Explore every episode of the podcast The Chosson and Kallah Shmooze You WISH You Had but NEVER got!
| Title | Pub. Date | Duration | |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 G-d, Man & Wife Chosson & Kallah Shmooze You WISH You Had... Rabbi Simcha Feuerman LCSW-R DHL | 14 Dec 2025 | 00:15:28 | |
In this series we will discuss the Jewish ideas about marriage, sexual pleasure, abstention, modesty, marriage communication, sexual dysfunctions such as premature ejaculation, delayed ejaculation, anorgasmia, painful intercourse, desire disparities, sexual addictions, sexual trauma and how to treat them and understand them from a Torah and psychological perspective. | |||
| Why Psychological Interpretation Does Not Actually Alleviate the Problem | 09 Dec 2025 | 00:06:08 | |
Rabbi Simcha Feuerman LCSW-R, LMFT, DHL discusses the way in which conscious and unconscious operate and how therapy works (or not) | |||
| Urge Surfing from a Jewish Perspective | 17 Dec 2023 | 00:19:15 | |
A discussion regarding the technique of Urge Surfing and Hashkafa | |||
| Great People Can Get Stuck In Their Heads Psychology of the Daf Yomi Moed Kattan 28 | 08 Feb 2022 | 00:02:01 | |
Psychology Insights on the Daf Yomi Gemara Moed Kattan For Mareh Mekomos check out my blog, โFaith Without Fearโ: | |||
| Functional and Dysfunctional Family Roles Psychology of the Daf Yomi Moed Kattan 22 | 02 Feb 2022 | 00:06:12 | |
Psychology Insights on the Daf Yomi Gemara Moed Kattan For Mareh Mekomos check out my blog, โFaith Without Fearโ: | |||
| Are Soul Mates Decreed in Heaven? Psychology of the Daf Yomi Moed Kattan 18 Rabbi Simcha Feuerman | 28 Jan 2022 | 00:08:32 | |
Psychology Insights on the Daf Yomi Gemara Moed Kattan For Mareh Mekomos check out my blog, โFaith Without Fearโ: | |||
| Unbearable Urges Psychology of the Daf Yomi Moed Kattan 17 Rabbi Simcha Feuerman LCSW-R, DHL | 28 Jan 2022 | 00:14:12 | |
Psychology Insights on the Daf Yomi Gemara Moed Kattan For Mareh Mekomos check out my blog, โFaith Without Fearโ: | |||
| Itโs Not About the Logic; Itโs About the Feeling Psychology of the Daf Yomi Moed Kattan 9 | 20 Jan 2022 | 00:02:26 | |
Psychology Insights on the Daf Yomi Gemara Moed Kattan For Mareh Mekomos check out my blog, โFaith Without Fearโ: | |||
| Is Your Spouse Your Best Friend? Psychology of the Daf Yomi Moed Kattan 7 Simcha Feuerman LCSWR DHL | 18 Jan 2022 | 00:03:11 | |
Psychology Insights on the Daf Yomi Gemara Moed Kattan For Mareh Mekomos check out my blog, โFaith Without Fearโ: | |||
| Never go to Bed in a Fight? Psychology of the Daf Yomi Megillah 28 Rabbi Simcha Feuerman LCSW-R, DHL | 07 Jan 2022 | 00:02:57 | |
Psychology Insights on the Daf Yomi Gemara Megillah For Mareh Mekomos check out my blog, โFaith Without Fearโ: | |||
| Last Resort Therapy Psychology of the Daf Yomi Megillah 14 Rabbi Simcha Feuerman LCSW-R, DHL | 24 Dec 2021 | 00:04:38 | |
Psychology Insights on the Daf Yomi Gemara Megillah For Mareh Mekomos check out my blog, โFaith Without Fearโ: | |||
| Look Attractive, Not Attracting Psychology of the Daf Yomi Taanis 13 Rabbi Simcha Feuerman LCSWR DHL | 24 Nov 2021 | 00:02:34 | |
Psychology Insights on the Daf Yomi Gemara Taanis For Mareh Mekomos check out my blog, โFaith Without Fearโ: | |||
| How to Talk to Yourself About the Latest Shocking Story of Sexual Abuse | 19 Nov 2021 | 00:06:50 | |
Many of us have read the shocking revelation about a beloved, famous Jewish children's author who has been accused of sexual molestation. How do we cope with the trauma? | |||
| Marriage Check Up Psychology of the Daf Yomi Rosh Hashanah 31 Rabbi Simcha Feuerman LCSW-R, DHL | 08 Nov 2021 | 00:04:49 | |
Psychology Insights on the Daf Yomi Gemara Rosh Hashanah For Mareh Mekomos check out my blog, โFaith Without Fearโ: | |||
| Seeing is Beloving Psychology of the Daf Yomi Rosh Hashanah 20 Rabbi Simcha Feuerman LCSW-R, DHL | 28 Oct 2021 | 00:04:45 | |
Psychology Insights on the Daf Yomi Gemara Rosh Hashanah For Mareh Mekomos check out my blog, โFaith Without Fearโ: | |||
| A Nagging Problem in Marriage Psychology of the Daf Yomi Beitzah 35 Rabbi Simcha Feuerman LCSW-R DHL | 04 Oct 2021 | 00:05:34 | |
Psychology and the Daf Yomi For Mareh Mekomos check out my blog, โFaith Without Fearโ: | |||
| In the Dark About Modesty Psychology of the Daf Yomi Beitzah 22 Rabbi Simcha Feuerman LCSW-R, DHL | 20 Sep 2021 | 00:02:46 | |
Psychology and the Daf Yomi For Mareh Mekomos check out my blog, โFaith Without Fearโ: | |||
| Shidduch Dance Festival Psychology of the Daf Yomi Succah 53 Rabbi Simcha Feuerman LCSW-R, DHL | 27 Aug 2021 | 00:02:36 | |
Psychology and the Daf Yomi For Mareh Mekomos check out my blog, โFaith Without Fearโ: | |||
| Afterplay Psychology of the Daf Yomi Succah 45 Rabbi Simcha Feuerman LCSW-R, DHL | 20 Aug 2021 | 00:03:08 | |
Psychology and the Daf Yomi For Mareh Mekomos check out my blog, โFaith Without Fearโ: | |||
| Emptiness That Can Only Be Filled by Nothing Psychology of the Daf Yomi Succah 44 Simcha Feuerman | 19 Aug 2021 | 00:03:17 | |
Psychology and the Daf Yomi For Mareh Mekomos check out my blog, โFaith Without Fearโ: | |||
| Sex Education Begins Way Before the Wedding Day Psychology of the Daf Yomi Succah 25 | 30 Jul 2021 | 00:03:20 | |
Psychology and the Daf Yomi For Mareh Mekomos check out my blog, โFaith Without Fearโ: | |||
| You Would be Miserable if You Had Everything You Wanted Psychology of the Daf Yomi Succah 12 | 19 Jul 2021 | 00:03:43 | |
Psychology and the Daf Yomi For Mareh Mekomos check out my blog, โFaith Without Fearโ: | |||
