In the final episode of the podcast, Natalie is joined by her husband Em where they chat, answer listener questions, and say goodbye to this show which has been such a huge part of her life. 

The Joy of Saying No: A Simple Plan to Stop People Pleasing, Reclaim Boundaries, and Say Yes to the Life You Want is out now. Purchase it from your favourite bookseller.

'Reclaimed' membership | Work with me | Baggage Reclaim | Shop | Sign up for my newsletter

Leave a voice note | Support the podcast and leave a tip 

Shownotes

Natalie shares some of the realisations she's made after making a big decision.

The Joy of Saying No: A Simple Plan to Stop People Pleasing, Reclaim Boundaries, and Say Yes to the Life You Want 

'Reclaimed' membership | Work with me | Baggage Reclaim | Shop | Sign up for my newsletter

Leave a voice note | Support the podcast and leave a tip 

In this replay episode, Natalie breaks down why repeat frustrations and challenges occur and shares three key questions we can ask ourselves to break the cycle. 

Instagram | Break The Cycle Online Course | Blog | Shop

What if having your needs and wants met has absolutely nothing to do with how worthy you are and whether you 'deserve' it? Natalie shares a recent light-bulb moment and talks about why we have to stop telling ourselves the lie that our worthiness is to blame. 

Instagram | Break The Cycle Online Course | Blog | Membership

Humans don't like unsatisfactory endings, hence why we feel as if we're left hanging by the sudden cancellation of a TV series or a dodgy ending. Natalie talks about how our desire to close loops can cause us to do things like seek validation, wait for a call we didn't want or to feel as if the 'bad guy' won. 

Instagram | Break The Cycle Online Course | Blog | Membership

When someone shows us who they are, they're showing us their values. If that's different to who we are and where we want to go, we have to acknowledge this. But sometimes, despite what we know, we look to give a second (or umpteenth) chance. Natalie breaks down what's really going on in these situations so that when we do give (or receive) chances, we do so with more awareness and truth. 

Instagram | Break The Cycle | Blog | Membership

When an ex who didn't treat us with love, care, trust and respect starts saying 'all the right things', it's all-too-easy to be nostalgic. Before we plot our fairy-tale ending or abandon opportunities, our current relationship or even ourselves and the growth we've experienced since the relationship ended, let's check ourselves. 

Instagram | Courses | Blog | Membership

So many of us struggle with giving ourselves permission to feel our feelings, especially when it comes to anger. Natalie talks about why allowing ourselves to feel angry is critical to our emotional, mental, physical and spiritual wellbeing, and why acknowledging our 'silent rage' helps us to be more aware of our people-pleasing.

Instagram | Classes | Blog | Membership

What's your tolerance for discomfort, boredom or time out from your typical routine? Natalie talks about our discomfort with having time and space, especially when it means that we might feel and think more than our typical way of life allows for. 

Instagram | Classes | Blog | Membership

Natalie revisits the topic of improving communication in our intimate relationships. When we recognise that we're experiencing an issue or that we need to express difficult emotions or thoughts, we sometimes decide to keep it to ourselves so that we don't hurt the other party's feelings or ourselves. But the moment we do this, we're blocking intimacy. It creates more problems than if we'd spoken up in the first place.

Instagram | Classes | Blog | Membership

What do you do when you feel as if your whole world has been turned upside down? Well, that's something that a lot of us are feeling right now. Natalie shares some thoughts on navigating anxiety and uncertainty. She also digs into some questions/situations that have cropped up thanks to Coronavirus:

• Do I have to check up on people/family?
• My ex reached out to me. What does it mean? What do I do?
• I'm thinking about contacting my ex. Also, what am I going to do about dating???
• How do I deal with other people's anxiety about the Coronavirus?
• I feel bad about needing to run my business and selling my products/services?

Instagram | Classes | Blog | Membership

Sometimes we find ourselves in a situation where it becomes apparent that we're not taking the best care of ourselves, but also, that the other party is benefitting from it. Natalie talks about why even though we can do something, like keep messing with someone who is way more into us than we are, it doesn't mean that we should. 

