Explore every episode of the podcast The Autism Mums Podcast

We've been hearing from so many mums in our community lately who are struggling with school and the different options, so we wanted to bring this incredibly important conversation with Laura Vermeulen back to the top of your feed.

If your child is struggling to attend school, you might be wondering what the options are. In this week's episode of The Autism Mums Podcast we welcome back Lauren Vermeulen from Victory-us to talk about EOTAS (Education Otherwise Than At or In School).

Lauren is the founder of Victory-us, an independent SEND Teacher - supporting, empowering and providing EOTAS to send children. Lauren has taught in a variety of schools and SEND provisions, leading emotional regulation, behaviour support trainings and PSHE. She has expertise in supporting children with bespoke and tailored learning and mental health support, to ensure children flourish on education otherwise than at school. She now supports children their families who can’t access school and need tailored support.

• EOTAS stands for Education Otherwise Than At or In School. It is specifically for children who hold an EHCP - this is what sets it apart from elective home education. When a child has an EHCP and cannot be educated in a school setting, the responsibility for funding and meeting that child's needs sits with the local authority, not the parent.
• EOTAS is not the same as home education. If your child has an EHCP and you are educating them at home, the local authority still has a legal duty of care - and that includes funding. The LA must ensure all of Section F is being met.
• Getting EOTAS agreed can be a lengthy process. Local authorities are required to work through a list of provisions under Section 61 before EOTAS can be agreed - from mainstream, to resource bases, to specialist and independent schools, to online provision. This is why having a well-written EHCP that accurately reflects your child's needs is so important from the start.
• EOTAS is not just a tutor. A proper EOTAS package should address all of Section F - educational, health, and care needs. Emotional regulation, OT, SALT, therapy, and community access can all be part of the package, not just academic learning.
• Positive evidence matters. When building a case for EOTAS, it's not just about what isn't working - it's about evidencing what does. Is your child engaging with an online platform? A tutor? An activity based on their special interest? All of this counts.
• Section 19 is a different but related route. If your child cannot attend school for health reasons (including emotional school-based avoidance), and has had 15 or more consecutive days out of school, Section 19 may apply - even without an EHCP. It's intended to be temporary, but it can be a valuable window to collect evidence of what works.
• The goal of EOTAS is holistic, not just academic. Lauren challenges the idea that education means the national curriculum. Life skills, emotional regulation, self-advocacy, sensory needs, and community access are all valid - and essential - parts of a child's education.
• EOTAS can and should be reviewed regularly. Families should expect six-weekly check-ins with the LA, as well as annual review. If the LA identifies a school placement, parents are not obligated to accept it - as long as they can evidence why it would be less suitable than the current provision.
• You don't have to figure out the package alone. Lauren works with families to design bespoke EOTAS packages built around the child's interests, needs, and outcomes - starting with what the child loves and working backwards from there.

MindJam — Emotional and SEN support for young people through gaming, game design and digital skills

Kiwi STEM Boxes — subscription-based learning activity boxes referenced in the context of EOTAS packages

Lisa Lloyd - ASD with a G&T

Book a free 30 minute call with Lauren via the Calendly link on the bottom right-hand side of her website.

Website: www.victory-us.co.uk

Instagram: @victoryus.lv

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Half-term brings its own kind of pressure, even before Halloween enters the picture. In this episode, Victoria and Natalie talk about what happens when routine disappears for a week, Halloween itself, what the holidays are 'supposed' to look like, and building a version that actually works for your family.

• Half-term can bring anxiety even when a child is genuinely excited to be off school
• Halloween costumes and face paints can feel uncomfortable
• A visual timetable can help make an unstructured week far easier to manage
• Keeping a simple record of appointments, meetings and behaviour patterns can be helpful to use as evidence for diagnosis, EHCPs and panel reviews
• Quiet downtime after an activity can help some children recover and regulate

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In this episode, we’re joined by John Ossipinsky, known online as “The Lymph Man,” to talk about a part of the body most of us never think about, the lymphatic system. John has spent years studying how this network of vessels clears waste and inflammation, and he shares his take on how it might connect to the way our children feel, think and cope day to day. He covers posture, diet, deep breathing, and a simple shoulder exercise you can try at home.

John Ossipinsky, known as LymphMan, is a Lymphatic Health Coach and host of The Lymph-Brain Revolution Podcast. He’s spent over 30 years as a Certified Lymphedema Therapist, with advanced training in CranioSacral Therapy and Visceral Manipulation, helping thousands of clients improve their quality of life. In this episode he talks about how supporting the lymphatic system, movement and inflammation can help teens and adults on the autism spectrum feel more balanced.

• The lymphatic system has no pump of its own, unlike the heart and blood. It relies on movement, posture and breathing to keep it flowing.
• Poor posture and long periods on screens with the head down restrict lymph flow in the neck, something John says affects adults and children alike.
• When the lymphatic system can’t clear cellular waste, it builds up as inflammation, which can show up anywhere in the body: skin, joints, brain.
• Diet has a direct effect on lymph flow. A typical Western diet (meat, bread, white flour, sugar) is acid-forming, and acidity restricts the lymphatic system.
• Small daily habits, deep breathing, movement, and what John calls the “Lymph Man Shoulder Shuffle”, can noticeably improve lymph flow in just a few minutes.

John’s free gift: Lymphatic System Health Guide & 7-Day Plan — https://www.johnossipinsky.com/lymphmans-lymphatic-system-health-guide

Website: www.HealthyLymphSystem.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lymphman/

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X: https://x.com/LymphMan

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LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/john-ossipinsky-60520914/

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In this episode of The Autism Mums Podcast, we're talking about the mistakes schools and professionals make that might seem small to them but can be enormous for autistic children and SEND families.

We share our own experiences of placements that worked and placements that broke down, including in specialist schools and alternative provisions where you'd expect staff to know better. We talk about what happens when promises aren't kept, when communication breaks down and when timelines drift, and why for some children, once trust is gone, there's no easy way back.

We also talk about why parents raise concerns early, why that isn't being overprotective, and what schools can do that same week when a parent says their child is close to not coming in.

• Knowing the child before they arrive matters. Reading the EHCP and asking parents about likes, dislikes and triggers can make or break a placement
• The first session counts. For many autistic children, one bad experience can lead straight to refusal
• Keeping promises is essential to a child's sense of safety, and broken promises are rarely forgotten
• You can ignore the behaviour, but you should never ignore the child. A child left alone in a shutdown can feel abandoned
• Whatever caused a meltdown or shutdown needs addressing quickly, not days later
• Ignoring requests for meetings or a child's anxieties is one of the fastest routes to placement breakdown
• Clear timelines help anxious children. "Later" needs to mean a specific day and time
• Schools don't get endless chances. With some autistic children it can be one strike, not three
• Once a child says they're done, there's often no way back, so needs must be met much earlier
• Children who mask or comply at school may be holding it together until they get home, so parents often see the full picture when staff don't
• Parents aren't trying to be difficult. They're trying to stop the placement they fought for from breaking down
• Placement breakdown is rarely sudden. It usually follows weeks, months or years of anxiety, broken trust and missed opportunities

• Acknowledge the concern quickly
• Believe the parent
• Speak to the child in a way they can manage
• Give a clear plan and follow up when promised
• Avoid making promises they can't keep
• Repair broken trust directly
• Review things in days or weeks, not months
• Understand that attendance problems are often a sign of distress, not defiance

• Education, Health and Care Plans (EHCPs)
• The National Autistic Society's EarlyBird programme

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Greer Jones, host of The Unfinished Idea podcast is back on the show. Since we last spoke she's launched the Beautifully Wired Summit, a free three-day online event for mums raising girls with ADHD and autism, and her first book, So, Now What? is out in November. We talk about:

• The moment Greer realised she had ADHD herself
• Why she wrote her book and decided to run a summit
• And the benefits of breathwork

If you're at the start of this journey and feeling completely on your own, this one's for you.

Greer Jones is a speaker, writer and podcast host who is passionate about building understanding and connection in the neurodiverse world. As a mum raising an autistic and ADHD child, and part of a neurodivergent couple herself, she brings honesty, empathy and lived experience to her work. She is the creator of The Unfinished Idea podcast and online community, where she offers encouragement, practical tools and a reminder that no one has to walk this journey alone. Her story has been featured in podcasts, conferences and publications, inspiring families to embrace their unique path with hope and courage.

• Girls and women with ADHD and autism are still being missed, and many mums only recognise their own neurodivergence after their child is diagnosed.
• A diagnosis can bring relief as well as questions. For Greer, it was proof she wasn't "crazy", just wired differently.
• Getting one answer about your child often leaves you with a hundred more questions. A broad overview can help before you go deep on any one topic.
• "They're having a hard time, they're not trying to give me a hard time" helps parents respond rather than react during meltdowns.
• Deep pressure, like a firm squeeze, can help some children regulate during a meltdown.
• Breathwork is free, always available and backed by science on calming the nervous system.
• Support packages often focus on the child and forget the parent. Mums need to be in the equation too.
• Isolation is one of the hardest parts of raising a neurodivergent child, and community is what brings the light back in.
• Celebrating wins, big or small, matters for children and parents alike.

• The Beautifully Wired Summit (5 to 7 October), a free three-day online summit for mums raising girls with ADHD and autism
• So, Now What? by Greer Jones, out 11 November
• It All Makes Sense Now by Meredith Carder
• @ReWildBreathwork, the breathwork account Greer mentions learning from
• Greer's first episode with us: Essential Advocacy Tips for Parents of Neurodivergent Children (Episode 31)

• Website: theunfinishedidea.com
• Instagram: @theunfinishedidea
• Podcast: Neurodivergent Conversations, available on all podcast platforms

• Website: theautismmums.com
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In this episode of The Autism Mums Podcast, we're joined by autistic author, speaker and former teacher Pete Wharmby. We first saw Pete speak at the SEND protest in London, and we knew straight away we wanted him on the show.

Pete's latest book, Different Minds: How We Can Help Our Autistic School Children Thrive, looks at what school is really like for autistic children, and why so many of them are struggling. Drawing on his years in the classroom, his own school days and his experience as a parent of an autistic daughter, Pete talks about the inflexibility of mainstream school, from strict uniform rules to stationery checks, and why the problem lies with the system rather than with our children.

We also talk about masking, the signs that a child may be holding it together at school and paying for it at home, how masking can tip into burnout, and how Pete recognises burnout in himself as an adult. Pete shares his thoughts on lunchtimes and break times, why lockdown "broke the spell" of school for so many families, and the one idea he'd love every teacher to understand: the double empathy problem.

Pete Wharmby is an autistic author and speaker who was diagnosed as autistic at 34, and later with ADHD. He spent many years working as a teacher before turning his focus to autism and neurodiversity awareness and acceptance, after being shocked by the statistics around depression, anxiety and life expectancy for autistic people.

Pete now delivers talks, keynotes and training for schools, workplaces and organisations across education, health and justice. He is the author of What I Want to Talk About, Untypical and his latest book, Different Minds. He's also a parent to an autistic daughter.

• Autistic children's struggles at school are not their fault, and school refusal is far more likely the less flexible the school environment is.
• Mainstream school has become more rigid over the last 15 years, at the same time as awareness of neurodivergence has grown, creating a real clash for families.
• Autistic children need flexibility around uniform, lunchtimes, homework and timetables, because every child's needs are different.
• Meltdowns after school rarely come from nowhere; they're often the result of a day full of sensory and social stress.
• Masking at school often carries on at home, so look for exhaustion, irritability, "blank positivity" about the day and a lack of detail.
• Encouraging a child to stop masking completely at school can put them at risk, so the priority is giving them real downtime at home.
• Masking can eventually give way to burnout, which can then lead to depression if it isn't recognised and supported.
• Break times and lunchtimes are unstructured and can be the hardest part of the day for some autistic children.
• Talking openly with children about autism helps them understand their own brains and make their own choices, such as when to socialise and when to rest.
• For many autistic children, lockdown showed that school as we know it isn't inevitable, and many families have since chosen home education.
• A child's enthusiasm for school is fragile, and once broken it is very hard to rebuild.
• Autistic children respond to teachers who show humanity and can admit when they've got something wrong.
• The double empathy problem means autistic and non-autistic people can misunderstand each other, and teachers, as the adults, should help bridge that gap.
• A lack of eye contact or a direct way of speaking is not rudeness; it's often simply an autistic way of communicating.

• Different Minds: How We Can Help Our Autistic Schoolchildren Thrive by Pete Wharmby
• Pete's other books, What I Want to Talk About and Untypical
• Cothú parent training programme with AUsome Training

• Website: https://petewharmby.com/
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/pete_wharmby_books
• Facebook: Pete Wharmby - Autistic Author
• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/pete-wharmby-58a2131b2

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In this episode of The Autism Mums Podcast, we're talking about EBSA: emotionally based school avoidance, sometimes called school distress or school anxiety. It's a term most parents only come across once things are already really difficult, when mornings have become impossible, your child is melting down before school, or they're holding it together in the classroom and falling apart the moment they get home.

We share our own experiences of watching our children struggle to go in, the things we tried that didn't work (including being told, more than once, that maybe we were the problem), and what we've learned about supporting a child through it without forcing them over the threshold. We talk about why "school refusal" is the wrong way to think about it, what's really going on underneath, how to spot the signs before things reach crisis point, and what to do when mainstream school just isn't the right fit anymore.

If you're in the middle of that fog right now, wondering whether this is normal, whether you should be pushing them to go in, or whether you're somehow making it worse, this episode is for you.

• EBSA stands for emotionally based school avoidance, also known as school distress or school anxiety
• It's "can't", not "won't": a child avoiding school is communicating that something feels unsafe, not being defiant
• Warning signs include meltdowns, shutdowns, physical complaints like headaches or stomach aches, and gradually increasing absences
• Many autistic children mask at school and hold it together, then collapse once they're home, so "they seem fine once they're through the door" doesn't tell the full story
• School can overwhelm autistic children through sensory overload, unpredictable transitions, and constant social demands
• Physically pushing a reluctant child through the school gates can get them through the door, but it can damage trust without solving what's actually going on
• Keeping a detailed log of patterns, symptoms and school communication helps build the evidence families need for meetings and referrals
• Working with the school on genuine adjustments, and asking what's making school hard rather than how to get attendance up, changes the whole conversation
• When mainstream school isn't right, alternatives like specialist provision, home education, online provision or EOTAS can be legitimate paths forward

• National Autistic Society
• IPSEA (Independent Provider of Special Education Advice)
• Not Fine in School
• PDA Society
• Neuroinclusive Education Network (formerly the Autism Education Trust)
• YoungMinds
• Cerebra
• Your local SENDIASS service and local parent carer forum (search "SENDIASS" or "parent carer forum" plus your council area to find yours)

Another school year, another round of settling in, and if the excitement wore off around day two, you are not alone.

