On todays episode Betsy takes you on a journey to discover the true path to get anything you want… and why it works!

Transcript:

Betsy [00:00:05]:
Welcome to the Art of Living Big podcast. My name is Betsy Pake. I’m an author, a speaker, and a trainer of NLP and hypnotherapy. And I’m focused on helping you understand and design your life with the power of the subconscious. This podcast is designed to help you think differently about what could be possible for your life. Now, let’s go live big. Hello, everyone. Welcome to the art of Living Big.

Betsy [00:00:35]:
Today I have, I have a really fun topic to talk about today, and it’s something that I have, I would suspect I did a podcast on this probably like five or six years ago, but I have been really, I’m going to say, like, diving into it recently. Orlando, you know how an idea will come, and although it is still a frame that you see the world through, you’re not as aware of it because it becomes like an unconscious habit, like an unconscious way of seeing the world. But sometimes it’s really helpful to bring those unconscious things into the consciousness so that we can refine them, really make them useful to us, make them something that is really prominent in our life. I think it’s sort of like when people say, I’m getting back to the basics, right? This is what I’m doing. I’ve been getting back to the basics. So I wanted to talk to you about it today because I think it can be so profound. If it’s something you already know about as a good reminder. Right.

Betsy [00:01:48]:
Or it will be like the greatest knowledge bomb that I’ve ever dropped. If you’ve never heard of this before, I know. And now you’re like, you’re like two minutes in Betsy. What the heck is it? So let me tell you. So the last couple episodes, I’ve sort of talked about how I have been really diving into an unconscious pattern that I’ve had and discovering what that is, I hired someone, a hypnotherapist, to be able to help me with that. And I’m walking through this process. I will tell you, and I know I’ve said this before, and there’s a reason why I say it, but let me say this. I have invested really heavily in myself over the years, and this year, probably the most heavily that I have ever invested in myself.

Betsy [00:02:41]:
The reason that I tell you that is because I would love for you to adopt the idea that you’re a sure thing. You know, sometimes we have things that come up in our lives, and we’re like, I want to take action on that. I want to shift that. I know I could get hypnosis but I don’t know if that would work for me. Like, I’m not sure I am a sure thing. If I am paying you to do something for me, I will suck every ounce of goodness out of that that I can. I will ask for help when I need it. I will do whatever it is people tell me to do.

Betsy [00:03:20]:
If I hire them and I choose them, then I will listen and I will do the thing. And this is how come I always say, like, I’m a sure thing. I’m a sure bet. And when I say this, I don’t mean this in a small way. Like, I don’t know how to tell you how much I’ve invested in myself this year without saying it’s. It’s almost, it’s almost six figures. So intense amount of importance I have put on moving past my own blocks and moving into the next level of what’s there for me. And the reason why is because I have a vision, and I know that there’s a reason that that vision was taking me so long.

Betsy [00:04:01]:
I was like, okay, I’m done. Like, sitting on my thinking chair every day and, like, thinking about it, like, what is really holding me back? And I think I’ve done, I mean, I have absolutely done a lot of work over the last ten years to move past things, but this year I got really aggressive. I was like, yep, we’re not playing. The moment that I notice something, I am like a dog on a bone. I’m like, ooh, I notice a piece of resistance and I’m going to talk about that. I notice where I, I’m allowing myself to drop down to a frame of mind that is not helpful to get me where I want to go. I am all about you shifting your goal. If you decide that your goal needs to be shifted, if you have a vision for what you want your life to be like, and then you’re like, ah, you know, I thought I wanted to go to the beach, but now I don’t really think I’d want to live full time at the beach.

Betsy [00:04:57]:
Now I think it looks different. Absolutely. Shift your goal. But I never want you or me to shift my goal because I can’t get to where I want to go. I never want to, like, dummy it down and say, well, I guess that’s just not available to me. I don’t believe that. I really, really don’t. And so one of the things that I want to teach you today is about the thing that is really going to make the difference for you for the rest of your life.

Betsy [00:05:29]:
So even if you were like, I don’t know, you know, I would never invest that much myself, which, I mean, I get it. Or if you’re like, I don’t know how to find the things that need to be shifted, you know, there is some learning that needs to go on. Like, I totally get it. Even if you never learn any of that, if you learn this, you will move so much faster, you will have so much more joy. And by moving faster, I’m going to come back to that. But you will have so much joy. You will enjoy your life. You will feel like it is a life that has felt worth living.

Betsy [00:06:10]:
The day that you are an old lady or an old man and you’re laying in bed with all of your family and friends around you and you are about to transition, you will be like, I did it. I lived the best life that I could just by doing this one thing. I know, I know. This is exciting, right? What the heck am I going to tell you? Okay, so let me tell you. But before I do tell you, I want to go back to the whole moving faster. When I say moving faster, I do not mean not being present and appreciating where you are. I don’t want you to think that. I mean, the best part is way out there and you’ve got to hustle and keep going.

Betsy [00:06:50]:
That is not what I mean. What I mean by moving faster is I believe that we have to feel like we are experiencing greatness and that we’re really content in that moment and we’re reaching for more. And if we feel like we’re stuck or we’re stagnant, then we don’t have that feeling of being really content where we are and reaching for more. Do you feel the difference in that? So I want to make that distinction by moving faster, I just mean all the little things that you want to experience in the present moment, you’re not only experiencing, but you’re able to recognize because you are being present. Right? You know, a couple years ago, I posted, and I think I posted this on Instagram. And in fact, I bet I did a whole podcast about it. But I typically will take one vacation a year by myself. It’s like a long weekend and it’s a meditation weekend.

Betsy [00:07:49]:
I go to the beach, I get an oceanfront room, and I sit. I don’t get on my phone, although usually I do give updates on Instagram stories because that brings me joy. But I don’t. I’m not like, on TikTok, like, I am present I’m listening for what it is that I need to hear. I might be thinking about the things that. That are causing me unhappiness or distraction or the things that might be troubling me. I’ll journal. I’ll really listen in.

Betsy [00:08:24]:
And what always happens on those weekends is I get these really wild moments of extreme clarity where I almost feel like there’s a voice. Like a voice. It’s not outside of me, but it’s in my head, but it’s so clear and not necessarily something that sounds like me. Do you know what I mean? And I’ve had these times where I’ve been on my meditation events and my own little private meditation retreats, and I’ll wake up in the middle of the night with a sound, like a quote, an idea. And I remember one time in particular. I actually went to Daytona beach, and I was staying at that Hilton right there that’s, like, you know, right on the ocean. And it was the middle of the night, and I woke up with this really great thought. And I thought, oh, that’s good.

Betsy [00:09:20]:
I’ll remember that. And then that little voice said, no, you won’t write it down. And so I did. So I was like, okay. And what it was was who we choose to be in every moment is who we get to be. I actually had to go back to my instagram way back. When was this? 2019? Yeah. April 21, 2019.

Betsy [00:09:47]:
Who we choose to be in every moment is who we get to be. I know this sounds so, like, yeah, duh. But who we choose, you get to choose how you’re being. And I know so many times, we’re like, eh, that’s just how I am. No, like, who we choose to be in every moment is who we get to be. If you want to be somebody different, you want to live a different life, you want to have new experiences, you get to choose, but it happens in that moment. So when I say moving faster, being present but choosing so that you’re moving faster towards who you want to be, in fact, you get to be it right away, even if outside circumstances don’t yet reflect it. I already am somebody that you haven’t seen yet.

Betsy [00:10:39]:
She’s just that my physical experience has got to catch up with me. But, dang, it’s good. I can’t wait for you to see. Okay, so, let’s talk about this. What am I talking about, and what is it that I want to share with you today? So, I don’t know if you’ve ever heard of Doctor David Hawkins. So, Doctor David Hawkins has written numerous books. There’s a really great book called letting Go, if you’ve never read that. And it’s really just about giving up resistance, you know, stopping resisting what is and accepting what is.

Betsy [00:11:10]:
And in that book, he talks about a map of consciousness. So he created this map of consciousness. In fact, he has another book that he has where he just talks about this specifically. It’s called the map of consciousness explained. I think you could read that book, but I think it would make more sense maybe if you read the other book first. But the map of consciousness explained when I read that, I mean, it’s a thick book, and a lot of times I hear people say, like, it’s dense. Do you know what I mean by that? Like, there’s a lot to me like that. It made so much sense to me.

Betsy [00:11:49]:
So inside this map of consciousness is a really, he has layers of our consciousness, and he discovered these by, and put them together using muscle testing. And then he talks about them and sort of breaks them down. In that book, basically, if I were to break down like this, this map of consciousness, it is layers of emotions from lowest to highest. So if you could think of like guilt or shame, being really low on this levels of consciousness, higher levels of consciousness would be love and joy and acceptance. And so he’s got all these different layers to this map of consciousness. I’m going to explain this to you in a second in an easier way, but I wanted to introduce this map of consciousness first. Basically, what Doctor Hawkins is saying is that people vibrate. And I’m sorry if this is getting a little woo woo, but I’m going to come back to this, okay? But people vibrate at a certain level.

Betsy [00:12:59]:
You’ve probably heard, like, what’s your emotional home? Where do you go? So somebody hurts your feelings, where do you go? Do you go to anger? Do you go to be feeling hurt? Do you go to sadness? Do you go to shame? Like, where do you go? So sort of like your emotional set point if something happens. But then where do you spend most of your day? And you’ve probably met people, you know, that are pretty pessimistic, right? They always kind of see the, I’m gonna say, like the harsh side of things. Nothing is good or bad. It just is, okay? So I don’t want you to think, obviously, we would love to be living in love and abundance, all of that, and not in shame. I think you could probably put a good or bad label on that, but I want you to stay away from it just for this experience. But the top of the scale, right? It’s going to be joy and knowledge and empowerment and freedom, love, right? Kind of in the middle is like optimism, feeling hopeful or content, even boredom, frustration, that’s sort of in the middle. And at the bottom of the scale is going to be more of that, like fear and grief and despair, feeling powerless. Okay, keep that one in mind.

Betsy [00:14:18]:
Okay. So he created this level of consciousness to kind of see where people are vibrating. Now, when I say vibrating, when I say that, what I really mean is, you know, when you walk into a room and you’re like, ooh, I can just tell everybody’s upset in the room. Do you know what I mean? Like, there’s nothing happening. You can just feel it. To me, that’s a vibration, right? There’s something, I just know it. It is a sense that we don’t talk about, right? We talk about hearing and smelling and tasting and all of those things. But that sense, right? That sense of just knowing, it’s a gut feeling.

Betsy [00:14:58]:
Like, I just have a gut feeling about stuff. I think that is our vibration. Now, where does our vibration come from? I think it comes from something unconscious. It’s from our unconscious view of the world or of our situation. So consciously I might be like, yeah, I mean, I’m having a fine day, but unconsciously, where do I go when something happens? I saw somebody post something the other day, and you’ve probably seen this, I’ve seen it a million times over the years. But it’s, if you’re walking down the hall with a cup of hot coffee and somebody hits you, what happens? Does what spills out of your cup, like coffee spills out of your cup? Is it because they hit you? It’s not because they hit you or ran into you, it’s because you had hot coffee in your cup. If you had tea in your cup, hot tea would have spilled out. So it’s not what they’re doing, it’s what you’ve got going on.

Betsy [00:15:57]:
Okay, so this idea of these levels of consciousness, and one of the things that Doctor Hawkins talks about is the idea that you can impact where you are on this level just based on you looking at it. You’ve heard me talk before about how things change when you look at them. That’s quantum, right? There are things that change just by looking at them. I’m going to give you an example. Over the past couple weeks, I talked about how I had hired this hypnotherapist and I had to get to the core issue. I had to answer a ton of questions, basically journaling questions. I went down the rabbit hole of every crappy emotion I’ve been avoiding, and I got to the core issue, and when I saw it, I was like, oh, my God, that’s it. It was like a ray of sunshine came down and blessed my body to be like, you made it through.

Betsy [00:16:59]:
You see the thing that your unconscious mind has been trying to hide from you in order to keep you safe. I told the hypnotherapist so he could give me a hypnotherapy on that. He said, it’ll take three weeks. It’s been two weeks, so I haven’t gotten it yet. I am already so different, so different because I saw it. So if that’s true and I had to go through, like, a whole dark night of the soul and a whole Kleenex box to get there, but then isn’t it true that if I pause and I ponderous my dog Henry, who’s snoring underneath my desk, and I watch him, and I look at how sweet he looks, and I listen to his little snores, or when I see him drinking out of the water, and I just watch him drink, and it’s so cute. I swear to God, if I heard my husband making sounds like that when he was eating, I would lose my ever love of mine. But when my dog does it, I’m like, it’s the sweetest thing.

Betsy [00:17:59]:
I need to video it. Just that watching that changes my vibration, too, right? And you’ve experienced that. You feel it. Like, all of a sudden, you feel, like, a little more calm, right? A little more present so you can impact where you are just by what you’re doing, who you’re being in any given moment, who you choose to be impacts who you are. Okay, so now, here’s the thing that I think I want to tell you next. Okay, so have you heard of Abraham Hicks? If you have never heard of Abraham Hicks, I want to welcome you to go down the rabbit hole. I have a couple podcast episodes that I did introducing Abraham and what this is. So if you scroll back, if you get on the way back machine and go to episode 70, I have three, no, two episodes about understanding the law of attraction.

Betsy [00:19:04]:
Now, if you’re like, ah, I don’t do that. If the woo is, like, totally counterproductive to how you think, I totally get it. If you’ve listened to my podcast for any amount of time, then you know that I can actually explain to you the brain workings, the inner workings of how your mind organizes and operates that supports the law of attraction. You know, the law of attraction is a marketing term? I think so. So if you listen to those episodes, though, I introduce the idea of Abraham Hicks. Abraham Hicks. There’s a woman named Esther who. I’m using air quotes here, but, like, channels, a group of entities called Abraham.

Betsy [00:19:51]:
Now, if this totally, like, if you’re like, oh, my God, Betsy, I’m losing you, just hang with me for a second, because even if that seems totally crazy to you, the message from Abraham is really good. The message is really positive. And the message has actually helped me see things totally different. And when I see things totally different, remember what happens is it starts to shift where I am hanging out on the map of consciousness, right? It starts to shift how I’m experiencing the world. What happens when I start to shift how I experience the world is I start reacting to things differently. When I react to things differently, what happens? I get a totally different result. Okay? So if you don’t like where the messenger is, just don’t worry about it, but like, just hang with the message. Okay? Okay.

Betsy [00:20:47]:
So Abraham Hicks has something very similar, and they call it the emotional guidance scale. Okay, so the emotional guidance scale is. Is very similar to the map of consciousness. There’s a low and a high, right? So down at the bottom, I have things like fear and grief and depression and despair and powerlessness, right? Think about if you have come here recently and you are struggling in your marriage, and you think about it all the time, where are you most of the time? Powerlessness. So many times we are in a place of powerless, what do I do? I’m stuck. So that is the very lowest on the emotional guidance scale. Now, it doesn’t mean you don’t move up and down throughout the day, but I want you to remember where we’re vibrating is from where unconsciously I think we live. And if this is why I always say to people, how is this issue, whatever your issue is, but I’m just going to use the one with your relationship.

Betsy [00:21:57]:
How is this issue with your relationship impacting your work? I ask that question for a really specific reason because I want to know how much awareness they have about how much this issue is impacting every single area of their life. And many times women will say, it’s not. I’m really able to compartmentalize. Well, remember, consciously, I absolutely know that’s true. You probably can compartmentalize, but unconsciously you can’t. You’re emotionally living somewhere. Okay? So the reason I’m asking that is just because I want to get a feel for, I want to understand where they are. And that’s a question for me, to be able to understand where they are.

Betsy [00:22:39]:
Now. I will tell you, like, nine times out of ten, when people get into, like, week four of the program and they come to group and they’re like, you know how I said that it wasn’t impacting my work? Oh, my God, I can tell. Yeah. Because one thing impacts everything. No matter how much consciously we are able. You still might be able to show up at work and be, like, a pro, but I promise you’re not doing it in the way you could be doing it if unconsciously you weren’t living in a place of powerlessness. Because you’re always thinking about your relationship and how this isn’t working and how you’ve tried so many things and how you’ve asked and how you can’t get him to do anything different and how frustrating it is. Do you get it? Okay, so this is the bottom.

Betsy [00:23:23]:
Then I move up insecurity, guilt, unworthiness. Next up is jealousy. Next up is rage. Hatred, rage. Next up, revenge. Higher than that is anger. You’re better off on this scale being angry than you are being powerless. Anger moves you.

Betsy [00:23:45]:
It moves you to take action. It moves you to getting unstuck. Right. So what’s above that? Discouragement. Above that? Blame. I want you to notice that blame is still really low on the scale. And I think it’s very much tied in with powerlessness. Because once I blame somebody, I immediately move myself to powerlessness because I’ve given them my power.

Betsy [00:24:11]:
It’s their fault. Right. Okay, let’s keep going. Hang with me here. Worry is above that, doubt, disappointment, overwhelm, frustration or impatience. Like irritation, I’m going up higher. Pessimism. Higher is boredom.

Betsy [00:24:32]:
Right. Contentment. Okay, so now I’m getting into content. The feeling of content. I love that I could live in contentment. That feels so good to me. If I can get to a place of content, I don’t want to be dropping down with worry. Right.

Betsy [00:24:47]:
And that’s where I go sometimes. I go right to, oh, what’s going to happen? I hope this where I got this problem. How do I fix it? Okay, so let’s go back. So I got contentment. Above that is hopeful. Then I’m optimistic. Above that, positive expectation, positive beliefs. Above that.

Betsy [00:25:07]:
And then above that is happiness, eagerness. Right. I always say I’m eager for more. I’m totally content. Eager for more enthusiasm. Above that is passion. And above that, love, appreciation, empowerment, joy, knowledge. So do you see how this like moves? You can move up the scale now we move up and down the scale all day, right? I mean, there’s moments where we’ll have moments where we’re worrying or maybe we doubt something, but I’m really thinking about like, where are you living, right? Where do you live most of the time? And when something goes wrong, where do you go? I know for me, when things were really struggle, when I was really struggling in my marriage, I went right down to the bottom.

Betsy [00:25:51]:
Powerlessness. I can’t get him to do anything that I want. He won’t listen to me. I can’t do anything. I can’t leave. I can’t like, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t. Like, that’s where I was. So if you’re there, I promise it can be different.

Betsy [00:26:08]:
And as I start to move up, as I start to make new decisions or get new awareness, one of the very first things we teach inside the navigate method is an idea that is meant to shift people right out of that. I can shoot you out of that so fast you’ll never go back. And the reason I want to do that is because I need people higher on the scale in order to really start doing this work, right? So one of the things that happens as we look at this scale is when I’m in a place where it doesn’t feel good, that’s my sign that I’m moving in a place down the scale if it doesn’t feel good. So we have an emotional guidance system built in, right? But most of the time we sort of ignore it or we people please and go, ah, I’ll just do it, I’ll just deal with it, right? Or we sort of push it aside because we’re really busy. There’s a lot of things on our plate, the things that we need to get done. If I don’t do them, nobody’s going to do them. I’ve got to take care of it. And so knowing where I am and where I’m living on the emotional guidance skill can be really, really powerful.

Betsy [00:27:26]:
But here’s a, the big, the big kicker, okay? When you have a problem, and remember I said when women come into the program, I do the very first lesson, I teach them something that pushes them out of fear, grief, depression, despair, powerlessness. I move them out of that. Because when you are in that, even I’m going to say, even if you’re down low, hatred range, revenge, anger, when you’re in those lower places. That is nothing. A place to make decisions but listen to what I’m about to say. It’s not a place to get ideas on what to do different. This is why problems and we get feeling stuck and it’s so frustrating is because we are making and coming up with ideas from lower vibration from a lower place on the guidance scale. You know when I talk to women on the phone I actually, and so much of what I do, it’s very thought, it’s very thought out.

Betsy [00:28:37]:
I mean I know you could probably figure that but it’s very thought out. Like I don’t ask questions like there’s reasons behind every single thing that I do, truly. And one of the things that I do is I ask women to decide if they want to fix their problem when we’re on the phone because I want to call them to courage. I want to see if they can move up to a higher place on the emotional guidance scale. Like can they access that? Because if they can and they can have that moment where they’re like, okay, I’m going to trust myself. I’m going to take this leap like I’m going to bet on myself. It changes everything because now they have, they’re coming into the program already at this higher level where they can see things they’ve never seen before and they’ll be able to solve problems from a place that they never ever, ever have been able to solve before because they were living in a place that wouldn’t get the answers that they needed. If I’m trying to come up with a solution to a problem let’s say I’m at work and I have to learn how to, I have to figure out how to stack pencils.

Betsy [00:29:47]:
Okay, I’m just picking something totally silly but I got to learn how to stack pencils and there’s like 5000 pencils and I’m so pissed. I have to do it and I’m mad. My boss is making me do this and this is so stupid. What am I going to do? And so I’m just like I’m just going to stack them up. Like I’m just going to stack them up. Then as soon as you make a little stack they all roll, right? And now they’re like just flat on the floor. You’re like oh my God, I’m so mad about this. And then you move into like rage, right? You’re like this is dumb.

Betsy [00:30:14]:
And then you start like putting up like maybe your foot or your shoe to kind of hold them in place as you stack if you can stack them up high enough. But if you were in a place where you’re like, and again, this is just an example, but if you’re in a place where you’re like, I’m gonna get to do this thing that nobody’s been able to do yet, like, I get to be super creative and figure out a solution to this. Like, I have a job where I’m making money to stack pencils. Holy smokes. How cool is this? I get to be really creative. Like, I get to take a problem and figure out a whole new solution. How lucky am I? I wonder how many cool ways I could come up with this. Then all of a sudden, you’re like, oh, well, let me stack them like, sideways and sideways, like.

Betsy [00:31:00]:
Like, stack like Lincoln logs. Do you know what I mean? And now all of a sudden, they’re not rolling. And then all of a sudden, it feels really cool and really fun. And then you’re like, I could make houses. And I could make. Do you see what I mean? When you make a decision and you solve a problem from a higher level on the emotional guidance scale, it changes the outcome. It changes the trajectory, the way it feels on the way. It changes the place that you live.

Betsy [00:31:30]:
Right? Because the more that you can hold a higher vibration, the easier it’s going to be for you to acclimate to that and stay there. This is why I also teach nervous system regulation, because I want people to get to that higher scale and then train their nervous system that that is totally safe. Totally safe. Okay. So then, if you are in a place where you are, like, stuck and struggling, I want to offer you this little thing that I do, and I use this with my clients, and it helps to move you out of the place of powerlessness or despair. And it is a process that I learned years ago from my friend Andy Dooley. So Andy taught me this. And basically it’s called.

Betsy [00:32:32]:
That’s right. It’s the that’s right game. And I have played this with my husband. I play it with myself. And lately, which I told you I was going to do what I’m doing lately, and I’ll tell you, but lately I’ve been doing it, like, every day. So, basically, you get to the place where you are and you say it. I think there’s something really powerful about saying stuff out loud. But I also work from home, and I’m alone all the time, so, you know, take that for what it is.

Betsy [00:32:56]:
But I am so pissed off that I have to put these pencils in a pile. Okay. So you say the first thing and then you go, that’s right. And all you have to do is. Is feel for the next thought. That feels better. So if we are in powerlessness, so many times people think, well, you just got to get. Be happy.

Betsy [00:33:23]:
Just get to joy. Find something to be happy about. No, I don’t think that works. Like, you might be able to find something to be happy about, but it’s easier to move the thing you’re unhappy about and move yourself up the scale. So I’m pissed about these pencils. That’s right. I was given a job that I don’t want to do. That’s right.

Betsy [00:33:45]:
I have a job. That’s right. I’m lucky that I get to make money. That’s right. I love being able to pay my bills. That’s right. Paying my bills feels really good to me. That’s right.

Betsy [00:33:57]:
It allows me to do a lot of cool stuff. That’s right. It allows me to have a house that I love. That’s right. I love my house. That’s right. I can have friends over that’s right. I get to have friends over at my house.

Betsy [00:34:08]:
Do you see how I’ve used the word? The wording? That’s right. Because I want to keep my brain busy while I’m searching for the next good feeling thought. If I just pause and I don’t say anything, I’m going to start to drift. I’m going to start to think about other things. My brain stays busy when I say, that’s right. I can only have basically one thought at a time. This is how come snipers, you know, when they teach snipers to snipe, you know, when they teach them how to be snipers, they teach them to repeat a set of instructions over and over and over and over again while they’re getting ready to shoot and while they’re shooting and while they’re watching their target. The reason is because they don’t want their mind to start going to like, who is this person? I wonder if they have a family.

Betsy [00:35:08]:
Do they have kids? I wonder where they go. They don’t want that. Right. And I don’t want you to be like, drifting off into something else. So. That’s right. It’s going to keep yourself focused. Will you search for the next good feeling thought? It may be that you get stuck and you’re like, I’m kind of going around in a circle saying the same kind of thoughts, but I think you’ll start to notice there is a little bit different vibration.

Betsy [00:35:32]:
Like there’s a little bit different in how it feels. Right. And so as you keep doing this and you start practicing it, it’ll start to shift things. Okay. So now I wanted to tell you now we’re 35 minutes in. I’m gonna tell you what I’ve been doing to kind of wrap this up. So I decided that I was going to really probably about two months ago every morning I started writing out in a journal, handwriting in a journal what I was moving towards. So it’s so great this morning to wake up at my beach house knowing that I’m running back to Atlanta this afternoon and then jumping on an airplane to go speak at this most amazing resort in Colorado.

Betsy [00:36:22]:
Do you see what I mean? Like, I was just writing and I was really haphazardly, like writing anything, but it would get me to this really high vibe feeling place before I started any work, especially before I talked to anybody because I wanted and I always want to be able to show up, whether it’s my client or with somebody that’s booked a call with me to see, you know, if I can help them, if they can become a client. And so I want to be in a really high flying place because I want to be able to reflect back what they’re not seeing. Right. I want to reflect back what they’re saying to me. So I get that was really working. You know, it was really working. I did it for probably about 18 ish days, 1718 days. And then I decided I’m going to get really focused and I wanted to see if I could create a lot of, I’m using going to use this word tension.

Betsy [00:37:17]:
I wanted to create a lot of tension towards a particular event that was coming up. So I am going to California in November, as I do twice a year to meet with my coach. And I wanted to have made some huge shifts by the time I was boarding the airplane. Okay. So I started writing on September 1. I started writing every morning. That moment. The moment that I’m boarding the plane.

Betsy [00:37:51]:
And I’ll tell you, over the past 27 days, it has gotten so real. So real. I’m boarding the plane. I’m looking down. I can see my feet, my hands. I can feel my bag. I’m so excited. I can’t.

Betsy [00:38:04]:
I’m just, you know, I don’t want to go into all the things, but, like, I have made these humongous shifts over the past ten weeks. Like, it’s incredible. This has happened. This has happened. This has happened. I feel yddeh new things that I never even dreamed of. Every day, I feel so fulfilled and right alive. I am writing this every day.

Betsy [00:38:22]:
Every day is a little bit different, but it’s always me getting on the airplane, okay? It’s that moment that I want to know that I have made these shifts, because when I get on the plane, I’m like, I am so proud of you. You did it right. Okay. So as I start doing this, I start doing this work. I’m writing the past two months, I’ve been writing and then writing over this past month on this particular thing. I’m getting in this really high vibe place, and then I’m writing several things to start my day that I really appreciate. Now, I’m not writing. Like, I appreciate that I have.

Betsy [00:39:01]:
Like, it’s. I’m trying. I’m finding the subtle things. The other morning, I was sitting outside in my bathrobe, and I was sweating because it was hot out still in Atlanta. And honestly, I’m ready for it to be cool. But instead, I wrote because this was true. I noticed I was starting to sweat. I’m like, dang it, it’s like October or September.

Betsy [00:39:21]:
But I thought, how cool that my body sweats to cool me down. Like, I have a built in system to keep my body temperature correct. How cool is that? Like, that’s pretty badass, right? And so I try and notice these really subtle things. Now, remember way back at the beginning when I started this episode, I talked about when you notice things, they start to shift. So now I’m creating my own shifts by noticing the things that would have gone undetected. And now it’s like, just I notice stuff all the time where I’m like, oh, that’s a really cool shade of blue for that marker. So appreciation. Now, where’s appreciation on the scale? It’s pretty darn high.

Betsy [00:40:08]:
It’s all the way at the top, actually. It’s number one. Love, appreciation, freedom. So I’m getting myself there throughout the day. Now, have all the things that I wanted to. Well, actually, a lot of them have started happening. But have all of them? No, not yet, but they are. They will absolutely.

Betsy [00:40:25]:
I don’t even have a doubt. I can tell you with certainty, absolute certainty that that day that I walk onto that airplane, I will absolutely have all those things. And I will feel the way that I want to feel, and I will know without a doubt that I created that. Because I’m making decisions from this really high vibe place. I’m only operating from there. And if I’m in a low vibe place, then I’m like, stop what you’re doing. Stop. Go do something else.

Betsy [00:40:51]:
Go for a little walk. Take a little nap. Go get yourself a apple juice. Do you know what I’m saying? Like, get to a place where you feel really good. Last month, I actually bought uncrustables. Do you know what those are? It’s like the world’s greatest peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Do you know what they are in the freezer section? I freaking love those things. Now can I eat them every day? No.

Betsy [00:41:15]:
I mean, I’d probably get sick of them, but something about them I love. So if I’m. I have used them to move up the guidance scale. I’m gonna go get me a little uncrustable from the freezer, and then I pull it out and I give myself 15 minutes. I have eaten them half frozen, and they’re actually good half frozen, too, but that’s neither here nor there. So I’m moving up the scale. Now, what else has happened is I started getting totally new ideas. The idea of hiring Joseph to do my hypnosis, I want you to know, and you’ve probably heard me talk about this, I have used his app for years.

Betsy [00:41:50]:
Almost every day for years. I have been friends with him on Facebook because we went through a program together in 2019. That’s five years ago. Have I ever thought of hiring him? No. I never even thought about it. Now, why did I think about it now? Because I was in alignment with him. Because I moved to a place where that seemed like the next obvious right choice. It became important because I could see how he could move me to a place that I needed to go.

Betsy [00:42:22]:
But I couldn’t have seen it before because I wasn’t ready to move to that place. I had to really put in the mindset. Work. Now, is this taking me hours every morning? No. It takes me like 15 minutes. Takes me five minutes. It takes me way less time than it takes for me to ponder how pissed I am about stuff of. So I wanted to offer this to you as a thought and go look up the emotional guidance scale, if that sounds fun to you.

Betsy [00:42:54]:
We’re actually doing some deep dives into that. Inside my. I have a well inside the navigate method. When you’re done, if you want to come into a little circle with me, then. But this is one of the things I’m diving deep, deep into next month. Because there are ways, there are loads of ways to actually create change in this. But if this is something that you’re interested in, this process, and if by all means, if you’re feeling like, oh, my God, this is the thing. I need to move to this to fix my relationship.

Betsy [00:43:26]:
And by fix, it might not be heal it, it might be healing yourself so that you know exactly what you want. And then it becomes really obvious if he can meet you there, if you’re vibrationally in the same place, sometimes people will be in group and they’ll say like, I’m fine. And so then he says something, and then I feel like, ugh. So again, if you think of somebody on a vibrational scale that’s lower, you’re higher. Are you allowing them to pull you down, or are you holding yourself at this higher place so that they are forced to rise or they’ll just wander off. Do you see what I mean? So making decisions from this high vibe place, this place of feeling optimism, hopeful contentment, positive eagerness for what’s next is the place you want to live. And then, and I will wrap it up, I promise. But then.

Betsy [00:44:26]:
Then your goals, it’s not about going after your goals. It’s about living in the place you want to live. And so then when you’re an old lady in bed about to die, you will say, about to transition. Let’s say it that way. About to transition. You will say, I freaking did it. I lived. I took every moment, and I moved into such a higher place.

Betsy [00:44:49]:
I savored every moment. I lived all the life that was there. I wasn’t worried about stuff in the past, and I wasn’t too worried about what was happening in the future. I was there, and I took action. Who I chose to be in every moment is who I became. And that, I think, is how you live a big life. If you liked this episode, please share it with a friend. Tag me on social media.

Betsy [00:45:16]:
Everybody that’s left a review. I freaking love that. Thank you. It makes me want to jump up and click my heels together. It brings me right up to appreciation. So move up to appreciation by leaving me a review of appreciation, and we could be there together. So thank you so much. I love you so much.

Betsy [00:45:34]:
I hope you have an incredible week, and I will see you next week. Bye bye. Hey, thanks so much for listening to today’s show, and thank you for sharing the show with your friends. I love when you guys do that. I appreciate it so much. And thank you for leaving me review on iTunes. I know that it matters because when I go to find a podcast, I always look to see what the reviews are. So it really means a lot to me that you take a minute to, like, figure out how to even make that happen.

Betsy [00:46:03]:
Now, if you want to find me, find me on social media. I’m usually on Instagram, starting out on TikTok. It’s just my name, Betsy Pake. And that’s my website, too, betsypake.com. and you can find out all about the work that I do, having me speak for an event that you might be helping to plan or getting trained inside my alchemy institute. But to make it really easy, if you want me, just shoot me a DM. Shoot me a direct message on Instagram, and I will be at your service. Thanks again for listening, and I will see you all next week.

On todays podcast Betsy examines the question: ” Are you doing everything in your power to make this happen?”

Transcript:

Betsy [00:00:05]:
Welcome to the Art of Living Big podcast. My name is Betsy Pake. I’m an author, a speaker, and a trainer of NLP and hypnotherapy. And I’m focused on helping you understand and design your life with the power of the subconscious. This podcast is designed to help you think differently about what could be possible for your life. Now, let’s go live big. Hi, good morning. Welcome to the art of Living Big.

Betsy [00:00:36]:
I have an idea that I want to share with you. This thought that’s been rolling around in my head, and so I want to dive into that. First, let me give you an update, because if you listened last week, I talked about visibility and how I’ve been doing some things and how I hired Joseph the hypnotherapist this weekend. I went through this massive deep dive into uncovering the core issue. I’m laughing because, you know, sometimes I hear people talk about ayahuasca journeys. They go on this like ayahuasca journey or they have this plant medicine thing, and I have a lot of thoughts about that. But I hear people talk about that and they’re like, it was a dark night of the soul, or I met my. Yeah, I did all that without.

Betsy [00:01:26]:
I did all of that without any plant medicine. I went through it. I went through it this weekend. It was actually so hard and so good. And, you know, I went through this core to really get to the core issue, like what is really, you know, we have a lot of symptoms about things, and I had a lot of symptoms like having some fear about showing up or feeling really sensitive if people said things or a lot of things that I don’t even want to get into. But, but those are all symptoms of some sort of belief or value deep down. And so I really went through the process of figuring that out, and it was excruciating. I say that.

Betsy [00:02:12]:
I mean that. I really mean that. I don’t even know how much I slept on Friday night. It was more like napping in between, like a lot of memories of awful things and processing and moving through stuff. But, you know, I say this all the time, and I say this to the women that are inside the navigate method or that have done any programs with me, like, looking at this stuff is not for the week. You know, really moving past the things that are holding you in place is. Although when you get to the other side, it’s really incredible. It is not easy work.

Betsy [00:02:50]:
It was hard for me on Friday night to not pick up my phone and distract myself for a minute. Let me just go online and check in and see what’s going on or turn on the tv or I need a break from this. I really sat in. The uncomfortableness was really profound for me. So I share that because I think sometimes we think the things that are holding us in place are out of our reach, or it’s just too hard, or I don’t even know how I would do that. And there is a path. There is a way to do this work. And I’ve talked about it on the show, so, you know, keep listening.

Betsy [00:03:34]:
Go back to old episodes. But I think being able to really get clear on the things that are holding you back because, and I truly believe this. And although I think this might be kind of like I’m using air quotes like a little woo woo idea, the idea that nothing is in the way. Nothing is in the way until we start layering all of our thoughts and beliefs and creating our reality around things that are in the way. You know, when we’re babies, we ask for what we want, we cry. When we’re unhappy, we yell for food, we do whatever it is that we need to do to get what we need. And then something happens as we get older and as we learn and as we go through our social constructs and learn the way of the world and honestly create our reality. And I’ve talked about this on the show so often, but I want to just touch on it again, is that our reality absolutely is created when we’re young, for the most part, by the beliefs and values that we are shown and handed down from those people around us.

Betsy [00:04:49]:
And I have said this, I said this on the show, like years and years and years ago, when Kylie Jenner, like that Forbes article came out that said she was a billionaire, and when that came out, which I think since they’ve said that wasn’t true, she isn’t a billionaire. But anyway, that doesn’t matter. The idea was that I thought that she must think so differently about what’s available to her, about what’s normal, right. About everything, about everything than I do, right, because of her experience. And I think that’s pretty easy to say. Like, if somebody, if you’re Prince William, you probably have a different life experience than me as Betsy Pakin. So you think differently. That makes sense, right? But when we bring that down to you’ve created your reality, people get a little like, I don’t know about that, but absolutely, the way that we think and the things that we expect start to alter what our unconscious mind shows us as available to us.

Betsy [00:05:54]:
And when we start to change that honing mechanism, right. When we start to change what we think is possible, our unconscious mind picks up on new clues that have probably been there all along. So on Friday night, when I was doing that work, trying to get to the core issue, I was trying to get to the core issue simply so I could do a hypnosis with Joseph on that core issue, right. Because we want to not work on the symptoms. We want to really get to the heart of what’s going on. Just seeing it was so profound for me. Going through that experience of really getting to it was, honestly, it already has changed things. I’m noticing that I’m thinking things differently.

Betsy [00:06:41]:
This morning I had a thought where I was like, oh, my God, that’s a totally new thought. And so obvious. How come I’ve never thought that before? Like a next step or a next thing? So I wanted to kind of give you an update. So that’s where I am. I haven’t had the hypnosis yet with Joseph, so I’m super curious how that pans out. But I did get to the core issue, and I know I got it. Like, I know, I know, I know that I got it. And it was so simple and so profound that it was surprising to me.

Betsy [00:07:11]:
I had never seen it before. But that’s what our unconscious mind does, right? Is it tries to hide it because it is using it as a protective mechanism. And it worked really well for me when I was young. And now not so much, which kind of brings me to the thought that I wanted to share with you today. So I saw this quote as you know, because I feel like every week I’m like, I saw this quote. Every time I see something, I’m like, mmm. Is that true for me? What do I think about that? So. So this is the quote.

Betsy [00:07:43]:
Well, let me frame it this way. You know, we all have you, we all have goals, ideas of things we want to have or do or be in our lives, things we want to experience. And I started really noticing that I was cutting myself off mentally, really quickly. When I would see particular people online, whether I knew them or not, like, or knew of them, like, if I would just see a post and they would be doing something that most of the time it was something I wanted to do, I would immediately get this feeling of that’s not available to me and I would, like, move past them, like, I wouldn’t want to think about it. And I started noticing this after I removed, after I recognized the core issue. I started really noticing this, like, what is going on? Why do I dismiss myself like, that’s really fascinating. Why am I dismissing myself on that or on this or on that? And I think sometimes we think this is sort of a clue, like, well, good for them. That’s nice for them.

Betsy [00:08:52]:
Like, must be nice. That must be nice. It’s not available to me, is really what that’s saying. Well, it must be nice to have the beach house, or it must be nice to have the private plane or whatever it is that’s your thing. I don’t know. But that is an indication that you think it’s not available to you because you’re looking over there and saying, must be nice to be you. It’s not me. So I started noticing that I was feeling this.

Betsy [00:09:24]:
I wasn’t necessarily articulating it in my head, like, must be nice, but I could feel it. And so anytime I’m feeling something, I’m like, okay, that’s there. I need to pay attention to that. It’s an internal guidance system. Right. Our feelings. And so I noticed this kind of pattern over the weekend, and I was like, wow, that’s super interesting. And then I saw this quote, and it said, are you doing everything in your power to make this happen? Are you doing everything in your power to make this happen? Now, what’s this? This is whatever this is for you.

Betsy [00:10:03]:
So what are the things, first of all, what are the things that you really want? And you might have some ideas that come right into your mind right off when I say that, like, right off, I know I want this, but I’m. But pause with that, does it feel attainable, or does it feel like that’s something I want that feels just outside my reach, or like, I’ll probably never get there, but it is something that would be nice, right? Or is there something that you would like that you know you’d never get? Like, God, that would be awesome. But that’s not. I’ll probably never have that. And I want you to really think about, what are the things? What is your this? What is your this? And again, the question is, are you doing everything in your power to make this happen? So whatever your this is, are you actually doing everything in your power to get it? And when I say get it, I’m not saying hustle for it, move into it, like, work hard for it. That might feel good to you. To work hard. I’m not saying don’t do that if that feels good to you, but I think we believe that the work is striving to get to it.

Betsy [00:11:26]:
And I want to offer the thought that maybe the work is striving to release whatever is keeping you from it in the first place. There are things that I want. There are goals that I have just like you. Some are really big, some are small. Some are things that I want that I actually know could be available, but I feel scared about them, or I just. It makes me feel uncomfortable. It makes me nervous. And so I know that there’s something I’ve got to release.

Betsy [00:12:00]:
This is why I started doing this work with Joseph, right? And going through, finding out what is the thing that’s holding me back, you know? So define what your this is. So it might be some things that are happening that you could make happen by the end of the year. Things you want to experience, maybe a way that you want to be. Maybe it’s how you want to be with your partner, right? Maybe it’s how you want to show up in your partnership. Maybe it’s something with work. Maybe it’s starting a side gig. Maybe it’s going and experiencing a seminar or learning experience that you want to go. Maybe it’s going to a concert in Europe.

Betsy [00:12:45]:
Like, maybe it’s anything. Whatever it is that you want to do, be, or have. So define what your this is. And then when I was thinking about it, I was like, okay, I have my this is. And some of my this is were like, more of a feeling that I didn’t even allow myself to formulate. I didn’t allow myself to put it into words because it felt out of reach. And honestly, that’s something I do. Maybe it’s something you do, too, where I’m like, if it feels too big, I don’t even wanna.

Betsy [00:13:17]:
I don’t even wanna look at it. Cause then it’s just like, one more thing I can’t have, right? And even as I say that, I know that’s absolutely not true. Now. Now I’m gonna pause because you might be like, well, yeah, I’m never gonna be an Olympic gymnast. And maybe that’s something I really wanted. I’m gonna use that because it’s a far out example just to get to this point. Okay, so if you’ve got something, you’re like, yeah, but I always wanted this, and now I’ll never have it because I’ll never be an NBA basketball player because I’m 55 years old. Right.

Betsy [00:13:56]:
Whatever it is, what is the feeling that that was giving you? And if you didn’t move away from the thought when it became, like, a hot potato what is it about that thing that you really wanted? What is it about being an Olympic gymnast that really felt good to you? And it might be felt, the idea of me feeling really in control of my body feels good. Maybe it’s competing at a really high level. Maybe it’s being the best at something, right? Maybe it’s being celebrated. Then I would say, take those things, because the experience of being the Olympic athlete would give you those. But that’s not the only place that would give you those. And so find out. Hone in on what it is that is really your thing, and what’s the feeling attached to it? And you can say your that is the feeling until the idea of how to get that feeling comes into your awareness. So don’t opt out by saying, well, it’s this random thing that now I can never have.

Betsy [00:15:17]:
Like my, my, that is to be 22 and now I’m 55 or whatever. Doesn’t matter. I want you to get to the feeling. Okay. All right, so we’ve got the. That, right? Are you doing everything in your power to make this happen? You’ve got your this. You’re this. You’re this or that.

Betsy [00:15:36]:
Okay, so now I wanna talk about what is everything in my power? Like, what does that actually mean? Everything in my power. And going back to the idea that sometimes it’s not about doing more of the things to bring it to you, but it’s doing things to stop the restriction. So when I think about what’s in my power, I think there’s two things. I think there’s things that are in my awareness right now, and there’s things outside of my awareness. Both of those are within my power, whether I’m conscious of it or not. So I think when we explore everything in your power, there’s nuances to it, right? There’s complexities of what it really means to do everything, and to do everything in your capability to achieve what it is that you want. And I want to say that part again in your capacity. What’s in your experience right now? You know, I talk all the time about living big, and if you’re new here, what I mean by that is doing the most you can do with what’s available to you right now.

Betsy [00:16:51]:
You know, years ago, and if you’ve been here for a long time, I’m sorry, because you’ve probably heard this story before, but I’ll make it short. Years ago, like twelve years ago, probably. I really wanted to be a speaker. Okay? I wanted to be a keynote speaker. It was something that I was like, I really wanted that. That was my. That, right? And my daughter was sick, and I couldn’t. It just, I was trying to pitch myself places.

Betsy [00:17:19]:
I didn’t have money to get a coach to help me to understand how to even really do that properly. And I had this message, right, and I was trying to figure out what was next and how to do it, and I just, I felt like I was failing, and it didn’t make any sense for me to get some sort of keynote where I had to fly somewhere and I didn’t know what was going on with my daughter. Like, it all just didn’t work. And so I really got honed in on the feeling, and the feeling was that I have a lot of thoughts, and I wanted to inspire people, right? I wanted to change the way people experienced things. It must have been about ten years ago, because what I decided to do one day, I was just driving past a panera bread, and I saw the panera bread, and in that moment, I thought I should call them and just see if I can host an event, like every other week or every month where I speak. And so I called. I remember calling from my car, and as I drove by, and I was just like, hey, can I use, they have, like, a space where you could shut the doors. Can I use that space? They were like, yeah, absolutely.

Betsy [00:18:25]:
Because to them, people would come in and buy breakfast or coffee or whatever. And so I put it on meetup, and people started coming. People came, and I did it for a long time. And I was the speaker. I just said, come listen to an inspirational speaker. I didn’t tell them it was going to be me every month, but then they would come and. And after that is really how I decided to start the podcast. Right.

Betsy [00:18:48]:
Eight years ago, started the podcast. So I share this, because sometimes we can only do what we can do. So living big is living in the getting as big as you can in the spot that you’re at. So I think when we define everything in your power, we can’t ignore real life and perhaps some limitations and capacity that you have right now, but that gives us an opportunity to be really creative. And what that did for me was it created space for me to get really good at speaking and practicing and putting together speeches and having the podcast, right? And then later on, you know, years later, I went on to make, you know, 10,000 plus on speaking engagements. So, absolutely, we can start someplace with the intention that we’re learning and becoming more. Also, I think that when we look at this, we’ve really got to look at what are my resources? You know, everything in my power at that time. I couldn’t go hire a coach for $50,000 a year.

Betsy [00:20:05]:
Like, that wasn’t what I was gonna do. It just wasn’t within, my, gosh, $5,000 a year wasn’t in my capacity at that time. But it didn’t matter because I wanted it. And so I figured out other ways. I found podcasts and books and blog posts. If you go back to episode, maybe it’s like 50, 51, something like that. There is one where I talk about my love of Sarah Blakely and about how I started having mentors. That’s when I started having mentors, because I couldn’t.

Betsy [00:20:39]:
There were limitations in my resources. But we can’t get mad at everybody else because we’ve got these limitations. We’ve got to. We can’t hot potato it. We’ve got to look at it and say, this is giving me an opportunity. You know, anytime when I’m coaching someone and they come to me and they’re like, this is my problem. I always want to rephrase it, right? Is it a problem or is it a challenge? Is it a challenge or is it an opportunity? And when you can get to seeing it as an opportunity, it gives you space to be creative. It gives you space to learn some skills that maybe you need to get where you want to go.

Betsy [00:21:20]:
So also, when I think about everything in my power, I think about overcoming fear and self doubt, because those are things that are very much in our power. And sometimes when we have fear or we have self doubt, and that feeling comes, that feels bad, we opt out, right? We say, well, I’m not going to look at that. That feels bad. That feels hard. That must not be the place. And so when I think about everything in our power, I think about really defining these things for myself. And you’re the only one that knows. And I always think, like, we, you might say, no, no, I’m not doing that.

Betsy [00:22:01]:
But, like, deep down, I know. My coach said to me recently, she asked me something, and she was like, do you think that’s a possibility? You’re doing that? And I was like, no, but in the little back of my head, I was like, oh, no, I’m totally doing that. I’m totally doing that. I think I messaged later. Voxer dura I was like, oh, yeah, okay, so remember when I said no, like, I am. That is something I’m doing. And when we really listen in, when we can really listen and we know what’s the truth for us, right? So when I think of this, are we doing everything in our power to make this happen? Once I move past those things then I can say what are the actions? What are the actions I’d really need to take or could take or would feel fun to take, right? So I have been exploring this myself. Like what are the actions? Like I have some goals, right, for some new people that I want to bring in to the navigate method.

Betsy [00:22:58]:
I know what this woman is like. I can picture her, I already love her. I sit and think about her in the morning and I’m like, I just know she’s going to find me or maybe she’s found me but she hasn’t reached out yet and she is the perfect person and I am going to know as soon as I talk to her and I am going to help her, she is going to have a whole new experience and a whole new life and she’s going to look back at those ten weeks in the navigate method and be like that. That’s the thing, that’s the thing that changed my whole experience. And so when I get in that space in the morning then, then and only then do I say what are the actions that I need to take? What are the things I need to do? And I thought this week I was like, you know what, I could do a special event where I teach a little something, right? Because then they would meet me and they’d get to know how I teach and I have my masterclass. If you’re new here and you wanna watch my masterclass you can just go to betsypake.com and it’s right there in the front, on the front page link to it. But what if I did something a little different, right? Cause that felt fun. Because it felt fun.

Betsy [00:24:11]:
Like what if I posted some more creative stuff, like what if I really let them see more of who I am and how I show up? What kind the real, and I say this, I hope people in the navigate method, I hope that this is how you feel too. Cause I love the women in the program and I feel like we have a special bond, you know? And so how do I move that into a space where people understand that and only the right people will be attracted to that, right? Only the right people. When you are truly authentic and showing up as authentically you, no matter what youre a this is, the things will start to be drawn to you. That’s just how it works. And so when I look, are you doing everything in your power to make this happen, I want to offer you the idea that sitting with this concept, getting clear on what it is you want, what it is you want that you’re not allowing yourself to see and understanding what’s keeping you from it is going to start to propel you forward to a place where you can sit in the real, true being of it. Right. That feeling of this has already happened. This feels so good.

Betsy [00:25:33]:
Hold that feeling as long as you can and make all of your decisions from that place. Not from the place of constriction, not from the place of feeling conflict, but from the place of this feels so good. And this is how I live a big life. All right, I love you guys so much. Have an amazing week. I’ll talk to you next week. Bye bye. Hey, thanks so much for listening to today’s show, and thank you for sharing the show with your friends.

Betsy [00:26:09]:
I love when you guys do that. I appreciate it so much. And thank you for leaving me a review on iTunes. I know that it matters because when I go to find a podcast, I always look to see what the reviews are. So it really means a lot to me that you take a minute to, like, figure out how to even make that happen. Now, if you want to find me, find me on social media. I’m usually on Instagram, starting out on TikTok. It’s just my name, Betsy Pake.

Betsy [00:26:36]:
And that’s my. My website, too, betsypake.com. and you can find out all about the work that I do, having me speak for an event that you might be helping to plan or getting trained inside my alchemy institute. But to make it really easy, if you want me, just shoot me a DM. Shoot me a direct message on Instagram, and I will be at your service. Thanks again for listening, and I will see you all next week.

This week I went to California for a mastermind I’m part of and had the opportunity to speak to a group of my peers and I wanted to share with you today what I shared with them.
Transcript:

Betsy [00:00:05]:
Welcome to the art of Living big podcast. My name is Betsy Paik. I’m an author, a speaker, and a trainer of NLP and hypnotherapy. And I’m focused on helping you understand and design your life with the power of the subconscious. This podcast is designed to help you think differently about what could be possible for your life. Now, let’s go live big.

Betsy [00:00:32]:
Hello, hello. Hi. Welcome. Welcome to the show today. Welcome to the art of living big. I am Betsy Paik, and I’m excited to be with you here today. So if you’ve been here for a little while, you guys, I am showing up on video, and I have been doing it now. I’ve done it.

Betsy [00:00:49]:
I’ve done it like three times now. It’s pretty impressive. So if you haven’t gone to my YouTube channel, go just Google the YouTube and you will see it. But I’m pretty excited about it because it is hard sometimes to be a beginner. You know, it’s hard to do something new. And even though I have been doing video for a long time, I haven’t been doing video when I do this show. And if you’re new here, when I do this show, typically I get an idea and then I just talk, which is how it’s always worked really well for me. But when you’re showing up on video, thinking about things while you’re talking is just, I don’t know, it’s a little bit different.

Betsy [00:01:28]:
So lots and lots of new things and new challenges in my life. And I have said many times, like, if I have a problem I’ve never had before, I’m like, this is exciting because I’m going someplace new, new problems. And that’s kind of what’s happening. Being a beginner can be hard and just something new and can feel, like a little bit of a problem sometime. But I’m just really. I’m just really pleased with myself. I’m going to sing. So, so happy to be here with you guys today.

Betsy [00:01:58]:
I wanted to talk about my past week I have been in California. If you follow me on Instagram, you may have seen that I was at an event this past week in California. I went to Huntington Beach. I live in Atlanta, Georgia. But I love California. And anytime that I have an opportunity to do any training, even if that training is up the street, I will try and attend the version that’s in California. I just really love it. I love the beach anyway.

Betsy [00:02:27]:
And I love, like, the ocean vibes. And I think the vibe in California is just really cool. With. I mean, we’ve got some, now that I live inside the city in Atlanta, we do have some cool stuff. You know, I love a good smoothie bowl place, and I feel like those are in abundance in California. You know, it’s just like, different stuff that’s available, different parts of the country. And so, anyway, I was thrilled because I was going to get to go, and I went actually for two, well, it was two events. My coach that I have had off and on since 2018 has a mastermind.

Betsy [00:03:08]:
So, for example, if you have been inside my program, the navigate method, I came into their initial program, and then they had a mastermind on the back end program. And what I mean by mastermind is it’s a group of entrepreneurs that come together for guidance and companionship, you know, to be able to really help each other and to come together in a smaller group to be able to help each other. And so this particular coach has two different levels, I’m going to say, of their mastermind. And I was in one for a long time and then have moved up. I’m going to say moved to a different one. Okay, so there’s one that’s maybe a little more in depth, let’s call it that. So I’m in the more in depth one, which gives me access to both of their events. So I can be in the first one and I can be in the more in depth one.

Betsy [00:04:05]:
There are live events. Okay, so all of that to say, I went to California because they have those live events back to back. So I got to go to the first live event, which was just so fun. You know, it’s people that I’ve been interacting with, and then you guys probably have communities like this, right? Like you’ve got people that, you know from the Internet or from online or from, you know, your online world. And then to get to see them in real life was really, really cool and really fun. It was funny because the first night, kind of the kickoff, they have like a cocktail party, and then the event is like the next two days. And so at the cocktail party, I was walking around and I was like, I know that person, but I need them to have, I needed people to have the, their Zoom background, like on a stick, they could just hold behind their head. So when I looked at them, I knew exactly who they were because of the background.

Betsy [00:05:02]:
Do you know what I mean? You know how you see people in a certain way for months and months and months or years, and then you see them in real life, and it’s like you’re out of. It’s out. You’re like something this isn’t. The context is different, so. But it was really fun to get to see everybody. And at that initial event, I got to speak, which is always really fun. I love that. And, you know, one of the things that I talked about in that was about when I first moved into my house here in Atlanta.

Betsy [00:05:34]:
And if you’ve been here for a little while, you know that I sold my house in the suburbs about three years ago, moved into the city into an apartment with the intention of staying in that apartment for a year. And life as it does took other turns, and I ended up going on some adventures. And you can listen to some of those episodes around, like the Iceland episodes. You could, you could search for Iceland. Betsy, pick Iceland. It’ll come up. But it kind of culminated with that event of me going to Iceland for a month and really doing months and months of a lot of soul searching and a lot of healing of stuff to be able to come back. And then once I came back to that apartment, the lease was going to be up any minute, and it just made sense to stay for another year.

Betsy [00:06:27]:
So, you know how you stay someplace and then you’re like, I’m going to be here for a short time, and then, you know, fast forward two years and you’re still there. So it was only about a year ago that I moved into my house in the city. And so we bought this house in May and couldn’t move in until July, until June. So the previous owners kept occupancy for a month. And in that month, I had a huge leak in my apartment. And there’s an episode about that. It’s, it’s last May, probably. You could find that.

Betsy [00:06:58]:
And, I mean, I really, I really dismantled what it was that caused that leak. If you go back, I might need to go back and listen to that episode. But just to reflect. It’s always interesting to reflect. But, I mean, I broke down what was happening from a quantum level that created an environment for that experience to happen. And then we moved into this house. And inside my office, I put an old couch. Now, in December, I redid my office and got rid of that old couch, and I got two really cute gold chairs that you may have seen on Instagram.

Betsy [00:07:36]:
And those chairs, now I call my thinking chairs. But at the time, I had the thinking couch. And so in my talk, and I was talking to entrepreneurs, so I was talking about so many times, you know, and this can be whether it’s, we’re entrepreneurs or we’re working on our relationship, or we are working on our. Any kind of relationship, friendships, relationship with our children, whatever it is, co workers, so many times. And I know I do this, too, so I’m not immune. But we will go outside of ourselves to get answers. I don’t mean to learn something new. I mean to get the answers for what’s right for us.

Betsy [00:08:23]:
But the truth is that we know what’s right for us inherently. We may not consciously be able to connect to it. And that’s okay. That’s why we have the thinking couch. But so often what we’ll do is we’ll go to other people. And I see this. I mean, I talk to women every day that are like, I can’t make this. I can’t make certain decisions on my own right, or I don’t know, or I need to check with a friend or my husband, or none of that is inherently bad.

Betsy [00:08:58]:
Unless you don’t realize that you’re asking for somebody else’s glasses, their frame of the world, which includes every thing that has ever happened to them, every belief system they have, every value, every thing that they internalized that every parent, teacher, principal ever said to them, those glasses on your life. And if you don’t recognize that, you are asking somebody else for their view of the world, because what we do is we go, what should I do? What should I do? The truth is, the only, you know, because it’s your life and your lens and your experiences that are going to be the thing that matters. Now, I think it’s absolutely fine to ask someone’s view of it, but that’s different than somebody’s advice. Does that make sense, that distinction? Like, what’s your viewpoint of this based on your life and your experience? What does that mean? And I think the other thing really is this idea that we don’t know. Like, that I can’t. I don’t trust myself. And honestly, I think that’s a lot of what it is, right? It’s that I have had experiences where I was burned, and now I don’t know if I could trust myself. And so I have to shift that responsibility to somebody else because that feels more comfortable to me.

Betsy [00:10:38]:
It feels more comfortable to my nervous system. It helps me feel more content. And even if I get a life that I didn’t intend and that I don’t like, then at least I haven’t had the responsibility of trying to untangle it. And then what happens? Or to get here, and then what happens is I try to untangle it and it’s tangled up in someone else’s beliefs and values and decisions. Now, it is absolutely normal for that to happen in our lives. And I think a lot of that’s because we’ve been told, you know, like, to. We’ve been socialized, right, to talk about things with our friends. And I don’t mean don’t talk about things with your friends.

Betsy [00:11:22]:
I mean be hyper aware of what you’re actually asking for. And then the other side of that is to know yourself and trust yourself enough to be able to make a right decision for you so that you are actually leading a life that’s yours, right? That you are leading a life that’s yours. Because what can happen so often is that we are leading a life and it doesn’t feel good. We might not even really know why, but when we look back, we’re like, oh, well, I changed my art major to business because that’s what my dad thought I should do, right? And I got married because the wheels were already turning and that’s the direction things were going and it was the right time. I knew they’d be a good dad, right? Whatever those things are for you, jobs, relationships, it doesn’t matter. Are we living a life that’s really true to us? And I. I believe. This is my belief.

Betsy [00:12:35]:
You don’t have to believe this, but I believe that’s sort of what happens when we, like, hit our forties or our late thirties. All of a sudden we’re like, hold up, hold up. This isn’t like, I don’t know that this feels so great. Have I been the one that’s been making decisions or have I been deferring to other people? It’s not bad either way. It’s just good to know because once you know and you get that awareness, you can take a different step, right? You can start to do things differently. And I think that, you know, one of the things that I talked about when I talked about, and I was talking to entrepreneurs specifically, but I was saying, like, stop looking outside for the answers for things that you need to know about the deep work that you do. So the people that I was talking to were mainly coaches. And so I’m not saying don’t learn skills from other people or don’t get strategies.

Betsy [00:13:37]:
That’s not what I’m saying. But when you’re trying to make big decisions about how you want to run your business, what if, what if the way to get to where we want to go is totally. Now, some of you, I’m going to, I’m going to ask you to just suspend judgment for just a second. Okay? All right. So what if the way to get the life that you really love, and I don’t mean like, it might be your career, it might be like, I mean, you are like, my life doesn’t mean bad things aren’t happening, but it means my life is going exactly the way that I want. This feels really good. What if the way to do that was by trusting your gut? Like, we’ve been told to, like, weigh the options, make a pros and cons list. I mean, none of that is bad, inherently bad, but I’m offering you the thought that none of that’s inherently bad as long as the ultimate decision comes down to your gut feeling.

Betsy [00:14:39]:
Now. Now, you might be like, throwing hands and being like, no way, no way. But what if you could really trust your intuition, that gut feeling, there’s something in your body that says yes or no. One of the things we teach in the navigate method is to how to know what’s a yes and what’s a no in your body. There’s a specific thing that happens to you. Think about something that’s such a yes right where you’re like, that is an absolute yeah. Going to the beach. Absolute yes.

Betsy [00:15:13]:
Thought of living at the beach. Like, absolute yes. Over here. Now think about what’s a no. Like being in a dark alley by myself. This is a hard no, right? Being out on my porch when there’s a ton of hornets around. Like no. How do I know the difference between those things and can that, are there nuances? Like, as you narrow that, like, I think of, if you’re watching the video, you can see my hands but this wide.

Betsy [00:15:46]:
Like yes or no on either side. But as you narrow that and your hands come together, right. And it becomes narrower and narrower. Can you understand the nuances? But can you get the nuances of a yes and a no? Do you know how to follow your intuition? And I think there are really strategic ways that we can start to do that if we’ve lost touch with it. And one of the things that I was saying last week when I was in California was, you know, one of the ways is to just sit. Like, just sit. Get yourself a thinking couch, or use the couch you already have, declare one cushion, the thinking cushion, and spend some time thinking about the things that you would go to somebody else to make the decision. Now, if you’re like, there’s no way I can make certain decisions without my partner, without my friend, or without, you know, checking the Ouija board, whatever that is for you.

Betsy [00:16:45]:
Like, do that, but know what you want to so that then you’re making a decision that’s got all the parts covered, right? All the bases are covered. And so what I was saying was, there are questions you have that you already, deep down, know the answers to. Again, I’m not saying don’t go learn things. That’s not what I’m saying. This is different. But when you are looking for, like, what do I do with my life? And what I was talking about in California was like, how do I share with my perfect client? And one of the things I do on Instagram is, well, pull up my journal. I pull out my journal and look back to three years ago, four years ago. I mean, I could look back ten years ago.

Betsy [00:17:42]:
I can get ideas of how I felt, and so I can write about those things. And I think anytime that we get absolute clarity on who we are, like, so many things in life become easier. The other thing to do when you’re coming against something that is causing you to be uncomfortable, we all have those things, right? Like, I just don’t even want to think about it. And so I push it away and push it away and push it away. And what happens? What happens is that thing comes back and comes back and comes back. Like, you cannot push stuff away. Your unconscious mind. It’s like scanning for crap in the background different times that could remind you of it.

Betsy [00:18:28]:
It’s so much better to just sit on the thinking couch and be like, I’m going to think about this for 15 minutes. And when I get to the bottle of bottom of it, when I noodle through it all, it’s not nearly as bad as it was when I was avoiding it. And I think we can avoid stuff in order to protect ourselves, to create a sense of safety. Not to create safety, but to create a sense of safety. But safety is really, really knowing who you are and being able to sit in it and to sit with the hard things. And I think to have tools to reprogram your subconscious and your nervous system. Right. How to tell your body that it’s safe.

Betsy [00:19:13]:
So last week I was talking about this. I was talking about this idea of the thinking couch. And so I wanted to come in here and offer that thought to you as well. What is it that you’re avoiding? What is it that you need to look at in a new way? And what is it where you just need to sit down? Sit down and just listen? You know, everything doesn’t have to be really hard, even hard things don’t have to be hard. And the more that I think about current problems and I don’t avoid and I sit with it, the more current problems become blips, easier to figure out and the simpler my days become. And I think being in the groups like I am makes all of that so much easier, because you get attuned with who you are and what you want, and then you get skills and new ways of thinking, and you make a decision on what you adopt and you add in to who you are and what you reject because of your values and your beliefs. And then when you sit on the thinking couch every day, you’re being expanded, right? So now you’ve got new things to contemplate. If somebody gives you their thoughts, their viewpoint on your life, take that to the thinking couch and say, does this fit in with my view of life? Would this lead me to where I want to go? Is this getting me to a life that feels really joyful and good? I was saying to my daughter this morning, we were talking, and she was saying about how this summer, she wants to, like, experience some different things.

Betsy [00:21:12]:
And she said, which what she said, I think is really common for a kid her age, right? A young woman her age, 22. I feel like I’m behind, right? Have you ever felt like that? I have. I feel like I’m behind. And I think that still, sometimes I’m like, at my age, I should be farther along. I don’t even know what that means. Right. That’s fodder for the thinking couch. But she said, I feel like I should be farther along.

Betsy [00:21:37]:
And I said to her, what if you don’t have to worry about where you’ve been and you don’t have to worry about where you’re going, but all you have to do is think about today and make choices that bring you where you really want to go. So, like, every day it’s saying yes to joy. And maybe you make that your thing for the summer. Every day I’m going to find something that brings me to joy, to happiness. But you won’t know what that is if you don’t know who you are, right? We got to spend time with ourselves. And I think she’ll make some mistakes and she’ll learn from those mistakes, but as long as she’s making those decisions, I thought this would bring me joy, but it doesn’t. And now I have contrast and I have more information. So now, tomorrow, when I’m sitting in tomorrow, I can bring that to my experience and say that I thought was a yes, but it was a no.

Betsy [00:22:49]:
And where’s the, where was the disconnect? And how do I fine tune that for today? So all of those thoughts be around a group of people that expands. You know yourself enough to discern where you want to take on that information and what you want to reject. Stay present, find some joy. And when you make a mistake, I’m going to. I’m using air quotes. Make a mistake. When you have a spicy decision, doesn’t turn out the way you thought. When you get contrast and you go, I thought that was going to bring me joy or thought that was going to bring me where I wanted to go, and it didn’t make it mean nothing other than information and thoughts you can bring back to the thinking couch to know yourself at an even greater level.

Betsy [00:23:40]:
All right, I hope this was helpful. If it was, then please share it with somebody that you know and love. All right, thank you guys so much. I will see you all. I will see you all next week. All right, I love you. Bye.

Betsy [00:24:01]:
Hey, thanks so much for listening to today’s show, and thank you for sharing.

Betsy [00:24:05]:
The show with your friends. I love when you guys do that. I appreciate it so much.

Betsy [00:24:09]:
And thank you for leaving me a review on iTunes. I know that it matters because when I go to find a podcast, I.

Betsy [00:24:17]:
Always look to see what the reviews are.

Betsy [00:24:19]:
So it really means a lot to.

Betsy [00:24:20]:
Me that you take a minute to.

Betsy [00:24:21]:
Like, figure out how to even make that happen.

Betsy [00:24:24]:
Now, if you want to find me.

Betsy [00:24:25]:
Find me on social media. I’m usually on Instagram, starting out on TikTok. It’s just my name, Betsy Paik. And that’s my website, too, betsy pake.com. And you can find out all about the work that I do, having me speak for an event that you might be helping to plan or getting trained inside my alchemy institute. But to make it really easy, if you want me, just shoot me a DM. Shoot me a direct message on Instagram.

Betsy [00:24:51]:
And I will be at your service.

Betsy [00:24:53]:
Thanks again for listening, and I will.

Betsy [00:24:55]:
See you all next week.

Today’s show is a coffee talk where Betsy recaps the year and talks about what’s in store for next year.

Transcription:

Welcome to the Art of Living big podcast. My name is Betsy pake, and I’m an author, speaker, and a master mindset coach focused on helping you understand and design your life with the power of your subconscious. This podcast is designed to help you think differently about what could be possible for your life. Now, let’s go live big. Hi, welcome to the show today, I have recorded any raised and recorded any raised. We’re just gonna record and we’re gonna just see how this comes out. So Hi, and welcome. If you’re new here, thanks for being here. If you’ve been here for a while, welcome, welcome. If you’ve been here for a while, and you left me a review recently, let me just tell you that I am so excited. I’m silly. It’s silly, how much I get excited. But thank you. For those reviews. You know, I don’t know, maybe like six weeks ago, I talked about how I had gone into my reviews on on iTunes, and I never usually look. And there were so many unlike I was so there was one in particular that I was so excited about. And I posted or talked about it. And then I went back today and there’s more. And I just appreciate you so much. So thank you, you know, when you’re here doing this, and in so many cases, like I’m exposing so many parts of my life, it’s really nice to know that there are like friendly ears out there. So thank you. Thank you. So over the next couple of weeks, I have some really amazing guests. And so I thought I have things that I want to tell you, but I have these guest interviews that I want to share with you. And so I thought, well, I will do like a coffee talk for this episode. And then the next couple episodes will be some really, really fun interviews. So Coffee Talk, if you’re new here is just where I have like random things to tell you. So we just pretend that we’re at Starbucks, and I’m just telling you the random things that I have to say. And you know, since this is like the last episode of the year that I’ll be like, just talking to you. I have to say it’s, um, I think this this time of year, we start looking back on our year and saying like, how did it go? You know, like, is it good? Was it bad? Like, do I just wanted to hurry up and finish? So I can start next year? Right? I mean, I feel like it’s, it’s that’s sort of the theme that I see on social media and things over the years. But I think these last two years, especially, have been interesting, because I think that our time is skewed. Right? How many people think that the pandemic was not last year? Right? I do that where I’m like, it hasn’t been two years like it does. It doesn’t seem like that. It’s like everything’s very skewed. And it also made us shift from accomplishment. I’m gonna explain what I mean. So I don’t know, do you get a lot of those like, letters, like at the holidays, where people send letters, you know, with like a recap of their year and telling you what everybody’s doing. My dad sends those typically, but not this year. And I’m gonna tell you why I think this is happening. So, um, I don’t send them just because I never get my act together. normally send a card. It’s, I’m so bad with it. I don’t know why. So. So I think that most of the time, when we recap our years in our lives, and we send those letters, or we write in our journal, or we recap the or however we do. I think we do it based on accomplishments, right? Like, these are the things that I did this is the promotion that I got, these are the places I traveled to, this is the college so and so got into right, like we it’s accomplishments. And I think over the last couple years, that accomplishments is what can’t be the focus, because we can’t do the things. It’s, it’s, it’s, it’s had to be like a shift, at least in my mind. That’s how it feels. It has had to be a shift to success, which then makes you reevaluate what is success because I think that what we have done is we have put success onto accomplishments. Like I’ve been successful if I made a certain amount of money, and I’ve, I’ve written the book, and I’ve done the thing, and my kid did this thing and my husband got the promotion and I like whatever it is.

And I think that the last couple years has jumbled that up. And I think that’s really disorienting. You know, as I am looking over my ear, and you probably do this too, right where you look over like it’s kind of like you get this like bird’s eye view of the year and you’re like you deem it like successful or like shit to like, okay success, or I got to get into next year. So I can just start over. And, you know, when I look back over this year Holy smokes, I think a lot of us, right like transitional, like a lot of things coming to the surface, things maybe we were able to avoid or put aside no longer could be avoided. You know, at the end very end of last year I literally it was like the 30th or the 31st of December, I sold my house. And we were to be living here where I live now for one year. And then during this year, figuring out where we were going to go. And then in January, I left for the whole month and I went to California for some training and things. And so when I came back, it felt like my year was starting, like in February. And then really quickly a lot of things shifted, and then my dog died. A few guys remember that episode in April, my dog died, which totally, truly changed. Like the trajectory of my year, so many things that I had been avoiding. I wasn’t able to avoid. And if we were just sitting down having coffee, I would say, I would say to you, like I didn’t realize how much she was like a placeholder for things that I needed in my life. A lot of affection and love, and I did a lot of things with her, my daughter and I joke that she was like, she was like the glue that held this family together. Like as a dog. And then when she was gone, it was such an absence, right. And then it was only like a couple months and my in laws were in that terrible car accident, which brought to the forefront all of the, like fear and, like chaos of when my mom died in a car accident when I was 16. So like the chaos of it, I think really was like, like, you know, like pack your bag, and we got to go like that kind of like was really disorienting. And then, um, I had a, like a breakup, I guess it’s a with a friend, you know how you have really close friends. And I realized that I had really firm boundaries that I didn’t want that I that I could hold with a friend where I felt like if you’re going to be my friend, then this is a minimum of what has to happen. And if that wasn’t happening, I had no problem holding a boundary and saying this isn’t okay anymore. But I didn’t hold that boundary with people that were really close to me. And like my husband, for example. And so there was a lot of things became really disorienting, because I was like, hold on, like, I lost my dog, this chaos came up like that, that poked at chaos that must have still been living in me. And then I could see how I could hold really firm boundaries with with some people and not with other people. And in the end, it was like it was September where I took a whole month off. I didn’t have any podcasts, I hardly posted on social media and I just went inward, I actually decided to leave, I’ve moved out and just realized I needed to do some really deep introspection and figure out what made me happy and what I wanted to do. And there were things that were happening. That didn’t make me happy. You know, I want to have a whole lot more control over what I do with my life where I live, like the decisions that were made. You know, I want I wanted to have a lot of things that I wasn’t getting. And you know, I talked to Craig about me talking about this on the episode but yeah, I just needed to leave and sort things out. And I did come back and it’s still kind of up in the air. I’m, we’re moving through things together. Craig’s really made a lot of changes and has opened up a lot and we’ve done a lot of floating together, floating and therapy and NLP and I hired a NLP coach specifically to help me with some things and just a lot of like introspection, what

do I want? You know, what does he want? Because I sometimes I think, you know, we we can fool ourselves into thinking we’re happy. And it takes a lot of courage to say this isn’t okay anymore, because you’re upsetting the applecart. You’re upsetting a lot of different things in different people. Right and like, it’s it takes a lot of courage to do that. And you know, I share so much about my life. Took it was it was hard because I was like, I I’m not ready to share it, I don’t know what it is to be able to share it. And so I’m on that journey. You know, I extended my lease for just like, two months. So I have, like six weeks left here, I’m moving to the beach, I’m going to the beach, which Beach is still kind of up in the air. What happens with that it’s still kind of up in the air. But I just know that I’m not, I’m not waiting anymore for things that I really want. I heard somebody say to me, you know, this year, I turned 50 Over the summer, and someone said, what will the next decade hold for you? I don’t know whether I was like, the next day like, and then all sudden, I was like, Whoa, like, I’ve stopped really dreaming big, big things. And I, when I left, when I left, I realized that I had stopped dreaming. And I started dreaming. And I saw I got several coaches, I mean, too many coaches, I think at once, I think I signed up for three coaching programs, and not $500 coaching programs, you guys like 1000s and 1000s of dollars. I mean I, I invested in myself because I want to I was like I know I have identified I want to change this, I want to change this, and I want to change this and I am going all in because I’m not going to let a decade go by and a decade starts with today. It’s what I do today, it’s creating my decade, I just was like I’m I’m this is not going this way. I think about like how we show our lives. Like I think about like Instagram, how we show our lives. I have such a love hate relationship with Instagram. I love the words, I love sharing the words, but the pictures always stink, I don’t do I don’t have good pictures. Because I don’t like to show because I don’t want to be here. I want to I want to show you ocean photos every day, I want to show photos of me like kicking the water. Oh my god, the day I move that will be the photo, I post me kicking the water, right, we’re gonna make it as cheesy as possible. But I’m not going to wait anymore. And I think that when I was able to declare that, and say, I’m not doing this anymore. I think that it was so jarring for Craig, that all of a sudden he realized that he was waiting to write like fear or being comfortable or whatever it was, he was able to avoid a lot a lot of things. And then when I disrupted then he had to look at stuff. And you know whether we stay together or we don’t. But our both of our lives will be better. Because because we we paused and looked into what we chose, like what is it you really want? How do you want this next decade to go? So as we kind of close out the year, and you look at how your year when I want you to notice and I’m doing this too, because there’s more in here for me. Where are you letting the fear slow you down? Like where are your decisions made? Not from the joy of that moment of oh, that seems fun, but out of fear. Like I’m telling you I’d like I’m noticing now how much I do this on so many things like Oh, that would be really fun to run that program. Oh, but maybe I wouldn’t get enough people on. Like, you know, I should do a retreat. I did talk to several people about a retreat and how much it would cost me to set it up and we are going to do it. But it was insane the amount to take. I want to do it at a way that’s reasonable for everybody to come. But there’s this point where it’s like, oh, I want to do that seems really fun. Oh, but maybe I wouldn’t get enough tickets sold or maybe not enough people would want to so like fear, right? Making a decision from a place of fear. Like I don’t know where I’m going to be living I need to wait, like, some of that might be real. But there is a point where are you making a decision from joy? Or are you making a decision from

fear? I just I want to there is a healthy, there’s a healthy dose of being aware of what could go wrong because then you can shift so that things go right. Right. But there’s also a like an element of if I What if I just don’t try it then I won’t have to deal with any of that. You’ve heard me say this on the show before. But when I have new problems I get really excited because it means I I’ve moved out of the place I’ve always been. So how can you get some new problems? How can you be fearless and just know problems are gonna come, I want them to be new ones. I just, I think that felt so much better to me. Like, I want some really new problems this year. Like, I want to do some things, I want to explore some beaches. You know, I want to be a lot more mobile and discover what it is that I really want for my next decade. Like we don’t have to just sit down and no, you have to sit down and go, Okay, well, what do I want for my next decade? And then it just magically comes to you? Like, it can unravel? It can reveal itself? Right as you go. That’s okay. And so how can that? How can that happen for you? How can that show up? Where would you need to be? What would you need to need to be doing? Like, would you need to? Would you need to get coaching would you need to get would you need to read some different books would you need to surround yourself with like different ideas or, like, just start a totally different routine, usually I get up in the morning, I get my coffee. And then I sit bed and I journal and do my things. I did some NLP on myself last night. And it was so amazing. Because this morning, I did I immediately gotten my workout clothes, got my coffee, sat on the couch outside and then was like, I’m going to record the show. So like, when we start to shift, right, we start to do things different. So so so that is a loop. So if you start to do things different, you’ll start to shift. I just happened to do it in the middle of the night with NLP because I noticed something about myself that I didn’t want anymore. And, and I’m lucky enough that I could make those changes, and then I could see how it impacted me just a few hours later, it was crazy. But we can make changes in any way that works for us. And whatever tools that you have. You know, um, you may have come to my training, I did a training in December, I’m going to be doing it again in January. I’m going to do it on January 2, which is like a Sunday, I’m going to do it in the evening. If you go to my website, Betsy pake.com, there’ll be a big, like, box there. It’ll say like sign up for the training, I will update it. So it’s January’s link and sign up for the training. Join me January 2, and and see if what I share can start to shift you so that you can actually see the things that are holding you back. I think so many times, you know, when I talked about last night doing NLP, and with my coaching clients, I give them these tools to do. But if, if you’re if you’re feeling like how to like I don’t even know how to like I don’t even know what’s wrong. Like I don’t even know, like in that training, I break it down, there’s like five key elements of things that you have to shift if you want to have a totally different decade, you know, if you want to move, and I call it moving into possibility, like I want possibility in the greatest levels, I want possibility. The other thing that I wanted to tell you while we’re here at Coffee is I wanted to remind you that last year I did a show it was episode 242. And it was how I do my new year’s goal setting. I’m going to go through that process. Again. I’ve taken two weeks off over the next couple of weeks. Super excited about it. I’m going to just read and meditate and float and I’m going to do this New Year’s process. So it’s Episode 242, where I go over that and go through that if that is something that you like, if you want a new process of how do I look at next year, that might be something that would be interesting to you.

So the other things that I have to tell you, oh if you’re I’m, I’m I’m putting together. I’m taking two weeks off but like I am it is my time to dream and create. Okay, so I’m taking off basically from serving and working with my clients. So I am going to be putting together something. I’m not sure yet what exactly it is. I know it will come to me but something special for the people on my text list. So if you are not on my text list, then text me just text the word live big. Do it now so you don’t forget but it’s Here’s the phone number. It’s 770-343-3409 or if you go to my Instagram like right underneath my bio, you know has has like the big buttons that says like message, there’ll be one that says text and you can text me just text me live big. And then probably on the 24th, I will be sending out a link with something special I’m going to put together for the people on the list. So I share that with you, if you want to join us on there. Typically, I send out like one or two messages a week with just like thoughts that I’m getting, from my deep streaming from when I am in my like practice of talking to my inner Knower. So, so yeah, alright, so the last thought that I was having, that I wanted to share while we’re here at Coffee is, um, you know that, you know, that feeling when you’re a kid, and it’s Christmas. And, like, you go to bed. And you’re like, I mean, it’s so hard to go to bed, maybe you remember it, or maybe you have kids that you’ve seen this with. But there’s, you’re so excited, you know, Santas coming. And it’s so hard to fall asleep, like you’re so keyed up. You don’t go to bed till later than you usually do. And then you sleep and then you wake up. And it’s almost like a wave of like, it’s it’s almost feels like anxious, but I would say as an adult as anxious, but as a kid excitement, right? So you’re super excited. You’re like, oh, my gosh, what did Santa bring to that feeling? Is the feeling that anything could happen. That there is some you know, that there is some sort of magic that happened, but you don’t know what it is. And so you’re so excited that you can’t wait to go downstairs or to look in your stocking. My mom always did really good stockings. I don’t know if you guys have good stockings, but I tried to do really good stockings for my daughter, too. I think most of the money goes into this docking. But I get the stocking and like see what’s in it. I mean, that was the most fun, I would sit I would go in my sister’s room and we would sit in bed. And my mom would when dad, my mom would come sit with us whatever my dad would bring the stockings up. And we would both open our stockings at the same time. And I have the best pictures from that. It was like such a good fun memory, the magic, anything could happen. I have no idea. But I know it’s gonna be good. What if that was how we moved through every day? I get it that we might not be like insanely excited, but why not? Like really like that anything could happen, that there could be some magic that I don’t know what will happen. I just know something really amazing is going to happen. Like what if it was like, I don’t know, I’m going to maybe I’ll see Santa. You know, maybe I’ll see somebody, maybe I’ll run into somebody that is like the perfect person I was looking for. Maybe I will have like an amazing interaction with somebody. Maybe I will, like something will come to me and opportunity and idea. Maybe I will see my kid and I will feel so connected. And it will be like a magical interaction. There has to be the best moment with your kid. I was talking to Craig the other day about how we don’t remember. So often, like the last time I was saying I don’t remember the last time that I picked all of up. Like I don’t remember. I mean, she must have been like, who knows? I don’t know, three or four or something. Right? But there was a last time. And if that’s true, however, you would quantify the best time there is a best moment with your kid with your spouse, with your job with strangers. And so couldn’t that be today? Like couldn’t you wake up with this magical excitement?

That Oh my God, who knows what today could be? This could be something really magical. I was getting off the elevator a few days ago, like four days ago, probably. And I was thinking about this. I had been thinking about this for days. And I got off the elevator the elevator opens and there was this woman standing there. I don’t know something about her. I don’t know she just her energy was really good, right? And I said hi and she said hi. And then we wrote down one floor and then we both got off. And then we were head started chit chatting. And then she went right and I went left and I yelled I like you and she was like oh my god, I like you too. And then yesterday I saw her and she was like, hey, super waving Happy Holiday like, magic. I know it sounds so silly. You’re like, okay, that’s weird, Betsy. But why? Why not? Why do we not say? Like I like? I don’t know, it just seemed really normal. Because I was just expecting magical interactions. Like, I don’t know, maybe I’ll never see her again. Maybe I will maybe, you know, who knows, like, who knows what will happen? But I had a magical interaction. It was fun. It like delighted me. And so doesn’t that matter? Like doesn’t matter even if nothing like, quote unquote, comes over that? Because isn’t that what happens on Christmas? You get like, delighted for just a moment what’s in your stocking? Oh my god, there’s a giant navel orange in the toe. Like, but then doesn’t matter. But it matters in that moment, right? Because it delights you and delights you until every year you get a giant navel orange, it’s blocking all the space in the toe that could have been for other things. So what could you have? What kind of magical thing could happen today? Can you be just open to it? Could you just expect it? Because what if you expected it, then? Wouldn’t it happen? You know, I remember things about Christmas like my, you know, my, we would do the stocking thing. We’d go downstairs my mom would make like cinnamon rolls or whatever the heck, she made scrambled eggs and all that my dad would go pick up my grandmother’s and bring my grandmother’s back and then we would all eat together. And that’s like one of my most favorite memories. Like why would that be? Because I was expecting, like magical things because there was like an excitement about it. Because it felt special. But there was nothing special other than I expected it to be special. If you didn’t grow up celebrating Christmas, than Christmas morning, probably didn’t feel that way to you. You may have had other days that felt that way to you. But the only difference is because you were expecting it. So how can you shift so that you start to expect magical excitement in your day. It’s okay, it doesn’t make you frivolous, or silly or overexcited, or anything. So before we close up today, and we go home, I want to just remind you that this season is a really good opportunity for you to notice how you receive. Notice what you expect. Notice how it feels when you receive something notice if you’re open to it, or if there is something closed off about you in it. Notice if you feel like oh, I don’t deserve all that or you didn’t have to do that. I want you to notice where and how I want you to notice how you receive. I was talking to one of my one on one coaching clients a month ago or something and we were talking about how you do one thing is how you do everything. And how you receive is how you receive everything. And this is a really good season to just notice because there’s so much receiving. It’s so obvious. And so you can see not your reaction, although it might be your reaction, but more I want you to notice what your body feels like when you receive like what do you feel like you are worthy of what do you feel like you deserve? Like what do you feel like is okay for you to get or not get

and notice what you’re like rejecting? Maybe it’s love or, or hugs or gifts or just the idea that you look pretty on a Christmas party or something. Like just notice how you’re receiving everything and see if you can identify where that lies in your body. Because when we can do that we can start to understand where that came from. I’m gonna explain this in just a different way. The other day I was I scan I like to scan my body so if I am thinking about doing something right I was talking earlier about then I’m like, Oh, I don’t want to do it because of the fear. I just scan my body I go through my whole Where does that fear lie? Where is it? Oh, is it in my stomach? Is it in my heart? Is it in my arm? Is it down to my ankle? Like, where does it? Where do I feel like that is, then if you really sit with yourself, you can feel it somewhere. And then I asked myself, Where is where did that start? Where did I get that from? And almost immediately, I will think like, Oh, I was 14, I remember this event. Like, it’ll just come to me. And it’ll come to you, too. If you just allow whatever, like, it’ll be a thought. And you’ll be like, Oh, that’s not it. I just made that up. Now, if it just came to you. And then you can heal that thing. You can sit with it for a second, you can talk to that version of you from way back when you were 14, or whatever it was, and just say, how could you see that situation differently? What was the truth? Because the truth when you were 14 in the truth, when you’re 40? are two different things. How can we start to release some of this so that you can receive, so that next year, you can receive all the things that you want, so that you can make the next decade the way you want it to be? So that you could live in a way that feels exciting and magical and full of possibility? Because that’s what we’re designed for. That’s why we’re here. And it can be scary to say, I’m not doing it this way anymore. It takes a lot of courage to say, Nope, this isn’t for me anymore. I have to do it this way, so that I can have this full experience in the way that I think I’m supposed to have it because this life is mine. You might be sharing it with your kids or your spouse or your partner or whatever, but this life is yours. And what do you need to have in order to receive the best year next year moving forward? It’s yours, you just have to claim it.

I love you so much. I hope you have an amazing, amazing holiday season. I hope you like the next couple of weeks with the interviews. They’re really good. They’re

really fun, awesome people. I was really, it was really fun to do them. And please join me, please sign up for the training. If you haven’t seen it yet. Join me for the training, we’re going to be opening up a really cool, really cool program that I’ve put together and I want you to see if it’s for you. You’ll feel it in your body. You’ll know if it’s a yes or if it’s a no. So join me for the free training on on January 2, kick off your year, seeing things in a different way. And, as always, that’s how I think you live a big life. I love you so much. I’ll see you all soon. Thanks so much for listening today. If you want to take a moment to leave us a review on iTunes. Take a quick screenshot before you hit submit and email it over to us at support at Betsy pake.com. And we will send you a special audio hypnosis to help you overcome a limiting belief. Thanks so much and I’ll see you next week.

In today’s episode, Betsy shares some thoughts on 2022, what she’s been up to and how you can think about the year ahead.

Transcription:

Welcome to the Art of Living big podcast. My name is Betsy pake, and I’m an author, speaker and a master mindset coach focused on helping you understand and design your life with the power of your subconscious. This podcast is designed to help you think differently about what could be possible for your life. Now, let’s go live big. Hi, everyone. Welcome, welcome. Welcome to the show today. So today’s a coffee talk episode. I’m having tea though, I’m having peppermint tea. So just a little bit different. No coffee have already been caffeinated. There’s so many things like little things that I’ve just wanted to tell you. And as we head into this next few weeks, I have a lot of really, really great interviews lined up with some really awesome people coming on the show that I want to share with you. And although I’m so excited about that, I was like, I have all these little things I need to tell people. So I need to do this episode so that we can just talk. So if you’re new here, basically, this is like if we met up at Starbucks, and I’m just gonna tell you some stuff that I think that I think you might like to know. So okay, so have you been? I was on. I was on a podcast recently. It was called the wrong advice podcast. And I actually I loved the guy that interviewed me he was so easy to talk to, and really, really fun. But at the end, he did this like, rapid fire thing, you know, where basically he’d ask you questions, and you have to answer with the first thing that comes to mind. And I I actually really love stuff like that, because that’s your unconscious mind. Right? That’s how you speak to your unconscious mind. Like, what comes up first, before your conscious mind, like has this chance to filter it all out? Right and make it look good, you know, or look right for the show. And so he asked me stuff like, What’s your favorite food and I was like pinto beans. Literally. I used to really love pinto beans, but like pinto beans is not something. But apparently, my unconscious mind is a little nostalgic for pinto beans. But one of the things he said is what’s your favorite movie? And I was like serendipity. Have you guys seen that movie? So here’s why I felt like it was important to tell you this before the end of the year because serendipity is like the greatest holiday movie, although my husband says it’s not a holiday movie, but it is it’s set at holiday time. So it is. And it’s with John CUSEC. And it’s just the cutest movie ever. But it’s on Netflix, but overdue only till the end of the year. So I watched it last night and it was so good. And even though I’m one of those people, I don’t know, maybe you’re like this to like, oh, oh, watch a movie. And I will like totally love it. Like totally love it. But after I can’t tell you anything about it. It’s like it just leaves my brain. So every time I watch, it’s like watching for the very first time, which is like thrilling and fun. So I watched it last night. And I mean all the things that were happening. I was like, Oh my God. And Craig was here. And he was like, Why are you surprised? Like you’ve seen this movie so many times. But I was truly shocked and amazed it was so good. So watch some serendipity on Netflix before the end of the year. And listen to that podcast, it’s the wrong advice podcast, it’s called, you know, the other thing that came out in that is that, um, you know, it was sort of there. So he was basically like asking, like, how do you get to the place in your life? You know, like, how do you how do people come to the place where they are. So he sort of wanted like a overview of your life. And I don’t know if you remember this show, or you remember hearing about the show, but it was called This Is Your Life. And they would like play clips of people so that the people on the show would just be watching. And it would give them like this overview of their life and people’s responses to their life and all this stuff. Anyway, I felt a little bit like oh my god, we’re like review. We’re, we’re reviewing my life. But one of the things that he asked me was about, you know, specifically how I got doing this work like it because because I do think it’s, I mean, that’s not something everybody is like obsessed with becoming an expert on the subconscious mind, right? Like, I think there’s interest but I don’t know that everybody chooses Well, whatever people choose, like not everybody chooses what everybody chooses, right. So I Why did I choose this? Like, how did this happened? And one of the things that he asked me was about when I started talking, I offered the story about my daughter. Now if you’ve been here for a while you may have you’ve heard me talk about this over the years. And I had an episode with her. I wish I could remember it off the top of my head, but it’s it was this year it was in the two hundreds. So it’s my daughter talking about her depression and anxiety, which was really, really crippling, like, really crippling. And so we talked about that a little bit. And the question he asked me was, like, how do you stay high vibe in that kind of situation? And I learned how to stay high vibe in that situation. But I felt myself, like scanning the question. And wondering, you know, like I just said, my unconscious mind comes up with an answer, and then my conscious mind scans to make sure that’s appropriate, or that’s right, or will that make me look okay to say that, and all of a sudden, I was like, I’m gonna say the truth. And the truth is, I didn’t stay high vibe. Like it was awful. Like, I totally met the bottom of the barrel and the depths of my soul. But that’s how I learned to bring it all back together. You know, you don’t just learn how to do all that unless you go down to the awfulness, and the really hard bits. And I started thinking about that, because I think one of the things that’s can be really toxic with coaches, or just like celebrities, or any buddy, anybody, anybody that we look to, for, you know, inspiration, or advice or affirmation, and they say, oh, like, I just used my tools, and I just was super hype, like, no, like, that’s not real life. Everybody has highs and lows. I think what makes the difference between people who move out and have a story to share, is that they get resourceful in that low. And it’s okay to get low and stay there for a second. Look, it’s okay to get low and like, have your moment, you know, and then you’ve got to get resourceful, you’ve got to figure out like, what do I do from here, because we don’t want to stay in the low. So I share that with you, in case you’re in a low right now. You know, when he said that, to me, I was like it. I wasn’t high, like I wasn’t high vibe, it’s okay. It’s okay to the holidays can be so hard, like the holidays bring up a lot of things for people. And I think like, knowing that you can sit with this for just a minute, and you can feel all of the pain and struggle in it. And then you can choose to see it another way, then you can choose to get resourceful, you know, you can choose to get help to get therapy to get a coach to do whatever it is that you need to be able to shift out. And that is how you get strength. You’re not just like born with strength, and if everything goes your way all the time, forever, ever, which it doesn’t for anybody. But if it does, then you’re not very strong, because you don’t have to be you know, and, and I do believe that now, like, as my daughter is so happy and like doing stuff like sometimes she’ll call me just to tell me like, happy stuff. But she’s out of school right now in her apartment for a little while before she her apart. That’s a whole story. But she has had an apartment. But when she went to school, she went to the dorms. So now she’s back at her apartment for just a couple of weeks before her her lease is done. And then she’ll come, she’ll stay at her dad’s and probably with me for a little bit. Her daughter has more room than I do. And so in all that she’s at her apartment, so she’s a little lonely. So she’ll call me like, you know, five times a day to tell me something happy. And I’ll tell you it, I’m not going to tell you it’s not like a little like, Okay, I’m trying, you know, it disrupts the flow, but it’s okay. Because I have this contrast. Like even when it disrupts the flow of what I’m doing. Like I think she’s texted since I’ve been talking. Even though it’s coming up. I can go oh my god, this is so great. Like, how cool is this? Because five years ago, four years ago, it wasn’t like this. So now I have this opportunity to see it in a totally different way. I have an opportunity to see my whole life in a totally different way. And so as on the wrong advice podcast, he asked me about that. I just thought it was so amazing. According to say the truth, you know, and I didn’t go into all of the reason why on the show, obviously, but I wanted to share that with you guys, because I want you to know that if right now is hard, it’s okay. Like, it’s okay, maybe you’re coming out of the heart. And that’s amazing. But just know that it’s. And I know I say this, and I’m not trying to belittle where we are when we’re in pain, because I’ve been there I know. And I really do have the belief that everything is working for us, even when it feels and I’m telling you, I’ve felt like, desperate, like there is no out kind of desperate. And I still have that belief that, that I had to be in that for another reason, right? That everything is working in our favor. So even when things don’t look like they’re going the way they’re supposed to go supposed to, like in air quotes, when we can look back, like I’m sure as you now look back on your life, you probably look back on like the whole tapestry and say, Wow, that really did intertwine. And that thing that happened in my 20s actually helped me when I was 32. And I didn’t realize that was going to come back around and everything like, weaves together in this really beautiful way. So I wanted to tell you, I wanted to tell you to watch serendipity eats and send me a pinto bean recipe if you have a good one because I don’t feel like I’ve had pinto beans in a long time. But apparently it’s my favorite. And just know if things are hard, then you’re growing, you’re getting so strong, and it’s going to get better because all things are working in our favor. And actually next week, I’m doing a free training. It’s on my website, if you go to if you go to Betsy pake comm slash links, links. So like, that’s the link I use, like in my bio on all my stuff on my social media, but there’ll be a link there for it, I’ll try to put it on the front page for my website. But there’s a free training, it is on the eighth in the evening at seven o’clock Eastern. And I’m going to talk about possibility and about expanding so that you have the confidence to do the things that you really want to do in the coming year. I think this is so superduper important. I will say that I’m running a new program that is revolutionary, I swear to you, revolutionary coaches, I’ve never ever, ever, ever seen a coach do what I’m going to do. Because and I have a recent but I’ll tell you about that later. So so I’ll we’ll be talking about that, but not till the very end. And and even if you’re like I don’t want to coach but I want to learn like there, there’s gonna be some steps in there, that’ll actually be something that I hope will be a new a different way for you to see, like your problems or your situation. So that you go, Oh, I never thought of it like that. That’s why, right. So I’ve got some things there for you. that I hope will be helpful. So anyway, so join me on that. You can also text me, I feel like I’m giving you all these things to do. You could text me though, if you text me the word ready to 770-343-3409 If you think you want the coaching, you want to learn more like that’s the place to be I promise you, I promise you that you need to be on the text list because of something that’s coming just for the people that are texting. Okay. All right. Okay, so here’s the other thing I wanted to tell you about. I have my list here. But the list I just grabbed is like my list of what I have to get at Target. So hang on, where’s my list? Okay, I know. Okay, so I was I talked about this inside my free Facebook group. I don’t know why I just called it a free Facebook group, our Facebook groups, maybe some are paid. Okay. So here’s what I was talking about. A couple days ago, and something I wanted to share this like idea, right? As we’re talking here at Starbucks and having a little coffee chat. When I started thinking about resolutions for next year, I It felt really really heavy to me. I don’t know if you’re like a goal setter, I love goal I love like the freshness of the new year. Like I love Mondays, the start of a new month. I mean, even like a new moon cycle. I’m like, ooh, like I love the opportunity. Like the outside of me opportunity that says oh, you can start fresh. Like I love that. And so typically, I really love New Year’s resolutions. I think I’ve always done them a little bit different from other people. Because as we know, resolutions don’t really work in the way that most people set them up. And I’ll talk about that in the training but I started thinking about this and what do I want to do like would feel like a better way to set up my resolutions. So I wanted to quickly kind of go over that with you guys. I I remember when my daughter was sick, like, I couldn’t plan anything like it couldn’t do a resolution where I had to have a plan like that just it was not feasible at all. And so and so at that time, what I would do is I took my life and I broke it down into like buckets. And like, for me, the buckets are like, my relationships, like with my daughter and my extended family like friends, those kinds of things. And then my romantic relationship, right? So with my husband, or your partner or whatever. And then spiritual finances, health and fitness, giving back if that’s a component of your life. What else there was something else Anyway, come up with your buckets? Like what are the buckets of your life? Oh, spirit spirituality? Did I say that anyway, come up with the buckets for your life, like what are the components. And then what I want you to do is to just rate each one on a scale of one to 10. So 10 is like I am killing it in this area. And one is like, oh my gosh, this is so far gone, there’s a lot of work to do. No shame, no matter where you are doesn’t matter. And nobody has to see the list. But just break down your buckets, and then rate every area from one to 10. And then what I like to do is I look at it and I say like which one is the lowest number because that’s probably where I would have a biggest impact. Because if you’re thinking about it, I don’t want my life to just be like, amazing with health and fitness, but have my relationships suck, have no money, have no spiritual like, look, I don’t want that I want everything to be in balance. And for me, I don’t know that I would ever ever be at a 10 in everything. Maybe in anything, right? Maybe I don’t know, I’m not attending anything right now. So, but what I want is like a cohesiveness to it, right. Like if everything was like an eight and seven, eight, that would feel really good to me high eight, that would feel good. So I’m okay if something’s a two because there’s a lot of room to improve. Like, if I moved the needle on that up to a six, like that would have a huge impact on my life and on balance. Right and on making me feel good. So what I like to do is to just rate everything one to 10. And then notice the areas where I could have the biggest impact, and then really break down like what are all the things like what are all the options, and I was telling everybody in the Facebook group the other day to set a timer. I believe in this so much from an unconscious mind perspective, because when we set a timer, our brains go, Okay, well, I’m gonna keep doing it until this is the timer’s over, right. If you don’t do that, then you’re going to come up with the list of the things that were like top of mind. And then you’ll be like, Okay, well, I’m done. There’s nothing new here. But if you set a timer, your mind is going to go through this like or I’ve got to come up with more. And for me, what usually happens is then I start thinking about stuff that has nothing to do with the list, right? I write those things down too, because it gets them out. And then like this new batch of ideas come, I have something I called the chase worksheet, and it’s free on my website. But I wrote it, I made it when I wrote my book, start small, live big. Honestly, I use this, I use the chase worksheet almost every day. Like I have an iPad, I have an iPad, where I use, I put everything. And inside good notes, I have a folder that’s just with my Chase worksheets. And I just use them all the time. It’s how I, I get my work through problems. It’s how I get creative, all of those things. So um, I had a client a few years ago that said, this form is bananas. And it’s so simple, like you don’t even need the form to do it. But it’s helpful, I think just as a guide, but it is bananas. And you should have a life. That’s bananas. Right? So that’s just a new way to think about 2022 instead, and if you want to set resolutions like do it, do it. If you want to have like a word of the year, like do it totally. But if you’re like all of that feels heavy, like we’ve been going through a lot the last couple years. As a collective, there’s a lot of heaviness. There’s a lot of fighting, right, there’s a lot of like disruption. And so it just feels better to look at everything like Like adding like a breathing ball of cohesiveness in your life, and we just want to be constantly working on expanding that, then maybe this will be a good option for you. Okay, as I was saying that working on expanding that I remembered something I wanted to tell you guys too. You know, um, my friend Trish from Episode 208. I, she’s like, she’s been a friend of mine for so long. And she’s also one of those friends. Like, we might not talk for six weeks, and then we’ll talk No, be like we talked two hours ago, you know, that’s the best kind of friend, I think. So anyway, she called me the other day and said, Hey, I’ve been thinking about you. And I think you should float. I was like, Okay, I mean, I haven’t talked to in a long time, let’s Okay, Let’s float, I’m gonna go float. So if you don’t, if you’re not familiar with that, it is a place where you go, I went to a place called float, Atlanta. And they have these giant tanks of water, that it’s salt water, they put Epsom salt in it so that it mimics the Dead Sea. And if you’re familiar with the Dead Sea, you can go out there and float, you actually don’t sink in the water, you just float. And so they have these tanks set up as sensory deprivation tanks. And you go in and it’s dark, and there’s no sound and you float and the temperature of the air and the temperature of the water is your skin temperature. So you can’t tell where you start and end. And so there’s no and you put in earplugs so there’s no nothing in you float for an hour. I think they do 90 minute sessions, too. So last Sunday is when she told me that and so I immediately found a full place online and I booked and I booked for that day. So when Trish says to do something, I do it. The one thing she told me to do was to years ago, she told me to get acupuncture, and I didn’t really like that. But she said I know you didn’t like the acupuncture, but I feel like you should float. You’ve got to, you’ve got to push your vibration out. She kept saying, and I don’t know if you can hear it in my voice, but I can feel it that I feel so much more expansive. So okay, so let me go back. So I, um, I may drink my tea. So I went on Sunday. And I will tell you, honestly, the the the tank. So there’s different kinds of tanks, there’s like the pod, you may have seen them, right? It’s like a pod you go and you close the cover. But now like the new thing is that it’s a little room. So you go in the room, and you float. So it’s like open air. So you’re not like in like a pod, which I actually really liked. But the thing is, with floating, I was like I mean, this is good. It was cool. I mean, I like to relax, some I like to meditate, like I was like this is good. And I really focused on like cleaning out my energy, I had just a lot of gunk in my energy field. And I just cleaned all of that out. And then I imagined pushing, pushing, pushing my vibration out farther and farther and farther. So that’s what I was told to do by Trish was to expand my vibration. So I just really worked on that the whole time. And that was great. It was great. But then the next day, I was like, I feel amazing, like, holy smokes, I feel so good. And you know, you have heard me talk over the last few months that I’ve been going through, like some really hard stuff since like August, probably since like, April when my dog died. That’s the avalanche that created everything that I’ve been going through. And I’ll talk about it at some point. But as I as I was thinking about it, I was like that has, like my nervous system has been so tweaked out. And maybe you’ve had this too, right? I mean, I feel like maybe we all have in the past few years. Right? But like I didn’t, I haven’t had a chance to just completely disconnect. Right, like totally disconnect. So like the next day. I was like I I mean I feel amazed like I mean, you know, I’m like walking around the neighborhood and talking to strangers and like kissing babies pet dogs like gums, so high vibration, like I can just give it away. Right? And then the next day, same same damn thing. I mean, I was like, This is amazing. I’m like, I have the energy to show up in my groups again, like I just mean things I’ve been wanting to do, but like, just so so good. So then Wednesday, I was like trying to do some work. And I couldn’t stop thinking about floating. It was sort of like obsessed. Like I was like oh my god. So from that was like Betsy, if that’s what you keep thinking about go do it. So I went and floated again on Wednesday afternoon. went online, they had a spot when Wednesday afternoon. This time when I got there, I got there like 10 minutes early and the woman was like there’s nobody right after you do you want some extra time. So she actually ended up giving me 10 minutes on each side. So I ended up going an hour and 20 minutes. Now, the first time I went, I kind of I was aware of the time. You know, towards the end, I was like, this has got to begin over. You know, like I said, it was fine. But this time, this time, I was like, blissed out. amazingness like I could float for 10 days don’t disturb me, this is the greatest thing I’ve ever felt. And then when the lights, you know, the music kind of started to come on, and the lights slowly start coming on. I was like, oh my god, I can’t believe I’m done. And then when I looked at the time, I was like, I cannot believe how long I was in there. blissed out feels so good. I’m going back on Sunday. So also my new like, hardcore goal. I have been wanting to like, I don’t know where I want to live. You know, my lease is coming up. I gotta move. Like which beach? I don’t know. Now. I’m like, I need to buy a house so that I can buy a $30,000 float tank. I mean, like, that’s the level of obsession I need to flow every day. Then I started thinking like, I wonder if I bought 30 flutes, if I could get like a discount, and I could flute every day for like a month as like an experiment to see what would happen. Like, I mean, that’s the that’s how obsessed I am. So I wanted to tell you that because if you’ve never floated, but you feel called like you’re like, Ooh, that sounds really cool. Please try. And if you try, please let me know. Because I really want to know how it goes. I like full on obsession. It’s so good. You know, I like I’ll say it again. But I’ve been meditating for a long, long time. I mean, years and years. And it’s great and necessary. And there was like something different about that experience. So here’s what’s coming to me as I’m talking. I watched this special the other day on iOS CO or on it wasn’t on iOS, because specifically it was on like psychedelics and what it actually does to your brain. And if you’ve listened to my episode, where I had signed up to do ayahuasca, that’s a few episodes back a couple months back, it’s an August, I think, and why I didn’t do it. Anyway, as I was like, watching this is fascinating, and how it creates all of these attachments in your brain, like your brain starts communicating, not in the normal pattern, but like all over your head, everything starts communicating when you do psychedelics, basically. And that’s, like, what gives people these like spiritual experiences. And like all of this, it’s, it’s like your brain making all these really cool connections. I need to check. But as I was sitting here talking to you, I was like, I, I wonder, you know, with meditation, I think there are different connections being made. But with floating, I wonder if it just, like, amps it up. I feel like it’s like on that path. Like if the there’s a continuum, where like, psychedelics are way down on one end, right? And like, just sitting here being in beta brainwaves is like on the other end? Like, I feel like maybe it’s like, on the path, like closer to that than meditation? You know what I mean? I don’t know. I’m not sure. I don’t know. So please, please come to my training next week, I really want to see you, I want to see everybody’s face on the Zoom. I just think that will be really fun to see everybody. I have a lot of cool things to share that I really think will help you start to think different about your life. And at the end, if we want to chat a little bit, or you have questions, like absolutely, I will be there and we can connect in that way. So I hope that you all had a really, if you’re in the United States, you had a really amazing Thanksgiving, I hope your holidays are gearing up and you’re feeling good. I know this can be a really hard time for people to so just know that all things are working in our favor, not to avoid or push away any of your emotion. It’s all so valid and necessary and part of you earning your stripes, right getting that strength. And you’re super powerful, and you can do this. Alright, I love you all so much. I will see you all next week. And until then, keep living big. Thanks so much for listening today. If you want to take a moment to leave us a review on iTunes. Take a quick screenshot before you hit submit and email it over to us at support at Betsy pake.com and we will send you a special audio hypnosis to help you overcome a limiting belief Thanks so much and I’ll see you next week.