| Soul Mate, or Sole Mate? Psychology of the Daf Yomi Succah 13 Rabbi Simcha Feuerman LCSW-R, DHL | 19 Jul 2021 | 00:02:48 | |
Psychology and the Daf Yomi For Mareh Mekomos check out my blog, โFaith Without Fearโ: | |||
| Marriage Counseling from The House of Hillel Psychology of the Daf Yomi Succah 7 Simcha Feuerman | 13 Jul 2021 | 00:04:08 | |
Psychology and the Daf Yomi For Mareh Mekomos check out my blog, โFaith Without Fearโ: | |||
| Why Do We Hate The People We Loved? Psychology of the Daf Yomi Succah 4 Simcha Feuerman LCSW-R, DHL | 09 Jul 2021 | 00:05:25 | |
Psychology and the Daf Yomi For Mareh Mekomos check out my blog, โFaith Without Fearโ: | |||
| Is a Marriage Partner Bashert According to the Rambam? Psychology of the Daf Yomi Succah 3 | 09 Jul 2021 | 00:09:21 | |
Psychology and the Daf Yomi For Mareh Mekomos check out my blog, โFaith Without Fearโ: | |||
| Betrayals: When Will You Finally Forgive Me? Psychology of the Daf Yomi Yoma 86 Simcha Feuerman | 05 Jul 2021 | 00:03:15 | |
Psychology and the Daf Yomi For Mareh Mekomos check out my blog, โFaith Without Fearโ: | |||
| Having Children and Quality of Life Psychology of the Daf Yomi Yoma 85 Simcha Feuerman LCSW-R, DHL | 04 Jul 2021 | 00:02:51 | |
Psychology and the Daf Yomi For Mareh Mekomos check out my blog, โFaith Without Fearโ: | |||
| Stick Up for your Spouse and Family Psychology of the Daf Yomi Yoma 77 Simcha Feuerman LCSW-R, DHL | 25 Jun 2021 | 00:03:05 | |
Psychology and the Daf Yomi For Mareh Mekomos check out my blog, โFaith Without Fearโ: | |||
| Common Sense Birth Control Psychology of the Daf Yomi Yoma 76 Rabbi Simcha Feuerman LCSW-R, DHL | 25 Jun 2021 | 00:08:13 | |
Psychology and the Daf Yomi For Mareh Mekomos check out my blog, โFaith Without Fearโ: | |||
| Halakhic Sex Education Psychology of the Daf Yomi Yoma 73 Rabbi Simcha Feuerman LCSW-R, DHL | 22 Jun 2021 | 00:06:24 | |
Psychology and the Daf Yomi For Mareh Mekomos check out my blog, โFaith Without Fearโ: | |||
| Sexual Harassment and Irresistible Urges Psychology of the Daf Yomi Yoma 35 Rabbi Simcha Feuerman | 14 May 2021 | 00:04:28 | |
Psychology and the Daf Yomi For Mareh Mekomos check out my blog, โFaith Without Fearโ: | |||
| Instant Couples Counseling in a Pasuk Psychology of the Daf Yomi Yoma 23 Simcha Feuerman LCSW-R, DHL | 03 May 2021 | 00:07:24 | |
Psychology and the Daf Yomi For Mareh Mekomos check out my blog, โFaith Without Fearโ: | |||
| She Is Not Your Object Psychology of the Daf Yomi Yoma 18 Rabbi Simcha Feuerman LCSW-R, DHL | 28 Apr 2021 | 00:03:43 | |
Psychology and the Daf Yomi For Mareh Mekomos check out my blog, โFaith Without Fearโ: | |||
| Avoiding Relationship Gridlock Psychology of the Daf Yomi Yoma 12 Rabbi Simcha Feuerman LCSW-R, DHL | 23 Apr 2021 | 00:03:35 | |
Psychology and the Daf Yomi For Mareh Mekomos check out my blog, โFaith Without Fearโ: | |||
| Sexual Satisfaction vs. Psychological Security Yoma Daf 6 Simcha Feuerman LCSW-R DHL | 16 Apr 2021 | 00:07:31 | |
Psychology and the Daf Yomi For Mareh Mekomos check out my blog, โFaith Without Fearโ: | |||
| The Bedroom and the Holy of Holies Psychology of the Daf Yoma 3 Rabbi Simcha Feuerman LCSW-R, DHL | 14 Apr 2021 | 00:01:46 | |
Psychology and the Daf Yomi For Mareh Mekomos check out my blog, โFaith Without Fearโ: | |||
| Second Marriages How to Succeed Psychology & the Daf Pesachim 112 Rabbi Simcha Feuerman LCSW-R, DHL | 12 Mar 2021 | 00:02:41 | |
Psychology and the Daf Yomi For Mareh Mekomos check out my blog, โFaith Without Fearโ: | |||
| Cheating Spouses Pt 32 Chosson & Kallah Shmooze Infidelity and the Road to Recovery | 01 Mar 2021 | 00:06:51 | |
In this series we will discuss the Jewish ideas about marriage, sexual pleasure, abstention, modesty, marriage communication, sexual dysfunctions such as premature ejaculation, delayed ejaculation, anorgasmia, painful intercourse, low sexual desire disparities, sexual addictions, sexual trauma and how to treat them and understand them from a Torah and psychological perspective. | |||
| Infidelity and the Road to Recovery Psychology of the Daf Pesachim 100 Rโ Simcha Feuerman LCSW-R DHL | 01 Mar 2021 | 00:06:51 | |
Psychology and the Daf Yomi For Mareh Mekomos check out my blog, โFaith Without Fearโ: | |||
| Trauma and the Visual Cortex Psychology of the Daf Eruvin 95 Rabbi Simcha Feuerman LCSW-R, DHL | 12 Nov 2020 | 00:03:57 | |
Psychology and the Daf Yomi For Mareh Mekomos check out my blog, โFaith Without Fearโ: | |||
| The Lomdishe Sex Abuse Mistakes Psychology of the Daf Eruvin 76 Rabbi Simcha Feuerman LCSW-R, DHL | 23 Oct 2020 | 00:10:43 | |
The Daf Yomi from a Psychological Perspective For Mareh Mekomos Click Below Lomdus vs. Reality
ืจึทืึผึดื ืืึนืึธื ึธื ืึธืึทืจ ืึผึดื ืึผึทืึผึธืื ึตื ืึฐืงึตืืกึธืจึดื, ืึฐืึธืึฐืจึดื ืึทืึผ ืึผึฐืจึทืึผึธื ึทื ืึฐืงึตืืกึธืจึดื, ืึผึฐืึธืึฐืจึดื: ืขึดืืึผืึผืึธื ืึดืึผืึน ืจึดืืึผืึผืขึธื โ ืจึดืืึฐืขึธื, ืจึดืืึผืึผืขึธื ืึดืึผืึน ืขึดืืึผืึผืึธื โ ืคึผึทืึฐืึธื. The Gemara answers: Rabbi Yoแธฅanan spoke in accordance with the opinion of the judges of Caesarea, and some say in accordance with the opinion of the Sages of Caesarea, who say: A circle that is circumscribed within a square is smaller than it by one quarter; with regard to a square that is circumscribed within a circle, the difference between them is equal to half the square. According to this explanation, Rabbi Yoแธฅanan calculated as follows: Since a square of four by four handbreadths has a perimeter of sixteen handbreadths, the circumference of the circle that encompasses it must be fifty percent larger, or twenty-four handbreadths.
