Welcome to The Black Mother Wound podcast where we dig deep into the unique challenges faced by Black women in their relationships with their mothers. Join us every week as we embark on an honest, vulnerable, and nurturing journey toward embracing, understanding and healing, and embracing our inner little girl.
In a world that often tries to silence our voices, this podcast is a safe space where we unpack the complexities of our relationships with the women who raised us. We confront the reality of toxic dynamics and the profound impact they have had on our lives. But we don't stop there; we're committed to unraveling the threads of generational trauma and weaving new narratives of strength, resilience, and self-love.
Visit JenniferArnise.com to start your healing journey.
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Ep 039: Overcoming Procrastination and the Journey to Worthiness
Season 2 · Episode 39
Tuesday, November 19, 2024 • Duration 36:34
In this episode of the Black Mother Wound Podcast, host Jennifer Arnese explores her struggles with procrastination, anxiety, and feelings of unworthiness—all stemming from her mother wound. She candidly shares her journey of healing, self-reprogramming, and building trust in her own abilities. Jennifer discusses the impact of childhood programming on adult behavior and the importance of acting on intuitive inspiration immediately. This unplanned, raw conversation aims to resonate with listeners facing similar struggles and offers insight into navigating self-doubt and achieving personal growth.
00:00 Introduction to the Black Mother Wound Podcast 00:40 Facing Procrastination and Anxiety 04:50 The Impact of the Mother Wound 09:45 Navigating the Gap of Unworthiness 29:12 Trusting Yourself and Overcoming Doubt 35:28 Conclusion and Next Steps
Ep 038: Reflections on Turning 50 and Life Updates
Season 2 · Episode 38
Tuesday, November 5, 2024 • Duration 31:45
How we can stay connected and work together!
1.Sign-up for my Mother Wound Group Healing Intensive - http://jenniferarnise.com 2. Download my FREE Black Mother Wound Healing Guide - http://bit.ly/bmwhealingguide 3. Work with me one on one - http://bit.ly/bmwcoachingsession 4. Order my book on Amazon - http://bit.ly/ftc-book 5. Listen to the Podcast - https://jenniferarnise.com/podcast/ *************************************** In this heartfelt episode of the Black Mother Wound podcast, I reflect on my personal healing journey amidst a staycation celebrating my 50th birthday.
I encourage you to embrace your own paths to happiness and authenticity, despite the challenges. The episode underscores the importance of making choices for one's own growth and wellbeing.
00:26 Personal Reflections and Birthday Celebration 02:06 The Emotional Impact of Self-Acknowledgment 05:10 Healing from the Mother Wound 08:23 Empowerment and Self-Approval 18:27 The Importance of Autonomy 26:23 Final Thoughts and Life Update
How do our relationships with our mother impact the way we connect with friends today?
Friends are essential pillars of support and companionship in our lives. They offer us not only camaraderie but also emotional sustenance and validation. However, our ability to form and maintain these friendships can be deeply influenced by our relationship with our mothers. When our mothers couldn't provide us with the emotional support we needed, we might unconsciously seek these from our friends instead which can lead to overcommitting in friendships, where we strive to be everything to everyone. We may fear disappointing others if we don't constantly give and sacrifice for them.
The journey of healing begins from within. Sometimes what we fail to realize is that the wounds we carry from our relationship with our mother can never be healed simply by being the best friend for others but through being a better friend for yourself. It requires acknowledging our own needs, setting healthy boundaries, and learning to prioritize our well-being without guilt or fear of disappointing others.
In this episode, I will share insights into how overcommitting in friendships can be traced back to our relationships with our mothers.
What does it mean to grieve the mother-daughter relationship we’ll never have?
Growing up, we all have an image of what a mother should be — nurturing, loving, and a source of unwavering support. Yet, for many, this ideal remains just that: an ideal. Instead, reality can be far from it, leaving a void that shapes our lives in profound ways. As children, we instinctively seek comfort, guidance, and affirmation from our mothers. However, when these foundational needs go unmet, it sets the stage for a journey marked by longing, introspection, and ultimately, grieving the absence of the mother we never had.
Many of us hold onto the hope that our mothers will change, but in reality, trying to get her to be different only hurts us more. It prevents us from truly healing. Grieving this loss is hard, but it’s necessary. It’s like opening a door to a new life where you can find more love and peace. This process involves acknowledging and feeling your emotions, taking care of yourself, and finding freedom in acceptance. Remember, this journey is about healing your relationship with yourself, not just with your mother.
In this episode, I will guide you on the journey of grieving the mother you'll never have and finding solace in nurturing your own unmet needs.
