When a child’s behaviour pushes all our buttons, it can be hard to separate the present from the past. In this powerful episode, a mother explores her deep discomfort around her son’s intense emotional responses and defiance—asking herself if he might be a narcissist, like her own father was. 

But as she sits down with Helen, a different picture begins to emerge. How do unresolved wounds from narcissistic abuse shape the way we interpret our children’s behaviour? What part is ADHD or Autism playing in the dynamic?

This honest, tender conversation dives into projection, ADHD, autism, parental guilt, and the courage it takes to break inherited patterns.

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The Expert Series is a conversation between a professional and me discussing their specialism in relationship to the course on The Hub. Listen as we explore people pleasing and sex, trauma and shame, or identity and neurodiversity. This content is free for Hub members, or available for a small monthly subscription. 

Thanks and take care! 

Helen

Support the show

If you're looking for stories from people just like you, and suggestions on how to find a way through similar problems, welcome to The Liberation Effect. 

Join me as we pull apart struggles and problems and see what's going on and how to move forward. 

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When we’ve grown up in chaos, it can be hard to untangle our trauma from who we truly are. In this episode, Patrick explores the tangled web of trust, identity, and survival after a lifetime shaped by narcissistic abuse - and a recent autism diagnosis that’s reframed everything.

As he sits down with Helen, we witness a moving conversation about how trauma disguises itself in our thoughts, how autism and trauma intertwine, and how addiction can become a clever - if costly - coping mechanism. Together, they unpack people-pleasing, perfectionism, emotional disconnection, and the shame that lingers long after the abuse ends.

This is an episode about rebuilding from the rubble, reclaiming joy, and learning to trust yourself again.

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In this episode, Helen talks with Amanda as she wrestles with the idea of reconnecting with her mother - someone who caused her deep pain. Diagnosed with autism later in life, Amanda shares how being neurodivergent shaped her understanding of the relationship, her patterns of trust, and the grief of toxic hope: the belief that maybe, one day, her mum might change.

Together they explore what it means to let go of the version of a parent you needed, how autism complicates that process, and what healing can look like when you stop waiting for someone else to be different.

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What happens when the ‘safe parent’ lets you down?

In this episode, Lucy joins host Helen to explore the painful realisation that the parent she once saw as kind, gentle and safe – may never have been that at all.

After going no contact with her emotionally abusive stepmother, Lucy began speaking to her dad about what she’d lived through. But what followed was denial, gaslighting and invalidation – not just from her stepmother, but from the man she thought would be in her corner.

Together, Helen and Lucy explore toxic hope, the idolisation of the “good dad”, and the heartbreak of seeing someone clearly for the first time.

If you’ve ever been made to feel too sensitive, too difficult, or like you’re remembering it all wrong – this one’s for you.

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In this episode, Helen is joined by Kate, who shares her story of going no contact with her mother and navigating the complex aftermath. What starts as a conversation about finding peace after estrangement becomes a profound exploration of trauma, covert abuse, family conditioning, and the grief that often follows disconnection.

Together, Helen and Kate discuss the deep roots of people-pleasing, how it links to childhood experiences, the long-term effects of narcissistic parenting, and the role shame plays in keeping us silent. With honesty and vulnerability, Kate offers a voice to what so many survivors feel but often can’t say.

Important note: There is a trigger/content warning in this episode for sexual abuse - please listen with caution and seek appropriate support if necessary.

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What if everything that made you different was dismissed, not just by the world, but by the people meant to protect you?

Christina joins Helen to share the quiet heartbreak of being visibly different but never truly seen. Despite clear signs of neurodivergence from a young age, her parents dismissed the red flags, choosing image, denial and normality over acceptance and support. Now, with a late autism, ADHD and dyscalculia diagnosis, Christina is left untangling years of confusion, anger, and grief.

Together, they explore what it means to grow up performing for approval while being punished for your needs. From emotional shutdowns and school struggles to masking, meltdowns and the fear of peace itself, this conversation cuts to the core of what happens when your suffering is invisible - even to the people who say they love you most.

If you’ve ever found yourself asking why they didn’t do more, or how to stop needing their validation to move forward - this episode will speak to you.Grow, connect and thrive with a free 7-day trial of The Hub: ⁠⁠https://liberationacademy.co.uk/the-hub/⁠⁠

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What if everything you thought was real… wasn’t?

