Leaders are learners. The best leaders never stop working to make themselves better. The Learning Leader Show Is series of conversations with the world's most thoughtful leaders. Entrepreneurs, CEO's, World-Class Athletes, Coaches, Best-Selling Authors, and much more.
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My Guest: Suzy Welch is known for co-founding the Jack Welch Management Institute and writing bestsellers like 10-10-10: A Life Transforming Idea. Her career includes roles as an editor-in-chief for Harvard Business Review, a crime reporter, and a professor. She teaches at NYU and is the best-selling author of Becoming You.
Key Learnings
Purpose Requires Realism, Not Just Passion - Everyone wants to be the drummer in Disturbed, but that guy's good at drumming. My whole methodology is about realism. You have to know what your values are, what your interests are, but you better be good at it or forget it. Otherwise, it's a hobby.
Values Are Choices, Not Virtues - Most people confuse values and virtues. Virtues are things like integrity, courage, and thankfulness... Behaviors we all should have more of. Values are choices about how you want to live, work, and relate. It's a value if it would drive who you married, what job you took, and where you went on vacation.
There are 16 Measurable Values - Values exist on a continuum like a DNA profile. Scope reflects how exciting a life you want. Radius is how much you want to change the world systemically. Belovedness is how important an intimate relationship is to you. Work centrism is whether you love work for work's sake or if it's just a means to an end.
Men Over 32 Value Romantic Relationships Most - We just got data showing that for men over the age of 32, belovedness is their number one value. It's much lower for women. Only 50% of people have family centrism in their top five values—we assume everyone shares our values, but they don't.
Your Authenticity Gap Reveals Your Pain - You could hold the value of scope as number one, but not be able to live it right now because of your job or family situation. That gap between what you value and what you're living—we call that your authenticity gap. If you've got a big one, you know it because it hurts.
Gen Z's Top Value Is Self-Care - 75% of Gen Z have self-care, wellbeing, pleasure, and leisure as their top value. Their top three are self-care, authentic self-expression, and helping others. Meanwhile, hiring managers want achievement, scope, and work centrism. The overlap is 2%.
Aptitudes Are Your Brain's Dominant Hand - We have nine cognitive aptitudes preset by age 15. Are you a generalist or a specialist? A future focuser or a present focuser? A brainstormer or someone who comes up with one fully baked idea per year? It's painful to be a generalist in a specialist job.
Your Personality Is How The World Experiences You - Your personality is not the list of adjectives you write about yourself. It's how the world experiences you. When I did my 360 feedback, people said I was the hurricane, not the calm at the center. I had to learn to communicate better the thoughts I had, and learn to be less chaotic.
Everyone Writes Themselves As The Hero - A police lieutenant once told me: everyone writes the story of their life with themselves at the center as the hero. No matter what story we tell ourselves, we always cast ourselves as the hero. That's why self-awareness is so hard and why we need testing, not just self-reflection.
The Aperture Problem: Kids Only Know Five Jobs - When kids come out of high school, they only know about five jobs, two of which are their parents. By college it goes up to seven. By grad school, MBAs are thinking about two or three options—banking, consulting, or tech. There are 135 industries and thousands of types of work nobody tells them about.
Great Leaders Don't Do It For The Money - I've been blessed to know many of the greatest leaders. They're doing it for love of people, excitement, work, or impact. I've never met a great leader who was doing it for the money. Jensen Huang and Jeff Bezos are examples—clarity, vision, excellence in everything, no shortcuts.
Better To Be The Author Than The Editor - When you're ambitious, you end up surrounded by voices and can become the editor of your life. You have to become the author. Paint a self-portrait of yourself standing still so that when you start running, you know where you're going and why.
Reflection Questions
What would the 5 people closest to you say about how you show up? Would their description match how you see yourself, or do you have a self-awareness gap you haven't addressed?
If you mapped your actual daily behaviors against your stated top values, would they align? Or are you living someone else's version of success while calling it your own?
Are you the author of your life or the editor? Whose voices are loudest in your head when making big decisions, and have you given yourself permission to write your own story?
660: James Clear (Live at Ohio University!) - The Four Laws of Behavior Change, Systems vs Goals, Building Better Habits, Mastering the Two-Minute Rule, Having a Great Marriage, & The Plateau of Latent Potential
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My guest: James Clear is the author of one of the most influential books of our generation, Atomic Habits. He's sold over 25 million copies worldwide and has helped millions of people transform their lives through the power of small changes. We brought the podcast to the campus of Ohio University, where we recorded live in front of 250 of the most impressive college students I've ever met.
