up, ribs flare out, low back strains, or we round forward more just to get a breath in.

As we age, we tend to round forward. The vertebrae usually shrink on the front side, which leads to that classic “old lady hunchback.” Many of us even developed this posture as teenagers if we were trying to hide our breasts.

Cheryl: And now we spend hours at desks, which restricts our diaphragm and affects pelvic floor movement. So what’s the fix?

Kim: Building resilience in the thoracic spine. We need mobility in the shoulder blades and mobility in the thoracic spine. That includes chest strength, subscapular strength, and bringing the head back in space—something we’ll talk about shortly.

Cheryl: So something like cat-cow is great for this?

Kim: Yes, absolutely. Simple yoga postures make a big difference.

2. Core Strength—But Not Sit-Ups

Cheryl: Okay, the second thing people get confused about: core strength. Why is it so important for pelvic floor function? And what about sit-ups?

Kim: No! No sit-ups.

Cheryl: Sit-ups are stupid, right?

Kim: They only work the rectus abdominus—the six-pack—and they pull us forward. They don’t access the obliques or the transversus abdominuis, the wrap-around muscles that provide diagonal support and stability. And when we aggressively cinch the belly in—navel to spine—the diaphragm can’t move. So the pelvic floor gets confused and overloaded with pressure.

Cheryl: And that’s when the pelvic floor gives out.

Kim: Exactly. Instead, find core engagement that still allows the diaphragm and ribs to move. Breath first, then core. My favourite cue is “waistline back” instead of “navel to spine.” You can still breathe into that.

Everything becomes core work—plank, downward dog, chaturanga, even standing poses—when we allow gentle engagement paired with breath.

3. Forward Head Posture (Texting Head)

Cheryl: Let’s get into texting head. Forward head posture. Why does this affect the pelvic floor?

Kim: Everything is connected. Fascia wraps around the entire body. The spine functions best in its natural curves. When the head drops forward—even just 11 pounds of weight out of alignment—the whole core tank. The body has to compensate to keep us from falling forward. Often that compensation comes from the low back or hip flexors.

Cheryl: In yoga, we cue people to align the head with the spine, but I often see people in forward folds letting the head drop and losing their natural curves. So one simple fix is: keep your head aligned as you move.

Kim: Exactly. When the head moves out of alignment, pressure management goes out the window.

4. Pelvic Tilt

Cheryl: On to pelvic tilt. What’s going on here?

Kim: Neutral pelvis is when the front hip points are in line with the pubic bone. Anterior tilt—we’re spilling forward, crunching the low back. Posterior tilt—the femurs jam forward, glutes grip, everything clenches. Either way, the pelvic floor gets confused.

Cheryl: The high-heeled posture is classic anterior tilt. Pregnancy often exaggerates posterior tilt. Neither one is mountain pose.

Kim: Exactly. Notice your pelvis in yoga poses. Are you dipping forward in a lunge? Tucking under in standing poses? Either habit limits breath and core function. It’s not that you can’t move into those tilts—it’s that you want to do them mindfully.

5. Nervous System State

Cheryl: And finally, number five—maybe the most important: what does my autonomic nervous system have to do with my bladder?

Kim: When we’re disconnected from our bodies and living in a state of constant stress, the brain prioritizes survival—not bladder control. If your brain thinks you’re dealing with threats—emails, money, relationships—your muscles tense, preparing to fight or flee.

One major player here is the psoas. It’s a hip flexor and postural stability muscle that shares fascial attachments with the diaphragm and travels all the way down into the thigh bone. Because of this connection, the psoas becomes deeply involved in our fight-or-flight response.

Pre-modern humans used the psoas to sprint away from danger. But today, we activate it during everyday stress—when a tense email comes in, when we’re stuck in traffic, even just sitting in the car can mimic the “ready to run” stance. Our nervous system has been practicing stress for thousands of years. It thinks, “Oh, something’s wrong? Great, I know exactly what to do!” And it holds tension—sometimes chronically.

That tension limits our body’s ability to manage pressure. Then the body gets stuck in a loop: it knows how to hold pressure, but it forgets how to let go. The muscles get tight, then tired, then confused because they’re no longer moving with the breath.

That’s why we always come back to breath. Yoga is so powerful because it’s breath-oriented—we explore a three-dimensional inhale and exhale, feeling the whole body expand and contract. Whenever that expansion can’t happen, the question becomes: What can I shift? What can I change? How can I rebalance pressure management?

That includes stress management. Am I holding my breath? Am I pulling my navel to my spine as a coping mechanism?

Am I clenching my jaw?

Cheryl: Kim, what’s your favourite yoga posture for releasing the psoas?

Kim: Probably something restorative, lying on your back.

Cheryl: Talk my language, girlfriend!

Kim: I thought you’d like that. Imagine lying over a bolster with your hips slightly elevated, and then gently letting one leg lengthen and soften toward the floor. It gives a beautiful sense of length through the psoas. A sandbag on the hip can feel wonderful too. Just make sure your pelvis is neutral or slightly tipped forward if that gives you more space.

Cheryl: I’ve got to go do that right now.

One thing I often recommend, especially if someone doesn’t have a lot of props or is short on time, is simply putting their legs up on the couch or a chair and breathing. Just letting the pelvic floor move in sync with the diaphragm and letting it do its job.

Resources:

The Decoder is a clickable PDF that helps women recognize signs of pelvic floor dysfunction beyond the obvious ones like incontinence, prolapse, or diastasis recti. Many people don’t realize things like tailbone pain, sitting bone pain, hip flexor tightness, or upper back stiffness can also be related. Even symptoms like pain with tampon insertion or plantar fasciitis can be connected.

Everything is connected.

This tool helps women go, “Oh, I never realized these things belong together.” You can take it right to your physical therapist and say, “Here’s what I’ve noticed—can we unravel this together?”

Cheryl: It helps you connect the dots, right?

Kim: Exactly. And that’s the good news and the bad news: everything is connected. But it all starts with breath and pressure management, just like we’ve been talking about.

Cheryl: Kim also has a 7-day pelvic floor challenge, plus amazing resources on her website for improving thoracic spine mobility—something we now know is essential for pelvic floor health.

Kim, thank you so much for sharing your wisdom, your experience, and your heart.

Kim: I love the work we do, and I’m so glad we connected. I’ve been listening to your previous guests and thinking, “Oh my goodness—everything really is connected!”

Cheryl: Share this podcast with your friends, everyone. I’ve met so many brilliant people through these conversations, and there is so much wisdom here. Kim, thank you again for joining me. I hope we can collaborate more in the future.

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What if menopause wasn’t an ending… but the beginning of your second spring?

For most of us raised in Western culture, menopause has been framed as decline, loss, disruption, or at best, something to “get through.” But in Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM), menopause is not a problem to fix — it’s a natural turning point. A gateway. A season of renewal.

This week on the Midlife Reset Podcast, I spoke with Clarissa Kristjansson, an expert in TCM and Qigong for women. If you’re tired of pushing, striving, and powering through, this conversation is your invitation to soften and rediscover your natural rhythm.

And I have to say: Clarissa embodies what she teaches. She joined me in the midst of an international move — calm, grounded, and centered. Proof that these ancient practices work.

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The Chinese Medicine View: Menopause as “Second Spring”

In TCM, women’s lives unfold in seven-year cycles — each building toward a new phase of wisdom and vitality. Menopause marks what is called the second spring, a chapter meant to be spacious, reflective, and rich with possibility.

Compare that to the Western approach, where menstruation is treated like an inconvenience, postpartum recovery is rushed, and perimenopause is marketed as something to fear or suppress.

Clarissa put it simply:

“Menopause is not an illness. But the imbalances we carry into it can make the transition harder than it needs to be.”

Instead of forcing the body to behave like it did at 25, TCM invites us to honor how energy naturally shifts as we move through life.

If we’ve spent decades overriding these cycles — hustling, overworking, skipping rest, pushing through PMS, postpartum, burnout — midlife becomes the moment when all that catching up wants to happen at once.

No wonder so many women feel blindsided.

Why We Feel So Off: The Seasons Within Us

TCM teaches that nature’s seasons live inside the body:

Spring — rising energy, renewalSummer — peak activityLate Summer — grounding, stabilizingAutumn — releaseWinter — deep rest + restoration

Women experience these cycles monthly, yearly, and over the course of a lifetime. But modern life ignores these rhythms completely. We’re eating fridge-cold breakfasts in January, sprinting through 12-hour days, over-scheduling, under-resting, and calling it normal.

So when midlife arrives — a natural decline in yin and jing — the body is already depleted. That’s when symptoms show up: hot flashes, insomnia, anxiety, bloating, mood swings, dryness, brain fog.

Not because menopause is a problem. But because we didn’t honor the seasons on the way here.

The Hidden Cost of Modern Coping

I shared with Clarissa that I hit menopause at 57 — exhausted, burned out, and overcompensating with wine, rich food, bootcamp yoga classes, restrictive diets, and too much travel.

These coping mechanisms are common. They also destabilize the system.

Alcohol, overstimulation, constant output, and emotional suppression all drain yin — the grounding, cooling, restorative force that midlife depends on.

TCM says what we already know deep down: We aren’t meant to live in a perpetual summer.

Eating for Balance: Warm, Moist, Gentle

One of the biggest TCM recommendations for midlife women is deceptively simple: warm, lightly cooked, moistening foods.

Why?

Because digestion slows with hormonal shifts. Cold foods slow it even further. Hot foods overstimulate. And dryness is one of the main symptoms of declining yin.

Clarissa shared some midlife-supportive foods:

* Fermented soy: miso, tempeh, tamariPulses and beansSnow fungus (a collagen-supportive food used for centuries)Warm oats — grounding and moisturizingSoups, stews, steamed vegetablesGentle spices, ginger, cinnamon

These foods support the kidney system, which governs bones, hearing, urogenital health, reproductive energy, and longevity in TCM.

No fancy supplements. Just food that warms, nourishes, and steadies.

Qigong: Gentle Movement, Powerful Medicine

If you’ve only encountered Qigong in a community center or park, you might not know how deep this practice goes — especially for women.

As Clarissa explained, Qigong isn’t “exercise” in the Western sense. It’s medicine. A way to move qi — the life force — through the body.

Her women’s Qigong focuses on:

* grounding and stabilitynourishing the heart and emotional centerreleasing grief and fearsupporting digestion and sleepstrengthening bones and joints

balancing hormonal energy

nurturing the uterus and breasts

And it doesn’t require an hour a day. Ten minutes is enough to shift your energy.

What I loved most is how Qigong mirrors what I teach in yoga therapy: slow down, feel inward, regulate the nervous system, and rebuild trust with your body.

Midlife Is Not Something to Fix

The biggest takeaway from our conversation?

Midlife isn’t a problem — it’s a portal.

It’s not something to control. Or optimize. Or push through. It’s a season to meet with curiosity. A chance to explore ancient practices that have supported women for millennia:

* Traditional Chinese MedicineAyurvedaQigongMindfulnessYoga therapySeasonal eating and living

You don’t need to overhaul your life. Small shifts — warm food, better rest, 10 minutes of movement, emotional honesty — can change everything.

Menopause isn’t the end of anything. It’s the beginning of your second spring.

If you want to explore these practices more deeply:

🌿 Follow Clarissa Kristjansson — her Substack and Qigong offerings are linked in the show notes. 🌱 Check out my free masterclass: The 5-Step Midlife Reset, rooted in yoga, breath, and mindful habit change. 💛 And stay tuned — Clarissa and I will be doing a live session together on Substack soon.

Namaste, Cheryl

Midlife has a way of serving up plot twists we never saw coming. Some are beautiful. Some shake us to our core. But every once in a while, the twist is so sharp and so dark that it stops us in our tracks and makes us wonder: What now?

My guest on this week’s Midlife Reset Podcast knows that feeling intimately.Suzy Rosenstein was in her 50s when she faced a sudden job loss after nearly 20 years. No warning. No gentle transition. Just a knock on the door and a life she’d outgrown—but didn’t yet realize she was ready to leave.

Today, she has built an incredibly successful career as a life coach helping midlife women not only recover from upheaval, but reinvent themselves with clarity, joy, and purpose. And she does it with equal parts practical wisdom and creativity—including a delightful tool called mindful doodling.

Together, Suzy and I explored what it really takes for women to thrive through the messy, unpredictable, and transformative season of midlife. Here are her three most powerful strategies for navigating change with resilience and grace.

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1. Let Envy Be Your Teacher

Of all the emotions midlife women try to hide, envy tops the list. We don’t want to feel it, admit it, or talk about it. Yet according to Suzy, envy is one of the most revealing emotional clues we have.

She explained it like this:Envy isn’t about wanting someone else’s life. It’s about wanting something inside your own life that has gone missing.

A client once told Suzy she envied a friend who always had time to visit sick relatives. It had nothing to do with the friend’s circumstances and everything to do with her own desire to live more in alignment with her values.

Envy, approached with compassion and curiosity, becomes a roadmap:What does this reveal about what I want more of? What matters to me? What’s missing?

Instead of pushing envy away, midlife invites us to use it as a highlighter—illuminating the places inside us that want attention.

2. Rekindle Joy Through Your “Passion Clues”

One of the most common concerns Suzy hears from women 45+ is this:“I don’t know what I’m passionate about anymore.”

Passion feels like a big, intimidating word. Many fear choosing “wrong” and wasting the precious second half of life. But Suzy reframes passion entirely.

Her tool, Passion Project 50, walks women through every decade of their life—not to revisit hardship, but to rediscover what once sparked joy.

Grade 3 joys. Early 20s joys. Surprising joys. Quiet joys.

These moments contain what Suzy calls passion clues—breadcrumbs that lead us back to the activities, environments, and ways of being that naturally light us up.

It doesn’t require a career overhaul.It doesn’t require a bold leap.It might be tapping into dance again… or nature… or movement… or creativity… or something totally unexpected.

As Suzy puts it:Joy doesn’t have to be big. It just has to be real.

3. Fall in Love With the Process (Not the Finish Line)

Inspired by Tom Sterner’s book, The Practicing Mind

Midlife women—and I include myself here—tend to be deeply, sometimes painfully, productivity-driven. We want to check the box, finish the thing, accomplish the goal.

Sterner’s work turns that mindset on its head.

What if the middle—the practicing, the learning, the messy attempts—is just as meaningful as the outcome?

When we stop rushing through the process, everything shifts.Suddenly, practicing a skill becomes enjoyable.Creative exploration becomes calming.Goals feel exciting instead of overwhelming.

This idea shapes every part of Suzy’s coaching and also links beautifully to one of her favorite tools…

Mindful Doodling and the Zentangle Method: Calm, Clarity, and Creativity in 20 Minutes

Suzy is a certified teacher in the Zentangle method—a form of mindful doodling using repeated, simple, structured patterns. No art skills required. No pressure to perform. Just pattern, breath, presence, and flow.

It’s astonishingly soothing for the nervous system.

As she described it:“If creating is something you enjoy, why rush through it? Why is being done more important than being here?”

This practice is at the heart of her new program, Doodle Think Club—a gentle, creative community for women 50+ who want to feel calmer, think more clearly, and reconnect with themselves through mindful art.

In a world that idolizes productivity, mindful doodling invites us back into presence.

The Deeper Thread: Are You Living Like the Woman You Want to Become?

Near the end of our conversation, Suzy offered one of the most important reflections of the entire episode:

“Notice how often you think, ‘I’m too busy.’ Ask yourself: Is it actually true? Or am I valuing busy over rest? Over joy? Over alignment? Is there a gap between how I’m living and how I want to live?”

This is the heart of the midlife reset.

Not just responding to crises.Not just managing change.But intentionally aligning your life with the woman you want to be in your next chapter.

Because the truth is this:Aging is a privilege. Not everyone gets it.And midlife is far too precious to live it misaligned, overcommitted, or disconnected from joy.

Your Midlife Reset Invitation

Whether you’re navigating a big life shake-up or simply sensing that quiet inner nudge—there’s more for me—these three strategies can begin your reset:

* Let envy guide you toward what matters.

* Follow your passion clues.

* Engage fully in the journey, not just the destination.

And if creativity calls to you, explore the soothing possibilities of mindful doodling. You can find Suzy’s resources, including freebies and her new program, at DoodleThink.com.

Here’s to reinvention, resilience, and the next beautiful chapter.

If you would like to explore a reset with me, check out my free Masterclass : 5 Steps to a Midlife Reset.

Namaste,Cheryl

Are you already dreading stepping on the scale after the holidays? Looking to get your routine back on track?

Real, lasting change is possible. Next year’s holiday season can feel lighter, calmer, and more joyful — and it starts with understanding the mindful way to initiate change.

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Stay tuned as I share the three phases of change and provide solid support on how to implement them. I’ve helped hundreds of women, including me!, get their lives back on track after the shock of midlife weight gain, sleeplessness and stress.

I also want to offer you a spot in my “5 Steps to a Midlife Reset” Masterclass. It’s a free webinar where I’ll provide a deeper dive into this science… giving you a workable framework to tackle your new year’s goals.

Welcome to the Midlife Reset podcast, episode #41. I’m your host Cheryl Gordon, yoga therapist and mindfulness coach. Let’s dive in.

Does this resonate?

You worked your ass off to create a magical holiday for everyone. Shopped. Cooked. Smiled. Invited your sister in law to keep the peace. Skipped your workouts in order to get it all done. Now, your house is trashed. The scale is mocking you. No one has a clue how tired you are. And there is a nagging thought rumbling around in your heart. Maybe all those loved ones don’t care how hard you worked.

When this used to happen to me, my husband would say “then don’t do it next year!”. He was bewildered as to why making those special pressed cookies were absolutely pivotal to the happy holiday memories of my entire extended family. He was oblivious to how I stayed awake nights, wracking my brain for the perfect gift for my father in law, that if I didn’t nail it = it would mean my inlaws would think I was selfish. Ugh!!!

So now that we’ve acknowledged the post-holiday stress and disappointment (you’re normal!), let’s talk about why I didn’t just follow my husband’s advice. Why don’t we just change…. Like now?

Because change feels so hard. We are not wired for it. One of the biggest mistakes we make is expecting ourselves to flip a switch overnight.

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To understand the depth of resistance to change, we need to appreciate our habit brains. About 90%, or more, of the decisions, behaviours, likes and dislikes, all are organized by our habit brains.

This is a primal part of our brain that has evolved very little in the last million or so years. Why? Because it works very well and has kept humans alive and evolving quite nicely thank you. In fact, I share this wiring with my dog and most other creatures on the planet.

Rather humbling I know.

Humans do have an amazing higher level of brain power. But it is tremendously energy hungry. So as much of daily life as we can manage is shunted to the habit side.

Mindfulness is the process of pulling life out of automatic pilot and into conscious awareness. It is work. I know. But you have the world’s most sophisticated and powerful computer in your head. And yet most of us don’t even unpack the box.

Today, I want to detail for you how to seduce that habit brain into doing what you want.

This is how to initiate change on purpose and stick to it.

There are three Phases of Change.

The first phase I call The Status Quo. This is where most of us start. We know what to do — whether it’s getting back to healthy eating, moving our bodies, or managing stress — but finding motivation feels impossible. We research, we think, we wish… we blame ourselves or others, procrastinate, and sometimes even shame ourselves for not doing better. Sound familiar? It’s exhausting, and yet it’s completely normal.

You may have to stay in this phase for awhile… even years. But at some point, you’ll find the drive to commit to doing something different.

Now is when most of us jump to what I call The Overwhelm Zone. This is when we try to do a 180-degree pivot. We go all in: strict rules, rigid diets, punishments, maybe even those dreaded group weigh-ins. The intention is good — we want change! — but the nervous system gets overwhelmed, and this approach is rarely sustainable. Most of us burn out or fall back into old habits quickly.

Let’s touch back on that habit brain. It has three goals: seek pleasure, avoid pain and keep things the same. Remember… this is old, primal wiring. If you did something different, back in the day, you might get eaten by a sabre toothed tiger. You could be mocked, ejected from the tribe, which meant certain death. Better to stay in the cave. Do what you’ve always done. The habit brain knows the outcome. Risk is a survival threat.

So when you do that 180 degree pivot, the habit brain will fight back. Willpower alone will not carry you through. Survival instincts are too strong.

You’re going to need another level of understanding and strategy.

That’s why I encourage moving into the third phase: The Fluidity Space. Here, change is broken into small, digestible steps. We give ourselves time to reason things out before making a shift, consult our brain on each step, and allow our nervous system to adjust. We ask ourselves, ‘Can we just try…?’ instead of expecting perfection. We practice self-compassion, notice the pressure to be perfect, and gradually introduce new habits in a way that feels doable and sustainable.

When first initiating change, we might only be able to follow new behaviours 20% of the time and still fall back 80%. This is normal. Over time, we slowly shift to 40% change, then 60% and finally, after months maybe, the behaviour is habitual to the point we can expect to maintain the new habit 80% of the time. Notice we never expect 100% perfection.

In the past, I’ve put my foot down. That’s it… I’m not eating any sugar! Or, I’m walking 10 km a day! It lasts for a couple days and then the excuses start. I hear a podcast that says sugar isn’t so bad. Or I feel my knee isn’t happy with all these extra steps. And I fall away from that declaration.

We’ve all done it. Now you know it’s that habit brain trying to pull you back into familiarity. Your higher dreams and goals do not have a home in your habit brain.

So to recap…

Aim to stay in the Fluidity Zone when you want to make change. Don’t expect perfection. Give yourself lots of time to make little steps rather than one grand gesture.

And here’s another important piece… remember that habit brain? Loves pleasure? Work with that. What can you do to celebrate those tiny wins? Just like kids love things like stickers, getting an extra bedtime story or family game night, the little kid inside of us treasures those too. I use stickers (don’t judge), congratulations banners in the kitchen or permission to settle in with a good old fashioned magazine without guilt. You’ll have your own unique rewards that fit with your habit brain.

Don’t forget. All this information and more steps to a midlife reset are in my free masterclass.

