Explore every episode of the podcast The Coaching Leader - by IntelliCoach

When conflict flares up, are you adding fuel—or water?

In this episode, I explore a simple yet powerful metaphor to help leaders de-escalate tension and build stronger conversations. Learn how to lead with clarity, maturity, and curiosity in the heat of the moment.

Main Ideas:

• The “Fuel vs. Water” metaphor for understanding conflict behavior.
• Seven practical ways to de-escalate heated situations and respond with intention.
• How to stay grounded, communicate non-judgmentally, and lead through emotionally charged conversations.
  
  

Want to navigate tough conversations without losing your cool? Let’s learn how shifting your mindset and language can dramatically improve your leadership impact.

Do you prefer introversion and find big networking events draining? 

In this podcast episode, I share how redefining my role gave me energy, purpose, and deeper connections during the wild, busy International Coaching Week events in May earlier this year. It was a simple mindset shift, but one that changed everything for me 😊

Main Ideas:

●      Why introverted leaders are underrepresented in senior positions

●      The difference between preferring introversion and lacking social skills

●      How energy management, not personality, determines networking success

●      The power of having a mission beyond self-serving networking

●      Practical strategies for giving yourself legitimate reasons to connect

●      Why "networking" feels draining and how to reframe it as value creation

What mission could you bring to your next event?

 

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Here are some resources you could acccess about evaluating coaching effectiveness:

https://www.intellicoach.com/pro-hrbp

https://www.intellicoach.com/pro-leaders 

How do you really know if coaching worked? It’s easy to feel good about the process, but harder to prove whether it led to actual results. If you're investing time and money into coaching, you need a way to track its impact—beyond just good feelings or positive feedback.

In this episode, I will break down how organizations and leaders can evaluate coaching effectiveness. I will share why it's not enough to ask clients if they "feel better" and instead offer concrete strategies for tracking behavior change, assessing stakeholder feedback, and measuring second-order effects.

Main Ideas:

• The challenge of measuring coaching impact
• Why coaching is a long-term investment, not a quick fix
• Using stakeholder feedback and 360 tools for before-and-after comparisons
• Looking for observable behavior changes, not internal insights
• How comparison groups and business metrics can support evaluation

I will also talk through examples from my coaching practice, explain how to align expectations with outcomes, and offer a reminder: while financial ROI is hard to prove, a return on expectations (ROE) can be a strong indicator of success.

Let’s get a clearer picture of how coaching creates change—and how to measure it in ways that matter.

 

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People often say, "There’s no such thing as a stupid question." But is that really true? In this episode, I challenge that idea and explore how avoiding poorly thought-out questions can make us better leaders and communicators. 

 Main Ideas:

• How asking unprepared questions can waste time and damage credibility.
• The Power of Intent-Based Leadership
• A simple framework to shift from vague requests to clear, intentional communication.
• How to coach your team to think critically, take ownership, and contribute meaningfully.

Learn how to foster smarter conversations and build a culture of ownership.

 

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Capturing essence in conversations builds trust, deepens connections, and improves communication.

We often summarize conversations to show we’re listening, but simple summaries don’t always make people feel heard. Capturing the essence—recognizing emotions and core messages—deepens conversations and builds trust.

In this episode, I explore how leaders and coaches can develop this skill to connect more meaningfully and communicate with greater impact.

Main Ideas:

• Why simple summaries don’t always make people feel heard.
• The difference between summarizing and capturing the essence.
• How to recognize emotions and core messages in conversations.
• Practical ways to use essence statements in leadership and coaching.
• How this skill builds trust and strengthens communication.

How can you start using essence statements to create deeper connections?

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Explore how time constraints sharpen focus, spark creativity, and lead to better coaching outcomes.

Many leaders believe great coaching requires long, in-depth conversations. But what if shorter sessions could be just as powerful? In this episode, I explore how time constraints sharpen focus, spark creativity, and lead to better coaching outcomes.

Main Ideas:

• Why long coaching sessions aren’t always better.
• How constraints like time limits can create focus and urgency.
• Simple ways to turn short check-ins into valuable coaching moments.
• How regular, brief coaching beats infrequent long sessions.
• A practical approach to making every interaction coach-like.

Coaching doesn’t have to be long to be effective. Have you ever tried using short, focused sessions to boost your impact? How did it work for you?

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What’s the point of driving fast on a long detour? We might as well go much slower, but on a direct path and save time and energy.

Coaching works the same way. “We need to speed up coaching” is a common thing I hear. And yes, telling IS faster than asking, but often sends us on a racing detour.

However, there are simple ways to get to results in conversations faster (that’s what we mean by saying ‘coach faster’).

An error in thinking that I often observe is that ‘talking faster’ helps the most here. In reality, speed here comes from more FOCUS.

In this podcast episode, I’ll show you why rushing your words won’t speed up results and what actually works instead:

🔹 Establish clear conversation agreements

🔹 Avoiding unnecessarily extra detours (like asking what people have tried before).

🔹 Invite conciseness rather than extensive talk

Want to hear more? I recorded this podcast because it’s such a common theme among my clients and I share quite a few examples how to do this well.

Curious how you all get to results faster, and not by talking faster 😊

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In this episode, I dive into a critical aspect of workplace dynamics—understanding the nature of conflict. Picture this: two team members clash over a deadline. One insists on extra testing time, while the other feels pressure from a client to deliver. On the surface, it seems like a deadline dispute, but often, the real issue runs deeper—like unresolved personal frustrations. Here’s where leaders can easily misstep by focusing on superficial disagreements rather than the underlying relationship issues.

#Main Ideas:

●        How to distinguish between "task" conflicts and "relationship" conflicts.

●        Why addressing only the obvious conflict can worsen the issue.

●        Practical strategies to manage each conflict type effectively.

●        The power of coaching skills to bring out constructive solutions.

Understanding the root cause of conflicts can empower you to foster a healthier work environment.           Explore how to read between the lines of team disputes and apply targeted interventions for long-lasting solutions.