Notes:
I loved the Morgan Housel moment - It was cool to see James' reaction to it (you can watch it on YouTube.com/RyanHawk). Morgan said, "I have absolutely not a single cell of envy for him. Because he is the nicest guy you will ever meet. You will not meet a nicer human than James Clear. You will not meet someone as successful as he is and as humble as he is. He is a saint in my life. And because of that, I adore every bit of this guy, so I cannot envy him. I am just inspired by his success, full stop." We should all strive to be that for the people in our lives.
Your WHO - "Every opportunity in life comes through a person. Relationships are usually the most important thing. If you want to achieve more, there is a relationship that can unlock better results. If you want to make a meaningful contribution, helping others is a great way to do it. If you sim
Willpower – 'People with tremendous self-control aren't that different from those who struggle. They're simply better at structuring their lives in a way that doesn't require heroic willpower.' It's not about determination, it's about design. That's liberating.
651: Shaka Senghor - From Prison to Purpose: Breaking Mental Barriers, Working with Mentors, and Leading Through Vulnerability (How To Be Free)
This is brought to you by Insight Global. If you need to hire 1 person, hire a team of people, or transform your business through Talent or Technical Services, Insight Global's team of 30,000 people around the world have the hustle and grit to deliver. www.InsightGlobal.com/LearningLeader
Shaka Sengor spent 19 years in prison for killing a man. He's transformed his life through not making excuses and taking full ownership of his decisions. Now, he's a New York Times best-selling author who has been called a "soul igniter" by Oprah. His latest book is called How to Be Free.
Notes:
The Permanence of Split-Second Decisions – At 17, shot three times on a Detroit corner. At 19, he killed a man in a conflict after creating a narrative that he would "shoot first." Sentenced to 17-40 years for second-degree murder. "I try to teach young people about understanding the permanence of a 30-second decision."
Books as Portals to Freedom – Read over 1,500 books during 19-year incarceration, starting with street literature (Pimp, Black Gangster) as a gateway to philosophy (Plato, Marcus Aurelius). "Books allowed me to escape in the most literal sense... a portal into other worlds."
Prison Mentors Changed Everything – Lifers became his guides: "These are men serving life sentences who came equipped with wisdom about what's on the other side... they guided me to books that shattered old narratives and opened possibilities."
Reading Creates Writing Excellence – Speed-reading skill from age 8 (learned during punishments with encyclopedias) combined with voracious prison reading, led to becoming a NY Times bestselling author. "You have to be a practitioner of the craft every day."
Journaling as Transformation Tool – "It was the most healing experience I've ever had to speak to my truth, speak to the pain points." Uses 20 different journals, writes everywhere - planes, shower thoughts on phone, margins of books.
561: Bob Sutton - How Smart Leaders Make The Right Things Easier and The Wrong Things Harder (The Friction Project)
Compassion - Assume you don't know others' struggles
Bob worked with Ed Catmull (Pixar)
He was one of the best at combining curiosity, willingness to try new things, and having compassion for people
Good Boss vs. Bad Boss
Good bosses ask lots of questions and then make the call (John Hennessey, Stanford President)
The Jumbo Grocery Stores in Holland created "slow lanes" for those who wanted to talk… They didn't want efficiency or speed, they wanted a conversation. It's a good reminder that sometimes we should slow down and enjoy our surroundings and the people we're with…
Curiosity and Compassion are skills we can build. Take the experiment where they counted the number of questions versus statements and your talking time. Surround yourself with people who will give you direct feedback about your level of curiosity and compassion… When conversing with someone else, how often are you asking questions versus talking about yourself? Think about that…
It's not always right to be efficient… Bob shared the Jerry Seinfeld story… The network was considering bringing in McKinsey to help Jerry become more efficient when making his show. He asked, "Are they funny?" They said, no that's not what they do. And he said, "Then I don't need them." It's not always supposed to be efficient. Sometimes, the hard way is the right way… To get the best result, it usually is.
Some things Bob believes (we should all post an essay about what we believe):
Indifference is as important as passion.
The best leaders know what it feels like to work for them. They overcome the urge to focus attention on powerful superiors rather than their followers
The best leaders think and act as trustees of their employees' and customers' time. They are "friction fixers" who hold themselves and others responsible for making the right things easier and the wrong things harder. That might mean, for example, reducing friction by eliminating and revamping meetings.
560: Dr. Barry Posner - Model the Way, Inspire a Shared Vision, Challenge the Process, Encourage Others to Act (The Leadership Challenge)
Dr. Barry Posner, author of The Leadership Challenge and The Truth About Leadership
The 4 characteristics of leaders whom we would most choose to follow:
Honest (trustworthy, they do what they say they're going to do)
Competent (Smart, and constantly learning)
Inspiring - Energetic, enthusiastic. Inspire means to breathe life in to...