How could the sages of Cesearea made such an obvious mathematical blunder that one can readily see With their own eyes? It is clear that the diagonal of a square is not double the side . Tosafos explains that the sages of Cesearea are referring to the area, not the perimeter, and that in this case the calculation is relatively accurate. Just as in our mathematics the perimeter of a circle is two times pi, while the area is two times pi squared. In biblical and Talmudic math they did not use pi which is 3.14..,. Instead they just approximated as three.
However, what that does mean is that according to Tosafos, Rabbi Yochanan did make a mathematical error in following the teachings blindly without checking the calculations in real life. Because had Rabbi Yochanan stepped out of his studies and actually drew a circle and a square he wouldโve seen immediately that he misheard or misinterpreted the sages of Cesearea. Had Tosafos not said this we would not be allowed to say this.
This is fascinating because it speaks of a certain kind of scholarly mode. Sometimes, you could be so involved in the details and the lomdus that you miss out on real life implications and practicalities. This reminds me a bit of how certain rabbinical authorities have dealt with real life problems trying to use lomdus.
For example, during the early years of growing awareness of sex abuse within the community, perpetrators were able to escape major consequences by dint of the fact that the rabbonim in various batei din were following there lomdishe kup and not real life. Below are at least four lomdishe errors that contributed to cover ups, which today, after having paid a heavy price, the thinking has re-oriented itself.
We cannot trust the testimony of a young child.
The person admits that heโs sorry and repented, therefore we must accept him and it is considered lโshon hora to bring it up anymore nor tell his future employer.
It wasnโt actual penetration so it is a โmildโ crime, halakhically speaking.
It is mesira to give information to the secular authorities that might lead to this personโs arrest and incarceration.
Now all of these halakhos are technically true but in a practical sense inapplicable due to the realities of the situation, such as:
Many perpetrators need treatment and repentance alone will not change their behavior. In fact, some perpetrators may not even be able to control their urges no matter how sincerely they want to or try to. Certainly, those are committed sexual acts with minors should never work with minors again. Even though technically one cannot trust the testimony of minors, the potential severe and communal dangers call for extra legal actions and considerations. Consider the following metaphor: if a young trial โtestifiedโ that someone threw cyanide into a factory production of baby formula, no Rabbi or Beis Din would rule that the testimony is in admissible in a practical sense because the danger is too great to ignore. The amount of trauma suffered has little to do with the extent of actual violation of Jewish law, therefore the analogy about non-penetration is irrelevant. It is kind of like saying that since we hold in lomdus that the majority nullifies the minority I can drink from the cup of someone who just had Covid as long as I add a majority of fresh liquid. Clearly, the medical realities do not care much about the halakha. In fact, this kind of application of Lomdus to real world situations, probably explains some of the magical thinking that is employed in regard to coronavirus.
it is worthwhile to keep in mind Rav Kookโs words in Shemonah Kevatzim 1:463, (translation mine):
โThe folk who live according to their instincts, and are not learned, are actually superior in many respects to the learned folk. In particular, their instinctive common sense decency and morality was not corrupted by the intricate, wearying and too-clever burdens of scholarship | |||
| Intimacy is not just Sexuality Eruvin 63 Psychology of the Daf Rabbi Simcha Feuerman LCSW-R, DHL | 09 Oct 2020 | 00:02:49 | |
The Daf Yomi from a Psychological Perspective For Mareh Mekomos Click Below
ืึธืึทืจ ืจึทื ืึผึฐืจืึนื ึธื ืึธืึทืจ ืจึทื: ืึผืื ืึทืึผึธืฉืึตื ืึผึฐืงึดืืึฐืขึธื ืฉืึถืึดืืฉื ืึฐืึดืฉืึฐืชึผืึน ืฉืึฐืจืึผืึดืื ืึผึธืึผ, โ ืขึธืึธืื ืึทืึผึธืชืึผื ืืึนืึตืจ: ืดื ึฐืฉืึตื ืขึทืึผึดื ืชึผึฐืึธืจึฐืฉืืึผื ืึดืึผึตืืช ืชึผึทืขึฒื ืึผืึถืืึธืด. With regard to the neglect of the commandment of procreation, Rav Beruna said that Rav said: Whoever sleeps in a chamber in which a husband and wife are resting, thus thwarting their intimacy, the verse says about him: โThe women of my people you cast out from their pleasant housesโ (Micah 2:9), and his punishment is detailed in that chapter. ืึฐืึธืึทืจ ืจึทื ืืึนืกึตืฃ: ืึฒืคึดืืึผืึผ ืึผึฐืึดืฉืึฐืชึผืึน ื ึดืึผึธื. And Rav Yosef said: This applies not only to a woman who is ritually pure and permitted to her husband, but even in the case of a man whose wife is menstruating, for even then, although she is prohibited to him, they are more comfortable being alone together. ืจึธืึธื ืึธืึทืจ: ืึดื ืึดืฉืึฐืชึผืึน ื ึดืึผึธื ืึดืื โ ืชึผึธืึนื ืขึธืึธืื ืึผึฐืจึธืึธื. ืึฐืึธื ืึดืื, ืึผึฐืขึทื ืึธืึดืืึผึธื ึธื ืึทืื ื ึทืึฐืจึตืืึผ? Rava said: If his wife is menstruating, may a blessing come upon the person sleeping in the room, for he protects the couple from the possibility of sin. The Gemara rejects this: But that is not so, i.e., this argument is invalid, for who