In this episode we get honest about what settling in to school really looks like for autistic children and their parents. Not the picture-book version, where everyone skips happily through the gates, but the version most of us actually live: the good days, the wobbly days, and the moments when the school says everything's fine and then your child falls apart the second they're back in the car.

We talk about masking, restraint collapse, and why settling in isn't a straight line, a supply teacher or a change to the timetable can undo weeks of progress. We also share the practical things that have helped in our own homes, from visual timetables and countdown timers to low-demand afternoons and communication books with school, plus how to know when it's time to ask for more support.

• Settling in rarely looks like the picture-book version, and that's normal, not a sign you're doing something wrong
• Settling can go backwards, a supply teacher, a change to the timetable, or a break like Christmas can undo weeks of progress
• A school saying "they're fine" doesn't cancel out what you see at home, restraint collapse is real and often shows up with the people your child feels safest with
• Visual supports, like timetables and countdown timers, remove uncertainty and can calm anxiety even for children who read and talk well
• Low-demand afternoons matter more than a big welcome-home activity, most children just need space to decompress after school
• Keeping a written record of what you're seeing, however small it feels at the time, builds the evidence you may need later for referrals or support
• If home behaviours aren't shifting despite the visual supports and low-demand time, it's worth raising it properly with the teacher and the SENCo together
• Don't forget your own wellbeing in all of this, you can't pour from an empty cup, and it's okay to lean on other parents going through the same thing

• Pete Wharmby's book, Different Minds: How we can help our autistic school children thrive
• Countdown/colour-change timers used for transitions
• Visual timetables and Velcro picture schedules
• Weighted blankets
• Nesti compression pod

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In this week’s episode of The Autism Mums Podcast we welcome Alex Richardson, ambassador for the National Autistic Society.

Alex Richardson is an ambassador for the National Autistic Society, a role he has held since 2018. Diagnosed with autism at five, Alex has become a passionate voice for autism awareness, sharing his life online.

• Alex's parents trusted he would get there 'in his own way and his own time', and he credits this approach for his confidence today
• When Alex first started going to watch the football his dad took him two hours early, to a quiet stand, to let the noise build up slowly around him, and now, years later, he no longer arrives early and doesn't sit in a quiet stand.
• College was a really positive experience for Alex because he was accepted as 'just Alex.'
• The shop Alex was too anxious to walk to as a child became his first part-time job
• Alex has experienced festivals and venues becoming more accessible. Sensory tents and quiet camping are increasingly available, and Alex's own feedback helped bring quiet camping to a major festival

The National Autistic Society - https://www.autism.org.uk

Alex's film, My Autism Journey - https://youtu.be/7QMi9lEySEk

The sunflower lanyard scheme (Hidden Disabilities Sunflower) - https://hdsunflower.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/alexrichardsonautism

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@alexrautism

YouTube: https://youtube.com/@alexrichardsonautism

Threads: https://www.threads.com/@alexrichardsonautism

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In this episode of The Autism Mums Podcast, we're talking about the new school year and everything that comes with it — for our children and for us.

We share where we both are right now: one of us with a youngest starting mainstream school for the very first time, the other with one child going back to specialist school for what could be a final year and another moving into an EOTAS package that nobody can yet describe. We talk honestly about the anxiety that starts building in mid-August, the dread of going back to the phone calls and the meetings, and the guilt that can come with feeling relieved that term is finally starting again.

We also get practical. We cover uniform and sensory sensitivities, easing sleep and routine back into place, social stories and settling-in visits, what decompression can look like after school, and how to prepare for those first conversations with school.

Whatever this time of year brings up for you, we hope this one helps you feel a little less alone.

• Back to school can bring anxiety, dread, relief and guilt all at once, and every one of those feelings is valid
• Feeling relieved that term is starting again doesn't make you a bad parent — it means you're human
• The lack of routine and support over the holidays can be as hard on families as term time is
• For some children, losing routine affects their eating and sleeping, and getting back to school is exactly what they need
• Going back is rarely just going back — new classrooms, new teachers and new timetables all add to the load
• Sending timetables or changes home at the end of term can backfire if there's nobody available to talk them through
• Uniform can be a significant sensory barrier, and seamless socks, softer fabrics and cutting out labels can all help
• Wearing new uniform and shoes at home before term starts spreads the change out instead of landing it all on day one
• You can ask for reasonable adjustments to uniform if it's a genuine barrier to your child's education
• Shifting bedtimes gradually in the weeks before term makes the first morning less of a shock
• Social stories, settling-in visits and using the school site over the holidays can make a new school feel familiar
• Decompression after school matters, and it looks different for every child — movement and noise for some, quiet and solitude for others
• “How was your day?” can be too big a question, and smaller, specific ones asked at the right moment often work better
• Emailing school just before term starts can get meetings and support in place early, while staff are less stretched
• Preparing for school meetings with notes, logs and specific examples makes it much easier to be heard
• Leaving a meeting with clear next steps — who is doing what, by when, and when it will be reviewed — stops things drifting
• You are doing your best under very difficult circumstances

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We're re-releasing another episode from the archives this week where we talk about the practical ways we can help our autistic children with daily life.

We’re sharing some of the things that have helped us make daily life a bit easier with our autistic children. From using timers and visual timetables to experimenting with tooth brushes and finding softer clothing.

These are ideas that have worked for us, they might help you too, or simply offer reassurance that you’re not alone on this journey.

Timers and visual supports can help ease transitions by giving your child a sense of control and predictability.

Choosing soft, seamless clothing may make a difference for children who find layers uncomfortable.

Toothbrushing challenges might be eased by trying different tools like U-shaped or triple-angled toothbrushes.

Flexibility is key - what works one day might not work the next, and that’s okay.

Planning days out in advance with visual itineraries can reduce anxiety about what's coming next.

Noise sensitivity might be supported by using ear defenders, earbuds, or listening to favourite music.

Strong smells can sometimes be managed with things like balaclavas or carrying scents like orange oil to mask overwhelming smells.

Having a sensory kit (with familiar snacks, toys, and calming tools) may offer comfort when you're out and about.

Here are some of the tools and resources discussed in this episode:

• Visual timers
• Laminated visual timetables
• Seamless/sensory-friendly clothing
• U-shaped toothbrush and triple-angled toothbrush
• Ear defenders
• Bach's Rescue Remedy
• Orange Essential Oil
• Tiger balm
• The Early Birds course by the National Autistic Society
• Stretchy resistance bands for calming sensory feedback

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In the next of our Summer Series of The Autism Mums Podcast, we're returning to our episode where we're talking about the journey to getting an EHCP - what it is, why it matters, and what the process looked like for our families.

We’ll share the lessons we learned along the way with the hope that it helps you navigate the process and feel a little more prepared.

An EHCP can provide vital, legally binding support

You don't need a formal diagnosis to apply for an EHCP

Schools may not always initiate an EHCP request. If they don't parents can.

Timelines and deadlines are crucial - keep a track of key dates.

Support groups, SENDIASS and organisations like IPSEA can provide guidance and practical help.

The right provision can make a huge difference to your child's wellbeing.

SENDIASS (Special Educational Needs and Disability Information Advice and Support Services)

IPSEA (Independent Provider of Special Education Advice) — ipsea.org.uk

EarlyBird course (National Autistic Society support programme for parents)

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In the next of our Summer Series of The Autism Mums Podcast, we're returning to our episode where we're tackling a small daily chore that can become a huge battleground — teeth, toothpaste and trips to the dentist.

Using our own stories, we explore why toothbrushing can be so difficult for autistic children: the sensory overload, the disruption of routine, strong reactions to flavors and textures, and how a wobbly tooth or a filling can turn a familiar ritual upside down.

• Sensory and routine issues can be at the root of toothbrushing struggles — a wobbly tooth, change in texture, or a disrupted order of brushing can cause significant anxiety.
• We've found it helpful to experiment with alternative toothbrushes (U‑shaped, three‑sided, or electric brushes) and different toothpaste flavours.
• Small, staged steps and backward chaining (parent starts, child finishes) can rebuild confidence when a routine is interrupted; it may be necessary to take steps back to move forwards.
• Dental professionals who slow down, explain steps, and ask permission can make appointments far less traumatic — specialist services or hospital dentists may be necessary and very helpful.

Dr Barman Toothbrushes

U-Shaped Toothbrushes

Hi-Smile Toothpastes

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In the next of our Summer Series of The Autism Mums Podcast, we're returning to our episode where we're talking about how relationships can shift when your family begins navigating autism, even before a diagnosis is confirmed. As priorities change and the reality of advocating for your child sets in, friendships can evolve, strengthen, or sometimes drift apart.

• Raising an autistic child can reshape your priorities and change the person you become.
• How advocacy for your child can challenge social expectations and sometimes make others uncomfortable.
• Friendships may evolve as your life begins to revolve around meeting your child’s needs.
• Connecting with other parents of neurodivergent children can create powerful understanding and support.
• Surrounding yourself with compassionate, supportive people can make the journey feel less isolating.

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In the next of our Summer Series of The Autism Mums Podcast, we're returning to our episode where we're talking about autistic burnout.

We share our personal experiences of supporting our children through burnout, from shutdowns and sensory overwhelm to emotional exhaustion and withdrawal. We also open up about how life events (including unexpected changes and disruptions to routine) can tip the balance and lead to burnout.

We explore what autistic burnout can look like in children, what can cause it, and most importantly what can help.

• How autistic burnout can present
• Increased meltdowns, shutdowns, or physical complaints can be signs your child is overwhelmed and exhausted
• Sensory sensitivities can intensify during burnout, making everyday things feel unbearable
• Changes to routine, environment, or support systems can trigger or worsen burnout
• Balancing energy-draining and energy-giving activities can support recovery
• Gentle, low-pressure outings (like time in nature) can help rebuild energy over time
• Reducing demands and allowing flexibility can support your child’s nervous system
• Burnout is usually temporary, and with the right support, children can recover and feel like themselves again

Understanding Autistic Burnout

Autistic burnout: When navigating a neurotypical world becomes too much

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In the first of our Summer Series of The Autism Mums Podcast, we're returning to our episode where we're talking about travelling with autistic children. Whether it's a one night stay, a weekend with grandparents, or a long holiday.

Trips that other families might find routine can involve a huge amount of planning, uncertainty, and sensory challenges - different beds and pillows, unfamiliar food, noisy or crowded spaces, and even hidden safety hazards in accommodation.

We're sharing our experiences - what helped, what didn't, and our suggestions of what might help you too.

• Small preparations can help. Consider doing short practice stays before a long trip and build up time away gradually if that feels manageable for your family.
• Bring familiar comforts: favourite pillows, blankets, trusted foods, and familiar toiletries (toothpaste, shampoo) can reduce sensory upset and make sleep and routines easier.
• Pack a comfort/essentials bag: include fidget toys, calming smells, noise-reducing items, a spare set of safe foods, charging cables and any sensory supports you rely on.
• Make plans but stay flexible: a loose “what if” plan for meltdowns, exits or separation can help you respond quickly, but be ready to adjust if things change.
• Think about personal space: shared rooms or cabins can reduce opportunities to retreat. Consider quieter accommodation options, balconies or separate rooms where possible.
• Check provider policies in advance. Ask hotels, cruise lines or attractions about quieter rooms, room layouts, food policies and any autism-friendly services they offer.
• Use airport and venue support. Request assistance like fast-track check-in, quiet lounges or sensory rooms where available to reduce waiting and crowd stress.
• Balance siblings’ needs. Plan some separate activities or downtime so children with different needs can recharge without upsetting each other.
• Learn from each trip. Make brief notes about what worked and what didn’t so your next trip can be easier to plan.
• Be kind to yourselves! Not every holiday will go perfectly. Celebrate small wins and prioritise calm and safety over trying to “do it all.”

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When ITV News aired a story featuring an anonymous whistleblower who had worked inside a council SEND department, the reaction across the SEND community was striking.

It wasn’t shock.

It was recognition.

In this week's episode of The Autism Mums Podcast, we reflect on the allegations raised in the report, including claims of deliberate delay tactics, avoidance of written records, and communication strategies that left families feeling ignored or pushed aside.

We also share our own lived experiences navigating the system:

• Unanswered emails and calls
• Out‑of‑office responses at critical moments
• Meetings missed, placements delayed
• Being told consultation had happened when it hadn’t
• Feeling dismissed, emotional, or labelled “difficult”

We explore why so many families feel they are only taken seriously when they escalate to tribunal and what it does to parents when exhaustion feels like part of the process.

This conversation is not about attacking individuals.

It is about acknowledging patterns that many families describe, discussing the emotional impact of prolonged delays, and asking difficult but necessary questions about accountability and reform.

If the whistleblower story resonated with you, this episode creates space to process it together.

You were not imagining it.

You were not being “difficult.”

And you are not alone.

• Many SEND parents felt the whistleblower story confirmed what they had already experienced.
• Ongoing delays and lack of communication can leave families feeling dismissed and exhausted.
• With most tribunal appeals decided in families’ favour, many parents feel escalation is often necessary to be heard.
• Keeping clear written records and requesting decisions in writing is essential for protecting yourself.
• While the process can feel overwhelming, knowing your rights and seeking support can shift the balance.

ITV News report discussed in this episode:

https://www.itv.com/news/2026-07-03/council-staff-told-to-delay-access-to-send-support-whistleblower-claims

SEND Tribunal Statistics (Ministry of Justice):

https://www.gov.uk/government/collections/tribunals-statistics

IPSEA (Independent Provider of Special Education Advice):

https://www.ipsea.org.uk

SENDIASS (Special Educational Needs & Disability Information, Advice & Support Services):

https://councilfordisabledchildren.org.uk/what-we-do-0/networks/information-advice-and-support-services-network/find-your-local-ias-service

Special Needs Jungle coverage of the story:

https://www.specialneedsjungle.com

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In this week's episode of The Autism Mums Podcast we welcome SEND dad and advocate, Ricky Du Plessis, to the show.