Today Betsy talks about your story and how you are replaying the past over and over.

To join the text list, text the word READY to 770-343-3409

transcription:

Welcome to the Art of Living big podcast. My name is Betsy pake, and I’m an author, speaker and a master mindset coach focused on helping you understand and design your life with the power of your subconscious. This podcast is designed to help you think differently about what could be possible for your life. Now, let’s go live big. Hello fellow adventurers. Hello, hello, I’m excited that you’re here with me today, if you’re new here, or if you’ve been here for a little while, but you haven’t heard why I say hello fellow adventurers, it just occurred to me that it might be a good time to like, go back to that for just a second. So I believe, and I think this comes through in a lot of the ways that I teach and talk on the show. But I believe that we are here as spiritual beings having this physical experience, and that it’s an adventure. And in that vein, I think it kind of clicks into what I want to talk about today, which is, this is a this adventure is a choice. It’s a choice that we made, I believe that we made to come at this specific time, with a lot of these specific challenges. And we came to experience like really great highs and really great lows. And to dive into that a little further, I believe that when we start to dull, the really big lows, when we don’t want to go into those when we avoid those. It also does the other side of that it dulls the amount of joy and the amount of happiness, and all of that that we can experience in our lives. So when I say hello fellow adventurers, it’s because I believe that we are on this adventure together having this human experience and that we’re here to, to experience all of it all the good and bad. So this has been a really strange season for me. And I say strange, because it really caused me to recoil, you may have sensed that, like if you follow me on social media, or you’ve been here on the show for a long time. Back in August, I had some things happen in my life that just caused me to recoil. And now here it is Thanksgiving time. And I feel as though I finally am able to like step out of that, like protective shell, so to speak, I think that this happens in our lives a lot, where we suddenly feel like the soft underbelly of ourselves exposed. And we feel like we need to protect and part of protection for me, for somebody that shares so much of themselves was really to like recoil and to be really selective about who and where I shared the parts of myself that I was ready to share. And this has been a really interesting experience. In fact, as low, as low as it’s been, it’s been such an incredible period of growth. And when I say that I am recording this podcast right now, like so different than I was in August, when I recorded a podcast like, it is so different. There have been so many things that have happened, that transformed, you know, the transformed the way I was experiencing my life. And you may have times like that, you know, maybe you can look back over your timeline and be like, you know, that time in my life, I changed a lot or that thing was so big, that it really impacted me and I never really was the same after that. And, and if you’ve experienced that, then you know what I’m talking about where just things are different. Now in all of that. I have gotten some incredible coaches, I’ve stepped forward and I call it self selecting where I have self selected but I have chosen myself and said I’m going to put the emphasis here on this piece of growth that I want to have. I have done a lot of NLP I hired an NLP coach. I hired I, I entered part of a mastermind and I hired us another specific coach just for me. So three, three different coaches plus a therapist. So a team when I say a pit crew, I am telling you I’ve hired a pit crew. I’ve spent 1000s and 1000s and 1000s and 1000s and 1000s of dollars and it was the best, like the best I could not sit here right now. And be in This place of like metamorphosis without having done that. Through all of that, what I want to talk about today, what I really want to talk about today is how letting go, is how you actually call in more, you know, you probably have like hopes and dreams and things you’d really like to have for your life. And, you know, it’s getting close to the new year and every new year, you know, it’s the time where most a majority I think of people set some kind of resolution or they have a word or an intention for the year, right? Well, how do you get that thing, like what makes the New Year different than any other time? Because chances are, you’ve wanted the thing long before the new year, a long before the time where you committed to the goal. And so one of the things that I think happens is that we become very, very connected to our story. You know, I know this for me over the past four months, what hasn’t really happened is an undoing. It is an undoing, and a letting go of my story, the story that I had around who I was and why I showed up in certain ways and, and how I reacted to things. It whether I was it was a conscious story, or an unconscious Story, the Story existed in that is how I built my life and my patterns and my reactions around. You know, every time I work with a client, that’s one of the very first things that we talk about is like, what’s the story around that? Because and I believe this, I believe this and I and I say this with compassion because I had to feel it myself. But our, our reality, reality, or reality is neutral. And I see reality as like, what’s happening around us as neutral. But it’s our story that gives it meaning. Now that meaning can be something really impactful and wonderful. And we need the story to create meaning out of what’s happening in our lives. But in the end, the event itself is neutral. This is how come some people can have really big reactions to something and someone else is like man a big deal to the same exact thing. Right? It’s because our history around it, our past patterns, our past experience, the story around it is different. And so as I have been going through these past four months in this metamorphosis, and when I tell you, I I, I had some NLP earlier in the week. And within like, a couple days, I was like, oh, like, whoa, like something we did a lot of identity work in that session. And I could feel it was almost like a palpable shift. Now, what was I really feeling the shift around was how my unconscious mind was organizing the story. So one day when I woke up this week, and I was like, I feel so different. It’s because I was perceiving my reality in a different way. My reality hasn’t changed. But how I’m perceiving it is totally different. And that’s what causes the change. Who was it Dr. Dyer, right, Dr. Wayne Dyer, who said when you change the way you look at things, the way the things you look at change. And that’s like a way more eloquent way to say exactly what I’m saying here. But when I want to create something more when I have that resolution, when I have the thing in my life that I want to change. When I have when I know, not this, I don’t want this, I want that. Or even if I don’t even get to that point where I just don’t know, just not this right. Step one is knowing not this. Step two is knowing I want that instead. But even if I just have step one, the key to letting it go. And, and calling in more is changing the story. And so actually identifying the story is going to be the first step in that process. So identifying what the story actually is and chances are you have said the story a million times you’ve talked about the story a million times you’ve probably told friends or perhaps it’s not even available to you. You just know that it’s what it is. This is when I think like a really good coach comes in handy. This is why I hired some because I needed to say the story and have them poke at the part that I didn’t see or the part challenge me on the parts that they could tell were holding me back. And I think that when we can do that work, when we can start to change the story, suddenly we can like, take a big deep breath. And things begin to unfold in a different way. Now, here’s the key to all of the reason why the story is so important is because when the story changes, for me, whether it’s conscious or unconscious, when the story changes, my reactions are different. My facial expressions are different. My habits around it are different. The way I see it in the future is different. The way my unconscious mind expects things is different. Did you know that your unconscious mind has a map already of the future? It’s true, it already knows what’s going to happen to you next week, next month. This is why we experienced so much of the same thing over and over again. So where does it get that map? It gets that map from your past. So it’s basically just like rerunning the railroad track, you know, flopping the there’s a cartoon, I wish I could remember what it was, but it’s coming to me right now, where it’s like, the the railroad track is being flopped down in front, and the little character is moving forward. And then they’re pulling the railroad track from behind them, and then moving it back in front of them. And so it’s basically like, they’re just on a wheel, you know, it’s just going and going and going. That’s what our unconscious mind does. It takes the past and it goes, well, let’s take this as a template and just flop it into the future. And so when I want something different, I’m like, How come? I don’t see it? How come? It’s not happening? Why isn’t it coming to me? How come I can’t call in what I want? Well, it’s because it like just, you know, like, it’s just pointing to the past. It’s taking that past and just flopping it over. And so the first step in shifting that is really seeing the story and changing the story. And so the work that I have been doing over the past four months is changing the story. And it has been like heartbreaking, and stressful and overwhelming. There have been times where I’ve laughed and cried and screamed of frustration. But in the ends, when I finally was able to do it, when I was finally able to make that shift, it felt like suddenly I was a boiled potato, like a soft potato, where I could, I could pick the story and then mush myself into that story. And that story could be the story of celebration and the story of victory. And the story of overcoming and the story of growing and the story of like, be like celebrating like my hands in the air is the vision I’m getting like I did it. Like I can be now the thing that I want to be and I thought I could be the thing I wanted to be before. But I knew there was like a little something that was holding me back. And I didn’t know what it was. And I feel like when I really started paying attention, and I recognized the story, and I could say I have a boundary around that I don’t like this, I don’t want that. Then I could break everything apart and put it back together the way that I wanted. Now, I am trained. I’m an expert in doing this work. I’m an expert, like I have so much training, it would boggle your mind. And I had to hire a coach. Because these kinds of big shifts just can’t be done on our own it would it I take that back. It could be done. It would just take so freaking long I would get worn out and burned out. And I would need to retreat into nothingness and just live my life, like doing something different than my dreams. And I believe that if I hadn’t gotten help, then my life would have been fine. But I don’t want fine. I don’t want mediocre. I don’t want just okay. I don’t want to be an old lady and look back and go. I wish I just tried that. I wish I’d done it. I wish I had accomplished like those hopes and dreams and things that I had for my life. And now I feel like it can end if I can then you can. If you have hopes and dreams and things that you want. That you know could be possible. Maybe you’ve maybe you’ve let those slip away a little bit. Maybe you haven’t visited them. Maybe it’s time to pull them out of your back pocket. Be like what is that old version of me that wanted this thing? Is she still there? Okay, As I bring her back out, and breathe some life into her and create a new possibility moving forward, I fully fully believe that 2022 is supposed to be like an incredible, incredible year of, of victory for people, I think the last couple years, maybe even last five years have been a lot of breaking things down. And I believe that 2022 is going to be an incredible place of bringing it all together if you’re ready. And I think that’s going to make the difference. If you’re ready, then the world is going to step up to meet you, you know, the universe is going to be here to support you. And if you’re not ready, then you’ll just stay in the pattern, right, the railroad track being pulled out from behind you and pushed in front of you. And you’d be kind of on this hamster wheel. So I know for me, I’ve got some really big plans. And I know for you that if you have big plans, you can do those things too. So I want you to tell if you’re in in the United States, text me the word ready, I’m going to be taking a group of people through an extraordinary process. And if you want the information on that, you’re going to want to be on the text list. And here’s why you’re going to be want to be on the text list. Because the people on the text list are going to get early access. And I think it’s going to fill up really fast. There’s already over 100 people on the waitlist. So if you want to be on that list, text the word ready to 770-343-3409. Now, if you’re in Canada, or you’re somewhere else, just email us at support at Betsy pake.com. And we have been collecting a bunch of emails of people that are outside the United States that can’t get on the text list. So text me the word ready 27703 43 3409. And I will make sure you have all the early information now is my way the only way? No, it’s not. It’s not. But I’ve been through it. I’ve been through it. I’ve been through it several times in my life, up leveling and opening up to new above like opening up to new. And now that it is so fresh. Now that it’s so fresh, it is the perfect spot to bring you through it too. So I believe that when we do this when we look at our stories, and we say what’s the story I have? And is this story serving me. That’s when we can harness possibility that’s when we can say yes to something new. And that I think is how you live a big life. So if you want to go through this process with me or just hear more about it, text me the word ready. And I will see you all next week. Have an awesome week. I love you so much. Bye. Thanks so much for listening today. If you want to take a moment to leave us a review on iTunes. Take a quick screenshot before you hit submit and email it over to us at support at Betsy pake.com. And we will send you a special audio hypnosis to help you overcome a limiting belief. Thanks so much and I’ll see you next week.

Today Betsy talks about taking risks and how your nervous system processes these big changes.

Transcription:

Hello fellow adventurers, welcome. Welcome. Welcome. Welcome to today’s show. If you’re new here, I’m Betsy pake. I’m an author, speaker, a subconscious change expert. I don’t know I love, I just love people. So I’m happy you’re here with me today. So this is what I wanted to talk about today.

The idea that in order to discover possibility, you have to be willing to take risks.

In order to discover possibility, you have to be willing to take risks. I was laying in bed this morning. And I was just thinking about, like, the level of tweaking Enos, I’ve been feeling the last like 24 hours, we are doing a lot of really cool things coming up for 2022. Like, there’s a lot of really quickly, let me back up, I’m going to come back to this moment in my bed. But let me back up. In June, I sat outside, it was a beautiful day, I was sitting on this little day bed on my patio, my little balcony, and my building. And I thought, oh my god, it’s the end of June. And if something doesn’t change, I’m going to have the same exact year that I had, like every other year, right? Let things change a little bit, but like not that much. And I’ve been steadily working towards my goals. In fact, I think if somebody saw me from the outside, they’d be like, well, she’s had like, some accomplishments, like she’s done some stuff. But when I was sitting there in June, I was like, oh, it’s it is like new. I’m using air quotes, new accomplishments. I use that word specifically, instead of success. I’m going to talk about that. But I’ve had some accomplishments, we made the oracle cards, which were really cool. I’ve built my community like, accomplishments that you would look at you could point to, and say that, that you did that. But it felt like the natural trajectory. Does that make sense? So like, of course, that next thing happened. And of course, that next thing happened. And of course, that next thing, Kim, and I wanted possibility I wanted like expansiveness I wanted to take a leap. I wanted somebody to go, Oh, my God, that happened all of a sudden, not because I wanted you to go, Oh, my God, that happened all of a sudden, but because I wanted to know what that felt like.

I wanted to know what that felt like.

And so when I sat there in June, I was like, we’re not doing this anymore. And I made a list.

And honestly, I made a list, which was great. But I realized that everything I put on the list, I’ve checked off the list at this point. Because what we really want

can’t be put on a list. Because if we are really stepping into possibility, we can’t write it down. Because it’s, it’s a piece of possibility. It’s unknown to us yet. And that’s where the magic is. It’s in the unknown. You know, when we feel that like wobbly, like oh my god, I’m in the middle of this. I don’t know what’s gonna happen. Magic. That’s magic time, because anything could happen. It could be something you’ve never ever experienced before. And that’s what can feel really, really cool. Now, I know sometimes when we’re in that middle of that liminal space, it doesn’t feel cool. Which brings me to my moment. I was laying in bed this morning. And I was like, in the last 60 days, I have been

gearing my I have been priming my jumping muscles. Does that make sense? So I have been like,

like doing the air squats to get ready for this leap that is happening now the LEAP is happening. And that feels so different. And so when I laid there in bed this morning, and I was like, oh my god the last 24 hours.

It feels so uncomfortable.

And I realized that when we get to that point where it’s like, it’s a little uncomfortable, like I’m not sure what’s going to happen.

Anything could happen. I don’t know how it’s going to end up. And I have just been moving forward. Just moving forward taking that next thing the next thing as it unfolds. I told you last week I’ve been working on this like really cool, like thing that I wanted to do for a long time and it’s like going to be magical and amazing it in fact, let me pause for one second if you want

There’s going to be a limited number of spots. And I think there’s already like 98 or 99 people on the waitlist.

If you want to get early notification text me if you’re in the United States text me, just text the word ready.

Do it now. So you don’t forget ready to 770-343-3409 770-343-3409 Text me just the word ready, and it will put you into this. It’s my text community, once a week or twice a week, you’ll get a text from me, but that will put you into the early notification about this leap. This really cool leap that I have been preparing for you guys. So I laid in bed this morning. And I was like, the, the, the push and pull of being in what is familiar and breathing through what is uncomfortable.

And I want to talk to you about that piece of uncomfortableness. Because you might have that in your life, it may be that you’re uncomfortable, because you’re not liking where you are.

When we can understand that, knowing where we’re going begins with knowing that where we are isn’t okay. Sometimes we don’t know where it is that we’re off to, I’m going to take this leap, and I don’t know where I’m going to land. But what I do know is not this,

not this.

And so as you’re sitting there, perhaps with me, in the uncomfortable the moment where you’re like, I’m not doing the same thing over and over again.

Right, like, I’m not going,

you know, I like New Year’s and all of the things. So I’m going to use that as an example. But it doesn’t matter what the beginning air quotes beginning of your transformation is.

I love like 2022 Thinking about that. And if you’re listening to this, and it’s 2023, it doesn’t matter. It’s the start, it’s like a rebirth, a start of something new it gives you it gives you the permission

to start to dream differently, doesn’t it?

I mean, this is why we love like, a new month, I’m going to do this thing, a new year, we’re going to do this thing a new quarter, right, like, depending on what you do for work, your world may be divided into quarters, like whatever that thing is, when it is a fresh start, when it is something new, it gives you permission.

It gives you permission.

So I want to talk to you if you’ve got that little piece of uncomfortableness in you.

And you’re like, I know just not this. I’m not sure what is out there. Perfect. Because you’re in that moment where it’s possibility where anything is possible. Now, here’s the here is the place where everybody goes wrong.

Are you ready? So this is what everybody does wrong. I’m not comfortable. I don’t like this, I’m going to change. And they change enough so that they’re out of the uncomfortable. But they’re still they’re out of the thing. That’s like the irritant, right, but they’re still in the realm of what they’re used to.

So I’m moving away from this thing I don’t like I’m getting rid of this thing I don’t like, but I’m only removing it. I’m not really changing my trajectory all that much. Here’s why that happens is we’re we’re primed to stay in something that feels comfortable. Honestly, when we’re really comfortable that feels, I’m using air quotes, again, aligned, it feels aligned, because it feels normal.

Sometimes even bad, feels normal. And so we stay in bed, because we’re like, well, I might be in hell, but at least all the street signs look familiar.

When we can shift and say not only, not only am I going to move out of this.

But now I’m actually going to consciously choose something outside of where I’ve been and I’m going to make that the thing that’s comfortable. I’m going to change I’m going to change

who I am on an identity level. Like what I think I’m worthy of what my boundaries are how I show up for people, how I show up for myself what I think about how what thoughts I linger on

All of those things are wrapped up in my identity and who I am.

And when I can consciously choose that, I get to move outside of that bubble, I get to not only say, not that, but I say, give me possibility.

Give me expansion, give me a new world.

For next year, give me something different that I can be thrilled by something that I can like jump out of bed and be like, this is all new. And this feels fun, the novelty of it, and the fact that I get to consciously choose, you might see people you might be scrolling on Instagram, you might be on Facebook, whatever it is you’re doing, and you see something and you’re like, how did they always do that?

Why did they get that excitement.

But if you see it, and you feel that, that means it’s in you,

that means it’s, it is completely inside, you’re waiting for you

to go, I’m going to expand outside of this comfortableness.

Because if it’s if you are comfortable, and you don’t have the thing, it’s because it’s outside of what’s comfortable, and you have to get Okay, being comfortable.

When I laid in bed this morning, and I was like so uncomfortable, like risks, I’m taking huge risks, monetary risks, like emotional risks, I’m changing and growing, I’m showing up, I’ve, I’ve put money into coaching to help me expand outside of this area.

Very, I’m connecting with people that I wouldn’t have connected with before I’m doing the things.

And so without a doubt, I’m seeing different things happening. I’m seeing different connections and opportunities and possibilities outside of me that I wouldn’t have seen before, even though they were there.

Yeah, so even though those things were there, those people I’m connecting with those opportunities I’m connecting with, they were always there.

But I could not see them, I could not magnetize them to me, I could not expand into the person that had those experiences. Because I was staying the same.

I have to think different. I have to have different actions on a micro level, how do I do that? I shift my unconscious mind I change on an identity level and I begin to be someone different.

So in order to discover possibility, you have to be willing to take risks. So let me ask you, is there something in your life right now that that’s not okay?

Is there something that you want to change?

And then let me ask you this? Are you willing to risk?

Are you willing to take a leap? And how big of a leap?

How much change Are you prepared for here’s another way to ask that

is your nervous system ready for that level of shifting, and if it’s not, and you want change, you’ve got to create an environment where your nervous system is primed here. Here’s what I mean when I say your nervous system.

When I when I teach NLP to people, Neuro Linguistic Programming, when I teach people to be coaches,

I have this image of like a shadow of a head, right? So if you could imagine a head and all of this information is coming in to the head, right? So you sitting there, all this information is coming into you right now listening to me, right? You’re getting sounds you’re getting,

you’re probably feeling a physical touch, right? You’re sitting you’re feeling that there’s probably things visual things that you’re looking at, maybe you’re driving, maybe you’re going for a walk, whatever it is right

there, you might be smelling something, you might be tasting something you have gum in your mouth, you eat lunch, like all of these things are coming in to your nervous system.

And then your mind.

Your unconscious sifts through all of this stuff. You know, when kids go and play on the beach, and they have the sand and they take big, they have like they’re making the sand castles and they have the little sifter and they can they sift through the sand and the sand falls through. Most of it falls right through. There’s a few little granules that stick

Day in the sifter, that’s what your unconscious mind does, most of it falls right through

everything you’re taking in right now, everything you’re experiencing,

most of it is falling right through because you can’t, consciously unconsciously you can’t process that much information. So your mind your unconscious mind has some directives. And one of those things that it does is it deletes, distorts, and it generalizes things. Because it can’t process all of that stuff coming in. So do you think

that if a little kid is sifting on the beach, that any of the sand that’s going through and falling back might have like, a little piece of

like crystal in it? Or might be an unusual piece of sand, like maybe a totally clear piece of sand and not like sand colored sand? Right? Could it be that there’s something kind of cool that’s being sifted out, that might be like a fun treasure, a little, tiny piece of shell.

So what happens is, when we are so primed, our nervous system is primed to sift and just save these few little things that are normal.

It’s like our brain is that sifter, and it just catches the stuff we already know. So this is familiar, I’m primed for this, I know how to reach for this, I know that this is something I’m supposed to have, this is something I’m supposed to do. This is something I’m supposed to notice. I’m so used to this.

But then we sit out on our day bed on the patio and think I want something new.

I want something that’s deeper, or more exciting, or thrilling, or more fulfilling, or more connected. I want to feel stable, I want to feel sure of myself, I want to feel super confident, I want to be able to go do things that I’ve always dreamed of I want to have experiences.

You got to prime your nervous system to catch it.

Because if not, it’s going to get sifted right away. sifted right through. Now there are specific things we can do so that you are changing that, catching those things.

And then you do and you go, Oh my god, I get a little piece of shell, how did I get that little piece of shell is so cool. It’s like magic.

And I know that that’s how it feels, because that’s how I experienced it too. Yet I know that it’s not, I know that those little pieces of shell were always being sifted through, I just didn’t notice them because I wasn’t ready.

So when we can shift so that we are ready, we can start to catch those things. And then we can start to discover this possibility. But we have to be willing to risk, we have to be willing to step outside of where we are, grab something new. And we have to have our nervous system primed to accept it, to see it to notice it to go, oh, hang on to that.

And there are really strategic ways there is a pathway and a blueprint to be able to do that.

And so that is the work that I’ve been doing. So when I laid there this morning, and I was like holy smokes my whole, my whole body felt like I was like me, you know, not really in a good way, I’ll be honest, my nervous system is still adapting. And so I’m having to do things to say, this is okay, this feels new. But this is safe. And this is good. And I’m going to just keep going. And I’m going to consciously shift over and over and over again to what it is I want and how the outcome is going to be

ensures all things are starting to come. It’s interesting, because when I do this work with other people, and now I see it here in myself this week. When I do this work, and I shift, people reach out to me and say, Hey, can you do this for me? Can you? What about this? Do you want to take part in this? I’d love to have you be involved in this thing.

And I’m like, why didn’t you ask before because my nervous system wasn’t ready. So I wasn’t giving out

the same feeling that I might be giving out today.

So in order to discover possibility, I have to be willing to risk are you willing to risk

would risk feel safe if you knew that it would change and you would have the most thrilling experience

Could you ignore the uncomfortableness for just a little bit? Knowing

that it would expand you, it would change you. It would excite you, it would delight you.

I’m ready.

I’m ready.

So think about it. Think about what you’re willing to risk. Are you willing to let go just a little bit, release your grip on everything?

Are you willing to dive in,

make big changes, make little changes that are calculated so that you absorb and sift out the things you’re looking for?

I’m excited, I’m excited for what’s happening. I’m excited for what I’m pulling together. If you want to be part of this, if you’re listening to this, and you’re like, yes, yes. And yes, I promise, I promise, this will be a life changing experience, you’re going to have to be willing to take a risk, you’re going to have to be willing to trust me.

And you’re going to need to get on either the texts list or my email list, because I think those spots are going to go really, really fast. There’s only going to be a limited number of spots, because I want it to be really, really impactful. So text me the word ready. 770343 34 are not oh nine, and if it’s not your time, that’s okay, too. That’s okay, too. We have to know when we’re ready. And we have to know when right now I just need the comfort of what’s ordinary. And there are seasons for that too. And I think that when we know the difference, that is how we live a big life. Thanks so much for listening today. I will see you all next week. I love you so much. Make it an amazing week, and I’ll talk to you soon.

Thanks so much for listening today. If you want to take a moment to leave us a review on iTunes. Take a quick screenshot before you hit submit and email it over to us at support at Betsy pake.com. And we will send you a special audio hypnosis to help you overcome a limiting belief. Thanks so much, and I’ll see you next week.

Today Betsy talks about resting, expansion, and living bigger in the next year.

Text Betsy the word “Ready” to 770-343-3409

Transcription:

Hello fellow adventurers, welcome to today’s show. My name is Betsy pake, if you’re new here, I am a speaker and a coach. And I train ripple makers to become coaches as well. So, alright, so there’s a lot of things that I want to talk about today, this season, I feel like our lives are in seasons, right that don’t necessarily go along with the seasons outside. But we have seasons in our lives, slower seasons and seasons that are more creative. And for me, I feel like I’m coming out of a really I don’t want to use the word hard, although that’s the word that came to me. But a really challenging season, there was a lot of opportunity for me to shift how I’ve been seeing things, and to grow, and to learn really strong and good boundaries and a new way. And just really, really great, great lessons about allowing myself the space to rest. You know, I think that right, resting gets a bad rap. We we are. So I think we’re in such a community of busyness and like achieving things as what’s really good, that we forget that resting is really, really important too. And I had to fight against that a lot over the past couple months, allowing myself to back up and allowing myself to slow down and the fears that came along with that. But I knew that that’s what my body needed. That’s what mentally I needed. And I do feel like rest is just as important as doing. And that the truth is that rest only means something that we assign the meaning to, you know, if we grew up in a different culture, and maybe you’re listening and you’re in Spain, or someplace where they take a siesta right in the afternoon and you’re allowed to rest, then it becomes a different meaning. But for me, and the way that I grew up, being productive was really, really important. And so shifting, and allowing myself the space to rest made me realize that that has a purpose to

and that doing isn’t the only thing. And that if I could stop resisting, the need to rest, because all that does is really like prolong the need to rest. But if I could stop resisting, and just allow myself the space, you know, to heal and to breathe, and to expand that. It was those moments where I was quiet, when I could start to see and hear and feel the messages that I needed to in order to move forward and to use those challenges to create opportunities and possibilities for me in my life. So I wanted to share that in case you’re in that season. You know, it’s been a long, 18 months. And I think that if you live in an area like I do, I live in Atlanta where the pandemic isn’t something that we notice all the time, because people don’t really wear masks here in Atlanta anymore, then the mask mandate has been lifted. And so it’s we forget that it’s still happening, there’s still a lot of unrest and a lot of fighting that we see, you know, on the news and like social media, all the places, and there is this underlying uncertainty that perhaps is making you really, really tired. And I think that over the course of the last 18 months, a lot of us have become really tired, but all of us probably and in a global way. And if you live in a place where you have to be busy, then it’s compounding on that and might be starting to wreck havoc on your body or your spirit. I know for me, that’s what was happening. And so allowing yourself the space and just understanding there’s a lot going on. Even if your life right now may have like challenges or normal things happening. There’s still an underlying, like stressor out there. So give yourself a little bit of space and a little bit of grace to be able to go in a new direction and we can’t pivot and go in a new direction until we’ve like stopped the car. You know, until we’ve paused at the stop sign and made an assessment I think it’s really hard to make an assessment if we’re not listening in. You know, one of the things I talk about all the time is like listening in to that inner knower, then I know for me, it is so darn hard to hear her when I really, really hectic and busy and things are overloaded. So before I go any further, I want to tell you, I want to, I want to offer something. So I have something that’s so good, it’s so good, I’m so excited about it. And if you are interested in doing something different for your personal development for 2022, if you’re like, Alright, I want to regroup and I want to have like a path. And I want to have a community to be able to do this with then I want you to text me the word ready. And that will put you on the early notification list about what is about to happen, I’m going to give you the number to text me. And this is if you’re in the United States, if you’re not just email us, and we’ll make sure that you get the latest. Okay, so text me at 770-343-3409. And if you’re not familiar, that’s my texts list, I send out maybe like once a week, sometimes twice a week, sometimes twice a month, messages that come from my inner Knower. And so those messages are things that I hear typically in my morning meditation and things that I want to share. And hopefully they help expand you and make you see something a little bit differently about what could be possible for your life. So a little piece of inspiration. So if you’re on the text list already, you can still text me ready, and it will put you in that community so that you get the first dibs on what I’m going to offer, it’s

I will get to hug you if you do this. Okay. So I’m really looking forward to that. And Alright, so now I want to talk a little bit of you know, it, this energy in this resting I think is so important. And I think it’s super important for you to be thinking about, especially as we go into the holidays, which tend to get even more hectic. And the other thing that I want to shift you to, if you’re in that place where you’re like it’s crunchy, do you know what I mean by that crunchy, that’s how it has felt to me, like crunchy like scar tissue. And so as I tried to pivot and move, it’s like this crunchiness of it, where we’re where to shift feels like I’m having to break apart a bunch of old junk, you know, junk that I that had just kind of scarred over and I was ignoring. And then when I broke it all up, then it was like the pieces of the scar tissue floating around. And I had to just stop and pause and say, Where does this go? Where does this belong? What do I want to do with this? And in all of that, when that happens, I think that it becomes really easy to get focused on that scar tissue to get focused on the things that maybe aren’t going the way that we want or the things that are challenging. I know for me, that’s how it feels like sometimes I’m like, Oh, my nose, everything. How’s everything going? So sideways, like why does this feel so bad? And honestly, I think if someone else came into my life, and just took a peruse of it at best at the last like three months, they would say well, I can see how that thing would be a lot. But the other stuff isn’t that big of a deal. Betsy put it felt because that scar tissue was being like, crunchy and in cracked open. You know, it felt like everything was like at a level of overwhelm. And I think when we get like that, it can be really important, extra important for us to pause, stop at that stop sign and say, How can I expand? How do I expand from this place? How do I expand? A couple weeks ago, I said my husband?

Just stop, I need you to just stop. I can’t get him a pad of paper. And I said I want you to just write down everything that I’m going to say. And he was like, All right. Okay. So I was like, I just wrote down. If I want this, if I could have this, I want this, I want this, I want this, I want this. And what I did not do was put the parameters on it that you typically would put on it if you were saying a list of things that you want because what do you do you go okay, well for 2022 I want this but I don’t really have the money for that. Oh, but you know what, I probably don’t have the time for that. You know, I that probably wouldn’t work because of work. Like I didn’t put any of those parameters on it. I just said everything that I want Like, I want to go to Bali for a month, next year, like a whole damn month, I want to have live events and hug people I want to, there’s so many things that I want to do. And I just had him write those things out. Some of them were really simple things. Like I want a really good haircut. Right? I mean, I know that sounds silly, but I just said everything in that moment that I could think of that I want. He was writing Fast and Furious. And if I’m honest, I couldn’t read hardly any of it. It was like, I was like, Are you a doctor, because I can’t read any of this. I had to have it transcribed later. But I got it out without a delay of myself, you know, without, like putting a governor on it. Do you know what I mean? When I say governor, like those big trucks driving down the road, when you hear that, like when they’re? Well, when they can only when they’re in the wrong lane. They’re in the left hand lane, and they should be in the right hand lane. And they’re not going very fast. It’s because they can’t, because the truck company has put a limit on how fast they can go. So now they’re in that left hand lane. But they really can’t go any faster to pass the other truck on the right hand side. So they’re kind of stuck. It’s a governor like you, we put these stops on ourselves and say, I can only go this fast, I can only have this much joy. And this is the only amount of fun I can have. Like I can’t rest any more than this. Right. And so having that exercise where I just said, I’m just going to expand, I’ve been at this stop sign feeling all this crunchiness floating around, I’m going to just expand into everything that I want. I’m just going to say everything that I want without those parameters. And like when I tell you that felt so fun, like truly fun, like where I was almost laughing doing it, I was talking so fast, it would almost be helpful to open up your iPhone and like do a recording and just talk because he couldn’t write as fast as I was talking, the ideas and things that were coming out. Because I gave myself that freedom. You know, I didn’t say Well, let me look at the calendar and see when I could go on a vacation. Like I didn’t do any of that it didn’t matter to me. If the things were possible in my physical reality, they were just my truest desires in that moment. Like, what are my desires, we pull ourselves back, I think so often. And then we struggle because every year we’re stuck in the familiar. Every year, we’re stuck in this feeling of like, I can’t expand any more than I ever have. And I want to I see other people, I see other people experiencing the things that I want to experience. And the thing that I know for sure is if I see someone doing the thing that I want to do, then it is meant for me to do. And if I feel that constriction, that jealousy that even more, I’m like, oh, that’s for me. Right? So what could you expand into? How could you take yourself out of that crunchy zone and into anything could be possible because you create the matrix. Like if this is an I know this is going out there. But if this is a simulation, like just just for a second for fun, be like this is just a simulation. So this can go any way that I want it to go. Like I’m the main character, I get to create the coolest, most amazing outcome from here. And maybe if somebody was watching this as a movie, it would be kind of like dull. It can have like an incredible ending. It can have like the best, most amazing next

3040 50 years. Because you get to choose, you get to pick and all you have to do is expand and let go of those parameters. Those governors that used to hold you where you were, that no longer hold you in place. Because anything could be possible. And you might be thinking right now, but I kept this job and I can’t just go What if I don’t know what if you want to go to Bali? And what if your job sends you to Bali? I know you’re like well my job doesn’t do that. They don’t have anything to do with Bali Betsy. Maybe you don’t even want to go to Bali. But if this is a simulation and we get to create it. I don’t know the wine. Why not? What would happen if you just believed it? Do you guys remember my episode I did about that. bobblehead doll I’m gonna I need to find An episode was about the bobblehead doll, and about wanting my husband wanting this bobblehead doll. And I can’t even tell you how much we created that experience. And positive we created that experience in the matrix that didn’t exist. Before we got to it was a basketball game, they were giving out bobblehead dolls. We didn’t get one because we got there too late because I needed tacos. And I decided someone would just hand us one. And as we were in the parking lot, and it’s a good story, we’ll all find that episode. Hang on. All right, I’m pretty sure it was episode 9898. So when we, when we can just step out of this, this idea that things are a certain way, you know, when we can just step out of the illusion, then what could be possible if some people are doing things that are like incredible and amazing and super high energy and having incredible relationships and friendships and travel? What if that’s something you desire, then why not? So I would just offer the thought that if you’re in the crunchiness, you let down your guard for a minute and just expand into anything that could be possible. Open up the Voice app on your iPhone and just speak it, speak it into existence. Say it out loud, it becomes a vibration and start to connect in to what 2022 could really be for you. And text me, text me the word ready? If you’re ready, because I think this is going to be a really incredible ride. And when you do this, and you connect in and you expand out, I think that is how you live a big life. Thanks so much for listening. I will see you guys next week. Thanks so much for listening today. If you want to take a moment to leave us a review on iTunes. Take a quick screenshot before you hit submit and email it over to us at support at Betsy pake.com. And we will send you a special audio hypnosis to help you overcome a limiting belief. Thanks so much and I’ll see you next week.

In todays episode Betsy talks about how the trust in yourself may have eroded and the steps to take to begin to hear your inner voice and take action from that space.

Transcription:

Hello fellow adventurers. Welcome to today’s show. So if you’re new here, my name is Betsy pake. I am an author, a speaker and I have a training program called The Alchemy Institute where I train NLP practitioners and Hypnotherapist. So if you’ve ever thought about becoming a coach, join me over there, we’re going to be opening the doors in the next couple of weeks. So really good stuff happening over there. Alright, so let’s dive into today’s show. I’m in the middle today of I’m going to give you a really amazing visual and I just want to apologize in advance. But if you’re listening to this on Thursday, I am getting a colonoscopy probably as we speak.

So today I am in colonoscopy prep, which means I have drank more liquids, I will be on clear liquids all day long. It’s fine. It’s kind of like a good little mental challenge, you know, but I’ve never, I have never been as hungry as I was this morning. Just because I knew I couldn’t eat. You know what I mean? I just was like, oh my god, I’m dying within like 15 minutes of being up and I was like, Ah, I can’t have my Cheerios, I’m gonna die. But I have walked to the grocery store this morning. And I have gotten all different kinds of clear liquids hot, clear liquids called clue I’m gonna make it like, I’m gonna make it fun. So, anyway, if colonoscopy has been on your list, if it’s been on your list, do it make the appointment, we could be on a regular rotation of having colonoscopies around the same time, if you schedule now,

every year, you could be reminded by me. So anyway, get your colonoscopy. And then I wanted to talk to you guys today about something that has been coming up for me quite a bit. And as I’ve spoken with other people over the last week or two, I realized that it’s something that I think is like an undercurrent for a lot of people. And so I was like, you know, I want to talk about that on today’s show.

And what that thing is, is this,

this feeling of, I need to make a decision.

But I’m fearful or I hesitate, or I put it off, or I procrastinate, because I’m not sure. And this might be like big decisions where you’re like, I have to make sure this is the right decision. You know, I talked last week about about raising my standards and about how I noticed I was having these things that were in my life that I was complaining about for years. But in order for those things to change, I had to make a decision. Right, a different decision had to make be made. And I had to raise my standards, but in that required really tough decisions.

And you may have that right now too, right? Where you’ve got things that you know, need to change. Maybe you’re maybe you’re not even aware of what those decisions are like, specifically, you just know, it’s gonna entail a bunch of big decisions. And honestly, like, that just feels overwhelming. You know, maybe it feels like right now, I can’t deal with that, too.

I think that what happens as time goes on, and time goes on. And this was the case for me was that in those specific areas, we start to doubt ourselves, there is a thing where we know what the decision is that needs to be made, we’re not really unsure. We’re just afraid to make it. We’re just afraid to make the decision. Deep down, we know that we know.

But to make that decision means that a lot of things are going to change. It means that we’d have to trust ourselves. And I think that we have a problem in trusting ourselves. And here’s why I say that. I think there’s a bunch of different levels to it. I think that there’s a the patriarchy, I think creates an unsteadiness like you don’t really know. Right? Like, like, Are you sure you don’t really know can you really make the that kind of decision? And this is an undercurrent, right like it happens in marketing. Like our you don’t really know, this way you need this thing to find out, right? I think that we really know but we have lost touch with that inner

lower.

And here’s how I think that starts to like fester and get bigger and bigger. There are some areas of my life where I’m like, I know and I will make a choice, like no problem at all. But then there were these other areas of my life that were big. And I was going to have to make a choice, I was gonna have to make a decision. And every time I would go to do it, the fear would set in. But do I really know is that really right? What if I’m wrong? What if I make that decision, and it’s not? Right, and then I’ve made the decision, and then I can’t go back.

I think that we lose sight of the fact that when we make a decision,

based on our inner knower, based on what we know, then when we go forward, it, it won’t be wrong. And even if

even if there are parts of you that go, what I’ve chosen, isn’t right. It doesn’t mean that, that we shouldn’t have made the choice. It just means that from there, we have to make new choices.

So here’s how I think this connection between our inner Nora and us actually, making those making the choices starts to disintegrate. I think that we rehash a lot of old experiences. So you may be thinking a lot about the past, you know, I talk all the time about being in the present. I mean, a lot of

a lot of people talk about it, be present, be mindful. I talk about this all the time. And it’s hard sometimes for me, a lot of the times, it is a practice, it’s like riding a bike, you know, when you ride a bike, you go like side to side to side, right? You’re not like straight on riding your bike, it is a practice of bringing yourself back to center, leaning to the left, bringing yourself back to center, leaning to the right, bringing yourself back. And I think that when we aren’t in the present, then we’re either in the past or in the future. And I think the default is to go to the past. Now why would that be? Why would that be our default? If it’s not really good for us? Well, you’ve heard me talk about this before, but I think that we are listening for the rustle in the grass, right? We are wanting to make sure that we’re not going to get eaten by the lion. And so we we think about all of the things that could go wrong. And an easy way to do that is to think about the things that we perceive as having gone wrong. So we’re rehashing those experience we linger. Have you ever been in the shower? And then you’re like, oh, remember, like five years ago? I should have said that? I mean, I do that sometime. Right? I noticed I did this past week, where I was like, I was 14? Why am I thinking about thing I should have? Like if I should call and be like, do you remember at the school dance, like I wish I had said this instead? I don’t know, I’m not the only one. I’m sure I’m not the only one. But I think that we rehash these old experiences. And when we do that, we start to weaken who we are. Right, we start to weaken the present moment, because we’re out of it all the time. And the only place we can make these hard decisions, and rely on our inner knower as if we are present. So we start to break that ability by rehashing these old experiences.

The second way is that we don’t keep promises to ourselves. We set these promises, we set these goals or these ideas or things that we want. Or we say, I’m going to do that, I’m going to do that for myself, or I’m going to I have this goal, I’m going to do this thing.

And then we don’t we’ll keep promises to other people, like 1000 times more than we would keep them to ourselves, oh, I was gonna do this thing for myself, but so and so needs this or my kid needs this, or my husband needs this thing. So it’s fine. I don’t have to go do this thing for me. I was gonna go and walk around the mall and do some shopping, just to chill out right? Or looking for something I need, or I was gonna get my nails done, or I was gonna meditate. But you need something. So it’s fine. I don’t need to do it. It’s fine. So we’re not keeping these little promises to ourselves, that we said we were going to do something and then we change it. Now.

We can change your mind. I’m not saying that we can’t change our mind. But you know the difference between changing your mind having a different decision and just letting go

Things go because something else becomes more important when I could argue that perhaps it isn’t, perhaps keeping that,

that that promise to yourself is much more important. And, you know, we see this with goals like on New Year’s resolutions, right? I think we see this a lot. And I could do a whole show on why those don’t pan out. But I think that when we think about keeping promises to ourselves, and we, we, we missed the mark on that over and over again, it starts to break down this connection between us trusting the decisions that we’re going to make, and knowing that those are the right decisions. Here’s another way I think that we do that, is

we rely on our conscious mind. You know, we we like noodle through stuff like Yeah, but have you ever made like a pros and cons list? Right? I mean, I have to pros and cons relying on my conscious mind to make a decision that needs to be made with my intuition.

When I do this, we have an inner Knower. Right. There is a part of you that just knows that just knows things. Sometimes people call it a gut feeling. Right? You have this inner knower, you have this gut feeling that you know you can rely on.

And when you say I have this ability, this innate ability, everybody has it. And instead, I’m going to make a pros and cons list.

And rely on that, because that just seems so much more logical, that makes so much more sense. But if I can rely on my gut instinct, what if that is the thing that makes more sense, I think we’ve lost to this connection, where we think that’s not as reliable as our conscious mind. But honestly, our conscious mind. I mean, it is like,

it is dealing with a whole bunch of patterns, right? It’s dealing with tons of filters, it’s dealing with beliefs that probably weren’t even developed by you, but by your parents and people that you admired and loved your value system, it’s dealing with all that put if you could just rely on your inner Knower. So I think we start to break this bond, when we rely on our conscious mind for decisions, big or small, instead of listening to that gut feeling,

instead of just listening to the inner Knower.

And I think the last way, which is, I think one of the most insidious ways that we do this, is when we allow other people to make decisions for us. And we don’t listen to ourselves. Now.

I don’t mean when you say like, where do you want to go eat and someone says, blah, blah, Mexican food, and you’re like, oh, okay, that that’s not making a decision. For me, that’s what I’m talking about is when I have to make a decision of impact. And I know, deep down, but I am so influenced by other people around me that I make a different decision. This is like when I know I need to do something. But instead, I call a couple girlfriends. And I say, What do you think? What would you do? All you’re doing is asking them what’s the filter you see the world through? Right? But you got to listen to your filter, you got to listen to your knower, or get rid of the filter and listen to you. This happens when

your partner makes the decisions. This happens when you know what would be right for you. But your partner is making the final decision instead of partnering with you to make the decision.

Like coming together and making a decision together isn’t what I’m talking about. I’m talking about when you give up the decision making process to someone else, whether you know it or not, whether it’s just by asking for advice from everybody to make sure because what you’re really doing is feeling Is it is it okay, is it going to be seen or perceived as okay, if I make this decision?

I have found more and more and more over the past five years that I won’t go to a friend to discuss something. When I’m really ready to make a decision. I don’t want to talk to somebody else.

And if I do I know it’s that I’m not ready to make the decision. Because when we’re ready to make the decision we know and when we

are in the present moment, we can hear the right knowing and make the decision is when we’re all over the place. We’re asking everybody else and we’re listening to everybody else. We’re not keeping any promises to ourselves. So of course, we don’t trust ourselves. How can you trust yourself if you’re constantly like skipping out on yourself? Right? How can you trust yourself? When you offload decisions to somebody else? Like, how can you trust yourself? When you don’t listen to the inner instead you reject it, and you make a pros and cons list and just use your conscious mind and all the things that that entails? How could you trust that inner knower if you’re constantly rejecting it? And so over time, it starts to disintegrate and break up that deep connection.

It starts to change things. So now, you’re in a moment where you’re like, I know, I have to make a decision. I know what the decision is, but I’m not going to do it.

I’m not going to do it, because I don’t, I can’t trust that. That’s right. What if I’m wrong? I can’t trust that thing.

So how do we start to get that back? Like, how do we fix that? So the first way is that we just do that thing we listen in, and then we act. But the way to do this isn’t going to be on those big things that overwhelms you where you’re already doubting yourself, it’s going to be on really little things, really little things, things that you may perceive as inconsequential. This thing doesn’t really matter. But I’m going to check in with my inner Knower. Here’s what how I’m going to do that. I’m going to go out to lunch with a friend. And I’m going to look at the menu. And I’m going to pick based on what my intuition, not like, Oh, but I should have that thing. I shouldn’t have that I should have that. Oh, you’re going to stop that. And you’re going to just listen in to the inner No, or what should I have?

Right, you’re going to lay in bed in the morning. And you’re going to ask yourself, What should I do first, and then you’re going to do it.

So you’re going to really listen in and you’re going to start making little changes, little decisions that you can actually act on from a place of knowing, not from your conscious mind. But from a gut feeling.

The second way that you’re going to do that is you’re going to give yourself grace, you’re going to just forgive yourself for all the times that you didn’t do it. Forgive yourself for all the times where you didn’t keep promises to yourself.

Forgive yourself for all the times where you perceived yourself in a certain way, because you did something in a certain way. And give yourself the same grace that you would give somebody else.

If you were in your situation.

If if a friend was in your situation, and they called you?

How would you what would you tell them? You know, if you if you’re like I have I’m keep rehashing this stuff from two years ago, if a friend called you and said that, what would you say?

You’d probably say like, you know, nobody’s perfect. We all make, make mistakes. And we can get a new learning from those mistakes. And it’s not doing any good, like zero, for you to be thinking about it still.

Just let that go. And what what can you focus on in the future? Here’s what I do. If I notice I’m doing that. As soon as I notice, I go, Oh my god, first of all, I go, Oh, my God, what am I doing that, and then they immediately think of something that I want in the future. Because your brain can’t think of two things at once.

So I can immediately shift, I just think about something I want in the future. I used to have a little list in my wallet, it might still be there, I should check. But it was a list of things that I loved to think about. So that when I noticed that I was doing this, I could just look at the list.

And the list included things like when I would hug my little dog, you know when I would hug Miley and kiss her, it would include me the sound of the sound of your foot when it goes into a swimming pool. You know when you’re sitting on the side of a pool and then you put your foot in it goes clunk, you know. I love that sound. I think we think about the ocean and standing with the water up to my ankles and the ocean, right? So these are the things when I think about that. I can’t think about that dumb thing I did. So I can start to shift this by leaving alone the past and just shifting into the present moment or shifting to the future if I need to do that. In order

To get out of that cycle, because sometimes that thought can be more entertaining than the thought of the present moment. If you need to ground and be in the present, then just start naming everything in the room.

So if I notice I’m thinking about that thing, I’m wondering about that thing. Then I just look around and I go computer, microphone, iPad, keyboard, box of Kleenex, I don’t know if you can hear my thick, I’m getting a cold, like Taco Chico, I just started naming things around me. So bringing it back, getting out of the past and bringing it back, I’m going to start to fix that connection.

The second, or the third thing. So listen in and take and take these small actions, give yourself the same grace that you would give to other people. And then the third thing is, when you set your goals, when you set, you know, we’re heading, we’re in the fourth quarter here. So we’re heading in, it’s going to be I mean, the next two months are going to go by super fast, right? Because it’s the holidays, and everything starts to like, become like a super fast vortex, all of a sudden, we’re gonna be like dumped out onto 2022, right. And when you look at your goals, for next year, we are in the process over the past week of setting our goals for the business over the next year, I want to set an achievable goal, I want to set a stretch goal.

And I want to set a holy shit goal.

Because I want to have something that’s achievable. Because if I’m only setting a holy shit goal, and I don’t, and I continue to not get it and not get it, and every month, I’m not getting it. Like, you’re just going to throw in the towel.

So we look at where I’ve been. And I look at what’s achievable based on everything I’ve done, I am comparing, right, I’m looking at this and saying, Okay, this trajectory, what’s achievable, so then I can always go for that. And then I’m gonna have a stretch, if ePHI. Like, if I really am going for it, right? Like this month, I’m going to really push, I’m going to really go for the stretch goal. And then if I miss it, I hit the achieve goal, which was, you know, that’s where I wanted to be. And then I can have this whole shit. Like, what if I just get like, if I did some mindset work and just released the parameters, right? And I just went like, full hog on it. What could I do? Like, those are really fun to have some time because then you, you’re like, I don’t know, and you have to judge your energy. But I don’t know, for me that I can have a holy shit for every single month, like, I might get a little worn out. But sometimes it’s fun to be like, I’m going to do that one this month, I’m going to I’ll set little, little goals for myself, throughout the month, you know, let’s see if in the next 10 to 10k in 10 days is always a fun one for me. Let me see if I can make 10k in 10 days, it’s always fun to see how far I can get can I do 20k in 10 days, like those kinds of

tangible goals can be fun. And what they do is they start to build up that confidence. I can trust myself, I can do this thing.

And if you’re constantly just going for these crazy goals that that you just never can hit, it’s going to start to wear it down. Right? You’re going to start to not trust yourself because well, I’m going for stuff I can never get can be really overwhelming. When I was in sales years ago, I always had a goal, right that was set by the company. It was always an income goal or a you know, revenue goal. And I would have this revenue goal. And then I would set up my own goals and how I would do it I at one point I sold copiers and fax machines. And I would walk door to door here in Atlanta and go to small businesses and ask them what like, like what they had for copiers when their lease was up. And I would keep track of all that. So then I could go back when it was getting towards the time their lease was up so or did they need service? So most of the time I would get in no because most people were in a contract. So I made this page when my daughter was young, so I’m sure that’s where I got the idea. But

I took a page of like cartoon noses. And I just I I’ve photocopied the page. I remember I photocopied the page like a bunch of times. So I had like pages and pages of noses. Okay, so then I would go around. And every time somebody said no, I would cross off a nose. So I was hitting a goal I was achieving. And that was

like a huge thing for me, because I don’t know if you’ve ever known anyone or you have sold copiers. It’s one of the hardest sales jobs. And I knew if I could do that, well, I could get any other job that I wanted, which was true. And that’s what happened.

But I knew I had to do this. And I knew that I couldn’t do it if I was just hearing No, and that was a failure. So I turned that no into something good that was actually helping me achieve a goal I set for myself. So now, every time somebody said no, I would be like, yeah, Heck, yeah, I just, I’m getting closer to my goal. And at the end of the day, I would go to the next place, even if I was tired, because I’d be like, Oh, I just want to get one more No. Like, and then if I’d get a yes, I’d be like, Oh, sometimes I remember getting a yes and being like, disappointed, because I hadn’t gotten to know and was able to check off my list, right? So having a goal that is achievable, having a stretch goal and having that holy shit goal, right. So

the last one of how to fix this is to listen in to practice, practice listening in, just sit, just sit on your bed.

Sit Taylor style on your bed, with your hands on your knees, and don’t look at your phone. And just listen. Ask yourself, what do I need to know? What are you trying to tell me? What do I need to be paying attention to?

And just listen in. You don’t have to do it for two hours. Do it for like five minutes.

Maybe that’s the thing. As soon as you get up, you sit up and you put your hands on your knees. And you say, what do I need to listen to today? How can I connect with you, your inner Knower is waiting, is waiting for you.

And the moment that you do this, you’re going to make a connection that you can start to build on.

You don’t have to second guess yourself all the time and you don’t have to wonder Can I make this decision? Is it wrong? Will it get screwed up?

You can make decisions and you can know and you can trust yourself. And if you’ve broken that trust you can build it back. And I think when you do that, that is how you live a bit life. So try this out. Join me on the waitlist for the alchemy Institute get to know yourself. By using these tools. You can help other people to become a board certified NLP practitioner hypnotherapist deep streaming facilitation. EFT time techniques. It’s all there. Check it out on the website. I would love love love to get to see you and get to know you.

And if you liked this episode, please share it share it on social media and tag me it’s at Betsy pake or share it with your friends. Maybe it will help somebody else that’s got to make big decisions and you know they’ve been struggling. Alright, have an amazing, amazing week. Send me good vibes for my colonoscopy. schedule yours. And I will see you all next week.

Thanks so much for listening today. If you want to take a moment to leave us a review on iTunes. Take a quick screenshot before you hit submit and email it over to us at support at Betsy pake.com. And we will send you a special audio hypnosis to help you overcome a limiting belief. Thanks so much and I’ll see you next week.

Today on the show Betsy talks about when change is on the horizon and what to think about as things start to shift.

Transcription:

Hello fellow adventurers, I was trying to decide like, do I be like, Hey, I haven’t been here in a couple weeks, like, sort of like the friend that you’re texting is texting you back? Or do I just go dive right in to the story and pretend like nothing happened? I don’t know, I still haven’t decided. So I guess I’m just gonna do both. Hi, I’m happy to be here. It has been such a busy month, I will tell you that I have been really micromanaging my energy. About two months ago, I would say probably two months ago, I realized that I was complaining about the same things over and over again, do you have things like that, where you’re like, I’m complaining about the same things. And I have been complaining about these things. Like, for years, and there’s a reason why I’m not doing anything about it. in NLP, we call that secondary gain. There’s a reason there’s something I’m getting by not taking care of what it is that I don’t want in my life. And, you know, we see that lots of times, you know, with addicts, right, they don’t want to be an addict. But they’re getting something from it, even though it’s painful, and it hurts them and it hurts their family. And they are consciously aware of that. But there’s something else. And so, secondary gain is something we see obviously, on a much smaller scale, but there’s something that we get from the discontent. So a couple months ago, I was thinking about it, it was like, I have these few things that I’ve been complaining about literally for years. And, you know, I’ve talked about before. On the show, I’ve talked about how I use an app called day one, and it’s an app on my computer, and I journal in it every day. So I can’t go back. It’ll show me like on this day, five years ago on this day, and it was like the same things I was complaining about. And I was like why, like, it’s totally fine if I have those things. But if I’m not going to do anything about it, then I need to be okay with it. Right? Anytime we have an issue with something, or we’re upset about something, we have options, you know, we can do something about it, we can be content with it, or we can change it. So I started looking at those things. And I decided that in order to make those changes that I wanted to happen, I really needed to raise my standards, you know, standards for myself standards for people around me standards for what I tolerated. Right? In my own life. What was I tolerating, and I know I mentioned this before, but I literally think about it. Like, every day, I had a client that said I want to wake up every day and be stoked. And you know, at the time, she said it, I was like, Yeah, that’s good, that’s good. But then I kept thinking about it. And like, I not waking up stoked, and I get it that we have days that are bad days or days that are great days. But I was waking up with like this underlying like uneasiness. And I think that that happens a lot.

When we give a lot, I know for me, and I’m guessing for you, if you’re listening, that a lot of people come first, right? Like maybe your kids or your husband or people in your job, or whatever it is, a lot of that stuff comes first. And if we’re not careful, it crowds out the room, and the energy that we would have for ourselves. And that’s what was starting to happen to me. I realized that if I didn’t want to keep complaining about these things, and I wanted to wake up every day and feel really excited about my life, then my life couldn’t be the way that it was. And I couldn’t keep tolerating the things I was tolerating. I needed to raise my standards. And so I did that. And when I did, when I tell you, everything fell apart. everything, every little thing, all of a sudden, nothing worked. Because when you raise your standards, the things that were okay before are no longer okay. And in that I had this steadiness, this feeling of like I am so steady in this because I know that when something’s falling apart, something else is coming together. The things that I wanted in my life Were weren’t able to materialize with the standards that I had. And so I had to reevaluate everything and say, who do I really want to be? You know, what do I really want to be doing? How do I want to spend my days? How do I want to feel every day? And I think that it happens to me, I think it can happen to all of us is that we get like in a routine, where the things that used to be okay aren’t okay anymore. So it’s not that it’s not that we chose something that was bad in the first place. It’s just that we have to recalibrate at times, and we have to reevaluate where we’re really going. You know, in my book, start small, live big, I talk about an airplane flying from California to Atlanta. And if it is off course, by even 1%, over that amount of time, it will end up in South Carolina, when it goes to land doesn’t end up in Atlanta. And so the pilot has to constantly, you know, be checking the controls. Now I know it’s computerized, but making sure that it’s going in the right direction. It’s okay to stop and evaluate and be like, this is where I’ve been going. This has been my final destination, I want to de plane in the right place. But I realized that over time, I hadn’t been course correcting. And so things had sort of taken off a life of their own. And the way I described it the other day to my husband was like when you cook a lobster, and you the water gets slowly warmer and warmer and warmer, right? And so it’s almost like that, like, things were happening and happening and happening. And I didn’t realize I was in like, uncomfortable water until I stopped and re evaluated. And then was like, oh, my goodness, I need to course correct. And to do that I need to raise my standards, raise my standards for myself and raise the standards for people around me. Like, who do you allow around you? What kind of impact do you want people to have? Right? How much of an impression and I know I talked about that in the last show, but having that impression on your life. And so in all of that everything starts crumbling, right? Because that’s what happens. And they think that if we know, I don’t like this, I’m going to raise my standards, and this is going to fall apart. Everything about what I’ve been doing isn’t going to work anymore. So over the last six weeks, six, eight weeks, everything has been falling apart and beginning to come back together in a new way, in a way that feels so much more aligned in a way that I think like, I’m not totally sure I have anything to complain about right now. Like everything started coming into alignment with how I wanted to live. Now, will there be a time in the future where I have to course correct again? Yeah, absolutely. Right now, I’m staying steady. I’m getting really clear on what it is I really want, how I want to live, and what feels like stoked to me in the morning. So over the past month, I haven’t really been here because I have been managing my energy, because that has been the most important thing. And in this up leveling, I realized that I needed some help. And so I invested heavily in myself. And I found the perfect coach for me. And I have been going through the process of changing and shifting and growing and changing a lot of things in my business, reevaluating things. I asked myself, if I’m an old lady, and I look back on my life, what will I wish I had done. And you know, there are some things and some dreams and goals that I’ve had, that I’ve kind of put off especially with COVID. You know, we’ve all done that. And I realized that if I looked back on my life, and those dreams are big, scary dreams. But if I looked back on my life, I decided it would feel worse to wonder. I wonder if I had done that. Then if I had tried and failed miserably, I decided it would feel better to look back on my life and be like, I frickin went all out and I screwed up royally and messed that up and didn’t go the way I want. Because if I don’t do if I don’t have that option, then I don’t have the option to be like oh my god, it worked. It was amazing. I had an incredible life and what a ride that was. So I’m curious if there’s something that you have like that too. Maybe something that you’ve been pushing aside or saying that will come later or not right now or that’s I want to do that but that feels really scary. I don’t know who I’d have to be in order to do that thing. And is it time to reevaluate that? You know, to course correct? And to see, is this the path for me now? Is it time now? And where can I raise my standards, so that where I’m living now, how I’m living now is more in alignment with that version of me that does live those dreams, you know, that version of me that does take the risks and do the things and have the life and be able to tell the stories.

So all of this, I realized, you know, the only things that I really have control over in this life are my effort. And my attitude, right, that’s all I can really control. And so when I looked at where I was putting in effort, it wasn’t in the places it wasn’t enough, it wasn’t in the places where it should be. A lot of my energy was going towards things that weren’t really bringing me joy. In fact, the harder I tried, the more it wasn’t enough, the more I put into it, the more effort I put into it, the more it showed itself to like, well, it’s still not enough, you’re still not doing it, right. And I realized that it was time to pull back and to really see what it was that I wanted. And maybe you have those things in your life too, right, where you’re putting a lot of effort into something, but gosh, it just feels like you’re so tired, and it just never feels like it’s enough. Because the thing that we’re supposed to be doing, we feel energized with, we feel like we’re doing enough, we feel empowered by it, we feel excited, we feel motivated, ready to go. Right. And maybe not in every moment. But overall, the overarching, you feel excited to get up in the morning and get going. You know, as I look forward to the rest of this year, there are so many changes over the next four months and incredible amount of change is happening for me. And it feels exciting. Instead of I’m on the same path, I don’t really know. Like, if anything could happen right now, things are still coming together, right? Everything’s still breaking apart, and things are still coming together. And one of the most important things that I can do to make sure that it comes together, the way that I want is to monitor my energy is to notice where I’m putting out the most energy. And where I’m getting the most energy. You know, we can work really, I’m using air quotes hard at something, but we feel energized by it, we’re getting something back that feels really good. And that might be in your relationship, or it might be with your relationship with your children, it might be with friends, it might be with your job, you know, wherever it is that you’re putting out energy, start to notice, where am I getting energy back, I have talked about this with all of my coaching clients. And it’s something that I do often is I take a piece of paper and I draw a line down the middle, and no one is in and one is out. And I write down the things during the day that gave me energy. And I wrote down the things that take the energy away. And then I tried to evaluate it to evaluate and to delegate those things that are taking the energy away, like do I even need to have them I can’t even tell you how many things were on my list that I was like, I don’t have to do that. Like it’s taking away my energy. I don’t have to do it. Nobody’s making me like we have more choice. Sometimes then I think we realize. So all you can change and all you have control over is your effort and your attitude. Where can you course correct? Where can you raise the bar, raise your standards and say this is the minimum of which I’m willing to accept from me and other people around me. And I want to live my life like this. And when I’m old lady laying in bed, I want to know that I either succeeded or I failed miserably at this thing. I don’t want to wish I had done it. I want to try because you have control over your effort. And your attitude can be such that I tried. Even if I do this big thing and I fail. I’m still gonna be happy about it. Because I won’t be living in old lady and regret. So, over the past month, I have been reevaluating my energy. The podcast gives me so much energy. It’s one of my most favorite things to do. When I realized I wasn’t really having the time to do it, and to do it in the way that I wanted, it didn’t feel good to me, you know? And then I would think about this. Over the past couple weeks, I went to, I went to the podcast on the podcast app. And I pulled up I was like, I wonder if anybody said anything. You know, sometimes I look to see if anybody’s

anybody’s left to what do you call it? A rating or a review? And someone had left a review. That was like the greatest review ever if this was you. If this was you, Denise, Olivia, then email us at support at Betsy Pake calm, I want to send you something. But they they said that they listened so much. I look for every chance I can get to listen, even if it’s a three minute card, car ride to the grocery store, and I have to force myself to shut it off and go to bed. I can’t even tell you. The joy that that brought me. It made me so happy. You know, I’m here on this side of the mic. I don’t know if people like it, I can see that people download it. But I don’t know if people like it if they don’t tell me. And that’s gives me energy. You know, it gives me energy to keep doing it. And so I was making my list of like, things I like and things I don’t like and things that give me energy. And I was like, does anybody even like it? You know, I’m doing it. I know people are downloading it. But like, I don’t know, maybe it’s like on auto download. People have they’ve just subscribed long ago on a women I don’t know, are they listening? And then I read that. And I was like, Oh, this is so cool. I want to create more space for this because this is a thing that I love. So I’m happy to be back. Thank you, friend for waiting for me. Notice, notice where your standards are where you need to course correct? And how can you shift your energy so that you’re starting to move towards those big things, so that when you’re an old old person in bed, you can look back and be like, I did that thing? I did it. You can do it, too. My whole world is falling apart right now so you can join me. Come on in the water’s fine. It’s all gonna work out. It’s gonna be fine. I love you so much. When you make these shifts, that is how I think you live a big life. So much possibility ahead. I cannot wait to see where we all go together. Let me know. If you listen to this episode, share it on social media tag me. Let me know if you’re raising your standards. Let me know what you’re thinking. I want to hear. All right, I’ll see you all next week. Thanks so much for listening today. If you want to take a moment to leave us a review on iTunes. Take a quick screenshot before you hit submit and email it over to us at support at Betsy Pake calm, and we will send you a special audio hypnosis to help you overcome a limiting belief. Thanks so much and I’ll see you next week.

Today Betsy talks about releasing smaller things to call in bigger things.

Transcription:

Hi, welcome to the show. If you’re new here, thanks for listening. I know there’s a lot of shows out there. And the last few shows I have not done like an introduction. Like I took the introduction out. I just wanted to dive in. Every time I just wanted to dive in. And I realized when I would listen to other podcasts, I would like Fast Forward past that part. But maybe the first time you listen, it’s important. I don’t know. Hi, I’m Betsy. I’m Betsy Pake. I’m a trainer of NLP and hypnotherapy. I’m a speaker. And most of all, I think I’m an ocean lover and a deep thinker. And I come on here. And I share some of my deep thoughts in hopes that it helps you expand what you think could be possible for your life. So I wasn’t here last week, I’ve missed a couple and I’m going through it, I’m going through it right now. There’s a lot happening and a lot happening that that I’m not going to share on today’s show, because I like to share it once I have the proper perspective on it. But there are pieces, there are pieces of lessons in it. And you know, I always share stories, because I think that our stories are all so similar. And I know this because when I share a story, I get messages from people that go oh my gosh, that. That’s me like that’s it, you know, that’s how that’s helpful for me to see it that way. And so today, I wanted to come in and talk today’s episode, I think will be called fat caterpillars. So I sent out a text this morning. If you’re not on my tax list, it’s free. If you want to text me if you’re in the United States, you can text me, the number is 770-343-3409. Here’s the thing, if you text the word, Oracle, on October 15, we’re going to pick somebody we’re going to do like a roulette wheel. So what it’s called the roulette wheel, like where you spin the Wheel of all the people that have texted the word Oracle and gotten on the text list to win my Oracle cards. So I created these expansion Oracle cards, this isn’t meant to be an ad, I just want to tell you that I have been texting for like a little over a year, I think. Anyway, in all of that. The texts that I sent, we made some really beautiful Oracle cards, there’s this artist that did this, like amazing ocean theme, beautiful, beautiful cards, you can see them on my website, but we’re gonna give some away, if you’re already on my text list, it doesn’t matter, just text me the word Oracle, and it will put you in the like, in the dumper for this for this wheel spinning the roulette wheel, or whatever you call it. So all of that to say, this morning, I sent out a text. And the text said to do bigger things. Sometimes we need to let go of smaller things. Really saying and molting and moving forward. Don’t miss the opening of something new. Because you have so much fear around the closing. I think that a lot of times we make decisions. I know for me, I make decisions based on fear of something that’s going to happen way out in the future or something that could happen or something that is unknown, instead of making a decision for what’s right now. And what we want and how we want to feel, I think. And I know for me that we will go through a lot, we will suffer a lot in the known because the fear of suffering in the unknown seems bigger somehow. So even if where we are isn’t good, we will stay there because it’s known. We’ll stay there because at least we know what we’re dealing with. You know, we’ll stay there because at least I know how to deal with this from a day to day basis. At least I know it’s not gonna at least I know it’s not at least I know it. Right? At least I know it. And if I make a change, or I shift and whether that’s an a job or a relationship or a

hobby or house or like whatever it is. We stay so many times because the fear of what’s out There seems bigger. And, you know, I talked about when I was when I went to the Venetian. A few episodes ago, I talked about this, it was the episode with the title of the waffle fries. And, you know, when I was there, I was thinking, a lot about change, and about what feels comfortable. And about the idea that to really become something new. Because with all change, like we’re constantly growing and changing and becoming somebody different. You know, when you look at your life right now, and you look at who you were a month ago, I bet you know that there are differences. If you look at your life two years ago, gosh, especially like before, COVID. But you’re like, Oh my god, I was so naive. I had no idea what it was like to stay in my house for 24 months, right? So when we, when we look back, we can realize that we’re constantly changing and growing and evolving. And if there’s something in your life right now, that is uncomfortable, you’re still growing, and changing and evolving with that as the impression on you. I’m going to get back to the Phoenician, I got off track. But there’s a reason. If you think about a. If you think about putting out your hand, and I handed you a big ball of playdough. And you squeezed it, and then you released it, your fingerprints would be imprinted on that ball of playdough. There would be dense there. I think that sometimes when we’re in a situation that we don’t like, or that’s uncomfortable, or that we know we need to change, we stay not realizing that that thing is putting an impression on us that’s causing us to change and evolve and grow in a way that maybe we don’t want. We think that just because we’re in a place that’s known, well, at least I know, I don’t want to change. I don’t want to make a different choice, because that feels scary. I don’t know what will happen. There’s a lot of fear. But what’s happening right now is I’m getting imprinted with what’s happening right now. I’m changing because of what’s happening right now. I’m not in a vacuum. Just because I know this pain, doesn’t mean I’m not being impacted and changed and molded by it every single day. And so when we look and we’re like I need to make a change, but out there seems scary. I’m wondering if you really knew I speak for myself if I really knew how this was impacting me now. These decisions, these things that I need to change in my life, that that would seem scary, that would seem scary enough to go, you know what I’ll there feels better. Because I can I can shift and I can grow in a way that I can choose now. If I know that I’m being impacted, I’m staying in this awful I’m in this crappy job, okay, I’m in this terrible job. But I’m staying because at least I know who the jerks are. At least I know where the stressors are. And it’s stressful. And it’s awful, but at least I know. And if I had to go get another job, then that would feel heavy and hard. And I’d have to look, I’d have to figure it out. I might have to be sneaky because I don’t want my boss to find out. And like all of that just seems like a lot. Meanwhile, I’m staying and the hands of this situation are putting their dents into my playdough. And so you get to choose, do I want that? Is this scary enough that I could move forward that I could make a different choice. Now back to the caterpillar idea. When I think about when I was at the Venetian and I was thinking about the things that we’re really good at the things that we know and when you’re I’m going to use the job again but like you’re at this job that you don’t like it doesn’t fulfill you that people that work there, squash you

but you’re really good at it. You can do it inside outside upside down. You don’t have to think about it. You know exactly what to do. And I think about the caterpillar. When I was growing up in Vermont we had I don’t know why we had a lot of these like the big fat Like furry caterpillars, I feel like growing up, that’s like one of the things I really remember about my childhood was watching, we had these white birch trees in our backyard. And the caterpillars at certain times of the year would just be all over those trees. And looking back, I don’t know, maybe they were like eating the tree. Maybe they were killing our trees, I don’t know. But I remember they could walk straight up the tree. And they could go on a branch and be upside down. Like they were so good at it. It, it may have been the thing they were the best at is like being able to walk where nobody else could walk and do the things nobody else could do. But in order to become a butterfly or a moth or whatever they became, I don’t know what those creepy crawly things became. We had a lot of monarch butterflies in Vermont too. So maybe those are the things that became monarch butterflies. But they had to give up the thing they were the best at, which is walking upside down on things and being able to get anywhere straight up a tree. They had to give that up. In order to win, you know the story, are they getting the christless turn to liquid and then become the butterfly. And I know that’s such a cliche, but I think the thing that stood out to me as I was thinking about that, when I was at the finish line was that they had to give up. It’s not that they had to melt and become goo to become something else is that they had to give up what they were the best at what they were really good at so that they could become the next thing. What they were meant to be perhaps. So as I have been going through some hard things. And I have to say I love hard things. Because I know, I’m like, ooh, if everything’s going wrong, then something new is gonna be coming together. And that, to me feels really exciting. And honestly, that’s how I have been viewing the things that I’ve been going through. In fact, I decided as I was going through these hard things that out there the fear of what was out there in the future that I had no control over, because all I have control over is like this second, and this second and this second. And so I decided that that’s all I was gonna focus on. Is this second. How do I feel right now? Good. Okay, keep doing that. How do I feel right now? Good. All right, keep doing that. How do I feel now? Bad? What other decision can I make? What can I do different? What do I need? I have a client that said to me, we were in a group and she said that she asks the universe? What would you have me do next? I might be getting the exact wording wrong. I’m sorry, joy. If I am? What would you have me do next? And when I have been in those moments, where I’m like, Okay, how am I now good? How am I now bad? What would you have me do next? universe. And then I really listen, what would make me feel better? What would make me feel powerful, what would make me feel like I was in control of me in this moment. And then I do that thing. It has been way easier, more profound. And it’s like, it feels like breathing deep. It feels like breathing really deep. And the interesting thing is that I have wanted something to shift in my life for a very long time. I don’t mean to sound like all vague booking, I’ll get into it. But it doesn’t just include me. And so I feel like I need to be to honor that. That is doesn’t just include me. But there’ll be a show, you know, there’ll be a show. So the thing is, is that I’ve wanted something to change for a long, long, long, long, long, long time. And when I just clued into do I feel good? No. What would you have me do next? this good? I’ll do that. Good. Do you feel good? Yep. Do you feel good? Yep. Do you feel good? Nope. What would you have me do next? And then and I’m talking like only in the moment only today. I’m not worried about tomorrow. I’m not worried about next week I had a friend say to me, like how are you doing? And I was like,

I’m great. I feel so steady. I feel powerful. For, I feel like I’m the one making decisions for my life. And that that’s really what I talk about all the time, right. And in so many areas I was but in in one area wasn’t which is probably why I have been able to talk about it, because I had contrast. And so I offer this thought to you today, as we look at making big changes, and doing things that sometimes require us to let go of other things, releasing those things moving forward. And stopping ourselves from missing, missing out on an opportunity to have something new because you have so much fear around something in the future that you have no control over. So fear is coming when we look out way too far. If you bring it in, bring it into just today bring it into just this moment. Am I safe? Yep. Am I good? Yep. But I’m afraid about next week, what if my What if my boss finds out I’m looking for a job? and fires me? Well, is he doing it right? The second or she? Is she doing it? Right? The second? No. Okay, we’ll do what feels good right now and keep moving forward. Because if that moment comes, you thinking about it isn’t gonna help right now. If that moment comes, then you can deal with it. In that moment. You have the skills, you’ll have the awareness, you’ll know what your options are. Right now you don’t know what your options are, if that were to come next week, because you don’t know what next week brings. So I offer you this thought, if there are changes that need to happen in your life, if there are upgrades, if there are things you need to release, so that you can truly start to live in a way that makes you feel alive and thrilled. I have a client in my group that said, I want to wake up every day and feel stoked. I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve thought about that since she said it. Like, do I wake up? That’s actually when I was like, do I wake up and feel stoked? I don’t know that I do. And what would it have to be for me to feel stoked? What would the circumstances need to be? How would I need to be viewing my circumstances? What would I need to change? What would I need to release? What would I need to have? What would I need to call in? And so I offer you the thought of, of releasing the fear that comes when we look too far out. Bring it into this moment. Ask yourself, do I feel good? Yep. And if you don’t, what would you have me do next? Because I think when you start really listening in in the moment, that is when you start to live a big life. So this week, I hope things are amazing. If you want to be a coach if you want to be a better coach and you want to learn NLP hypnotherapy right now. The alchemy Institute is open. We’re enrolling you can just go to my website Betsy Pake calm. It is so great. We have six certifications. I won’t do a whole ad here because no one wants to listen to that. But you can go there and if you have questions, you can just send me a message, happy to talk to you walk you through it. Really, really powerful six certifications to help you know everything you need to know in order to become a really fantastic coach or even to change your own life. So I love you so much. I hope you have an awesome week. Listen and pay attention to yourself. Notice when you feel good and when you feel bad, and I will see you next week. Thanks so much for listening today. If you want to take a moment to leave us a review on iTunes. Take a quick screenshot before you hit submit and email it over to us at support at Betsy Pake calm, and we will send you a special audio hypnosis to help you overcome a limiting belief. Thanks so much and I’ll see you next week.

Today on the show I have Dr. Rothstein with the Atlanta Ketamine Center. We talk about this relatively new way of helping people with depression, addiction and more.

Find the Atlanta Ketamine Center Here:

www.atlantaketaminecenter.com
404-709-2103
Info@atlantaketamine.com

Dr. Rothstein is co-owner and Medical Director of Atlanta Ketamine Center and a board-certified emergency physician that has worked in the Atlanta area for the past decade. Dr. Rothstein enjoys spending time with his wife Joanna (who is a nurse at Atlanta Ketamine center as well) his two children and his three crazy rescue dogs.

Transcript:

Betsy:
Welcome to the Art of Living Big podcast. My name is Betsy Paik. I’m an author, a speaker and a trainer of NLP and hypnotherapy. And I’m focused on helping you understand and design your life with the power of the subconscious. This podcast is designed to help you think differently about what could be possible for your life. Now let’s go live big. Hi, everybody. Welcome to the show.

Betsy:
Welcome to the art of Living Big. I’m really excited today because I have a really special guest. And I know, you know, every time we come to the show and I have a guest, I’m always excited. But this one for a few different reasons. And I really hope that as you’re listening today, it can help you or perhaps somebody that you know. So maybe it can be a show that you share that really helps someone. So today I’m really honored to have Doctor Rothstein with me. He is the co owner and medical director at the Atlanta Ketamine center.

Betsy:
You may have heard me talk about the Ketamine center briefly a few episodes ago. Doctor Rothstein is a board certified emergency physician and the co owner of the Atlanta Ketamine center, and he’s worked in the Atlanta area for the past decade. He’s also got a wife, Joanna, who I really love, love, love and a couple of kids and three crazy rescue dogs, which, you know, I’m always a fan of someone that rescues dogs. So I have a rescue dog myself. So welcome to the show.

Dr. Rothstein:
Thank you very much. And as I mentioned, what a cool podcast. And I really appreciate you having me on.

Betsy:
Yeah, I’m really excited, you know, because I feel like the conversation that we’re going to have today can really, really help people. And I think it may be something people have never heard of, but it may be something that they’ve heard of before. But it was scary or unknown or, you know, felt like maybe a little, little fringy, if I can say that, like, because it’s new. Right. And so I would love if you could tell me a little bit about the Atlanta Ketamine center specifically. I chose it for some really specific reasons, but, and we can talk about that. Why I think it’s the very best in the whole area. So if, if you’re, I’ll say this disclaimer before we start.

Betsy:
If you are interested in this, come, come to the Atlanta Academy and center. Come to Atlanta. It’s an area where there’s tons of hotels and places you could go and stay, and I will bring you out to lunch. So, okay. So tell me a little bit about the Atlanta Ketamine center and what ketamine is, what this is.

Dr. Rothstein:
Thank you very much for the nice words. That really means a lot. Just a quick background of ketamine. We as a medical community have been using it for a long time in the medical setting. I’m an ER doctor. We use it in the ER almost daily or daily for sedation. If I need to put somebody’s hip back in place or put their shoulder back in place or reduce a bone or really emergent situations, if we need to intubate a patient, we’ll use it for full anesthesia. My colleague, Doctor Lazarus, as an anesthesiologist, uses ketamine all the time in the operating room in conjunction with other anesthetics, something that, in fact, it’s on the who list of essential medications and something that we use very, very frequently in the hospital setting at larger doses for anesthesia.

Dr. Rothstein:
Dating back to the seventies, kind of during the Vietnam War, we started to realize that it can help a lot with PTSD and other things for mental health at lower doses. But that kind of fell off the radar for a little bit in the medical community until the past couple of decades, when there’s been just an explosion of research that has shown it’s a benefit for mental health at much lower doses and also benefit for chronic pain and a number of other conditions. Over the past couple of years, Doctor Lazarus and I came together and opened Atlanta Ketamine center as a way that we could help patients outside of the hospital setting in giving much lower doses of ketamine, called sub dissociative doses of ketamine to help patients with mental health and chronic pain and a number of other conditions.

Betsy:
Okay, cool. So it’s been used for a long time. So when I say this seems new, it’s not really new, it’s really, really, really old. But the way that you’re using it with just like, a micro dose almost, right. Would you say that is my ketamine?

Dr. Rothstein:
Exactly right.

Betsy:
Okay.

Dr. Rothstein:
Exactly right. Yep. So ketamine is. Yep. It’s a medication we’ve been using forever, but this use of it is, is relatively new. And really over the past decade, but really, over the past two decades, where we’ve been seeing more and more, uh.

Betsy:
Research on it, I I’m always fascinated. Is it just like, okay, so is it just like somebody had depression and they needed their hip replaced, and then they got the hip replacement, and then they were like, wow, I feel better. Like, like, how did they even, like, is that how it happens? I’m always curious how these things.

Dr. Rothstein:
That’s part of it, and part of it comes from back in the seventies, where we would start to see some recreational use of it and seeing that it could help with patients and make patients feel better. But anecdotally, both in my own experience and in the medical community, that’s exactly right. We would give ketamine and we would see somebody come out of their hips back in place and they feel better. And also, hey, you know, where’s my wife? I really love her. I really want to see her. This new outlook on life, for example. And so we see that kind of anecdotally, and eventually we started doing more and more research on it. Some of the earliest studies were back in the early two thousands with learned helplessness with mice, where we would see that low doses of ketamine would be given to mice and they would have a much.

Dr. Rothstein:
They’ll be much more motivated to survive in dangerous situations than the control groups. And that’s kind of where it took off from there, then started moving more and more into studies with patients, with people. And also as more and more doctors and research centers and clinics like myself started publishing their results, we started just to see that the really beneficial effects that it could have.

Betsy:
Yeah. Like really big shifts with people. And so, you know, I have talked on the show a couple weeks ago about how I brought my daughter to get ketamine infusions at your facility, and she’s been on the show before, if anybody’s interested. I think it was like episode like 253. I think she was on. I’m just. That’s from my memory, but I think that’s right. So if anybody wants to hear about her mental health journey, she is an adult and she talks really openly about this.

Betsy:
There’s never been any shame in our household about mental health. Things like we hear sometimes out in the world. It always was like, we’re always working towards ways and new ideas to help her and support her in her journey of getting better. And so, you know, I had heard about ketamine. I think probably my daughter was like, 16 or 17, and I heard about it, and there was no. There was, like, one person, I think, doing it in Georgia. And at that time, it just. It was really hard to get, like, I think I reached out to them and they were like, well, if she hasn’t tried all this other stuff.

Betsy:
But now things have shifted. And I had a girlfriend that mentioned it to me, and then I was on a walk one day and I was like, oh, my God, why don’t I find out about that? And so I did some searching and found you guys. So I would love for you to talk about the differences between what you do, which is like a ketamine infusion. Tell us what that is. And sometimes you see, like, I get ads on Instagram for ketamine. Like, that they’ll send to your house, like, you know, pills or whatever that they’ll send to your house, which I don’t have depression, but I was like, maybe I do need that, but tell me what the difference is between those things.

Dr. Rothstein:
Sure. So we at Atlantic Ketamine center, we only do iv infusions, and we feel that’s the best way of doing it. One, there is a number of papers that show that that really does actually have the best outcomes on depression or other mental health illnesses where we could show the most improvement. The nice thing about iv ketamine is it’s 100% bioavailable. So when you get it through the iv, we know the exact dose that you’re getting, and you’re monitored by either myself or Doctor Lazarus. And we could go up or down in real time on the rate that you’re getting the infusion. Depending on how you’re feeling, or if there were something adverse to happen, we could stop the infusion and treat that in real time. We feel that’s the best way of doing it while we’re closely monitoring you with your vital signs and checking in on you every few minutes with my wife Joanna, who is our nurse over there, as well with the outpatient stuff.

Dr. Rothstein:
So there’s bravado. There’s the intranasal ketamine, and that is FDA approved, but it’s FDA approved for treatment resistant depression that you’ve tried a number of different modalities, and it’s not helped. And then there’s also trochees and ketamine tablets and dissolving sublingual ketamine. So those can help, and there may be a place for those, but the bioavailability is much more limited on that, down to, like, the 20% to 30% range. And so that’s also taken at home, which we feel is not the safest way of getting ketamine. And, of course, there’s been some news articles of some bad stuff happening with people taking it when they’re not being monitored. Or of course, patients may not know the dose that’s appropriate for them, and they may take too much of it. And, of course, ketamine does make you feel good.

Dr. Rothstein:
And so there is, you know, there is room for, there’s a recreational use, an illicit use of ketamine, and that’s putting some of it out on the street where people can misuse it as well. So we feel that iv ketamine or something like Spravato or a different ketamine is best given in a clinic setting with a provider or doctor. They’re monitoring you appropriately, and that’s what the American Ketamine provider society recommends and what a lot of the, a lot of the bodies recommend for most safe administration of ketamine, our processes, we recommend getting six infusions over the course of, somewhere in, over the course of about three weeks, somewhere between two to four weeks, ideally. And I could talk a little bit about why the literature believes that that’s best. But each infusion can help patients feel better during their infusion and then in the immediately after that. But to have the most effects from neuroplasticity and having some rewiring and new ways of seeing things, we see that best with the six infusions or at least a few infusions over the course of a few weeks.

Betsy:
Yeah. You know, when I was looking, you know, because anytime you’re choosing something for your kid, you’re like, we’re going to do the safest way to do this. Plus, I’m. I’m like a scaredy cat with anything. Like, I don’t take any. I’m nervous about everything. So, you know, when I chose it, this is how I was thinking of it, you guys. So I was thinking of it, like, can you do the pills or whatever? Like, you can, but then you’ve ingested it.

Betsy:
Like, so then if something’s going sideways or she’s just not having a good experience, right? Because I don’t want her to suffer any more than she already is. There’s nothing I can do until her body metabolizes it. So I think of, like the, the ketamine center when we went and doing it with the infusions is like using a gas stove. So you can turn it up or you can turn it down, and as soon as you turn down the gas, then it’s. It’s done. So if the water’s boiling over, you don’t have to just let it boil over till it evaporates. You have some sense of control there. And that, for me, like, as a mom or even if I was going to take it myself, that level of control, I think, makes a ton of sense just from a perspective of being comfortable.

Betsy:
But then also from a clinical experience, too.

Dr. Rothstein:
Absolutely. And of course, we also have a number of other medications there where we could treat if somebody’s blood pressure gets a little bit too high or they feel anxious, then we have some anti anxiety medications and. Exactly right. We tailor each infusion to each patient, and over the course of the six infusions, we kind of get an idea of what dose within the therapeutic range is best for each patient. And that’s been a nice thing as well. Kind of getting to know patients over the course of their, over the weeks as well.

Betsy:
Yeah, yeah. And, you know, when somebody is in the experience, can you kind of, and I can share kind of what I witnessed as somebody watching or what my daughter explained to me, but can you kind of tell me what. So somebody comes in, they call you up and they schedule, I’m going to do this. If they’re out of town, could they do two weeks? Like, could they do three and three so that they get the two weeks in?

Dr. Rothstein:
Yep, they can. Yeah, absolutely. We actually do have some people that come in from out of town and do stay in hotel rooms those nights. So that’s one thing we do. You can’t drive after infusion. We recommend that you are not doing anything, that you have to make any major decisions and preferably not working that day or operating machinery, et cetera. So we want you to have, it’s a relaxing experience and we want you to be able to relax the rest of the day as well. So we do have some people that come in from meditat and stay in a hotel, the experience itself.

Dr. Rothstein:
So we give what’s called sub dissociative levels, or we get you right to that level where you start to dissociate a little bit under close monitoring, of course. So patients that when we say dissociation, patients may feel like they are not quite in their body or they could feel the visualize themselves thinking or see themselves thinking from a different perspective. And so that’s the immediate effect. And we have really relaxing chairs and calming stations on our tv as well as music and lighting. So make that as pleasant of experience as patients can have. So there’s some thought.

Betsy:
I want to butt in. I’m going to interrupt you for a second. I think that was really, like, cool part of it. And, you know, you guys, when I was saying about how I keep saying you guys listeners, how I was saying how I chose the ketamine center for a specific reason. Right. There’s a couple places in Atlanta you can do it. I drove out of my way to get to you guys, because the facility was so nice. And so when you come in, you know, it’s.

Betsy:
I mean, the doors locked. It felt like a safe environment. Like I was going into a safe environment. It was a really nice waiting room. I know this is silly, you guys, but I, like. Like, first, I fly first class. Like, I. I want to feel like, okay, this is nice, right? Because it’s scary, right? So anytime you’re going to something scary, I want.

Betsy:
And then when you go in, like, the. The chair is the kind of chair that’s electric, and it leans back and you can relax the lights, right? So you’ve got some, like, mood lighting in there. Just kind of helps to help you relax, and then you get. You help. People can pick what they want to do. So on the big screen tv there, they can go to Peru or go to the beach or. And y’all know my daughter would not pick the beach as her visual because I was like, choose the beach. Choose the beach, because I’m a big beach fan.

Betsy:
No, she had to always go to Nepal or something. So, anyway, we went through flying through Nepal. So the experience itself is calming. And then you gave her a little pill to just relax her. Right? Wasn’t it like a little pill you gave her?

Dr. Rothstein:
Yeah, just a little volume. Yep.

Betsy:
Exactly.

Dr. Rothstein:
And a Zophran to help to prevent nausea.

Betsy:
Okay. Yep. And then you put an iv in. So she had a cuff on, a little beeper thing on her finger. She had a remote for Joanne if she needed anything. And then you put the iv in, and that is really when it began, and it starts really quick. It’s not like if you were drinking. I know that’s probably not a great comparison, but if you were drinking, you’d have to drink a couple drinks right before you felt anything, unless you’re me.

