Explore every episode of the podcast The Covert Narcissism Podcast

When we think of financial abuse, we usually picture the partner who earns the money and controls every dollar. Liz Tenuto’s story was the opposite. She was working six days a week to support her household while her husband quietly took over her bank accounts, her passwords, and her credit cards.

In this episode, Renee talks with Liz Tenuto, known to millions as The Workout Witch. Liz is a somatic educator and nervous-system practitioner who has taught more than 250,000 people body-based nervous-system regulation, and she’s the author of When the Body Speaks: How Somatic Healing Sets You Free (HarperCollins). Before she built her community, she was trying to get out of an abusive marriage.

Liz shares how her husband used a hidden remote access device to reroute her bank alerts and two-factor codes, drain her savings, and run up massive debt on her credit cards, then turned it around on her whenever she asked questions. She and Renee talk about how exhaustion can be used as an abuse tactic, what to do if you suspect financial abuse, how she planned her exit while keeping herself safe, and why “just leave” is never that simple. Liz also opens up about the daily panic attacks and fainting that showed up long before she was ready to connect them to her marriage, even with years of training in trauma and the body.

Find Liz on Instagram at theworkoutwitch.com/s/instagram (DM her the word HEAL for a free one-minute somatic exercise), and get her book at https://theworkoutwitch.com/book. Join us next week for part 2 of this inspiring conversation.

If this episode resonates with you and you’re ready for deeper support on your own healing journey, Renee’s coaching program is a place to start. Learn more at https://covertnarcissism.com. And so you don’t miss part two of this conversation, make sure you’re subscribed to the show.

The Covert Narcissism Podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing shared here should be taken as professional mental health advice. If you are in crisis or need support, please reach out to a licensed mental health professional.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What is a narcissist, and why does covert narcissism make real closeness feel impossible, no matter how hard you try? This is part two of a two-part series on the two defining characteristics that destroy relationships with a narcissist. Part one covered the lack of empathy. This week, Renee Swanson turns to the other side of the castle door: the lack of vulnerability.

Real vulnerability means saying “I was wrong,” “I’m afraid,” “I don’t know,” or “I need you.” For a narcissist, whose sense of self depends on appearing right and in control, those words feel like a threat. So instead of vulnerability, you get defensiveness, blame, and feelings that come out sideways as silence, sarcasm, or punishment. Renee walks through everyday examples in marriage, parenting, work, and money, and explains counterfeit vulnerability. That’s the sob stories and wounded martyrdom that look like openness but are really a way of getting control.

She also explains how a lack of vulnerability destroys a relationship over time. Nothing ever gets resolved. You end up carrying all the blame, never truly knowing the person beside you, and walking on eggshells as you learn to read their moods. Finally, she shows what happens when a lack of empathy and a lack of vulnerability meet, and why your own vulnerability can be used against you. If you’re on the path of narcissistic abuse recovery and have wondered why sincere apologies and real repair never came, this episode will help you understand why the problem was never your explanation.

If you missed part one, go back and listen to “What Is a Narcissist? Part 1: The Lack of Empathy That Destroys Relationships.”

Renee’s new book, This Is Not Okay: Escaping the Invisible Grip of Covert Narcissistic Abuse, is out now. Check it out through Amazon or on her site at www.covertnarcissism.com

Ready for support on your own healing journey? Learn about Renee’s coaching program at  www.covertnarcissism.com.

Subscribe to the Covert Narcissism Podcast so you never miss an episode.

The information provided by Renee Swanson, the Covert Narcissism Podcast, and CNG Life Coaching is for educational purposes only. It is not to be used for diagnosis purposes and is not intended to be a substitute for clinical care. Please consult a health care provider for guidance specific to your case. This material discusses narcissism in general. Renee shares stories from her personal experiences as well as from those she has talked with for several years. Her material does not claim that any specific person has narcissism and should not be used to refer to any specific person as having narcissism. Permission is not granted to link to or repost this material to support an allegation or support a claim that any specific person is a narcissist. That would be an unauthorized misuse of the material and information provided.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

How do you explain emotional abuse to the people around you when you can barely explain it to yourself? In this episode, the roles are reversed. High-conflict divorce coach Eleanor Marks interviews Renee about her new book, This Is Not Okay, and the eleven years of healing behind it.

They talk about the "catching a ghost" feeling of self-doubt so many survivors of covert narcissistic abuse know, the kind of abuse that leaves no bruises, why family and friends often can't see what you're living, and how to untangle yourself, whether you stay or leave.

Get This Is Not Okay at Amazon or at Renee's website www.covertnarcissism.com

Facing a divorce? Eleanor's six-week Divorcing a Covert Narcissist group starts November 9, 2026, on Zoom. Register at www.covertnarcissism.com or contact Eleanor at https://EleanorMarks.net.

Ready for deeper support on your own healing journey? Learn about Renee's coaching at www.covertnarcissism.com, and make sure you're subscribed so you never miss an episode.

The Covert Narcissism Podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing shared here should be taken as professional mental health advice. If you are in crisis or need support, please reach out to a licensed mental health professional.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What is a narcissist, really, and how does covert narcissism quietly destroy the closest relationships in your life? The word “narcissist” is everywhere right now, used for everything from a forgotten phone call to a snappy afternoon. But real narcissism isn’t about occasional human mistakes. It’s about consistent patterns that make genuine intimacy impossible.

This is part one of a two-part series on the two characteristics that lead the way: a lack of empathy and a lack of vulnerability. Renee Swanson explains it through the image of an old castle door, bolted shut in both directions. Your feelings can’t get in, and their real self never comes out.

This week’s focus is the lack of empathy. Many survivors push back on the idea that a narcissist has no empathy, because this person seemed to read them perfectly. Renee explains the difference between cognitive empathy, knowing what you feel, and emotional empathy, caring what you feel. That difference is why the hurtful comments always landed right where it hurts most. She walks through everyday examples, in grief, illness, disappointment, joy, and childhood. And she explains how a lack of empathy, over time, leaves you lonely inside your own relationship, doubting your own feelings, and living with a nervous system that never gets to rest. If you’re on the path of narcissistic abuse recovery and have ever wondered whether your feelings were the problem, this episode will help you see clearly that they weren’t.

Next week, in part two, Renee turns to the other side of the door: the lack of vulnerability, counterfeit vulnerability, and what happens when these two traits meet.

Renee’s new book, This Is Not Okay: Escaping the Invisible Grip of Covert Narcissistic Abuse, releases October 20, 2026.

Ready for support on your own healing journey? Learn about Renee’s coaching program at www.covertnarcissism.com.

Subscribe to the Covert Narcissism Podcast so you don’t miss part two next week.

The information provided by Renee Swanson, the Covert Narcissism Podcast, and CNG Life Coaching is for educational purposes only. It is not to be used for diagnosis purposes and is not intended to be a substitute for clinical care. Please consult a health care provider for guidance specific to your case. This material discusses narcissism in general. Renee shares stories from her personal experiences as well as from those she has talked with for several years. Her material does not claim that any specific person has narcissism and should not be used to refer to any specific person as having narcissism. Permission is not granted to link to or repost this material to support an allegation or support a claim that any specific person is a narcissist. That would be an unauthorized misuse of the material and information provided.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Every text, email, and social media post you write could end up in front of a judge. In part two of this conversation, Renee and attorney Rebecca Zung get practical about protecting yourself from a narcissist in court, whether you're facing a divorce, a custody case, or a high-conflict co-parent.

Rebecca explains what's safe to post when you're looking for support, and why she tells clients to write like they're reporting the news. She explains why building leverage matters more than proving the other person is a narcissist, and how to turn thousands of screenshots into an organized case your lawyer can use. She and Renee also talk about whether you need a "bulldog" lawyer, why you shouldn't give away your leverage too early, and why high-conflict personalities often back down when you finally stand up.

Try Slay AI for free at https://slaypro.ai, and find Rebecca on YouTube at https://RebeccaZung.tv and on Instagram at @RebeccaZung.

If you're on your own narcissistic abuse recovery journey and want more support, Renee's coaching program is a great next step. Learn more at www.covertnarcissism.com. And if this conversation helped you, make sure you're subscribed so you never miss an episode.

The Covert Narcissism Podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing shared here should be taken as professional mental health advice. If you are in crisis or need support, please reach out to a licensed mental health professional.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

In covert narcissism, even the “good” behavior is part of the manipulation. You thought you married Cliff Huxtable, only to find out you married Bill Cosby. If that line lands in your stomach, this episode is for you.

So many survivors say, “He’s being good right now,” or “She’s in a good place this week.” But what if those sweet seasons aren’t breaks from the manipulation at all? What if they’re the most effective part of it? Renee introduces a new concept, counterfeit kindness: kindness that looks real, feels real and passes inspection, but has nothing behind it when you need to rely on it.

You’ll learn what counterfeit kindness buys a covert narcissist (your attention, love, supply, willingness and trust), why it causes more harm than the obviously bad behavior, and how the cycle of hope and hurt deepens trauma bonding. Renee also shares her own moment of asking, “Is he a good person having a bad month, or a bad person having a good day?” and reads a passage from her new book, This Is Not Okay, about how survivors end up holding the mask in place.

You’ll leave with four questions to tell real kindness from counterfeit kindness, plus a simple tool for your narcissistic abuse recovery: giving the character a name, so you can stay clear-headed when the performance starts.

If you understand the patterns but still feel stuck in the cycle, coaching can help you take the next step. Learn more about Renee’s coaching program at www.covertnarcissism.com.

Subscribe to the Covert Narcissism Podcast so you never miss an episode, and share it with someone who needs to hear it.

Renee’s book, This Is Not Okay: Escaping the Invisible Grip of Covert Narcissistic Abuse, releases October 20. Join the mailing list at www.covertnarcissism.com to hear the moment it’s out.