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In this episode, I’m sharing a pattern I’ve noticed among leaders over the years—the tendency to copy routines of high-profile CEOs, hoping it will lead to success. Imagine a new team lead like Maria, trying out productivity apps, waking up at 4:30 a.m., and reading a book every week, all because she saw her favorite CEO do it. After a few weeks, she’s exhausted and feeling like a failure. What Maria doesn’t realize is that these habits reflect the CEOs' current lifestyles, not what helped them get there in the first place.

Main Ideas:

●        Why copying senior leaders’ habits can set you up for frustration.

●        How “empathy gaps” make it hard for top leaders to remember the struggles of early roles.

●        The power of "next-level mentoring"—learning from people who’ve just overcome the challenges you’re facing.

●        Practical ways to connect with mentors who can share relevant, real-time advice.

I’ve found that getting guidance from someone just a step ahead—someone who has recently dealt with similar hurdles—often makes a bigger impact. These mentors can offer advice that’s fresher, more practical, and in tune with your current reality.

If you’re curious about finding the right mentors who truly understand your journey, I think you’ll find this episode especially helpful.

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In this episode, I’m sharing something I’ve been reflecting on lately—how being in a leadership position can sometimes create a tricky dynamic when it comes to giving advice. When I was a compliance manager, my team often came to me for guidance. I used to think I was helping by sharing my thoughts, but now I wonder if I might have been unintentionally influencing their decisions.

 

Main Ideas:

●        The hidden dynamics when team members seek advice from managers.

●        Why sharing your thoughts as a leader might create a conflict of interest.

●        How adopting a "ask first, share later" approach can transform your leadership style.

●        Practical examples and strategies to encourage independent thinking and decision-making within your team.

 

I’ve noticed that when I’ve taken a step back and asked my team for their thoughts first, it seems to open up more opportunities for growth and ownership. This approach feels like a good way to support them without unintentionally leading them in a particular direction.

 

If you’re curious about how asking first could change your interactions with your team, I think you’ll find this episode insightful.

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In this episode, I'm diving into the subtle but impactful 'yes trap' in management. Imagine you're a manager offering a simple suggestion, only to find it's taken as an order, complicating your relationship with your team.

 Main Ideas:

●        The hidden psychology behind the "Yes Trap" and why it can cripple effective communication.

●        Practical strategies to offer multiple solutions, fostering critical thinking and ownership within your team.

●        How to create a safe space for healthy disagreement, leading to richer ideas and better decision-making.

Discover how to empower your team, enhance communication, and build stronger relationships. You'll be surprised what comes out when it's safe for your team to say "no." HEAR you there! 

Please take 1 min to rate this podcast! It will mean a HUGE deal to me. https://www.ratethispodcast.com/intellicoach   In this episode, I'm sharing a personal experience that highlights how coaching can act as a beneficial disturbance in our lives. It all started with a simple observation from my son during our daily school commute.   Main Ideas: ●        How a small nudge can reveal hidden details in our everyday surroundings. ●        My belief that coaching is a gentle nudge that opens our eyes to new possibilities. ●        Breaking through mental loops with powerful, thought-provoking questions.   We often overlook what's right in front of us. Tune in to this episode and discover how embracing these small disturbances can unlock hidden potentials and transform your approach to leadership and life.

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Please take 1 min to rate this podcast! It will mean a HUGE deal to me. https://www.ratethispodcast.com/intellicoach   In this episode, I'm diving deep into a powerful strategy I call "ruthless prioritizing." It's not about being harsh, it's about being strategic and intentional with your time and energy.   Main Ideas: ●      The surprising truth about ruthless prioritizing (it's not what you think!) ●      My simple 3-step process to identify your true value drivers and ruthlessly prioritize tasks. ●      How to embrace the power of focus and finally achieve that elusive sense of accomplishment.   Feeling overwhelmed is a battle you can win. Tune in to this episode and discover how ruthless prioritization can transform the way you lead your team and your life.

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In this episode, I want to share my thoughts on closed questions in coaching conversations. From my experience, open questions are often preferred, but closed questions have their place too. They can help bring clarity and focus during a discussion. It's about finding a balance between exploring ideas and confirming decisions.   Main Ideas: ●        Closed questions in coaching ●        Exploration and confirmation in conversations ●        Jeff Bezos' hiring principles ●        Closed-ended question for goal assessment ●        Expanding and contracting conversations ●        Challenging proposition of raising effectiveness   I find that good closed questions can prompt deeper reflection, like asking if I'd admire someone. I've noticed how closed questions can also be useful in team settings. By asking simple questions, I've seen teams improve and grow. Ultimately, understanding closed questions can lead to better conversations. It's important to explore different types of questions to enhance communication.

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In this episode, I will focus on problem-solving within the context of coaching. Contrary to common belief, coaching is not just about addressing problems but finding sustainable solutions for the future.   Main Ideas: ●        Differentiating problem solving and solution finding ●        Case studies to illustrate this concept ●        Questions that promote a solution-oriented mindset   Fixing what's broken without considering the ultimate goal may not lead to true solutions. Wishing everyone success in making progress towards their desired outcomes.

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Please take 1 min to rate this podcast! It will mean a HUGE deal to me. https://www.ratethispodcast.com/intellicoach   In this episode, I'm going to share some handy coaching tips with you. I've got eight simple questions that can make our coaching conversations way better.

Here's what we'll look into:

• "What do you want to talk about today?"
• "What's the best thing that could happen from our conversation?"
• "What's the thing you're finding tricky right now?"
• "What can you actually change or decide on?"
• "What's something new you can try to move things along?"
• "What's the first small step you could take?"
• "How will you know you're getting better at this?"
• "What do you think could trip you up along the way?"

And there's a bonus one to wrap up: "What's the gem you're taking away from our conversation?" It helps us make sure we're hitting the target and learning heaps.

The idea isn't to stick to a script but to use these questions as your secret weapons to make our coaching time really zing. And don't be shy to throw in extra questions like "And what else?" to keep the conversation flowing and interesting.