Ricky Du Plessis is a SEND dad, advocate and podcast host on a mission to support the parents and professionals who care for children with special needs in overcoming the associated chronic stress. His son has level-3 autism and an ongoing ARFID assessment, so he lives the chronic stress he talks about. Unusually, Ricky was deep into metabolic health and the link between metabolic health and our mental resilience, before his son was born and his needs emerged, and that head start is genuinely what has stopped Ricky from burning out under the chronic stress load. He now writes, speaks and hosts a podcast making the case that caring for the caregiver is the most overlooked part of SEND support, but one every family deserves.

• The caregiver is the primary intervention – if the parent or carer's wellbeing is compromised, everything that flows to the child is compromised too.
• The hardware/software analogy – your mind (software) runs on your body (hardware), so physical health directly shapes mental resilience and capacity to cope.
• Metabolic health is central – nutrition, sleep, light and movement all feed into your metabolic health, which underpins both mental and physical wellbeing.
• Focus on nourishment, not calories – prioritise essential, bioavailable nutrients (e.g. retinol from liver vs beta-carotene from carrots) rather than counting calories.
• Protect your sleep hygiene – wind down screens before bed, dim the lights, and avoid caffeine after midday to let sleep pressure (adenosine) build properly.
• Prioritise everyday movement (NEAT) over just gym sessions – being less sedentary throughout the day matters more than a single workout.
• Cut back on alcohol – even a small amount interferes with sleep quality.
• Find your "logical entry gateway" – pick one area (nutrition, movement or sleep) that resonates with you and aim to improve it a little each day rather than seeking perfection.
• Looking after yourself isn't vanity – as the caregiver, your wellbeing is foundational to your capacity to support your child, especially during critical developmental windows.

Brain Energy by Dr. Chris Palmer

Learn more about Ricky's guidance and framework in his free substack https://substack.com/@rickyduplessis

Website - https://www.rickyduplessis.co.uk/

LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/ricky-du-plessis/

Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/ricky.du.plessis.85

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If your child is struggling to attend school, you might be wondering what the options are. In this week's episode of The Autism Mums Podcast we welcome back Lauren Vermeulen from Victory-us to talk about EOTAS (Education Otherwise Than At or In School).

Lauren is the founder of Victory-us, an independent SEND Teacher - supporting, empowering and providing EOTAS to send children. Lauren has taught in a variety of schools and SEND provisions, leading emotional regulation, behaviour support trainings and PSHE. She has expertise in supporting children with bespoke and tailored learning and mental health support, to ensure children flourish on education otherwise than at school. She now supports children their families who can’t access school and need tailored support.

• EOTAS stands for Education Otherwise Than At or In School. It is specifically for children who hold an EHCP - this is what sets it apart from elective home education. When a child has an EHCP and cannot be educated in a school setting, the responsibility for funding and meeting that child's needs sits with the local authority, not the parent.
• EOTAS is not the same as home education. If your child has an EHCP and you are educating them at home, the local authority still has a legal duty of care - and that includes funding. The LA must ensure all of Section F is being met.
• Getting EOTAS agreed can be a lengthy process. Local authorities are required to work through a list of provisions under Section 61 before EOTAS can be agreed - from mainstream, to resource bases, to specialist and independent schools, to online provision. This is why having a well-written EHCP that accurately reflects your child's needs is so important from the start.
• EOTAS is not just a tutor. A proper EOTAS package should address all of Section F - educational, health, and care needs. Emotional regulation, OT, SALT, therapy, and community access can all be part of the package, not just academic learning.
• Positive evidence matters. When building a case for EOTAS, it's not just about what isn't working - it's about evidencing what does. Is your child engaging with an online platform? A tutor? An activity based on their special interest? All of this counts.
• Section 19 is a different but related route. If your child cannot attend school for health reasons (including emotional school-based avoidance), and has had 15 or more consecutive days out of school, Section 19 may apply - even without an EHCP. It's intended to be temporary, but it can be a valuable window to collect evidence of what works.
• The goal of EOTAS is holistic, not just academic. Lauren challenges the idea that education means the national curriculum. Life skills, emotional regulation, self-advocacy, sensory needs, and community access are all valid - and essential - parts of a child's education.
• EOTAS can and should be reviewed regularly. Families should expect six-weekly check-ins with the LA, as well as annual review. If the LA identifies a school placement, parents are not obligated to accept it - as long as they can evidence why it would be less suitable than the current provision.
• You don't have to figure out the package alone. Lauren works with families to design bespoke EOTAS packages built around the child's interests, needs, and outcomes - starting with what the child loves and working backwards from there.

MindJam — Emotional and SEN support for young people through gaming, game design and digital skills

Kiwi STEM Boxes — subscription-based learning activity boxes referenced in the context of EOTAS packages

Lisa Lloyd - ASD with a G&T

Book a free 30 minute call with Lauren via the Calendly link on the bottom right-hand side of her website.

Website: www.victory-us.co.uk

Instagram: @victoryus.lv

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If you've ever felt like your child's Education, Health and Care Plan isn't being properly implemented this episode is for you. In this episode, we're joined by specialist SEND teacher and advocate Lauren Vermeulen, founder of Victory-Us, to break down exactly what parents can do when a school isn't following an EHCP.

Lauren is the founder of Victory-us, an independent SEND Teacher - supporting, empowering and providing EOTAS to send children. Lauren has taught in a variety of schools and SEND provisions, leading emotional regulation, behaviour support trainings and PSHE. She has expertise in supporting children with bespoke and tailored learning and mental health support, to ensure children flourish on education otherwise than at school. She now supports children their families who can’t access school and need tailored support.

• An EHCP is a legal document - the provision written into Section F must be delivered by the school
• If you suspect the EHCP isn't being followed, your first step is to request a meeting with the SENCo and highlight specifically what is missing from Section F
• Schools receive funding to implement the EHCP - if they say they don't have the resources, a cost of provision can be requested
• If the issue isn't resolved, you can request an emergency annual review and involve the Local Authority
• Section E (outcomes) should be reviewed at every annual review and should directly link to the provision in Section F - if they don't reflect your child's current needs, you can request amendments
• An EHCP covers education, health, and care - if sensory needs, emotional regulation, or health provisions are being missed, that matters, even if your child appears to be meeting academic targets
• You don't need to be an expert to advocate - you know your child best, and it is not your responsibility to spell out how provision should be delivered, that's the school's job
• Free support is available via organisations like IPSEA if you need help navigating the process

IPSEA (Independent Provider of Special Education Advice) — free legal advice for families: www.ipsea.org.uk

Book a free 30 minute call with Lauren via the Calendly link on the bottom right-hand side of her website.

Website: www.victory-us.co.uk

Instagram: @victoryus.lv

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In this week's episode of The Autism Mums Podcast, we’re talking about ADHD — what it is, how it’s diagnosed in the UK, the traits parents might notice, and how it can interact with autism in real life.

ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) is a neurodevelopmental condition that affects attention regulation, impulse control and activity levels. But beyond the clinical definitions from the NHS and NICE guidance, ADHD is lived — in busy mornings, movement breaks, emotional intensity, creativity and exhaustion.

We explore:

• What the NHS and NICE say about ADHD
• How ADHD is assessed and diagnosed in the UK
• The signs of inattention, hyperactivity and impulsivity
• Why ADHD is often misunderstood as “bad behaviour”
• How ADHD and autism can co‑occur
• Practical support strategies at home and school

We also share our own lived experience navigating assessment, waiting lists and day‑to‑day life because understanding the guidance is one thing, but living it is another.

ADHD is neurodevelopmental not a parenting issue.

It begins in childhood and relates to how the brain develops and functions. It is not caused by poor discipline or “naughtiness.”

Diagnosis in the UK requires a full specialist assessment.

ADHD cannot be diagnosed through a single questionnaire or short GP appointment. It involves developmental history, school input and evidence of impairment across settings.

Symptoms fall into three main areas.

Inattention, hyperactivity and impulsivity — though children may present with a combination, and hyperactivity isn’t always physical.

ADHD and autism often co‑occur.

Executive functioning challenges, sensory needs, routine preferences and impulsivity can interact in complex ways, making everyday life feel layered and exhausting.

ADHD also comes with strengths.

Creativity, passion, humour, curiosity and energy are often part of the picture.

NHS

NICE

YoungMinds

ADHD Foundation

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In this week's episode of The Autism Mums Podcast we're going back to basics and talking about what autism actually is.

We cover what autism is and what it isn't, why the word 'spectrum' is so widely misunderstood, and what it can feel like to hear that word applied to your child for the first time. We also get into some of the phrases that drive every autism parent quietly up the wall and why they matter more than people realise.

• Autism is a neurodevelopmental difference - it's about how the brain develops and processes information. It's present from birth and it's lifelong.
• The spectrum isn't a straight line. It's more like a colour spectrum - a profile of different strengths, challenges, sensitivities, and support needs that looks different in every person.
• Social communication differences don't mean autistic people don't want connection. They mean they may communicate and connect differently.
• Repetitive behaviours, strong special interests, a need for predictability, and sensory differences are all part of how autism can present and they can look very different from one child to the next.
• Autism can co-occur with anxiety, ADHD, or learning disabilities but autism itself is a neurotype, not an illness.
• 'We're all a little bit autistic' is well-meaning but misleading. Being autistic means having a distinct, lifelong neurological framework and phrases like this risk minimising the real challenges many autistic people and their families face.
• 'They don't look autistic.' What people often can't see is the masking, the mental exhaustion, and the cost of holding it together.
• A diagnosis can bring fear and grief but also relief and validation. Many parents describe a shift from panic to advocacy — from 'what is this?' to 'what can I do?'
• Support needs vary widely and can change across different life stages. What works in primary school may not be enough in secondary. Support isn't static.

National Autistic Society -www.autism.org.uk

Autistic UK www.autisticuk.org

NHS - Autism overview and diagnosis pathways: www.nhs.uk/conditions/autism

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In this week's episode of The Autism Mums Podcast we're talking about the proposed SEND Reforms 2026 and what they could mean for families across the UK.

The Government says the changes aim to make mainstream schools more inclusive, reduce EHCP numbers, and introduce new “layers” of support but many parents are concerned about what this could mean for legal protections, specialist provision, and access to support.

After attending a local community meeting with our MP and submitting our own consultation response as parents, we share the common themes, key concerns, and the questions that still remain unanswered.

This isn’t about resisting reform, it’s about making sure reform strengthens the system, and doesn't weaken children’s rights.

1. EHCP access could change significantly.
2. Proposals suggest EHCPs may eventually be reserved for children with “the most complex needs” but there is currently no clear definition of what that means.
3. Specialist Provision Packages (SPPs) may replace detailed individual plans.
4. This risks shifting from a needs‑led system to a more standardised, package‑based approach.
5. Legal enforceability is a major concern.
6. If support moves from Section F of an EHCP into Individual Support Plans (ISPs), it may not carry the same legal protection.
7. Mainstream inclusion requires real resources.
8. Training, inclusion bases and expert advice sound positive but without more educational psychologists, therapists and specialist teachers, implementation may fall short.
9. Need must drive provision — not budgets or system design.
10. Reform can only succeed if it strengthens accountability, preserves rights, and ensures support is delivered in practice.

Michael Charles' Facebook page

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Puberty is a long season of change and for neurodivergent children, that can feel especially overwhelming. In this episode, Victoria and Natalie are joined by Cath Hakanson, sex educator and founder of Sex Ed Rescue, who shares practical, reassuring guidance on talking to autistic and ADHD kids about puberty, bodies, and growing up.

Cath is late-diagnosed autistic and ADHD herself, and brings both professional expertise and lived experience to the conversation.

Cath Hakanson is a clinical sexuality educator, registered nurse, and founder of Sex Ed Rescue, a global platform that has supported over a million families with honest, shame-free sex education. With more than 25 years of clinical experience spanning sexual health nursing, sex therapy, and health promotion, Cath has made it her mission to help parents have the conversations they were never taught to have. Late-diagnosed AuDHD herself and a parent of neurodivergent kids, she brings both expertise and lived experience to her work. Her approach is simple, factual, and built for real family life, neurospicy or otherwise.

• Start early and keep it small. Introducing puberty from age four or five through books, casual comments, and everyday moments which means it's never one huge overwhelming conversation.
• Puberty isn't necessarily different for neurodivergent kids, but the way they experience and process it often is. Sensory sensitivities around hygiene routines, body hair, and discharge can all create friction.
• Before you problem-solve, ask. The single most useful thing you can do is ask your child what's getting in the way, the answer might surprise you.
• Small, natural, low-pressure conversations, once a month, in the car, over a TV show, are far more effective and keep the door open for questions as they grow.
• Hormones can hit differently with a neurodivergent nervous system. Helping your child understand why their emotions might feel more intense during puberty is part of the conversation too.
• It's never too late to start. Whether your child is four or eighteen, beginning the conversation now is always better than not beginning it at all.

Cath's Top Ten Sex Education Books - https://sexedrescue.com/sex-education-books

Hair in Funny Places by Babette Cole https://babette-cole.com/10550-2/

AUsome — Autistic-led neurodiversity training - https://ausometraining.com

Free Guide: Sex Education for Neurodivergent Kids - For parents of autistic and ADHD kids who want a clearer way to approach sex ed without making it feel bigger or harder than it needs to be. https://sexedrescue.com/neuroaffirmingsexed

Website: https://sexedrescue.com

Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/cathhakanson

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In this week's episode of The Autism Mums Podcast Natalie is joined by psychotherapist, author and former NHS specialist nurse Caroline Sutton to talk about Emotionally Based School Avoidance (EBSA) and why so many neurodivergent children experience school as overwhelming or unsafe.

When a child can’t go to school, it’s rarely about defiance.

Caroline shares over 37 years of professional experience supporting children and families, alongside her lived experience as a neurodivergent parent. Together, we explore the emotional and neurological roots of school anxiety and why traditional behaviour-based approaches often make things worse.

If you’ve ever been told to “just make home less appealing” or that your child is being manipulative, we hope this conversation will feel validating, hopeful and reassuring.

Caroline Sutton is a psychotherapist, author, and former NHS specialist nurse with over 37 years of experience supporting children and families. Drawing on her professional background and her lived experience as a neurodivergent parent, she brings a deeply compassionate approach to understanding emotionally based school avoidance (EBSA) and anxiety in young people. Through her private practice, writing, and public speaking, Caroline helps parents and professionals see beyond behaviour to the emotional and neurological roots of distress. Her work blends clinical insight with personal understanding, empowering families to rebuild safety, trust, and hope in education and at home.