The information provided by Renee Swanson, Covert Narcissism Podcast, and CNG Life Coaching is for educational purposes only and is not to be used for diagnosis purposes and not intended to be a substitute for clinical care. Please consult a healthcare provider for guidance specific to your case. This material discusses narcissism in general. Renee shares stories from her personal experience as well as from those she has talked with for several years. Her material does not claim that any specific person has narcissism and should not be used to refer to any specific person as having narcissism. Permission is not granted to link to or repost this material to support any allegation or support a claim that any specific person is a narcissist. That would be an unauthorized misuse of this material and information provided.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What does a narcissist really want in a divorce? It usually isn't money, love, or logic. It's image. In this episode, Renee welcomes back attorney Rebecca Zung, who has spent more than 25 years in family law and now focuses on helping people negotiate with narcissists and other high-conflict personalities.

Rebecca explains why covert narcissists protect their image at any cost. She also describes how they quietly control your image by planting seeds with friends and family months before a custody case begins. She and Renee talk about why the goalposts keep moving, why going straight to a subpoena can save you money and stress during discovery, and why your first move before any negotiation happens inside you. Rebecca also shares her JADE rule (don't justify, argue, defend, or explain), how a calm nervous system leads to better decisions, and why every bad behavior is a "gift" to write down.

Find Rebecca's work on YouTube at https://RebeccaZung.tv and try Slay AI for free at https://slaypro.ai.

If this episode resonates with you and you're ready for deeper support on your own healing journey, Renee's coaching program is a place to start. Learn more at www.covertnarcissism.com. And so you don't miss part two of this conversation, make sure you're subscribed to the show.

The Covert Narcissism Podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing shared here should be taken as professional mental health advice. If you are in crisis or need support, please reach out to a licensed mental health professional.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Covert narcissism often comes down to one simple question: who in your relationship is afraid to disagree? Renee walks through five everyday scenes: a restaurant, a mutual friend, the family dog, a wedding, and the car radio. Each one shows how a small difference of opinion can turn into an hour-long lecture, a loyalty test, the silent treatment, or an explosion. Over time, the person on the receiving end learns that staying quiet is the only way to keep the peace, and life becomes a constant walk on eggshells.

Renee explains why narcissistic people state their opinions as facts. Disagreement threatens their need to be right, to be admired, and to control the narrative. She also explains how covert narcissists disagree without saying a word, through sighing, pouting, withdrawal, and playing the victim. She describes what healthy disagreement is supposed to teach us, why it's not your fault if you never got the chance to learn it, and why keeping the peace is not the same thing as being peaceful. The episode closes with reflection questions to help cut through the fog of gaslighting and bring clarity to your own narcissistic abuse recovery.

If you're ready for support on your healing journey, learn more about Renee's coaching program at www.covertnarcissism.com. And if this episode spoke to you, subscribe to the show so you never miss a new episode.

The information provided by Renee Swanson, Covert Narcissism Podcast, and CNG Life Coaching is for educational purposes only and is not to be used for diagnosis purposes and not intended to be a substitute for clinical care. Please consult a health care provider for guidance specific to your case. This material discusses narcissism in general. Renee shares stories from her personal experiences as well as from those she has talked with for several years. Her material does not claim that any specific person has narcissism and should not be used to refer to any specific person as having narcissism. Permission is not granted to link to or repost this material to support an allegation or support a claim that any specific person is a narcissist. That would be an unauthorized misuse of the material and information provided.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What happens when an AI questions the story of someone who has spent years not being believed? In part two of this conversation, Renee and Anne Wintemute, founder of Aimee Says, look at how some AI tools push back on users in subtle ways, like "if it happened the way you say," and why that can feel a lot like gaslighting to survivors of covert narcissism.

Anne explains how to move past validation to the question "now what?" and how survivors can use AI to organize journals, screenshots, and years of co-parenting messages in one place. She introduces Aimee Detects, a new feature that analyzes a full communication record for patterns of coercive control. She and Renee also talk honestly about how AI use can help or hurt you in a high-conflict divorce or family court case, why you need to stay in the driver's seat, and why privacy matters so much when you choose an AI tool.

If you'd like to give Aimee Says a try, here is the link. Use Renee's discount code RENEE for $20 off. Right now, that's the equivalent of your first month free.

If you're on your own narcissistic abuse recovery journey and want more support, Renee's coaching program is a great next step. Learn more at www.covertnarcissism.com. And if this conversation helped you, make sure you're subscribed so you never miss an episode.

The Covert Narcissism Podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing shared here should be taken as professional mental health advice. If you are in crisis or need support, please reach out to a licensed mental health professional.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Covert narcissism doesn't only show up between adults. It can shape how a parent relates to their own child. In this episode, Renee unpacks what happens when a parent can't hold the adult role in a disagreement, using a real client story about a mother who argues with her two-year-old daughter as though they were siblings.

Renee traces this back to the same "on purpose" pattern she's experienced firsthand — where neutral, even funny moments get reinterpreted as personal attacks — and explores what this pattern does to a child's emotional development, and what it's like to watch it unfold as the other parent in the room.

If you're navigating narcissistic abuse recovery and want support building a healthier path forward for yourself or your family, learn more about coaching at www.covertnarcissism.com.

Subscribe to the Covert Narcissism Podcast so you don't miss an episode.

The information provided by Renee Swanson, Covert Narcissism Podcast, and CNG Life Coaching is for educational purposes only and is not to be used for diagnosis purposes and is not intended to be a substitute for clinical care. Please consult a health care provider for guidance specific to your case. This material discusses narcissism in general. Renee shares stories from her personal experiences as well as from those she has talked with for several years. Her material does not claim that any specific person has narcissism and should not be used to refer to any specific person as having narcissism. Permission is not granted to link to or repost this material to support an allegation or support a claim that any specific person is a narcissist.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Covert narcissism survivors are turning to AI for support, but what happens when it gets your story wrong? In this episode, Renee welcomes back Anne Wintemute, founder of Aimee Says, an AI tool built specifically for people who are in, or recovering from, controlling, manipulative, and abusive relationships.

Anne explains why AI can only be as accurate as the context you give it, and why a missing detail can lead it to a conclusion that feels deeply invalidating to someone in narcissistic abuse recovery. She and Renee talk about the real benefits and pitfalls of AI, why you can't hand over your judgment, and what "AI readability" means for the co-parenting messages you send today. They also cover one of the most painful mistakes an AI can make: confusing which person is the high-conflict one. As Anne puts it, the clearest sign of coercive control is which person feels it isn't safe to disagree.

If you'd like to give Aimee Says a try, here is the link. Use the discount code RENEE for $20 off. Right now, that's the equivalent of your first month free.

If this episode resonates with you and you're ready for deeper support on your own healing journey, Renee's coaching program is a place to start. Learn more at www.covertnarcissism.com. And so you don't miss part two of this conversation, make sure you're subscribed to the show.

The Covert Narcissism Podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing shared here should be taken as professional mental health advice. If you are in crisis or need support, please reach out to a licensed mental health professional.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Covert narcissism rarely says sorry out loud. Instead, it hands you a gift, plans a nice dinner, or turns on a sudden burst of affection — and calls it even. Renee Swanson breaks down why these gestures work like a reset button, closing the incident without ever offering the three things a real apology requires: accountability, humility, and vulnerability.

She reads a personal story from her upcoming book, This Is Not Okay, about watching her own son learn to accept a Sonic slushie in place of an apology from his father — and traces that pattern all the way back to how children are taught, from the playground on, to say "it's okay" when something wasn't. If you've ever mistaken flowers for an apology, walked on eggshells waiting to see which version of them came home, or found yourself gaslit into gratitude after being hurt, this episode gives you language for what's actually happening in your narcissistic abuse recovery — and a better way to respond, both in your relationships and with the kids in your life.

Ready to go deeper in your healing? Join Renee's coaching community at www.covertnarcissism.com. And if this episode resonated, subscribe to the Covert Narcissism Podcast so you never miss what's next.

The information provided by Renee Swanson, Covert Narcissism Podcast, and CNG Life Coaching is for educational purposes only and is not to be used for diagnosis purposes and not intended to be a substitute for clinical care. Please consult a health care provider for guidance specific to your case. This material discusses narcissism in general. Renee shares stories from her personal experiences as well as from those she has talked with for several years. Her material does not claim that any specific person has narcissism and should not be used to refer to any specific person as having narcissism. Permission is not granted to link to or repost this material to support an allegation or support a claim that any specific person is a narcissist. That would be an unauthorized misuse of the material and information provided.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Covert narcissism recovery isn't just about understanding what happened to you — it's about finding your way back to yourself. In part two of this conversation, Renee continues talking with psychotherapist and author Amy Lewis Bear, picking up right at the emotional core of this discussion: vulnerability, and why it's often the very thing survivors of narcissistic abuse recovery are most afraid to offer again.

Amy shares two powerful stories from her own therapy practice — clients who spent years walking on eggshells and shrinking themselves inside relationships marked by trauma bonding and emotional dysregulation, and who eventually found the strength to reclaim their voice. She and Renee also talk candidly about why people often carry old defense mechanisms into new relationships, why healing takes real time before trusting again feels safe, and why so many survivors feel guilty just for being happy.

You can learn more about Amy and her work at:

http://www.amylewisbear.com/

www.linkedin.com/in/abearcounselor/ 

http://www.youtube.com/@therapywhenlovefeelshard

If you're on your own healing journey and want more support, Renee's coaching program is a great next step — learn more at www.covertnarcissism.com. And if this conversation moved you, make sure you're subscribed so you never miss an episode.

The Covert Narcissism Podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing shared here should be taken as professional mental health advice. If you are in crisis or need support, please reach out to a licensed mental health professional.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Covert narcissism doesn't always look like yelling or control — sometimes it's a completely ordinary conversation that somehow ends with you defending yourself against something you never said. This is what I call a circular conversation: every word you say gets fed through a filter that isn't listening to you, it's listening for a reason to feel attacked, or a reason to be right.

Using real, everyday examples — a comment about milk, a text about being home around 6 — I walk through exactly how neutral statements get twisted into accusations, why doing this to your spouse, the person who's supposed to be your safest relationship, is the opposite of benefit of the doubt, and why clarifying never actually resolves it. If you've ever walked away from a conversation with your partner feeling like you did something wrong but can't name what it was, this episode will finally give you language for it.

Ready to stop feeling crazy in your own relationship? Learn more about coaching at www.covertnarcissism.com.