protected the husband until now? In other words, there is no need for concern in this case, and hence one must refrain from behavior that causes distress to the couple. From here we see an important principle of allowing not just physical intimacy but respecting emotional intimacy and privacy between husband and wife and not interfering. This is something that parents in law and hosts should keep in mind when inviting couples and families for Shabbos and Yamim Tovim. Chiddushei Aggados ืืคืืื ืืืฉืชื ื ืื ืื'. ืืืืื ืืื ืืฉืื ืฉืืืฉืื ืืฉืืฉ ืืืชื ืืคื' ืืขืช ืฉืื ืชื ืืืืฉืฉืื ืฉืื ืืื ื ืขืืจ ื"ื ืืืฉืื ืืื ื ืืืืจ ืืืจืื ืฉืืฆื ืขื ืืื ื ืืืื ื ืื"ืค ืจืื ืืืื ืชื ืข"ืฉ: Arukh Hashulkhan Even Haezer 25:5 ืืืจื ืื"ื [ืขืืจืืืื ืก"ื.] ืื ืืืฉื ืืืืจ ืฉืืืฉ ืืืฉืชื ืฉืจืืื ืฉื ืขืืื ืืืชืื ืืืืจ "ื ึฐืฉึตืื ืขึทืึดึผื ืชึฐึผืึธืจึฐืฉืืึผื ืึดืึตึผืืช ืชึทึผืขึฒื ึปืึถืืึธ" (ืืืื ื ื) ืื ืื ืืืฉืื ืืคื ืื ืืืขืื, ืืืคืืื ืืฉืืื ื ืื ืืื ืื ืืืฉื ืฉื ืืืื ืข ืืืชื ืืืืืจ ืืืจื ืกืชืจ, ืืื ืืืืจ ืืฉืืจื ืืื ืฉืื ืืืืื ืืืื ืขืืืจื, ืืขื ืืืืื ื ืื ืฉืืจื. ืืืคืืกืงืื ืืฉืืืื ืื ืืื ืืืขืชื ืืื. Arukh Hashulkhan Orach Chayyim 240:3 ืืืกืืจ ืืืฉื ืืืืจ ืฉืืืฉ ืืืฉืชื ืืฉืื ืื ืฉื, ืืื ืขืื ืืื ืืคืืื ืืื ื ืื ืืื ืืงืื ืื ืืืฉื ืืืจ ืฉื (ืขืืจืืืื ืก"ื:), ืื ืืฉ ืื ืชืขื ืื ืืฉืืื ืืืืจ ืืื ืขื ืืขืื ืืืืืจืช ืืฉืืืืช ืืื ื ืื ืื ืฉืชืจืฆื, ืืื ืืฉืืฉ ืืืจ ืฉื ืืื ืืืฉื ืืื ื, ืืขืืืื ืืืจ ืื ืืื: "ื ืฉื ืขืื ืชืืจืฉืื ืืืืช ืชืขื ืืืื Tosafos Yevamos 62b ืืืื ืืื ืืคืงืื ืืช ืืฉืชื - ืืืืจ ืจ"ืช ืืคืงืืื ืื ืืื ื ืชืฉืืืฉ ืืื ืืฉืืื ืจืืฆื ืืฆืืช ืืืจื ืื ืืื ืจืืืง ืืื ื ืื ืืฆื ืืืจื ืื"ื ืืฉืื ืืืื ืืืคืงืื ื ืื ืืชืฉืืืฉ ืื ืืฉืืจ ืืืจืื ืืืืืจ ืขื ืืื | |||
| Wedding Night Trauma Psychology of the Daf Eruvin 47 Rabbi Simcha Feuerman LCSW-R, DHL | 25 Sep 2020 | 00:09:28 | |
The Daf from a Psychological Perspective For Mareh Mekomos Click Below
In this section we will discuss and an unusual custom that, according to some, was enacted in order to forestall wedding night trauma. Imagine if one year the Moschiach came and Elijah the prophet announced that this year the Mitzvah on Seder night is to have a Ham on Rye. Even the most devout believer would probably choke while trying to perform the Mitzvah. This is what wedding night trauma is for some couples who have spent their whole life feeling the sexuality is Forbidden and suddenly it is an obligation to perform. This experience can lead to years of trauma and dysfunction such as painful intercourse and impotence.
ืจึทืึผึดื ืึฐืืึผืึธื ืืึนืึตืจ: ื ึฐืฉืืึผืืึนืช โ ืึดืชึฐืึธืจึฐืกืึผ. Rabbi Yehuda says: A woman who had been married when she became widowed or divorced may be betrothed immediately, as couples do not have relations during the period of their betrothal. However, she may not marry until three months have passed, in order to differentiate between any possible offspring from the first and second husband. ืึทืึฒืจืึผืกืึนืช โ ืึดื ึผึธืฉืึฐืืึผ, ืืึผืฅ ืึตืึฒืจืึผืกึธื ืฉืึถืึผึดืืืึผืึธื, ืึดืคึผึฐื ึตื ืฉืึถืึผึดืึผืึน ืึผึทืก ืึผึธืึผ. A woman who had only been betrothed when she became widowed or divorced may be married immediately, as it may be assumed that the couple did not have relations during the period of their betrothal. This is except for a betrothed woman in Judea, because there the bridegroomโs heart is bold, as it was customary for couples to be alone together during the period of betrothal, and consequently there is a suspicion that they might have had relations, in which case she might be carrying his child. However, no similar concern applies in other places. ืืชืืืืช ืื, ื ืืชื ืืณ ืืืืื ืืฆื ืืืื ืืืืืื ืฉืื ืืขืืื ืืื ื ืืืื ืืืขืื ืืขื ืช ืืชืืืื ืืคื ื ืฉืืชืืืื ืขืื: MISHNA: A man who eats at the house of his father-in-law in Judea after betrothal and with-out witnesses to attest to the fact that he was not alone with his betrothed is unable to make a claim concerning virginity after marriage because in accordance with the custom in Judea, the assumption is that he secluded himself with her, and the concern is that it was he who engaged in intercourse with her. ืฉืืื ืืงืืืฆืช ืืชืืืืช ืฉื ืืชื ืืชืื ืืืืื ืืฆื ืืืื ืื'. ืืคื ื ืฉืืชืืืื ืขืื. ืืืืืจ ืืจืื ืฉื ืื ื ืืืืื ืืื ืืืืื ืืืชื ืขื ืืืื ืงืืื ืฉื ืื ืกื ืืืืคื ืืื ืฉืืื ืืื ืืก ืื ืฉืชืืื ืืืื ืืช ืืืชื ืืคื ืฉืืื ืืืฉื ืืืจืชืช ืืจืืช ืืื ืืื ืฉืขืฉืื ืืื ืืื ื"ื ืชืืขื ืืืืืื ืืืจ ืื ืชืืขื ืื ืืืื ืก ื"ื ืืื ืฉืืืฆืื ื ืืืืืื ืืขืืื ืืืืื ืืืจืชื ืฉืืืจ ืื ืืชืืื ืฉื ืฉืืช ืืจืืืขื ืชืืขื ืืืืืื ืชืืื ืืืฉืื ืืื ืืื ืื ืื ืืืืืื ืืืชืจ ืืฉืืจ ืืงืืืืช ืืคื ืฉืจืื ืืืจืืชืื ืืืืืื ืืฉืื ืฉืืืืข ืฉืืื ื ืขืชืื ืืฆืืช ืืฉืื ืฉืืืฉืืข ืืช ืืฉืจืื ืืืฉืคืื ืืช ืืจ ืขืฉื The shita seems to hold that the reason for the custom in Yehuda was in reaction to the Primae Noctis, a custom in many cultures in the ancient world for the king to have sexual relations with the virgin bride before her wedding. The inhabitants of Judea would allow the bride and groom be sexual once during their erusin (betrothal period) before their nesuin either to create the bond between husband and wife before the Hegemon interferes or to actually outwit him by rendering her no longer a virgin. ืจืฉืดื ืืืืืช ืื, ื ืืืฅ ืืืจืืกื ืฉืืืืืื - ืืชื ื ืคืจืง ืงืื ืืืชืืืืช (ืืฃ ืื.) ืืืืืื ืืื ืืืืืืื ืืืชื ืืืืื ืงืืื ืื ืืกืชื ืืืืคื ืืื ืฉืืื ืืื ืืก ืื ืืืืืจ ืจืืื ืืืฆืืง ืขืื ืฉืื ืืืื ืืืฉืื ืื ืืื ืืืขืืืช ืืฆืื ืืืื ืืืืฉืื ื ืืืื ืืขืื: According to Rashi the custom was in order to prevent wedding night trauma. The custom in Judea was to encourage developing comfort and a relationship first before the pressure of having to be sexual on the wedding night. Interestingly enough, the Yad Ephraim )ืงืฆืดื) on Yoreh Deah (1760-1828) records a contemporary custom of the groom being alone with the bride the night before the wedding in order to fulfill the requirement of making sure the groom voluntarily chooses the bride and desires her as well as quotes this Rashi about them being comfortable before attempting intimacy. โโฆ.