What Emotionally Based School Avoidance (EBSA) really means

Why school avoidance is not the same as defiance

The link between autism, ADHD, anxiety and burnout

How the nervous system responds when school feels unsafe

Why forcing attendance can increase distress

Signs your child may be heading toward burnout

How to balance encouragement with emotional safety

Supporting transitions back to school after holidays

The importance of compassion for parents navigating EBSA

📘 A Compassionate Approach to School Anxiety by Caroline Sutton

Ebook

Paperback

🎁 Free Download: Caroline’s Return to School Checklist

👥 Caroline’s private Facebook membership for parents

Instagram

Website

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Sensory differences affect up to 95% of autistic people, yet they’re often misunderstood as “fussy” behaviour or being dramatic.

In this episode, we break down what sensory processing really is.

Key Takeaways

• The 8 sensory systems (not just the 5 you learned at school)
• Hypersensitivity vs hyposensitivity
• Sensory defensiveness
• Why supermarkets, lunch halls, hand dryers and clothing can feel unbearable
• How sensory overload impacts eating, sleep, learning and behaviour
• Practical strategies for calming, alerting and organising regulation

We also share personal examples from our own families and discuss how to support sensory needs at home and in school, with curiosity, compassion and less shame.

Because behaviour is communication and regulation matters more than compliance.

The National Autistic Society

Beat Eating Disorders

Loop earplugs

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In this week's episode of The Autism Mums Podcast we're talking about what to do when your child is struggling and support feels a long way off.

We talk honestly about what it feels like when things start to break down before any formal support is in place, and share the practical things that actually helped us and our children during that difficult waiting period.

• You are not alone — there will be other parents in the same situation, often hovering outside the same school gate.
• Schools receive additional funding for children on the SEN register even without an EHCP. You can ask how this funding is being used to support your child.
• Under Section 19 of the Education Act 1996, your local authority has a legal duty to provide suitable full-time alternative education for children who cannot attend school - this applies whether or not your child has an EHC plan.
• Councils and schools don't always tell you what's available. Do your own research.
• SENDIASS offers free, impartial advice.
• When your child's nervous system is overwhelmed, reduce demands across the board, including everyday things like getting dressed or sitting at the table. This is temporary, and you can rebuild later.
• Lean into whatever regulates your child, whether that's screens, gaming, Lego, or their special interest. This is not the time to restrict it.
• Movement, nature, and quieter environments can be powerful regulators, particularly away from busy, sensory-heavy places.
• Other parents ahead of you on this journey are one of your best sources of information.
• If you can access the Early Bird course (or a similar programme in your area) even before a formal diagnosis it can be well worth it.
• It is okay to say no to birthday parties, family events, and social obligations that are too much right now, for your child and for you.
• Look after yourself. Connect with other parents, speak to your GP, consider counselling. You cannot advocate well for your child if you are running on empty.
• Trust yourself. You know your child better than anyone. Don't let that be swayed.

SEN Budget for Mainstream Schools

Advice about School Anxiety

Getting Temporary Education Put in Place

SENDIASS — free, confidential, impartial advice and support for families of children with SEND: find your local service

The Horse Course — equine intervention for children with anxiety: thehorsecourse.org

Early Bird Programme — support for families of autistic children, usually post-diagnosis

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In this episode, Natalie and Victoria talk about raising siblings who have different needs.

• How sibling dynamics shift over time, especially as children reach their teens
• The unique challenges that come with PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance) in sibling relationships
• Why it's important to let siblings just be siblings, rather than stepping into a co-parenting role
• Sensory clashes between siblings — when one child's coping mechanism is another's trigger
• Explaining autism to younger siblings in an age-appropriate way
• How to handle meltdowns when both children need you at the same time
• Fairness vs. equality — why "everyone gets what they need" is a more helpful frame than equal treatment
• The importance of one-on-one time and separate activities for each child

Wonderfully Wired Brains: An Introduction to the World of Neurodiversity An informative and inclusive children's guide to neurodiversity for those not in the know and to inspire children who are neurodivergent.

MyTime Young Carers — weekly online activities and events for siblings of disabled children

Sibs — UK charity dedicated to supporting brothers and sisters of disabled people

Young Sibs

Contact

Carers Trust

Sense

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Victoria Bennion: [00:00:00] In this episode, we're talking about what it can look like growing up with an autistic brother and sister. What does that look like for siblings?

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah, so we are coming at it from the perspective of parents observing a sibling relationship

every family is different, but there are definitely common things that come up that I'm sure you'll recognize.

Victoria Bennion: One of the things that comes up, I've noticed is difference in development. Sometimes there's an age gap and sometimes there isn't, but you might notice children reaching milestones. In a different order or at a different pace than you expected?

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah, I definitely noticed that with mine. I think I've been thinking about this a lot more recently because I have a younger daughter, older son. A son with diagnosis, and the rates of development of each child, in some ways the youngest is catching up with the oldest when there's a five-year difference.

And looking at the impact of that on the older one. I think it can bring up mixed [00:01:00] feelings for siblings

sometimes it can be motivating or encouraging, but other times it can feel confusing, especially when trying to understand something that seems easy for one child and it's hard for the other.

Victoria Bennion: I think that's where gentle age, appropriate explanations can help a bit. Talking about how everyone's brain works differently and how development isn't a straight line.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah, we've used books in the past. I don't know if you've, done that. Mine's a much younger child, but we have started introducing, what autism is to her and we do have a book that explains that brains work differently, which we can link to in the show notes, which could be quite helpful.

Victoria Bennion: That's a good idea. We've used a couple of videos, which would been helpful, but not books, but mine are a little bit older.

Natalie Tealdi: I think another thing that comes up for us is that communication styles can be different. So if one child has PDA, and big anxieties around demands, that can be quite tricky for a sibling to understand.

Victoria Bennion: Oh, yeah. Particularly if one uses direct language, even if they [00:02:00] don't mean it unkindly, it can feel like pressure to the other sibling and the other sibling doesn't always realize

Natalie Tealdi: yeah, we definitely have that with my youngest is trying to be mothering and be helpful.

But using quite a lot of language, like trying to tell my son what to do and it doesn't always go down well 'cause it's not quite how we would phrase things either. So trying to be helpful, but then it's kind of backfiring.

Victoria Bennion: Yeah. Something that we've found it quite helpful to do is to try to reinforce to the older siblings that they don't need to be.

Co-parent. They don't need to try to manage the other's behavior, on our behalf. I've said that's what me and your dad are for. Your role is to be a sister. But that's something that we've really had to be mindful of and work on because it was causing problems.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah. And you really wanna protect that relationship. That brother sister relationship can be so important. And you don't really want one of them to be thinking the repair and the other, a child saying,

Victoria Bennion: no, absolutely not.

[00:03:00] I think really when you're managing different needs within a household or two autistic children that might have really different profiles, there can be this clash and it can be really tricky.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah, definitely. Like one might really need to make noise or repetition or move more and the other might need quiet and space and predictability and that can be really hard to cater for those needs.

Victoria Bennion: Yeah, we've had that. When we were on holiday, we were in a situation and it was quite crowded and one. My children needed to make noise to regulate themselves, and the other needed silence, and then they're rubbing each other up the wrong way and getting very cross. I mean, it's, neither of these needs are wrong, but.

It can create friction.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah. We have that in the car sometimes as well. Like one will need to make noise. The other really desperately wants some quiet and this really boring journey and I just wanna zone out. So it is at that point we building breaks. Let's have a stop here. And I run around lots and lots of breaks on long trips, drips.

Yeah. [00:04:00] So with parenting, you're not just supporting the siblings individually, you're also supporting the relationship between them.

Victoria Bennion: Yeah, that's important, and I think it's about explaining the behaviors in a way that builds empathy between them, helping them understand each other's nervous systems and what each need.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah. And I think, that can be received and it just depends how they are at the time, can't it? Sometimes they can be understanding and sometimes they just don't really care. Absolutely. We do our best.

Victoria Bennion: I've certainly noticed the dynamic shifted as one of my children became a teenager. When they were

younger, It was much easier, but I think maybe becoming older and then wanting more responsibility, that might have changed it a bit and it widened that gap.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah. Another thing that is quite important to talk about is the invisible child dynamic.

Victoria Bennion: Yes. The child who isn't in crisis, the one that's seeming to be able to cope, the one who gets described as the easy one. I mean, I have one of those once upon a time.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah, I think it changes depending on [00:05:00] what phases everybody's in. Doesn't it?

Victoria Bennion: Well, for sure in our household it's definitely like a Seesaw one is okay and it's not.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah. But I think children can learn really quickly not to add to the stress at home. You know, be quiet, Don.

Disrupt the balance. And so they might downplay their own needs.

Victoria Bennion: Yeah. It can look positive on the surface. They can look mature, responsible, understanding, but underneath there can be needs that aren't being voiced.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah, so it is definitely worth...

In this week's episode of The Autism Mums Podcast we're returning to the subject of PDA, or Pathological Demand Avoidance.

PDA is a profile of autism where the standout feature is demand avoidance - and the behaviours that come with it are often misunderstood, dismissed as naughtiness or stubbornness. We're drawing on guidance from the PDA Society alongside our own lived experience to help you understand what's really going on, and what actually helps.

• PDA is an autism profile where everyday demands can trigger intense anxiety and a need for control.
• Responses commonly look like fight, flight, freeze, or fawn.
• Many children with PDA have a spiky profile - real strengths in some areas and significant challenges in others. Appearing articulate or socially capable can mask what's really going on inside.
• Some common approaches make things worse - strict routines, reward charts, behaviour systems, and countdowns can all increase anxiety and erode trust. It varies so much between children.
• Think of boundaries with an elastic band around them: knowing what really matters and letting the rest go.
• Language matters. Swapping direct demands for gentle suggestions, indirect phrasing, and offering real choices can make a significant difference.
• Responding with compassion, curiosity, and calm - even when you're screaming inside - is what keeps things from escalating.
• The PDA Society frames this as a human rights issue, grounded in dignity, freedom, and choice — and that perspective can help justify approaches that might feel counterintuitive to others.
• School settings often struggle with PDA because surface compliance hides deep need. Good assessment and clear educational planning really matter.

PDA Society - https://www.pdasociety.org.uk

PDA Society Support and Training - https://www.pdasociety.org.uk/support-and-training/

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57 - Parenting PDA

[00:00:00]

Victoria Bennion: In today's episode, we're returning to a subject that we've covered before PDA, but this time, , we wanna go a little bit more deeper into it, is it something that comes up on a regular basis? And particularly as we were talking about the transitions that the children are going through as they grow up, and how you then handle that with a PDA child.

Natalie Tealdi: PDA, which is pathological demand avoidance and the behaviors that come with it are often misunderstood. We've both learned so much more since the episode we did on this before, and we want to share that experience with you.

Victoria Bennion: Yeah, we're gonna make sure that we draw on guidance from the PDA society, and we'll combine that with our own lived experience.

Talking about common traits.

What happens when every day demands trigger intense anxiety, how a rights-based approach changes our responses and where you can go to for support.

Natalie Tealdi: The PDA Society describes PDA as a profile of autism, where the standout feature is demand [00:01:00] avoidance. So people struggle with everyday demands, even ones they want or need to do.

Victoria Bennion: Yeah, it's often mistaken for naughtiness or being really stubborn. So without the right understanding and support, PDA can really have a massive effect on daily life.

Natalie Tealdi: The key point is this demand avoidance is usually driven by anxiety and a need for control. I think that's been a really important one for me to understand. I try to come at it as a point of view of. My child's anxious and they need support rather than them just being

Defiant.

Victoria Bennion: Again, I know we say this a lot, but it's can't rather than won't, but it's just the way those behaviors come out that I think to someone who doesn't know what's going on, it can look like your child's being really, really naughty.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah.

Victoria Bennion: I know that we have to be really careful about the language that. We use so that it doesn't come across as a demand, because , if it sounds like a demand and it can feel threatening to the [00:02:00] child and then their anxiety that they feel spikes into panic. So yeah. The PDA Society outlines four common responses.

Fight, flight, freeze, and fawn.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah. So fight can look like oppositional or aggressive behavior. Flights may be leaving, hiding, running away. I know some children climb trees to get away, to somewhere that's nice and quiet and away from

Victoria Bennion: sound like you have experience of this.

Natalie Tealdi: And freeze can be zoning out or becoming non-verbal.

And fawn is people pleasing or over agreeing to avoid conflict.

Victoria Bennion: Well that's interesting.

Natalie Tealdi: Mm.

Victoria Bennion: So one of my children certainly freezes. So it's the zoning out and becoming non-verbal. That's what I would see a lot. And I didn't have a good understanding of what PDA was for a while. I saw it as the fight that you would see.

So it took me a little longer to realize that's what was going on.

Natalie Tealdi: I think between us all four of those things are kind of covered by our kids.

Victoria Bennion: [00:03:00] Yeah. Yeah. I think we can, we can cover those.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah.

Victoria Bennion: For sure. One of the things that we have to be careful about is for example, saying you need to go and have a shower now.

That is just gonna be a flat out No. So I've learned over time that it's better to say. I think it would be a good idea to have a shower today. When would suit you? When do you think? Then even if we agree a time that would be forgotten. So I would then likely put a reminder on so it's not me then pressuring it's two o'clock, you said you'd have a shower at two o'clock.

I get Alexa to do it.

Natalie Tealdi: Right.

Victoria Bennion: That seems to work better for us, but a teacher at my son's first school actually used some of those techniques with him , it was in a report that was done where someone was observing that she actually worked those into her, language.

It said in the report that he was wearing gloves but had been given a laptop. So as she walked away, she said gloves off rather than, you must take [00:04:00] your gloves off. It was things like that

Natalie Tealdi: like just a little suggestion, but also not even using the, the eye contact or anything.

Victoria Bennion: That's what was picked up on I think it was quite skillfully done, and that's what's needed, but I've only really become aware of it in the last few months of how much. More I need to be using the techniques that would work for PDA rather than autism.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah. I think it's something we've talked about as well is as the children are getting older and you want to encourage a bit of independence in some areas, but also is trying to find that right balance, isn't it, by gently encouraging, but not pushing and making them stressed.