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Tis the season of parties. All those rich foods… fancy drinks. It’s no time to start dieting right?

Hell no! I’m going to give you three solid strategies for surviving the party jungle this holiday season.

I lost 25 pounds of menopausal weight and still enjoyed chocolate and crab cakes. Using the time tested tricks from mindfulness, you’ll be able to navigate the food minefields too without losing track of your goals.

Welcome to the Midlife Reset Podcast episode #40. I’m your host, Cheryl Gordon. Even as a yoga therapist, healthy eater and active woman, menopause challenged me like never before. It was a struggle to fit into normal clothes and I really was dismayed at all the extra flesh accumulating.

Like so many women my age, it was tempting to cut out all carbs… or push harder at the gym. As a yoga therapist, however, I know the dangers of such radical changes. I knew there was a better way.

And I found it by digging a little deeper into the ancient practices of mindfulness and yoga.

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Today, I want to share with you three stellar strategies for staying true to your health goals even when holiday parties tempt you.

Before we dive in, I just want to make sure you know that all of this information is contained in my free Mindful Eating guide.

Let’s talk about one of the biggest barriers I hear from my clients at this time of year… there’s no point in starting a program now because I have this dinner and that party and I’m going away… Sound familiar?

But let’s really look at that. You probably eat 3 meals a day. Maybe a couple snacks. So between now and the end of the holiday season, that’s approximately 50 meals. Now let’s look at the big ones, where there will be a high probability that you’re going to eat very rich foods. Christmas dinner, Christmas brunch, Christmas Eve, New Year’s Eve… depending on your traditions, maybe 6 times the meal will be over the top. That’s about 10% of the time.

Stick with me through this math now my girlfriend.

If you delay thinking about any of this until after New Year’s, 90% of the meals, over which you have 100% control, will be missed opportunities to practice mindful eating. Reduce the calorie load. Eat healthier.

So yeah, holiday parties are challenging. But there are soooo many opportunities in between to start your healthier eating plan now.

Using the holidays as an excuse to put yourself off is just that… an excuse. It just doesn’t add up.

That’s why I REALLY want you to tune into these three tips. You can start right now. And take them with you to your holiday festivities. Why not get an early start on your new year’s goals?

#1: Hydrate. We don’t realize how seriously our bodies take the threat of thirst. But your body is very concerned. This is a huge survival threat. So the body will throw anything at you to get your attention.

Does this sound familiar? You’re super busy (maybe shopping or wrapping up your desk before the shut down, whatever). And you forget to drink your water. OR you have an event to go to and you don’t want to spend the whole time in the bathroom, so you skip drinking your water.

Your brain sends panic signals into the system. The body knows it has, in the past, got some hydration through food. It tried sending you thirst signals but you ignored them. But your body knows you don’t often ignore cravings or hunger. So it throws out urges to snack. Just when the appetizers come out. You are in a very vulnerable place and it’s hard to resist those cravings. It’s not about willpower. It’s about understanding what your body really needs.

So how can you use this for party season? Prioritize hydration throughout the day leading up to the party. Make sure you drink water at the party. A good rule, and one that still allows for some celebrating, is to alternate one water with one alcoholic beverage.

#2: Plan ahead. As we mentioned, the big holiday blow outs are a small fraction of your whole nutrition plan. Look at the whole day or week and consider how to insure you are getting good nutrition consistently.

So often, we just give up. The whole month is a bust so I might as well eat indiscriminately. I’ll figure it out in January. Right?

Don’t do that to yourself! At our age, it is sooo hard to shave off a couple pounds. It is a much better strategy to pull up the drawbridge before the moat has been breached, if you know what I mean.

How does this look in real time? Look at what is likely to be at the event. What are you kryptonite foods? In the morning, when your brain is fresh, decide what is acceptable to enjoy at the event. Your morning brain is holding your health goals high in mind. It’s not a little tipsy from sparkling wine. It isn’t exhausted from a long day at the office. It isn’t stressed because you couldn’t find anything to wear. With a cool, clear and compassionate head, set your parameters.

And stick to them. This is sooo important. When you make a promise to yourself, you keep it. Would you blow off your kid or grandchild if you made a promise? No!

And don’t be a hero. If it’s a fun event and you want to be part of it then be realistic in your planning. This is a small fraction of your overall eating habits. When you demonize foods, those become your kryptonite. So plan ahead and stick to it.

#3 Don’t bank your calories.

Say you have an open house tonight and you know there will be cheese, egg rolls, brownies, all the things. Make sure you eat adequate nutrition throughout the day. Don’t starve yourself, thinking you can “bank” the calories for later.

Your stomach is only so big… about the size of your fist. Once you have ingested that volume of food, you are full. The processing plant is at capacity. Even if there were supply chain issues earlier in the day, the plant is only that size. Extra supplies have to stay outside on the skids. There’s no room at the inn.

If you do deny yourself throughout the day, your body will, again, go into panic mode. Starvation was a real and very present threat for most of human existence. No wonder when you do finally get to food and you’re tired, stressed, distracted and starving, it leads to binging and being indiscriminate.

And even if I had iron willpower at the party (you know - because others are watching), I used to hit the drive through on the way home. I justified it by saying that there was nothing at the party “that I could eat”. Or I got home and binged on popcorn. Once the floodgates opened, it was a free for all.

The result is way more calories than we really need and not from the nutrient dense foods that we know our bodies really want.

Ok. Let’s go over your holiday plan for Mindful Eating. Remember, you can get a more complete program by clicking here.

Drink water. Plan ahead. And don’t starve yourself.

It all sounds so simple doesn’t it? So why didn’t I just do that?

No one really laid that out for me before. Once I put protocols like this in place, with a healthy dose of self compassion, mindful rest and regular movement, the weight stabilized. And it will work for you too.

Don’t give up on yourself this holiday. Start resetting now and your January self will be so proud.

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Pace of Change is Exhausting!

Cheryl Gordon:Do you ever feel the pace of change is just… exhausting? Every time you finally figure out one new app or platform or “must-have” tool, another one pops up — and suddenly, you’re behind again.

For many midlife women, technology has become a new kind of stress — one that quietly chips away at our confidence and keeps us from sharing our purpose or following those long-held dreams.

By the end of today’s episode, you’ll be on a path to reconnect with your courage, purpose, and possibility — and learn how to embrace change without losing your sanity.

Welcome to episode number 39 of The Midlife Reset Podcast. I’m Cheryl Gordon, yoga therapist, mindfulness coach, and creator of the 5-Step Midlife Reset Masterclass, where I help women move from tired and stuck to strong, happy, and energized.

Meet Susanne

My guest today is Susanne Rieker, who knows this journey well. She’s spent years helping yoga teachers and entrepreneurs step into the online world with heart and confidence. Together, we’ll share our own stories of midlife reinvention — and how you can find the courage to take your next big step too.

I still remember when the biggest stress at work was learning how to use that first office computer back in the 80s. Fast-forward a few decades, and now we carry an entire digital universe in our hands — shopping, banking, even connecting socially. It’s no wonder so many midlife women quietly think, “I just can’t keep up.”

I’ve been there. I even tried stepping away from it all for a while, thinking retirement would be peaceful. But instead, it felt lonely — and honestly, boring. After decades of teaching, creating, and connecting through yoga, I realized I still had so much to share. So, here I am — dusting off my menopausal brain and facing the digital world head-on, one click at a time.

And I’m not doing it alone. Today’s guest has been a guiding light in that process — a mentor who truly understands midlife reinvention and tech overwhelm. Please welcome Susanne Rieker, joining us all the way from Spain. Hi, Susanne!

Susanne Rieker:Hi, Cheryl! Thank you so much for having me — I’m honored to be here.

Cheryl:Thank you for taking the time. I know you’re busy! I want to share more about your current work in a few moments, but first — tell us about your own midlife turning point. It’s so reassuring to me that you understand the physical, emotional, and mental challenges we face building something new in this season of life.

Susanne:Oh my gosh — where should we start? I was working in advertising, which is creative but so stressful. I loved parts of it, but it completely took over my life. Around age 41, I realized I didn’t want the career path I was on. So, I quit and became a freelancer.

Eventually, I decided to take a yoga teacher training in Bali — not to change careers, just to deepen my practice. But I fell in love with teaching, and with the island. I kept going back and forth between Germany and Bali until I finally thought, “What if I could make this work permanently?”

I didn’t even know online business was possible back then, but I started helping yoga teachers with their websites, discovered online courses — and everything shifted.

What is your midlife longing?

Cheryl:I love that. And I think so many of us can relate to that longing — knowing there’s something more meaningful calling us, but being afraid to start again.

I see it in the women who join my Midlife Reset Masterclass — they think they’ve lost motivation, but really, it’s their inner compass trying to redirect them. Once they rebuild their energy and confidence, courage just flows naturally.

You and I both tolerated that inner longing for a while before going all in. What do you think finally pushes women to make that big change?

Susanne:For me, yoga played a huge part. I’d been burned out so many times and didn’t even know what I was feeling. Yoga helped me tune in, listen to what was really going on. And once you start listening, you can’t not change.

It’s rarely one big leap — it’s small steps that build confidence. For me, it started with doing the teacher training, then realizing I could actually teach. Every small win built on the last one.

Cheryl:Yes — a shoutout for yoga! That’s such an empowering perspective.

You now help so many heart-centered entrepreneurs — yoga teachers, coaches, creatives — who are stepping into the online world. Can you share a story that inspires you, especially of a midlife woman who made that shift?

Inspiring Stories

Susanne:Absolutely. One of my clients, Lisa Gardner, is a life coach in Canada. She’s been doing this work for over 25 years. In her 60s, she said, “I don’t want to work as much, but I don’t want to earn less.” So, we packaged her wisdom into an online offer — and it completely changed her life.

I see so many women like her — wise, powerful, and ambitious — who still have so much to share. A little tech challenge isn’t going to stop us!

Cheryl:I love that. And you’re right — it’s not as hard anymore.

When I launched the first SHE Mindfulness Program last fall, I was so nervous. I wanted to guide other women through the same transformation I’d experienced, but I didn’t realize how powerful it would be until I heard from participants. One woman told me her relationships improved, she felt more grounded, and — get this — she started weight training. Her goal is to compete as a weightlifter for her 70th birthday!

Susanne:That’s incredible!

Cheryl:It really is. That’s why I love this online world — it lets us reach people we never could before.

From your perspective, why are online courses such a powerful way to learn and grow?

Power of Online Learning

Susanne:Because they give you structure, support, and community. You can Google anything, but that doesn’t mean you’ll take action. A course gives you a pathway — someone guiding you step by step. It’s so much more powerful than information alone.

Cheryl:Exactly. That’s why I built the Midlife Reset Community — to give women small, doable steps they can start right away, even if big change sounds intimidating. It’s about connection, not perfection.

You’ve talked a lot about experimenting and evolving your business over the years. How do you handle perfectionism when it creeps in?

Susanne:Oh, it definitely does! But I’ve learned not to get stuck in the details. My motto is, “Done is better than perfect.”

Cheryl:Yes! One of my teachers says, “If it’s a B+, put it out.”

Now before we wrap up, I want to touch on AI. You mentioned ChatGPT earlier — how do you see tools like that shaping our work?

The Future of AI

Susanne:Honestly, I try not to worry about what I can’t control. AI has both positives and negatives — it’ll revolutionize things like healthcare, but also change the creative world forever. It’s coming whether we like it or not, so we might as well learn how to use it in ways that support our purpose.

Cheryl:That’s my take too — it’s about balance. For me, AI helps me share yoga and mindfulness with more women who need it.

And that’s really what today’s episode has been about — midlife isn’t a decline. It’s a recalibration. When we stop chasing every new thing and start aligning with what truly matters, our energy, clarity, and courage all come back.

Suzanne, your Blissful Biz Academy has been such a source of guidance for me — and for hundreds of others. Thank you for showing us that reinvention is possible at any age.

Susanne:Thank you, Cheryl — this was so much fun.

Ready for YOUR Midlife Reset?

Cheryl:And to our listeners — if you’re ready to take that next big step, to rebuild your energy and confidence so you can follow those big dreams — join my free 5-Step Midlife Reset Masterclass. You’ll learn how to move from tired and teary and tech-stressed to calm, capable, and courageous.

You’ll find the link in the show notes — along with a link to Suzanne’s work.Thank you so much for listening, and thank you, Suzanne. Namaste.

Susanne:Thank you, Cheryl.

How many times do you get up in the night to pee? And is it easy to get back to sleep after?

Fariya and I have helped hundreds of women improve their breathing, which has resulted in better sleep, calmer bladders, and greater focus. Today, we’re going to explain the connection, provide accessible strategies, and get you on the road to greater energy for what you love. So let’s go!

Welcome to episode number 38 of the Midlife Reset Podcast. I’m your host, a yoga therapist, mindfulness coach, and your trusted friend when you need advice about aging strong holistically.

Please welcome my guest, Fariya Doctor. I have been a client of Fariya’s—she’s amazing and super smart. She is a registered massage therapist and a long-time practitioner of Feldenkrais Movement Therapy. Together, we’ve prepared a unique program to address a problem that plagues so many midlife women: getting up to pee three, four, five times a night. It is so exhausting.

I’d like to turn the presentation now over to Fariya as she shares some science and practical tools around breathing, bladder issues, and better sleep.

Fariya: Thank you very much. One of the reasons I love this topic is because it’s so powerful and so changeable. People don’t realize how quickly they can change their sleep outcomes.

As a Feldenkrais practitioner, I focus on function—how to optimize function is a big passion of mine. Being a Buteyko breathing instructor has helped me understand the science behind improving breathing so you can sleep better. One aspect is your breathing pattern.

One thing people often don’t realize is that they may have an underlying breathing problem. They’re destabilized in their breathing during the day, which makes it harder to slow down at night and stay asleep.

A breathing pattern disorder means you’re breathing more than you need. The definition includes patterns of over-breathing where the depth and rate of breath exceed your body’s needs. It’s not necessarily a panic attack—it might simply be breathing more than 20 breaths per minute, often through the mouth.

Mouth-breathing during the day creates short, quick breaths that alter your internal chemistry—the balance between carbon dioxide and oxygen. Interestingly, the brain monitors carbon dioxide levels, not oxygen, because oxygen saturation is usually fine unless there is a lung disorder. When carbon dioxide levels get too low, we can feel anxious, get headaches, experience chest tightness, cold extremities, tight muscles, aggravated allergies, altered hormone cycles, and pins and needles.

The cool thing is that this can be reversed quickly by slowing your breathing, reducing volume, and reducing effort.

How does this affect our bladder? A key hormone involved is vasopressin. Vasopressin rises in the evening and during sleep. Its job is to manage fluids in the body, because even though we’re resting, we lose fluid through respiration—more so if mouth-breathing, which dries us out.

Vasopressin keeps fluids cycling through the kidneys and prevents the bladder from filling at night. But if vasopressin levels drop due to destabilized breathing, the bladder fills during the night, waking us up.

(See diagram in video) This shows the bladder sitting low in the pelvis, beneath the uterus and sigmoid colon. When the bladder fills, it puts pressure in the pelvis, triggering nighttime wake-ups.

Most people know the basic sleep hygiene advice—stop drinking fluids in the evening. But if breathing is off, vasopressin stays low and nighttime wake-ups continue.

There are many useful tools to improve this—breathing through the nose at night, mouth tape, mouth guards, and learning to maximize nasal airways.

Some helpful books include The Oxygen Advantage by Patrick McKeown and Breath by James Nestor, both powerful introductions to the science of breathing. I also teach courses and have many free YouTube videos, including “Improve Nasal Breathing, Improve Your Life,” covering how to establish proper nasal breathing for overall health.

Cheryl: And with the hormone changes that many people completely miss, in perimenopause and menopause, progesterone and estrogen levels drop. But vasopressin also changes, and breathing intimately impacts all hormone balance.

Let’s now talk about getting back to sleep, because that part is so important. Here’s why sleep is getting worse: hormonal changes shift the body’s relaxation chemistry. Hormones tell you when to pee, when you’re allowed to sleep, when you’re hungry, and even when you can get angry. This is why sleep, mood, and energy feel unpredictable in midlife.

Many of us wish for a solid eight hours of sleep, but this isn’t necessary—or even realistic. Sleep has stages: the early relaxed stage, light sleep, slow-wave deep sleep for healing and recovery, and REM sleep when dreams happen and the brain is highly active. These cycles repeat through the night.

As hormones shift in midlife, sleep cycles become shorter, meaning you experience more cycles per night and therefore more opportunities to wake up at the end of REM. This isn’t bad—it’s normal. Understanding this reduces panic during nighttime wake-ups.

This is where non-sleep deep rest (NSDR) becomes a superpower. When we wake, we often panic—worrying about the next day, feeling broken, or angry at ourselves. But NSDR intentionally places the brain into a restorative state without actually sleeping. It restores energy, calms hormones, and primes learning. One hour of NSDR may equal four hours of a regular sleep cycle.

So here are the actual strategies:

1. At a 3 a.m. wake-up, stay calm.Don’t fight wakefulness. Breathe. Remind yourself another sleep cycle is coming. Apps like Insight Timer offer many free sleep meditations. Avoid getting upset—that hormonal spike makes it harder to return to sleep.

2. Eye relaxation technique.Lie comfortably with your elbows supported. Cup your palms gently over your closed eyes without pressing. Feel the warmth soothing the muscles. Then slowly move your eyes left to right a few times. Then up and down. Then diagonally in both directions. Finally, slow circles in both directions, keeping your head still and moving only your eyes. This slows the nervous system and helps shift you into relaxation.

* Backwards Breathing. The next technique you can try in the middle of the night is what I call backwards breath. It’s a version of counting sheep, I guess—like “99 bottles of beer on the wall”—but with a specific purpose.

A lot of studies show that counting from 31 down to 0 is adequate to get people back to sleep. For me, because I’m a real Type A, high-need person, I start at 100 and go backwards.

The technique is simple:You breathe in and breathe out at your normal rate, your normal way, in and out through the nose, as Freya taught us. And you count: 100 in, 100 out. 99 in, 99 out. 98 in, 98 out, and so on, all the way down to zero.

Most of the time, if you don’t fall asleep, you’ll get distracted. Your good friend, the brain, will try to get you all revved up about something. The rule is: if you get distracted, you go back and start at 100 again.

And some nights, you might go back to 100 a hundred times. But the reason this works is that counting backwards requires a different part of your brain. It pulls you out of the worry-anxiety part that’s keeping you awake and into a more logical part—the part that “reads the room” and knows this is sleep time. It’s like talking sense to yourself.

* Restorative Yoga in Bed. I’m not sure if you’ve ever had the bliss of a full restorative yoga class, but I highly recommend it.

You can adapt many of the postures and do them right in bed. I sleep with three pillows—that’s another podcast—but I take those pillows and give myself supported child’s pose, supported rotated child’s pose, legs up the pillows (so, an elevated legs position). I do reclining twists propped up with pillows, butterfly legs propped up with pillows.

All of these poses may or may not be familiar to you, but I have resources on YouTube. Just message me and I’m happy to show you photos or send you videos, because restorative yoga is such a wonderful practice for everyone. I do this right in bed, underneath my covers, so I stay warm.

And a lot of times, I actually fall back asleep in one of those restorative poses. And yes, I have a partner right beside me—he’s still snoring. I really need him to listen to Freya’s talk about not mouth-breathing, because he’s got all the things she said would happen if you mouth-breathe. I’ll make sure he sees the replay.

You can get the audio and video guidance for the strategies I just talked about, as well as further tips for how to set yourself up with a better morning routine, in my Sleep Solutions course.

When your nervous system feels safe, my friends, your body can heal. And when your body heals, your brain can learn. And when your brain learns, midlife becomes a season of possibility—not decline.

Fariya, thank you so much for joining me today.

If you’ve ever found yourself staring at the ceiling in the middle of the night, mind racing, you’re not alone—and you’re not broken. Modern life glorifies busyness and overstimulation, but our nervous systems haven’t evolved to handle the constant flood of light, noise, and information. Rest isn’t wasted time. It’s medicine.

In this video, I open with a story about my father, who grew up on a quiet farm where days were shaped by natural rhythms and nights were truly dark and still. Today, we’re bombarded by hundreds of faces, screens, and choices daily—far more stimulation than our ancestors could have imagined. Our brains, which burn more calories than any other organ, have learned to conserve energy by running on autopilot. But this “habit mode” comes at a cost: to make meaningful change, we need more energy… and that requires rest.

Why Sleep Gets Harder in Midlife

Sleep disruption in perimenopause and menopause isn’t a personal failure—it’s biology. Hormonal shifts, especially the drop in progesterone and estrogen, disrupt the relaxation response that once helped us drift off easily. Suddenly, our sleep becomes light, fragmented, unpredictable.

But here’s the reframe: waking at night isn’t a malfunction. It’s part of the natural rhythm of sleep, which moves in cycles—light sleep, deep sleep, REM, and brief wakefulness between them. What’s changed isn’t our body’s need for rest, but our ability to self-soothe during those wakeful moments.

Non-Sleep Deep Rest: Your 3 A.M. Superpower

Instead of fighting sleeplessness, consider this game-changing concept: Non-Sleep Deep Rest (NSDR).

This is the practice of intentionally guiding the body and brain into a deeply relaxed state—even when you’re awake. Research shows that one hour of NSDR can restore the brain as much as four hours of regular sleep.

The key is to stop panicking and start resting. When the 3 a.m. wake-up hits, you can still recharge—just differently.

Simple Tools for the Wee Hours

Here are the practices I recommend for those sleepless stretches:

* Acceptance. Instead of spiraling into frustration, breathe and remind yourself another wave of sleep will come. You’re safe.

* Eye Relaxation Protocol. Soften your gaze or gently close your eyes—this signals safety to your brain and helps the body unwind.

* Backwards Breath. Slow, mindful exhalations calm the nervous system and slow racing thoughts.