Betsy:
And then it’s like, one sip, but. But it, like, immediately she could feel it and. And just felt super relaxed. So if somebody. I’m sure people metabolize stuff at a different rate, you have the ability to give them more or less to keep them in a zone. Is that what you try to do?

Dr. Rothstein:
Yeah, exactly. And thank you for saying such nice things. And that’s something that we’ve really worked hard on. And kind of our vision a couple years ago when we started this was to have that exact thing that you described where patients feel very comfortable coming in, because that is a huge part of it, is to get in that right frame of mind when you’re getting this infusion and I think Joanna is incredible about helping our patients get into that right frame of mind as well and in monitoring our patients closely. So it does matter the different dosing, depending on what medication some patient may be on, we may adjust the dosing a little bit because they can slow how quickly it goes through or quicken how quickly it goes through. And again, that’s a nice thing about iv, but ketamine has a generally pretty short half life. And usually by that night, the ketamine itself is really not in your system anymore. But one of the cool things about some of the research that we’re seeing is in a good way.

Dr. Rothstein:
We think that one of the metabolites gets trapped within your synapses in a good way and helps to provide further benefits. Even when the ketamine and you’re not feeling the effects of it, that ketamine infusion anymore, it will continue to help you down the road. That’s one of the thoughts about with SSRI’s or some of the other medications, which can be life saving and really help patients and is life saving.

Betsy:
Tell us what an SSRI is.

Dr. Rothstein:
A serotonin reuptake inhibitor. So many of the antidepressants that are on the market, there’s also snris, for example, like wellbutrin. And so these all are more historic, or not historic, but in recent times, medications were used for antidepressant, for anti anxiety.

Betsy:
Okay.

Dr. Rothstein:
Those medications can take a few weeks to really take effect. So one of the nice things about ketamine is we see a stepwise improve. We hopefully see a stepwise improvement with each infusion that patients get. And there’s a lot of work being done with ketamine just being given as a one infusion for perhaps a patient that is in a psychiatric facility and is having severe suicidal ideation. One ketamine infusion can oftentimes just get them kind of out of that spiral and get them to a place where they could be a little bit better and respond better to their other medications.

Betsy:
It’s a modern interrupt, almost exactly.

Dr. Rothstein:
Right? Yeah. Good way of looking at it. So that one infusion with each infusion. But the first one, for example, you may. With the effects that you’re getting in the acute setting where you’re getting the infusion may give you. It gives you euphoria and makes patients feel good. That in itself makes patients feel better. Then we start to see, after each infusion, where we start to see the new pathways being built and some of the NMDA receptors on your neurons increasing which is involved in learned behavior and also in forming new pathways.

Dr. Rothstein:
That’s where we start to see them build up over the few weeks, over the time with subsequent dosing. So each infusion is going to hopefully make you feel better during the infusion, while it’s building up and helping you feel better long term.

Betsy:
And it’s creating, like you said, it’s connecting these new neural pathways, which helps you to. I mean, neural pathways, that’s how you learn, right? You’re learning by creating those. So you’re starting to get new ideas, new thoughts come in. So whereas just in my own experience with my daughter, there will be a lot of circular thinking, this, I felt like, started to shoot her out of that, where then she was starting to think about what else could be possible. And, you know, she was saying things like, okay, maybe I want to go back to school, which, you know, she went to college for a couple years and left, and it made her start. And I was fine with that if she wanted to leave. Like, it’s not for everybody, but I always felt like she loves to learn, but she was so low that that didn’t feel, like, fruitful. Like, what’s the.

Betsy:
What’s the point? And so I noticed she was having these thoughts, like, well, maybe I could do that, or maybe I could do this. And also, it was like, maybe I could go to Nepal. And I was like, damn, this television.

Dr. Rothstein:
That sounds great.

Betsy:
Yeah. I was like, we’re going to the beach. So I think that I saw that. I’m also curious if you can talk to the research that’s been done with addiction and using this, because I almost feel, and I don’t, and I am nobody. I’m not, but I almost feel like, in some ways, depression feels to me sort of like an addiction. Like, it becomes. You’re so used to it, and our feelings are a chemical reaction, right? So you’re getting used to that chemical. You’re getting used to that feeling.

Betsy:
And to move outside of that sometimes, I think, can feel scary because you’re so used to feeling it. So talk to me a little bit about the addiction piece and what we’ve seen.

Dr. Rothstein:
Yeah. So you’re exactly right. And just, I’m so glad to hear that she doing better and having better hope about the future, because that is a big thing about depression, is the lack of anticipating a better future. And then that cycles and takes people away from wanting to do something to give them a better future or something that they enjoy, whether that’s, you know, playing a sport or exercising or reading or watching a movie or whatever it is that somebody enjoys. They just don’t have the energy or the will to do that because they don’t. Just, like you said, they don’t see the point in doing that. And then those activities also make people happy and have a value and anticipate a better future. And so one of the great things about medication or therapy or ketamine, whatever it is that could get you out of that rut as you get activated and get that energy to anticipate a better future and want to do things that you may otherwise like doing, that also helps get you out of depression, doing those activities.

Dr. Rothstein:
So that’s really, really wonderful to hear. And you’re exactly right. It is. It’s a spiral with any spectrum of anxiety, with depression, et cetera. It is almost like you get addicted to that feeling and there’s no point in getting out of it. So in terms of ketamine for addiction, one really interesting thing, there’s a lot of stuff on ketamine with smoking cessation, and we have a lot of people asking about that. Yep. And so there’s probably a little bit more conclusive stuff that needs to be done.

Dr. Rothstein:
But anecdotally, I’ve seen patients that it’s helped with that alcohol addiction, both in the acute withdrawal phase, can help, and then also with cravings down the road, it can help with that. And a lot of literature being done. I also see patients, again, anecdotally, and I think there’s a couple things out there on this that patients come in and they say, you know, I’m an, I’m an everyday marijuana smoker and I just rely on that. And I kind of want to see if this helps. And I’ve seen at least quite a few patients come in, and after they finish their series, we see them maybe for a booster or maintenance infusion a few weeks down the road and they’re saying, you know what, doc, I’m not smoking anymore. And they kind of describe that as a clean reset. And that’s another thing that patients tend to describe after they’re getting their infusions. I just feel kind of clean.

Dr. Rothstein:
I feel like I’ve reset. And so I think in terms of the physiology of how it works, to be frank, I’m probably not terribly clear on that. I think there’s a lot of work that needs to be done on that, but I think it’s, it has a lot to do with the same pathways as NMDA. But on that note, one of the other ways that ketamine works is it does have action on one of the opiate receptors. One of them are natural opiate receptors, the mu receptor and also Kappa receptor. That’s how we know that ketamine works for a lot of chronic pain, like chronic regional pain syndrome, and also in the error when we could use it for terrible things like sickle cell pain crisis, where patients have been on opiates for a long time and nothing’s helping, or even for sickle cell, excuse me, or even for kidney stone pain. So we also use it at even lower doses to help with pain. And so it’s a good alternative to opiates.

Dr. Rothstein:
And that’s actually one of the ways. Just speaking about myself is over the years working in the ER, I’ve headed a number of committees for alternatives to opiates and opiate use disorder. And ketamine just keeps coming up and up and up in our meetings about ways to help patients not using opiates. Of course, ketamine, again, can have some recreational value and can be used illicitly because it does cause a euphoria and has some benefit on our natural opiate receptor. But there’s a lot of thought about that may be why it helps with certain addictions. And also that kind of branches off into opiate addiction as well, where we could use it to help patients with that as well.

Betsy:
To help with that. Yeah. Which is really cool. My daughter, and I know she’s okay with me saying this because we’ve talked about it and she’s been on the show talking about this, but she has binge eating disorder and she’s been diagnosed with that for many, many, many years. And after the first session, that just stopped. So it just hasn’t come back. You know, I. You know, we talked the other day and she was like, what am I supposed to do at night now? She was like, that’s what I did at night.

Betsy:
I’m like, well, I don’t know, we gotta get you some other hobbies. You know, we can teach you how to knit or something. I don’t know. But. But it was so funny to me because that’s not why we went. And in fact, that wasn’t even anything I thought would be impact like that. That disorder has always been secondary to everything else we were working on with her because the other stuff was so immediate. And so that, to me was, it just was such a funny thing because we were like, oh, my God, I didn’t even know that could be a thing.

Betsy:
And now that has really been alleviated. Will it ever come back? I don’t know. But after the first session, it was different. That first session, she had a really big lift. Like, that felt like such a big shift for her. That’s when I was like, oh, this was a really good idea, even if nothing else happens, just that outcome in itself was so, I mean, that’s impactful for the rest of her life, impacts her health the rest of her life.

Dr. Rothstein:
That is really incredible and so heartwarming and just hearing that makes everything worthwhile. So that, I’m really happy to hear that. And I think a thought on that, and I hope that, and I am sure that in the coming months to years, we’re going to start to see things like that. Ketamine working for research coming out that ketamine works for eating disorders and a number of other things. And of course, there’s overlap between, there’s comorbidities between depression and eating disorders and anxiety and a number of other things. So I think that the way that it works behind that is probably a combination of all of the above. And there’s also something, a lot of stuff that it works on. It has some anti inflammatory effects as well.

Dr. Rothstein:
I think that there’s probably a combination of a lot of its methodology, perhaps in patients like your daughter. But that is really wonderful. Wonderful to hear.

Betsy:
Yeah. Yeah, it was pretty cool. So tell me, if somebody comes, they do these. And how olive did it was. We did it over three weeks. We did two sessions for three weeks. And then tell me what people typically need. And I know typically is a hard thing to say because everybody’s different, but typically, what can you expect after that? Do you have to keep coming? Do you, you know, what’s that look like?

Dr. Rothstein:
Yeah. Everybody is different. So when patients graduate from their six infusions, we have a whole celebration for them. They got a cap and gown. I’m just kidding. But everybody’s a little bit different. What we tell patients is we want to wait at least one, maybe two weeks, but usually, at the minimum, one week after you finish your series of six infusions. And if you feel like you need to come in for a booster or a maintenance, then some patients come in one week later, and then they maybe for a few weeks after that and then start to taper down to every few weeks or every month, and then to get to a point where perhaps they don’t need to come back again or maybe once a year after that for a maintenance or for a booster infusion.

Dr. Rothstein:
Some people don’t need to at all. Some people follow up with their psychiatrist or our primary care doctor, and they could even get down on some of the other medications they’re on and they never need to come back. And some people like to come back a month later or a few months later. So everybody’s a little bit different. There are some people that need a little bit more intensive follow up, and we do see some people coming in every week for a few weeks after they finished their course of six infusions. But the majority of people were seen coming back maybe just a few months later to get a booster infusion or maintenance infusion, we call it, to kind of get them back to where they were.

Betsy:
Yeah. Yeah. That makes sense. Does it? Is it? And this is my brain, like, trying to think through, like, a level. So you tell me if this is way off, but the lower you are, the more you’d have to do to get to, like a baseline and then to feel better. Like, like if you’ve been really low for ten years and you come in, could you expect that you do those first six, but then you might need regular ones every couple weeks just till you get.

Dr. Rothstein:
Yeah, I think everybody’s a little bit different. And I think it depends a little bit more about the degree of progression that patients have, have gone through throughout their, their course of their infusions. But I think that’s really fair to say that generally speaking, if you’re starting at a lower point, you may need a little bit more subsequent infusions afterward.

Betsy:
Okay. Yeah. Yeah. You know, I think of celebrities that we know and have heard of over the years that have depression, you know, and, you know, Robin Williams and Kate Spade and, you know, I think about these Anthony Bourdain, you know, my daughter is obsessed with Anthony Bourdain, and he’s her screensaver on the, on her phone. And that always really scared me because he unalived himself. And I was like, I don’t want that to be her, like, goal. You know what I mean? Like, that’s her. But I do think about also people like Matthew Perry who used ketamine, if I’m not mistaken, and had really good success with it.

Betsy:
I mean, that, you know, we saw a huge change and he talked pretty openly about how he had sort of overcome a lot of his depression and mental health struggles. Am I right? He used ketamine. Yeah.

Dr. Rothstein:
Yeah. So, incidentally, I’ve read kitchen confidential by Anthony Bourdain. It’s one of my favorite books. And I’ve read Matthew Perry’s book as well before he passed away. And, yeah. So Matthew Perry, unfortunately, had a bad outcome where it sounds like recreation use or inappropriate dosing of ketamine he took at home and then drowned in a hot tub. So we monitor you, and that’s, again, why we don’t like the home dosing. We like to do it under or strong and under monitored dosing.

Dr. Rothstein:
But, yes, it sounds like before he did that, he was getting once weekly. I may not be right on this, but from what I’ve read, once weekly, give or take iv infusions. And it sounds like that was helping him quite a bit. And then, of course, he struggled with, and I don’t know him, of course, personally, but struggled with, you know, addiction and a number of other things. And it sounds like I did not use it appropriately at home. Yeah, but it sounds like that was helping him quite a bit. And somebody like Anthony Bourdain. Yes.

Dr. Rothstein:
If this was around, you know, or more available at that time, you know, I could only speculate, but perhaps he’d still be with us. But I do agree with you, one interesting person, because I love Anthony Bourdain as well, and I love kitchen confidential, and I. It’s so hard because I don’t want to glorify, you know, or promote the end result, you know? And it’s such a sad story. And what a wonderful person, both of them.

Betsy:
You know, what’s really interesting, and this is, like, a kind of a weird side note, but anyway, people that listen know that I have lots of weird side notes, but my weird side note about that is she’s had him as her screensaver, like, for years on her phone. Like, she just loves him. She’ll watch, like, anything on YouTube. Um, you know, anything we. Anytime we can talk about him. But since the ketamine, it started to shift to her talking about wanting to be like him as a chef and traveling and, like, the conversation around him changed as opposed to, like, before she would read, like, stuff people would write about him after he was gone and about his daughter and do, you know. Do you know what I’m saying? Like, she would focus on the end, and now she’s focusing on, like, how she could be like him, carry on. Do you know what I mean?

Dr. Rothstein:
Like, in good way.

Betsy:
Yeah, it was kind of. I. That was kind of surprising to me. Like, just a couple weeks ago? Yeah. Yeah, just a couple weeks ago, she spent the night at my house, and, I mean, we were up late, and she was talking about all this stuff, and I was like, this is a totally different Anthony bor. Like Anthony Bourdain conversation. So I, you know, it shows up. I feel like the ketamine shows up in places that I didn’t expect it, and I attribute it to that which may or may not be right.

Betsy:
But we’ve been struggling with this for a decade, and I know the patterns, and this is a new pattern, you know?

Dr. Rothstein:
Yeah, that’s really incredible. And a new way of seeing something that she was interested in beforehand, and now a new. And that’s probably the best ways I could describe the benefits that we’re seeing patients get from ketamine. A fresh way of looking at something they may have already had an interest in, but in a positive way now.

Betsy:
Yeah. Yeah, totally. Yeah. Super, super interesting. You know, the thing that. And I’m. I’m trained in neuro linguistic programming. I’m really fascinated with the unconscious mind and with our identities.

Betsy:
And one of the things that I’m curious, and this is me more asking you maybe as an individual, although you might have a perspective on it from a doctor, but I believe that when we have an identity, who we are, not our roles, not like, I’m a mom, I’m a wife, but who we are, our identity, I am kind. That’s a really strong thing. And sometimes that gets me in trouble because I won’t have strong boundaries or do you know what I mean? Because the thing to be kind like that is an identity of who I am that I really value. And if somebody threatens that, I will cut you. You know what I mean? Like, I’m kind. Damn it. So one of the things that I have really been noticing is that with my daughter, there is this. When I will comment on, wow, this is so different.

Betsy:
Like, you’re really getting better. She’s holding on to the identity that she’s sick. And she’ll say, no, no, I’m sick. I’ve been sick for a long time.

Dr. Rothstein:
Yeah.

Betsy:
Okay. So I’m curious, do you have thoughts on that, even just from your perspective? And you might not. I don’t mean to put you on the spot with that one, but please.

Dr. Rothstein:
So I think that that’s. There’s. This is what I tell all of my patients. The people that I see do best with this are ones that are going through their infusion process in conjunction with therapy or a psychiatrist or somebody who’s going to help direct these new pathways and these new ways of thinking to ensure they go in the positive way. And then also, just like you said, that’s a cycle, and that’s your identity that’s you know, hopefully, we’re cycle a lot of the negative thoughts and making some new pathways with that. But just as you said, that becomes difficult to break that identity. And who have you.

Betsy:
Who do you think you are?

Dr. Rothstein:
Yeah. So there’s a big role for therapy or ketamine. We call it ketamine integration counseling and ketamine integration therapy, which we do have at Atlanta Kennedy center. We have a few options who can come to our clinic and be with you during your infusion and go through some of those thoughts or follow our patients up. So I think that speaks to a strong role, which I’ve always endorsed in my role as an emergency physician and throughout my life, role of therapy and especially inpatient ketamine infusions to really help direct into the right direction and break some of these old identities as they start to form new ways of seeing themselves.

Betsy:
Yeah. Yeah. I think that’s such an important piece. I had messaged, olive has a therapist, and I messaged to the therapist, but, of course, she’s an adult, so the therapist doesn’t really message me back. But I was like, I don’t care. I gotta still message her and say, can you work on identity? Because I can see that happening. And I think we all do that. Like, I think that’s a natural thing.

Betsy:
Like, this is who I am. And, you know, most of all of life, she’s had this. And so that’s like, how? So I have been saying, when she says that, I say, like, well, who would you be if you weren’t that? What would you do if you weren’t doing that? You know? And I can see her, like, kind of thinking, and then she’s like, nothing. I wouldn’t be. Stop asking me. She doesn’t like it when I use my medicine on her. But I do think that there’s something valuable. And, you know, I think everybody that’s listening, and I.

Betsy:
And I think about this myself, too, that the. The places where we’re stuck now in our lives, whether we need ketamine or not, but who are we being? And who would we be if we didn’t have that problem? Is always a good question to ask as we kind of move through things and seek to grow and to be better.

Dr. Rothstein:
Yeah. And I’ll just. On a little bit of a not quite extreme note, I’m an emergency doctor, and I have been for 13 years, and now I’m also being known as a Ketobean physician. Right. That kind of, which is a great thing. And I. And it’s a great thing to tell people. But, you know, I think we all struggle with reinventing ourselves through a thread and, and being known as something else.

Dr. Rothstein:
So here you say that. Yeah.

Betsy:
Yeah. I love a good pivot, though. I love a good pivot. Anytime I can pivot, I love it. Well, good. This was so, so great to have you here. I appreciate you so much. And I appreciate we, y’all, we had a couple of audio issues in the beginning, but Doctor Rothstein dealt with me and my, am I fixing things.

Betsy:
So thank you. Thank you.

Dr. Rothstein:
That was my fault. I think sometimes computers are doctor proof, or at least Doctor Rothstein proof. I have Doctor Lazarus, who’s much more tech savvy than me, in the office.

Betsy:
Well, good. I’m so glad to have you here. Thank you. Thank you for being here. And I appreciate you so much. And I appreciate you as a podcaster, but also as a mother. So thank you.

Dr. Rothstein:
My pleasure. And I’m very happy to hear the improvement that we’ve seen with all of it. And also, yep, we’re Atlanta Ketamine center. And please, you guys could email us at info atlantaketamine.com anytime. And we happy to speak with any of your listeners. So thank you very much.

Betsy:
What’s the website? Give us the website and I’ll put it in the show notes, too.

Dr. Rothstein:
Yeah. Atlantacatamine.com, atlanta academy.com, atlantacademy.com. Atlanta Academy. Excuse me.

Betsy:
Yeah, and I’ll atlantaketaminecenter.com and anybody can just, you can dm me on Instagram and I’ll send it to you, too.

Dr. Rothstein:
Just Google Atlanta Ketamine center and we’ll come up.

Betsy:
Yeah. Okay, good. Thank you so much.

Dr. Rothstein:
All right.

Betsy:
All right, everybody. Thanks so much for being here. And I will see you next week.

Dr. Rothstein:
Okay?

Betsy:
Hey, thanks so much for listening to today’s show and thank you for sharing the show with your friends. I love when you guys do that. I appreciate it so much. And thank you for leaving me a review on iTunes. I know that it matters because when I go to find a podcast, I always look to see what the reviews are. So it really means a lot to me that you take a minute to, like, figure out how to even make that happen. Now, if you want to find me, find me on social media. I’m usually on Instagram starting out on TikTok.

Betsy:
It’s just my name, Betsy Paik. And that’s my website, too, betsypake.com. And you can find out all about the work that I do, having me speak for an event that you might be helping to plan or getting trained inside my alchemy institute. But to make it really easy, if you want me, just shoot me a DM. Shoot me a direct message on Instagram and I will be at your service. Thanks again for listening, and I will see you all next week.

Today Betsy talks about keeping your focus even when it appears from the outside that everything is falling apart and inspires you to believe that if your dream is still alive, it can still come true.

Transcription:

Hello, today’s episode is called eye on the prize, how shifting your focus changes how you experience your environment. It’s really interesting because I have been sitting here for an hour, like sitting here for an hour, staring at the screen. Starting stopping, erasing, starting stopping erasing starting stuff we read, I think, maybe five times. Then I went and got an English muffin, got a Red Bull. And then I came back and I stared some more. And then I got on Instagram, you know what I’m talking about, you know, those days, right. But when I was journaling this morning, that was the title I on the prize, which I find hilarious, since I could not get my eye on the prize, which was actually recording this podcast, you know, usually what I do, is I get like an idea. And then I come in here, and then I start recording, and then I just shut my eyes. And then I just talk. And today is like really interesting day is a day of completion in a lot of ways. So today, my daughter is moving into the dorms at scad. I know and maybe you’ve been through that, or maybe you’re looking forward to that. Or maybe you’ve seen a lot of friends that are moving their kids into the dorms at whatever school they’re going to and I have to tell you that that it feels it feels so I’m gonna pause for a second. Unbelievable. It feels unbelievable. And here’s, here’s what I’m going to talk about. So you know, if you listen to I think was Episode 253, my daughter was on. So you may have heard her story, she wanted to come on and tell her story. She suffered with extreme anxiety and depression all through high school, junior high, it started high school, to the point where she couldn’t attend school. And we did a lot of things, you can listen to that episode and hear more about it. But ever since she was a little kid, like little kids, she loved to draw. And she was amazing. I remember like seven or eight years old, she would draw stuff and I would hang it in my office like in my cube when I worked. And people would ask me, oh, did your daughter color that. And I was like, it’s not a coloring page. She drew it. And then she colored it. And they would be like, what? And then like she was seven years old, you know, like little her whole life. She wanted to go to scad scad is the Savannah College of Art and Design. And we live in Atlanta. There’s an Atlanta campus, there’s a Savannah campus, and there is a campus in Paris. There used to be a campus in Hong Kong, but I think that one has closed. So her whole life, that’s what she wanted. And then when she got sick, you know, I felt like that dream. I mean, she had no dreams, you know, everything fell to the side and all the things that had been important to her no longer work during that period of time. And she stopped drawing. I remember that was one of the things that made me feel the most sad. She used to draw, and then she would think they weren’t good enough. And so she would crumple them up and put them in the garbage. And I used to put it on Facebook that they were like, garbage art. The garbage art was amazing. It’s incredible. I still have a lot of it. But people would be like,

Oh my god, she threw that in the garbage.

But she was always wanting to learn and get better and so nothing else seemed good enough. I remember at Christmas time it was like she would get so many gift cards to Blix, which is on the Savannah campus. It’s like amazing art store like with I mean it’s huge, you know, with every every thing you could ever think of and I remember bringing her and one day I have a picture I need to find it for today but of her standing there with a receipt as tall as her. I mean she was probably eight or nine years old and so happy smiling. And then when she got sick, you know that kind of went away and she didn’t draw at all and I remember I knew she was getting better when she started drawing again. And so today to have her move into the dorms, feels like more. It feels more it feels bigger than what it may be on the outside. It feels incredible. Like the amount of pride that I have for her, and excitement that I have for her. I mean, I know how much fun she’s gonna have and like how amazing it’s going to be. And, you know, when she was so sick, she decided to get her GED and not go back to high school. And you know, when I grew up, school was really important. Like, we didn’t miss school for anything, you know. And my dad worked at the university. And so we talked about going to college ever since I was like three years old. You know, we were talking about when you go to college, when you go to college, when you go. And so then to have her decide to get her GED, I remember that was a stretch for me, that was me like having to, to settle into the idea that she had to do what was right for her. And it wasn’t about what was right for me. Right. It wasn’t about what my values were about things. She had to do the things that were right for her. And so she that’s what she decided, but in the back of my head, I kind of knew like, she’s never gonna go to scad you know what I mean? Because like, you got your GED, like, just just seemed like she was going to be giving that up. And I think I even mentioned that to her. And she said, No, I’m still gonna go, I’m just, I got to go somewhere else first and get really good grades. And so that’s what she did. She went to Georgia State and got amazing, like amazing grades, and then applied and was able to transfer I can’t even tell you the the amazement

that I have about it.

It’s she kept your eye on the prize. You know, all this crap went on in between. And like, Did she slipped? Did she not look at where she wanted to go? mate? Probably, there were probably times. But in the end, that vision was so clear that it ended up being a guiding light so that no matter what happened, she was always drawn back to that. It was her alignment. Right? It was her thing that like, well, I can do this, I can still do this, I can come back to this, I can still have that dream. I can still focus there. And so this morning, when I was journaling, I was like, you know, keeping our eye on the prize when everything else is happening, and big things might be happening. Things might be happening in your life, that right now, you’re like, there’s no way. There’s no way that what it is that I want is going to make it to me. And I want to offer this, this story and this idea that maybe there are times where you have to say my dream is not happening right now. And I’ll get back to it. And instead of worrying about where you are and noticing all the struggles and all of the obstacles in your way, how they might be moving you away from what you want. Instead, maybe just shelve it for a minute and say, You know what, I know somebody who knows somebody that had a lot of obstacles and was still able to make it happen. They were still able to come back to that dream and realign themselves when the time was right. I think that it’s such a powerful lesson. It’s powerful lesson for me. You know, recently I shared with one of my clients. A story about when I was at the Phoenician so about a month or so ago I went to the Venetian it’s the episode about waffle fries. If you look back two or three episodes ago, I went to the Venetian for a long weekend by myself. And at the Venetian it’s a resort in Scottsdale, Arizona and they have like multiple levels of pools and some of the pools are adult pools. And then some of them you can have kids and I was at the adult pool most of the time but the very first day I went to the pool that I thought was the adult pool but it turned out to be a kid’s pool. And as I sat there, I noticed that there was a couple on mother with her kid her son and behind me which I hadn’t realized because it wasn’t turned on when I first got to the pool because I got to the pool at like seven o’clock in the morning. Behind me there was like one of those kids pools you know, that has like the Mushroom thing, you know what I mean? It was like a whole fountain and all of that. And so the mom was there with the little boy. And he saw the kids pool and decided he wanted to go. And so his mother kind of was getting up to go with him and he started to run. He was maybe two, you know what I mean? Like little kid, in like, the swim diaper thing, you know. And I noticed that as soon as he started running, I was like, oh, careful, don’t run at the pool, they fell down. But you know, when they’re that short, you don’t have very far to fall. So they kind of get right back up and go. But what I noticed was that when he fell, he put his arms out, but he kept his eyes on the pool, he kept his eyes on the kid fountain thing. And then, like, got up and kept running

the trip in

the fall, it didn’t derail him, or even really slow him down at all. He kept his eyes where he wanted to go. And so the tripping didn’t matter. Because he was so clear

about where he wanted to go. You know, there’s that fearful part of me as a mom,

of like, I want everything to be okay, you know, and when all of goes off to college, I want everything to be okay. And I want her to know that there’s, it’s that life, it’s not going to be perfect. But then I’m like, I don’t want to put that in her head that that something’s gonna go wrong. But I felt like I needed to say, you know, sometimes it will be hard. You’ve never lived with other kids before other kids your age. And sometimes it might be hard. Just know, when that happens that that’s part of living in a dorm. And that’s part of the amazing, the amazing part of living in a dorm is getting used to so many different kinds of people. And so when it gets hard know that it’s supposed to, and that that’s actually part of the journey. And she seemed to listen to that. And she nodded. Yeah, yeah. And I want when she trips for her to keep her eyes, still on the prize, and know that that’s part of running towards what you want. Sometimes our journeys are different than what we thought they would be. And that’s because there’s things we need to learn before we get there. There’s things we need to understand before we reach the prize. And sometimes it feels like just awful, it doesn’t make sense. You know, when I look back on my daughter’s journey, like, does she have to learn all that stuff that she had to learn by going through that horrific time in her life? I don’t know. I’d like to think that there’s some greater purpose in that. That’s how I would like to experience the world, that there’s a greater purpose. And that there’s a reason, and that there’s something that she learned that she couldn’t learn any other way. And that little thing is going to help other people, it’s going to help shape her into a better version of her. You know, if we are pieces of source coming down to have this experience, then that’s an experience that she got to play out. You know, and I think sometimes when we look at our challenges, we, we and we understand that it’s part of the process. It’s part of getting to where we want to go, it’s part of like keeping our eye on that prize,

then

it becomes easier, right? It becomes part of what we’re going through it comes part of our experience. And I think that when we can shift our focus, it can start to change how we experience our environment. So a little bit shorter show today because I just wanted to come on and share that thought as I get ready to leave and move her into the dorms.

What is

the prize that you need to keep your eye on? Where have you been derailed? Where then you thought, it’s not for me and where it made you sad? Sometimes we get derailed and it’s good. We’re like, you know what, that wasn’t the way for me, and that’s okay. But if there is something that you still desire, just know that even if your present reality doesn’t look like how you thought it would on the way to that thing.

Doesn’t mean that things not coming. It just means you’re taking a route that you didn’t expect.

And when you can be like that little kid, and just keep your eye where you want to go, instead of looking down and spending too much time, debating how this happened and how you fell and how it hurt your little toes, you know, and you can just keep focused on what’s coming and how this is supposed to happen. So that you can become this fullest version of you when you get there. So I hope that that helps you think a little bit differently about what could be possible for your life.

I love you so much. Have a great week. Thanks so much for listening today. If you want to take a moment to leave us

a review on iTunes. Take a quick screenshot before you hit submit an email it over to us at support at Betsy Pake calm, and we will send you a special audio hypnosis to help you overcome a limiting belief. Thanks so much and I’ll see you next week.

In this episode, Betsy talks about when there is a lot happening in life all at once and 4 things you can do to help shift your experience of it.

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Transcription:

Hey, hello,

welcome to today’s show. Today’s show is titled, there’s a lot of life happening.

Oh,

there is a lot of life happening. You know, it’s funny. years ago, I remember I don’t know why I remember this, you know how sometimes you have like, weird memories where you’re like, I remember that so clearly. And it meant nothing. But I was driving with my daughter. And I was telling her about something that had happened at work. And she was young enough where she was like, Oh, no. And I said, Oh, no, it’s fine. It’s just life happening. And I remember that was like, one of the first times I started saying that, it’s just life happening. And here’s really what I mean by that. And you might just know what I mean by that. But sometimes, it’s not some big, terrible thing that’s happened. It’s just life. You know, it’s just like, the ups and downs of life that are happening. And sometimes it feels like there’s a lot of life happening, like just a lot of ups and downs, and ups and downs. And, like, sometimes it, it can be a little dizzy in. And the thing is, because it’s not some huge thing, although I do have one huge thing that happened, I’ll tell you. But because it’s a bunch of little things, it’s not like a big enough thing where you can say, like, I got to check out for a minute, because I have all these little things happening, like just doesn’t make sense. You know, sometimes I think when big things happen, it gives you a chance to like, pause, you know, pause your life for just a minute, even though you have to focus on the big thing that’s happening, it does give you a chance to like, catch your breath, and all the other places.

But when you just have a lot of life happening, it’s just a lot of life happening. It’s decisions and changes and new things and good things and bad things and uneasy things all happening all at one time. And that’s how I feel like the last couple of weeks have been. And in the end, it’s really, really, really good. You know, I’ve said this so many times before, but I know that we have come here to have this physical experience in order to have the ups and downs that I think we come here to have life happening. And then when life happens, we’re like,

oh my god, I

need a map and a massage. So there’s been a lot of life happening. And so I want to share with you a couple things that I do when life’s happening. I will say, over the last couple of weeks, it’s been a little bit hectic. So life has been happening. But in the middle of all that I did have something big happen. And last week, I didn’t have the show. If you’re on my email list, then you got my email about that we had a family emergency last Monday, my in laws were in a really bad car accident. And we immediately you know, dropped everything and, and drove to North Carolina it’s about 10 hours from where we live, to be with them. And to you know, to be with my mother in law was in the hospital for a little over a week, she had several surgeries, and my father in law came home. But you know, we went to the emergency room in the middle of the night one night, like there’s just a lot of things that were happening,

life.

And

my husband is still there. In fact, I have been home since Saturday, I needed to get my dog and get back to work and my daughter’s going to college. A lot of life happening. And so, um, yeah, so it’s been, like hectic and a lot of life. So, you know, it’s it’s August, September, I guess it’s September already. So September. I mean, if you’ve got kids in school, or you’ve got kids going off to college, right, or you remember when you had kids going off to school, or it’s just a busy time of the year in general, because it’s like a season change and things are changing. For so many people, schedules changing. I mean, the traffic pattern changes when school starts, you know, so all of the sudden your morning commute might be different. Like there’s just a change in the air and i think that

you know,

fall coming, it gives us this opportunity. I think every year to go all these things are happening all of this change is happening. You know, I see, I grew up in Vermont so you know, I I fall to me means like the changing of leaves. And it’s this opportunity for me to trust, to trust fully, that everything is falling away. But all is well, that everything’s falling away. And it’s meant to be, because something new will have an opportunity to come back. And so I think that when life is happening, you know, when fall is here, it gives us this opportunity to touch back,

almost like a touch point to ourselves and to what we know is true. And to say, Alright, life’s happening. But I can rely on these things. And so, when life’s happening for me, that’s what I try to do, I try to touch back use my, my, my guidance system, my centering as a touch point to be able to go back and go, okay, you know, how I see it is like, um, kick the can Did you guys play kick the can when you are young, like, it’s one of my most favorite memories is of playing kick the can of being like a little kid, it’s starting to get dark. I lived in Vermont. So summers, were always kind of cool at night. And playing kick the can and you know, you the idea if you’ve never played it is you kick the can. And then everybody runs and hides. And there is a, like a tree that is like the you got to get to the tree and touch the tree, and then you’re safe. And so there’s one person that’s trying to keep you away from the tree and to tag you, and then you are the one that’s it. So when life is happening, what is your safe tree? Like? What’s that touch point for you? For me? It is just having a moment where I can sit and center and remind myself that all the chatter going on in my head, all the things that are happening outside of me, all the life that’s going on, isn’t me. It isn’t me, the me is this, this soul, this piece of source energy that’s attached to something bigger the piece of me that wants to expand the piece of me that came here to experience all of this. And when I can remember that, then I can go Oh, well, this is happening. And this is why I’m here. Instead of resisting. Right instead of resisting it, you know, there’s the um, I teach coaches people how to be coaches. I certify you and NLP and hypnotherapy. And one of the things. One of the people that we talk about a lot is Milton Erickson, who was a great hypnotherapist, and a lot of NLP models. Milton Erickson, and there’s a great story about Milton Erickson, and he was on a farm and he was trying to help get a horse into a barn and they were pulling on the horse and the horse did not want to come. You know, you can imagine it the horse like being led and his neck sticking out, but his feet not moving. And so Milton Erickson just walked around to the back of the horse and pulled the horse’s tail. And then he just went forward. Because he wasn’t going to resist, you know, instead of resisting, he was going to use that to help move him in the place that he needed to go. I hope that that visual makes sense. But I think about that sometimes when life is happening. I’m not going to resist. I’m gonna say yeah, you know what, that’s probably true. I think there’s always things for us to learn and expand and grow on. And I know for me, this isn’t just me talking every week and not doing that work. Like like this is stuff that I actively try and remember and recall and do actively in my life. And so, when life is happening, I try to not resist it. I try to use my The, the the belief, the knowledge, the faith, that I that I am a higher piece of source energy and connect into that so that I can expand into what this moment needs from me so that I can expand into what is being called from me as all of this is happening. You know, when everything happened with my in laws, it was a bit triggering that I say triggering I’m not even sure that That’s the right word. But I’m going to use that word just for the example. But the moment of, we’ve got to go, we’ve got to hurry, the unknown is happening. And we need to go there and find out what we’re going to find out. But we don’t know what we’re going to find out. It brought me right back, you know, it brought me right back to my mom’s accident of us all getting in the car and driving to New York and not knowing

what

was going to happen. And in that moment, I knew all other things, like, you know, when you have an emergency like that every nothing else, everything else is like, That doesn’t matter. And it also makes all the other things go, okay. I don’t need that in my life. And I don’t need that. And I don’t need that. And I don’t need that. And if something isn’t making me feel good, then I’m going to create a boundary to change it.

Right?

Because when we have this clarity that comes a lot of life is happening. It gives us this clarity on what’s really important, I’m sure you’ve had that happen, where all of a sudden, you’re like this, this is what’s important. The things I’ve been worrying about aren’t so quite so important,

right.

And so when a lot of things are just happening, a lot of things in your life are going on. And I had so much life happening with this one big thing happening, right? So it was like this perfect storm. So I tried to remember to touch base to have that touch point to say, this is who I am. All of these other things, the thoughts the experiences are happening. But who I am isn’t changing who I am, is, is a is attached is part of source energy. And I can expand into whatever it is that I need to be. The second thing that I did that I think is really important. And I think this is really important, especially when you’re taking care of other people,

whether it’s an emergency or just life happening, right, you’re taking care of your kids or your grandkids or

your spouse or your people at work or whatever it is that you are, are standing for. Right, whoever, whoever is leaning on you for things when that is happening, it’s even more important for you to be able to take a minute and say like, I’m doing things for everybody else. But I’m also important, and I’m going to do something for me. And I’m going to take space for me. And I think when things get really hectic, like when life is really happening and your kids are doing a million things and you’re doing it everybody’s happening, everything’s happening, it can be hard to center back and go, I’m going to take this time for me. And sometimes I think we think of these things as like, I’m going to go get a pedicure, and that can be great, right? Like absolutely like taking that time for like self care, because maybe that’s a time where you can just take a big deep breath and relax. And I also think that can be done just by like going in your room and closing the door and shutting off your phone, and getting off of the internet for a minute. And reminding yourself, right of saying I’m going to sit here for a minute, and I’m going to just breathe. You know, I’m going to take just big deep breaths. And when I can do that, I can start to calm my nervous system. I can start to shift the way I’m actually perceiving all of the things that are happening.

So remembering that all the things that are happening, aren’t me.

And when all the things are happening, and everybody’s leaning on me, I need to also lean on me, I need to, I need to make sure that I’m sturdy enough. And I think that honestly, I know for me too. That’s like the thing that is the very first thing to go, right? Because you’re like, I don’t have time, like, like you might be thinking like, that’s great, Betsy, but I don’t have time to take 10 minutes and sit and fortify myself. And I say well, what if you did do that? What if you did take 10 minutes to do that?

What would feel different?

How would you show up differently? How could you respond in a different way? You know, I remember years ago, my daughter was starting to get sick. I was working full time and I became obsessed with Les Brown. If you’ve never heard Les Brown speak, you can go to YouTube and just go limb just,

you go in,

you call him on YouTube. Um, he’s, he’s such a passionate speaker. And he would, and that is how I would fortify myself. Because I would listen to him. And I would feel and borrow the strength of the words that he was sharing, so that I could go out and do all the things I needed to do. So for me at that time, it wasn’t sitting down and meditating, but it was listening. It was instead of being on the internet, like, you know, scrolling, it was listening to Les Brown, it was in the car instead of listening to music or listening to the news that would just make you even sadder. I, I was listening to something that was fortifying me that something was building me up that was making me think different than that was making me see how strong I could be. And you have that inherent strength in you that I believe you’re you. How do I, how am I going to say this, you might not be aware of in the moment, and especially in the moments that life is really happening. You might even have that moment where you’re like, I can’t do this. And that’s when you need to have the reminder to have something that you’re listening to that fortifies you. You know, where you say, Yeah, absolutely, I can because I know that I came here to experience this. And I know that I’m stronger than this. And I know that this is a moment. And that maybe in six months, this I won’t even remember this moment. You know, my daughter said something to me yesterday about my grandmother, about something I had told her about when my grandmother died, something that was really hard. And when she told me I was like, Oh my god, I’d completely forgotten about that, like 1,000% completely forgotten about it. But at one point, it seemed really big. And so, you know, we hear like Time heals. I don’t know that.

I don’t,

I don’t know how much I believe that. But I do believe the time changes things. Right? The time shifts the way that you see things. And so if I can remember that, when I need to fortify myself, when there’s a lot of life happening, and I’m like, this is a lot, I can remember that time is going to go on and this is going to change the way I see this or feel about this is going to change. And when it does, I will may not even remember. And if that’s true, then what do I want to remember about this. And when I can like separate myself from that, it almost makes things feel like slow motion, where I can see the event happening, but I can be separated from it. So then the event doesn’t seem as emotionally charged as it may have, which helps me when there’s a lot of life happening. Because then I’m in control I have I have some emotional intelligence about things. And then I can make a decision about how I want to act, instead of just being triggered or acting on impulse. You know, there’s that story, I’m sure you’ve heard about somebody walking through an office. I might say this wrong, but you’ll know what, what do you mean? They’re walking through an office with a cup full of hot coffee and they get bumped? What comes out of the coffee cup? Well, coffee, because that’s what was in the cup. They had tea in the cup tea would have bumped out right? And fallen on the floor. So whatever is in us comes out in those moments, right in those moments where there’s a lot of life happening. And we just feel triggered, and then what’s ever in our cup shows itself. And then we have an opportunity to say, oh, there’s a spot where I can grow. This happens to me all the time where I’m like, oh, oh, there’s something there for me. And then every experience changes then when a lot of life is happening, it’s actually this opportunity for me to see things that I may not have seen. And that can be so powerful. And so then when a lot of life is happening, it doesn’t. It doesn’t feel as I’m dreadful or as overwhelming, because it’s a period of rapid expression and growth for me. So when I can touch back to myself and say I am experiencing this, but I am not this, I am the soul, this piece of source energy. And I’m experiencing this, I’m not my thoughts. I’m not the things that I’m, I’m just watching, right. And then I have the thing that fortifies me whether it’s breathing deep, or it’s listening to something that fortifies me in the car, or when I’m taking a shower, or I’m, I’m carving out that time alone. And then I’m remembering that time is going to go on. And I’m going to see this thing differently. And how do I want to see how do I want to see it? Because if it’s five years from now, how do I and I’ll see it in this way. Can I see it like that right now? Would that help me right now? Could that shift, Start to begin right now, instead of waiting, because in the end, what I want is to eliminate or reduce my suffering in it. And when I can see things differently, then my my suffering can change. And I can see that it’s really like this awesome period of growth and amazingness. And I can also look back and see how far I’ve come. Because it’s also in those moments where you’re like, Whoa, I reacted from a place of love. And that felt really good. And I can see how far I’ve come. So celebrate, that would be my fourth thing for you is to celebrate, celebrate the things you’re doing right, especially in those moments where you feel like everything is happening at once. Celebrate the things you do, right, because there is so so so much that you’re doing right. And I think our tendency is to look at the things that we’re doing wrong or not good enough, or where we’re falling down, or where we’re not being enough for people that might need us.

That perhaps their learning is where your learning is ending there. Right? Sometimes, I know with our kids, we think like we’ve got to, I got to be good enough for them, I’ve got to be the support for them. But maybe their karmic journey includes you not being that way, so that they have an opportunity to step up and see how powerful they are.

You know,

I think we’re all working in this co creation together. And sometimes when we can step back a little, it gives someone else a chance to step forward. And when that happens, then it gives them an opportunity to grow and to see what they can do. And this is how come when something happens, and somebody lets me down or something, you know, changes. I mean, I think about this with my ex husband, right? Like, I don’t see it as like this awful thing, I see him as being a person on his journey. And our journeys coincided. And then our journeys took separate routes.

But

you know, his, his learning could take on from where I was lapsing. That was part of his expansion. And the same for me, right? Or allowed me to learn and grow. And so all as well, despite outward appearances all as well. My love is expanding. I feel like that has been my theme over the past couple of weeks. My love is expanding, I can almost feel it like it’s a palpable thing. And maybe that’s where you are to. Maybe that’s something with the moon right now. I blame a lot of things on the moon, or give credit to a lot of things of the moon. What’s happening with this with the stars. There is so much good that’s happening even when there’s a lot of life happening. So give yourself the space to pause. Remember who you are, get that touch point. Think about how you want to feel about this later on, and how it will shift and celebrate how much you’ve really grown. And remember every day to fortify yourself, because that’s what’s gonna keep you going. If you would love to go on this journey with us. I’m going to give a little plug for my membership. Join us inside the alchemy collective so we’re open right now it’s the beginning of the month. It’s a great time to join. You know we have a monthly breathwork class in there. I did breathwork when I can came home from my in laws. And on on. I came home on Saturday and on Sunday, I mean my nerves I just felt like, I mean, I had a I actually had a really good time there. Like I was so grateful that I was able to help and serve and I loved being able to be outside so much like I really got a lot of contrast with that they live right on the water and it was beautiful. And when I got home, I still felt like my, like my nerves were exposed. You know, have you ever felt like that, like you’re like, I it wasn’t a negative experience. But my I’m definitely frazzled. And I think probably the triggering event of how it all started. And then I immediately went into like, serving mode and helping. And so I never was able to really process that. So when I came home, I did a breathwork class. And this is something we do every month inside the alchemy collective my membership, we do breathwork and it’s incredible, it is so healing and it moves that energy through you, you know, I felt that rawness because the energy needed to move, it was just stuck in my body. And I believe that if we leave that kind of crap in our body, it leads to dis ease and discomfort. And so I moved it through and it was so incredible. And so the next day I did it a breathwork class for the group. And it was so fun. And I was so grateful because they were all like, Oh my god, it was so good. It really is. So we do breath work in there. We do emotion code Body Code. If you’ve ever heard my episode on that you can look good. Just look back at the episode with Audrey Wentz. But we have Body Code coach inside the collective, we have a success coach inside the collective. So a couple times a month you can go and set goals and she’ll help you track them and hold you accountable. It’s really awesome. And then we also have where I do a workshop and an NLP coaching. So if you’ve wanted to be coached, but you don’t want to spend, you know, 1000s of dollars, this is a great option to be able to come in and be part of this community. I mean, the people in here are just really awesome. So if you head to my website, Betsy Pake calm and just scroll down you’ll see at the alchemy collective. So there’s the alchemy collective, that’s the membership. And it’s a month to month so you can join in. If it’s not for you, then you can leave and there’s no big huge investment. So I’d love to have you in there. It’s so much fun. And when there’s a lot of life happening. It’s good to be able to do it with community. So thank you so much for listening. I love you so much. Have an amazing week and I will see you next time. Thanks so much for listening today. If you want to take a moment to leave us a review on iTunes. Take a quick screenshot before you hit submit an email it over to us at support at Betsy Pake calm, and we will send you a special audio hypnosis to help you overcome a limiting belief. Thanks so much and I’ll see you next week.

Today Betsy shares some lessons from her solo trip to AZ.

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Transcript:

Hey, and welcome to today’s show. This episode is called reflection, vision and waffle fries. Okay, I just got back from my solo trip to Scottsdale, Arizona. If you listen to last week’s episode, I had planned a trip to take iosa. The trip in 10 changed. And I decided to go on a solo trip. So I was there for four days I left on Thursday came home on Sunday night late late. And it was an amazing trip. It was exactly what I needed. Have you ever had those things where you’re like, we’re like, this isn’t turning out the way that I wanted it to. And then at the end, you’re like, Whoa, that turned out better than I thought it would. So it was a really, really interesting trip, I want to tell you about it. I want to tell you about a few of the things that I became aware of that, maybe it would be helpful for you to become aware of to. So reflection vision and waffle fries. So let’s just start let’s just dive right in.

So

I had the intention of going and doing high wasco didn’t work out that way. And so before I left, I sat with myself and I asked like, what, what did I think I was going to get from that? What was it that I needed? From the iOS? SCA? What was it that what was the shifts that I was hoping for? What was the the insight that I wanted? Like how did I want to change who did I want to be when it was over. And by spending some time and really diving into what it was I really thought I realized that a lot of the things now, I will say if I did iOS get probably I would have gotten experiences and things and insights that I did not expect, right. But the things that I wrote down that I really wanted, I realized were things that I could get to on my own, you know, it was a level of clarity that I could actually reach on my own, I have a lot of tools, I can sit with myself, I can sit for extended periods of time with myself. And I can really get clear and there were a lot of things that are have been happening in my life that I didn’t really like. And I needed to to make some changes and to see things in a different way and to get clarity on what it was I really wanted. And so when I got there, I actually stayed in the way the resort if you’ve if you’ve ever heard I stayed at the Venetian if you’ve never ever been there, it’s very cool. They have like a big huge hotel, they have like these four pools that are all different levels with like beautiful cabanas, and it’s it’s really beautiful. There’s a huge golf course there and there’s lots of different restaurants. And then they also have a humungous spa that I think people come from all over, just go to the spa. And then they have like these little bungalow houses around the property. And that’s where I stayed. So I had my own outdoor little patio area and you know, room and a bathroom had a huge soaking tub. So I was able to like relax and take a bath and all of that felt really fun. So, so the the experience in itself was really beautiful. I joked inside the alchemy collective I was talking to people and I was like they calling me Mrs. Pake, which made me laugh, right. And so just a really unique experience. And so I had a lot of time to relax and to sit. And so reflection is really the main theme of the four days. And I know that, you know, I feel really lucky that I was able to go away and have a solo trip, right four days away is a real privilege. I didn’t get to go last year because the COVID the year before I went to the beach, and I did an episode on that. It was Episode 155. It was called lessons from the beach. And so being able to so I understand the value and I’ve experienced the value of being alone and being able to sit with myself. And so I appreciated all that when I got there. I decided to just sit and just see what would come up. You know, I didn’t want to direct my thoughts in any particular way. Even though I had set up an intention of what it was I really thought I was going to get This weekend and what I really wanted, and the shifts I wanted to have, but I decided I was just going to sit and just see what was coming up. And, you know, we talk a lot about meditation. And I think that is amazing. I think stepping outside and slowing down your brain is really, really important. Also, I think sitting with your thoughts, and allowing yourself to think through the things that keep coming up for you has a lot of value to and so that’s really what I tried to do. I just sat, and I just allowed the thoughts to come. And one of the biggest reoccurring thoughts that I had, was really about the horizon. And you know, you probably have goals or things that you want or dreams that you have for your life. And they are out there.

You know, they’re, they’re just beyond your grasp, you know, they’re out in the horizon. And you can see them and you can imagine them, and maybe you do all the visualization stuff. But always in the future, it’s always out there. Or maybe you’re like I was AM, where I think sometimes I go well, as soon as this thing happens. And then I can have that, you know, as soon as all of us off to school, then I can start thinking about moving as soon as this thing have, as soon as my business does, as soon as like all these different things, like putting these parameters on that something has to happen first, before I can feel the way I want to feel. And I think that that’s a really interesting thought. Because why we want anything is really because it’s how it we think it’s going to make us feel, right. That’s why we want things. That’s why we have desires, we want to see what it would be like to experience that thing. Would it be fun? Would I feel content? Would I be happy? Would I have joy? Right? That’s why we do it. And so as I was sitting there, I was realizing that I have so many things on the horizon. And really my whole life, I have been very much driven towards running for what’s on the horizon. And in a lot of ways that served me in a lot of ways that was really fun for me. The problem as I was starting to recognize it as I sat there was that when I reach it, nothing really happens. I remember years ago, when I wrote my book, start small, live big. It was right before I started the podcast. That’s where the podcast names comes from, if you don’t know. But I remember I was so into writing this book. I mean, everything about it was so into writing this book. And I remember when it came, the publisher sent me like a pre copy in the mail. And my daughter was there. And she was like, I’m gonna videotape you opening it. And I was like, Oh, yeah, that’s fun. And so she videotaped me opening it. And as soon as it was, it was open, like the second I saw the book, I just started crying. And she stopped the video. And she was like, what’s wrong? And I remember I said, I thought I was going to feel a certain way. And I don’t like I think I’ve thought I will do this thing. And then I will feel worthy and happy and excited and free and successful. And I didn’t I didn’t feel any of those things. I just felt like okay, whoop dee doo. Now, what’s next? What’s next? And I think what’s next can be a really valuable thing, when you appreciate what you’ve already done. And so maybe you’re like me, where you’re always like, what’s next? What’s next? And you’re not really pausing. And so as I was sitting there the the biggest a reoccurring thought that was coming to me was that it was time for reflection. That actually reflecting on how far I had come was was more important than what was on the horizon. Because when I could reflect on how far I would had come, I could feel all the things that I thought I was going to feel when I got to that mystical magical place in the horizon. I could feel free, I could feel successful, I could feel happy. I could feel accomplished. You know Think about everything that I went through with my daughter. And we did an episode on that if you want to just scan back just a couple months ago, but we did that episode on that about four months ago. And, you know, that was such an enormous hurdle. It was insurmountable, it was overwhelming, I didn’t know if we would even make it through.

And then when we did, I immediately dove into the next thing. I remember my husband at that time saying just rest, just just like sleep, like sleep every day for like weeks if you want to. And I was like, No, I immediately joined a coaching program, and got to work and put a ton of pressure on myself. And within just a couple months, I got so sick, I was sick for for like weeks and weeks, like really, really sick. It was pre COVID. This was long before COVID. But it made me think that memory came up for me. If like, what if I had just paused to

reflect on

the moment, and feel accomplished and successful and proud and happy, and free. All of those feelings that I think the beach house is gonna give me or whatever it is, I don’t even know if it’s the beach house anymore, you guys, but all of all of the things that I thought that was going to give me I already had in that moment, but I was so focused on the horizon. You know, I think about my business, and what I used to hope for, but he used to, like pray for, like, truly are the things that I have now. But now I don’t stop and go Hekia now I go like how can I? how can how can I be more? What else do I have to do what’s next? And I don’t want that for me, I started to see myself. And I want you to think about yourself in this. But I wanted to I started to see myself as like this other person, almost as if I was just observing myself, observing all my thoughts, I started to realize how much chatter was happening. An incredible amount of chatter. And if I was watching her, if I was watching her, and she was a friend of mine, what would I say? You know, how would I receive her and all the things that she had done and overcome and accomplished and experienced, and, you know, Ben, a friend to people, like if if I was experiencing myself as someone else I would be such a kinder person. You know, sometimes I think about the people in my community, you know, in my group, you know, in the alchemy collective, for example, in my membership, I love them, you know, if they came to me, and they said something I would see, like the goodness in them, I would try to convey that, you know, I would try to show them how far they had already come. And when I was sitting there, I was having this realization that that was a gift that I wasn’t giving to myself. And when I have this reflection back, it’s good to go for the horizon, it’s good to have new dreams and hopes and to be working towards things. I think that can give us purpose. And I think it gives us value to see where we already have come see what we have already done. And so the gift that I got, was really this gift of reflection, and understanding value and worth and success in a different way. I started to just really shift and see all of that in a different way. And in doing that, as I sat there, it started to shift the way that I saw how I how I work my business, and specifically how I how I market my business. It was interesting because I was sitting there and I was thinking, you know, if you follow me on Instagram, I have this really this this is gonna sound very inconsequential, but just bear with me. So I have this really pretty blue that I use for everything but that’s not my branding color. I had my branding colors done professionally there. What’s on my website, it’s a dark teal and a light teal and a peach and a yellow and it’s very pretty. But for whatever reason, I decided we’ll If that doesn’t, that’s not good enough. It’s not good enough. So I have to do the blue. No, I know this sounds really silly, because you’re like, well, this is the blue, good enough. Now, the blue wasn’t good enough either. I always always bugged to me. And I realized that it wasn’t about the colors at all, it was about the fact that there was no reflection, it was about the fact that I thought I had to change to be good enough. And all of a sudden, I could see the branding, I could see it in a totally different way. And if if you have never had to brand yourself, this might seem like kind of an odd thing to linger on. But it was a representation of myself, right? That I always had to be shifting a little bit, and not just being, because perhaps if I was being, I wouldn’t be good enough, because I didn’t recognize anything that I had done.

So you know, that I could see the branding in a different way, I don’t need it. That sounds a little silly, but I could see images of how it should be and what it should look like that would really reflect to go back to the colors that somebody picked out for me because I loved those. And they are good enough, because the colors don’t matter. It’s the me behind it. And it’s the you behind it. You know, the things that we think, matter so deeply, perhaps, perhaps it is a reflection that we need to adjust in ourselves. I hope that that makes sense and comes across clear. So as I sat there, and I could just see myself as if I was someone else there was this reflection. So I would ask you, as you listen to this, where are you always striving for that horizon? for the future? But are you appreciating where you’ve come? Are you appreciating like the hard things you’ve done? Are you appreciating the easy things that you’ve done in the how you’ve shown up joyfully and how you’ve been a good friend and a good partner? Like, are you appreciating yourself. And so getting that reflection allowed me to have a different vision, it allowed the horizon to actually shift. And for me to say the feelings and experiences that I want are here. You know, sometimes we, we don’t see the opportunity that’s right there in front of us. That’s one of the things I work with clients on all the time, the opportunities are all around, but we just don’t see them. And so it started to shift, that it started to shift the way I saw my vision for where I’m going and what I want to call in, and how I want to experience it when it comes and how I want to experience right now. So notice how far you’ve come. And, and the importance to be able to keep going to be suffering and moving through things and moving into a better place a different place. And that every day we’re overcoming things every day. We’re changing and growing. Like every day can be a new day, a new viewpoint on things and a new viewpoint on your life. I kept having this dream, this like vision when I was doing when I was sitting and thinking I kept having this really distinct vision of a face and it was a specific kind of face. And then I mentioned last week about Cat Cat who is the energy healer on my team, I say on my team on my spiritual team. And I get a message from her. I told her I messaged her and told her I was there and that everything was good. I told her I was having this face and she was having the same face. She said Did it look like this? And it did. And so I knew that even though we are like sitting and reflecting maybe we’re not in this deep meditation, but having that time where you are just being with yourself. You are still connected. You know we’re also connected in a in a in a higher way and an energetic way. I don’t know what the face men yet I need To think on that more, or see what else comes, I just was allowing whatever to come to come in whatever we needed to go to go. And I noticed that my energy has shifted. And I noticed the things are going, that needed to go. And things are starting to come in into my awareness, opportunities. Things are shifting. One of the best things about going away is being able to do the things that you want to do when you want to do them. So if I was at the pool, and all of a sudden, I felt like leaving, I could just get up and leave. Like I didn’t need to say, hey, do you want to leave pretty soon? You know, if I was ready for dinner, and it was 430, because I was still like, eastern time, I could just go eat. There was a little like tavern, by the golf course by the golf club that had the most amazing sweet potato waffle fries. And they had this

Maple Tahiti dip. I don’t know, it was some kind of Angel Dust in it. The the little fairies came and whipped it up for I got no, it was so good. So every time I wanted, I wouldn’t get a salad one day because I wanted to sell it. But then I wanted fries, I want them sleep table waffle fries. And so I got them. And there was something freeing about that. And I want you to just imagine because I didn’t have to worry about what anybody thought I didn’t care what the waitress thought. And she didn’t think anything. She was like, those things are so good. And so I could do what it was that I wanted to do. And it made me realize, perhaps how much I adjust and not do what I want to do. Because I’m trying to do things for other people or things that make other people happy. But I don’t actually know if those things will make them happy. I just think they will. So I alter my behavior. So that everything’s happy. But you probably do that too. Right? We think that we’re doing the right thing, I don’t even know. It made me realize how much I shift things so that I can do what I think everyone else wants. And I don’t know what everyone else wants. I think so many times we don’t say I mean, I know lots of times, I don’t sound like whatever you want, right? Because it’s easier. And in many cases, I don’t mind, I’m open to anything. But I all of a sudden I realized being decisive, would help me get what I want. Being able to say it would help me get what I want. And then that other person would have an opportunity to say I don’t want that. And then there could be a discussion. But instead there’s no discussion. And who knows where maybe we’re both doing things that the other one doesn’t even want, but we think they do. I think about this with my daughter a lot. You know, I’ll say, Well, whatever you want, you want that. I mean, I’ll do that if you want to do that. And probably neither one of us are really saying what it is we really want? And do we know what we really want? And so the waffle fries made me realize that I need to get really clear on what I really want in every instance. You know, we talked about setting intentions and how powerful that can be.

And what if

I was really intentional? What about if I was choosing the waffle fry that I wanted? at any particular junction, any decision that had to be made, I was really going inward and I was really thinking what do I really want? If I was sitting with myself? What would I choose? If I was alone? What would I choose? And then present that. And then gives the other person an opportunity to stand in their truth and say what they want. And now it can be something as little as where you go to eat or if you’re getting waffle fries. But it can be other things too. I started to wonder how many big decisions I think are being made based on what the other person wants. You know, I think about like my husband decisions that we’ve been making But is it what anybody wants? Or is it just what the we think the other person wants? I have always thought of myself as intentional and thoughtful. But I realized that there’s another level that there is a nuance to it that I was missing. And so sitting there, having the reflection, noticing the vision, starting to appreciate how far I had come. And recognizing, when I wanted waffle fries, started to give me the structure and the change the ascension that I had been seeking, noticing how connected I could be with someone like cat or any of my other friends. Notice that how connected we all are. If we just pause, right, we just get quiet with ourselves. And we start to notice the little things that are coming forward. You know, those little that image that was flashing in my mind, I don’t know what it means. But I do know it was there. And so I know that it may hold some importance. And maybe the importance was just to show me that there are lots of little signs, and there’s lots of little ways we’re connected to other people. And that I don’t have to always rely on the things I need to rely on. Maybe that connection exists, even if I’m not consciously aware of it. I shifted. I shifted this week, and I know that I will never go back to how I was. I’m unsure of exactly what it will be like moving forward. But I know that it won’t be like that.

And that wasn’t bad. But that wasn’t it.

So where in your life, is it? Not bad, but maybe it’s just not it? Where can you observe yourself and reflect and start to grow? Knowing that you’re connected to everybody want to connect and that it’s okay to have your preferences and choose something new? Because I think when we can do that, that is how we live a big life. Thanks so much for listening. I will see you next week. Thanks so much for listening today. If you want to take a moment to leave us a review on iTunes. Take a quick screenshot before you hit submit and email it over to us at support at Betsy Pake calm, and we will send you a special audio hypnosis to help you overcome a limiting belief. Thanks so much and I’ll see you next week.

In todays episode Betsy shares a personal story about a very personal decision she recently made while on the path for her spiritual expansion. Listen with an open heart, as always, take what serves you and leave the rest.

Transcription:

Welcome to The Art of Living big. I’m your host, Betsy Pake. I’m an author, a speaker, a master coach, and trainer of NLP and hypnotherapy. And I help people create lives they’re excited about over the next 30 minutes, I hope to help you redefine what could be possible for your life. Now, let’s go live big. Hi, hello. Hi, Hello fellow adventurers. Welcome to today’s show. So today is going to be one of those episodes where we just pretend that we’re friends that met up at Starbucks. And I’m going to tell you a story. It’s a different story than I thought I was going to tell. It’s, it’s, there’s still so much energy around it, I’m going to, but I also, okay, let me say it this way. So I want to tell you a story. We’re meeting up at Starbucks, I want to tell you a story. It’s so fresh, but I wanted to tell it because I know that the more that I think about it and examine it, the more that it may change, you know, as you examine things and time goes by, things start to morph and change. And I wanted it to be as close and as authentic as I could possibly get it. So I was going to do this episode anyway, about why I wanted to do Iosco, and if you don’t know what that is, I’ll explain in just a minute. And then I was going to do a second episode after I did the iOS guy. And then I was going to share them both after I returned so that I was sure that I wanted to share everything, you know, I’m gonna share it, I’ve been doing this show for almost five years. And so when I’m going through my life, I always am paying attention. I like to think that I’m always paying attention and, and, and getting lessons from like, the ordinary things. And those are the kinds of things I think are really good to share. And so in some ways, I think I’ve trained myself to see the world in through a filter of, like, how could this help other people? or How could I best share this. And I also think that that’s just sort of who I am. That I’ve always been like that. And I always I always have tried to connect with people by opening. And in doing so. I think I’ve always hoped it would help them open up to so this episode’s a little different maybe for me, because it sounds um maybe there’s a lesson in here for you. And maybe there isn’t, maybe it’s just gonna be like a really interesting story. Maybe it will help you expand what you think reality really is. Maybe that’s it. So if you’ve never heard of I Alaska, I’m not gonna do a whole lesson on Iosco, you can google but I’ll give you the basic rundown. And maybe that’s like, maybe that is also my lack of fully understanding. And the the depth of my understanding was okay for me. But I’m not totally sure I could explain exactly, all the pieces. I’ve watched a million documentaries, I’ve watched a million YouTube videos, I’ve gone down every rabbit hole, about iosa. So I Alaska is plant medicine. It is a psychedelic and it is done in a traditional ceremony, typically, in the jungle. And it comes from a vine to vines that they brew together to make like a tea. And you drink the tea. And it allows you to expand your consciousness and heal things that need to be healed and release things that need to be released. It is done not as a recreational journey. But it is done as an ascension. You know, it’s done as a way to expand your consciousness and change how you see the world. It allows you to heal things that maybe you’ve tried to heal on your own for a long, long time. And it allows you to see things that may be holding you back. And so this has been something over the last. I don’t know maybe five years or so that I’ve been aware of and have wanted to do. Maybe last year maybe right before COVID My husband and I watched a documentary about it and really had a lot of discussions about going to Costa Rica and I’m having this experience. And so recently when a friend came to me and said that she had done iOS SCA, and that the shaman that she was doing had done it with was opening up more spots in August. And she asked if I wanted to be introduced to her so that I could do and have one of the spots. I thought about it for a couple of weeks and then decided that I that, that it seemed aligned, you know that it seemed like maybe this was the right time and this fell in my lap in such a way that I should do it. And so I signed up, and I was to leave this week. Now, if you guys listened to one of my earlier episodes with Kat, she is one of the healers sort of in my on my team. She does some really amazing work. And in my work with Kat and let me look and see what episode Alright, so it’s Episode 237 if you want to check that out. Cat is an intuitive resolutions expert and I worked with cat, she does something with your energetic field basically, to keep it simple. You can listen to that episode if you want to know more. But around the time that I made the decision to do this, the Iosco journey I was working with cat and we were we were sort of just finishing up like a six month worth of work together. And in our work together. I guess the best way to explain it is that she was helping me to open up like my portal and clean out my portal. And so when I told her I was going to do the Iosco, you know, she she was a little I could feel a little concern in her. She also was open to whatever experiences I had decided that I wanted to have and really just wanted to be a support for me, I think as a healer and also as a friend, you know, so. So, when we were finishing up our work together, you know, the way that cat explains Iosco to me is that there is a spirit in the vines. And if you’ve heard of Iosco, you may have heard of people call it like mother Iosco and the spirit is what calls you to it. And so when you drink the tea, it is really bringing the spirit inviting the spirit into you to do the work or to help you do the work that needs to be done. And so cats I wasn’t gonna say concerns, but her expressions to me were that, you know, this is a spirit that you’re calling in, and you’re allowing into this portal that we’ve spent a lot of time cleaning up. And so you just have to make sure you’re really comfortable with that. And if I’m being honest with myself, I wasn’t 1,000% comfortable. I’m not like a recreational drug user of any sort at all. I rarely even drink alcohol. It’s not my thing. I’ve never been a marijuana smoker or anything like that. Like, that’s just not my thing. So this was really outside my comfort zone. And I think I chalked it up to that, like my hesitation, I think I chalked up to the fact that I’m pretty conservative when it comes to that stuff. And so this felt so out of out of not what was normal for me. And so it wasn’t that I was had a concern about the iOS guy, it was that it was outside of the identity that I’ve had my whole life of being someone who who doesn’t do that. I very much like to be present and clear. And I have the belief that alcohol and marijuana and honestly fried food and sugar even though I do partake in those things that they cloud that connection to source. So for the most part, I like to remain really open you know, so so Kat explained to me kind of how she felt about it and and since that time, it’s been maybe a month since she and I had that conversation. Now I’m supposed to leave next week to go and I’ve been having so at that time she told me that she felt like They, that the Spirit was already visiting me, you know that the spirit of mother Iosco was already here? And she was like, they know you’re coming and it’s already here. And, you know, your portals really open and, and the mother Iosco is just wait like waiting and knows and is doing, you know, some some work. So, the past few weeks, I have had really crazy dreams, like very intense, very vivid dreams. And honestly, during the day, I haven’t felt very good. I’m not really one that gets anxious. But me and I have felt so anxious. And I don’t know, I just thought maybe, maybe I need to stop drinking coffee again. Remember when I gave up coffee, and then I started just about a year ago. Maybe I need to do that. Like maybe it’s something else. And anyway, over these last few weeks as well, I haven’t felt my dog Miley. If you guys are new here, my dog Miley died about almost four months ago. But I have felt her you know, I’ve talked about it on the show. I’ve talked to her I, I feel her go on walks with me and Henry, my husband’s dog. And I’ve just felt so connected to her. But over these past few weeks, I really haven’t. Like I keep saying like, what I don’t know where she is. And a few nights ago, I said out loud, like Miley, where are you? Like I cried about it. Like, I used to feel you so strongly. And now I don’t. And that feels so strange to me, because I’ve really developed sort of a new relationship with her. Now that she’s transitioned, and now that she’s been gone, and gosh, it was really bothering me. And so yesterday morning, when I wrote out in my journal, the three things I was going to do today, and then the three things that I asked from the universe, one of the things that I asked was to show me evidence that Miley was still around. I just hadn’t felt that and weeks. Anyway, I wrote it down in the morning, and didn’t think about it again. And in the afternoon, around four o’clock. My daughter called and she said, I had it. I just took a nap. And I woke up. And Miley was licking my face. And she said it felt it so strongly. And she said I actually fell back asleep. And she woke me up again. And then I kind of drifted back to sleep. And she woke me up again. And she was like kind of urgently looking my face. And she’s like, Mom, it was so real. It was so real. And she was had like glowy light around her. And I thought oh my god, I said that’s so cool. Because I asked for evidence. So what I asked for today, and my evidence came through her. And she kind of had a look on her face. And she said she told me to tell you something. Now, before I go any further, I’ll tell you my daughter’s 19. She’s in college. I told her that I was going to this, but I she doesn’t know what I Alaska is. She’s not familiar with it. She doesn’t understand, like, what I was going to do any of that. Okay, so it would be as if a stranger on the street told me this in terms of this discussion. Okay. So I said, Well, what did she say? You know, I was kind of laughing about it. I was like, This is so fun. What did she say? And she said, she said that she’s trying to get to you, but she can’t because of the Giants. Now, I didn’t know at the time that she was telling me this. The many times when people are doing Iosco they say that they see giants. And so I was like the giants, and I said Did she seem scared? And all I said no, she wasn’t really scared, but she couldn’t get to them. And she said, and then she sat next to me and she showed me and so that now this point, I’m getting a little concerned, right? All it doesn’t know what she’s saying. I am getting a bad feeling. And so I said, Well, what did she show you? And she said it was these giant vine people. And they were, they were about a mile away. But they were so big that only about two or three of them took up my entire vision and all I could see was like their feet. When she said they were covered like in kudzu like, like these giant kudzu vine people. Now at this point, I know exactly what it is. And I’m getting a little emotional about it. And honestly, a little concerned because anything that’s good would allow what I love to be with me. And if Miley can’t be with me, then there’s something wrong. And so I said, How come I can’t get in? Are they not letting her in? And she said, No, it feels like their feet are so close together that they’re blocking her. Now, the word blocking her concerned me also. So we got off the phone. And man, I mean, I just, I just really my intuition I have, you know, I preach this over and over and over again, listen to your intuition. Listen to your intuition. It doesn’t matter that you paid for it, it doesn’t matter, you paid for the trip, it doesn’t matter. You had to prepay for your rental car doesn’t matter. None of that matters. Because I’m going to, I’m going to listen to my intuition every time. That’s my promise that I’ve made to myself and I. And I want to do that. And at the same time, I was so looking forward to this, that I was like, how could this not be right? But something hasn’t felt right. I chalked it up to something else. I chalked it up to me just not that just not being a normal thing for me, right. And so I grabbed my Oracle cards, if you are familiar with my Oracle cards that I have made, so I started just shuffling What do I need to know about this? And when I say one popped out of the deck violently, I mean, I mean, I’ve never had one pop out of the deck like that violently as soon as I started shuffling. And the card that I got was, it’s time for you to release this and create something new. So at this point, I’m like, okay, like there’s something. There’s something here it’s time for me to release this, this idea. And honestly, I started thinking like, what are the what are the reasons why I wanted to do this, there was an ascension that I thought I needed to do this in order to get. And the thing that I know about Iosco is that it’s not the divine doing the healing, it’s you doing the healing. And basically, the vine is showing you what you need to see that you haven’t seen. And I know that there’s a lot of Ascension that I can still do without that. Right. I know. I know how there’s power within us. You know, Dr. Joe dispenza, talks about doing the breathing so that our pituitary gland is expressed, and we can have these experiences without without going to Iosco or other methods. So, I reached out to cat, you know, she’s on my spiritual team. And I reached out. And she was very concerned, you know, she’s like, Betsy, you have to really look at this. And she said, we spent a lot of time opening, cleaning things up. And you are inviting this in and we don’t know the source. We don’t know where this vine came from. We don’t know, the source of it. But anything that’s blocking something that you love isn’t doesn’t feel like the right thing to do. And, you know, as I kept thinking about it, and I kept kind of contemplating it, I was like, you know, you have that experience. And then you’re like, What is it? What am I making this is this in my head. And my husband was to go with me, he wasn’t going to do it, but he was going to just be there with me and drop me off. And then he messaged me and said that something had happened at work, and he couldn’t go being blocked. That’s how it felt to me. And I thought, this isn’t the right thing. And I wanted to share that story. Because I think sometimes we get on a path, we’re moving quickly towards something, we’ve made a decision. And we don’t want to make a different decision. We’ve paid money or we don’t want to seem like we’re flaky, or we don’t want to disappoint people or whatever. But listening, listening in I mean, I for Miley doing her best to get this message to me. Right, I can’t get in. I asked my daughter later, I did some things that the cat had told me to do to start to clear the space. And I’ll tell you when I said I’m not going to do this. I out loud, there was three different times where I said it out loud, that my whole entire body got covered with chills, like from the tip of my top of my head to the tips of my fingers, like everything about my body was like it felt like it felt right. And it felt like something. wasn’t happy about it. But not in like a good way. Now, I don’t know if that was in my head. You know, I don’t know, I don’t care. I just know that sometimes. We have to abandon everything else to listen and to ourselves. You know, sometimes we have to say like, I know, I said I was going to do this thing. And I want to be a woman in my word. And I’m changing my mind. And I thought about how am I going to let them know that I’m not coming? Right? I don’t care about a refund or anything like that. But I thought, and I’m not going to try and Please someone else. I don’t think they care. Right? But I’m not going to try to please someone else and abandon what I am feeling. And I think we I think we have this incredible guidance system that has been dismissed. I know when I was growing up, you’re too emotional. It aired that all the time. I was like, Oh, my God, I know. I know. And what if I’m not? Like, what if I’m exactly right, emotional, and that if I listen into that emotion, it helps guide me. It helps me make decisions. It helps me like separate the wheat from the chaff right where I go. Okay. I can see clearly even though there’s all these other circumstances and stories around it, stories around it, right. So I’m curious of what that little voice is saying to you. What’s that voice trying to communicate with you but but maybe you’re rationalizing or pushing it down? Or saying I can’t deal with that yet. Even if you just acknowledge it. Even if you just go I can see you I hear you. I know what you’re trying to communicate with me? Then I’m aware. I’m gonna think about it. But I’m aware, because I believe that the more that we ignore the guidance system, the more we push it down, the more we say, Oh, that’s just me making it up. The the harder it is. And I was ignoring it. Right. I knew something. But I, I think I thought it was just I think I thought it was something different than it was. And it took the clarity of my daughter to bring it into my, to my awareness, right? So we can, we can notice other things around us, we can take guidance like that we can go That’s me, when you tell me that thing. It makes me feel something. And maybe I wasn’t listening to myself before. But this is new, and I’m going to listen to this. Right? Maybe there’s something that you know, what you have been avoiding. And then you watch a movie, and it makes you feel it. And you go, that that’s the thing. It doesn’t matter if it’s something outside of you that’s reflecting in that’s giving you the guidance, right? We always have that system, that feedback loop that’s giving us direction on which way to go. And so what am I going to do now cuz I’ve, I’ve got a trip, time trip planned, right? So I’m going to go and I’m going to get the ascension that I needed without going to the Iosco ceremony, I’m going to meditate and connect with myself and ask myself the questions and relax and shut out the world. So that I can still get what I need. And maybe what I needed was that maybe I didn’t need the the ceremony like I thought I did, but maybe I had to go through that path in order to actually book the hotel. Stay at the resort, you know, leave for a little while and reconnect. And maybe my husband had to not go so that I could go on my own. And that everything really is divine timing and divine planning and and coming together when we just start to allow it. Right, I felt a nudge to do it. And then I felt an urge not to and what was left in the aftermath of that was perhaps exactly what I need. So I’ll let you know next week how it all turns out what I experienced on my own, and maybe some shifts that happen that maybe are really fun and totally better than I ever could have imagined. So this week, listen in. Notice how you’re feeling. Ask yourself some big hard questions and see what comes up and then notice what’s reflected back to you in the world. You know, this is how we grow and shift and heal. And we don’t need iOS good to do it. All right, I love you all so much. If you want to keep doing this work, come and join us inside the alchemy collective you can find the link on my website. And if you’re interested in helping others becoming a coach yourself, I am starting a new cohort inside the alchemy Institute training you to be a coach everything you’d need to know so you can find that on my website Betsy Pake calm as well. I will see you all next week. Thank you so much for being here and for listening to today’s episode. If you liked it and got something out of it, please be sure to share with me by leaving a review over on iTunes. And if you’re not following on social media, I am everywhere at Betsy Pake but most of the time over on Instagram, so follow and comment on my latest post so that we can connect there. I’ll see you next week. And until then, keep living big

Today Betsy reads from her deep streaming to share a message about the world, coming back to yourself and upleveling your vibration to a higher place.

transcript:

Welcome to The Art of Living big. I’m your host, Betsy Pake. I’m an author, a speaker, a master coach and trainer of NLP and hypnotherapy. And I help people create lives. They’re excited about over the next 30 minutes, I hope to help you redefine what could be possible for your life. Now, let’s go live big. Hello fellow adventurers. Welcome to today’s show. So I was sitting this morning, drinking my coffee, doing my deep streaming, just listening, you know, for messages and things I needed to hear. And I actually asked like, what am I doing the show on? I had written down so many notes over the last week of like ideas or things I could talk about. I mean, there’s a million things right that we can talk about. And sometimes like that, when I look at that list, I feel like super uninspired. You know, I was inspired at the moment that I wrote it down. And so I just asked, and so I’m going to talk about what came up when I asked. Yeah, so I’m going to kind of read to you what I got, and then I’m going to explain it the best that I can explain it. I think that might be the way to do it. All right. Before we get going, this podcast is sponsored by the alchemy, collective membership. If you haven’t looked at our membership, go to my website Betsy Pake comm slash alchemy collective. So the alchemy collective is my monthly membership where we have NLP coaching, breathwork classes, success coaching, emotion code, Body Code work, it is a combination of science and spirit and communities. So if you’re into that, check out, check out the collective and become part of it. It’s the best people ever. It’s really awesome. It’s really an awesome container for growth. So anyway, that that is my sponsorship for this episode. Okay. Alright, so here’s what I asked, and here’s what I got. asked, What do I need to talk about on the show today? And I’m going to go, it’s long what I got, but I’m going to just go through each piece. Okay. So talk about the desire to meet the world where it’s at, that, you know, you can’t change everything, but you can change you. And that is what is most important. You know, there’s a lot going on in the world. And I know sometimes for me, when I look out on it, it feels really heavy and, and sort of awful. I saw something recently online where someone was like, is this hell? Like? Are we in the, in the hell with everything happening? You know, there’s feels like so much chaos to me, when I look at things online later, so much division. And I feel like that division started. Well, it’s been happening forever that division, but it feels like it really started heating up. You know, we’ll probably with the presidential election, but even more so with COVID. And there’s the one side and the other side and, and like people just not coming together. And I know sometimes for me, I think like, how do I breathe in that? Like how do I? How do I so many of the choices and decisions are not clear cut, things aren’t just right or wrong black and white, you know, there is gray area in all of the things that we are debating these days. And when there is that gray area, it can be harder to articulate why you feel the way you do. And so much of the work that I do, is talking about the unconscious mind. And our unconscious mind is what holds our values. And our beliefs. And these values are deep seated. They are formed and created when we were very young, and they’re adapted from people that we respected and cared about. And we may not even be aware of them. In fact, I would say most of the time, we’re not aware of them. And many times people are aware of values that they consciously want to have. But when we look at behavior, because that’s where we calibrate. When we look at behavior, that is not where their values are, even though consciously they want that to be their value. And so as we’re going through all of these things in the world right now, we have a feeling for what is the right side, we might be in the gray, we might be able to see some of that but we go I don’t I can’t fully articulate Maybe you can articulate a lot of things that make your side the right side. But I would argue that it comes from deep seated values that are there that you may not even be aware of. And so when you look out at the world, and you, and you talk about the desire to meet the world where it’s at, you can only change you. And so if you think about, well, what would you like to see in the world? You know, I’m so constricted, I see the other side. And I think that they’re so wrong. And I just wish that they would come to the right side, right? Well, if you want them to come to the right side, then that would require that they be open, that they’d be open to hearing another viewpoint that they be aware consciously of the values and beliefs that they hold, that’s keeping them in that place, or brought them to that place in the first place. And so that is the work for us. Because we can’t change anything but ourselves. So if that is what we would want in someone else, if that’s what we think someone else would need, then that’s what we need to do within ourselves. Now, you might be like, well, I don’t have to do it, because I’m on the right side. And I would just argue that being on the right side, if if it is true, that you’re on the right side, then there is no harm at all, in opening up and seeking to understand deeply what the other side feels and thinks and sees and hears in their experience. And when you can do that. It’s almost as if you are creating this little like silvery thread, you know, that attaches to the other side. And when you can create that attachment, it can almost act like an energetic bridge between the two. Now, if everybody on the right side, did that, and created an energetic bridge for air quotes, right, wrong side? Don’t you think that there would begin to be different conversations? Don’t you think that if the right side began deeply understanding the wrong side, the the topics would change, the compassion would change, the tone would change, the whole pitch of the conversation could change. And so maybe it’s not about getting the wrong side to think like the right side, it’s about getting the right side to deeply understand the wrong side. And so the message that I got was that, you know, you can’t change everything, but you can change you. And that is what is important. The next part of the message was you could talk about how your experience molds, your vision, and how it’s important to keep open for sights and sounds that align with your spirit. Always fleeting is the path without the awareness. And so I think that as we begin to mold this vision, right, as we begin to experience the world, it’s really important to notice the little pieces that grab our attention. You know, those are the little pieces that our soul wants to linger on. In the morning, I read a list of things that I appreciate, but it’s a little bit of a different list. It’s not just a general gratitude list. I actually try to remember the moments in the morning, yeah, walk my dog in the morning, and then I do it. I try to remember the points in the morning. And then I do it again at night where my soul lingered. You know, where I took an extra long look at a dog in the lobby, or I noticed a car that was going by or I said hi to somebody that I felt a connection with. I try and remember and notice the pieces of the world that break my heart. I I write down things that I noticed online or people whose names or pictures grabbed my attention or a thought that I just lingered on. And so it’s important to keep open for these sights and sounds that are aligning with our spirit because there’s a path in there, and it may seem as though it is inconsequential. Who cares if you noticed Dog in the lobby. But all of that does matter. Because my belief, and again, this is a buffet, believe what you want take my thoughts or ideas to heart and linger on them and see if it aligns with your vision. But my belief is that each little thing we experience impacts us. It’s almost like the image is almost like a bumper cars, like I could just go straight on the in a bumper car. But every time I something grabs my attention, it nudges me just a little bit, just a little bit to the right, just a little bit to the left. And that changes the trajectory of my path. And so it’s important that I notice the bumps and nudges that I enjoy. Because that, as we know, where we focus is where we go. And so if I’m noticing those little things that I enjoy, then I would be drawn towards more and more things that I enjoy bigger things, things that maybe feel like they have more consequences. And so noticing your experience, and being open for those sights and sounds that are aligning to your spirit. Because always fleeting is the path without the awareness, you may have a path laid out, that could be the most joyful path you could ever imagine. But that path will be fleeting, if you’re not aware of where it is that you really want to go. So the next little part, I said, you could say that they are deep, and the captain of their soul. And if they have erroneously given the power to someone else, it’s time to take it back. That you are deep, you have great depth, I think if you’re here you have great depth, and you are the captain of your soul. And perhaps you have given that power away, perhaps you’ve given it to someone from your past that isn’t even around anymore. Perhaps you’ve given that to someone in your life now, or your boss or your job or your spouse, perhaps you have given away your power. And maybe there’s a part of you that, you know, pauses in the evening and pulls that part of you out of your back pocket and takes a look and says, Wow, I wonder where she is. I miss her. But the truth is, is that you can never truly give it away because you are the captain. So you can just choose to take it back. You can just choose to forgive yourself, you can just choose to make a different choice. And every single moment is that different choice. Every single moment when you notice it’s the bumper car, right? nudging you back onto the path where you feel most alignment, the path where you’re supposed to be. And so then it said, Tell them three ways that they can do that. Here are the ways. So number one was express themselves. That’s right, tell people what they really want and how they feel. So express yourself, tell people in your life what it is you really want. You know, it may seem like it doesn’t matter, but it does, because those little tiny nudges matter. It may be that you start out really simply and just expressing yourself over things that maybe other people don’t think matter as much. And that might feel easier in the beginning. You know, maybe it’s a little, maybe a little bit of a jump is to express what you want, like for dinner instead of asking everybody else and then saying Well, I don’t I don’t care, I’ll eat anything. Even if you think you don’t care and you woody anything. Maybe that’s where you begin. You know, maybe you begin with something very small. Maybe every morning, you just stay out loud in an empty room. How you feel as you begin to grow and get honest with yourself about how you really feel and how you’re experiencing the world. And then maybe you build up to where you’re you’re sharing more and you’re telling more and that you are expressing yourself so that you’re not leaving things out to just be bumped around by bumper cars that you’re not choosing That expressing yourself and telling people what you really want. And how you really feel is really important in you being able to be that captain of your soul. And then number two that I got was show up as you show up as the most authentic version of you, in every circumstance is interesting, because I noticed this in myself recently, I don’t put bumper stickers on my car. This is a conversation I’ve had with my daughter over and over again, my car’s pretty small on the back window is pretty small, because it’s a ragtop. So I don’t put bumper stickers, and I don’t especially like clutter. This is just me, my daughter likes bumper stickers, and which wants them all over her cards. Totally fine. I like it for her. But for me, I just don’t like that. But I do get stickers, and I put them on my iPad cover, I have like a keyboard cover. And over the years, that cover has become covered in stickers. You know, when my daughter got accepted to scad, I immediately bought one that said scad Mom, you know, I have one that I almost thought I would put on my car. But I didn’t. And it’s just little white words to say, I hope something good happens to you today. And I have it on my iPad so that if the keyboard is open, and I’m using it and I’m like at Starbucks, people would read that. I also have a little one from LA and an LGBTQ one. There’s a lot of different stickers on there. And recently, I was out at the doctor. And as I was sitting in the doctor’s office, I realized using my iPad, I realized everybody could see my stickers. And it sort of made me embarrassed. Like I’m 50 years old, I have an iPad covered in stickers. And I thought to myself, this is the most authentic version of me, this feels fun. To me. I like getting the stickers. And I like when I get a new sticker. And sometimes I’ve had people give me stickers, and I put it on there. And that feels really fun. So showing up as you showing up as the most authentic version of you in every circumstance. You know, sitting there in that doctor’s office, I thought to myself, if I was a professional and I was at an office, this would seem sort of juvenile, like, why did I do this? And then I thought, what if? What if it’s totally fine? What if this is just me being me? And you know what? I’m a little quirky. And a little. I said yesterday, I was talking to a girlfriend and I said something about weird. And she said You call yourself weird a lot. And she said I think you’re cool. I think we’re cool. And I thought I really like that, you know, like the reframing of it. So what have you reframed what you think you have to hide? What if you tried to just show up as you and that was really cool. Okay, and number three, I got, relax, don’t be so uptight about situations. Know that it’s just a moment and moments can shift quickly into something else. That last point is also important because it signifies that results you can have, if unsavory have the opportunity to shift over and over again, things change much more quickly than you think they will use this to your advantage, believe it so that you can see it. And if you are in a happy place, expect it to only get better expect this to be your new normal. expect that to be your launching pad. And your launching pad has just changed and allow the level up to be permanent. So there’s a lot in there. Relax. You know, sometimes we get so uptight about situations thinking that this matters so deeply to the course of our life. When I look back over the past, you know, 510 years. When I look back in my journaling app, I journal in an app called day one and I can look on the day and see all the other times that I’ve written in this day. And sometimes when I go back I’m like I don’t even remember that happening. At the time, it was important enough for me to journal about it. But in the end, it was inconsequential to my life. What if I, what if I had just relaxed, right? not been so uptight about things? You know, I talk a lot about going to the beach moving to the beach, if you’ve been here for any amount of time, then you’ve heard me talk about that. And I think that my, my desire to go to the beach, maybe less about the outside, and more about the inside. And more, it may be more about not being so uptight about situations, you know, just being like, it’s cool. We’re at the beach, I always say you can never have a bad day at the beach. Even if it’s raining, it’s a great day, because you’re at the beach. And what if that was an internal state? What if I just never was too uptight about situations because I knew that it’s just a moment, and that moments can shift quickly into something else? And what if I just expected that? So if the moment came, and it wasn’t the most savory experience, I would just go, You know what? This is going to change so quickly. And then when it did change, I just celebrated that. Instead of lingering, lingering on the unsavory, noticing it, examining it? What if I just relaxed and I wasn’t so uptight. And I think that’s important, right? Because if results can change really quickly, more quickly than we think they will, then all we have to do is just get excited about the change that’s coming. And if we’re already in a good place, we can get excited about the uplevel that’s coming. You know, instead of fearing that it’s going to go back. I heard somebody say something recently about, you know, if you’re in an unhappy time, just know things will change. And if you’re in a happy time, be grateful, because things are gonna change. And that felt bad to me. I was like, I don’t want to be grateful, because things are going to get worse pretty soon. I want that to be my new normal. What if? What if your greatest moment today became your baseline for tomorrow? Why not? Honestly, what created the baseline you have now? If things can change, really quickly, then why don’t I just create this new up level as my baseline where I lift off from tomorrow, there’s no reason that I have to go back because I can just relax. Right? I can just relax and show up as me. And I can tell people what it is that I want, and what I need from them. And then I just focus where I want to be not worrying too much. If something shows up that is unwanted. It’s just there to redirect me to the wanted. expect things to only get better expect that this is your new normal. expect that your launching pad has changed and allow the up level to be permanent. I feel like there was a lot to think about there. I don’t know what about you? What’s your desire? And where do you want to meet the world? How do you want to view them and us? How do you want to experience change? Where do you want to focus? What’s the result? And how do you want to feel when your head hits the pillow at the end of the day? And even bigger? How do you want to feel at the end of your life? You know, how do you want to experience and say this is what happened in my life. I spent a lot of time focusing on things I couldn’t change. Or do you want to look back and feel like I always was searching for the better that I knew was coming. I always felt hopeful. Now we’re gonna have moments, right? Nobody’s perfect. We all have moments. I’ve had moments this past week. I’ve had some low moments. I’m like, I gotta get out of this apartment. I gotta get outside. Even though the beaches and out there I got to like make myself happy where I am. So that when the next thing comes, I can be happy there too. So it’s normal. But it’s also within our awareness, if it’s in within our awareness, it’s within our choice to make a new decision to make a new change and to see things differently. I can mold my own vision, right. And if I’m open to the sights and the sounds that align with my spirit, then I can create whatever it is that I want. And I can create an experience that’s, that’s way more robust, you know, way more fun. And that’s what I really want, I really want to have, I want to have some more fun. I don’t want to feel the heaviness and the weight of the world and the things that are happening. I want to work towards opening up that gate and creating that silvery thread that energy bridge that starts to bring the world together. So if you want to join me, and you want to dive in deeper, you can come into the alchemy collective mean, just go to my website and find it there. But we are doing that work together, focused on building those bridges, getting connected to ourselves healing. Really, really good work. And wherever you do that work, I think it’s important. So thank you so much for listening. Please share this episode if you felt like it called to you and maybe it could help someone else. You know, sharing. I love it when my friends send me You gotta listen to this podcast. You know, I think that’s how we start to expand how the world thinks. So thank you for being here. I love you so much. I’ll see you next week. Thank you so much for being here and for listening to today’s episode. If you liked it and got something out of it, please be sure to share with me by leaving a review over on iTunes. And if you’re not following on social media, I am everywhere at Betsy Pake but most of the time over on Instagram, so follow and comment on my latest post so that we can connect there. I will see you next week. And until then, keep living big

Betsy talks about her trip to MN, land of 10,000 lakes and what she learned from watching chickens.

Today Betsy talks about last weeks episode and what to do if you don’t know what you want!

