Explore every episode of the podcast The Kaye Steinsapir Podcast

Shabbat Shalom!

It appears that every Jew in the world is expected to answer for Israel, and your host is no exception. So-called “progressives” have joined the “Free Palestine” movement, chanting “From the River to the Sea,” though most couldn’t say which river or sea. Few of these privileged Westerners have been to the Middle East or studied its complex history. They appear uninterested beyond slogans and what they consume on TikTok. They care more about virtue signaling than being virtuous.

Though I am a lifelong Democrat, my views don’t precisely align with some members of my party. Fine by me - life is more interesting with different points of view. It’s how we learn! Others prefer social media echo chambers where their opinions are reinforced, never challenged. Like most Jews, October 7 revealed that I had fewer friends that my social media accounts before that unimaginable day had suggested. The silence was deafening.

The haters are committed to misunderstanding me. I’d prefer to ignore them, but they leave defamatory reviews and attempt to tank my new podcast’s ratings. Please bear with me while I address their ugly lies in this episode.

It is possible to simultaneously hold multiple truths. I am a proud Jew who loves Israel (deep breaths, haters!). Pure evil exists in the world. It was unleashed on Israel on October 7. None of what happened that day was “resistance.” Israel did not deserve it. The world should have forced Hamas to return all the hostages on October 8. They all need to come home now.

I don’t support Israel’s current government and want the war in Gaza to end. Judaism’s teaching that every life is a universe applies to everyone. War is abominable. We need better ways to solve problems that don’t involve killing or maiming innocents. I believe if women held more positions of power, we would find them.

As a mother who never stops grieving for her late daughter, I would not wish my circumstances on anyone. When I lay my head down tonight, I will pray the same prayer that I pray every night. Please let my child feel my love, wherever she is now. Please bring peace and comfort to all who are suffering. May no more universes be extinguished.

Last Mother’s Day, my long-time friend, Stephanie Renner, discovered that her eighteen-year-old son, Jordan, had died. Jordan ended his life by suicide the prior day.

I’m honored that Stephanie agreed to chat with me, as the first anniversary of Jordan’s death and Mother’s Day approach. The words below were written by Stephanie to describe Jordan.

Jordan “Gilly” Gilford was a brilliant, vibrant soul with a healthy dose of stubbornness. He was incredibly passionate and his friends always speak of his beautiful smile and his infectious laugh. What they remember most, though, is his deep compassion and desire to help others. He volunteered his home regularly to people who needed a temporary refuge (both with and without the permission of his mom) and he was always concerned about his friends’ well-being.

Jordan could amaze you with his depth and passion. When he found something he loved, he would dive deep to learn all there was to know and given the chance, impart all of his new found knowledge to anyone who would listen. He especially loved talking political and current affairs and he definitely had opinions!

Even surrounded by tremendous love and encouragement, Jordan suffered from the sometimes-debilitating disease of mental illness. He wanted nothing more than to overcome it and was privileged to have many resources to help him do so, but sometimes the world is too hard and the weight of it is too heavy for people at a particular time and in a particular place. Unfortunately, Jordan came to this time and place and didn’t see another way out.

Jordan’s family and friends are committed to spreading the light and kindness that Jordan spread. They know how much he wanted other people to overcome the same struggles he faced and so many people have provided stories of how he convinced them to find help and that they are needed in this world. Gilly’s Friends is their way of honoring him and his beautiful spirit by providing unexpected love and a message of hope.

Please visit the Gilly’s Friends website to learn more about the ways that Stephanie is honoring Jordan and finding meaning amidst tragic loss - https://gillysfriends.com/.

I’m sending love to everyone for whom Mother’s Day is painful. I know there are many of us.

P.S. I chose this photo of Steph and me because we gotta laugh, even (especially) during dark times. There were funny moments in our conversation, including when Zoom demanded that I pay more money to keep recording and, after finally managing to pay, I couldn’t find the screen containing Stephanie’s lovely face. I was relieved that the entire episode recorded. Success! I had a guest on my podcast! Now that I’ve figured it out, I’ll bring you new perspectives weekly. Progress, not perfection.

In today’s episode of Coffee & Commiseration, we’re talking about grief (how parents and other family members grieve differently and how to find each other in your respective grief journeys), how to respond to stupid s**t people say when you’re going through something hard, how I keep going and living a life of meaning amidst soul-shattering loss, and what motivates me to do everything I do. Thank you for tuning in!

I don’t know about you, but my life feels pretty overwhelming. Juggling being a mom, maintaining a solid marriage, facing an uncertain future, living with ever-present grief, among other things, is A LOT!