Victoria Bennion: Yeah, definitely. ,

Natalie Tealdi: PDA goes beyond just demand avoidance.

Victoria Bennion: Yeah, Many people with PDA have what's known as a spiky profile, so they have real strengths in some areas and big challenges in others.

For example, a child could be really articulate but completely unable to answer a direct question. When [00:05:00] stressed the words. Just go. I mean, that's definitely one of my children.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah. And that masking can be exhausting. Surface behavior can make it look as though someone is coping, but that coping uses so much energy that it needs to break down later.

Victoria Bennion: Yeah. I was recently actually in a meeting about one of my children and this came up and I was really surprised that. They obviously cover it so well that nobody sees those struggles. It's pretty much as we've just described, because they're articulate. No one's seeing like the intense emotions that are going on inside because they're managing that superficial social interaction.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah. So is it then like coming out?

Victoria Bennion: Yeah. What I then see is refusal. And just an inability to cope and exhaustion.

There are some approaches that are definitely going to be worse if a child has PDA.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah. So like strict routines, behavior charts.

Did

In this 'in case you missed it' episode Victoria and Natalie chat with Julie Green, author of Motherness, to explore the realities of parenting through autism both as a mum to an autistic son and as a woman who discovered her own autism later in life.

Julie M. Green is a Canadian writer whose work has been featured in the Washington Post, HuffPost, The Globe and Mail, Today’s Parent, and Chatelaine. She has appeared on CTV, BBC Radio, SiriusXM, and CBC Radio. She writes The Autistic Mom on Substack. For more information, visit JulieMGreen.ca.

• Autism in girls and women can look very different from the traditional stereotypes. Julie explains that while boys can be identified through visible traits like lining up toys or having clear special interests, girls may channel their autistic traits into more socially acceptable interests
• Many girls mask their differences by copying peers
• The importance of seeing challenging behaviour as communication, not defiance.
• How self-compassion and reframing past experiences can heal years of misunderstanding and self-blame
• The need for schools and systems to replace punishment with understanding and co-regulation.

Motherness: A Memoir of Generational Autism, Parenthood, and Radical Acceptance

The Autistic Mom Substack

The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible by Ross W Green

National Autistic Society

Website: juliemgreen.ca

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/juliem.green

Substack: https://theautisticmom.substack.com/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/julie-m-green-34bb1845/

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In this week's episode of The Autism Mums Podcast we're talking about travelling with autistic children. Whether it's a one night stay, a weekend with grandparents, or a long holiday.

Trips that other families might find routine can involve a huge amount of planning, uncertainty, and sensory challenges - different beds and pillows, unfamiliar food, noisy or crowded spaces, and even hidden safety hazards in accommodation.

We're sharing our experiences - what helped, what didn't, and our suggestions of what might help you too.

• Small preparations can help. Consider doing short practice stays before a long trip and build up time away gradually if that feels manageable for your family.
• Bring familiar comforts: favourite pillows, blankets, trusted foods, and familiar toiletries (toothpaste, shampoo) can reduce sensory upset and make sleep and routines easier.
• Pack a comfort/essentials bag: include fidget toys, calming smells, noise-reducing items, a spare set of safe foods, charging cables and any sensory supports you rely on.
• Make plans but stay flexible: a loose “what if” plan for meltdowns, exits or separation can help you respond quickly, but be ready to adjust if things change.
• Think about personal space: shared rooms or cabins can reduce opportunities to retreat. Consider quieter accommodation options, balconies or separate rooms where possible.
• Check provider policies in advance. Ask hotels, cruise lines or attractions about quieter rooms, room layouts, food policies and any autism-friendly services they offer.
• Use airport and venue support. Request assistance like fast-track check-in, quiet lounges or sensory rooms where available to reduce waiting and crowd stress.
• Balance siblings’ needs. Plan some separate activities or downtime so children with different needs can recharge without upsetting each other.
• Learn from each trip. Make brief notes about what worked and what didn’t so your next trip can be easier to plan.
• Be kind to yourselves! Not every holiday will go perfectly. Celebrate small wins and prioritise calm and safety over trying to “do it all.”

Website – https://theautismmums.com/

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In this week's episode of The Autism Mums Podcast we’re talking about autistic burnout.

We share our personal experiences of supporting our children through burnout, from shutdowns and sensory overwhelm to emotional exhaustion and withdrawal. We also open up about how life events (including unexpected changes and disruptions to routine) can tip the balance and lead to burnout.

We explore what autistic burnout can look like in children, what can cause it, and most importantly what can help.

• How autistic burnout can present
• Increased meltdowns, shutdowns, or physical complaints can be signs your child is overwhelmed and exhausted
• Sensory sensitivities can intensify during burnout, making everyday things feel unbearable
• Changes to routine, environment, or support systems can trigger or worsen burnout
• Balancing energy-draining and energy-giving activities can support recovery
• Gentle, low-pressure outings (like time in nature) can help rebuild energy over time
• Reducing demands and allowing flexibility can support your child’s nervous system
• Burnout is usually temporary, and with the right support, children can recover and feel like themselves again

Understanding Autistic Burnout

Autistic burnout: When navigating a neurotypical world becomes too much

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In this episode of The Autism Mums Podcast we’re tackling a small daily chore that can become a huge battleground — teeth, toothpaste and trips to the dentist.

Using our own stories, we explore why toothbrushing can be so difficult for autistic children: the sensory overload, the disruption of routine, strong reactions to flavors and textures, and how a wobbly tooth or a filling can turn a familiar ritual upside down.

1. Sensory and routine issues can be at the root of toothbrushing struggles — a wobbly tooth, change in texture, or a disrupted order of brushing can cause significant anxiety.
2. We've found it helpful to experiment with alternative toothbrushes (U‑shaped, three‑sided, or electric brushes) and different toothpaste flavours.
3. Small, staged steps and backward chaining (parent starts, child finishes) can rebuild confidence when a routine is interrupted; it may be necessary to take steps back to move forwards.

1. Dental professionals who slow down, explain steps, and ask permission can make appointments far less traumatic — specialist services or hospital dentists may be necessary and very helpful.

Dr Barman Toothbrushes

U-Shaped Toothbrushes

Hi-Smile Toothpastes

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In this week's episode of The Autism Mums Podcast Victoria and Natalie talk about how relationships can shift when your family begins navigating autism, even before a diagnosis is confirmed. As priorities change and the reality of advocating for your child sets in, friendships can evolve, strengthen, or sometimes drift apart.

1. Raising an autistic child can reshape your priorities and change the person you become.
2. How advocacy for your child can challenge social expectations and sometimes make others uncomfortable.
3. Friendships may evolve as your life begins to revolve around meeting your child’s needs.
4. Connecting with other parents of neurodivergent children can create powerful understanding and support.
5. Surrounding yourself with compassionate, supportive people can make the journey feel less isolating.

Website – https://theautismmums.com/

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Victoria Bennion: [00:00:00] In today's episode, we're talking about something that doesn't always get discussed openly, but that many parents on the autism journey experience, and that's how friendships can change. When you're raising an autistic child or autistic children, your life can begin to look very different from the one that you imagined or the one that you used to have. Your priorities shift, your time becomes limited, and you often find yourself advocating for your child in ways you never expected.

All of that can have an impact on the relationships around you. Some friendships grow stronger, some drift apart, and sometimes you find new connections with people who truly understand your journey.

In this episode, we are reflecting honestly on our own experiences, the changes we've noticed in ourselves, the challenges that can arise with longstanding friendships and the new supportive communities we've discovered along the way

. if you've ever felt like your world and your relationships have changed we hope this conversation helps you feel a little less alone.

It's [00:01:00] interesting, something I've noticed how friendships shift when I was going to say after the diagnosis of autism, but in my life I can go back to the playground when my son was at first school and he was really struggling to go in in the mornings and me being in the playground outside late trying to persuade him to go in and realizing that I wasn't alone and that there were other parents in the same position and it was really lovely from that point of view.

As I know we've talked on the podcast before about how you make new relationships, make new friends, but I think it's also important to talk about what happens with existing friendships and situations. It's something that I've been thinking about quite a lot recently. I think that it's a common struggle because your life goes in a very different direction and

certainly I find my priorities changed and I wouldn't have had the understanding that I do [00:02:00] now, and it could just cause me to reflect really.

Our journey has now been about three years. In that three years, I would say that I'm quite a different person. Than who I was before.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah, definitely. I think it makes you a lot more resilient. I certainly fight harder. I used to find it hard to speak up in meetings and things like that, but when you're put in the position of you need to get your child the support they need, then you're gonna do whatever it takes.

And you're armed with more knowledge. So I didn't know anything about autism before. This was even raised as a possibility. So, you know, you go on this journey, don't you, of gaining all this knowledge, speaking to other people that are going through this similar things and your life kind of becomes consumed by it for a time.

Victoria Bennion: Yeah, that's really true. And there's a point, and I remember the point. I was driving in the car back from school and I was at this crossroads mentally, with what direction did I [00:03:00] go in and I really didn't feel like I wanted to fight. I really didn't feel like I had the strength to fight the local authority.

And parts of me was thinking, I, may just deregister him, I'm just gonna deregister him, keep him at home. At that point, we didn't have a diagnosis, but autism had been mentioned. But I didn't feel like it was, the right thing to do for this child.

What he needed was actually the appropriate support, the appropriate setting. Before I knew it, I had fallen into the fight, the EHCP journey, the pathway for diagnosis, the fighting for, at that time, a reduced timetable, all the things that go with it. And I feel like for me, over that time, I, like you say, I've, certainly changed

I'm a much more compassionate person. Because like you said, you learn these things. You go on the courses, like the Early Birds course, you read the books you [00:04:00] gain this. Understanding , you can't then not be changed by that and by the experiences of your child.

Natalie Tealdi: I think also, like if you see parents with children who seem to be behaving badly you see it in a different way when you understand that there could be something else going on there.

Victoria Bennion: Yeah, absolutely. , What did dad say? We were zealots.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah.

Victoria Bennion: When we were joining in the protest so I guess something in us has changed in that fighting for what our children need, and not just what our children need, but what all children need and all children deserve. And then I became really grateful when I went to the support groups and parents further along in the journey, took the time to support me, to advise me on the next steps when there was no map and they were my map suggesting what to do next, and I just felt that it was really important to then give back to parents not as far in the journey as we were, who were [00:05:00] at that point where they're navigating it. And I hadn't reflected on how that might be for people who've known you a long time.

Natalie Tealdi: Yeah.

Victoria Bennion: I'd seen it certainly from the point of view of we would be invited to parties and then we'd go, and then my child. wouldn't join in and when, really, really struggling, couldn't even enter the room. And then you are that parent and not everybody knows how to respond to you or might not have the sympathy as to why you are late.

Don't see all the steps that needed to be taken before you could even get that child out the door in the first place. . And as another parent, said to me at a party once, , I don't know why you bring your child to the parties, they obviously don't want to be here.

I also had that about school. It was, meant well from the member of staff at school, but she said. They really don't want to be here, do they? And I remember saying at the time, it's not that straightforward. [00:06:00] They do, but then they can't cope. And then that not being able to cope causes their self-loathing, the disappointment, the frustration that push and pull between want and can't.

Natalie Tealdi: And it's the comparison with the other children who they can see that are coping and then thinking, well, why? Why are they coping? I can't. And then that makes them feel worse, doesn't it?

Victoria Bennion: And I do think that's where a diagnosis can come in. Going off on a bit of a tangent here, because for one of my children, I know that was so important because. They wondered why they couldn't cope when their peers could cope, and the diagnosis helped explain that, and it took away that constant questioning.

Parents also can take really different routes with their children. And when you decide to say, no, I'm not gonna send. My child in, what I've noticed is that's really uncomfortable for people as well who don't take that view.

And I, I feel that that has caused some difficult [00:07:00] conversations because not only are you doing this for your child, but you're saying. I not going to school as an option.

Natalie Tealdi: Exactly. You're challenging the, the norms, aren't you? Society,

Victoria Bennion: Totally. You're challenging the norms. And whilst I only ever thought about how that was affecting us and was very focused on what I was trying to achieve to get my child's needs met so they weren't damaged. You don't realize that actually you can be really getting other people's backs up with showing their children. School's optional and they're saying to their parents, oh, so and so doesn't go. Or, I think even worse with, we've been really, really lucky to get these specialist places at schools for our children, and I realize now reflecting, I've...

In this week's episode of The Autism Mums Podcast we welcome Paul Mosson, CEO of the Cost Lawyer Standards Board (CLSB) to the show. Paul identifies as a gay man with ADHD and advocates for inclusive and safe environments where individuals can turn up as their true selves confidently and without fear.

Paul (he/him/his) is CEO of the Costs Lawyer Standards Board (CLSB), the organisation responsible for regulating Costs Lawyers in England and Wales. The CLSB plays a vital role in upholding public confidence in the legal system by setting and enforcing the standards of professional conduct for Costs Lawyers. Paul is accountable for the full breadth of the CLSB’s regulatory and operational functions, reporting directly to the Board.

Paul is also a coach specialising in working with neurodivergent clients. He is a passionate advocate for equality, diversity and inclusion, which can be seen through his work as a trustee for Disabling Barriers Scotland.

Before joining the CLSB, Paul held positions as directors with both the Bar Council of England and Wales and the Law Society of Scotland, as well as being the architect behind innovative approaches to wellbeing and legal tech adoption across the legal sector.

Paul identifies as a gay man with ADHD and advocates for inclusive and safe environments where individuals can turn up as their true selves confidently and without fear.

1. Understanding neurodivergence later in life can bring clarity to years of feeling different or misunderstood.
2. Long-term masking and trying to fit into neurotypical environments can lead to burnout, anxiety, and mental health struggles.
3. Receiving a diagnosis as an adult often brings validation and a new perspective on past experiences.
4. Working with the natural strengths of a neurodivergent brain can unlock confidence, creativity, and new opportunities.
5. Supportive workplaces and environments make a powerful difference in helping neurodivergent individuals thrive.
6. Finding a community that understands neurodivergence can replace years of isolation with connection and belonging.

ADHD an A-Z by Leanne Maskell

Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD)

The Pomodoro Technique

Website: https://pmexec.co.uk/

LinkedIn

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We wanted to return to the subject of sleep struggles as this is something that touches many of us.