Forward-looking - They have a sense of the future. They share a compelling vision
People all have values, but not everyone knows what they are. To know what our values are, we must be thoughtful and intentional about them and do the reflective work to understand what we value most.
What is Kouzes and Posner's leadership theory? Their research, which they conducted over almost 20 years, suggested that leadership is not a position, but a collection of practices and behaviors. These practices serve as guidance for leaders to accomplish their achievements or "to get extraordinary things done.
The Leadership Challenge – Leaders drive results and achieve goals. To face the obstacles of today and tomorrow, we need leaders at a high level. The Leadership Challenge gives everyone the tools and practices to Model the Way, Inspire a Shared Vision, Challenge the Process, Enable Others to Act, and Encourage the Hearts of those around them.
"In the middle of responding to an audience question one of us was saying, "I don't know what you call something that's been the same for twenty-five years, but…," and Ken Blanchard interrupted, exclaiming, 'I'd call it the truth.'"
The Truth About Leadership
The first truth is that You Make a Difference.
559: Marshall Goldsmith - The Power of Executive Coaching, How To Give & Receive Feedback, & Attributes of The Best Leaders (What Got You Here Won't Get You There)
Monday, December 18, 2023 • Duration 48:35
Order The Score That Matters NOW. CLICK HERE. In The Score That Matters, Ryan Hawk and Brook Cupps show that the internal score is what matters most—it reveals whether we are living in alignment with our purpose and values. Offering both descriptive and prescriptive advice and anecdotes, The Score That Matters will help you unlock true fulfillment and happiness by discovering your purpose, identifying your values, creating critical behaviors, and living them faithfully every day in all aspects of your life.
Notes from my conversation with Marshall Goldsmith:
Attributes of the best leaders he's worked with:
They are courageous, they have humility, and they are disciplined.
Do we all need a coach?
"I don't know, but if we're honest with ourselves, we all need help. And a coach can be someone to help…"
Happiness and achievement are independent variables.
I felt we kept going around in circles because I'm a prescriptive thinker and like actionable takeaways. And I feel like Marshall was helping me understand it's more of a mindset.
With a PhD from UCLA, Marshall is a pioneer of 360-degree feedback as a leadership development tool. His early efforts in providing feedback and then following-up with executives to measure changes in behavior were precursors to what eventually evolved as the field of executive coaching.
"Fate is the hand of cards we've been dealt. The choice is how we play the hand."
"Getting mad at people for being who they are makes as much sense as getting mad at a chair for being a chair."
"Successful people become great leaders when they learn to shift the focus from themselves to others."
"People who believe they can succeed see opportunities where others see threats."
"If we do not create and control our environment, our environment creates and controls us."
"A leader who cannot shoulder the blame is not someone we will follow blindly into battle. We instinctively question that individual's character, dependability, and loyalty to us. And so we hold back on our loyalty to him or her."
558: Introducing Our New Book, "The Score That Matters," (With Brook Cupps)
Thursday, December 14, 2023 • Duration 01:02:42
Order The Score That Matters NOW. CLICK HERE. In The Score That Matters, Ryan Hawk and Brook Cupps show that the internal score is what matters most—it reveals whether we are living in alignment with our purpose and values. Offering both descriptive and prescriptive advice and anecdotes, The Score That Matters will help you unlock true fulfillment and happiness by discovering your purpose, identifying your values, creating critical behaviors, and living them faithfully every day in all aspects of your life.
"The big question about how people behave is whether they've got an Inner Scorecard or an Outer Scorecard. It helps if you can be satisfied with an Inner Scorecard." - Warren Buffet – The inner scorecard is about eliminating comparison with others and living in alignment with what's most important to you. Your values and the behaviors to match those values.
The inner scorecard eliminates the comparison of things.
How to build trust? Laugh together, cry together, suffer together (do hard things).
Resume virtues versus Eulogy virtues. We'll get caught up in living for our resume (promotions, money, objects) if we're not intentional. We think it's better to live for your eulogy virtues (the impact you had on people, fulfilling your purpose, living in alignment with your true values)
Why a strong purpose beats a good plan: we explain how a strong purpose erases obstacles, is never about you, and is highlighted by considering death.
Why being the greatest is a mirage: While greatness is a process that is attainable for all, we share why becoming the greatest is a destination that no one can reach.
How to navigate the tricky art of building trust: Throughout 25 years of teaching and coaching Brook has refined the trust-building process to 3 simple actions every leader can use.