ืืืคื ืื ืื ืืืื ืืช ืืื ืฉืืืืื ืฉืืคื ื ืืืืคื ืฉืขืืฉืื ืกืขืืื ืืืืช ืืืื ืฉืงืืจืื ืืชื ืื"ื ืืืืืืื ืืืชื ื"ื ืืฉื ืขื ืืืืืจืื ืืืืจ ืืกืขืืื ืืืืืืื ืืืชื ืืืืื ืืืืจ ืืืืื ื"ื ื ืจืื ืืฉืคืืจ ืืืืืช ืืืื ืืื ืฉืืื ืืื ืกืจื ืืชื ืืืข"ืค ืฉืืืืืืื ืืืชื ื"ื ืืืืข ืฉืืืืื ืืื ื ืืืืื ืจืง ืืืื ืืงืืื ืืืจื ืื"ื ืืกื' ืืงืืฉ ืืฉื ืขื ืฉืืจืื ื ืืื ืฉืืื ืืื ืืก ืืโฆโ
What is fascinating here is that wedding night trauma is an experience that seems to be cross-cultural and cross-generational. Even though we do not have these customs that they had in Judea it does tell us that we could be attuned and find our way to forestall this problem. Thorough premarital counseling and education as well as rabbinic sensitivity and parental involvement is crucial. | |||
| Staying Together for the Children Psychology of the Daf Eruvin 41 Rabbi Simcha Feuerman LCSW-R, DHL | 18 Sep 2020 | 00:10:53 | |
The Daf from a Psychological Perspective For Mareh Mekomos Click Below
ืฉืึฐืึนืฉืึธื ืึตืื ืจืึนืึดืื ืคึผึฐื ึตื ืึตืืึดื ึผึธื, ืึตืึผืึผ ืึตื: ืึผึดืงึฐืึผืึผืงึตื ืขึฒื ึดืึผืึผืช, ืึฐืืึนืึตื ืึตืขึทืึดืื, ืึฐืึธืจึฐืฉืืึผืช. ืึฐืึตืฉื ืืึนืึฐืจึดืื: ืึทืฃ ืึดื ืฉืึถืึผึตืฉื ืืึน ืึดืฉึผืึธื ืจึธืขึธื. ืึฐืึดืืึผึธืึฐ? ืึดืฉึผืึธื ืจึธืขึธื ืึดืฆึฐืึธื ืึฐืึธืจึฐืฉืึธืึผ. ืึฐืึดืืึผึธืึฐ? ืึดืืึฐื ึดืื ืึผึดืึฐืชืึผืึผึธืชึธืึผ ืึฐืจืึผืึผึธื. ืึดื ื ึธืึตื, ืึดืืช ืึตืืึผ ืึผึธื ึดืื ืึดืื ึผึทืึผ, ืึฐืึธื ืึธืฆึตื ืึฐืึธืจึตืฉื ืึทืึผ.ืึฐืึทืื ื ึธืคึฐืงึธื ืึดืื ึผึทืึผ? ืึฐืงึทืึผืึนืึตื ืึตืึทืึฒืึธื. The Gemara asks: What is the practical halakhic difference that emerges from this statement? The Gemara answers: It is significant as it teaches one to accept those afflictions with love, knowing that they will exempt him from the punishment of Gehenna.
ืืืืืช ืกื, ื ืืืจ ืจืื ืืฉื ืจืขื ืืฆืื ืืืจืฉื ืืืชืื (ืืฉืื ืื, ื) ืืจืฉ ืืฅ ืืืฆื ืืืื ืืืฉืืืช ืืื ืืงืืื ืืขืื ืฉื ืกื, ื ืืืื ืืื ืืฉื ืจืขื ืืืจ ืืืื ืืงืฉืื ืืื ืชืื ืืืงืฉืื ืืื ืคืืื ืจืื ืืืจ ืืงืฉืื ืืื ืชืื ืืืืืจื ืืื ืืื
ืื ืืืืืืข ืฉื, ืืขืื ืขืืื ืื ืืืืืืข ืขื ืฉืืช ืื, ื Seems to learn it to be a metaphor for weaponizing sexuality and using it to tease and torture her husband.
ืืฉืื ืืดื:ืื ืึผึถึฃืึถืฃ ืึญืึนืจึตื ืึผึฐืึฃืึนื ืกึทืึฐืจึดึืืจ ืึฐืึตึฅืฉืึถืช ืืืื ืื [ืึดึืึฐืึธื ึดึืื] ื ึดืฉืึฐืชึผึธืึธึฝืื An endless dripping on a rainy day And a contentious wife are alike;
A couple of points:
It seems Ben Yehoyada defines an ืืฉื ืจืขื as someone who weaponizes sex. It seems that there are circumstances where one is permitted to divorce or even should divorce, but must stay due to financial considerations or child care.
I think it is important to analyze and generalize some of these ideas expressed by these Gemaras because it is easy to use or misuse general statements of chazal to reinforce self-rationalization. After all, letโs get one thing clear and out of the way, the Torah is described as ืึผึฐืจึธืึถึฅืืึธ ืึทืจึฐืึตืึพื ึนึืขึทื ืึฐึฝืึธืึพื ึฐืชึดึืืืึนืชึถึฃืืึธ ืฉืึธืึฝืึนืื Her ways are pleasant ways, And all her paths, peaceful.(ืืฉืื ื:ืืดื) so the upshot of any teaching cannot be to cause misery and suffering.
The challenge here is that the Gemara is not coincidentally in the same position as a couples therapist. If you try to bring out the side of one party with the best of intentions, often the other party feels like you are biased against them. Any Gemara about Middos and human nature is subject to many qualifications and circumstances. Having said this Introduction, let us try to understand what this Gemara might be saying and what it probably is not saying.
There is a relationship where a person uses withholding sexuality as a form of emotional blackmail. Obviously this is an unhealthy relationship and needs a resolution. At the same time, there are many circumstances where a person is traumatized, hurt or feels unsafe emotionally and that being sexual is damaging. The rabbis were obviously not referring to such a situation. And, even in the scenario where there is spite, there might be history behind that behavior. It doesnโt excuse the behavior but it does mean that every effort needs to be made to get to the bottom of the problem.
Regarding item number two, where the Gemara discusses both the imperative to get divorced and the situation that might compel a person to stay, it would seem that we can extract some universal principles from it. It also is reasonable to say that if the principles sees universal than they may apply to both genders, despite being expressed according to one genderโs viewpoint.
The two universal principles seem to be: (1) If an impossible and intractably cruel situation cannot be resolved, even if it does not involve physical abuse, it is not considered improper to divorce. (2) If there are substantial financial needs or emotional needs of the children, and one feels compelled to stay the correct attitude is to consider it a form of suffering and penance.
