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Title
Pub. Date
Duration
You Have Always Been Enough - A Conversation with Soulla Demetriou (S20E1)
18 Apr 2026
01:23:14
Today I'm in conversation with Soulla Demetriou - a dear friend, a teacher who profoundly shaped my journey, and the author of the newly released book You Have Always Been Enough.
Soulla introduced me to self-compassion work and later to Internal Family Systems, and our paths have been beautifully interwoven ever since.
In this conversation, we explore:
Soulla's journey from corporate London through pain, and the suffering that came from that, to yoga, mindfulness, self-compassion, and eventually Internal Family Systems - and why IFS felt like 'the jigsaw piece that made sense of everything'
How our protective parts are actually expressions of love, trying to keep us safe - and what shifts when we turn toward them with curiosity instead of judgement
The moment I realised I'd been making painful faces at myself in the mirror, and what that part needed to hear to feel safe enough to stop
Why self-trust might be the greatest gift any of us can cultivate, and how the parts work brings us into that connection
This is a long, intimate conversation between two practitioners who love this work. We follow tangents, we cry, we laugh, and we let what needs to emerge come forward.
Settle in, and see where the episode takes you.
We touch on some deep topics here. Please go gently with yourself if you find anything in this conversation is activating for you - and do reach out to trusted sources if you need any additional support.
You'll hear this episode begins with me sharing a complete technical breakdown. I had recorded a really lovely episode and when I went back to listen, it sounded like it was voiced by AI. I couldn't fix it, despite my best efforts, and so I had to start again.
It's often in moments like these that I turn to my old journals. When I opened one of them at random, this is what emerged:
A reflection on the parts of us that get activated when things go wrong
The recognition that these aren't parts to suppress, but parts that have been asking for attention
An invitation to hold these parts in love
After reading it aloud, I noticed how much more grounded I felt. And so, of course this is what today's episode actually needed to be.
As we step into a new year, this episode explores the quiet clarity that can emerge when we move with both energy and deliberation.
In this reflective, stream-of-consciousness episode, I share a short piece of writing that arrived unexpectedly — and then open it up gently, listening for what wants to be heard.
You’ll hear reflections on:
The juxtaposition between energy and deliberation — and how this can feel like clarity rather than conflict
Strengthening the energetic trails that genuinely draw our attention
Choosing discernment over momentum, alignment over urgency
Letting go without attachment — even when something once felt right
Trusting the wisdom that grows underground, in the dark, before it reaches the light
I also share a simple Flow Journaling prompt — “As I listen ever more closely…” — as an invitation to notice what might be asking for your attention, and what may be ready to be laid down with gratitude.
For now, let this be enough.
With love.
Currently…
At the moment, my work is centred around:
A Piece of Quiet — a private weekly practice of listening, reflection, and Flow Journaling - hear the first three episodes here https://apieceofquiet.transistor.fm/
Occasional live gatherings and courses, softly shared through my mailing list - you can join that here https://hennyflynn.kit.com/profile
A little bonus episode to bridge the gap from season 10 to season 11.
A reflection on Wisdom from Within - on how we can tap into it whenever we need it - and a letter written from my wisest inner self.
To explore your own Wisdom from Within, and meet your wise Inner Guide, take a look at this special ImageWork recording https://hennyflynn.ck.page/9ca85eeaaf
This is something you can return to again and again, whenever you're looking for guidance.
A foray into procrastination - inspired by a conversation, a realisation and a faltering intention.
There is so much richness to be explored about the whole topic of procrastination and the friend I mention at the beginning of this episode is someone I'd love to bring onto the show, so she can share some of her reflections on it. To connect with Saranne - find her here https://www.instagram.com/thesaranneday/
But this episode is about a tiny aspect of procrastination - something I have noticed in myself about what can get in my way when I FEEL I want to do something purely for myself but I THINK I need to do something else first.
There is SO much more that can be explored here. This is a toe-dip into the topic. Maybe is sparks some reflection for you too.
See you in series 11 - and in the meantime it would be wonderful to see you at...
This is a meander through a theme that connects three poems from My darling girl 2.
The theme of being seen.
But this is not about being seen by others (though that can feel vital at times), it's about seeing ourselves, as we truly are. In all our pain and our magnificence*.
With love.
*I owe credit for that phrase 'pain and magnificence' to my teacher Dr Dina Glouberman - have a listen to episode 7 of this season for more from her. She's definitely worth listening to!
I debated about whether to call this the art of forgiveness OR the art of SELF-forgiveness - and the second one won out… for reasons I’ll share.
We’re often told as children that we have to forgive another child for hitting us, hurting us, taking the toy we really wanted.
We’re taught we need to be the bigger, better person and RISE ABOVE the lowly behaviour shown by the other child.
This is curious in many ways.
Because embedded within that are SO many messages - not all of them that helpful. And I'll explore some of these as we go.
And while we might have been taught we 'must' forgive others, there is also the view that the only place forgiveness is truly valuable is in forgiving ourselves.