Transcription:

Welcome to The Art of Living big. I’m your host, Betsy Pake. I’m an author, a speaker, a master coach, and trainer of NLP and hypnotherapy. And I help people create lives they’re excited about over the next 30 minutes, I hope to help you redefine what could be possible for your life. Now, let’s go live big. Hello, welcome to the show. Hello fellow adventurers, welcome to The Art of Living big if you’re new here, thank you, thank you for being here. And if you’ve been here for a little while, thank you for sharing the show with your friends. I really appreciate it. Because you know, I’m like, sitting here, recording every week. And to know that you liked it so much that you told somebody that you care about is it’s pretty awesome. So thank you. Thank you for that. A lot of people shared last week’s show. And the reason that I know that is because I got quite a few messages. And I want to talk today about the message that I got. And why I think it’s a really, really good distinction. And even if when I tell you look, the messages that I got, even if you’re like, Oh, that’s not me, Listen anyway, because there’s gonna be like a little something in there for you. I can feel it. So this week, I’m recording the podcast a couple days early, because I am going to visit a girlfriend in Minnesota. So I’m leaving tomorrow on Wednesday, and I will just spend a couple days at the lake with her and with her parents, and I’m so excited. I’m so excited to just like have, like, some girl time, you know, it’s funny to me, because since I moved to Atlanta, it’s not like I moved very far right? I lived outside Atlanta. And then in December, I moved into Atlanta. But it is far enough that you don’t just meet up and honestly, I don’t. After I sold the gym, I’m not sure I really was meeting up with anybody anyway, because it just wasn’t where I needed to be. So it’s really, really fun for me, which leads me into today’s show, like it feels fun. And sometimes we can be unsure. A couple different things happen. But we can be unsure about what feels fun. So here’s the here’s the message that I got from quite a few people direct message on Instagram, replying to my text messages. If you’re, if you’re not on my text list, a couple days a week, I send out a message from my deep streaming and you can get on there, it’s free, you can just text me, if you just text like whoa, 770-343-3409 you’ll get on that list. Anyway, I got messages, I can get messages back through that service. And I got some messages back. Okay, so here’s what the here’s what the gist of the message is. Last week, I did an episode about what is the drum that you’re beating? It was episode number 260. What is the drum that you’re beating? And it was really about? Where is your focus? You know, whatever you’re focused on for a lot of different reasons, both brain reasons, and I think energetic reasons. Whatever we’re focused on is what we’re seeing more of and it becomes our reality. So then we go, Yeah, but that is real. I know, I think my boss is a jerk, but it is real, because he is our I know, my husband is, you know, annoying, because he is like, no, like I see it. And that’s how I know it’s true. And what I want to challenge and what I talked about last week was I want to challenge that it’s not because you see it that it becomes true, it’s becomes true, because you see it, and you see it because you’re searching for it. And whether or not you want it is irrelevant. And so wherever you’re placing your focus is what’s going to expand, they call it the law of attraction, right? Whatever I’m looking at is going to expand. And I think that the problem, the error that we make, and I make it too, is that when something happens that we don’t like, instead of using that as a tool to refine what we do want, we instead use it as a chew toy and just think about it and ruminate on it and discuss it with our friends and it becomes this really big thing. And then all of a sudden, everywhere we go we see it, right. You know, like when you go to buy a car, and you’re like, I never see that car. I’m gonna be so unique. That afternoon you see like seven 17 dimes, right. So the message that I was getting was, so that’s all fine, Betsy, like, what’s the drum that you’re beating? I get it, I totally get it. But I don’t even know what I want. So I don’t even know what drum I’m beating because I don’t know what I want. Okay, so this is something I heard over and over and over again, from a lot of people. And I find it really interesting because I think that 2020 screwed us because it sort of shifted how we were interpreting what was available to us. And we would think I would like that, but I can’t do that. I’d love to go to Starbucks and just hang out, but I can’t because everything’s closed because of COVID. Right? I’d love to go travel Oh, look at the travel photo at member and my memories when we went to Baba, but right, and then, and then you’re like, but I can’t. So you, I believe that this is a little bit I’m, I’m gonna go I’m gonna say I believe that this has become become a bit of an epidemic in that people are have pulled in what they think is available or what they think is possible for themselves. Because they had to in order to be comfortable in the system that was created because of COVID. Last year, now, things are opening up, the world is opening up, you can fly on Delta, and you don’t get us extra empty seat next to you anymore, right? So the world is shifting, and I know the Delta variant is coming. And I know that might change things yet again. But I think what we’re left with right now is this idea, or this habit. Remember, whatever we’re focused on, what’s the drum we’re beating, I think the drum we were beating last year was I can’t do that. And I can’t do that. And I can’t have that. And I’m not allowed to do that yet. Now I right. So that was the drum were beating. And now it’s like, it’s like it sucked up the image that I feel when I think about this is like when people were messaging me It felt like people were Saran wrapped to you know, like those, um, it’s not saran wrap. But you know how like a vacuum pack. When I was growing up, my mother had a seal a meal, talking about. So she would put leftovers into like a basically a Ziploc baggie, she’d put it in this like machine that was like, attached to the wall. It was supposed to be white, but the sun had been on it so much, it turns like that yellow color, you know what I’m talking about. And she would seal a meal, she would shut the thing and it would vacuum out all the air and like melt the plastic. So then she could put it in the freezer, okay. That’s what I’m feeling we’ve done to ourselves, we’ve like seal a meal, ourselves. And now everything outside of that really, really dense plastic is is not as attainable to us. Now, there may be things where you’re like, I know I can do this. Now I can go to a restaurant now. But there’s a part of you that still like scanning for how free you can really be in that situation. Do I need to bring a mask? Do they require masks? When I get into I need a mask? Are the tables far enough? apart? Do you want to sit outside? Should we sit outside? Maybe we should. Right? So it is different. Even if you’re doing things you used to do? They’re different. So last week, when I talked about beating your drum, you might have been like, that’s great, but I don’t know what I want. And I think that that is because we’ve gotten in this habit of not being able to have what we want. And so then it became sort of easier to be like, Well, I didn’t I didn’t want it anyway. Right? I know. That’s what I do. I mean, so here’s my thought for this week. You don’t have to know, you don’t have to know what you want. You’ve been through a lot. And maybe you’re going through a lot now, you know, maybe you’re going through a lot now, because of the ramifications of last year. You know, maybe it’s not directly related to COVID. Maybe it’s not about wearing a mask or going out to Starbucks, maybe it’s something else. Maybe there has been like a reevaluation of your life and your values and how you want to live. Maybe you’ve re evaluated who you want to live with, and where you want that to be and how you want that to me. I think all of this is really, really normal, but it may leave you feeling in a place where you’re like, I don’t know what I want. But I know it’s not this and that is a distinction in itself. That is saying I will I need to turn I need to look at the other side of this coin because I know that it’s not this You know, Abraham Hicks talks about, everything has another side, right you flip the coin over. And the other side to not this is this. And so although we need to not beat the drum of what we don’t want, we can also begin to shift to a place of leveraging those feelings that are coming now naturally to us. of I don’t like this, and I don’t like this, and I don’t like this. And I don’t like this. Because when we can get that awareness, instead of just blindly thinking it, instead of just having that emotion, and then feeling like poo, and continuing to add on and add on and add on till you have like this pile up. Instead, I want you to see if you can pause and have an awareness of it, when it happens when you have that, not this pause and say if not this, then what? If it wasn’t this? What would it be? And I’m going to tell you that I know from myself, that this can be really difficult. There have been times where I have thought, well, what’s the opposite of that? I don’t know. Like, I can’t think because we tend to feel as if we’re in a bit of a box when we have a struggle, or we don’t know the answer to something when we feel stuck. I mean, that’s the definition of it is that we can’t see the other options, we can see the other options, we take them, but we really can’t see them. And so settle now and know that that’s a normal place to be. And that when you have an awareness of it, and you have an awareness, just of the fact that there may be other ways to look at this that I can’t see from where I’m sitting right now. And that’s okay. Just having the awareness is going to open you up to something else that could be there. It’s also going to open you up to the fact that you’re doing the thing, right, that you’re cutting yourself off from other options or other things that might be available to you. So how do you get awareness? And I know everyone says this. And so forgive me, because you’re going to be like, Oh, I read a list. This is how I feel Oh, right. You got to be present. And really, I know sometimes I’ll go, because I’m like, I don’t want to be present. being present, especially when you feel stuck, isn’t good, it doesn’t feel good. You’re like I really don’t want to be present because the socks. But if you can stay in yourself, stay in your body and stay grounded. You can start to notice, I am, I am here in this. And I see these things that I don’t like that right there is the step number one. Now you might even be asking, like how do you even get grounded? Because we hear that a lot, don’t you? I remember years ago, I was like, Okay, keep hearing about being grounded. I would do it if I knew what it was. I always think of being grounded is coming back into my body. When I need to get grounded. It’s because I’m really in my head. Like I’m thinking about things and mulling over things and looking at all the options that I think I see that probably aren’t enough. Not enough options, right? So I need to get back into my body and into the present moment. So I really imagine my my spirit. That’s how I imagine it my spirit actually filling up my whole body and going down into my legs. This can feel like a really interesting thing. If you find that you’re not normally there. You know, I had a C section when I had my daughter. I mean almost 20 years ago. And every time I get Reiki or anything, they’re like you’re cutting off I’m like, Yeah, well, I was like it was and so sometimes I feel like it it’s almost hard for me to even visually like in my mind’s eye push my spirit down into my legs. And so I spend a lot of time in my head. And sometimes that’s great. And sometimes it doesn’t really work for me. So if you feel like you need to get grounded into the moment just imagine your spirit filling up your whole body. You can imagine it as a color I imagined mine is like a gold, gold, white light kind of color going down into my legs. And then I imagine it like shooting through my feet into the earth. Do you know those little When I was little, I had these little figurines that you’d hold in your hand, and you’d put your fingers like around their legs, and you’d put your thumb at the bottom. And when you pressed, they were, like, all held together with like a rubber band. So they would like collapse, and then you’d unpress it, and they would like, like, get really stiff again. Do you know what I’m talking about? That’s how I imagine it. So imagine this light shooting out through my feet into the middle of the earth until I can feel that soft spot in the middle of the earth. And then when it hits that, I imagine it being that release of the button at the bottom of that little puppet thing. And that I go, we’re okay, stand up really straight. And I feel myself actually being pulled into the earth. And then I look around, and I look at the walls, and I look at my desk, and I look at my computer and the microphone and my iPad, and I say computer, iPad, desk, I name things in the physical, because I want to be in the physical when I’m when I’m feeling stuck. I’m way up in my head. I’m way out there, right? So I want to bring it into the now. Because right now is where I’m going to be able to shift things, I can’t shift anything in the future. My friends, I cannot do anything about the past, no matter, I could think about it all. Damn day long, it doesn’t matter. But I can anything that I anything, even if I have a dream. I’m not getting it. And I’m not doing it in the future. I’m doing it right now. So getting present feeling that pole to the earth and being here. Now from here, I can start to notice, what am I feeling? What am I telling myself. And then when I have that moment where I’m like, these are the things you know, write them down, take a piece of paper, put a line down the middle, on the left hand side of the paper, write all the things all day long that you thought all the crappy, stupid things I know, you’re gonna be like, I don’t know you’re expanding on it, just do it for a day, if you’re having trouble, do it, write it all down. And then on the other side, you can spend some time and go, what would be a better feeling thought, what would be something different. You know, if you hate your boss, and you write down all the stuff that you hate about your boss, you know, on the other side, you might write, I really like when I have a boss who makes me feel valued. It doesn’t have to be about that boss, but it’s the feeling is the opposite of the feeling you’re getting. Right. So when you start to do this, you’re going to start to shift out of the box of that situation. And into someplace more expansive. You know, I think this is so important. Because so many times I’ll talk with people, and they’ll say the things that they think. And here’s a really good example. And this is an example that I have heard from my coach, she talks about, about different kinds of money coaches, there’s one in particular, who has like a radio show, and he talks all about not spending any money. Like if you have debt zero, don’t spend anything, don’t go out to eat like you don’t deserve to go out to eat. If you have any debt. That’s basically what he says. But he also says this thing, and this is what she talks about, and she’s sent it on Instagram, you’ve probably heard this kind of thing. But what that money coach says, He says, Don’t go to Starbucks. If you have any debt, don’t go to Starbucks. And that is a very constricting, the whole message is constrict. And my coach always says expand, do you want Starbucks figure out how to make more, right expand into what you want. So when you have your list, and you’re looking at the things you don’t want, and then you’re looking at the other side, expand, expand in we have been sila meals for a year. And I want you to think how can I make this even more expansive? When you find something you do? Like, think about how could that be really really big? How could that expand into something even bigger, and start to feel what that feels like to shift into taking up space? Let your thoughts take up space let your ideas take up space. Let the the the way that you’ve been living confined, right limited to your home, not doing a lot. I want you to take your mindset now and start to shift it out. So when people were messaging me and they were like, I don’t get it I’m beating the drum but I don’t know what drum to beat because I don’t know what I want. It is okay. It’s okay. start beating The drum that every day you get clarity, start beating the drum that every day, you’re redefining what you want. start beating the drum that you know that the up the opposite of what you don’t like is available to you. And then just start refining, start using your crap sack, all the stuff that you throw in your bag of crap you don’t like start digging through that crap sack and figure out what is it that would be the opposite of all of this? And then how can I start to focus on that? And be expansive? You don’t have to know exactly. You just have to know you’re expanding into something else. Then, as you keep going forward, you’re gonna start noticing more and more and more. The contrast, right? I like this. I don’t like that. I like that. I like I like this piece of it. Right. I like that. That seems fun. Right? You know, I went and got ice cream with my husband a couple weeks ago. There’s ice cream place right downstairs, which praise Sweet Baby Jesus. I don’t like ice cream that much. Because otherwise I’d be in a lot of trouble. But we went down there. And, you know, we they have a million flavors, we figured out what flavor we wanted. And then I was like thinking about it. And I was like, you know, I really, I don’t enjoy the cone. I don’t really enjoy the cone. So I don’t want to hold the cone and it was hot. And I didn’t want it dripping down me. So when I thought that, oh, that’s gonna be dripping all over me. I was like, oh, I’ll take a cup. Can you put it in a cup? Yeah, it’s not that I dislike the cone itself. I just don’t like it dripping all over me. So then I was like, could you stick the cone in the cup? So that I could still have a cone? Yeah. Do you see what I mean? So instead of taking the cone and being like, I hate this, I hate that this is dripping all over. I used it to figure out what would feel like more fun. And then I just asked wasn’t on the menu. mean the cup was on the menu, but not sticking the cone in the cup, right? It didn’t say like, Do you hate it when that ice cream rolls down your fingers and gets all sticky then order the cone in the cup, they should do that. That would be a very cool ice cream place. But I took the contrast and then created what I wanted and then asked to make it real. So if you struggled last week listening to that episode, or if you’re wondering like, I don’t even know what I want. I don’t know everything that I want. But I’m using the contrast to help me refine what I want and to get clarity, and then to not constrict Nabila meal, but to expand out into how could I just bring in what it is I want because I think that is how you live a big life. So before we go, I want to just let you know that my alchemy Institute where I’m certifying you with a million different certifications, six different certifications, NLP hypnotherapy, deep streaming facilitation EFT time techniques. I mean, like all the things success coaching, this is like nuts to bolts, I teach you how to be a coach. It’s awesome. And the group that’s in there now is so killer. And we have like the best, our zoom meetings the best. And so, if this is something that you’ve been interested in, then I encourage you to just check it out. I think I’ve got a really great program and I would love if you are aligned with it to come in and join us. So you can find it by going to my website, go to Betsy pake.com. Or you can go right to the alchemy Institute the alchemy institute.co.co or just go to my website either way. All right. Thanks so much for being here. Thanks for sharing this episode. I really appreciate it. Everybody that shares it and puts it on social media and tags me Thank you Thank you. It makes me want to toss confetti and click my heels together. And I hope you guys have an awesome week. I love you so much. I’ll see you next time. Thank you so much for being here and for listening to today’s episode. If you liked it and got something out of it please be sure to share with me by leaving a review over on iTunes. And if you’re not following on social media, I am everywhere at Betsy Pake but most of the time over on Instagram, so follow and comment on my latest post so that we can connect there. I’ll see you next week. And until then, keep living big

Today Betsy talks about the focus that you have been dwelling on and how to shift that so you can create something magical.

Transcript:

Welcome to The Art of Living big. I’m your host, Betsy

Pake.

I’m an author, a speaker, a master coach, and trainer of NLP and hypnotherapy. And I help people create lives they’re excited about over the next 30 minutes, I hope to help you redefine what could be possible for your life. Now, let’s go live big. Hello fellow adventurers, welcome to today’s show.

So I had this plan that today I was gonna do, I was gonna do some deep streaming. So if you’re on my text list, I send out texts a couple times a week, with, like, I don’t know, for lack of a better word like messages, right? So like these ideas about the world about life. And last week, I asked if anyone on my text list had something they wanted me to ask. And so I do deep streaming, I guess I would describe this as like, sort of like a meditation, I would say, but where I, I pick a target, and then I listen.

And when I listen, usually I get something that’s a little bit different than maybe what I would say. I’m not I’m not saying it’s coming from some place else. I’m just saying it’s coming from some higher part of me, you know, collective consciousness, maybe I don’t know, I don’t know where it comes from. But it always is positive. And it always is something that makes me think a little bit different. So last week, I asked my text community if they had things that they wanted me to ask, and honestly, I thought maybe I’d get like one or two. And I got like dozens of dozens of them. And so my thought was that I would do a whole podcast and I’m going to, it’ll probably be next week where I do the, there’s so many, it’s going to take me some time to actually see what if I can get anything about those.

But this week, has been so busy, that I felt like I couldn’t quite settle in to hear what I needed to hear. And there were a couple times this week where I asked what I normally ask, which is, what do I need to know today, and I would hear something like right off, you know, but it wasn’t related to what people were asking me. So it was just something I guess that I needed to hear. The one the other day was about simplifying, and about getting the clarity that we need to make adjustments in our life that are necessary for the growth that we’re seeking. And when we continue to complicate things, we’re just slowing things down. And that that is an unconscious response to your overwhelm. And so if you can simplify things you can actually speed up. Now, this week has been like a really, really busy week, I’ve been doing a lot of things, I’m still recording the NLP practitioner component of my certification, which is now moving right along and feeling really good and aligned.

And I also launched inside my alchemy, collective my membership, a VIP option. So I have been on a bit of a journey the past 67 days. To be exact, I’m counting. And I wanted to walk people through that journey. So I wanted to create like an eight week course where people could work with me and I could walk them through that process. So there’s still some spots open if you want. If you want to get information on that. Email us or direct or DM me on social media, just

just the word beach,

so you can go to support@BetsyPake.com the word beach, and we’ll just send you the information you’d need. There’s still I think three spots left. So if you’re interested in that,

jump on that. Alright, so

in all of that, I was like, what,

what

is the thing that I’m supposed to talk about on the show today? Because I’ve been so busy that usually when I do an episode I like slow down enough to listen. And it’s weird. Because when that last week before I came back, so last week was the first week back after my little mini month off. I had like a lot of ideas and I wrote them down somewhere. You know how you do that? Um, and so I knew that it wasn’t, I wasn’t supposed to talk about anything that I had written down, and that I knew that it would just come to me.

And

this morning, I ended up you know, when you’re just on social media and I was surfing around and I kept seeing this same thing comes up over and over and over and over again. And whatever it was, isn’t important as much as what I kept thinking.

And

this is from a larger scale, because I was seeing this all over social media, but I want to like zoom it way into your life. And I want you to just think about your life. And you probably have like dreams, or hopes or ideas or things that you really want,

right?

And when you think about those things, are you beating the drum of those things? Or are you beating the drum of the thing that you don’t want? Right? So are you talking about it, thinking about it, finding evidence of it. And in that, it’s pulling you away from the thing, it’s pulling you away from what you actually want, but it might feel good. So let me give you an example. Maybe, maybe you, maybe you have been really struggling to find a partner. Or maybe you’re in a partnership that you don’t really want to be in anymore. Or maybe you hate your job or your boss. And so the thing that you want, isn’t actually in your awareness, what’s in your awareness is the part of that that you don’t want. So, the great thing about having

crap.

The great thing about having crap in our lives is that it actually helps to refine our clarity. So when things don’t work out, or when things are crappy, or when things are like I don’t like this, it is a huge gift, because it helps us to narrow down our focus and give you direction. But the thing that people normally do is then they start looking at that thing. So instead of using it as a refining tool to get where they want to go, they use it as something to look at and something to like use as like a chew toy for their brain, right. So let’s just, let’s say you hate your boss.

And every day you come in and your boss does something or sends an email, or makes you go to a meeting or gives you a weird look, or you handed something in or you presented a project and you know you did a good job and they made some backhanded compliment. And you feel like they don’t really appreciate you and then they gave somebody else raise, and then someone else got promoted. And then you’re beating that drum, you’re thinking about that all the time, you’re wondering about it, you’re thinking about if you should go and get a different job. And if you should, you know, if you if the person that got the promotion is the is really that much better than you and you’re chewing on that and chewing on that and chewing on it.

And I,

I believe

that what those things are all showing us as a way for us to like laser beam in our focus on where we want what we want. So all of that outside noise, all of those things are to redirect us to what we actually want, right? So when we start to move now there’s two different reasons for this. And I’m going to get into what I was about to say. But there’s two different reasons for this. One is our reticular reticular activating system, our RS in our brains, is built to show you more of what you think is important, and how it knows what’s important is what you give attention to and what has emotion.

So if you’re giving a lot of attention to the fact that you hate your wife, or hate your husband, or hate your job, or hate your boss, or whatever it is, and there’s emotion in that because there is because that’s life, then that’s going to be the thing that your reticular activating system thinks it needs to show you more of. So you’ve heard me say this before, but our nervous system, your nervous system, the things you see, you hear you feel you taste all those, it gets bombarded with information, every day, every second, so much information that it cannot consciously make you aware of all of that it consciously can only make you aware of a teeny, teeny teeny tiny bit of that. And so, how does it do that? How does it know what to bring into your awareness

It,

it uses your reticular activating system to go Oh, look, look,

this thing

you wanted this, you wanted this, I’m taking in a million pieces of information every second, and I’m only going to show you 126 of those pieces. Imagine, think about Facebook, right? You’re on Facebook, you have 1000 friends, right? But you see the same people all the time, right in your feed, you get the same people in your feed all the time. Because the algorithm knows who you interact with.

And that’s how your brain works. It’s like the Facebook algorithm. You getting all this information in, but it’s only going to show you the things it thinks you’re interested in, and it thinks you’re interested in things that you spend time on. Okay, so now you’re at work and your boss’s aihole. And you linger on it. The algorithm in your brain goes, that’s really important. Let’s show her more times.

Now,

I’ve had people ask me before, and they’re like, Yeah, but my boss is doing that. But they are giving me a dirty look. Right? I noticed it because they were doing it. And I say you noticed it because you were looking for it. And if you start looking for something else, maybe you’ll find that other something else. Now,

I’m not saying that you should stay in a job you hate. I’m saying if you’re unhappy, and you go to another job, it won’t be long before you’re unhappy because that vibration is in you. Like that reticular activating system is activated. So I was saying before, it’s two things, one thing is your brain, right? And one thing I think is the energy of it.

Right? What’s the

what is energetically being brought to you? Right? We’re we are energetic beings. We’re spiritual beings, right? Having a physical experience. And that’s the reticular activating system. So when you think about your life, and when I asked you this question, I want you to just like right off, just come

up with what what comes into your mind. But what are you beating the drum of? What are you beating? What’s the drum that you beat every day?

In? Is it

what you want?

I’ll tell you that I was beating the drum for a long time about how I couldn’t go to the beach. I can’t go to the beach, I can’t go to the beach. I can’t go to the beach. I want to and I can’t because of these these things. And so 67 days ago,

I started

I started beating a different drum, just to see what would happen. Like what would happen. You know, for a long time, I have this little thing on my desk. In fact, I found it this morning in my in my drawer here I’m pulling it out. It says if I paid you a million dollars to keep a positive focus for 90 days, could you do it? For 90 days,

could you do it? Could

you not beat the drum of what you don’t want for 90 days. So I’m on day 67 when I started and I’m going to teach this whole system to the people that are taking my class, when I started. My daughter, you know wanted to go to Scott, she’s wanting to go to scad, which is the Savannah College of Art and Design. They have an Atlanta campus. They have a campus in Paris, they have a campus in Savannah, each campus focuses like on a different area of art. So like if you’re into painting, I think that’s you go to Paris, right? So

she’s wanting to go since she was a little kid.

And you’ve if you’ve heard the episode that I did with her and how sick she was in high school. I mean, I don’t know that. I don’t know that we thought that could happen. But she continued to beat that drum. She has had scad t shirts since she was a little kid. And so 67 days ago when I started this

process,

I did not it wasn’t in my awareness. I knew that she was she’s goes to Georgia State and she and she was looking into going to scad and had sent information for an application. She had sent an application. But because she was transferring in she had to have a certain number of credits. She’s gotten like all A’s like she’s a outstanding student. But I didn’t think she had the credits. In fact, she didn’t think she had the credits.

And I don’t think they thought she had the credits. And they had emailed with her a few things and talk to her about when she could hope that when they would look at her application for January. And so I started beating the drum of what I wanted a lot of things of what I wanted many things and I started blocking out any other thing, like I was not going to entertain or look at it. If something would come up on Instagram that wasn’t that was causing me to waver, I just would get off, I got off all social media for like several weekends, I haven’t, I have not been spending nearly as much time on social media. And that’s sort of evolved over the 67 days, but I have had a process that I have done.

Now,

I told you last week, she got accepted into scad. But what I didn’t tell you was that it was so sort of a surprising email that she got that said she could get in. And then there was still room in the dorms like

it. It. It didn’t

make logical sense, if I had been mapping out what I wanted, logically, how, how can this happen?

I would not have been able to do it. Because logically, it didn’t really make sense. I kept saying to her, are you are you sure but like she

was sure. She was like, yeah, we’re having a meeting on such and such a day when her dad were meeting with them.

And it begin to happen. And when that piece and if you’re a mom, or even if you’re not a mom, I’m sure you can imagine. Like when your kid is settled, especially after the experience that we had together, you can listen to that episode, it’s just a few episodes back. Then, when when they feel settled, it gives you room to expand. Right? It is almost like it gives you permission, right? To have what you need and want and have, and desire, because you know that they are okay. And I don’t know that. That’s right. But that’s how I have always felt maybe like I couldn’t be okay, or I couldn’t have everything that I desired or wished her dream for until she did. Now, I don’t know that that’s right.

But you could argue that I needed to focus on what I wanted. And then she would get what she wanted. And maybe that’s what happened. As I continued to beat the drum of what I wanted. All the other obstacles began to float away and drift away. So I want to ask you about what the drum is that you’re beating, and are you aware of it, sometimes we can consciously be aware of it.

And sometimes there’s an unconscious drum that we’re beating, you know, the the drum that tells us that we’re not good enough for the drum that tells us that we’re not worthy, right, some thing that we picked up maybe from a absent parent or a parent that wasn’t able to evolved enough to be able to give us what we needed when we were young. And so we carry that with us. And then we decided that that meant something. I I have made a huge shift in all of this. And, and you’ve heard me say this before, and you’ve probably heard a lot of people say this. But when this shift happened within me, I it, it felt like such a relief.

And it felt like such a change that I feel like it’s important to mention it because it might be something that’s holding you back too. But the things that I had a story about. And remember, everything out there is neutral. Everything that we experience is neutral. It’s just It’s just what we are focusing on in the story that we’re making about it.

So the story I was making about my daughter was that I couldn’t be happy till she was happy, right? I couldn’t get what I wanted. Like I won’t want to say happy. But I couldn’t get what I wanted until she got what she wanted. And then I felt like I had permission. But when I started to beat the drum that we already had what we wanted, what we wanted started coming into our awareness and started coming true. The story, the story. So what’s your story? What’s the story that you tell yourself?

You know, I am training coaches right now people that want to become coaches, or maybe coaches that are already coaches and they want to expand what they know and teaching them hypnotherapy and NLP. And as we expand into being coaches If the desire that we have isn’t matching our external experience, What’s the story? You’re telling yourself? Nobody’s signing up. Nobody likes me. I’ve got the wrong message.

I don’t have the

right. What’s the story? When you drop the story? When you’re like, that doesn’t mean anything.

I’ll tell you that I

sent a kajillion people messages about my small group I’m doing a lot of people wanted information about it. The fact that they replied to me or didn’t reply to me, it doesn’t

mean not that I don’t care, but it doesn’t. There’s no story to that for me at all. I mean, I know that if they’re not doing it, it’s not right for them, whoop dee doo, whoop dee doo. But

a lot of

people and maybe the old me, right version of me several years ago would have been like,

Oh, my God, it means

this isn’t good. I’m not good. Nobody likes me, this is never gonna work. No, like, none of that story is true. That’s not true at all. So what’s the story that you tell yourself when you see the result out there, because you’re beating the drum internally of something different. The shift that needs to be made, to stop beating the drum,

to stop

making up the story is for you to become hyper focused on what you do want to see and have an experience where you know, that the reality that you are experiencing in this moment

is

only there

because you were beating the drum for it in the past, and that now you’re beating a new drum. So you know, the new story is on its way. Like, without a doubt, the new thing is, is here, you’re just kind of waiting for it to show up. The thing for me is here already, and I’m just waiting for it to show up. And it shows up daily moving me in the direction of seeing it in my reality every single day. So when I look at my actual reality, right now, it almost makes me giggle. Because I know that it’s already different. It’s just taking a second to show up in my physical reality. And so the things that used to bother me, don’t bother me.

Because I’m beating the drum for where I’m going, which is already here. It’s not here physically where you could see it, but I can see it. It’s already here. So I want you to notice, what are you beating the drum for? throughout your day? What’s the story? You’re telling yourself over and over and over again? Is it bringing you where you want to go? Or is it shifting you into staying where you are or even going backwards? And we can take this from something like micro in our lives, and we can take it even bigger to something bigger in the world. You know, Mother Teresa said, I’m never going to go to an anti war rally. You have a peace rally I’m going to show up. Right? Because she understood the power of beating the drum of what you want. I have you’ve probably heard me talk about how I love tic Tock.

I think people are so creative. People are magical, creative amazingness. But I do not watch any videos about Karen’s, do you know what I’m talking about when I say that? And if your name is Karen, I’m so sorry that that is the Karen um, but I don’t watch the videos of that or have negative stuff not because I don’t believe that those things are happening in reality not because I don’t think it’s bad. It’s because I don’t want to beat the drum of that. I want to beat the drum of what I want. And so I’m actively seeking out stuff that I want. And the algorithm just like Facebook, just like your RS is starting to show me more and more and more of the happy fun stories.

Right of what I do want of how the world is good about how things are changing about how awareness is happening. So I want you to if if you are called to ask yourself, what’s the drum that I’m beating and is it serving me and is it is the story I have about my life the story I want to go forward with. You know, last week I talked about how I had this moment where I was like oh my gosh, I have six months left of 2021 Haven’t expanded into where I want to be. And I can write like I can, because I can feel this momentum because now I’m on day 67 of this process.

I can feel the momentum like, why am I wasting time? I don’t want. You know, there are lots of reasons why I haven’t done some of the things I want to do, like real reasons. And I decided that I didn’t want to be an old lady in my bed, about to die in my hundreds, because I’m gonna live to 100. I decided that sounded fun to have a big party. But I don’t want to be her and go, Oh, I didn’t do those things. Because I had a lot of reasons. No, I don’t want reasons I want like magic. And I have beat the drum that we are magical spiritual beings.

And I’m living that now. Like, no more, like no more. Like, what are you beating the drum? And do you want to step forward and be magical? Is it time? Are you like, hell yeah. It’s time. I invite you then to join me. I’m, I’m, I can’t wait to tell you all the things, magical, amazing things that are happening. And you can get there too. And it can only take 67 days. So beat the drum of what you want. Notice what your story is, and shift so that the algorithm of life begins to show you

things that support where you really want to go. And I think that is how you live a big life. Now if you want to join me, in my process, you can just shoot me a message support at Betsy pake.com just send the word beach and we’ll just send you back all the details and then you can decide that feels aligned or not. Alright, I love you all so much. I will see you next week. If you liked this episode, please share it please help me get the word out, put it on social media tag me. Let’s celebrate that we can be magical and we can have magical people around us.

I think when other people hear the call and they just needed something you know, they just needed something to be able to go like oh that’s I want to do that. Then you start having like magical friends and people that want to expand with you and that is what creates like even more momentum. So all right. I will see you all next week.

Bye bye. I love you. Thank you so much for being here and for listening to today’s episode. If you liked it and got something out of it please be sure to share with me by leaving a review over on iTunes. And if you’re not following on social media, I am everywhere at Betsy Pake but most of the time over on Instagram, so follow and comment on my latest post so that we can connect there. I’ll see you next week. And until then, keep living big

I’m SO excited to be back from my mini- hiatus and grateful for the time to reflect, heal, and starting DREAMING BIG!

And that’s what I want to talk with you about today.

The links for what I talk about today:

Book: Think like a warrior: https://amzn.to/2UvNL4l

The Alchemy Institute – coaches training: www.TheAlchemyInstitute.co

The Alchemy Collective: www.betsypake.com/alchemycollective

HBO Special on Miracle on Ice: (Youtube) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CDBuPpalXI4

Transcription:

Welcome to The Art of Living big. I’m your host, Betsy Pake. I’m an author, a speaker, a master coach, and trainer of NLP and hypnotherapy. And I help people create lives they’re excited about over the next 30 minutes, I hope to help you redefine what could be possible for your life. Now, let’s go live big. Hi. Hi, welcome to the show today, Episode 259. I’m really happy to be back after my little mini hiatus. Thank you for joining me, thank you for coming back. And being here with me today. If you’re new here, I promise I’m going to get into the content here in just a minute. But I wanted to just say thank you for giving me this little bit of space. You know, I think if you’ve listened to the show for a while, and then you heard my episode where I said, I’m going to take a little mini hiatus, you probably kind of got it, you know, like you probably sort of understood, it had been a, it had been sort of a challenging couple months. And I really needed to not have to be thinking about doing it, you know, during the podcast. So I appreciated the break so much. And I felt really ready to come back. You know, last week, I started feeling like, Oh, I’m ready to start thinking about about this, again, I did a lot of creating this past month. So it would have been hard, even on the best of months to be able to also create and record the podcast. But considering just how my last few months had been, it was just like a really, really nice break. You know, so many times I’ve done the show for like four and a half years now. And as I move around my life, I’m always sort of thinking in the background of like, Oh, I want to remember that thought or I want to share something about that, which is really good. It’s become part of how I think. And it was getting to feel like a bit, it was getting to feel sort of like pressure, you know, and especially I had so many things on my agenda for the month of June and, you know, just dealing with life in general. So it’s been a really incredible past month. And so if you’ve been here for a little while, I have a couple of fun things to share that you may or may not know. So, um, I will tell you that I’m coming up now on three months since my dog died. I know, I know. But if I if you’ve ever had a dog dive in, you’re like, Oh, I get it, I’m starting to feel better. Like I’m starting to have some days where I don’t actually, like just cry a little bit. Like, it’s not like I’ve been bawling my head off. But you know, sometimes in the morning, I would walk my other dog, my husband’s dog Henry, and I would think you know, about her or whatever. And it would make me feel a little emotional. So I’m feeling a lot better. I’m feeling like, I’m sort of getting like a new routine in place. And there are a lot of things that are easier. You know, when you have an older dog that’s sick, and you have to give them a lot of medicine and be thinking about them and all that stuff. It is a lot of work. So anyway, so that has been a relief. I’m feeling better. It gets better, things get better. And I suppose like that’s really the way it is with everything, right? If you listen to the episode that I did with my daughter, I’m almost positive, we talked about it. If we didn’t talk about this, it’s because she didn’t want to jinx it. But she is wanting to get into scad since she was a little kid scad is the Savannah College of Art and Design. And she got in she got in we just found out last week. So that’s a really, really big deal. So I wanted to give that update. I mean, it feels in my world, like all the things that I used to dream about happening, are all happening. It’s all coming together. And it just like we always hear and we always talk about, but everything, everything that I wanted is all of the sudden coming together. And it when I look back on the path, it’s not a path I ever, ever could have figured out like put together or you know, orchestrated on my own and so it’s just a really good reminder to just release the how and just allow things to go however they need to go you know. So over this past month in June, I have been recording all of the training and I still am recording training for the alchemy Institute, which is my certification. So this is, you know, the work that I do LP success, coaching, hypnotherapy, time techniques, all of that stuff. I am, I am certifying people to be able to also be coaches, and it has been so fun, it’s also been so challenging. I’m getting a new appreciation for teachers and how much prep goes into like every hour that you teach, it’s like hours of prep, I wasn’t expecting that. I think I know the material. So well, I thought, this will be so simple. But it’s been a lot of learning. And it’s been really great. I had 10 people that joined the program to go through it with me. And honestly, if it wasn’t for them, I don’t know, I think I probably would have been like, forget it. It’s like having them in there has been so great. And they’re giving me some good feedback, they seem like they’re really loving it. And it’s just been really like a joy to have that really special group in there. If you have thought at all, in any way about becoming a coach, you’re gonna want to get on our mailing list on our on the waitlist for it, here’s why. On July 12, we are going to open again for another small group, and there’s the on the very first day that we’re open, there’s going to be something really special and unique. So if you have ever thought about it, just get on the list, so you can find out what it is. So you have the option, you know, so you can go to my website. And you can, you can click on the alchemy Institute, or you can go to the alchemy Institute, the alchemy institute.co. So let’s just see Oh, so alright. So wanted to tell you about that. But this month, so I’ve been doing all the recordings, but I’ve also been going live in my facebook group. So on Mondays, I have been doing Oracle card polls, you know, I created my expansion Oracle card deck. And so I thought it would be fun over the summer to go in and do Oracle card polls, that’s actually been so fun. And it’s like a fun group. And we pull cards for like, maybe 30 minutes or so on Monday mornings. And then on Friday mornings, I’ve actually been doing some coaching. Now, if you’re not, if you’re on Facebook, you can go, you can just type in, type in the art of living big.com, that’ll put you right into the Facebook group. But also, if you’re just not on Facebook, not the Oracle card polls, but the coaching on Fridays, I call it coffee and coaching that we are putting on to my YouTube channel. So you can find all that on my website. But I just wanted to let you guys know that we’re going to be doing it for a few more weeks or a few more weeks. We’re doing it through the end of July. So if you want to jump in there, I may make some of those episodes like I might put them together to make a podcast because some of the information was really good actionable stuff, you know, we have I’ve had a new way that I’m putting together all of my goals for the year and I really mapped out stuff on well let me back up. Let me go back. I’m getting ahead of myself. Like at the very end of June, all of a sudden, I was like, Oh my god, it’s the end of June, like I was at my training in January for the whole month of January in California. So I felt like my year didn’t really start right. And then in February, you know, I was getting back into the hang of it. We had just moved, we sold our house and moved and then March live in my life, then Miley died. And then I felt like like things kind of got put on hold all of a sudden, at the end of June. I was like, wait a minute, like, wait a minute. At the end of the year. I want to be able to say like I did these things. And right now I feel like I would say like, I mean, I did some fun things. I did some good things. But I feel like what I would say was like my dog died. And like I got a bit overwhelmed and paralyzed. And that’s not how I wanted it to go down. And I felt like all of a sudden, I could see like there is still plenty of time to create something to build something new. And so I got really thinking and I mapped out a whole plan of what I wanted what would make this what would make it go like, oh my god 2021 was insane. Right? That’s what I wanted 2021 it was insane. Now this is gonna get into what I want to talk about today. And so I just was like, I’m gonna map this out. And so one of the things that I teach in success coaching is how to take a client and get what we call it. We call it an outcome specification in NLP but we create Like this whole outcome, this whole vision, right a goal of what it is you really want. And then there is a methodical way that we break it down, we break it down and break it down into like daily steps. So I was like, I am going to come up with something crazy. And then I’m going to break it down. And I’m going to get so hyper focused on that, that everything else is going to just be like a blur, you know what I mean? Like everything I’m just going to be so hyper focused on, on these amazing things that I’m working towards. I don’t want to just find like the easiest flowy best way to do it. I’m actually going to be teaching how I did this inside this month inside the alchemy collective, which is my membership. I’m going to do this with everybody because it was so powerful, and you know how things come to you. So like, you create that. And then you have this plan. And this goal, and I mean, I have worksheets I have, I have a clipboard, y’all clipboard with like my things and like my action plan for every week and like, like it is in my face, because I don’t want to forget. And what I also want to do is make sure my unconscious mind knows this is so important. You know how sometimes there’s something in your life that’s so important that you continue to focus on it. And every time you do something, you think about it, and something happens, and you wonder if it’s related, or if it’s a sign, it’s because your unconscious mind is like scanning, you know, and everything it’s seeing is through the lens of this is the thing that I want. And you know, sometimes I think that happens when something bad happens. You know, I mean, someone we love gets hurt, or is is suffering, and then we see everything through that lens. But we can create that lens of like a really happy lens, a lens of like, I’m so motivated, I remember times where I felt really motivated. You probably have times in your life like that, too, right? Like, if you just like scan over your whole life right now you’re like, Oh, those one or two things really stick out to me as like, I was having so much fun. And I had a goal, you know, like I was I had a mission, I was moving towards something. And it felt so fun. And it made me feel like alive, you know. And that’s what I wanted to create, because I kind of hadn’t felt alive in a couple of months. And so I have gotten this hyper focus. And as I have things have started to come into my awareness, because I’m reviewing it and thinking about it so much. And it’s on my clipboard right here, right? So every day I’m looking at it. And just like when things happening, come into your awareness. I had a book come into my awareness. The book is called. It’s called think like a warrior, the five inner beliefs that make you unstoppable. It’s got it’s by a guy named Deron. Donnelly. And he has like a whole series. This is the first one in the series. And it’s all on, he calls it sports for the soul. So like the cover of this book has like a football helmet on it, you know, like, somebody’s raising their football helmet into the air. And I love physical goals. And when I look back over my life, and I’m like, Oh, those were the things where I was really focused. It really is the times where I had like a physical goal, you know, I was gonna run a marathon. And I ran the marathon. It just, it took me like, it took me like all friggin day. The people that finished the marathon in like two hours. They’re like, they’re so amazing. And I’m like, No, no, no, no, it took me five and a half hours. Like, I’m amazing. I ran for five and a half hours, they only had to run for two, but I’m getting off the point. So my point is the times where I think and when I opened my CrossFit gym, one of the things I really wanted to instill in others was the idea that when we can push ourselves physically, we can see it, you know, 10 pounds is 10 pounds. You know, that quote by Henry Rollins, like 200 pounds is always 200 pounds. When I walk up to the bar to the barbell. It’s 200 pounds yesterday, it’s 200 pounds today, I can measure myself against it. Were so many of our other goals are things that we want. Don’t have such a hard and fast measurement. Right? I’m trying to make my relationship better. Well, is it better today or is it better yesterday? How am I showing up today it’s sort of subjective, right? But when I have a physical goal that’s necessary. Yep, subjective, I can see it right, I can see, well, I can lift more yesterday today than I could yesterday, or in the case of this book, you know, like a score a score of a game or a football game or a sporting event. And so this book came into my awareness. And I read it in a day, I’m not even kidding. It was over the long weekend, Fourth of July weekend, and, and it was just so good. It’s it’s a parable. You know, it’s a story. And it’s a story about a young football coach who has a lot of success, and then doesn’t. And sort of like the ghost of Christmas Past, you know, that, that Christmas story or whatever it’s called, where, where the guy meets, like all the versions of him in this book, this coach meets five really incredible coaches from the past. So he meets john wooden, which, if you’ve ever listened to my episode, number 44. With Neville Johnson, we did it on the pyramid of success, which is john Wooden’s pyramid of success. So I’ve been a john wooden fan. I like the pyramid of success. So he meets john wooden, Buck O’Neil, her Brooks, Bear, Brian and Vince Lombardi. And so they teach this guy in the book, Chris, how to think like a warrior. So I’m going to tell you what, you got to read the book, because I’m telling you, it’ll make so much more so it’ll move into your unconscious mind, right? So our unconscious mind really loves metaphor, it loves story. It allows my, my conscious brain, the part of my brain that goes like, critical factor, right? There’s a critical factor, it says, I’m going to reject that. And I’ll accept that, and I’ll reject this. And so when you go to say, like, I’m, I like the number one thing here. The first lesson is I focus only on the things I have total control over my effort and my attitude. Now, when I say that, you might be like, Well, yeah, of course. But when my unconscious mind hears the story, then my unconscious mind except that in a different way. Does that make sense? So when I have a whole story behind that, so I’m going to tell you what the five things are, but I’m telling you, it won’t matter as much as if when you go and you read the book, okay. And if you have Kindle, I’m good, have Kindle Unlimited, you can get it free. For like, 30 days, if you go to, you know what I’m talking about, you go to Amazon, you get your Kindle unlimited free, they give you like a free 30 days, I think all of his books are on there. So you could literally read them all for free. I’m reading all the other ones now. So Alright, so number one is I focus only on the things that I have total control over my effort, and my attitude. Number two, I love what I do. And I attack each day with joy and enthusiasm. I love that one. Right Wilds do it if it’s not going to be with joy and enthusiasm. And when I think about like, the times where I had the best goals where I had, like things that I achieved that felt so fun, you know, when I was training for the Pan American Games, and I was in my garage training every day, every day. I was it was a joy to be out there. Like really? And so I think that’s what made the difference. Do you know what I mean? We get out of the result of what we’re working towards, includes what we put in as we did it. So if you’re building something, and it is a struggle, when you get it, it will be a struggle. If you build it and as joyful, in the end, it’s going to be joyful. Alright, number three, I dream big. And I ignore the naysayers. This is actually my favorite one. And I’m going to talk about why. Number four was, I am relentless, and I will never give up on my dreams. Never is all in caps. And number five was I choose faith over fear. Okay, so you got to read the book so you can get all the story behind. It was so incredible, and just really, really good. But I realized that now that my daughter’s big dream, right of going to scad that’s all coming true. like everything’s working out for her. Yeah, she said to me the other day, I can’t believe how happy I am. Like I’m happier than I’ve ever been in my life. You know how cool that is like if you’ve listened To the episode that I did with my daughter, then maybe it gives you some perspective of like, how cool that is like, I mean, it’s like the greatest thing I’ve ever heard in my life, you know? She’s gonna sketch she’s got friends, she’s like doing stuff. So her big dream is coming true. Now, we all have dreams and big things we want. But when I was looking at the rest of my year, and I was like, what could be really big for me? Like, I wanted to pick something that would be so big, that there would be no doubt that it happened because I did this work. Right, I wanted to pick something that was so out of the realm of possibility that at the end of the year, I would go Holy smokes, like I totally created that. And so I have created this big huge dream. Now the coach in the book that says, I dream big. And I ignore the naysayers. Now, I’m lucky I don’t have a lot of naysayers in my life. But I am a naysayer, sometimes in my life, right? You probably are in your life, too. I don’t have a lot of people that say stuff to me. Like, that’s not going to happen. But I have a lot of me that says that at times. Right? So I needed to get really clear with that. And like really have a conversation with that voice. Who is that voice? You know, is it even me? What is that coming from? Is that coming from some idea of what I think is possible because of what someone else told me? Or because of what I saw? Because is it only possible because I’ve seen it? Like, what if I’ve never seen this big huge dream that I want to do? I’m sure someone has done it. But what if I’ve never seen it, which I’m not aware of someone doing it? So the coach that taught that particular lesson was her Brooks. Now, her Brooks was the coach that coached the Miracle on ice hockey team in 1980. So I’m going to guess that if you’re listening here, you probably remember that or have heard of it, Disney made a movie about it called miracle miracles, miracle miracle, just miracle It was called. Um, so let me jump back to 1980. So I grew up in Vermont, and the town that I lived in, is literally they call it hockey town USA. Everybody played all the kids played hockey at that time. They didn’t have women’s hockey they do now. So all the boys played hockey, but I went skating every Sunday at the skating rink and all the hockey players. You know, like I knew all that. I mean, everybody played hockey, you know. So hockey was a big deal. You know how in the south, everybody goes to the football games. We went to the football game for our high school too. But it was the hockey games. Our school was like the state champs like every year, you know, like it was a big thing. And so I remember that game when USA played, the USSR. Now it was in Lake Placid, New York, which wasn’t far from where I lived, it was just over the lake. And so I mean, I just remember it was a big deal. Everybody was talking about it, because the Olympics was so close. I was like nine, you know, so it was at that age where I was like, aware of these kinds of things and getting excited about stuff. Anyway, I remember when the USA one now, I’ll give you the quick backstory, because you may already know this. So I don’t want to bore you. But who knows, maybe you’d like a recap anyway. So so the USSR team was was was athletes that should have been professional athletes, but their profession was playing for the USSR. So they wanted to win. And they won, like all the time, because they were basically a professional team. So you know, it was the Cold War, there was a lot of stuff going on politically, there was just a lot of fear in the world and the fear in the United States and what was happening and, and a lot of animosity, right. And so when the Olympics at that time, you know, we didn’t have professionals playing in the Olympics, they didn’t have the dream teams and all that stuff. So the kids that were playing in the Olympics for the US, were just like kids, just like college kids that played hockey, you know, that just like loved hockey and played hockey, and then they were going up against this rival, which was like our country’s rival, which was like, so much stuff happening politically and then just in the world in general. And then we had to play them and they were basically like professional adults that were bred been playing hockey their whole life and got paid to play hockey. So it was like this huge deal now. Nobody thought they were gonna win. Like, nobody thought they were gonna win that game. Now we all know they won that game, but they played USSR, like 14 days before that game. So they played them in like a scrimmage before the Olympics started. And they got killed, like crushed. The score was like insane, right? So nobody thought they were gonna win. But her Brooks thought that they could. And he had this big dream. And he thought, I’m not gonna listen to all the people that say that they can’t. Because I know that there’s like a small chance that they could. And so he wanted to instill that in them. And he would say things like, you know, nine times out of 10, they’re going to win, but there’s going to be that one time, they’re not going to win. And he tried to, like install this doubt that this team was as great as everybody said, they were. Right. So you have this big dream, whatever that is for you. And you find the places that make it seem impossible. And you find the holes in that theory. Is it really impossible? Somebody’s got to beat that team. Right? Someone’s got to do it. Why not? Why not them? Right. So when you have your dream when you have your big, huge thing, one of the things that I took away from the book, and then I became obsessed, y’all all weekend, I watched Miracle on Disney, I got Disney watched miracle. And then there’s some really good documentaries on YouTube. There’s an HBO documentary on YouTube, that’s really good. It’s worth your time. It’s really good. And so, you know, when when we look at, like, what would be so huge like, like, if we really are connected? If we really are pieces of universe come down to have this experience, then I’m the one putting my limits on me. So what if I set like a crazy goal? I don’t know. Why not? Like why not pick something that’s so big that if you told anybody, they’d be like, what? No. Why not? Because who decided? What? No. Who decides that? Like, who is they that decided. And so her Brooks decided that he wanted to beat them. It wasn’t even the it wasn’t even for the gold medal. It was before that I had to beat Finland to get the gold medal. It was so important that he was finding all the different ways that he could make the players think that it was totally possible. So when you have a big, huge goal, I think it’s important to look at why you think it won’t work. And then Who told you that? And are they even, right? And how can you break the holes, pop holes in that? Right? So you know, this, so the story goes on, they, they they they win, and it’s a dramatic countdown, they hold, the score ends up being Four, three, and they hold USSR off for about 10 minutes. So nobody scores a goal in like 10 minutes, which is a long time in a sporting event, right. And as the countdown gets, you know, more and more, like, the tension of it is building, you know, and people are chanting, and people are like counting down, like, there’s two minutes you can hear in the voice of Al Michaels, the the announcer you know, getting like more and more intense, you know, as like counting down two minutes, you know, a minute, 30 seconds. And then once it gets to like under a minute like the crowds going insane. Like it’s worth your time to watch. Even if you just watch like this little bit, crowds going insane. And they’re just trying to keep the puck away from USSR so that they can’t score, right. So they’re just, it’s not like some last minute score helped them win the game. It was a concentrated effort over an extended period of time to focus on the one thing, just the one thing that they had to do, right? They weren’t thinking about anything. I promise you. They weren’t thinking about anything other than that moment. Where’s the puck, where’s the puck? Where’s the puck, right? Where’s the goal? Where’s the goal? Where’s the goal? And so as the timer starts counting down and calming down, like the crowds getting louder and louder and then they’re starting to count down, you know, 30 seconds 2928 and write it like five seconds. Our Michael says, Do you believe in miracles and then the buzzer goes off. It’s very dramatic and really intense and so fun and emotional in Mexico like yeah, like I believe in miracles. So what’s your miracle? What could you do with something so big that if you told people they would be like no way or something so big that you’d be like no way but so big that you would know that you did it because you were intentional because you kept your focus because you were present because you popped the holes in the part of you that thought you couldn’t what would that be? We have six months left this year 2021 could be the year the year that you do it the year that you create it the year that you have it the year that you get the clarity the year that you do the thing what is it for you? I know what it is for me? And I have a big dream. And I’m gonna ignore the naysayers even if the naysayers me. So I leave you with that. Something to think about maybe some homework, read the book. It’s so good. Read the book. Watch the YouTube video, get inspired. See how you can pull the excitement from that into your own life and get excited about your life again. Now, if you want to join me and you would like to be a coach some day, be sure to jump on our waitlist jump into the alchemy Institute does SEO because there’s going to be something really good and it’s so good and so fun. You’re going to want to be part of it. And the very least jump into the alchemy collective join us in the membership where you can get your goals all set up like I did. You can find that on my website at Betsy Pake calm. Thanks for being here with me. Thanks for coming back. Thanks for being here after my little hiatus. I appreciate it so much. I love you so much and I’ll see you next week. Thank you so much for being here and for listening to today’s episode. If you liked it and got something out of it please be sure to share with me by leaving a review over on iTunes. And if you’re not following on social media, I am everywhere at Betsy Pake but most of the time over on Instagram, so follow and comment on my latest post so that we can connect there. I will see you next week. And until then, keep living big

My list of things to figure out and where I’m going this month!

Transcript:

Welcome to The Art of Living big. I’m your host, Betsy Pake. I’m an author, speaker, a master hypnotherapist and NLP coach, and I help high achievers rewire for success. If you’re ready for the next level, you’re in the right place. Over the next 30 minutes, I hope to help you redefine what could be possible for your life. Now, let’s go live big. Hello fellow adventurers. Welcome to Episode 258.

All right, so it’s it, we’re heading into Memorial Day in the United States. So if you are here, I hope you have some fun plans. I made a list. And this morning, I pulled out my list of things, like things to do, you know, but my list actually set at the top things to figure out. It’s a lot of stuff, y’all. It’s not just like the to do list. It’s like real things to figure out. Remember, a couple episodes back, I was talking about like new problems, and figuring out new problems. And the one that I talked about was my Oracle cards. Right? So I had a new problem is that I had to figure out, like the shipping and the overseas shipping and all that stuff. I did it figured it out. You can get them on my website.

But in all of that, I realized I’m like, I can figure stuff out, you know, the hard stuff sometimes like earlier on in my business that used to, like confuse me, that’s how I would describe it, I would get confused. Like, I wouldn’t know how to do it. And so I would miss kind of put it off, put it off, put it off to a point where then I was just putting things off for a long time, which really meant I was choosing not to do things. And it always felt bad because it went against like, who I felt I was right, like I’m gonna do or for the most part, and maybe you are too. So anyway, back to my list list of things to figure out. It’s some really fun things. It’s really awesome things.

It’s cool things that I feel like I have been working my whole, my entire entrepreneurial, entrepreneurial life towards. Also some things where I feel like I like this is the thing that I had been trying to get to this point where I would have this list of things to figure out, right. Anyway, all of that to say, I’m taking a hiatus from the show, just for a month, I’ll be back after Fourth of July. Here’s why I have this list of things to figure out. And I’m creating deep already in creation mode for our certification.

And this is our alchemy Institute, it is the six certifications. I am deep in recording mode all throughout June, we have scheduled recordings of these trainings so that if you want to take them online, you can do that. So all of that to say I have been, I have this list of things that needs to be done in in June. So that the other things that are being figured out, we’ll be ready to be launched in July. So a lot of changes a lot of really big cool things for me, um, fun things that I’m excited to talk about when I get back. But I really need to be deep in creation mode, you know, for the whole chunk of June. So I didn’t want to just leave you hanging because I feel like I’ve been so busy the last month or so. And with everything that happened with my dog and being sick, and all the things, just life life, and then these new business challenges.

So I want you to have an amazing June, please keep up on Instagram, let me know what you guys are up to, you know, follow along, I’m sure I’ll be sharing more of the journey of the filming in the creating. And I’m just really, really excited for June. I feel like this has been a baby that I have been thinking about birthing, you know, for many, many years. So I’m excited that the time is here. And I just really want to focus in and make this really, really incredible.

So if you are interested in the certification, we’ll be rolling out more there’s one spot left for this pre, the pre the first cohort. There’s a lot of cool stuff you get by being in the first cohort plus it’s way, way cheaper than it’s going to be. So there’s one spot left if you want it, grab it otherwise I’m going to close the doors on June 1 just so I can get to work so

anyway, I love you guys so much. I hope you have an incredible month. set some intentions what are the personal like one intention or two intentions personal you want to do One or two professional or career based things you want to do, and one or two adventure, what could you do this month that would give you a little bit of adventure. We’re starting to open up we can get out. If you’ve been vaccinated you can get out even more and maybe use the opportunity to like really dive in and see what you can come up with and what you can intend for the month of June.

So Alright, thank you so much for being here with me. I will see you guys in a month. Thank you so much for being here and for listening to today’s episode. If you liked it and got something out of it, please be sure to share with me by leaving a review over on iTunes. And if you’re not following on social media, I am everywhere at Betsy Pake but most of the time over on Instagram, so follow and comment on my latest post so that we can connect there. I will see you next week. And until then, keep living big

Okay so …. sometimes people are mean on the internet. And as I’ve grown into this space of having a more visible instagram account, I’ve had to do some specific things in order to train my brain I’m safe.

This might be helpful for you if you’re doing something new or scary too….. or even it’s not random trolls showing up in your comments!

Transcription:

In todays episode Betsy talks about success and how to know your outcome and succeed at the game of life.

Transcription:

Welcome to The Art of Living big. I’m your host, Betsy Pake. I’m an author, speaker,

a master hypnotherapist

and NLP coach, and I help high achievers rewire for success. If you’re ready for the next level, you’re in the right place.

Over the next 30 minutes,

I hope to help you redefine what could be possible for your life.

Now,

let’s go live big.

Hey, welcome

fellow adventurers Episode 256. I haven’t been here since 255, which wasn’t a week ago, it was like two weeks ago. This is week three. And I’ve missed y’all. I am sorry that I just disappeared, it felt like, Well, my last episode 255 was about my dog dying. And you could hear from my voice that that was kind of hard. I recorded that episode just a few days after she died.

Like she died on Thursday. And I recorded that on a Sunday. And, you know, by the time it aired, I was feeling better. I think the shock sort of wore off after a week. And I was still crying a lot, especially in the mornings, I’ll talk about that and what I did. Um, but in all of that, it just felt like self care to just not push myself to get things done. And so thank you for being patient with me. You know, it made me think there are probably times where I need to plan, like a short hiatus like a couple of weeks off. I’m not one of those people that that pre records podcasts for weeks in advance.

I did that closer to the beginning. And it always felt authentic, inauthentic, because I felt like I was changing so quickly, by the time the episode would air. Like I would be like, Oh, I forgot all about that. So I wouldn’t be able to, like really engage in a conversation with anybody about it. And if I did it so much in advance, like if you were following along, like on Instagram and my stories or whatever, and I would share things I was doing it felt like, wait, she talked, she did that like three weeks ago. So it if it felt like out of alignment, you know.

So anyway, so I always do the episodes the week of the show. So like today is Tuesday morning, this will air on Thursday, that’s how I like to do it. And so when I was, you know, grieving my little Miley I, I just I didn’t have the energy. And so I had to, like, I had to have a moment where I was like, okay, like I need to do this, you know, for me and just take a break for a minute and catch my breath and find my, my feet again, you know what I mean?

So I will tell you that I feel a lot better, I still really miss Miley, obviously, I always will. But for about three weeks, because it’ll be a month here in just a few days. So for about three weeks, every morning, when I woke up, I actually woke up crying. Like sometimes the crying would wake me up. Because the mornings and nights were always the hardest, like during the day, I would be fine.

But like I caught all the way up with that dog, I didn’t realize how much affection I was able to give and to get from her. And so I was like really crying in the morning. And it was really a crappy way to wake up. Like it was didn’t feel like a good way to wake up. And so I want to tell you what I did about that, in case this will help you that I did. What I did was time techniques, which is something that I do with people inside the alchemy collective my membership, you can join us, if you go to my website, just find the collective on there.

But I do this a lot with people in the collective or just with my one on one clients, or anybody that I’m working with, we use time techniques to go back and, you know, shift a negative emotion. And so there was part of me that felt like and maybe you’ve had this happen before too, that my grief was, um, it was proof of my love. And there was a part of me that didn’t, I guess didn’t want to give it up because then it would mean she was really gone. Like if I was totally okay, it would be like she was really, really gone. But I got to the point where I was like, I can’t keep waking up like this. So I did time techniques. And I went back in time and I released grief

and emotions tend to form on a Gestalt. So they form in, in groups so they go group together. So, um, I have already done so much of this work that I really felt like my reef around Miley was just my grief around Miley. But there can be times for myself and for other people or other emotions that I have had, where I will feel something and it’s it is bigger than the thing I’m dealing with.

And then I know that it’s a good start. I know it’s pulling from the past, right. So what I wanted to do with Miley was to make sure that I wasn’t pulling like grief from my mom or grief from something else. I have. Not grief. Yeah, grief. I don’t know why I heard myself say guilt. Grief from I had a lot of grief around. You know, if you listen to that episode with my daughter, I had a lot of emotion around that I actually did. I hired an NLP practitioner. And it took us about eight and a half hours, and we released like a ton of emotion around that.

So I thought there’s was a lot of grief around that rate, sadness and grief, it like maybe I’m pulling from that, and I really wasn’t. But once I released the grief, and I released sadness around, whatever, you know, the Gestalt that had formed just around Miley, I just felt so much better. I still, like long for her and miss her, but it’s manageable. And I’m not waking up crying.

And I was able to come up with a new morning routine that felt really good to me. And felt like, like, you know, like a not like an opportunity to create something new out of this. Right. So anyway, so that is the update on that. So thanks for hanging with me. Um, I’m about to turn 50 on Saturday. So I’m leaving tonight to head to the ocean. I’m insanely excited. If you’re on Instagram, you will be overrun with ocean photos.

I actually had bought a really nice camera last year, like around Corona times because I thought I’ll learn how to take really good pictures, but I never did. But I’m going to bring it and so anyway, it feels fun. I’m going to go to the ocean, chillax, read some books, take some photos, do some things. And I will be back on Sunday. And you’ll have a regular show next week. I have a really good guest interview for next week.

So Alright, so let’s dive into today’s episode. And what I really want to talk to you about, I have begun all of the recordings. And I’m taking a group of people through my NLP certification. So you can find that on my website too, if you want more information on that. But it has been really, really fun to record I’m just about to get through the entire pre study. There is EFT I teach you time techniques I teach you NLP, like all the things hypnosis, success coaching, and deep streaming facilitation.

And, you know, in all of that is was sort of evaluating what success really is, and what does success look like? You know, I think we have this idea of what success is from our culture and our society, and things that we think makes us successful. And I think it’s an important thing to evaluate, you know, from time to time is like, what is real success, like, What does real success look like, to me, instead of what it looks like, to marketing or companies, right, that want me to think that success is having, you know, not having gray hair, right, like having blonde hair. So continuing to dye my hair, or success is being like, really rich, or really skinny or really tan or whatever

it is that we are fed, right that we’re marketed to. And so what I wanted to talk to you as I was recording the certification, it made me just reconnect to a lot of the lessons that I had learned so long ago and and had sort of forgotten but this one I think, is really good. And it might give you a little bit of perspective and something to think about in a different way.

So, um, there are six principles for success in NLP. And the first one is a little bit interesting, but it is one you’ve heard me talk about. It is always know your outcome. Now, your outcome is different from like a SMART goal. It can be a SMART goal, but I think the outcome for me, I have a process that I put clients through and I teach it in NLP but outcome is really like, what will I be experiencing? When I get it?

Like how will I know that I get it? You know, so many times people are like, well, success is having a lot of money. Well like how much money well, a million dollars. Okay, how will you know you have it Well, all, I don’t know. Because really, will you have a million dollars in your checking account? Probably not. But you could be a millionaire, like, how

will you know?

Well, I’ll

see my I will see my financial statements, I’ll look at the value of my home. All right, like these? Are there different kinds of things. Now? Why is that even important? Like it seems kind of frivolous, right? Why would I need to identify that. And it’s because our unconscious mind needs to know what it’s looking for, you know, if I say I want more money, and then I walk through the hallway, and I find a quarter, my unconscious mind is like, wow, we’ve done it. So my conscious mind is the goal setter, it’s the thing that says I want a million dollars.

My unconscious mind is the goal getter. It’s the thing that figures out a way to make it happen. Now, you’ve heard me say this before. But my unconscious mind sees 2 million bits of information every second. But my conscious mind only sees 126 bits. So if you can imagine, if you’re walking down the hallway with a friend, and you’re seeing 126 bits, and you’re like, I really want to make more money, and your friend sees 2 million pieces of information floating around, do you think they’re going to find the opportunity?

First, who’s gonna find the opportunity, or the dollar bill on the street, or whatever that is, right? The person is who’s gonna make the connection that that person, somebody you need to know. And that person could help you meet the person, like who’s going to, you know, when you play chess, I don’t play chess. But I’ve watched the Queen’s gamut.

So I know how to play. So you know how they the good chess players can see ahead, like, like five or six steps, right? So if you’re walking down the hallway with a friend that can see 2 billion million bits of information in a second, they’re probably going to find what they’re looking for first, right? So what we want to do is we want to put our unconscious mind to work, we want to make it be our friend out there, that’s helping us make these connections. And so when we know our outcome, we know not only what we want, but we know really specifically and I always tell Pete tell people don’t say a million dollars, say $1,000,002.23 Do you see how that feels different, like your unconscious mind, probably glossed right over the million dollars.

But when I said the other one, then it was like, it was more like, catchy, you know, like more grabby, you know what I mean? So know specifically what it is that you want, and know how you’ll know you have it. Be really specific about this, like, take a minute and be like, I will be looking at my checking account. And I will see that there’s, you know, $50,000 in there, and I will notice the $52,000 in my savings get like whatever that is for you. So get really specific about it. The third piece of that outcome is I want you to know how you’re going to feel.

Remember, my unconscious mind really likes metaphors, right? It likes the story. And it also really likes emotion. So if you knew how you were going to feel, and what if every morning when you got up, you felt it, like you just got yourself into the state that you would if you were already had the thing. Like, if you’re walking down the hall, with your friend who can see 2 million bits of information, and can see all of these opportunities and all these connections and all these little things you can’t see. Like how are they going to feel like they’re gonna be like, Whoa, it’s really exciting.

Get in that because then your unconscious mind goes, Oh, we’re doing that we’re already there. You know, when people talk about Beginning in, well, Abraham, right Abraham Hicks, getting in the moment getting in the feeling of it already being here. Like that’s why that’s what you’re getting into. You’re getting into that emotion so that it knows your unconscious mind knows what to look for. So know your outcome.

You know, I worked on this the other day, and I was sort of surprised. And I teach this and talk about it all the time. But my outcome has changed since I have really looked at this last time. And I needed to get specific again I needed to write down what it is. If you are on in my text community, you know I send out texts after I do my deep streaming in the morning and there was one on Sunday that I sent out? I’m gonna read it. Let me find it, I should have found it before. So the one that I sent out?

Was this alright? How much of your reality is yours? really yours? And how much is the plagiarism of others thoughts and ideas about who you are? Yet you adopt those as real and wonder why you feel off? What if you could simply let all that go and allow your life to create itself by focusing simply on what you like, in every given instance, make it today’s game. Now, if you got clear on what it is you really wanted, so now I’m super clear, right? We’ve done the outcome, where you’ve found out what you want, you know how you’re going to feel, you know, how you’re gonna know you have it? Well, then all I have to do is,

if you could imagine

walking, your let’s imagine, you’re a video game. I’m not a video game player. But this is how this came to me this image and walking through a video game. And I know the outcome, I know how I want to feel. And all I do is tap. And I imagine like tapping Tingting, right, like, you know, the sound video games make everything that matches that feeling. So I go downstairs and somebody opens the door for me that matches the feeling, right?

It feels like I’m connecting with people feels happy. Like, I focus on that. Right? I walk around the corner and somebody like cuts me off. And gives me a mean, look, I don’t focus on that at all, I just keep going. Because my game, the goal of my game is to, like take my hammer and pound the things that match the feeling that I want. So I don’t want to focus on that thing that just came up that I didn’t like, I want to quick focus and find the next like bubble that’s coming up that I have to smash that shows, that’s the thing I want Does this make sense?

Because this is the image that I had in my head, if you could imagine that. Maybe reality is just this game. And that when you can identify when you can get the outcome, you know exactly what you want, then all you have to do is just find instances of it and focus linger on it. The other things just ignore it, just keep going. And if you could do that, your unconscious mind your friend walking down the hallway would start to understand what you were looking for. And it would start to go Oh, look at Betsy, it’s over there.

Oh, look, there’s some over there, it would start to show you more of it because it would know what it is that you need. So maybe we complicate things. And we make things seem way more important than they are. And we struggle. When in fact, if we could just let the things we don’t want go and let them create themselves as we simply choose through our focus to point out the thoughts, the feelings and the ideas that we like bringing more of it to us in a state of total ease. So the six principles for success, I want you to really know your outcome so that you can play the game. really know your outcome.

Number two is to take real action. So take the action when you see it, you know, focus on all the good stuff. And then when you see it take the action. I feel like I should meet that person need them. Do you know what I do? I will say to people in fact, I when I went to my trainers training, there was someone in my trainers training.

Henry Amar, I

don’t know if you guys know who Henry Amar is, he’s a good one to follow on Instagram. But he was like, I love how you do this. Like you just walk up to people and you’re like, Can we be friends? I know people probably did that like in kindergarten, and then people said no. And so they stopped doing that. But if I find somebody I think that I’m supposed to be friends with, I’ll just walk up and be like, I feel like we should be friends.

Right? Like I so take action. Like if you get the feeling take action. If you think you’re supposed to meet somebody if you think you’re supposed to do something, if you’re supposed to go live and share something if you’re supposed to, you know whatever it is do the thing. Try the thing and see how it works. Then all you have to do is focus on the pieces of it that you like, right the video game you’re back in the video game. I like this part.

I like that part. That part Those parts will start to expand. But you got to take action sometimes when people will come to me and they’ll be like, I’m stuck, like, I’m really stuck. I’m like, take any action, it doesn’t even matter if it’s an action, you want to take just do anything, make it super duper, duper, duper small, any action, because then you get contrast, then you get I like this, I don’t like this.

And then you just focus on the thing that you like, make a list, make a list of all the things you like, if you feel stuck, make a list of all the things you like, just make it simple. Pretend it’s a game, and make a list of the things you like, Don’t even worry about becoming unstuck. Just make a list. Alright, so So number one, always know your outcome. Number two, take real action. Number three, pay attention to your results,

right?

So that’s what we’re doing, we’re taking the action, we’re focusing where we want, we’re paying attention to the good and the bad that we get. And we’re we are noticing where the good is, right? So pay attention to your results. And then number four is be willing to change. You know, if I’m getting a result that I didn’t want, I’m gonna go What could I do to shift this? How can I be at cause like, I don’t want to be at effect of things. Like, I don’t want to be like, well,

that’s the way it is.

Well, they did that to me.

I want

to have I want to be at cause. So how can I shift that? How can I have a better boundary? How can I be more compassionate to what they’re experiencing? How can I say no, in a way that I stick up for myself? Right? Like, there is a way to be able to, to, to, to be willing to change to be flexible? And you know, the most flexible in the system wins the system. So, you know, how can you notice pay, take real action, pay attention to the result you get, and then be flexible and go? What could I do differently? Number five of the six principles of success is to focus on excellence.

So you know, when we do something, if we focus on being the best at that thing. Now, this doesn’t mean that we are better than somebody else, it means we’re doing our best. You know, when Miley died, I had made a commitment to myself that I was going to do these workouts I had bought like a 12 week program. And I have always really done well with like, if you give me like a program, I will do it. You know what I mean? Because I don’t have to think I just do it. When Miley died, it was really hard to work out. But I had made a commitment to myself.

So that felt like the right thing to do. So focusing on excellence, it didn’t mean I was going all out like today, my workout would have been different than my workout when Miley was died. But I did the best I could in that situation. And I know moving my body really helped me process a lot of grief. So focusing on excellence doesn’t mean you’re perfect. It means you’re doing the best you can with the resources you have at that time.

Right. So number six, is to live with integrity, and to live with gratitude. So I really like these, you know, to live in integrity is you know to do to me, this means to do the things you said you were going to do to show up in the best way that you can and to be grateful, you know, to be like I have all these new opportunities sometimes when I have a problem. And I’m like, Oh my god, I have a problem. Like, you know what, I think I haven’t ever had this problem before. Like, especially with work. Like if something happens, and I’m like, I’ve never had this problem before.

Like that’s really good, even though it’s a huge problem. Like I haven’t had this problem. So right now I have a problem. We have Oracle cards, I think I’ve talked about this, I created these really beautiful, I hired a designer to create these really beautiful Oracle cards with some of my deep streaming messages. They’re so awesome. I love them so much. And they are they just finished so we just uploaded them to the publisher. I’m getting one so I can make sure that they’re perfect and they are amazing. You can see him on my website.

But I have to figure out people have been pre ordering but after the pre order, like I’m going to charge shipping. So the pre order didn’t include shipping. Like I include I paid shipping. So if you want to jump in well the pre order because they’re probably going to be a little more expensive afterwards. But um I got to figure out how to Figure out the shipping thing. I’m like, how do I, I don’t know how to do this, like, I got to figure it out. It’s a problem. But it’s a new problem. So I’m like, this is really cool, because I didn’t have this problem a couple years ago, because I didn’t have these awesome Oracle cards to share with y’all. So sometimes when we can live in gratitude, we can be grateful even for the struggles.

Now, none of this means that, like things can are always rosy and perfect. It doesn’t mean you’re not ever struggling. It just means that you trust, the things are working out for you, you know, just means that in the crap, you’re trying to find the nugget of something good. You know, when when Miley was gone, like I was devastated. And I also was searching for what could be good about this, how could this be like something that propels me forward on my journey instead of holds me back, you know, that was a dog, I know. But if you have dogs, you, you feel me.

So

take all of this, and rethink what you’re thinking about success, how you’re moving through your experience, you know, take the parts, I always say, like this show, it’s a buffet, you can take the parts you like, and you could ignore the other parts, like it’s totally your life, you can do what you want.

But I really wanted to share that because, you know, I feel like this is important, really knowing what your outcome is for you, and what it is now, you know, maybe you did this years ago, but maybe it’s a moment to revisit, you know, take some real action, pay attention to your results, and be willing to change, you know, have some behavioral flexibility, what do I need to do in order to bend with this situation, so that I can make this work for me, focus on excellence, and use the resources you have in every given moment. You know, do what you can with where you are, and what you have.

And just live in gratitude, you know, be in integrity, and, and live in gratitude. So, anyway, I hope that that gave you something new to think about, if you’re not already on my text list, and that was something that you wanted to do, you can go to my website, and there’s way down at the bottom, there’s the phone number, but I will give it to you here too. It is 770-343-3409. And you can just text Hello, or live big or whatever, it’ll send you a link and you just have to click the link that will allow me to actually text you. So I text out it’s a it’s a it is a service that I use. So I texted out to everybody.

But if you text me back, I do get it. So I get it through the app that I use. So I love when you guys tell me what resonates and how you feel if you want to join us inside the alchemy collective jump in there with us. It’s really a great community like amazing, the best people ever. And of course my certification has a couple spots open right now for this early this early entrance. So if you’re interested in that, you can find everything on my website.

Thank you so much for being here. All right, you guys. I’m going off to the beach to celebrate my birthday. Because you know that is how I think you live a big life going to the beach. Alright y’all. I love you so much. Thanks for being here. I’ll see you next week. Thank you so much for being here and for listening to today’s episode. If you liked it and got something out of it please be sure to share with me by leaving a review over on iTunes. And if you’re not following on social media, I am everywhere at Betsy Pake but most of the time over on Instagram, so follow and comment on my latest post so that we can connect there. I will see you next week. And until then, keep living big

Today Betsy talks about losing her dog Miley and the grief that she is processing.

transcription:

0:00
Welcome to The Art of Living big. I’m your host, Betsy Pake.

0:03
I’m an author, speaker, a master hypnotherapist and NLP coach. And I help high achievers rewire for success. If you’re ready for the next level, you’re in the right place. Over the next 30 minutes, I hope to help you redefine what could be possible for your life. Now, let’s go live big. Hello, welcome fellow adventurers. Welcome to today’s show. So all right, so I want to I’m going to talk today about something you’re going to think like, Oh, God, especially if you’ve been following me on Instagram, you’re going to be like, Oh, my God, this is what the episode is about, of course, this is what the episode is about. But I promise you, this won’t be depressing. I just have things to say. Because I think that there’s I think there’s a lot to say, Alright, so let me explain. Um, the last couple weeks have been really hard, like, probably the hardest that I’ve had in a while. And hard, like, emotionally, like, I’ve had some things that were hard, like, moving was hard, but it was more like, more like, structurally hard, not emotionally hard, if that makes sense. So the last two weeks have been emotionally hard. I was sick for a full week. And that was just really a lot of unknowns, I had to go get a COVID test. And when they got medicine, and you know, in the middle of all that, then my dog started getting sick, which is what I want to talk about today. And I’ve got a flat tire a nail in my tummy. And like, you know what I’m saying like a lot of challenges that were like, overlapping. And what I was already dealing with was making these new things harder. And so I want to talk about how my dog died. I know, it doesn’t seem like the most fun episode ever. But I think there is something to learn here. And also. Suffering is what I have found, especially over the last week is so universal, and I think suffering with pets, and there is a sort of, like, I’m only supposed to suffer for a certain amount of time. And then I need to get over it kind of feeling. But I’m getting a little ahead of myself. So let me kind of back up. So last weekend, you know my dog, I have two dogs. I have Miley, who’s my little dog. I’ve had her, I think about 13 years. I’ve had her 13 about 13 years. And she’s my little dog. I’ve had her for a long time. She sleeps in my bed. She has epilepsy. So she’s on medicine three times a week. And there’s just a lot of like, maintenance with her a lot to like think about and we do everything together. I have worked from home like the whole time I’ve had her basically and so we’re together all the time. Now, my husband has a dog named Henry. And you might be thinking like isn’t, aren’t they both family dogs like you have dogs. And I know that this sounds strange, but Miley’s my dog and Henry’s his dog. My husband and I sleep differently. He snores. And so we sleep in separate rooms. So our dogs sleep in separate rooms. So it makes it even more separate. If I bring Miley out to go to the potty, I bring Henry. And my husband brings smiley when he brings Henry. But I will bring him on walks together and things like that. And they play together and they’re together all the time. But there’s just something different. You know, even during the day, Miley would be in with me in my office and Henry would be in a different room. So so my way is Ben, my dog. And I had her before I even met Craig. My husband, Craig. So anyway, about a week ago. She just started acting really funny really like they came home from the park. And she was sort of shaky, like weirdly shaky and I thought maybe she was having a seizure because she does have epilepsy, but it wasn’t that and then after that, she wouldn’t really walk her back legs were like crossing. And but then within a few hours, she was better and walking around and like happy and eating and everything. So, you know, I sort of dismissed it in terms of like, well, who knows what was going on? You know, she was having like a little seizure maybe and now she’s better. And she’s had things off and on. You know, last summer she had, what, four E’s I will say is like pancreatitis, so she’s on prescription dog food. Do you know what I mean? So there’s like a lot of things with her. So when she started getting better, I just was happy.

5:02
But then by Tuesday, by Monday afternoon, probably and then really bad Tuesday, she was burning up like she was laying on the bed. But she was hot, hot, like radiating heat. And I felt like she has a fever. And she was still acting weird and didn’t really want to walk. She could walk, but she didn’t really want to like you could just tell she didn’t feel good. And you know, I had been sick the whole week before. So I was kind of like, I get it, like when you just don’t feel good, you know. So I brought her to the emergency vet. Now the emergency vet ended up being like a whole ordeal. It was Tuesday, it took me like all day, if you have heard me talk about my alchemy collective my membership. I went live in the membership and was like, Oh, my God, this was my day. And kind of explained what I did that day to like, get myself together, I had to drive her to an emergency vet, which because we had moved, it wasn’t one I had ever been to before. And it was packed and everybody was out in the parking lot. You know, and they would assign the, they would assign you a spot and you would wait and they would come out and take your dog and then you would just wait. And it was hot hot that day. And I have a little car, a little convertible. And so it’s built for the air conditioner to work with air flowing through it. It doesn’t work like a regular car air conditioner. It needs you to be moving. So after about 15 minutes, I mean, it was getting hot. I had sort of run out of the house with Miley when she was so hot. And I was worried. And so I ran out of the house. So I had a sweatshirt on. I mean, I was dying. And it was sort of that thing where everything that could go wrong did go wrong. I was sitting there in the spot, and I could hear my tire losing air. And I was like, how am I going to get home, I’ve got this dog that who knows what’s going on. I’m so hot, I’ve got to be moving to get the airflow. Anyway, all of that they ended up coming out and letting me know that she had maybe like a bulging disc in her back or thrown her back out. And so they gave me steroids and painkillers. But within a day or so it wasn’t doing anything. And she just seemed like she was getting worse. And so on Thursday, I brought her to the vet. By this point. She’s like, limp, she’s, I mean, she won’t walk, I’m carrying her up and down the stairs to go potty. She just lays on my chest and sleeps. And I just had this feeling you know, you know when you know, like it’s time. And so. And so I brought her over to the vet. And you know, cuz COVID they met me outside and I had to sit on a bench and talk to them. And they looked at her and I could just tell. I could just tell they knew to you know, and they said, What, What are you here for? And I explained that I had originally made the appointment because I wanted them to look at her just to get to know her because we had just moved to the area, right. And she was on all this medication for her epilepsy. But now, I needed their help navigating this, I needed to know what was really happening. And so they took her and I came back to my apartment, I just walked right back to my apartment and waited. And they called and said her bloodwork was really high like everything was screwy. And that maybe she had something going on internally and that the medicine they had given her at the emergency vet should have done something if it was anything else, you know. So they said they were going to do it up X ray, but that the X ray probably wouldn’t show anything. And they would need to do a sonogram the following week. But they would do it if I wanted. So I said we’ll go ahead and do it. And they call back like immediately. And they said she’s just full of cancer. It’s all over her liver. We could see it on the X ray. So what I want to talk about in this episode is like grief for your pets. But also we want to kind of share with you how I have been grieving. Because I think it’s so universal. And I think we don’t really talk about it, you know? So when they call them they said this, they said we can we get admitted to the hospital, put her on IV. She might die Well, she’s all alone here at the hospital. Or I can give her some medicine. You can bring her home for the night and then bring her back tomorrow. And we can put her down tomorrow or if you’re ready. We can do it now. Now I knew immediately that I was not going to let her die alone in the hospital and I wasn’t going to make her suffer just so I could have another night with her you know? So we knew immediately but I was like can I call you right back They were so kind.

10:02
And I hung up the phone. And I made a sound, I don’t even know how to describe the sound it was, I was so thankful, first of all that I was alone, you know, I was thankful I was alone, and I let whatever was inside just come out, you know, it was like, like guttural pain sound. And I just let it come out, I thought, like, the neighbors are gonna call the police, because they’re gonna think something weird is happening. But I just didn’t care. I just I was like, I am not going to get this trapped in my body. And I share that with you. Because I think that’s so important. emotion is emotion. It’s a chemical reaction in our body, we can feel it, right? It’s why we get teary and why we, you know, can we feel that heaviness in our body? And I know that if I I can move through this quicker if I acknowledge it, and I let it come out, instead of thinking or saying to myself, like it’s it’s a dog, Betsy, right? And if you’ve had a pet, you’re like, Oh, my God, no, it’s a family member. Also, if you haven’t had a pet before, or even if you have, you might be like, but there’s a temperament to it there. It’s different than a person, right? I have to tell you that I have suffered grief from lots of people, my mother, my grandmother, passing friends, people I knew co workers bosses. And it feels very similar these first few days, it feels very similar to that. So after I wailed I called them back and I said, I’ll be right over. And on the way there. It was, like I was, um, it’s like when you’re walking, but you’re like, out of your body. Like, you’re just like, I know, I’m moving forward, but I don’t know. Like, I’m not in it. You know what I mean? And I was breathing out, kept trying to breathe. You know, like, forcefully breathing. I’m sure. Everybody was outside, like on the patios eating lunch and stuff. And I’m like, Oh, I’m just breathing out loud. Really, weirdly, I didn’t care. Because I was like, I am not going to be crying like that. When I’m there with her. I promised her a long time ago, when she first started getting sick that I would be there. You know, I wouldn’t be there at the end.

12:45
Then I would,

12:46
I would be what she needed, you know, because she’s been there for me, and I was gonna be there for her. So I mean, I was like, practicing my breathing. You’re like, I’m gonna be so strong. I’m gonna do it. And I did. And I went in and I held her, they let me I mean, they would let me hold her for an hour if I wanted, but I didn’t want too long. It was almost like when you’re standing on like the ledge of a building, and you’re like, I know, I’m gonna fall. So I just want to jump, you know, but probably like five to seven minutes. I just held her and cuddled her. I gave her a little treat, she ate it up. Like, which I was kind of surprised because she hadn’t really eaten. And when I say ate it up, not like a normal dog, but like a very sick dog. You know, she seemed to know I was there. Although I don’t know that she could really see if that makes sense. She was so out of it. But I felt like she could smell me and feel me. And then when the doctor came in, I asked, Can I want to keep holding her like, I didn’t want to just lay her down on the table. And so they let me they were so nice. Um, you know, they let me take my mask off and kiss her so I can feel her on my face.

13:59
Then,

14:01
you know, then she was snoring. And then she was gone. It was sort of like a surreal experience. And I just was ready. Later down. It was just so weird, because it was weird because she was still warm. Like, it was like my brain was trying to process like, she was still warm. She was still like Miley shaped. You know what I mean? But like, Where is she? And so it led me into this whole thought of like, I have really distinct ideas about where we go as people when we die and how we’re spirits and how we are energy and so energy doesn’t die and I feel that about her. Um, and so it I’ve done a lot of thinking over the last few days about where she is, and about love and pain and moving through really hard things and obtaining lessons from them. It’s hard things, and about grief. And if you’re doing it right, right, or if you’re doing it too much, or if you’re allowing yourself pain, or if you’re avoiding pain, you know, if you’re talking about it too much, I know that I have been posting it pretty freely on my Instagram. I’m recording this on Sunday. So she died on a Thursday, and I lost followers like zonkers numbers of followers. I don’t, I don’t care. But I noticed that because death and suffering in pain, it makes people uncomfortable. And you may have even felt this, like when I was talking about the story, right? Like, it’s just as uncomfortable. One of the really great things that has happened, a couple of great things I want to share in case you know, somebody that’s going through this, or if you are going through this, or you’re about to go through this, you know, it’s coming. So one really great thing is my daughter, I facetimed her like 13 times that first day. And she didn’t try and fix anything. She just listened to me. I told her I’m going to I’m not going to cover my face, I’m going to have the ugly cry. It was important for me, to have someone witness me.

16:25
It was important

16:28
to not try and cover it up, or not like pretend I was okay, or just talk on the phone because I was alone, making that decision when the vet called. I was like, How am I supposed to do this all by myself. But in the end, it was fitting because it was always her and me. So one of the great things that all it did was she just witnessed me, she just said I’m sorry, Mama. And so I want to share that, because that’s all like doing that for somebody is that it’s everything, I didn’t need her, there was no fixing it, she wasn’t gonna make me better, I needed to work through that on my own. And part of working through that was just having somebody witnessed my pain. And to say they were sorry, you know, to be to be connected in our suffering.

17:23
You know, a couple of weeks ago, I had all of en, and we did an episode on on her and her anxiety and depression and mental health. And, you know, in that I kind of went through, I didn’t realize how much it was like bringing up stuff for me until after. And I have wondered if that’s why I got sick a couple weeks ago too. But it reminded me of during that time, I had a friend at the time. And when everything went, it was the it was the day that all of got put in the hospital. And my friend said, I’m not going to say I’m sorry, this is happening to you because I know it’s going to lead to something better. And I needed compassion, right? I needed to have somebody witness me and say you’re suffering and I see you in your suffering. And so, you know, bringing it forward to right now. You know, I was suffering and all I could see that I was suffering. And I think that it’s so important. It doesn’t mean like it was going to something better when I’ve got put in a hospital it did lead to something better, you know, mildly dying, it led to the end of her suffering is leading to openings for me to have new things places I can travel and things I can do becomes easier because I don’t have a dog where I have to give meditate medication two, three times a week like there is an end end and beginning to everything and that’s good. But having somebody have compassion and you share in that. Just witnessing it is so so important in the process of healing and recovering and moving on to what’s next to that

19:03
next thing.

19:04
You know, I posted on Facebook about it. And every time somebody posts about their dog or cat or losing a pet, I always comment because I could like no, because I have loved Miley so much. I knew that when that time comes for me, I always would say to all of you, I’m going to be a mess. Like it’s gonna be a train wreck. Like be ready. You know, put your seatbelt on for when that happens. But when I posted on Facebook, and people that came forward and acknowledged it and shared I I get it. I lost my dog. I lost my cat. Like I get it. Betsy, this is the worst. Oh, this is so hard.

19:45
Like

19:46
the

19:48
the sharing in the suffering right? So that you don’t feel so alone. You’re like, oh, what I’m going through is really normal. A lot of people feel it. I mean, I think I had like I don’t know 100 and 70 people comment that they all get it. Like it was so helpful. It almost was weird to me how much lighter it made me feel. And so I think in this experience that we’re having this physical reality, feeling that connection where other people understand there is compassion for what you’re going through, like nobody said it’s going to, well, some people said, it’s going to get better. And that felt good. I mean, they were like, it really will get feel better. But nobody said like, there’s good things about this. Like nobody said that, right? Because that’s not what I needed. I just needed somebody to witness where I was, you know? So, in all of this grief and weirdness, I think I’ve, I’ve just come to a place where I’m, I’m just maybe finally today feeling like maybe there’s a little bit of moments of relief, you know, I have mornings and evenings are really, really hard, because I think that’s when I would get all her medicine ready and bring her out, like there was a lot to do with her. And then at night, we cuddle the lot, I didn’t realize how much I reached out for her and the middle of the night, you know. And now when I reach out, it wakes me up, and then I cry. And so, this morning, when I got up, and I went to tell Alexa, good morning, because that’s what I do in the morning. And it turns on all my lights and everything. Usually, I would like put my hand on her. So she would know, she didn’t have to get up yet. And it was sort of freeing to not have to do that. And I realized I could have a totally different routine in the morning. Like I could create something really cool and good for me Who do I want to be, you know, my identity has been this mom, dog mom. And as silly as that sounds, because I think also because she was on so much medication and prescription food and all of that stuff. It was took a lot of extra time and always thinking about it, you know, always thinking about her. And now that opens up, right? It’s different. I texted out to my text community, if you’re on my text list, you got you got this, if if you’re not and you want to be, you can just text me at 770-343-3409. And what I said was I said this week, my dog died. And I’ve been really struggling. And so I asked and my deep streaming, and this is what I heard, when you think it might swallow you up, diving deeper. It’s there that you find the depths of your love, your capacity to feel and the strength to move through it. It is in the depths

22:57
that

22:58
you heal and you rise, and you’ll become changed by this experience. So that you may open up and love fully once again. And I and there was more it’s on my Instagram if you want to read the whole streaming.

23:14
But I have

23:15
to allow myself this time to grieve, whether it’s a week or a month or often on for a year or whatever it is, so that I can get it all out so that I can process it so that you know, next time I experienced grief, I’m not pulling this experience into that. Does that make sense? So if I don’t heal it, it pulls forward to the next event. One of the things that we do with my coaching clients and in in in my group is in my membership we have a monthly in my in my membership, the alchemy collective, we have a monthly NLP session. And I do time techniques, which is where we go back and release emotion from the past, then you’re just left with the wisdom right of the moment. And, um, and so I want to make sure I’m releasing the grief that I’m getting it all out that I’m crying and wailing when I need to and being okay when I need to like laughing when I need to. I know this sounds silly. Maybe because it’s a dog. That’s my own programming because I feel like I have to say that. But like the first time I started laughing I felt a little bad. But that doesn’t mean my love is any different. It means that, like I have this great capacity to heal. It means there’s lots of other good things in my life, you know, and it means that I really, really loved her because I know things that I really love. I don’t want to suffer.

24:49
So

24:51
I’m trying to just really, really feel it, as you can tell by my voice. So I don’t think there’s any right way to do grief. Even with pets. I think that it’s really allowing yourself to feel the pain and getting into it. I think it’s finding people that you can really trust that will just listen to you and not put a parameter on it, you know, not say, Well, this is the best. I can do none of that. Just listen and say, I’m sorry. I’m sorry. You’re struggling. Like I see you. You know, I was mentioning too that Milo was on a lot of medication. And prescription food chain was on these, like cans of food that were like seven bucks at can. It was insane. But I found them cheaper on chewy. This is not an ad for chewy. But I’ve been getting all her medication from chewy and getting the cans of food from chewy because they’re cheaper there. And they ship them to you. And it’s super easy. And and they just auto ship, right. So all her stuff was being auto shipped. So before she died, I had ordered the food. And it’s like 100 bucks for a case of it. And I almost knew I shouldn’t. I ordered it like on Wednesday, right? So I hadn’t brought her to the vet on Thursday yet. I almost knew I shouldn’t. But I did because I knew I shouldn’t. But I did it because I didn’t want to believe what I knew. And so then it hadn’t even arrived and she was gone. So she died on a Thursday on Friday, I reached out to chewy, like I had to had to delete her profiles. I wish they let you put in a died date. And like a little commemorative thing. It felt bad having to delete her profile, but I wanted to delete all the autoships and her medication and all that. And I messaged them and said, You know, I ordered her food and then she died the next day, is there a way I can return it? Because I’m gonna have like all these, I just won’t be able to use it, you know? So, immediately, their immediate response back was we just refunded your money. Like, that was your immediate response back we refunded your money on your Amex, and when you feel better donate the food. I mean, like how is that amazing, right? Like it? It’s, it’s silly, but it was like such a relief because those last two days of doctor bills and you know, x rays and bloodwork and emergency vets and, and then, you know, I had her cremated and I’m getting the ashes and you have to pay for the but like it was a lot. You know, that’s what I mean. It’s worth it all. I mean, I’m not complaining about that. But it was an expense and then to have like another $100 of something I didn’t need. So it was just so kind. And then within a couple days, I got a bouquet of flowers from them at my house. Can you imagine? Like it was so kind and I think it’s the kindness of people acknowledging that this is profound. You know that it’s not just a pet, that it’s a family member, and it’s profound. And so I’m so just so grateful. I wanted to share that I have another dog, you’ve probably seen me talk about both my dogs. So Miley and Henry. And a lot of people have asked about Henry and like, I want to just say like I love Henry by Henry is my husband’s dog. He sleeps in my husband’s room. He sat outside with me today, but the moment he heard my husband and he got up and went running like it’s his dog, you know? And so it’s different. And Henry’s awesome. He’s a sweet dog. He is a nice, nice dog and but he has everything that’s written on the side of the tin. You know, Miley was soulful and more than a dog. She was just different. Henry’s great. I’m not saying that. But it’s it is a different kind of experience.

29:01
And, you know, I

29:04
have thought last couple days could Henry be that? Like, maybe it’s because I communicated so much with Miley like, maybe it’s because we were so connected and so together. I don’t know, I don’t know if she was given to me in that special way or became that way. But regardless, it’s my husband’s dog. So it just feels different. You know, I have been trying to give him an extra love thinking that could soothe me a little bit. But he said like, he’s not super interested. You know, he’s like, cool with me, but he’s like, you know, whatever. So, um, Monday, tomorrow, I gotta get back to work. You know, I’ve been sick, and then I was dealing with this. And I got to get back at it. You know, one thing I realized this week was this past week was TEDx here in Atlanta. And I don’t know, I think I mentioned it on the show. I know I mentioned it on my Insta GRAEME, but I hadn’t. I had applied for TEDx this year,

30:03
I’ve applied a couple times.

30:05
And I didn’t get picked. And I was sad. But I said, even at the time, I know the universe is always supporting me. I know everything’s working out in my favor. I really believe that even though we can’t see it at the time, sometimes it takes months or years for us to see it. But if I had gotten chosen,

30:23
the whole week,

30:24
where I was at emergency vets with Miley and I was laying with Miley and I was holding her and our last hours, and I was with her at the vet while she died, I wouldn’t have been able to be there. And I would have had to do a TED talk less than 24 hours after she passed. And that would not have been what was best for me. So sometimes, when things don’t go the way we want, we have to just trust that there is some greater plan and then keep moving forward towards something else. This week, I’m getting back at it. Get to get back at work. I am drained. And I’m drained. I think I’m tired too, because I’m not sleeping well. And so I’m going to take extra time. You know, what, where do I need? You know, Babs? No, my husband has bet like emptied the dishwasher, like got dinner, like did more than his fair share around the house. He does his half or more, but just did extra, you know, so that I didn’t have to. And I’m just gonna soak that up. I think some time our reaction is like, No, no, I got it. But I’m just soaking that up and taking what I need so that I can move through it. And I can be okay. And I know that with every ending, there’s some new beginning that’s coming, something new, some new opportunity, easier to travel and even to move. So April has been a challenge so far. And I don’t know if it has been for you, but I feel really positive. I feel like I’ve moved through a lot of things in the last couple of weeks and I’ve been present. I have been in it and I haven’t deflected a stick to my workouts that stuck to my eating clean. You know, like just trying to be healthy. Like I have done the things I have not defaulted to online shopping or drinking or any of those things that we do just to numb out for a little bit I’ve really been present and stayed in my emotions so that I can feel them all without fear and move through them. So thank you for listening and witnessing me today. I think being present even during the hard things, I think that’s how you live a big life. I’ll see you guys next week. Thank you so much for being here and for listening to today’s episode. If you liked it and got something out of it please be sure to share with me by leaving a review over on iTunes. And if you’re not following on social media, I am everywhere at Betsy Pake but most of the time over on Instagram, so follow and comment on my latest post so that we can connect there. I will see you next week. And until then, keep living big

In this episode Betsy talks about a flowing to what you want in life.

Links:

www.betsypake.com/alchemycollective

www.betsypake.com/certification

Transcript:

Welcome to The Art of Living big. I’m your host, Betsy Pake. I’m an author, speaker, a master hypnotherapist and NLP coach. And I help high achievers rewire for success. If you’re ready for the next level, you’re in the right place. Over the next 30 minutes, I hope to help you redefine what could be possible for your life. Now, let’s go live big. Hello fellow adventurers, welcome to today’s show. I wasn’t here last week, and I’m gonna tell you why. But before I get into all that, I just wanted to thank everybody so much for the Super kind messages after I had my daughter on the show. So the last episode 253 was with my daughter, olive. And we talked all about her struggle with mental health issues.

And you know, it your messages were so kind and so nice. And I appreciate it, I screenshotted them when they came to me, you know, online or whatever, and sent them to her. And I think she was super pleased that it was so well received. So thank you for that. Um, she also started thinking maybe she wants to write a book. She wants to do it with me, but I will tell you that. I don’t know that I feel like thinking about it that much. I didn’t realize until we did that episode, how, you know how much I had just, like kind of moved on from things, if that makes sense. Doing that episode, and in the week that followed, which isn’t why I didn’t have an episode last week, I’ll explain that.

But in the week that followed, I was I was just thinking so much like I found my thoughts going back to that time and remembering other things. And you know, I, there was a time in all of that where we had a deal that if after, after, if you listen to the episode, this will make sense. But after the whole situation, with the hallucinations in the middle of the night, we had a deal that if something happened in the middle of the night, or any time that she would just come and get me. And so there was a period of time where that happened, like around 3am. And how she would do it, because she would be in distress was just to turn on the bedroom light and scream.

So for a long, long time, I got woken up at 3am with the light on and screaming. And then it got to the point where I would just wake up, like in anticipation. And even now I wake up. And I was hadn’t thought about that and about why I get up at that time and sort of all of the interconnectedness of our lives and the things that we go through. And honestly doing that made me realize there are some things that I’m ready to heal, you know, that I had kind of suppressed or not thought about.

But when they came back up, I was like, Oh, I’m ready to let that go or to heal that. So anyway, I’m grateful for all the tools I have. I’ve done a lot of work on myself over the last couple of weeks just to be able to release that stuff. And to move on. And you know, it was helpful for me too, because one of the things she said, and you guys kind of laughed because I got some messages about it, but about how when she told me about the hallucinations, then we went to Waffle House. And you know, I’ve talked a little bit on the show about how I gained weight when my daughter was sick, and I but I didn’t really know why. I mean, I knew like I know how it works. So I knew why.

But all of a sudden I was like, oh, and and so that I realized that was a pattern of like, we’ll just go eat what got us out of the house. You know what I mean? And so we would do that. And so I started to notice where that pattern is in my life. Now, right? Where else have I adopted that pattern. So the pattern isn’t just getting up at 3am. Still, there’s other patterns that are no longer serving me and aren’t healthy and aren’t bringing me to my highest potential

right.

But they were totally unaware to me before. And so anyway, I’m grateful. I’m grateful that we did that episode so that I could see some of those things in a different light. So anyway, before we get started in the show, I have opened up my NLP practitioner certification. You can find it if you go to my website, there’s lots of places to click to find it, but you can just go to Betsy Pake comm slash certification and you can find out more now now here’s the thing is that I’m only taking 10 people it’s almost full, but I’m only taking 10 people because it’s the first like cohort of it and I want to be able to it’s so it’s way cheaper. You’re gonna be getting the content as I create it. And it’s gonna be really fun, I think because we can make adjustments and see what works.

You get six certifications with it. That’s hypnosis, NLP EFT success coaching, my deep streaming facilitator and time techniques. So there’s six certifications you get. So it’s, it’s really an awesome deal. It’s gonna be fun, the people that are in it are like, awesome. And so if that has been something that’s interested you, you’re gonna want to jump in and grab one of those last spots because they’ll probably be gone pretty soon. All right. So with all that said, last week, I didn’t have a show because I was so sick. I actually, if you follow along on Instagram, you kind of know some of this. But I was so sick,

I thought I had COVID.

Like, I was like, convinced I actually went and got a COVID test, I did not have COVID. But I had a really killer sinus infection. And I don’t know if you get sinus infections, but if you do, you know, then you know, but I get them really bad for some reason. I mean, every time I get a cold or whatever, I get a sinus infection. And so I had to take care of that. But in all of that for like the full week, it was like I started getting sick on my, I don’t know, maybe Friday afternoon, and then I finally got antibiotic in me on Tuesday, the rest of the week. I mean, I could barely do anything. And in all of that, I realized as I started to come out of my haze, how much I’m just rethinking the same thoughts. Now, several years ago, it was like, February maybe of like, 2019, I was super sick, sinus infections, same kind of thing.

And

I remember coming out of it and realizing this same exact thing. So I think I talked about it on the show. So there’s no avoiding it. It’s what our brains do, right? They say we have between 40 and 90,000 thoughts a day? Most of them, most of them, like 90 95% of them are just rehashing old thoughts, right? So if you’re having like crappy, not productive thoughts, chances are you’re gonna keep having those same thoughts.

And most of them are negative. So I was really noticing that. So. So this is the what I wanted to share with you guys today, because I think this might be helpful. First of all, circling back to the episode with olive. If you listen to that, if you’ve been here for a long time, and you’ve wondered, why doesn’t she move to the beat, like I don’t get why she doesn’t move to the beach. Over the years, I have gotten emails from people, well meaning people, and some emails, so sweet and awesome and nice.

With lots of ideas and some emails like frustrated, you know that I haven’t moved to the beach, do you? But I couldn’t say. So this is what’s happening. Like I couldn’t explain why I couldn’t move to the beach. I wasn’t just not able to figure it out. It’s just like I couldn’t write. I mean, I had this very sick daughter, I couldn’t move her from doctors. And you know what I mean all of this. So now she’s better. And I think I realized when I listened to that episode, how much better she is.