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In this episode, I will explore the utility of two potent conversational tools: the phrases "tell me more" and "and what else." These expressions serve the dual purpose of showcasing active engagement, promoting empowerment, and revealing concealed insights within a dialogue. I will delve into how "tell me more" acts as a tool for in-depth exploration on a particular subject, vertically digging into it, while "and what else" serves as a means to broaden the discussion horizontally. Additionally, I'll offer practical advice on the proficient application of these phrases and address potential issues like excessive use and impatience.    Main Ideas: ●        Reasons to Use "Tell Me More" and "And What Else" ●        Exploring "Tell Me More" ●        Unleashing "And What Else" ●        Challenges and Considerations on Using “Tell Me More” and “And What Else”   In general, using these questions in conversations can result in enhanced comprehension and improved communication.

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In this episode, I’ll discuss a topic that many of us have encountered in our professional journeys – the transition from being a manager to becoming a leader coach. You know, many folks see the appeal of this shift, but there's often a gap between where they are and where they want to be. We'll explore the reasons behind this shift and the five key elements that can help us make this transformation. Additionally, we'll discuss some common challenges that leaders may face on their path to becoming effective coaches.   Main Ideas:
Benefits of the Leader Coach Model ❖      Holistic Development ❖      Promoting Autonomy ❖      Increased Engagement ❖      Building a Culture of Continuous Learning ❖      Enhancing Communication:
The Five Elements of Becoming a Leader Coach ❖      Training ❖      Getting Coached ❖      Observing Coaching ❖      Practical Coaching ❖      Management Support
Challenges Faced by Leader Coaches ❖      Resistance to Change ❖      Time Constraints ❖      Balancing Coaching and Management ❖      Skepticism   Adopting the leader coach model is not merely about adding a new tool to your toolkit; it's a mindset shift. It's about moving from a directive approach to one that fosters discovery through questioning. While this journey may present challenges, the rewards, including a culture of continuous learning and enhanced team engagement, are immeasurable.   If you're interested in exploring coaching skills further or have any questions about our signature course, IntelliCoach Pro, please don't hesitate to reach out. 

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In this episode, I'll share my personal experience on the power of using a strength-based approach to leadership. Initially, I treated each person in my team equally, then I discovered the value of leveraging individual talents and strengths to better help my team succeed. From this, came The Personal SWOT Model of assessing individual strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, and threats. This model helps managers understand each team member better and support individuals in their development while building up the entire team. By focusing on strengths and mitigating weaknesses, we can help individuals excel and our team to achieve more.    Main ideas: ●        Understanding that strengths and weaknesses are internal factors, while opportunities and threats are external. ●        Focusing on strengths to help individuals excel and mitigate weaknesses. ●        Asking specific questions to uncover strengths and weaknesses in team members. ●        Leveraging opportunities with strengths and mitigating threats by addressing weaknesses. ●        Using the Personal SWOT model to structure conversations and guide team members' development effectively. ●        Allowing team members to use their strengths in problem-solving to help them shine.   Take charge of your team's success today! Start by asking about their natural strengths and enjoyable aspects of work to uncover valuable insights. Identify tasks for delegation and address challenges with relevant skills to fuel growth.   Learn how the Personal SWOT model can transform your team's performance and drive success. Listen in and empower your team for a brighter future!

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In this episode, we discuss how to incorporate emotions in conversations using coaching techniques. We explore the three-step process of recognizing emotional shifts, sharing about them neutrally, and exploring them further. By noticing and exploring these shifts, we can deepen our understanding of others and build trust in our relationships.

Main ideas:

1. Emotions always play a role in conversations, and as coaches, we can incorporate them in a productive way.
2. Recognize shifts in verbal and nonverbal behavior, such as changes in tone, energy, or body language.
3. Share observations neutrally, focusing on what you see without inferring or labeling emotions.
4. Explore the shift by asking open-ended questions and inviting the other person to reflect on their emotions.
5. Don't impose exploration if the other person doesn't want to discuss it, and respect their boundaries.

By mastering these skills, we can become more attentive listeners, deepen connections, and build trust with others.

Want to improve your communication skills and create stronger relationships? Listen to this episode to learn how to incorporate emotions effectively in your conversations.

Don't miss out on this opportunity to enhance your communication skills and create more meaningful connections. Tune in now!

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In this episode, we explore the fascinating world of coaching and consulting, and how a coach prepares differently to an advisor ahead of meeting with a client. We compare the mindset and behaviors leading up to a session between a professional coach and a consultant, and help you understand where you might tend to be as you approach your work and the people around you that need help.

We start by highlighting the difference in mindset between a consultant and a professional coach. While a consultant is solution-oriented, a coach is client-centered and focuses on understanding the client's unique context. As a coach, we focus on the person in front of us rather than the problem they are facing. We coach the person and not the problem.

We then discuss how a coach and consultant might prepare differently in the way they behave leading up to a session. A consultant would gather data, collect information and develop tailored solutions, while a coach would review the client's goals, reflect on previous sessions, and develop powerful questions to understand the client better.

The difference in mindset and behavior between a coach and a consultant is stark. While a consultant goes into a conversation with the mindset of having something to offer, a coach goes in with the mindset of helping the client explore. We believe that we can all do better by cultivating both the coaching and consulting mindsets, and especially the coaching mindset, as that's where the long-term sustainable path lies.

We hope you found this episode insightful, and we look forward to hearing your thoughts. Don't forget to subscribe to our podcast and newsletter to stay updated with our latest content.

Thanks for listening to the Coaching Leader podcast!

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In this episode, we cover a crucial skill every leader should master - inviting disagreement. Have you ever been in a meeting where everyone seemed to agree with your boss's idea, but you had reservations? Or shared an idea with someone and wondered if they were just trying to please you? It's a common problem, and as a manager, it's crucial to create an environment where people feel comfortable disagreeing with you.

So, why is it essential to disagree? Here are the five reasons we cover:

• Better decision-making
• Increased trust
• Improved collaboration
• Enhanced creativity
• Greater accountability

We also discuss three examples of how to invite disagreement and five objections people may have to it.

But how can you overcome these objections? We provide you with a few next steps that you can take, such as listening actively, asking for pros and cons, acknowledging limitations, rewarding dissent, setting ground rules, and even playing the devil's advocate.