And that can be the hardest thing of all.
Listen in to hear more about why it may not be our 'place' to forgive others - and how we can learn to forgive ourselves.
My guest today is psychotherapist, writer, international trainer, and world expert in imagery based therapies, Dr Dina Glouberman.
The co-founder/director (since 1979) of Skyros Holistic Holidays, Dina is also the founder/director of the Aurora Centre in Southern Italy; training therapists, counsellors, and consultants in ImageWork.
This is a frank and generous exploration of what led Dina to develop her pioneering ImageWork therapy - touching on painful stories from her past and revealing the transformation that can come from purposeful exploration of imagery and visualisation.
Dina began her work as a psychotherapist in the early 1960s and continues to share her life-long learnings with others through her books, courses and the diploma in ImageWork - first run this year (2023).
At the end of our conversation, Dina says: “We’re all in this together”.
To me that feels like the most fitting phrase; it sums up the deep connection Dina offers those who work with her. And it speaks to our universal connection - with others and with our Self.
I am so honoured to be sharing this conversation with you today. Dina is one of my own teachers and I have seen first hand the beneficial power of ImageWork, both with my own clients and through my own experience.
If you’re curious to find out more, see Dina’s website - and if you’re a practitioner and want to learn how to use ImageWork with your clients, take a look at the Diploma course running in 2024. I have loved my own process of deepening my knowledge.
At times self-compassion can feel like a hard thing to find.
We may have been conditioned through our life experiences to see it as something unimportant or selfish and yet, our deepest wisest Self has an innate understanding that it’s something we all need.
I’ve recently created a short course for the InsightTimer App that offers up 3 deceptively simple tools that I think of as ‘first aid’ - or ‘practical compassion’ in action.
3 quick steps to help you access self-compassion when it feels needed or when it feels hard to find.
And while each of them are simple to put into practice, they represent a profound choice: the decision to choose your own mental and physical well-being as being worthy of your attention. The decision to choose your Self, over any stories you may carry that might lead you in another way.
And these 3 practical compassion tools are all things you can return to again and again in your day.
Your body will never get tired of being given this kind of kind attention.
Change lightly - it doesn’t mean don’t change or don’t change a lot, it simply means change with grace.
Often when we embark on change it can feel like a heavy thing
We fill it with all kinds of rules and denials and strictures. It becomes a burden perhaps.
In this episode, I share 3 things that can make us feel change MUST be DIFFICULT…
Our tendency to see changes as problems rather than opportunities
Taking on so much it becomes overwhelming
Seeing change as a hard-edged thing
And in response, I explore this idea of changing lightly and how introducing the idea of grace can help us change how we see change, to become more compassionate, curious and courageous.
I also share one of my favourite quotes - which relates so beautifully to the title for this episode.
JOURNALING PROMPT What does change lightly mean to you?
Sometimes we carry beliefs or stories we think belong to us.
But sometimes we’ve picked them up from others along the way of our life.
Perhaps inheriting them from care givers; adopting or adapting the stories and beliefs they, in turn, inherited from their care givers.
And so we can see how things get passed down the family line. Each generation believing it (whatever ‘it’ is) belongs to them. Each generation picking up burdens that they could (potentially) just as easily put down.
The curious thing about this phenomena is that it can relate to big things - beliefs about love, money, morality. Or small, on the surface insignificant, things that somehow can still have a big(ish) impact.
I share a simple story of this from my own history to help illustrate how having a deeper awareness of what informs us can help us choose what we want to keep... and what we might want to return to those we learnt it from.
In this episode, I also share a poem from My darling girl vol. 2 that touches on this theme. To order your copy from the very first print run of this brand new collection: https://buy.stripe.com/9AQ6rY5k825Gc5a14h LAST ORDERS 10 May 2023
By stepping away we create space for ideas to form.
This is in direct contrast to the culture of HUSTLE, which can make us believe we HAVE to keep going. Keep up with the OUTPUT and never minding the INPUT. But that way not only exhaustion & burnout lie - also our creativity suffers.
And that's what we're exploring today.
I could have called this: Procrastination, percolation, avoidance & flow PART 2 - have a listen to episode 3 of season 8 for part 1!
Today's episode also comes with a JOURNALING PROMPT: How could it help me to step away?
Henny x
PS: I tried to take a picture of my percolation board but the photo didn’t do it justice. You'll just have to imagine - or create your own!
I wasn’t planning to begin a new season of the podcast just yet — and yet something called me back.
So this feels like a bonus episode. A moment of reconnection. A gentle hello.
In this short reflection, I share what’s been feeling most present for me as we move through this season — particularly the intertwining of kindness and boundaries, and how deeply they belong together.
I explore:
Why boundaries often come into sharper focus at this time of year
How clarity can be an act of kindness — to ourselves and others
The quiet confidence that comes from knowing what feels OK, and what doesn’t
The beauty of honouring each other’s needs with attention and care
There’s no fixing or teaching here — just a naming of what feels alive, and an invitation to notice what might be asking for your attention too.