How are ya’ll doing? What helps you to stay sane during insane times?

How do we keep our personal lives and families afloat while also making a difference in a world that needs us to fight for it?

Please join me for a cup of coffee or tea as we commiserate over difficult family relationships, serious illness, and feeling like we’re standing on shifting sands during these crazy times.

Yet, life is still beautiful. I’m grateful for every day and optimistic about the future. Pain and joy can co-exist.

You have no idea how much I have to resist the urge to “get ready” to commiserate with ya’ll. I could definitely improve my hair and put on some makeup but who has the time? This is me, raw and unfiltered. Much as I’d like to strive for “better,” I think this is what I need. Maybe someone else does too?

It started with coffee (before 6 am). Then green tea. Then a smoothie. And finally, wine (it’s almost 9). I am technologically challenged, friends! But nothing keeps a good woman down. I recorded this podcast to tell you about some of the things you can expect as a listener, and a woman named Mary who needs our help.

Feel free to mail gift cards to surfsidemary@gmail.com. She doesn’t have Venmo or know what it is. This is vetted.

I survived a tough childhood, defying odds by putting myself through college and law schooI. I was hit by a motorcycle on my second day at UCLAW and knocked unconscious. Everyone said to delay admissions by a year. I returned the following week. I lacked the use of my dominant right hand for months, unable to even take notes. I still managed to succeed - academically and during 20 years of legal practice.

A breast cancer diagnosis at age 39 (months after the birth of our third child) ended my career during what "should have been” the beginning of my prime years. While I was still undergoing treatment, in the midst of the pandemic, our 12 year-old daughter, Molly, was killed. My soul was shattered. Sometimes I wanted to die. Not literally. I longed to be with Molly, wherever she went. Of course, my husband and boys (ages 4 and 10 at the time) need me. I put one foot in front of the other. I eventually started to live again, striving to make all 3 of our kids proud. Longing for Molly will never end but I’ve learned how to simultaneously embrace life.

A month ago, our town of Pacific Palisades burned down. Our special community, which held our family through my cancer battle and Molly's death, scattered like ashes in the wind. Many of our friends and neighbors lost everything and face dire situations. I've been in grief for four years. Now, it feels like everyone I know has joined me in "grief life."

This podcast is about winning, even when life deals you shitty cards. Being resilient and non-resistant to what can't be controlled (most things). I'm determined to live a meaningful life, doing as much good for as many as possible. Doing what Molly would have done if she had more time on Earth. That's all. I wake up, do that every day, and repeat.

Now, it means giving back to the Palisades, which has given so much to us. It also means supporting our Jewish community that held us during our darkest hours. I'm a proud Jew who loves Israel (and a lifelong Democrat who's lost many "progressive" former friends over that simple statement). The Jewish people are in grief - and simultaneously under attack for simply existing. We're 0.2 percent of the global population. We must take care of each other, while continuing to live our Jewish values, helping to repair the world.

My life is vastly different from what I envisioned for my future. Grief is my constant companion. I also live with chronic pain. But this life - one I would have never chosen - is good! Dare I say, I'm enjoying riding the waves of life (though it feels like a tsunami lately and some smooth sailing would be welcomed). I've learned to take everything less seriously. I look at it this way - all our lives are represented by a little dash between a birth date and death date. It’s fleeting no matter how many years you live. As Michael Singer wrote in "The Untethered Soul," "you're floating in empty space in a universe that goes on forever. If you have to be here, at least be happy and enjoy the experience."

Join me for coffee at 10 am PST every morning where we'll discuss the crazy s**t happening in the world, existential questions alongside the everyday (I love travel, great food and wine, books, interior design, bird watching - lots that I fit in around my roles as wife, mom, friend, non-profit leader, community organizer, etc).

I'm a critical thinker who evaluates each person and issue on the merits, no group think. I welcome respectful debates and differing perspectives. It's how we learn! I'm a lifelong seeker and student.

My podcast will feature REAL people. As an employment lawyer, I observed that ordinary life is way more interesting than fiction. My cases involved wild stuff that I couldn't begin to make up! I lose interest in podcasts that only feature other podcast hosts and published authors as their guests. All walks of life will be represented here.

It won't be scripted, planned or edited. No filters. Just authenticity. It means that I won't always express myself perfectly because I'm human. Without editing, you'll see my flaws. I prefer this but ask you to please keep it in mind (most podcasts are edited). Like you, I'm learning, making mistakes and trying again.

Thanks for joining me for coffee (or maybe wine if s**t doesn’t go as planned) and commiseration!