I would like to add a psychological footnote to item number two: There are times when encounter spouses who see themselves as โrighteousโ and โsuffering under the tyranny of an immature or difficult spouse.โ Now, I am not saying such scenarios arenโt possible, they obviously are and the Gemara is referring to such as case. However, in my experience the majority of the situations such as this involve a spouse whose own behavior is a significant factor in the difficulty, and instead of looking inward at the causes, takes on his or her suffering like a martyr. It is far easier to live an entire life suffering as a martyr than it is to experience one painful moment of self-honesty and introspection. It is easier to die al piy kiddush Hashem than it is live that way, and it is easier to be miserable with mesiras nefesh than it is to be happy or honest with mesiras nefesh. | |||
| Impatient Husbands and Niddah Psychology of the Daf Eruvin 21 Rabbi Simcha Feuerman LCSW-R, DHL | 30 Aug 2020 | 00:03:00 | |
The Daf from a Psychological Perspective For Mareh Mekomos Click Below
ืดืึฐืขึทื ืคึผึฐืชึธืึตืื ืึผ ืึผืื ืึฐืึธืึดืืืด โ ืึตืึผืึผ ืึผึฐื ืึนืช ืึดืฉืึฐืจึธืึตื ืฉืึถืึผึทืึผึดืืืึนืช ืคึผึดืชึฐืึตืืึถื ืึฐืึทืขึฒืึตืืึถื. ืึธืฉืืึนื ืึทืึตืจ: ืฉืึถืืึนืึฐืืึนืช ืคึผึดืชึฐืึตืืึถื ืึฐืึทืขึฒืึตืืึถื. โAnd at our doors [petaแธฅeinu] are all manner of choice fruits [megadim],โ these are the daughters of Israel who inform [maggidot] their husbands about their passageway [pitโแธฅeihen], i.e., they tell them when they are menstruating. Another version of this interpretation is: They bind [ogedot] their passageway and save it for their husbands, and do not have relations with others. One area of marriage that requires absolute trust are the laws of Niddah. Every woman must constantly make decisions about what internal experiences and states are important to ask sheโelos about and what are not. It is all too easy to go to either extreme, that is obsessing too much about minor issues, or becoming resentful and jaded and not asking enough questions.
My friends, in this matter, a husband is key. No matter what complication, what question, no matter how frustrating or inconvenient, no matter if she โshouldnโt have lookedโ or โshouldnโt have forgottenโ, never, ever show resentment or anger. Doing internal examinations and having to show them to others is a potentially humiliating experience. No husband should add to this distress by acting in any way annoyed or irritated. He should always be grateful and supportive that his wife expends time and energy, and is open about highly personal matters.
My friends, in Psychology of the Daf we are going to say things that others will not say. Can you imagine for a minute that in order to be intimate with your wife you had to stick a white cloth up your rectum, twice daily? And, even better, any time there was an unusual color, no matter how small, you would have to send it to a rabbi to let you know if you are โkosherโ? Try to have some empathy and understand the incredible trust and courage Jewish women have displayed for thousands of years!
I can attest there are women who hide shaalos, and even some that lie about going to the Mikvah altogether for decades, out of fear of their husbandsโ reactions. I have encountered this from women who otherwise are devout. Please do not underestimate how fearful and dysfunctional relationships can become. Be a good Jew, and be a good man. Treat your wife with sensitivity and respect regarding any matter of hilchos niddah. | |||
| Sexuality - The Peacemaker and PE Psychology of the DAF Shabbos 152 Rabbi Simcha Feuerman LCSW-R DHL | 05 Aug 2020 | 00:10:28 | |
DAF YOMI from a psychological perspective For Mareh Mekomos, Click Below
ืึตืฉืึดืื ืฉืึธืืึนื ืึผึทืึผึทืึดืช ืึผึธืึทื. He said to him: Because I have grown old, and the rocks on the road have become tall, and destinations that are near have become far away, and my two feet have been made into three with the addition of a cane, and that which brings peace to the house, namely, the sexual drive which motivates a couple to make peace, is no more.
ืจืฉืดืณ ืฉื ืืฉืื ืฉืืื ืืืืช - ืืืจ ืชืฉืืืฉ:
Niddah 31a-31b ืืืืื ืื ื ืืืื ืื ืฉืื ืืืืจื ืืื ืืืจืื ืงืฉืช ืืืจืืื ืื ืื ืืื ื ืื ืื ืืื ืืืื ืฉื ืืื ืืืจืืืช ืื ืื ืืื ื ืื ืื ืืื ืืชืื ืฉืืฉืืื ืขืฆืื ืืืื ืืื ืฉืืืจืืขื ื ืฉืืชืืื ืชืืื ืฉืืื ืื ืืื ืืืจืื ืืขืื ืขืืืื ืืืชืื ืืืืื ืื ืืจืืื ืื ืื ืืื ื ืื ืื ืืืืื ื ืืืืจ ืจื ืงืืื ื ืืืืื ื ืืขืฉืืช ืื ืื ื ืืืจืื ืืืจ ืจืื ืืจืืฆื ืืขืฉืืช ืื ืื ืื ืืืจืื ืืืขืื ืืืฉื ื
The rabbis did not have a word for female orgasm, but from the context and the Rashi below, we see that what they descriptively referred to as โthe woman giving forth seedโ, was the female orgasm. They assumed that if a man gives forth seed at the climax of his pleasure, then the woman must be doing so as well at the height of her pleasure. In some ways, it is not false, as the female orgasm is hypothesized to facilitate fertility in a variety of ways. See this study: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5087695/
Rashi Ibid ืฉืืฉืืื ืขืฆืื. ืืืืืจืืข: ืืืืื ื. ืฉืืฉืื ืขืฆืื ืืืืืจืืข: ืืืขืื ืืืฉื ื. ืฉืืชืื ืชืืืช ืืขืืื ืจืืฉืื ื ืชืื ืืืจืขืช ืื ืื ื ืื ืืชืืจืืข ืืืจืื ืชืงืืื ืืืจืขืชื ืืืขืืื ืฉื ืื:
ืจืืืดื ืืืฉืืช ืื:ื ืดืืื ืืื ืืก ืืืชื ืืืืขืื ืืขื ืืจืื ืืื ืืืขืชื ืืืชืื ืฉืืื ืืฉืืื.ืด One should not engage in the act by force or against her will. Rather he should engage with her consent, in a context of [loving] dialogue and joy.โ The source for Rambamโs formulation of โloving dialogue and joyโ is apparently none other than how Rav, the great Talmudic sage, was reported to conduct himself with his wife
ืืืจืืืช ืกื, ื ืจื ืืื ื ืขื ืื ื ืชืืชืื ืคืืจืืื ืืจื ืฉืืขืื ืืฉื ืืฉืืง ืืขืฉื ืฆืจืืื ืืืจ ืืื ืืื ืคืืืื ืืืื ืืืื ืฉืจืืฃ ืชืืฉืืื .ื''ื ืืื ื ืืื ืืช ืคืืง ืืืื ืืืจื ืืจืขื ืืืจ ืื ืชืืจื ืืื ืืืืืื ืื ื ืฆืจืื โRav Kahana lay underneath Ravโs bed [in order to study from his master how he comported himself in the bedroom]. He heard him speak, laugh, and engage in relations. Rav Kahana exclaimed, โAbba conducts himself as a starving man who has not eaten!โ Rav commanded, โKahana, you are here? Leave, as this is not proper conduct!โ Rav Kahana replied, โThis is Torah and I feel compelled to study it.โโ
Providing sexual pleasure adequately takes communication, time and practice. A common source of distress in marriage is premature ejaculation. Sexuality is an important drive and instinct. If a spouse is not interested in sexuality, this is a symptom of a problem. It could be trauma, it could be lack of emotional intimacy or sometimes it is giving up on sex because of being frustrated in npt experiencing orgasm or feeling too much pressure to perform.