I’ll be back with a new season in the new year. For now, this is a pause, a bridge, and a warm hello.
With love.
Currently…
At the moment, my work is centred around:
A Piece of Quiet — a private weekly practice of listening, reflection, and Flow Journaling - hear the first three episodes here https://apieceofquiet.transistor.fm/
Occasional live gatherings and courses, softly shared through my mailing list - you can join that here https://hennyflynn.kit.com/profile
Today we're doing something a little different. And you'll hear I'm a little nervous!
I have asked Susan to be my kind guide, to help me explore and share the source and meaning of the My darling girl poetry(ish).
She asks questions that help uncover the deep sensitivities within these pieces of writing - and we explore how often the things we create don't feel like they come from 'us' at all.
My darling girl vol. 2 is published May 30 2023 Last date for pre-orders of this first edition 10 May 2023 To order, go to https://www.hennyflynn.co.uk/books
REFERENCES Elizabeth Gilbert - TED talk: Your elusive creative genius Ram Dass - quote: "We're all just walking each other home" Emily Dickinson
Today we return to an old, and never-ending, theme: Change.
And embedded within that theme, we can often find our old friend: Fear.
So, today I share an entry from my journal. Something I wrote several years ago, in an attempt to understand what I was going through at the time. It's a meditation on what it means to release our fear sufficiently that change becomes possible.
As an unedited piece of writing from my journal, I hope it also shows how in the simple act of writing we can disentangle thoughts that may feel complex and messy. In the process of journaling we can begin to see through to the truth and wisdom we hold within.
In the episode I also reference a story I first shared in the episode with Soulla - S6E6 - Making Your Soul Shine, with Soulla Demetriou. It's a beautiful episode and if you haven't listened, you may enjoy hearing what we discuss, as the two good friends we are.
We all carry a set of beliefs about what the NORM is and about how we’re ‘meant’ to think, feel, act, look in order to fit in with that (possibly narrow) view.
And these beliefs inform how we see ourselves.
The challenge comes of course, when we see ourselves through a critical lens - which can (of course) be a far more critical lens than we would ever use to see another person.
In the lyrics of the song by En Vogue*(more on that in the episode!), we hear:
Before you can read me. You got to learn how to see me
And so it is with ourselves
Hence the title of today’s episode… Be self-kind & the love will follow
When we see ourselves through kind eyes, we’re acknowledging and accepting that every single part of us is welcome here. We are no longer ‘othering’ parts we might find more difficult - or feel could even be impossible - to love.
And part of this practice of being self-kind is not trying to rush at creating a sense of self-love. We're not trying to force something that can feel uncomfortable or unfamiliar. Begin - again and again - with kindness.
KEY THINGS COVERED IN THIS EPISODE
Othering - and how we can ‘other’ parts of our SELF
The importance of feeling and being ‘welcome’
The value of recognising and connecting with our inner parts, in a compassionate non-judgemental way
Some of the common phrases the Inner Critic can throw at us
The risk of criticising our Inner Critic - how that can compound the effect of the self-judgement
How the words ‘should’ or ‘must’ or ‘ought’ can be a sign the Inner Critic is getting activated
Remembering that the path toward being self-kind may feel hard but is always worth it
REFERENCES
*En Vogue: Free your mind & the rest will follow - the cultural reference that inspired this episode title's play on words
Internal Family Systems - trauma based therapeutic support
School of Life - useful resource for working with the Inner Critic
Many of us feel we’d love to rid ourselves of the things we are afraid of… yet, often they’re the things we cling to - a foundational layer to our limiting beliefs, they often form part of what we believe makes us, US.
And getting to know them - really seeing what they are, where they spring from, who we inherited them from or how they have built over time is a powerful part of deepening self-awareness WITH profound self-compassion, of course...
In this episode I explore some of my own limiting beliefs and share how they can become conflated with other beliefs, leaving us in a knotty tangle.
I also share 3 steps that can help us when our limiting beliefs feel like they're trapping us.
Finally, I share the last words my own mother ever said to me - and how I see them as the universal words of maternal love. Not in the sense of mother / child but in the sense of universal love and how we learn to parent ourselves in our adulthood.
There is a Journaling prompt with this episode: Untangling my limiting belief, with love
Do you meditate? If yes, then it's very likely you've experienced the wandering mind.
For me it's my almost constant companion when I meditate!
The wonderful Tara Brach offers us guidance to simply say to ourselves: "thinking thinking", every time we notice our mind wandering.
This episode was inspired by another technique (unfortunately I can't recall who it was who shared it!)
Essentially it is to call out what KIND of thinking we’re doing. We’re often lost in rumination OR speculation - while the bit in the middle is the meditation.
So I’m offering up a meditation practice today - an opportunity to feel into whether this expanded approach is useful for you too.
I'd love to hear your thoughts. And if you know of another formal practice that uses this kind of technique I would LOVE to hear about it!
There are geographical places in the world where the distance between heaven and Earth collapses*.
They are called 'thin places'.
