The Creature Report – Details, episodes & analysis

See you next week, Anchor. 

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Content warning: implied missing persons throughout episode

Written By Val Petrone & Em Murphy

Val Petrone as Anchor Val Petrone

Em Murphy as Kyle Culkin

Sound FX found on Freesound.org

A smoky bar, 7 ft tall people, and a creature who almost could be Billy Joel, if Billy Joel's eyes were shaped like Massachusetts  (both in eye shape and in pupil). Welcome back to a regular episode of Creature Report, featuring our friend looking for a new friend, codename Conrad Growler (cool name, right?). Join Conrad and I as we introduce ourselves to a big, beefy, POSSIBLY many armed possibly not many armed New Stepdad. Happy Father's day? 

Content Warnings: though no explicit nature occurs in this episode, there is conversation of shitty parental figures in this episode. 

All sounds used in this episode can be found on freesound.org

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Sxi fp illhfkd clo xkptbop fk xii qeb tolkd lkbp.

Zebzh pljbqefkd vlr'ob cxjfifxo tfqe, obmloqbo. 

Qoxfk vlro yoxfk.

As we escaped the clutches of Qwerty last week, we take a lil break from creatures to let you meet our new intern! This is a recording from the Intern's first day we accidentally took, but it had some great stuff regarding creature exploration and how we do things here at the Creature Report studios! Great thanks to newest member of the team....uh....Tim? no no, wait. Jim. Jim the intern. 

Content Warnings: though no explicit nature occurs in this episode, we will be talking about HR compliancy/safety in a light manner. 

All sounds used in this episode can be found on freesound.org

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-.-. .... .. .-.. -.. .... --- --- -.. / - --- -.-- ... --..-- / -.-. .... .. .-.. -.. .... --- --- -.. / ..-. .-. .. . -. -.. ... .-.-.- / .-- .... .- - .----. ... / --- -. / - .... .- - / - .-. .- .. -. .. -. --. / ...- .. -.. . --- / -- -.-- / ..-. .-. .. . -. -.. ..--..

In a world of felt creation,

imagination is our play station.

Folks, friends, and pals all invited

to the place where dreams are ignited

welcome young and old unto

a place of magic Szechuan Avenue!

.......

......but somethings wrong, isn't it? 

Things are getting Weird around here on this weeks Creature Report. Weirder than usual, that is. This week we meet Ash Delaney, from “the Department of Transportation”, in a Barnes and Noble while discussing Jordans, beach balls, and ultimately our assimilation within the one true being that is simply known as: MegaFraiser.

Content Warnings: hypnotic, drug-induced psychosis

Love Ash and want more fun, spooky, goofy, and good content? Check out some more of Ash and their adventures with Hal Bishop over at jointheweird.com.

All sound fx found on freesound.org

Whiskey Whiskey Whiskey Stop Juliett Oscar India November Tango Hotel Echo Mike Echo Golf Alfa Foxtrot Romeo Alfa India Sierra Echo Romeo Stop Charlie Oscar Mike 

After a bit of a hiatus, we're back and more monsterous than ever with PODCASTING'S OWN JEFF STORMER!!!! I know, we could hardly contain our excitement either. With Jeff, we meet up with a viscous sort of friend with a large body, brass knuckles for snacks, and an interest not only in Bruce Springsteen, but....well......Podcasting's Own Jeff Stormer! (who doesnt, though). Content warning, dear listeners and viewers, for light and fun horror based on doppelgangers and mimics.

All sfx done by Jeff Stormer & utilized from freesound.org

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What has different eyes for different partners, is Beyoncé’s least favorite creature, knows the name of Zeus' penis, and has a huge crush on Chester Arthur? Well, find out tonight on a new Creature Report with Val Petrone and tonight’s guest, the magical, mystical, multifaceted creature handler and podcaster with a few godlike tendencies, JV Hampton-VanSant.

SFX

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=40R1IJg08E4

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bRjzVuk6Sgs

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h6_8SlZZwvQ

Also a clip from Batman Forever. It's free use.

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Be kind today, we're approaching what some call "a gay little man that fucks good", as we meet up with friend of the show Arthur (no last name) and ......Arthur....or, Arthur and Arby. We figure it out by the end, we promise. So get your smoochin' lips ready, because this creature won't leave until the pact is sealed, and keep an eye on the curly fries. 

Sound FX

Ambiance: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dtwef1_CnYw

lives.

In quite the pickle tonight, viewers and listeners- or maybe, quite the chocolate orange? We get on the hunt for Miibo and find something a little different, all in the backyard Val's place- Joined with us today is local chocolatier and coffee crafter Emery Crumb, who is looking for a lost friend in all the right places. 

Sound FX

Outdoors: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lec06acI6dE

Coffee: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rS8VgZW_fsY

Mombo crunch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f_kabxNJM1k

Additional SFX: Val Petrone

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