And if this episode helped you feel less alone, subscribe so you don't miss what's coming next.

The information provided by Renee Swanson, Covert Narcissism Podcast, and CNG Life Coaching is for educational purposes only and is not to be used for diagnosis purposes and not intended to be a substitute for clinical care. Please consult a health care provider for guidance specific to your case. This material discusses narcissism in general. I share stories from my personal experience as well as from those I've talked with over several years. This material does not claim that any specific person has narcissism and should not be used to refer to any specific person as having narcissism. Permission is not granted to link to or repost this material to support an allegation or claim that any specific person is a narcissist.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Covert narcissism doesn't always look like screaming matches or dramatic blowups — sometimes it looks like a slow, quiet erosion of who you are. In this episode, Renee sits down with psychotherapist and author Amy Lewis Bear, who has spent nearly twenty years helping people through narcissistic abuse recovery and emotionally abusive relationships, and who has lived through this pattern herself.

Amy is the author of From Charm to Harm: The Guide to Spotting, Naming, and Stopping Emotional Abuse in Intimate Relationships, where she identified more than fifty subtle tactics — including gaslighting — used to keep a partner off balance. In her brand-new book, When Loving You Means Losing Me: How to Escape the Echo Complex and Reclaim Your Sense of Self, she names a condition so many survivors feel but have never had words for: the gradual loss of identity that comes from constantly walking on eggshells around someone who cannot tolerate emotional intimacy.

In this first half of their conversation, Amy shares her own story of losing herself in her first marriage, traces the origins of the term Echo Complex back to Greek mythology, and explains the crucial difference between having narcissistic traits and receiving an actual narcissism diagnosis — and why that distinction never erases the very real damage of trauma bonding and emotional dysregulation in these relationships.

You can learn more about Amy and her work at:

http://www.amylewisbear.com/

www.linkedin.com/in/abearcounselor/ 

http://www.youtube.com/@therapywhenlovefeelshard

If this episode resonates with you and you're ready for deeper support on your own healing journey, Renee's coaching program is a place to start — learn more at www.covertnarcissism.com. And if you don't want to miss part two of this conversation, make sure you're subscribed to the show.

The Covert Narcissism Podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing shared here should be taken as professional mental health advice. If you are in crisis or need support, please reach out to a licensed mental health professional.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Last week, we asked whether passive-aggressive behavior is always narcissistic. The answer was no — but that still left a big question: how do you actually tell the difference in real time, and what do you do once you know?

This episode gives you both. We go deeper into fear-based and care-based passive aggression — the kind that comes from being afraid of conflict, or from truly not wanting to hurt someone's feelings — and we talk honestly about how this pattern can show up even in survivors of covert narcissistic abuse themselves.

Then we get practical. You'll learn how to actually identify passive-aggressive behavior in the moment, starting with that gut feeling when someone's words and their energy don't match. We walk through how to gently call it out without turning it into a fight, and how to read the response you get back — because the response, not the original behavior, is what actually tells you whether you're dealing with fear, care, or control.

Finally, we get into what to actually do about it — in romantic relationships, with family, with friends, and at work — depending on what you find.

What you'll learn: how to spot the internal signal that something's off, tools for identifying passive-aggressive behavior in real time, exactly what "gently calling it out" sounds like in real conversations, how to read someone's response to tell fear from control, and practical next steps for every relationship in your life.

P.S. — I'm opening two new coaching groups: Healing from Covert Narcissistic Abuse and High-Conflict Divorce. And my book, This Is Not Okay, releases next month. Head to covertnarcissism.com to learn more about both.

The information provided by Renee Swanson, Covert Narcissism Podcast, and CNG Life Coaching is for educational purposes only and is not to be used for diagnosis purposes and not intended to be a substitute for clinical care. Please consult a health care provider for guidance specific to your case. This material discusses narcissism in general. I share stories from my personal experience as well as from those I've talked with over several years. This material does not claim that any specific person has narcissism and should not be used to refer to any specific person as having narcissism. Permission is not granted to link to or repost this material to support an allegation or claim that any specific person is a narcissist.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Did they make you feel guilty for taking time for yourself? In this episode of the Covert Narcissism Podcast, Renee Swanson reads through real responses from her Covert Narcissism Group — the private Facebook community she started in 2018 — after asking members one question: what do you do now, just because you enjoy it?

From napping and puzzles to solo walks, quiet mornings, and leaving the dishes in the sink, this episode explores how survivors of covert narcissistic abuse are reclaiming the small joys that were once used against them. Renee breaks down why covert narcissists sabotage self-care and autonomy, why "he doesn't say anything" can still be a form of control, and the real difference between healthy guilt and toxic guilt — and how to finally tell toxic guilt to take a hike.

If you've ever felt guilty for taking a bath, going to a yoga class, or just sitting still and doing nothing, this episode is for you. Learn how to recognize toxic guilt, reclaim your right to rest, and start rebuilding the autonomy that covert narcissistic relationships take away.

Looking for support? Join Renee's free, closed Facebook group, Covert Narcissism Group, to connect with others healing from narcissistic abuse. Ready for the next step? Learn more about Renee's coaching program at www.covertnarcissism.com.

The information provided by Renee Swanson, Covert Narcissism Podcast, and CNG Life Coaching is for educational purposes only and is not to be used for diagnosis purposes and not intended to be a substitute for clinical care. Please consult a health care provider for guidance specific to your case.

This material discusses narcissism in general. Renee shares stories from her personal experiences as well as from those she has talked with for several years. Her material does not claim that any specific person has narcissism and should not be used to refer to any specific person as having narcissism. Permission is not granted to link to or repost this material to support an allegation or support a claim that any specific person is a narcissist. That would be an unauthorized misuse of the material and information provided.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Ever asked someone "are you okay?" and gotten a four-syllable "I'm fine" that clearly meant the opposite? That's passive-aggressive behavior — and it's one of the sneakiest patterns to name out loud, because it's built to be deniable.

In this episode, we break down the real signs of passive-aggressive behavior across relationships, family, friendships, and work — with specific examples you'll recognize immediately. Then we tackle the question listeners ask constantly: is all passive-aggressive behavior narcissistic?

The honest answer is no. Some people are passive-aggressive because they're genuinely afraid of conflict, not because they're trying to manipulate you. But fear-based or not, passive aggression still blocks the thing every real relationship needs — open, honest conversation. We'll walk through how to tell a scared communicator from a controlling one, and what to do either way.

What you'll learn: how to spot passive-aggressive behavior in real time, the difference between fear-based and narcissistic passive aggression, and why "they're not a narcissist" doesn't mean you have to live with the silent treatment.

If you've been listening, learning, and starting to see the patterns — but still feel stuck in the same cycles — that's not because you're missing information. It's because this isn't something you're meant to untangle alone. There's a point where understanding is not enough, and you need support in actually moving through it. If you're there, I invite you to work with me. Your story matters, and you deserve to be heard without judgment. If you're ready to take the next step toward healing, check out my coaching services at www.covertnarcissism.com. I am here and ready to help. And don't forget to subscribe for more empowering episodes like this one.

The information provided by Renee Swanson, Covert Narcissism Podcast, and CNG Life Coaching is for educational purposes only and is not to be used for diagnosis purposes and not intended to be a substitute for clinical care. Please consult a health care provider for guidance specific to your case. This material discusses narcissism in general. I share stories from my personal experience as well as from those I've talked with over several years. This material does not claim that any specific person has narcissism and should not be used to refer to any specific person as having narcissism. Permission is not granted to link to or repost this material to support an allegation or claim that any specific person is a narcissist.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What if the episode you already listened to still has more to teach you the second time around?

In this throwback episode of the Covert Narcissism Podcast, Renee revisits one of the most-requested episodes in the show's history — the original breakdown of the six types of narcissism: grandiose, vulnerable, malignant, communal, somatic, and cerebral. Instead of just replaying it, she reads back her own words from a year and a half ago and reframes them with everything she's learned since, including sharper insight into how covert narcissism shows up differently across each type, and what those patterns actually cost the people living with them.

In this episode, you'll learn:

• Why covert narcissism isn't its own category, and why that reframe changes how you spot it
• How grandiose, vulnerable, malignant, communal, somatic, and cerebral narcissism each show up overtly versus covertly
• Real examples of covert narcissistic behavior — guilt-tripping, gaslighting, backhanded compliments, and fishing for validation
• Why understanding the pattern doesn't mean you're obligated to stay and manage it

If you missed the initial episode, here it is - Unmasking Narcissism

If you've ever felt like you understand narcissistic behavior but something still isn't fully clicking, this one's for you — sometimes the same words hit differently the second time around.

Ready for support applying what you're learning? Explore coaching at www.covertnarcissism.com.

This episode is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional diagnosis or clinical care.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Covert narcissism doesn't just create crisis moments — it leaves your nervous system stuck in a chronic state of hypervigilance long after the argument ends. You can get good at managing the spike, catching yourself mid-reaction, and still lie awake at night with your jaw clenched and your shoulders up around your ears for no reason at all.

In this episode on narcissistic abuse recovery, Renee explains allostatic load — what happens when a nervous system adapts to years of walking on eggshells, gaslighting, and unpredictable moods in a covert narcissistic relationship, and never fully comes back down. She breaks down what chronic hypervigilance actually looks like from the inside, what it does to the body physically, and introduces eight new tools for lowering your baseline over time: Worry Spot, Villain Voice, Letter to Future You, The Doorway Reset, The Off-Duty Ritual, Compliment Jar, The Do-Nothing Timer, and The Petty Playlist.

This is part two of a two-part series on covert narcissism and fight or flight. If you haven't heard part one, start there for eight in-the-moment crisis tools built for the spike itself.

If you've been listening, learning, and starting to see the patterns of narcissistic abuse in your relationship — but still feel stuck in the same cycles of emotional dysregulation and self-doubt — that's not because you're missing information. It's because this isn't something you're meant to untangle alone. If you're ready to take the next step toward healing, I invite you to check out my coaching program at www.covertnarcissism.com. And if this episode helped, please subscribe so you don't miss what's next.