So if you’ve been here for a while, you may know that we sold our house in December, we moved and we’re renting for a year while we figure out what we want to do. And that was really like our way to kind of see how she was doing we moved closer to her so that we could kind of see how much do we really see her How much does she need us like to really get a feeling for it. She’s very, very involved with her dad. Now he lives very close to her like a half a mile from her and they do stuff together all the time. He’s really, really stepped up and taken a really active role in helping her with her college and figuring out our courses and doing all of that stuff. Right. So. So now that things have shifted, and it created space for me. So we sold the house. We live here, this last week, I’m in bed sick.

I’m starting to like think about all these things. I start I’m starting to realize things I need to heal, right. And I’m starting to realize like, okay, I want to go to the beach. So I start getting thirsty for it. And you may have things like this in your life where you’re like, I want this so bad that I know that it’s like aching, is there’s like aching for it. And when I know when that happens that I’m not calling it to me.

Right?

You know, when you start dating somebody if you’re super needy, they’re like me, right? Like, I know, if somebody was like that with me, I’d be like, Oh my god, okay, you know, even friendships if they’re, if it’s too much I’m like, it’s there’s a neediness to it. And so it causes you to kind of back off. And that’s the same thing. It’s energetics right? So, as I was laying in bed, ruminating on all these things, I’m like, I’m ready to go to the beach, I start getting thirsty. So, because and you might be like this too, because I’m like this, how is it going to happen?

How can I make this work now? So now I’m like, talking to my husband, like, these are the places you could go with your law degree, like, these are the things we could do. Looking at the map, you know, all these things really pushing. But what happens when you push? Like, anytime there’s like any kind of pushing like that, then there’s pushback, right? That’s why it’s like you can’t move forward, you feel like you’re, you’re stuck, or you’re pushing on something, and then something happens, right?

It’s much easier to be in flow and to if you could imagine, so let’s, let’s pause for a second. Let’s just imagine that I’m like, everything is opened up. I’m really ready to go to the beach. Show me how. And then I notice, like, a friend is doing the long term rental on their condo, or I see a job opening or my husband gets an idea of something he’s interested in that he could do. Do you see what I mean? Like that? Doesn’t that feel more fun than like, how are we going to do this?

We got to figure this out. I don’t know figuring it out. Just sounds like hustle to me. So it, it feels better to actually go with a flow. Isn’t it nicer to just have things come to you? When you go? Oh, my God, I didn’t even know I don’t know how it worked out. It was so perfect, right? So last week, if you’re on my text list, if you’re on my texts list, you got a text from me.

Now, if you’re not on my texts, and you live in North America, you can you can just text me just say hello, or live big to 770-343-3409. Okay, so that’ll get you on my text list. I send out text only like, I’m only like, I don’t know, three times a week, maybe. So on Sunday, I sent out this text, but I want to give you more information. So Sunday, I sat outside I did my deep streaming. And I got this. It’s waiting for you when you’re ready.

Look for the signs when you start to figure it out. You miss signs because you think it has to happen in a specific way. The truth is there are infinite number of ways that it could happen. You focusing so intently on the house, closes the doors for all the other ways that are being shown to you make your job the detective looking for clues. Have fun.

So then I was like, Okay, alright, so that sounds like a little bit more fun. Because right now I can’t I my husband does not do one thing that he does not want to do. Let me just tell you, if, if, if you think I have any influence over him, you’re wrong, right? He does what he wants to do. And so I can’t like force him to find out, you know, I can’t force him to do anything. He’s happy likes his job right now, like, whatever. So if I am going to move myself, right, then I need to stop trying to figure it out.

That’s heavy, right? And I need to move more to look for the signs. So as I was, as I was kind of getting this message, I’m thinking like, okay, like, let me be present. And so I kept asking, and this is what I this is what I got. So I said, Well, what else do I need to know? And, and I write down if you’ve ever heard me, inside the alchemy collective, I did a whole workshop on this deep streaming how to do this.

I’ll tell you about that in a minute. But inside there, I did a whole workshop on how to deep stream. That’s what I do when I get these messages. So I do not filter the message. I just type it out. That’s how I do it. And so I this is what I got. So you might think it sounds a little funny. It’s like a conversation going back and forth. So why do you push away the messages you need to need to hear the lessons being shown to you are right for your path at this point in your journey, when you push them away or miss them completely because your attention is elsewhere.

It’s not in the present moment, the lessons need to come around. And then the lessons need to come around first full circle. And honestly that slows you down from what you think is time on your timeline. Sometimes when I write it down, it doesn’t totally make sense. But I just write what’s coming. Again, it’s about being present in the moment. And although you talk about it, you aren’t doing it as much as you should right now. So I said Well, how do I be present? Right? Like, how do I do that?

Like Tell me what I’m doing wrong? Because I’m thinking I’m being present. I mean, my God I was laying there like totally pressing And when I was sick all week, right, but I wasn’t being present, I was totally being in the past, and I was being in the future. So I asked, How do I be present. And I heard think about where you are and what you’re doing, redirect your mind back to your present when it wanders to someplace in the past, or the future. Look for things that are satisfactory in the moment.

It feel your body where it is how it feels in the moment, take a deep breath, smell what is right here to smell, hear what is right here to listen to loosen your jaw, try and allow that voice in your head to quiet now with the chatter. And so I was like, Okay, so I’m just going to be present. So that I heard what you want the beach, the ocean, the freedom, the smells, all of that feels so needy, as if you have a fear that even if you figure it out, it won’t be available to you. And that’s not true.

Life is waiting for you when you’re ready. But you need to be on the lookout for the signs. And when you start to figure it out, you miss signs because you think it has to happen in a specific way. Right? That’s the part that I texted out, relax and know that it’s happening. Make your job the detective of looking for clues. So this is what I decided for the week. So I popped into the alchemy collective, I went live. And I was like, okay, friends, this is what we’re gonna do. I was like, for a week, I’m going to just be present, I’m going to just remind myself, bring myself back, bring myself back, bring myself back back into the moment and go, what’s happening right now in this moment? What is it that I’m feeling? What are the nudges? Right? Bring my ground myself. And when I say ground myself, it’s really about like feeling myself feeling my body, hearing the sounds that are happening, like being in this moment, physically, right, because I’m in a physical body.

So be here physically feel my body. So I was like, for a week, I’m gonna do that. And I’m just gonna look, I’m just gonna follow little nudges. And see where that leads me. so different from like, looking for signs I’m not looking for like 1111. Like, I’m not doing that I’m noticing where I need, where those nudges are. Okay, so I’m going to tell you a little quick little story about one nudge that I have to give you an example. Now, later that day, that was Sunday, when I went live in the alchemy collective and shared that and a lot of other people are doing it this week, too. It’s been really fun. So I said to my husband, like we are here. And again, I’m still like needy, I want to get to the beach.

So I’m like, if we’re going to be here, then let’s be here. But if we’re going to go to the beach, let’s go to the beach, like I want to get community like I want to become part of the community, I want to have friends. You know, like I want to have friends that live near me. And what I said was like, I want friends that live like in my building, you know, I wanted friends I could go to the gym with I want friends, I go downstairs and get food with like I want, like I want friends in my building, you know. And I was being a little dramatic because I was still sick and tired. And you know, you want what you want. So anyway, he listened to me. And I was just like, I’m ready to be where we’re going to be, you know that feeling like when you’re in limbo. So anyway, on with the week, I’m just following the nudges.

I’m trying to become aware of what my body does, where it constricts how it happens. And I get a few little things, you know, I click on a Reddit link. And that brings me to something else. That’s an ocean II thing, like, you know, so I’m like, Okay, so this is It’s fun. It’s fun, because I’m noticing these things, these nudges. And then I went to the Mercedes Benz stadium now. I’m going to preface this part of the story with

I chose to get the COVID shot now, if you choose not to or you think that’s crazy, I completely respect that. So this story isn’t about getting the coach. I’m not suggesting you get the COVID shot, I suggest you talk to your doctor and decide. I got I got so many messages from people that were upset that I got the shot, but the story isn’t about the shot. But I have to tell you the story. I have to tell you that I got the shot to tell you the story. Okay. So I decided for me it was right to get the shot. If it makes you if you’re not into the shot might make you feel better to go.

My husband didn’t get it. Yeah, I don’t know if he will, again. I cannot make him do anything. So, so I went and got my shot. So it was at the Mercedes Benz stadium. There’s probably like 1000 people there. I mean, they were moving people through right like they had. I mean, it was a huge it was run by the National Guard, like there was tons of people going through. And so I got through and at the end And after I got the shot they have you sit and wait for 15 minutes.

And it was like in the walkways where everything was set up, right. So I’m in the walkway, and then they’re they have all these chairs, individual chairs, you know, set up 10 feet apart or whatever. And they were like, you can take a seat or you can go sit in the stadium seats. But there’s all these empty chairs right there. So I was like, well, I’ll sit here because there’s empty chairs. But something in my body said, don’t, don’t sit here. Like it didn’t feel fun. I was like, it’d be more fun to sit in the stadium seats.

So I don’t know, I just like walked up to a chair and then weirdly turned around and walk to the stadium seats, because that’s the nudge I got. And so that’s what I did. Anyway, I sat there for a minute. I took a picture, which was the, which I shouldn’t have done, then posted it on Instagram. And then a man came and asked if he could sit in the seat inside, right. So there, the seats had flags if you could go so I stood up, he went into his seat, a few seats down. And we started chit chatting. He was super duper nice, really fun. And we were just talking about all the things and you know, getting our shot, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, about life. Anyway, 15 minutes were up, I got up and he was like, I’m going to go to I feel fine. We start going down the escalator and he said to me, I need to find where the Uber is in this mess, like where do I go to pick up my Uber?

And I said, Oh, you took an Uber? A lot of people do in the city, right? And he was like, Yeah, and I said, Where do you live? And he said Brookhaven, and that’s an area of town that I live in. So I was thinking like, maybe I can just drop him off. You know, he was super nice. And he wasn’t asking me for a ride. So I felt like, I don’t know, I felt safe. So I said, I live in Brookhaven and he said, Oh, my God, and I said, Where do you live? And he told me his address.

And it’s my address. He lives two apartments up from me. So I followed that nudge. But remember, I had said to my husband, I want somebody that lives in the village, a couple doors down and wants to do stuff and wants to go downstairs and eat. Right? And he was like, do you ever go to that restaurant downstairs? Like it’s my favorite? I go down there like four times a week. Now I was like, Oh my gosh, that is so so funny. So

he was lovely. I would love to have a woman, young girl with so I was I had to redefine my request to the universe. I was not specific when I said what I wanted, right? So um, but I have the power right of listening to those nudges because there was like 1000 people there.

And like, oh, does that? Does it? Would he would Is he there? Would I have noticed him? Like what I’ve ever run into him if I had sat in those other seats where everything in me was saying don’t sit there. Don’t sit there. There’s like magical things happening trying to transpire to help you to get what you want. But we push it away because we go how how how? If I had been home and going like how could I meet somebody my building? Like how can I meet find a friend? Right?

Like it would have been weird I would have been like a weirdo like knocking on people’s doors or something. But I allowed it to just flow. So I share that with you because there’s a way to bring everything that you want when you stay present and you notice what’s happening in your body and you follow it even if you don’t get an outcome like that.

Because I made lots of little shifts and choices this week that didn’t get me an outcome that I was looking for. Yet one thing leads to another leads to another leads to another and we just don’t know when that first shift was made. Right. So if you are interested in in watching that deep streaming workshop and you want to jump into the alchemy collective, actually, if you’re listening to this on Thursday or Friday morning, Episode Two oh wait was with my friend Trish.

If you guys remember that was a really popular episode. She is doing this month’s workshop, and it is tomorrow afternoon. So if you want to jump into the alchemy collective, I’ll open it up for 24 hours if you want to jump in there. It’s Betsy Pake comm slash alchemy collective. And there’s lots of links on my website too, but join us in there, it’s my membership, there’s loads of awesome stuff in there. Plus the community is awesome and the people are awesome.

And it’s just I love what we’ve created there. So if you’re so inclined, feel free to join us. If you want to get certified in NLP bush before the show, be sure to join us in that before that first cohort sells out. I think that’s going to be really great group and Watch your little nudges of where you need to move so that you can create the thing that you really want to create and allow it to flow to you. And knows knows what will happen in the future when my lease is out here. I’ll keep you posted. Alright everyone have an awesome weekend. I

will see you soon.

Thank you so much for being here and for listening to today’s episode. If you liked it and got something out of it, please be sure to share with me by leaving a review over on iTunes. And if you’re not following on social media, I am everywhere at Betsy Pake but most of the time over on Instagram, so follow and comment on my latest post so that we can connect there. I will see you next week. And until then, keep living big

Betsy has some fun manifestation stories about meeting one of her virtual mentors and the ‘ting’ that happens when you make a connection to the divine.

Join Alchemy week here: www.betsypake.com/alchemyweek

Transcription:

Welcome to The Art of Living big. I’m your host, Betsy Pake. I’m an author, speaker, a master hypnotherapist and NLP coach, and I help high achievers rewire for success. If you’re ready for the next level, you’re in the right place. Over the next 30 minutes, I hope to help you redefine what could be possible for your life. Now, let’s go live big.

Hello welcome fellow adventurers. So I’m excited for this show cuz I have some crazy manifestation stories for you. And I think we all love a good manifestation story. I know I do. So there may be a lot of new people listening this week, and I’ll explain why I think that so Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Betsy and I have had this podcast now for almost Well, a little over four years now. I am a trainer of NLP hypnotherapy, EFT and time techniques.

And I believe that the science and the spirit go together, you know, so many times, we will hear people talk about like the Whoo. And then it makes you not sciency. But I don’t think that’s true. I think there is science in the world. And I talk all about that. And just living real life and trying to be a good person and have great experiences and live a really full what I call a big life. And a big life includes listening to yourself, being able to go within and have those deep conversations so that you know, the right things for you in your life. So the name of the show is the art of living big because for five years ago, I wrote a book called start small, live bag. And so that’s where the name came from. So welcome, welcome. There’s a lot to explore. I have a lot of stories today.

So okay, so let’s just dive right in. First of all, I’m recording this on Monday on the eighth March 8. So I’m actually going to have a go live early for a couple different reasons. And one of those reasons is that I have an event this week called alchemy week, it’s free, but you do have to sign up because we’re in a separate pop up group. And so I wanted the episode to go live not only because I have this fun story I really want to tell you, but also because if you haven’t gotten in there, I want you to be able to do that. Every day, we have live events. So we’ve got like a hypnosis.

Today we’re going to talk about the difference between hypnosis and meditation. And tomorrow we have a workshop on the science of your mind. And then we’re diving into astrology on Wednesday with Wendy, who is our resident astrologer over in the alchemy collective, which is my membership and then Thursday, we’re talking about emotion code. Friday, we’re pulling some Oracle cards do you see how it’s like this mixture and intertwining of science and spirit, it’s all free, and the recordings will be in there. So if you can’t be there with me live to Eastern every day. You can just watch later.

And then I’m gonna have some pop up groups and then mark your calendars. Because Thursday night we’re gonna have a little happy hour on zoom. So it’s community and it’s learning and it’s expansion. So you can get to that you can just go to my website, you can go to Betsy Pake calm and you’ll see right underneath the top part, there’s a big blue box that says join alchemy week, just click on that and it’ll give you all the details that you need to know but it’s free. So come and join us. Alright, so now let’s dive into it. If you’re new here, I live in Atlanta. But I haven’t always lived in Atlanta.

I’ve lived in the suburbs of Atlanta. And you know, when you say like I live in Atlanta, but really you don’t you live in the suburbs, and I lived out in the suburbs. So if you’re listening and you know, the Atlanta area, I was way out in Buford. So quite a ways out. I used to own a CrossFit gym out there and flowery branch. So like, my life was out there. I had a daughter that was in school. And you know, there was a lot of reasons why I wanted to be in the suburbs when I chose it. But then my daughter grew up and I just hated it. So for years, I have been trying to get my husband to move and we finally did. So we sold our house.

We closed on it December 30. So we closed on it and then we moved into the into the city and we’re renting for a year to figure out where we want to go or what we want to do. So that’s kind of the backstory. So I haven’t been living in Atlanta very long, just like two months. Now there’s a reason why this is important. And it’s because I’m still really figuring my way around. You know, when you move someplace new even though I just moved from the suburbs into the city like it’s, it was more than an hour away. So nothing happened, you know, the grocery stores or the like everything I had To figure out, right. And so, a few days ago, I ordered some shoes. I ordered some shoes from Amazon, which I know why would you order shoes from Amazon, but they had Jessica Simpson heels and I have a speech I have to give in a couple weeks. And I thought, you know, I’ve been wearing sweat pants for a year and a half with COVID. I probably need to have like, a real outfit to wear. So I ordered these shoes. But I have these smallest feet on the planet. Like literally lots of times when I go to stores, I can’t fit into the smallest women’s shoe. Like when I bought Birkenstocks. A couple years ago, we went to Key West and I bought Birkenstocks. And I had to buy the kids version. The guy that was fitting me was like, You can’t wear adult size shoes.

So it wasn’t a surprise that the shoes didn’t fit, but it was still a disappointment. And I was like, Alright, so I went to Amazon. Now, you know, with Amazon, you can return stuff, you don’t mail it back to them, you return it at stores. And when I lived in the suburbs, there was a place I always went and it was a Kohl’s not far from me, but there’s not a Kohl’s around here for me to return stuff. So I had to go to the website and like figure out where do I go? And I looked, and it was almost like, you know, you’re drawn to one you’re like, Okay, well, that’s the one that’s where we’re gonna go. I don’t I don’t know why there.

You know, there was several that were like two miles from my house. So I was like, Okay, well, that seems like a good one. That’s the one we’re gonna go to. So I chose a Whole Foods down in Buckhead and right, like where I live is like right on the top of Buckhead. You know what I mean? So it’s like, Okay, well, that’s what, like two miles away, totally, we can go there. So I said to my husband on Saturday, will you go with me? You know, because I still don’t totally know my way around everywhere. And I was like, just go with me. And we’ll kind of like figure out things. So that’s what we decided to do. So we got ready on Saturday, and off we went. And as we were driving, like I said, it’s only like two miles. But that area of Buckhead was so congested. We went back and forth, like crossing over the main road, we ways was taking us, like all over the place into neighborhoods, like all of this, like chaos to get to miles. So ended up taking us a little while.

And it was interesting, because even when it was happening, even when there was a lot of traffic, I remember, I actually thought, I don’t mind this at all. Like we didn’t have anywhere to be I wasn’t stressed, my husband didn’t seem stressed, which was good. So I was like, content. Now I’ve talked about being content before. So many times we think, well, I’ve got to, in order for me to like bring in my dreams or manifest what it is I want I’ve got to be like meditating, or I’ve got to be like, really, you know what I mean, in this like Zen place. But when your content is also an opening, right? So I was content, I was driving in the car, I was content, I wasn’t forward thinking or backward thinking I was really in the moment very present. You know, we can be in that moment when we’re chopping vegetables, or going for a walk or playing with our dogs, like, anytime we’re present is a really great time to just listen in, you know, just to connect. And sometimes you’ve heard me say this before, but I’ll say like, what is it I need to hear?

I’m listening, you know, so will those times where you feel content. So we’re driving around, I’m feeling really content, like I’m just happy. I’m like really open to whatever, getting the lay of the land, you know, people are cutting people off and honking and neither one of us seem to care. So then we see the eldest son we’re like, oh, we know where we are, you know, once the weighs spits us out, finally on a main road, and we’re like, oh, I totally know where we are. We had just gone to like a steak restaurant nearby a few weeks ago. And so there’s the whole foods and so the the I mean, it is Saturday, a whole foods in Buckhead, right. I mean, it is packed, there are so many cars. It’s like you pull in but you can’t get in all the way. Do you know what I mean? So you’re still like half hanging out in the in the road because you’re like waiting for people to move in. So a lot of people backing out a lot of people getting in spots. And we just went pulled in and then went straight.

And then right in almost right in front. There was a car that was backing out and my husband’s like, Oh, look, and I was like Oh, good. And I had this moment where I thought we always get the best spaces. Have you ever had one of those moments where you think something and you feel like 10 that’s what it felt like to me like I had made some sort of connection. So I was like, I love getting fun spots like the best spots and having it be easy and effortless. So I was actually pleased that I felt the ting Do you know that Ting? You know what I’m talking About. So, and I’ll tell you that when I feel the Ting, lots of times, I’ll go back, you know, I’ll go back to that moment, when I felt the Ting, I have my program that alchemy collective, which is my monthly membership, and we do happy hours in there and workshops. And a few months ago, it was actually back in like, maybe October, I was talking and I was explaining something. I’m not even sure I remember what it was I was explaining.

Because I didn’t actually remember this moment until someone in the collective brought it up to me later. But the, the, the example that I gave was like, I want free coffee. That’s what I said. I said, I want to go to like Starbucks and just get free coffee, can I get free coffee. And I remember that moment that I felt to write that thing. And so it was interesting, because then like a week or so later, I came into the collective into the Facebook group, and I go live and there are a lot and I was saying about how I had gone to Starbucks, and they had handed me a free coffee. And it was like at that time. I think that first coffee was here, Betsy, here, would you like this free coffee man, like we made an extra? Do you know what I mean? That kind of thing. You know how sometimes they do that. And so I took him because free coffee. So then I went to the Starbucks a couple of times like the drive thru. And there was one time where they looked really confused and handed me my coffee. And I like put my phone up so they could scan it and get the app, you know, and they looked really confused. And they were like, it’s okay, just go ahead. But they looked confused.

Like they didn’t know why they were doing that. And then I had a couple more times where I went to get coffee. They scanned me but it never took the money off the card. And I didn’t realize it till I got home. And then I went to California, we sold our house. 24 hours later, I was on my airplane for three weeks to California for some training. And when I was there, the woman at the front gave me free coffee at the at the little Starbucks kiosk in the hotel. And I remember, I remember thinking like she said, she said to me, you’ve been here every day. Yeah, this one’s on me. But I remember thinking like, I’m in this class with a bunch of people. We’ve all been here every day. Not everybody got free coffee, but I got free coffee. So I was getting free coffee. Okay, so then I come back from my training. I’m getting settled and finally unpacking. Right, I’m unpacking everything. And there is a coffee a Starbucks coffee machine being installed in our building. It’s It’s huge, you guys. It’s one of those giant ones that’s like, it’s bigger than your body and you walk up and you it’s like a touchscreen and you press like I want coffee Chai hot coffee, cold coffee, hot chocolate at Starbucks. It’s the Starbucks machine in my building, but it’s free, free coffee. Every day. I’m having some free coffee right now. Every day, I walk my I get up a walk my dogs.

And then I go and get my free coffee now. Amazing manifestation story. Because I felt that Ting. So the times where I felt like Ting, I’ve tried to go back and be like, what was happening? You know, like to analyze that moment, right? And you had moments like that, where you’re like, Oh my god, I just know I’m gonna get it. years ago, I worked like years ago, like this is back in like 94 I worked as a waitress, I just gotten out of college. And I remember they were doing one of those things where everybody put $1 with their name on it on the spinning wheel of you know, when you send stuff back to the kitchen, and I remember knowing I was gonna win. I mean, I think I won six bucks, right? But I actually remember that moment because it was the first time I recognized the team. It was like a knowing I just knew, without a doubt, I didn’t feel thirsty for it. I didn’t care. I just knew and I was grateful. So there we are in the parking lot at Whole Foods. I feel the Ting. I’m like okay, cool.

I’m going to be getting parking spots from now on. So that’ll be a new thing for me. And so I go into the I go into Whole Foods and I asked the woman that’s like right in front like kind of like in the mudroom area. Do you know I mean, you’re not really in the whole foods but and I was like, Can I return my Amazon stuff here? And she was like, yeah, just go to the customer service right behind me. So go into the whole foods. Now I’m not shopping. I’m not in the whole foods. I’m not in the aisles, nothing. I go into The story taking immediate right and I go to the customer service desk right there. And nobody’s at the customer service desk, thankfully, because I didn’t have anybody to look at. So I just put my shoes on the counter. And I turned to see someone gonna be able to come and help me it was really busy in there.

And then I see this man walking towards me with two carts. And I was like, Oh my God. I know who that is. Like immediately he had a mask on and a hat on. And I was like, that’s Jesse Itzler. That’s a terribly please husband. That’s Jesse Itzler on his own dusty esler, like founder of Marquis jets, Zico, water. I mean, like, all the things I was like, now, I want to pause for a second because if you’re new here, you may not fit in. If you’re old here. You may not remember no, if you’re old here You do remember me talking about Sara Blakely, about how she is the creator and owner of Spanx. I mean, I talk about her a lot, because she’s been on my board of directors. I’ll talk about that in a second. And she’s just such an influence on me. I just love her. Like, I love her vibe. I love so many things about her.

And so I did a podcast episode, maybe it was two episodes ago, where I mentioned her name. And I felt the Ting. And I wondered why. So there I am, in Whole Foods and Jesse’s walking towards me. And I mean, I am like, I’m on it, y’all. Like if the universe opens up a portal like that, I am not going to I am not going to just stand by and like, try and take a quick selfie. Like without anybody noticing. I’m like jumping in front of the cart, like, oh my gosh. But I also want to be respectful. You know? Like, I realize he’s getting his groceries. So I said, Jesse, and he was like, yeah, Do I know you? And I was like, oh my god. I’m like, I’m such a huge fan. I’m so excited to meet you. Like, can I take a photo with you? Like I am? So he was so kind y’all, cuz I’m sure I seemed like, I mean, we’re at Whole Foods, right? It’s Saturday morning. They’re trying to get their groceries. So kind, so kind. And he was like, yeah, yeah. Now I am a part of Jesse’s big ass calendar club. It’s his coaching group. You may have heard me talk about that joined last summer, last July or August. As I’m trying to, like build my life resume have life experiences. And so this, I’m like, this is something for the life resume, right?

So I am there talking to him. Like he’s so kind. We I tell them I’m part of the biggest calendar club and he was like, Oh, no way. That’s so cool. And I’m like, Is your wife here? And he was like, Yeah, yeah, Sarah is here. And so Sarah started. And so I started telling her telling him about how she’s on my board of directors. So now he’s like, wait, what, who are you? And then she walks up. Again, mask it Saturday, they’re getting groceries. So kind, so kind. And I said, You’re on my board of directors. And this is back when I first started the podcast, it was Episode 53. I talked about this a little bit about having a virtual mentor. And Sara has been on my virtual mentor list.

So here’s what I do is I would take a month where I would listen like if Sarah was going to be my mentor, I would find every article she was in every podcast, she was on everything that I could to get a greater understanding for who she was and how she was thinking. Now, the thing I really like about Sara is not only is she brilliant in business, but she also has the spiritual side, right. She’s a big Dr. Dyer fan. She loves Wayne Dyer. She talks about him being one of her like virtual mentors, essentially, and about how she used to listen to him a lot. I love Dr. Dyer. And I felt like like she gets it that it’s a complete picture. So she’s always been someone that I’ve really looked up to. She built Spanx with $5,000 and doesn’t have any investors. She’s done this all like essentially from, you know, on her own. I mean, she’s had a lot of people that work with her. And I’m sure brilliant people that she’s had as advisors, but in the end, she’s built this thing made the right decisions.

So, so I tap so she walks up and I said, You’re on my board of directors. And so I start to explain, she’s like, Wait, can I record this? So I was like, yeah. And so I explained that I would get somebody that would be my mentor. I would listen to everything. Find out everything. I couldn’t after a month of them virtually mentoring me, I would take their picture and I would put it in a little frame and put it on my bookcase. And then when I had to make a decision, I would pull out the mentors that I needed, almost like I would call a board meeting, and I would pull them onto my desk. And I would ask them the questions that I was struggling with. And I would go around to each of them. So Sarah, what would you say I would get what I what I knew she would say. And then I would ask Oprah what she would say I would ask Joseph Murphy, what he would say I asked, you know, I would ask my team, and then I would make an assessment based on their wisdom. So she recorded me, she gave me a hug, which I thought was so kind. I mean, it was seriously a thrill. Now, I felt the team, right, I felt the Ting. When I said her name. I’ve been talking about her.

For four years, I’ve seen her speak, if she shows up somewhere, I can go in Atlanta, I’m there like, but something happened a couple weeks ago. Now, when we moved to Atlanta, we would drive around some time, and we’ve been talking about them. I know this might sound a little odd if you’re new here, but maybe it doesn’t. We have some friends that live in a an area of town that we think they might live in. And so when we go to visit those friends, we’re always like, Oh, my God, these houses are beautiful. I mean, it’s unbelievable. And I’m always like, I wonder if this is the street they live on? I wonder if this is the street like so we’re actively talking about them? Where do you think they shop? And we actually decided they probably don’t do their own shopping. But turns out they do. And so we had that was in my vortex.

Does that make sense? So it was in my area, like I have been talking about it, it has built up. I have been talking about it, thinking about it, seeking her guidance. And so that moment, I remember that I said about Sarah, a few weeks ago, and I felt the Ting. It was actually because I almost thought should I take that out like it does. I said it?

And then I was like, wait, should I stop this? And like delete that little part? Does it even have anything to do with it? It might be extra. I feel like I talked about her all the time. Like I just it was like I was releasing it. Right. I was like releasing it. And when we drove into that parking spot. It was a team like, oh, cool, we got the spot. But there was a release when I talked about the coffee. I remember when I talked about the coffee, I almost was like, I can’t believe I just said about free Starbucks people are gonna think that I like want somebody to give me something free. And that’s not true. And I remember there was a release of that. Like, oh, that doesn’t even matter. I don’t even care about that. I said it. But it doesn’t matter. I don’t care about it. There, there was a release, when the taping happens. There is a release. It’s not a regret. That’s not what it is. Because it might have sounded like that with the coffee. It was it’s more of a It doesn’t matter. Like I’m telling you this story, but it doesn’t even matter. I’m saying Sarah’s name in this part of the podcast, but it doesn’t even matter. I’m talking about this thing, but it doesn’t even matter. Right? So it’s a release like a surrender in that moment. So it was so fun to meet them. And then I immediately ran out to my husband. I mean, my husband was like what’s going on? Because he’s waiting in the car, right? So I’m like, I’m like hyperventilating. I’m like, Oh my God. But the first thing I do is like, I’ve got to go live inside my facebook group of the alchemy collective people, because they need to hear what just happened. Like they need to experience it, right? Because when I told my husband, I didn’t want to. I’m gonna say it in this way. But I don’t mean it. This word, I’m gonna say I don’t want to waste the energy just on him. I don’t mean that in a bad way. I love him. I want him to have all my energy. I also wanted to amplify the energy for the people in the Facebook group, I wanted the people in the alchemy collective to get that energy because I felt like there was I had something to give I was overflowing with it. And I wanted to give it and I knew that if they could feel it, it would amp up their energy and then they might experience something magical and mystical in that same day too. So when I was re evaluating the alchemy collective at the beginning of the year, that was one of the things that I had for this year was I wanted the people in that group to have like magical experiences that other people didn’t have where people would be like, how do you always have such magical things happen? Right. So part of that is like amping up the energy, right? So I mmediately was like, I gotta go live. So I went live and like explained the whole story, if you get if you’re in the alchemy collective where you, if you join us, at the end of this week, we’ll be opening up again. But if you do that, you will see that video, but I was like, so excited, and so grateful and so happy. And it was just like the most fun thing. I also want to point one other thing out in terms of release in that Ting. If you recall, a couple episodes ago, I was talking about when I about how I write in my journal every day, I write in day one is a journal online, not online, it’s up on my computer, this journal. And I’ve been doing this for, I don’t know, 10 years or something. And in that I talked about when I would go back to read posts that I had written or journal entries I did like in 2016, or 15. And about how they were like thirsty. And what I said was that I just wanted somebody to, like find me to amplify my voice, right? I thought maybe somebody will find me and share me and and then like, in the episode I was saying about how like, that is just not what I needed at all anymore. Like I was amplifying my own voice. I didn’t need that. My my I noticed that my things I was journaling about the things I was focused on were way different. It wasn’t about somebody else finding me and saving me and sharing my business. It was about me being in the energy of of showing up, right and serving people and doing things differently. So I actually talked about that. And I remember the team have that of being like is this? Will this make sense? Or should I just delete this? And then it doesn’t matter? It’s fine. It’s the truth. Right? That was one of my focuses. I thought maybe Glenn and Doyle would like find a tweet I did or something and share it. I don’t know, you know? But then there I was with Sarah, can I record this now? Will it she recorded it and she posted it on her Instagram, which was so fun. I’ve met some really fun people. I got a lot of new followers. You know, I don’t know. But it’s not been 24 hours yet since you posted and you know, they kind of disappear after 24 hours on your Instagram stories. But I don’t know, maybe 600 people have joined me on my Instagram and join me on my texted list. And it feels so fun. It feels so fun. Because they’re the best people like Sarah has the best people following her like really fun, happy people that are excited about life and excited about learning new things. Right. So I point that out only to say I had released the need for that. In fact, I had released it so much I told you about it. I felt ting and then she shared it now will it matter? I mean, it matters only that I’ve met some really cool fun people like, I don’t know, like, I don’t know, what will come of that I don’t care really other than I feel connected to the people was like the perfect audience, right? It was, like people that I feel like could really co collaborate. I feel like this is a co collaboration, you listening? And and hearing me I can’t do this. Can I do this without you listening? I can do it’s kind of like it. If they’re if they’re if I’m making a sound, but nobody’s listening? Is there even a sound? Do you know what I’m saying? So like, I it’s a cool collaboration, I need you to listen. And so it was an amplification of that of the good work that I’m trying to do in the world and to lift other people up. And so she was able to help me amplify that. So the things, the moments, the releases, the the surrender of it having to be in the way that I want, could I have ever imagined I’m going to go ahead. Like if I had said, because I’ve said for years, I want to meet Sarah, if I had said I’m gonna get some shoes, and then we’re gonna have to, well, first we’re gonna have to move to a different location. And then I’m going to buy some shoes and then we’re going to return them. And then there’s going to be nobody at the desk and then the moment I turn around, they’re going to just happen to be leaving because I wasn’t like in the store. I didn’t like run into them in the store. It was there was a probably a 32nd window when that could have happened. Like Could I have possibly planned that? No, I couldn’t have. So we don’t have to know how things are gonna happen. We just need to know, if you want to focus on something, the what and the why. That’s all right. And so that’s what we need to focus on and then just release everything else. It has made me feel like the acknowledgement of when the ting happens. It’s sort of it made it really obvious to me that the team happens when there’s the release. When there’s the surrender, when the it could happen, it could not happen. It could happen the way I think or not, or whatever happens. I’m still okay. Like, I don’t need somebody to amplify my voice, I can amplify my voice, right? I don’t need somebody to give me free coffee, I can buy my free coffee. But that would feel fun. And then everything sort of becomes all aligned. So I hope that that was helpful. I hope it helps you think a little bit differently about what could be possible for your life. And I hope that it was fun to listen to and I hope you can sense my joy and excitement I will be writing on the arch truly, like truly like thrill of a lifetime for so many reasons. Right just to meet them to meet Jesse to meet Sarah to have it happen. magical, mystical, amazing experience. And that is what I think builds a big life. Thanks so much for listening. Thanks for sharing with your friends. I love you all so much. I’ll see you next week. Thank you so much for being here and for listening to today’s episode. If you liked it and got something out of it, please be sure to share with me by leaving a review over on iTunes. And if you’re not following on social media, I am everywhere at Betsy Pake but most of the time over on Instagram, so follow and comment on my latest post so that we can connect there. I will see you next week. And until then, keep living big

Todays episode is a coffee talk episode with some thoughts on resistance, and living for yourself.

Here are the links to the events Betsy talks about:

http://www.betsypake.com/alchemyweek

http://www.betsypake.com/letstalk

Transcription:

Welcome to The Art of Living big. I’m your host, Betsy Pake. I’m an author, speaker, a master hypnotherapist and NLP coach, and I help high achievers rewire for success. If you’re ready for the next level, you’re in the right place. Over the next 30 minutes, I hope to help you redefine what could be possible for your life. Now, let’s go live big. Hello fellow adventurers. Welcome. Welcome to today’s show. We’re on episode 249 blows my mind, I feel like we just started this little journey together. But that’s a lot of hours with y’all. Thanks for having me in your ear. I appreciate it. I like being here. So I wanted to today we’re gonna do like a little coffee talk. So I have multiple things Number A couple weeks ago, in the episode where I told you the unfortunate story about my starter marriage, I said I have all these thoughts. And so I thought today, we’ll just do an episode where I just talk about a few of the thoughts because there might just be something in there that speaks to you, or helps you on your journey. You know, I always say this, but I’m gonna say it again, because we are all so connected. You know, if I’m going through something, some of you out there are going through it. And I think that’s how we help each other along on our journey. And I think that’s why we’re here right to kind of walk each other home. So anyway, onward with coffee talk, which I’m not going to have coffee, I’m going to have water, it’s like water talk because this morning, I had a Red Bull, a sugar free Red Bull. If you’ve never had one, or you haven’t had one in a long time, it’s just like sipping off the top of an alkaline battery. But it I really liked it. And then I went and met my daughter for coffee. Now you may if you’ve been here a long time, you might be like I thought you gave up caffeine. And I did. And I need to do it again. When I went. When I went to Philadelphia, when I went to my training in Philadelphia, which was like October, I started drinking coffee. Because the training was so long, and it was really helping me and because I hadn’t had coffee in almost a year, it really was amazing. It still is amazing. I haven’t like gotten used to it. So it still is amazing. But I know the tipping point is coming where it will no longer be amazing. It will become like a need something that I have to have. And then it’ll start making me really tired because I noticed that I don’t sleep as sound I thought I did. And even now as I say that to you. I’m like, No, I’m sleeping fine. But I’m not because I know when I was off caffeine, I slept way deeper. And I was surprised. I also was surprised when I woke up, I felt really steady. I did not feel like anxious or like trepidatious about my day. So I share all that just to say, if you’re wondering, sometimes I’ll get messages, you know, because because I’m human. And so I’ll I’ll do things and say I’m doing things and then I changed my mind. You may have heard me say that I’m a non drinker. I woke up. Like, I will actually I think it was January 1, I woke up and I was like, I don’t know why. But I’m a non drinker. I don’t drink. And I haven’t been a big huge drinker my whole life anyway, but I just woke up and knew I was a non drinker. And then last weekend, I went out with my husband on a date and I had a drink when we went on a date. And I had it and then I was like I don’t even I don’t know why I’m doing this. I don’t like it. I’m a non drinker. So anyway, I did drink. So anyway, I share all that just because we’re allowed to change your mind and to try again and to learn and go back. That’s what I’m doing. Alright, so I had some stories, I wanted to tell you one of them I actually told inside my facebook group today, but I’m going to tell it on the show, because a lot of you are not in the Facebook group, if you’d like to be, you can just go to the art of living big.com and it will forward you right to the Facebook group. I am going to try one of my goals is to be way more consistent in there. I go in so often into the alchemy collective group, but I’m going to be coming in there too. So make sure you jump in there. So this is my story. And it’s about resistance. And I want to dive into resistance just a little bit. And someone commented on the video today about the art of allowing and I think like two sides to every coin right? there is resistance and on the other side there is allowing and so I want to talk about that. And I have other things that I want to talk about too. But let me tell you this story. So I have been I’ve been really in the flow like this whole year on like getting up and and and working out and like feeling really like on track with the things I wanted to do. And I don’t know what happened a couple weeks ago, I just started getting off track. I got preoccupied with some other things and One of my thresholds is work. So I will put myself first Intel, I’ve got work to do. And it’s just, it’s how my values are lined up. So the moment that things get really busy at work, I jump up, and I have to get going, right? So I want to get showered and get going and get ready and check my emails and get started. And next week, I am running something called alchemy leak. So I have been really busy, like, getting that ready and prepping it and, and promoting it, right getting people in there. I’ll tell you about that in a minute. So I like and I want it to be like this amazing week. Like, I want people to be like, Oh my God, this was so cool. everyday. There’s like events, and I’ve got giveaways and just really cool stuff. And it’s this whole cool free week. So I have been really focused. So when I wake up, it’s like the first thing that starts happening is like, the lists of things I get to do. But working out isn’t one of them. It’s like I’m geared towards this work stuff. So I noticed that the last couple days, I have been doing other things instead of because because I go I should work out right? Do you ever do this? So these are the words like I should I have to I could I probably need to those kind of words. Whenever I find myself saying those. I’m like, Oh my god, I got to look at this. So I was doing like I should work out I got to work out I need to do it now before things get busy. And so instead of saying no, I’m not going to work out because that didn’t feel good, right? Instead, I just started doing other things. Like I would be like, Alright, well, I haven’t showered. So it could still work out. I’m just cleaning up the kitchen, I’m running laundry, I’m doing whatever it is like to avoid working out but also avoid saying no. Okay, so what I do is I get up, and I get in like my workout clothes, and then I do everything else. And then it gets to be like 930 and I’m like, I gotta jump in the shower. I gotta go, right? And then I’m like, Oh my god, I didn’t get anything done this morning. I just did a bunch of other avoidance crap. So yesterday, I was like, Oh my gosh, I had not even occurred to me how much resistance I had. I don’t know why y’all things ebb and flow. And I’m a big lover and a flower. And so I was like, today, I’m not resisting anything. I’m going to just tune in, and really listen to my intuition to what I want to do to what my body feels like doing. And so I I brought my dogs out, I came home, I’m like, not resisting. I put my workout clothes because that felt fine yoga pants, you know, it is the costume of the pandemic. So put that on. And I was like, What I really want to do is i’m not gonna work out. So I allowed myself to say, No, I didn’t resist it. I felt a twinge. But I was like, No, it’s okay. I’m not working out. I don’t want to. I want to go downstairs and get my coffee. And then I want to just read, I want to sit in bed and read. And so that’s what I did. I read for like an hour. I mean, it was amazing. It It felt so good. It was so relaxing. I was super into it. You know, sometimes you go to read but then you’re like, checking your phone to just me. I do I am I the only one that does that. Or like I can’t stay focused or I fell asleep. It wasn’t that I was like really in it felt so good. So then I was done. And I was like, Oh, I’m noticing I’m getting fidgety. I don’t want to read anymore. It had been like, you know, 45 minutes to an hour. And so I got up and I went and got some water. And then I was like, I feel like moving. I feel like so I was like I’m going to work out. So I had been resisting, saying no to working out for two weeks. And when I just released the resistance and said I’m not gonna do it. Then all of a sudden working out was like, Well, hey, hey there, hey, you want to do it? Right. So opening the door stopping the resistance. Now, I want to say something about there are things we have to do. I realize that I am very fortunate in that I have created morning that I can take my time. I don’t take any appointments before 1030 typically, and I save all of that time for morning I get up at like 630 and I save everything for for me. Now. My life wasn’t always like that. I’m really, really fortunate and I created that. So there are things though that I have to do that I don’t really feel like doing Right. So we all have things like that. So I want you to take a look at what you feel like you’re saying I should I could I have to. And even if you have to do the thing, maybe there is another time that you could do it, maybe there is some flexibility in terms of the structure of when you do it. And you could release the resistance around it, you know, I have to file my taxes, right? I have them printed out, I need to sign them and file them. It’s got to be done. We don’t have a choice, right? Like, these are one of the things that has to be done. Right, I gotta pay my, my mortgage or my rent, right? I got to pay bills, I got to, I have to pay my cell phone bill, like I need to do those things. on time, I can’t just say, Well, I don’t feel like it’ll do it tomorrow, without consequences. So really, everything is a choice. And I just want you to open up to that thought everything is a choice. Now you might be thinking I have to get these things done for my boss, or I’ll get fired? Well, it’s still a choice. Like even breathing is a choice. And when we can start to shift and look at it like that, then we go, you know what I’m gonna take the time it feels aligned to pay my car payment, because I want to keep my car, right? Or I want to keep my phone line open. Right? So when we start to look at the shoulds, could I have to notice? Is there a place where I can shuffle this and do it at a time that feels more aligned? One, two, do I even really have to do this? Or can I just release it? Right? Like with the working out? Can I just release it? Now I know, working out is one of my values. I know it’s in my value system. And so I want to just allow that to come up when it’s ready to come up. Just see what happens. Just test things. Right? And, and maybe it’s that you realize, I don’t want to do this. I don’t ever want to do this. Like I’m not doing this anymore. And I have been resisting. But if I release the resistance, maybe I realize it just needs to go away. So you know, every time we have a challenge in our lives, we have a couple different options, right? We can change it, we can learn to accept it. Or we can just get rid of it. So think about the things that you’re resisting and what bucket they fall in. What do you need to do? And maybe, you know, I decided to just get rid of it to say no to working out. And then it came back. Because it was waiting. Right? It was pushing up against my resistance. And when I just released the resistance, it was like okay, well, let’s do it. So, I offer you that story, just in case that might help you know, if you want to jump in to alchemy week, what I was talking about what I was so excited about that I didn’t want to work out, I am running this free alchemy week. Now, you may have lots of things happening next week, it is next week, March 8, through the 12th. I will have live events but their Facebook Lives. So there’ll be recorded, they’ll be in the group. Now if you’re in the art of living big group, it’s not going to be in that group. It’s in a separate book a second look, it is in a separate group. And the reason for that is because I didn’t want to inundate that group if those people weren’t interested in it. And I want to be able to really form a deeper connection with you guys in that group. And I want you guys to be able to find each other, you know, I want you guys to be able to connect and and make some of those friendships and connections inside that group. So you can get there, you can go to my website, you can just go to Betsy pake.com. And if you scroll down just a little bit, there’ll be a big blue box that says join us with alchemy week. Or you can go to Betsy pake.com slash alchemy leak, and you’ll just just fill it out. And then you’ll fill in your email address and it will forward you to the Facebook group and then we’ll add everybody into the group on Sunday evening, we’ll do a little kickoff and then we’ll get started next week. So I’m excited for it. I really want you guys to be in there with me, especially if you listen to the show. I just think it’s going to totally be your jam. Alright, so here’s the other thing that I’ve been doing that I’ve been really loving. And so if you guys are on clubhouse, have you heard of clubhouse? So clubhouse is an app that’s just on iPhone right now. But it is an audio only app. And so you can go into rooms. And there are people running the rooms, moderating the rooms, maybe answering questions are offering new ideas. And you can ask to speak and you can be moved up to where the speaking people are on the app. And you can ask questions, you can get feedback, you can interact with the speakers, and there have been some really amazing speakers. I’ve listened to some really awesome stuff on entrepreneurship, some really awesome stuff just on spirit and science. I’ve been in some neural plasticity rooms really, really fun. So I am running two rooms. If you’re on there, find me. I’m Betsy Pake on there. But I am running two rooms, one on Wednesday, I am running at 130 Eastern time. And it is love bombs. It’s Hump Day with love bombs. It’s been really fun. I’m doing it with my friend Gina. Self sound bath haven on Instagram. I’m doing it with Gina. And we’re just connecting with people seeing where you are midweek and just giving you some love and encouragement for the week ahead. So that has just been a really like fun feel good room. And then on Fridays at noon, Eastern. I am doing a room on the subconscious mind. So asking questions, getting some coaching. Really, really fun. So anyway, you can look for me. And if you follow me, you’ll see both those rooms pop up. So if you are on clubhouse, find me and connect, and then message me on Instagram. So I know that you’re following, and we can connect further so I can see what you’re up to. Alright, and then my last little story. So I had an awareness this week. And this is why I think looking at our own stuff, and having awareness is so important. So I had an awareness that I was really seeking the approval of someone close to me someone in my family. And if I wasn’t getting it in the way that I thought I should be getting it, I felt badly. And I was realizing that I was trying to figure out how to shift my behavior in order to get that approval. Now, I will say that this other person has no idea any of that was going on in my head. Like, I think that’s probably been going on like unconsciously for a long time. It just became conscious to me. And I was like, wow, I’m doing that. I’m trying to change what I think I should do to what I think they think I should do, which who knows if it’s even what they thought I should do is just what I thought they thought I should do. And I realized, that’s not a behavior that I want. A couple days later, I went to lunch with my daughter, I picked her up. She lives like 10 minutes up the road from me, she has her own apartment, you know, she’s a young adult, and I picked her up and we went shopping. And then we went to true food kitchen, which is like one of my favorite places in Atlanta. It’s all like vegan healthy food. And so we ordered our food, and she is in college right now what she really wants to be a tattoo artist. She’s really, really a good artist and has like a kind of a funky style. I think she’d be really good at it. And it’s something that she’s talked about for years and years. And she’s going to college, and kind of you know, figuring out her path. Now, one of the prerequisites of her college being paid for by her grandfather was that she waits to get piercings or tattoos other than our ears pierced, but that she waits until after college. Now there I could go back and forth on if I think this is right, or okay or any of that. But none of that matters. Because she has a choice. She can choose not to take his money, right? Or she can choose to, like be able to tough this out for a couple years and then not have any debt when she graduates. Like what a beautiful thing. And so she’s made that decision, but she struggles with that. Because it’s something that she really wants and I feel for I get it. So my thing is, and again, this is just my personal thing. It does not mean I’m right. It’s just my beliefs and my beliefs unless I consciously chose them, or not even something that are probably mine. It was probably something that was given to me, right. my beliefs are what creates my reality. It’s what I think is right or wrong, my beliefs and my values. And so my thing has always been like I I’m fine with tattoos. They’re not for me. But I don’t, it doesn’t like, bother me to see them on somebody like I don’t. If my daughter was covered in tattoos that would really wouldn’t bother me. I’m sure she would get cool ones and it would look cool. But the one thing I really don’t like, are those gauges in your ears. You know what I’m talking about? Like they make your ear lobes the whole bigger. I, I it’s not wrong. If somebody wants to do it, it’s fine. It’s just not for me and I, I don’t like those. Like, I look at that. And it makes me like, I have a hard time looking at something about it. Now, I get Botox, that’s a body modification. Like I’m not saying it’s wrong. I’m just saying for me. It’s not It makes me uncomfortable. There are certain modifications that made me uncomfortable. And for whatever reason, I don’t know where I picked that up. I’m sure it’s something I could shift if I wanted to, but I don’t like it. So my daughter’s whole life. I told her like, I don’t care. Just don’t get those gauges in your ears. So there we are at lunch at true food kitchen, I look over. And I was like, what’s in your ear. And I could see that it was this gauge, like a very small one. But I can see that it was like an expander in her face went totally white. And then it went totally red. And then her bottom lip started to quiver. And I think that if I hadn’t had the awareness in my own life, just recently, I would have reacted differently. I don’t know that I would have reacted any worse. But I would have reacted different. I don’t know how that would have turned out. But here’s what happened is, she saw me ask she knew I knew. And it wasn’t against the rules. That’s why she wanted to do it because it was like the only thing she could do, because she can’t get tattoos or get pierced. But she could do that. And it was kind of in the conspicuous because they’re just little. But she knew I didn’t like it. She knew like on a deep level for years, I’ve said I just don’t like those. I just don’t like gauges, I used to say when she was younger, the bigger the gauge, the lower your wage, which is so not even true. It’s just my truth at the time. And so I saw her looking at me and I saw all of the all of the yearning to be accepted. wanting me to love her and accept her, I saw it all go across her face. And I just paused. And I said, all of your job isn’t to make me happy. Your job is to make you happy. And I can dislike it. And it doesn’t matter because it’s your life. It’s your body, it’s your ears. And what I would really love for her as a mom, is for her to be able to say you know what i’m doing something that my mother doesn’t like. But I know my mother still loves me. And it’s my choice. And so I’m going to do it because I want to you know, I think sometimes our kids try so hard to please us or I know from my own self, I try to please right? I don’t tell my dad the dumb stuff i do i only tell them the good stuff I do. Right? We we want to be accepted and to please, most of us. And I don’t want to have her have that. Now, here’s why this is important and why I share this story. Because if I hadn’t been doing my own work, if I hadn’t had my own awareness, I would have been like, take that thing out of your ear. Oh my god, that’s so gross. Right? Don’t do it. But because I had the awareness that I don’t want to live my life trying to please somebody else. I knew I didn’t want that for her either. And because I had that awareness, I could create space between what happened the trigger, right her telling me me noticing and my reaction. I could create space. And in that space, I could decide how I wanted to react, I could make a decision instead of just having a reaction. Because I’m doing the work on myself every day. I’m able to see where things are coming from and how I’m responding based on what I’m able to understand based on what which is so important because most of the time we do things without knowing the reasoning. You know what happen. What’s that stemming from? Is that even true? Do we even question our reality? We just go this is reality. That’s yucky. I don’t like it. But I created the space where I could then question, is it that awful? When does it turn off? or How big does it have to be to be awful? Is it awful? If my own kid does it? Can I change the way I’m thinking? What’s the I could get? I could ask questions about what do you like? What do you like about it? What is it that calls you to it? What makes it interesting to you, and then I could start to see another way. Now, if I hadn’t been doing the work, honestly, like 10 years ago. I mean, if she had been 1910 years ago, I would have been like, Oh, my God, I can’t even look like I’m not gonna look. And I would have made her feel badly, probably. Right. And I know she is in control of how she feels. But I’m in control of how my communication is received. That’s the premise of communication that it comes from me, I’m in control, or I’m responsible, I should say, for how that is received. If it’s received incorrectly, then I need to alter something because it’s me trying to communicate. So I don’t want her to be 50 years old and go, Oh, my God, I can’t believe I’m still trying to please my mother. I want her to live her life and listen in to the her internal, what’s going on inside, I want her to be able to understand and listen to the part of her that only she can hear. I don’t want her listening to me. So I share that with you. Because it felt good to me to have that space, it felt really good. Like I felt like I’m doing something right. You know, I’m sure you’ve had that before. So all of the tools that I talked about all of these things I teach inside my program, it’s called the rise, and I’m going to be opening that back up again, I have not opened it up in many months. It is it will change the way you see things that will create that space. And most importantly, it will give you the tools to be able to see your situation differently. So if you feel stuck, or you’re struggling, or you’re overwhelmed with something, or you’re just like I’m not living like this anymore, then it it gives you that space. And it shows you what to do next. Lots of times I think people want to change or want to shift or want to have the awareness, but they don’t know what to do with it once they get it. And so we teach all of that. It’s a very, very strategy based, and it’s very much connection with you and what you want to do moving forward. So powerful, and it’s so much fun. So if you are interested in that, if you go to my website, if you just go to Betsy pake.com, you’ll see it’ll say book a call for the rise, or you can watch my free training and that’ll kind of give you an idea of kind of what we do. And we can just chat see if you’re a good fit, no pressure. Man, I can give you a little bit more information. So if you want to book the call, if you’re serious and you want to be able to be part of that. Just go to my website or just shoot me an email or dm and I’ll be happy to direct you to where you need to go. I’m Betsy Pake everywhere. All right. This was so fun. Thank you for coming and having some water with me today. I appreciate you. And if you found this helpful, please share it with your friends please jump into free alchemy week. It’s going to be really fun. I’m excited to see you all there. See you later. Thank you so much for being here and for listening to today’s episode. If you liked it and got something out of it please be sure to share it with me by leaving a review over on iTunes. And if you’re not following on social media, I am everywhere at Betsy Pake but most of the time over on Instagram, so follow and comment on my latest post so that we can connect there. I’ll see you next week. And until then, keep living big

Today Betsy talks about a very personal story where she describes a moment in life where she stopped abandoning herself and how she shifting on to something new.

We hope it inspires you to be brave, listen in and find the resources you need to shift to higher possibility.

Transcription:

Welcome to The Art of Living big. I’m your host, Betsy Pake. I’m an author, speaker, a master hypnotherapist and NLP coach. And I help high achievers rewire for success. If you’re ready for the next level, you’re in the right place. Over the next 30 minutes, I hope to help you redefine what could be possible for your life. Now, let’s go live big. Hello fellow adventurers, welcome to today’s show. So I had this whole, like, I have like a laundry list of these little things that I wanted to talk about. And none of them seem together to go together. I was like, do I do like the most random show with all these like weird thoughts I’m having I, you know, I have my text community, if you’re in if you’re in there, you know what I mean? Where I text you, the thoughts that come up, when I have done, I call it my meditation, but it is a form of meditation, it’s when I ask my inner guides, or my higher self, or whatever, what it is, I need to know. And I always get something that I think is really interesting. And so I share that on my text list. So you can join that if you want, you just have to text like hello to 770-343-3409. And, um, it’ll be an automated message, you have to click the link to click the link so that I can actually start messaging you. So that’s the only automated part after that. It’s actually just me. Um, so anyway, so I send out those those messages. And sometimes people say, I really like your brain. And I kind of laugh like, I’m glad you enjoy my brain. So I thought, do I just do this random show, where I share these like pieces of the things that I’ve been thinking, but I’m not going to do all that I am going to give you a couple quick thoughts. And then I have a story to tell you. So I saw this is one of the random things that I think about. I saw Kourtney Kardashian posted a picture of her holding hands with Travis Barker. I guess that was like they’re announcing their relationship. Now I am not. I just started following Kourtney Kardashian on Instagram like I don’t. I like having the Kardashians on sometimes, like in the background, if I’m cleaning or something, you know what I’m saying. But I’m not like, I’m not following every little thing. They do all that just to say, when I saw it was Travis Barker reminded me of an interesting story about him that I wanted to share. So years ago, I read if you don’t know who Travis Barker is, he’s a musician. And he is the drummer for blink 182. In fact, I may have even talked about him on the show before, he’s covered in tattoos, like you know, his face, his neck, his hands, you know what I mean? Like the whole nine yards. So when they were holding hands in the picture, it was obvious it was him because his hand was all tattooed. But years ago, I read this story about him and how he had this dream that he wanted to be a drummer and be in a band and be really popular. And that’s what he wanted to do with his whole life. And so he started getting tattoos, so that he would be on hireable. But nobody else would be able to hire him because he would have all these tattoos all over his neck and his face and his hands and whatever, like he would have it was his version of burning the boat. Right? Have you ever heard that before? Like, you burn the boats, this is the only option. So there’s no other way, there’s no plan B, there’s nothing else that I can do. I’ve got to keep forging ahead. And I find that so powerful. And if you’re listening and you have your own business, or you want to start your own business, or you’re a coach or you want to be a coach, you know, I remember I went through that in my business like do I do this? Or do I had a really great career, I made a lot of money. You know, it was fun. I liked it. I had to like burn the boats, I had to stay there. So I am unemployable. Because I am so focused on this. I’m so focused on this dream, nothing else will satisfy me. And so I’m going to do things that maybe I wouldn’t do. If I wanted to keep that old version of me in my back pocket, you know that I could maybe go back to work for someone else. So I share that just because that was in the news. And that’s one of the little random thoughts that came up. But if you’re struggling, you know, because this is what I think happens is we come up against something that’s difficult on our journey. It’s fear, right? It shows up as procrastination or confusion or comparison, right? Mine shows up as confusion. I’ll get confused. I’ll be like, I don’t know. I can’t figure that out until I’ll keep putting it aside and doing something else. And there’s something else is always sort of busy work. So then the big thing doesn’t get done. You know what I mean? And so when we do that, it’s It is almost like we’ve got to if there was another option, if there was an out, we would take the out, rather than deal with the crap that’s coming up. But when we have no other options, we deal with the crap. And then we get over it. And then there’s more crap. And then we get over that. And we, it continues to feed us and we become bigger and stronger and able to start leaping over the things that that would have held us back before. So anyway, I think there’s value in burning the boats. I love that story. years ago, I signed up for a coaching program with a coach that was pretty expensive. I think it was maybe like 12 grand, it was eight weeks 12 grand. And I remember like week three, I was like, This is so hard. I don’t want to look at my crap, I can’t believe I have to do this. And I remember being so grateful that it wasn’t 597. Because if it had been cheaper, I would have quit. So I spent the money and I got the transformation. I burned the boats, because I’d put my money into it. Does that make sense? So anyway, there’s lots of different ways that we can burn our boats, there’s lots of different ways that we can fully commit and tell the universe that we have no other options. But anyway, I wanted to share that story because I saw that picture of their hands. And I thought about it. So these are the things that roll through my brain. Sometimes they make a list and I’m like, oh, if someone lived reprints probably just like you, you probably have these random thoughts, too. So Alright, so I want to tell you a story. And, you know, years ago, I’m about I’m about to turn 50. I’ll be 50 this late this spring. So this was quite a while ago, and but I got out of college, and I had a boyfriend in college, a lot of you are going to relate to this story so that you’ve probably never heard it before. So I had this boyfriend in college, who was a really nice guy. You know, if you’ve followed along on the podcast for a while, you know, my story. And you know, my mother died right at the end, sort of, of my high school career in my junior year end of my junior year. And so really, when I got to college, I was still like, you know, I felt like a blind person, like feeling, you know, feeling for stuff around me. And, like just trying to get my footing and understand who I was, which, you know, if you if you’ve gone away to college, like that’s a whole different experience of identity in itself, right? Because you’ve got to figure out who you are, after being with people like I had been with the same people since kindergarten, right? So it was like, my identity was sort of established with myself and with them. But now, I was somebody different because I’d gone through this terrible thing. And nobody knew me. And so I was really just feeling around for stability or something. Anyway, towards the end of my senior year, I ended up dating this guy who was such a nice guy, and his family was super nice. He was from New York, just outside the city, which was so different from where I was from. And he did a lot of fun things and was interesting. And we ended up in college, living in these really cool houses that were right on the lake. So I went to college in Vermont. And they were right on the lake. And they were like, it was like lucky that I got this house and he had the house right next door. So we sort of like shared sort of like a parking lot, you know. Anyway, we started hanging out as people do in college and ended up dating and when I graduated, we were dating and he went to New York City got a job, a really great job working for a national television station, doing a show that you probably have heard of, and I moved to North Carolina. So I got in my car and started driving. And that’s a whole other story in itself. I think I was trying to get to the beach, honest to God, but I I left with like a few $100 like I didn’t really know what I was doing. And there wasn’t a whole lot of guidance out there for me. So I just started driving and I ended up getting to North Carolina and that’s where I ended up getting a job and sort of deciding to stay. So there I am in North Carolina, and he comes down to visit now. I remember I don’t remember like being crazy crazy about him. But it was familiar and I was excited to have him come down. And when he came down he really really liked it and it was so different from what he was used to and he wanted to move. And so we did we had to move down and if You dated somebody in college, and then they moved down to where you are, you end up living together sort of by default, right. So a lot of things were just like, not necessarily choices that I was making consciously, but just things that were falling into place by default. Now, you’ve probably experienced something like that before. And in some cases, that could be really good. Like, it all just came together. But I sort of felt at the time, like, it was just happening to me. Like I wasn’t, it was like, things were rolling, and I didn’t have a lot of control. And I think at that time in my life, I didn’t have a lot of awareness. You know, I didn’t have a lot of awareness about who I was or what I really wanted, or how I wanted to move through the world. And so it was fine. You know, that’s a really good word to describe it. And I know that if you’re listening, you’ve had experiences like this, where all of a sudden you’re like, Okay, well, this is fine, I guess. And so after we live together for, I don’t know, six or eight months, he asked me to marry him. And so I said, Yes. And we were engaged. And so we ended up planning this wedding and came back to Vermont for the wedding. And it was on New Year’s Eve, and it was beautiful. It was so many of our friends and family and friends from college came and it was really, really fun. It was exciting. You know, it felt really exciting. I was 24 years old at the time. And so there we were. And I remember feeling sort of like I was moving through things, but not really having my feet on the ground. And feeling like I I wouldn’t I’m not sure what’s happening. But this is a big deal. Like I’m about to get married, like this is a big deal. And I remember being in my wedding dress, and leaning over the sink and grabbing the sides of the mirror and saying that See, if you do this, you’re gonna get divorced. Like I said it out loud. And I knew, but like the room was full of people waiting and the wheels were turning. And I was like, I get I’ve got to do this. Like, it’s gonna be fine. He’s so nice. His family so nice. Like, he’d be a good dad, you know, all of those things. But there was something inside me that was like, No, like, this isn’t the right thing. I still felt so unhealed and young. But I did it I got married. And we ended up moving back to North Carolina and bought a house and things from the outside probably seemed really good. But I never felt like it was the right thing. I always felt really out of place in it. I didn’t know how to be. I didn’t know how to be. And so trying to also be someone’s wife was really foreign to me and really uncomfortable. And then one day, I decided to just tell him that. And we ended up he was devastated. And it was so sad. And he absolutely didn’t deserve any of that. Although I know now, I did him the best favor. Although I should have done it before I did. But I had to get to the point where being me. And listening to me was more important than doing what I was supposed to do than doing what like everybody thought I should do or what I knew, like I should do. I’m using air quotes, like what should I do? I should try and figure this out, I should try. But I just wasn’t in the position to do that. I just wasn’t I didn’t have the resources. And I didn’t have the help to get me the resources. And so we did we got divorced. And it was super sad and uncomfortable. And I remember I had this thing where I would go. Like I would breathe like that a lot like at work even after I was so stressed. Like I couldn’t catch my breath. And I felt so guilty about it. But I had to get to the point where I listen to myself and I chose me. And so I offer you this story because I believe that there is a time and everybody’s life, whether it’s something big like that, that hurts other people God forbid, but where it’s just where you have to take a stand for what’s right for you, where you have to pause and look at yourself and say, Okay, I have been avoiding this voice in my head. But I know that this isn’t right. I don’t know what is right yet. But I’m going to acknowledge that where I am isn’t right. And when I can do that Then I can start to look around I can, I can put my hands out and feel for what could be next. Like, what do I need to do, it doesn’t necessarily mean you abandon whatever it is, like I did. But it may be that you stop and you say, I’m not going to ignore this anymore, that this isn’t the way it’s supposed to be that I am abandoning part of myself, by continuing to live in this and ignore it or to act like it’s not really happening or to downplay it, or to push things aside. I can take a stand, and I can stand up for myself. And I can say, I don’t know what it is, but it’s not this. And from there, I believe when you have that acknowledgement, when you say it like that, then the universe starts to show you options. You know, if you are spiritual, maybe the universe resonates. If you like the science, it’s your subconscious, your subconscious cannot show you the things that you need to see, if you’re not willing to acknowledge what’s really happening. It can’t because it doesn’t think that’s important to you. But once you take that moment, and you say this, no more this, and maybe that’s a relationship for you, maybe it is, maybe it’s a job, maybe it’s someplace, you got to burn the boats, you know, maybe it’s a friendship that you’re in, maybe it’s just where you feel like you’ve been taken advantage of maybe you’re just not listening to yourself. Maybe it’s your health, or your weight, maybe there is something bigger for you, and you continue to stay small, because you don’t know how else to deal with it. But you know, that nagging feeling is keeping you stuck where you are. You know, there could be a lot of things happening. And I know if you’re like me, it doesn’t take long before you can’t keep ignoring those things. So today, I offer you this thought to just acknowledge, it doesn’t even mean you have to take action yet. All it means is that you have to listen in to the in their deepest part of you. And ask yourself, what is it that I need to know right now? What do I need to see right now. And what is no longer acceptable in my life right now. And from there, give yourself the grace to allow it to unfold, be brave in it, take the steps forward, even if people are gonna think you’re a failure, or a screw up. Or what you’re doing doesn’t make sense, or you didn’t try hard enough or whatever they think. As long as it’s not what you think I want you to just keep going. And, you know, maybe that is, you know, if I had had that relationship today in my life, I would do things much differently have different resources. So how are you going to use the resources, you have to move forward to the place where you want to be? Give yourself the grace, notice where you need some space and move forward. I hope that that was helpful. I hope that that shifted or gave you permission maybe to experience something that you’re going through in a different way. I am going to be opening up my rise coaching and is a transformational coaching program. And you’re going to want to get on the waitlist. If you have something to work through. We’re going to be opening it up in April. But I’m going to be offering some calls just to kind of talk and see if you’re a good fit for that. So be sure to jump on my mailing list, you can go right to my website, you’ll see that there are two blocks, there is a block right on top for alchemy week. Join us in alchemy week we’re going to be starting that March 8 through the 12th we’re going to be just doing some magical stuff. It’s an invitation in to learn a little bit more about how to get in touch with your inner soul. And then if you’d like to book a call with me to talk about joining us for the rise transformational coaching program, it is life changing. And I would love to be able to talk with you a little bit and see if you’re a good fit. So I hope that you all have an amazing week. I hope that this helped you shift a little bit and thank you as always for sharing these episodes with your friends. I’ll talk with you soon. Thank you so much for being here and for listening to today’s episode. If you liked it and got something out of it please be sure to share with me by leaving a review over on iTunes. And if you’re not following us on social media, I am everywhere at Betsy Pake but most of the time over on Instagram, so follow And comment on my latest post so that we can connect there. I will see you next week and Until then, keep living big

Betsy is diving into how to create your future today from the perspective of your unconscious mind.

Intentional future creation, trusting instincts, and harnessing mental momentum.

Transcription:

Hello, fellow adventurers. Hi, everybody. So welcome to the show today. Welcome to the art of living big. Today, I’m doing things a little bit different. So I am actually recording and videoing, recording, video recording. I’m recording all the ways that one can record, which I never do.

Betsy:
If you’ve been here for any amount of time, you’ve heard me talk about this. I typically do the show, and I have done the show historically over the past seven years with my eyes closed. For the most part. It just helps me to shut off anything visual so that I can really be inside and with my thoughts. I shut my eyes when I visualize or when I do hypnosis or all the things. And so there is so many challenges to me doing the show this way. But we’re going to try it and just see how it goes. So if you’re watching the video, I’m trying to be intentional by keeping my eyes open.

Betsy:
So I did write a couple of notes, which if you’ve been here for any amount of time, you know, I don’t do that either. But I didn’t want to forget some things. So I had been on hiatus from the show for a few months, just as I was getting my feet under me with just a lot of new things going on. And last week I was back, and it felt so good to be back. Really did. And that episode, I just said, let me know what’s been going on, because I feel like other times when I have the show, people are messaging me like, I liked your show, this is what’s happening. Or I noticed this thing, or I’ve been going through this. And so I kind of know what’s going on now.

Betsy:
I know I might not know you, I know I might not know you, but I like the updates. Makes me feel like we really are all collected and a collective. Right. So anyway, last week, the show, I said, give me the updates. And I got updates. And it was just so nice to hear from people and to hear what you’ve been doing. I mean, you all have been busy making babies, losing weight, starting new businesses, changing jobs, like really exciting, fun things going on, big trips. And it has been really nice to get your messages.

Betsy:
So thank you for that. This week, I do want to give you a small update. Episode 253 I had my daughter on, and I think I talked about this last week. I had my daughter on, and we were talking about her depression and anxiety and sort of mental health journey. And over the past month, she has been going to get ketamine infusions yeah, I’m for sure. I mentioned this last week. She’s completed those now, so she finished her first series of six. I am going to have the doctor come on the show next month.

Betsy:
Next month. And we’re going to break down the whole ketamine infusion thing so that you really understand what it is and if it can help you in some way. Right. So if you have questions that you’re like, I heard you mention that, or I’ve heard people talk about ketamine infusions. If you have questions, will you just email us or message me on Instagram? But you can email us at the support@betsype.com and just tell me your question. And we would love to cover it. So I want the episode to be really informative. I mean, there’s so much that I don’t really know or understand.

Betsy:
So I have a lot of questions that I think will organically come out and hopefully answer your questions too. But if you’ve got things, then absolutely please message me because I want to answer your questions too. I will tell you that I don’t want to go too far into it because we’re going to do a whole episode on it. But I will tell you that something has happened, something magical is happening and she’s doing really well. And I’m crossing my fingers even as I’m saying it. Well, I could say more, but I’m going to let it wait till next week or next month. So if you have questions, please message us and let us know. I’m going to pause for 1 second and have a real moment.

Betsy:
It’s so distracting to see myself as we’re going to make this work. I’m going to put this on YouTube. So if you are like, what is happening with her? You could go look on YouTube and go to my YouTube channel. I’m going to try and put some more stuff there. So I have been going live inside my group. It’s the art of living big on Facebook. So I’ve been going live in there every Wednesday and just trying to share some more stuff in there. So those videos I hope to put on YouTube as well.

Betsy:
So if you want to jump in there and ask questions there or just dive in a little deeper with the community, that’s the place to go. All right. So today what I really wanted to talk about was this idea that I know I have talked about and I know you’ve heard and I know you know about, but I want to give it a little different angle to really look at and I want to maybe even dive into it a little bit deeper than maybe you have before. And that is the idea of creating your future intentionally. We hear people say this a lot, intentionally creating. And I know for me, for a long time, I was like, okay, yes, sign me up for intentionally creating and then I would make my list and know what I wanted to some extent, right? And I have shifted that a lot. Over the past eight months. I feel like I have really been able to create the things that I want almost in a magical speed.

Betsy:
And there are some real things that I’ve been doing differently, some real steps, I think, that have shifted. So I want to dive in here just a little bit. And there’s a couple of different layers of this that I want to talk about. So the first one is, why do we even say, like creating? Because it can feel like life is happening. And then we find ourselves in situations or we find ourselves having certain experiences and that’s sort of what just happens, right? That just happens. And to create something intentionally means that I set a goal and that I set up things that I’m going to be doing, right. And that I’m going to do those things. And then hopefully that will get me to my goal.

Betsy:
And I don’t know about you, but for me, I have set a lot of goals in my life. I love setting goals. Big goal setter and also a big non reacher of my goals. I mean, I’ll get part way, right? We get part way. But to really hit the big goals, there have been some that I was going for for a long time. And I was like, why isn’t this happening? And it would start to kind of get under your skin where you’re like, I have wanted this thing for a long time. I cannot visualize anymore. It is crystal clear.

Betsy:
I know exactly what it is. And then there has been a shift. And so I want to pause and talk about this idea of how we actually create reality. So I want to bring it back to our conscious mind and our unconscious mind, and I want to bring it to this idea that my conscious mind is the goal setter, right? It’s the part of you that’s watching this or listening and having thoughts, making judgments, having an experience of it consciously that you’re aware of. And then there is this unconscious part of you, and that’s really the part of you that just is running automatic autopilot. The moment you’re not thinking about the goal or the thing or whatever it is, that moment is the moment that the unconscious mind takes over. And whatever the programming is there. And I say programming intentionally.

Betsy:
I’ll get to that. Whatever the programming is there, that’s the thing that’s running the show, right? So that’s the thing that is creating not only my reactions, my triggers, right? My activations. That’s helping me notice things. It’s helping me create what I think is available to me. Now, have you ever bought a car? And you’re like, I’m the only one who has this. I don’t see this car anywhere. And then you drive off the lot and you’re like, oh, my God, everybody has this car. How does everyone have this? And I never noticed.

Betsy:
And you’ve probably heard this phenomenon before, right? Your recticular activating system, your ras. And so that begins to show us things that our unconscious mind thinks is important. Now, if I have a goal and my conscious mind set it, but the moment I’m not focused on it consciously, which I can’t be, because sometimes I’m driving, sometimes I’m doing something else, sometimes I’m in a conversation with somebody. So I can’t be focused on the goal all of the time, even if I’m obsessed with it, my unconscious mind is taking over. So my unconscious mind is going to be the thing that’s noticing things, right? The car, right? Noticing things. And it knows to notice things based on emotion and repetition. So let’s say that I buy a car and I’m super excited about it. My brain thinks that’s important, okay? So now I have a goal.

Betsy:
And what happens so often when I have a goal that I have consciously set is I am very clear on what I don’t want. And I see this a lot with people with money, right? When they’re trying to make changes in money, what do they do? They spend a lot of time worrying, worrying about it, thinking about it, recognizing how there isn’t any or whatever the situation is. And their brain, that recticular activating system, starts to think, that’s what’s really important. And so when I talk about creating reality, I’m saying, that’s the thing. The moment I’m not consciously focused on my goal, the thing that’s going to run in the background is the thing that my brain thinks is most important. And it might be the thing that you’re worried about. It might be the thing that you don’t want. It might be the thing that.

Betsy:
It might be that you don’t see all the opportunity around you because your brain isn’t geared to give you what it is you want. Okay, so this is kind of the basic, basic with my conscious mind and my unconscious mind. And so then the logical next step is if I want to have a new experience or reach my goal, then I’ve got to get those two things, conscious mind, unconscious mind on the same railroad track. I’ve got to get those headed in the same direction so that they are going for the same thing. So now I don’t have to be thinking about it. It just happens. And this is when people say, like, I don’t know, something just clicked, like something happened and then it became easy. That is because their unconscious mind came on board with where their conscious mind was going.

Betsy:
Okay, so how do I do that? How do I then create my future intentionally? Because intentionally, I think we could argue, implies consciously, right? I’m setting an intention consciously. This is what I want. And so if I want to create my future, that means I need to train my unconscious mind to see something totally different than it has ever seen before. And I think there’s two parts to this. I think the first part is slowing down the momentum of where you have it headed by worry and knowing all the things that you don’t want and experiencing things that paying attention so much to the things that are showing up that are unwanted. So we got to slow down the momentum. That’s the first thing. And then the second thing I need to do is then begin to retrain so that my unconscious mind is moving in the direction that I want.

Betsy:
Okay, so let’s dive into that. Number one, how do I stop the momentum? Because when there is maybe years of you thinking about the thing you don’t want, and I know I’ve done this right, we spend a lot of time. It is how we get awareness of what we want by having things we don’t want. So noticing things that we don’t want is not inherently bad. It’s a great thing. It gives us contrast. It helps us to understand where we want to go, but we’ve got to slow the momentum to bring it back so that I can start from a place of somewhere near neutrality so that I can then move that cruise ship to head in the direction I want. So one of the things, and I know I’ve mentioned the author Richard dots before, d o t t s.

Betsy:
He’s one of those manifestation authors that writes, I think he has like 30 books, right? So most of them, I think, are on Kindle. I like reading his stuff. It brings me into an alignment. And although some of it might be I’m going to use the air quotes here. But like woo woo, it’s rooted. I can read it and know what the mechanisms are when we talk about the conscious mind and unconscious mind. So it makes sense to me. Right? So I’m just like, I can let go of anything that feels like out of grasp and I can bring it into the science.

Betsy:
So I’m hoping that by having this conversation today, that does that for you too. So the idea Richard dots talks about is, number one is saying I’m only going to worry like 15 minutes a day. So I know the unwanted is there and so I’m not going to think about it all day. Every time I get the idea, I’m going to say that’s okay. Like brain, I know I’ve got the idea, I need to worry about that, but I’m going to bring it back and I’m going to just focus on that later for 15 minutes. Okay. I think this can be really helpful, especially if your brain likes a chew toy to think about things over and over again or things you don’t like, like really rehash things. And so setting a time where I sit down and I do think about it and what I have found for me is that this really stops momentum for two reasons.

Betsy:
One is because I’m not thinking about it during the day. Like I am pushing it back now. Is it still happening in the background? Absolutely, which is why it’s so important that I do the second thing, which is that I actually do take that time to sit and intentionally think about it. So I think about all the things that I’m worried about. Sometimes I make a list and then I start to heal those things. I have this belief, and you might have a different belief, and that’s okay. But my belief is that everything is neutral. The only thing that makes it something is my story around it.

Betsy:
Now, do I have things in the world that I think are terrible? Absolutely, I do. That is my story around it. And based on my values and my beliefs, I will hang on strongly to that story. But I know I could probably find somebody in the world that doesn’t think that thing is terrible. And so that means they have a different story. And so that means the truth may be that our stories are the thing that make it so. And so if I’m sitting at night and I’m making my list of all the things that I’m worried about, about this thing, and all the things that could go wrong, or all the things that aren’t going right, or the things that I am fearful of happening in the future, I can look at that and I can start to break down what’s the story here, what’s actually going on. And if the story doesn’t serve me in that time that I’m sitting and we dive into this really deep inside the navigate method, how to really get to the point where things become neutral so that I can make better choices, but sitting in that moment and going through this can be such important work because it starts to take the charge out of the thing that’s negative out of the thing that you’re worried about.

Betsy:
So now, all day long, I have not been ruminating on it. I’ve saved that for at night. I’ve noodled through it because I’ve spent time. It’s not just coming up all day long. I’m spending time and intentionally thinking about it. And then I’m starting to recognize what might not be true, which is making it less activating for me. And then tomorrow, it’s not as many thoughts coming in. And then I do the same thing at night, and then soon it becomes, I only need ten minutes at night, and then I only need five minutes at night.

Betsy:
And then all of a sudden, I’m really not worried about that thing at all. So now the momentum is shifting. So while I’m doing that, and as I’m doing that, I also want to create momentum in the direction that I do want to go. Right. Because when I want to create a future intentionally, I have to be planning for what’s coming. I have to be expecting something different to be showing up. So now I’ve moved this. I think this is like a big old cruise ship, right? If you got to move a cruise ship, it’s going to take a minute.

Betsy:
So understanding that I may have years of momentum and pressure and thoughts and stories around a certain idea or thing or goal or area of my life that I want to be different. So now I’m bringing it to a place where, okay, now I’m almost like, to neutral, right? And so now I want to start creating. One of the things that I mentioned last week on the show was this idea that when we go watch a movie, it is a million little stills that are put together in a video to create this movement, right? To kind of track. But if you broke it down, like, you know, even if you have a video on YouTube, you could pause it and you’d see a frame. So what happens for most people is that they’re focused on that frame. This thing is happening. This thing is happening. This thing is happening.

Betsy:
This thing is happening. And then all of a sudden, it looks like it’s a still. It looks like I’m stuck. It looks like nothing’s changed. It looks like the more I focus on it, the more nothing happens. I never hit my goal right. It starts to look like it’s a still, but it is not. In fact, it’s a movie.

Betsy:
It’s moving. And that picture can be changing every day. Now, if you start shifting this momentum, that picture is going to start changing. You also have to. I find it really helpful to be reminding myself that what I’m seeing, this current frame, is in the process of changing into something else, so I don’t have to worry about it if it’s not what I want. It’s in the process of changing. It always is, good or bad. It’s in the process of changing, which is why it’s so important to keep doing this work, even after you start getting what you want, right? So now I’ve started to notice and recognize that there are little changes every day.

Betsy:
I’m starting to notice how this is a million different pictures moving and that I’m not, in fact, stuck, that I am moving. And when I notice that I’m moving, I can start to redirect my attention on the clues in the present moment. Now, you know when you hear, like, Eckhart tolle talk about being present, like sitting on a bench and being present forever, that’s how you start to notice things are changing. Now I find it to be really helpful to be noticing those things that I want to show up. Remember we talked about the car and your recticular activating system? So how do I start to move this? How do I start to move this needle so that it’s going in the direction I want? Well, I start noticing all of the things that I want to see. Sometimes this means in the morning, I set up what I want to see that day, even if I’ve never seen it before. I’m so excited because today I’m going to see this thing happen. Today I’m going to notice how close I’m getting to this.

Betsy:
So I start setting up my brain to get excited. Now, this is a key piece of this. You know how when you go to buy that car, you’re excited for the most part, right? We’re excited. We’re getting a new car. And I want to do that in the morning. You know when, if you’ve ever been pregnant or have loved someone that’s pregnant, you’re excited because you know it’s coming. Is the baby here? No, but you know it’s coming and that gets you excited. So do that with your life.

Betsy:
Get excited because I know it’s coming. I know it’s coming. And today I’m going to spend my day being really present and noticing all the little signs. Now sometimes I think signs can be fun to be like, I’m going to look for number two. Two or I’m going to look for anything that brings you joy in the search is going to be really good because that’s going to be honing your rectangular activating system. Your unconscious mind to say, these are the things I’m looking for. This is what I want more of. Now.

Betsy:
I have this belief that there is, I mean, we already know there is millions of pieces of information around you all the time. So there’s lots of stuff going on around you all the time. Now are you making the connections to say, oh, I already have that. That could bring me where I want to go. I already know the person that would know the job that I want. I already have the experience for the thing I want to call it. I need to be making those connections, right? And I have the belief that those things are already around you. You are sitting in a field full of flowers as far as you could possibly see and all you have to do is notice that you’re sitting there.

Betsy:
But you can’t do that by going, where am I going to be sitting next week? What’s going to be happening? Oh, I wish last week I was just notice where you are and how much of what you already want is happening around you. Now there is a piece of this. This is the next little piece that is about getting, about following the things that feel exciting. Yesterday I was having a rough day. I’m not going to lie. The last week has been kind of rough. There’s been a lot of changes and things happening in my business and my world. And sometimes we have that.

Betsy:
It’s okay. I always know that this is my current reality that’s in the process of changing into something new. So I’m totally fine if this is happening. I’m like, oh, interesting. This must be some old thought patterns showing up, right? And now I get to redo it. I get to rethink things. And so yesterday I had finished up a couple of things and my daughter messaged me and it was right before lunch and she called and I said, what are you doing? And she said, I’m making egg salad sandwich. And all of a sudden I thought, I want to go out to lunch.

Betsy:
So I said, oh, my God, you want to go out to lunch? And of course she said, I just told you I’m picking egg salad sandwich. I was like, throw it in the refrigerator. Let’s go out to lunch. Did I have a lot of time to go out to lunch? No, not really. Not really. I had a lot to do. I really wanted to record this yesterday, but it felt fun. It felt fun.

Betsy:
And I was like, I’m going to lean into the fun, because for whatever reason, the universe is giving me this nudge that that’s a way to go, that that’s something to experience. And actually, it really was so fun. And it refreshed me for the rest of the day, I think. Otherwise, I think I would have felt kind of drained. But it gave me a lot of joy and some fun, and it got me out of the house, and it was nice, and we had really good sandwiches, and we went to this cool place that was really aesthetically pleasing and fun, and it lifted things. Now, is going to lunch serving me towards my goal? What would you say in that? Absolutely. Is it a task that would move me towards my goal? No. Is it moving me towards my goal? Yeah, absolutely.

Betsy:
Because I had a spark of excitement. It was clear to me that that felt like the next right thing, like a fun thing. And when she said, I’m making a salad, immediately, I was like, I want to go to lunch immediately, it was like a feeling that came over me. And I responded to that immediately. Now, could I have thought, she’s already making a salad. She doesn’t want to go. I should just stay here? Yeah, of course I could have, but I want to have those impulses and act on those impulses immediately. If you’ve been here for a while or even if you’ve gone back and you’ve listened to my episodes from when I went to Iceland, that was one of those moments where I saw a know, made me want to see the northern lights.

Betsy:
I had a moment where I had an opportunity, and I just did it without thinking. Because what happens is we have patterns. Remember at the beginning of this episode, I was talking about how we have these patterns that keep us stuck feeling, right? Keep it. We’re never really stuck, but it keeps us in the stuck feeling. Because those patterns, although my brain wants novelty, my brain wants me to do something, like exciting and new, it also wants me to do what it knows to be safe, right? So what it knows to be in that experience I’ve already had, because then it knows I’m going to stay alive. And that’s really the number one directive of my unconscious mind. And so there’s going to be times where you’ll have the impulse, and then you’ll think through it with your brain. This right here, that is where the problem is for most people.

Betsy:
I’ll tell you, I see this all the time when people come into my program. The people that come in are the people that have that moment, and they lean into it. If you start thinking through it, what if it doesn’t work? What if my husband gets mad? What if I don’t know all the things? Who knows? That’s when people don’t get the help that they need, or their help is meant to be somewhere else. But if they can lean into that moment of, like, I am having a feeling that this is right and I’m going to trust myself, that is when magic happens, no matter what the situation is. Because that moment of I’m going to trust myself can be so hard for people. Especially if you have a lifetime of not trusting yourself or a lifetime of being told that the choices you made were wrong or dumb. And I think that this happens to everybody, especially when we’re young and we’re growing up, right? And our parents tell us, you should be a CPA. Don’t be an artist, be a CPA, whatever it is, and you begin to have self doubt, and you begin to want to trust somebody else’s opinion over yours, and you start to doubt that internal piece of you, right? That deep, deep inner knower of you that says, that’s the thing.

Betsy:
Yes. That says, yes. It is a courageous. I always say this, the people in my program are courageous for a number of reasons, but that is one of the biggest reasons, because they have courage to say yes. The courage to trust that inner part of them, right. The courage to show up in a different way. And I think that is the moment. Whatever you’re doing, whatever your goal is, as you’re starting to create, intentionally create your future, you’ve got to be able to slow the momentum, get the clarity, but most importantly, lean in and trust that you actually do know the way.

Betsy:
You absolutely know the way, but you’ve been programmed out of it, and you’ve believed a lot of other things, and you forget that we have a really great internal guidance system that you just need to hone. So this week, I want to offer you the thought that you can start this process by next week, when next week’s episode comes out. You could be intentionally creating. You could be noticing the sparks and shifting into something new. So let me know how it goes. I really do want to hear from you. Message me on Instagram. If you loved this show, please share it.

Betsy:
It means so much to me to have you share it. If you want to see it, go to YouTube because we are living big over there. We’re going to try this out. We’re going to try it out. I don’t know. I tried to keep my eyes open, y’all. All right. I love you guys so much.

Betsy:
I will see you all really soon, and I’ll see you next week. Bye.

Today Betsy talks about how to have your values and beliefs aligned with your mission so you can live a life of more confidence, happiness, and energy!

Transcription:

Welcome to The Art of Living big. I’m your host, Betsy Pake. I’m an author, speaker, a master hypnotherapist and NLP coach, and I help high achievers rewire for success. If you’re ready for the next level, you’re in the right place. Over the next 30 minutes, I hope to help you redefine what could be possible for your life. Now, let’s go live big. Hello, welcome fellow adventurers. Hey, everybody, I’m excited to be here with you today, you know, I have been gone for the past few days. First of all, if you’re new here, thank you for being here. Welcome. This is sort of, if you’re new here, this is sort of like a community effort. I feel like I get feedback from you guys either on social media or through my email, and then I create the episodes that you want to hear. So today, I’m going to talk about something specific that I have been hearing a lot about. But also I want to just give you a quick update. Because I had a lot of thoughts over the last few days, we headed out on Monday morning to North Carolina, I live in Atlanta. And we headed out to North Carolina to go to my husband’s cousin’s funeral. He was pretty young. I originally I thought he was 59. He was 61. And he had colon cancer and fought a really long battle. And you know, those things, especially when it’s someone that is so young, I know, you might, if you’re in your like, your 20s, you might not that young, but it’s not that much older than me, right? I’m about to turn 50. So I’ve, it feels like, Oh my gosh, there’s still so much life ahead, right? It feels cut short to me. And so in that, you know, we had a lot of discussions and a lot of talks about life and things we want to do. And I think anytime I go to a funeral, and you know, I get inspired by other people’s lives and how they lived, and you know, how many friends they had, and the people that show up in the things that they say about them, it always makes me think like, Where could I be doing? I want to say more? Where can I be? We’re gonna work? Where could my life be even more robust? Right? Like, could I be taking way better care of my health? Are there things I need to do there? Are there? Are there more adventures that I could have? Are there deeper friendships that I need to work on? That makes you kind of evaluate things? You know, a few weeks ago, I did an episode on a self audit. And you know, that I kind of set up a self audit in terms of like my schedule in my day, but I think you can, I know, you can self audit, for lots of different areas. And in this experience of, of going there and, and, and being at the funeral and being inspired. It made me think about doing a self audit in different areas, too. So I share that with you in case that’s where you are where you’re like, you know, there’s more I know, I can expand into more. And I just need like a little guidance that the second thing that I will say is if that’s you, if you’ve had that thought, and when I said that you felt something, we really, really need to get on the mailing list on my mailing list. For the alchemy collective, we’re going to be opening it up again next month. And the alchemy collective, you know, the more that I get feedback from people, the more that I’m in groups, the more I’m learning about things, the more I believe that the alchemy collective is the best place to be if you want regular, regular self growth, if you want to expand and get new ideas, and be around a community that’s helping you rise to a greater level. You know, at the beginning of the year, I was thinking about the alchemy collective, which it’s my membership, so it’s a monthly membership. And in there, I was like I want the people in my membership to be like to be magical. Like, I want the people in my group to have the most magical experiences. I want them to be thinking totally outside the box. And so I really I revamped things. I was like, how can we do that? And so inside there, there’s lots of like little goodies that you get, you know, there’s a guidebook at the beginning of the month, and there are, you know, playlists and wallpaper for your phone and like those kinds of fun goodies. But there’s also a Connection Kit, which is typically like hypnosis or subliminal audio. We do happy hours in there. There is a monthly workshop where I teach you something right so you’ve got to be able to expand. So you’ve got to be learning some new things. And you’ve got to have a place to ask questions. So there’s a q&a time. We also have a monthly coaching session. You know, last month we did it. And it was the first time we did it, right, because I have revamped some stuff for 2021. I mean, I think the class, the coaching session was like maybe two and a half hours to 20. It was so fun, everybody got a chance to shift and we made huge shifts in there. And then you know, of course, then there’s the community. So I think there’s three things that you need to have, you’ve got to have expansion and learning, you’ve got to have a place to ask questions and shift. And you’ve got to have a place to practice, right a community where you can be the new way you want to be. Anyway, which brings me into the whole idea of, of this week’s show and what I want to share, I want to talk today about being congruent about living a life that’s congruent. And this was something that was coming up for me as we were on our trip this week, was how to live so that you are totally congruent in all areas. Now, let me tell you why this is even important. So when you can be congruent in your life, you have way more confidence. You you have like peace inside you, and you have a lot more energy. So you’re not being drained all the time of your energy. Decisions are way easier. And it feels like things just fall into place. So you know how I was saying, I wanted everyone in the alchemy collective to have a magical life. That’s like everything falling into place. And how do you do that? You do that by living a life that’s really congruent. And so let’s dive into like what is congruency? And how can you get there. So congruent to me is when you are thinking things, and doing things that are the same that are propelling you forward and moving you forward. So I’m in congruent if I am selling a car that I think is a piece of crap. And I’m trying to sell somebody a car, and I feel really out of alignment with it, right? I’m not congruent. Why? Why can one person sell a car that’s a piece of crap and not be congruent? But somebody else can sell a car? That’s a piece of crap and be totally congruent. Right? What is that? The difference is how your values are lining up. So the person that’s selling the crappy car and is totally fine with it is somebody that has a value that says that that’s okay. Right? That there’s some part of that that’s okay, that maybe it’s that all cars have a component of crappiness to them. And everyone has to get things fixed. And so there’s nothing wrong with selling a car that needs to be fixed, or that’s crappy, right? That’s just a generalization. But do you see the difference? So the difference doesn’t come down to what you’re thinking and doing as much as what you’re valuing and doing, because what you’re valuing is actually impacting your thinking on a subconscious level. So let’s dive into that just a little bit. And what I mean by that. So when I am going about my life, there is only at most 5%, you know, I feel like that’s being pretty generous. I think that’s if you have like a high level of awareness 5% of what you’re doing, as you’re walking around is conscious. The rest of everything is unconscious. So what does that mean? That means that I’m just running on habits, basically, right? I’m just running automated programs, my brain is like a computer, I’m running an automated program that is running with the components, and it is configured with my values, and my beliefs. So my values, and my beliefs may be totally unconscious to me. So I am out living my life. Right, I’m living my life. And my subconscious programs running in the background. It’s running based on my values and beliefs, which aren’t conscious to me, I’m not aware of what they are. And so as I try and do things, the things I want to do consciously don’t work out. There’s always something going wrong, you know, and I can’t figure out why or what it is, and it is this incongruency it is this part that my values and my beliefs are not lining up with what it is that I want. This leads us to feel so drained, and then we can’t quite figure out like why we’re so drained. Now, to go back to the example about the car salesperson, if you’re in congruent doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong or illegal or anything like that. It’s just means that that’s just an example of how somebody that can feel totally fine selling you a crappy cars because it is within their value system, they see things a little differently, right their lens in which they see the world is just a little bit different than the person that wouldn’t be able to sell you the crappy car. Now, you could argue philosophically over what’s right or wrong, right? Because there’s components and sides to that even further. But when we’re looking at your life, we’re looking at the things you want to be doing. And we’re looking at the experiences you want to have. And then you look, why do I keep getting sucked back in? Or why is it the things that I want to do aren’t really happening for me, or I can’t find the opportunities or I don’t see the things. It’s because we’re not in congruency from a values and beliefs level. Now, this morning, I was actually writing in my journal, and I think I’ve talked about this before I use a journal called day one, I have used it for years and years. And so it’s on my computer, it’s on my Mac. And I can see when I go to today, I can see previous years of what I wrote. Now, I don’t make it a habit so much anymore of going back and looking. Because when I go back and look, I’m like, Oh my god, what was I thinking? Because here’s what I’m thinking most of the time, I’m very much, you know, six, seven years ago, very much cheerleading myself into, I know, I can do it, I know it’s gonna happen. I know, I just have to believe it, like very much that my thoughts, which is great, there’s nothing wrong with that. But my values and my beliefs about what I was doing, were not in alignment. So it was like sludge. I mean, it was like moving through sludge, like why can I make this happen? Like, when’s it gonna happen? Something has to happen in order for it to happen, right, somebody is gonna see my stuff and share my stuff. And then somebody will famous will see it and go, Oh, my god, she’s, like, so stupid. But what was really happening was that my values and my beliefs weren’t really aligned with what I was doing. Now, that doesn’t mean I wasn’t aligned with a message, it means that there was something within me that didn’t, wasn’t congruent with me getting to where I wanted to go. So let’s talk about that, again, in a different way. So, and I’m going to use myself as an example, just because I think y’all can relate to it. And I’m, you know, an oversharer. But, you know, I had these big dreams, like, I want to be speaker, I want to do a TED talk. But I was not doing the things in order to be able to do that. Why? Because my values and my beliefs were structured in such a way that, you know, maybe there was an unworthiness component, maybe there was a part of me that didn’t want to be seen. So even though consciously I had these big dreams and goals, I wasn’t really taking the appropriate actions. I wasn’t really stepping in, I wasn’t being who I needed to be in order to do those things. Now, I had somebody say to me recently, that they listened to some of my old podcast episodes, and how different I sound it and in fact, I think they said my voice even sounded different. Now. I’m gonna guess it’s like my inflection, the way I’m talking, right? The certainty in my voice. Now, that is all unconscious stuff. That’s because I’ve been doing so much work, that it’s showing up in who I am being. So if you’re feeling stuck, or you’re struggling, or you’re like, I don’t have any confidence, I feel completely drained. I don’t know what I’m doing. I believe that there is an in congruence in there, and you’ve got to heal that in order to be able to move forward, right? One of the things a lesson and one of the workshops that we did inside the alchemy collective, so if you’re in there, and you haven’t done this yet, is to actually elicit your values to go in and actually find out what are your values, those are so unconscious to us. And it’s really hard to make shifts and changes if you don’t know what they are. So, elicit your values, find out what they really are. From there, you can start to shift them and change them. You know, one of the programs that I have on my website is is something called up leveled. It’s where I work with people. It’s very intense. It is for people that want to shift like immediately and they want like a severe shift, right? They want like a remarkable shift. And it’s about an eight hour session, a seven to eight hour session and there’s like a bunch of things. Follow up to it so that we can fine tune. But what we do in that the very first thing I do is I get your values, I elicit those values, then we do all of this work. And then I elicit your values. And it is astounding how different they are at the end of the session. Now, why would that be is because we are shifting, we’re making changes, we’re moving you so that you’re moving towards the things that you want, instead of running away from the things you don’t want. So this is really important when we’re trying to be congruent. Let’s use that same old example of the TED Talk, which if you follow me on Instagram, you know, I that I applied to Ted last week, I probably won’t get chosen this time. I’m okay with that. Because I tried, I’m going to try and fail lots of things. Here’s the difference between me and five years ago, five years ago, I didn’t try because I was like, I don’t know, I’m not really ready, I don’t have the fit, right, I’m totally freaking ready. And I have a kick ass idea. And so it’s so different. Now, what makes the difference is that I have aligned my values and beliefs so that I’m moving towards the things that I want, instead of moving away from here’s why that’s important. When I’m moving away from things, I go up and down in my focus up and down in my focus. So we’ll use weight loss as an example. I want to lose weight because my jeans are too tight, what happens, I lose five pounds, and what happens to my jeans, they’re not as tight. So my motivation, I’m using air quotes, my motivation seems to dip down. But it’s, it’s that what I was running away from has gone away, so I have less to run away from. So then what happens is I get comfortable, I never really reach the goal of what I had. And I kind of get where I’m like, okay, it’s fine. And then I start doing my old patterns, I gain the weight back because the old patterns still exist. And then what happens is I gain it back. And then I start over again and say I got to fit into my jeans, right? So if you could imagine like, up and down up and down like a wave, right? So I’m running away from and then I it’s fine to run away from and then it’s fine. Well what happens when I can align my values and my beliefs so that I am moving towards something? Okay. So now imagine that I’m moving towards a greater vision of health that I’m moving towards feeling really great in my body, right? There’s no doubt because I’m only getting more towards that the fitter I get, the more I work out, the more I eat healthy, the better I feel. I’m only moving towards so now it’s like a trajectory up. Right? What’s the difference is that it’s congruent. my beliefs in my values are congruent with how I’m acting. One of the things that I have been working on over the past seven weeks is actually some hypnosis for myself with getting that congruency. And I’ll be sharing those with you guys. But getting that congruent congruency inside deep inside my subconscious mind, for health, for exercise, for eating really healthy for drinking a lot of water, for changing the reward, and how I experience reward all of those things. So I have been testing it myself, I have someone else that’s going to start testing. And once we get some really good numbers and we have refined it, I’ll share those audios with you guys. But you know, I the point, the thing to remember is that you’ve got to be congruent. And how can you test what’s congruent? Are you are you? Are you in this like Limbo where you’re not able to figure it out? Or are you feel like you’re moving on a trajectory towards where you want and I’ll tell you when you’re moving in a trajectory towards where you want, it feels so much better. You know, I’ll share this from my own point of view. And you guys if you’re new here, you haven’t heard this story. But if you have if you’re if you’re old here, then Forgive me because you’ve probably heard this story a million times. But I used to own a CrossFit gym. I used to compete. I I’ve won a bronze medal in the Pan American Games, doing Olympic style weightlifting, the snatch and the clean and jerk. I competed in a sport where you had to be weighed in so I had to weigh a certain amount I would compete anywhere from if you’re looking at it was 53 kilos to 58 kilos, so from 118 pounds to 128 pounds depending on where I was. So So that was something that was super important to me. It was who I was then my daughter got sick, my focus went other places as it needed to. And then I stopped those patterns. I created different things. patterns, I became very incongruent. And over the past few years I’ve talked about, I gotta do this, I gotta get back into it. I’m trying, I’m doing different things. And I kept saying to my husband, I got, I’ve got to just release the environment and bullet and my environment and behavior. Because I know that’s not where changed. That’s how come I keep going up and down, like running away from I knew it was happening. I just wasn’t mentally ready. Right, you know, you’ve got to be ready to forge for change. And so last December, when I put together those audios and started working on that, to just I was not going to do any. I was going to do zero planning, zero thinking zero worrying. I was not going to think about my weight. I wasn’t going to weigh myself. I wasn’t going to do any of those things. I was just going to focus on my unconscious mind in every day, sometimes twice a day without fail. I have listened to the hypnosis audios and I have started to make shifts. Now. The interesting thing is I run every day now. It’s not an issue. I don’t know. Maybe I’ve lost 10 pounds. I don’t know because I’m not getting on a scale. I eat so much healthier. I’m so dry. I have not had any. I mean, I drink so much water. So many changes. Now. How did that happen? It was because I got my values and my beliefs, my beliefs, specifically with a hypnosis so that I was moving towards what I wanted. Then it became effortless. I became congruent. Now it feels really fun. You know, I got up today I couldn’t wait to go run. I went to this trip to North Carolina. I brought my sneakers and stuff to get outside. And I walk ran I joked with the alchemy group because I went live inside the group while I was on a walk. But I was like I only know how to run on a treadmill. I’m afraid to run on the street, which is kind of funny. But I it The point is it. That’s who I am again. Now, when we can become congruent, our confidence gets bigger, we become more energized. We find this inner peace. We know who we are. Decisions get way easier. I do things naturally, I don’t have to think about it. I wasn’t sitting there going, should I bring workout stuff or not? Like I’m not sure? Oh, well I just bring it in that use it. No, I was like I want to get out and get a walk in at least. Like that’s who I am. That has shifted. So if you want to really understand yourself, the one biggest thing that I can say is to not wait for a crisis. Don’t wait for something really big to happen for you to go oh my god, I got to work on myself. You know, don’t wait for like my relationship is falling apart or, like, I hate my job. I don’t know what I’m going to do. Like, it’s great to get help when those things happen. Absolutely. But if you’re not in that place, don’t wait. Start working on yourself. Start making those values and beliefs conscious so that you can actually design your life. Be sure you get inside the alchemy collective, when it opens, it’s so powerful, and you don’t want to miss it for the price. It’s insane. It’s insane value and if you are going to move forward and you’re going to shift and create a life that you really want. So that someday when you get to the point where it’s the end of your life and people are talking about you and celebrating you, they can be saying exactly what you want them to be saying. I think that is how you know you’ve lived a really big life. Thank you so much for being here with me today. I love you all so much and I will see you next week. Thank you so much for being here and for listening to today’s episode. If you liked it and got something out of it please be sure to share with me by leaving a review over on iTunes. And if you’re not following us on social media, I am everywhere at Betsy Pake but most of the time over on Instagram, so follow and comment on my latest post so that we can connect there. I will see you next week. And until then, keep living big

Today Betsy talks about doing a self audit to help you hit your dreams for for the year whether it’s in your business or your life!