Instagram | Events | Blog | Membership

Have you ever experienced stonewalling in a relationship (or possibly engaged in it yourself)? In another episode about understanding and improving communication in our intimate relationships, Natalie breaks down stonewalling including delving into three common scenarios:

• Shutting down expressing of feelings, thoughts and concerns.
• Using stonewalling and silent treatment to communicate displeasure or be punitive. 
• Stonewalling and then blindsiding with a breakup.

Instagram | Events | Blog | Membership

In this replay episode, Natalie delves into what it means to outgrow a friendship, why it happens, and also why we need to be careful of assumptions and judgements that might cause us to end a friendship unnecessarily. 

Instagram | Break The Cycle Online Course | Blog | Shop

Natalie talks about why not knowing what you want doesn't have to mean something terrible and why it's going to be tricky to listen to what you want if you're not listening to and meeting your needs. 

Instagram | Events | Blog | Membership

Meeting someone new sometimes causes us to become preoccupied with answering the question 'Are you trustworthy?' When things are going well in an area of our life, this sometimes also causes us to wonder 'When are things going to go wrong?' Natalie talks about the anxiety of waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Instagram | Events | Blog | Membership

Something that makes so many of us nervous is navigating conflict within romantic relationships. Natalie revisits her five stages of relationship framework to explain conflict and how it's part of deepening intimacy in relationships and becoming more self-aware. 

*Please note*: The correct date for the New York workshop mentioned in the episode is May 24th not 23rd. Doh!

Instagram | Events | Blog | Membership

Some people feel confused, angry and hurt when their relationship doesn't work out because they believed that the person 'should' have delivered because of self-care practices they engaged in. Natalie explains why just because someone journals, meditates, goes to yoga or therapy, it doesn't mean that they're super emotionally intelligent, really good at relationships or, yes, 'better' than you. 

Instagram | Events | Blog| Membership

Have you ever freaked out about something, noticed that you are, continued to freak out somewhat, but then calmed down? That's what happened to Natalie recently when her daughter had to prepare for five exams in one day. She shares lessons from that experience, including why we panic about "failing" at a decision and this notion that our younger self had to get everything "right" for us to have a good life today.

Instagram | Events | Blog | Membership

Texting anxiety has become increasingly prevalent over the years. Between read receipts, being able to see if they're online or when they were last online, seeing someone type and then pause, and seeing their likes on social media while you await a reply, it's pretty easy to destroy our inner peace. But what about when you're experiencing this while dating? Natalie explains why we drive ourselves crazy over strangers and why we have to use the recognition of our anxiety to change our relationship with texts and dating. 

Instagram | Events | Blog| Membership | How To Say No ebook

Trying to get something or someone to live up to the picture we painted in our mind can be a great source of hurt for us humans. It's something we have to strive to do less of to heal, grow and learn. What Natalie highlights in the first episode of 2020, though, is how part of what keeps us stuck in this disappointment cycle is that, sometimes, the very people who can't or don't want to meet those expectations *still* want us to continue expecting. Why? Because they benefit from it. 

Instagram | Events | Blog | Membership

Natalie gets ready for her Christmas break and the new year and decade ahead by sharing her thoughts on the gift of acceptance. 

Instagram | Events | Blog | Membership

So many people wonder if they're in the right relationship, but plenty wonder if they're in the right job. Given how much time we spend at work, it's understandable that disillusionment or uncertainty about it can significantly impact our sense of wellbeing. Natalie takes a deep dive into the subject of work, including what causes us to question whether we're in the right job in the first place and the signs that suggest that we're not. 

Instagram | Events | Blog | Membership

In the second of this two-part episode (part one), Natalie shares ideas for breaking the cycle of comparison.

Instagram | Events | Blog | Membership

In this replay episode, Natalie examines our relationship with rest because so many of us have internal debates about taking time off, whether for a break, pleasure, or to allow ourselves to recover from illness and burnout. 