In this episode of The Liberation Effect, Helen is joined by Emma, who’s facing the grief of being discarded by her narcissistic mother - not because she walked away, but because she finally said no.

Now in her fifties and newly separated, Emma is navigating the disorienting fallout of a lifetime spent performing for love, questioning every memory, and grieving the identity she was never allowed to form. Together, she and Helen unpack what happens when your childhood starts to unravel in adulthood, and how hard it is to trust yourself when you've spent your whole life being told who to be.Grow, connect and thrive with a free 7-day trial of The Hub: ⁠⁠https://liberationacademy.co.uk/the-hub/⁠⁠

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What if understanding it won’t make it hurt less?

In this episode of The Liberation Effect, Helen is joined by Megan, who’s gone no contact with her parents but is still being pulled back in through guilt, shame, and flying monkey messages. Now pregnant again, Megan finds herself circling old patterns of self-doubt and wondering if she really was the problem all along.

What unfolds is a conversation about grief, survival, and the desperate need to make sense of the senseless. Together, Helen and Megan explore how the urge to understand - to explain, justify, or find a reason - can sometimes be a trauma response in itself. Because if we can figure it out, maybe we can fix it. And if we can fix it, maybe we weren’t really abandoned at all.

Trigger warning: this episode involves discussions about child loss and bereavement.

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What happens when the fear of rejection runs so deep it controls your every decision?

In this episode of The Liberation Effect, Helen sits down with Laura, who is climbing the corporate ladder while quietly battling burnout. Behind her inability to say no lies a lifetime of people-pleasing, a deeply enmeshed family system, and a childhood marked by secrecy and survival.

Together, Helen and Laura trace the emotional roots of this fear - from Laura’s experience growing up with a mother who demanded complete emotional transparency while forcing her to conceal dangerous truths, to the trauma of abandonment and the impossible role of being everyone's safe place.

This conversation gently unpacks how trauma echoes in professional spaces, how enmeshment distorts boundaries, and how we start learning to say no - not just as a boundary, but as a form of self-protection.

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What if being the good child meant being the forgotten one?

In this episode, Charlotte joins Helen to explore the long shadow of emotional neglect, people-pleasing, and being cast as the family scapegoat. As a child, Charlotte learned to stay quiet, meet expectations, and avoid conflict. But underneath the surface was a deep loneliness, a constant pressure to be easy, and a silence that cost her a sense of self.

Together, they unpack how roles like “good girl” or “too much” get assigned to children without their consent, and how those labels can shape your entire identity. Charlotte shares the pain of being punished for setting boundaries, the grief of realising her parents never truly protected her, and the courage it takes to finally trust your own voice.

This is a conversation about survival, clarity, and the moment you decide to stop carrying a story that was never yours.

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What if the person who hurt you most was the one everyone protected?

In this episode of The Liberation Effect, Emily speaks with Helen about the long shadow of sibling abuse, and the emotional cost of growing up in a family that denied her reality. She shares how her mother’s repeated refusal to acknowledge what happened left her isolated, gaslit, and cast as the source of the problem.

Together, they explore the deep confusion of being harmed and then blamed for it, the long road to rebuilding self-trust, and the clarity that comes with naming what was never allowed to be named. Emily speaks with honesty and conviction about her choice to remain no contact, her decision not to forgive, and the freedom that comes from choosing herself after years of being erased.

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What if protecting yourself came at the cost of everything familiar?In this episode of The Liberation Effect, Elizabeth shares the story of a life reshaped by bold decisions. After walking away from toxic workplaces, family estrangement, and an abusive relationship abroad, she found herself free, but deeply alone. She and Helen explore what it means to honour the choices made for survival while grieving what was lost along the way.Together, they unpack the tension between strength and sadness, self-trust and self-abandonment. Elizabeth speaks candidly about navigating estrangement, sobriety, and grief, and the quiet ache of not knowing how to access love. Grow, connect and thrive with a free 7-day trial of The Hub: ⁠⁠https://liberationacademy.co.uk/the-hub/⁠⁠To be on the show please apply here: ⁠⁠https://hub.liberationacademy.co.uk/podcast-application

What if the way you parent reveals the parts of you that are still hurting?