By mastering the skill of inviting disagreement, you can create a culture of open communication and access a wider range of perspectives and ideas. It can lead to better decision-making, improved collaboration, increased trust, enhanced creativity, and greater accountability. So, if you're a leader looking to make the best decisions for your team or organization, then learning the skill of inviting disagreement is a must.

Tune in to this episode to discover how to create a safe space for dissent, empower your team members to speak up and take ownership of their work, and ultimately become a more effective leader.

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In this episode, we cover the three coaching questions that can improve every meeting. As a coach and trainer, I've seen many corporate meetings go off track due to unclear goals and implicit assumptions. It's frustrating, and it wastes time and money. That's why I want to share with you these three simple questions that any leader with professional coaching skills can use to get meetings back on track.

Here are the three coaching questions that we discuss in this episode:

• For this meeting that we are in, what goals should we agree on?
• How do we know that we achieved those goals?
• Now that we have our goal, just to confirm, what makes this agreed goal important today?

These three questions may seem unnecessary and repetitive, but they are carefully designed to frame a conversation properly. They make goals explicit and force all parties to agree and disagree early on, which avoids assumptions and ambiguous agreements that can lead to wasted time and manipulative behavior. Additionally, they give us a chance to check progress, make final adjustments, and debrief the meeting at the end. By using these three coaching questions, you can make your meetings more focused, effective, and engaging.

If you're a leader who wants to create strong, trusting relationships with your team members, peers, and bosses, then you should listen to this episode. These coaching questions are one of the most important skills that a coach learns, but it's strangely hard to master. However, once you nail them, you can improve your meetings and conversations significantly. It takes courage to be the person who confirms the agenda, sets clear goals, and checks progress, but it shows executive presence, goal orientation, and a sharpness that sets you apart from others. By applying these coaching skills, you can be more present, hold people accountable, and make conversations and meetings more effective.

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In this episode of "The Power of Co-Creating SMART Goals," Maik dives into why it's important for managers to take a different approach to goal-setting with their team members. Maik explores how co-creating SMART goals, which are specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and time-bound, can lead to more successful outcomes for everyone involved.

Here are some of the highlights from the episode:

• Refreshing the SMART goal framework
• The importance of using coaching skills to co-create SMART goals
• Questions Leaders can ask to help team members come up with SMART goals
• Overcoming common objections to using the method of inquiry

So, if you're a leader who wants to empower your team to reach their full potential, this episode is for you! Maik will leave you with a fresh perspective on goal-setting and the confidence to co-create SMART goals that will take your team to the next level. 

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In this episode of "Stop the Stack Attack," we delve into the dangerous habit of asking multiple questions in one breath. We've all been on the receiving end of a stack question attack, but what many of us don't realize is that we're also guilty of doing it ourselves. This episode explores the reasons why we stack questions and the negative consequences that it can have on our conversations. From the fear of not getting all the information we need to a desire for control, we'll uncover the underlying motivations behind this tactic. But that's not all, we'll also provide strategies for change, including techniques for asking one question at a time and giving the other person a chance to respond. Listen in to uncover the truth about stacked questions and discover ways to make our conversations more effective.

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In this podcast episode, we explore the concept of goals and the difference between progress and outcome goals. As we embark on a new year, it's important to set goals that will help us make meaningful, motivated progress towards our larger objectives. But what happens when unforeseen circumstances or external factors impact our ability to achieve our outcome goals? That's where progress goals come in.

Progress goals are those that focus on the steps or actions needed to achieve a certain outcome, while outcome goals are the end results we hope to achieve. By setting progress goals, we can stay motivated and on track, even if we don't reach our outcome goals. These types of goals can also help us feel more in control of our progress, as we focus on the actions we can take rather than the end result.

In this podcast, we discuss:

• The difference between progress and outcome goals
• The benefits of focusing on the process
• How to make the most out of progress goals
• Overcoming objections to setting progress goals

If you're a manager looking to help your team make meaningful progress towards challenging goals, or if you're simply looking for ways to stay motivated and on track in your own endeavors, this podcast is a must-listen. Tune in to learn how progress goals can help you stay motivated and focused on the path towards achieving your ultimate objectives.

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How many people can you interact with at the same time without burning out? Turns out, there is a suggested answer for that:
It's roughly 150! 
This is the so-called 'Dunbar' number (after an anthropologist with the same name). It tells us how many relationships most of us are able to maintain at one time.
For me, this also offers a different insight: that CARE and ATTENTION are limited resources. 
Technology, automation and mass-customisation are NOT the way out. This just tries to scale and reduce effort from something that NEEDS effort to work in the first place. 
If you feel genuine CARE by something, it is because they give you the most valuable thing they have: their attention and time. 
Funny enough, a few years ago, I started to maintain my own 'Dunbar list'. It has not reached 150 yet!
I love working through this list many times a year. I do it this week again and I enjoy it so much.
How many people are on YOUR Dunbar list?
Happy Holiday everyone!!

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What is a SOFT skill? Something that's optional? Something you stop when you have to prioritise? Wrong. This is super outdated framing that prevents long-term growth. 
Very likely, you made (or are making!) your first big career steps because of what you know. You are an SME (Subject Matter Expert) and you are great at GIVING ANSWERS.
When you become a LEADER, this has to shift. Otherwise, your impact will be short and negative. Now, your success depends on HAVING GREAT QUESTIONS, to help OTHERS have great answers.
In this episode, I argue that coaching is not a SOFT skill, but one of the core FUNCTIONAL skills of a Leader that are crucial for them to get their job done.
It's a super important message that I won't get tired to spread. Enjoy the episode!

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Can you coach your own direct report? I am here to tell you that this question is much trickier to answer than you might think. There are a lot of pitfalls connected to it, but there are also big promises. 
Imagine you received some training on coaching skills through a course in your company. It likely included a lot of interesting techniques how to help your team members build own resources and strengths to solve their problems with more autonomy. 
You may now wonder: can I just go into 1:1s and switch my style to run my 1:1s exactly like a coach does?
Well, not so fast!
Is it actually possible to coach your own team member effectively?  SHOULD you coach them in the first place?
There is BIG roadblock in all this: the fact that you are in a position of power over the person you are trying to coach.
And this is a fundamental contradiction to the role of a coach, who is supposed to be a neutral safe partner to their coachee.
However, I am here to tell you that this no reason to give up. Quite the opposite!
In this podcast episode, I go deeper into this contradiction and share with you a few ways how we can use our learned coaching skills very effectively with team members, DESPITE the power distance!
'Hear' you in the episode!

