“The psych ward was the best place I’ve ever been.” Not because it was good, but because home was worse.
Emi Nietfeld grew up in Minneapolis in a house so full of her mother’s hoarding that the first rule was “don’t open the door” when the social worker came. Then her dad came out as trans. By 13, Emi was in a psych ward for the first time. On the way to Harvard she lived in a foster home, stayed on sofas and in a shelter, and slept in her car.
In Part 1 of this two-part conversation, Emi sits down on the blue couch with Maryam to talk about:
→ Why she liked the psych ward better than home
→ The doctor who said “you could go to college early,” and then changed her mind
→ How the staff took away her ACT book, and why it made her want it more
→ Being asked to “package your trauma” for the college essay
You may know Emi from her recent New York Times piece on ambition and Gen Z. This is the story underneath it.
⚠️ Content note: this episode includes conversations about suicide, self-harm and eating disorders. Please take care while listening.
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Key Moments
01:24 - Her Dad Comes Out as Trans 💥
Emi describes a controlling father and a mother who coped by clearance shopping at Target, until her dad came out as trans and her parents’ marriage ended.
03:03 - The Hoarder Who Thought Her Daughter Was Disorganized 😳
After the divorce, Emi’s mom takes her to the doctor convinced she has ADD, which starts years inside the child psychiatric system.
04:42 - A “Chemical Rollercoaster” of Prescriptions 🎢
Adderall leads to Xanax, antidepressants and antipsychotics, with each new drug prompted by her reaction to the last.
07:06 - “The Best Place I’ve Ever Been”: The Psych Ward vs. Home 🚿
With mice and mold at home, Emi finds the psych ward so clean and quiet that she fills 10 notebooks.
10:22 - The Doctor Who Said “You Could Go to College Early” 🌟
After being treated as “crazy,” Emi is stunned when a psychiatrist asks where she wants to go to college. The hope falls apart within two weeks.
11:36 - “I’m Trying to Escape My Problems, Duh” 📚
When staff at her residential treatment center take away her ACT prep book, Emi decides she has to go to college and starts picturing a “book life.”
14:13 - Leaving Treatment for Foster Care “Under Duress” 🏡
Emi’s mom is pushed into a “voluntary” placement, and Emi lands at a foster home near an amazing high school. It’s her first unbroken year of school since sixth grade.
17:29 - She Thought “Rock Hard Apps” Was About Abs 💪
Emi checks out a library book expecting a fitness guide. Instead she learns that getting into college isn’t only about grades, because you have to market yourself.
19:44 - Yale Said No, So She Edited Her Story ✂️
Being upfront about her hospitalization earns Emi a “big reject” from Yale. She cuts it from her Harvard application and learns she can edit her story and keep it “technically true.”
21:10 - Couches, a Car, and a Shelter 🚗
With nowhere to go during boarding school breaks, Emi stays in a stairwell outside her mom’s apartment, with a mentor, on many sofas and in a shelter, and sleeps in her car for a few days.
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