We’re joined by the fabulous Maria Moreno, a paediatric sleep consultant and motherhood life coach. With her wealth of experience, Maria shares insights on the unique sleep struggles faced by autistic children and offers practical advice for parents navigating these challenges. From personalised sleep plans to sensory considerations, this conversation is packed with valuable information to help families find their way to more restful nights.

Maria Moreno is a certified paediatric sleep consultant—with a specialization in neurodivergent sleep—and a motherhood life coach dedicated to supporting moms through the emotional challenges of motherhood. She holds a master’s degree in art education and has spent over 15 years working with neurodivergent children, bringing a deep understanding and empathy to the families she serves. After navigating postpartum depression and severe sleep deprivation, she founded Mindful Mother to help families restore rest and balance. She’s also the co-founder of Tumago, a handmade comfort blanket brand designed with sensory-sensitive and neurodivergent children in mind. Maria blends lived experience, professional training, and compassionate coaching to empower overwhelmed moms with practical, personalized tools that bring calm, connection, and confidence to their motherhood journey.

Understanding Individual Needs: Every child is different, and sleep plans should be tailored to their unique personalities and family dynamics.

Importance of Routines: Consistent bedtime routines can help children understand what to expect and ease the transition to sleep.

Visual Supports: Utilising visuals, like personalised bedtime books, can aid in preparing children for sleep changes.

Sensory Considerations: Addressing sensory sensitivities with appropriate comfort items can significantly improve sleep quality.

Environmental Factors: Creating a calming sleep environment, including blackout curtains and white noise machines, can help minimise disruptions.

Email - mindfulmotherllc@gmail.com

Website - www.mindfulmother.biz

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/mindfulmother_sleep/

Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/mindfulmother1

Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/MindfulMother_LifeCoach

LinkedIn - www.linkedin.com/in/mindfulmother

https://www.mindfulmother.biz/autismsleep

This guide is designed to help parents gently create better sleep routines for their neurodivergent children, without cry-it-out methods or rigid schedules. It’s full of simple, parent-friendly tools that truly make a difference.

In addition to this free guide, Maria is kindly offering 20% off Tumago handmade comfort blankets with code AUTISMMOM These sensory-sensitive blankets were inspired by Maria's own daughters and lovingly handmade by her family.

https://tumago.etsy.com

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In this week’s re-released episode of The Autism Mums Podcast, we’re talking about something that so many families raising autistic children will recognise - the exhausting and often disheartening process of dealing with the local authority.

This episode is an honest look at how hard it can be to get what your child needs and how important it is to stay organised, persistent and strong.

Keeping on top of it all: Parents and carers are often left chasing reports, updates, and decisions just to keep things moving.

You Can’t Assume Progress is Happening (unfortunately): If you're not following up, you're at risk of falling off the radar.

Options for Your Child: Parents are frequently kept in the dark about available options regarding alternative provision and specialist schools

Travel Expectations Can Be Unrealistic: Specialist schools may be far from home, making logistics overwhelming.

Change is Needed: Better communication, transparency and supportive systems would ease the burden on both families and staff.

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We're returning to the archives for this episode of The Autism Mums Podcast. We're talking about some of the real challenges families face with the current education system, especially when it comes to supporting autistic children.

Outdated Education System: The current education system is often rigid and not designed to accommodate the diverse needs of neurodivergent children.

Importance of Flexibility: There's a need for more flexible learning environments that allow for play and creativity, especially for younger children.

Struggles with Inclusion: Being in school is different from being included in school; many children face challenges that are not adequately addressed.

Identifying Needs Early: Early identification of challenges, such as speech or coordination issues, is crucial, but support often falls short.

Training for Educators: There is a significant need for enhanced training for teachers on special educational needs to better support neurodivergent students.

Impact of Environment: The classroom environment, including displays and changes, can greatly affect a child’s ability to learn and cope.

Communication Gaps: There are often communication breakdowns between schools, parents, and local authorities, leading to misunderstandings and lack of support.

Mental Health Considerations: The mental health of both children and parents is deeply affected by the educational experience and the pressure to conform.

Advocacy and Trusting Instincts: Parents should trust their instincts regarding their child's needs and advocate strongly for appropriate support.

Systemic Challenges: Financial motivations can influence decisions made about educational support, complicating the advocacy process for parents.

The quote Victoria mentioned seeing on social media is: When a child at school is anxious about going home, concerns would be raised. But when a child is anxious about going to school, we as parents are expected to encourage them to go no matter what. Think about that for a second. - seen on CureJoy Kids on Facebook.

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In this week's episode of The Autism Mums Podcast we're returning to our earlier episode where we talk about ways to look after yourself when your child is having a tough day.

How supporting our children with their emotions can leave us feeling completely drained.

Common mistakes we’ve made when trying to "push through" a tough day.

Simple ways we try to carve out moments of calm: meditation, breathing space, and gentle resets.

How creating a comforting environment - with blankets, candles, soft music - can make a difference.

Allowing yourself to cancel non-essential tasks or meetings when you need breathing space.

The power of talking it out with someone who truly understands.

Finding and building a supportive community around you.

The importance of zoning out, resting, and knowing that tomorrow is a new day.

Gabby Bernstein’s Meditation App

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We're re-releasing another episode from the archives this week where we talk about the practical ways we can help our autistic children with daily life.

We’re sharing some of the things that have helped us make daily life a bit easier with our autistic children. From using timers and visual timetables to experimenting with tooth brushes and finding softer clothing.

These are ideas that have worked for us, they might help you too, or simply offer reassurance that you’re not alone on this journey.

Timers and visual supports can help ease transitions by giving your child a sense of control and predictability.

Choosing soft, seamless clothing may make a difference for children who find layers uncomfortable.

Toothbrushing challenges might be eased by trying different tools like U-shaped or triple-angled toothbrushes.

Flexibility is key - what works one day might not work the next, and that’s okay.

Planning days out in advance with visual itineraries can reduce anxiety about what's coming next.

Noise sensitivity might be supported by using ear defenders, earbuds, or listening to favourite music.

Strong smells can sometimes be managed with things like balaclavas or carrying scents like orange oil to mask overwhelming smells.

Having a sensory kit (with familiar snacks, toys, and calming tools) may offer comfort when you're out and about.

Here are some of the tools and resources discussed in this episode:

1. Visual timers
2. Laminated visual timetables
3. Seamless/sensory-friendly clothing
4. U-shaped toothbrush and triple-angled toothbrush
5. Ear defenders
6. Bach's Rescue Remedy
7. Orange Essential Oil
8. Tiger balm
9. The Early Birds course by the National Autistic Society
10. Stretchy resistance bands for calming sensory feedback

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Another episode from the archives this week. We're returning to our episode where we dive into the unique challenges of raising a child with a PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance) profile. We're sharing our personal stories, strategies, and reflections to help parents and caregivers better understand and support their children navigating PDA-related behaviours.

1. PDA is driven by anxiety and a need for control; traditional demands can trigger refusal.
2. Offering controlled choices helps reduce pressure and gives children a sense of agency.
3. Visual schedules and plenty of preparation help ease transitions and reduce stress.
4. Managing your own calm and letting go of nonessential demands are important for low-demand parenting.
5. It’s okay to adjust family routines to what works for your child, even if it looks different from your original parenting ideals.
6. Misunderstandings from others can be painful but focusing on your child’s needs is what matters most.

PDA Society

Dr. Naomi Fisher webinars and resources

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We're returning to the archives again this week to our episode all about EHCP's. We’re talking about the journey to getting an EHCP - what it is, why it matters, and what the process looked like for our families.

We’ll share the lessons we learned along the way with the hope that it helps you navigate the process and feel a little more prepared.

An EHCP can provide vital, legally binding support

You don't need a formal diagnosis to apply for an EHCP

Schools may not always initiate an EHCP request. If they don't parents can.

Timelines and deadlines are crucial - keep a track of key dates.

Support groups, SENDIASS and organisations like IPSEA can provide guidance and practical help.

The right provision can make a huge difference to your child's wellbeing.

SENDIASS (Special Educational Needs and Disability Information Advice and Support Services)

IPSEA (Independent Provider of Special Education Advice) — ipsea.org.uk

EarlyBird course (National Autistic Society support programme for parents)

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In this week’s encore episode of The Autism Mums Podcast, Victoria reveals the emotional journey of her son’s autism diagnosis. She reflects on the early signs that were often misunderstood and the battles faced in educational settings, culminating in the significant moment of receiving an official diagnosis. As one of our most popular episodes, we wanted to share this again as there are so many on this path to diagnosis.

Autism signs can often be masked or misunderstood, especially in young children.

Building a support network of other parents is crucial.

Professionals may miss signs too, trusting your instincts matters.

The diagnosis process can feel long and isolating, but community support makes a difference.

Receiving a diagnosis is often a moment of both relief and grief and that's OK.

The Early Birds Course (National Autistic Society)

ASDivas and Dudes Support Group

The Girl with the Curly Hair by Alis Rowe

The Complete Guide to Asperger’s Syndrome by Tony Attwood

TADDS Outreach Team

Total Children's Therapy

ADOS-2 Autism Diagnostic Observation Schedule

CAMHS (Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services)

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In this week’s encore episode of The Autism Mums Podcast, we are revisiting our look into the journey toward an autism diagnosis. Natalie opens up about her experiences with her son, reflecting on the subtle early signs and the drawn-out process of seeking support.

Early signs aren't always obvious: It's common to realize things only in hindsight.

Not all settings impact children the same way: Different environments can highlight or mask challenges.

The path to diagnosis is often long: Waiting times can be frustrating, but support exists even before official diagnoses.

Grief is a natural part of acceptance: It's okay to mourn the loss of expectations while embracing a new, beautiful reality.

Practical support makes a difference: Courses like EarlyBirds offer real-world tools tailored for neurodivergent children.

EarlyBirds Programme by the National Autistic Society

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In this week’s encore episode of The Autism Mums Podcast, join us as we navigate the complex landscape of anxiety in autistic children. We share our personal insights and experiences, exploring the diverse ways anxiety can manifest, including meltdowns, shutdowns, and sensory overloads.

Whether you're early on in your autism journey or navigating school-age challenges, this episode offers reassurance, relatable stories, and real-world strategies that can make a difference.

Anxiety presents differently in autistic children: It might show up as shutdowns, meltdowns, repetitive questions, anger, or even physical symptoms like tummy aches.

Avoidance can be common: Children may retreat to their rooms or refuse to go places when overwhelmed.

Sensory overload can be a major trigger: Noisy environments, bright lights, and even scratchy clothing can heighten anxiety.

Routine changes, even positive ones, can be stressful: Children may want changes, but still struggle when they occur.

Social unpredictability can add pressure: Not knowing who will be present or what will happen in social settings can create discomfort.

Masking and perfectionism can lead to burnout and chronic anxiety.

Support strategies matter: Ear defenders, visual timetables, sensory tools, role play, and validating feelings can help.

Validation and patience are key: Simply saying 'I hear you' can help children feel safe and understood.

Mindfulness sessions – Supportive techniques that help children become aware of how anxiety feels in their bodies.

https://www.mindful.org/mindfulness-for-kids/

Visual timetables and planners – Visual supports that help prepare autistic children for transitions and daily routines.

Example resources: Twinkl Visual Timetables

Noise-cancelling headphones and sunglasses

Edz Kidz Ear Defenders

Breathing exercises for children

https://copingskillsforkids.com/deep-breathing-exercises-for-kids

BBC Documentary – Inside Our Autistic Minds by Chris Packham

Watch here: BBC iPlayer – Inside Our Autistic Minds

Harry Potter Studio Tour (UK)

Mentioned as an example of a venue with quiet spaces and autism-friendly accommodations.

Accessibility info https://www.wbstudiotour.co.uk/additional-needs/

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In this week’s episode of The Autism Mums Podcast, we welcome back Carl Draper for part two of our conversation.

In the first part, Carl shares his personal experiences as a parent, how his understanding of behaviour has changed over time, and why unmet needs and stress responses are so often misunderstood.

In this second part, Carl reflects on the challenges we can’t always predict or prevent, the importance of support systems and environment, and what helps parents regulate their own emotions when things feel overwhelming.

Carl Draper was born in a North Nottinghamshire mining village and moved to Bournemouth at 19, where he served as a beach lifeguard and discovered his love for surfing. Accepted into the Royal Marines, his plans changed after a serious leg injury during a heroic rescue, an event that earned him a Local Hero Award and a feature on BBC’s 999 Rescue. He later became RNLI head trainer for lifeguards across Dorset, then served over a decade with Dorset Ambulance Service. Shifting to education, he trained firefighters and police nationwide before retraining as a mental health nurse. Carl is currently studying at Bournemouth University. In 2015, he founded Waveslider, winning the Bournemouth Tourism Award in 2017, and began documenting life with his son Bodhi in 2020.

1. Not everything can be planned for, and learning to cope with the unexpected is an essential life skill
2. Avoiding triggers completely can increase anxiety over time rather than reduce it
3. The right support system — at home, at school, or beyond — can be life-changing for families
4. Routine provides security but can also create vulnerability during periods of change
5. Parents need their own ways to regulate stress and should seek support without guilt

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Victoria Bennion: [00:00:00] Hello and welcome back. This is part two

of our conversation with Carl Draper. Carl is currently training to be a mental

health nurse and he's the founder of Wave Slider, where he shares his brilliant

photos and documents life with his son Bodhi.

Victoria Bennion:

Frank Bodi's Assistance Dog is also a regular on Wave slider. If you haven't

listened to part one yet, we'd really recommend going back first because Carl

shares some powerful context about what challenging behavior can look like and

how much can change when we start meeting a child's stress response with calm.

Victoria Bennion: In

today's episode, we pick up the conversation by talking about the things we

can't always predict or control. Those sudden changes, those moments where a

plan falls apart and the ways that it can trigger big feelings for our children

and for us too. So let's jump back in.

Victoria Bennion: Are

there any steps that you can take, do you think, to prevent the behaviors

before they escalate, [00:01:00] before they

reach that peak?

Carl Draper: That's

really hard question. Because a lot of the times where we're getting to the

stage with the things we're speaking about now. What you are now asking is what

do we do about the things we can't control?

Victoria Bennion:

true.

Carl Draper: What you

can't see coming? For example, there's a plane coming at three 30 this

afternoon.