* Restorative Pose. Settle into a comfortable, supported position. Even if you don’t drift off, your body will still recharge.

These tools train your nervous system to self-soothe—just as we once helped our babies do. Over time, your body learns that it’s safe to rest again.

The Real Secret to Energy, Weight Loss, and Well-Being

So many midlife women blame themselves for fatigue, extra weight, brain fog, and anxiety. But the truth is, lasting change requires energy—and energy begins with rest.You don’t need to force eight hours of perfect sleep. You just need to give your nervous system a chance to reset.

The takeaway:

“When your nervous system feels safe, your body can heal. When your body heals, your brain learns. And when your brain learns, midlife becomes a season of possibility—not decline.”

Next Steps

For guided NSDR practices, sleep meditations, and morning reset routines, consider purchasing ($29) Sleep Solutions on her website.

Tonight, when you wake in the wee hours, try rest instead of panic. Even when you can’t sleep, you can still restore.

My guest today was a lifelong athlete — boot camps, spin, Body Pump, you name it. But one day, she looked down and thought, “Where did all this belly fat come from?”

That moment set her on a journey that might rewrite everything you thought you knew about midlife fitness.

Lynn Sederlöf-Airisto joins me from Finland to unpack the truth about what really works for women in their 40s, 50s, and beyond — and why so many of us waste hours at the gym doing the wrong kind of exercise.

We talk about what true strength training actually is (hint: it’s not Body Pump), how to choose the right weights, and why this kind of training might just be the secret to rekindling your metabolism, reshaping your body, and reclaiming your confidence.

💪 In This Episode, We Discuss:

* Why women start losing muscle as early as age 30 — and how menopause accelerates it

* The big difference between “working out with weights” and strength training

* The science-backed formula for building strength (and saving time at the gym)

* How to find your ideal weight for training — without guesswork

* Why one set can be more effective than three (and how to get the most out of every workout)

* The truth about “bulking up” and why it’s nearly impossible for most women

* Simple mindset shifts that make lifting feel empowering, not intimidating

* How strength training supports bone density, metabolism, and insulin sensitivity

🌸 Key Quotes

“I thought if I had dumbbells in my hand and my muscles were burning, that meant I was strength training — but it turns out that’s not true.” — Lynn Sederlöf-Airisto

“Being strong is so cool. My clients start out wanting to lose weight, but end up falling in love with feeling powerful.” — Lynn Sederlöf-Airisto

“We lose muscle and bone as we age — but with the right training, we can absolutely get it back.” — Cheryl Gordon

🔗 Connect with Lynn

Website: Be Fit After 40 Instagram: @befitafter40

💫 Connect with Cheryl

Website: cherylgordonyt.comInstagram: Cheryl Gordon

Most midlife women I work with know they should take care of themselves—but guilt and old conditioning still whisper, “That’s selfish.”

My guest today, Robin Brock, shares how she flipped that narrative through the SHE Mindfulness Program. Once she began prioritizing her own health and happiness, her relationships deepened, her confidence grew, and life opened up in new and beautiful ways.

“It’s like an awakening.”

Cheryl: The funny thing is, once you started looking at life that way, your communication with your sons got richer, your health improved, and you became more vibrant in your community. You’re even doing more community service—you’re probably a better partner to your husband, too.

Robin: There are so many benefits for the people around you. For women who say, “I don’t have time,” or “It feels selfish to do something for myself,” I’d say this: when you take care of yourself, everyone benefits.

Cheryl: Exactly. You can bring your better self to everything you do. If you’re babysitting, you’ll have more energy. If you want to go back to school, your brain will be sharper.

Robin: That’s exactly what happened. I see things more clearly now. My relationships are stronger because I no longer feel that everything is solely my responsibility.

“Enhancing my life enhances everyone around me.”

Robin: My role in life may look different now than when my kids were little, but it’s just as important. My focus is on enhancing my own life—which enhances everyone around me. The stronger and healthier I am, the more I can give.

I can volunteer at the Humane Society, go back to school, or chase new dreams. I see those 90-year-old women getting their degrees and think, That’s going to be me one day!

What women gain from this program is the strength to try new things—without embarrassment or shame—even later in life.

“We were taught to serve first.”

Cheryl: I can relate. I grew up with strong messages—both from family and culture—that women were supposed to serve others. We made sure everyone else was happy before we were allowed to rest. The house had to be spotless before we could sit down with a book.

So when a woman says, “I’m going to prioritize my own needs,” she’s often labelled selfish.

Learning how to set loving boundaries and prioritize your health—that’s revolutionary.

In the SHE Mindfulness Program, we focus on three pillars:

* Losing weight through mindful eating

* Sleeping better through non-sleep deep rest

* Getting stronger through yoga and resistance training

Did those things come true for you?

“All of them.”

Robin: All of them!

I’ve always been a nighttime snacker. I could go all day without eating until dinner—but by 8 p.m., I was in the fridge, hunting for chips or chocolate.

Through mindful eating, I learned to pause. It takes about 90 seconds for a craving to pass if you let it. That’s when I’ll grab water or a book instead. And planning ahead is a game changer.

“Sleep was a big one.”

Robin: I used to sleep anywhere, anytime. But recently, I’d wake up every couple of hours—wide awake at midnight or 2 a.m.

Now, if I can’t sleep, I use the breathwork we practiced in the SHE Mindfulness Program. It calms my nervous system and quiets the racing thoughts. I’m not much of a journaler, but those few minutes of breathing do the same thing.

And I’ve stopped judging myself for resting. I used to think naps were for old people! Now, I’ll do Legs-Up-the-Wall in the afternoon, and sometimes I’ll end up resting for 20 minutes. I feel re-energized afterward.

Cheryl: That’s non-sleep deep rest—it’s one of the best things you can do for your nervous system.

Robin: Exactly. When I’m rested, I can handle cravings, stress, and emotions so much better.

“I’m more comfortable in my own skin.”

Robin: Life feels peaceful now. I’m more comfortable in my own skin.

I’ve always been confident, but the SHE Mindfulness Program gave me permission to fully embody that strength. I can say, proudly, that I’m a strong woman—without shame or apology.

“The habit brain runs the show.”

Robin: One of the biggest things I learned was how much control my habit brain had over my life. Those patterns—eating, thinking, reacting—were running automatically.

I realized how much energy it takes to fight against those patterns and how easy it is to fall back into them. That’s why I used to feel like a failure when I couldn’t stick to a plan.

The SHE Mindfulness Program helped me understand and change that. Once you know how to work with your habit brain, it’s not hard—it’s empowering.

Cheryl: That’s incredible. Thank you for sharing that. I didn’t realize just how deeply the program had impacted you. It means a lot to hear this.

Robin: You’ve changed my life, Cheryl.

“A few next steps…”

Cheryl: If you’re listening and curious about the SHE Program—but not quite ready to dive in—I have two great places to start:

* The Free Mindful Eating Guide — it teaches you the foundational practices Robin mentioned, including planning and mindful pauses.

* The Sleep Solutions Course ($29) — a mini course that includes meditations, breathwork, and tools for calming your nervous system and improving your sleep.

Have you ever secretly dreamed of writing a book one day? Or maybe you just crave a good story that makes you feel seen in midlife — with all its challenges, changes, and surprising chances for reinvention. Today’s guest proves that it’s never too late to start something bold.

Gretchen Anthony published her first novel at age 48, and her latest, Tired Ladies Take a Stand, is striking a chord with women everywhere who are tired of being everything to everyone — and are ready to claim their own space.

So if you’ve ever wondered how to balance your dreams with life’s demands, or how to spark creativity when you feel stuck, this episode will inspire you to think differently about what’s possible in midlife.

Welcome to episode number 34 of the Midlife Reset Podcast. I’m Cheryl Gordon — a yoga and mindfulness coach for midlife women who want to feel stronger, lighter, and more energized. Welcome, Gretchen! I’m so thrilled you could join us. Give us a little background — what did you do before age 48?

Gretchen Anthony: Thank you for having me! Well, I did a little bit of everything, like so many of us do. I was busy raising three boys and had a career in corporate communications for about twenty years. I juggled full-time work and contracts, we moved a few times for my husband’s career, and I was constantly trying to find balance — fulfilling daily responsibilities while still trying to do what filled my heart, with whatever energy I had left.

Cheryl Gordon: When the kids were growing up, I imagine there wasn’t a lot left over. And now your last one’s just gone off to college?

Gretchen Anthony: Yes, just off to college! We spent the weekend getting him settled — it lifts your heart, but it’s bittersweet.

Cheryl Gordon: It is hard, isn’t it? When my boys moved out, I was embarrassed to admit I had empty nest syndrome. I thought that was for people who didn’t have much else going on — but you’re always a mom, and there’s always an adjustment.

Gretchen Anthony: Exactly. I used to hear women say, “I don’t know what to do with myself now,” or “I don’t know who I am now,” and I thought, that’s sad. But when it happens, you get it. In those years before writing my novel, I was trying to figure out what’s next for me — because if I did my job right, my kids would eventually fly.

Cheryl Gordon: We are happy they’re flying, but it’s still a loss when that chapter closes.

Gretchen Anthony: Yes — that sorrow comes from knowing a huge part of your life is complete.

Cheryl Gordon: I’ve actually been an empty nester longer than I had my kids at home! They both left at 18 and never came back. I’m so proud of them, but I still miss those noisy, busy days. Anyway, did you always know you were going to write a book one day, or did that come out of the blue?

Gretchen Anthony: I always had this sense that I had a book in me. But early in my career, I wanted security — something more stable than fiction writing could offer. So I went into management consulting and corporate communications. That fulfilled a need for a while. But deep down, I still had stories and characters brewing. The older I got, the louder they became, demanding to be heard. That’s what finally pushed me to write.

The matriarch in my debut novel, Evergreen Tidings from the Baumgartners, lived in my head for five to seven years before I wrote the book. I finally thought, “She’s never getting out unless I write her down!”

Cheryl Gordon: So writing became your next chapter — no pun intended!

Gretchen Anthony: Exactly! I’d just been laid off from my corporate job and was seeing a career coach. He looked at my résumé and said, “It reads like chapters — you had a chapter where you did this, another where you did that.” And I said, “Funny you should say that, because I feel like I won’t be settled until I publish a book.” He said, “Then maybe now’s your time.” And that was at age 48.

Cheryl Gordon: So many people face a big career shift around that age — it’s inspiring to hear your story. You mentioned that your characters live inside you until they demand a voice. Is that the secret to your creativity?

Gretchen Anthony: For me, yes. The best characters are the ones who live with me for a while. When I try to force them, they’re less authentic. Writing is really about listening — to conversations, the way people talk, the little quirks of human nature. Those things inform my characters and make them feel real.

Cheryl Gordon: Your latest book — which I have right here — is Tired Ladies Take a Stand. It’s a bit autobiographical, isn’t it?

Gretchen Anthony: It is! The tagline is something like, “You’ve heard of the year of saying yes — this is the year of saying no.” It’s about four friends at two stages of life. In their twenties, they’re starting careers in San Francisco and decide to say yes to everything — adventure, opportunity, fun. Then you fast-forward to their late forties and early fifties, and they realize how toxic always saying yes can be. They have to learn to say no — and when people aren’t used to hearing that from you, chaos follows!

The story is loosely based on me and my friends in our twenties. We really did have a “say yes” year, which we jokingly called “Kiss Fest.” We didn’t take it that far, but it was a time of adventure and self-discovery.

Cheryl Gordon: I love that you bring that sense of adventure into a story about midlife women. There aren’t many novels featuring women our age as heroines — and you make it every bit as fun and compelling as the stories about twenty-somethings.

Gretchen Anthony: Thank you! Writing this book forced me to step outside myself and really look at this stage of life differently. Even though the story draws from real friendships, I had to create fully developed characters — not just carbon copies of my friends. That process made me reflect on how we’ve all changed, what still serves us, and what doesn’t.

I also realized how few books feature midlife heroines. This phase of life is huge — full of opportunities, freedoms, and challenges. It’s every bit as complex and vibrant as our twenties, just with a different perspective.

Cheryl Gordon: Exactly. And when you base characters on real friendships, you still never really know what someone’s thinking or feeling on the inside. That’s where creativity and empathy come in.

Gretchen Anthony: Right. I had to remind my real friends, “Yes, you’ll recognize yourself in the book, but these characters do dumb things! It doesn’t mean I see that in you.”

Cheryl Gordon: I won’t give too much away, but Fern — one of your main characters — faces a big decision. She’s offered an incredible career opportunity, but it makes her friends uncomfortable. It’s a great example of how hard it can be for midlife women to say no, or to prioritize themselves for a change. What do you think Fern teaches us about that?

Gretchen Anthony: Fern learns that she hasn’t been truthful — first with herself, and then with the people she loves. She has to admit what she really wants and needs. In the story, she wrote a book based on her friends’ lives, and years later it’s optioned for a film — but she never got their permission. She goes ahead anyway, thinking they’ll understand eventually.

The lesson is that when we’ve put ourselves second for so long, we can overcorrect — making choices that don’t align with our values. It’s like being on a diet: you deprive yourself for months, and then when you finally allow something, you go overboard.

As midlife women, we’re learning to find balance — to honor our needs without betraying ourselves or others. Saying no can be uncomfortable, but it’s often the most honest thing we can do.

Cheryl Gordon: That’s such a great point. When we constantly suppress our own needs to make everyone else happy, resentment builds up. I see that in mindful eating too — deprivation never works.

Cheryl Gordon: Before we wrap up, I really want to make sure we talk about what’s next for you. In January, you started The Middle Book Club — tell us about that!

Gretchen Anthony: I did! Thank you. This idea grew out of something I realized while writing and marketing Tired Ladies Take a Stand. If you look at contemporary fiction, you might think women disappear around age 40. We read so many stories about women coming of age or falling in love — then suddenly they vanish until they reappear as quirky seventy-somethings. I call it the Miss Marple effect.

Cheryl Gordon: That’s hilarious — and so true!

Gretchen Anthony: Right? I knew my book wasn’t the only one out there, and I kept hearing from readers who said how refreshing it was to see characters their own age — women balancing aging parents and adult kids, living in that “sandwich generation.”

So I started The Middle Book Club, an online community on Substack — you can find it at themiddlebookclub.com. Each month, we read a novel featuring heroines in what I call “the juicy middle” of life — because this stage really is juicy. It’s rich, complicated, and full of growth.

For October, for example, we’re reading The Change by Kirsten Miller — about three women in their 40s and 50s who discover supernatural powers and take justice into their own hands. Every month, we explore stories that reflect what we’re living, and we get to talk about them together as peers.

Cheryl Gordon: That sounds amazing — and that’s the real joy of a book club! Not just the wine and gossip kind (though no judgment there!) but one where you actually talk about the books with like-minded women.

And speaking of adventure — I know you’re also cooking up something new that combines books and travel.

Gretchen Anthony: Yes! My next chapter — and I love that we can have multiple chapters at once — is Bookish Travel, a new newsletter and travel project that builds on The Middle Book Club. My husband and I are empty nesters now, so I have more flexibility to work on the road.

The idea is to help readers turn every trip into a literary adventure. Say you’re visiting Dublin — what literary spots should you see? I just returned from our 25th anniversary trip to Ireland, so I’m full of ideas. Literary tourism is huge right now — people want to visit the places that inspired their favorite books. So this is my way to blend storytelling, travel, and community into my next venture.

Cheryl Gordon: That sounds incredible. Everyone listening — go sign up for The Middle Book Club so you’ll hear when Bookish Travel launches!

Gretchen Anthony: Yes, please do!

Cheryl Gordon: So many midlife women have travel dreams, but we often hold back — maybe because of physical limitations, or because someone else always seems to need us. But Gretchen and I both believe: it’s time for tired ladies to take a stand.

Get out there, explore those amazing book destinations Gretchen has scouted, and keep feeding that lifelong learner inside you.

And if what’s holding you back are sleepless nights, sore joints, or that sluggish midlife weight gain — I’d love for you to check out my free masterclass, The 5-Step Midlife Reset. It’s available now on my website.

You’ll discover simple practices to move from teary, tubby, and tired — to strong, happy, and energized. You’ll feel like the heroine of your own story… and maybe one day, Gretchen will write a novel about us!

Gretchen Anthony: Thank you so much, Cheryl.

Cheryl Gordon: Thank you, Gretchen, for sharing your time and wisdom today. I’m still a little starstruck getting to interview a real author!

Welcome back to the Midlife Reset Podcast, episode 33! I’m your host, Cheryl Gordon. Today, we’re diving into something every midlife woman has experienced—mood swings, irritability, that sudden sense of “I can’t believe I just snapped over nothing!”

Now, I want you to know—this isn’t just in your head. It’s real, physiological, and completely normal. Hormones, stress, sleep, and even nutrition all play a role in how we feel in midlife.

By the end of this episode, you’ll understand why your moods shift, what’s happening in your brain and body, and most importantly, practical ways to regain control, feel calmer, and protect your mental wellbeing.

Let’s start with hormones—our invisible puppeteers. Around our 40s and 50s, estrogen and progesterone start to fluctuate even more wildly than normal as the ovaries slow down. Estrogen is more than just a reproductive hormone—it affects your serotonin, the “feel good” neurotransmitter. Lower estrogen can mean lower serotonin, which can trigger anxiety, irritability, sadness, or that general “ugh” feeling. If you’re feeling scattered, more anxious than you used to or just plain cranky, it’s probably because the uptake of serotonin is lower. We’re definitely more vulnerable to stress in general without that cushion.

Progesterone, on the other hand, is like the chill hormone. It helps regulate mood, calm the nervous system, and even supports sleep. So when progesterone drops, you can feel more anxious, tense, or snappy than usual. When my progesterone levels tanked in perimenopause, sleep became almost impossible overnight. We need progesterone to signal the production of melatonin, which helps us feel sleepy. The relaxation nerves don’t get the signalling they need to cue the relaxation response if progesterone is low.

And don’t forget cortisol, the stress hormone. Last week, we discussed this glucocorticoid compound in more detail so you may want to refer back to episode 32. We talked all about stress and hormones and weight gain. Good stuff.

Cortisol rises when we’re tired, overwhelmed, or stressed, and it works hand-in-hand with our sex hormones to influence mood. High cortisol + fluctuating estrogen and progesterone? That’s the recipe for emotional turbulence. Isn’t that how we feel, girlfriend, in midlife? Like we’re on a crazy roller coaster and some sadist somewhere has the stick shift.

To add insult to injury, all the running around we did to keep everyone else happy and safe created a lot of stress. This constantly stimulated the adrenals to pump out that cortisol. Rushing to get the kids on time… creating perfect holiday memories for a family of 18… worrying all day at work about your sick neighbour… all that just wore those little glands right out. Soooo, when we get to midlife, the adrenals, which should take up a little of the estrogen/progesterone production, are just offline.

Those mood swings you’re feeling? They’re not a character flaw. They’re a signal that your body is adjusting to new hormonal realities.

Now here’s the big take away!!! Hormones do their own thing without you directing them. That’s when we feel like we’re on the crazy train ride. BUT.. wait for it…. As a human with a super brain, you have the ability to wrest control back from the automatic pilot.

All the magazine articles and wellness experts advice to eat carefully, exercise more and meditate. But they don’t explain exactly how, why and really, what to do when old habits die really slow. How many times have you had those very goals every New Year’s?

Let’s dive in to what you can start now, small steps and simply, to move toward better mood and sharper focus.

Shaping hormonal responses in every day life means paying attention to your every day habits. Yup… it’s that lifestyle stuff again—sleep, movement, and nutrition— they can either amplify those mood swings or help you ride them more smoothly.

* Sleep: Poor sleep disrupts your hormones even further, lowers serotonin, and makes cortisol spikes worse. Feeling cranky after a night of tossing and turning? That’s your brain on low serotonin and high cortisol. Changing habits is super hard when you are running on empty. Stay tuned and we’ll talk strategies around this.

* Movement: Gentle exercise like yoga, walking, or strength training boosts endorphins, which balance mood. Even a 15 minute practice can start the process. The big key is consistency.

* Nutrition: Foods rich in protein, healthy fats, and fibre stabilize blood sugar, which prevents mood swings fuelled by glucose spikes and crashes. Midlife women are particularly sensitive to blood sugar fluctuations and issues with insulin. This means prioritizing planning your food, not running on empty or cutting out essential nutrients in the interest of cutting calories.

* Mindfulness & Stress Reduction: Breathing exercises, meditation, journaling—even 5 minutes a day—lower cortisol, which directly improves emotional resilience. Mindfulness won’t inspire your husband to change being sloppy. It won’t make your boss automatically kinder. It won’t get your kids to call. BUT it can shift how your body responds to these stressors, which shifts the hormones.

It’s all connected—sleep better, eat smarter, move mindfully, and your mood swings start to soften.

Now we look at making this happen in your life, as it is now. I don’t want to make any grandiose plans or resolutions that will be ditched in week two. We’ve all done that.

Here are five quick tools that build a healthier lifestyle. My suggestion is that you pick one and work on that until it’s habitual. That might take 3 days or 3 weeks. We’re all coming at this from different angles.

I mentioned earlier that habits are hard to change when we’re super tired.

The brain simply does not have the resources to process change when you’re stressed. So our first strategy should be to choose a tool that is most helpful for you to cope with stressors in your life.

Which one of these do you think will make the biggest impact and will be the easiest to adopt?

Tool 1: Mindful Check-InSpend 2–3 minutes noticing your mood without judgment. Name it. “I feel frustrated.” “I feel anxious.” Labeling emotions actually calms the brain’s amygdala and gives you space to respond, not react. (Practice 3 minute breathing space)

Tool 2: Breathwork for Immediate CalmTry this breathing method: Inhale until you fill your lungs, then inhale a little more. Exhale and sigh out the mouth. Repeat 3 x. This “double inhale” massages the heart a little extra which tells your nervous system it’s safe to relax.