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Today's podcast episode is different. It is short and personal and about a tough lesson that I learned over the last weeks...about the value and impact of direct and caring feedback!
It's a lesson of a different kind, but absolutely applicable and transferable.
I will continue with regular content in 2 weeks! Hear you soon...there's lots of interesting things coming up!
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Imagine someone approaches you with an idea and before they even finished, your intuition says it's not workable or even dumb. Saying "This will never work. Forget it!" may be factually correct, but there are better ways to express this that are not such a smack in the face! 

Why is it not such a good idea to communicate this way?
It's a damning judgment. The statement also conveys somewhat 'I know the truth here and you don't.' Depending on who you talk to, this may be enough to trigger a verbal fight.
In this episode, I will share 4 ways how to do this differently. They don't compromise on the message, but are less likely to trigger people. 

• Stay with yourself
• Accept the other person's view as their reality.
• Understand why something is true for the other person.
• Differentiate opinion vs fact

Once you put these in place, you have a much higher chance to keep dialogue productive and not adversarial! Listen to the episode for all the details and examples!

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It's surprisingly simple and easy to shut productive dialogue down. Here are 5 common ways that are easy to recognise and that we all should get under control!
Why do I speak of 'dialogue'? It emphasizes a very partnering way of interacting, a style that is a natural result of acting in a more coach-like way!
In this episode, I will speak about these 5 common killers of productive dialogue:

• Bad intention 
• Fixed mindset towards others
• Judgment
• Lack of Care
• Poor Listening

Interestingly, these 5 killers correspond to skills and I will outline this in the episode. Enjoy listening!
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When Leaders say 'I have no time to coach', I ask back: 'Do you have time to manage the impacts of high turnover then?" In this episode, I share how a coach-like style impacts retention!

Employees want to feel that their Manager cares and sees them as a real person. It's basic, yet it is absent for so many people in their daily work routine. A coach-like Leadership styles creates care and genuine interest by design.  It makes people feel valued, understood, listened to.  Coaching is by no means 'soft'. Quite the contrary. Coach-like leaders address what needs to be addressed with appropriate directness AND care.
Why does a coach-like Leader achieve more retention?

• They are skilled at identifying and addressing individual challenges that employees have that are not related to functional training
• They ask genuine questions about the person and not just the work that the person does. They build a relationship of candor and trust.
• A coach-like leader will also make explicit agreements with their team member how their work helps them progress towards their own career goals.

It's not easy to pull off, but it's completely worth it. Care, connection and directness builds relationships that last. All it requires is a bit of time investment, the skills of asking questions AND a genuine interest in people. 
Can you pull it off?
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How do we know that coaching is actually worth it? After all, it's costly: there is time and often also financial investment. Today, I share a way how we can make measuring effects easier! I actually use the thinking model that I introduce in this episode with pretty much any individual and corporate coaching and/or training client. It's powerful and it helps structure ideas! It's based on 5 levels of results:

• Preference Needs: At this level we measure surface-level reactions and immediate post-session impressions. Think of smile sheets. 
• Learning Needs: This level is about measuring how an intervention improved understanding, comprehension and knowledge in a field. Think of spaced of 'before' and 'after' surveys.
• Performance Needs: This level is about the expected change in actual behavior. We focus on how people do things differently. Think of observations. 
• Business Needs: Organisations (and individuals) chase goals. At this evaluation level, we work to establish how the intervention improved actual business KPIs, such as retention, productivity.
• Payoff Needs: Any organisation wants to make sure that there is a Return On Investment. With a bit of work, this can be established!

In the episode, I share examples for all 5 levels, based on a realistic scenario. My take? Coaching effectiveness can absolutely be measured; it just takes a bit of intentional work to set it up!
Enjoy the episode!

References:

• Kirckpatrick Training evaluation model: https://www.kirkpatrickpartners.com/the-kirkpatrick-model/
• Book: Measuring the Success of Coaching: A Step-by-Step Guide for Measuring Impact and Calculating ROI https://www.amazon.com/Measuring-Success-Coaching-Step-Step/dp/1562868233

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Here's a small riddle: What's the best use-case for professional-level coaching? Is it to help a person who performs poorly and is on their way out of the company? Or is it when you coach someone who already performs well and wants to take their performance to an even higher level? 

The answer might surprise you!
Coaching is often introduced when someone is lacking in performance. It's a frequent scenario that I encounter. It is popular. However, it is not the most powerful way to use the coaching process. Why? When someone is performing poorly and external help is brought in, there is often an environment of lower trust. And for coaching to work, it requires significant trust. 
On the other hand, there is the scenario of coaching someone who performs well and wants to overcome an obstacle to achieving their next level. This is the gold standard for coaching.
In this episode, I will explore both sides and give a few tips and reflections how to manage such scenarios!

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Imagine you had a bad 2 quarters at work where you struggled to make your numbers. You have your half-yearly review conversation with your boss and they say: "well, that did not go so well. We know you are far behind your numbers. I think we should get you some coaching support." When coaching is introduced THIS way, it contributes to a common stigma: Coaching is a tool fix someone who is 'broken'. Let's use this episode to clear up why that is mostly ineffective and even potentially harmful!
I will talk about some red flags that typically accompany situations like this:

• The coaching sponsor wants to fix someone elses' behaviors
• The coaching sponsor has never been coached before
• The coaching sponsor also cannot imagine being coached, i.e. sees no reason. 
  