The information provided by Renee Swanson, Covert Narcissism Podcast, and CNG Life Coaching is for educational purposes only and is not to be used for diagnosis purposes and is not intended to be a substitute for clinical care. Please consult a health care provider for guidance specific to your case. This material discusses narcissism in general. Renee shares stories from her personal experiences as well as from those she has talked with for several years. Her material does not claim that any specific person has narcissism and should not be used to refer to any specific person as having narcissism. Permission is not granted to link to or repost this material to support an allegation or support a claim that any specific person is a narcissist. That would be an unauthorized misuse of the material and information provided.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Ever ignored a gut feeling on a date because you wanted to "give him a chance"? In this episode, I'm sharing a conversation from Breaking Free from Narcissistic Abuse — host Dr. Kerry McAvoy sits down with Dr. Jennie Young, a PhD linguist and creator of the viral Burned Haystack Dating Method, to break down how the words men use in dating profiles and early text messages expose who they really are before you've ever met in person.

Dr. Young holds a PhD in rhetoric and discourse studies, specializing in critical discourse analysis — the study of how language reveals what people don't want you to know. In this episode, she shows you how to spot manipulation, love-bombing, and red flags in dating apps and texting before you invest your time and heart.

If you're rebuilding trust in your own instincts and want practical tools for reading between the lines in online dating, this episode is for you.

Guest: Dr. Jennie Young, author of Burn the Haystack: Decode Dating, Torch the Duds, and Make Room for Men Who Matter — Instagram: @word_case_scenario

Originally aired on: Breaking Free from Narcissistic Abuse, hosted by Dr. Kerry McAvoy (kerrymcavoyphd.com)

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If you've ever felt your chest tighten before your phone even finishes ringing, or braced for a reaction before you've said a single word — you already know what fight or flight feels like in a covert narcissistic relationship. It's rarely one dramatic moment. It's the accumulation: a grocery store phone call, an ordinary dinner plan, a night class — small moments that train your nervous system to expect danger from everyday life.

In this episode, part one of a two-part series on fight or flight and narcissistic abuse recovery, Renee breaks down what's actually happening in your body during a fight or flight response, why hypervigilance develops after covert narcissistic abuse, and how this response can show up as fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. Then she walks through eight in-the-moment tools you can reach for the next time your body starts to spiral — including the Curiosity Tool, the Match & Release technique, and six additional grounding and nervous system regulation strategies for moments when you need something quieter, faster, or less visible.

This episode focuses entirely on crisis management — what to do right now, in the moment. Part two will cover prevention: the daily practices that lower your baseline over time so these moments happen less often, and hit softer when they do.

To revisit a previous episode that breaks down the 4 F's of the fight/flight response, check out Why Your Fight or Flight Response Turned Into Fawning

If you've been listening, learning, and starting to see the patterns in your relationship — but still feel stuck in the same cycles — that's not because you're missing information. It's because this isn't something you're meant to untangle alone. If you're ready to take the next step toward healing, I invite you to check out my coaching program at covertnarcissism.com. And if this episode helped, please subscribe so you don't miss part two next week.

The information provided by Renee Swanson, Covert Narcissism Podcast, and CNG Life Coaching is for educational purposes only and is not to be used for diagnosis purposes and is not intended to be a substitute for clinical care. Please consult a health care provider for guidance specific to your case. This material discusses narcissism in general. Renee shares stories from her personal experiences as well as from those she has talked with for several years. Her material does not claim that any specific person has narcissism and should not be used to refer to any specific person as having narcissism. Permission is not granted to link to or repost this material to support an allegation or support a claim that any specific person is a narcissist. That would be an unauthorized misuse of the material and information provided.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

In Part 2 of this CNG Community Chat, Renee Swanson continues the conversation with three parents navigating parental alienation and covert narcissistic abuse — this time focused on how to protect the relationship with the children they still have access to, and how to hold onto hope with the ones they don't.

The conversation opens with a powerful explanation of why alienation happens the way it does: narcissists often break down the other parent first, creating chaos and instability, so they can step in as the "fun" or "stable" one by comparison — making it far harder for kids to see the dynamic clearly. From there, each parent shares the practical, day-to-day ways they protect their bond with their children: keeping conversations about each child separate from conflict with an ex, using books and movies like Beauty and the Beast and Tangled to name manipulation and control without directly attacking the other parent, working with trauma-informed therapists, and learning to let anger be an acceptable emotion after years of suppressing it.

They also talk honestly about grief — the grief of losing access to a child, the grief of not being believed, and the importance of giving yourself (and your kids) permission not to have all the answers. One parent shares the advice that reframed everything for him: "your child is just the messenger," and how staying present with the child in front of you matters more than fighting every battle in the moment.

This episode is a continuation of Part 1 — if you haven't listened yet, start there for the full context. Whether you're facing active alienation, co-parenting with a narcissist, or working to rebuild trust with an estranged child, this conversation offers validation, practical strategies, and the reminder that healing is possible.

To work with Renee, visit her website at www.covertnarcissism.com

The Covert Narcissism Podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing shared here should be taken as professional mental health advice. If you are in crisis or need support, please reach out to a licensed mental health professional.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

This isn't my story anymore. It's ours.

In this solo episode, I'm finally announcing something I've been sitting on for a long time: my book, This Is Not Okay: Escaping the Invisible Grip of Covert Narcissistic Abuse, is coming this fall.

I walk you through the five stages this book moves through — the same stages so many of us move through on the way to healing from covert narcissistic abuse: recognizing, understanding, seeing, untangling, and reclaiming. I share what's inside each stage, including a few passages straight from the pages.

But more than anything, this episode is about why this was never just my story to tell. From the moment I realized I wasn't the only one living this nightmare, this became about neighbor helping neighbor — about building a community where no survivor has to heal alone. I talk about CNG, our Facebook group, group coaching, and what happened at this year's retreat in Colorado, which was the best one we've had yet.

If you've ever minimized what you were living through because no one was yelling and nothing was bleeding — this episode, and this book, are for you. To work with Renee Swanson, visit her website at www.covertnarcissism.com

As always, I wish you so much peace on your journey of healing.

The stories and examples in this book are drawn from the author's professional experience working with survivors of covert narcissistic abuse. To protect the privacy of those individuals, names, locations, and identifying details have been changed or omitted. Some individuals portrayed are composites of multiple people, and some dialogue and events have been reconstructed or condensed to convey their essential meaning. Any resemblance to any specific, identifiable individual is unintentional.

This book is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It does not constitute legal, financial, medical, or psychological advice, and should not be treated as a substitute for professional guidance. Renee Swanson is not a licensed therapist or mental health professional. If you are experiencing abuse or struggling with your mental health, please reach out to a qualified professional or trusted support resource.

The author and publisher assume no liability for any actions taken or not taken based on the content of this book.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

In this CNG Community Chat, host Renee Swanson sits down with three parents who are living through one of the most painful experiences a parent can face: watching a child be turned against them. This conversation covers parental alienation, covert narcissism, high-conflict divorce, and co-parenting with a narcissistic ex — and the very real toll it takes on the parent-child relationship.

Each parent shares the moment they first recognized what was happening. One mother describes how truths that surfaced during her divorce led her adult daughter to accuse her of "victim shaming" her father, and how setting boundaries afterward resulted in being cut off entirely. A stepfather describes an abrupt separation after twelve years, being blindsided in court, and watching his stepson slowly pull away after being fed misinformation about his health and character. Another mother walks through a slow, multi-year alienation across four children — three of whom are now living full-time with their father after being coached to testify against her in family court.

Together, they talk through the patterns that show up again and again in covert narcissistic abuse: the push-pull dynamic with adult children, the "Disneyland parent" effect where boundaries and rules drive kids toward the more permissive parent, how narcissists destabilize the other parent first to make themselves look like the stable one, and why children often side with whichever parent they're most afraid of losing — not the parent who is actually safe.

This episode is honest, unfiltered, and validating for anyone currently experiencing parental alienation, co-parenting conflict, or estrangement from a child due to narcissistic abuse. If you're in the middle of this right now, you are not alone. To work with Renee Swanson, visit www.covertnarcissism.com

The Covert Narcissism Podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing shared here should be taken as professional mental health advice. If you are in crisis or need support, please reach out to a licensed mental health professional.

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Have you ever discovered narcissism in your relationship, started reading everything you could find, and then panicked — wondering if you were the one who created the pattern you were seeing? In this episode of the Covert Narcissism Podcast, Renee Swanson opens up about a fear she's never shared before: the worry that dwelling on covert narcissism had somehow manifested it in her marriage. She walks through the exact passages from Eleanor Payson's The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists that jumped off the page at her early in her journey, and why recognition is not the same thing as manifestation. This episode covers covert narcissism, narcissistic abuse recovery, the difference between normal self-centeredness and a true narcissistic pattern, and the safeguard Renee uses to answer one simple question: does this person ever return to baseline? If you've ever doubted your own perception of narcissistic abuse in your own marriage or family, this conversation will help you trust what you already know.

If you've been listening, learning, and starting to see the patterns — but still feel stuck in the same cycles — that's not because you're missing information. It's because this isn't something you're meant to untangle alone. If you're ready to take the next step toward healing, I invite you to join me in my coaching program at www.covertnarcissism.com. And if this episode resonated with you, please subscribe so you never miss one.

This podcast is for educational purposes only and is not to be used for diagnosis and is not intended to be a substitute for clinical care; please consult a health care provider for guidance specific to your case. This material discusses narcissism in general — Renee shares stories from her personal experiences as well as from those she has talked with for several years, and her material does not claim that any specific person has narcissism and should not be used to refer to any specific person as having narcissism. Permission is not granted to link to or repost this material to support an allegation or claim that any specific person is a narcissist; that would be an unauthorized misuse of the material and information provided.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Narcissistic abuse and predatory behavior often hide in plain sight — and this episode pulls back the curtain on exactly how. In this special crossover conversation, I'm sharing an episode from Dr. Kerry McAvoy's podcast, Breaking Free from Narcissistic Abuse, featuring her conversation with Don Hennessy.