Instagram | Break The Cycle Online Course | Blog | Shop

Do you feel inadequate around certain people or suddenly feel as if your life that you're normally happy with is like poop beside theirs? Do you come away from using social media feeling really low without realising it? Is there a persistent feeling and belief that you're not 'good enough'? These are all signs of comparison, something that all humans do but that we're often unaware of how much and how damaging it can be. In the first of this two-part episode, Natalie breaks down comparison, including sharing her own recent experiences of it. 

Instagram | Events | Blog | Membership

All humans desire acceptance the most, but a hell of a lot of us are scared of the real us being rejected and so we struggle to be ourselves. But this always leads to problems. Natalie shares lessons she's learned from spending the last few months conducting an experiment on being even more herself in a particular area of her life. 

Instagram | Events | Blog | Membership

Have you given you a hard time about interested in something or someone that turned out to be wrong for you? Or, has someone's change of interest in you or a relationship left you baffled and hurt? In this week's episode, Natalie explains why it's time to rethink our attitude to interest and recognise that interest is a hypothesis that we can learn from so that we can be more us and choose the relationships and things that reflect this. 

Instagram | Events | Blog | Membership

If you've ever been self-critical because you're stressed or feeling overwhelmed or low-energy, it's time to pay attention to these messages from your life. Natalie talks about the importance of recognising that we're stressed and over our bandwidth without having to burn out or melt down.

Instagram | Events | Blog| Membership

You Tube episode about mental health and black women

Tend to be hard on you and, for example, struggle to ask for help, feel like a burden, feel guilty for saying no, being you or having boundaries, or feel as if you parented your parents, raised your siblings or brought yourself up? There's a reason for that! 

Instagram | Events | Blog | Membership

When we think that we (or others) are 'damaged goods' because of what might be a lack of relationship experience or time spent in unhealthy or unfulfilling relationships, this dents our confidence, limits our options, but also creates unnecessary judgement. Natalie offers up a different perspective on what the experience on our proverbial relationship resume means (and doesn't). 

Instagram | Events | Blog | Membership

What's the similarity between engaging with an ex who didn't treat us very well, feeling burnt out and resentful after taking on extra work, and deliberating about or regretting something that we know isn't/wasn't a fit? They're all things that we've done or are contemplating doing *because* we perceive them to be "opportunities". Natalie breaks down why we need to be more discerning about opportunities, including sharing some tips on recognising when something *isn't* the opportunity we think it might be. 

Instagram | Events | Blog | Membership

Do you hoard, clamp, shoot, get chatty, deny/mask or cry when you need to deal with uncomfortable feelings. Natalie follows up on the previous episode about why we don't talk about our feelings by sharing six key ways we express (or don't express) our feelings and how to evolve our habits. 

Instagram | Events | Blog | Membership

Expressing our feelings, not just to others, but also to ourselves, is crucial to our emotional, mental, physical and spiritual wellbeing as well as to the health and wealth of our interpersonal relationships. So, why then, do so many of us have a pattern of not expressing our feelings? Natalie explores these reasons and more in this episode, plus in the follow-up episode next week, she'll get into the practicalities of talking about our feelings and evolving our relationship with our emotions. 

Instagram | Email | Events | Blog| Membership

When people ask or expect you to do something, or you're wondering whether there's a boundary issue, do you question whether you are being fair and reasonable in wanting or needing to say/show no? Or do you struggle to work out whether *they're* being unfair and unreasonable? If so, help is at hand. Natalie breaks down how to figure this out by acknowledging the context including your bandwidth, feelings, what's being asked/expected, and how they're going about things. 

Instagram | Events | Blog | Membership

Natalie shares her thoughts on love, loving yourself, and why we don't need to have good thoughts and feelings *all the time* or be 'healed' to experience more loving relationships.

This episode was recorded at The International Women's Podcast Festival in partnership with Pinterest on June 18th, 2022.