How to fight the poison of comparison: Our focus on a consistent process over the societal pursuit of results seems contradictory to excellence but just may lay the foundation for its attainment.
Why self-awareness is not a solo flight: The feedback we seek from special people in our life, our foxhole, reminds us that we are tougher together.
557: Hal Elrod - How To Create a Morning Routine That Works For You
Monday, December 11, 2023 • Duration 45:55
Text Hawk to 66866 to become part of "Mindful Monday." Join 10's of thousands of your fellow learning leaders and receive a carefully curated email from me each Monday morning to help you start your week off right...
The SAVERS acronym – Silence, Affirmations, Visualization, Exercise, Reading, and Scribing. If you implement that consistently, you'll probably do better.
72% of people said they were not a morning person before implementing SAVERS.
The makeup of a great sales professional:
They are coachable...
They bring energy and enthusiasm to the job...
They are consistent. They can handle rejection and keep going. They focus on the process...
Affirmations: First, affirm what you're committed to. Next, why is it a must for you, and finally, affirm the specific actions you will take and when. That's how you bring affirmations to life…
Hal died for 6 minutes, broke 11 bones, suffered permanent brain damage, and was told by doctors that he would never walk again. Then, at age 37, he nearly died again when his heart, lungs, and kidneys were on the verge of failing, and he was diagnosed with a rare, aggressive form of cancer.
"Any time you find yourself "wishing" you were further along than you are, or comparing where you are with where someone else is, keep in mind that when you finally get to point you've been working towards for so long, you never wish it would have happened any sooner. Instead, you see that the journey and the timing are perfect. So be at peace with where you are while maintaining a healthy sense of urgency to make the consistent progress each day that will ensure you get to wherever it is that you want to go. "
"Those who only do what they feel like, don't do much. To be successful at anything you must take action even when you don't feel like it, knowing it is the action itself that will produce the motivation you need to follow through."
"It's temporary. Tolerate it, accept it, embrace it, or enjoy it. Whatever it is, just know that it is temporary."
556: Morgan Housel - A Guide To Human Behavior, Telling Great Stories, Becoming a Reasonable Optimist, Writing Advice, Mr. Beast, & What Never Changes
Monday, December 4, 2023 • Duration 56:30
Text Hawk to 66866 to become part of "Mindful Monday." Join 10's of thousands of your fellow learning leaders and receive a carefully curated email from me each Monday morning to help you start your week off right...
"Your personal experiences make up maybe 0.00000001% of what's happened in the world but maybe 80% of how you think the world works."
"All behaviors make sense with enough information."
The best story wins: Good stories have an extraordinary ability to inspire and evoke positive emotions, bringing insight and attention to topics that people tend to ignore when they've previously been presented with nothing but facts.
Stories are more powerful than statistics. And most statistics are incomplete props to justify a story. Stories are easier to remember, easier to relate to, and emotionally persuasive.
Progress requires optimism and pessimism to coexist: A rational optimist. - Save like a pessimist and invest like an optimist. - Plan like a pessimist and dream like an optimist.
"It's supposed to be hard." – Everything worth pursuing comes with a little pain. The trick is not minding it hurts.
It's impossible to plan for what you can't imagine. - Invest in preparedness, not in prediction. - Realize that if you're only preparing for the risks you can envision, you'll be unprepared for the risks you can't see every single time.
Fostering envy vs. admiration. Are you creating envy by what you post on social media?
"People admire you when you are pursuing something, not when you have it."
Reasonable Optimists: Once people believe in a better future – for themselves and others – they become willing to take risks, work hard, sacrifice near-term comfort, delay gratification, and cooperate with others, all of which are the raw ingredients of economic and social progress.
555: Shane Parrish - Raising Your Standards, The Difference Between Nice & Kind Feedback, The Inner vs. Outer Scoreboard, & Turning Ordinary Moments Into Extraordinary Results (Clear Thinking)
Monday, November 27, 2023 • Duration 55:17
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The power of believing in someone. Mr. Duncan, Shane's high school English teacher was the first person to tell him that he believed in him. He changed the trajectory of Shane's life. We, as leaders, can do that for others. Let's proactively look for opportunities to tell the people we're leading that we believe in them.
The difference between Nice and Kindfeedback. Too often, the people we ask for feedback are nice but not kind. Kind people will tell you things a nice person will not. A kind person will tell you that you have spinach on your teeth. A nice person won't because it's uncomfortable. A kind person will tell us what holds us back, even when it's uncomfortable. A nice person avoids giving us critical feedback because they're worried about hurting our feelings.