Don Hennessy is an Irish psychotherapist who has spent decades working directly with abusive men and their partners, giving him a rare, firsthand understanding of how predatory control actually operates. In this episode, Don and Kerry expose the hidden playbook these men use to infiltrate a partner's mind — often so gradually that she doesn't realize it's happening until she's already trapped in it. You'll learn what these predators are truly after, why the tactics are so effective, and why survivors so often walk away wondering how they missed the signs.

If you've ever felt gaslighted, found yourself walking on eggshells, or struggled to explain a trauma bonding dynamic you couldn't quite name, this conversation will help you understand the mechanics behind it — and why it was never your fault.

Go find Breaking Free from Narcissistic Abuse wherever you listen to podcasts, and follow Kerry for more.

If you're recognizing these patterns in your own life and are ready to move from understanding into healing, I invite you to join me in my coaching program at covertnarcissism.com. And if you found this episode valuable, please subscribe so you don't miss what's coming next.

The information provided by Renee Swanson, Covert Narcissism Podcast, and CNG Life Coaching is for educational purposes only and is not to be used for diagnosis purposes and not intended to be a substitute for clinical care. Please consult a health care provider for guidance specific to your case. This material discusses narcissism in general. Renee shares stories from her personal experiences as well as from those she has talked with for several years. Her material does not claim that any specific person has narcissism and should not be used to refer to any specific person as having narcissism. Permission is not granted to link to or repost this material to support an allegation or support a claim that any specific person is a narcissist. That would be an unauthorized misuse of the material and information provided.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Narcissistic entitlement rarely looks like arrogance from the outside. Often it looks like two people with "different expectations" — normal disagreements, normal marriage friction. In this episode of the Covert Narcissism Podcast, Renee Swanson breaks down why that framing is misleading: in a relationship with a covert narcissist, one partner's expectations are about the relationship, and the other partner's expectations are simply about being served by it.

Renee shares her own story of slowly recognizing this pattern — long after she was living inside it — and unpacks the difference between expectations that include both people and expectations that only ever point one direction. She walks through what this looked like in her marriage and her parenting, how narcissistic entitlement disguises itself as normal disagreement, and how DARVO, gaslighting, and walking on eggshells show up in ordinary daily moments rather than dramatic confrontations. She also addresses directly that this dynamic isn't limited to narcissistic husbands — the same entitlement shows up in narcissistic wives, too.

If you've ever felt like you were the only one in your relationship doing the self-reflecting, the growing, the adjusting — while the other person's behavior somehow never became the subject of the conversation — this episode will help you name what narcissistic abuse recovery actually requires you to see first.

If you're ready to move from understanding these patterns to actually healing from them, I invite you to join my coaching program at covertnarcissism.com. And if this episode resonated, please subscribe so you don't miss future conversations like this one.

This information is provided by Renee Swanson, Covert Narcissism Podcast, and CNG Life Coaching for educational purposes only, and is not to be used for diagnosis or as a substitute for clinical care. Please consult a health care provider for guidance specific to your case. This material discusses narcissism in general. Renee shares stories from her personal experiences as well as from those she has talked with for several years. Her material does not claim that any specific person has narcissism and should not be used to refer to any specific person as having narcissism. Permission is not granted to link to or repost this material to support an allegation or claim that any specific person is a narcissist. That would be an unauthorized misuse of the material and information provided.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Part two of this CNG Community Chat picks up where we left off, as four moms go deeper into what it's like to parent through covert narcissistic abuse. They talk honestly about whether they see these patterns showing up again in their kids' own relationships and friendships, and close with the one piece of advice each of them wishes she'd been given back when she was standing right where you might be standing now.

If this resonates, my coaching program can help you work through it one-on-one — learn more here: www.covertnarcissism.com

Want conversations like this one delivered straight to you? Subscribe to the podcast so you never miss an episode.

And if you'd like to be part of a future CNG Community Chat, you can sign up here: https://www.covertnarcissism.com/community-chats

The Covert Narcissism Podcast is intended for educational and informational purposes only. The content shared by the host and guests reflects personal experiences and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you are experiencing a mental health crisis or believe you may be in an abusive situation, please seek support from a licensed mental health professional or contact the appropriate crisis resources in your area.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Covert narcissism doesn't always look like rage — sometimes it looks like a warm smile and a locked tower door. In this episode, we break down two Disney stories that map almost perfectly onto real narcissistic abuse patterns: Beauty and the Beast, and Tangled.

The Beast shows the overt side — imprisonment, an explosive temper, a rescue that resets everything, and the exact mechanics of trauma bonding when the source of fear and the source of safety are the same person. Mother Gothel shows the covert side — guilt instead of rage, conditional warmth instead of yelling, isolation dressed up as protection. No raised voice, no locked door by force, and yet a young woman spends her life believing a cage was love.

Together, these stories map the full spectrum of narcissistic abuse, and why covert patterns are often the hardest to name — there's no single dramatic moment to point to and say, "there, that's when it went wrong." If you've ever loved someone who scared you sometimes and soothed you other times, or felt loved and small around the same person at once, this episode will help you name what you lived through — and start your narcissistic abuse recovery with clarity instead of self-blame.

If you've been listening, learning, and starting to see the patterns — but still feel stuck in the same cycles — that's not because you're missing information. It's because this isn't something you're meant to untangle alone.

If you're ready to take the next step toward healing, check out my coaching services at www.covertnarcissism.com. I am here and ready to help.

And don't forget to subscribe for more empowering episodes like this one.

The information provided by Renee Swanson, Covert Narcissism Podcast, and CNG Life Coaching is for educational purposes only and is not to be used for diagnosis purposes and not intended to be a substitute for clinical care. Please consult a health care provider for guidance specific to your case. This material discusses narcissism in general. Renee shares stories from her personal experiences as well as from those she has talked with for several years. Her material does not claim that any specific person has narcissism and should not be used to refer to any specific person as having narcissism. Permission is not granted to link to or repost this material to support an allegation or support a claim that any specific person is a narcissist. That would be an unauthorized misuse of the material and information provided.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

In this two-part CNG Community Chat, four moms sit down to talk about one of the hardest parts of covert narcissistic abuse recovery: watching your children start to see it for themselves. In part one, they share the specific moments — some sudden, some slow-dawning — when their kids realized what was really happening at home, and what daily life looks like now as their relationships with the other parent shift. If you've ever wondered how much your kids really see, or carried guilt about what they've lived through, this conversation will meet you right where you are.

If this resonates, my coaching program can help you work through it one-on-one — learn more here: www.covertnarcissism.com

Want conversations like this one delivered straight to you? Subscribe to the podcast so you never miss an episode.

If you'd like to be part of a future CNG Community Chat, you can sign up here: https://www.covertnarcissism.com/community-chats

The stories shared in this episode reflect the personal experiences and perspectives of community members and are shared for the purpose of support, connection, and healing — not as therapy, diagnosis, or legal advice. Every family situation is different, and if you're navigating covert narcissistic abuse, custody concerns, or your children's wellbeing, please consult a licensed therapist or attorney who can speak to your specific circumstances.

The information provided by Renee Swanson, Covert Narcissism Podcast, and CNG Life Coaching is for educational purposes only and is not to be used for diagnosis purposes and not intended to be a substitute for clinical care. Please consult a health care provider for guidance specific to your case.

This material discusses narcissism in general. Renee shares stories from her personal experiences as well as from those she has talked with for several years. Her material does not claim that any specific person has narcissism and should not be used to refer to any specific person as having narcissism. Permission is not granted to link to or repost this material to support an allegation or support a claim that any specific person is a narcissist. That would be an unauthorized misuse of the material and information provided.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

When one parent shows up as the "nice, generous" one — buying gifts instead of ever offering real repair, gaslighting instead of listening — kids learn to distrust the very signals that are supposed to keep them safe. In this episode, Renee walks through practical, age-specific tools to help kids and teens of a covert narcissist reconnect with their own nervous system: how to recognize an emotional signal before it becomes a full-blown meltdown, how to separate a parent's gaslighting from their own gut-check, and how to teach a child that their feelings don't need anyone's permission to be real. Whether you're newly separated, co-parenting with a covert narcissist, or supporting kids through narcissistic abuse recovery, this episode gives you language and tools you can use today.

If you're ready for more support on your own healing journey, I invite you to check out my coaching program at covertnarcissism.com.

If this episode spoke to you, please subscribe so you don't miss what's coming next.

The information provided by Renee Swanson, Covert Narcissism Podcast, and CNG Life Coaching is for educational purposes only and is not to be used for diagnosis purposes and not intended to be a substitute for clinical care. Please consult a health care provider for guidance specific to your case.

This material discusses narcissism in general. Renee shares stories from her personal experiences as well as from those she has talked with for several years. Her material does not claim that any specific person has narcissism and should not be used to refer to any specific person as having narcissism. Permission is not granted to link to or repost this material to support an allegation or support a claim that any specific person is a narcissist. That would be an unauthorized misuse of the material and information provided.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

 

In part two of this community chat, the conversation goes even deeper. We pick back up right where we left off — with Denise sharing what it actually took to go no contact after twenty-seven years of covert narcissistic abuse, including the post-separation hoovering, manipulation, and false self-awareness that so often follows a breakup or divorce with a covert narcissist. She also opens up about hitting a devastating low point before finally realizing that no contact was the only way forward — a moment that changes everything for her.

We talk about triangulation, and how a narcissistic parent can quietly turn children against the healthier parent — often without either parent realizing what's happening until years later, and what it's like to uncover that damage after the fact. We talk about grief, and how leaving a narcissistic relationship means grieving not just the relationship, but the person you thought you were with, and the future you thought you'd have. We talk about trauma bonding, gaslighting, and why it can take so long to see clearly, even after you've physically left — especially when years of walking on eggshells have taught you to doubt your own perception.

This episode also gets into the real, physical cost of narcissistic abuse — chronic health conditions, PTSD, emotional dysregulation, and the mental exhaustion that comes from years of narcissistic abuse recovery work. And we talk about what it actually looks like to start finding yourself again after covert narcissism: rebuilding your identity, reclaiming your self-advocacy, discovering strengths you didn't know you had, and learning to trust your own instincts after a covert narcissist spent years teaching you not to.

This isn't a tidy, wrapped-up healing story — it's honest, and it's real. If you're navigating your own narcissistic abuse recovery, whether you've just gone no contact or you're years down the road, this conversation is for you.