In this episode, Lucy explores the uncomfortable truth that she finds her daughter more triggering than her son, even when they display the same behaviours. What unfolds is a powerful, emotionally honest conversation about the legacy of childhood rejection, and how easily unhealed wounds can echo through the next generation.

Helen helps Lucy trace the roots of her inner critic, the shame she carries around being “too much,” and the fear of what it would mean to truly honour her younger self. From family dynamics that blamed her for others’ behaviour to the belief that love must be earned through perfection, Lucy brings humour, clarity and real insight to a story that will feel painfully familiar for many.

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What if love meant always being available, even when it cost you your future?

In this episode, Christine speaks with Helen about growing up with a mother who expected complete emotional and practical availability. She shares how her life was shaped around her mother’s needs, including being asked not to get a job, not to go to university, even to plan her days around minding the dog. Christine reflects on how these constant, unreasonable demands blurred the line between love and control.

Together, they explore the guilt of saying no, the pressure to stay small and agreeable, and the work of reclaiming autonomy after years of self-abandonment. Christine speaks with honesty and insight about learning to disappoint others in order to protect herself, and the slow process of becoming someone who lives by choice, not obligation.

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What if the hardest part wasn’t what happened, but what it meant about who you were?

In this episode of The Liberation Effect, Louise speaks with Helen about the long-term impact of childhood emotional abuse. She shares how years of being controlled, shamed, and repeatedly told she was “too sensitive” left her doubting her instincts and shrinking herself to survive. What unfolds is a powerful conversation about the cost of being silenced, the confusion of loving people who hurt you, and the quiet strength it takes to begin telling the truth.

Together, they explore the inherited roles that keep families functioning at your expense, the shame of not feeling “bad enough” to ask for help, and the slow rebuilding of self-worth after decades of internalised blame. Louise speaks with clarity and courage about becoming someone she trusts again, and choosing a life that no longer revolves around being easy to love.

Content warning: This episode contains references to covert sexual abuse.

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What if the moment you chose yourself was the moment they turned against you?

In this episode, Lola joins Helen to share her story of surviving an emotionally abusive marriage and the painful fallout that followed. Raised in a household where love came with conditions and silence was expected, Lola entered her first long-term relationship as a teenager. What followed was years of emotional entrapment, manipulation, and failed attempts to leave, all under the weight of cultural and family pressure.

When Lola finally made the decision to walk away, she was met with humiliation, rejection, and a devastating lack of support. She describes the isolation that followed, including being gaslit, coerced into couples therapy, and eventually made homeless. Yet through it all, she held on to a quiet determination to survive and rebuild. Now living abroad with her independence reclaimed, Lola reflects on the emotional toll of reactive abuse, self-blame, and the fear of connection after betrayal.

This is a powerful conversation about scapegoating, identity loss, and the slow work of self-trust. With clarity and courage, Lola shares what it means to heal on your own terms and find safety after being told you do not deserve it.

Content warning: This episodes contains discussions of coercive control and emotional abuse.

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What if feeling your emotions meant risking everything that keeps you safe?

In this episode, Stephen joins Helen to explore the collapse of his coping systems after becoming a father. As a neurodivergent parent living with autism and ADHD, Stephen reflects on how the unpredictability of raising a toddler has triggered early patterns of fear, control, and emotional self-protection. He speaks openly about growing up in an environment where feelings were unsafe, religion was weaponised, and perfection was the only path to acceptance.

Together, they explore the dissociative gap between knowing and feeling, the shame of not being able to access emotions, and the fear that if he lets go, everything will fall apart. Helen gently invites Stephen to consider what it might cost to feel more deeply, and what it might make possible. This is a powerful conversation about emotional impermanence, parenting after trauma, and the slow work of learning to trust yourself when no one ever taught you how.

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What if the silence after going no contact was louder than any fight you imagined?

In this first part of a two-part episode episode, Sinead joins Helen to share the emotional aftermath of going no contact with her grandmother and the family system that enabled harm. Raised primarily by her grandparents, Sinead unpacks a childhood shaped by coercion, manipulation, and control. What she was told was her choice now reveals itself as something else entirely. Her grandmother enforced strict emotional rules, weaponised guilt, and used comparisons to keep her in line, while her grandfather remained passive in the face of it all.