Tool 3: Movement as Mood ResetEven a short walk outside or a gentle yoga stretch can shift cortisol, boost serotonin, and reset your mood. Bonus: sunlight exposure early in the day helps regulate melatonin for better sleep. We mentioned earlier that even 15 minutes/day is an effective dose. Try these quick stretches with me right now. (Side bend, twist, cat/cow)

Tool 4: Blood Sugar AwarenessEat protein at every meal and limit refined carbs. Keeping your blood sugar stable stabilizes your mood. Midlife women often overlook this, but it makes a huge difference. Research is suggesting that an active midlife woman might need 90 grams or more protein per day. Aim to find whole food sources rather than protein drinks and supplements. Lovingly feeding your body makes your nervous system very happy. Mindful Eating is a great practice and I have a free guide to get you started. There will be a link in the show notes.

Tool 5: Self-Compassion

If people heard the vicious commentary running in my head some days, they would be shocked! I can be really mean to myself. During my weight loss and using the SHE Mindfulness program, I learned to recognize and reframe a lot of that self critical thinking. You know what I found really helped? Placing my hands over my heart, like this, closing my eyes briefly and saying something comforting to myself. Like you would to a small child or pet who was upset. Let’s try it cuz I know it sounds too basic.

Here’s an important mindset shift: mood swings aren’t a weakness—they’re your body talking to you. They’re asking for rest, movement, nutrition, or emotional care. If we listen instead of resist, we can reduce their frequency and intensity.

Pema Chodron says that what we resist will keep coming back to visit us until we let it in. Some of teachers say “what we resist, persists”.

Think of it like tuning an instrument. Hormones, stress, and lifestyle factors are the strings. When one is off, everything sounds discordant. With attention, mindfulness, and practical strategies, you can bring yourself back in tune.

So today we talked about why midlife mood swings happen, the role of hormones and cortisol, and simple tools to help you feel steadier and happier.

If you’re ready to take the next step, I have a free Mindful Eating Guide that pairs beautifully with these strategies, helping you nourish your body without stress or guilt. It’s all about small, kind, consistent steps—perfect for midlife women. There is also the Sleep Solutions Course ($19) that expands some of these self care tools, especially ones you can use in the middle of the night.

And if this episode resonated with you, share it with a friend who might need a little extra support, and subscribe so you never miss an episode of the Midlife Reset Podcast.

Remember: your moods don’t define you, but the way you respond to them can empower you to thrive through midlife and beyond.

Do you look in the mirror and think… ‘What on earth happened to me?’”

It’s not like you’re being vain. It’s about the extra weight, bloating, the discomfort that creep in during midlife—making you feel unlike yourself. Today I’m sharing how hormones, stress, and mindful eating all play a role in midlife weight—and why the gentlest, most effective changes are often the ones we overlook.

Welcome to the Midlife Reset Podcast, episode #32. I’m your host, Cheryl Gordon and today I want to share a few secrets about how to lose midlife weight, not with deprivation diets or crazy exercise, but by reducing stress. Here’s why it’s so powerful.

As I got to menopause, I felt so bewildered by all this extra flesh. I tried to exercise, eat healthy.

And it wasn’t about vanity. I’m a 62 year old grama. I’m totally allowed to be padded and I’m totally done trying to impress anyone But it just wasn’t me. And I know that those excess pounds put additional pressure on my joints, increase my risk for chronic disease and make clothes shopping yucky.

I don’t think most of us care about the pouchy belly or stretch marks any more. Those are badges of honour, my friend! But I do like to dress up and not have to tug at my waistband all day. Or feel bloated and unhealthy.

Because I’m a yoga therapist, I’m very aware of the dangers of low calorie and deprivation diets. One of the biggest risks for midlife women, if you’re say consuming under 1400 calories per day, is loss of muscle and bone tissue. You’d have to be lifting heavy to maintain it and it’s almost impossible to get the protein and other nutrition you’d need at that level. And almost every diet program and app prescribes a serious calorie deficit so you can shed pounds. A quick fix sells.

And I had injured myself enough times taking up aggressive exercise regimens that I didn’t want to go down that rabbit hole.

But when I looked in the mirror, my first thought was to criticize myself and threaten to put stricter measures in place. Like I was truant. Or a bad girl.

All that did was make me feel worse which aggravated my stress levels.

Does any of this ring true my friend? What if it wasn’t stricter food guidelines or more vigorous exercise that you needed? What if was a gentler, kinder method of shedding the excess pounds in harmony with your body and life?

I’ve put a clear program of Mindful Eating together that I can send you for free. It’s how I lost the menopausal weight and it doesn’t cut out food groups or make you feel embarrassed because you have a lapse now and then. More details on that later.

Let’s dive in as to what’s really going on behind the scenes with our midlife weight gain.

As we enter our 40s and 50s, several key hormones begin to fluctuate:

Estrogen declines as the ovaries gradually go offline.  Estrogen promotes the accumulation of subcutaneous fat, and the loss of estrogen with menopause is associated with an increase in visceral fat.  Prior to menopause, the female fat distribution is more centered on thighs, hips and breasts as subcutaneous fat.  As estrogen levels decline, this shifts to visceral, or abdominal, fat.  This type of fat is more associated with diabetes and cardiovascular disease so it’s not desirable.  

Falling estrogen levels can also lead to a decrease in serotonin, contributing to feelings of sadness, anxiety, and irritability. The loss of estrogen can result in decreased density of receptors, which are involved in serotonin signaling, and lower serotonin activity.  You can see why midlife women start to get a little cranky.  We become more vulnerable to stress due to the hormonal shift.

When levels of estrogen and progesterone are balanced, estrogen promotes fat storage, while progesterone helps burn it for energy. Some studies suggest it may also have an anti-glucocorticoid effect in adipose (or fat) tissue, potentially reducing the impact of stress hormones on fat storage.  Glucocorticoids are a class of steroid hormones that play a key role in how the body handles stress.  Cortisol is the main hormone.  More on that soon.

Estrogen and aldosterone can cause water retention, while progesterone is a natural diuretic, helping to reduce swelling and water weight.  When progesterone levels are low, especially relative to estrogen, it can disrupt this balance, potentially leading to more fat storage, particularly in the abdominal area. 

Women often don’t have testosterone on their own radar but it plays a crucial role in midlife weight gain.  As testosterone drops, muscle mass decreases.  Muscle tissue is a metabolic powerhouse!  Starting as early as our 30’s, we can lose up to 2% per year, and this loss speeds up in our 40s and 50s. 

Muscle tissue burns more calories than fat tissue, even at rest. This means a higher percentage of your daily energy expenditure (the calories you are burning up) comes from maintaining muscle mass. Building muscle through strength training boosts your basal metabolic rate (BMR), the number of calories your body burns just to keep functioning. 

Less muscle means a slower metabolism, which can lead to weight gain, less energy, and even a higher risk of injury.  If we are scared of hurting ourselves, we move less, lose more muscle… it’s a vicious circle.

Now let’s get back to stress and cortisol.  Earlier we  mentioned that this hormone is the main one in that group of glucocorticoids.  It is produced in the adrenals.  These are small glands, one on the right and one on the left, just above your kidneys.  Every time, throughout your whole life, that anything creates a potential survival threat, the adrenals kick out some stimulation to the nervous system.  It’s a marvelous and proven system that has kept humans thriving for millenia.  But the kinds of things that qualify as survival threats can be a loud noise, too many unknown people in a confined space, worry about paying bills, odd smells… it’s endless.  And in our modern, complicated lives, the nervous system is completely overwhelmed by potential threats.

When cortisol stays high for too long—whether from stress, over-exercising, or lack of sleep—it signals your body to store fat, especially around the belly. That’s because your body thinks it needs to conserve energy for a crisis, even if that “crisis” is just daily stress. 

Cortisol can increase appetite, especially for carbohydrates, by triggering specific mechanisms in the brain and body. It upregulates appetite-stimulating neuropeptides while inhibiting leptin, a satiety hormone.  It enhances dopamine release in the brain, leading to cravings for palatable, energy-dense foods like carbohydrates.

Cortisol triggers the breakdown of glycogen into glucose, flooding your system with extra fuel to escape the perceived threat—except there’s nothing to actually run from. It promotes the breakdown of proteins in muscle tissue to provide amino acids for energy, particularly for gluconeogenesis (converting non-carbohydrate sources into glucose). And as we will study further in this course, that spike in glucose triggers an insulin response, and insulin’s job is to store fat—especially in the belly.

And breaking down muscle is not a good direction to go in!  Cortisol can inhibit protein synthesis, hindering muscle growth, and also antagonizes the actions of anabolic hormones like insulin, further contributing to muscle loss.  

Managing stress is such a KEY to weight management. I think we hear that a lot but who can live on a mountain top or quit their job?

Yoga and mindfulness tools should be, and can be, brought into your everyday world. It’s great to go to a class but it’s pulling out what you’ve learned in the moment when cravings hit… that’s where results lie.

That’s why I’ve created the Mindful Eating Guide. It’s a common sense, step by step protocol for learning how to eat in harmony with your unique needs in the moment. You can attend social occasions. Enjoy your favourite foods. Just drop all the diet drama.

The essence of the program is careful planning, tools like journaling and really paying attention to yourself for a change. It transformed how I interact with food and cleared up a lot of those “bad girl” messages that made me feel truant.

Don’t get me wrong… I’m all about the fun. In fact, WTF? That was mine … but my acronym meant “where’s the fun?” Gotta figure out how it all morphed so terribly wrong.

Anyway…

Today’s topic is about F-U-N!

I’ve been in places in my life where it wasn’t much fun. I bet you have too.

What I didn’t really understand was that I was making a choice. Yup. A choice about the fun. I can make fun happen at a funeral (I’m bound to get letters on that one!). Today I want to share how you can make the mundane more marvelous with mindfulness. And bring on the FUN!

Here’s the thing: life looks busy, loud, and fun on Instagram. But what about when the phone is quiet, the kids are gone, and the house feels a little too still? That’s when the restlessness creeps in. Today, I want to show you how to flip that loneliness into joy—and make fun a choice, not an accident.

Do you like to have fun? Of course! No one signs up for the class “How to be Serious”. Our default wiring is all about worrying, fretting and ruminating. I don’t think anyone needs a class in that.

So we DO sign up for all the fun things… travel, parties, shopping, wine with girlfriends, redecorating. And we post all the photos on insta and tell everyone that we are SOOOO BUSY.

But, girlfriend, what about when it gets quiet for a bit? Phone’s not binging or buzzing. No parties right now. Actually, you feel a little burnt out from it all. Hard to settle to sleep. You might feel restless, lonely, like there should be more? You must be missing out because other people seem so much happier or important.

So you start to scroll… plan a trip… buy something online… reach for a snack or a nice glass of wine. Anything to fill in the quiet spot… distract you from that uncomfortable loneliness or boredom or restlessness.

I totally get it.

Around menopause, my weight gain was really bothering me. And there were too many quiet moments where my discomfort got really, well, uncomfortable. I knew that I was emotionally eating to distract from those awkward times.

My kids were busy with their own lives. I was sort of retired and my friends all seemed super busy with their jobs or their kids. After decades of being in the thick of things, I was lonely and left behind. That hurt.

We have all put in decades of building our knowledge base. Putting love into so many things. I guess I just thought that there would be this pot of gold here at the end of the rainbow. You know, life knocking on my door and saying “here’s the meaning of it all” or “congratulations oh wise woman, we revere you”.

In yoga philosophy, we practice not grasping for things. Not being materialistic. Denying the ego. Like the image of the wise figure on the mountain top, serenely meditating. That wasn’t my experience unfortunately. I did not feel serene. All the good mountain tops were taken.

Here’s what I discovered.

There’s no phoning it in. If we’re going to experience the life we really want, we have to reach out and make it happen.

We were willing to do this when we were younger. We dreamed of a career, went to school. We hunted around for a good mate, bought a great house, made a life for ourselves. But we have absorbed some crazy cultural myth that now we’ve graduated from that effort. Based on our age and experience, we can just sit back and life will find us.

I hear this from my friends and clients often. The desire to just sit back and see what unfolds. It is partly the yoga philosophy talking. We don’t want to be greedy or egotistical.

Here’s the truth my friends. You can just phone it in. Wait and see what happens. Be reactionary rather than visionary. But my bet is that you are going to feel restless with that. You’re too smart and talented to be battered about by the waves of fate.

My guess is that mostly what I’m hearing from my friends and clients is exhaustion. They have been self sacrificing and putting that finger in the dike for so long that there is little left over for their own self development.

That’s where I was at. Until I just looked in the mirror and said, that’s it. It FINALLY sunk in that there was no prince charming, no magic potion, no yoga fairy that was going to show me the way to go.

The protocol I used to find my way to losing 25 pounds, feeling energized and motivated again has become the SHE Mindfulness Program. I really want to share this with you so you can shape your life, not just phone it in.

First step? Living fully means challenging yourself with goals. Big goals and dreams.

Now why would you bother with that stuff? I had lots of dreams that never came true. I had tried shooting for goals and been disappointed in the past. At some point, can’t I just drift along and never feel that angst again???

Here’s why you can’t just fluff it away.

The discomfort you expose yourself to – on purpose – while shooting for goals and dreams reveals the thoughts that cause you discomfort when things are quiet.

Remember the loneliness, restlessness, boredom that we mentioned before? When the phone is quiet and no one is around and not much is happening. There are thoughts that are running through your mind during those periods. They are unkind, judgmental, repetitive thoughts. They drive us to behave and say things we would rather not in a different frame of mind.

They drive us to eat chips at night when we’re not really hungry. Those thoughts pick at our brain until we’re exhausted and snap at our husbands. They knock us down when new invitations come up, eat away at our confidence.

That’s not fun.

So I made some goals. The first one was to lose 10 pounds. It was daunting. It doesn’t sound like a lot of weight to some people but to me, it was Mount Everest. I was stressed just thinking about all the food I was going to have to cut out and extra exercise I’d had to find time and energy for.

But then I applied mindfulness to the task. Which means being aware of my moment to moment experience AND meeting those feelings with kindness, curiosity and non judgment.

I faced those b****y thoughts when I wanted chips or I was afraid I’d not be successful at my goal. I’m not enough. I don’t deserve to get thin. I’m going to be old and alone. I’m too old to try new things. Everyone else has something that makes their life amazing but I missed out.

In the SHE Mindfulness Program, I’ll teach you exactly how to face thoughts like these. Exactly what to do with the discomfort. And keep on track with the actions that will get you your goal.

I remember about 3 months into the weight loss process. I was camping in Florida and didn’t have a scale. I had no idea if the protocol was actually working. But I liked how it felt. I was being kinder in my head. I was feeling more confident. Then, at a thrift store, I managed a quick weigh in.

Can I communicate to you my elation that I was actually down a few pounds???!!! I just kept screaming “it works!!!”. Totally blew my mind. I hadn’t cut out a food group or taken on any crazy workouts. I just used mindful eating and the other components of the SHE protocol. Totally do-able. Even in my tiny trailer.

Now my thoughts were often like “I’m rocking it”, or “what a ride this is” or “as long as I’m learning and growing like this, I’ll never feel old”. My relationships started to feel more meaningful. I was sharing my truth and being more authentic.

And this, my friends, is what fun is really about. Not based on external situations. But from a deep wellspring of unstoppable joy that I am 100% in control of. This is why mundane stuff, like just staying at home or having a quiet tea with a friend, can be so soul satisfying.

It’s not because the # on the scale went down. It’s how I changed in the process. The changes in my brain.

So am I being greedy or egotistical? I’ve thought long and hard about this.

In yoga philosophy, there is the concept of dharma. It means our life’s purpose. We are each born with a unique set of gifts and talents. In alignment with the universal good, we are charged with getting out there and sharing them. We are to be of service. Make the world a better place.

I was hiding behind too much flesh. I was hiding behind excuses about being tired and old. I was letting my talents and gifts go dormant. That is not my job according to the philosophy of dharma. Because I was letting those b****y thoughts hold too much real estate in my brain, I wasn’t in alignment with what the universe really needed from me.

After losing ten pounds, then 15 and then finally 25, I realized that mindfulness and setting goals was an unlimited process. What else did I feel a deep longing around?

The same protocol that helped me lose the weight is being applied to other areas of my life including weight training, setting boundaries with family and building my online business.

Now that goal is really scary. About 75% of my brain thinks I’m on crack cocaine for setting the income goals I have. How will I ever get those sales? I don’t know how to do social media! What will the neighbours think? But there’s part of me that’s super excited and feeling very alive. That’s what I choose to focus on. Every day I have a plan. I’m learning to do what I say and create confidence in my abilities. I’m tapping into my authentic voice and sharing my truth with you.

I’m not hiding behind bags of chips or excuses about being tired. I’m out there, boldly flaunting my dharma for all to see. And it’s fun.

That’s why we need goals and dreams. Why we need to reach outside of our comfort zone on purpose. The skills we practice along this journey to our dreams builds muscle to bounce back from life’s surprises. And disappointments.

What if I don’t meet my business goal? Will it all be wasted? Will I be so embarrassed to tell you all?

See this is what’s so fun! It doesn’t matter about the actual goal! I can’t fail! The thoughts that I’ve confronted… the kindnesses that I’ve built into my day… the deepening appreciation for my own gifts and talents… those are mine no matter what.

If I hadn’t set the goal, I’d be doing the same old. So I set the goal, it’s going as it’s going. No matter what… when a year is up, I will be a changed brain. Change that I directed and supervised. I am in control. I’m proactive… not reactive. Being a big ass boss of my own life.

And that is fun, my friend.

Are stairs getting trickier every day? Do you worry about needing surgery for your knees?

One of the most common reasons people seek out my yoga classes is that they think they have tight hips.

What if I told you that in my decades of experience, the most under-utilized strategy to ease knee pain or loosen hips had nothing to do with those joints specifically?

Every step you take starts with your feet. If they’re stiff, weak, or can’t move well, that lack of motion travels up the chain into your knees and hips.

Welcome to episode #30 of the Midlife Reset Podcast. I’m your host, Cheryl Gordon. I’ve spent the last 25 years studying movement and helping women just like you stay active and strong. Today I want to share with you the secrets of keeping your feet nimble. Once you feel the transformation that so many of my clients have experienced, you’ll want to dive into all the other amazing benefits that yoga therapy can offer.

This will be a bit of a hands on episode. You may want to pause and grab a tennis ball or similar prop along with a small dishcloth, dry of course. It may be an episode that you want to repeat a few times until you get the full depth of what we’re sharing.

Ok… so what’s up with feet? Can you slip off your shoe and have a look? Can you see the number of little bones and joints in your foot? Each adult human foot contains 26 bones, which are divided into three main groups: seven tarsal bones in the ankle and rear foot, five metatarsal bones in the midfoot, and fourteen phalanges (toe bones). Together, the 26 bones in each foot make up about 25% of the total bones in the human body. That’s a lot of moving parts for feet which are a small part of your whole body.

Why did mother nature create such a mobile structure? Because, historically, we did not navigate our world in Nike’s. We were running barefoot over sand, rocks, savanna. Our feet are supposed to be a marvel of engineering and flexibility. You know those old commercials about people who can paint with their toes? That’s a thing. It’s possible. Watch babies. Their feet do all that their hands can do.

Let’s do a little experiment. Stand up. Watch your toes move if possible. Now if you’re driving, well, do it later. Try to lift just your big toe on the right foot. Let all the other toes stay down. Super hard, right? But your muscles and bones can do that. You’ve just lost the wiring to the brain that remembers how to do that.

Why does this matter?

Flexible feet (especially in the arches and toes) act like springs, absorbing shock with each step. If the feet are rigid, that shock moves directly into the knees and hips, which aren’t designed to handle all that impact.

Feet that can spread, flex, and adapt keep the ankles stable. Stable ankles = better knee tracking and hip alignment. Without it, knees may cave inward or twist, which stresses cartilage and ligaments.

When I was a kid, I couldn’t skate. My ankles just fell inward. I tripped over my own blades. When my mom took me to the doctor because I fell so much, he recommended ballet. Here’s me at 3 years old in my little pink tutu. The doctor recognized that I had weak ankles and stiff feet, even for a kid. I think it helped. My poor mom.

Anyway, this brings us to an important point. Flexible, mobile feet give your brain constant information about where you are in space. This is called proprioception. It is sometimes referred to as a sixth sense.

When you set out to walk or climb stairs, your brain has been trained to tune into where that hovering foot is about to land. Did you realize you balance on one foot all day long? Every step you take in fact. So many students in yoga tell me they have no balance and my reply is that you couldn’t have walked in here if you couldn’t balance. Proprioception is a type of essential intelligence that I was struggling to develop when I was 3. It’s know where our bodies are in space and time, almost instinctively. Movement is the best teacher of proprioception.

Now your gorgeous feet are a marvel of engineering for another reason that running on the savannah. The movement in your feet as you navigate that uncertain territory is feeding information up to your brain that builds proprioception. In fact, 90% of your intelligence around where you are in space comes from your feet. That knowledge translates up the kinetic chain and helps your hips and knees respond quickly and stay strong in movement, preventing falls and injuries.

And yet, what did my mom do when I started to walk? What are older people cautioned to do all the time to prevent falls? Yup. Get a structured shoe. This is tantamount to putting on noise cancelling headphones and then trying to hear someone talk from the next room. Very muffled. When you wear firm, structured shoes, you are muffling your natural feedback systems to your brain. You are less intelligent, less stable.

I know. We are bombarded with marketing messages about arch support and pronation and goodness knows what. But here’s the way God made ya. Flexible feet.

Ever sit on a park bench and watch people walk by? How many older adults do you see who walk fluidly and evenly? Not many I bet. I know we all have stiff hips and sore knees but why???

To walk smoothly, you need your toes to bend, your arch to rise and fall, and your heel to move freely. If those motions are stiff, your stride shortens, hips and knees compensate, and over time—pain and wear-and-tear build up.