Champions: "Champions don't create the standards of excellence. The standards of excellence create champions." "Expecting high performance is a prerequisite to its achievement among those who work with you. Your high standards and optimistic anticipations will not guarantee a favorable outcome, but their absence will assuredly create the opposite."
The USS Benfold — was one of the worst-performing warships in the US Navy in 1996. The destiny of the USS Benfold changed the day Michael Abrashoff was named commander.
Shane was 13 years old. Shane was standing with a group of his friends after school and they were teasing one of his classmates and he was watching. Teachers intervened and it ended quickly. He didn't realize that your dad was parked nearby and was watching. You have to stand up for people who don't have a voice.
Fall in Love with the Process - "When you fall in love with the process rather than the product, you don't have to wait to give yourself permission to be happy. You can be satisfied anytime your system is running. And a system can be successful in many different forms, not just the one you first envision."
Make It Obvious, Easy, Attractive, Satisfying - The four laws of behavior change: make good habits obvious and bad habits invisible, make good habits easy and bad habits difficult, make good habits attractive and bad habits unattractive, make good habits satisfying and bad habits unsatisfying.
Use the Two-Minute Rule - Scale any habit down to something that takes two minutes or less. Want to read more? Read one page. Want to run a marathon? Put on your running shoes. The goal is to master showing up and make the entry point as easy as possible.
Standardize Before You Optimize - You can't improve a habit that doesn't exist. Master the art of showing up before worrying about optimization. Build consistency first, then work on increasing the dose or improving performance.
Track Your Habits Visually - I use a paper clip strategy: start each day with 120 paper clips in one jar, move one to another jar each time I complete a writing session. Visual tracking provides clear evidence of progress and makes the habit satisfying.
Habits Need to Match Your Personality - There's no one-size-fits-all approach. Morning people and night owls need different strategies. Work with your natural tendencies, not against them. Choose habits and contexts that align with who you already are.
Create Commitment Devices - Make bad habits difficult through commitment devices. I had my assistant change my social media passwords every Monday and only give them back on Fridays. This eliminated mindless scrolling during my productive work hours.
Focus on Systems, Not Goals - Winners and losers have the same goals. The difference is their systems. Goals are about the results you want to achieve; systems are about the processes that lead to those results. Fall in love with the process, not the outcome.
Build Habits That Align With Your Desired Identity - I wanted to be a writer, so I wrote every Monday and Thursday for years. Eventually, I had proof. I couldn't deny I was a writer because of the body of work I'd created. Your habits are how you embody your identity.
The Plateau of Latent Potential - We expect progress to be linear, but it's not. Habits often appear to make no difference until you cross a critical threshold. You need to persist long enough to get through the plateau and break through to the other side.
Reduce Friction for Good Habits - I want to work out more, so I lay out my workout clothes the night before. When I wake up, they're the first thing I see. The easier you make the habit, the more likely you are to do it.
Increase Friction for Bad Habits - Want to watch less TV? Unplug it after each use and put the remote in another room. The added friction makes the bad habit less appealing and gives you a moment to make a better choice.
Automate Good Decisions - Technology can lock in good behavior. I set up automatic transfers to my investment account. Once the system is in place, the good behavior happens without requiring willpower or decision-making energy.
Student Questions
On Building Habits in College - The mess of college is actually useful because you're forced to figure out who you are. Use this time to experiment with different habits and see what sticks. You have more flexibility now than you will later in life.
On Breaking Bad Habits - Trying to eliminate a bad habit without replacing it with something else is really hard. The more sustainable approach is habit substitution. If you want to stop scrolling social media, replace it with reading for five minutes instead.
On Staying Consistent - Never miss twice. Missing once is an accident; missing twice is the start of a new habit. Elite performers aren't consistent because they're more disciplined—they have better strategies for getting back on track quickly when life happens.
On Finding Your Purpose - I think the idea of finding your purpose is misleading. You don't find your purpose; you build it through the habits you practice daily. Your life is essentially a collection of your habits, so if you want a different life, build different habits.
On Overcoming Setbacks - After my accident, I had to redefine what success looked like. Sometimes progress means recovering what you lost rather than reaching new heights. Focus on what you can control today rather than what you wish you could control.
On Reading and Learning - I read across many disciplines because insights often come from connecting ideas from different fields. Read widely, take notes, and revisit those notes regularly. The goal isn't to finish books—it's to find ideas that change how you think.
On Building a Writing Practice - I published twice per week for years before anything took off. Most people overestimate what they can accomplish in one year and underestimate what they can accomplish in ten years. Show up consistently and let time do the heavy lifting.
Reflection Questions
Are you focused on achieving goals or building systems? What's one process you could improve this week that would make your desired outcomes more likely?