As Sinead reflects on the silence that followed her decision to step away, she speaks honestly about the identity crisis that surfaced in its wake. Without guilt as a guiding force, she feels untethered, unsure of who she is or what she’s allowed to feel. Together, she and Helen explore the legacy of emotional neglect, survival-based behaviours, and the fear of becoming like the very people she had to leave behind. This is a deeply validating conversation about letting go of inherited shame, rebuilding self-trust, and beginning to choose who you want to be.

Content warning: This episode discusses abortion and emotional abuse.

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What if shame has been speaking louder than your voice?

In this follow up to last week’s conversation, Sinead returns to talk with Helen about the deeper roots of her anxiety, guilt, and fear of speaking up. Through guided imagery, Sinead explores the physical sensations tied to her voice: a hot, jagged feeling in her chest and a tight grip in her stomach. Both have long worked to keep her safe from the consequences of speaking out.

Helen helps Sinead meet “Mr Guilt”, the shadowy figure who has been with her since childhood, shaped by years of control, secrecy, and the belief that serving others was the only safe choice. Together, they explore how guilt became her most familiar emotion, how it has been used to control her, and how it continues to shape her decisions.

By the end, Sinead begins to imagine a different way forward, one where her voice can be used for her own needs and where guilt might guide rather than silence her. It is a conversation about understanding the body’s warnings, loosening shame’s grip, and making space for self trust.

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What if the parent you trusted to protect you was really protecting themselves?

In this episode, Helen speaks with Elizabeth, who has gone no contact with her father and is now questioning the role her late mother played in enabling his behaviour. Once seen as her safe person, her mother’s minimising responses and final letters revealed a truth Elizabeth has struggled to face.

Together they explore the grief of realising lost protection, the weight of guilt and responsibility, and the anger that comes with uncovering how secrecy and shame shaped her childhood.

Grow, connect and thrive with a free 7-day trial of The Hub: ⁠⁠https://liberationacademy.co.uk/the-hub/⁠⁠To be on the show please apply here: ⁠⁠https://hub.liberationacademy.co.uk/podcast-application

What if the same person could be remembered in completely different ways?

In this episode, Helen is joined by Jada, who opens up about the death of her abusive mother and the painful legacy it has left behind. Jada reflects on how her mother not only failed to protect her from her father’s abuse but also manipulated and controlled her well into adulthood. Now, six months after her mother’s death, she is faced with complex emotions of anger, grief, shame, and the question of whether to share the truth of her past with her two young adult children.

Jada speaks candidly about her children’s very different experiences of their grandmother, the shame she feels for raising them under her roof, and the confusion that comes with suddenly having the freedom to speak when her voice was suppressed for so long.

Content warning: This episode includes discussion of childhood sexual abuse and discussions of suicide and cancer.Grow, connect and thrive with a free 7-day trial of The Hub: ⁠⁠https://liberationacademy.co.uk/the-hub/⁠⁠To be on the show please apply here: ⁠⁠https://hub.liberationacademy.co.uk/podcast-application

What if loving one parent meant betraying the other?

In this powerful conversation, Helen speaks with Sabrina, who was abducted by her mother as a child and raised far from her biological father. Now, at 40 and newly diagnosed as autistic, she is reconnecting with her father while still caught in the emotional grip of a controlling mother.

Together they explore the lifelong impact of enmeshment, secrecy, and guilt, and how Sabrina has been taught to protect her mother’s feelings above her own needs. She shares the pain of being made responsible for everyone else’s emotions, the fear of being seen as “bad” for wanting more, and the struggle of deciding whether she can risk honesty without losing her family.

Through the conversation, Helen helps Sabrina untangle fear from responsibility, recognise her right to know her father and heritage, and begin to imagine a future where her choices are not defined by her mother’s control.Grow, connect and thrive with a free 7-day trial of The Hub: ⁠⁠https://liberationacademy.co.uk/the-hub/⁠⁠To be on the show please apply here: ⁠⁠https://hub.liberationacademy.co.uk/podcast-application