You can begin to address this right now. Can you grab your bare foot? It might be easier to lie down in bed. However it works for you. Gentle stroke the bottom of your foot. No pressure really needed. Can you feel the tingle? It’s about activating nerve endings. Can you picture little lightening bolt type messengers zinging up to your brain. Pay attention! Stuff is happening here! That’s good. We want the pathways to be very alive. Now try a little more pressure, maybe moving the toes this way and that. Massaging into the “flipper” part of your foot. We can even mobilize the heel. There are three bones just in the heel part. Take time to notice that foot before trying the second side. Try a tennis ball now.

What about feet that are just blocks of cement? Start slow, be consistent. It’s mostly soft tissue (fascia) and it will soften.

Speaking of fascia, have you ever had plantar fasciitis? That is an inflammation of the soft tissue in the sole of the foot. Very painful. Don’t do anything drastic when it’s in flare up. Do the wash cloth thing to strengthen. To prevent, take foot and ankle mobility more seriously every day, calf stretching too.

Doing the Joint Freeing Series daily, even twice a day, is a good practice.

Let’s recap.

1. The feet are your base of support

Every step you take starts with your feet. If they’re stiff, weak, or can’t move well, that lack of motion travels up the chain into your knees and hips.

2. Shock absorption

* Flexible feet (especially in the arches and toes) act like springs, absorbing shock with each step.

* If the feet are rigid, that shock moves directly into the knees and hips, which aren’t designed to handle all that impact.

3. Alignment & tracking

* Feet that can spread, flex, and adapt keep the ankles stable.

* Stable ankles = better knee tracking and hip alignment.

* Without it, knees may cave inward or twist, which stresses cartilage and ligaments.

4. Balance & proprioception

* Flexible, mobile feet give your brain constant information about where you are in space.

* This helps your hips and knees respond quickly and stay strong in movement, preventing falls and injuries.

5. Gait efficiency

* To walk smoothly, you need your toes to bend, your arch to rise and fall, and your heel to move freely.

* If those motions are stiff, your stride shortens, hips and knees compensate, and over time—pain and wear-and-tear build up.

To address these issues, take up a daily practice of paying attention to your feet. I’ve shared three things right now but there are lots of options. I do recommend strongly that you look at the FREE Joint Freeing Series video course. It gives you a few different versions for different times of day and different abilities. I do the practice myself and can personally vouch for the benefits. I think I walk pretty well for an old girl.

Do you have more questions about your feet? Let me know.

Have you spent years pouring your heart into everyone else—only to feel drained, resentful, or even invisible?

You’re not alone. In this week’s episode of The Midlife Reset Podcast (Ep. 29), I sit down with life coach, author, and podcast host Denise Drinkwalter to talk about reclaiming your joy, setting boundaries, and putting yourself back at the centre of your life.

✨ In this empowering conversation, you’ll discover:

🔹 The difference between coaching and therapy—and when each is right for you🔹 How journaling can help you release anxiety and reconnect with your authentic self🔹 Why midlife is the perfect time to rewrite your story🔹 Inspiring client stories of women who broke free from old patterns and found confidence, purpose, and even new careers🔹 How Denise uses unique tools like numerology to help women see their potential

Whether you’re tired of being tired, feeling stuck in family dynamics, or simply ready to prioritize you for once—this episode will inspire you to take that first intentional step.

🎧 Tune in now and learn how to create a life that feels authentic, connected, and full of possibility—on your terms.

Resources mentioned in the podcast:

📌 Learn more about Denise Drinkwalter: 📌 Join Cheryl’s SHE Mindfulness Program:

📌 Get the truth about the 5 Deal Breakers in Yoga for Midlife Women (spoiler alert: hot yoga is not a good plan!)

If you’ve ever wondered why your body seems to respond differently to diets, exercise, or even your favorite comfort foods now that you’re in midlife, you’re not alone. In episode 28 of the Midlife Reset Podcast, I sat down with holistic nutritionist (and metabolism mechanic!) Sharlene Styles to answer your burning questions about midlife metabolism.

Together, we dug into hot topics like anti-inflammatory diets, intermittent fasting, collagen supplements, and how to navigate cravings with mindfulness instead of guilt. Here are the highlights.

The Anti-Inflammatory Diet: What Really Works

When it comes to fighting inflammation, the first rule is simple: eat real food. That means vegetables, fruits, legumes, beans, healthy fats (like olive oil and walnuts), and wild-caught fish.

What to limit? Ultra-processed foods like packaged meats, refined oils, pastries, breads, pastas, and sugary snacks. For some women, dairy or alcohol can also be inflammatory.

But here’s the thing: inflammation is personal. What causes a flare-up in one woman may not affect another. The key is paying attention to how your body feels and adjusting accordingly.

Intermittent Fasting: Helpful or Harmful?

There’s no denying intermittent fasting has scientific backing—but most of the research has been done on men, not women. And for midlife women already juggling hormone shifts, adrenal fatigue, or chronic stress, fasting can actually add more stress to the body.

Many women start their day with black coffee while fasting, but caffeine spikes cortisol and inflames the body further. Combine that with under-eating and over-exercising, and it’s a recipe for hormonal chaos.

Instead, Sharlene suggests focusing on stabilizing blood sugar: eating every 4–5 hours with balanced meals that contain protein, healthy fats, and complex carbs. This signals safety to your body and supports fat burning without stress.

Comfort Foods and Cravings: Mindfulness Over Guilt

Who doesn’t love a gooey cinnamon bun or a bowl of creamy mac and cheese? Comfort foods often aren’t about nutrition—they’re tied to memories, emotions, and the need for soothing.

Instead of labeling them as “bad,” Sharlene suggests asking: What makes this food comforting? Then, find healthier swaps that still give you the cozy, satisfying feeling—like rye bread instead of white, or a nourishing muffin made with whole ingredients.

And yes—there’s room for the real thing too. With mindfulness and intention, you can enjoy ice cream or birthday cake without guilt. As I’ve learned personally, weight loss and wellness don’t mean cutting out all the foods you love—they mean choosing them consciously.

Collagen: Worth the Hype?

Collagen is one of the most buzzed-about supplements for women over 40—and for good reason. As we age, our natural collagen production declines, affecting skin, joints, and connective tissue.

But here’s the truth: collagen isn’t a miracle fix. It’s a protein, and while rotating different types can be beneficial, the foundation is still eating a protein-rich diet with a variety of amino acids from whole foods. Think of collagen as an add-on, not the base of your nutrition.

The Bottom Line: Gentle, Sustainable Shifts

Whether it’s food, fasting, or fitness, the most powerful changes aren’t the extreme ones—they’re the gentle, sustainable shifts you can stick with. Quick fixes and harsh restrictions rarely work long-term.

Instead, focus on:

* Eating whole, anti-inflammatory foods that feel good for your body

* Stabilizing blood sugar to calm hormones and reduce stress

* Approaching cravings with mindfulness, not guilt

* Supporting your body with sensible supplements and protein-rich meals

This is how you build energy, balance, and health in midlife—not just for now, but for decades to come.

💡 Want more guidance? The SHE Mindfulness Program provides a step by step framework to help you

* sleep better

* lose weight

* feel stronger

employing the tools of yoga and mindfulness. This unique blend of ancient wisdom, practical worksheets, video courses, movement classes and personalized support is a transformational journey custom crafted for midlife women.

Cheryl Gordon: Yoga is supposed to heal you, so why did it hurt me? In this episode, my guest and I reveal the hidden risks of yoga for women over 50, and the essential steps to keep your practice safe, strong, and sustainable for decades to come.

Today, I'm so excited to have a great gab with Gillian Soder of Body Labs Yoga in Edmonton, Canada. Gillian is the creator and primary facilitator for Body Labs classes, workshops, and courses. She's been studying yoga and the human body for over 20 years, spanning a university degree, employment in forensic medicine, and currently as a movement educator.

Her and I today will break down where I, and so many yoga enthusiasts, are at risk for injury. We’ll explain why, and give you the best practices for enjoying decades of yoga safely.

So welcome to episode number 27 of the Midlife Reset Podcast.I'm Cheryl Gordon. I'm a yoga therapist who's very busy these days, doing my best to educate midlife women on feeling stronger, losing weight, and sleeping better using the tools of yoga and mindfulness.

Now, I started teaching yoga with great enthusiasm. I had always loved attending classes, and felt that yoga was just about the best thing that had ever happened to me.

When I got to start leading those classes myself, sharing the teachings, well, you know, I just jumped in, like, 150%. I taught six days a week.Enthusiastically demonstrating poses on one side, but then walking around the room to help my students adjust into their poses. And they would be doing the second side, but I skipped that side, you know, because I was busy teaching. I didn't do any of the preparatory breathing or relaxation stuff that I had my students do. I was guiding others.

And yoga was magic, right? I was totally above worrying about keeping myself safe.And then there was that first injury. Ouch.My psoas, which is a hip flexor muscle, just got fed up with those deep, sexy lunges, and all the lack of counterposing. It got inflamed, angry, painful — I couldn't even walk.Other injuries have followed, each one teaching an essential lesson.

So please welcome my guest today, Gillian Soder. Gillian, I can't wait to mine all your knowledge, so our listeners won't make those same mistakes that I was talking about. So welcome!

Gillian Soder: Thank you for having me! I'm super excited! Let's get into it.

Cheryl Gordon: I want to ask, Gillian, because I was so intrigued: what was your work in forensic medicine? That sounds so intriguing.

Gillian Soder: So, yeah… my degree is actually in forensic anthropology. Bones are my jam — that's why I’ve got all my buddies around me. And so I took my forensic anthropology here at the University of Alberta, and started working at the medical examiner's office, actually before I graduated. So I worked in a forensic setting doing autopsies.Not medical autopsies, but forensic autopsies — those are autopsies on individuals whose death was unexpected, either due to some sort of medical reason, or due to some sort of violent death, be it in a trauma accident, homicide, or something like that.And so we did that for a number of years. I also worked for the transplant program at the University of Alberta Hospital, as a coordinator, speaking with families at time of death about donation of their loved one's tissues.Over the span of 20 years, I actually went back to the medical examiner's office during 2020 as well. So, over the span of about 20 years, I have been in and out of anatomy labs with my hands literally on the tissues of the human body, and it's been such an honor to be able to learn in that way continuously.

Cheryl Gordon: Wow, that's a lot of deep experience, Gillian. So when you talk about the body and how to align ourselves in yoga poses, we're going to play very close attention. So… how did you go from forensic anthropology to yoga?

Gillian Soder: Yeah, it seems like a big leap — and it was. I have two children, and when I had my second child, our work schedules… I was working shift work at the transplant program at the time, and it just didn’t make sense for me to return back to work full-time.So, as a stay-at-home mom, I decided I was going to take my yoga teacher training as kind of my little side gig. Get me out of the house, keep me a little sane, right? Keep me busy.I took my yoga teacher training almost 15 years ago now, and that was a big learning curve — bigger than I thought it was going to be. Because here’s the thing: I had been learning from bodies that were stationary. No feeling, right? They had no opinion on what was happening. I had always worked with deceased bodies. Always.And it was a big shift for me to work with moving, breathing, feeling humans. So, I'm still learning in that transition, 15 years later. But again, it's this beautiful arc of the human experience — between this life that we get to live in these bodies, and understanding how they interact.

Cheryl Gordon: Fascinating. So, can we talk a little bit more about the difference between a dead body and a live body? Beyond the obvious. Now, here’s kind of the reason I’m asking the question, Gillian, and I think it’s going to lead us into the reason that I sustained the injuries that I did in yoga, and it’s got something to do with connective tissue.

Gillian Soder: Yeah, absolutely. So, our connective tissue — everyone’s connective tissue, everyone’s body — is very independent. Everyone has their own kind of build and structure. My buddy over here, just over my left shoulder, he’s named Stan, because he stands around. He goes with me to all of my trainings. He’s kind of the template. But we always have to remember: he’s a template, and that’s it.There is huge variation in the human population. When I was learning at the University of Alberta, we worked with a skeletal collection that wasn’t representative of the bodies we typically see here in Canada. Those skeletons were much smaller than the bodies I see in my classes. Later, when I did some of my training in Eastern Europe, those skeletal bodies were much larger than the ones I had studied here.So, when we’re talking about movement and templates — the kinds of images that Yoga Journal has put out over the years, those beautiful pictures of people practicing — those are just templates. It’s not necessarily how it’s going to look for you, or me, or the next person.It really comes down to how the position feels in your body. Your skeleton is going to interact with those positions in a very different way than someone else’s. That’s why we want to focus on the experience of the soft tissue — the connective tissue around and within the joints — in order to stay within what we might call “safe spaces.”

Cheryl Gordon: Absolutely. And this is something I’ve been trying to communicate, but I just love having someone with your expertise and experience reinforcing the message I’ve been trying so hard to share with midlife women. Because it becomes even more important as we get older. It’s very important when we’re young, but even more so as we age.I remember following some of the work of Tom Myers — you’ve probably heard of him — the “Anatomy Trains.” He and a number of my teachers have mentioned that for many centuries, people were studying autopsies, looking at dead bodies, and basically dismissing fascia and connective tissue. Because the body wasn’t moving, fascia seemed unimportant.It’s only in more recent times, with imaging technology, that we can actually see a moving body from the inside and say, “Oh wow, what’s all that doing?” That must be one of the big differences between working with the dead and the living, right?

Gillian Soder: Absolutely. When I was learning anatomy in the gross anatomy labs at university, fascia was literally the stuff we cut away to get to the “interesting” parts.

Cheryl Gordon: The good stuff, like the nerves and muscles.

Gillian Soder: Exactly. We removed it just to see the rest. And that was only in the early 2000s when I was doing my degree — not that long ago. In the 20 to 25 years since, we’ve realized the nervous system is actually more connected to fascia than to anything else.Don’t quote me on the exact numbers, but I believe it’s almost 100 times more connected to your fascia than to your skin. Which is fascinating.

And that’s something I love about the human body. You’d think after thousands of years of living in these bodies we’d know everything, but we’re still learning. We used to believe the parts weren’t connected — but in reality, they are totally connected.

Cheryl Gordon: Yes, and that brings us back to connective tissue. It’s this continuous weave throughout all of our tissues — through each tiny little muscle spindle, around our organs, even within our bones. It’s all connected.

Gillian Soder: Absolutely.

Cheryl Gordon: So if fascia is so deep, and even more sensitive than our skin, then in a way we’re actually feeling from the inside, right?

Gillian Soder: Yes, absolutely. And especially for yoga teachers, many of whom haven’t studied anatomy since high school, it’s important to remember: the images in textbooks or online are only created because tissue was cut away.

Your body, until a scalpel touches it, is complete and whole. It’s one system. That’s one of the issues I have with Tom Myers’ work. He’s a brilliant anatomist and has great ideas, but we have to remember his “fascial lines” only exist because a scalpel created them.Those fascial lines are interwoven — the anterior line isn’t truly separate from the lateral line or any other line. It’s all connected. And that’s why we need to be careful to remember that textbook images always come through the lens of whoever dissected or illustrated them.

Cheryl Gordon: Right, yes. Great point. I never really thought about that before. It’s just so amazing, the capability of the human body, and I think yoga is a place where we can really celebrate that capability.

Now, you were mentioning yoga teachers and teacher training. What do you think are some of the main mistakes yoga teachers might be making when they’re sharing movement practice?

Gillian Soder: It’s not so much that they’re making mistakes, but I think they’re missing opportunities. One of the biggest missed opportunities right now is the… at least in the kind of circles that I run in, which are a lot more mobility-focused, and about maintaining long-term ability of the tissues, a vital old age, please.

Maintaining what we have already, right? So, I think one of the things that we are missing a little bit of is more challenge within our practices.

There's a lot of emphasis right now on embodied work and feeling things internally, and what tends to happen with that sort of practice is more of a restorative, quieter practice. And yes, 100%, our nervous systems need that.But they also need the other end of the spectrum. Because there is something so empowering in that moment when a student realizes that they did a really challenging posture, or practice, or what have you.

That they were able to bring themselves to that quote-unquote edge. And not… I'm not talking about, like, the edge of feeling intensity in your tissues or anything like that. We've kind of heard that dialogue over the years — “step to the edge,” right? And that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about finding something a little bit deeper in yourself, where you can go, wow.I just achieved that.

And that is where your nervous system really starts to shift and starts to find a little bit more resiliency. Instead of just going, okay, yeah, I'm okay with this practice, I'm okay with where I'm feeling, and all of that. There's a balance to that by challenging as well, and I think sometimes we're missing out on that challenge for our students.

Cheryl Gordon: Great reminder, because I'm a big believer in the calming practices, and the slower, and the more embodied yoga, but I hear what you're saying completely. So, if I were to ask Gillian specifics about what I could incorporate, in my own practice, or when I'm teaching, I'm thinking poses like plank pose, or maybe the warrior poses, or maybe, like, the balance poses. So, these are the poses that present a big challenge to people.They build strength and cohesion in movement patterns.

Gillian Soder: Yeah, but we can also get a little bit more nuanced within those postures. So, if we are in, let's say, a balancing posture — a one-leg balancing posture.Can we… so, if this is the femoral head, the top of the thigh, okay, and this is part of my pelvis — how can I move that pelvis around a little bit within that balancing posture to get a little bit more stability and strength and awareness within the joint itself?

I live in northern Alberta. We have ice here. It just is part of our lives, right? We are literally skating across the parking lots in the middle of winter. And so this is something that actually is really functional for the population around here, where during the winter, your hips, those smaller muscles within the hips, need to be able to respond for that moment that you step out of your car and put weight on one leg, and need to get up without falling on your butt.Right?

So, when you can explain the reasoning behind it, that's really functional for your students. I think that's when some of these practices can land a little bit more thoroughly for them. Right? So I can say to my students, you know, just being aware helps us to land a potential fall in a more safe way. By doing these practices within a controlled environment in our yoga practice, right?

And so I think that that sort of thing can be really — almost life-changing for our students, potentially, right?

Cheryl Gordon: Yeah, and as we get older, and our bones maybe aren't as strong as they used to be, I have so many people in my classes that say, oh, I have no balance, I'm not good at balance. And I'm thinking, yeah, but you add another 20 years on, girlfriend, that's gonna be a life-threatening condition.So, you're suggesting, Gillian, that us yoga teachers should pay more attention, challenging our students in those kinds of ways.

Gillian Soder: Absolutely, absolutely. And right, like, you brought up plank position. Well, plank position, we can do rhomboid push-ups in plank position, which helps to maintain the integrity of the entire shoulder complex. Front, back, side, all of it. It's not just about the rhomboids in that position, right?So I think, yeah, I think that supporting our students for that future of their body right now is really… to me, it's the definition of my job.

Cheryl Gordon: And I really would love to see more emphasis in yoga classes for midlife women, especially for everybody, but especially for us girls, on these kinds of ideas, rather than, you know, a cow face pose.You know, reaching for your fingers behind your back, or the different poses where you're told to grab your big toe and pull. I wish we would just stop saying those kind of things and make those a measurement of the practice, because I think the connective tissue gets a little traumatized sometimes.

Gillian Soder: Absolutely! We overstretch instead of finding a balance between stretching and engaging. Here's the thing about every single muscle in your body. Every single muscle from your bicep to your pelvic floor.Your muscles, in order to be a healthy muscle, they need to be able to both engage effectively and relax effectively. If they can't do both of those, then there is a disbalance within that tissue.And so, what tends to happen in our bodies is we have an over-engagement in the tissue, because it's holding on for dear life — not because the muscle is not strong enough, but because the area around the joints are not stabilized enough. There's not a balance of all of the muscles around the joints.And so, finding that balance for our students, taking care of all the sides of the joints, is really important.

Cheryl Gordon: Yeah, and getting back to my first injury that I was discussing in the intro, the deep, sexy lunge pose, you know, with the knee on the ground and the big back bend thrown into it, I had unstable pelvic joints. My hips weren't… and everyone wants to stretch their hips. They think their hips are tight, or their hip flexors are tight.And what I wasn't doing was the corresponding reassurance for all those small muscles and all that connective tissue and all those important ligaments in that joint that, oh no, we've got this, we're gonna be nice and stable. I was just throwing it into a great big, huge gravitational pull.And it fought back.

Gillian Soder: Yeah, and that's a really common story in our profession, right? I include myself in that population. I got to the same point with sciatic pain, where I was not able to teach for 3 months because of my sciatic pain, because I had overstretched the nerve itself, right?

Cheryl Gordon: Right.

Gillian Soder: And the hips tend to be the culprit in our injuries amongst yoga teachers in particular, right? Because we do that… a demonstration of the posture on one side and not the other, and we always have a preferred side that we teach from, right? So we do the right side first always, or something like that, right?

Cheryl Gordon: You know what?

Gillian Soder: Human nature, and so it's okay. But you mentioned tight muscles. The thing about tight muscles is that they're usually tight — feel tight — because they're holding on for dear life. It's not because they are actually tight themselves. It's because they're trying to stabilize the joint.And same for me. My joints, my hip joints were unstable. I actually learned that I have hip dysplasia, which is a skeletal deformity. And that kind of predisposed me to injury within my hips.Now, I don't have the flexion, or the flexibility, rather, that I had when I first started practicing or teaching. But I actually have stability and strength in my hips now. Right? So it's… you may have to release some of that idea of how deep of a flexibility practice that you want.

Gillian Soder: In order to create the strength and stable practice that you actually need. ends of the joints to start to rub together. And it’s obviously very painful. But having—again going back to that idea of supporting the joint, creating strength and stability for the joint itself—is really instrumental in supporting the body through the process of osteoarthritis. Unfortunately, you can’t reverse osteoarthritis, but you can support it and slow its progression.

Cheryl Gordon: And maybe alleviate, with all the other tools of yoga, some of the experience of the pain. You get a little bit more confidence, and you’re willing to move a little bit more. Then you get a little bit stronger, and some of the pressure comes off the joint. It’s a cumulative process.

Gillian Soder: It just… it builds on itself, absolutely.