What's one habit you want to build? Can you make it so easy that you can't say no—something that takes two minutes or less? How can you design your environment to make this habit obvious and attractive?
Which of your current habits align with the identity you want to build? What small votes can you cast today through your actions to prove to yourself who you want to become?
Former Episodes Referenced
#529 - James Clear - Becoming an Optimist, Creating Your System, & Setting Up Your Future Self
#655 - Morgan Housel - The Simple Formula For Happiness, Betting on Others, & Gaining Independence & Purpose
#470 - Daniel Coyle - Building Your Culture, Solving Hard Problems, & Winning The Learning Contest
#428 - James Clear - Asking Better Questions, Taking Action, & Doing A+ Work
Episode Timestamps:
02:20 High Praise from Morgan Housel
04:08 Winning the St. Gallen Symposium & James' College Experience
07:00 The Strategy Behind Writing Atomic Habits
13:58 Designing Your Environment for Success
31:05 The Art of Building Genuine Relationships
39:00 Clarifying Your Thoughts Through Writing
40:11 Applying Atomic Habits to Leadership
41:04 Mental Performance Techniques from a Navy SEAL
43:31 Balancing Success and Personal Life
47:56 The Importance of Reflection and Review
51:10 Adapting Habits in Different Environments
55:19 Habits for Short-Term Goals vs Long-Term Goals
01:04:27 Using Feedback for Habit Building
01:07:55 Internal Dialogue While Building Habits
01:13:28 The Influence of Others on Forming Your Habits
01:17:01 EOPC
Hidden Prisons We All Carry – "The most powerful prisons aren't the ones made of concrete and steel. They're the ones we carry with us, built from grief, anger, shame, trauma." Everyone has internal prisons that can be opened.
Vulnerability as Strength, Not Manipulation – Authentic vulnerability vs. weaponized oversharing. "Human beings have this innate ability to suss out the truth. Authenticity and vulnerability is the super unlock... being true to your center."
Community Through Shared Truth – Prison taught extreme friendship criteria: "Are they willing to serve a life sentence for you or die for you?" Now applies accountability standards: showing up consistently, being loyal to family first.
Violence Born from Fear – "Reactionary violence is typically born out of fear, being afraid." Prison taught him to see "the child in people" who are acting out, leading to empathy instead of escalation.
Voluntary Hardship Builds Resilience – Monthly 3-day fasts in solitary confinement prepared him for food deprivation punishment. "None of us get through life without suffering... that extra hour a week can change your life's outcomes."
Composure Through Self-Awareness – Developed through journaling about times he wasn't composed. "Once you've written it down, you own it. When you own it, you can control it. When you can control it, it's easy to become composed."
Remove All Excuses – Florence Nightingale quote: "I never gave or took any excuse." Despite a felony record, a violent crime conviction, and 20 years in prison, he chose to "lead a great life" by removing every excuse.
The Ben Horowitz Friendship – Unlikely brotherhood with VC billionaire, starting from Oprah's introduction, bonding over music and culture until 3 AM conversations. Shows authentic relationships transcend backgrounds.
Quotes:
"I try to teach young people about understanding the permanence of a 30-second decision."
"I was in prison before I stepped foot in a cell, and I was free before they ever let me out."
"The most powerful prisons aren't the ones made of concrete and steel. They're the ones we carry with us."
"Books allowed me to escape... a portal into other worlds."
"Once you've written it down, you own it. When you own it, you can control it."
"I never gave or took any excuse." (Florence Nightingale)
"Master your thinking, master your destiny."
"Violence is typically born out of fear, being afraid."
"If you can see the child in the person that's acting out... it equips you to have more empathy."
"None of us gets through life without suffering. At some point, we're all gonna go through adversity."
"I chose to lead a great life... I removed every excuse."
Life Lessons:
Face Your Internal Prisons – Identify the shame, anger, grief, and trauma that create mental prisons. Recognize that these have doors that can be opened through conscious work
Use Reading as Escape and Growth – Books provide mental freedom regardless of physical circumstances. Start with what interests you, then expand to broader learning.
Practice Voluntary Hardship – Choose difficult challenges (fasting, extra work, taking stairs) to build resilience for inevitable adversity you don't choose.
Journal for Self-Awareness – Write down thoughts, patterns, and reactions to own and control them. Use various methods - handwritten, voice memos, and margins of books.
Build Authentic Community – Surround yourself with people who will hold you accountable and tell you the truth. Apply the highest standards to friendship selection.
Transform Fear into Empathy – When facing conflict, look for the "child" in the other person. Understanding their fear reduces your reactionary responses.