To work with Renee, visit her website at www.covertnarcissism.com

The information provided by Renee Swanson, Covert Narcissism Podcast, and CNG Life Coaching is for educational purposes only and is not to be used for diagnosis purposes and not intended to be a substitute for clinical care. Please consult a health care provider for guidance specific to your case.

This material discusses narcissism in general. Renee shares stories from her personal experiences as well as from those she has talked with for several years. Her material does not claim that any specific person has narcissism and should not be used to refer to any specific person as having narcissism.

Permission is not granted to link to or repost this material to support an allegation or support a claim that any specific person is a narcissist. That would be an unauthorized misuse of the material and information provided.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

If you've ever felt like something was missing in a relationship with a covert narcissist — a flatness, a lack of depth, a sense that you're never quite reaching the real person — this episode is for you.

In this episode, Renee breaks down the mask covert narcissists wear using a new framework: not a costume hiding a "true self," but a crown covering an exposed nerve that never developed protection. This reframe explains why the mask never fully comes off, and why even gentle honesty can trigger a reaction that feels wildly out of proportion.

You'll learn why DARVO, stonewalling, disproportionate rage, and hollow apologies aren't calculated manipulation so much as reflexive alarm responses. You'll also understand why walking on eggshells around someone never actually works — because real intimacy means eventually touching the nerve, no matter how careful you are.

This episode reframes narcissistic abuse recovery around a compassionate but clear-eyed truth: the emptiness you sensed was real, and it was never your failure to look hard enough.

If this episode resonates and you're ready for support in moving forward, I invite you to learn more about my coaching program at covertnarcissism.com. You don't have to untangle this alone.

The information provided by Renee Swanson, Covert Narcissism Podcast, and CNG Life Coaching is for educational purposes only and is not to be used for diagnosis purposes and not intended to be a substitute for clinical care. Please consult a health care provider for guidance specific to your case. This material discusses narcissism in general. Renee shares stories from her personal experiences as well as from those she has talked with for several years. Her material does not claim that any specific person has narcissism and should not be used to refer to any specific person as having narcissism. Permission is not granted to link to or repost this material to support an allegation or support a claim that any specific person is a narcissist. That would be an unauthorized misuse of the material and information provided.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Some of the hardest questions in a narcissistic relationship don't have easy answers — and "do I stay, or do I go" is one of them. In this episode, I'm joined by three women from our CNG community for a raw, honest community chat about life inside a covert narcissistic relationship, and the impossible in-between of knowing something is wrong but not knowing what to do about it.

These ladies each share their own version of the fog — the gradual awakening to covert narcissism, the years spent believing this was just normal marital struggle, and the moment they finally had language for what they were living. We talk about what it's like to be married to someone who is charming and beloved by everyone else, while walking on eggshells at home — a form of gaslighting that leaves you questioning your own reality. We talk about the isolation of COVID and how it forced so many people to finally recognize the narcissistic abuse they were living with day in and day out. We talk about the fear of opening up to someone for the first time, and what it costs to carry something invisible, completely alone.

We also get into the real reasons so many of us stay in these relationships — financial fear, trauma bonding, health struggles, kids, guilt, the belief that if we just tried harder or understood more, things would change. And we start to unpack how deeply narcissistic abuse impacts the body, not just the mind — the emotional dysregulation, the mental exhaustion, the physical toll of walking on eggshells for years.

Whether you're still in the fog yourself, actively trying to make sense of your relationship, or years removed and just now connecting the dots, this conversation on narcissistic abuse recovery will meet you where you are. This is part one of a two-part conversation — part two goes even deeper into what it took for these women to finally leave, and what healing actually looked like on the other side.

For more help specific to your journey, visit www.covertnarcissism.com

The information provided by Renee Swanson, Covert Narcissism Podcast, and CNG Life Coaching is for educational purposes only and is not to be used for diagnosis purposes and not intended to be a substitute for clinical care. Please consult a health care provider for guidance specific to your case.

This material discusses narcissism in general. Renee shares stories from her personal experiences as well as from those she has talked with for several years. Her material does not claim that any specific person has narcissism and should not be used to refer to any specific person as having narcissism.

Permission is not granted to link to or repost this material to support an allegation or support a claim that any specific person is a narcissist. That would be an unauthorized misuse of the material and information provided.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

When you finally speak your truth to a covert narcissist, you expect relief. What you don't expect is what comes next.

In this episode — the follow-up to Covert Narcissist Relationships: When You Can't Live the Lie Anymore — Renee Swanson walks through what actually happens in the aftermath of confronting a covert narcissist. Why love bombing feels like hope but is really about control. What a smear campaign looks like and why the people around you believe it. How to recognize when escalation and rage are designed to make you feel like the confrontation was your mistake.

Renee also covers the internal experience of the aftermath — the emotional whiplash, the second-guessing, the particular loneliness of telling the truth and still not feeling heard — and what your body is doing while all of this is happening. Plus what you actually need in this season: how to find safe people, stay grounded in the chaos, and begin moving forward without making permanent decisions in the eye of the storm.

If you are in the middle of the hardest season of a covert narcissistic relationship, this episode will help you understand what is happening — and remind you that you are not losing your mind.

To work with Renee Swanson and address the specifics of your situation, visit her website at www.covertnarcissism.com

The information provided by Renee Swanson, Covert Narcissism Podcast, and CNG Life Coaching is for educational purposes only and is not to be used for diagnosis purposes and not intended to be a substitute for clinical care. Please consult a health care provider for guidance specific to your case.

This material discusses narcissism in general. Renee shares stories from her personal experiences as well as from those she has talked with for several years. Her material does not claim that any specific person has narcissism and should not be used to refer to any specific person as having narcissism. Permission is not granted to link to or repost this material to support an allegation or support a claim that any specific person is a narcissist. That would be an unauthorized misuse of the material and information provided.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Do you owe your toxic aging parent everything... or nothing? Clinical psychologist Dr. Lisa Stinson, author of The Obligation Myth: Rethinking What You Owe Your Difficult Aging Parent, joins the show to unpack what happens when a critical, dismissive, or covertly narcissistic parent starts needing care — and why "I do everything" or "I do nothing" was never the real choice.

We dig into the specific family roles that get assigned in childhood — the scapegoat, the golden child, the invisible child, and the enmeshed child — and how each one carries a different wound, gets triggered differently, and needs a completely different approach to setting a boundary. Dr. Stinson also breaks down how fear, obligation, and guilt (FOG) get weaponized differently depending on which role you were handed, and why your role can shift as the family system changes around you.

If you've ever walked into your parent's house and instantly felt five years old again, this episode will help you understand why — and what to actually do about it.

Lisa D. Stinson, Ph.D. is a clinical psychologist specializing in complex PTSD, narcissistic abuse recovery, adult children of dysfunctional families, and the psychology of toxic family obligation. Her expertise was forged through extensive experience as an active-duty Navy psychologist, where she predominantly worked with trauma patients. Dr. Stinson holds both a Master's degree and Doctorate from the California School of Professional Psychology at Alliant International University, following her undergraduate studies at the University of Alaska Anchorage. Substack:  lisadstinsonphd.substack.com Website:  lisadstinsonphd.com

The information provided by Renee Swanson, Covert Narcissism Podcast, and CNG Life Coaching is for educational purposes only and is not to be used for diagnosis purposes and not intended to be a substitute for clinical care. Please consult a health care provider for guidance specific to your case.

This material discusses narcissism in general. Renee shares stories from her personal experiences as well as from those she has talked with for several years. Her material does not claim that any specific person has narcissism and should not be used to refer to any specific person as having narcissism. Permission is not granted to link to or repost this material to support an allegation or support a claim that any specific person is a narcissist. That would be an unauthorized misuse of the material and information provided.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

There comes a point in a covert narcissistic relationship when you can no longer live the lie. Not a dramatic breaking point necessarily — sometimes it's a slow erosion that leaves you mentally exhausted, emotionally numb, and physically depleted. Sometimes it's a single moment of devastating clarity you can never unsee.

In this episode, Renee Swanson shares her own story of hitting the wall in her marriage to a covert narcissist — the slow erosion that wore away her mental bandwidth, her emotional capacity, and her physical health, alongside the quiet moment of clarity that changed everything. She breaks down the two distinct paths to reaching your breaking point, what happens internally when you finally decide to speak your truth, and what to realistically expect when you confront a covert narcissist — including DARVO, minimizing, and emotional manipulation designed to knock you off balance.

If you've been walking on eggshells, doubting your own perception, or wondering if you're the only one who feels this exhausted in your relationship, this episode will help you recognize what's happening and find the words to finally name your reality out loud.

The information provided by Renee Swanson, Covert Narcissism Podcast, and CNG Life Coaching is for educational purposes only and is not to be used for diagnosis purposes and not intended to be a substitute for clinical care. Please consult a health care provider for guidance specific to your case.

This material discusses narcissism in general. Renee shares stories from her personal experiences as well as from those she has talked with for several years. Her material does not claim that any specific person has narcissism and should not be used to refer to any specific person as having narcissism. Permission is not granted to link to or repost this material to support an allegation or support a claim that any specific person is a narcissist. That would be an unauthorized misuse of the material and information provided.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Have you ever struggled to explain what's happening in your relationship — where nothing looks "bad enough" to point to, but something feels wrong every single day? In this episode, I'm joined by Anne Wintemute, co-founder and CEO of Aimee Says, an AI companion built specifically for survivors of covert abuse, coercive control, and narcissistic partners.

Anne spent years working directly with survivors navigating the family court system before she and her co-founder Steven asked a powerful question: could AI help survivors document, understand, and ultimately heal from what they'd been through? Today, Aimee Says has helped over 70,000 users do exactly that.

We dig into how Aimee Says detects patterns like restricted autonomy, gaslighting, and coercive control — even when there's no single moment you can point to. You'll hear how it turns lived experience into visual data: bubble charts that reveal the shape of a relationship, timelines that show escalation, and "binders" that prepare survivors for mediation, court, or even just their next therapy session. We also cover how this is fundamentally different from a tool like ChatGPT, how privacy and legal protections work, and where Anne sees this technology heading in the next five years.