Cheryl Gordon: Taking that first step. And I do have a free program, Gillian, that I’ve developed. It’s based on an old yoga tradition called Pavanmuktasana, but I call it the Joint Freeing Series. I recommend it for people who have osteoarthritis, because they can move the joint, get that synovial fluid going without weight bearing. Each joint is moved by itself, so there’s not a lot of complexity for the nervous system to deal with. I’ll put a link to that free program in the notes.And I’m sure you have some great resources, too, that you offer.

Gillian Soder: Yeah, I usually focus more on teacher training stuff, but I do have a few programs available on my website for people who want to get a little bit more nerdy and understand the why behind things. That’s really where I get excited—the whys behind things.

Has touch and connection quietly slipped off your radar since menopause? You're not alone—and you are not broken.

In this heartfelt episode of The Midlife Reset Podcast, I’m joined by Dr. Sadaf Lodhi, a gynecologist and intimacy coach who helps midlife women reconnect with pleasure, confidence, and their sexual selves. We talk vaginal dryness, tanked libido, societal shame, and why midlife is actually the perfect time to unleash your inner goddess. Whether you're partnered or solo, you deserve thriving intimacy—and this conversation is a beautiful place to begin.

As women in midlife, many of the obvious ways we used to experience love and connection have faded or shifted. And yet, love remains essential. I’ve explored this in Episode 7

, where I dive into the link between love, connection, and even weight loss.

Dr. Lodhi brings over 20 years of experience and offers both online and in-person care. A graduate of the University of Michigan, she specializes in personalized gynecology and intimacy coaching. Today, she’s redefining care for midlife women through her innovative concierge practice.

We dive into:

* Why vaginal dryness and decreased libido are common (not just “in your head”)

* How hormonal shifts—particularly the decline in estrogen and testosterone—impact intimacy, comfort, and desire

* The importance and benefits of hormone therapy (including vaginal estrogen), especially when started within 10 years of menopause

* The outdated fear surrounding hormone therapy, particularly from the 2002 WHI study, and the latest insights from the FDA’s recent discussion on removing black box warnings from vaginal estrogen

* How estrogen impacts not just sexual health but bone density, brain health, cardiovascular function, and more

Dr. Lodhi also explains her concierge model: more time with patients, same-week appointments, and real access—something many women struggle to find with traditional care. Her clients often seek support for hormone therapy, low libido, and issues like vaginal pain, tight pelvic floor, or loss of orgasm—all topics many are too embarrassed to bring up.

We also discuss the shame and stigma around sexuality that many of us inherited, and how to change that narrative for ourselves and future generations. Dr. Lodhi shares candidly about being a mom of three boys, and how she creates an open, safe space for questions—even the awkward ones.

As we wrap up, we touch on the solo journey. If you're not currently partnered, should you care about your sexual health? Her answer: absolutely, if it matters to you. If connection, pleasure, and sensation are important to your quality of life, they are worth prioritizing—regardless of your relationship status.

Get a FREE yoga class designed to help you balance your hormones.  It supports stress reduction and reconnection with your body—a foundational step in restoring sexual vitality. Yoga has even been shown in research to enhance sexual health and function.

Contact Dr. Lodhi.

Does this sound familiar? I eat healthy all day long… green smoothie for breakfast, high fibre salad for lunch. Even at dinner, well, I start carefully. But then it tastes really good. And I’m not supposed to eat after dinner, so I’d better tank up now. Wouldn’t want to be hungry or I won’t sleep. And then I finish it all and think good, I’m full. But…. The night stretches out long ahead. I’m tired. But a little wired. My sweet tooth starts grumbling. What about a little chocolate??? Dark chocolate has antioxidants you know. Yup. That sure was good. Another little square won’t hurt. I sit to watch something on YouTube and next thing I know, half the bar is gone. OK, no more of that. This is what goes on in my brain, literally.

Welcome to episode 25 of the Midlife Reset Podcast. I’m Cheryl Gordon, yoga therapist. I am working hard to educate midlife women about losing weight, feeling stronger and sleeping better.

Back to my night time struggle. Literally every night.

I feel shame for caving on the chocolate. That uncomfortable feeling niggles in the back of my mind while I’m trying to distract with more YouTube or reading. More shame starts piling in because it’s a shame spiral. The more the merrier, right?

You should sign up for an exercise class at night. You will never fit into your clothes if you don’t tackle this weight around the middle. And for me, I make a living selling healthy lifestyle. What kind of advertisement is it if I look dumpy????

Yeah, and I should sign up for a continuing education class. That would keep me away from food at night. I do feel kind of tired after dinner. I put in full days. But if I were really ambitious or organized I would have energy for that. More shame, yay!

Meanwhile, my habit brain, the part of my brain that organizes all my background processes, is becoming a little concerned. All this shame coming to the party leads to feelings of isolation, being left out and not measuring up. Wayyyyy back in the caveman days, being left out or ostracized from the tribe was fatal. My habit brain still holds to that notion. So these feelings of isolation are being read as a survival threat. We could die!!!!

Habit brain to the rescue! It has a plan for all potential survival threats. And it has been gathering programming for millennia for just this moment.

Unfortunately, my habit brain does not have room or any desire to embrace my goals, dreams and higher human potential. It’s only interested in basic survival. It doesn’t know that I’ve resolved to kick night time snacking or that I desperately want to fit into my beautiful clothes.

The habit brain steadily amps up the signals that we should do whatever it takes to calm the feelings of isolation, shame and loneliness. Historically, you know what has worked super well???? Eating a snack!

When we eat something rich in carbohydrates, like chocolate or popcorn or Oreos, the brain receives a strong dopamine hit. This is a pleasure hormone. We are wired, super hard wired, to go after dopamine hits.

Ahhhhh. Pleasurable food. Brain happy. Shame spiral temporarily halted. Deep breath.

Unfortunately, that dopamine hit just band-aided the problem. Logically, I’ve just added more fuel to the shame fire. The whole circle of hell starts again.

Hopefully, my story helps you understand how absolutely normal you are. This is a trap so many of us fall into. You are not broken. I am not shame worthy. It’s just an unmindful pattern that we can totally hack into.

Here’s how.

There are several reasons why this night time snacking cycle gets away from us. I’d like to share three today along with a strategy for each. In the SHE Mindfulness Program, we take a much deeper dive. And you have access to our private Community within which you can ask questions specific to your situation and share your own strategies with others like us.

1. Days can be busy. Sometimes it’s hard to fit in proper meals. And I often don’t notice my hunger or cravings because my brain is so entertained by all that’s happening. Also, I might take advantage of that distraction and skip some meals. You know… bank my calories for later. It’s feels so virtuous to say, “Oh I forgot to eat today!” Or “I only had an apple for lunch”.

Meanwhile, that habit brain is getting more and more concerned. Depriving ourselves and ignoring hunger cues can create a panic response in your system. Even mild hunger can trigger stress hormones. You might not notice the build up of anxiety because you are stimulated by your activities. But when the distractions start to wind down, the anxiety hits full tilt.

Do you find you are nibbling while cooking dinner? Do the hunger pangs attack as you drive home to make supper? Do you get “hangry”?

Routinely ignoring hunger cues sensitizes our alarm system so it’s super hard to control eating to enough. There is a brilliant communication loop built into our system. But if we are not attuned, the system loses its calibration. In other words, the habit brain becomes even more of a drama queen and sends these big panic messages as soon as it can find our attention.

Here’s the solution: Eat when you are hungry. And stop eating when you’ve had enough.

How elegant. In Mindful Eating (you can get a FREE copy of the guide by clicking on the link in the show notes), we study exactly how to read the body for hunger and full cues. It sounds so simple but, for me, it has been an ongoing practice to recalibrate.

This is a long term process of learning to deeply listen to your body again. You don’t have to give up chocolate or popcorn. I promise.

2. The next strategy is helping to address the hormones that cause unnecessary night time snacking.

Cortisol is a normal hormone that is commonly released in the system to help us feel energized and prepped for activity. It starts to rise about 4 am and steadily grows all day. There’s nothing wrong with cortisol in the system. It’s normal.

But here’s the catch. We sit down at dinner. We’re probably hungry. We’ve been busy. Our brains are tired. Do you know you have to make tens of thousands of decisions each day and each one is an energy gobbler?

The relaxation that comes into the system with food is like a roller coaster downhill. We crash. Our system so needed that relaxation that it doesn’t want it to end. Especially if after dinner, there’s a whole bunch of yucky stuff like laundry or feeling lonely.

The habit brain knows how to keep the party going. Keep eating! It’s simple. So we take a little more chicken. That’s healthy right? And maybe just a spoonful more pasta. It is so good tonight. Did you miss lunch? Well… have seconds of course. You can afford the calories.

The body doesn’t really need those calories. They will likely be stored as fat… you know, there could be a famine. There was for most of human history. The bottom line… you torpedo your weight loss goals before you’ve even really settled in for the evening.

Does this resonate? Well, I blew through my portion control at supper. I’ll start over tomorrow. But for tonight, I might as well blow it out with chips. And then it’s the shame spiral. See overeating strategy number one.

There is a wonderful solution! In the SHE Mindfulness program we talk a lot more about mindful rest. But this is how rest breaks throughout the day relate to weight loss. Most people think they need to exercise more. So this can be really counter intuitive. But stick with me.

IF you don’t want to try and wrestle with that big tank in cortisol at supper tonight, wouldn’t it make sense to bring it down a bit during the day? This is scientifically possible by taking 5 - 20 minute mid day reset for the nervous system. A restorative yoga pose, a quick nap, a meditation…. There are many options to reduce cortisol production.

The second part to this solution is to plan for a pleasurable activity after dinner that will mimic that dopamine hit you normally get from food. A juicy novel perhaps? A cuddle with a loved one or pet? A relaxing evening stroll to gab with the neighbours? Not laundry! Not a high energy boxer fit class! I love seeing the amazing ideas our community in the SHE Mindfulness program shares about getting that evening sense of connection and calm.

* And finally, the third issue. Are you a rebel? You might be a wonderful, giving person all day… never saying no and always patient … then night time comes… it’s quiet, no one’s around… it’s your time and you’re going to have a little fun by golly… that’s often the junk food.

I have a friend. She stills writes handwritten thank you cards! She has impeccable manners. Never misses a birthday, etc. Her house is immaculate. Very successful at her career. But simmering underneath, that nobody can see usually, she’s pissed. People forget her birthday. They don’t say thank you. They don’t finish the file properly at work. Why do they get away with that sloppiness and she has to clean up the mess???

That simmering resentment is damned uncomfortable to live with. The voices in our heads can get nasty. And we don’t want to be nasty. BUT if I just dip into that leftover cake…. It makes all the voices quieter for a few minutes.

This is what we call Rebel Eating. I deserve a treat because I had one helluva day. I just don’t know where else to turn for comfort.

Girlfriend, you got this. Through mindfulness, you can learn to be your own best friend. To have your back.

When I first looked at this behaviour, I was stumped as to how to nurture myself without food, wine or shopping. What else was there???? It took some soul searching to uncover the ways in which I was being unkind to myself so I wouldn’t feel so, well, USED at the end of the day.

The solution is to look at setting boundaries. This is a lot harder than the word suggests. We all want to be strong, kickass women who stick up for ourselves. But in reality, we’re pushovers. Can you babysit grama? Can you bring a three layer cake to the pot luck? You don’t mind taking over Jane’s files do you since she’s having cancer treatment? We will do almost anything to make the people we care about happy. It’s called people pleasing. And it’s exhausting and ultimately unsuccessful. Review your relationships and obligations … what expectations do I have for myself that are ridiculously high? Where can you start setting clear limits on your own choices so you don’t feel like rebelling with food is your only way to find comfort.

In the SHE Mindfulness program, I advocate strongly for making daily plans. This supports you in seeing the whole picture of the day. Spot scheduling overlaps. Pack snacks for when food is inaccessible. Gather the materials you’ll need to get everything done.

I’ve personally also found a life coach incredibly helpful in learning more about boundaries and discovering the tools I need to follow through.

Let’s review. We’ve looked at three of the ways that night time snacking gets the better of us. Even if you aren’t looking to lose weight, snacking is often less than healthy. Not many of us grab the veggie sticks for movie night.

Skipping meals and depriving yourself aggravates your stress response, leaving you vulnerable to over eating later in the day. The solution is to eat when you are truly hungry and stop when you’ve had enough.

The relaxation that floods the system when you finally sit down to dinner is addictive. It’s hard to control portions when you just feel so good all of a sudden. The solution we reviewed here is to watch your energy expenditure during the day. Rest breaks can help even out the hormones, insulating you from that roller coaster ride at night.

People pleasing is wired in to us women but setting healthy boundaries can help prevent rebel eating at night. You are definitely worth some time and energy to investigate where you can put limits in place. No one likes feeling taken for granted.

I hope you will click on the link in the show notes to access your free mindful eating guide. It gives more detail about how to feel hunger cues and details the hunger scale. There are also some great tips on planning and other effective practices.

And if you would like a more in depth study of mindfulness to lose weight PLUS feel so much stronger and rested, I would encourage you to look into the SHE Mindfulness program. It’s the protocol that I used to lose 25 pounds of menopausal weight and the same practices that are supporting me this year as I build a six figure online business. Woot woot! I honestly would never have guessed a couple years ago that I’d be hosting a podcast and announcing my income goals in public. So much has changed due to mindfulness. I honestly have so much energy now, optimism, excitement for the future. It’s not all rainbows and unicorns as listeners to this podcast well know. But I feel like I can handle all the challenges that aging inevitably brings. I’m not scared now. I don’t feel like the show’s over. I’m not at the mercy of how other people think of me. It’s pretty empowering. And that’s what I want for you, my friend.

A few weeks ago, while camping, my husband had a heart attack. It wasn’t his first cardiac crisis. But this time, it dawned that our lives would dramatically change. This wasn’t a fluke. It wasn’t a one time event. I could no longer live in that lovely dreamland of denial.

Welcome to episode 24 of the Midlife Reset podcast. I’m Cheryl Gordon, a yoga therapist committed to educating midlife women around losing weight, feeling stronger and sleeping better using the tools of yoga and mindfulness.

Today I’m sharing how I used awareness, curiosity, and deep self-compassion to navigate one of the scariest moments of my life. If you’ve ever faced a crisis and felt completely overwhelmed, this one’s for you.

The last thing I ever want is for people to feel sorry for me. Maybe you can relate.

The reason I’m sharing in today’s podcast is that I want to teach exactly how I used mindfulness to navigate this super scary s**t.

There is sometimes the illusion that those of us who preach peace, harmony and love have this charmed life where we just float around with rainbows and unicorns shooting out our asses. Well meaning friends and family members have cautioned me to not be honest with y’all because you wouldn’t trust my teachings if you thought I had problems too.

Here’s the first tool to navigating a major crisis with mindfulness. Awareness.

In a human life, there will be times of wonderful joy and happiness. And there will absolutely be times when things suck. It’s probably about 50/50. Anyone who says they’re rarely uncomfortable has either had a lobotomy or they are numbing regularly with alcohol, comfort eating, netflixing, over spending or some other buffering behaviour.

Recognizing and allowing those uncomfortable feelings is the first step in mindfulness. It’s ok. You are not broken. My life is not bad because we’re dealing with a health crisis. There is no cloud of doom over my head. It is just life.

How does this look in the moment? By being aware of how I am feeling. Checking in with myself the way I would a close friend. How are you? Can I be your sounding board to help you understand what’s happening for you?

For example, driving to the hospital one day, I felt a dark, dense, depressive fog descend. Not to be dramatic, but I almost felt like I could drive that truck into a guardrail. It was just too much in that moment. The knee jerk reaction was to argue with the feeling. Reason with myself that it wasn’t that bad. Don’t be a weiner. But instead, I gave myself the gift of mindfulness. I dropped awareness into my physical body. I felt heavy in the chest, headachey, almost nauseous. I kept my attention there even though I didn’t like it. I kept another bit of focus on my breathing. Steady and slow. I watched as the sensations slowly shifted. After a few minutes…. I watched on the truck clock ….. I could feel the cloud dissipating. It was really hard not to panic. I know what chronic depression feels like. I don’t want to go back there. But I trust the process.

This example of that drive to the hospital illustrated tool #2 of mindfulness. Curiousity.

Instead of stuffing down the feeling, arguing with why I shouldn’t feel it or acting out around the feeling, I brought an attitude of kindly curiosity to it. I find going into physical sensations helps me stay less panicked and gets me a bit out of my coo-coo head.

Again, it’s like you have a close friend and they’re explaining how they are feeling. You pay attention, ask questions, don’t judge. In a loving relationship, we seek to understand. It’s such a rewarding way to connect.

That’s what I offered to myself that day in the truck on the way to the hospital.

The third tool of mindfulness is embracing.

Think of hugging a loved one…. Embracing them. For that moment, you are very aware of their physical being…. Of how it feels to touch another human and be welcomed into that hug. We absolutely need that sensation to survive, let alone thrive.

In that moment in the truck on the way to the hospital, when I felt the depression cloud suffocating me, I had my back. I knew I could be and should be my own best friend in that moment. So I listened. I stayed present. I cared. I didn’t judge. I gave myself a “hug” by not distracting or numbing out. I let some tears flow. I didn’t beat myself up and call myself weak. I didn’t negate all the self development work I have done in the last few years by saying it is all stupid because I didn’t feel good in that moment.

In the intensity of that emotional storm, I tapped into the deeper, constant rudder of mindful awareness. This is the layer of us that is always the same. The place that we peak out at life from. Our witness self. The essence of this centre is loving kindness. I feel it in my spiritual heart. This is the place within me that I love my dog to an insane degree. This is the place within me that cries at movies. This is the place within me that swells with gratitude when life is beautiful. This is the place within me that finds forgiveness and understanding for those I love. And this is the place where I find self compassion.

Why is any of this relevant to you my friend? Because a crisis happens for all of us.

Like the client who was losing weight but gained it all back when her mom got sick and routines went out the window.

Like the client who got fired a few years from planned retirement. To numb from the shock, she started compulsively shopping. The credit card debt torpedoed her financial goals.

Like the yoga teacher trainee from my old studio who was so looking forward to leading yoga classes. But she broke her arm part way through the training and abandoned any compromise of how to finish the program in despair.

You maybe can find an example in your own experience where something erupted out of nowhere and derailed you from your goals.

This year, my big focus is on building a six figure business. It’s been a learning curve for sure. And lots of challenge. When my husband was in the hospital, I couldn’t even browse a magazine. My brain was so fuzzy from the stress. It would have been so familiar and easy to just give up on my business goal.

This is why mindfulness is soooo amazing. I used the tools. A for awareness. C for curiosity. E for embracing. ACE. The practice helped me acknowledge what was happening but gave me that grounding so I didn’t forget my goals.

I was back at work within a couple days. I’m not distracting myself with busy-ness. I am proceeding with clarity and commitment. I’m not pushing myself to exhaustion just to avoid feeling. I’m taking adequate time to journal, write podcasts, practice yoga.

Thank you for listening to this whole tale. I share it not to get sympathy, as I outlined at the start. But I share this to inspire you to dive into your own mindfulness practice. It is truly a super power.

If you are interested in diving deeper, creating a truly transformative mindfulness routine for your lifestyle, I would encourage you to look into the SHE Mindfulness program. This is the place where I really pulled together all these concepts to rejuvenate my midlife. I used mindfulness to lose the menopausal weight. To learn to have my own back no matter how scary life gets. To feel strong, not only in body, but in mind & spirit.

Let’s face it. As we get older, we see and experience more and more things. It can be overwhelming and depressing. OR we can ACE it with Mindfulness and experience aging as a continuation of the grand adventure of life.

Cheryl Gordon: I have a confession to make. I have a huge sweet tooth, and absolutely love anything salty and crispy. And I eat these things when I'm not hungry.

And I have eaten a lot of these things when I've been feeling stressed, or lonely, or depressed, or hopeless, or overwhelmed, and or, in general, states of grief. This is called emotional eating.

I don't think I'm alone, and my guest today is an expert in helping us understand and change our emotional eating patterns.

So welcome, everyone, to the Midlife Reset Podcast. This is episode number 23, where we guide women through the tools of yoga and mindfulness so they can feel stronger, and sleep better, and live lighter.

I'm your host, Cheryl Gordon, and today, I'm thrilled to sit down with an inspiring expert, Kim Hines. She's a compassionate nutritional health coach who helps women over 40 finally heal their relationship with food and body, without punishing diets or loss of shame.

Kim, I'm so glad you're here, welcome!

Kim Hynes: Hi, Cheryl, I'm honored to be here, and congratulations, episode 23.

Cheryl Gordon: Kim, you can help women break free from emotional eating and those exhausting diets that just… they never really seem to work in the long term. Can you share how your own journey has led you to this sort of holistic approach?

Kim Hynes: Absolutely. I realize, as I go back and I really dig deeper into my own patterns, that it started as young as 8 to 10 years old. I was left at home, and I don't know in Canada what they call it, but in America, we called it being a latchkey kid, where Your parents would go, and the kids would get off the bus, they'd be home alone until dinner when the parents came home, and I got put in charge of my younger brother, which was very stressful, because he just did whatever he wanted.

Younger brothers are. Exactly. So, I would dig in. My mom always had stuff for baking—she had chocolate chips, we had this lemonade that would come in a tub, Country Time lemonade, and it was a powder. I would lick my finger and stick it in the lemonade, because it was all sugar and lemon.

So I found my own ways, because we didn't have a lot of sugar in the house unless my mom baked. Back then, it was a real treat. We didn't have things like Twinkies or anything around. So that was the first that I can remember—under stressful situations, I went looking for it.

In high school, because I had my own money and could go to the little stand, I would skip lunch and grab this package of three Grandma’s cookies and a little carton of milk. That’s what I would have for lunch every day.