Topics Covered:
(00:00:00) Episode Snippet
Ep: 027 How to Meet the Needs Your Mother Couldn't Meet
How do you meet the needs your mother never met? There is no perfect parent, just as there is no perfect human. Some parents were unable to provide for their children materially and financially. However, there are needs that surpass those things, which we often neglect and set aside. Every person has emotional needs such as tenderness, patience, grace, understanding, and acceptance. When emotional needs are left unmet, they can significantly impact our behavior toward others and, especially, toward ourselves. Most people in this situation tend to mirror the rejection they received from others, being hard on themselves, and even neglecting the healing they truly need.
Healing from the needs your mother never met is never easy. It takes small, committed steps of self-care and self-control. It means letting go of and unlearning the habits you have become accustomed to. It involves spending time with yourself and seeking quietness to hear yourself clearly and understand your needs. It can also mean trusting yourself and being patient and appreciative of your progress. Remember, it's not your fault for what happened to you, but it's your responsibility to fix it. Stop blaming your parents, even if you have the power to, because healing cannot prosper there.
In this episode, I will guide you through the essential steps of recognizing and addressing your unmet needs.
“You're only healing if your life is changing and your life can only change when you take different actions." – Jennifer Arnise
In this week's episode we unpack the dynamics of creating a healthy relationship with yourself. Healing your mother wound is done by reparenting your inner child. And you reparent by creating a healthy and loving relationship with yourself.
Here are some questions I answered in this episode.
1. What do you mean when you say having a relationship with yourself?
2. How does the relationship with your mother effect the relationship with yourself?
3. How does someone know if they have a bad relationship with themselves?
4. Why should someone want a healthy relationship with themselves?
5. Why don’t more people focus on this relationship with self?
6. What do I do to fix the relationship with myself?
7. What are the first three things I need to start or stop doing to build a healthy self relationship?
8. How long does it take to build a healthy self relationship?
This week we focus on the work of building a healthy relationship with ourselves by developing a strong sense of self-trust. I talk all the time about how healing our mother wound has nothing to do with the relationship with our mother and everything to do with the relationship we have with ourselves.
And to put it plainly, you have fucked up, neglectful and probably pretty sucky relationship with yourself. It makes sense. There's a good chance you treat you how she treated or treats you.
In this episode we unpack why self trust is the most fundamental piece needed in building a healthy loving relationship with you.
In today's episode I dig into the never ending longing we have to get our mother to admit to her wrong doing. I go over why we do, why we need to stop and what to do instead.
(00:06:05) Are you struggling with the effects of a challenging relationship with your mother? Ready for change? Go to https://jenniferarnise.systeme.io/resolvewaitlist to join Resolve, our six-week group healing program, and start your journey to healing and self-discovery.
(00:07:02) Healthy friendships start with self
(00:08:04) Recognize your true feelings
(00:11:18) The process of building better relationships
(00:13:11) Overcommitting in friendships
(00:14:31) What does friendship mean to you?
(00:15:30) Start living your life
(00:17:01) Undo self-rejection and abandonment
(00:18:41) It's your job to rescue yourself.
Key Takeaways:
"When we grow up and we get into friendship, we become obsessed with people thinking that we are all the things that our mother wasn't to us."– Jennifer Arnise
"You can only have healthy friendships when you start being a good friend to yourself."– Jennifer Arnise
DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.
(00:11:19) How does forgiveness play into grieving the mother that we'll never have?
(00:14:12) Accepting your mother’s limitations
(00:16:41) Build a healthy relationship with yourself
(00:19:07) Build a support system around you
(00:20:58) Hold yourself in high regard
(00:22:48) Move beyond manipulation
(00:24:30) Be easy with yourself
Key Takeaways:
“When you can grieve the mother you've never had, you can also grieve the person you've pretended to be. From there you can begin to live authentically. – Jennifer Arnise
“The grieving process is like a birthing ground for something else to come.”– Jennifer Arnise
“The hardest pill you're ever going to swallow is the acceptance that you were treated poorly, neglected, abused.”– Jennifer Arnise
DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.
(00:05:05) The role of quietness in nurturing unmet needs
(00:06:39) The inability to advocate for oneself
(00:08:43) Getting honest about self-treatment
(00:10:06) The habit of self-tenderness
(00:11:58) Create a habit of appreciation
(00:13:32) Healing work takes time
(00:15:07) Building self-trust through budgeting
(00:16:38) Take small actions that build up your life
(00:17:23) What does it mean to reparent yourself?
(00:20:19) Through the Battleground to Freedom
(00:22:12) Commit to yourself
(00:23:19) Healing work can be lonely
(00:24:12) The benefit of meeting your unmet needs
Key Takeaways:
“Healing your mother wound is not about you and your mother, it's about you and you." – Jennifer Arnise
DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed psychologist, medical doctor, or health care professional and my services do not replace the care of psychologists, doctors or other healthcare professionals. All opinions expressed here are my own. If you feel you are in any danger of harming yourself please call 911. I am not providing health care, medical or nutritional therapy services, or attempting to diagnose, treat, prevent or cure any physical, mental or emotional issue, disease or condition. All opinions are my own and based on my personal lived experience.