  

This is important as it will have a strong effect on coaching as an intervention!
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Coaching someone who pays for their own coaching is radically different to coaching someone who is sponsored, i.e. the company pays. At first sight, this seems to be just be about who foots the bill, but it's way more complicated. Suddenly there are many 'chefs in the kitchen'. In this episode, I share what's different when you move from coaching an individual to coaching a corporate client.
This episode addresses a number of important potential differences:

• The motivation of the coachee/client
• the number and type of stakeholders to the coaching engagement
• confidentiality is a given in 1-1's and a crucial discussion point in corporate engagements
• the coaching goal: who chooses it and what type of goal! 
• the results of coaching are lot more driven towards behaviors in corporate coaching.

Once you take these factors into account, we have a much more realistic idea about what is commonly expected when coaching in a corporate setting!
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This is episode 2 as part of a 2-part series of 'coaching and failing'. In the last episode, I talked about that it means to fail in the 'practice' of coaching. In this episode, we are zooming our further and we will explore what it means to fail 'being' a coach. More precisely, I will explore what it means to fail (and succeed) in the profession of coaching! 
I will share about three success factor areas:
Clients Coaches fail because they do not have enough of the right clients or their clients are not coachable.
Income Many professional coaches fail because they are not able to generate the necessary income to sustain themselves and their families. They fail at managing their business and don't realise that a full-time coach does not coach full-time!
Fulfilment Coaches may fail at this very basic and most fundamental measure. The activity turns out draining and does not add to happiness. There's also the question whether we find fulfilment in being a professional coach and all the other activities that come with that. 

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Let's talk about FAILURE and COACHING. It's a tricky and uncomfortable topic. It's also so wide that I make this a 2-part episode and I will address 2 separate aspects: 'Failing at Coaching' and next week 'Failing as a Coach'. Sounds similar, but the first is about the practice of coaching, while the latter is about succeeding professionally.  In this episode, I will share what it means to fail at the practice of coaching.  On a very basic level, coaching success can be measured in two ways: Outcome and Delivery. 
What do I mean by that?
Outcome describes whether the coaching conversations helped the coachee achieve what they came for, i.e become a better delegator, manage own emotions better, etc. This is only partly in our control; we certainly influence it. 
Delivery describes the coach's ability to delivery the coaching process, i.e. listen well, ask powerful questions, share observations, invite accountability. etc. The advantage of this definition of failure/success it that it focuses on something that is completely in our control.
The main message? It's more productive and helpful to define failure in the context of something we can control. It's a vital mental health survival tool!
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"Tell me a bit about yourself!" That's an interview question/prompter we all should be prepared for. Are you responding with a 10min story that starts at the big bang, potentially boring your interviewer and blowing the conversation right there? Or are you able to give a concise, memorable response? In this episode, I share a few powerful techniques from the toolkit of professional coaches that can help you give a concise, to-the-point response to this and most other open-ended questions! 

The best professional coaches are super clear and concise in their messaging. This is a learned skill for most of us, including me.  I believe that these skills are very transferable to an interview situation. 
I share three techniques in the episode:
1. Structure through labels I share how we can turn a confusing stream of ideas into a structured share that the other party finds much easier to comprehend and record.
2. Length of Sharing People get tired of listening to you quite quickly, even in a dedicated interview setting. I share a general rule of thumb, how long we can talk safely and when it gets into yellow or even red zone.
3. The STAR model The star model is a versatile simple framework to formulate statements in a crisp and comprehensible way. It is very helpful to structure a response to open, scenario-focused interview questions ("tell me a time when you had to delegate")
When we apply these techniques, even in combination we create an amazing degree of clarity, for ourselves AND for the other person!

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Here's a very familiar challenge: You are in a conversation with someone. You ask them a question. Then the other person starts talking. And continues talking. Aaaaaaand continues talking even more! 5 min and no sign of stopping. You feel panic coming up inside. Will you ever get a chance to contribute? How can I even help a person who talks A LOT?
In this episode, I share some techniques how we can use some coaching methods to respectfully work with someone who shows this behavior!
As a coach, we have a surprising array of options available to us. And interrupting is just one of them. But more about that later! I am sharing 3 categories of action with you: BEFORE, WITHIN and AFTER the conversation.
BEFORE How can we prepare ourselves and our client before the actual conversation? How can we set up to make it easier for us to interject and for our client to be concise?
WITHIN What can we do in the conversation itself to help our client move forward? I will share 5 strategies here in the episode: 

• Listen quietly first and observe the client
• Summarize concisely (stark contrast in length)
• Neutrally sharing an observation about their length of talking
• Inviting focus and conciseness
• Interrupting, in service of the client

AFTER What can we do after a conversation is over that includes lots of long sharings by our client that resulted in limited progress?

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Are people knock on your door all the time with questions that they should know the answer to? Is your intuitive response to answer them as quick as possible, so you can get back to your work? Well, doing this likely leads to even MORE questions. Let's talk about a better way in this episode!
Well, when you get lots of questions, there is one intuitive way to react: answer faster and with more precision. Anyone who is an expert in a field or a Manager will know what I mean. However, what that leads to is often a lot more follow-up questions. By answering too fast, we foster other's dependency on us.
What's an alternative? Well, as is often the case, it is a bit counter-intuitive: you don't answer right away with whatever comes to your mind. 
Now, I want to make one distinction here: we are talking about questions you get that are not about facts ("when does the project start?"), but about those where the answer is a certain matter of opinion. For example:

• "Which stakeholder should I talk to first, do you think?"
• "Do you think this powerpoint slide headline is good?"
• "How should I prioritise my tasks right now?"

For all these kinds of questions, it is likely very easy for you to come up with an answer almost instantly...an answer that makes sense for you and is reasonable. However, there is a lot of value in not reacting with an answer right away, but with a QUESTION.
Why is this a good idea to ask a question first?
People know the answer Often, people who ask as actually KNOW the answer, and are just a bit uncomfortable carrying it through. Leaders here are often rescuing way too fast by giving an answer. 
People take shortcuts  Sometimes, team members take a short cut. Instead of spending some time thinking about a solution, it may just appear easier and faster to ask the helpful Manager, who surely gives a response very quickly. 
Sharing accountability I have seen this many times: I approach my boss for their opinion, so that we share accountability for what's going to happen next. This is a good thing and a bad thing. Good: The Manager actively supports. Bad: The Manager removes agency and ownership from the employee. 
It shows respect Not answering right away is also a respectful way to interact. Asking someone for their opinion (and then listening) does not trivialise their question. When someone takes 3 minutes to explain a problem, and we answer right away with a quick solution, it can feel belittling to the other person. 
How to do it?
It's very simple: When someone approaches you, in general try to think of 1 or 2 open-ended questions to ask first before you dispense your advice. This will build trust, sharpen and focus your advice and also help the other person to prepare better before asking you in the future.
Some general questions you can ask back:

• "Is it ok if I ask you a question to clarify further first?"
• "What's your current thinking on this? What's your recommendation?"
• "What makes this hard/challenging right now for you?"
• "What's the ideal outcome for you?"
• "What makes you ask?"