Carl Draper: Fine,

we'll go after school, mate, pick you up. You get down to the airport at three

15 and the fog rolls in

Victoria Bennion: Oh,

that's so true.

Carl Draper: and now

the plane's diverted and he can see it on the tracker going the opposite

direction.

Carl Draper: Are

things out of your control. So a good one I've had a, a lot of stick on wave

slider recently because we've had the fireworks, you know, the bonfire period,

bonfire night, where a lot of animals get distressed.

Carl Draper: A lot of

people get distressed, which I'm very well aware of. However, Frank is trained,

calm, uncomfortable to go and watch the fireworks because he's, he goes where [00:02:00] Bodhi goes. So we went to see a fireworks

display. He had a great time. We went to Ringwood one weekend and the following

weekend we went to Little down

Carl Draper: and I

wasn't gonna take Frank because it's really busy there, and Bodhi wants to go

on the rides. With your autistic people, you tend to get two types of autistic

people, even though. All autistic people have different traits and severities

and you know, varying degrees of, you tend to get a sensitive.

Carl Draper: Autistic

type want quietness, you know, earphones, that sort of thing. And then you get

your sensory seeker, that's Bodhi. I want it loud, I want fast, I want more, I

want adrenaline. So he wants to go on the rides. So I said, well, we won't take

Frank, and then we can go on the rides. And then I spoke to my youngest

daughter, ki.

Carl Draper: Who's

also got an autistic son and she said, oh, we're gonna go to little Dan. Are

you taking Frank? And I explained why. And she said, well, [00:03:00] how about Zach? My fella goes on the rides

with Bodhi. You hold Frank so Zach Kiers fellow, he'd more than happy to go on

the rides. So we thought, yeah, brilliant. So I took, Frank, took Bodhi, we

went down there, it was absolutely jam packed, shoulder to shoulder with

people. We went an hour early because Bodhi was impatient, and I thought, fine.

Carl Draper: We

walked around, he made a list of all the rides he wanted to go on, which was

basically all of them. um, unfortunately, Kiir and Zach got into the queue and

they sold out tickets.

Natalie Tealdi: Oh

Natalie Tealdi: no.

Carl Draper: Couldn't

get in. Not her fault You know, Just, it just happened to be that busy that

time. Her bless the Keer phones and she's like, I'm really sorry dad.

Carl Draper: We're

almost at the front of the queue and they've just sold out a tickets and like

this just pit of despair starts to come into me. 'cause I'm like, I've now

gotta tell Bodhi it can't go any rides. And we're standing in front of them. So

I had half an hour of hell. I was literally pinned up against the wall and it

was bad for me because I had no [00:04:00]

escape route.

Carl Draper: you

know, I got there in the end, but yeah, it was really difficult. It's a good

opportunity to teach him how to have a strategy and cope with. These situations

that are out of our control.

Carl Draper: you

know, As bad as it was it it turned out really good.

Carl Draper: So you

can't plan for the unseen.

Victoria Bennion: no.

Victoria Bennion: I think that's true. As much as we can try and do everything that we think you're right. These things come up. We had, a day this week where it was raining. I

dunno if you had rain. You probably did. You're not

Victoria Bennion:

that far from

Carl Draper: Yeah.

Victoria Bennion:

Rain and rain and my son's timetable said outdoor learning on one of his slots

in his timetable that he refers to before he goes in

Victoria Bennion: so

he then didn't know what that session would be because it says outdoor

learning, but it can't be outdoor learning because it's rain and then it

spirals into, I can't possibly get outta the car. I can't do this day because

it's raining and it's, it's affected everything. And there's nothing you can do

about the rain, as you say.

Carl Draper: I'm

actually learning to not avoid it. 'cause actually you, I found a [00:05:00] little while ago, it's really unhealthy

because you find yourself trying to work out what can go wrong and then

avoiding it, and then it makes you more stressed.

Victoria Bennion:

true.

Carl Draper: Whereas

now I'm at the point of, well, we just deal with it if and when it happens

because he, he's gotta learn to become independent one day.

Carl Draper: And that

involves negotiating, you know, the...

In this week’s episode of The Autism Mums Podcast, we welcome back Carl Draper for part one of a two-part conversation.

His last episode, learning to hear a child who doesn't speak, sparked so many questions from listeners, that we invited Carl back to talk more about the topic of challenging behaviours and autism.

In this first part, Carl shares his personal experiences as a parent, how his understanding of behaviour has changed over time, and why unmet needs and stress responses are so often misunderstood.

Carl Draper was born in a North Nottinghamshire mining village and moved to Bournemouth at 19, where he served as a beach lifeguard and discovered his love for surfing. Accepted into the Royal Marines, his plans changed after a serious leg injury during a heroic rescue, an event that earned him a Local Hero Award and a feature on BBC’s 999 Rescue. He later became RNLI head trainer for lifeguards across Dorset, then served over a decade with Dorset Ambulance Service. Shifting to education, he trained firefighters and police nationwide before retraining as a mental health nurse. Carl is currently studying at Bournemouth University. In 2015, he founded Waveslider, winning the Bournemouth Tourism Award in 2017, and began documenting life with his son Bodhi in 2020.

• Emotional regulation in parents plays a crucial role in reducing escalation
• Challenging behaviour is often a stress response linked to unmet needs
• Changes in routine and adult stress can significantly impact a child’s ability to cope
• A balance between boundaries and flexibility helps create emotional safety
• Children learn regulation by observing the behaviour of those around them
• Letting go of social judgement and outdated expectations allows families to parent with confidence

Follow Carl’s journey with his son Bodhi on the Waverslider Photography Facebook Page

Follow Carl on Instagram

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Victoria Bennion: [00:00:00] Today we're joined once again by our

friend Carl Draper, who many of you will remember from episode nine. For those

who don't know Carl, he is currently training to be a mental health nurse and

is the founder of Wave Slider, where he shares his brilliant photographs and

documents life with his son Bodhi.

Victoria Bennion:

Frank Bodie's Assistance Dog is also a regular on wave slider. Carl's last

appearance on the podcast really struck a chord, and after that episode went

live, he received an overwhelming number of messages from parents and carers

wanting to know more about how he supports his son through moments of distress.

Victoria Bennion: And

what's often labeled as challenging behavior. So today, Carl is back with us to

talk honestly and openly about exactly that we could talk to Carl for hours. So

we've split our conversation into two episodes. In this first part, Carl shares

his personal journey as a parent. How his understanding of [00:01:00] behavior has changed over time.

Victoria Bennion: The

powerful impact of learning to regulate his own emotions and what it really

looks like to meet chaos with calm, even in the most public and confronting

situations. This is a really raw, reflective, and incredibly insightful

conversation about unmet needs, stress responses, and the reality of parenting

autistic children in a world that doesn't always understand.

Natalie Tealdi:

Welcome to the podcast, Carl. It's great to have you back.

Carl Draper: Hi, how

are you?

Natalie Tealdi: Good.

Thank you. So can we start by explaining how you define challenging behavior in

the context of autism, and can you also give us some examples of what you've

encountered?

Carl Draper: Okay, so

I guess our definition of challenging behavior is. Changing at the moment in

terms or context of autism? I think the one thing to remember where the child

liked Bodhi is that he [00:02:00] is equally

profoundly autistic and a DHD. So you have that autism side where, he likes his

routine.

Carl Draper:

Everything has to be perfect. Everything's good. And then you've got the A DHD

side, which is a constant clash, which is like letting a hand grenade off in

the middle of everything. I quite often think of Bodhi as pizza. He's perfectly

round cut into perfect triangles and comes in a square box.

Natalie Tealdi: I

love that.

Carl Draper: He just

doesn't, it doesn't fit, but it's perfect, the challenging behavior, it all

comes with an unmet need and an inability to communicate his needs. So going

back to prior to when he was medicated for his A DHD, we had daily challenging

behavior where every evening at bedtime he would.

Carl Draper: Go from

settle to completely challenging, pinning you against the wall, pulling your

hair, grabbing your [00:03:00] face. And what I

realized is I think I was the biggest cause of this challenging behavior

because I come from a world where, I grew up in a pit village. Old social norms

in that world where, you know.

Carl Draper: A lot of

people would say, oh, slap never did me any harm. And the way that I was

brought up, I couldn't regulate my own emotions. So when he got challenging, if

that's the word, which is actually a stress response because of an unmet need,

I would then shout, get angry and become stressed, slam a door and display all

the wrong behaviors.

Carl Draper: And do

the wrong thing. And then after a while you realize that I'm teaching him how

to respond in these situations. So then he would slam a door shout and get

angry. And I had, it's not a light bulb moment, but there was certainly a

moment where I just thought, that's me. He's not listening to what I say, but

he's [00:04:00] mirroring what I do.

Carl Draper: We

realized that we needed to change our parenting behaviors and styles and get

some education. Yes, those differences with the autism and the A DHD, but a lot

of it was based on how we reacted to Bodhi. When he had an unmet need. So

number one, I had to learn to regulate my own emotions.

Carl Draper: Now,

learning to hear a child who doesn't speak is the easiest thing I've ever

learned to do, and he was totally silent until seven. Learning to regulate my

own emotions is by far the hardest thing I've ever tried to do, but we are

getting there and we are now seeing the results. So for every night, for nearly

a year.

Carl Draper: At

bedtime, I had to take Frank German shepherd. out the house and go and sit in

the car until Charlie settled him down to bed. And during that time, you're

learning to regulate your own emotions. You're learning new parenting styles,

new behaviors. You're changing the way [00:05:00]

you are. The way you see, the way you think.

Carl Draper: Learning

to put, his needs first. But you do still get other challenging behaviors or a

stress response, which can cause embarrassment. So for example, he might do

that in a shop. You know, some people call it a meltdown and a lot of times I

used to get embarrassed 'cause I was aware that people were watching.

Carl Draper: During

the summertime we went to a superstore Very hot day. So we didn't take Frank,

it was too hot to take. Frank. We went to this superstore and going to a shop

with Bodhi is very difficult. I dunno if you've ever seen supermarket sweep,

Carl Draper: He wants

everything at everything times 10. So he went to this shop and he had a

fixation at the time over bottles of water. Dunno why he's been through the

same with pick and mix sweets. He'll always have a pick and mix tub of sweets,

but never eats them. He just wants to look at them and touch them.

Carl Draper: He is

never eaten one. But this occasion we [00:06:00]

got to the checkout and he wanted a bottle of water from next to the counter

and, the car was full of bottles of water. The house was full of bottles of

water. Every time we went to the shop, he wanted a bottle of water. So I

decided on this day that I was gonna stand my ground and say no, because at

some point we, need to teach him boundaries and that you can't always have what

you want.

Carl Draper: Rather

than he is going to sort of have a meltdown get him a bottle of water for an

easy exit. So he, he had a full on stress response and it ended up on the

floor. I sat on the floor with him and I was now doing the right behaviors. I

was...

In today’s episode, of The Autism Mums Podcast, Victoria is hosting solo as Nat is home with an unwell little one. She’s joined by the wonderful Carla Wainwright, a Holistic Wellness Coach and Relationship Transformation specialist who supports parents and couples navigating the stress, overwhelm, and emotional load that can come when a child’s health or development needs extra support.

Carla Wainwright is a Holistic Wellness Coach and Relationship Transformation specialist who helps parents and couples navigate the stress, disconnection, and overwhelm that can come when a child’s health or development needs extra support. With a graduate degree in biological sciences, a 4-year practitioner diploma in Homeopathy and Heilkunst, and over 25 years as an embodied yoga teacher, Carla blends science, somatic practice, and coaching to guide couples in rekindling intimacy, deepening connection, and restoring shared purpose. Her compassionate, practical approach creates space for parents to thrive - both individually and together—while walking alongside their child’s unique health journey.

• Many relationship challenges stem from the fact that none of us were taught how to stay connected when life feels overwhelming.
• Parenting a neurodivergent or high-needs child can magnify existing patterns of disconnection within a couple.
• Emotional exhaustion and nervous system overload often show up as distance, irritability, or feeling like “roommates” instead of partners.
• Co-regulation—calming your nervous systems together—is often the first gentle step toward rebuilding intimacy.
• Small, simple practices like sitting side-by-side, holding hands, or breathing together can create emotional safety.
• Clear and compassionate communication, especially using “I” language, helps both people feel heard rather than blamed.
• Loving, well-expressed boundaries can strengthen a relationship rather than push partners apart.
• Prioritising your relationship supports the whole household
• Understanding each partner’s unique coping style can ease misunderstandings and reduce conflict.
• The path back to connection starts with nervous system regulation—first for yourself, and then with each other.

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Website: https://www.carlawainwright.com/

Free Gift: The Connected Way Forward – Carla’s free 3-minute connection practice for couples, designed to gently rebuild closeness even when life feels overwhelming

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Rebuilding Relationships While Supporting Neurodivergent

Children with Carla Wainwright

[00:00:00]

Victoria Bennion:

Hello and welcome. It's Victoria and I'm on my own today as Nat has an ill

child, but I'm grateful to be joined by our guest, Carla Wayne Wright. Carla is

a holistic wellness coach and relationship transformation specialist who helps

parents and couples find their way through the stress and emotional load that

comes with supporting a child whose development or health needs are a little

different.

Victoria Bennion:

Welcome to the podcast, Carla. It's great to have you here with us today.

Carla Wainwright: Oh,

I'm thrilled to be here. Thank you.

Victoria Bennion: How

did you get into this line of work? I wonder if you Could talk to us about your

own journey.

Carla Wainwright:

Sure. Yeah. So, you know, my background actually started in science, so I

worked for many years as a wildlife biologist. I always had like a deep passion

for nature and animals, and I began to shift into homeopathy and holistic

health. As a result of, you know, my own healing journey. And when I was

practicing as a homeopath, you know, I was working with families who had

children with complex or neurodivergent needs and, you know, [00:01:00] parents is usually the mother would come

in, of course wanting to support the child, but it became really clear to me,

of course, there was this immense stress that the parents were carrying and

that the stress was showing up in the family dynamic and also in the

relationship. And so I would always encourage the mother to get support and,

and treatment as well because,

Carla Wainwright: it,

the mother's falling apart. It's so hard for her to support her, her child, and

her family. And so over time, I did this for quite a while and then in my own

journey , of healing my own trauma, I became a sex, love and relationship

coach. And that worked naturally expanded to supporting women and couples.