The worst of my emotional eating came in college, where I was so stressed out my freshman year. I got put into some really interesting situations when I went away to school, and I really wasn’t ready. I wasn’t mature enough emotionally. Everything that happened to me that year was because I really needed a year at home—but my parents divorced that year, so trying to figure out where I would live, I just went to college.

This is where I could go to the convenience store and nobody would know that I was grabbing the Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. And anybody who knows me knows that peanut butter and chocolate is my thing when I’m really stressed out. I gained 25 pounds during that time.

And that is when I also began the diet cycle, where people made comments at home. I even had a boyfriend, when he broke up with me, tell friends that his other girlfriend had a better body.

So when I would restrict and diet—because that's all we knew, was to stop eating and move more—then I would end up binging after doing that for a while. And this restrict-binge cycle just kept going on and on.

Probably the last moments of emotional eating that I was really hooked in was when I unfortunately went through my own divorce. Before I got remarried, I was a single mom for about six years, and getting used to the kids going and spending time with their father, I’d have these weeks alone, week on, week off.

Those were the times that I would really get into it, because I was alone, I was lonely, I was sad, I was getting used to a new situation, and I literally used it to escape. One of my worst nights was when, in my pajamas, I drove to the gas station to get a king-size Hershey chocolate bar.

And so that was my journey. I taught high school math for a while, and on the outside, I was very healthy—I was a marathon runner—but inside, I was dying. I knew in that phase of my life, when I was getting to my late 30s, that I wanted to talk to women about this. I wanted to open up, and I also wanted to help with nutrition and health.

As you know, because you work with midlife women, we were all starting to go through these changes, and I realized that's where I could serve people better. So that journey led me to nutritional health coaching, food addiction coaching, and a lot of other ways for EFT tapping certifications—because I needed so many tools.

Because I had to help myself first.

Cheryl Gordon: Right. And Kim, you're saying all that, and I'm just… I'm cringing for you, because I have been a single mom, I have done the midnight run to the convenience store. For me, it was always the salty, crunchy things that drove me there, though. And I know that crushing loneliness—I know it. So, I’m with you, girlfriend.

In yoga, we often talk about listening to the body. It's often repeated, but you teach that in terms of food.

How does that work in real life, Kim—listening to your body about food?

Kim Hynes: Yes, and it's one of the hardest things to do. It's literally one of the last steps that we get into. We first have to slow the body down. We have to connect with it. And it's great, because you and I have had conversations about this before. I use tapping and breathing in order to help slow the body down.

Kim Hynes: Slowing down and being mindful in every part of our lives has to happen before it can just happen. We can't just do it in food.

So, we are so disconnected, and I love that you brought this question up, because we think, “Oh, we just… we have no willpower, there's something wrong with us, we're gluttonous,” but what's really happening is we've cut ourselves off from feeling any emotion at all. So what we have to work on first is the emotions. How are we processing the emotions? How are we sitting in them? And how are we soothing the body and the mind, and even—when we talk about physical and emotional—also spiritually, in order to enhance our whole life. And I have a saying: I always say, nourish your entire life.

Because we have to nourish the entire life before we can just get to the food, because it's not about the food. We can only connect with our bodies when we've started taking care of ourselves in other parts of our lives.

Cheryl Gordon: So that sounds like self-compassion to me.

Kim Hynes: Absolutely. Yeah. Absolutely—grace and self-compassion.

Cheryl Gordon: So, what does that translate to? When you work with your clients and you're trying to get them to be willing to, say, face a strong emotion—like when you were going through that crushing loneliness, when your babies were out of your sight and out of your care for a whole week—how do you deal with something like that? Like, that's visceral, right?

Kim Hynes: It really is, and I think the biggest part for my clients is they just have to be able to talk about it. And so when someone comes to me, we're not just laying out a meal plan, we're not saying, “This food is good, this food is bad.” We're starting with, “What's going on in your life right now, and how are you coping with it?” And we find the tools that we can use in order to cope with those emotions.

When I was going through it, I didn't know that I should be sitting without the TV on. I should be sitting by myself, and I should be allowing the emotion. We're afraid—we're very, very afraid of hurting. We're very, very afraid of being scared, having fear. And when we realize what anxious thoughts really are, they are a base of fear. And when we really get down to it, that fear is not as big as we think it is.

Kim Hynes: It's just something that we have created, because we've lost a little control. We think we've lost control with food, we've lost control of the fear, and we have to bring it down. Sometimes I'll even say to my clients, what is the worst case scenario? What's really the worst thing that can happen right now?

You're gonna be single for a little while. What's the worst case scenario? What's the best case scenario? You fall in love again. You get to go out on some dates. We go through every scenario. So, I am not a mental health counselor. I'm gonna put that disclaimer out there. However, nutritional health coaching and food addiction coaching has a lot of talking involved, not just food and exercise.

Cheryl Gordon: Right. And so many people just say, tell me what to eat, or for me, they'll come to me and say, tell me the magic pose that'll help me to lose weight. If you go on the internet, there's all those silly things, you know? And so, I think we're both saying the same thing, is that you need to be your own best friend.

Kim Hynes: And have those tools to lead you to that self-compassion, and then you can start understanding why you're eating at the gas station at 11:30 am.

Cheryl Gordon: Can we talk about EFT? That's Emotional Freedom Technique, right?

Kim Hynes: Yes. Well, it's really funny, because I started my certification class to learn how to use it for my clients, and it turned out to be my number one tool for myself, because we've talked about meditation and breathing. I find it…

To be a struggle on some days to meditate, and to let go of my thoughts.

And when I finally understood, first of all, meditation isn't just having no thoughts, it's allowing those thoughts to flow. That made sense to me, but I still… my nervous system was still just on edge enough that I couldn't really sit and appreciate that stillness.

So, what tapping is, is we are able to use our acupressure points. And I use the top of the head, the inner eyebrow, the outer cheekbone, under the eye, under the nose, under the mouth, and the collarbone. In fact, I have a free tapping video for anyone who would like it to learn how to use tapping to stop emotional eating. But this tapping really resonated with me, because I found even if I didn't know what was wrong with me, I could just tap.

And all of a sudden, it would come to me. And 99% of the time, my stress was fear-based.

Again, so it's funny how it just comes back around, and when we tap, we have a script, and I teach my clients how to use their own life, and we don't have to use the exact script. And if you don't know what to do, you just tap for a while, and then you can choose a script of, I choose peace. I choose love.

Cheryl Gordon: Whatever resonates with you.

Cheryl Gordon: Speaking of script, this is off-script, but when you were showing your tapping points, they correspond to some energy points that we know in yoga as marma points, and I do think it's quite magic, the way it can help you tune in to some inner peace or inner calm. It's quite… it's quite interesting.

You get exposed to that if you do something like an Indian head massage at a spa or something like that.

Kim Hynes: Yes.

Cheryl Gordon: So, how long does the tapping normally take? What kind of investment of time?

Kim Hynes: Two minutes.

Cheryl Gordon: Two minutes, so that's pretty… immediately.

Kim Hynes: You can do it as much as you want, but it's usually only about 120 seconds. The first time I do it with someone, I ask permission, and I ask, “Can I take 120 seconds of your time to try this?” Because people are a little leery, and it's really interesting — I'm not trying to throw men under the bus, I mostly work with women — but men are the ones that are very skeptical.

And when they go through a session, even just two minutes, when they open their eyes at the very, very end, we close our eyes, and we do a round with our eyes closed, and I tell them where to tap.

And it's funny, because when they open their eyes, you can see the shift that they've made.

Cheryl Gordon: Yeah, because eyes really do show whether you're in a stress response, or a relaxation response, or you're fluid in that. Eyes will show that right away.

Kim Hynes: Yes.

Cheryl Gordon: So that's amazing. That's a really immediate, really accessible tool that people can take, and people can download your free guide.

Kim Hynes: Absolutely.

Cheryl Gordon: Really no excuse not to jump in.

Kim Hynes: Exactly, and something funny that I've had my clients do is they just will do it on their collarbone in the car when they're stressed out with traffic. They'll be at a stoplight, and they'll just sit on their collarbone, and they'll just tap away, and it helps soothe them.

And if you think about it, think about babies or kids that have little tics that they use to feel better — whether they're feeling skin, playing with a blanket — tapping is a similar soothing response, and this can take the place of soothing yourself with food.

Cheryl Gordon: Yeah, so when I'm having that craving at night, when I want to not feel lonely, or not feel sad, or any of those really big emotions, you could try a technique like tapping. What are some of the other tools that you might bring into a session?

Kim Hynes: Yeah, so I talk about some physical tools that I would like them to be doing on a regular basis.

One of the first things is consciously nourishing your body throughout the day. We're finding that there's too much of the diet culture in our brains. Women our age, we grew up with the things like SlimFast, and the dieting, and South Beach Diet, and all the different diets, grapefruit diet… my mom did a liquid medical diet at one point. So we are not used to actually purposely putting the right foods in our bodies. We're used to taking out things—and that's restriction—and our brain reacts to that negativity. When we are adding really good food into our bodies, it’s a whole different signal.

I feel like, again, that's very personal—what works best in your body—and I want you to work with an expert on it if you're not sure. But I'm just gonna use me as an example. Please only use this as my example for Kim. I think everyone should have their own plan. So this is the Kim plan: I feel best when I nourish myself four times a day.

And I don't call it snacking—it's my third meal, for example. One, two, three, four. Four times a day, and I have a lot of protein and fiber, a lot of fruits and vegetables, and a lot of water. My body runs better, and I'm not as depleted at the end of the day. Doesn't mean I'm not going to want that little habit chocolate, but I am not going to be dying for the carbs and the sugar, because when we're so depleted, the first thing our body wants is that glucose. We want to grab something that's going to give us energy. So consciously nourishing is the first thing.

The second thing is walking, and we all have exercise in different forms—whether it's running, weightlifting, yoga—but walking is so powerful, because when we are walking, not only are we stabilizing our blood sugar (like the food is also doing), but when we move our eyes and our legs at the same time, we have two sides of our brain working, and we are processing our day and our emotions.

Cheryl Gordon: I did not know that.

Kim Hynes: It's fascinating and really powerful. The problem we have with walking is we take our phones with us. It's okay if you want that for an emergency, and if you're listening to something nice, that's great, or you're learning, but when you're walking and trying to return text messages and emails, you're defeating the purpose.

The other thing is seeing nature. When we see green, our bodies respond really well, and we have a calming effect with that nature around us.

Kim Hynes: And, obviously, the tapping is one of the tools.

And I do ask people to consciously breathe. Because as you know, because you've taught me breathing, we have a shallowness in our chest when we're anxious, and we breathe very tight, very short. When we can lengthen that breathing and fill ourselves up and slow it down, it brings the heart rate down also.

And that gives us a fighting chance to make some decisions, because by the end of the day, we've had decision fatigue. The end of the day is a hot spot for people, and we've made too many decisions in the day. Food’s just… we're 5% on our battery at that point.

Another tool is to have a transition — a transition between 4 and 5 o’clock and dinner — where you're saying, “I'm home, I'm relaxed, I don't need to reward myself. My reward is being here, I'm done with work.” Closing down work and being all there for yourself in the evening.

There are so many other tools, but those are the things that I start with that they have control over until we get control over the emotions and can process those better. Some people do not like journaling, but some people do, so we find prompts they can use. If people can't journal, I have them leave voice messages for me, where they just talk right in and tell me what's going on.

Cheryl Gordon: Yeah, I love that, because it is really important to have a sounding board. If a journal can be that for you, or if you have a coach, they can be your sounding board. Now, Kim, you also have a podcast.

Kim Hynes: Yes. And I also had a very special guest today on my podcast.

Cheryl Gordon: Hi, Cheryl.

Kim Hynes: By the way.

Cheryl Gordon: Full disclosure, it was my first time guesting on someone else's podcast. It was quite fun. Thank you, Kim.

Kim Hynes: Oh, and I can't wait for your listeners to listen to it, because you did a fantastic job.

Cheryl Gordon: I think we're going to become quite fast friends, you and I, Kim. So anyway, tell us about your podcast.

Kim Hynes: The Emotional Eats Podcast started off with a vision that I wanted to have long-form content for midlife women. I really wanted to explore the idea that we consume so much more than just food in our world. There's so much that women have been conditioned to buy, and I wanted to break through that diet culture and really get into health, especially perimenopausal and menopausal health.

As the podcast has gone on, I've also incorporated my solo episodes around, mostly, emotional eating. Sometimes I go off on other topics, like friendships, because midlife friendships are different, or traveling — what do you do when you're on vacation, and how do you bring that back? There are so many things we can talk about.

I also wanted to have a platform where it wasn't just me, because I don't know everything. The functional medicine doctors, the fitness trainers, and all the different viewpoints we’ve had on the show have been amazing — including yours — where we just have different tools and perspectives, things I wouldn’t even think of. So, The Emotional Eats Podcast — you are going to be episode 122.

Cheryl Gordon: So, it's been quite a journey.

Kim Hynes: It’s been a lot of learning, because this is a day-to-day process, but I love it. I just want to share, because there are so many great people out there. It’s not just about me — it’s about other experts who have a lot to share.

Cheryl Gordon: And I really enjoyed our visit this morning when we recorded episode 122.

Kim Hynes: Yes.

Cheryl Gordon: Now, Kim, there's one thing I wanted to bring in, because I think you have a lot to offer in this area. It's something that I'm fascinated with, and that's gut health. I know that there's a huge connection to mood and nervous system function, and I know you work with your clients on this.

Kim Hynes: Yes, what we're finding is… I'm very blessed. I have an ARPN in town, and she does hormone and gut testing, and I send a lot of my clients to her.

Because what we're finding is a lot of women who are struggling with emotional eating have two things going on. One, they're going through the regular hormonal changes where the drop in estrogen and progesterone is really affecting all of their hormones, including ghrelin and leptin, which are hunger and satisfaction hormones, serotonin, and our gut is connected with the serotonin. Our immune system is in our gut, so the hormones we take care of, but then we also… and she tests for me, also, just regular things, because we really do need to know our regular blood work. But she looks at it from a functional medicine side.

The other side of it is we're also finding, due to environmental toxins and the types of foods we've been eating, that there are a lot of women having gut dysbiosis. It could be parasites, bacteria, Candida, SIBO — so many different things. Just getting tested is the most important way that we can jump on it and get started. What I am really excited about is when I own a practice with two therapists.

We have so many referrals going back and forth. The referrals I get from the therapists are people who have anxiety and depression — that’s a majority of my clients that come from them as referrals. We know there is a definite connection between gut health and mental health. When we're not getting the nutrition that we need, we're messing up that neurotransmission between the brain and the gut. It can really affect mood, agitation, and anxious thoughts.

That's why I like to have people, even though I don't want to force them into a way of eating, see the pros and cons of eating a really balanced, nutritious plan so that their brain is working well. You need every fighting chance to stay out of the food that is going to make both the brain and the gut not work well.

Cheryl Gordon: Yeah, if we want to battle emotional eating, we need every tool in our arsenal, and having a healthy gut biome really gives you the support so that emotions don't sweep you away. You don't feel so victimized by them.

You also have your quick little “10 Easy Tips to Stop Stress Eating.” Can you tell us a little bit about that?

Kim Hynes: Yes, I think everyone can relate to stress eating. It's hard to call yourself an emotional eater sometimes, because you may not realize what it is, but it really can be the same thing. There are so many ways that, throughout the day, if it's just straight-up overwhelm, burnout, stress, we can protect ourselves a little better. One of my favorite things that you and I have talked about is being in the present moment, which is so challenging. I encourage everyone to take a mini break every hour, even if it's just for 5 minutes — off the phone, off the computer.

To breathe and separate. Our brain is going back-to-back-to-back all the time. We have zero space, zero stillness. The power of stillness is to make really good decisions, but we can't wait till 5 o'clock to have stillness. We need to start first thing in the morning, start our day in quiet.

Have a non-chaotic, peaceful morning — not flying out the door. I laugh because I was that woman, flying out the door, coffee in hand, bag on my shoulder, trying to find my keys. One time, my bag got caught on the door handle and yanked me right back in the house — it was basically my wake-up call: slow it down. But every hour, just take a moment to breathe and make sure you are eating and drinking your water.

With stress, we can anticipate it. I ask people to look at their stress calendar. When you look in your calendar, instead of just saying, “I have a 3 o’clock, 4 o’clock, 5 o’clock, 6 o’clock appointment,” ask yourself: where am I going to have stress today, and how can I head that off? When you anticipate it a little, you can head it off. Otherwise, when we're not in the moment, we are caught off guard. That's when we swing through the drive-thru, grab the sweet soda, the extra cup of coffee, or the cookie at 3 o'clock in the afternoon. We are caught off guard.

Our brain goes into automatic habit mode. It just says, “Oh, I just need something,” and the higher brain is not even present when we're in automatic mode. Some of the tips involve just taking a minute. One thing that's really good when you're stressed out is humming. Humming is really good for the vagal nerve and calming your nervous system. Singing a song works, too. Those are just some of the tips.

Cheryl Gordon: Okay, so people can find that on your website. We'll put the link in the show notes, and I would really encourage people to look into the tapping and the 10 top tips for beating stress eating, because we can all relate to that.

Cheryl Gordon: It's been amazing having this conversation, Kim. Thank you so much. When I'm in Florida next time, I'd love to come by and see you.

Kim Hynes: That would be amazing. I would pick winter instead of summer. If I ever make it north of the border, I will definitely make sure we get together.

Cheryl Gordon: You got a spare bedroom to stay in, girlfriend.

Kim Hynes: I love it.

Cheryl Gordon: Be sure you look into Kim's two free resources: the Guide to Emotional Freedom Technique, which is a tapping program that will help you calm down and make better decisions around food (and many other areas), and the top 10 tips for beating stress eating. All of us can benefit from that. I'm also including in the show notes a couple of other resources you might find helpful — like my Five Steps to Mindful Eating. A lot of overlap, but it doesn’t hurt.

Kim Hynes: Do your research, right?

Cheryl Gordon: Yes, perfect. Thank you so much, Kim. Have a wonderful afternoon. Namaste.

Kim Hynes: Thank you, Cheryl. Namaste.

C: Let’s get real, girlfriends—how is it that we’ve had babies, managed families, worked our butts off, and hit midlife still unclear on our own plumbing? We whisper about leaking when we laugh or cry quietly about pain during sex, all while pretending everything’s fine. But it’s not. And we deserve better. This episode of the Midlife Reset is your permission slip to get curious, get informed, and take back control of your pelvic health, your pleasure, and your confidence. 

I’m talking with the one and only Dr. Teresa Irwin—aka The Vaginacologist—about everything they never taught us in health class but should have. This conversation is bold, eye-opening, and just what midlife women everywhere need right now.I am thrilled to welcome Dr. Teresa Irwin. After initially training as a nurse, Dr. irwin became one of less than 1500 board certified specialists in female pelvic medicine and reconstructive surgery (FPMRS), AKA urogynecology.  She practices in Texas and has repeatedly been selected as the top doctor in that state and a top ob/gyn nationally as well.

T: After years of doing surgery on severe bladder and vaginal dysfunctions, I realized that many of the problems my patients were suffering from could have been prevented with education on their own reproductive health. So, I decided to become an educator to put myself out of business, just kidding (sort of). I provide preventative education in an effort to reduce the amount of women who need the surgery I perform. Ultimately, I want to drastically reduce the amount of women who suffer from vaginal and bladder dysfunctions. I am making this education accessible to increase the quality of life of women all over the world.

So I’m proud to refer to myself as a “vaginacologist”.

C: I have to be honest here.  I am getting emotional just hearing this.  You are talking about the very essence of being a woman.  And we have been socialized to ignore ourselves and feel shame about admitting we have concerns.

T: Women's reproductive health education is not easily accessible, nor is it taught adequately in school. This puts women at a higher risk for developing bladder, bowel, and vaginal dysfunctions. These disorders cost women time, money, and happiness. I want to empower women to take control of their reproductive health through essential preventative education.

C: Amen sister!  I just can’t thank you enough for going to bat for women everywhere but especially for visiting with us today.  I’m just starting on my podcast journey.  The best part has been meeting amazing women like you, Dr. Irwin.  I’m just learning so much and it’s a privilege to be able to bring this information to women like us.

So, let’s get specific about the education that you offer.  Over 50% of women will experience incontinence, at some point in their lives, but not enough seek support.  We did an episode with my pelvic floor physiotherapist (#10 if you want to look it up my friends) so I’m definitely one of that cohort.  What would you like women to know if they are leaking in their undies or afraid to be too far from the restroom?

T: There’s a lot to that question, but I’ll do a quick summary, since we’ll probably touch on more of it later in the podcast. Some of the main tips are:

* Doing proper Kegel exercises (most of us don’t do them correctly—I didn’t, until I really got into my subspecialty)

* Using correct toilet positioning for both peeing and pooping

* Avoiding certain bladder irritants that cause frequent and urgent contractions

* Learning how to drink water properly—yes, there’s actually a right way

All of this takes time, energy, and patience, but it’s important. We can mitigate, maybe not all, but some of the issues we develop as a result of childbirth, aging, and gravity.

C: And just general wear and tear! I love what you're saying. Let's start with Kegels. Are they helpful all the time? You know, so often in women’s groups, it's the go-to solution: “Are you doing your Kegels?” Can you expand on that a bit?

T: Sure. Kegels are central to many of the preventative strategies you can do, and they’re simple—if done correctly. But they’re not helpful for every woman. For example, someone with painful bladder syndrome, also called interstitial cystitis, might actually feel worse doing Kegels.

That said, for most women, they’re very important. One tip I share is this: Most people think doing a Kegel means squeezing your urethral sphincter—like holding your pee. But actually, it’s more important to squeeze your anal sphincter. That’s because the muscles around the urethra are very small, while the ones around the anus are much larger. You activate more of your pelvic floor by engaging the anal muscles.

C: Oh! In yoga, we call that Ashwini Mudra, for all my yogi listeners.

C: Now, you also mentioned correct toileting positions—can we dive into that?