Pro Tips:
Don't become a formula If you always respond to questions with a counter-question, things get old very quickly and its actually the opposite of active listening. People will resent you for it. Use it appropriately. Add variety to your response. 
Craft your response When you ask a counter-question, it is vital that you listen and use the answer to inform your next question and share. Hardly anything destroys trust faster if you ask a question and then do not listen to the response or do anything with it. 
Summary: In this podcast episode, I shared some reasons why it's a good idea to ask first one or two questions back when someone approaches you. It just makes sense...we don't have complete information anyway, so it's a respectful way to engage. There are simple questions we can rotate through without becoming formulaic. Eventually, we will 'train' our team members to prepare and ask us better questions, we build capability and yes, we reduce the line-up outside of our door!

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Here comes a question that I get asked in almost every coach training course after a while: 'Can I coach my friends and family members, too?' To this, I can answer with a qualified YES (that means it works, with certain conditions met!). In this episode, I will share with you what you need to get right when coaching families and friends. I will also share my own good and bad experience!
A few years ago, on the way home from work, I sat with my wife in the car. She told me about a tough day and I asked her "what could you do differently?". To which she responded "Don't coach me. All I need from you is that you listen!"
Ouch!
It was a painful AND helpful sting at that time. 
Why did that happen? 
Well, my wife and I have a certain developed communication style. When I suddenly came with this question, it sounded 'off'. And this is a general truth: people notice when you communicate differently, especially family members and friends who know us well.
The effect can be quite damaging: when people close to you notice your different communication style, they wonder whether they did something wrong. They wonder about your agenda. They may even feel manipulated. Overall, people feel that something is done TO them. 
And that is the very ANTIthesis of a partnering, coaching approach.
'Introducing' coaching like this specifically works against two fundamental propertiers. Professional coaching is (1) explicit and (2) intentional.
Explicit This means that it is absolutely clear to both parties that they are in a coaching conversation and that they agreed to it. This helps the coachee to accept that the other party now becomes a partner of a different kind...someone who uses inquiry, sharp observations, less advice and solutions.
Intentional For the coaching process to work, the conversation itself must have an agreed goal to it. This is hard to accomplish by 'sneaking in' coaching. We don't say to a friend in a cafe "hey, we have 45min here today. Would be a great outcome for you from this conversation today?" Awkward!
Both of these properties of professional are so alien to typical, day-by-day conversations that it's impossible to sneak them in without raising eyebrows. So just don't even try. You will end up breaking trust as you had no permission to do this.
What can you do instead?
Make an explicit offer for a coaching moment.
Ask for example: "alright, sounds like real trouble. I wonder if you are open to trying something. I have learned to coach at work and I wonder whether this could help here. Do you want to try for 10 min, for me to wear my coaching hat?"
By doing this, we make clear that our conversation enters into something 'special'. We also make a dedicated effort to invite our partner to bring their best effort.

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Can you be a Manager to someone and at the same time be their coach? This is tricky. Coaching relies on trust, on the success of establishing a partnership. However, when we coach, we are almost living two different roles at the same time. We are equal AND unequal. Let's dive in and explore what that means! 
EQUAL: There's an obvious way how Leader Coaches are unequal to their team members as coaches. Leader Coaches are still Line Managers. The coached Team Member is in a position of dependency. When we coach, we want to establish enough trust and safety, so that the status difference between us is almost entirely removed. Coaching relies on a partnership of equality between coach and client, so that either can share what's on their mind, agree or disagree with the other person, without fearing being reprimanded.
How does a coach establish equality and safety? We make explicit offers to the other person to counter our arguments, to disagree with us, for example. We also ask people specifically about how well the coaching approach work for them and what they would like to do less or more. This alone is an eye-opener for clients, who never thought they could challenge their coach!
UNEQUAL: While we strive to be equal in status to our coachee, we are also unequal. And this refer to the distinctly different role we have as coach, compared to our coachee. Yes, we partner equally in status, but what we bring in to the conversation is very different. The Coachee is the expert in the topic, in the problem to be solved. What is the coach's role then? We are the expert in the process of coaching and no more. It is central to ethical practice.
In summary, the best kind of coaching maintains this duality. We are equal, safe and partnering. We are also unequal in terms of our role in the conversation.
Hope this gave a little extra perspective!

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Coaching is sometime quite a paradoxical thing. Here is one example...a wisdom piece about coaching: "The most experienced coaches know the least!" It's a powerful truth and possibly the opposite of what you expect! Should masterful coaches not know the most? Well, let's dive in!
1. A beginner's coach knows a lot. 2. An experienced coach knows a little. 3. A masterful coach knows nothing.
1. A beginner's coach knows a lot. When coaches start out, they often rely on their functional, topical knowledge to help others. We bring in ideas, concepts, solutions and offer them, in order to help. Our identity is built on that knowledge. However, coaching predominantly with your own knowledge as a coach can only be the starting point. Why? It actually does not display our coaching mindset. When we feel compelled to help others with our knowledge, it also shows a lack of belief in their resourcefulness.
2. An experienced coach knows a little. An an experienced level, we rely a lot less on our knowledge and background to help others. Our starting point is the clients/coachee's resourcefulness and only when they are stuck, we may support them by sharing an own experience or even a framework that the client can apply. 
3. A masterful coach knows nothing. On this level, we operate differently. We have full trust. We trust our client to figure things out. We trust ourselves and our skill as a coach. And we trust the process of coaching to deliver results. It's one of the clearest expressions of a core competency of professional coaching: 'The coach is comfortable in the space of not knowing.' That means that I am not only just ok with not knowing all details of my client's problems and solutions. No, I am comfortable with the idea. I even embrace it. This very idea makes a lot of people uncomfortable, as you give yourself in the hands of the client. And that's the very idea. Our role as coach is to provide a process. The client brings the problem and the solution. It's that simple. Right? :) 
In summary, this is a paradox...but only when we look at it through the lens of conventional wisdom. 
Hope this was an insightful little snippet and you enjoyed the new, shorter format!