Instagram | Break The Cycle Online Course | Blog | Shop

If you've ever played matchmaker and had it backfire, or you've felt confused after being set up or recommending somebody, today's episode is for you. Natalie delves into some of the assumptions, biases and judgements that impair our judgement and shares tips for removing blind spots and enjoying more successful outcomes. 

Instagram | Events | Blog | Membership

How do you feel when you realise or sense that someone doesn't like you? If intrusive thoughts about this have popped up more than you would like and even kept you awake at night, you are far from being alone. Natalie shares some of the reasons why humans dislike each other. She also talks about why not being liked bothers us so much, how we are often most bothered when it's someone we don't like or when we don't feel that we've 'earned' their feelings, and she also shares some questions for self-exploration and moving forward. 

Instagram | Events | Blog | Membership

Natalie does a quick catch-up before going on her summer break until September. 

Instagram | Events | Blog | Membership

If you hardly knew somebody and something felt off, would you dismiss what you were sensing, seeing or hearing, or would you pay attention? Well, if like so many of us do, you ignored you, you're not alone. If you get niggling messages from within but dismiss them because they don't make sense or are 'inconvenient', you're definitely not alone. Natalie talks about how turning 42 and leaning into her forties has caused her to double down on listening to herself and shares ideas for tuning in. 

Instagram | Events | Blog | Membership

So many people experience shame around having needs, which is like being ashamed of breathing! Natalie delves into emotional needs and the importance of being our primary caregiver. 

Instagram | Events | Blog | Membership

Ever had somebody say something to you that *seems* like it's supposed to be taken as a compliment, but it's totally not? Or, have you been in a situation where someone's making sly digs under the veneer of a smile or being helpful? In this week's episode, Natalie delves into put-downs and how to handle them from an assertive place instead of putting you down in response. 

Instagram | Events | Blog | Membership

Many of us have some level of fear of being alone, and when this drives us, it leads to some pretty painful and dubious choices. Is being with ourselves really that bad? Natalie delves into alone versus lonely, why alone doesn't equal 'unloved', and more. 

Instagram | Events | Blog | Membership

When things don't go according to plan and we feel baffled by someone's behaviour or the outcome, retracing our steps will inevitably reveal the slippery slope that we were on with our boundaries. 

Instagram | Events | Blog | Membership 

There are 5 stages of relationships, and stages 0-1 set the foundation for what lies ahead (or doesn't). Natalie talks about the parallels between dating and job searches and how adopting a recruiter mindset keeps us grounded during these crucial stages so that we can be more discerning and set ourselves up for being available for the type of relationship we say that we need and want.

Instagram | Events | Blog | Membership

Natalie explores why so many of us don't realise that the pressure we feel to be or do certain things isn't always about what we actually want. Often it's about what we think we're supposed to want because we're, for example, approaching or in our forties, are a woman of a certain age, or because it's what our parents told us was the way life works. 

Instagram | Events | Blog | Membership

A big part of being more boundaried is knowing the difference between doing things from a place of desire versus doing them from a place of obligation. Natalie shares the insights she learned from a recent decision where she's deviated from her own and other people's expectations.

Instagram | Break The Cycle Online Course | Blog | Shop

When Natalie had to train for the 2018 London Marathon in less than four months, it didn't take long before she realised that she was employing lessons she'd learned from doing No Contact and her initial struggle to create healthy boundaries. If you battle an inner critic that encourages you to do stuff only to switch things up and scare the bejaysus out of you about those same choices, or you wrestle with perfectionism or backtrack on changes you've decided to make because of the discomfort you experience, this episode is for you. 

Instagram | Events | Blog | Membership

How good do you feel about yourself and a relationship if it feels like you had to campaign or even hound your partner into committing? Yeah... exactly. Natalie talks about commitment-resistance and why it's time to stop trying to drag commitment out of people. 

Instagram | Events | Blog | Membership

Do you know the difference between empathy and overempathy? Well, if you feel as if you've been burned by rescuing or helping, or you've stayed in situations long past their sell-by-date, it's time to discover the difference. 

Instagram | Events | Blog | Membership