Develop Composure Through Practice – Review past moments of losing control to build awareness. Use this knowledge to respond rather than react in future situations.
Remove All Excuses – Whatever your circumstances, choose to pursue greatness rather than accepting limitations. The past doesn't define the future unless you let it.
Share Your Truth Vulnerably – Authentic storytelling about pain and growth helps others escape their own prisons. Vulnerability is strength when used to serve others.
Create Evidence of Resilience – Completing self-imposed challenges builds confidence for handling external adversities. Each victory creates proof you can handle hard things.
Choose Your Narrative – You can change the story handed down to you. Reject limiting beliefs about what's possible based on background or circumstances.
"Am I a success or a failure?" is not useful. It is better to ask "What am I learning."
Noam Bardin (from Waze)
Laszlo Bock - For hiring, "If you need to interview someone more than 4 times, then you must get written approval." This helped speed up the process.
One of the roles of the leader is to be the editor-in-chief. Great leaders are great communicators. You must become a good writer and speaker if you want to lead.
Life/Career advice:
Seek variation each day
A chief of staff job could lead to big things (if you work for the right person)
Be kind
The second truth is that Credibility Is the Foundation of Leadership. If people don't believe in you, they won't willingly follow you.
The third truth is that Values Drive Commitment. People want to know what you stand for and believe in.
The fourth truth is that Focusing on the Future Sets Leaders Apart. The capacity to imagine and articulate exciting future possibilities is a defining competence of leaders. You have to take the long-term perspective.
You Can't Do It Alone is the fifth truth. Leadership is a team sport…What strengthens and sustains the relationship between leader and constituent is that leaders are obsessed with what is best for others, not what is best for themselves.
Trust Rules is the sixth truth. Trust is the social glue that holds individuals and groups together. And the level of trust others have in you will determine the amount of influence you have. You have to earn your constituents' trust before they'll be willing to trust you. That means you have to give trust before you can get trust.
The seventh truth is that Challenge Is the Crucible for Greatness. Great achievements don't happen when you keep things the same. Change invariably involves a challenge, and challenge tests you.
Truth number eight reminds you that You Either Lead by Example or You Don't Lead at All. Leaders have to keep their promises and become role models for the values and actions they espouse.
Truth number nine is that The Best Leaders Are the Best Learners. Leaders are constant improvement fanatics, and learning is the master skill of leadership.
The tenth truth is that Leadership Is an Affair of the Heart. It could also be the first truth. Leaders are in love with their constituents, their customers and clients, and the mission that they are serving. Leaders make others feel important and are gracious in showing their appreciation. Love is the motivation that energizes leaders to give so much for others. You just won't work hard enough to become great if you aren't doing what you love.
Credo = Beliefs (credibility)
Leadership is a team sport. You can't do it alone.
We are all community-made.
The best leaders are the best learners.
Challenge is the crucible for greatness.
Life/Career advice:
Remain curious
Ask questions
Volunteer
"Peter Drucker, who said, "Our mission in life should be to make a positive difference, not to prove how smart or right we are."
"People will do something—including changing their behavior—only if it can be demonstrated that doing so is in their own best interests as defined by their own values."
Why team captains are overrated: Brook connects how the shared ownership of a team is best when all members assume the responsibility of upholding the standards.
How plain and simple can bore you right to excellence: We like to complicate success, but we point back to a consistent return to the fundamentals.
Brook originally learned about creating and living his core values from Coach Dick Bennett's "Pillars of Success."
Brook's values are: Tough, Passionate, Unified, and Thankful.
My values are: Thoughtful, Thankful, Curious, and Consistent.
Foxhole friends are disagreeable givers. They are kind enough to give you honest feedback. And you do the same for them.
Thankful Thursdays
Send a text message, email, or handwritten note to three people you're thankful for every Thursday.
Push the pace... Full-court pressing and always running a fast break on offense is living up to Brook's value of speaking and acting with urgency (unified).
How Brook coaches his team to play: "Our anchor defensively isno comfort, no vision.We want you to never be comfortable. And we want the same thing offensively. We say simple and together, but we think of pressing you offensively too. We don't want you to be comfortable. We want you to be on your heels."
"The moment you accept 100% responsibility for EVERY aspect of your life is the moment that you claim the power to change ANY aspect of your life. I think where people get caught up with this is when someone else is to blame for a situation. But understand that accepting responsibility is NOT the same as accepting blame. While blame determines who is at fault for something, responsibility determines who is committed to improving a situation. It really doesn't matter who was at fault; all that matters is that YOU are committed to improving and creating the circumstances you want for your life, regardless of who is at fault. That's what taking responsibility is all about."