Premature ejaculation is a common problem, though with correct intervention, completely repairable. Men believe that they cannot control their ejaculation when actually with the proper training and mindfulness they can learn to notice the inner processes, glands, arousal levels, blood flow etc to control arousal and ejaculation. A man can even learn to have multiple orgasms without ejaculation. Think of it like toilet training: If you lived on a planet where no one knew they could learn to control their bladder and sphincter it would seem odd if someone told you one day you can learn to control it. But actually it is possible through proper technique.
You can learn more on my youtube playlist the chosson and kallah shmooze you wish you had but never got.
See this study as well:
Background Premature ejaculation (PE) is a common sexual dysfunction among men which affects men and their partners. Little qualitative data are available to characterize the impact of PE on men and their partners about ejaculatory control, sexual satisfaction, emotional distress and relationships. The objective of this study was to assess the impact of PE from the perspective of men with PE and the female partners of men with PE on their sexual experience, distress and relationships.
Conclusion This qualitative study provides valuable insights on the substantial psychosocial burden of PE in the US and the Europe. Lack of control over ejaculation resulted in dissatisfaction with intercourse and increased emotional distress, and wide-ranging impact for both men with PE and their partners of men with PE. Source: Revicki D, Howard K, Hanlon J, Mannix S, Greene A, Rothman M. Characterizing the burden of premature ejaculation from a patient and partner perspective: a multi-country qualitative analysis. Health Qual Life Outcomes. 2008;6:33. Published 2008 May 12. doi:10.1186/1477-7525-6-33 | |||
| Sexual Blackmail Psychology of the DAF Shabbos 140 | 24 Jul 2020 | 00:11:07 | |
Rabbi Simcha Feuerman LCSW-R DHL DAF YOMI from a psychological perspective For Mareh Mekomos, Click Below
ื ึธืงึตืื ืึทืจึฐืึผึธื ึดืืชึธื ืึผึทืึฒืึธื ืึฐืึตืืึผ ืึฐืืึผืจึธื ืึผึทืึฒืึธื ืึฐืึตืืึผ. ืึทืจึฐืึผึธื ึดืืชึธื โ ืึทืึฐืึดื ืึฐืืึผ, ืึฐืืึผืจึธื โ ืึธื ืึทืึฐืึดื ืึฐืืึผ ืขึทื ืึผึฐืึดืืฆึฐืึทืขึฒืจึธื, ืึทืึฒืึทืจ ืึทืึฐืึดื ืึฐืืึผ. In order to demonstrate the value of modesty to his daughters, Rav แธคisda held a pearl in one hand and a clod of earth in the other. The pearl he showed them immediately, and the clod of earth, he did not show them until they were upset due to their curiosity, and then he showed it to them. This taught them that a concealed object is more attractive than one on display, even if it is less valuable.
Hilchos Ishus 15:18 ืึฐืึนื ืชึผึดืึฐื ึทืข ืึดืึผึทืขึฐืึธืึผ ืึผึฐืึตื ืึฐืฆึทืขึฒืจืึน ืขึทื ืฉืึถืึผืึนืกึดืืฃ ืึผึฐืึทืึฒืึธืชึธืึผ ืึถืึผึธื ื ึดืฉืึฐืึทืขึทืช ืืึน ืึผึฐืึธื ืขึตืช ืฉืึถืึผึดืจึฐืฆึถื.
ืืขืฉื ืจืงื ืืื ืชืื ืข ืืืขืื ืืื ืืฆืขืจื ืืื'. ืคื' ืงืืื ืฉืืื ืืืื ืื ืืืจื ืื ืฉืืื ื ืจืืฆื ืืืืื ืืืืชื ืฉืขื ืฉืจื ืืื ืืืจืืืช ืชืืืชื ืืืื ืืชืืจืฅ ืงืืฉืืช ืืจื"ื ื"ื ืข"ืข:
ืืืฉืืช ืืดื ืืดื ืึฐืึนื ืึถืึฑื ึนืก ืืึนืชึธืึผ ืึฐืึดืึฐืขื ืึผึฐืขึทื ืึผึธืจึฐืึธืึผ ืึถืึผึธื ืึผึฐืึทืขึฐืชึผึธืึผ ืึผืึดืชึผืึนืึฐ ืฉืึดืืึธื ืึฐืฉืึดืึฐืึธื:
Sexual blackmail is not allowed, however neither is sexuality without consent. A dialectical concern that is often framed in halakha with contradictory directives. For example, children are obligated to go to extremes to honor parents, yet parents are obligated not be demanding nor burdensome. In other words, each party has certain ethical and legal obligations -- if only, halevai, they meet somewhere in the middle! The idea is that certain forms of Torah Shebaโal Peh cannot be captured in easy written proscriptions, thus a tension is set up between two poles to allow for persons to find the middle ground, as appropriate for the situation. In general this is why, in my opinion, certain parts of the Torah is oral.