It's a term that comes from the ancient Celts and there may be places you have been in your life that have felt like a thin place - where you've felt that distance between heaven and earth contract.
And for me, times of change often feel like the barriers we've erected between ourselves and the outer world get THINNER.
And
The barriers we've erected over the years between ourselves and our INNER world get thinner too.
In my own life I’ve inhabited a number of thin places. Times when my sensitivity to the world around me - and the world inside me - has become heightened.
It can feel challenging and vulnerable and difficult to manage.
And
It is part of waking up to our true selves.
JOURNALING PROMPT What does a 'thin place' feel like to me?
Every year, Susan has a word. A word that accompanies her on her journey through the year. This year it’s resonance.
It sparked a series of thoughts, because at the time she shared it with me we were both feeling into the new year.
We were both also feeling bombarded by the often frantic demands of the emails and social posts telling us it was time to BEGIN, time for something NEW, time to throw out the old and leap into this new year.
And we were both feeling exhausted by it - and for me it sent me back under my duvet to hibernate a little longer.
So it feels interesting - and ALIGNED - to be recording this at the end of January & sharing it at the beginning of Feb. Not a time we ordinarily talk about beginnings. But this is about beginnings with RESONANCE. This is about beginnings that feel ALIGNED with who we really are, and where we are at.
Through our exploration, we touch on five key areas...
The connection between RESONANCE & BEGINNINGS
The paradoxes and contradictions in beginnings - resistance vs excitement
Learning how to - and the importance of - 'begin again'
The difference between the ACT of beginning & the STATE of being a beginner
Is there any such thing as a beginning?
I also offer a couple of JOURNALING PROMPTS:
Is there any such thing as a beginning?
Is there any such thing as an ending?
You'll also hear in the intro that I talk about the moon, and her natural cycles of beginning and ending. And there feels something particularly beautiful about releasing this episode on a Full Moon.
Susan and I would love to hear your thoughts. What does this whole idea of Beginning with Resonance spark for you?
Henny x
PS: it wasn’t two and a half years ago that Anton turned 50 - he’s younger than I made him out to be!
CONNECT WITH SUSAN
Susan J. McCulley Nourishing Mindful Movement Teacher / Artist / Writer susanmcculley.com
Founder & Facilitator of The Age of Becoming Facebook Group
Just as we can become 'nose blind', (made famous by those adverts that highlighted how we can stop smelling things we've been accustomed to), this episode is a canter through the idea that we can also become 'stress blind'.
And that (sometimes) when we spend some time away from the source of the stress, we return and suddenly realise how dominant that sense of stress really is.
Then slowly, slowly we become acclimatised again and that awareness of what's really impacting us slips into the background. And becomes once more unseen.
The practice here is SEEING, and then with that INSIGHT, exploring what action we can take.
Her memoir, The Butterfly Years: A Journey Through Grief Toward Hope, details her personal journey through grief.
Katty is beautifully honest about the complexity of her experiences, and along the way, I also share some of the stories I told myself when my own mother died. It means this is another deeply tender conversation. And I offer my love and compassion to you as you listen.
Self-compassion can feel particularly hard to access when we experience loss. But as Katty notes, 'we’re all going to grieve in our own way' and I love this recognition. We can even hold harsh self-judgment over the way we grieve (and how we see others' grief).
Loving ourselves through loss is vital. Journaling was the path that helped Katty as she moved through the phases of her experience, and helped her access a powerful truth: “Recognising what I still had, rather than focussing on what I had lost was a turning point for me.”
And it is this practice of journalling that she shares to support others in their own journeys.
The Butterfly Years: A Journey Through Grief Toward Hope “It is surprising how few books there are that deal with first hand accounts of grief, especially of a parent, when it is such a universal experience. The Butterfly Years fills that gap in a beautiful, honest way.”
"In any relationship, the outcome of highest service to each other - and the world around us - is authenticity and love. If we stifle one, the other is likely to falter."
This phrase landed fully formed in my head in the middle of the night.
I scrabbled for my phone to hold onto the words, lest they did what most midnight thoughts do… and drifted away or morphed into something unintelligible.
Since then I’ve been reflecting on this and, well, it still feels true.
It’s inspired this podcast episode and I reached out to my Instagram community to help shape where the episode goes.
I asked some questions, and received some wonderful answers - some of which I share in the episode.
Does this feel true to you too? Or does it feel untrue?
Does it feel possible that we can always show up as ourselves with a compassionate heart? Or does ‘always’ just feel impossible?
There are so many different types of relationships we all have with so many different people. And I'm deeply aware that it doesn't always feel possible to stand in that place of authenticity and love - and that part of doing so means having clear boundaries that enable us to be fully present and compassionate and stay safe (in whatever way is needed).
As this series draws to a close - and as the podcast quietly passes its 200th episode - I’ve found myself reflecting on silence.
