Relationships are integral to your success and the success of any team in any arena. When you recognize that relationships are paramount, you will prioritize building strong relationships with everyone around you to be victorious.  

 You do this by trusting others, listening to them, showing them respect, allowing yourself to be influenced by them, and demonstrating that you care about them.  

We want to be able to influence others. Whether at work, home or in our community, we often think we know best and want others to GO WITH OUR PLAN.  Let's learn how...

“Keep strong, if possible. In any case, keep cool. Have unlimited patience. Never corner an opponent, and always assist [them] to save face. Put yourself in [your opponent’s] shoes—so as to see things through [their] eyes. Avoid self-righteousness like the devil…” – Sir Basil Liddell Hart

 Sir Basil Henry Liddell Hart was a British soldier, military historian, and theorist. He served in the British infantry in World War I and was severely wounded in the Battle of the Somme, where his battalion was nearly wiped out. With 60,000 casualties, it was the heaviest single-day loss in British military history.

Liddell Hart wrote a series of influential military histories and The Strategy of the Indirect Approach. He was one of the foremost military thinkers of the 20th century. He advocated that the best means of achieving victory was almost always the long way around. This counterintuitive idea, he argued, was also the most efficient. This is true on the battlefield, it is true in leadership, and it is true in life.

We know that leadership is a skill. Like any skill, no one is born with exceptional leadership abilities. They must be learned. While experience is a great teacher, you don’t want the only opportunity to learn to be in critical situations where decisions have high stakes. Mistakes can be costly.

Instead, you must create opportunities to train. There is no inoculation for leadership training. You must constantly work to improve leadership skills, or the skills atrophy. Therefore, you must make training a part of your daily and weekly routine.

Immortalized as Davy Crockett in movies and frontier folklore, David Crockett was a ‘coonskin cap-wearing former-U.S. Congressman from Tennessee. He was killed on March 6, 1836, at the Battle of the Alamo, fighting for Texas independence. Crockett’s mantra, well-known during his life, was: “Be sure you’re right, then go ahead.”

It’s a mantra to which many of us can relate, encouraging us to forge ahead with confidence against any leadership challenge. But, the key portion of the phrase we must examine is this: “Be sure you’re right.”

For any disagreement with others, you must first consider that you might be wrong. Whether it’s with a family member, a team member at work, or our boss, when we disagree about something or don’t seem aligned, you need to start with humility. The biggest obstacle to keeping the ego in check is the inability to detach. You must be able to detach.

Don’t fall into the trap of assuming the other person is wrong and you’re right, so you can forge ahead with self-righteous indignation. Consider that you may, in fact, be wrong.

“You’ve been brainwashed,” said Jocko. “The shortest distance between two points isn’t a straight line.”  

It may be true in geometry, but it’s definitely not true when it comes to leadership. 

Instead, the quickest path to influencing others and getting them to align with your efforts, whether in your professional or personal life, is almost always what we call the indirect approach.  

Working with different personalities can seem like a challenge, but it doesn’t have to be. Learning how to work with different personality types is key to operational success. Learn more here. 

No one is born with great leadership ability. Leadership is a skill that must be taught, learned, and developed over time through training, practice, and repetition. Some people are born with attributes that enable them to develop faster and outperform others as they develop their leadership skills. But without learning the skills required to lead, such people will not ultimately succeed. The pathway to becoming a good leader lies in learning and developing leadership skills through training, education, and continuous, dedicated effort.   

The power of self-control is an ancient concept 

This isn’t a new concept. Israel’s King Solomon wrote about this nearly 3,000 years ago: 

He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, And he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.  – Proverbs 16:32 

Solomon says that to control yourself is more powerful than leading a conquering army. 

At a recent Extreme Ownership Muster, our two-day leadership conference, a participant asked Jocko: “How often should I be thinking strategically, and how often should I be thinking tactically?”  

Tactical vs. Strategic 

In the military, the word “strategic” refers to long-term, overarching goals, while the word “tactical” means the near-term goals and immediate tasks at hand. The question was directed toward a common leadership dilemma—it’s easy to get sucked into the details and focus on the tactical goals and immediate tasks, and lose sight of the bigger, strategic goals that advance a team forward in the long-term.   

Often, when people think of leadership, they think of a senior person leading a team of people that report to them. That’s leading down the chain of command. But just as important—or perhaps even more so—is leading up the chain of command. You must also lead those senior to you in the hierarchy of your organization. You have to understand their vision, align with that vision and push information up the chain, prioritizing the most important things they need to know. You have to influence them so that they make the best strategic decisions possible. You have to convince them so that they provide the training and resources you need to solve problems, accomplish your mission and win. You have to earn their trust. 

When we use the term “leader,” people usually think of the CEO, the senior executive team, or those at the very top of an organization. Many people don’t see themselves as leaders—particularly if they don’t have a title, a position of authority, or a team that reports to them. But at Echelon Front, we believe that if you interact with other human beings in any capacity, you are a leader.

We want others to respect us. Whether at work, at home, or in our community, we want others to recognize our experience, perspective, and contributions. But how do you get others to respect you?

Often, leaders we work with demand more accountability for people with whom they work. “We need to start holding people accountable,” they tell us. Such comments are often accompanied by complaints of individuals or teams within the organization who are underperforming or falling short of the perceived standard. Accountability is a tool to get people to comply. It carries the idea that there will be consequences for underperformance: punishment; counseling; loss of pay or privileges; maybe someone will even get fired. In the military, this might be a “stern talking-to behind the milvan [shipping container].” Accountability is a tool, but it should be used only as a last resort.