Join the facebook group by going to : www.TheArtofLivingBig.com

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Transcription:

Welcome to The Art of Living big.

I’m your host, Betsy

Pake.

I’m an author, speaker,

a master hypnotherapist and NLP coach, and I help high achievers rewire for success. If you’re ready for the next level, you’re in the right place. Over the next 30 minutes, I hope to help you redefine what could be possible for your life. Now, let’s go live big. Hello fellow adventurers, welcome to today’s show. It’s been a little while y’all if you are regular listeners, thanks. Thanks for hanging in there.

We’re back.

We’re back at a regular time. So I have a couple quick updates and then I want to talk to you about something that I have been doing that might help you to propel you forward with whatever it is that you’ve been dreaming or thinking about, or being excited about in your life. All right, so I got home from my trainers training so if you’re new here, welcome. I have been trying to get to this trainers training for over a year trying to get to go to this trainers training so that I could become a trainer of NLP hypnotherapy success coaching EFT. Time techniques, which is really powerful. I use it a lot in my coaching. And so I decided at the beginning of 2020 that I wanted to be an expert in NLP, I was already a master certified NLP practitioner. But I found a company that years ago, I had taken my hypnotherapy certification with. And I really liked them. And so I thought I want to take their trainers training, so I can become a trainer because I thought, if I could become a trainer, I would be an expert, right. And so I reached out to them to take their trainers, but they wanted me to take all of their training first. So they wanted me to take their NLP certification, their success coaching certification, their master cert and then then take the trainers. So, you know, I thought about it, it was a big expense, right? And a time expense plus a hotel expense, right? So I’m like, do I really want to put that much into it? And I decided for me, like, I feel like this is my life’s work. And so why would I put, you know, I would buy a new car, but I wouldn’t put money into myself. Like that didn’t make sense to me when I thought about it like that. So I decided to do it. But then, of course, I was through the core coaching, I was through the NLP practitioner cert when in halfway through master prac, when it all fell apart. So COVID hit, I was actually out in California. And I had to come home in the middle of it. And because I had to leave in the middle and the class ended, I actually left a day or two before the class officially ended, you know, fish officially stopped. And so I had to retake the entire thing. So I had to find a time when there was an entire class being held. And again, because the COVID classes weren’t being held, like everything was being delayed, and I don’t know about you guys, but when I have something that like, is like outstanding, I feel like I gotta get it done before other things can fall into place. Now, that is not necessarily a good thing. Sometimes it can be okay, but it’s not necessarily a good thing. So it’s something that I had to really look at. And it gave me an opportunity to practice moving forward, even though, you know, this thing wasn’t complete. So anyway, I finally was able to take the master prac

in

September, in Philadelphia. And then this trainers came up in January. Now they’re only they typically only hold it once a year in August in California. And so when it came up in January, I was like, Oh, I could get this done. I wouldn’t have to wait till this August. Because again, like this thing where I sort of Wait, like there’s part of my subconscious mind that does not at all, like having any loops open. It wants to close all the loops. It’s how just how my brain works. And probably something I could shift. But in it, but regardless, I just knew, gosh, if I could take this now who would be so awesome because I could get my 2021 starting off in the way that I wanted, it would feel so good. And I mean, I went back and forth you guys, you know, the Coronavirus is still a very real thing. And I have been really cognizant of it. You know, I was in California when it all went down and I I didn’t watch the news while I was there for that training. So I didn’t totally understand what was happening until my husband called him was like, you know, I think you really need to think about coming home. So going back out there. I was like, Ah, you know, it’s long. It’s 20 it was 20 days of training. So I’d have to be in California. 20 days long. story short, they moved it from LA to, to Orange County. The class went from, like 29 people to like eight people, because everybody was canceling. And so I was like, you know, I think this is it. I think this is my opportunity. I just really listened to my intuition. And honestly, I had said, No, I’m not going to go and then 36 hours before I was going to have to get on a flight to go. I just felt like I have to go, this is the time go. So I went. Now when I got to California, I, I got there just a day before the training. So I traveled on January 1, I just came back a few days ago. So I was here there until the 20th. When I got there, I typically have a really difficult time moving from East Coast to West Coast. The timezone thing screws me up. And the trainings are from one o’clock to eight o’clock, east or west coast, which would be which would feel like four o’clock, 11 o’clock pm here. Now I go to bed early. I like to get up super early. So I go to bed at like 930. So this is actually a huge problem for me. Now, if you guys heard my episode with Kat, she is the energy healer that I had on the show that talked about being able to see your gridlines I don’t know if you guys remember that. But it was Episode 237. She is an intuitive resolutions expert. Anyway, she’s super cool. And I’ve been working with her. And she said, Let me adjust your gridlines when you get there, so that you are already on West Coast time. That way you don’t have the transition. So you know, I was into that. I was like oh my god. Yes. So when it got there, I got settled. And I called her we talked on the phone now again, she’s in Hawaii, I was in California, and she just had me lay on the bed. And she just was like, I’m gonna just adjust you and and she does. You know, she has you say certain things. It’s very relaxing, like, you’re just laying there and she does her. Her magic. It’s amazing. So she had me work with her like thinking certain things, you know, setting the intention to be on that where my feet hit the ground was where my whole body was right? My spirit, my everything was in that time zone. And then I got up and I was like I you know, I don’t know if it worked or not like, I still I’m awake and whatever. Time will tell. And then, um, I don’t know, maybe she asked me to just lay there for like an hour, which I did, almost. And then maybe two or three hours later, I was walking through the hotel room. And all of a sudden, I felt a wave come over me where I literally grabbed onto the table. I felt dizzy is the only way to describe it. But it wasn’t like I was gonna fall down. It was just like a wave of energy came through me. And I was like, Whoa, and I just was like, I’m on this time zone. Like I just knew that moment it had happened. And I was I went to bed that night at like nine 930 on the West Coast time. I woke up at the regular time. It was all I was immediately on West Coast. So I did my training 20 days I came home on the 20th

No, she had asked

me When are you coming home? And I told her that if she’s listening to this, she doesn’t know this yet. But on the 20th I woke up at 230 in the morning, like sat up wide awake. And I was like whoa, why am I sitting up? What time is it? I looked to 30 and I was like Gosh, that’s weird, but I am up like there are there was no going back to bed there was not even any like let me lay here for a minute like I was wide awake. And then I realized I was on East Coast time. And I had been on East Coast time ever since. So I wanted to share that fascinating little story. If you have not hooked up with Kat you should check her out. If you go to if you go to that episodes show notes. So she was Episode 237. So if you go to Betsy Pake comm backslash a lb 237 you’ll see the show notes and you’ll see the link to her website. If you click on that you can schedule like a 30 minute consultation with her like just to see, you know, to get her pricing and packages and to see you know how you guys could work together. But it is fascinating. She’s amazing, very, very gifted. And I was just so appreciative. So, so here I am. I’m at the training. There is so much going on so much information. And I have to tell you, it was such an interesting experience. It was long. It’s a very, very intense. The first week I really struggled. I struggled mentally, like I had just closed on my house like two days before I left, right? If you guys have been following along, you know, that was like a huge move. So I wasn’t settled, we had just closed on the house, you know, it, it all just felt like, I just felt very unstable, unsteady, you know, sometimes where you feel that like unstable and you’re like, I’ve got to find my footing. So it gave me an opportunity to really find my footing inside, right to go inside. And sometimes I think about when I feel really crude, like, you know frenetic, like where I feel like oh, my gosh, things feel like they’re taking over and out of control. And I know for me, and maybe for you, too, you felt like this with the Coronavirus, right where I was like, I don’t know what’s happening. And if you think of like a bicycle wheel, I felt like I was on the outside of the wheel, you know, like the rubber tubing part of the wheel. And just spinning and spinning like, I

don’t know, I don’t know.

And I was starting to feel like that, that first week of training. And I reminded myself, I have to get to the middle, I have to get to the hub of the wheel. Because when you’re in the hub of the wheel, it doesn’t move very much. It’s the same wheel. But it doesn’t have that same impact. And so getting to the hub of the wheel for me, is getting centered, getting grounded, getting inside, and noticing that my stability doesn’t come from, you know, my outside circumstances, it doesn’t come from whether I’m in a hotel room or in my house or in an apartment, or wherever I am. It comes from a place inside. And when I got steady, it helped a lot. That first week, y’all I was like, Oh my god, am I not gonna make it like I, I was really feeling very triggered by things I was frustrated, the training is very hard. And it was the sort of thing like the very first day because you’re in trainers, you’re supposed to know everything, right? So like the very first day, they would be like Betsy, get up and talk for 10 minutes about this thing, you know, which I could do it, I just was, you know, it was you were on edge because you didn’t know when it was going to be your turn. Every day, we talked every day we got up to speak using hypnotic language or, you know, speaking about a process or, you know, we’re doing the processes that coaching processes we were learning. And so anyway, I made it through the last three days were really intense, it was three days of certifications to get my board certification, and I passed it all a really intense test, really, really intense exam, a demonstration day, and then a presentation day where I had to actually present. So anyway, I got through it all came home. And I’m now getting my footing here back in my new surroundings and my new place. And you know, one of the things I was talking about inside the alchemy collective, which is my membership group, it’s really a coaching group. And we had a coaching session this past week, and we were talking about this about sometimes there’s there are, there’s only so many chunks of information that my conscious mind can hold. So you may have this happen where you’re like, you know, I’ve got to go to the post office, I got to go run by the the pharmacy, I got to get that report out to my boss, and my kid needs a dentist appointment. And so like if you think about you thinking about all of those things, your conscious mind can only handle so many chunks of information. And what I was finding when I was at the training, was they were purposely overloading my chunks. Purposely doing that. So that I’d have to think do this with your arms, do this with your inflection, do this with your talk about this, like purposely overloading me. So that I would have to, to operate from my unconscious mind. Right? So when you’re having this was what we were talking about in the coaching session was when you’re having this overwhelm when you’re on the outside of that wheel, you know, you’re feeling like, ah, you’ve got to bring it into the center. And you’ve also got to outsource a lot of that stuff to your unconscious mind. How can you make things that you’ve been thinking about? Just habits or delegate them or erase them all together?

Right.

So, you know, as I moved into this new place, I realized I came back here. I had lived in a hotel longer than I had lived in this place. But my husband had lived here longer than I had right he had lived here. And so he already had systems set up. He already had like routines, and I didn’t it was very disorienting. So I want to describe that to you for a second because You’ll see how this can fit into your life and what you do. So when you get up, you probably go and you brush your teeth, right, you go to the bathroom, you probably have a routine of the way you do things, where your clothes are, how you walk around your bed, to get to the bathroom, or whatever. So when you move or you move your furniture around, or whatever it is, all of that has to be conscious thought. It’s no longer unconscious, because you’ve got to navigate something new. And so that takes up part of your chunks, right, it takes up part of what you consciously can handle. So if you’ve got some really big goals and some big things, you’re working on things you’re excited about things you want to happen in 2021. And it just feels really frustrating. It’s because you’re trying to handle all of those things consciously. And if you can move those into patterns, or systems or habits, it moves them to the unconscious, where you don’t have to consciously be thinking of it, and taking up those seven chunks, which is not very much.

So our conscious mind has a way less way less magnitude than our unconscious mind. So one of the things I talk about all the time with my coaching clients, and inside the alchemy collective is really moving stuff. So that you’re utilizing your subconscious mind, like that’s really how we can operate and be crazy powerful, is using our unconscious mind. Now, let me say this before I keep going just so you know, you can go to my website, if you go to Betsy pake.com backslash alchemy, you can go down to the bottom and sign up for the waitlist, you’re gonna want to do that if this if if being part of like a coaching group is interesting to you at all. It’s, it’s an insane deal. In fact, somebody messaged me yesterday, I’m gonna read it because I was so I did a joy dance, I did a happy little dance, but somebody messaged me and said that they are part of three different coaching groups. And they said that ours is hands down the best value and the best setup, I will be cancelling the other two, I love how how you even always want to improve it to even when I think it’s the bomb missed, then it gets bombed here. So anyway, it is awesome. It’s just, I’m glad that I’ve taken the time we’ve been around to this membership has been around almost probably about eight months or so now, eight to 10 months. So, you know, we’ve had time where we’ve refined things and shifted things to make it really great for everybody. So we’re adding in all of my courses in there, you get hypnosis, every month, you get a workshop, you get live coaching, this past week, we did live coaching, and everybody on the call got coaching, it took about two hours two to 220, maybe we were on the phone, it was on zoom, it was really, really fun. So anyway, not to go into a whole commercial about the alchemy collective. But this next time that we open is going to be the last time at that really, really discounted price. So you’re gonna want to get on the waitlist, just so you have a choice. So all right. So what I want to talk about is how I went from, like, I was thinking about this about the chunks and about what I do. And I realized, you know, that whole idea that until you make the unconscious conscious, you will like experience your life and call it fate, I think is the quote, right? It’s a I think it’s a Carl Jung quote, don’t quote me on that I might be wrong. But, um, the idea is that so much is happening in our unconscious, which when we are deliberate about it, that’s what we really want. But if we’re not being deliberate about it, then we’re getting an outcome that is just running a process that has been created a long time ago inside your subconscious mind. Let me explain what I mean. You may have had goals for the new year resolutions, ideas of things that you wanted, maybe you were just like, I’m gonna drink a lot of water or I’m gonna eat healthier, whatever it is for you. Now, it’s the 28th. And that if it was only in your chunks has gone away. You’ve, for lack of a better word you’ve given up. You’ve said like I just it’s too much. I can’t do it in that way. I’m going to focus on it later. I’ll come back to it. Right. Okay, so this is not your fault. This isn’t because you don’t have motivation. This isn’t because you don’t have hustle or grit. It’s none of that. It’s because you were trying to keep it in those chunks. And honestly, if you want to do something long term, you’ve got to move it into your subconscious mind. You got to get it out of your conscious mind. It’s too much to handle all that.

So

in the same way, I want to know what’s in my subconscious Mind, what patterns Am I already running there that I need to shift so that the change I want can be easier. So one way to do that is to do a self audit. And that’s what I have been doing this whole week is a self audit, I came back from that training, I realized everything is new. I can create patterns from this new place. And I want to be intentional about it. I don’t want it to just happen. Right. So I want to be intentional. So the first thing that I did with my self audit was I started just tracking time. And I just took, I know, there’s a lot of apps out there. And those could be great if you’re always tracking time, but I just wanted to do it for a few days. And I wanted few days, four days. So not to, just to be clear, I wanted many days in a row, you could do this for a full week, I got a pretty good idea in about a week. And I have been at a mastermind, today and yesterday, and so I want to pick it back up again tomorrow. So I want days that are normal days, you know what I’m saying? So like normal days in my life. And what I did was I just took a piece of paper, and from the moment I woke up, I just tracked my time, what am I doing? Where am I going? What am I working on? So that I could start to see what patterns are showing up? Right? I could start to see like, now the first day I did this, oh, I was so good, right? Because I was consciously aware of it. So I was like, I’m not getting on my phone. I didn’t check my phone till 10 o’clock. Like I was like, I’m not checking social media. I’m so good. You know, but by the second day, it was like 6:45pm. All right. And then I’m like, Oh, I just realized I’m scrolling. Now, if I was not doing the self audit, if I wasn’t trying to be intentional, I wouldn’t have noticed it. Because now my conscious mind and my subconscious mind probably at this point was like, I’ve got to keep track. So when I did it, it came into my awareness. Right? Does that make sense? So, so many times those patterns aren’t in our awareness, because we’re not trying to be aware. Now I have set an intention to be aware, so that I can write it all down. So now the first day I was like, super awesome, Betsy, it was Betsy on high. Then the second day, the real Betsy started coming out right now, there are times where we’re gonna get on our phones, or we’re gonna do whatever that thing is for you. Because for me getting on my phone is where I go to. That’s how I numb out you guys. So that’s what I do is I, if, if I’m working on something, and I’m stuck, or I’m confused, or it’s overwhelming, I just pick up my phone. So I realized that this was a pattern. And I started to notice when I would do it. Now what good is that? The good in that is that it helped me to see what I needed to work on. So what I needed to work on was blind to me before. So I love coaching. And obviously like I’m a coach, I always have a coach because I need to be able to see the blind spots. And there are ways we can find blind spots on our own. So I can actually help my coach by saying these are the things I found. What do you see? Do you notice that right? Can we shift that? And I love being able to shift stuff right in my unconscious mind. And so, you know, then I have something to work with. You guys hear all the time about like changing your beliefs, right? But it’s really hard to do that if you don’t know what your beliefs are that level of awareness. Alright, so the self audit. So that’s the first part is that I just started to become aware and I started to time track everything. Alright, the second thing for me because health is one of my goals. So if health isn’t one of your goals, you could do this. However you would measure for what your goals are. Okay, so I I don’t I I typically drink a lot of water. In fact, I don’t drink soda. I haven’t had any soda in well over a year I gave it up like December 2019 I gave up soda. And that was the best thing ever. Sometimes I’ll have maybe like Arnold Palmer, but pretty rare but I do drink a lot of water and then I’ll have coffee or for SIG Matic mushroom coffee in the morning. Sometimes I’ll have I’m just being honest. What is it? A sugar free Red Bull. I hadn’t had a sugar free Red Bull. In 10 years probably. Y’all it’s like, it’s like sipping off the top of alkaline battery. It’s

it. I had it when I was at training in it. It helped me so much. So I’m reporting in that I do have sometimes it’s sugar free Red Bull like it. I liked it, but I’m trying to use It strategically right? Um, all right. So all of that to say, I, my health is my focus. So then I was curious like, Do I have enough water? Am I really drinking enough? So how do we audit anything is just by measuring, right? So I at the beginning of the day would fill I have this huge mason jar, it’s like a giant mason jar that I make iced coffee and sometimes in the summertime, but it’s like 64 ounces. So it’s huge mason jar, and I just filled that up with water so that I could be measuring. So then every all day long, I poured my water from that giant mason jar. And then I knew how much I was actually drinking, I could measure it. So I’ve done that for many days in a row. And I drink. Like, I mean 80 something ounces of water easily. So I knew that that was okay. So when I look at my health and the things I want to be doing, measuring that was important because I wanted to make sure, I feel like that’s okay, so then I went on to the next thing,

which for me

was what I was eating. Now, you’ve probably heard about keeping a food journal,

I didn’t

want to be like tracking and measuring. I didn’t want to be weighing my food, but I wanted to notice the times that I was eating, and also the times that I went for food. So like, if I was stuck on a project with work, would either go to my phone, or I’d like walk into the kitchen. Now just having the awareness of it made me go, oh my god, I just walked in here like, what am I looking for? Right? So being able to track what I’m eating was actually eye opening. And also when I would when I would be like a hunter gatherer be like, I’ve got to go find I’ve got to forage for food because I’m stressed, right? Or because I’m frustrated or because whatever that was so super important. Why is it important? Not because? Well, it is because of what I’m putting in my mouth. But also because of why I’m putting it in my mouth.

I if I’m

trying to change a behavior, I’ve got to change it from this level of my subconscious, right, which is my, my subconscious mind thinks, oh, if she’s stressed, we can help. We can help by get it having her do this thing. But I need to rewire that. And so then I could go What’s the actual feelings that I’m having?

I have a wheel.

I have a wheel that I use with my clients that is like all these emotions. So many times when we think about emotions, we think about like, I’m happy, I’m sad, I’m frustrated. I’m angry, right? Like those kinds of emotions. But we can take that and really, really, like, get specific, you know, like, I’m stuck. Well, when I’m stuck, what is it? Like? Is it I’m frustrated or I am feeling lonely? Or I’m feeling nostalgic, or I’m feeling Do you see how it’s like, there’s a nuance to stuff. And you can get much deeper with what the emotion is. If you’re inside the alchemy collective the workshop we did this month, we talked about it, and I put the wheel inside the portal for with the workshop

recording. So

anyway, if you join, if you get on the waitlist, you can see all that because you’ll see all the back stuff, all the old stuff we did so. So anyway, I think that that can be so helpful to really identify what you’re actually experiencing. So Alright, so then part of myself audit was also sleep, and not just like, okay, when I go to bed and when I wake up, but I also wanted to keep track of Am I waking up in the middle of the night? And if I am I wanted to look back at my food to see what I had eaten. Right? When was the last time I had caffeine? Like how is that impacting me? So keeping track of my sleep, and just the quality of my sleep? You know, I know we hear this a lot. But if you do it just for like three or four days, and you’re like, this is my self audit. I don’t know, it just makes it easier somehow because there’s an outcome that I’m looking for. Right? Alright, so I have one more day of myself audit tomorrow. Today, I’m going to this mastermind. And then tomorrow, I have a whole day at work. And so I want to be sure that I’m just tracking and seeing how things are going now. Just the awareness itself, I can tell is starting to shift things like I just, it comes into my awareness. Now. Remember my unconscious mind. It knows everything, right? It knows everything. It only brings up into your conscious mind. The things that it thinks it needs to know that your conscious mind needs to know if it serves up things that it thinks you’re ready to heal. Right. This is why you’ll have like memories pop into your head from a long time ago because your unconscious mind goes oh Maybe she’s ready to heal that. Let’s show it to her. And if you don’t have the tools to heal it, what do you do? You just push it away and go, Oh, I hate that thought that guy was a jerk, right? So when this is happening, when you’re doing this self audit, there’s going to be a lot of things that just start being served up. It’s not just about the tracking, it is not just about the awareness, it’s about what is coming up for you. So keep track of that, too. I have been, I have been seeing a lot of like flashes of things like flashes of old experiences, or times where I’ve succeeded or failed, like those things are flashing into my mind. I’m also noticing a ton more little messages, right, you know, how I, I have talked before about how I get messages from my grandmother and my mother, right? And I know, I was talking to my husband about this last night, and I was saying about how I I’m seeing them everywhere now. Well, why would that be like? Well, they’re always supporting us. So they’re always trying to show us messages. We just don’t see them a lot of the time, most of the time, I bet. Now I’m seeing them everywhere. Why? Because I’m auditing myself. I’m pulling into my conscious awareness, the things that I need to see. And so that is important to me, right. So it’s like that connection is important. And I’m being guided, right. So that is being shown to me much, much more. So try this, try having a self audit, see what you discover about yourself, see how things start to shift. And see if you can start to create a little bit more magic and a little bit more intention by understanding what’s already working and what can create what you can shift to create something new. Because that’s how I think you live a big life. Alright, if you’re not already in our Facebook group, I’m going to be making some changes part of my audit, I also did a business audit. That’s all I could do a whole other show on that y’all if you want. But part of that was a business audit, and you are going to start seeing more stuff inside the group, the Facebook group, the public Facebook group. So if you are into that, go and join us there it is the art of living big.com will push you into the Facebook group. So join us there I’m going to be doing smart coaching in there. I’m going to try to do some other other cool stuff. So February 1 is I’m going to try to implement my new plan. I have a lot of work to do this weekend. But it has been a busy busy month and I’m ready I’m ready to go. So

Alright y’all,

I hope you have an awesome week and I will see you soon. Thank you so much for being here and for listening to today’s episode. If you liked it and got something out of it please be sure to share with me by leaving a review over on iTunes. And if you’re not following on social media, I am everywhere at Betsy Pake but most of the time over on Instagram, so follow and comment on my latest post so that we can connect there. I’ll see you next week. And until then, keep living big

Today Betsy shares some strategies to shift negative thoughts so you can become the most resourceful version of you!

Join the Alchemy Collective! http://www.betsypake.com/alchemycollective

Transcript:

Welcome to The Art of Living big. I’m your host, Betsy Pake. I’m an author, speaker, a master hypnotherapist and NLP coach. And I help high achievers rewire for success. If you’re ready for the next level, you’re in the right place. Over the next 30 minutes, I hope to help you redefine what could be possible for your life. Now, let’s go live big. Hey, good morning, fellow adventurers. I know I’m late on my podcast, I’m late or I’m early, because I could be early for this coming week, and just late for last week. If you’re new here, welcome. Welcome to the show. So so I have been at training for the past 10 days. You know, last, the last episode that we had, I talked about my process for really starting new and going diving into the new year. Now, one thing I forgot to mention, if you’re on my email list, you got this, but I’m gonna say it here, just in case you didn’t, I forgot, like the very last cool thing that I do at the end. But after I go through my whole process, and I, you know, really listen to my intuition, and I talked to my higher nowhere. And I get all of these awesome little things for how I should be moving forward, I write a letter to myself, and I go to future mi.org. And I set it up so that that letter gets delivered to me on the last day of the coming year. So a year from now. So I wanted to share that, in case you did all of that work. And then you want to be able to, I just write myself a letter, and I just describe exactly how excited I am and how all of this stuff happened and how it came. So magically. And it was when I was relaxed and not thinking about it, you know all the things

as if it’s already happened, right, because it’s a letter to myself in the future. And then it’s always really fun to get the letter at the end of the year. Now I use future media org lots of times in the in in the year, sometimes I’ll set like a three month goal, and then I’ll write that letter to myself. And I think the thing that makes it so powerful, but besides it being really fun to get the letter, it’s really powerful because you are writing as if it’s done, and that’s speaking to your subconscious mind, right. So anyway, I wanted to make sure that I mentioned that before we dove into today’s show. So I do have a fun story for you that I want to share. And then I’ve got some ideas and ways that you can start to shift, some negative self talk. So let’s dive into that a little bit, because that’s a question I’ve been getting a lot lately. Now. Today, if you’re listening to the show today, today is going to be the last day to dive into the alchemy collective, which is my membership. I’ve changed it up this year. And we’re going to be focusing on things for each quarter. And so this first quarter, we’re focusing on reality and like what makes up your reality and shifting that reality. So it best serves you and then we’ve got themes for the coming year. So if you want to join us jump in there today it is alchemy. It’s Betsy pake.com slash alchemy collective. And that’ll bring you right to it. And then you can join us. Be sure if you do it join the Facebook group because that’s really where a lot of the community stuff goes down. And I go in there live a lot and it’s just kind of a fun, lively community. I love the people in there. Alright. Okay, so this week, I am at a training. So I am at last time last episode, I talked about how I was following my intuition. I’m trying to really tap into it every day and do the things stay present in the moment and do the things that feel the most aligned in the moment. Because I can’t change anything in the future. I can only change things in the moment. And if we’re always ahead, if we’re always thinking forward, it can be really difficult. Now,

if you followed along for any amount of time, you know about how I sold my house, and I moved and they moved from the suburbs of Atlanta into Atlanta, which might not seem like that big of a deal. But it I might as well have moved 10 hours away, right? I moved an hour away. So everything changed, like you know, where I go to the dentist where I bring my dogs to the vet like all of those normal things where I grocery shop, all of those things that kind of happened unconsciously now have been uprooted and have to be conscious decisions. And so it’s been sort of a lot I’ve been trying to stay in the moment as we moved in as we started to get settled. And

I have been going through for the past year a process to become a trainer of NLP and hypnosis so that I could board certified people to be master NLP practitioners or hypnotherapists. Now about

A year ago at the beginning of 2020, my goal was to become an expert like to do everything I could to be an expert. I had been a master NLP practitioner for, I don’t know, maybe four years or five years. But I wanted to become an expert. And so to do that,

I felt like to become a trainer would be the best way. So I went through all the training again, I went through core coaching again, I went through hypnotherapy, I went through NLP, Master NLP. And, you know, last year in March, I was going through the master NLP COVID hit while I was in my training. So my training was several weeks. And in the middle of that, like when I left to go on to the training, COVID was just like, sort of something we were mentioning was in other countries, by the time I was at the training, it had become sort of this like full blown thing. I wasn’t really watching the news, because I was so involved in my training. But then I started to hear like the March Madness was canceled, like those things that started to become bigger. And so I actually left the training. So everyone knows what happens next. Right? It’s COVID times, I didn’t end up going back to my training until until September, end of September, I went to Philadelphia to redo that whole training. So even though I had already done like most of it, and I had already done it years ago, I redid the entire thing. Okay, so then I’m moving right? It’s December, I’m moving. And I was supposed to come to this training for this month in January. And they only hold this training twice a year, January and August. I couldn’t go to the August one because I didn’t finish in in March, my master prac. Right. had to be done in order. So anyway, all of this long story, sorry, all of this long story to say, I wasn’t sure if I was going to come like I was really in my head about it. Like do I do this? Do I not do this? What’s the news? Say, you know, what will people think what, what am I doing? And finally, I had to just really take my own advice, you know, and sit with myself and ask my intuition. What do I need to do to be able to move forward to be able to be as safe as I can feel right to be able to do the right things. And for me, it meant coming here, they had changed the location, the class had dwindled down to about eight people. And it felt like the right time It felt in alignment. And so I did it. So I came here. So I’m just finishing now I’m in the last, I guess the last five days of my actual training, and then I have three days of testing. So all of that to say the first few days of this training was was a speaking training, right? Because we’re going to be trainers, and to be able to speak and to communicate properly in front of a group. Now if you haven’t been following along, you listened to, to Episode 236, I just had to check but 236 towards the end of that episode, I share a story about my mom, and how my mom died when I was young when I was in high school. And I shared that story and why it was so important to me. And about how what we focus on really is a matter of life or death. Right. And so as we were doing this training, I thought, you know, I’m consider myself a pretty good speaker, like I speak every week on the show, and like I go live a lot and that kind of thing. So I want to practice that story. I want to get that story really good, you know, so every day, he would have to get up in front of the class and present. And I was retelling the story and retelling the story and it got like a little you know, like big deep breath like, Okay, I’m gonna retell the story and the feedback I would get was, you know, Betsy, this story’s great. And but, like, bring us on a journey. Right? And, you know, the part of the story where my mom is like, skidding off the road and in my head, I’m like, it was a dirt road. I’m guessing that’s why she likes to get it off the road. I don’t know, down this embankment into this big huge field and like, they’re like describe it, like describe the field describe what’s happening. And And finally, one day, I almost started crying, which I was like, Oh, please, Betsy, please do not do surgery. But I was like, I don’t know. Like, I don’t know what the field look like. I’ve never been there. It was in a different state. She was on a trip. So I’ve never been there. And when I said it, I felt something. You guys know that feeling like where you’re like something just happened. I don’t I don’t even know what it was like. I felt like a team like like

And I thought, Well, I mean, maybe in that moment of like, like, exhaustion of telling the story or frustration, like, I don’t know, you know, maybe it was just the universe saying that’s fine. But see, it’s fine, right? So anyway, it was fine. I went and sat down and other people got up and did their talks. And I listened. And I got a phone call. And it was a number that I didn’t know I let it go to voicemail, because I didn’t know it. And also because I’m in training. And I saw that I had a message. And so during one of the breaks, I went and listened to the message. And the message was from a friend of mine that I knew years ago, he he was actually a pallbearer at my mom’s funeral. So somebody that a guy that I my mother just loved. When I was growing up, he was my age. But my mother and he were really close. My mother was kind of like a friend to all my friends. And he was a basketball player. And my mother was like, really, like, supported him. She was a family friend, right? She was friends with his parents. So anyway, I haven’t talked to him. And I mean, I want to say 20 years, maybe since I’ve talked to him, I don’t know. I’m trying to think like, maybe our paths have crossed. I don’t know, it’s been a long, long time is my point. Like, I’m surprised he had my number kind of thing. I didn’t have his number. So I get this message.

And he says, I can’t stop thinking about your mom’s accident. And I just realized today that I live really near where it happened. And I didn’t know if you’ve ever seen it. And I thought maybe you might want a picture.

Now, my friends, what a coincidence. Right? What a coincidence. And he actually said that he knew he was near it. He just didn’t know where the accident had happened. Right? We were both young when that happened. And so he found a Facebook group, and that for the community and asked if anybody remembered now the community must be fairly small, because people remembered and he sent me the screenshots, like everybody, like remembering and talking about it, and saying, Oh, my gosh, I felt so bad for that family. I remember that. So clearly, one woman said that was actually on my property and the tree is still there, the bark has never grown back. And I found out that it was icy on that road. It was March, right. And it was in New York. And so it was icy. So that was a piece of this puzzle that I just didn’t know, in my head, I always just imagine, like, you know, you’re on a gravelly road, and it’s windy, so you’re turning a corner and you just kind of scared, but it made me feel better that it was icy, because that feels a little more out of control, right.

But then also that he would be able to go there and, and show it to me. Now.

You know, I share this story with you. Because you might just be thinking like, that’s a coincidence. But I want to offer you the idea that it’s not, and that this sort of magical thing can happen and happens to you all the time, you might not notice it. But when we do notice it, it’s always really fun. Because it goes like, it makes me think in my head like, we have this deep connection that Tina thing that I felt was a moment of recognition of knowing that I was being supported and that my mom I believe was coordinating. Or somebody was coordinating this so that I would get what I needed to be able to take that message further. Right? To be able to be clearer to be able to have more peace in my heart about it. So I offer that to you as a magical fun story. Because I think it’s always fun to hear those magical fun stories, but also to say that, I feel like I have a lot of magical stories like that. The only reason I’m not having any more of that than you. If you’re if you’re thinking like those things don’t happen to me. They totally do. You might not notice. So how do we notice is we just stay really present. You know, I noticed that team because I was present in my body, right and I felt something shift in my body. And so you can start like an a practice an awareness of being present. in the morning. You know, this morning I laid in bed as soon as I woke up, and I did a scan. I went down my head into my neck, I realized my head was really throbbing. I had a huge headache when I woke up PMS or MS and a huge, huge headache. And then I scan to the rest of my body and asked it what do I need, right I scan all the way down my torso all the way down to my legs to my feet, what parts feel good, what parts don’t like getting in touch with my body and being in this present moment.

In right, and then trying to bring myself back to the present reality in the moment. So magical things happen. But they don’t happen in the future, they happen in the moment. So

be present. Alright, so let’s talk a little bit about some of those negative thoughts. I have noticed, like, since I’ve been pushing myself outside of my comfort zone here at training, having some negative thoughts about different things, and one of the things that I really try and do, and I’ll get into some other things, but one thing that I was doing yesterday, so I want to bring it to your attention, while I remember I’m remembering it is, I imagine those thought bubbles, right, each of those thoughts, those things that don’t serve me as thought bubbles, and when I noticed them, I picture them in my mind’s eye as a bubble. And then I imagine a hand coming with a big pin and just popping in popping the Thought Bubble. And then sometimes I just imagine that there’s a big vacuum cleaner, that’s coming in through the top of my head, and just super sucking out anything negative out of my brain out of my whole body. And just imagine that whole like body scan of things like just being lifted out, right things that I didn’t even know thoughts, or energies that just aren’t supporting me. So there is that. But I know a lot of people have this come up where they’re having negative thoughts that sort of rerun during the day that are holding them back or, or pull them off track. And so there’s lots of ways to deal with this. But I think if we’re going to put them in categories, I think one of the, the simplest ways is to jam it up. So we can jam it, we can switch it, or we can heal it. So jamming It is really coming up with another way to another thing to be thinking about, you know, when, when they teach snipers, how to shoot or sharpshooters, they have them repeat a series of steps. So they’re just repeating the steps over and over again, in their mind, that way, they’re not thinking about what they’re doing. Right? So if you could imagine, you know, someone in the military may have to have you have a mission where they have to shoot somebody, right? And you don’t want them thinking, like, I wonder if this guy has a family, or I wonder if you you want them, just thinking about the steps. And so jamming up other thought processes can really be helpful. So you can only think one thing at a time. And if you’re thinking something, and you always have this thought come up with a list of a certain steps of things that you’re going to think about instead. This could also be like a mantra, right? Like, this is what I always say when those things start to come up. So that’s one way. The second way is to just switch it, I like to just continue to add on to it. Now if I use the word, but my subconscious mind is going to negate everything that I said first. So if you’re having a negative thought, let’s say you have a thought that says, Oh, my gosh, I can’t do this, right, I’m getting up to speak Oh, my God, I can’t do this. But I’m learning and growing every day. Right? That’s believable. Right? It’s not and you’re not saying, oh, gosh, you’re not thinking that thing. And then trying to say, but I’m an awesome speaker.

But I’m learning and growing every day, but I’m taking the steps, but I have the resources to be able to become more, but it’s okay for me to start thinking something different. And if you can just add on to whatever the thought is, if it feels comfortable to do that, then just give it a big butt and tell it what you want it to know. So we can jam it up with just a list of things. And here’s another thought I used to have in my wallet. A list of things that I loved that would immediately put me back into a state of resourcefulness. right because when I’m when I’m thinking something negative, I’m having a net having a negative thought I’m I’m rehashing something that I don’t want to be rehashing. It’s putting me in a state of unrest forcefulness. I want to be in a state where I can access all of the internal resources that I need in order to be successful. So I used to have a list of things that I could think about that would shift my state. So one of the things on my list is my dog. I love my dog. When I think about her, I immediately get into a feeling of like happiness. bliss, right she loves

Me, I can imagine her Fredo paws, whatever judged me, but I love the feel paws smell. So I think about those things, it moves me out of the state of unrest, forcefulness and into a state of love, which is very resourceful. So, you know, as we think about jamming it or switching it also be thinking, like, what’s some other things I can think about? You know, anytime I have, you know, you don’t have to necessarily when you jam it have a list of, like, list of things to do. But you could just have a list of things you love. The whole, the whole troubling thing about negative thoughts, I think, isn’t the thoughts as much as it’s the state that the thoughts put you in? Right? If the thoughts made you feel really great, you wouldn’t care. So you’re really worried about the state, as opposed to the thoughts themselves, right. All right. And then my last one is to heal it, you know, to heal it if you’re having a reoccurring thought your subconscious mind represses memories that it needs to, and it serves them up when it thinks you’re ready to heal it. So if you’re having something that’s coming up, maybe it is ready for you to heal it. And maybe it’s time for you to actually just release it. You know, Joe dispenza talks about when you can, if you have like a series of things that have happened in your life, and you remove the emotion, you’re left with the wisdom. And I love that idea. So release yourself from the emotion and just get the wisdom. There are so many ways to do this, where you don’t have to relive things. You know, I do, I do coaching, I do breakthrough days, where we spend eight hours and we uncover all of the things and shift in a certain area of your life, it’s unbelievably powerful. You can email us if you want more information about better, it’s on my website, too.

And inside the alchemy collective, we do a monthly coaching, we’re gonna really start diving into some of this stuff. But using modalities like NLP like hypnosis, you know, like EFT, like, all, there are so many different things. And I believe that having a greater understanding of these things, on how to use them yourself, you know, I love coaching. But what I really love is teaching people how to use the tools. And when I use the tools, I don’t just do one tool, like I mix them in together. And that’s what makes things so powerful. You know, a few times a year I’m running a program called the rise. And if you’ve been through the rise, you’re probably smiling because it is so much fun. And this is where I actually teach you how to do it. teach you all those tools. So we’ll be opening that up again in March. So make sure you’re on my mailing list if you want to find out more about that. But as you look, and as you look at the negative thoughts that you might be having, ask yourself, do I need it right now at this moment, maybe I need to just switch it, but then I have to figure out how to heal it later on. Right? Or maybe it’s like, this is just something stupid, there’s not emotion attached to it, it’s just some dumb thing. I keep thinking I am just gonna jam it every time it comes. And then that becomes a pattern and the and the and the old pattern is gone. Right? So determined, is it something I really need to heal? Or is it just something I just got to get the pattern, the habit of thinking it just needs to be released. So there’s so much that you can do to shift and change and, and, and grow in your life. I use these tools and these patterns every single day and remind myself of them right when I get in a funk or I get where I’m finding I’m thinking things that aren’t resourceful or I’m not feeling good, you know, pause, get really present and start to use some of the tools. You know, on all the shows, there’s so many tools that I share, just go back through and listen to some of the old shows. There’s some subconscious shows back and like 115 116 117 like that whole area, there’s a lot of stuff. So dive in and start to shift and become the best version of you because that’s how I think you live a big life. Now, I’m going to try and come in here again before I am done my training. But if I can’t just know that I’m wanting to I just am really trying to stay focused on my outcome of becoming the very best trainer that I can in learning the very most that I can so that I can come back and share it with you. I will be home next Wednesday. I’m super excited about that and getting back to my new place in Atlanta and getting settled and organized there. So I will see you all

soon Thank you so much. Thank you for sharing the show with your friends. If you found this helpful, please tag me share it and tag me on social media. I love you so much. I will see you soon. Thank you so much for being here and for listening to today’s episode. If you liked it and got something out of it, please be sure to share with me by leaving a review over on iTunes. And if you’re not following on social media, I am everywhere at Betsy Pake but most of the time over on Instagram, so follow and comment on my latest post so that we can connect there. I’ll see you next week. And until then, keep living big

Today on the show Betsy gives you her process for planning for the new year, touching base with your intuition and hearing what you need to know for 2021.

Transcription:

Welcome to The Art of Living big. I’m your host, Betsy Pake. I’m an author, speaker, Master hypnotherapist and NLP coach, and I help high achievers rewire for success. If you’re ready for the next level, you’re in the right place. Over the next 30 minutes,

I hope to help you redefine what could be possible for your life.

Now,

let’s go live big. Hello fellow adventurers. I’m recording reporting in from my closet.

today.

If you’re new here, hi, welcome. Thank you for being here. If you’ve been here for a little while, you understand why I’m in my closet. But when I listened to a little bit of last week’s show, it actually sounded better. So I’m feeling like maybe the closet is the place to do this thing. So I’m excited. I’m excited because it’s about to be 2021. And not because 2020 was like this dumpster fire that everybody talks about. But mostly just because I love fresh starts. I love Mondays, I Love New beginnings. I Love New Years. I love all of that. And so I’m excited to share with you today I thought I could share a little bit about my process. And what I think about and what I do and what I did this year, for sort of my like recap of the year and moving forward. Now, there are some years where I don’t do hardly anything. And then there’s some years where I spend days planning and diving in and journaling and thinking about things. So this year was sort of like an in between. So if you’ve been here for a while, you know that I have been moving and finally closed on my home today. And so I no longer am a homeowner homeowner, which I know homeownership is like something a lot of people like really strive for, and I think it’s awesome, but I have owned a home, almost non stop since I was 24 years old, I bought my first townhouse in Washington, DC when I was 24. And I’ve only had like small gaps where I haven’t owned a home. So it feels really good to not have to worry about maintaining anything doing anything, I can just focus on the places where I feel like will bring me the most joy, and will create the biggest impact instead of you know, maintaining of the house and thinking about, you know, I was saying to my daughter today, you know, our microwave at the new place. It broke Well, it, I guess it broke it didn’t work when we moved in. And I was saying to her, it was so awesome. Because I just called downstairs and they just sent somebody up and they fixed it.

It’s not the fixing it.

It’s not the having the person come to the house, it’s not the paying for it. It’s the finding out who I’m supposed to call

that is

the level of adult that just always seemed really hard for me. So anyway, it’s feels really good. So this year, I have done, I’ve done some planning, it was much more intuitive this year. So I’m going to share with you what I do a little bit of what I added in this year, and then a card spread that I did that I really loved. And actually my husband and I did it together. And it was really, really fun. So Alright, so let’s dive in. So this isn’t like some scientific thing. This is mostly like, just how I look at things. And you can take parts of this or none of this or all of it, whatever you like. So

liquid any

time that we’re setting up new things for the future, it’s always helpful to close the book, you know, to close down what’s already happened. And then give yourself space for something totally new. I think that what happens so many times with goals or starting fresh or anything is because our patterns are so subconsciously wired, the way we do things is so subconsciously wired, that we bring all of the old crap into the new and then we get the same result every year. Right? Like if you think about it, and I’m including myself in this I have had to really work to make it not be this. But if you think about it, your your year, well, 2020 may have been a little different for you just because of everything that happened. But even with that, look at your years, and are they that different? like are they that different? And the reason they’re not that different. I mean, you may have grown up you may have kids you may be in a different season. But in terms of how you’re thinking and how you’re responding to things if you are different if you do react To things different if your triggers are totally different, it’s because you’ve put in work to shift them. It’s because you made the unconscious conscious. And so then you could see things and see patterns. So I say that only to say, if we don’t close up, what we’ve done that sends, when we close up, when we do something to say, this is done, I’m moving on to something new, it sends a subconscious signal to our brains, that we don’t have to carry the same patterns, we can start looking for new patterns. Because what we really want to do, you know, no matter what your goals are, all those goals are our new patterns, right? It’s a new way for your subconscious to operate. Because most of what we do is unconscious. So if that’s true 95% of what you do every day is unconscious, and you want to have a new goal, you’ve got to operate from the unconscious. And I believe that having that moment of like closure and and recognizing where you’ve been, brings you to a place in your subconscious mind that it releases it, it’s no longer thinking about it, you know, I talk a lot about like closing the loops with my coaching clients, like how do we close that loop? Because when we can do that, then we’re no longer thinking about it. And if we’re not thinking about it, it doesn’t become part of our new pattern. Now, we could dive in way, way, way deeper, to really change unconscious patterns. But on a on a, you know, on a light and breezy way to shift things. I would say that starting your planning, if you’re doing some planning and looking at what you want to achieve and what you want to experience for 2021, it can be really helpful to do a recap of where you’ve been. So I start off with some reflection. And I like to list a list of things that are great things that happened. You know, 2021 was a wackadoodle year for a lot of people, but a lot of great things happened. And you know, when I was making this list, there were so many things that happened that on the surface, you may have thought, oh my god, that’s so awful, right? If you’re in the United States, all the unrest in, you know, June, July, that timeframe with Black Lives Matter, like awful and amazing, because that’s how change begins. Right? So you can find greatness in things. And when you do this process and just in and set aside that time for yourself to find the great things. What’s going to pop up in your head is going to be the negative things, right? The bad things like I just said, We’re like the unrest or the traumatic things, because that’s what how our brain is designed to be hyper alert for those things. But that gives you an opportunity to say what was really good about that, or what could be good about that. And you can begin to train your brain for a new way. So I got in this process for me, you know, you might want to light a candle, you might want to do like something like that for me. I just got really centered. You know, I sat on my bed, I used my iPad. I just got really centered in myself. And I said, Well, what was great about this year, and I just made a huge list. And then I asked myself, what did I learn?

Because

so many times we learn things from the things that are kind of negative, right? The things that maybe were a struggle, or maybe things that didn’t work out the way that I wanted. And I think that can be a really great way to reframe struggles that you’ve experienced over this past year. You know, a lot of our plans were canceled, a lot of things were changed for us. And in that process for me, I learned a lot about me. I learned a lot about how I handle things. I learned I found a load of things that had to be healed. And I healed them. All of the ones I could locate, you know,

and that’s a huge,

but if I hadn’t stopped to think like what have I learned, those things might pass me by and I really, really believe that we need to be celebrating. So even though that 2020 may have felt like a dumpster fire, you may you know, you may actually be thinking I don’t think it was that bad. Like, there were some really good things. Okay, so great things that happened. What did I learn? And then I asked myself, What do I have yet to resolve? Now? This is gonna take Um, I think for me, it was like a moment of just sitting and just settling in and just listening. Here’s the thing you guys you guys know What you know the way you know your way, and I know I do this to where I listen to people or I, you know, you’re listening to this, and I want you to get ideas and follow it exactly if you want. But you know, the way, you know what’s right for you, you know what, you know what you need to know, in order to create something really great moving forward. So I really love this question. And I asked myself, What do I have yet to resolve? And, you know, things will just start popping up. Now, sometimes the things that pop up, maybe totally unrelated to what you’re doing, you might be like, Wait a second, I didn’t even think about that. The things that popped up for me, were things that weren’t really on my radar. I was like, Oh, that’s still outstanding, you know, that’s still something. And several of my things included other people. So I was like, Well, how do I resolve that? How do I resolve it? If it includes someone else? So it gave me a lot of things to think about? And it is going to help these questions are going to help frame your 2021 because here’s what might be happening is you might be going like, Alright, 2021, you know, I want to I mean, so many people have weight loss, right is one of their like, resolutions or goals or whatever. So many people like want to make more money or build my business bigger, like all of those things, right? And those are great things. But the things that move the needle in your life, the things that make you become an old lady, and look back on your life. And go, I did that, like I created, I created that space with somebody else, or I overcame that obstacle, like those are the things that you remember, you know, I’m I’m sure of it in, in accomplishing the goals and doing all that stuff is is awesome. I’m not saying that it’s not. But when you ask yourself, what do I have yet to resolve. And then you put that on your 2021 plan. And you accomplish that. Then when you’re an old lady, and you look back, you go, Ah, like I grew, I changed. Like I became more aware. And I noticed what was holding me back. And all of the other goals and experiences that you want to have in 2022 and 2023. And 2024 may be possible because you cleared up the things that you have yet to resolve. Now, you may be like, I don’t have anything to resolve, just wait till you sit in the space. And allow your subconscious to guide you in this process. our subconscious is so powerful, it knows it knows everything. It knows everything it has been watching, it has not missed one thing, it just hasn’t always made you conscious of the thing. So sit, sit with it and allow yourself to become conscious of what your unconscious mind already knows, and probably is trying to guide you through. So what do I have yet to resolve, and keep that sort of in your back pocket as what you could put as a goal for moving forward? And then I asked myself, What do I need to let go, you know, some things we just can’t resolve. But we can resolve them by letting them go by just releasing them. And just saying, you know what, there’s not going to be a conclusion to that, you know, years ago, this is sort of a weird example. But I think this will help you get it. years ago, I had this really crappy boyfriend. And when we broke up, it was so crazy. It felt so crazy. And I remember one day I talked to my sister. And I was saying things that he had been emailing me and saying to me, and I was like this doesn’t even make sense. And she said, Betsy, you can’t make sense of crazy. And it was so great. Because I was like,

Oh, you’re right, like, I’m never gonna make sense of this. I just have to let it go. There’s not going to be a resolution. I’m just gonna have to let it go. And it brought me so much peace and allowed me to sit in it. And to say who do I want to be through this? Right? Do I want to be like the one that emails back? Crazy matching crazy, like no. And so I want to grow from it. So what is it that I need to let go? Alright, so this year, I decided to pull out those three questions. I talked about it last week. There are three questions and I actually did a whole episode on it on episode 146. These are the George kendor questions. And these questions are really so powerful. I think if you do if you are in a partnership, if you do with your partner can be really powerful. Because you can start to see where you have some cohesiveness that maybe you didn’t even realize. But I think the way these questions and I’ll read them to you, but the way these three questions are structured,

I think it just

makes you think just a little bit differently. Now, when I tell you the questions, you’re gonna be like, I’ve heard questions like this before, I know what she’s gonna say, but it’s the way they’re structured that makes you think, think differently. And I found these to be so powerful. And I was mentioning last week that my husband and I both did this exercise back when I did that episode 146. I mean, it was probably a year and a half ago or so. But we both did the exercise. And we both found things on our list that we didn’t know, we had, like, both of us wanted to live in New York City for like a little bit, you know, which is why when we decided to move, we thought we needed to be stay in Atlanta, we moved from the suburbs, we were like, let’s go to the city, because it was hitting on that list, right? So this list can be really, really important, and really powerful to help you make decisions. So Alright, so I’m going to read you through the three questions. Alright, so here’s the first one. Imagine that you are financially secure, that you have enough money to take care of your needs now and in the future. How would you live your life? would you change anything? Let yourself go Don’t hold back on your dreams and describe a life that is completely and ritually yours. Now, when

I did that,

a couple days ago, I was like, if money didn’t matter, how would I operate? Like, how would I spend my day? How would what would I offer in my business? How would I? Like? How would I run my business? Like what what kinds of things would I do? Who would I work with? You know,

how would I?

How would I structure like people I spend time with, you know, like, what would I do with my kid? Like, how would I? Where would I live? Like I mean, I really, I went to all the things, because this doesn’t say like you’re a billionaire. But it says you have everything that you need to take care of your needs now and in the future. So when I’m making decisions, it’s just not money. that money’s not involved, right? All right, here’s question number two. Now, imagine that you visit your doctor who tells you that you only have five to 10 years to live, you won’t ever feel sick, but you will have no notice of the moment of your death. What will you do in the time you have remaining? Will you change your life? And how will you do it? So this question doesn’t say you have unlimited funds, right? This question doesn’t say like, would you go, it’s five to 10 years you’re gonna live. So it’s not like I have a year to live. Everybody goes, I would travel all over the world, right? Like, that’s what everyone says. But if you have five to 10 years, you’re still living a life, you know? So you’re still like making decisions? How do you live your life, it doesn’t say you’re a billionaire, and you can do whatever you want. It just says that you don’t, we won’t ever feel sick. But you’ll have no notice of the time of your death, which can happen to a lot of us. So what will you do in the time remaining? super powerful, right? Okay, so here’s the third question. So finally, imagine that your doctor shocks you with the news that you only have 24 hours to live. Notice what feelings arise as you confront your very real mortality. Ask yourself, what will you miss? Who did you not get to be? What did you not get to do? Alright, so those are the three questions and George kendor. You can get his book. But the whole idea is that he’s a financial planner, I think by trade, but his whole thing is, you can’t build a financial plan if you don’t have a life plan, because that should serve the life plan. The life plan should be the most important. And I think that’s the way that’s really what this is all about. My whole process is really about creating a life plan. Right. All right. So once you get through those questions, then I asked myself, then I moved. Moving on, right, so now I’m out of reflection. And now knowing all of those things. What I did was I just sat there for just a moment. big deep breath center myself, and asked myself what is it that I need to know right now? Is there something that I’ve missed? What do I need to know? And just see if anything pops up for you. Now, it might be like something random where you’re like, that’s not even related. Write it down. Because it’s, it’s related to something It’s, it’s anytime you get some old memory that pops into your mind or you know, I mentioned this on the show before, but I will sometimes get a taste of ginger ale in my mouth, or the smell of ginger ale. And when I was young and I was sick My mother always gave me ginger ale. Otherwise, we didn’t really have soda. We weren’t really allowed to have soda. We couldn’t have anything. I lived in Vermont, we didn’t have anything we had. We biscuit things. Everyone else had Captain Crunch anyway, no soda, unless I was sick. So what does that mean? To me, that’s the, the when I get a feeling of ginger ale, and sometimes I’ll just, I’ll just get a feeling of ginger ale. And I’m like, Oh, I need to slow down and take care of me. Like, that’s my body saying it’s time for that. Right? So you might get some random thing. And you’re like, this doesn’t even make sense. Write it down, because it might make sense later. Right. So, alright, so then we’re moving into 2021. So then I asked myself, knowing everything that I just discovered, what is it that I really want? For 2021. And, you know, I write it. And I know you’re, you already know this, but I’ll just say it anyway, I write it. Like, I’m so grateful now that and then I write the thing that I want as if it’s happening now. Right? I’m so grateful now that I am that into, okay, so I write out that list, and I just let myself go, you don’t have to be like, I got to pick my top three things just right. Just get it all out. So then I asked myself, What are four experiences that I want to have?

Now, I really like this, because I, um, and probably you do this too. But I have like these things that I like, I have these girlfriends from high school. And I love them. And I want to get together with them. But every year, there’s like a reason why we don’t. And,

and, you know,

I mean, I’m 49 I could live till I’m at, let’s say let’s say live till I’m 90, okay, because I’m, I got good genes. So that’s 40 years. I’ve seen them once, in the past probably 10 years. So that means I don’t have 40 more years to see those girlfriends. I have four more times to see those girlfriends. I learned that from my coach from Jesse Itzler. So, four more times to see those girlfriends. So what am I going to put? What are the experiences I want to

have? I want to get

together with those freaking girlfriends. Like, I just want to finally plan that and put it on the calendar. Right? What are some other experiences that you want to have? You know, I live in Atlanta, I lived in Atlanta, or outside Atlanta for a long time. There’s a botanical garden here. And I always say we should go to the botanical garden. I’ve lived here like, I don’t know, 13 years, I’ve never gone to the Botanical Garden, I used to live in Washington, DC. And I did go to a lot of the museums because people would visit me. But if nobody visited me, I probably never would have gone because I lived there. So it was like you push it away for another day. So pick for experiences that you want to have and open up your calendar and put them on the calendar. So just do one a quarter. Like what’s it going to be you know, you want to take a cooking class, write it down, you want to learn how to use your camera, write it down, put it in there, and then figure out when you’re going to do it. Now, with COVID, you’re like, well, I

can’t really go anywhere,

it doesn’t matter. There’s experiences that you might want to have that you’re not having, because you’re pushing it aside. Right? So it could be I think you could do personal and work you could do four of each. If you’re an entrepreneur that might I think the line is blurred sometime with entrepreneurship, but right like, like, like where I personally stopped and where business begins, right because it’s also inner woven. But so do four and four if you want to, but I did four that were really good. And then I made a list of a bunch of other things that came to me. So now I have a running list because I can do more than four. But I want to have at least four experiences. So at the end of the year, when I’m doing this recap, I can be like, Oh my god, I got so look at all, you know, I like to have a book every month that I read at least one book a month, you know, so at the end of the year, I can go and read these 12 books. I’ve had these experiences, like I accomplished this stuff. I learned how to do this, right? Like I honestly I don’t want to say I lost 20 pounds. I mean I do want to say that like I don’t want that to be my thing. Like I want it to be like I’ve enriched my life. I’ve changed my life. Right. So the last thing that I wrote on here that I want to share is that on I wrote down celebrate every day like the trolls but I’m going to explain this Because I’d like this, okay, so if you, um, if you’ve been here a little while, you know, I really love the trolls. I love the trolls. I know that I’m not a seven year old kid, but I love the trolls. I love the message, which is like there’s always stuff to be happy about. And it’s up to you to make your own happiness, right? My car is named after Papi, my favorite troll. And this past year, my husband gave me a trolls cake for my birthday, I almost had a heart attack. I was so happy. Plus, it was like COVID time. So it was like something so felt so fun. So on. I think it was Christmas Eve, maybe my husband was like, do you want to watch a movie in bed? And I was like, Yeah, let’s do that, you know, we had moved into our new place, and we were still kind of getting settled in the living room was a mess. So we got in bed and he, it I’m it’s weird because he we like very different kinds of movies. And I can’t watch like something super scary or anything like that. I don’t. That’s a whole other show. But I don’t want to embed that in my subconscious. So I’m super careful about what I watch. So sometimes it’s kind of hard to both find something we like. Anyway, he was like, I have something special. Let me pick let me pick and I was like you can’t pick. And he was like, let me pick. So he picked. Anyway he picked was the trolls holiday. They had a holiday special, like on Netflix. And so we watched that. I mean, I can’t remember the last time I watched something so intently, like I had fluvial vision. I was like so in it. I was singing all the songs. I was loving it. But the whole thing was holiday was that the trolls have something to celebrate every day. And Chris there things were like it sucked day. You know, it’s whatever stupid day but I was like, Wait a second. Like, wait a second, wait a second, there is something to celebrate every single day. Like, oh my god, we’re alive. Like, do you know that tomorrow, when you’re listening to this will be I will have officially lived eight years longer than my mother eight years longer. So if I calculated the number of days that she lived, and the number of days I’ve lived, I’ve lived eight years longer. There’s so much to celebrate besides Christmas and New Year’s and thanksgiving and Easter, right? I mean, there, there’s so much to celebrate. So I was like, wait a minute. And I think I’m pretty good at celebrating when stuff happens. But I’ve gotten out of the habit. So I was like, I am gonna put celebrations on my calendar, just like I would put the four experiences on my calendar. Like, I’m gonna look stuff up. And like, you know, what, if it’s, if it’s Taco Tuesday, right, like, you know, those crazy holidays that are marketing holidays, you know what I’m talking about, you know, it’s like guinea pig day, or like, love your cat day or whatever. I’m celebrating, like, I’m making it a thing. So I encourage you to do that celebrate, like, find things to celebrate. And I think if we can get in that habit, like what would happen to let me say it this way. Let me say it this way. What would happen to your life? If you spent the next 30 days celebrating every day? What would happen? I bet you’d be happier. I bet you’d be way more in flow. I bet you have way more abundance, I bet you’d have more money, I bet you’d see it actually show up as like physical money. Right? I think that your whole life could change. So

I give you that. And then the last thing that I did, and this is the thing that I did with my husband now it is a card spread. And what I’m talking about is using Oracle cards or if you have tarot cards or whatever. So here’s the thing is, as I tell you kind of how I did this. I have lots of decks of tarot cards. So I’m no I’m gonna say it again. I have lots of decks of Oracle cards. I have several decks of tarot cards. But Taro is not really my thing. I really like Oracle cards, they’re just easier Tarot seems like a lot to figure out. Right. And so if you go on to hay house.com, they have tons of sales on Oracle decks all the time. And we do a lot of Oracle deck stuff inside the alchemy collective my monthly membership. You can get to that if you want go to my website and then slash

alchemy

slash alchemy. So I have lots of these. So I have like a big box that’s just full of them. So as I tell you what I do, I will tell you that I have a lot of them to choose from. So if you just have one box, like that’s totally fine. It doesn’t matter, but I’m just going to kind of tell you how I did it. I use my intuition to pick which box of Oracle cards I was going to use. And what I did was I picked three cards Those were going to be my three guiding principles for the year. And I was gonna, I used some cards that have like a message on them, you know. And, you know, they’re kind of pretty, and they have a message and I picked three cards, and I got three messages. And it was so spot on, I was like, Oh my gosh, this is so great. My husband was doing it with me. So we got the three, our three guiding principles for the year. And then I have an Oracle deck, that’s called the Divine Feminine Oracle. Now, if you’re in the alchemy collective, you’ve seen these, because I use them a lot, they have, it looks like a vagina on the back of them, just so you kind of know, it’s like, you’ll know you’re in the right one, but it’s red, it’s got these goddesses on the on the cover of them. And there’s sort of like a, like a shape on the front of them. Anyway, it’s very, they’re very pretty. But in these, the Divine Feminine is just an Oracle deck full of goddesses. And then it’s got the little book that tells you about who they are and what they mean, and what their message is. So I picked one of the Divine Feminine Oracle cards as who’s gonna be my guide for the year. And that one was spot on too. So that was really fun. And then I picked two cards. One was for personal, and one was for my business. And I asked what is it that I need to be aware of right now? So what is it that I need to know for my personal life and I pulled a card, and then I pulled a card from a different deck. I have angels in your business card cards that are business Oracle cards from Emily Aaron’s. So I used those for the business one. So I used I forget, I’d have to look at the picture because I took a picture of them. But I might have used like Gaby Bernstein’s universe got your back cards for the, for the personal one. And then the professional one was the Emily errands angels in your business cards. So that gave me what what it did really was it validated so many things that I was already thinking and working on. And in fact, one of the things was one theme kept showing up and all the cards. And it was just fascinating. And it was fascinating to do with my husband. So if you have a partner that’s open to this, it led to some dialogue about Wait a second, if this is showing up. And I know you might be like, Betsy, it’s an Oracle card, you picked it, but I picked it. My unconscious mind knows all I look at all the cards, right? And then I shuffle, shuffle, shuffle, my unconscious mind knows where they are. And I’m picking one based on what my uncut my unconscious mind, my subconscious is telling me to pick.

It’s sending me a message, I’m using it as a way to communicate with my intuition. Now, could I pick one card and get many different meanings? Sure. And the meaning I’m getting is the one that’s important to me that I need to know or need to be reminded of. It resonates with me. And that’s really just my intuition telling me. So it’s just a way for me to communicate with my intuition. But what made it so powerful was because I did it with my husband. And so then we were like, Wait a second, this one theme is showing up in so many different places, we need to pause and like look at that. And so use like a spread like that, or just sit I mean, all I did was Be quiet and ask what I thought I needed to pick cards for. Right? And it was like find out the guiding principle and your business guiding principle in your, in your personal life. So I just asked and my subconscious told me. So in all of this, pick the questions that you like, or don’t like or don’t do any of it or do at all, whatever you like. But the biggest thing I would say to you is listen to what your intuition is trying to tell you. In this process, it’s going to try to share something with you. If you’re being quiet and sitting in a quiet space and open to receiving. It’s going to try and communicate with you. I think sometimes that I get a lot of messages about how I talk to my intuition and how I am so plugged into my intuition. And it didn’t happen right away. But it’s not anything magical. It’s something that you can do. And now I can watch it all the time. And I make decisions from it all day long. Like any decision I’m making, even if it doesn’t make sense. Today, I went out and ran errands. And I don’t my intuition told me not to park in the parking deck. It told me to park out front while I ran in and did some stuff. So that’s what I did. Now, I don’t know why in any You might have nudges like that. And you’ll think, well, that’s stupid. Why would I do that? I just listened to it, because that’s how you begin to practice. That’s how you begin to tell it, I’m trusting you, I’m doing what you’re telling me to do. And I had a couple big ones today telling me to do something.

And, you know,

sometimes it happens. And I’m like, this goes against what I thought I was going to do. And I even reached out to a girlfriend today. And I was like, Okay, I’m getting the feeling I’m supposed to go do this thing. But I said, I wasn’t gonna do that thing. I’ll tell you about that next week. But it is the listening in, it’s giving yourself space to listen in. So give yourself that space. When you’re doing this process, listen in, and then take that, like listening that you’ve that you’ve learned, and you’ve honed, and use it throughout the day. You know, this week, I have been I’ve been working out like a maniac back It feels like the old days when I used to work out all the time. But being in this new spaces helps me work out a lot. And I got back from we have like a gym area right in my building. And I got back and I, my husband was sitting in the living room and I like put my arms in the air. And I was like, boom. It’s like, I did it. I’m better and better than I was yesterday, or better than I wasn’t at 45 minutes ago is what I said, I was like, I kept my word to myself. I did it. I worked hard. Like I feel so good. Like, celebrating, like really pulling my body into it, right? Because I want to reinforce that. But all that did was it reinforced that I was doing it right? That makes sense to you. Right? So when you follow it, when the intuition comes and you follow it, it’s reinforcing that you’re listening to it. It’s the same thing. It’s just like putting your hands in the air going, yes, I did it. Right. It starts to make you better and better and better and better every single time you follow your intuition once and you’re better than you were 15 minutes ago. So I hope that this was helpful. If it was, let me know, share this episode with your friends. Be sure to jump on my text in my text community, I send out little thoughts from my intuition. If you’re curious, I think that it’s been really fun. And I think people really like them. If you’re in North America, you can go to 770-343-3409 343 3409. If you’re not, a few days later, I tweet them. So you won’t get them at the same time. But you’ll get them if you want to check out my Twitter. And sometimes Twitter doesn’t let me put as much you know, as I text. So the text is better. But join my text community. I love the people that like respond back. It’s really fun. And it’s fun for me to be able to share those little nudges from my intuition. And I have so many people resonate with them. We are all so on the same journey. You guys, we’re all the same. You know, I saw a quote from ROM das. And I’d heard it before, but I saw it online the other day, and I shared it on my Instagram. But it was like go about your day as if everyone you meet is God in drag. And I’ve

done that

was just doing that today. And I was watching all the people like as I was at a four way stop. And what if their God in drag? It’s just us. We’re all we’re all part of, you know, we’re all I don’t know, now I’m sounding. But you get it. We’re drops in the ocean, we are the ocean, right? So we’re also connected. So when I send out my intuition thoughts, it very well could be your thought. Sometimes I just ask, what do I need to text and I get this thought that’s totally random. And I send it out and someone messages me back and goes oh my god, right? It’s because we’re so aligned. So anyway, thank you so much for being here with me again this week. Happy Happy, Happy New Year. I hope that you close out this 2020 and you move into 2021 with such peace, such ease and such joy. I love you so much. I’ll see you next week. Thank you so much for being here and for listening to today’s episode. If you liked it and got something out of it please be sure to share with me by leaving a review over on iTunes. And if you’re not following on social media, I am everywhere at Betsy Pake but most of the time over on Instagram, so follow and comment on my latest post so that we can connect there. I will see you next week. And until then, keep living big

Today on the show Betsy shares updates and thoughts on moving, becoming conscious, happiness and holidays!

Transcription:

Welcome to The Art of Living big. I’m your host, Betsy Pake. I’m an author, speaker, Master hypnotherapist and NLP coach. And I help high achievers rewire for success. If you’re ready for the next level, you’re in the right place. Over the next 30 minutes, I hope to help you redefine what could be possible for your life. Now, let’s go live big. Hello fellow adventurers. Thank you for being here today.

All right,

so this episode is a little bit of just the holiday wish, I wanted to give you a couple quick update updates and some thoughts that I’ve been having. And what I kind of see like wrapping up this, you know, 2020, and what I kind of see coming forward for 2021. So if you’ve been following along, first of all, if you’ve been following along, I’m so honored, thank you, thank you,

I love

you all so much. When you know you, you reach out and you share what you’ve learned, or you share the show and introduce the show to more people like it really means a lot to me. And if you’re new here, welcome. This is a super cool community, you know, you’re listening to the show. But I really feel like it’s not just to me, if you go into our Facebook group, you can get there just go to the art of living, big calm, you’ll see like the regulars, I love those people so much. It is just such an awesome group of people that are trying to learn and grow. And honestly, I learned so much from them and get so much insight and amazing feedback. It’s just a really incredible community. So anyway, happy holidays, thank you so much for being here with me on this journey. So I wanted to give you guys a little bit of an update before I kind of dove into some other stuff. But if you’ve been following along, you know, I’ve been moving. So um, you know, a couple months ago, I talked about how we were going to finally put the house on the market. And selling the house has been something that I’ve wanted to do for so long, it has been almost painful. And as I look back on it, I also now wonder is this or was this part of my training here, on my time on this earth, right? of learning and understanding patience, and how to interact with other people and get things done in, you know, when it’s not just me, I’m very independent, I like to make decisions and go, that’s how I operate, like I make decisions, and then I go, and then if another decision needs to be made down the road, then I make the other decision. So in my view of it, there’s no wrong decisions, there’s just decisions, and that every decision is leading to the next decision, and you just keep going, it relieves a lot, because then you’re not worried you’re gonna make a wrong decision. So anyway, in all of that, I have learned that not everybody has the same timeline as me. And you know, my husband wasn’t ready to move. There are lots of moving parts to this, right. But we finally got to the point where we were ready put the house on the market, it’s sold super fast. We are closing in just a few days, we have moved into our new place. So we moved from the suburbs of Atlanta. And if you’ve been listening to the show, you’re like, why didn’t she just moved to the beach? Well, um, one is my husband’s job. He really likes his job. And, you know, I like the benefits. So one of the things that we talked about, and it was in Episode 146, I talked about George kinders book. And it was on the three questions. In fact, as I say this out loud, this would be a really great exercise to do before 2021. For any of you that haven’t done that, in fact, I’m think I’m going to revisit it. But it’s, it’s these three questions that you ask yourself. And the way that they’re written is, was just eye opening. And so when I did that episode, my husband and I both did the questions. And we wrote down these huge lists of things. And one of the things that we both had on our list was that we really wanted someday to live in a city like to be able to live like in a big building where we went down an elevator and walked outside. And for me, there was coffee right there for my husband. There was like a pub, right? Like that was sort of one of the things on that showed

up on

both of our lists when we did that exercise. So when we knew we were ready to sell the house, we sort of revisited some of these thoughts like what do we really want what feels really good. And, you know, I’ve said on the show before, I’ve talked a lot about living at the beach, but I honestly don’t know that that’s where I’d want to live full time. And I know I’ve said that on the show before. I love the beach. I think I might want a second home at the beach. I’m not sure how that unfolds. I just knew that right now. I wanted to stay In Atlanta, I wanted to stay where my husband had a job. I wanted to stay near my daughter who’s you know, in college like that those were things that were important to me. So I could do all of those things and still get some of the adventure that was on those the list

from George kindern. So listen to that episode later, because that is a good one to revisit. So, we moved to the city. And I had wondered, will I miss you know, I moved from almost 5000 square foot house into a not quite 1500 square foot condo. So Will I be like, will I miss things? Will I try and put everything in the kitchen and be like overwhelmed or frustrated? Or, you know, regretful and I have to tell you that I have not missed it for one, like not even a nanosec. Like, there’s not even a portion of me that goes Oh, like I haven’t even thought about like, I don’t even want to think about that house. I’m so happy. I cannot remember the time. And I don’t know if it’s just because I’ve been wanting to leave the house for so many years. But I honestly can’t remember a time where I felt this at peace.

Now, are there a few kinks to work out? Yeah, probably like right now I’m recording this standing up in my closet. Because the place that we live in has these enormous ceilings and it’s the metal like exposed ductwork. Do you know what I’m talking about? And so I think it’s gonna vibrate and reverberate all over the place. So I’m in my closet, and it can feels fun. Even the things that maybe could be seen as being an inconvenience or not ideal. Feel fun to me. So let me back up by saying that when we very first started this process of putting the house on the market, I was really agitated. And I was having reactions to lots of things. And I was having reactions to how things were being presented to me. I mean, I can’t even explain it’s just so many little things, right? Like, anything that happened, I would I would be on edge or agitated by and one afternoon, I got really agitated by something that was happening that really wasn’t a big deal. And I thought I’m my reaction is bigger than the situation. So what is really happening?

And,

you know, just like I teach all of the people that I work with, like, you know, get centered, find yourself, ask yourself the questions get quiet time, I did some time techniques, which is something that I do with clients to go into the past and heal something. And when I did that, I don’t know everything shifted. Now I’ve done a lot of that I’ve done a lot of this work just like you. But something about the way I did it this time changed things. And I have been at such peace and in such peace and presence. Now, I don’t know if it’ll last forever. I hope it does. But things that would have normally upset the applecart you know, in my brain, or gotten me feeling frazzled or upset, just haven’t. It’s been really, really remarkable. And really fun. And I feel like I have been able to say things like if something happens, I’ve been able to communicate what I don’t like and what I would prefer, in a better way. Now, am I doing it perfectly? No, I’m not. I’m not doing it perfectly. But I’m doing it in such a way that I feel whole, I guess is how I would describe it. So here’s what I wanted to share with you guys. So everything so in all of that I felt really good. Great. And if you’ve ever moved, and I’m sure you have, right, so you know, remember when you’ve moved it, there is like a throwing out process of crap, right of stuff that you’ve had. And then it’s so it’s an reevaluating of what’s important. Do I really need this? Do I really want this is this trash is this goodwill, right? So I went through that whole process. So as we’ve moved and packed up, I’ve gone through that whole process. And then when I got into the new place having to put everything away. So here’s what happened. I’ve got this piece. This like being in the present moment that I have really wanted for a long time and never fully realized that I didn’t have until I have had it the last couple weeks. And as everything has been new, and I’ve had to create new patterns I lived in that other house like eight or nine years. So I had like, ways that I did things You know, patterns like, how I would make the coffee and how I would let the dogs out and all of these patterns. So as I’ve been here, I realized that nothing is the same. I mean, I have to rethink how I walk around my bed, I have to rethink about where things are in the kitchen, right, I have to rethink everything. What does that do is it brings you into the present moment, because you can’t be thinking about something dumb that happened a week ago, or something you have to do in the future, if you’re trying to find like, where you put the soup spoons, right? You have to be present, you have to be like in your body. And like, wait, I can’t do this unconsciously anymore. So what is the thing that I always talk about, is that when the unconscious becomes conscious, that is when you’re in the present. And that is where you can create miracles, that’s where you can create change. That’s where everything is right being in the present. So what I have found, and you can do this too, even if you’re not moving, is that if you if you reorganize if you move things so that you are forced to be conscious, right, I was forced to be more conscious and more alert, I can then choose how I want to create my life. And I can choose, what do I want my morning routine to be? What are the first clothes I want to put on? Do I want it to be my bathrobe? Or do I want it to be my workout clothes? Right? What do I want to dive into and remember our actions that is creating who I am, that’s creating my identity. Now, I have talked before and I’ve talked if you’ve been in, in next level, if you’ve been in any of my coaching programs, you know, I talk about the levels of the mind. And at the very, very top is my identity. And then below that is my values and my beliefs, right. And then below that is my potential what I think I’m capable of below that is my environment and my behavior. So if you think of this, like hierarchy, the higher up, I change things, it like trickles down to everything below it. So if I change my values, well, if I change my values, it’s going to change my beliefs, which is going to change what I think my potential is, which is going to change my environment and my behavior, right.

So I’ve used this example before, but if I think I’m an athlete, I’m just going to behave differently, right. But if I don’t think I’m an athlete, and I just try and change my behavior, then I’m going to be it’s going to be a push, right, it’s going to be like pushing things to make things the way that I want. Okay. I have talked about this so much. But what I didn’t realize was how impactful environment can be to spur change with your identity, because it is part of the hierarchy. And honestly, I think I discounted a lot and thought that doesn’t matter. But now I’m realizing that I can use it as leverage to propel what my values are to shift what my beliefs are about myself, because I’m acting differently. The other thing is, it’s making me conscious, when it’s making me conscious, I have a choice. So, you know, Trish from Episode 208, my friend Trish, she always would tell me move 27 things in your house, if you want to create an energetic shift, change 27 things now I’ve changed like five kajillion things. But But if you’re living someplace, and you’re gonna be there for a while, and you’ve been there for a while, you could do that you could change 27 things. And what I would say is change 27 things in one spot. Because depending on how big your house is, if you if you spread it out all over, it might not change your, your your reactions to things right, it might not change the way you’re interacting with the items. Like if I just change if you go into your bathroom, and you change everything in your bathroom, you’re going to have to remain conscious. But if you just change two things in your bathroom, and two things in your living room and two things in your kitchen, like you could still remain unconscious. So I share that with you because that has been a lesson that I have learned, as we’ve been going through this process is that I am getting to choose I’m getting to recreate and it’s leaving open a window for me to be able to become the way that I wanted to be which for whatever reason whether it was real or in my head was something was holding me back right something was keeping me from acting or doing things in the way that I thought I needed or that I needed to do in order to shift my identity in order to change and become the kind of person that I wanted to be. So it has been really rewarding. And really, really fun. So, if you’re on Instagram and you follow along with my stories, I’m probably oversharing. But it feels so fun to me to be able to like go downstairs to a restaurant or go walk yesterday I walked to the grocery store, because there’s like a grocery store in my little community, there’s a Publix there. And it was just so fun to bring bags and walk, and I am moving so much more like my lifestyle has become different, right? So I share all of that just kind of give you an update. And to kind of give you some insight onto how you can shift and how you could do that. Even if you haven’t created like a move, like I have. So what does this all mean, like for the beach and my incessant discussions about the beach? Well, you know, I’m not sure I’m flowing with it, I’m letting it go. Um, I love the beach and love the ocean. And I definitely I’m going to have some part of that in my life. Having less house to take care of not having to deal with the yard and all of those things, definitely opens up the window. For me to be able to go to the beach whenever I want, right in a different way, it’s going to be just so much easier. So I’ve definitely freed up the window for that. And it’s helped me to re kind of re evaluate what it is I really want. You know, I always thought I want this like lazy, beachy town. But now I’m not so sure. Now I’m wondering do I need? Or do I want like a city near an ocean? Right? So clarity, it’s helping me get more clarity, which feels really, really fun. Alright, so let’s talk a little bit about what we’ve kind of closed up here with 2020 and then going into 2021. So, you know, we just went through the conjunctions of Saturn, and Jupiter, if you followed along, or you saw a lot of people talking about the Christmas star, on Facebook or on social media, you may have seen that. One thing that I really want to say about that is, Well, two things I want to say.

One is,

I so believe in divine timing. And I’ve wanted to move for so long that I would get like angry because I wanted to move I wanted to move. But now looking back, I can see the divine timing that we moved in that window, where we’re there was just such big change with the planets, and we were able to like, Can, I don’t know, just create something new, it feels like divine timing. But the thing that I really want to say about that, too, is that you may have felt nothing about any of that, like a lot of people were like, you’re gonna feel a shift is gonna be like an awakening, maybe you felt nothing. And I want to say that just because you felt nothing, or just because you feel like you’re having you’re struggling, tuning into your intuition. Just because you feel like you’re not connected to source like you want to be or you hear other people talk about on social media or whatever, doesn’t mean that you’re not just because you didn’t feel it doesn’t mean you weren’t shifted. Just because you feel like you can’t get this connection that you think you want. Doesn’t mean you don’t have the connection. So I offer that just to say like, sometimes I think we see people talking about stuff when we think I have to do it in that way. But your way will show up, you know, your way will will, it will open up and it’ll show itself to you. So just because you didn’t feel something new in that timeframe, doesn’t mean you didn’t get any benefit. It doesn’t mean you weren’t impacted in some way, it doesn’t mean that you weren’t propelled forward. You were because you were here. Right, because you were part of this. So as we kind of wrap up 2020, which has been such a weird year for everybody. I myself personally am going to revisit those three questions, those George kender, three questions from Episode 146. If you want to learn more about that and get his book, I’m going to revisit that. And I’m going to really think about what I want to carry into 2020. I think 2020 showed us a lot of maybe what what we didn’t want or what was holding us back. I think it was a big magnifier of things for us. And we get to choose I know I say that all the time, but we really get to choose. You’ve got to release whatever it is that you’re holding on to. And you got to just choose something new. And I think especially now after doing this move that changing your environment can help you to choose because it makes you conscious of it. But you can do it lots of different ways. shift things around, set an alarm on your phone, like bring yourself back into consciousness. You know, a lot of you I’m sure have read the Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle a book. I read it a couple years ago, and I have it on Audible too. And I remember I got it, I read it and then again Got it on Audible a couple years ago, but I couldn’t listen. Like it didn’t really resonate with me. And then I listened again last month, and it felt so different. So if you’ve never read that book, I offer that as a suggestion, it really helped me think about things and to be really present. I’m gonna re Listen, I’m gonna do it again. Because it just, it was the right time, perhaps for me. So maybe it is for you to one of the other things that we’re doing inside the alchemy collective is we are reading Pam grouts book. And she was on the show to where we talked about the Course in Miracles, her Course in Miracles experiment, if you’ve ever tried to do the Course in Miracles, and you’ve just been overwhelmed, you know, I’ve done Course of Miracles twice, I did it once with Marianne Williamson. And then I’ve read it once on my own. And it’s very dense. And there were some days where I would read it. And I didn’t really know what I was reading. But Pam gives these little stories, which are really helpful to put it into context. So if you’ve ever tried to read read, of course, miracles, get Pam’s book instead, of course, in miracles experiment, if you just read one a day, it’s a year long study. And, you know, that ties right into the power of now, right? it all ties in to being present, it ties into what I was saying about being conscious, and creating your identity from a place of consciousness. And knowing that what we are seeing is what we are creating, which goes back to my whole thing about you are what you focus on, right, because you get to create it. It’s a game. There’s a really great book I read several years ago, and it’s by Florence chauvel. I might be saying that wrong. I’m gonna look it up. Hang on. It’s Florence. scovel Shinn is who it is. So I read it, gosh, several years ago, I’ve read it a couple times, I have the book. And I have the audible book, because it’s one of those ones I like to listen to in the background. But you can get her complete works. It’s all her books. And her books are pretty short. So it’s not long. But one of the books is called the game of life and how to play it. And it’s so powerful. And it’s talking it which ties right into A Course in Miracles, right that we are, this is a game, and we get to play it. And are you having fun, because how should you feel playing a game, you should feel fun, you should feel it should feel like you’re in control of something like the master of your destiny, right? Like you get to choose things. And I think that that could be a really fun read for 2021 as well as we kind of dive into 2021. So So what’s up for 2021? Like for me, I was supposed to go to California on January 2, if you guys remember back in March, I was at a training, right when when COVID hit and I had to leave the training. So I was there like the end of February. And it was like mid March, I ended up leaving. And then I had to redo the whole training because I didn’t finish it. I chose to leave a couple days before they actually chose to cancel it. Because I was in California and I live in Atlanta and it didn’t feel right to be that far away. So I’ve done a couple of the other trainings. Now the training I’m supposed to do in January in California was one I was supposed to take this past year in August. But everything going on in California, it did not feel aligned with my integrity to go.

You know that? California is asking for non essential travel, I could say that that travel is essential because it’s for my business. yet. I felt like for me It fell out of integrity because because it did for whatever reason, I kept thinking about it. And I wanted to go so bad. It was like perfect timing for so many other reasons. But it felt like I wasn’t going to be walking the talk, right? My intuition kept telling me Don’t go Don’t go. And if I ignore that, I can’t listen to my intuition sometimes. And not all of the time. And so I made the really heavy choice of canceling and so I’ve moved back to the August one for 2021. So for me, for January for these first 20 days, I would have been in California. And so I am creating my own version of learning and intensive work on myself for 20 days. And so that’s going to include some courses that I have purchased that I haven’t taken yet. It’s going to include some extra meditations and tuning in. I have a lot of thoughts and things that I want to write. If you are on my text list. If you’re in North America, you can jump on my text list. If you just text live big to 770-343-3409 you can Get my texts, and I only send them like two or three times a week. They are like little lessons of something that I hear when I do my, my talking with my intuition, my journaling with my intuition. And there’s so much more behind that. And so writing a little bit more, I think is going to be part of my 20 days. So if you want to join me choose something for January, that is less of a resolution, and more of a desire. Choose something that doesn’t have strict boundaries, but is more of something that you can step into and become and accomplish in that way. You know, maybe your resolutions aren’t to lose weight, maybe your resolution is to become the kind of person who moves regularly or the kind of person that eats fruit every morning or whatever that is for you. So 20 days, I’m going to work heavily on myself for 20 days and sees see what comes out of that. So to kick that off. Next week on the episode, come to the episode, with a journal, come to the episode with something to write and thoughts. Be ready to stop and start maybe it’s not one that you maybe you listen to it while you’re on your walk. But then you come back and do the work. So next week’s episode, we’re going to kick off 2021 in a different way. So be thinking about what that would mean for you. And then we will dive in next week with a little workshop on the show. All right, thank you so much for being here with me this year. Thank you so much for sharing the show. If this resonated with you please share it with somebody else. If you haven’t joined my text lists join my community there. Have a Happy Happy Holiday be safe be well. Thank you so much for being here and for listening to today’s episode. If you liked it and got something out of it please be sure to share with me by leaving a review over on iTunes. And if you’re not following on social media, I am everywhere at Betsy Pake but most of the time over on Instagram, so follow and comment on my latest post so that we can connect there. I will see you next week. And until then, keep living big

Today Betsy gives an update on her appointment Kat (from this episode), an update on her move and a lesson she wanted to share about worry and celebrating your life to get into alignment for miracles.

Transcription:

Welcome to The Art of Living big. I’m your host, Betsy Pake. I’m an author, speaker, Master hypnotherapist and NLP coach, and I help high achievers rewire for success. If you’re ready for the next level, you’re in the right place. Over the next 30 minutes, I hope to help you redefine what could be possible for your life. Now, let’s go live big. Hello fellow adventurers. Hello, and welcome to today’s show. So today’s show, I’m going to talk a little bit

about I’m going to follow up on some stories that are from previous episodes. And I want to give you an update on my movement, my moving situation, if you’re new here, welcome. And this is probably a little self indulgent, indulgent episode because I’m going to give updates on myself and what’s happening. So a little bit of a coffee talk episode, I hope that that’s okay. And I hope that there’s still like nuggets in here that serve you, I do want to talk about some of my texts that I’ve been sending. And I want to dive into that just a little bit and then give you an opportunity. So Alright, so let’s, let’s, um, let’s start. Let’s start with just a couple updates. Okay, so this is going to be an update. That’s like a lot of information that’s really personal. And so you may just not be interested in this meat, you may be like, I cannot even believe that she’s saying this

kind of my husband’s listening, he’s gonna be like, Why? Why is she saying, but I did share this inside the alchemy collective inside my membership, and people found it really, really helpful. And so I wanted to give an update on my experience with cat now. cat was the energy expert that I had on it was Episode 237. So just a couple weeks ago. And if you haven’t heard that episode, it’s fascinating. And you know, one of the things that she was talking about was

one of the things she was talking about was how we have these gridlines, right. And she talked about how even animals have these gridlines. And so when she started diving into that, I was like, I really need to talk to her. So I scheduled an appointment. And I did talk about that at the end of the episode and kind of give an update. I forgot to mention that she worked on my dog, too. And it was interesting, because my little dog was right next to me. And we’re very connected. You know, if you have a pet, you’re you understand. But this dog is, you know, she’s 13 years old. We’ve been through a lot together divorces and single motherhood and I just, I love her and I feel like, I’m like, she knows me, you know what I mean? So well, cat was doing the word gummy. She was like, you’re so connected to your dog, I want to jump in, you know, do this to your dog. So the interesting thing was, she sleeps like, you know, like a rock, you know, like she like I always think if I could only sleep as sound as her. And she was sleeping sound well, cat was doing her thing. And when she said she was going to jump in to Miley, and immediately Miley started, like jumping around, like getting uncomfortable, she got up and rearranged. So I knew she was feeling whatever that was that I was feeling in there. So I thought that was super interesting. And I wanted to share that. And then I also wanted to share just a few shifts, there’s been a lot of shifts. And honestly, some of the shifts now have become so normal that I’m not even sure I could identify them unless I really sat down to think, um, but one of the shifts was rather remarkable. And so I wanted to share this with you because, you know, feeling that cat was in my body when she was doing the energy work was truly like a really cool experience. But what good is that? Right? If you don’t have like some sort of outcome, that seems helpful, and I had a lot of little things, but one thing that I wanted to share, that’s TMI, um, was that

she did, she she talked about how she did like a deep cleansing or deep cleaning. So like the first time she does an appointment, she does like this deep cleaning of your whole system. Now, you have if you’ve been listening to the show, you’ve heard me talk about how my daughter was sick for quite a while and it was years ago now. But during that time, I got a very upset. Colon is the only way I can describe it. And when I would go to the bathroom, it was not normal. Do you know what I’m saying? Like it was sort of like when you’re really really nervous about something and then you’re like, Oh my god, I gotta go to the bathroom. Like

That’s kind of what happened to me every day. And honestly, when it started happening, I was so stressed out, like just in an incredible amount of stress. And so I attributed it to that. And I was so focused on,

like, helping my kid and keeping the rest of my life intact. I just I kind of ignored it. You know how we do that, like, we just put ourselves we’re like, whatever, I got things to focus on. And then I guess it, it sort of became like this normal thing for me. So like, every morning, I would have that experience. And then I would go about my day, and everything else was fine. So it was really easy to ignore. Now, I did notice, about two months ago, my husband and I were talking about possibly setting a goal to climb Mount Kilimanjaro. Now, I don’t know that that’s truly a goal for me, we’re still it’s still being tossed about. But in all of that, we were like, We wanted to set like a big huge goal for 2021. And we thought that could be something really fun. And then at the end of the year, we could go and climb. And I actually paused and thought, I don’t know if I could do it because I have that thing that happens to me every morning. And I it’s sort of it’s urgent, you know what I mean? Like when it happens, and if we’re on like the side of a hill, or I can’t do it like I don’t know. So it That was the first time that I kind of recognized that this is a big enough deal that it actually is changing the way I’m living my life like had never occurred to me before that moment.

Alright, so then I have this appointment with Kat, she just tells me she’s doing a deep cleaning. Like I really don’t think anything about it. And honestly, I don’t think anything about the issue that I’m having, like, it isn’t really a big part of my life, other than when it happens every day I go, Oh, that’s probably not normal. So, cat does her thing. And I’m feeling good. Like, I felt like I had been plugged into a light socket, right? Like I was feeling really good. And then the next day, I was like going about my morning, and I realized I hadn’t gone to the bathroom. And

then when I went It was totally normal. And it has been totally normal, everyday sense. Totally normal. And I’m talking like four years of not normal. So I asked her about it. And she said, I asked like do you see like, do you know that you’re doing that? Like, do you know, oh, I’m fixing this issue. And she said, again, like I did this deep cleaning. But basically like, you were probably sending out a fight or flight response from your brain to your colon to whatever regulates, like your water in your colon, right. And it had never been reset. And so we probably got reset, when I did the deep cleaning. Now, to me, that was remarkable. And so even though that’s a lot of information that you probably didn’t want to know about me, I wanted to share it in case it would help somebody else. Now, I don’t know that that would happen for you, if you’re having an issue. She did say that that’s a common thing that she hears.

But I wanted to share my experience just to give you that information, in case it’s helpful to you, you know, if you go to that episode, if you go to the show notes, um, there’s a link to her website. And you can get like just a free consultation, like just have a conversation with her, just by filling out a little form on her website. Um, and how you get to the show notes for any, for any episode that I do. It’s just my website. It’s Betsy pake.com. backslash, a lb R of living big, and then the episode number. So that one was 237. So it’s a Betsy picked up comm backslash, a lb 237. And that will have all the show notes, and all the links to all her stuff. So if that’s something that interests you, like, check that out and schedule some time with her and just see how you feel talking to her. And if you think it’s a good match. So Alright, so I wanted to tell you that. All right, so the other thing that I wanted to talk about is my text community. So if you’re in North America, you can text me, and I’ll give you the number, it’s 770-343-3409 and you just text live big text flow, whatever it is.

It’ll come back to you with like a, like a thing that you have to click and say, okay, it’s basically like lawyer talk, and then it adds you to me, and then I’m actually texting you so it goes through like an app so it doesn’t come to my to my phone. It comes to an app on my phone. So you could text me back and I can see it. My point is that, I don’t know two to three times a week I send out a text

Now, if you’re not in the United States, you can see those texts, they are not on the same day, they’re like a couple weeks behind just because of how we have them set up. But they go out to Twitter. So you can just find me on Twitter and see them, they’re on Twitter, they, I don’t get as much space. there’s not as much space as as I have inside the text community. So you’ll get more on the text. But here’s my point, is that what I do, and you’ve heard me talk about this before is when I sit down in the morning, and I have like my quiet time, and I journal, I usually start my journal and I say, you know, all the things that I’m thinking or feeling about the day or what I’m excited about, or how I’m feeling? And then I always ask, what do I need to know today? I’m listening. And then I have, I guess it’s a process. I’ve been thinking about it a lot, like, what is it? I really do. But I have a little process where I kind of let my conscious mind go away. So that I don’t have all that chatter of my own thoughts. And then I listen in for the other thoughts. And the other thoughts? You know, I don’t, I don’t know, I would like to maybe I need to ask, that would probably be a good question to ask. But what it is, is it my, like, a part of my subconscious? is it part of me connecting to the greater collective? You know, is it channeling like, some divine energy? I don’t, I don’t really know, I don’t know that I care what it is as much as it feels like it’s not me. Yeah, definitely doesn’t feel like it’s me. And a lot of the words aren’t necessarily words I would use or the way that it’s the, like, the cadence of it doesn’t really sound like me.