Carla Wainwright: And

I have a deep. Passion to support couples, to reconnect to , their intimacy, ,

their connection, their emotional resilience. I, I really feel that. You know,

the container of the couple., It's like this beautiful, sacred container for

growth and evolution. But we're not taught how to do this.

Carla Wainwright:

Relationships [00:02:00] can be beautiful and

powerful and deeply challenging, and that's even without all the extra

responsibilities of, of parenting and caregiving. One of my passions is

supporting couples to, strip off some of those layers of their own hurt

experiences or traumas to really connect back to one another in the ways that

brought them together in the first place so that their relationship and their

families can flourish.

Carla Wainwright: We

all wanna thrive. But often we need support to be able to do that. So it, it

is, it's one of my great joys to be able to support couples on that path and in

turn, really allow their families and their childrens to thrive as well.

Victoria Bennion: Oh,

that's lovely. What are some of the common challenges that you see couples

facing when they're raising a child who needs extra support?

Carla Wainwright:

Yeah, so this is something that. Many, many couples deal with. And you know,

actually I would say that couples who may not even have children face all kinds

of challenges. And, um, I think I'd like to preface this [00:03:00] by, by saying, I, I feel like

relationships are something that we're just supposed to magically know how to

do without any training.

Carla Wainwright:

And, uh, the reality is, is that most of us didn't, we weren't necessarily

modeled great relationships in our families, like I certainly wasn't. Some of

us were lucky to have parents who modeled great relationships, but it's not the

norm. And then of course we have culture and just society modeling, not always

healthy relationships.

Carla Wainwright: So

we're somehow just supposed to magically know how to navigate relationships and

have a thriving partnership that is able to weather all kinds of storms and

challenges. And the reality is, is that we don't really have. That base. So I

always come to, you know, the idea of relationships with a lot of compassion

because.

Carla Wainwright:

Often the starting point is that we actually don't really know how to stay

connected, especially when things are difficult. So if we layer on top of that

parenting a child who needs extra support, this really then can amplify [00:04:00] a lot of preexisting patterns of

disconnection that might be already.

Carla Wainwright:

Present in a relationship. And you know, there's so many challenges that

couples can face. So of course there's the emotional exhaustion, nervous system

overload. You know, parents are running on empty living in fight or flight

mode. And then we can layer on top of that for women. As they move into their

later thirties and forties all of the perimenopausal symptoms, which are also

exacerbating stress responses and hormone fluctuations and make everything in

life that much more difficult.

Carla Wainwright: Um.

Other challenges that parents face are, you know, there's an uneven load. Often

one parent is taking on more of the emotional, logistical, or therapeutic care

and that can create , more distance. And you know, when that distance really

begins to take hold, the identity of the couple. Begins to become lost and the

couple really starts to function more...

In this week's episode of The Autism Mums Podcast  we're talking about something that many families find really tough, the Christmas season. It's a time that's meant to feel magical, but for many of our autistic children, it can actually be really overwhelming, unpredictable, and stressful.

Understanding Christmas Overwhelm: Many autistic children find the Christmas season stressful due to changes in routine and expectations.

Addressing Pre-Christmas Challenges: Difficulties can arise well before Christmas Day, with alterations in school activities and the build-up of holiday expectations.

Communication and Preparation: Clear communication about what to expect can help reduce anxiety in children. Discussing plans with them beforehand is crucial.

Adjusting Traditions: Families may wish to consider adapting their traditions to better suit their child's needs, such as avoiding large gatherings or adjusting meal times.

Managing Social Expectations: The pressure to participate in Christmas events, such as school plays and gatherings, can cause significant distress for neurodivergent children.

Sensory Sensitivities: Decorations and festive environments can be overwhelming, emphasising the need for a personalised approach to celebrations.

Flexibility on Christmas Day: It can be helpful to allow for breaks and personal space on Christmas Day, adapting activities to match children's comfort levels.

Creating a Supportive Environment: Setting up a calm and understanding atmosphere at home can make the season more enjoyable for neurodivergent family members.

Encouraging Open Dialogue: Encouraging children to express their needs, such as using visual aids to communicate comfort levels, can help.

Finding Joy in Simplicity: Embracing a less traditional Christmas that meets individual family needs can be just as fulfilling as adhering to societal expectations.

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Victoria

Bennion: [00:00:00] Today

we're talking about something that many families find really tough.

It's the Christmas season. It's a time that's meant to feel magical,

but for many of our autistic children, it can actually be really

overwhelming, unpredictable, and stressful.

Natalie

Tealdi: We're gonna talk through some of the common

challenges that come long before Christmas Day. What happens on the

day itself, and what we've learned works for our families. Hopefully

it helps you feel a little more understood and a little more

supported this year.

Victoria

Bennion: For many of our children, the struggles start way

before Christmas day when everything starts to change. Routines are

different expectations, the look and the feel of a school. For one of

my children, these struggles were really apparent from preschool age

and they had a lot of trauma to work through in subsequent years of,

it sounds awful, doesn't it?

But the trauma from Christmas,

from doing Christmas at school every year.

Natalie

Tealdi: I know it's something that you think will be

really fun and I know that's where it comes from. It comes from a

[00:01:00] place of yeah, let's be a bit

more relaxed and make it really fun for the kids in a build up to

Christmas. But actually for some children it's just horrific.

Victoria

Bennion: Absolutely. And for some it is fun. I think worth

acknowledging that, but for our children, it's really not fun. I

remember there was an instance we went into school and they were

completely off timetable and. He was having so much anxiety. And I

said to the TA on the door, can you tell him what to expect from the

day? What have you got planned? And she said, oh, you know, lots of

fun things. And I thought we might as well just go back to the car

right now. He was horrified.

Natalie

Tealdi: Yeah. It's that not knowing what's happening,

isn't it? And everything being different and looking different.

Victoria

Bennion: The decorations there was one year the PTA did

this lovely winter wonderland outside the school and it was a

surprise to the children as they came in and we walked up the

pavement and there's all these oohs and ahs and there was a snow

machine and people dressed [00:02:00] up

and my son was completely white. Really, really anxious. I think he

made it into school, but he couldn't speak. He was just absolutely

horrified by it.

Natalie

Tealdi: Yeah, what used to upset my son was the Christmas

jumper days, so not wearing a school uniform that really upset him

because, you know, when we go to school we wear uniform and that's

just how it is and well, why are they changing it? And that creates

anxiety and uncertainty and it is things that are supposed to be fun

and that are fun for a lot of people, but not others.

Victoria

Bennion: Yeah, and actually when, I didn't know back then

that. Change had such an impact. That was in my oblivious era. But

actually when you think about it, there's so much change, isn't

there? Another pressure that I know my son felt was the Christmas

plays every year, and that's when I noticed it at preschool. It was

the first play and all the family were coming in. It was gonna be in

the village hall, and. I know my timekeeping [00:03:00]

isn't always the most amazing,

Natalie

Tealdi: No comment.

Victoria

Bennion: No come on. We were. We were not early, put it

that way. We were not early. But the reason we went early was because

he kept taking off his shepherd's costume. I kept putting it back on.

He kept taking it off and in the end I took him to the village hall

and took him to the room where all the children were and handed them

the costume. And I said, I can't. Get him to wear it. It wasn't that

he protested really loudly, he just kept taking it off. Looking back,

I feel so bad about that, that whole event, but I remember taking my

place in the audience.

Were you there? Did you come?

No, He must have been working.

So it was the wider family and, he was holding onto one of the

preschool workers' hands. She was lovely with him and he was wearing

his costume and they led them round and they sat up on the stage and

I watched him just sit on the stage frozen. He didn't join in. He was

supposed to do a dance. He didn't get up and do the [00:04:00]

dance and. I've just felt so awful for him. And in later years when I

knew that how much of a struggle that was for him, I looked back with

even more horror that he'd had to go through that. In fact, one of

the mums had a recording of it that I saw a couple of years ago, and

watching it back, I actually had to leave.

It was from a good place, but

looking at, oh, how cute are they? And all I could see was. Just the

terror. The terror in his face, and then the guilt that he'd gone

through that and I hadn't known.

Natalie

Tealdi: I think when you know, years later, things look

very different in their. I know I've looked back at videos and

thought, oh my gosh, he's really struggling there, and I had no idea

at the time. I didn't understand.

Victoria

Bennion: Yeah.

Natalie

Tealdi: But also I think with those plays, it's something

that you really look forward to as a mom and a parent.

Like just seeing them all cute

and dressed up. And it's something that you really look forward to

seeing, isn't it? And I don't think [00:05:00]

we've ever had a successful one

Victoria

Bennion: No.

Natalie

Tealdi: with either of mine.

Victoria

Bennion: No, I don't. I'm not sure that we have two. I

think the one in reception, I seem to remember they dressed up as

animals and that. Was the only one that he participated in. There

wasn't a stage, so maybe that was why. But they were down on the

floor just in front of us and I

Toileting challenges can feel overwhelming for parents of neurodivergent children, especially when withholding, accidents, or anxiety become part of everyday life. In this episode, we’re joined by the compassionate and highly experienced Charmaine Champ, who brings over 30 years of professional and lived experience to help families understand what’s really happening inside their child’s body. Charmaine shares why toileting can feel so hard, the small steps that make progress possible, and the gentle, practical strategies that help children feel safe and confident.

Charmaine Champ is a Registered Nurse in Learning Disability (RNLD), Community Nurse Specialist (BSc Hons), Queen’s Nursing Institute Award winner, and a Continence, Sleep, and Understanding Emotions Consultant with over 30 years’ experience supporting children and young people. Drawing on a rich background across clinics, schools, charities, NHS services, and family homes, as well as her own lived experience as a mum in a neurodivergent household, Charmaine specialises in helping children recognise, understand, and respond to the messages their bodies send, so wees and poos can happen comfortably and safely. Her approach blends research-backed guidance with a compassionate, gut-health-informed lens, empowering families, carers, and professionals to support neurodivergent children with toileting, sleep, and emotional regulation in a way that truly meets their individual needs.

Why recognising internal body cues matters for understanding a child’s toileting challenges and choosing the right starting point.

What withholding really signals and how seeing it as communication—not behaviour—shift the whole approach.

Breaking skills into tiny, achievable steps helps children feel safe, confident, and less overwhelmed.

Identifying missed signals such as difficulty noticing hunger, fullness, or the need to poo or wee can unlock new progress.

Sensory needs play a powerful role, influencing where, when, and how a child feels able to use the toilet.

Consistency across home, school, and healthcare builds familiarity and reduces anxiety for neurodivergent children.

Medications like Movicol require proper guidance, and understanding dosage and purpose helps parents advocate with clarity.

Using visuals and accessible communication makes environments more supporting and inclusive for all children.

Understanding the ‘why’ behind toileting patterns gives parents reassurance, confidence, and a clearer sense of direction.

Bristol Stool Chart

Free gift: https://clear-steps-consultancy.newzenler.com/courses/what-to-do-about-poo

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Victoria Bennion:

Today, we’re talking about toileting - it's a topic that many families navigate behind closed doors without proper guidance and clarity. To help us bring light, understanding, and practical support to this area, we’re joined by the wonderful Charmaine Champ. Charmaine is a Queen’s Nursing Institute Award–winning specialist with over 30 years of experience supporting children and young people with their toileting, sleep, and emotional regulation needs.

She’s also a mum in a neurodivergent household, so she understands these challenges from both a professional and a personal perspective.

In our conversation, she explains why toileting can be so complex for our children, what might be happening inside their bodies, and how small, gentle steps can lead to real progress.

If your child struggles with toileting we think you’re going to find this episode incredibly helpful.

Welcome to the podcast, Charmaine.

Charmaine Champ:

Thank you very much..

Victoria Bennion: Can

you share your journey and talk a little bit about what inspired you to

dedicate over 30 years to supporting children and young people, particularly

those with learning disabilities?

Charmaine Champ:

Yeah, of course. . It probably started when I had a school placement. So you

remember when you were at sort of school? Many years ago. I don't think they do

it now, but many years ago I used to have like a work placement and I worked in

a special needs school as from my work placement and absolutely loved it.

Charmaine Champ: And

I was like, oh, I really. I really like doing this. I'd like to do more of it.

And then I decided that I was going to become a nurse, but I wanted to be a

learn disability nurse. And when I was doing my different placements, I was

working with lots of different people, families, children's, all different

ages.

Charmaine Champ: And

just thought, do you know what, I just, that's what I wanna specialize in. I

just want to [00:01:00] help people get their

views across because so often things were happening to people and. They didn't

know, like, I worked with a lot of children where they had really complex

cases, so they may be non-speaking, they may have difficulties like getting about

physically as well.

Charmaine Champ: I

wanted to help with like communication side of things, just trying to get their

message across. So that's where it all started from work placement. You never

think that these things would start from there, would you?

Victoria Bennion: Oh

no, I did mine in a barrister's chambers. It's

Natalie Tealdi: Oh

yeah.

Victoria Bennion:

random.

Charmaine Champ: I

mean, you never know where these things take you to.

Charmaine Champ: Over

the years cause then I now live in a neurodivergent household. So I not only

have had to my professional experience, but I have personal experience as well.

Victoria Bennion:

Could you talk a little bit about your approach?

Charmaine Champ:

Yeah, of course. . I've been able to gather, , research that's taken [00:02:00] place over the years. So there's lots of

different research available as well as like my experience as well, and put it

all together within our holistic p and p approach. So this is all about not

just looking at one area.

Charmaine Champ:

Often you'll hear. I've been to the doctor or I've been to consultant wherever,

and they're just looking at medication or they're just looking at, you know, it

tends to be just looking at medication, and although medication plays a vital

role and it does help, it isn't the only way to help our children.

Charmaine Champ: So

what I do, I've developed, the holistic p and p approach to make sure that we

are looking at more than one area because it's not just about just sitting on

the toilet equally. It's not just about just having medication. And often I

find that toileting progress isn't able to be made when just one approach is

looked at.[00:03:00]

Charmaine Champ: So

when our children, if they're just having the medication and we've been in that

process for years and years and years and we just think we're making no

progress whatsoever. My child is still having accidents. They're still

withholding, you know, they're still only pooing in an nappy, whatever that may

be.

Charmaine Champ: , It

won't work because like we mentioned before, it may not , be given them the

right way, but equally we haven't looked at the other areas. So we tend to look

at, the p and the P approach, the holistic approach to make sure that we are

looking at more than one area to make sure that our children can progress in a

way that's gonna...