If you've ever felt like you didn't have the language for what happened to you, or like no one would believe you without "proof" — this episode is for you.

Find Aimee Says here. Use code RENEE for your first month free.

The information provided by Renee Swanson, Covert Narcissism Podcast, and CNG Life Coaching is for educational purposes only and is not to be used for diagnosis purposes and not intended to be a substitute for clinical care. Please consult a health care provider for guidance specific to your case.

This material discusses narcissism in general. Renee shares stories from her personal experiences as well as from those she has talked with for several years. Her material does not claim that any specific person has narcissism and should not be used to refer to any specific person as having narcissism. Permission is not granted to link to or repost this material to support an allegation or support a claim that any specific person is a narcissist. That would be an unauthorized misuse of the material and information provided.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Overthinking in a covert narcissistic relationship isn't a character flaw — it's what your brain does when it has learned, through real experience, that it cannot afford to relax. If you are in a relationship with a covert narcissist, you already know this feeling: lying awake at 2 a.m. replaying conversations, re-drafting texts, rehearsing arguments before they happen, scanning for a pattern that keeps shifting the moment you think you've found it.

In this episode, Renee Swanson of the Covert Narcissism Podcast breaks down why the overthinking mind develops in narcissistic relationships, how covert narcissists deliberately create confusion to keep you uncertain, compliant, and focused on them, and why your brain stopped chasing clarity and started chasing relief instead.

Renee also explores what changes when your children begin showing the same hypervigilant patterns, and — most importantly — what it actually feels like when a mind shaped by narcissistic abuse finally lands somewhere safe. If you have been told you are too sensitive, too reactive, or that you think too much, this episode is for you.

The information provided by Renee Swanson, Covert Narcissism Podcast, and CNG Life Coaching is for educational purposes only and is not to be used for diagnosis purposes and not intended to be a substitute for clinical care. Please consult a health care provider for guidance specific to your case. This material discusses narcissism in general. Renee shares stories from her personal experiences as well as from those she has talked with for several years. Her material does not claim that any specific person has narcissism and should not be used to refer to any specific person as having narcissism. Permission is not granted to link to or repost this material to support an allegation or support a claim that any specific person is a narcissist. That would be an unauthorized misuse of the material and information provided.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Setting boundaries in a narcissistic relationship isn't just hard — it can feel impossible. In this Community Chat, Renee is joined by 2 ladies from the CNG community for an honest conversation about what boundaries really looked like in their relationships with covert narcissists.

They talk about growing up without healthy boundary models, what happened when they tried to voice even the most basic needs, and how guilt, fear, and exhaustion became part of their everyday lives. Miranda shares what it felt like to finally set a boundary and have it met with encouragement instead of punishment. Nicole opens up about the years she spent scripting conversations perfectly — only to have them blow up anyway — and the moment she stopped taking the bait.

If you've ever felt like your needs were too much, been guilt-tripped for asking for basic respect, or wondered why something so simple felt so terrifying, this episode will help you feel seen.

Topics covered:

• Why boundaries were absent or unmodeled in childhood
• What happens when you set a boundary with a narcissist
• The guilt that comes even when you know the boundary is right
• The exhaustion of over-explaining and people pleasing
• What it feels like the first time a boundary is actually respected
• How to start setting boundaries when you're scared

The Covert Narcissism Podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. Nothing shared here should be taken as professional mental health advice. If you are in crisis or need support, please reach out to a licensed mental health professional.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Covert narcissism and high control religion follow the same rulebook — and if you grew up in one before entering the other, this episode will explain why it all felt so familiar.

In this deeply personal episode, Renee Swanson shares her own experience navigating both a high control religious upbringing and a covert narcissistic marriage — and the moment in a counseling office when she realized the two were running on the exact same operating system. The same rules. The same tools. The same results.

This episode is not about turning anyone away from faith or church. Many people find genuine healing, community, and support through their faith — and that experience varies from person to person and congregation to congregation. This conversation is specifically about high control religious environments and the impact they can have on a vulnerable nervous system.

In this episode:

• How high control religious environments train the fawn response into you before you ever enter a relationship
• The specific rules of a high control church — and how each one mirrors the rules of a covert narcissistic relationship
• How negative emotions get labeled as spiritual failure — and what that does to your ability to trust your own feelings
• Why the covert narcissistic relationship felt familiar rather than alarming
• How fawning stops being a response and becomes a reflex
• Speaking directly to both those still inside a religious CN relationship and those who have already left

Whether you are still inside or have already left — this episode was made for you.

Learn more about Renee's coaching program at covertnarcissism.com.

The information provided by Renee Swanson, Covert Narcissism Podcast, and CNG Life Coaching is for educational purposes only and is not to be used for diagnosis purposes, and is not intended to be a substitute for clinical care. Please consult a healthcare provider for guidance specific to your case.

This material discusses narcissism in general. Renee shares stories from her personal experiences as well as from those she has talked with for several years. Her material does not claim that any specific person has narcissism and should not be used to refer to any specific person as having narcissism. Permission is not granted to link to or repost this material to support an allegation or claim that any specific person is a narcissist. That would be an unauthorized misuse of the material and information provided.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

When someone you love is in real, chronic pain — how do you set a boundary without feeling like a monster? This episode tackles one of the most complex and underaddressed dynamics in narcissistic abuse recovery: what happens when covert narcissism and chronic illness exist in the same relationship.

Prompted by a heartfelt question from a listener in a long-term marriage, this episode explores how legitimate vulnerability — illness, mental health struggles, financial hardship — can become a tool for guilt and obligation in the hands of a covert narcissist. We walk through the caretaker trap, how caring people get conditioned into carrying everything, and the crucial difference between supporting someone and being responsible for them.

You'll also learn what it looks like to set boundaries with empathy — not harshly, not meanly, but firmly and with care — even when the person on the other side is genuinely suffering.

If you've ever felt guilty for having limits, this episode is for you.

Topics include:

• The caretaker trap
• Legitimate vulnerabilities used as leverage
• Difference between support and responsibility
• How a narcissist responds when you try to step back
• Wetting boundaries with empathy in chronic illness situations.

Ready to stop navigating this alone? Learn about coaching at covertnarcissism.com

The information provided by Renee Swanson, Covert Narcissism Podcast, and CNG Life Coaching is for educational purposes only and is not to be used for diagnosis purposes and not intended to be a substitute for clinical care. Please consult a health care provider for guidance specific to your case.

This material discusses narcissism in general. Renee shares stories from her personal experiences as well as from those she has talked with for several years. Her material does not claim that any specific person has narcissism and should not be used to refer to any specific person as having narcissism. Permission is not granted to link to or repost this material to support an allegation or support a claim that any specific person is a narcissist. That would be an unauthorized misuse of the material and information provided.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Covert narcissistic abuse doesn't just hurt you — it rewires you. In this episode, Renee breaks down why your fight/flight response gradually turned into fawning, and why that isn't a character flaw — it's survival.

You'll learn why fight, flight, freeze, and fawn aren't random reactions. They're a hierarchy based on how much self-advocacy you feel you have. And in a covert narcissistic relationship, that self-advocacy gets quietly, systematically dismantled — until fawning becomes your automatic default.

In this episode:

• Why the four trauma responses are actually a hierarchy of self-advocacy
• How covert narcissists punish fight, flight, and freeze — and reward fawning
• Why so many survivors grew up already partway down this hierarchy
• How a controlling or narcissistic parent trained you for this dynamic long before you met your partner
• Why religious upbringings can add a powerful layer of conditioning — and why this topic is getting its own full episode
• Why you keep ending up in narcissistic relationships — and why it has nothing to do with bad luck
• Why healthy relationships can actually feel uncomfortable to a nervous system wired for chaos

This is episode one of a three-part series. Episode two will look at what this hierarchy looks like in your day-to-day life. Episode three will explore what it actually means to start rebuilding your self-advocacy.

If you've ever asked yourself "why do I keep ending up here?" — this episode is for you.

Learn more about Renee's coaching program at covertnarcissism.com.

The information provided by Renee Swanson, Covert Narcissism Podcast, and CNG Life Coaching is for educational purposes only and is not to be used for diagnosis purposes, and is not intended to be a substitute for clinical care. Please consult a healthcare provider for guidance specific to your case.

This material discusses narcissism in general. Renee shares stories from her personal experiences as well as from those she has talked with for several years. Her material does not claim that any specific person has narcissism and should not be used to refer to any specific person as having narcissism. Permission is not granted to link to or repost this material to support an allegation or claim that any specific person is a narcissist. That would be an unauthorized misuse of the material and information provided.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Have you ever felt like you were in a relationship that slowly burned you out — and you couldn't quite explain why? In this episode of the Covert Narcissism Podcast, host Renee Swanson breaks down Taylor Swift's "Dear John" through the lens of covert narcissistic abuse — and the patterns it reveals are ones you may know all too well.

We're talking about the moving goalposts. The walking on eggshells. The version of someone you keep trying to get back to. The moment you finally stopped picking up the phone. And the long list of "traitors" that tells you everything you need to know.

This isn't a music review. It's a roadmap. If you've ever felt gaslit, depleted, or like you couldn't trust your own instincts in a relationship — this episode will help you see it clearly, maybe for the first time.

Topics covered in this episode:

• Why smart, self-aware people get caught in narcissistic relationships
• The intermittent reinforcement cycle — give love, take it away
• Walking on eggshells and hypervigilance in relationships
• Gaslighting and why the people around you could see it when you couldn't
• The "tired, lifeless eyes" effect — what getting run dry really looks like
• How to recognize a covert narcissist before the fire catches you
• What clarity after the relationship finally feels like — and what to do with it

If you're ready to stop just understanding what happened and start actually moving through it, visit covertnarcissism.com to learn more about working with Renee one-on-one.

The information provided by Renee Swanson, Covert Narcissism Podcast, and CNG Life Coaching is for educational purposes only and is not to be used for diagnosis purposes and not intended to be a substitute for clinical care. Please consult a health care provider for guidance specific to your case.