But it feels

it feels like warm, like I,

I, if it feels like a like I have love for it. I feel kind of silly saying that, when it comes like I feel really good. Like I feel

warmth and love.

And so this voice, just I shut my eyes, and I use my computer. I know a lot of people when they do this kind of thing. They don’t use their computer, they write it out. But I have just been doing that for so long. And I just shut my eyes and I put my fingers on the keyboard and I just type whatever it is that I hear. And I tried to not second guess it. Because sometimes I think like, what that doesn’t make sense. And I kind of just wait until it all comes out. And then I look at it. And I take a portion of it.

That would make sense to people. And I share that in a text. So

I mean, I always get messages back from people like oh my gosh, this is so right on this is just what I was feeling. And sometimes I just I do my What do I need to know? And I get a bunch of stuff. And then I say what do I need to text? And then sometimes I get something totally different.

And like totally not something that not that everything that comes through, it’s helpful to me, but not necessarily something that is aligned or to to what I’m struggling with currently or what I would need to know. And so I know that it’s for somebody else, right? I know it’s for someone on on the group and and for everybody, right? And so I share those and it’s always fun because those I did one yesterday and I got people that were like, Oh my god, are you psychic, which kind of made me laugh. I knew what they meant. But it was just so right on, right. This is what came out yesterday was big decisions carry a lot of importance in our minds. We mull over the choices, the options and go back and forth on what the right choice will be. Drop out of your head and into your heart. Make the decision from there knowing you can surrender to the decision and make new choices as they come up in your path, repeating the process from your heart, listen in, be guided, you know the way so they’re just little like, I think kind of uplifting thoughts that come. Now I have thought and been thinking more and more and have been asking this voice if we can write more, um, more deeply on a lot of topics and put it together in a place where people have access to read like the entire thought instead of just like this snippet of the thought.

Um, so if you’re in the alchemy, collective membership, I have been thinking a lot about this about how

Do I do this specifically? Like what are the specific things that could I teach somebody to do it, because it’s just something that sort of started happening for me, but I believe I can teach it. I believe that it’s something duplicatable that anybody can do. So I’m really putting some thought into that. And I’m going to do every month inside the alchemy collective, which is my monthly membership. I do a workshop. And I think that that will be the workshop probably for January. I’m not promising January. But I think for January, I would really like to pull that together. And

yeah, and I’ve been thinking a lot about it. So if you want to jump in to the alchemy collective, you can do that. It’s on my website, you can just go to Betsy Pake comm backslash alchemy, but I’ve been, you know, I’ve been putting all this together. So this morning, I got a bigger, I guess, like a, like a bigger chunk. And I was trying to figure out how I can text it. And then I thought, well, I’m gonna record the podcast. So maybe I’ll just share it. And I think that this is something probably that is happening right now in the collective, there’s a lot of worry, because of everything happening in the world. And we’re all going through a lot of changes. And a lot of things are shifting, and we don’t know what to expect. And I think anytime there’s an unknown, we jump to a conclusion. I think that’s where, like conspiracy theories are born, right, and trying to make sense out of something that we don’t know. So we put something in that space. And so when I asked today about what I needed to know, it was really about that worry. And you know, I’m in the middle of moving, which I know I said, I was going to give you a quick update on that. I don’t know if y’all care, but you might be following along a little bit.

So let me go through this. So this is what I got today. It says worry less and celebrate more, there’s so much to be excited about in your surroundings, yet you shift and see what could go wrong or what is unexpected. There’s nothing you can shift by worry alone, it only makes you less resourceful, less capable and more depleted. In actuality, everything is always working out for you. But you won’t experience that with the flow and precision that you could if you would just release the need to worry and linger on whatever is a limited possibility. Worry is like poking yourself with a needle over and over again. It does nothing for you but only causes pain, then then you are so focused on the pain, you miss the opportunity around you.

We are always providing ways for you to climb out of your situation, and have ease and joy. When you are closed off. And looking at the pain that you have inflicted upon yourself. You miss the moments of serendipity and miracles and instead default to the arrangement that you created for yourself. Improving the life of no one, especially not yourself. When you can create an opportunity of light to come in. And you seek out ways to see that opportunity in your space. You become the maker of miracles, you become a co creator with the divine and you challenge the normal everyday common. I’m sorry, the normal everyday worry of common life. Because you are each uncommon. You all have just failed to believe that. And so go and tell everyone to stop worrying. It’s doing nothing. And in fact, it’s causing you long term harm. It’s becoming ingrained. And then you seek it out finding more and more ways to create that feeling again, release. So that was the message I get today about worry. And I think there’s so much that I can dive into just talking about that. But the thing that’s struck me so much is that worry is like poking yourself with a needle over and over again. And I thought when I read that I was like that makes no sense. And then I was like that’s the point that that makes no sense to poke yourself with a needle over and over and over again. All it does is hurt. But that’s what worry is. And that’s what we do. We worry about things and we spend a lot of time on things and we mull over these things in our mind.

And maybe if you’re like me, there’s times where I lay in bed and I think about oh, I have to do this and I have to do that and worrying I’m not getting it done and worried about what will happen or what will go right or wrong. You know, we’re selling our house. And it all happened fast and slow.

I have been talking about selling the house for years. And we finally got to the place where we were doing it. And so much happened really fast. Like by the time we put it on the market to the time to like a week later, we were not only under contract, but we were through the, you know, the inspection process, like everything was done. And we needed to move and we were trying to look for a place to live, and I could feel the worry start to come at first, I felt totally fine. And I was thinking, I was almost worried that I felt totally fine. To be honest, I felt

like I should be worried I should be out looking for a place to live, like I’m gonna have to move, like in a week, and I don’t have a place to live.

And so I was almost worried that I wasn’t worried. And then I was worried, well, if I get a place to live, and then I have a couple weeks before the house closes, what if the house doesn’t close, so a lot of worry about things that I had no control over. Like all of those things are outside of my control. Everything is done on our part now. And so

worrying was just like poking myself with a needle over and over again, it wasn’t helping me at all. And honestly, if it doesn’t close, then there’s something then I’ll figure it out, right? Like when it gets to that point, then I’ll figure it out. But if I’m poking myself over and over, and I’m looking at the pain, I’m like, Oh my god, it’s not gonna close, not gonna close. And then it doesn’t close them. I’d be like, Oh, my God, I knew it wasn’t gonna close, I knew it wasn’t gonna close. And I’d be so focused on that, that I wouldn’t see all the opportunity around me. Right?

When you can create an opportunity of light to come in and you seek out ways to see that opportunity in your space, you become a maker of miracles. So what happens when we’re not worried when we’re not like super jacked about something, and something goes wrong? And then it immediately works out? And you’re like, Oh, my God, it was like a miracle. Like it all just worked out? Well, yeah. Because you were in a space of seeing opportunity. You were a co creator with the divine.

And you were being uncommon.

I think we all have the capacity to be uncommon.

And I believe if you’re listening to this, like your or any show like this, you know, even if you’re not listening to this, which then you wouldn’t know I was saying that. But I think anybody that listens to this sort of thing. I think you you are uncommon. Not only are you everyone’s uncommon, but you are and you are aware that there’s something else right, you are aware of your connection to the divine, you’re aware that you could live an uncommon life that that was designed for you and we all have unique, amazing things about us. And if we would step into those things, then, like, that’s, that’s where the miracles happen. That’s where you start co creating. That’s where you start to live this life that feels so exciting and fun.

You know, one of the things that I’ve really been thinking about is, what do I love? Like what do I love to do? I mean, there’s things I like to do in my business, there’s things I don’t like to do, and there’s things that I love. And I love sharing those texts, I love getting messages back from people like that feels so fun to me. And I love writing it. I love like hearing the message come in, and just being able to be the one that types it all out. You know, I feel like good secretary, like I’m just writing it out. I love being the messenger. I love having the podcast, I love being able to share this idea that you’re so powerful. And I want to do more of that. So as I think about what’s to come with so many changes, I don’t want to worry about the worry, I don’t want to focus on the Worry, worry less and celebrate more, I want to be celebrating that we found this really cool place to stay at the bridge house. If you listen to one of my earlier episodes, I talked about how we were selling our house and we were going to move into the city into Atlanta. In what I’m calling the bridge house, it’s a we’re going to rent for six, eight months, whatever, we don’t know how long we’ll be there. And

we got a place that’s like, you know, a mixed use place. So like downstairs are tons of restaurants and all kinds of stuff. And then we’re upstairs and it’s really, really fun and really different from what we’ve had. And so we feel like this excitement, you know, like we’re doing something that’s totally different. And so I know, because we’re going to have a totally different experience that new things will come into my reality. new things will come into my awareness. And I want to be really, really open to whatever that kind of magic

It could be. And so I want to continue to celebrate focus on the things that I really love about my life and what I do. And you know, so much of my life is my work is what I do. It’s kind of just who I am, right. And so I want to celebrate. And I want to focus on that stuff, expanding the stuff that I love, still doing some of the stuff that I like, but expanding the stuff that I love. And so when you think about your own life, and you think about worrying less and celebrating more, how can you shift and start to look at the things that you love about your life and do more of those things? Like what could happen, suspend disbelief, and say, just for the next two weeks,

you’re just till the end of the year, or maybe it’s just a week, I’m going to do this, I’m going to do way more of that.

And just focus on the stuff you love and just see what happens.

Treat it like an experiment. You know, I, I like to have a word every year or like a little phrase.

And I usually talk about it. It’s one of my last episodes of the year, but I was scrolling on Facebook or on Instagram, I was scrolling on Instagram. And I had started thinking like, what’s my next year? Like? Is it a phrase? Is it like, what is going to be the defining thing, and I’ve had things like No more waiting. And that was the year like tons of stuff changed. For me, it was really fun, like, so I believe that these phrases or focuses for our years, I believe it really matters. And then I was scrolling and I saw a woman that had a tank top. And the tank top said it was a white tank top and in red letters.

It said clearer, stronger, happier. And everything inside me went like yeah, those are my words. Those are my words. And then it was like limited availability and selling these tank tops. And I was like okay, well we’re gonna buy one. So, um, those of you inside the alchemy collective that always comment on my T shirts, because I always have so many t shirts that say things if something speaks to me, right? So clearer, stronger, happier. And none of that includes worry, right? All that includes celebration, all that includes, like,

stronger doesn’t mean things won’t go wrong, it means I become stronger. And what is that that’s less focused on the worry part of it, and more focused on the celebrate part of it?

Right, happier. I mean, I think happy is kind of a funny word, but happy years, like not worrying, celebrating more. Right? The clarity, how do you get to be clearer? How do you get to be clearer? I mean, to me, that’s like, You’re, you’re becoming a channel for that connection. And you do that by eating really well. You do that by treating yourself really well and your body really well and thinking clean thoughts, less worrying thoughts, right? You become clearer. So

I, I open you up to look at your life? And where could you worry less and celebrate more? Where could you start to shift things until your brain just for one week, I’m going to just focus on the parts of my life. And the things that I do that I really, really love. I’m just going to do more of that. You know, maybe it’s hanging out with your grandkids or spending time with your grandkids or just stopping to have like a moment. You know, my daughter calls me every morning, she’s just about to turn 19 calls me every morning to checks in. And I this morning, I was like I think I I need to really, really be present. I think that would feel clearer to me. If I was like super honed in and present and not just talking to her and like present of the conversation, but present to her energy, like really connect and you can do that, right? Like just connect with the person on the other line and be like, how are they doing? How are they feeling like create that connection. And it made a shift, it made a difference. I felt closer to her and I think she felt it too. She just didn’t know why. And so think about the different ways that you can do this. It doesn’t just have to be with work, it can be with a lot of things. So we’re relaxed and celebrate more. I hope that this message was helpful if it was please share it with your friends. I am going to be moving next week but I’m going to try to get an episode out to you

I do have a couple interviews with some really cool people. And so hopefully I can get those done and packaged up. Also, one last thing if you are listening, I’ll say it at the end of this so that you didn’t notice it throughout the whole thing. I’ve tried to really back away from the mic, because I’ve heard that you can kind of hear me breathing and swallowing or whatever. And I appreciate so much the people that let me know I kind of wish you hadn’t done it on an iTunes review, but I did see it and we are looking into getting a producer for the show. Somebody that is

you know, is is talented in in doing this kind of thing and it’s not I’ve just been doing this myself and so it’s worked really well for a long time but maybe it’s time to upgrade that because it’s something that I love and I want it to be really great for you guys. So if you know of a Podcast Producer, I would love to get their name I do have one

one person that was sent to me and I’m going to check out a couple so

if you know if somebody or if you are that person, please reach out to us just shoot us a message at support at Betsy pake.com Alright y’all have an amazing week. I will see you soon.

Thank you so much for being here and for listening to today’s episode. If you liked it and got something out of it please be sure to share with me by leaving a review over on iTunes. And if you’re not following on social media, I am everywhere at Betsy Pake but most of the time over on Instagram, so follow and comment on my latest post so that we can connect there. I will see you next week. And until then, keep living big

Today on the show Betsy talks about jealousy and what that means for you and your full potential.

Transcription:

Welcome to The Art of Living big. I’m your host, Betsy Pake.

I’m an author,

speaker,

Master hypnotherapist

and NLP coach,

and I help high

achievers rewire for success. If you’re ready for the next level, you’re in the right place. Over the next 30 minutes, I hope to help you redefine what could be possible for your life. Now, let’s go live big. Hello fellow adventurers, welcome to today’s show.

If you’re new here, I’m

super excited that you’re here. I know, there are so many options of podcasts to listen to a couple weeks ago, I was looking for a new podcast and

I was like,

Oh my gosh,

there’s so many. So thank you, thank you for being here with me today. All right, so I got a message. If you’re if you are on my, in my text community, you can text me if you’re in North America, it’s just 770-343-3409. And I send out texts like I don’t know, maybe twice, sometimes three times a week, sometimes once, it just depends, like what comes to me. And typically I do these texts. Well, or right after I have done my like morning routine where I’m talking to my inner Knower or my guides, or whatever it is, you want to call it. So. So I send out these little things. In fact, as I’m saying this out loud. There was a time several years ago, maybe like five years ago, where I

started recording,

I would go, I would meditate, like get these like ideas or whatever you call it. And then I would go live on Facebook. And I did it for like a week and I’ve put them on YouTube, they’re still on there on my YouTube channel, you can get to that from my face, or from my website. But I would like half my face would be like bedhead. Because I would have been like, super in meditation. And then I would share stuff. So now I sort of do it through this text community. But in all of that people sometimes will text me back, you know, so they’ll get something and they’ll share something cool, like about how it came at the perfect time, or, you know, what they were reading or thinking or whatever. So I got a question a week or two ago, asking me if I had a show about jealousy. And I don’t. And so I thought today, it might be fun. It might be fun to talk about jealousy. I know that sounds crazy. Alright, so I want to get into this a little bit.

And again, you know, this

is like my thought on it, take it as you would this is a buffet, you can choose to believe parts of what I say or all of what I say or none of it. But I think if it gets you to think a little bit differently, that’s really my goal, right? Because anytime that we’re thinking differently, or we’re expanding our awareness on a new thought or a new concept, it helps us to grow you know, so alright, so before I dive into that, if you right now, you could jump into my membership. So if you’ve never heard me talk about the alchemy collective, it is my monthly membership. And in there, I do coaching workshops, there is hypnosis recoding. We have a really awesome Facebook group we are we got a book club, we’re do something that I’m calling pods, which is like basically mini happy hours throughout the week. So people can connect, especially during COVID, you know, so anyway, we do lots of stuff. It’s every month is a little bit different. But it’s really, really fun. So I wanted to invite you to jump in there. So if you want to jump in, you can just go to my website, go to Betsy Pake comm, backslash alchemy, and that’ll bring you right to it. And you can join us and get right into the Facebook group and get started. So there’s two parts to it. There’s a Facebook group, and there’s also a portal and the portal has all the workshops and you’ll get all the back stuff.

So you know, we had one month where we focused on money, you know, we have a month where we focus on our values, like whatever it is, you’ll get all the back stuff. And there’s a couple of my courses that are in there for you too. So Alright, so now let’s get started now that I’ve shared that, okay, so when when this person messaged me and said, Do you have any show on jealousy? I was like, No, but I had just posted something to my memories. You know, you get like those Facebook memories. And I had a post from three years ago on jealousy. And it was weird that she had asked No, it was amazing that she had asked because I had just posted a memory about it.

And so

I wanted to dive in to jealousy today because I think this is something that all of us I struggle with or deal with, or that comes into our awareness. And I think it’s such an interesting emotion. You know, I’ll see somebody doing something that I wish that I could do, or, and I’m not upset that they’re doing it, like I’m excited for them. I just want to be doing it too. And so I think that that’s the case with a lot of people. And sometimes we have this thought that like, Oh, my God, jealousy is so bad, right? It’s like this terrible thing. I don’t want to feel jealous. And anytime we have an uncomfortable emotion, people think it’s bad, and they don’t want to feel it. But I and I’ve said this before, but I really believe this, that it is what gives context to the Good, good, the comfortable emotions, right? If we don’t have any contrast, everything feels really, really, blah, you know, everything feels really yuck. Um, I watched a show last week, called upload, I don’t even remember if it was on prime or Netflix, it was like one of those things that like popped up and said, you might like upload. So the concept of it is that people are about to die. And instead of choosing death, they have chosen to be uploaded into this digital virtual reality, where they keep their consciousness and everything about their body and their experiences digital. And so people that they love can put on a virtual reality headset thing and visit with them, because they are consciousness, they still have all the same memories. And anyway, the part that was fascinating to me, and I know this was just a show, it’s not real. But the part that I thought was so poignant, really, was that the virtual reality people, when they were uploaded, they would get really excited, if they would get a cold, they would like pay extra to have an experience. That was like being an experience of being alive. Because when everything is great, it’s not fun. You’ve got to have ups and downs, ins and outs, and that’s what gives context to your life. That’s what makes it really interesting. I think, you know, we’re here, for a little bit of the roller coaster, when everything’s going really great. That’s great. But it’s really because you’ve experienced something bad that you appreciate the Great. So all that to say, when we feel jealousy, or an uncomfortable emotion. What if we didn’t hide from it? What if we didn’t run from it? Or have the shame around it? I think jealousy is one that is a little bit shameful. I have people that I follow on Instagram. And they do lots of stuff that I want to be doing. They go on trips, places I want to go they have a business like I would like to have that I’m planning on expanding into. And I feel that clench sometimes when I’m watching. In fact, sometimes I stop watching for a while because the uncomfortable is so uncomfortable. That I also wonder if it’s starting to lead me at times into like scarcity or feeling so needy or wanting for something. And I know that when I will wanting when I’m in the deep desire of wanting, I know that I’m actually repelling The thing that I want. Because being in the vibration in the reality of having it already is what leads you to be in the vibration of bringing it to you. One of the things we talk about in my course, next level is quantum manifesting in the quantum. And really, this is the opposite of that, right? So when I’m in scarcity or when I’m in this like oh desire, like I want it, I’m so thirsty for it. I’m actually repelling it or pushing it away. So when I have those feelings of like jealousy that uncomfortable, I typically am the scanning to check and make sure I’m not diving into thirsty.

Right? And how I do that. How I make sure that I’m staying present. And I’m not diving into Oh, they’re so lucky they have it they have it right. Number one is to take the shame away from it because if we’re afraid to talk about it, or afraid to say somebody else’s doing something and I see this a lot with business owners Coaches like me, they don’t want to say they wish they had something different or more. Like, it’s like, if I’m jealous of somebody else that I’m people won’t think I’m good enough or something I don’t know. But I’m like, I have that feeling and that emotion a lot, wanting something more. And so what I believe about this is number one, is that it’s really helpful to us because it gives us context, and we want that it also helps us to see where we want to go. If somebody has something that you want, it means that it’s for you. You know, you’ve heard the thing, like, we’re all a mirror, you know, like you, everybody’s just a mirror for you. Like, if you see something in me that you really like, it’s because it’s in you. If you see something in me you don’t like means that’s in you, too. And I know this when I get like super crunchy, or,

like,

I go, oh my gosh, it’s showing me something I need to heal. And so when I feel the jealousy, I go, Oh, that’s for me. I wouldn’t feel it. If it wasn’t in me. I wouldn’t even recognize it. You know, I see some other people doing stuff. I’m trying to think of somebody because it’s so out of my awareness. I don’t even know. But like Tim Ferriss, for example. If you’ve never heard of Tim Ferriss, he wrote the four hour workweek. He’s got a great podcast, I’m sure he’s doing stuff that I want to do. But it’s not even in my awareness. Like he’s just not in my awareness. Because whatever. And however he’s doing it isn’t designed for me. Now, when I look at other people, and the person that I watch a lot is Catherine’s and Kedah. manifestation babe, she and I have gone through the exact same training, the exact same coaching program teaching us the same things. Lots of times, she’ll post books, and it’s books I’ve just read or, or it’s on my bookshelf, you know. So I know that our path is so similar, but her business is quite a bit different. You might know who she is. So sometimes when I watch her, I’m like, I get the clench, right? So it’s in me, whatever it is that she’s got, is meant for me, that that piece of it right, I don’t want her whole life. I just want parts. And so I want those experiences in my life. So I believe that that feeling of feeling jealous, and feeling I’m going to say the word like thirsty or, or needy for it is way simpler than just simply like, oh, they’re having something and I want it and like the idea that we get about jealousy when we’re kids, right? I think it’s so much simpler. I think it’s you, I believe you are having that emotion. Because you know, deep deep down inside, that there is more that you are capable of right now. And you witnessing their greatness. you’re witnessing that piece of their life that you wish you could call into your own those experiences, or their way of living is knowing that you have the greatness inside of you that you are withholding from the rest of the world. Now, you may have heard me say this before on the show, but if you could, and I say this for myself, too. I’m preaching to myself here. If you could step in to the greatness of who you are, and what you’re meant to do in the world without fear, without the layers of junk and crap and programming of our past and what our parents thought of us and what our brothers and sisters think and all of those things. If you could release all of that, just be this version of you that is completely connected to source and you step into your greatness. I believe lots of us don’t do that because it feels selfish or something. We think we can’t do it because of all the best programming.

But

what you do is you inspire other people to step into their greatness. Now. I’m Catherine’s Ankita inspires me to step into my greatness. It’s not that she she’s doing

it for herself, but it acts as a window to other people to see what could be

possible.

So what if instead of feeling jealous and having that be this constructive, like a thing, what if it is a window into what you are supposed to step into and you stepping into that greatness and being called to something much more bigger so that you not only fulfill your own purpose, but you show other people that it’s okay to fulfill their own purpose to that, that withholding is what you are interpreting as jealousy. But in reality, it’s just your uncomfortable acknowledgment of what you are keeping to yourself and not sharing to the world. So in fact, has nothing to do with what they are doing, right? Because there’s simply a mirror of something inside you that’s not being fulfilled, or leveraged to your full potential.

So what if,

instead of having this, like shame around jealousy, what if it was incited us to notice that we’re not doing everything that is available to us right now, we could be taking bigger leaps, right? Now, we could find another way to get to our goal to get to the feeling of what we want, right now. What if it was just a sign that there’s another way, and we’re not doing it in the way that it is there? Right? I mean, our guidance system, our emotions, are an emotional guidance system to show us something, it’s trying to keep us on a path. You know, if you were on a canoe and you were canoeing down the river, and then you hit like a bunch of branches, you wouldn’t be like, Oh, my God, those branches, like you wouldn’t be like, I could just sit there, you’d be like, this must be showing me that this is not the easiest way to get down the river, I gotta, I gotta go back into a different path, and get down the river that way. So what if the feeling of jealousy the feeling of any uncomfortable feeling that you have is really just like the guidance, the pushing you back on the path? You know, when we ride a bike, we go side to side, side to side, right? We’re not just like me, like, right on the, on the, I’m making faces and signs with my hands, but you have no idea what I’m doing. But you know, we’re not going straight. We’re going back and forth. And that’s what your emotional guidance system is doing for you. So what of all those emotional, the all of those negative, uncomfortable emotions, you could really celebrate and go, this is so good. I’m feeling conflict, I’m feeling jealousy, I’m feeling unhappy. Like, instead, we were like, Oh, I must be misunderstanding this, there must be a different way, there must be an easier path for me to go on to get the experiences that I want or the reality that I want.

So

what if it has nothing to do with them? and everything to do with your path? Then it opens you up? Right? So how do we even do that then? So I feel the jealousy, I’m like, Oh, my gosh, I want to be having that experience? Well, then I have to back up and look at myself and say, Where can I take a bigger leap? Where am I holding myself back? And this might take some self reflection, you know, it might take you being quiet. It might take you taking a day or two off social media and just noticing what you’re thinking about, because that’s going to give you a clue into your subconscious mind and what is being what’s programmed in there. what’s what’s happening, you know, maybe it’s you journaling. Maybe it’s you just getting some clarity, and separating yourself from other thoughts or voices, you know, when I want to get inspired, lots of times, I’ll go to like, find a brand new podcast and listen to and I just want to listen to something else, some new way of thinking. But when I want to connect within, then I don’t want to think about anything else. Like I just want to listen to what I need to listen to. When I was writing my book, the star small, live big, it was like, I don’t know, five years ago or something. When I was writing that I stopped reading, I stopped listening to other things because I wanted to make sure I was really listening in and paying attention to what was happening inside. So I think that if you’re feeling this and you’re like, I want to shift that, first of all, don’t resist the feeling because whatever we resist persists, right? So I don’t want to resist it at all. I want to welcome it and say, oh, Chelsea, thank you for showing me that I have hit some branches on the river. And I’m going to I’m going to regroup. I’m going to go in terminally. I’m going to ask myself where do I need to take leaps where am I holding myself back. And then every time I try to push the canoe onto the different part of the river, and I hit more branches, I want to celebrate that. I want to really get excited about it. You know whenever The mentors that I have a virtual mentor is Sara Blakely. And she taught she’s the one that invented Spanx. I’ve talked about her on the show before, I’m sure. But she invented Spanx. And she, she says, and I’ve heard her. I’ve heard her speak live. And she said it then but I’ve, every time I hear anything from her, she talks about how her family celebrated failure. So that failure wasn’t something to fear. Because I think that keeps us in the lane, right? It keeps us stuck on those branches and the river and go, I don’t want to, what if I go back out on the river, and then I hit more branches? Well, what do you do, then you hit them, and then you regroup and you move. Last week. I was last week was Thanksgiving here in the United States. And I was doing alchemy week in in the Facebook group. Right. So if you’re in my facebook group, it’s just the art of living, big calm if you want to join us, but I was like, this is going to be so fun. It’s going to be like a chill week, because it’s Thanksgiving. And I’m going to like go in and do a card poll and do meditation and like, do all this good stuff. And we’ll open up the alchemy collective, because then we’ll be pulling in the perfect people. And I love this community so much. I want it to be full of people like them, you know. So I’m like, this will be so good. Well, Monday happened and that was perfect. Tuesday happened. That was great. Wednesday, I had to go pick up my daughter, we had a whole snafu, which is a whole other story. But I couldn’t do the card poll. And so I was like, I’m gonna miss the time. And so my friend Aaron ended up going and doing it and she did an awesome job, she probably did better than I could anyways. We’re gonna hire her to keep doing that. So, but it was so fun. And everybody really enjoyed it. And it was fine. But if I had been so worried, like, I’ll tell you last week, the whole alchemy week, I I was I’m using quotes launching the alchemy collective, but I did a terrible job. I’m really bad at launching, I have to learn. So I got to read, pause, regroup and learn. I’m just bad at that. And it was, I love to coach. So like the marketing? Sometimes. I know I did. I didn’t do a good job. Like, you could even say that it failed. I mean, you could say that. I mean, I have a hard time saying that because I see the winds, we did get a handful of really awesome people in there. And I learned a ton I realized that I need to get some help on launching because I’m no good at it. Like I realized that I have awesome friends that will jump in and support me. I mean, that

in itself is freaking invaluable. Like I have kickass friends that do cool things, and they will help me anytime. Now, if Wednesday happens, and I was just like I failed, I failed. And I just stayed in my canoe and those branches and cried, which is what I did do, I cried because I was so frustrated and overwhelmed last week. And what I thought was going to be a two week just wasn’t. And so I could have stayed. But instead, I was like what other resources do I have? How can I make this great. And then at the end of the week when I was like, Well, that didn’t go as I planned. I was like, What can I do better next time. So instead of looking at Katherine’s and Keita, right, who had a launch, that was a $1.8 million launch, instead of being jealous of that, I

was just like, Oh,

I bet she’s launched a million, I bet she’s launched way more times than me. And I bet she kept trying to learn, you know, like, she didn’t just give up and go, cuz I can’t do it. You know, and I’m sure you’ve heard this before, but I’m gonna say it again, because I love the visual of this. But if you have a little kid or you’ve been around a little kid that’s learning how to walk. They don’t fall down and then go, I guess I’m just not supposed to walk. They get up and they do it again, and they fall again. And we clap and say Good job. Try again. Right. And so that’s how I have decided to deal with failure. And I hate even saying failure because it doesn’t feel like a failure. It feels like, you know, it’s failure, I guess. But my point

to all that is,

instead of feeling jealous, and looking at someone that had a $1.8 million launch, I’m like, that’s possible. That’s freaking possible. And the reason that I go, Wow, that’s really cool, is because it’s meant for me, that means I can do that. I just have to reroute and get out of the weeds and get back on the river. So how do I do that is I get internal I go internal figure out where am I staying small? Where do I need to take a leap? How can I celebrate my failures? And how can I leverage those so that I start to learn and I can do better. years ago in a job that I had I used to do a debrief, so I would go out. I was trap. I was a traveling, I’m gonna say like a traveling salesperson. But I covered like a whole eastern half of the United States. I traveled all the time for work. It was a amazing job.

It was awesome.

And I had so much fun. But when I would go and do a meeting, when I was done, I would do a debrief, which was like, I asked myself, like this series of questions, and I had someone that worked with me that was in and off in the office, and we worked as partner. So I was outside and then he would support me. And so we would debrief. This is what went well, this is what didn’t go well. And it was so valuable.

And so I was like I

have not deep briefing like that whole week, last week, alchemy week. It was like the joke of alchemy week, like, how can I use some of my other skills and you have other resources and other skills too, that you’re looking at people and you’re feeling jealous when you have skills, and things that are available to you internal

resources

that can help you get back on the river. So I was like, I got a debrief, I got to figure out what went well, what didn’t go, well. How can I shift? What do I need to learn what could be a good new idea, right? So I want you to take a look at all the places where you feel that constriction where you feel jealousy, and know that it has nothing to do with what they are doing. You have more of your unique and special gifts to share. But fear is holding you back from presenting it to the world. And you are calling that jealousy. Think about what you’re keeping from the world and step into your greatness start to live in a totally different way because I think that is how you live a big life. Thanks so much for listening this week. If you got something out of this, share it with your friends, tag me on social media tag me on Instagram I’m at Betsy Pake

and be sure to join the alchemy collective so that it’s not a complete failure last week, doing the alchemy collective go to Betsy Pake comm backslash alchemy join our free Facebook group we’re doing fun stuff in there too. It’s

the art of living big.com I’ll put all those links on my website inside the show notes. So have an amazing week. I love you all so much. Thank you for being here with me and I will see you soon. Thank you so much for being here and for listening to today’s episode. If you liked it and got something out of it please be sure to share with me by leaving a review over on iTunes. And if you’re not following on social media, I am everywhere at Betsy Pake but most of the time over on Instagram, so follow and comment on my latest post so that we can connect there. I will see you next week. And until then, keep living big.

Betsy is back on the show today!

Transcript:

Welcome to the art of living. Big podcast. My name is Betsy Peik. I’m an author, a speaker, and a trainer of NLP and hypnotherapy. And I’m focused on helping you understand and design your life with the power of the subconscious. This podcast is designed to help you think differently about what could be possible for your life. Now, let’s go live big.

Betsy:
Is this thing on? How do I use this?

Betsy:
Wait.

Betsy:
Hello, fellow adventurers. Oh, my gosh. It’s been so long since I’ve been here. I hardly know what to do. And I got kind of nervous. Like when you first start dating somebody and then you’re going to go see them, and then you’re like, I’m kind of nervous, but I’m excited, too. That’s what it’s like. I haven’t been here in several months, which if you’ve been here for a long time, you know, that’s highly, highly unusual.

Betsy:
I was consistent every single week with this podcast for seven years. And then last fall, I thought, I’m going to take a little break and do some searching. And I was sitting in meditation. I may have talked about that at the time, but I was really doing a lot of searching and decided to launch my program, the navigate method. Anyway, fast forward. It just took on a life of its own. And I kept thinking, I’m going to come back. I’m going to come back.

Betsy:
And I think I tried around Christmas time and truly, truly the moments of silence that I have had. I would lay on the floor and stare at the ceiling, like, oh, my God, I just need a minute to breathe. So there have really been so few moments where I could even think about what I wanted to talk about or what I wanted to share. And I don’t want to waste your time. Anytime I do these podcasts, I want to make sure that it’s something that’s relevant and important to you and all the things. So if you’re new here, welcome. I’m excited that you’re here. If you found me through Instagram, I’m excited that you’re here.

Betsy:
That algorithm was forever in my favor this fall, and I’m just really excited to be back. So here’s the thing. I’ve got a lot of stuff to share. And if you’ve been here for a long time, you know that there are times where I would do these coffee talk, like grab a cup of coffee, I’m going to just catch you up, sort of like we’re old friends, and I was trying to think about what do I talk about in this episode? Because it’s sort of like there’s so much to talk about. And then if I’m a good friend, I don’t want to be the only one talking. But since it’s just me, that’s kind.

Betsy:
Of how it’s going to be.

Betsy:
But I would love to hear from you and hear what has been up with you. I would love to hear what. If you have been a regular listener of this show and I wasn’t available, what did you listen to?

Betsy:
I want to know kind of what.

Betsy:
The go to has been. I want to know what books you’ve been reading. I want to know all the things. So with that said, let me just dive into all the things over here.

Betsy:
And it’s been so long, I didn’t select the microphone. So I think this probably sounds better. Yeah. Okay. All right, so let’s dive in. If you are new here, the reason that I say fellow, hello, fellow adventurers is really because I feel like that’s what we’re all on, like a big adventure coming down to have this physical reality and that all the ups and downs are really part of the adventure. Nothing better or worse than the other, but all really working for us. So hello, fellow adventurers has kind of been our call sign over here.

Betsy:
So if you’re new to that, welcome, welcome. All right, so let’s dive in here. So I’ve got some just random things that I want to tell you. Like if we were having coffee and I feel like as it happens so often, is that then it will move into whatever the message is supposed to be. So I’ll give you a couple of updates and we’ll kind of go from there. So if you’re not on my email list on Mondays I send out an email that I kind of tell a little story and then I give you three things that I’m currently excited about. And every week there’s something a little bit different. Sometimes it’s like stuff to buy, sometimes it’s a book or a product or something they’re not sponsored.

Betsy:
Although lots of times I have to put the little Amazon disclaimer because I can’t tell if my link from Amazon is the sponsored link. I mean, I think I make a penny if anybody clicks or buys something from the link. So, I mean, I don’t know that I’ve ever gotten paid from Amazon, but whatever. I gotta give the disclaimer because I’m so afraid of getting in trouble. But every once in a while it’s a thing from Amazon or it’s just something that I have found. So this week, one of the things that I shared, and actually, I’m going to share two things. One that made it to the list and one that didn’t make it to the list. But one of the things on the list is this stuff called, I think it’s Tru.

Betsy:
And the U has the little dots over the top. I know you know probably what that is. And so forgive me, because I don’t know the name of it. And then Fru with the little dots over the top. Right. So true fruit is what I think it is, but it’s flash frozen fruit, like cherries or raspberries. And then they dip them in white chocolate, and then they dip them in dark chocolate, and you buy them in the frozen food section, and they’re insanely amazing. And the cherries, they’re all, like, individual, right? So you could just grab one little piece.

Betsy:
So good. Please go get you some of those and take one whenever you want one. I think that you work really hard and you need to have one of these. It’s really amazing. And some people messaged me. I always get the cherry, but somebody messaged me and said, the raspberry is insane. And I’m a big raspberry fan, so I will be going to check those out. Okay.

Betsy:
The second thing, and this is something you’ve heard me talk about probably on the show before, but I have this thing called the nod pod. And you can get it on Amazon, but nod pod. And it’s this weighted eye pillow, basically. I love it because it’s got compartment. It’s got, like, four sections that are weighted. And so if you could imagine you laying on your back, two of the weighted sections are on your eyeballs, and then two of them kind of fall down to the side. I love them because I don’t ever have to worry about a bug crawling in my ear. Now, do I have bugs? No, I don’t.

Betsy:
But I saw a video once years ago about somebody that had a bug crawl in their ear at night and it couldn’t back out, and they had to go to the doctor, to the emergency room and get a bug taken out. And it freaked me out. And I think about it far too often. And so years ago, when I got the nod pod, I was like, this covers my ears. I don’t know. It gave me a layer of safety that I guess I really needed at the time. But the nod pod is amazing because it’s weighted. And so I think there’s something in that that makes you relax and antianxiety or whatever.

Betsy:
Okay. So not long ago, I found that, well, several years ago, I had a weighted blanket. And if you guys have ever had a weighted blanket, I was always a fan at the dentist office when you’d go and they’d put the weighted blanket on you when you’d go to have your x rays taken, right? And I would always joke, I want to bring this home. So when the whole weighted blanket thing came out, I was all on board, and I bought one. And I bought one that was, I think it was only, like, ten pounds, but it hurt my legs. It just made my feet hurt, and it hurt my legs. And although I liked it when I would first put it on, I didn’t like it long term, so my dog ended up using it and really loving it. But recently, within the past, like, six, eight months, I noticed that nod pod has a weighted blanket, but it’s only the size of your body, so it’s small.

Betsy:
It’s like the size of your torso. And it is so amazing. It’s so amazing. Go get you one. It’s kind of expensive. Well, I’ll tell you this. When I bought mine, I searched. It’s kind of expensive.

Betsy:
The nod pod one is like 70 or $80. So I went to find it because I was like, well, if nod pod is making them, somebody else is making them. And although I have the real nod pod for my eyes, I did find another place on Amazon that sells the small blankets that are weighted just like the nod pod. And it’s so great. So you need to get one. I hadn’t used it in, like, a month or so because I had put it on the side table and just never took it back in bed. And I kept forgetting. And so I was like, it’s fine.

Betsy:
But then the other day, I used it, and I remembered how soundly I sleep when I have that thing with me. And there’s something about it that makes it’s warm in a weird way. It kind of, like, heats up and, yeah, it’s just excellent. So check out nodpod, and then that’ll bring you to the nodpod little blanket. You’ll see what I mean. And then search to find a cheaper one because they are out there. And if I remember which I am good at remembering, I will put a link to it inside my next newsletter. So jump on my email list just by going to betsypeake.com, and you can get on the email list, like, scroll all the way to the bottom and just sign up for anything, and that will put you on the list, and you’ll get my three things for next week.

Betsy:
Okay. So then what have I been doing for the past, like, six months? Right. So I launched a program called the Navigate Method, which if you’ve been here for a long time or you’ve heard me speak, then you may have heard me talk about how my husband and I went through some things several years ago and how I left and did this, had my own sort of eat, pray, love experience and came back and kind of that journey. And so over the summer, last summer, I was just really meditating a lot. And, like, what’s the impact that I want to have on the world? And I feel like I’ve done some cool things, and I have really loved doing this show, but I felt like there was something more. And you’ve probably heard this before, but I truly believe this, that the hardest things, like, the hardest things for us to look at are the things that most need to be healed and the place where then we can have the biggest impact. Right. Because when we learn how to do something that’s hard, I think there’s an element of a human responsibility to share that path with other people.

Betsy:
Now, if you’re not a coach or you don’t do the work that I do, it might be just sharing it with people that are close to you or people that you encounter that are going through something similar. And so last summer, when I was just really meditating on this and trying to figure out what is it that I want moving forward, what’s the impact that I want to have and how do I want to make that? And I realized one of the hardest things that I’ve ever gone through was that experience. And so I started poring through all of my old journals. I’m a big journal fan, and if you’ve been here a while, you’ve heard me talk about how I use an app called Day one, which is really cool because it’s all online. I use my iPad. I’ve used this app for, like, I don’t know, probably, like, ten years. There’s so many. I have a million jillion posts.

Betsy:
And so I could go back to the dates that I knew that all of this was transpiring. Right. And I could read what I was writing and what I was feeling and what I was going through, and then the things that I did. I’m a trainer of NLP, and I’ve got a lot of tools and resources, like, a ton, but there were specific things that I did that I realized were holding me back or staying in my way or that I was getting stuck on. And there were tools that I used to move through those. So I created my program, the navigate method to help women walk through that whole process. The fascinating thing to me, honestly, in all of this, the most fascinating thing was that when the first group started going through, they would say, you know what I feel like I got to do now is this. And I would be like, oh my God, that’s next week.

Betsy:
Or, you know, what’s the biggest issue I’ve had is this issue. And I’m like, oh my God, that’s week seven. Or they’ll start saying, I feel like my husband’s starting to change as they go through this work. What we find is that as women start to do their own healing because they’re reacting to things different, their husbands start to react to them differently, right? So they start creating a different outcome. But there were different things that were happening where they were. Like, I feel like I’m starting to see these changes in my husband, but I’m having a lot of internal chatter about it. And I was like, oh my God, that’s week six. Like, I already had that programmed because that’s the experience that I was going through in that order.

Betsy:
It kind of reminded me of the stages of grief. You know, like everybody goes through certain stages. It reminded me of that, right? Like everybody kind of goes through these phases and they happen in a sequence. I really believe that. And after working with so many women that have come through this program now, I mean, it’s been incredible. And so many of their experiences are so similar. It’s really amazing. And so it’s been an amazing thing to watch.

Betsy:
So anyway, if you want to find out more about that program, just go to my website, the betsypeake.com, and the very first thing you’ll see there is, do you think your marriage is doomed and just click that? And there’s a free video. It’s a master class that I did way back when I first started offering this program. And it kind of explains some major shifts that I think you really got to take if you want to create change in your life. So anyway, that has been really taking my focus for all of these months, and it’s been really incredible and a lot of growth and a lot of personal growth for me, a lot of stepping into a new version of me. And we talk about that a lot on the show. How do you show up? And who’s the version of you that you’re becoming. And anytime any entrepreneur will tell you, and if you’re an entrepreneur listening, you know, it’s like the biggest personal development course in the world is being an entrepreneur. And so having to hire people and work in the capacity of leadership and do that has just been really expanding for me and really fun.

Betsy:
So one of the things I have been really consistent throughout is really diving into my own practice every single day. I do self hypnosis every single day. Right. Guided meditations. And I’m really focused on creating from a level of steadiness and peace. One of the things that I had written on my whiteboard, and it’s actually still on my whiteboard, I’ll read it. But I wrote it last summer, and at the time, I was like, there’s probably actions I need to take, but I was like, I’m just sitting in meditation. I’m really figuring this out.

Betsy:
Like, I really was soul level searching on how I wanted to do this and what I wanted it to look like. And honestly, the whole program started to feel like this, the only way I can describe it. And I’m moving my hands right now like an orb, like a breathing thing. It started to feel like its own breathing thing, like its own thing. And I felt like I was sort of picked to run with this thing. But if I hadn’t stepped up and done it and worked past a lot of fears. If you guys have been here a while, you know, I hate doing reels. Like, it would scare me, but I overcame a lot of things.

Betsy:
I do some reels, but a lot of these things, to be able to be the one to kind of lead and guide this orb thing. So I’m going to tell you what was written on my whiteboard, and it says, this is my old reality that is in the process of changing into something new. And I have said this a million, million times. I read it on my whiteboard every day. And it’s something that when things aren’t going my way, so I share it with you, because perhaps you could adopt it when you go to the movies. A movie is a million tiny little pictures, right? It’s still. Still, they all are gone together so that they look like a moving picture, and that’s how our life is. But if we replay the same things over and over, it appears that we’re stuck, right? It appears that there’s no movement, nothing’s happening.

Betsy:
And I don’t think that’s true. I think your life is constantly changing, but you are so not you, but us as a whole. I have done this many times, us, we are so focused on what we’ve already got. We’re so focused on the current reality that we don’t like that we don’t realize we’re recreating it by spending so much time focusing on it. And so if you could suspend disbelief, if you could say, this is the reality that I’m seeing, but it’s in the process of changing, so now I have to be looking for what it’s turning into. Right now, I need to be shifting and start noticing and picking up the little clues that tell me where this is headed. And so that’s really what this felt like. It felt like this moving orbie thing, right? That had kind of come into my life while I was meditating and said, hey, do you want to do this? And the name, so much alignment just came to me, and it’s the perfect name.

Betsy:
I can’t tell you how many times we’re in group and someone says, as I try to navigate this, and I laugh under my breath because I’m like, yeah, navigate it, right. The navigate method. It’s so cool. It’s been such a cool thing. Okay, so I want to say one other thing because I truly believe this, and you’ve probably heard Liz Gilbert, if you read her book, what’s that magic book that she wrote? What’s it called? Hang on, I’m going to look. One sec. As soon as I paused, I knew. Big magic.

Betsy:
It’s called big magic. But she talks about how ideas will come to you and that if you’re not ready to deal with them, if you’re not ready to take it to the next level, it will leave you and it will drift off to somebody else. And I remember years ago, and you might remember this if you’ve been around here for a little while or you’ve been in my Facebook group, but years ago, I got this idea, and I want to say I was meditating or deep soul searching, however deep streaming, how I do that. But I got this idea and was a program that was called the mindful body. In fact, I saved the URL, and I think I did like a prelaunch to see if there was any kind of interest in it. And honestly, I think I lost interest. There wasn’t a lot. I didn’t do a very good job sharing it, and it kind of petered out.

Betsy:
And I was like, man. Anyway, I saw recently over maybe the end of last summer, a book came out called the mindful body. Apparently. It’s amazing. I’m sure it’s not the same content because this woman’s like a PhD, and mine was more about self hypnosis for body integration and change. But her expertise, the name, I just feel like the name probably drifted away from me, right, and into her. And then she picked it up and ran with, it’s such a good name. I was, like, so happy to hear somebody was doing something with it because I remember when that came, it felt kind of special, but I just wasn’t in the position to do anything with it.

Betsy:
Anyway, when the navigate method came to me, it also felt special. And recently I was talking to my coach and he was saying, you should make sure you have the URL saved for that. And so I put in the URL like, the navigatemethod.com and somebody has it and I was, like, really devastated. So I went to GoDaddy and I submitted, like, you can buy it, so they’ll help broker it for $65 or something. They would help me broker a deal. Yeah. Guess who owns that? Me. I already own it.

Betsy:
I tried to broker a deal with myself that I realized I already owned it, so I was smart enough. But the mindful body URL is gone now, so I hope that whoever wrote that book has picked that up. So anyway, the magic exists. It’s all around us. But when we’re so focused on all of the places that we need to be or should be or could be or what we wish we’d done or how we screwed that up or all of the other things, then it pulls us away from the moment of being really present. And I know I struggle with that, too. And so I know how frustrating that can be and to feel like you’re spinning your wheels and not getting anywhere. But the truth is that there’s magic waiting, like, gurgling underneath the surface, waiting for you to notice it, for you to stick your hand in there and be like, I want to participate in this, but I think it doesn’t happen when we’re too far ahead.

Betsy:
It doesn’t happen when we’re avoiding crap from the past. I’ll tell you, I know so many coaches that are really incredible, and they keep. I’ll hear them say, I know it’s going to take off. I got to believe. And I always have thought, like, I know different things have taken off for me when I’ve dealt with my crap, right? When we deal with our crap, then it’s no longer pulling us away and we can really be present. So how does this end, this show today? Maybe it ends with a call to look at your crap. I don’t know. Maybe that’s for you, maybe it’s not.

Betsy:
Maybe it’s not the right time yet, but maybe that time is coming anyway. If it’s coming and you want to look at it through the lens of your relationship, I think it’s an incredible place to be able to really have yourself and your hangups and fears and unhealed parts reflected back to you. What an incredible experience to be able to do it in that envelope. Right. And then to be able to make big choices for yourself. So one other thing is I’m going to be in California in April, outside LA. I’m going to be like Huntington beach area. And I’m saying I’m trying.

Betsy:
I will. I’m going to say I’m trying. I might. I would like to plan a meetup. I know I’ve talked to a bunch of people that are interested, and I do want to try and put that together. I’m going for a conference, and so I’m just trying to figure out timing. One of the things that I really try to do is protect my energy. And I know when I’m with in big conferences like that, sometimes it gets overdone.

Betsy:
I get overdone. So I want to make sure I maintain my own sanity in all of that. But I would love. It’s one of my most favorite things, to be able to hug y’all. When I was in Baltimore, I did one. I had a speaking gig, I think it was like probably about a year ago, and I had a speaking gig and met with a small group of people, and it was just so fun. We got coffee and just chatted and it was just really good to see everybody, like, real, live in person. All right, I will let you go.

Betsy:
But I did it like, I broke the seal. I came back. So I feel like now I can do it again and again and again because that’s what happens. It just takes one brave moment to come back. So thank you for welcoming me back into your ears and into your space. I hope we had a good walk together, maybe a good commute on your way to work or just when you’re puttering around the house. So I appreciate you. I’m so thankful that you listen and I’ve missed being here with you.

Betsy:
So thank you. Thank you. All right. I love you all so much. I’ll talk to you soon. Bye bye. Hey, thanks so much for listening to today’s show, and thank you for sharing the show with your friends.

Betsy:
I love when you guys do that.

Betsy:
I appreciate it so much. And thank you for leaving me a review on iTunes. I know that it matters because when I go to find a podcast, I always look to see what the reviews are. So it really means a lot to me that you take a minute to figure out how to even make that happen. Now, if you want to find me, find me on social media. I’m usually on Instagram, starting out on TikTok. It’s just my name, betsype. And that’s my website, too, betsype.com.

Betsy:
And you can find out all about the work that I do, having me speak for an event that you might be helping to plan or getting trained inside my alchemy institute. But to make it really easy, if you want me, just shoot me a DM. Shoot me a direct message on Instagram and I will be at your service. Thanks again for listening, and I will see you all next week.

In todays episode, Betsy invites you to have coffee with her while she shares some stories to help you understand more about releasing the “how”.

Transcription:

Welcome to The Art of Living big. I’m your host, Betsy

Pake.

I’m an author, speaker, Master hypnotherapist and NLP coach, and I help high achievers rewire for success. If you’re ready for the next level, you’re in the right place. Over the next 30 minutes,

I hope to help you redefine what could be possible for your life. Now, let’s go live big. Hello fellow adventurers. Welcome to today’s show. Today is going to be like coffee, we’re getting coffee together. So it’s going to be a bunch of things that I would tell you if you were my girlfriend, or boyfriend that is like just a friend. And we were going out for coffee. So if you are new here, thank you. Thank you for being here. Because I know there’s a lot of podcasts to listen to out there. My thoughts with sharing stories like the ones I’m going to share with you today is because we all have such common experiences, that I believe that some of what I share isn’t just about me, it’s about you. So if you listened to last week’s episode, where I got those messages from my guides, which is for lack of like a better way to say that I don’t know how to refer to what it is that I’m getting. I’m going to talk about that a little bit. But it’s about you. And I think we find connections in our stories, you know, so I’m going to share some stories about me. But I guess I’m prefacing that, just to say I’m not just talking about myself, there’s actually a reason why I want to share the stories. And a couple of the stories are one in particular, that maybe I’ll start with is really cool. And so I know that you guys will really like it. But before we get started next week inside the Facebook group, which if you’re not in there already, you can go to the art of living big.com. And that will redirect you right to the Facebook group. We are doing alchemy week in there. Now, if you’re not familiar, I have a monthly membership that’s called the alchemy collective. It’s so cool. It is it has grown to be this. Like, I don’t know, this awesome community. But inside there, I do a monthly workshop. There is monthly meditations, hypnosis, we do happy hours, there’s always new things. In fact, yesterday, I posted in the group that COVID pods are coming What even are COVID pods. But you will learn about those if you join us next week in alchemy week. So inside the Facebook group, I’m going to do sort of like a mini experience, you know, like a card poll, we’re going to do a mini workshop, a hypnosis, a live hypnosis. So it’s free, obviously, it’s in the Facebook group. So jump in and join us. And if you like all that stuff, the membership will be open next week. So I don’t open this all the time. And really in the beginning, I wanted to make sure that it was like a really awesome community. We do things like possibility partners, where we partner up for

a month

and connect with each other on a deeper way. You know, we do what I call the non book club, because I don’t like book clubs, because they seem very strict. And sometimes I can’t finish the book in time. So this is the non book club, you do it at your own pace, and you post about what you’re learning. And so anyway, it’s it’s just really awesome. So I had not opened it up, I opened it up Originally, I wanted to make sure that it was like how I felt really good. And for me as a coach, the collective super fun. Because anytime I have some new idea, like I want to do, like I haven’t a whole idea for January of doing like weight loss hypnosis is in there. Like I have this whole, like I can do it in there. Because it’s it is like a place where I can just be creative. So anyway, if that is your thing, jump into the Facebook group next week and join us for alchemy week, get in touch with some of your personal magic, and then join us inside the collective. So that will be open next week. And you can find out more about that on my website. If you just go to Betsy pake.com backslash alchemy, or alchemy collective, I think you could put either one it would bring you right there. Um,

all right. All right.

So I have a story. And I’m trying to decide, I feel like you know how some, this is how this story feels to me. You know, if you go to re redo your bathroom, and you’re like, I’m gonna just redo the countertops, and you know, put in a new toilet, and then you get the toilet out and you realize that there’s a pipe that’s leaky in there. So then you have to do part of the floor. Do you know what I’m talking about where you think it’s one thing, but it’s this enormous thing. That’s the story I’m about to tell you. So if you’ve heard pieces, like if you’re coaching with me, and you may have heard pieces or parts of this and you’re like, Wait a second. There’s so many parts to this story. So I’m going to try and share that This story from like an overview and then dive down into the pieces I think are important. But the overarching theme of this story is that we’ve got to release the how, actually, I’m going to tell a couple stories that are about releasing the how that things are going to happen. Because when we want something in our lives,

we we get

very, where we want to have like a path to it. And to be able to release the path, to be able to go, I’m not going to worry about how this is going to happen. I’m just going to trust. I think that part that trust that it’s going to happen is really, really hard for people. You know, I think that we have a lot of impatience, because there’s a fear that it’s never going to happen. And I know for myself, if you’ve been here any amount of time, you might notice that I’m mildly obsessed with living at the beach, that’s where I want to live. And right now I live north of Atlanta, Georgia. So in all of that, I have gone through periods where I have been totally okay with that. And then really impatient, like impatient to the point of tears, like longing and aching for it, and how is this ever going to happen? And and when that would happen, I would get really into the how well this could happen. And then this could happen. And then I could see this, and then I could do this. And all that did was it made it really hard, made it really more of a struggle, feeling. And so I believe that part of this process, for me of wanting to move to the beach, is learning how to release like, what’s a better way to learn how to release them to have something that’s that you really can’t figure out on your own. And you might be wondering if you’re kind of new here, you might be like, Why doesn’t she just leave? Well, my husband is an attorney here in Georgia, and he’s taking the bar exam for Georgia. But it’s not transferable to states that have beaches, because then I guess everybody would just move to the beach, right? So he would have to retake the bar exam. And if you’ve ever known anyone that’s taking the bar exam, it you you, you know you study for six months.

That’s all you do.

So it is kind of the thing like do I really want to go through that again. And my daughter is 18, almost 19 now, but I’m divorced from her dad and her dad lived here. So they were real reasons why I didn’t want to move yet. The longing was there. I was trying to figure out how could I make this happen and what could happen. And in all of that, I got to a place where I really didn’t like where I lived. Now, this is all important to the story. So over the past, I mean, I’ve lived in this house, I don’t know eight and a half years, almost nine years, I think it’s a beautiful house. It’s a great neighborhood. It’s I just got probably about five years ago, where I was like, I can’t stand it. Like everything, I hated everything about it. And that’s a lot of what I focused on. Like I would have to purposely move my focus from being frustrated and wanting to live someplace where I could walk to places and you know, I don’t have a lot of friends out here and my friends are more in the city. You know, so all of these different things, why I didn’t want to live here. So I want to live at the beach. And I don’t want to live here. So it’s like this kind of recipe for unrest. And I’ve seen that show up in my life in lots of different ways. You know, where I just wasn’t happy or didn’t want to do things because I didn’t like where I was. Now, I will say because as I’ve been talking, I’ve been thinking there is beach in Georgia, you might be like, Why doesn’t she moved to Savannah or Tybee? That’s a really good question. That’s a really good question. I mean, my mind my beach is, is not that beach. I guess that’s all I can say. self sabotage. I don’t know. I don’t know, we could dive into that for episodes and episodes, but back to my story, which is how we cannot control the house. Okay. So we’re gonna back up to early 2020, this year before COVID hit. So before COVID hit, my husband has worked for himself for a long, long, long time. And before COVID hit back in like January or something he got a call or a text from someone he used to work with. And she said that they were hiring at the DHS office at the district attorney’s office here in the county that we live in just outside Atlanta. So it’s like the biggest county in Georgia and they were hiring and so he interviewed and wasn’t totally sure if you should take the job or not and, and my friend Trish from Episode Two, eight, if you listen to that episode, said he has to take it. I don’t know why he has to take that job. So I told him Trish says you have to take the job. So he was like, you know, finally decided it was a good idea. And Trish said, Okay, so we listen to Trish. So he took the job, he worked at the job for a week, and then COVID happened, and we got locked down. And he had to start working from home. Now, if he had been working for himself, it would have been really difficult because he wouldn’t have been getting paid. You know, he wouldn’t, he wouldn’t have been able to work, because he’s a trial attorney. But since he was working at the DEA is he could work on files from home, you know, he, he’s able to work, you know, so it was it was sort of awesome. Now, at that same time. If you’ve been here for a while, you might remember that I was in LA for some training. I was finishing some training. I was supposed to finish that training, and then go back to LA in August to take my final training that would allow me to certify people to be hypnotherapist and master NLP practitioners. Okay. So at the beginning of the year, I was like, I want to be an expert. If I want to be an expert in what I do, I think I have to be able to train and board certified people. So I started that whole process. Okay, I tell you that because these stories intertwine. So

I’m in LA,

he is here, starting a new job, COVID hits, I have to come home, he ends up working from home. So now he’s working from home. And we spend the COVID time like you guys probably have right at home. My training I was supposed to take obviously I was there and it got canceled. So I had to reboot, I could not take the last part of the training in August, because I had not finished the training in March when I was in LA. So everything changed around. So my husband’s working, right, we’re all working from home, everything’s locked down. I’ve had this dream to go to the beach for 20 years, probably more. But I and I have tried to figure out the how now when COVID happened, it kind of just threw everything out the window, did you do that too, where I just was like, whatever is gonna nothing’s gonna happen this year. So I’m not gonna worry about it, like nothing can happen. And so I did, I just kind of let that go. And then this fall, the presidential election happened and my husband’s boss is the DA was up for reelection. He’s been elected for 30 years, he’s been the DA for 30 years. And he was not reelected. So my husband’s like, I’m not sure what will happen, I may keep my job, I might not when the new person takes over, like you never know, with that kind of thing. And so my husband was like, you know, maybe we move, maybe we move like closer into the city. So it’s easier for me to get to work instead of being out here in the suburbs. And we just rent a place for like a year and figure out where we want to go or what’s going on with my job. Now, I want you to just think about could I ever have had an idea, figuring out the how, where I said, Alright, here’s what’s gonna happen, there’s gonna be a pandemic, and not pandemic, we’re gonna be together a lot, and we’re gonna be talking about stuff a lot. And it’s gonna help everybody reevaluate the stuff that they think and what they want in their life. And then my husband’s gonna, you know, he’s going to, his boss isn’t going to get reelected. And like, I never could have figured that out to say, Okay, then it will, the path will start to become clear. Like the never could have happened, the how it could never have happened. Okay, so now we’re at this place where we’re cleaning out like my husband’s on board, like we’re cleaning out, we actually got an offer on our house before we put it on the market, which is a whole other story that I don’t want to get into. But we’re not sure if we’re gonna take it because they wanted us to do some repairs. We weren’t sure we were going to do. We’ve had a realtor we’ve used forever. And so we reached out to her. And she was like, I think you can get more money than that. Like, I don’t think you’d have to do those repairs. Let’s put it on the market and see what happens. Now in my mind. I have this fear, right, this like total clench, because I’m like, Oh my god, it’s slowing down. I don’t want anything to slow down, right? But I’m trying to trust to the universe and say, Okay, so we’re just going to, it’s going to be fine. It’s going to be fine. Okay. This is where the story gets intertwined with my story about my training. So remember, I was supposed to go to that training in August. I was at the training in March. That’s training in March got moved to September and I finished that training. The training that was in August is now in January in LA. So COVID is heating back up, am I really going to be able to go to LA. So now I’m on a time crunch because I see this window of opportunity to sell my house. And I think I have to control everything. Because I see this opportunity. I mean, we’ve only got six weeks before I’m going to be gone for a month, hypothetically, because the COVID, I don’t know, but we’re gonna be gone for a month, we got to get the house on the market, we got to get an offer. And it’s got to close. And we’ve got to figure out where we’re going to move to and we’ve got to move. So the how the control in me is like freaking out because like, I need this and this and this and we’ve got this cash offer, who cares if we make less, let’s just go. But if I’m relaxing into the universe, and I know that no matter what happens, everything is going to be fine. No matter what happens, it’s working in my favor.

So even if I don’t get an offer till December 30, then I can’t move till February. It’s, it’s because that’s what’s supposed to happen. Now, this can be hard for me, and maybe it’s hard for you to because I like to control, right, I like to be able to. Now I always want to be taking aligned action. Remember, it’s not that I’m not doing anything. It’s just that I’m not trying to control. And what I mean by control is, when I think about not getting an offer until later in the month, I get panicky and worried. That’s me. That’s me not being in the present moment. Right, that’s me going down some path that doesn’t even exist. That’s me putting out a vibration that I don’t want to put out because I want the house to sell right off. Right? I want to get a contract on this house right off. So I don’t want to put out that vibration, though. The worry, vibration is not one that I want to have. Right the need to control. I don’t want to be upset, I don’t want to be worried about it. I want to be thinking about it. I want to be able to just relax into it. Right? So. So here’s a little magical story that happened yesterday to the to all of this, besides the magic of like, I never could have picked this particular how to make this work, right.

So

you’ve heard me I did a couple episodes on grief. And if you’ve been here for any amount of time, you’ve heard me talk about how my mom died when I was in high school when I was 16. Her name was Carol. I messaged yesterday, the woman who is in charge of that training in January. And I said is the training still going to be in LA? Are you going to move it? And she said Well, right now we’re going to move it to Orange County just south of LA. But if we need to move it again, we will. And I said do you have a location so I can you know kind of plan? Look around for an Airbnb, where’s it going to be held? And she sent me this message. This is what the text said. And remember, I’m thinking about I’ve got to get a contract on this house. Right? That’s my like, that is the vibration I’m sending out. I’ve got to get a contract on this house. Now I’m messaging her because in my head, I’m like, I gotta be gone. And is this really going to happen? Where am I going? Well, I will have hopefully just moved or what will be happening? You know, it’s so much unknown, right? Unknown. The text I get back from her is Carol is working on the contract now. That’s what it was. Now. If you listen to Episode 208, with my friend Trish, she talks about how there are no coincidences. So I’m going like, I’ve got to get a contract. I’ve got to get a contract. My mother, her name is Carol. And when I texted this woman her text back to me is Carol is working on the contract now. Now do I think that’s a coincidence? No, I

do not.

I think that’s Carol saying, Just relax. I’m working on it. You don’t have to worry about it’s going to be fine. And so it is it is done. Now, when I say that in my head, it is done. I am just able to release how it doesn’t matter how I never could have planned how this whole year would have gone. I never could have planned. I never could have planned what’s about to happen because what’s about to happen is really cool and magical. Now, where am I going? I’m going into Atlanta. We’re selling this house. We’re going to rent some place, which is what I call the bridge house. We talked about moving buying something we got alone. And then we were like no let’s just rent so We can see what’s happening. Now, I have my own feelings about what’s going to happen. And I think my husband has feelings about what’s going to happen. And we’re just going to be open to whatever happens. The plan right now the action that we’re taking is towards having a bridge house where we stay for 812 months, and then it could be near my daughter for a little while, he can be at his job. And we can just figure out what’s next. Right? We just don’t know there’s a lot of unknowns. But what I have found is that the unknowns are what leaves space for magic. It is known to me it’s something I’ve already experienced, I want the unknowns, I don’t want to spend my time being worried in those their windows of magic. And if I can release the worry, I can expand into any possibility. So I wanted to share that story with you guys, because you’ve heard me talk about the beach so damn much. And because I wanted to open you up to releasing the ideas about the how it’s something that I work on constantly. And in fact, the last fewer weeks, I have felt this huge shift around it. And I’m going to be talking more about that. If you’re on my text list, I send out texts a couple times a week, which are messages that I’m getting. If you listen to last week’s episode, I talked more about some of that. But I’m finding that this is coming more and more and more. And it’s just so helpful for me that I I text those out. So if you want to get on my text list, and you live in North America, you can just text me just text 770-343-3409, you can text anything, just text Hi, and it’ll respond. But then after you get the autoresponder and you add me, then all the texts are from me. And you can text back to me and everything. So if you’re interested in a little bit more about that, and that work, and I’m going to be sharing more and more about that, because I feel like that time where I have been quiet and connecting to, you know, my inner Knower, my guides, I don’t know how you would call it. I mean, I’ve talked about this a lot over the years. But I’ve been doing this for I don’t know, 1015 years now is becoming way, way faster. And a lot more interesting, I guess. So I’m going to be sharing a little bit more of that stuff, and what’s coming, but I wanted to share this story today about about my mom working on the contract, so that we don’t have to worry about it, and just about how you can never ever

figure out the house. Now I do have another story for you. And this story is about your unconscious mind and how it’s always working for you. Now, if you’ve been following along for a while, you know, really like my message is to, you know, watch where you’re focused. You know, I’ve always talked about like focusing on what you want, releasing the how, but you know, having trust and faith in the universe, and using your subconscious mind to help you to move you forward, I have a class that I’m running right now that I run a couple times a year will be running a few times a year called next level. And it’s about how to manifest using your subconscious so that you are releasing all the action. It’s something that I have been working on a lot this summer and has been so fun, and I can see how it is working so beautifully. And so um, so in all of that, one of the things that I talk about is about how we’re, how emotion is what communicates to our subconscious. And you’ve heard me talk about that on the show. But our unconscious mind, one of the ways that it knows and communicates with us is through emotion. So if I have something I experienced, that’s highly emotional, my subconscious is way more apt to remember that thing, then, if it’s just something benign, right, so I have been to the airport many, many, many times, many times. And I don’t really remember all the times like I can remember being at the airport, but one time I was at the airport and I saw Sandra Bullock and I remember that time because it was more emotional when time I saw Rick Okay, sick, you know, from the cars in the parking lot. Yeah, of an airport. I used to live in DC and I saw lots of people at the airport. But I remember those times, highly more emotional, right? Where are my memories kept in my unconscious mind. So I tell you all of that to tell you this next little story. Now, the person that I’m going to talk about, I don’t know, she might listen, she might not I’m not sure if she’s a listener. But I’m telling you this story, because it’s so good. Okay, I went and got my hair done last week, and it was a new person, it was someone that was referred to me. And I know now why they were referred to me because they were freaking awesome. Besides the fact that I have like, amazing hair. She was so cool. Like she was my people, you know what I mean? All the Whoo, we had the best conversation, like, it was so much fun to hang out with her for that, like, I want to go get my hair down again, just so we can hang out. And in the beginning, when we were talking, and I had it colored, so I was there for a long time. You know, in the beginning, when we were talking, she asked me what I did, and how did you get into that? And, you know, part of my story is that my mom died. Like that changed who I was, it changed how I looked at the world. And so, you know, that’s usually kind of something I touch on when I tell somebody I say, you know, well, you know, I tell the story of how I got into coaching 10 years ago.

But I say, you know, my

mom died when I was 16. She got in a car accident and just changed the way I looked at everything. And that kind of fed into everything that I do now, right? That’s how I tell it. That’s what I say. And that was it. We and then we talked about a million other things. And then, like two hours later, when she was washing my hair, she said, so how did your mom died? Did? Did she hit something? Or did someone hit her? Which is a totally valid question. Because at this point, we are like, totally good. But I felt restriction, like all of a sudden, I felt like I don’t want to think about it. And I felt so grateful. Because I was so comfortable with her. I could just say I don’t really want to talk about that. And she was like, oh, okay, and it was totally fine and done. And it wasn’t weird or awkward or anything. But I felt this emotion. Now remember, my unconscious mind knows what’s important by what is emotional.

Okay,

now, so we went, and then she dried my hair, and I didn’t really think about it again. But two things happened. One is she asked, How did you get into this? How did you get into this work? And when she asked me that, no, she said, What’s your message? And the way she said it? The way she said it, I had it, I had to think differently. I forget how she worded it, but it it, it hit different, right. So. So that was in my brain? And then she asked that question, and I felt emotion. Okay, so usually when someone asks like, what do you do, I say like, I help high achievers rewire, so that they can get to the next level. But she didn’t ask that. She said, What’s your message? Okay, so what’s your message? And then she asked, How did your mom die? Okay, that was it. I did not think about it again. Which is the whole point of everything that I’ve been talking about today is not like just letting stuff go into the cosmic crock pot, which is what those things did, I guess. So now those things are cooking in the cosmic crock pot. Something to know about me is that I’ve been a coach for a long, long time. I mean, almost 10 years, you know, I’ve got my degree in psychology have been NLP certified forever, like so this has been something that I, you know, people and understanding people. And all of that has been something that has been important to me for a long, long time. And one of my dreams, and one of my favorite things to do is to speak. That’s why

I have the podcast.

That’s why I started the podcast in the first place. So I really want to be a speaker. Now, this year, I thought that’ll be something I can do. But with COVID it kind of gave everything pause, right? Last year, I took a class to learn how to be a speaker, a better speaker and how to get more speaking gigs and all of that. So if you’ve know of somebody that needs a speaker, y’all think about me, so, so so I tell you that so that is what is, I believe, like the master plan for me. Okay. So this is in the cosmic crock pot. I go to bed that night, knowing all this stuff about me that this thing happened that really my goal is to be able to reach thousands of people. I feel like there’s a bigger purpose right? In the morning. The very first thing I thought of like the moment I woke up, was this. Do you know how my mom died? She was on a dirt road. She had gone taken a wrong turn. So she got on a dirt road to connect to the road she needed to get on. She went down an embankment. This huge investment into this giant open field. This huge open field had one thing in it a tree one tree. Do you know what she was focused on the tree? Do you know where she went? The tree where you focus is a matter of life and death. Y’all it’s so important. And it’s not just if you’re looking at the tree. If you’re looking at what you want in your life, are you looking at what you don’t want if you’re looking at what you hate about your life, or you’re looking at what you enjoy about your life, if you’re looking about what sucks about your job or looking about the good parts about your job, and what you’re great at and what you’re strengths are, where you focus is a matter of life or death, whether it means you physically die, or you’re just living walking around dead. Now, why is that important? Because Do you see how much more effective that story is? in context to my message, I never connected those two things. But it’s so important. It’s why I have so much passion. And I didn’t even know that. It’s why this work is so important to me. And I didn’t even recognize that those two things were connected, until I allowed my subconscious to do the work and say, Betsy, if you want to be Imagine if I must speak, just imagine for a moment Actually, yes, let’s imagine, imagine it with me, because then we’re putting that vibration out. But you go to a huge event, and I’m there talking. And I say, it’s really important that you focus on what you want, it’s really important, or I tell you that story, what are you going to remember what’s going to feel something in your body, that story, but in that instant, I made purpose out of that event for me. So all of this whole show, to say allow your subconscious mind to help you to help you get where you want, stop trying to hustle with the how and make it all happen. Allow it to flow because when it does, magical things can happen. You can shift and you can see things and you can make connections that you never ever could have imagined. And when you are focused on the how you are hustling, and you are not allowing space for magic. I hope that you liked this episode. I hope that it all made sense. I hope our time having coffee together today made sense. And that you felt something and that this time was worthwhile to you and I hope that it helps you think a little bit differently about what could be possible for your life. If you liked this episode, please share it with your friends. Please let me know just tag me on social media at Betsy Pake. I love you all so much. Thank you so much for being here with me today. Focus on what you want. Thank you so much for being here and for listening to today’s episode. If you liked it and got something out of it, please be sure to share with me by leaving a review over on iTunes. And if you’re not following on social media, I am everywhere at Betsy Pake but most of the time over on Instagram, so follow and comment on my latest post so that we can connect there. I will see you next week. And until then, keep living big

Today I share some thoughts on what you need to know today.

Transcription:

Welcome to The Art of Living big. I’m your host, Betsy Pake.

I’m an author,

speaker, Master hypnotherapist and NLP coach, and I help high achievers rewire for success. If you’re ready for the next level, you’re in the right place.

Over the next 30 minutes,

I hope to help you redefine what could be possible for your life.

Now,

let’s go live big.

Hey, Hello fellow

adventurers. Welcome to today’s show. So if you’re new here, thank you so much for being here. I know that there’s a lot of podcasts to listen to. There’s a lot because I was looking for new ones

this week. And there’s a lot a lot of

podcasts. So the fact that you’re here, honestly, I’m so honored. I also before we start, I just want to thank there’s a couple people that left some new reviews on iTunes. You know, I know it seems silly, but I appreciate it so much. It is, um, you know, I love to do the show. And I’ve been doing it for a long time. I mean, I think we’re in like our fourth year or something. This is like Episode 235. I think so I mean, we’ve been doing it for a while. But it’s so so fun to get feedback from you guys. And to hear what you think, you know, it’s, it makes it worthwhile. You know what I mean? And it gives me fun stuff to tell my husband when he says you didn’t do such and such, you said you were gonna do and I can say Really? Well, j l schwank. said that she really enjoyed what I talked about, and that she likes how it’s presented. And it’s incredibly helpful. And she’s gonna listen to all the back episodes. He’s like, that has nothing to do with what we’re talking about. And I’m like, Yeah, but but other people like me. So thank you for giving me the fuel that other people like me. So anyway, thank you for doing that. Thanks for leaving a review. If you haven’t already leaved, left a review, there’s still time, there’s loads of time. There’s forever time, as long as the show is alive. So anyway, I have stuff to talk about today. That I was like, do I talk about this on the show? Like, is it a little weird, and I’ve sort of decided over the past week,

although I feel

like my filter has always been very low. You know, I don’t hold a whole lot back or hide who I am, I guess. But there are some times where the, the thoughts that I have, I’m like, I wonder if that’s too far out there. I have a friend that once said to me, he said, Betsy, you are like on a raft way out in the ocean. And we’re all on the shore. And your thinking is so far out in the ocean. Now. I think that if you’re listening to this show that you’re at least on my raft, if not just like on your own little raft close by. So I don’t feel like I’m that far out into the ocean with you guys. So I feel like it’s fine, I can go ahead and tell you my story. And I hope that it helps you. Now, I’m going to tell you the story. And I want you to know that when I’m saying the word you or me like if I’m talking about me, I’m also talking about you. So in this story, anything that’s being said about me, I believe is applicable to every single person. So although it might sound like I’m talking about me, I’m not I’m talking about you. I’m talking about the collective, I’m really talking about all of us. So let me explain. So this morning, so I have been this past week with the election, I have been, I’m really sidetracked, like focused on it. Um, I was about to say more so than I thought I would be but not any more than I thought I’d be I knew I would be.

I

my husband and I don’t totally agree on everything. And I say that just to say if you don’t agree with me, it’s totally okay. But for this

for the in

the purpose of this show, I’m just going to share how

I think

okay, so I am not a fan of Trump. I wanted Biden to win. I think he’s a nice, man. Okay, which that’s a whole other story. I think he’s a nice man. And for me, I just wanted kindness, you know? And, and I knew that even though the polls were saying stuff, you know, if you experienced four years ago, where you felt like you were so shocked that Donald Trump won it, we didn’t at least I didn’t want to get my hopes up. You know, I was just like, I don’t want to get my hopes up. So I just wouldn’t believe it, you know, until it was like the until the fat lady sings right. And in all of that, you know, I found like, I was watching TV. So last week with the election. I was watching like CNN And I’d put, I would go from CNN to Fox, like I was looking, listening to everything because I know that I can’t get unbiased news from any one source. I wanted to look at all of the news sources, right. But I found myself like, maybe it was like Thursday night, at like, three o’clock in the morning, I rolled over. And I thought, Oh, let me just check cnn.com. And literally, like, in the middle of the night, I checked to see if anything was different, and nothing was different. And so I was struggling last week, I just, I don’t like Limbo in any situation at all. And I just, I wanted some, like peace. You know, the election was a interesting one for me here at my home because my husband’s boss was in the election, right? My husband is the Assistant da here outside in the Atlanta area. I hope he’s okay, that I say that out loud. Anyway, so, you know, we were watching the election because of his boss to write to see if he was going to get reelected. And you know, what our part of our future is, again, Limbo, right? So with all that I was really on social media a lot. I was like checking stuff a lot, I have a thing that pops up on my phone that stops me from being on social media for too long. So like, if I’m on collectively, any social media sites for two hours, it will alert me and then shut it down. So I can’t be on. But I can override it. And all week long, it would be like your two hours ago. And I was like override override, like I was just zoned in.

Okay, so all that big, huge story just to say that this morning, I woke up at like five o’clock in the morning.

And I got this feeling. And I and you know, all feelings are a chemical reaction in our bodies that come from a thought. And it was kind of a weird feeling. And I was like, What is this feeling? It’s not really anxiety. It’s something else. And so I sat with it for a minute. And I was like, What is this feeling? Like? What is this trying to tell me. And I realized it was a like mild addiction to my phone. It was me wanting to check my phone. And as soon as I thought that, like as soon as I thought that it went away. And so it was almost like the acknowledgement of it made my body go, okay, she knows she’s got to check her phone. So of course, I didn’t check my phone. I was like, Well, no,

we’re not gonna do it.

And so I got up and I, you know, fed my dogs and got my coffee and all of that stuff. And I came upstairs and I grabbed my journal. Now I think I’ve shared with you guys before I use an app called day one. I’ve used it for years. And so I picked up my iPad, because I thought if I picked up my computer, I might look at emails, you know, just the temptation would be too much. But my iPad, for whatever reason, I just wouldn’t, I wouldn’t even check social media on it typically. So I opened that up, and so that I could just start journaling. And so this is how I usually start is I just type out like sort of how I’m feeling. So you know, so I typed out what I was feeling what happened in the morning, and how I wasn’t looking at my phone. So I still had not looked at my phone, you know, I was like, I’m not going to look at it till later, I don’t need to look at my email, I don’t need to look at any of that. And so I started my journaling, just writing out what I was feeling and going through and how my day was going. And then I asked the question that I always ask when I journal, I asked, What do I need to know today. And then I just get quiet. And I just toggle down and listen in to my unconscious. Now if you’ve taken no limits, my class I have talked about how your unconscious mind connects with the collective in the hoonah religion, right? the unconscious mind is also your gateway into the collective consciousness or into source energy. And so when I toggle down and I try and just I try and just like release, the part of me that’s Betsy, right, just to release that part, and listen in to what else is being said. Now, when this starts to come to me, I just start typing. I don’t think through it or analyzing it, the moment that I start, like trying to either make sense of it, or filter it in some way. I lose the connection. Like I just it goes away. And so I try and I don’t try i do i just release the part of me that’s me and my ego. The part of me that’s talking in my head all the time and I just let myself type. Now a lot of people don’t like to do it this way. A lot of people people when they do this, they like to write like even people just want the regular journal journaling they like to write, I think writing is awesome. I There used to be a time where I would write journals, I script a lot, there’s a podcast on that if you want to just search for scripting. But with day one, I’ve just used it so long that I just found if I’m quiet, and I shut my eyes, and I just rest my hands on the keyboard, I can just start typing. So my eyes are shut, and I’m typing. And again, I’m not making any sense of it, when it’s coming through later, when I read through it, then it will make sense, but it doesn’t typically make a ton of sense when I’m reading it.

Okay. So I asked,

What do I need to know today. And you think it would say, like, bring your raincoat or whatever, but now I get, this is what I get, I know who you are, without all the details of your life, without the structure around it, understand who you are. And when you do, your awareness will broaden. And there will be nothing that you can’t reach. So I was like, okay, so I have moments like I’m typing type typing, I get done. And there’s sort of like a break, you know, so then I read through it, know who you are, know who you are. So then I’m like, well, who am I? That’s the question I asked next. And I read it, I wrote it out Who am I, and if you are imposing this story, but if you are on my text list, you can text me, if you live in North America, you can text me, you can send a text to 770-343-3409 777-343-3409 it’s on my Instagram profile. So you can just hit text just underneath my bio, just text me anything, text me live big text me, hello, whatever, it’ll add you to my list. Now, if you’re on that list, the things that I send are things that I get in this time that I’m journaling. And you know, people are so awesome. And they respond back to those texts. And they say like, Oh my god, this is just what I needed. Here’s why. Because it didn’t come from me, it came from them. It came from the collective right, it comes from the collective consciousness, it comes from source, it comes from whatever it is I need to hear other people need to hear too, right? It’s not just for me, that would be nice, but I’m not any. Not any different. You know, it’s all the same. So, so Alright, so what do I need to know? No, today is to know who you are. So who am I? So this is about you, okay.

You are

magnificence personified. the very essence of you is award winning, you are the needle in the haystack. When you doubt yourself, you doubt the structure and the very nature of the world, the laws of nature and all the world around you. And then I get sometimes when I’m doing this, I get little funny things. So you’ll hear a couple little funny things in here. But the next thing I heard was, and I know you don’t mean to do that, right. And then I heard drop the persona and stand here naked in the truth of your beingness when you do love will attach itself to you and you will have no choice but to show that to the world. So Alright, so then at this point, so I get another little pause. So at this point, I’m like, okay, so basically like I’m magnificence personified, like that’s not even words I would use you can. So it’s like we’re awesome is basically it but when when we doubt ourselves, we’re doubting the we’re doubting source because we are source. Right? We wouldn’t be magnificence if we were not source. So if we’re doubting ourselves, we’re doubting the magnificence. We’re doubting source. And so what do I need to know today? All you need to know is who you really are. Okay, so then I get this. So, so it says, you know, when you do love will attach itself to you, and you’ll have no choice but to show that to the world. And then I got a little pause and I asked, How do I do that? That seems like a lot. So I heard care less about what is shown care more about noticing what is focused inward and what shows outward will be abundance, prosperity, love, patience, kindness, and ever loving wholeness. And so I asked, How do I do that every day. And I heard check in. Listen to your intuition and notice the things you have not been noticing. And then the funny little thing I heard was not getting on your phone has been a nice start. So Alright, so let’s go over this again. Because the I’m going to bring it all together here in a second. So So what do you need to know is that you need to know who you really are not the thing that you’re showing up as care less about what is shown. care more about what is focusing inward. And what will show outward is all the things you want. Kindness, love abundance, right? What was I just saying that I want Biden because I think he’s kind. I didn’t even put those two things together. But right, well, if you focus inside, what will show outside love, patience, kindness, ever loving wholeness, prosperity, abundance? So notice the things that you have not been noticing? Well, what are we create? What are we not created? What are we designed in our society to notice? What are we designed by default in our brains really, is to notice something that might be catastrophic to our existence, right? We we notice the rustle in the leaves, that tells us there’s a tiger. But since there’s no tiger and I don’t have to worry about getting my dinner out in the wilderness, the rustle in the leaves, becomes somebody not liking my post, the rustle in the leaves becomes somebody giving me a funny look or not responding to me in the way that I want. Where that rustle in the leaves used to be something out there, now the wrestle in the leaves has come really close. And it’s made me super hyper focused on all of that stuff. Because I think there’s something I’m supposed to notice. So I’ve got a listen in, I’ve got a check in internally, stop looking out there and check internally. Not getting on your phone has been a nice start. Like, well, that’s nice. Thank you.

So I,

I at this time, when I sat down, I should have prefaced with this, but it’s okay, you guys will fall. So when I sat down to do my journaling, I turned on my TV. And I have one of those TVs that has like, you can get like YouTube on it. You know, I think all TVs are made like that now where it’s got like Netflix is an app on it. You know what I mean, in YouTube. And there is these videos that I really like that are sound. So they might be like a crackling fire, or the ocean or rain and rain on a 10 rain on a tin roof. Like you have a lot of options if you look those up. But there’s also this really kind of animated, it kind of looks drawn. And it kind of looks real like almost like a drawing that was made to look realistic scene that is sort of moving. So if you’ve got like a waterfall, there’s a room and this waterfall outside the balcony, right? So you’re getting this whole, like visual thing. Okay? So if you can imagine I come up with my coffee, I get my iPad, I’m going to jump on the journal and I decide to turn on this sound. I really like the rain. You’d think I really like the ocean sound, but I actually prefer the rain on this app. Okay. So I turn that on. And the one that I pick, it’s always something different. Because, you know, YouTube’s always showing me something new that I would like and there was one that was this waterfall. Now to me. It looked like a really romantic pretty Airbnb. And then you have a balcony. And then outside the balcony is this waterfall like it was crazy fancy, right? Fun. Like I was like, Oh, this sounds so good. And then I sat there for a minute. And I looked and I looked through my own eyes and could imagine that I was sitting in that Airbnb, I could see the bed and I was sitting in the recliner, and I could see the waterfall, right. And I felt resistance. And I noticed that it felt like that’s too fancy for me. So I noticed that and then I get in to the journaling. What do I need to know and I get all of this stuff that I need to know and be aware of? And so I decided to ask. I decided to ask about this. Okay, so I asked the question, since I was getting such good stuff. I was like well, let’s go let’s find out some more stuff. So I said why do I doubt if abundance is for me? Why do I feel restriction around luxury? Now I categorize that as luxury because I don’t feel restriction around like I mean, I think I have a really nice home we have nice cars like I don’t feel restriction around that. But I will get restriction like if it’s too nice of a vacation. I will notice that I’ll do some self self sabotaging behaviors after that. sort of thing. And I felt that when I looked and pretended, because remember, my brain doesn’t know the difference between imagination or reality, I pretended I was there at what I decided was an Airbnb drinking my coffee looking at this waterfall. And I felt like Ah, no, not for me. Right? So I asked, Why do I doubt abundance is for me, why do I feel restriction around luxury and luxury was the key word in that, okay. So this is what I heard. And maybe this will resonate with you, because you discount the connection to who you really are. And you’ve mistakenly been thinking you are who you’re showing up, as in this experience. When you do that you attach your thinking, to all the experiences of this life of Betsy mcpheeters. That’s my maiden name, Neil mcpheeters. And when I think of myself, I think of that, okay. So when you do that, you attach your thinking to all the experiences of this life of Betsy mcpheeters, and her struggles and experiences, nothing could be further from the truth, you could waste your whole life trying to unpeel all those onions, that is a never ending onion, it’s so much faster to simply connect into the one that you are and live from there. This is simple and fast. Okay, so this, so basically, it’s bringing it all the way back to what it already said to me, which was remember who you are. So you are thinking you’re Betsy mcpheeters, right, you’re thinking you’re you. But you’re not, you’re just that right now, you’re actually something else showing up as you. And if you’re something else showing up as you then the only thing that’s stopping you is this version of you that thinks you’re you. And if you could just not think you’re you and instead think you are part of source energy part of something else, part

of who you really are, then none of these things would be an issue. And the thing I thought was funny was like, you know, because I talk about it with my work like unpeel the onion. And this is like, if you unpeel that onion, it would take you forever to unpeel that onion, that is one big onion. Like just allow the onion to be and see yourself as separate from it. You’re not the onion. And being able to see yourself as separate is freeing you from having to unpeel this giant thing.

Remember who you are.

So I said, How do I remember? And I heard allow yourself to remember, you know, it’s there. Just allow it have the understanding that this life has been a vehicle simply for experiences, for interactions for growth, and eventually getting back to the truth. If you’re clever. That’s the funny coming in again, I think I think that was supposed to be a joke by them. Him,

her, whatever, me.

I don’t know how to do this.

So let me say it again. So how do I remember, allow yourself to remember, you know, it’s there, just allow it have the understanding that this life has simply been a vehicle for experiences for interaction for growth, and eventually getting back to the truth. If you’re clever, feel expansive, feel your connection. So then I asked what about my dogs? Because I really love my dogs, you guys. So I heard Yes, your dogs are here to sweeten the experience to remind you of pure joy and love. But that can exist between people too, if they know how to drop the facade to remember that they are not who they think they are. They are more and they are everything. See how good your connection is when you haven’t clogged it up with stuff of lack and competition, which I’m assuming they’re talking about the phone and the social media. I know I know. And it said you can have this every day if you choose it, choose it.

So

that is what I wanted to share with you. I wanted to share with you the idea that maybe you’re not who you think you are, that maybe you could drop the facade and be what you are, which is pure love, abundance, patience, kindness, happiness, joy, the same stuff of of dogs and God and source and you. So whatever you want to do with that.

I would love

To know if you’re going to do something with that, I’m deciding I’m, I’m actively trying to remind myself throughout the day, of, of who I am, and with the limitations that I placed on myself I know are just Betsy mcpheeters, placing those limitations in my way to protect me and to keep me safe from something that she perceives because of her past. But I’m not this, I’m having this experience, but I’m not this experience. I drove my husband to the doctor this morning, he had to get a colonoscopy. You guys should get one if you need one. I know he would appreciate me spreading the good news about that. It wasn’t even bad, he said. But while I was driving, I felt like I’m like I didn’t fit in my car. I mean, I fit in my car. Physically, I felt like bigger. I felt like super expansive, almost as if I was looking down on myself driving the car. And it felt really good. And today, I was really happy. And I did a lot of connections with people that I’d wanted to connect with. And it was surprising to me how when I wasn’t holding myself back from because of the thoughts that I was having. That I didn’t even realize were there. But when they were gone, it felt so freeing. So join me jump into the deep end. Come way out to the raft in the ocean. I know that that’s where you belong. All right. I love you all so much. I’ll see you next week. Oh, and don’t forget leave me a review on iTunes because it makes me happy and tell your friends. I bet you have some friends that need to know this good news too. All right, I’ll see you next week. Thank you so much for being here and for listening to today’s episode. If you liked it and got something out of it please be sure to share with me by leaving a review over on iTunes. And if you’re not following on social media, I am everywhere at Betsy Pake but most of the time over on Instagram, so follow and comment on my latest post so that we can connect there. I will see you next week. And until then, keep living big

Why is it important to talk with your unconscious mind and what can it really tell you?

Today I dive into the unconscious mind and all the reasons why you should make communing with your unconscious mind a regular practice.

Transcription:

Welcome to The Art of Living big. I’m your host, Betsy Pake. I’m an author, speaker, Master hypnotherapist and NLP coach, and I help high achievers rewire for success. If you’re ready for the next level, you’re in the right place. Over the next 30 minutes, I hope to help you redefine what could be possible for your life. Now, let’s go live big. Hello fellow adventurers. Thank you for being here with me today. I am excited to have this show. Back again this week. Last week, I took the week off. I had mentioned in the podcast previous that I had gone through

an ultimate mind hacking day of my own. I had a day full of NLP and hypnosis of my own to work on some things. And it left me with so much integration, I was really having trouble explaining it. But I just knew that I needed to sort of figure out what was next and who I serve from here and how I show up and who I am. And it just felt like I needed some space. I was having the most intense dreams, you know how you have those dreams where, you know, when you’re sleeping, you’re sort of in a state of paralysis, right? That That way you don’t move around and fall off the bed or talk or whatever. But if you try to talk in your sleep or scream, you know, it’s like you kind of wake yourself up and you’re like, well, like you can’t speak I was waking myself up screaming that that kind of scream that you can’t really scream because you’re like sleepy paralyzed. So just a lot of integration, a lot of things shifting, it’s been both really good. And you know, struggle bus. You know this from your own shifting and transformation that when things start to change, it feels like everything changes and that can feel really hard. I just got off the phone with my friend Trish. It Trish from Episode Two. Oh, wait, it’s funny because now her name is no longer Trish, if I’m talking to anybody. I’m like Trish from Episode Two. Oh, wait. So Trish from Episode Two away, and I said I think I’m done. Like I had two nights ago, I had this really, really intense what I felt like I was getting this energetic upgrade. And yesterday, I felt so great. And I said I’m pretty sure I’m done. She’s like, Yeah, no, I’m not done. So I’m like, Okay, so we’re just gonna keep going with it and just integrate as we go. And I think that this is the work we all do, right? We shift and change those intense those mind hacking days. They can. It is it is so much change all at once. Right. And so that’s sort of what happens. It’s both wonderful and, and takes a little bit of of acclimating after. So anyway, enough about that. But that’s kind of I was gone last week. So thank you for being back with me this week. So I’m recording this on Wednesday night. Tomorrow, I will be speaking and get I have to speak live for a group, I’m so excited to be doing something live, it feels like exciting. And I’m not sure if we’re heading back into a bit of a COVID spike. So I’m going to be super grateful for it and keep my distance and you know, wear my mask and all that good stuff. And knowing that I might not to be able to do anything live for a little while. But with that said, I do have some fun things on the horizon, that are live for 2021. So make sure that you’re on my email list for that, because we’re going to be sending out updates. Hopefully, by the end of the year, you’ll get some updates on timeframes for things, but really wanted to look at doing some fun, just chances for us to get away and connect right and retreat from life so that we can have some of these mini upgrades right and really be able to transform in in a in a way that feels also really relaxed and and gives you a space for easy integration. So all right, before we get started, I wanted to tell you that I have a new program that’s starting it’s called next level, I’m insanely excited about it. It is a four week online coaching experience where I help you work with your subconscious so that you can get to the next level of success. It is a like I said, I’ve already said I’m so excited about it. But when I was coming up with this, I was like oh my gosh, this could feel so fun for me. We’re going to talk about leveraging the five levels of your mind for change. We’re going to talk about creating a really vivid vision and how you actually move past your vision so that you can bring and call in that next level of success that you’re looking for. I’m going to teach you how to really talk to your unconscious mind. I’m going to teach you some cool things.

With some tools that you can use pendulums and some other awesome things, so that you can actually really get to the point where you feel like you have a really strong connection with your unconscious mind. And we’re going to talk about how to increase your confidence, get rid of self sabotage, like just a lot of awesome stuff. So if that is your jam, be sure to jump in there. We are going to close the doors mid next week, because it’s going to start the following Saturday, the classes are going to be on Saturdays, there’ll be recorded, you’ll have access to them forever. So you can go to my website. If you go to Betsy Pake comm backslash next level, this is really born out of the experience that I had with my breakthrough day with my mind hacking day. When I was at my event, I said to one of my roommates, you know, I use an online journal, I use one day or day one day one one day, it’s called day one. It’s called day one. I’ve used this for years and years. And I love it, because it kind of keeps everything in one place. And it’s on the computer. And I will go back sometime and look. And when I was at the class when I was I was in Philadelphia for this class for a couple weeks, I went back and looked, you know, it’ll pop up like you, you did the journal for today. And look back and see the one you did two years ago or five years ago, and there was one five years ago, and I was just about to launch my new website. So I had been coaching for nutrition, but had not moved all the way into the NLP thing I had, I was trained and had gotten my certification, but I hadn’t launched the new website, and I was talking about it. And I was talking about what I wanted. And I was talking about my thoughts. Anyway, when I read it, I was like, Oh my god, I was doing so many things. Like, wrong, I’m gonna say wrong, I just I have learned so much. And I was like, Oh my god, it took five years right? To get from there to here. And if I had known, then what I know now it could have taken like a week or four weeks, right? So that is really how all of this whole, the whole idea for next level was born.