In this episode, I explore:
The richness of silence as presence rather than absence
The way how we journey and arrive can shape our capacity for stillness
What it means to land — in our bodies, our lives, and the earth itself
The tenderness of being alone and being cared for
The healing spaciousness that silence offers
Recorded from the warmth - and silence - of my kitchen, this conversation flows gently between reflections on retreat, stillness, and the quiet companionship of being with ourselves.
If silence feels like something you’re seeking - or perhaps avoiding - this may be a space to listen in and see what it reveals.
This episode is about how we can be drawn by things we think we want but they can sometimes seem impossible to attain.
Like moving jobs - we might find ourselves often retelling the same story of how we 'should' be doing something else / hate what we’re doing / want to move on - but year after year find ourselves still working in the same way at the same place.
And there’s an important point about that phrase ‘working in the same way’ - often the change that’s needed ISN’T about WHERE we work or even WHO we work with but HOW we work.
And we may even find that learning to love where we are can become PART of our INNER WORK of learning to love WHO we are - seeing what it teaches us, how we can keep deepening our self-awareness until we understand WHY choices we’ve made in the past have brought ourselves to this place in our life.
And from there, change can start to feel much more possible.
Alongside this, there's the question of how we can access and harness our INNER FIRE in order to help motivate our actions towards what truly serves us. Understanding that the EXTERNAL DESIRE may not always be highlighting our own best path forward.
I hope you enjoy this exploration. And, as ever, I'd love to hear your thoughts, challenges, additions, reflections.
I can’t take credit for today’s title - it came from Anton, as he was listening to me reflect on something from my past. (He’s good with words!)
The concept of SYSTEMIC behaviours, beliefs, attitudes etc is part of my training. They're something I look for to support clients in understanding what’s informing their experience of the life they live.
Through coaching we can gain sight of the SYSTEMS we’ve been part of in the past / are still part of. And we can support ourselves in disentangling from the threads that bind us to the patterns we’ve adopted, inherited or adapted to - so we can make the changes we desire.
This is a theme you may have noticed runs through many of these podcast episodes - overtly and discretely - so today, in the last of this series, I thought we’d spend a little time exploring the idea of the systems AND, specifically what Systemic Rebellion may mean to you.
This one is a bit of meander through my mind! Sorry about that...
It comes from something I noticed a long time ago, when I first began my own journey of waking up to who I was inside all the stories and beliefs I carried. There's often lots of focus on feeling unworthy / not enough - but it rarely seems we talk about what happens if you feel you’re too much.
In the episode I share:
My experience (hence the mind meander)
The feeling of BELONGING
All about how we perceive ourselves - rather than seeing the world through the lens of what we believe other people see
You'll hear I wasn't sure what the title was going to be until we were part way through. While our attention was broadly on the idea of 'ageing' - I wanted to keep the field wide open, to allow whatever arose.
Perhaps unsurprisingly, the scope expanded as we went...
Ageing. Regrets. Family. Grief. Love. Friendship. Community. Compassion (of course). And at times it became unclear who was interviewing whom.
By chance we recorded it on World Menopause Day (October 18th) and you’ll hear menopause played a part too.
I loved speaking with Nina. She is full of compassion and curiosity.
I hope you love you listening.
ABOUT NINA LOREZ COLLINS
Nina is the Chief Creative Officer of Revel. Founder of The Woolfer and Board Chair of The Brooklyn Public Library. She is also manager of the Kathleen Collins estate - curating and promoting her mother's creative work.
Amongst her many other skills, Nina hosts the Raging Gracefully podcast. A place for exploration of this topic of ageing and how women move into and through their second phase of life... into what I love to think of as our Second Spring.
This Bonus episode was recorded live with a wonderful audience.
FLOW Journaling is my preferred approach to Journaling and the approach I recommend for everyone embarking on this year's JOURNALING QUEST.
We begin with a relaxation practice to help settle us, before we dive into the WHATs, WHYs and HOWs of FLOW Journaling. And we end with a journaling prompt to practice the process I'm guiding us through.
You'll hear there are self-reflection questions throughout the episode - and the invitation is to have a pen and paper handy to jot down your own thoughts.
I hope you enjoy this exploration. There are some rich observations from the group and I would love to hear your reflections as you listen and observe your own responses.
One of the truths we observe is that the FEAR itself is real, but the stories we attach to it may not be.
I am transcribing this episode so please take a look at the podcast shownotes (on hennyflynn.co.uk or wherever you love to listen) for more of the detail and wisdom in what Susan shares with me.
Sherry Jibb is a yoga teacher, wise woman and the founder of the Happy & Healthy in Midlife Summit.
We met this year when she invited me to be a speaker at the summit and in the course of our initial conversation it quickly became clear that she is a very special human.
Early in this conversation, Sherry shares that her father is dying.
She is at his home when we speak and the whole topic of connection is deeply resonate with her experience in these days.
There is so much heart in this episode.
I know you are joining me as I send our love to Sherry and her loved ones. And, as ever, I hope you find this exploration of connection in some way useful in your own lived experience too.
These are some of the areas we cover. There were so many. A rich and powerful exploration of such an important topic.
What gets in the way of connecting with others?