T: Sure! I have some educational videos on this, but here’s a quick overview:

For peeing:Lean forward while sitting on the toilet. Rest your elbows on your knees with your feet flat on the floor. Why? Because one-third of the bladder lies below the urethra (your pee tube), and if you’re upright, that part might not fully empty. Think of pouring water from a bottle—if you don’t tip it all the way, some water stays behind.

Another position is to turn around and hug the back of the toilet bowl, leaning forward. You could also pee standing up like a guy—but that takes some technique or a device like a pee funnel to avoid accidents. These are super handy for camping or travel.

Now for pooping:The ideal position is using a squatty potty or a similar stool (7–9 inches high). You place your feet on it while sitting on the toilet, which raises your knees. This helps relax a muscle called the puborectalis, which normally kinks the rectum when you're sitting upright. Elevating your legs "unkinks" it and allows for better bowel emptying.

A lot of people don’t even realize they’re not emptying fully. If stool is higher up in the rectum, you won’t feel the urge in the same way. So this position really helps—plus it lowers your risk of a rectocele, which is when the rectum bulges into the vaginal wall from too much pressure.

C: Wow, I’ve got some research to do! Are these videos available on your website?

T: They’re actually easier to find on my TikTok, Instagram, Youtube and Facebook.

C: I also know you have educational booklets available for download, including one on toileting positions. These are really simple, common sense.  Why do we not learn this in school for heaven’s sake!

T: You know, it takes a lot of time and effort as a doctor to go over all this stuff. You can’t just say it—you actually have to explain it. And unfortunately, we’re trained in medical school to treat problems, not to prevent them. So, from a time standpoint, prevention becomes inefficient in the traditional medical model.

That’s why my rule is this: Every patient I see for pelvic floor issues is referred to a pelvic floor therapist. She has the time to go into detail and cover everything thoroughly. Honestly, I kind of joke that I’m an imposter on my own website because many of the resources I share are things I’ve learned from pelvic floor therapists!

And I’ll say this—I will not operate on someone unless they’ve seen the pelvic floor therapist at least once. Of course, they usually go for more than one session, but one is the minimum.

These practices are essential after surgery to prevent recurrence of symptoms. They truly make a difference.

(see episode 10: How I Stopped Peeing all the Time)

C: The other topic we’ve been alluding to is libido. I know you hear this a lot from midlife women. You’ve even got a downloadable booklet on your website that outlines the seven organs of sexual desire.

T: Yes! And thank you for mentioning that. One reason libido isn’t talked about more is that it’s been such a taboo subject for so long. I’m a prime example. I was raised Catholic, and in that environment, sex was taught as something only for procreation. I carried a lot of shame for a long time, even though I waited until I was in my twenties to have sex. Still, I was made to feel like I was doing something wrong.

That’s part of the issue—and the other part is education. Most research and resources around sexual function have been focused on men. There are dozens of medications and procedures approved for male sexual health. But when it comes to women? Only one FDA-approved medication exists for female libido—and it’s only for premenopausal women. Not even menopausal women.

So, let’s go through the seven organs of sexual desire:

* The Brain – This is the primary organ of sexual desire. If you’re dealing with stress, fatigue, body image issues, resentment toward your partner, or constant interruptions (hello, motherhood!), your libido is going to take a hit. You have to address these mental and emotional blocks to even begin feeling aroused.

* Vestibular Glands (Bartholin’s Glands) – These are located at the back of the vaginal opening near the labia minora and stimulate secretions during sexual excitement. They’re similar to the male bulbourethral glands.

* Skene’s Glands (Periurethral Glands or the Female Prostate) – These sit on either side of the urethra and produce prostatic-specific antigen (PSA), which plays a role in female ejaculation and helps prevent urinary tract infections.

* The G-Spot (more accurately, the G-Area) – This is a roughly 3 cm area located between the vagina and the anus. It contains erectile tissue that swells during arousal, compresses the vaginal walls, and enhances sensation for both partners.

* Clitoral Bulbs (Vestibular Bulbs) – These are elongated erectile tissues that sit on either side of the vaginal opening and connect to the clitoris. During arousal, they engorge with blood, creating a tighter cuff around the vaginal opening, which increases pleasure and sensitivity.

* The G-Area Again (Surrounding the Urethra) – During arousal, this area becomes engorged and compresses the urethra to prevent leakage during sex. Many women aren’t aware, but urinary incontinence during sex is a real issue—and this part of the anatomy helps prevent that.

* The Clitoris – The superstar! The clitoris is similar to the male penis and can measure up to 7 cm in length. It has three parts: the glans (the visible tip), the shaft, and the internal legs. It contains the highest concentration of nerve endings in the body and exists solely for pleasure. Unlike the penis, it has no role in reproduction or urination—its one job is orgasm.

C: So Mother Nature definitely had something in mind for us! I’m honestly stunned by how much is going on down there. I had no idea what most of those structures were, let alone their names.

T: That’s exactly why I created a PDF resource. You can look it over anytime as a refresher.C: One thing that shocked me was the pain during intercourse.  My tissues went from steamy jungle to the Sahara almost overnight!

T: By age 30, women have already experienced a 50% reduction in testosterone—which is wild. Age 30 is so young! And yet we’re already seeing that hormonal shift.

As you move into perimenopause and menopause, things change even more. Perimenopause refers to the years around menopause—typically lasting two to six years—and menopause itself is defined as the point when you haven’t had a period for 12 months (assuming you have a uterus).

With menopause comes a host of symptoms, and one major issue is painful sex. That pain is largely due to the drop in estrogen, which leads to vaginal atrophy. Estrogen stimulates collagen production and helps maintain the thickness and elasticity of tissues in the urethra, bladder, and vagina.

When estrogen—particularly estradiol—drops significantly from premenopausal levels, the tissues thin out, lubrication decreases, and microtears can develop. This not only causes discomfort during sex but also raises the risk of bladder infections.

The thinning and weakening of those tissues also contributes to common issues I treat regularly, like incontinence and prolapse—where pelvic organs begin to descend due to a weakening pelvic floor.

C: And I guess that early drop in testosterone helps explain some of the libido issues, too—not to mention the stress that accumulates over decades of trying to be everything to everyone. That constant push to be the perfect mother, partner, friend, or employee... it builds up resentment and emotional fatigue, and we rarely stop to process it.

C: We’ve talked about incontinence issues and opened the door to admit that sex can be complicated for midlife women.  Whew!  That’s good work. 

C: And this isn’t the end of the conversation, right?  You have some excellent resources through your website that our listeners can download right now.  I am also offering a free one hour yoga class based on what I learned from my pelvic floor physio.  This is what I did to avoid having to see a surgeon later on. 

Your pleasure and confidence are important.  We have so many more years to show the world what we’re about.  It’s not time to retire to the front porch rocking chair yet.

How many people do you know who’ve had knee replacement surgery… and were shocked when it didn’t fix the pain or restore their mobility? The truth is, your knee may be screaming — but your hip might be the one whispering the root cause.

In this episode, I’m breaking down what no one tells you in standard rehab: why working your hips might just be the smartest thing you can do for your knees — before or after surgery. If you or someone you love is dealing with chronic knee pain, don’t skip this one.

Welcome to the Midlife Reset podcast, episode 21. I’m your host, Cheryl Gordon. I educate midlife women on losing weight, feeling stronger and sleeping better using the tools of yoga and mindfulness.

When Mary Lou came to me, she had been told her knee was “bone on bone”. The only real option her medical team discussed was replacement. This is an invasive surgery with a tremendous amount of pain during recovery. If you’ve had knee replacement or a loved one has been through it, you know what Mary Lou was facing.

Mary Lou wanted to do what she could to cope with her mobility restrictions because there was still quite a wait before surgery. Her friend had recommended my approach… yoga therapy. It’s crazy that the doctors made her feel guilty for holding a few extra pounds (“so much more pressure on the knee joint!”) But there was no guidance on how to move more comfortably now.

After working with hundreds of clients like Mary Lou, I have developed an evidence based protocol that addresses most of the needs for sore knees and hips. We start with gentle, relaxation based practices that help calm the pain response.

For Mary Lou, her knee had been progressively getting worse for over a decade. This reduced the amount she wanted to move which made moving more and more painful. What a vicious circle!

Research explains how sensations from the body are transmitted to the brain via chemical messengers called neurons. These are nerve cells. There is no pain until the brain gets these signals and decides that something is wrong. The brain is super efficient at keeping you safe. If it perceives danger, it’s going to give you a jolt to wake you up. Pay attention! Something is horribly wrong! When the knee joint is out of alignment, maybe bone is rubbing on bone… maybe there is an erosion of cartilage… the brain just knows to stop doing whatever you’re doing that created that danger signal.

It’s at the level of the brain that us humans have the potential to create a mindset that isn’t as reactionary. We can train ourselves to not be quite so nervous.

One of my teachers was involved in the classic research study where people reported their levels of pain after a paper cut at work. Then the researchers compared reported pain levels when people got the same paper cut reading the weekend funnies at home. Totally different experience because of the mindset. At work, we’re stressed… distracted… on a deadline… tired. At home, laughing with Peanuts, we’re less stressed. The brain receives the sensation under a different pretence and reacts differently.

For Mary Lou, she would step down on a stair and feel a jolt in her knee. Her brain panicked that the knee was going to give out on the stairs… She’d fall… She wouldn’t be able to manage simple household tasks anymore… her daughter would be angry with her for climbing stairs… you get it. Stressed, right?

So our first job was to calm the stress.

Now we went to work on how to get some mobility into the knee without aggravating the joint. In the protocol, there are several poses that do not weight bear heavily on the joint but help muscles to engage and strengthen. I love isometric work for the muscles. This means you make the muscle fire but it doesn’t change shape. Which means, it doesn’t pull on tendons which are often inflamed and angry in these situations. The effect is the muscles around the joint get stronger with pulling or pushing on it.

The real “secret sauce” to my protocol, and what made Mary Lou’s recovery from replacement surgery so much different, was our whole body focus. The knee didn’t get to this stage all on its own. It’s part of a kinetic chain. Just one member of the team. Everyone has to be reminded to do their parts.

Here's why exercising the hip joint helps knee pain:

1. The hip controls the leg

The hip joint is the major weight-bearing joint above the knee. If it’s weak, tight, or not moving well, the knee often ends up compensating, leading to pain.

Of the 11 muscles that move the knee joint, 7 cross the to the hip. You just can’t talk knees without looking at hip function.

(Share screen) Muscles like the glutes, hip rotators, and hip abductors (especially gluteus medius) are key stabilizers. When these are weak, the knee may collapse inward (valgus), twist, or become misaligned during walking or standing — aggravating pain.

Stiff hips force the body to twist or overuse the knees during everyday movements like squatting, walking, or climbing stairs. Restoring hip range of motion helps distribute movement more evenly.

The body works as a chain. If one joint isn't working well (like a stiff or weak hip), the joints above and below (low back, knee) try to make up for it. That’s often how knee pain develops even though the knee isn’t the real problem.

In Mary Lou’s case, she had knee pain when walking, and we determined her glutes were weak. So her thigh internally rotated and the knee was caving in with each step. Strengthening the glutes and improving hip control reduced that misalignment and eased pressure on the knee. This is a very common pattern.

You can tell that the glute med might be the culprit, at least in part, if you press around this area of the buttocks and feel a sore spot. It can be quite tender to touch. One thing we did with Mary Lou was get her into a program of using a tennis or massage ball against a wall. This really helped work out the tension. (Demonstrate)

While we’re talking brass tacks, here’s my favourite way to work knees without putting too much pressure on them. (Demo chair with tie, knee pumps)

1. Supine Bridge (Glute Bridge) can be done in bed if getting to the floor is tough right now.

What it does: Strengthens glutes and hamstrings.

2. Standing Abduction at wall with resistance OR seated in chair with glute band or just hands

What it does: Targets glute medius (important for knee alignment). Supports knee tracking during walking and stairs.

5. Mini Squats (with hips in focus)

What it does: Builds coordination between hips and knees.

How to do it: Stand with feet hip-width apart, do a small squat (no more than 30° knee bend). Focus on pressing through the heels and sending hips back.

Why it helps: Trains safe movement patterns without deep knee bend.

6. Wall Sit with Glute Activation

What it does: Static strength for glutes and thighs.

How to do it: Slide your back down a wall until knees are at 45–60° (not 90° if knee pain is present). Press knees out slightly to activate glutes.

🧠 Tips for Success:

Form matters more than reps — go slow and controlled.

No pain rule: If the knee hurts during an exercise, stop or modify.

Focus on hips and glutes, not quads. Avoid exercises that overload the knee (e.g., deep lunges, stairs too early).

Props like yoga blocks, bands, or chairs can make exercises safer and more accessible.

Exercising the hip can address the root causes of knee pain and when you get that new hardware, the most important part of rehab is already done!

Mary Lou still had her surgery. But during the wait, she had something productive to work on. When her physio talked to her about rehab, she was primed. She understood why she was doing what she was doing and made great strides. She told me the best part of the protocol for her though was learning the relaxation piece. There is a tremendous shock to the whole system with surgery. She found the calming practices really helpful for recouping from that.

I have this whole protocol available online now. It’s 11 videos that are all under 20 minutes. The Hip and Knee Release and Strengthen series is helpful for those waiting for knee replacement, like Mary Lou, and those recovering. I’ve also had great success with hip surgeries.

You can find this on my website or by clicking on the link in the show notes. It costs $19 and you can use the videos as often as you like. Please be sure to share this information with someone you care about who is suffering with knee pain.

I’m so happy to share this information with you each week. The more people who learn these things, the happier I’ll be. Subscribe to the podcast too so you don’t miss an episode.

🔑 Key Themes:

* Bladder issues in midlife aren’t just about Kegels, surgery, or medication.

* The root cause is often dysregulation in the autonomic nervous system—especially chronic fight-or-flight activation.

* Pelvic floor muscles are deeply connected to nervous system function, not just mechanical strength.

🧠 The Nervous System Connection:

* The pelvic floor is innervated by the autonomic nervous system, which has two branches:

* Sympathetic (fight or flight): sends resources to the heart, lungs, and big muscles.

* Parasympathetic (rest and digest): nourishes the pelvic and abdominal organs.

* When women live in chronic stress mode, the sympathetic system dominates, which disrupts bladder function even if the bladder itself is healthy.

🩺 Common Causes of Pelvic Floor Dysfunction:

* Childbirth (pregnancy, labor, delivery)

* Chronic constipation

* Chronic coughing

* Chronic stress and nervous system overdrive

🧘‍♀️ Bladder Urgency Isn’t About a Full Bladder:

* Many women feel a strong urge to pee (like rushing from the car to the bathroom) even when the bladder isn’t full.

* This urgency is nervous system-driven, not about bladder capacity.

* The feeling of “I’m not going to make it” is a behavioral and neurological response, not a small bladder.

🌙 Nighttime Urination (Nocturia):

* Getting up to pee multiple times at night is often a sign of nervous system arousal, not fluid intake.

* Simply telling women to “stop drinking before bed” misses the root cause.

🧠💪 What Helps:

* Retraining the nervous system to feel safe—through movement, breath, body awareness.

* Exercises and practices that target the nervous system-pelvic floor connection.

* Recognizing and addressing chronic sympathetic dominance even after life “should” be calmer (like after the kids grow up).

We’ve all heard it: “Gotta do your cardio!” I used to believe that too—spending hours sweating on the treadmill, chasing calorie burn in the hopes of shedding pounds. But here's the truth… it didn’t work. And honestly? It just made me exhausted and hungry.

Now I can promise you, that if you follow my advice, you can achieve your fitness goals and gain another 8 free hours this week. Yup. Eight hours wide open to spend doing something fun!

In today’s episode, we’re busting the cardio myth wide open. I’ll walk you through the real science of how your body burns energy, why excessive cardio can actually backfire—especially for midlife women—and what to do instead to protect your strength, your time, and your sanity.

If you’re sick of being told to “just move more” to lose weight, this episode is for you.

Let’s reset your relationship with movement—starting now.

Welcome to episode 19 of the Midlife Reset Podcast. I’m Cheryl Gordon Yoga Therapist. I’m on a mission to educate midlife women on how to lose weight, sleep better and feel stronger using the tools of yoga and mindfulness.

Here’s the science around cardio exercise.

Energy in and energy out works for nuclear fusion or basic electricity. But we are humans. Our system is dynamic and brilliant and considers so many complex variables that it can never be as simple as calories in and calories out. And even with mechanical things like the gas mileage on your car. It’s never exactly as advertised because there is temperature, terrain, wind, and so many variables. Your bodies are infinitely more complicated than a car.

The body is designed to be ultra efficient. The first few moments of a brisk walk, run, cycle or stair climb taxes the system as it rushes to cope with the changing load. Soon, the body compensates and shifts to maximize efficiency. For most of human existence, we have had a shortage of food. We have evolved to conserve calories at all cost. And we’re very good at making these adjustments quickly.

In fact, in episode #2 of this podcast, my colleague Sharlene Styles explained the Total Daily Energy Expenditure calculation really well. This makes it all so clear why blowing it out with cardio exercise is just not necessary to lose weight. I’ll put the link to episode #2 in the show notes. Briefly, about 70% of the calories you will burn today will be based on your Basal Metabolic Rate. This is the energy your body needs to just lie around and breathe. (Spoiler alert: we’ll talk more in a few minutes, but this is why your personal trainer is going on and on about building muscle… muscle requires more calories just to lay around than other tissue). Then you burn another 10% of your calories just processing the food you eat. So 80% of the calories you’ll burn today are just about surviving. No treadmills yet. The next 15% of the calories you’ll burn is in movement… just normal going up and down the stairs to do laundry… walking the dog… cooking dinner, etc. That’s a lot right? And finally, 5% will be related to specific exercise activities. Even elite athletes still break down to this basic percentage.

Why wouldn’t we burn a bunch more calories if we really “blew it out”? Because your body has evolved to be that super efficient machine. I can’t leave my front door right now and run a marathon. I haven’t been training for that. I don’t have the endurance.. the stamina. But (if I was super crazy) I could begin training. In other words, conditioning my body to accept greater and greater demands without a proportionate draw on my energy stores. What you consider “blowing it out” on the treadmill is actually something your body has seen before and it’s ready for you. It will shift quickly into the most efficient expenditure of energy.

This is why those calorie counters on your phone, watch or exercise machine are NEVER accurate. They rarely take into account that 15% for normal living. That’s where the real magic is. Research shows that just becoming more mobile through every day activities can up your caloric burn by 500 calories. No jogging required! The reason is the variability of the movement. The body is constantly upended in its quest to get you into an efficient rhythm.

Extending a cardio session will burn calories but there are systemic costs. Repetitive movements (long steady state cardio like cycling) can exacerbate imbalances in muscle function, potentially inviting injury. As midlife women, the drop in hormones leaves us a little more vulnerable, particularly to soft tissue damage. Think knee arthritis. So common in midlife women and maybe unnecessary???

And here’s what really freaks me out. Cardio load past 30 minutes searches for deeper fuel like proteins found in muscle tissue. Like the classic couriers that were all rope and sinew body types. You may lose all important strength pushing unnecessarily.

Muscle mass declines year by year after 30 years old. More so in women than men. Next time you are at the hospital, look around. Count the women who have fallen and broken something. They may be a little older than you now, but when they were your age they maybe pushed on the treadmill too. Thinking they were staying in shape. No one explained that they needed to prioritize muscle and strength.

When you combine the erosion of muscle mass with the hormonal changes women go through, you can see the risk of what the medical community calls sarcopenia. It’s a general weakening of strength leading to frailness and risk of falls. Number one killer of women 65+ who have had accidents.

So pushing yourself to burn more calories on the treadmill isn’t great.

But the biggest cost may be in the time necessary. Cardio workouts with weight loss as the goal require hours. This takes away from all the other joyful activities you may desire. It may leave you quite exhausted afterward.

When I was working, feeling my desk job was causing me to gain weight, I would push and go to the gym after work. I’d spend about 40 minutes on the treadmill (gotta burn 400 calories, right?) And then move on to the stair climber. That was cross training, or so I thought. Then I’d get home thinking I had burned 600 calories. I was exhausted and starving. No personal chef. And two teenagers with the classic “when’s dinner” greeting. What do you think I was thinking? Let’s just order pizza. I can afford it cause I worked out, right??? But I never lost weight. I just got more and more exhausted. And ate less and less healthy. And the 4 slices of pizza I gobbled because I was STARVING were way more than 600 calories. It doesn’t take any time at all to eat 600 calories.

But isn’t it important to get your 10,000 steps in for cardio vascular health?

Getting the “blood pumping” is excellent for overall health, but 20 - 30 minutes of the activity provides full benefit. McMaster University in Hamilton, Ontario has been a leading force in the international research around this for over 20 years.

Cardio vascular benefits can be most efficiently gained through varied activities like HIIT, dancing, varied terrain hiking, sports that require many positional changes. Three or four sessions of 30 minutes per week is enough. Compare the time invested in walking on city streets for 10,000 steps (probably 1.5 hours for most people x 7 days = 10.5 hrs per week) to the recommended guidelines of 2 hours. What could you do with a gift of 8.5 free hours this week? That’s a whole work day off!

So the answer is no. Cardio doesn’t help you lose weight. Moving is super important for all your body’s systems, your brain health, your mood, your socializing, your confidence around movement… Take the Zumba class. Go for a pack walk with your dog. Enjoy that paddle. But don’t push yourself with the thought that you will burn calories and lose weight.

Remember you can learn more about why calories in and calories out doesn’t work for midlife weight loss in episode #2. I’ll put the link in the show notes.

What about yoga? Hell YES! We’ll talk more about this on an upcoming podcast, but yoga is great for strength building in so many ways. If you are reluctant to take up a practice because you have injuries or think it might be unsafe, you’ll want to download my FREE “Essential Guide to Yoga for Women 50+”

. I explain exactly why yoga is essential and give you the safety tips you need to use this amazing movement practice for decades to come.