This material discusses narcissism in general. Renee shares stories from her personal experiences as well as from those she has talked with for several years. Her material does not claim that any specific person has narcissism and should not be used to refer to any specific person as having narcissism. Permission is not granted to link to or repost this material to support an allegation or support a claim that any specific person is a narcissist. That would be an unauthorized misuse of the material and information provided.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Today my older son moved out. He is 26 years old. And as I watched him go, the last 26 years played through my mind — the good, the bad, and everything in between.

If you are a parent in a narcissistic relationship, you know the fear I am talking about. The one that sits in your chest and doesn't announce itself. The one that whispers — will my child be okay? I lived with that fear for years. I watched my son go through depression, isolation, and seasons so dark I genuinely wondered if I was losing him. In January of 2019, my worst fear almost came true.

In this episode, I am sharing what I learned from the hardest years of my life — the mistake I was making without realizing it, the conversation with a dear friend that changed everything, and two recent conversations with my son that I will carry with me forever.

If you are parenting through narcissistic abuse and wondering if any of it is getting through — this episode is for you.

What we cover: — The impact of narcissistic abuse on children and what they carry — The mistake well-meaning parents make that buries their child's pain deeper — Why safety, love, and time are the most powerful things you can give — What is actually possible on the other side — from a mom who has lived it.

If any of these topics resonate with you, this episode was made for you: narcissistic abuse, parenting through narcissism, children of narcissists, co-parenting with a narcissist, raising kids in a narcissistic home, covert narcissism, emotional abuse, hope and healing, narcissistic relationship recovery.

Links mentioned in this episode: "A Plea to Parents" blog post: https://www.covertnarcissism.com/blog-home/a-plea-to-parents

"You Want to See My Bruises? Look at My Kids" episode: https://bleav.com/shows/the-covert-narcissism-podcast/episodes/you-wanna-see-my-bruises-look-at-my-kids/

The information provided by Renee Swanson, Covert Narcissism Podcast, and CNG Life Coaching is for educational purposes only and is not intended for diagnosis or as a substitute for clinical care. Please consult a healthcare provider for guidance specific to your case. This episode discusses narcissism in general and does not claim that any specific person has narcissism. Permission is not granted to link to or repost this material to support an allegation or claim that any specific person is a narcissist. That would be an unauthorized misuse of the information provided.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

If you’re in a relationship with a covert narcissist, you already know something feels deeply wrong — but you may not have the words for it yet. One of the most destructive and least talked-about patterns in narcissistic abuse is emotional dysregulation. And when a covert narcissist can’t manage their own emotions, the entire family pays the price.

 

In this episode of the Covert Narcissism Podcast, we break down exactly how a covert narcissist’s emotional dysregulation affects your marriage and your kids — and why the damage runs so much deeper than most people realize.

 

We talk about what emotional dysregulation really looks like in a covert narcissist — because it’s rarely what you’d expect. We dig into the toll it takes on you as a spouse: the hypervigilance, the walking on eggshells, the self-doubt, and the relentless mental exhaustion that comes from a mind that is never allowed to rest. We also talk about what happens to your children when they grow up inside this family dynamic — and the quiet, lasting ways narcissistic abuse shapes the way they see themselves and the world.

 

If you’ve been running on empty and can’t figure out why, this episode will help you understand exactly where your energy is going — and why narcissistic abuse recovery requires more than just awareness.

 

Topics covered:

• What covert narcissist emotional dysregulation actually looks like
• How narcissistic abuse creates hypervigilance in the spouse
• Why you’ve lost your autopilot — and what that costs you every day
• The overthinking drain: why your brain never stops and never resolves
• How children of narcissists silently adapt in unhealthy ways
• Why the whole family system reorganizes around one person’s emotional fragility
• Why narcissistic abuse recovery requires support, not just information

Ready to stop surviving and start healing? Visit covertnarcissism.com to learn about coaching with Renee.

The information provided by Renee Swanson, the Covert Narcissism Podcast, and CNG Life Coaching is for educational purposes only. It is not intended to be used for diagnosis and should not be considered a substitute for clinical care. Please consult a healthcare provider for guidance specific to your situation.

This material discusses narcissism in general. Renee shares stories from her own personal experiences as well as from those she has spoken with over the years. Nothing in this material claims that any specific person has narcissism, and it should not be used to refer to any specific individual as having narcissism. Permission is not granted to link to or repost this material in order to support an allegation or claim that any specific person is a narcissist. Doing so would be an unauthorized misuse of the information provided.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Have you ever looked in the mirror and not recognized the person staring back at you? If you've been in a relationship with a covert narcissist, chances are you know exactly what that feels like.

In this CNG Community Chat, I sit down with three women who each experienced the slow, painful erosion of identity that comes with covert narcissistic abuse. We talk about the moment they realized they had been making themselves smaller, the specific turning points that opened their eyes, and what the journey back to themselves has actually looked like.

From walking on eggshells and reactive abuse, to physical symptoms like panic attacks, chronic pain, and autoimmune flares — these women share the full picture of what narcissistic abuse really does to a person. More importantly, they share what life looks like on the other side.

Whether you are still in the relationship, just finding your way out, or deep in your recovery journey, this conversation will remind you that you are not crazy, you are not too sensitive, and you were never the problem.

Topics covered in this episode:

• How covert narcissistic relationships slowly erase your identity
• The physical toll of narcissistic abuse on your nervous system and body
• Recognizing reactive abuse and the moment of clarity that changes everything
• People pleasing, boundaries, and the pushback you get when you finally set them
• What taking up space looks like in real life after narcissistic abuse
• Advice for anyone who is afraid to stop shrinking themselves

The content on this podcast reflects the personal experiences and opinions of the host and guests and is intended for informational and educational purposes only. Nothing shared here constitutes professional mental health, medical, or legal advice, and should not be treated as such. The experiences shared are individual and may not reflect every situation involving narcissistic abuse or toxic relationships.

If you believe you are in an abusive relationship or are struggling with your mental health, I strongly encourage you to seek support from a licensed mental health professional who is trained in trauma and abuse. If you are in immediate danger, please contact your local emergency services.

Results and experiences discussed on this podcast are not guaranteed and will vary from person to person. Some names and identifying details may have been changed to protect the privacy of individuals.

Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Here are the fully SEO-optimized versions:

TITLE: Top 10 Signs You're With a Covert Narcissist | Narcissistic Abuse & Relationship Patterns

PODCAST DESCRIPTION: Are you in a relationship that's hard to explain but impossible to ignore? You may be experiencing narcissistic abuse — and not even know it yet.

In this episode of the Covert Narcissism Podcast, Renee Swanson breaks down the Top 10 Signs You're With a Covert Narcissist. Unlike overt narcissism, covert narcissistic abuse is subtle, confusing, and incredibly difficult to identify — which is exactly what makes it so damaging.

If you've been walking on eggshells, questioning your own reality, or feeling alone in your relationship, this episode was made for you.

We cover:

• Backhanded compliments and subtle put-downs
• Gaslighting in relationships and how it makes you doubt yourself
• The silent treatment as emotional abuse
• DARVO — the manipulation tactic used to flip the script
• Trauma bonding and why it's so hard to leave
• Selective empathy and the public vs. private performance
• Narcissistic abuse recovery and how to start finding yourself again

Whether you're just beginning to recognize the signs of narcissism or you're deep in narcissistic abuse recovery, this episode will help you make sense of what you've been experiencing — and remind you that you are not alone.

Ready to take the next step? Visit covertnarcissism.com to learn about coaching and begin your healing journey today.

Subscribe to the Covert Narcissism Podcast for new episodes on narcissistic abuse, covert narcissism, emotional abuse recovery, and relationship healing every week.

The information provided by Renee Swanson, the Covert Narcissism Podcast, and CNG Life Coaching is for educational purposes only. It is not intended to be used for diagnosis and is not a substitute for professional clinical care. Please consult a qualified healthcare provider for guidance specific to your situation.

The content discussed in this podcast reflects general patterns of narcissism and is based on Renee Swanson's personal experiences as well as stories shared with her over many years. Nothing in this content claims that any specific person has narcissism, and it should not be used to refer to or identify any specific individual as a narcissist. Linking to or reposting this material to support such a claim is an unauthorized misuse of this content.

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What if the most controlling relationship you've ever heard of isn't happening in a compound somewhere, but behind closed doors in an ordinary home?

In this episode, Renee sits down with Rachel Bernstein, one of the country's leading cult interventionists and a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with over 30 years of experience. Together they unpack one of the most eye-opening parallels in psychology: the stunning overlap between cult tactics and covert narcissistic relationships.

If you've ever felt like you needed permission to exist in your own relationship — this episode will explain why.

In this conversation, you'll discover:

- Why a marriage or partnership can function as a "cult of two"

- How covert narcissists use the same mind control techniques as cult leaders

- Why intermittent gratification is just as addictive as gambling — and keeps you trapped

- Why leaving feels like abandonment — and why that feeling is by design

- How to start trusting your own inner voice again after years of gaslighting

Rachel has worked with the Department of Justice, appeared in the Starz documentary Seduced: Inside the NXIVM Cult and Netflix series Unwell and How to Become a Cult Leader, and has likely spoken with more cult survivors than anyone in the history of her field.

This is one of those conversations that makes everything suddenly make sense.

Find Rachel at RachelBernsteinTherapy.com and on her podcast, IndoctriNation.

Ready to take the next step in your healing? Visit www.covertnarcissism.com

THE INFORMATION PROVIDED BY RENEE SWANSON, COVERT NARCISSISM PODCAST, AND CNG LIFE COACHING, AS WELL AS ANY GUEST CONTRIBUTORS INCLUDING RACHEL BERNSTEIN LMFT, IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT TO BE USED FOR DIAGNOSIS PURPOSES AND NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE.

THIS MATERIAL DISCUSSES NARCISSISM AND CULTIC CONTROL IN GENERAL. RENEE SHARES STORIES FROM HER PERSONAL EXPERIENCES AS WELL AS FROM THOSE SHE HAS TALKED WITH FOR SEVERAL YEARS. HER MATERIAL DOES NOT CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON HAS NARCISSISM AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS MATERIAL TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION OR SUPPORT A CLAIM THAT ANY SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE MATERIAL AND INFORMATION PROVIDED.

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