How is this amplified / diluted as we grow older?
What’s the impact when we hold ourselves - or feel - separate?
Are there differences here for people who identify as male or female?
How can we move through those blockers or resistance?
Understanding what healthy connection looks like for us, as individuals
How does connection with others inform the way we connect with ourselves - and vice versa?
There were two quotes I mentioned at the very beginning of the recording. One was from Rumi
“Through love, bitter things seem sweet; through love, bits of copper are made gold”
The second which I didn’t actually share but that you might like to read was from the inimitable Brene Brown
“Connection is the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard and valued; when they can give and receive without judgement; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship”
As ever, if this episode provokes any thoughts or reflections that you would like to share, please do so - either connect with me directly https://www.hennyflynn.co.uk/ or come and join the 'living with compassion conversation at
This episode begins with the reflection that... When I attach to the fear of what others might think of me I stop BEING. And start acting as I think I ‘should’
This attachment to what I think others might think is an old, deep story for me and it can feel like it’s hard wired into our nature - as pack animals we need to have a degree of awareness of others in order that we can work together, live together, be together. It's part of what creates our moral code - and it's a vital part of creating a high-functioning social group.
So
How can we walk the line between the vital societal need of awareness of others... and constraining or inhibiting our true selves because of outdated beliefs or fears?
Have you ever found yourself doing something on a whim?
And then a while down the line felt it may not have been the right step for you? Perhaps reflecting it wasn’t worth the effort, the money, the time, the energy?
Or, have you ever found yourself NOT doing something... and a while down the line reflecting how doing THAT thing actually it could have been in your service in some way?
I have DEFINITELY been there. And, I suspect, it's true for all of us at times.
The confusing thing about all this is that the things we choose to do MIGHT be acts of procrastination. Or acts of avoidance. Ways of NOT doing something else that (for whatever reason) isn't drawing our energised attention.
Or perhaps that delay we created could be an act of percolation, allowing something time to become clearer.
Or maybe - just maybe - we're doing whatever we're doing because we're in a state of flow. And all is exactly as it need to be.
Welcome back to Tuesday's Thought, a bonus episode sharing reflections on the most recent episode of the Henny Flynn podcast: Grief and Belief (S18E9)
My 3 key reflections, as I speak to you today are:
1. The vulnerability hangover and how it can leave us feeling open and raw 2. The old strategies we may have used to suppress feelings of vulnerability 3. Naming our vulnerability can be a powerful way of soothing it
By the time a thought has reached our mouth the SUBCONSCIOUS work that underpins that thought has actually been going on for some time.
I find this idea immensely powerful - and empowering.
I also find it deeply hopeful.
It says to me that we are ALREADY far further along the path than we may at first believe ourselves to be.
Have seen this play out on so many occasions, with clients coming to me and perhaps sharing that they find the concept of self-care so hard to access. Then we work together to help them see that simply choosing to invest in themselves (through coaching) IS an act of self-care.
So, when we feel we’re up against things, or that the path feels too long, or that we’re not strong, or that we’ll never move forward... we can remind ourselves: I CAN because I ALREADY AM.
This episode could simply be called 'August didn't go as planned'!
This is my reflection on what happened, and how I ended up realising everything was actually ok.
Ultimately it brought me to the renewed realisation that...
When we deepen our awareness of what we’re feeling RIGHT NOW and explore what sits behind THAT, behind the mundane; the stuff we often ignore or shove to one side. THAT is what helps us when life gets genuinely complicated.
It's the act of turning toward ourself - with profound compassion - and seeing what’s activating the tiny parts of us. This is what builds the muscle memory that helps us turn toward (and hold with endless tenderness) the big (and maybe painful) parts that can feel so unwieldy and challenging when they most need our support.
So, the upshot of all this is that my no-plan-plan was disrupted. By me. And the lesson I learnt was to come back into flow.
To take up the offer of a one-off personal session to craft your own daily prayers (or affirmations or reminders or whatever you'd like to call them!), book here: https://calendly.com/hennyflynn/prayer
Having a coffee this morning, I suddenly realised I didn’t want to drink any more or take another bite of my half-nibbled square of chocolate.
So I put them both down.
In the past I would have finished them.
And even now that’s still an UNCONSCIOUS response I definitely see in myself.... continuing to consume, even though it’s not the thing that serves me. And that's part of my own continuing Work - to continue to learn to listen ever more deeply to myself.
I'm writing this from my Covid recovery phase and I notice I am more aware of my body precisely because I have been so ill that I have been forced to listen to her.
My reflection today is that there’s something about being ill that gives us an opportunity to reset. It feels this is an opportunity to release the resistance (that comes from years of conditioning) to hearing those cues my body sends me and to REALLY listen to what she says.
So, that's the invitation today. To REALLY feel into our BODY and ask ‘what is it you need my love?’
Welcome to the Henny Flynn podcast, the podcast that's all about deepening self-awareness with profound self-compassion.