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Link to this episode: www.intellicoach.com/ep70

Someone approaches you with a very specific problem in their area. The person is an expert. They want your help. You actually have not worked that deeply in their area before and they definitely outclass you as an expert. Should you say 'sorry, I can't help you here?' Not so fast. In this episode, I share how you can absolutely help almost *anyone*, by using a coaching approach!

So what can you do when someone approaches you for help who is an expert in their field?

Well, what often happens is that we give it our best shot...we make an educated guess, we share our opinion. Is this helpful? Maybe. It can trigger thoughts. But it is very likely that we tell something that the person already knows.

What is an alternative coaching approach in this case?

Well, firstly, as a coach, I believe that the other person is the expert and best resource in finding their solution. We want to offer an inquiry approach, so we can ask:

"Thanks for asking me. Do you mind if I ask you a few questions first, to understand this better?"

When done well, a coaching approach can then help the person define their own solutions. 

Listen to the episode to get a great range of examples, how to help the other person think through and define their path forward! It's a powerful way and when deep in thinking, most people won't even realise what happened and simply say: you helped me a lot. Thank you!

Maik


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I often hear Leaders ask: "Should I delegate this or not"? I argue in this episode that there is a much more helpful question we can ask ourselves instead: "To what degree should I delegate this?" We are going to look at the delegation spectrum and how all this relates to coaching!
First, what is delegation? It means to 'empowering someone to act for another person'. A delegate is then someone who represents someone else. In that meaning, delegation is about 'passing down' work through a hierarchy. 
As a comparison, what is coaching? It refers to 'partnering with clients in a thought-provoking and creative process that inspires them to maximize their personal and professional potential.' Coaching therefore aims to establish an equal relationship, built on trust and ownership.
Delegation and Coaching complement each other surprisingly well.  To explain how, let's look at the delegation spectrum:

• No Delegation (you do it)
• You show them how to do it
• They do it with your guidance
• They do it - with frequent check-ins
• Increasing the degree of autonomy
• They do it - with infrequent check-ins
• They tell you when they are done
• Full Delegation (they do it)

How does coaching work in this context? With increasing degrees of delegation, we also increase the level of autonomy that the other person has. These are perfect opportunities for us to ask coach-like questions to help them stay on track and deliver well.
Listen to the episode, to hear me share more detail on how this can work, including some concrete examples!
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In this episode, we explore another question asked in a coaching conversation that will be very weird in a normal/casual conversation: "What progress have we made so far in our conversation?"
Why do we use this kind of question? 
Let's first talk how coaching coaching is different!

• We explain what coaching is and we build trust
• We understand the client's topic and we make a crisp agreement about our topic
• We help the client explore what they want and learn things about themselves
• We help the client find ways to be accountable and make their learning useful
• We close the session powerfully and we check back whether we achieved what we wanted to achieve.

The question that I introduce here in this episode "What progress have we made so far in our conversation?" is very important in coaching. It's a core coaching competence to ask clients how they feel the conversation has succeeded so far in progressing towards their own goals.
This also shows again how client-focused a pure coaching approach!
"What progress have we made so far" often feels like a risky thing to ask for new coaches in the middle of a conversation...almost inviting clients to say 'nothing'. Yet, that rarely ever happens, especially if we use the coaching mindset. 
How shall we ask this question?

• Slowly, to invite reflection
• With intention, related to the goal of the session. 

In this episode, we explore many different angles of this question with lots of examples!

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In this episode, we explore a very particular and slightly strange coaching competence: Coaching Presence. How can 'presence' be a competence? Well, it can be learned and it can be designed. 
In this episode, I share a few options how, by looking at coaching presence from two angles:
(1) Presence of the Coachee/Client As a coach, we know we can only be effective if our coachee is really with us in the moment and brings their full best self. We explore in the episode a few options how we can help coachees fully arrive with us.
(2) Presence of the Coach Even more importantly, it is in our control and in our duty to make sure we are where are are supposed to be: with the client, mentally and physically (as much as this is possible online). We explore how the International Coaching Federation describes this as a skill and what are a few ways how we can achieve it!
Enjoy! 
References:
Berkely Report on role of Story: https://news.berkeley.edu/berkeley_blog/the-science-of-the-story/
ICF Coaching Behaviors: https://coachingfederation.org/pcc-markers

To find out more, listen to the episode, or have a look at the related article:
https://www.intellicoach.com/ep67/

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In this last of a series of 3 episodes on the coaching agreement, I go down to concrete skill level: I share the exact 4 behavior markers that help coaches create a strong agreement, including examples!
The International Coaching Federation has published a set a competencies that describe what good coaching looks and sounds like*. As mentioned in the past two episodes, making a good agreement it tough and feels quite unnatural to many new coaches.

This is why the competency description is very helpful in guiding us to learn it well. 
Here are the competency markers on a good agreement:

1. "coach partners with the client to identify or reconfirm what the client wants to accomplish in this session"
2. "coach partners with the client to define or reconfirm measure(s) of success for what the client wants to accomplish in this session"
3. "coach inquires about or explores what is important or meaningful to the client about what they want to accomplish in this session"
4. "coach partners with the client to define what the client believes they need to address to achieve what they want to accomplish in this session"

In this episode, I put the spotlight on all 4 parts and give some insight on why they are important.
I also share what to watch out for to pull it off well!

*https://coachingfederation.org/pcc-markers

Want to comment on this podcast or view the article?
https://www.intellicoach.com/ep66/

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