Ego drives us to do extraordinary things. It makes people want to win; strive to be the best in their field or industry. But ego can also be the most destructive force imaginable. In Extreme Ownership, Jocko wrote: “Ego clouds and disrupts everything: the planning process, the ability to take good advice, and the ability to accept constructive criticism. It can even stifle someone’s sense of self-preservation.” When you can’t control your ego, it can become the greatest instrument of your own destruction.

Think of the amount of influence you have on the people around you as a bank account. Leadership capital represents the funds available in that account. In every interaction with others, you are either depositing funds and acquiring more leadership capital, or you are debiting the account and spending your leadership capital. This applies to every interaction with anyone: both up and down the chain of command, peer to peer, and those outside of your immediate organization. It also applies in your personal life, with family members and friends. Every interaction with others either earns you leadership capital or expends it. 

How do you handle multiple problems at the same time? The answer is DETACH. When you detach—when you pull yourself out of the details, it gives you a better perspective on the strategic goals and what is most important. Learn how.

What makes a good team member?  

“What makes a good SEAL?” Jocko asked a group of leaders at one of Echelon Front’s Field Training Exercises. Having worked closely with Jocko since 2005, I often know the answer to the questions he poses. But I wasn’t exactly sure which direction he was going with this one.  

“It’s not the best shooter, or the best diver, or the best jumper, or the best in any other skillset required in the SEAL Teams,” Jocko explained. “The best SEAL is the person that puts the team before themselves.” 

As soon as I heard Jocko’s answer, I knew that was exactly right. I worked with SEALs who were highly skilled individuals in particular skillsets. But if they didn’t put the team first—if they only looked out for themselves—they were not the ones hand-selected for a critical mission. The SEALs that put self-interest ahead of the team or the mission never achieved the respect and admiration of their peers. But the SEALs who put the team first were highly respected, admired among their peers, as well as by their chain of command. 

A good team member puts the team before themselves. 

How do you get others to accept your plan or course of action and execute it as if it were their own?   

We get this question all the time from a leader of a team pushing their people to execute on a new strategy or adopt a new process, but their team members aren’t fully “bought in.” We get this question from individuals who step in to try and solve a problem, but whose peers, another team, or different departments aren’t on board with the solution. Sometimes the question is directed up the chain of command when someone recommends a course of action to their boss, but the boss isn’t convinced it’s the best option. 

On the home front, the question is often directed toward a spouse who pushes back against a decision or course of action, kids who refuse to implement guidance, or parents or siblings who disagree with what seems like an effective solution.  

So, how do you get others to buy-in? The answer isn’t complicated.  

When it comes to taking ownership, perhaps the most frequently asked question we get at Echelon Front is: How do I get others to take ownership?

In the workplace, the question is often directed toward a peer who dropped the ball on something, at a boss who blames the team for under performance, or toward a team that isn’t getting the job done to a leader’s satisfaction.

On the home front, the question is often directed toward a spouse who reacts negatively to even the most constructive criticism, kids who won’t listen, or toward parents or siblings who refuse needed help or guidance.

Everywhere, in human interactions, we see others who could benefit if they would only stop making excuses, accept feedback, put their ego in check and take ownership.

So, how do you get others to take ownership?

Learn what The Extreme Ownership Rundown is

Human Beings Are Half-Duplex Machines 

Like a half-duplex radio, you cannot receive transmissions from anyone else whenever you are in transmit mode. You can’t hear what anyone else is saying as long as you are speaking. You can’t listen to them.  

The first step in taking ownership is to acknowledge a mistake or failure. But when you do this, be careful to watch your language.

As human beings, we all tend to blame others. Something in our nature drives our immediate default response to blame anyone or anything other than ourselves. The level of frustration or stress we are under only exacerbates this tendency. But knowing this, you can contingency plan to counter your default response and reprogram yourself to take ownership. But even then, you will likely still occasionally stray from the path of ownership and blame others. When you do, recognize it, take ownership of it, and fix it.

Leif Babin is a former Navy SEAL officer, co-author of the New York Times best-sellers, “Extreme Ownership: How U.S. Navy SEALs Lead and Win” and “The Dichotomy of Leadership.” He is President/Co-founder of Echelon Front, a premier leadership training and education firm. www.echelonfront.com

PRE-EMPTIVE OWNERSHIP

When a leader accepts total responsibility for everything that impacts their mission, Extreme Ownership becomes not just retroactive but pre-emptive to prevent problems from happening in the first place.  

In the introduction to the book, Extreme Ownership, Jocko and I wrote: 

The only meaningful measure for a leader is whether the team succeeds or fails. For all the definitions, descriptions, and characterizations of leaders, there are only two that matter: effective and ineffective. Effective leaders lead successful teams that accomplish their mission and win. Ineffective leaders do not.  

It doesn’t matter that you are working hard. Are you accomplishing the goal? It doesn’t matter that you explained the “why” to your team. Do they understand, and are they executing? It doesn’t matter that you feel you have a good relationship with your boss. Does the boss listen to you and implement your recommendations? Does the boss give you the support and resources you need to be successful? 

At Echelon Front, we work with client companies and organizations in just about every industry. And we consistently hear the same or very similar things from different leaders: people think their problems are unique. Most leadership problems are common. Everyone must tackle these same or similar problems in order to be successful. Leadership is the solution.  

www.echelonfront.com

We all fall short of the mark at times. So you don’t have to pretend. People know you aren’t perfect because no one is perfect. There is no such thing as a flawless performance. People know you don’t have it all figured out because no one has it all figured out. No one has all the answers. All that is required is to recognize your mistakes and failures and accept total responsibility for them.