I'm Henny - an author, coach and retreat host - and I'm curious about our inner landscape. About what it is that shapes and drives our thoughts, feelings and actions. And I love exploring ways we can change our conditioned responses, behaviours and patterns, with endless tenderness.
If you're curious too; if you, like me, wish to have an ever more open mind and open heart, then I hope these episodes will help spark your own reflections. And I would love to hear where they take you.
Just search the Henny Flynn podcast on your favourite podcast app.
I look forward to meeting you there.
***
Would you love to find A piece of quiet? Every Wednesday, take a moment to pause with this calming reflective practice and Flow Journaling prompt. A private podcast sent straight to you. Use the code PEACE for 20% off your first year.
A reading from My Darling Girl, set to music (with credit for its sweeping beauty to Scott Buckley, details below).
This piece is a love letter to those times when we feel we might be drowning in the doubts that swirl around us.
It begins...
Sometimes we cross the river of doubt with ease, skipping across the stepping stones, landing softly on the other side. And sometimes we stare at the raging waters, wondering how we ever thought we could traverse them.
Close your eyes, and see where the words and music take you.
Beautiful Oblivion by Scott Buckley | https://soundcloud.com/scottbuckley Music promoted by https://www.free-stock-music.com Attribution 4.0 International (CC BY 4.0) https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
Once again, I'm back with the inimitable Susan McCulley. A wise woman with an enormous heart.
Today, we're talking boundaries.
- how we can create them - what makes us break them - how we can learn to keep them - how we can find ourselves treading on others' - what respecting boundaries really means AND - the inevitability of feeling guilty when we hold our boundaries - and how that is part of the boundary process.
Boundaries is something that comes up again and again in the work that Susan and I each do - even though our clients' needs and the way we serve may be very different, the need for boundaries is UNIVERSAL.
This is a delicious conversation - of course! And it touches on some tender things. So, as ever, the invitation is to rest and listen and see what arises for you.
We would LOVE to hear your thoughts - please share with us in the comments below - and don't forget to subscribe to the show!
A couple of BLOG POSTS from Susan on boundaries include:
A few years ago - an idea for a book called ‘small pleasures’ came to me. It was intended as a collection of all the things that can give us a great sense of well-being, even though in themselves they might seem slight.
The idea drifted about and occasionally I’d add another one to the mental list.
But I couldn’t quite see how the book would look and feel, or how it would come into being.
Then, over the past few months the idea has returned - though this time with much more clarity about the direction it needed to take. And though it’s changed shape - it feels like it is still very much connected to that original thought.
And it's led to a whole new book, now making her way in the world.
**All the ways I tell myself I love you**
Self-love is far easier than we might think - even though it can sometimes feel a bit esoteric or nebulous or theoretical... ESPECIALLY when we’re not FEELING IT.
And we can look at others who are expressing self-love and think ‘it’s ok for them, they haven’t got to deal with x y z’. But the reality is that we ALL have 'stuff' in our lives that can get in the way, and make self-compassion / self-love feel hard to attain. Which, of course, also means that we can ALL practice self-love, in whatever way makes sense for us.
My ways of telling myself 'I love you' will be different from yours. But I hope with all my heart that this new book speaks to you, as the words and illustrations inside it spoke to me.
As one client said: "It’s such a beautiful and simple but powerful book. I look forward to putting some of the affirmations to use!"
Thank you for being part of bringing it out into the world.
Henny x
All the ways I tell myself I love you The little book of practical compassion Hard cover, 62pp + cover, 148mm x 148mm, full colour illustrations throughout £13.99 + p&p (UK address)
For more bonus episodes of this podcast, and access to the latest musings, join the mailing list, it would be wonderful to have you part of our lovely community.
He’s the founder of Udo’s Choice and author of the book Fats That Heal Fats that Kill, which has sold over 250,000 copies. And he’s shared the stage with people like Deepak Chopra.
So, when his team approached me about him joining as a guest on the show I was intrigued to hear more.
His personal story began with intense struggle as a young child during the Second World War and has taken him through studies in biochemistry, genetics, biology, and nutrition as well as a master’s degree in counselling psychology. And it has seen him take his health into his own hands when doctors couldn’t support him.
This was a wide ranging conversation but at its heart was a single core theme.
That peace resides WITHIN us and all around us. And if we wish to find it, our only act is to release our resistance.
There is a strong spiritual theme to this conversation, though entirely non-denominational and I personally found it fascinating to hear Udo's thoughts, and to notice my own reflections that arose as we spoke.
He shares much wisdom here, gathered over his 8 decades - and shares what has inspired him to keep learning.
How do we connect memories with emotion that then influences our actions?
If you remember the nursery rhyme about Dr Foster, you'll know that he went to Gloucester but because of one bad experience, involving a very deep puddle... he never went there again.
My own realisation of how a 'bad' experience almost stopped me going to a garden centre again (I know!), helped me made a conscious decision (to go!), rather than having a subconscious emotional response (and stay home).
This then helped me reflect on the way our beautiful brain can influence us and stop us doing things... even when the danger or risk has well and truly passed.