Shulkhan Arukh YD:240:3
ืขื ืืืื ืืืจืื ืืื ืืื ืืืืฉ ืืืืืืช ืืืืฉื ืืจืืฉ ืืงืื ืืืื ืืืื ืืืื ืืงืจืขื ืืืืื ืืืืืื ืขื ืจืืฉื ืืืจืงื ืืคื ืื ืื ืืืืื ืืืชื ืืื ืืฉืชืืง ืืืืจื ืื ืืื ืืืื ืืืืืื ืฉืฆืืืื ืืื: To what extent their fear? Had the son been dressed beautifully, sitting at the head of the community, and his father and mother came and ripped his clothes, hit him on his head and spit on him, he should not shame them, but rather remain silent, and fear the King of kings of kings, who so commanded him. Ibid 19 ืืกืืจ ืืืื ืืืืืื ืขืืื ืขื ืื ืื ืืืืงืืง ืืืืืื ืขืืื ืฉืื ืืืืื ืืืื ืืืฉืื ืืื ืืืืื ืืืขืืื ืขืื ืื ืืื ืฉืืื ืฉืืื ืขื ืืืืื ืืืืื ืืืื: | |||
| Psychology of the DAF Sexuality, Love and Lust Shabbos 117 Rabbi Simcha Feuerman LCSW-R DHL | 01 Jul 2020 | 00:10:32 | |
DAF YOMI from a psychological perspective. Mareh Mekomos 117b ืึธืึทืจ ืจึทื ืึธืฉึตืื: ืึฒืึตืื ึธื ืึตืืึผ ืึฐืจึทื ืึธึผืึฒื ึธื ืึฐึผื ึธืงึตื ืชึทึผืจึฐืชึตึผื ืึผืึธืฆึทืข ืึฒืึธื. ืึธืึทืจ: ืดืึดืงึฐืืึผืด ืึฐึผืชึดืื. ืจึทืึดึผื ืึตืืจึธื ืึฒืึธื ืึธึผืฆึทืข ืึทืึผืึผืึทึผืึผ ืฉึตืืืจืึผืชึตืืึผ. ืึฒืึทืจ ืึตืืึผ ืจึธืึดืื ึธื ืึฐืจึทื ืึธืฉึตืื: ืึฐืึธื ืึดืืึฐืึตื ืึฐึผืจึทืขึทืึฐืชึธื ืึผืชึธื? ืึฒืึทืจ ืึตืืึผ: ืึตึผืืึธื ืึฐึผืืื ืืึนืึธื ืึธื ืขึธืึตืื, ืึฐืึธืึดืืึธึผื ึธื ืืึผื ืึฐึผืงึธืขึธืึตืื โ ืึธื ืึดืืึฐืึตื ืึฐึผืจึทืขึทืึฐืชึธื ืึผืชึธื. ืจึทืึดึผื ืึทืึตึผื ืึฐืจึทืึดึผื ืึทืกึดึผื ืึดึผื ืึดืืงึฐึผืึทืข ืึฐืืึผ ืจึดืืคึฐืชึธึผื ืึฐืขึตืืจืึผืึธื โ ืฉึธืืจืึผ ืขึดืืึธึผืึตืืึผ, ืึธืึฐืจึดื: ืืึนืึดืื ืึฐืึดืืชึฐืขึฒืึดืื ืึทึผืึผ ืึฒืึธื ืึดืฆึฐืึธื โ ืึดืืชึฐืขึฒืึดืื ืึทึผืึผ ืึดืฆึฐืึธื ืึทืึฒืจึดืื ึธื. Rav Ashi said: I saw that Rav Kahana took two loaves in his hand and broke one, not both at once. He said in explanation that it is written: โThey collected double the bread,โ meaning that one collects and holds two loaves together, but need not break both. Rabbi Zeira would break off a piece that would suffice for his entire meal. Ravina said to Rav Ashi: Doesnโt that appear like gluttony? Rav Ashi said to him: Since on every other day he does not do this and now he is doing so, it does not appear like gluttony. Rabbi Ami and Rabbi Asi, when the bread from the eiruv would happen to become available to them, they would begin and recite the blessing over it. They said in explanation: Since one mitzva was performed with it, let an additional mitzva be performed with it.
ืจืฉืดื ืฉื ืืฆืข ืืืืืื ืฉืืจืืชืื - ืคืจืืกื ืืืืื ืืื ืื ืื ืืืืชื ืกืขืืื ืืืืืื ืฉืืช ืื ืจืื ืืืืื ืกืขืืืช ืฉืืช ืืืชืืืง ืืืืืื ืืจืื: ืืืจ ืืดื ืขืจืดื ืืืฆืื ืืืฆืืข ืคืจืืกื ืืืืื ืฉืชืกืคืืง ืื ืืื ืืกืขืืื ืืคื ื ืฉื ืจืื ืืืืื ืกืขืืืช ืฉืืช ืฉืืคืฅ ืืืืื ืื ืืจืื ืืื ืืืืื ืืจืขืืชื ืืชื ืืืื ืฉืืื ื ืขืืฉื ืื ืืืื ืฉืดืข ืืดื ืจืดื ืื ืืื ื ืฉืื ืื ืืื ืจืืื ืืืืชืจ ืขื ืืฉืชื ืืื ืืขืื ื ืืืืืจื ืืชืืจื ... ืืืฃ ืืฉืืื ืืฆืื ืืฆืื ืื ืืืืื ืืื ืืชื ืืื ืืืื ืฉืคืืจืข ืืืื ืฉืืื ืืืื ืืขืื ืชื ืืืงืืื ืืฆืืช ืืืจืื ืฉืืืื ืื ืื ืื ืขืืกืงืื ืืชืืจื ืืืงืืืืื ืืฆืืช ืืืฉืจืื ืืื ืื ืืืืื ืืชืงืื ืืืื ืฉืืฉืฉื ืืืฉืื ืืืจืื ืื ืืคื ืื ืฉืืชืื ืื ืืฆื ืืืืื ืืืืืจื ืฉืคืืจ ืืื. ืืื ืืื ืืืืื ืืืืืจ ืขืฆืื ืื ืืื ืฉืื ืืชืืื ืืขืืืจื ืื ืจืืื ืืฆืจื ืืืืจ ืืืชืืื ืื ืืืืจ ืืืื: ืืื ืื ืืื ืืฉ ืงืืื ืฉืืจ ืื (ืืืจ) ืืืชืจ ืืื ืืื ืื ืืืืืช ืืช ืืฆืจื ืืืืืืฉ ืืืชื ืื ืืืจ ืงืื ืืฉ ืืืื ืืจืขืืื ืฉืืข ืืฉืืืขื ืจืขื ืืื ืื ืฉืืื ื ืฆืจืื ืืืืจ ืืื ืฉืืขืืจืจ ืชืืืชื ืืื ืืืืืืช ืชืืืชื ืื ืืื ืขืฆืช ืืฆืจ ืืจืข ืืื ืืืืชืจ ืืกืืชื ื ืื ืืืืกืืจ ืืขื ืื ืืืจื ืจืืืชืื ื ื"ื ืืืงืฉื ืขืฆืื ืืืขืช ืืื ืื ืืื:
ืจืืืดื ืืืืืช ืฉืืช ื:ืื ืชึทึผืฉึฐืืึดืืฉื ืึทืึดึผืึธึผื ืึตืขึนื ึถื ืฉึทืืึธึผืช ืืึผื. ืึฐืคึดืืึธืึฐ ืขืึนื ึทืช ืชึทึผืึฐืึดืืึตื ืึฒืึธืึดืื ืึทืึฐึผืจึดืืึดืื ืึฐืฉึทืืึฐึผืฉึดืืื ืึดืึตึผืืึตื ืฉึทืืึธึผืช ืึฐืึตืืึตื ืฉึทืืึธึผืช. Marital relations is from the delights of Shabbat. Therefore Torah scholars [fulfill] their [set] time from one Shabbat night to [another] Shabbat night. So, perhaps just as it is not ืจืขืืชื ืืชื to eat with gusto perhaps even the recommended voluntary abstentions of Shulkhan Arukh do not apply on shabbos. | |||
| Pt 31(Addendum) Chosson & Kallah Shmooze The Free Bird Personality Rabbi Simcha Feuerman LCSW-R DHL | 22 Jun 2020 | 00:12:40 | |
In this series we will discuss the Jewish ideas about marriage, sexual pleasure, abstention, modesty, marriage communication, sexual dysfunctions such as premature ejaculation, delayed ejaculation, anorgasmia, painful intercourse, low sexual desire disparities, sexual addictions, sexual trauma and how to treat them and understand them from a Torah and psychological perspective. | |||