A realistic optimist is someone who knows that what happens in any given day, month, or year will be surprising, disappointing, difficult, and mostly out of your control. But they know with equal confidence that what happens in any given decade or generation is likely to be pretty good, bending heavily toward progress.
The reasonable optimist expects the world to break all the time. But they know – as a matter of faith – that if they can survive the day-to-day fractures they'll capture the up-and-to-the-right arc over time.
Writing: I think "know your audience" can be dangerous advice for writers. Write stuff you yourself find interesting and entertaining. Writing for yourself is fun, and it shows. Writing for others is work, and it shows.
If you're efficient, you're doing it the wrong way (Jerry Seinfeld micro-managed everything about his show). Counterintuitive. Highlights the dangers of shortcuts.
Be careful what you wish for: A carefree and stress-free life sounds wonderful only until you recognize the motivation and progress it prevents. Hardship is the most potent fuel of problem-solving. And what makes life mean something is purpose. A goal.
Read less news and more books. If you read good books, you'll have an easier time figuring out what you should pay attention to. (News isn't timeless. Good books are)
Writing: People don't remember books, blogs, or articles. They remember sentences. That should be your goal: a collection of memorable sentences. One good line is infinitely more powerful than a few clumsy paragraphs.
Mr Beast tells aspiring YouTubers to make 100 videos and he'll give them feedback and advice. 2 things happen. 98% never get close and give up. The 2% who do, no longer need his help.
People use success as an indication of what to keep doing. But most success plants the seeds of its own demise, so what people think works and try to copy is always changing.
Keep running - There is never a time when an investor can discover an investing strategy and be confident it will continue working indefinitely. The world changes, and competitors create their own little twist that exploits and snuffs out your niche. Same with careers, job skills, relationships, and countries. It's hard to accept that you have to put in a ton of work just to stay in one place, but that's how it works. Keep running.
Acceptable Flaws -- Short-term thinking is the root of most of our problems in business, investing, and politics. But I get why it happens. It has to happen. Short-term thinking can be the only way you'll survive long enough to experience long-term results. It's an acceptable flaw.
Useful Biases -- Reasonable ignorance – intentionally limiting your diligence in order to avoid decision paralysis in a world where everything, if you dig deep enough, is more complicated than it seems. (the paradox of choice).
Progress happens too slowly for people to notice; setbacks happen too fast for people to ignore.
"Stop telling kids they can be whatever they want to be. You can be whatever you're good at, as long as they're hiring. And even then it helps to know someone." -- Chris Rock
A good test when reading the news is to constantly ask, "Will I still care about this story in a year? Two years? Five years?"
"Money buys happiness in the same way drugs bring pleasure: incredible if done right, dangerous if used to mask a weakness, and disastrous when no amount is enough."
"I'm not interested in anything that's not sustainable. Friendships, investing, careers, podcasts, reading habits, exercise habits... If I can't keep it going, I'm not interested in it."
"I know people who have a lot of money, and they get hospital wings named after them. But the truth is nobody in the world loves them. If you get to my age and nobody thinks well of you, I don't care how big your bank account is, your life is a disaster."
Warren Buffett: "The big question about how people behave is whether they've got an Inner Scorecard or an Outer Scorecard. It helps if you can be satisfied with an Inner Scorecard."
Brent Beshore: "My favorite part of the book was the section on habits, rules, and safeguards (page 101). A principle that Shane and I discussed in January changed my life and was expounded on in the book. Shane said, "It's impossible to work out very often if you have to decide every day whether or not you'll do it. That's why I just do something active every day, no matter what."
Solutions/Ego: "Solutions appear when you stop bargaining and start accepting the reality of the situation. That's because focusing on the next move, rather than how you got here in the first place, opens you up to a lot of possibilities. When you put outcome over ego, you get better results."
"Small plans don't inspire, but consistently small actions create incredible results."
KnowingYour Defaults:
The emotion default - We tend to respond to feelings rather than reasons and facts
The ego default - We tend to react to anything that threatens our sense of self-worth or our position in a group hierarchy
The social default - We tend to conform to the norms of our larger social group.
The Inertia default - We're habit-forming and comfort-seeking. We tend to resist change, and to prefer ideas, processes, and environments that are familiar.
Ancient Greek word — Phronesis— the wisdom of knowing how to order your life to achieve the best results.
Life/Career advice: "I'd give the same advice to someone who's trying to find someone to marry. Go on lots of dates. Experiment. Do stuff. Get out in the world. You can only connect the dots looking backward."
If you want to develop good judgment, start by asking two questions:
What do I want in life?
And is what I want actually worth wanting?
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