This episode is about how our memories can influence us even in the every day, where we might not realise that we ARE being influenced by emotional responses we've had in the past. And, of course, if you extrapolate this idea it becomes easy to see why past trauma can affect our present behaviour so very very deeply.
I also share how we can make connections between two things that may, on the surface feel entirely paradoxical. For example, both of my parents smoked for almost the whole of my life and so, I ended up associating the smell of cigarettes with the love I received from, and feel toward, my parents. And after my mother died I often would smell cigarettes when no one was smoking anywhere near me. An expression of my loving memory of her.
The invitation, as always, is to explore what associations you are potentially making, that may be driving or influencing your own behaviours.
Tanya came to her life work as a leadership coach after years in an outwardly successful but ultimately unsatisfying career in advertising.
She suffered, a lot, from a myriad of “not good enough, not smart enough, not ready” beliefs. Any success she enjoyed she chalked up to someone else having made a mistake. She thought it was just a matter of time before they found out she was a fake.
It took the passing of her mother to get her “unstuck”. After she left, she heard — really heard — her lifelong mantra for the first time: Don’t Postpone Joy
In this deep and broad conversation, Tanya unpacks Imposter Complex for us. She shares how it manifests and what can sit beneath it.
This is a RICH and rewarding discussion. Tanya is passionate about her work and delivers it all with love and humanity.
I truly loved speaking with her - and I think you'll love listening.
To connect with Tanya or listen to her TEDx talk... TanyaGeisler.com https://tanyageisler.com/ TEDxTalk http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J3Em-IIAQ6I&feature=youtu.be
When we were kids at the school gate we all knew there were unwritten rules of which group you COULD belong to, which you’d ASPIRE to belong to and which you’d never want to belong to. We might not have always understood the rules - but we thought we knew that others knew them.
Connecting with people who feel like a good fit for us - that's really what it means to find our tribe.
And, as we move through life into adulthood, we might find we’ve surrounded ourselves with people who aren’t actually our tribe... or that those we THOUGHT were our tribe, no longer quite fit in the way they used to.
There can be so many reasons beneath this but essentially, it’s ok to be choiceful about who and where we spend out time. Of course we can't choose EVERY person we spend time with - we may go to work, or spend time in our community or have complex family relationships but...
Remembering our time is PRECIOUS is key.
So who is in your tribe?
Who nourishes you?
And if you’re not sure that you’re spending your time with the people who really get you, what can you do to make that happen?
Sophie is a holistic health coach with 30 yrs experience in the field of nutrition with a background in Traditional Chinese Medicine and Western Naturopathy.
She talks fondly and with deep respect of the training she completed with Barbara Wren who created the College of Natural Nutrition. And of how Barbara, now in her 80s, developed her own philosophy of health incorporating universal wisdom as well as diet and holistic paradigms such as naturopathy, Traditional Chinese Medicine and homeopathy.
During our conversation today, we talk of how hormonal imbalances can be influenced by the rhythms around us AND by our spiritual / psychological balance - and the value of bringing in the nutritional needs of the body, as a holistic approach.
Sophie shares her thoughts on how we are inextricably connected to the rhythms of the universe and when we dance with those rhythms we are in balance. She speaks of the impact of the lunar cycle and the equinoxes and solstices, the seasons, astrological changes as well as naturopathic techniques.
We also touch on John Gray’s work (and his recent book: Beyond Mars and Venus), where he shares the science behind our differences as men and women and the influence on our hormone balance. Sophie talks of how if a woman is too far on her masculine side, she will imbalance her hormones. And of how returning to her natural interdependent state to experience support and connection with another or others can, in turn, help adjust her hormonal balance.
As ever this is a wide and varied conversation and I hope there is something here for EVERYONE - regardless of gender. Because finding and continually adjusting to a state of balance in our lives is something that benefits us ALL.
I used to believe that if I made a change in my life, I would transform in some way.
That I’d become something OTHER than who I was. And that ‘otherness’ meant I’d become somehow ‘better’.
And that’s how I used to approach the changes I wanted to make. With the core belief, underneath all the good intentions, that I wasn’t quite good enough as I was.
I applied that thinking to the desire to lose weight, stop smoking, getting fitter, being a better daughter, sister, student, colleague, partner, mother, friend.
And so I’d keep trying to do those things, and I’d keep failing.
And it wasn’t until I realised that I needed to get underneath all those beliefs about my own self-worth that I was able to make the changes I really wanted to make.
This exploration of what lay beneath the things I used to hide behind, resulted in me revealing more and more of who I really am. It's what led to me recognising that while we might think that we’re 'transforming', actually…
Each moment of CHANGE is really about RELEASING the brittle barriers we had put in place to protect ourselves. And, as they DISSOLVE, we are finally able to FEEL into who we are UNDERNEATH it all.
We are revealed. And we find that we are enough - and not too much - exactly as we are.
For more bonus episodes and access to the latest teachings, join the mailing list, it would be wonderful to have you part of our lovely community.