So I just was looking at that. And I was like, Oh my God, we could shorten this curve. This does not have to be so long. So long and painful, right? So anyway, so if you that is your thing. And you want to upgrade your identity, and really get in touch with all of that stuff to get to the next level before, be sure to get in there and check it out. And just message us if you have any questions, and I can help and answer those too. So today, what I want to talk about today is why it is even important that you learn how to listen to your subconscious mind. You know, I realized that I talk on here a lot about like, you know, asking your subconscious or get in touch with your subconscious. But why does that even matter? What’s important about that, as I was prepping for my talk tomorrow, a big part of it was explaining this reason and I got thinking about it. And I was like Have I ever really, truly explained it in more detail on the show. So I want to dive in into that today. And also empower you to take some time to try and tap into your unconscious mind, we’re gonna dive into this a whole lot deeper inside next level. But here’s why this is so important. As you were sitting here listening to me right now you’re probably listening like with your conscious mind, right? Unless you’re not listening and you’re just doing other things, then you are listening with your subconscious mind. But if you’re paying attention, you’re listening with your conscious mind. And it’s about 5% of everything that you do. So if you could think about 5% of you, it’s your brainpower being focused right here. That means 95% of everything else is running on autopilot. And here’s why that’s really important. Because not only does our subconscious run all of our bodily functions, right, like helping us breathe and move blood through our system and pump our heart and all of that great stuff. It also runs patterns so that we don’t have to be thinking quite so hard. So if you’re listening to this while you’re driving a car, for example, you don’t you’re not really thinking too hard about driving. It’s not like when you very first started driving. When you first started driving, you were probably hyper aware of where your mirrors were and how fast or how much you were pushing on the pedals and where your other feet were and where your hands were. It may have felt a little more difficult to have the radio on back then or to be listening to other things. And even now, if you’ve been driving for years and years and years, but you are kind of

Last and you’re trying to follow the directions, you might notice that you turn down the sound on the music, right? You can’t have the music on, because there can only be so much that’s happening consciously if you’re having to concentrate. But once those patterns begin to take over, then you don’t need your conscious awareness. And you can listen to me or listen to songs or listened to anything else. So subconsciously, it’s amazing because it’s running all of these patterns so that we can not only do more at once, but we can make things easier, we aren’t having to think about so much. Or to, to focus quite so much. So these patterns are awesome, because they run our internal processes, but they also help us run a variety of external processes. Now, this is also going to be running little tiny micro changes on your face, say when your boss says something to you, maybe your boss says something to you, that reminds you, unconsciously of something that your parents said. And you might get a flash of an expression on your face. And your boss may unconsciously notice that flash and may react to it. And you may think I don’t even know why my boss doesn’t like me. I don’t know why he’s acting that way, or she’s acting that way. It may just be an unconscious reaction that’s happening. So all of these things are happening, like sort of in the background, just running in the background. So you might consciously be focused on other things, and then all these other things can be happening in the background. Okay. So that’s great, that’s awesome, it’s helpful. It also can make life a whole lot harder. Because if you could imagine, consciously, you might have a goal, you might want to get a promotion at work, or you might want to start a business. Or maybe you want to lose weight. And so consciously, you have thought through that, and you’ve thought, I really want to do this. And then what happens the moment your attention gets pulled to something else, right? You have to take care of your kids or you’re busy on some other project or you’re on vacation, or whatever it is, then what happens, your focus has moved. And so the patterns run? And what if those patterns aren’t supporting you? What if those patterns aren’t the thing that also wants you to lose weight or get the promotion? What if the patterns actually see a problem with all of that, it can start to wreck havoc, because it’s running 95% of the show. You know, I I’ve mentioned and I think I’ve mentioned it numerous times about how I had that mind hacking day, it’s because I knew I had patterns, and I wanted to change those patterns. And when those patterns were changed, everything started to shift, right? My tolerance for things, my awareness of things. All of the sudden, I started to notice things that I had never noticed before. And it’s because my patterns had begun to change, and things that needed my conscious awareness shifted. And so this can be really, really impactful when we want to make change, or we want to uplevel or we want to become something something new, right? What’s the next step on your journey. And, you know, I think that we are all here on some sort of journey to experience things. And if you feel called to uplevel, I believe you’re supposed to, I believe you’re supposed to have that experience. Like I think you came here to have that experience. And you also came here to have the challenges that may appear as though it’s keeping you from that experience. And so your job then is to move past those stumbling blocks so that you can become who you are to become and reach that next level and then the next and the next and the next. And the goal is to have fun and joy along the way. So what is one way that I think you can not only have more joy along the way it can make it a little bit more fun, but also to start to recognize those patterns is to be able to spend time every day in communion with your subconscious mind. Now your subconscious mind is sending you signals all the time. You know all those coincidences that you think you have. They’re really signals the reason you’re noticing them is because your unconscious mind wants you to notice. If it did not think it was important. You wouldn’t notice it I promise you because 95% of stuff is just not noticed. The only reason you’re seeing it and noticing it

Because your subconscious wants you to. So it’s not a coincidence. And Trish from Episode 208 would say it is your spirit guides, you know communicating with you. Now, I will take that one step further and say, our subconscious mind connects, I believe this is my belief, you can believe something different. But I believe our subconscious mind is the thing that connects to collective consciousness. And that is how we receive messages. So I would say Trisha is right. And I would say I’m right from a science perspective. So if my subconscious mind is trying to show me things, it’s going to show me things in pictures, coincidences, symbols, you know, lots of times people say they see numbers, right, I see 222 or 1111. That is because you, you are looking for it, you think it’s important. And you want assigned to know, if you’re on the right track, your subconscious is going to show you a sign to tell you you’re on the right track. Because when you are communing with your subconscious, you are on the right track. Lots of times people will say numbers, or maybe it’s a symbol of something like a feather or an owl, or something like that. So

we can also be in communion with our subconscious mind in our dreams. Our dreams are a way of our brain reorganizing, and that reorganizing can become evident to us in our dreams, you know, the last couple weeks, I have had some freaky dreams. In fact, I have had some freaky dreams that I think are probably 80% attributed to the mind hack day that I had. And I know a lot of my friends have been having really freaky dreams lately, just with all the energy of everything happening with the United States and the election, and all around the world with COVID. And all of those things. So I think everyone is, is having some heightened activity with their dreams. And I believe that this is, is that communion that communion with our subconscious mind, our subconscious is trying to make sense of things that maybe are very stressful or overwhelming, or maybe don’t make sense. And so in that an effort to communicate with you and make you see what it thinks is important to help you re integrate things that are happening in your everyday life. And to sort things. You know, when I was younger, I used to always say, like things have to go into certain buckets. That’s how I used to describe it when I was young, is that I would try to put things in buckets. And if I was confused by something I used to describe it as, like, I don’t know which bucket to put that in. So very much. So I know for me personally, things belong in buckets. And and I will kind of I can almost mentally see those buckets. And so, as we dream, those things can get realigned. You know, I had a really good episode with a dream analysis, or a dream analyzer, I guess you would say it was lane, Delfin, it was Episode 131, if you want to check that out. But this is a way that our subconscious mind is communicating with us. So when you can start to recognize the signs when you can notice the signs when you’re sleeping, and the notice the signs. When you’re in your waking state, you can start to make more sense. And I believe not only integrate things quicker, but also get the answers for things that you’re looking for. You know, so many times we go to our friends and trusted advisors to ask questions. And I don’t think that that’s a bad idea. But I do think there is great power, and being able to talk to yourself, and your higher power and your subconscious to be able to get the answers that you want. And here’s why is when we go to somebody else we are we are getting an answer that is given to us through their filter of everything. they’ve experienced every view that they have every view and belief and value that their parents had that they handed down to them. So when you ask someone’s advice, and if they have more experience in business or something like that there is value there, but you also have to temper it, knowing that you’re getting advice through a filter that you may not be familiar with or may not want. When you can have this time with your subconscious. When you have this time where you can connect in deeply to you and what’s the right path for you. Then the filters are known you know where it’s coming from, and it’ll most likely be the right choice for you. Because it comes from you. Now, I think that there can be value to hearing

from other people, but I think that really knowing how to tap into this can be so powerful, because we can be led astray by other people’s worries or doubts or second guesses. And when we can tap into what we know is right for us, we can go forward with way more confidence. And then when something goes wrong or something doesn’t go as we wish that it would, it gives us the opportunity to learn and grow from our own mistakes, instead of saying, I shouldn’t have taken that advice. It puts us at cause and that empowers us. So take some time, check in with your unconscious mind. Check in with your dreams, you know, keep a notepad nearby. Anytime I’m spending time just to talk to my unconscious mind. I always want to be sure that I can write down what I hear. So do that. Keep a pad of paper by your bedside. And when you wake up before you’re really fully awake, ask yourself a couple questions or write down what it is that you dreamt about during the night. It might not make sense then. But as you continue throughout your day, it might begin to unfold for you and make sense to you. So if you want to learn more about tapping into that unconscious mind, be sure to join us in next level, just you can just go to my website. Betsy Pake comm backslash next level, but even not I hope that this information helps you. I hope that this makes you think just a little bit differently about what could be possible for your life and how you can tap into this power that is already within you. All right, you guys. I hope you enjoyed this show. If you did, please share it with your friends, tell the people that you care about to come over and join us on this great transformation. So thanks so much for being here and I will see you guys next week. Thank you so much for being here and for listening to today’s episode. If you liked it and got something out of it please be sure to share it with me by leaving a review over on iTunes. And if you’re not following on social media, I am everywhere at Betsy Pake but most of the time over on Instagram, so follow and comment on my latest post so that we can connect there. I will see you next week. And until then, keep living big.

On todays show I share how breakthroughs happen and how our problems are defined.

To learn more about a breakthrough day, send us a message to support @betsypake.com

Transcript:

Welcome to The Art of Living big podcast. My name is Betsy Pake, and I’m an author, speaker, and a master mindset coach focused on helping you understand and design your life with the power of your subconscious. This podcast is designed to help you think differently about what could be possible for your life. Now, let’s go live big. Hello, welcome fellow adventurers. I’m excited that you’re here today with me, I have some stuff to share just some experiences that I’ve been through in the last couple of weeks that I wanted to dive into a little bit. I feel like the show is gonna be a little different today. But I think it’s just because I feel different. I’ll explain sort of what I mean and kind of what’s been happening. So before I dive into all that, I just want to let you know, because I’ve gotten some message about the alchemy collective. So the alchemy collective is my membership. And we’ve been working on money this month, if you’re inside my free Facebook group, then you’ve probably heard us talking about it, we we do a lot of stuff in there, you know, we have a live workshop, which is like a group coaching, we have hypnosis and meditations. And like this week, I’m going in and doing some emotion code, some energy work, we just, it’s just kind of a fun, it’s an awesome community, like it’s just turned into this really awesome, kind of unique group, I think. And I’ve gotten some messages about getting in and I wanted to just let you know that we are going to be opening up the alchemy collective, again, the very first week, in in December. So we’re going to be doing alchemy week, we’re inside my free Facebook group, I’m going to kind of share with you some of the things that we do. And that will be inside my free Facebook group. So if you want to make sure that you get the details on that, or you can take part in that, you can just go to the art of living, big calm, and that will put you right into my facebook group. So I’ll be giving updates on my email list as well. But if you are interested in being a part of that, make sure that you’re in the free Facebook group. All right. So this past week, couple weeks, I have been gone to Philadelphia. So I think I mentioned it last week on the show. I mean, I’ve mentioned it for a few weeks, I was gone a little over two weeks, and I was going for my master NLP practitioner certification. So I want to talk a little bit about that. I have been a master practitioner for many years. But last year, at the end of the year, maybe beginning of the year, I decided that I wanted to be a trainer of NLP. One of the things I thought I was like, I really want to be an expert. Like I want to be so good at this, that it’s just like second nature. So be careful what you ask for from the universe, because that was my goal. And so I reached out to the company that I wanted to get my trainers certificate with and they wanted me to go through all of their training. So I went through their hypnotherapy certification, their core coaching their NLP practitioner. And then I went to their master practitioner in March. And that was in LA, I was there about a week and then COVID hit and so I left early, I came home and I finished most of the training online. So I was just super into it, I had already blocked off my calendar. So I’m like, I’m just gonna keep going. And I watched it all online, but I had to take it live in order to pass and get the certification so that I could move on to the next thing. Now, keep in mind this whole thing, this whole trainer track was supposed to be finished in August, but because of the Coronavirus, everything got shifted. So I was now going to take my master prac like retake it in Philadelphia. And so that’s what I just came home from. So, you know, I joke that I asked the universe, I said I want to be an expert, and the universe was like, well then take it many, many times.

It was so affirming though, for me, it was actually really great. Because, you know, when you know, when you’re learning something the very first time your questions are different than the questions you’ve had, you would have when you’re learning it the second time or the third time, they become deeper and more connected to the things that you already know to be true. And so I was able to get a much much deeper understanding. So in the end, I’m so thankful we had a really amazing class. The people in the class were amazing and it was just an incredible experience. Now, in that I had to pass the big test, but I also had to coach someone through what we call a breakthrough day. You may have heard me talk about breakthrough days in other episodes because I have given breakthrough days because like I said, I have been a master practitioner. And I’ve received breakthrough days. So breakthrough days are really really powerful, intense shifting on one area of your life. Now, before I go any further, if you don’t know what NLP is, it is neuro linguistic programming. It’s really a methodology in order to shift how you’re viewing the world, that way your experience becomes different. So much is stored in our subconscious minds, and NLP and hypnotherapy give us access to that I did an episode on NLP, it’s Episode 100. If you want to listen to that after just to get a deeper understanding of NLP, if that’s something that interests you. So in all of this, I had this breakthrough day. So breakthrough days where we focus in on one area of your life. And, you know, I’ve experienced breakthrough days before, but I will say that I was really, really ready, I had an area of my life that I really wanted to shift. And for the two weeks before my breakthrough day, I was doing guided meditations on it twice a day. So in the morning, and at night, I would do one just specifically on that area. So I’m going to tell you what my area was, I’m going to explain it.

And so in that I think I was able to start to loosen, you know, to like shake the tree, so that the roots were able to be extracted when we did the breakthrough day. It was such a powerful, intense, amazing day for me that I wanted to share it with you and just to share a little bit about kind of how breakthrough days work. If you’re interested in one, you can reach out to me I don’t do them very often because they are rather intense. And, but but I having the transformation that I had, I want to offer just a handful of them over the next couple weeks. So with a breakthrough day, you’re focused on one area of your life, it can be career, it can be family, relationships, personal growth and development, your health, your fitness, right weight is a big one that people do spirituality, you know, inside career, it could also be finances. So most of the time when people come to me for a breakthrough day, it’s on money. And wait, those are really the two that I see the biggest shift, but relationships comes in pretty close. Third place there. So you pick a topic, you pick one area that you want to shift. Now, typically people have been struggling in this area, they see the same patterns over and over, right, they lose weight, they gain weight, they want to save money, but they find themselves spending too much money, you know, they’re not making the money, they don’t have the self worth like there’s can be a lot of different reasons. But when we come into a breakthrough day, the idea is that we are going to focus on exactly what is happening inside you, that’s making your behavior be the way it is. Now, if you’ve been listening to the show for a while, you know that most of our behavior is going to come from our unconscious mind, right, we cannot consciously be thinking about everything we’re doing it, we just would not have the capacity to do that. And so our unconscious really runs most of our behaviors, it runs our reactions, right? It runs, like the habits and patterns of which we do things. And sometimes that can be really beneficial. You know, it’s really helpful that I don’t have to watch like a YouTube video, every time I go to drive my car or brush my teeth, I just inherently know, not inherently I’ve learned, right have graded these patterns that helped me do that. I don’t even have to think about it. In fact, you’ve probably had the situation where you’ve driven somewhere and then you’re like, Oh my god, I don’t even remember driving here. It’s because your subconscious drove you there. So our subconscious serves us. And it tries to be really efficient. And so if you find that you’re reliving these patterns, and you’re re experiencing the same reality, and you’re really just done doing that, then a breakthrough Day is a really good way to get like an intense shift just in in one day.

Now, we did these I was the coach for one woman, and then she was the coach for me. And we both got such an intense shift in how we’re seeing the world. So for me, I was focusing on my relationship to money. I feel like I’ve made a lot of shifts in money in my life. But I knew that there was something that was outstanding, I could see that there were patterns that I had, that weren’t always supporting me and I really was ready to shift those. I felt really open Anything, and I felt really open to seeing some of the patterns that I was having in my current situation and to see where those originated, right. So I was super open to anything that happened. And I think that is a key part to, to having a successful breakthrough day. You know, if I’m living in victim mode, and I’m going like, I didn’t cause this, I didn’t do like it, that’s when it just does not work. And so being at cause, instead of at effect, so being like, I might not have been able to control, you know, how I was shown to deal with money, right or not shown to deal with money, whatever your situation is, I can’t control that, but I can be at cause for my life right now. And so when we can eliminate that victim mentality around it, or that it’s not my fault, you know, what you might not have caused it, but now you have it, and so you have the opportunity to heal it or shift it right. One of the things that I wrote on my Instagram yesterday, it was a quote, by Claudine Rankine, I might be saying that wrong if you know who that is. And it’s don’t put the past in the cupboard of your flesh. I love this so much. And I feel like so many times things happen, and then we internalize it, we we make it ours. And you know, in terms of money, my family when I was growing up, my we didn’t have a ton of money, but we were never struggling for money. So I never heard my parents talk about it. So it was almost as if being shown a relationship to money was never shown to me, it was just sort of like, I think my parents probably thought it was something that kids didn’t have to, like be concerned with, which is great. And it also left me like trying to figure that out on my own and not always, like efficiently, right. So the post that I wrote, says, we can carry so much of our past around with us, it can be hard to build a new future, when our arms are full of struggle and disappointment, and becomes our focus, the heaviness and the weight of carrying around what’s no longer necessary, consumes us, slows us down, keeps us from our purpose here on this journey. When we no longer fear the past, and we learn how to release it, our opportunities expand. And we can see a vision for ourselves that we could not see before, it’s hard to grasp onto something new when our arms are full of something old. And that, to me just sort of summarized how I felt about doing this breakthrough day, right, my arms were full of something that I wasn’t even aware of. But I knew that I had to release it, because it was so hard to grasp on to the future that I that I felt like I could see and, and and taste and have a vision for but I couldn’t quite get over the threshold, right, the hurdle things would happen, it would push me back, and I was really ready to just shift. So I would say the number one thing with any kind of change work is to be open to being responsible for it. And when you can do that, I believe your shifts become so much quicker. Now, like I said, I did a guided meditation twice a day, it just worked out that that you know that worked for me, I was at the training and I could do it before I went to bed and in the morning. But typically I will give someone a task. So before we do a breakthrough day for like a week before, there will be a task and it’s meant to shake the tree, it’s meant to create shifts before we even begin. So once we begin a breakthrough day, there is about an hour and a half of an interview. And this, I would say is the most important part of the breakthrough day. It is really the practitioner listening for how you do your problem,

how you do it,

you know, everybody has experiences problems. Nobody is immune to that. And many people experience the same problem, right? Maybe they spend too much, right? But they do it differently. And how you actually do that problem is very important and helping you create change. So, you know, I love a good affirmation. I love you know, there’s a lot of things that I do guided meditations like I love all that. I think affirmations are great for supporting you when you’ve made a change. I think guided meditations are great for shaking the tree. But when you really want to create change, pulling things out by the roots requires you knowing how you do those roots. And so what we’re listening for in that interview is things like negative emotions, you know, people will say, you know, I just have so much anger about it, or I’m so frustrated by that, right negative emotions, you know, what those are, these can show up in different ways, and they can show up in your language in different ways. And so a really great practitioner is going to be able to recognize that negative emotion. Also, we’re listening for limiting decisions. So you know, I would say, and, and limiting belief, right, so same thing, I would say every decision is limiting, right? I mean, you could, you could argue that every decision is limiting, because you’re, you’re putting a capsule around it, right? You’re saying this is the decision, this is what I think. And it that inherently limits. But sometimes those those things give us structure, it gives us structure to how we view the world and experience the world. It also can limit us in the places where we want to grow. And so an experienced really great practitioner will be able to recognize the limiting decisions that are being said, and that are hidden in your language that are actually slowing you down. And this is super important. Because although it creates the context for your life, it also can create the boundaries. And so being able to recognize what they’re those are, you know, when we’re young, when we’re like zero to seven, that’s when we’re being imprinted. You know, you may have heard me talk about that before just being imprinted. It’s where my brainwave states are at a different vibration, a different level than they are as an adult in a waking state. So from zero to seven, my brainwaves are lower, it’s they are in the same brainwave category that I go into when I go into hypnosis, or sleep. So I want you to just think about if I’m in hypnosis, from zero to seven, I am absorbing everything. There’s no critical factor, there’s nothing, there’s no consciousness that’s going oh, well, Aunt Sally said that people that have money are greedy. But mom and dad said people that have money can do good things

that I believe both of those things,

okay. There’s no critical factor to help me make choices. So zero to seven, everything. I’m just a big tape recorder. So imagine if you’re walking around a big giant tape recorder, and you’re soaking in everything, you’re going to have conflicts, right. And this is when I hear people say like, on one hand, I really want to save money. And on the other hand, I can’t stop buying stuff. Right? On one hand, I really want to build my business and I want to create something new. And on the other hand, you know, when I go to step outside the box, I find myself sabotage,

right? I’ll see this with weight a lot with people,

right? I want to I want to lose weight, like I want to feel great. And on the other hand, like by five o’clock, I’m, I’m just like making choices. Or if I go out with friends, then I blow it all right. There’s an internal conflict there. There’s our subconscious mind wants us to be supported, and it thinks it’s doing things to support us constantly. It’s also really lazy. So it’s just doing what it thinks is right at that moment. And this creates internal conflicts when we can recognize what those are. It is insanely powerful to merge those two things together. Now you might be thinking like they’re opposite, like how do you merge them together, you don’t make one bigger than the other, the way that we merge things together actually opens up way more opportunity for you. When somebody integrates these parts for me, I feel dizzy. It’s It is like all of a sudden, I’m like, Oh, I feel a little dizzy. You feel like this wave come over you. When we were in the class, they we actually used me as a demo for one of them. And I was saying how there’s part of me that really wants to be a vegetarian. And then there’s another part of me that wants to like eat what everybody else is eating right, two different parts. It goes back and forth. And so we just merged those two things together. I felt so dizzy. And then I noticed, you know, I didn’t feel like I had to be a vegetarian. But I noticed I was making choices that were way healthier. Since I’ve been home. It’s insane to me how much different my food choices have been now, I have been a vegetarian now for three days. My husband, I said something to my husband. And I said I’m a vegetarian. He was like you are Since when? And I was like oh today just today. So now it’s been what three, four days, but I noticed my choices are way different. The Healthy version of bed See that wanted to come out some of the time is now being supported. And so there’s no conflict when I’m trying to make a choice. It’s amazing. I know how powerful NLP is. And I have known it for years, because that’s how I found it because I needed it. And it’s been incredible to experience this shift again. So internal conflicts, you know, another thing is, is just a negative anchor. If you think about a song from high school, right, you hear a song you like, Oh my God, this reminds me a 10th grade or whatever. It’s an anchor, you know, sometimes jewelry is an anchor, we see it and we go, Oh, that was my mom’s or, you know, and something like that. You can imagine what an anchor is. And sometimes there are negative anchors. So I’m trying to build, I’m trying to create something new. But I’m constantly being pulled back because I have an anchor that that does not serve me. And so being able to recognize what those are, and we recognize those in that interview, just in in listening, and then there’s a couple others, just ways that we hold ourselves back. So my point in all of this is that any problem that you’re having, it’s really going to come down to about six different options. They fall into about six different categories. And then there are processes to solve this problem that’s showing up.

So

I had my breakthrough day, and something shifted within me, I can say with confidence, that I am a different person than before I went, it’s difficult to explain if you haven’t been through it. And I think that this was coming for me for a while, right, I’ve been talking about on the show, I felt like something was happening. Something was shifting, and I was really ready to shift. And so I had a profound shift. I worked on money, like I said, and it wasn’t about money. In the end,

it was about other things.

And so when I got back on Monday, I have had a little bit of trouble this week, getting,

like getting myself

I guess getting my head in it, right? Like I was like, I was so tired from just, you know, unending training for for weeks on end. And I felt so different. I didn’t know how to step back into my life. I felt so different. The things that felt normal to me before didn’t feel normal anymore.

And it took me many days to get

to the point where I could identify things that I was doing that no longer felt aligned, and things that were now being called into my awareness. And so I’ve taken some time this week to identify that and to build a plan for what’s next for

me. Now,

next week, I’m not sure if there’ll be a podcast, I might be deep in this transitional work. I think I’m going to keep doing the podcast. I really love the podcast, and I like being here. And there is a shift coming. And so I am going to give myself space to explore how that’s going to show up.

So

if you’re interested in doing this work, and you’d like to hear a little bit more about it, you can shoot me a message you can you know, you can DM me on social media. I’m just at Betsy Pake, you can also shoot us an email just at support at Betsy pake.com. And we’ll just reply with what the breakthrough day consists of how it works. And you know, the costs and that kind of thing. Now, I’m only going to take, I think maybe three people just because of the time it takes and the energy output to do it. But if that is you and you’re interested, and you’re ready to do this work on yourself, then shoot us a message. And we can help you get set up. So I hope that this was helpful, I hope it kind of gave you a shift in terms of like how you maybe think about problems, or how you think about some of your patterns, and how things have been really showing themselves to you over and over again. I’m excited to work with you if this is you. And if it isn’t you hopefully I’ll see you next week. But if not, I’ll be back the week later,

with a new show and some clear

new clarity. I’m so grateful to be on this journey with you. Thanks for listening, and I’ll see you next week. Thanks so much for listening today. If you want to take a moment to leave us a review on iTunes. Take a quick screenshot before you hit submit an email it over to us at support at Betsy pake.com. And we will send Do a special audio hypnosis to help you overcome a limiting belief. Thanks so much and I’ll see you next week.

This weeks episode I am recording from Philly where I am finishing some advanced NLP training. Calling in the right energy for what we want isn’t as difficult as we might feel like it is yet we need to be made aware of the unconscious cycle that running in the background. Join me for a discussion about calling in the energy of what you want.

Transcription:

Welcome to The Art of Living big podcast. My name is Betsy Pake, and I’m an author, speaker, and a master mindset coach focused on helping you understand and design your life with the power of your subconscious. This podcast is designed to help you think differently about what could be possible for your life. Now, let’s go live big.

Hello, everybody. Welcome to the show. So I am recording this on my phone. If you listen to last week’s episode, you heard me talk about how I forgot my microphone, and I’m here in Philadelphia. So I am just trusting that this will come out as clear as it needs to be so that if you are meant to hear it, you hear it. So I’m just going to go with that I wanted to be I wanted to share some stuff this week. So welcome, fellow adventurers. Thank you for being here with me today. I am in Philadelphia, I think I mentioned this last week actually probably have mentioned it the past few weeks, but I’m in Philadelphia for an advanced nlp training. I have been a master NLP practitioner for several years. But I wanted my thing this for this year for 2020. Although everybody’s goals for 2020 have probably blown up a little bit. But my goal was that I wanted to be like an expert, I wanted to be truly embodying and living all of the principles of NLP. And to just know it, you know, there is a there is a level of knowing that is unconscious, right? When you get your car and drive, it’s probably an unconscious, knowing you just know how to do it, you’re not thinking about it. But if you remember, in the beginning, when you first started driving, you were really thinking about right, you were probably like gripping the tenant to buck clench, like really looking at everything nervous about how close you were to the line. And then over time, as you got more and more and more comfortable with it, your subconscious mind just sort of took over. And now you don’t even have to think about it, you just get in your car and drive. So I wanted to get to that level with all of the techniques and ways to help people shift and transform. I wanted it to be unconscious where somebody would say something, and I would know how to guide them without having that pause, you know, having that moment where I was pausing to think so.

So I decided I’m going to get I want to get trained to be able to train people to be able to board certified people to be hypnotherapists and master NLP practitioners. And so I found the company that I wanted to do it with. It’s actually the company that I had gotten hypnosis in my hypnotherapy certification with several years ago. So I was like, I want to do that. But with them, they want you to take all of their training. So I needed to redo my NLP practitioner, and I needed to redo my NLP master practitioner. So if you remember, at the beginning of the year, I wanted to be an expert. And so what better way the universe was like, well then redo it all. And so that’s what I decided to do, I decided to, you know, since this is the company that I chose, I wanted to just go full in and go all the way through and go all the way through their training. So then in March, I was, you know, a week into the training and COVID happened. And I decided to leave early. I left a couple days before the class actually ended because I lived I was in LA and I live all the way across the country, right? So I just didn’t feel comfortable staying. So the universe said, if you would like to be an expert, you should redo it. You should maybe do it a couple times. And so that’s what I was served up. So I took the training, I actually came home and I finished the training online and then I haven’t here now to redo the entire thing over again. So I’m almost done. I just have a few days left. I have been here it’ll be 14 days. So 1415 days by the time I leave. And so so I’m here learning this and so that is how come I’m recording on my phone and just trusting that it is coming through exactly the way that it needs to be.

I had big plans of coming to Philly and getting a cheesesteak and doing all the fiddly things. But it has been a really intense training and I’ve really been trying to study and you know, of course, work in the mornings, study in the evenings and make sure that I was really really not only integrating and not only learning everything but integrating it as well. So

on my way to become an expert when I am finished in January, I will be able to board certified you to be a hypnotherapist or I’m

Master NLP practitioner or an NLP practitioner,

I’m not exactly sure how that’s going to play out. But if you are interested in that, my my train, the trainer should be finished 2020 I was supposed to be finished in August now I will be finished in January, if all goes as planned. So

if you’re interested in all that, make sure you’re on my email list, you can just go to my website. And if you scroll all the way down to the bottom, you can just put your name in and get on the list. So Alright, so that’s why I’m here. So today I wanted to talk about how to call in the right energy. You know, I think we all know, the idea of energy, if you’re here, you’ve probably been

working on your energy thinking about your energy now for quite a long time. And I think that there is a little bit of a disconnect, like we know how to, we know what it is right? I want to call in the right energy, the right energy is like good vibes, right? It is the thing that we want. It’s focusing on where we want to focus. But I think that there is a little bit of a disconnect of how to do that in a practical way, like, how do I actually call in the energy like me just saying, I’m calling in the energy? Or is there something that I need to be doing. And so I wanted to talk a little bit about that today. So one of the things that I have been actively working on is calling in the right people to my program. So I have a 10 week program that helps women leave, overwhelm and move into a place where they feel confident in their career, their relationships and their life and making decisions from a place of connecting to their intuition. And showing up in a really powerful way. I believe that when we can shed a lot of the things that are holding us down, and you’ve heard me talk about this before our cork can float, right, we are meant to float cork floating in the water and all of the layers of crap over the years, push the cork down and down and down. This is why when we meditate, it feels so good because it it releases that stuff and allows our cork to float. I think for lack of a better way to say at this moment, I help women float their cork. So when I think about calling in the right energy, it really is about floating my cork and looking for the right energy, that is a match to me. So I have been actively looking to bring in five new people, I want to start a small group, October 19, to go through my program. And so I’ve been actively calling in these people. So I want to talk about how I’m calling that in and what I’m actively doing. Okay.

So the idea is that when my energy matches the energy of the people that I’m calling in, they will find me they will feel connected to me. And they will feel called to take action, right? I’m sure a lot of you have been listening. And I know people come to me, and they’ve been listening for a long time. But it just wasn’t the right time to reach out and to start that process of doing this work together. And so when our energy matched is when you felt called, right. That’s when they feel called that’s when they reach out. And that’s when we are able to make that magic happen. And so, right now, I have been in a process of calling in the quote, right people who’s the right people, it’s the energy of my favorite clients. It’s the energy of the people that are so excited to do this work. It’s the energy of people that are ready to uplevel. It’s the energy of people that are

ready to release any like victim mentality or blaming. Like they just want to learn how to let that go, and to move forward. And I’m really swift way so that they’re running towards what they want, instead of simply pulling away from the things that they don’t want. So how do I call in that energy? What’s the path to do that? And I think that the very first thing is going to be getting really clear on who it is I want to call in. So let’s say you want to call in your perfect job. I would get really clear on what’s the energy of that perfect job. Someone else has that job right now. Right? What’s the energy of them? How are they showing up? What do they think? How do they act? You know, there are times where I have used a call it a board of directors where I have had pictures of like Sara Blakely who invented Spanx. I’ve had a picture of Tony Robbins I’ve had pictures of different authors are people that I admire, and I’ve put them on my desk and I call it my board of directors and if I am trying to figure out how do I take this next step, you know with Sara Blakely, she

invented Spanx. She created a billion dollar company without having any investors. I put her on my desk. And I say, how would you handle this problem? How would you see this? How would you and I channel that I go through how I think she would react. Now I understand how she would react or what she would think. Based on interviews I’ve watched, right? based on an I didn’t an episode on mentors,

a way back it was like in the 50s.

But in that I talked about, I talked about, one of the things that I would do is I would create, like, I would take Sara Blakely put her on my desk, and for a month, I would just listen to interviews about Sara Blakely, I would immerse myself so that I would really get to know this board of directors, who is this person? And so if there is a job that you want, I mean, use that, as an example, get really clear on who is the person that is amazing at that job, right? You want a promotion? Who’s great at that? How do they think, how do they react? What do they do in the morning? What kind of food do they eat? How do they walk? What kind of car do they drive? Like? What’s the attitude that takes that kind of car, that kind of food that kind of Do you see what I mean? So really getting into the energy of that. So how I did that was I really, I reached out to few of the people that I’ve worked with,

that were really fun to work with. Now, a lot of people that I’ve worked with have been really fun. In fact, everybody I’ve worked with I love, I think because I get to know people so well. And when you know people, you can’t help but really love them, right? We keep people at a distance. And that’s what makes us not see how lovable they are. But I just reached out to a few of the people that, you know, that I’ve kept in contact with really regularly and asked them a bunch of things about themselves. I wanted to really understand deeper some things that maybe I haven’t asked before, you know, what are the other podcasts you listen to? What are the books you read? What are the like, just to really understand how they think about things. You know, I started just noticing how they were posting and what they were saying, like, what’s the energy of them, because the energy of that amazing client that I love to work with, that’s what I wanted to be able to call in. So the very first thing you want to do is get really clear on the energy where you’re going, right? What is it that you’re looking for, and also the energy of the person that was ready to shift, right. And I know, for me, I’m always ready to shift. Like, there’s so much growth ahead for me. And, and I know my clients feel that too. So I am looking for people that are ready to shift that want to have this experience. They want to have this like life changing thing where they learn these tools, and they understand how to do it and it all clicks, right. So I want to get in the energy of that. So that’s number one get in the energy of where it is you want to go or what you are calling in. Okay, then the next part is really becoming a really great ambassador, for your mind. It is noticing, it’s almost it feels to me like a stepping back and observing myself. So what are the thoughts that I’m having? Right? What are the thoughts that come up for me, and I need to notice those thoughts, and I need to choose them. So I’m not just saying, okay, I noticed I’m having this thought, or I’m noticing I’m, I’m wondering if I’ll get the five perfect people. I noticed that thought if that thought comes into my mind, and I shift it, and I go back to the beliefs that I have that would support it. So this is why it’s so important to do belief work. This is why it’s so important to understand what your values are and what your beliefs are. Because when you know that it’s so much simpler to be able to shift because you have the new things to choose that are right there. It’s at the ready, right. So I’m going to give you an example. So if I had a feeling like if I had a thought, I’m going to go back to thoughts and feelings, if I had a thought, I wonder if I’m going to be able to pull in the five people that I want to pull in for October 19. If I have that thought I immediately start to support it with I have a strong belief that we are from source energy, and that we anything that we want is capable, the only thing holding me back is me. And so I can tap into that higher power and pull that energy and I can be able to connect to that. And I also have lots of different ways to connect to that energy. It’s not just by thinking about it, I have a variety of ways to be able to do that. Right. So noticing my thoughts and then being able to shift to what I already believe is true. And I’ve gotten so clear on what I already believe is true. That’s really simple.

For me to go, I don’t like that thought, it doesn’t feel good. And if it doesn’t feel good to me, that means it’s not true. So I’m going to remind myself of what is true. And as soon as I start to remind myself of what is true, I start to feel better. If I feel better, that means that I’ve tapped into truth, universal truth.

And we could go down a rabbit hole about that.

But if you feel something that doesn’t feel good, there is an untruth in it.

So and so let’s go to the second way. The second way that you can notice, if you’re on the energy, if you’re actually calling in the right energy, is to notice how you’re feeling. So your feelings are going to be a huge component of this. My soon as I wake up, am I feeling anxious? My feeling overwhelmed? Or am I feeling this like peace and excitement, because I’m calling in these people, right. So if I’m feeling overwhelmed, or if I feel anxious, then I, there’s a couple different things that I do. But I will immediately do a body scan, there’s something that I teach my clients to do. And it’s a real body scan, and to be able to pull out the energy out of my body of whatever it is that I’m that I’m feeling that I don’t like, right, so we can notice where it is in our body, we can notice the weight of it, the shape of it, the color of it, right, and we can manipulate that we can pull it out of our bodies, we can change it, we can turn it into something good. So I want you to just be able to notice, be able to take an inventory of what you are feeling and using your feelings as guidance. So when I feel that I can do this body scan, I can actually do an energy shift. But I can also say what are the thoughts that’s leading into this? Because if you remember, this is a feedback loop. My thoughts, thoughts are going to be the interaction with my mind and feelings are the interaction, the language of my body, right? So my so if I’m feeling something, I’m like, okay, there’s an underlying thought there. Do I know what it is? If I don’t know what it is, then there’s more work that we can do there to uncover that. But I can also start to deal with that feeling because it’s a feedback loop. So if I can change the feeling in my body, it’s going to give a different feedback to my brain, and then my brain is going to give a different feedback to my body. So I want to pause for a minute, and let’s say I wake up and I feel a little overwhelmed or a little anxious. And I start thinking about it. Remember, it’s a feedback loop. So I have a thought is giving my body and emotion. I go, oh my god, I’m having this motion, I start thinking about it. Right, I started thinking, let’s use money for an example. Because this happens with money with people a lot. I’m feeling stressed about money. So I have a feeling in my body. And then I start thinking oh my god, I have this feeling my body, this sinking feeling in my body, I’m worried about money and and then you start expanding on that, right? So you’re going back to your head thinking about it, thinking about it. Now your brain is going to communicate with your body that now you’re going to have all of these emotions in your body that are also supporting that thought and it becomes this feedback loop. So noticing the emotion is going to be really important. And doing that scan to be able to shift that in the moment, right? I don’t want to wait, if I can learn how to shift that in the moment can be really powerful. Because then I am consciously creating my reality. I’m not just letting things happen. I’m not just like waiting till there’s like a pile of crap to deal with and dealing with it in the moment. So I can move that energy out of my body. I can change those thoughts. So I can I can tap right I can use EFT I’ve done an episode on EFT I think it was like in the early one hundreds. I did an episode on EFT. EFT is such a powerful technique. And I teach my clients how to use it in a little bit different way to shift beliefs. But I think this can be so powerful in the moment, because our nervous system is heightened with thinking we’re thinking uncomfortable thoughts, we feel them in our body, our nervous system reacts. If we can calm our nervous system, I can change the energy of that. And now I’m calling in the right energy because I’ve moved to a place where I feel really good, right? So if I’m not feeling good, I can safely say I’m not calling in the right energy. I’m not pulling in the right energy, I have to be able to shift that. So noticing what I’m those thoughts that come into my mind noticing my feelings? And then the third thing is noticing my unconscious thoughts. So unconscious thoughts, how do I know? Well, emotion is going to be one of them. Also, I start to notice how I’m acting towards things. What’s my

reaction to things. Do I notice that I’m saying any things that are giving me clues? No, I, I’ve, I know, I’ve said this a million times, I always have a coach. And this is why, because somebody else can notice those patterns in my language much easier than I can. It’s unconscious, right? It’s unconscious, to me, these patterns are unconscious. And that’s why it’s really hard for me to see them myself. So when I can notice these thoughts, these words that come out, right, were thoughts that come out in words in my language, then I can start to notice the belief that supports that, and then I can start to change that belief. Remember, my who I am, and the experience I’m having is coming from my identity. Right. And I know, we’ve talked about this, but my identity is like the overarching thing, well, creating my identity and supporting my, my identity, or my values, and my beliefs. So if I notice in my language, those beliefs coming out, or words that indicate what my values might be, it’s so much easier for me to be able to make changes. And you know, that’s the work that we do in my in my group is really being able to change those in the moment so that you’re going, I noticed, you just said this, what does that mean to you? How can we, how can we ship this with a better belief, we break down the belief, and then we build up what we really want. So if you want to call in the right energy, for the conscious to consciously create the reality that you really want, we have to be checking on our energy, we have to get clear about what that is that we want to call in, right? We need to notice any thoughts that are coming up, we need to notice our emotions. And we need to have a mechanism to be able to notice the unconscious thoughts so that we can start those can start to become conscious. Once those start to become conscious, then we can create the reality that we want on purpose. Right? It’s almost like

with without making these unconscious things conscious if we’re just living unconsciously, it’s almost as if we’re going through a tollbooth. Right. So everyday, we’re going through this tollbooth, and we’re paying a toll. We pay a toll, we pay tall, we pay tall we pay at all. And we’re like, oh my god, I really want to get to this place. By the time I got, I get there, there’s not going to be anything left. I’ve paid all these tolls. Well imagine if you’re not having to pay the toll, if you’re just able to fly through, right, and the more you can control your energy, the more you can bring all that back, the less you’re dishing out to things that no longer serve you.

So being able to pull it back, keeping more energy inside you, as you’re moving towards the thing you want helps you to be able to create it in a way that feels less stressed. It feels more aligned, it feels more exciting that feels more like a conscious creator. Think about it. When you talk to some people that are like always doing cool things. They’re like things just happen for me. Right? Like, it’s so many coincidences, right? That’s not what it is. It’s that they have figured out how to not stop every single door booth. They’ve brought it in. And they’re calling in they’ve created consciously created a reality that’s fun and exciting. I think that when we get to that point, we start to see all these really cool coincidences, right, which we know aren’t really coincidences. It’s us aligning with the energy. So

if you would like to call in energy in the right way, take a look at that. Notice your life today. You know, I’ve talked before about that little chime app that I’ve used as a little green app. It’s nothing it’s so simple, but you can set it up on your phone. So it lets off like a teeny, tiny tribe. And you can set it for every hour or every 15 minutes, like whatever you want. But notice, start set the timer and do it like for a day. Do it like every 15 minutes. See what happens. See what you’re really thinking about? When it goes off? Go? What am I thinking about? You might be shocked how often you’re thinking

unconsciously because our unconscious patterns just run when we’re not conscious of it. You might be shocked how much you’re thinking, how much you hate your body, how, how much you’re not good enough how you’re never going to get there, how you’re never going to be like you might be shocked and if you are and you want help with that. You can just reach out to me. You can message me, you can set up a time on my calendar. Just go to Betsy Pake comm backslash let’s talk you can just DM me on Facebook, you can jump into my facebook group. It’s the art of living big calm and just reach out. Let’s just say

If we’re a match if I can help, if I can help shift something for you. So I hope that this was helpful if you enjoyed this episode, and you know somebody else that could benefit from it, please share it. Somebody asked in our Facebook group the other day about how do you know you’re loved? And I was like, Oh my God, when somebody shares my show, and like, they tagged me on Instagram, I think words of affirmation must be my love language. But that is when I go, Oh, my gosh, I love it. So thank you. Thank you so much to everybody that does that. Thank you for leaving me. Reviews, I do go in and check those. And it’s so fun. And helps me to be able to, to support you guys in a bigger way, right? Because when we’re getting our love language filled, it helps us to be able to keep doing the work that we’re doing. So thank you, thank you, thank you. If I can do anything for you, as always just reach out to us. You can reach out to support at Betsy pake.com. Email me message me whatever. So All right, you guys have an amazing, amazing week. And I will see you guys next week with with a microphone. That’s, that’s incredible. We’ll see you then.

Thanks so much for listening today. If you want to take a moment to leave us a review on iTunes. Take a quick screenshot before you hit submit an email it over to us at support at Betsy pake.com. And we will send you a special audio hypnosis to help you overcome a limiting belief. Thanks so much and I’ll see you next week.

Todays episode Betsy talks all about Alignment vs. Resistance and how they are BOTH working for you!

Transcription

Welcome to The Art of Living big podcast. My name is Betsy Pake, and I’m an author, speaker and a master mindset coach focused on helping you understand and design your life with the power of your subconscious. This podcast is designed to help you think differently about what could be possible for your life. Now, let’s go live big. Hello, welcome fellow adventurers to today’s show. I’m excited to be here with you today, Episode 229. I can’t even believe it. I am getting ready to head out of town. I think I might have mentioned this last week. I feel like I show up live in so many places. And then on the podcast, and then just messaging with people that I forget what I’ve told you, but I will be heading out of town. I have a really, really fun interview for you next week. So I’m excited about that. So be sure to check back next

Thursday. But today,

I want to

tell you a couple quick things and then dive in. So did you know you can text me, I feel like I haven’t shared that on the show yet. But it’s I’ve been doing this like about a month. So

you can text me just text

live big one word 2770343 3409. You’ve probably done this with other people or you’ve seen this. But if you text me I’ve been sending out just a couple times a week, thoughtful things about spirit or science or ways that you can shift or see things differently. It’s been really fun. And I love it because you can text me back and I can text you back. It’s just kind of fun. So if you’re in North America, just text me 770-343-3409. Before we get started with today’s show, I want to just tell you that next week on next month, in the alchemy collective, which is the membership we are diving into, every month, there’s a theme. So we’re diving into forgiveness, and money. Those are

two things I think go together.

So if you want to be in the collective, we are doing some every month, we’ve been kind of refining it and refining it and making it better and better. And one of the things we’re doing next month, takes a little bit of organization on our part. And so we’re going to the doors are open right now, but they’re going to close on Saturday night. That’s just so we know who’s going to be in there next month, and we can organize the big plan for next month. So if you want to get in on that, then jump to my website, just go to Betsy Pake comm backslash alchemy collective, and you can see it there on the front page too. If you just scroll down, you can click So join us in there it is a membership every month there is a guidebook and a playlist and a wallpaper for your phone to remind you of what we’re working on. It is a amazing community, we have live workshops, live happy hours where we get together, there is a hypnosis or a meditation or some sort of connection every month to your inner self. Lots of cool stuff. Plus you get all the back month and there’s a couple bonuses. Oh, and this month, I also have a really great bonus that’s rolling out, that is a special class that I have done on money. So you’ll get that too. So anyway, I’m excited. And I want you guys in there. So join us just get in there before Saturday because we got to shut it down so that we can plan. And then I’m trying to figure out when we open and when we don’t i don’t want to have it closed all the time. But also it makes it easier to kind of manage and I want everybody having like a really amazing time in there. So yay. Oh, and did I already mentioned that we have a amazing astrologer in there. And she like gives us all the guidance and all the cool stuff. And I love it. It’s just makes it really fun. Okay. All right, enough about that. So let’s dive into today’s show, shall we?

Today,

I want to talk about how you know if you’re out of alignment, or if you’re just experiencing resistance to something.

So

this is something that has come up recently

with some people that I’ve been working with, right, which is totally normal, and really, really a good conversation to have. And I feel like so many times we think that we have to always be in alignment. And I believe that the truth is, is that the resistance helps us get to our goal even faster. So I want to explain to you what I mean. So let’s talk about alignment. First of all, so

alignment is when you feel that feeling

like you’re like, I feel really good. I feel like I’m in the present moment. I’m starting to see signs. I know the next steps. Like all of the things start to feel really good. Sometimes I’ll have people ask me like, Am I in alignment? And I’m like, do you feel good? Yes. Okay, if you feel good, you’re in alignment. Right? Because when we when we start feeling that wobbliness when we start from Feeling like, Oh, I’m not so sure that’s when we can start to sense that we’re getting out of alignment. Now, on a deeper sense, alignment is when my conscious mind isn’t, is in agreement with my subconscious mind. That’s why it feels good. There isn’t that piece of resistance there. So when I’m, I have something that I really want to work out, right. So I’ve been working out at

8am,

right, that’s been my thing. And this morning, I don’t know, I haven’t been sleeping very well. And today, I woke up and it was like 745. I mean, I don’t, I don’t hardly ever sleep in that late. And I was like, oh my god. So I knew I wouldn’t be able to work out at eight. And so I did my morning routine, you know, checked on the dogs and got my coffee and all that stuff. And then it was like almost nine. And I was not in alignment. Because I had set this idea, this goal, this thing that I would, I would move my body in any way at 8am. And so it felt off because in my subconscious mind. Now, my subconscious mind is where my habits are. And I think I mentioned this last week was the I have been doing this am now for five or six weeks, it is becoming a habit.

So I felt

weird about it, because I hadn’t worked out yet, my conscious mind and my unconscious mind was not in agreement. And I felt out of alignment. So I needed to go work out so that I would get that get through that and feel more in alignment. So I had done my workout. Even though I’d woke up later, I just moved everything back an hour, right and then I got my workout in. So when I don’t have an agreement between my conscious mind and my unconscious mind that when I don’t feel in alignment, that’s when I feel the wobble. But how is that different from resistance. So resistance is going to be, I almost think of it as an element. It is either a real or perceived element that’s holding me back from something that I want. So let’s say I have an idea of something that I want, I have a goal, maybe it’s you want to make $10,000 a month in your business, let’s say. And maybe you’ve done a lot of the work, you feel like subconsciously, you feel like there’s an alignment there. But when you go to finish out the month and close out your books for the month, you realize you haven’t hit it, maybe you come really close, but you never seem like you’re really there. And so you know that there’s something that’s holding you back, there’s a piece of resistance, another way you can you can look at it that way and actually see it another way is that you can feel it. But this doesn’t feel like when I feel really good when I’m in alignment, a piece of resistance is going to feel like doubt, or fear or comparison. So I will there is something that is not tracking that’s holding me back from getting to where I want to go. And it’s not only that my conscious mind and my unconscious mind are not in agreement, but it’s that they’re just not in agreement about a certain element. When I’m in a know when I’m in resistance when I’m having resistance, I’m also not in alignment. Okay, so if you’re thinking the seems sort of like the same thing they are, it’s either one side of the coin or the other. But when I’m talking about resistance, so many times I think what slows people down

or stops them altogether

is that they feel this resistance. And they think that it’s bigger than it is they think there’s this big wall that’s blocking them. People say to me all the time, like I’m blocked, I don’t know what to do. Like there’s no way out, I don’t see any options. But really, there is one element, one piece of resistance. And sometimes that is a mental piece. It’s the way that you’re thinking about something in relation to the goal. And sometimes there is an energetic piece. So there is something that is holding you back. That is a remnant from another experience. And maybe you’ve cleared or come to an agreement in your mind about that experience. But there is still an energetic component to it that’s holding you back. Now, sometimes that can feel really weird to people because it’s like, that doesn’t make any sense. Like there’s an energy component. And if you’re listening to this, you’re probably in on the energy conversation, right? You understand that? But if you think about us as who we are, we are energy. We’re not just physical matter, we’re energy and so the more that we can begin to bring that into the conversation and into our thinking, the more we can actually expand and start to clear things in a much faster way. Okay, so we’ve got our alignment alignments when I feel good, and I’m feeling good because my conscious mind and my unconscious mind are teamed up right? When I’m having people Resistance. It’s because my unconscious mind and my conscious mind, don’t agree. But there might be just one element, it might be one particular situation, or it might be an energetic element. Okay, where are we together on this? So how do I actually shift and get out of the resistance? There are lots of ways to do this. And, you know, I did an episode way back, I think it was like, in the single digits, like I think it was under Episode 100. Maybe it was like 78, or something like that. That’s just off the top of my head. But I had Audrey Wentz on we talked about the emotion code. Since that episode, I have become a motion code certified because she helped me so much. And I’ll do that occasionally with my clients the energy piece, right. But then there’s also a mental piece. And many times, I believe it starts there. And I think that’s a good place to start to see if you can clear that. Enter that, that resistance, that mental piece of resistance. So one of the things that we’ve been working on inside my group coaching program over the last few weeks, is this way of looking at each situation, so that we change how that situation feels. So I have a piece of resistance, there’s a there is a topic, or an activity or a goal that I want. And when I think about it in a certain way, I don’t feel good, I can feel the wobble. When I look at that, what I want to do is I want to change the wording that I’m using around it, and see if I can get to a place where it feels a lot better. We have been testing this in our group calls, just trying different things to see what can make this feel better. I believe that we are unlimited beings, you’ve probably heard me talk about this before, I believe that we are pieces of source, and that we have come down to experience a certain thing. And if we are here, and we are not experiencing the thing, we may be feeling resistance around it, because it’s something that we want and we don’t have, we also are probably thinking about it in a way that doesn’t feel good.

We have a feeling that’s yucky,

we’re feeling the wobble. It is because of the way we are thinking about it. And what it does is it’s telling me if I have the wobble, it’s telling me what I’m thinking is untrue.

So I’m gonna say that again, in different way. I’ve got something I want. And when I think about it, it makes me feel a wobble, right. And maybe for you, it’s like, I want to have a business that makes $10,000 a month. And when you think about it, you get like a feeling in your gut, right? And then you feel like a little squeeze, and then maybe you start to feel like inadequate or not worthy. Or then maybe you feel like comparison, right? The reason you’re feeling those things is because you’re thinking about it in a way that is faulty. The way you’re thinking about it isn’t true. That’s why it doesn’t feel good. If you thought about it in a way that was true, it would feel better.

So let’s take that same situation.

And let’s say you just zoomed out just a little bit. So now instead of looking at my business and saying, Oh my god, I didn’t hit the 10,000. And Will I ever be able to do this? And what about if I went out? And so I got a little more generic. And I say there’s a lot of people that have businesses like mine that make even more money than that, like, does that feel better? Right? And then you’re like, I know that there’s lots of different ways to make money, does that feel better. And then you’re like, I know that I can grow, and my business could grow, too. I know that the more I stay focused, the more things will shift. I know that when I stay focused on the right things, then those right things begin to get bigger. So now all of a sudden, it feels better, because that’s

true.

When you get to a place where you feel wobbly, and you feel the resistance, there’s a lie in there somewhere. And many times just by changing the way we’re looking at it just changing that perspective can start to change the way you’re seeing it. Now, there may still be that element, that element of resistance when you get really micro with it and you dive in and you you look at specific things. I think that’s really powerful. So many times we feel resistance, and then we’re like, oh my god, I feel resistance I feel a block I’m blocked. Right? And, and what I would say is it is a gift to be able to see that piece of resistance because then there are things you can do to start to shift it. You know, that’s one of the things that we do every week on our coaching calls is we find resistance and then we shift it so there’s so many different ways you can do that. Getting a macro look, backing up can help you get perspective. And then you can dive into each area and say, What is this specific resistance? And here’s two things that I really like to do with this is I say, what is it what I’m thinking about what aspect of this. So when I’m thinking, like other people are going faster, for example, that’s something I hear a lot, while other people have, are doing it quicker. And that feels constricting, right.

So the idea

that you have to do it at a certain pace is incorrect. That’s why it doesn’t feel good. So you can back out and say, everybody works at their own pace, and, you know, get your belief systems straight around that. But then you can also dive back in and look at that piece of resistance individually and say, Where did this start from? When did I first learned this, and there are some things that we do, to be able to get in a bit of a trance like state to be able to allow our subconscious, to move us to the very point in time where that resistance for started. So we can actually move it and remove it from our subconscious. our subconscious gets different lessons from events that we experience, but we get to choose if we want to keep that lesson. So there are things you can do to really begin to shift that. The second thing is, look at where you feel that in your body, you know, do you feel it in the pit of your stomach? Does it feel like it’s in your heart? Does it feel like it’s in your throat? Like, where is that? And does it have a color? Does it have a weight to it? Is there a size or a shape. And then see if you can start to change it just by changing those things. Make it instead of a big lead ball in your throat, make it a whole pillow full of feathers, you know, move it outside your throat, see if you can move it mentally so that it’s outside your body, see if you can throw it so it’s far away. And once you do that, go back and test and ask yourself, where’s that piece of resistance now? Is it there? Or is it just gone. So you might notice that you’re able to do this just by using your subconscious is working with you in metaphor. That’s why we dream. It’s all in metaphor. And so if you can use metaphor to, to create something different to move things around within your body, really powerful. So when we look also at our words, this can be a huge indicator of if you’re adding to the problem, or you’re helping solve the problem. You know, using the word block, it’s one thing if you say it, it’s another thing if you’re thinking it, thinking negative thoughts aren’t nearly as powerful as saying those thoughts. You know, I talked in one of my lives in the Facebook group, I talked about my coach, and I recently got a new coach, and He is a former navy seal. And one of the things he was saying this past week was that his whole thing was during training, it’s like six month training, right to be a navy seal. And you know, there’s like 340 people that started the training with him and only 18 men finished. And he said that they had a bell that they would bring everywhere, you’ve probably heard this and then you ring the bell and you it’s basically you can tap out, right? So you can be done. You could be back home, in your warm bed, and out of the cold and out of the water and all of that just by ringing that bell. And he said he refused to even look at the bell. And he would constantly tell himself, how, who he really was, he would constantly repeat this to himself. And he said this past week that he had a friend who he knew was thinking negative things like not sure if he could keep going. He said he could just tell, you know, he knew by the look in his eyes and how he was acting in some of the exercises that they were doing. And he said that the day that his friend said to him, I don’t think I’m gonna make it. He said the day he said those words out loud, he knew he was done because he he said them out loud. He made them manifest by that vibration of your sound that actually declaring it, right. So don’t be afraid of the negative thoughts. But watch yourself what you’re saying out loud. So when people say to me, I have a block like Do you really? Or is it just an element that is moving you? So here’s what I was saying at the top of this whole thing is that when we’re in alignment, we feel good when we have a piece of resistance. It’s moving us. It’s shifting us. It’s showing us a different way. Because the path that we’re on is not the path that will get us where we want to go. So it’s a huge gift. Oh my god, I have resistance. Yes, celebrate. Because now I get an opportunity to shift it and that shifts the course of my trajectory. And now To me on the path that I’m supposed to be on to get the vision that I wanted. So resistance is a great thing. You know, feeling resistance feeling like, quote, unquote, blocked,

it’s excellent,

but you’re not really blocked, it’s redirecting you. It’s a redirection to something else. So there are so many ways that you can shift these elements of resistance. So don’t let that slow you down. Let it come into your awareness. And when you’re not afraid of seeing the resistance, you’ll start to see more and more and more things that might be holding you back. Sometimes, I will be like brushing my teeth, and a belief will pop into my head. It’ll be like a sentence that I’ll think and I’ll catch it. I caught one just recently, and I was like, Oh, my gosh, I was brushing my teeth. And I was like, I had no idea. I thought that, like, I had no idea that I was thinking that, and how can I now that I see it, because I’ve let myself know, I’ve let my subconscious know that I want to see the resistance, show it to me, I’m not afraid, right? Show it to me. Then I was like, Whoa, this is something I have to work with. This is something I get to shift, how exciting because that was keeping me from the path. And now I see it. And now I can shift. So there are so many opportunities out there for you. There are so many ways that this is working for you. Don’t be afraid of any resistance that you feel, move through it, see how you can move through it energetically. See how you can move through it mentally. And take that next step. And if you need some help with that, you can you can find me just send me a message shoot me an email, direct message me you can jump on my calendar, if you want, you can go to my website backslash. Let’s talk any of that. Just email me and let me know and I can explain to you how I can help you we can see if you’re a good fit. And if you are we can get started right away. Imagine how you’d feel if we could release so many perceived blocks and resistance in just a few hours together.

So

I hope that this was helpful if it was take a screenshot. tag me on Instagram or social media anywhere. I’m always at Betsy Pake, and I appreciate you so much for listening. I hope that you go out find loads of resistance so that you can clear it and move forward to the place where you’re supposed to be. I think that that is how you live a big life. Thanks so much for listening. I’ll see you guys next week. Thanks so much for listening today. If you want to take a moment to leave us a review on iTunes. Take a quick screenshot before you hit submit and email it over to us at support at Betsy pake.com. And we will send you a special audio hypnosis to help you overcome a limiting belief. Thanks so much and I’ll see you next week.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

How do you live each day? What do you find excuses for? How do you want to remember your life when you are old and dying in your bed?

Today Betsy explores what would make greatness for her life, and invites you to create your list so you live No Zero Days!

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Transcription:

Welcome to The Art of Living big podcast. My name is Betsy Pake, and I’m an author, speaker and a master mindset coach focused on helping you understand and design your life with the power of your subconscious. This podcast is designed to help you think differently about what could be possible for your life. Now, let’s go live big. Hey, good morning, everybody. Welcome fellow adventurers. I’m excited for a new show today. I’m excited for a new week. I know it’s Friday, when you’re listening, probably but

it is a new week, Friday to Thursday. That’s a whole new week.

I’m excited

about that. I get excited in the morning. It’s a new start. We had a happy hour last night with the alchemy collective. And some people from my rise coaching group where we just got online and was so fun to see everybody. Like I love to see everybody’s face and talk to everybody. And it was just so if I get a little excited, I get a little. It’s a little exciting for me. I think I’ll calm down the more we do it. But I was so excited to see everybody. So anyway, I did that last night and I was like I need to jump in. And I have some thoughts to share with you guys. I recorded a little bit on Wednesday night to have it ready for y’all tomorrow. And that’s the whole story that the alchemy collective happy hour people know,

but it just didn’t come out. Right. And so I

needed to just center and say what is it that I need to share?

Right, what is it that

people need to hear? And so,

so I thought I would tell you a little bit about that.

Before I get started, I wanted to let you know that I’m going to be doing

a non smoking hypnosis. So if you are a smoker and you’ve been wanting to stop smoking, make sure you’re either on my email list, or jump into our Facebook group. It’s the art of living big.com we’re going to be doing a group project to help you become a nonsmoker. If you are in the alchemy collective,

you will be invited to that.

So you don’t need to, you need to sign up but you don’t need to pay for it. So just be aware. And if you guys want to join the alchemy collective next month, we are diving into every month as a different theme. And we talk about all things science and all things we we do a live workshop and a live q&a. That happy hours like I talked about. Next week we are next month we are focused on money, and forgiveness. And I believe those two things go hand in hand. So I’m really excited for next month for some of the hypnosis that I have planned and all that good stuff. So if you want to jump in there, you can go to my website, you’ll see a link for it right on the main page. Or you can go to Betsy Pake comm backslash alchemy collective, I have been focused over the last few weeks month, maybe the last month, I’d say, on this idea of having excellence, I talked about it inside the Facebook group, I do a live show in there on Tuesdays at two Eastern if you ever want to join us. But I talked about this idea of really up leveling and trying to do things with excellence. And I’ll kind of explain how I explained it in the live. But, you know, I’ve been doing these workouts, um, I want to talk about that too. But I’ve been doing these workouts, and you know,

when you’re doing a

workout and you’re following like a video or a program, and there’s three seconds left, and you’re struggling, and you’re huffing and puffing, and you’re like, Oh my God, thank God, three seconds left, this rep takes five seconds. So I’m just not gonna like I just stop. And I’m sure you’ve done that before. And I realized that if I was doing my workouts with excellence,

I would

work all the way to the end, I would do those two seconds while everybody else was resting and I would get the full rep in. Right. I have been networking a lot with people from different coaching groups that I’m in as a coachee. And as I’ve been getting ready to get on those calls with people, I’ve been trying to research them and see how I can serve. Right? Because that feels like excellence to me. in the morning. I say to my husband like how are you going to be excellent today, like what’s going to happen? And for me personally, I don’t know about a month ago or so. I realized that especially with the coronavirus, right. So it’s affecting all of us differently. And I definitely have had the wild ride as well. But I realized that because things felt more lacs. I was almost more lacks and I felt like sometimes days would go by and or weeks even would go by and there wasn’t anything necessarily remarkable about it. And I’m not saying that every day has No, I am every day should be something remarkable, something really great. I know that everyday isn’t going to be where you’re, you know, going to the beach or like going on vacation or doing some crazy wild skydiving adventure or whatever. But every day can have greatness in it. And I realized when I would look back on my week, I would be like, what did I even accomplish? Like what happened? And, you know, for me, I would think like I did the podcast, and I believe that serves people, right? I mean, a ton of people listen, so I’m thinking it’s helpful. You know, I coached my people in my program, and that’s important. But beyond that, I was like, What is happening? So, about a month ago, I really started thinking like, what would be excellent? What would make excellence? And how do I kind of harness this and make it into something that’s really useful to me? So

I

had two things happen. One is, I got really clear on where I needed help. And I, I found a coach to help me in one area now, do I believe I could get there on my own, I could, but I think it would have been really hard. And I think it would have taken a lot longer. And I wanted to move quickly. And so I hired a coach to help me. And that’s been incredible, really great. And I had three areas, the first area hired the coach, the second area, I was like, I’ll wait till after this coaching, and then I’ll get a coach, another coach for this. But the second coach came into my awareness. And so I was like, if I have asked for this, and the universe is bringing it to me, even though it feels like this is bad timing, I’m going to do it because I want to be excellent. And sometimes excellence isn’t having everything be great timing. Sometimes excellence is pushing yourself and expanding and forcing that expansion in that way that the coaches felt aligned, I was excited about it. And so I was like, throw out the idea that time is something that is going to hold me back. Like when I look back on the end of my life, do I want to go Ah, those that would have been great. The timing was just wrong. Right? Like, no, I want to be like, yeah, I made it happen. Like I knew what was a priority to me and I made it happen. And then the third thing, I found a coach for that as well and I worked out a way to make that happen. So I can focus on that. After some of this stuff is gone on top of all

that. I don’t

know if you guys remember back in February, I went to LA and I was in LA when the Coronavirus things started. I actually had a podcast episode that was titled something like why I’m traveling during the Coronavirus. And I got so much hate mail because people didn’t listen to the episode to realize that I was traveling before people were even talking about the Coronavirus and that my traveling during the Coronavirus was because I needed to come home. So that just stressed me out because I was just getting bombarded with messages. And so I don’t even think that’s up anymore. But my point is that that training that I was at that got cut short that I left LA is going to be in a couple weeks here on the east coast. So I’m going to attend that. So on top of all the coaching, there’s also i’m going to be gone to finish this class. So not a good time. And again, I wanted Excellent. So I bring this to you to just say Where are you holding yourself back? Because you think it’s not a good time? And is it true? Or is it just a realigning of your priorities? You know, I was taking a look at what I was doing and where I was spending my time. And I have not been a TV watcher for, I don’t know, 20 years, maybe more. And during the Coronavirus, I started watching Netflix and I started watching Grey’s Anatomy now. I really liked it. I was super into it. But I was watching it a lot like I would just have it on sort of in the background when I was, you know, doing laundry or whatever. And I started to think about it. I started to think about the surgeries and accidents and I realized this was getting embedded in my subconscious. And I realized I was spending so much time doing that. What could I accomplish if I wasn’t watching TV? Like if I wasn’t focused on that? Where could I be focused? And was I letting that rob me of my excellence? So as you take a look at your day, and you think, well, I don’t have time right now look at where you’re spending your time. And is it a choice or is it just dead Default. And if it’s a default, make it a choice, look at it and say is that where I want to spend my time? Maybe it is. But if it’s not, then you can take some action to kind of bring that time back for you. And that’s what I did. I was like, I’m not living a life of excellence. I’m having days and weeks go by where there’s nothing remarkable. And that’s not okay. I don’t care if I’m in the middle of a pandemic, I want to have more life in my days. And so the second coach that I hired, was specifically to help me design my life, to be to be more, you know, to be really focused on how to create new things in my life. And so one of the things that I started doing about a month ago was every day at 8am, I moved my body. I think I talked about that maybe last week on the show, but am I’m priming my body at that particular time to get up and move. And I noticed at 755, I start to feel like I gotta get going, I got to move. And I’ve been doing some workouts I’ve been going for a walk, if that’s what I feel like, but just making sure that I’m moving my my body every single day. So I wanted to tell you, my seven things that I came up with, that would make a day remarkable so that I could look back on the day and go, this was a remarkable day. And I think these days that I could do this if it was a pandemic, or it was a vacation day at the beach. So this can be for me a structure of how I live my life and excellence, right? No zero days. I don’t want to look back on my life and be like, this was a zero day. Or like yesterday, I didn’t do any What the heck did I do? Like, I don’t want that. And so I realized even things like, like social media, you know, if you’re on social media for an hour, okay, so let’s just say that I don’t even think is a lot, because I know I’m on for work with my groups. But also I go on Instagram, and I scroll right. So if you’re on for an hour, you know, that’s 30 hours a year, or 30 hours a month, 30 hours a month, and that’s only if you’re on for one hour.

So 30 hours a month, that’s

365, right? 365 hours in a year.

So it’s like,

like 15 full days,

it’s like a half a month of my year would just be on social media. And that’s just if it was an hour. But y’all know you’re on there more than an hour.

You’re probably on two hours.

And so that’s 30. That’s an entire month of your year, literally an entire month, that you’re just looking at your phone or on social media. I mean, I know this for me, I was on more than two hours, y’all I was on a lot. I don’t

remember the actual number because I was horrified.

So no zero days. And so these are the seven things that I came up with. I offered them to you, but also we offer you to think through what would make a day great for you. What would that look like? You know, a few years ago, I wrote a book called start small, live big. And I talked about Jim valvano, who was a basketball coach. Back in the day he was it was in the 80s. My mother loved him. She had a book he had written, I remember it was on her nightstand. She just thought he was so great. But you know what his whole thing was visualizing, like creating greatness being a person of integrity. Like he had a really great mission. And I wrote about him in the book because he created like such momentum and his basketball team using visualization. It’s fascinating. And one of the things that he said is to have a great day, you got to have three things.

And it was you got to laugh every day, you got

to think every day and you got to have something move you to tears. And that’s how you live a full life. And so in thinking about that, and using that, as my inspiration, I came up with things that would make me feel like I had achieved excellence for the day. No zero days. This is my no zero day list. Number one is I have to move my body. Now, you know, it might not feel like doing a really heavy big workout. I may have had four or five days of really hard workouts. And that’s just not what my body needs. But every day I can move, right I can bring my dogs for a walk. I can get outside and smell the air. I can like, I can move. I can stretch like there are so many things I could do. But just to have every day be a time where I move now. I like to choose time just because I think that’s helping prime me for a habit. So I chose 8am but I would accept and still count it as a nonzero day if I moved at any time during this Day. Number two is I want to think I want to dream and I want to project I want to project into my future. So every day I want to spend time thinking, you know, I think sometimes when we have a spare moment, where we would be thinking, we grab our phones, and I’m speaking from myself, This is what I do, right? So I’m going to assume I’m not alone,

is I’ll just grab my phone, like sort

of mindlessly. But I want to think, every day, not just meditate, but I want to think, like think through stuff,

you know, I want to dream.

And maybe that’s when I’m moving my body. I’m thinking about the future. I’m projecting that, you know, Jim valvano, used that imagery, he would make his his basketball team when he came in as the coach was terrible. And he made them cut down the net, like they would at the Final Four when they won. And the kids thought that was crazy. he’d pull out a ladder after practice and make them cut down the net was so stupid, because they were not very good. And he was like, No, we’re gonna win. And it took a little while, but they did. And they cut down the net. And it was just like they imagined. So every day dream, everyday project into my future, right, so much of what we do is rethink the past, we pull from the past. And that’s our natural way that our brain works. But I want to restructure it, right? I want to recondition my brain. So I always want to be projecting

forward, moving forward. And number

three is I want to connect with spirit. With my guides, I like to do it out loud, I say, this is what I need. Help me out today. Show me what is unseen, show me what I need to be able to live the fullest capacity of who I am. So having that time where I’m connecting with spirit Now,

that might be praying, if you’re a praying

person, like a religious person, I think it’s prayer, the way that I do it just a different way to do it. It might be pulling an Oracle card, right and using your intuition, or using a pendulum to get in touch with something that you’re trying to shift or change or grow from. Right. So it can be anything but connecting with that deepest part of you. Because I think that when we can connect with who we are inside with spirit, because I believe we are all part of that. That is how you can better connect with other people. I think when you lose that connection with that deep spirit inside you is when you start feeling wobbly around other people, and about other people and in relationships, I know that’s how it is with me, I have to reconnect.

And then I can see

that I believe other people. I believe that all of our relationships,

and other people are here to show us

contrast, right? If you think about

it, most of your probably wobbliness comes from having interactions with other people. And so we came here specifically to develop relationships to have that wobble and leanness to learn how to grow from it. So it’s needed and necessary, but we’ve got to connect into us so that we can grow and take advantage of that opportunity. Number four, is to eat vegetables and fruit every day. I was talking last night on the alchemy collective group on our happy hour about how I was going to when I come back from this trip, I’m going to become a vegetarian and someone asked me why Baba asked me why. And I, my first reaction was because I have high cholesterol. I just went to the doctor and I went to every doctor, like the dermatologist

the head of mammogram,

I like all the things. Because I really over this past month I was like at that is excellent. And I’m not doing that stuff. So I did get my cholesterol checked and it’s high. And so I feel like that’s something I need to do. But on top of that, I feel like becoming a vegetarian, even for a short time as an experiment

because I want to do it as an experiment and

and see if I can shift my numbers like you know, try it for 868 weeks, get my numbers, check, just see what’s happening. But I also think I feel really good. I have talked about vegetarianism on the show, probably two or three years ago, I had like a series with a vegan and vegetarian and a juice guy. And so it’s always been something in in me, but I have pushed it aside because it was easier to just eat the way everyone around me ate, right? I’m sure you’ve experienced that too. And you know, there’s a principle that the strongest energy in the structure defines the structure. And so I realized my energy around it just had to be stronger. Right? I needed to have excellence for myself and not care what anybody else did. But for myself, what would that look like so for me that is fruits and vegetables every single day. Number five, it is water all day long. So I am a big drinker of water anyway, I don’t drink a whole lot of other things besides water. But that’s something that’s important to me. So I want to make that a non negotiable, right? It would be a zero day, if I didn’t get any water, and I was just drinking other stuff all day, you know, whether that’s vacation or anything else. So water throughout the day. Number six, is that it would not be a good day, if I was not celebrating someone. So whether that’s, you know, someone that I care about, and I let them know, or, you know, it’s somebody on social media that I follow and see, and they’re doing something great. And I celebrate, or it’s just somebody that I’ve been noticing, you know, the other day, I, I commented on Facebook on a friend of mine that I really haven’t seen in probably several years, but she doesn’t live too far from me. But I watch her stories. And she’s an incredible mom. And she has been doing such fun stuff with her kids over this summer. And I have seen it. And she’s got two young boys. And I know it’s a lot of work. I know, she’s probably tired. But she looks like she’s having fun, and she’s making it work. And this is a really hard time for moms, you know, there’s a lot to handle a lot going on. And what I think, and I may be wrong, this is just my experience, but in what I see is we celebrate things a lot that have to do with like careers, but maybe not as much life, you know, and in the end, I think at the end of my life, I won’t look back and think like, like, wow, I you know, I mean, you hear that all the time, I wish I’d worked more. But I think it’s I, I wish I’d I think if you just have work at the end of your life, you’re like, I wish I’d lived more life.

Now. I think I’m in a amazing and unique situation that my work is so much a part of my life. And I love it. But I want to also make sure that I’m celebrating other parts of my life too. And I’m celebrating other people when I see that. So I went to her Facebook page, and I wrote a big thing about how I see her. So celebrating other people. And you know, I did that because I really felt it not because I was just trying to check something off the list. I did it because that’s how I want to live, my life is noticing and you you have so many things to celebrate all around you, right? People around us are doing amazing things. And when you celebrate them, remember the law of oneness. Your subconscious thinks you’re celebrating yourself. So there’s like a double awesomeness about it. Um, it just feels good, right? So I want to make sure that every day I’m celebrating someone else. And then number seven, is I want to make sure that I’m inspiring someone, like that’s just important to me, you know, whether it’s sharing something that I’ve struggled with and overcome or just sharing life or, or cheering someone else on like, saying, I went through this, I know what this is like, like, this sucks, and you’re doing good. Like, if that can be an inspiration to someone, you know, I hope that my show is an inspiration in some ways people get inspired by it to go out and create amazingness in their life, or start their own podcast or do whatever. So every day, I want to be inspiring someone that’s just a value for me. And if I can do those seven things, move my body, think dream and project, connect with spirit. eat fruits and vegetables, water throughout the day, celebrate somebody and inspire someone, then I’ll be living my life. I’ll be it will be a full day. And I can look back and go What have I done the last couple days. Oh, well done. I did all these cool things, right? and worked out today. Like I felt great. I got up this morning, and I did not feel like it. I really didn’t. I had a rough night asleep. So I slept in a little. And because I work out at eight. It didn’t give me enough time to like chill out because I like to chill. Like do my journaling and that stuff. But I was like I’m gonna get after it. I’m going to do it because I set this commitment. And that’s what being excellent means. And so I did my workout. And if I did one set, and I was like, Oh my gosh, mentally I’m not sure if I can do this. And then I was like No, if I’m going to be excellent. Then I’m going to keep going. You know I’m going to lower the weight so I can handle it today. And I’m going to keep going and that’s what I did and then it is not a zero day already. I got my big glass of water here. Hopefully I’m inspiring you and I did my workout. So that is how I think you live a big life. I’m continuing to define continuing to try and step up and be excellent and not make any more excuses about where I want to go and letting time define me. What can we accomplish when we step out of those bounds that are just created by us as humans anyway, they’re not real. So if you want change, and you want to create something new, take control of it. make changes in your life. Notice where you know where the boats leaking, plug the leak, whether it’s social media or anything else, and set your list of what would make it a non zero day.

No zero days.

That is our commitment. That’s our new commitment. And our new motto here. So think about what that would be for you. Let me know but uh, please post it on social media and tag me I love that and I would love to see what would make it a great day for you. Thank you so much for listening. If this inspired you, please share it. tag me again on Instagram. I’m @BetsyPake. I’m in Instagram jail right now, they won’t let me like anything. I guess I liked too much stuff, which is why I’m not supposed to be on social media so much. But what if you tagged me I can still do stories, so I will be sure to share it and comment. So thank you so much for listening, and I will see you guys next week. Thanks so much for listening today. If you want to take a moment to leave us a review on iTunes. Take a quick screenshot before you hit submit and email it over to us at support at Betsy pake.com. And we will send you a special audio hypnosis to help you overcome a limiting belief. Thanks so much and I’ll see you next week.

This week I talk about leaving the word “Manifesting” to the side in order to speed up your ability to consciously create.

Transcription:

Welcome to The Art of Living big podcast. My name is Betsy Pake, and I’m an author, speaker and a master mindset coach focused on helping you understand and design your life with the power of your subconscious. 

This podcast is designed to help you think differently about what could be possible for your life. Now, let’s go live big. 

Hello fellow adventurers. Good morning. It is Episode 227. I started the show September 20 four years ago, so we’re just about at our anniversary, which is exciting. So I’m having my coffee with you this morning because I have not recorded in a couple weeks. 

Right. And you probably heard that three weeks ago, I talked about how I had a couple of awesome interviews and I know you guys loved those. 

Thank you for listening. I thought they were so fun. The interview was fun to do and it was really fun actually to listen, I do typically listen to the show, but I listened because it was the interview and I wanted to be reminded, you know, especially with Christine because it had been several weeks.

 And it was really fun for me to listen to her and get so many new ideas and be inspired by her in the way that she thinks so I hope that you guys enjoyed that. I hope you felt my tiny pain when Kidest said she wouldn’t come to my beach house. 

But it’s okay you guys can come we will have a retreat or something. So thank you for hanging in there with me the last couple weeks. It has been really, really good. 

So I talked about how I was really trying to slow down and  get slowed down is the right word. But it was really to allow space for myself and space just to think and space just to be. So I started, you know, changing my calendar, so I didn’t have any appointments before 10:30.But it was so fun. I was looking forward to it. 

And so it felt aligned and really good. But in all of that, I really was able to get some clarity and I want to share that with you today in hopes that maybe it will help you. I truly believe that our language impacts the way we’re experiencing the world. 

And I’ve talked about that quite a bit on the show, you know, of course being NLP neuro linguistic programming, I am understanding that my language is an indicator, it is a peek into my subconscious. It’s a peek into what I’m thinking behind the scenes when I’m unaware. 

And then I’ve also shared on the show different studies that I have read that talk about indigenous communities that don’t have words for certain colors. They can actually see the colors. But they have a variety of words for like the same color. 

So you know the color green, for example, like grass, grass isn’t just green. It’s green, it’s lime green, it’s, you know, when they have a variety of colors, they can see subtleties that you and I can’t see because we don’t have the language for it. So it absolutely impacts how we are experiencing the world, our language. 

So, language is so so important and I became aware as I was online. So this is what I kind of want to talk about, and it’s going to lead into the story. Okay. So one of the things that I see online all the time, and that I have done often is talk about manifesting. 

I’ll see people say “How come I can’t manifest this?” or “I’m having trouble manifesting.” I want to clear up the language on that. And I know you’ve heard this before, but hopefully I will say it in a way that maybe shifts the way you’re thinking. I believe it can change how quickly you’re getting what you want.

Okay? So manifesting is simply taking a thought, subconscious thought or awareness and turning it into something in your physical reality. That’s manifesting. Every single thing, and I know you already know this, but let me just say it this way. 

Every single thing you do, have, or become in your life is because you once had a thought conscious or unconscious about it. So every single thing that you do, that you look at in your life right now, is because you thought that was going to happen in some capacity. I want you to think about your bank account. 

Think about your job, think about your spouse, think about your friends, think about your weight, all of that you have manifested. You are an incredible manifester. You are an amazing manifester. Nobody has a problem manifesting. 

Everybody’s doing it perfectly. You’re just not doing it consciously if you don’t have what you want.

So what I want to offer today is the idea that you’re not manifesting, you’re consciously creating.

When I am choosing something different than my reality, I’m choosing to consciously create something different. I’m choosing to create a life where my bank account has $30,000 in it all the time. 

I’m consciously creating a relationship where I feel really seen and I have really great interactions and deep thoughts. I’m consciously creating an experience where I love my environment and I’m happy where I live, right?

I’m consciously creating because when we use the word manifesting It takes away our power. I think because we are excellent manifesters, we’re just terrible at focusing. You’re an excellent manifester. So that should make you feel really good.

 If you’re in a situation right now that you’re like, I hate this and I wish this was different. When you believe that, in some capacity, you’re content you have unconsciously created it. It gives you back your power. Why would you want to give your power to somebody else, or something else?

Or to say, somebody did this to me? You know, I believe, and hang with me if this is starting to irritate you, just hang with me because I think you’ll understand as I keep going. If you’re in a terrible situation, it does not mean that I think you deserve that. 

I don’t, I don’t think you deserve it. I also think that there are times where we get ourselves in situations where we have over and over accepted things that we knew didn’t feel good to us. We’ve said, “okay”, or we’ve swept something under the rug, or we’ve ignored it. 

Because we didn’t want to disturb the peace or it was easier, or we didn’t want to make somebody else uncomfortable. And that alone begins to create the reality that we’re experiencing. And that begins to shape what we have. 

And when we can acknowledge that, then we can go “I am at cause for my life.” And that’s an incredible thing. Because that empowers you, that makes you go, “Okay, I’m in this crappy situation that I hate. Right? But I have the power. So how can I consciously create something different?” 

And I believe when we look at it like that, it starts to change because our language is so important. It starts to change how we’re responding in our environment and when we respond differently in our environment. Other people have to step up and respond differently to us. It’s just the law. 

That’s the way it is. It’s not just the law of attraction. There are lots of other laws out there. And one of the laws is the law of cause and effect. And when you act differently, behave differently, treat yourself differently, take control differently, refuse to put someone else above yourself and your needs differently, then people have to react differently. 

It is the law just like gravity, just like the law of attraction, right? Just like manifesting everything that we have. So I want you to shift your language. What am I consciously creating now? I’m going to ask you this question. 

Do you believe deep down, and don’t use your conscious mind, use your body. What comes to you when I say this? Like, do you feel that you are in control of creating your reality? Does it feel like a yes, like, deep down? Deep down, you know, I am in control of creating my reality.

If you think that’s true, then I would ask you, if you consciously create your reality every day, when you get up in the morning, what is it you’re thinking about? I’ll tell you that since I’ve started really slowing down, I didn’t have to jump out of bed in the morning, right? 

So I wasn’t like, thinking “Okay, I’m getting up, I’m gonna get my workout in really quick. I have to be at my desk by 9am”, right, because I gave myself an extra hour and a half. So I would get up and I would just lay there for a minute and stretch and I realized I would really be thinking past thoughts. 

I would be thinking past things that had happened. Basically, I’d be living in the past. Now, we could get into a whole conversation about timelines and time, how that’s created, but I want you to think of it this way. If my thoughts are my reality, I was waking up in the past

and I want to change shifts. I want to change. I wanted to consciously create but now I find myself waking up in the past.

So now I’m waking up and thinking about other things that happened. Now I’ve got no momentum in the morning. Sleep will even out my momentum. So if I went to bed at night, and I had a lot of momentum towards “Well, I really hate such and such and I hate this situation. And I, you know, I hate where I live. I want to be at the beach.” 

If I had a lot of momentum towards that, when I sleep, it takes the momentum away. So I wake up with a clean slate, but I was immediately thinking about things in the past and sometimes I would think about people I hadn’t thought of in a long time. I’d be like, “I wonder what happened with that. Like what was the deal there?” 

Yesterday I woke up and I was thinking about some woman that I knew years ago. And I was like, “I wonder where she is.” And then I looked on Facebook to see where she was. And she had defriended. me. And I was like on Facebook, right? 

Which I really don’t care. Good, good for her. Like, she’s got a life. I love it. But I was like, “This is so interesting. I wonder if she did it last night.” Do you see what I’m saying? Like why was I thinking of her? I haven’t thought of her in years. And so I was thinking in the past, I was thinking about situations, maybe things that made me kind of annoyed or angry, most of it was negative.

And so I’m going to bring it back to the question. If you are waking up, and you’re not consciously creating what you want, then you’re most likely going to be just replaying shows that already happened, because I’m going to guess you’re like me, that you’re having these thoughts that are sort of just replays of the past. 

So what we think about, right? So if you believe you’re a conscious creator, then you’ve got to start your day consciously creating. And so in the morning, as soon as I get up now, I still have those thoughts, but I immediately move them. 

Because I don’t want to live in the past. I want to create something new. So I’ve been thinking, how would I feel if all my dreams were true right now, everything that I want, and I talk about the beach one a lot, because it’s easy to understand. 

I have a lot of big dreams, bigger than the beach. And it felt like a lie in my body. I would like the beach to not to be such a big dream and then it would probably come true. So I have a lot of dreams, a lot of hopes, a lot of ideas, a lot of things that I’m trying to consciously create. 

And I want to bring myself into the feeling of how it will be when those are reality. What happens when those are a reality? And let me ask you this as a side note, and if you’re in my Rise program, you know, we talk about this. And if you’re interested in that you can jump on my calendar and we can talk about if it’s good for you. 

It’s my 10 week program where we consciously create something new for you. So, in that we talked about what comes after that. What comes after you get your goals, what comes after you consciously create everything you want?

 And I want you to just think about that. Because if I woke up and I lived at the beach, and I had the business that I wanted, and I had  all the things that I wanted, this shall go unnamed, all of these things that I want. 

How would I feel? Even as I’m saying this to you, I noticed my shoulders dropped, like, less uptight, stressed, more open, right? So how would I feel; then can I lock that in? Can I say I say out loud “magical things are gonna happen today.” 

I’m going to notice shifts in this area and this area, in this area. And I’m so excited for it. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, thank you. And then I get up super excited that those things are going to happen and I’m going to see changes.

Right? Like, how can you consciously begin to create what it is you want? About a week ago inside the Alchemy Collective, which is our monthly membership, I go in there usually on Wednesdays and talk and kind of give my daily ritual and I share things in there. Anyway, I was sharing that I had to go, I had to go notice my language. 

My daughter was moving into her first apartment. She moved on a Tuesday and her dad helped her move all the big stuff. Then I was going on Wednesday and I took the whole day off so that I could bring her to Target, you know, and had to do all those things.

And I say “had to.” I think that came out because it felt kind of heavy to me as I was getting ready to go. I was like, “Oh my gosh, I have so many things to do. I really want to go but she’s 18 and she’s going to want things and I’m going to go to Target and I’m going to have an idea of how much money I want to spend but she’s going to want me to, you know, she’s going to be be pressuring me.” 

You know, if you’re a mom, you get that, or a parent or a friend maybe that always has it by lunch or whatever. Like, I just felt like I’m not going to be in control. And even more, I felt like I had so much to do. And so inside the Alchemy Collective I shared with everybody that I gave a list to the universe. 

So I get up in the morning and I was like, this is how I’m going to experience this day. And I don’t think I’ve even updated the Alchemy members on how this turned out. But I gave the universe a list. You know if you can take care of this and this and this, that would be amazing. 

And I will go and I will keep my phone off. And I will appreciate my time with all of it and I will have so much fun. We will, you know, I will create this incredible day. It was wack-a-doodle because we had a great day, it was so fun. And we really connected and we had fun and she was really respectful at Target and we got tons of stuff and it felt fun to buy stuff for her, you know.  

I did go over what I originally wanted, but I changed what I wanted as we were talking because we were having so much fun and she was appreciative and it felt good, right. And then when I came home, all the things that I said I wanted, were right there in my inbox. 

It was fascinating. I released it, I just let it go. I was consciously creating. And I was not holding on to an outcome. I was like, you go do this. This is what I’m giving you. I’m consciously creating. I’m getting up. I’m deciding what it is I want, what I want to see in the world. And then I’m throwing it in the cosmic crock pot and I’m going off and having fun,

So now it doesn’t mean we never forget the things that we need, right, we live in a physical reality, we have to take actions. But for that day, those were the actions I was taking.

 And I was trusting that all the actions I had done for years before, would align, and help me and continue to be propelled forward. Well, I had fun. And that felt really good. And so that’s what I did and it worked. 

Now, I want to offer this to you because I want you to change the language. Change your language. Tag me when you use the new language on Instagram or anywhere because I will celebrate you because I fully 1,000% believe that our language is what begins to create this. It’s what begins to create this reality, begins to be what draws things into us.

Now, the other night we have a call once a month, a couple times a month, but a live workshop and q&a inside the Alchemy Collective. And I was telling them this little story that I’m going to share with you here. I shared a little more with them. 

But I’m going to just kind of give you the rundown. Because I think this can help be perhaps a visual of what it is that I’m talking about. So in all of this being still, being quiet, right before all that happened, and if you’re a regular listener, you’ve heard me talk about right before we left for the beach.

 I felt like there was this blender right in front of me. And it was causing me so much stress in the way I described. It was like if you put your arms out straight in front of you, both your arms, and then you bend your elbows so that your fingertips are facing the sky.

 And then it was circles with my hands, right so two hands in front of me circles like these swirly and I kept saying to my husband, I feel like I’m in the birth canal. Like I feel like I’m in a blender, like, I feel like those were the things…I feel like I’m being squeezed. 

You’re like, you know, if you could imagine like a blender blade would keep knicking you in the face if it was right in front of you. That’s

what it felt like…pain.

And that’s how all of this started where I was like, I’ve got to slow down, like, Holy smokes, I don’t know why, but something’s happening. And I can’t breathe. And so we went to the beach, I came back, I got back in the blender, and then I was like, hold up. 

We’re gonna start everything at 10:30 and give myself that space. And I started really meditating. I started creating a lot of space for meditation, for just thinking, you know, even this morning. I just sat. I just sat and I thought about the things I was thinking, you know, I thought about, I thought about whatever was coming up, right?

 Whether it was the past or the future, I just thought about it, so that I could just release it. Like, let me think about that. “What is it I need to learn, okay, we’re done. Move on, move on, move on”, and give myself that space. Then I felt really clear. 

So I had done that for maybe like a week, week and a half, and the blender thing had started to dissipate. I didn’t feel the blender in front of me, I felt like I could breathe. And then I was in a meditation. And I noticed that I was I, I’m gonna describe it in this way, but it sounds really weird. I was stationary.

 It actually felt like I was on a circle, if you could imagine like a embroidery hoop. Okay, so this is sort of the thing I’m getting. So an embroidery hoop where I’m stationary on the embroidery hoop. There’s other people that I noticed.

 And I noticed who they were that were also on the embroidery hoop. And now if you could imagine, like nesting dolls of embroidery hoops, so like, you know, a smaller one inside and there were other people that I could see, like on one hoop inside. And they were telling me to step up to the next hoop. And I remember I was like, “No, I’m good right here.”

Right? So that was interesting. And I didn’t know who they were, I don’t know them in person. And I didn’t know who they were. And in that I felt all of a sudden like this. If you would imagine like a big huge turbo fan, right? 

Hoo hoo hoo. And it was the blender. It was that blender, but I noticed it was inside my body. So now those two if you could imagine my hands, two hands, so there’s two blenders inside my body. It was as if I slowed down enough where they could get inside my body, but now it didn’t make me feel stressed. It gave me this, like, insane amount of peace.I just felt really good.

And then it was as if I was watching myself. Now I’m on this blender. So if you imagine I’m on this hoola hoop, embroidery hoop, sorry, I’m on this embroidery hoop. If you can imagine now I’m turning, so now it’s almost as if I’m laying down. 

Okay, so my van point goes from above my head first in my body feeling this, this piece and then floating above my head. And then we’re almost tips me to my side. So now I’m looking down. And I felt like it was trying to show me this visual. When I’m looking down, I noticed that that blender, you know, if you open up a blend, like you’re making a smoothie and you open up a blender and you look down and everything’s being sucked in, you know, I’m talking about that was what was happening, those two blenders, and it was sucking in right to my heart. 

So everything was being sucked into my heart. And all of a sudden I had this incredible awareness that we are stationary and that we are sucking everything in to us. I know that that sounds strange now that I say it out loud, but that we are pulling everything to us and sometimes we pull really fast and sometimes we don’t.

And I felt like it was pulling really fast, like a really churning blender. Like, it felt really good. So I was pulling in the right things. So I share that with you just to say what if it’s not running to get to the thing? What if it’s standing, doing the right things, taking the right actions that feel good? 

Allowing the conscious creation that you want to be pulled into you? What if that’s the way we consciously create? What if that’s the way that we become who we want to become, so that we can attract the things that we want to see manifest in our life? So I hope that was helpful. I believe when we can all get to that space. That’s how we can all start living a big life.

If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with your friends, tag me, take a screenshot, tag me on Instagram so I can share you out and let me know what you think. If you have questions or ideas jump into our Facebook group, you can find it at the ArtofLivingBig.com. I go live with the Art of Living Big every Tuesday at 2pm.

And if you want to talk about how to consciously create what it is you want and you want to jump on my calendar, you can go to BetsyPake.com/let’s talk. I can’t wait to talk with you. I’ll see you guys next week. Thanks so much for listening today. 

If you want to take a moment to leave us a review on iTunes, take a quick screenshot before you hit submit and email it over to us at support@Betsypake.com. We will send you a special audio hypnosis to help you overcome a limiting belief. Thanks so much and I’ll see you next week

In todays episode Betsy talks about the holidays and preserving your energy for the time ahead.

Transcript:

Welcome to the art of Living big podcast. My name is Betsy Peik. I’m an author, a speaker, and a trainer of NLP and hypnotherapy. And I’m focused on helping you understand and design your life with the power of the subconscious. This podcast is designed to help you think differently about what could be possible for your life. Now, let’s go live big.

Betsy [00:00:32]:
Hello. Hi, fellow adventurers. So if you’re new here, I was thinking this during the last show. If you’re new here, I always say fellow adventurers, because I believe that we have chosen to come here on this big adventure, ups and downs and all of it. So welcome, fellow adventurers, to today’s show. I missed last week. I didn’t really miss. I am just handling a lot, and the thing that I am most focused on is keeping my energy intact. So I’m doing what I can while keeping my own energy totally full. And I highly recommend that because I am doing a lot of things and still feeling really good. So we are about to head into the holidays. I am taking a week off. It’s like a week in a day, right? Because New Year’s Day falls on Monday. So I will be back. I’m going to be out of the office Friday afternoon and then back on January 2. And I’m really looking forward to it. I am going to be fully present. I am going to be putting my phone away and focused where I am. And I’m just so excited. My daughter is moving. If you’ve been here for a little while, she lives near where I used to live, my old apartment, after I sold my house. And I moved into that apartment. And she lives not far from there because she works over there. Well, the place that she works has two locations, and the other location is right near my new house. Anyway, my new house is more in the city, right? It’s in Atlanta. And it’s so much more her speed. And I just kept telling her, you would love it here, you need to come. It’s maybe 10 miles, but it’s 30 minutes. Anyway, she’s moving. She’s moving right down the road. I mean, far enough away to have her own space, but close enough so it wouldn’t be a big deal to run over and get coffee or whatever. And I’m so, so excited about it. So it’s a season of really good, really good stuff. So today I wanted to talk a little bit about an idea that has been coming up. Like, as people have been messaging me, know, reaching out on Instagram or even inside the group. If you’re not inside the Facebook group, make sure to join the art of living. Big Facebook group. We’re really focused in there on relationships and how to shift. But the showing up for yourself is a theme in everything that I do, in all the work that I do. Okay, so I wanted to talk about this idea that, especially at the know, so many people were messaging me and they’re like, oh, my gosh, it’s the holiday. And I’m so excited, and there’s so much to do. There’s so much to do that I feel like I can’t even enjoy it. And then it’s gone, it’s done. And all I want to do is shut the door and not talk to anybody and just hide in the bathroom and be alone. And I think this is a really common thing. The magic of Christmas is really moms all over the place and some dads, too, right? But putting it all together, making it all work, doing the planning and the thinking, down to having enough magic tape and bows for the presents, to putting the Christmas tree together and making sure everybody’s stockings are filled. I mean, so much of that falls on our plates. And for a lot of us, we also still have work to do, right? Full time jobs and showing up in our lives and our relationships and wanting to maintain some sort of regular schedule of having things that are important to us, having maybe a morning routine or where we journal or do things. And my thought that I wanted to give you for the holiday, and this is really a thought that I bring a lot into all the work that I do. But if you need that, I always think there is a yin and a yang to everything, right? There is another side to everything that we’re experiencing and a duality in the world. And so if you’re feeling like I am doing everything and I’m so drained, I need more space, I need to not have to think about all of this stuff so much. I want to offer you the idea that maybe somebody else needs to step up. Maybe that’s part of their journey. But you doing everything isn’t allowing space for them to even notice or have an opportunity to step up. Okay, so now I know in your head you’re like, if I don’t do it, nobody will do it. And you know what? That might be true. That might be true right now. But I want to offer you the thought that if you need space and you need rest, that there’s another side to that, which is that somebody else needs to be doing stuff. And when I say needs to be, this is what I mean by that. If you’re newer here, what I mean by that is we are adventurers, right? We’re coming here to have this adventure. And I know for me that I would do a lot of stuff. I would do it all, and then I would say, I’m doing it all and never giving any space for anybody else to fill any void because I didn’t allow there to be a void. And then I became resentful and angry that nobody else was stepping up to do anything. You may be thinking, well, this Christmas isn’t going to be it. And that’s okay, because I think we have this feeling throughout our lives. I think there is something in here for us to learn in terms of creating a place for somebody else to step up, creating a space for someone else to pick up the slack or do the things. And I think that we are so wired to making sure that it all goes right. I’m using air quotes, right, that we don’t give any space for it to go wrong. What if you didn’t do it like that thing that’s on your mind, that you’re like, oh, my God, I just don’t know if I can do it all. What if you didn’t? I was talking to somebody the other day and they were like, I have this to go to and that to go to and this and that, and I have to do this, and I got to finish that. And I mean, I was like, oh, my God, I’m really tired just listening now. For some people, they love that. And if that’s you and you’re not feeling any stress around it, then do it. But if you’re feeling overwhelmed by it, say no. Be like, I was going to be able to do this thing and I can’t. Or learn that next year I can’t do all of this. And next month, when something comes up, I’m going to listen into me. Here’s what I think happens, is that we know that something’s too much or that we can’t do it all, but we abandon ourselves because we think we have to do it. And when we abandon ourselves and think we have to do it, we don’t leave space for anyone else to do it. And then we get resentful because we are doing it all. And we lash out or get angry or just get generally done, overwhelmed and done with somebody because they’re not doing the thing that we need them to do when we haven’t given them space to do it. Now will everybody step up and fill the void? No. And I think that’s where you have to say, and you have to know yourself really well. This is the work that I do with women, right. Is know yourself so well that you know what you need and you have a strength to be able to say, that’s what I need. And even if things don’t go the way you would have had them go, you’re okay with it because you still have energy, you still have yourself, and you don’t feel like you’ve abandoned yourself. And you feel good and strong and fortified and you can keep going. But the other option is to completely deplete yourself. And I think when our kids are young, I mean, I think that we do a lot of that trying to make it all happen. So I just want to offer you the thought, and maybe this isn’t an overarching theme. Maybe it’s just for one aspect of something that’s going to happen over the holiday, right, where it’s the day after Christmas and everybody’s going to the mall or whatever it is, and you’re like, I really don’t want to go, but I’m going to go. Maybe you just pause and say, is it true? Is it true that I have to do this? What would happen if I didn’t? And would I feel like I was honoring myself more if I just did what I needed? If you are moving through the world and you are feeling good and you are balancing your energy and you are saying yes and knowing you need to, then I’m giving you a big hell. Yeah. Because that is hard to do. Gosh, I teach this, and it can be hard to do. And so I want to just offer you permission. As we dive into the next week or so of holiday things, what do you need? And if you overextend yourself for someone in one area this season, because you already have commitments and you want to keep your word, how can you give something back to yourself? How can you take that time and how can you refortify so that by the time January 2 comes around, you’re not frazzled, just diving right back in and probably putting a lot of pressure on yourself to meet some new goal or resolution? Think about what you need. Give yourself what you need. Slow down and appreciate how far you’ve come and what you’ve done and how much you do for everybody around you and give a little bit of that to yourself. All right. I hope you have a merry, Merry Christmas. If you celebrate, I hope you have a happy new year. And I will see you after the holiday. I love you so much. I’ll see you all soon. Bye bye.

Betsy [00:12:09]:
Hey, thanks so much for listening to today’s show, and thank you for sharing the show with your friends.

Betsy [00:12:14]:
I love when you guys do that.

Betsy [00:12:15]:
I appreciate it so much. And thank you for leaving me a review on iTunes. I know that it matters because when I go to find a podcast, I always look to see what the reviews are. So it really means a lot to me that you take a minute to figure out how to even make that happen. Now, if you want to find me, find me on social media. I’m usually on Instagram, starting out on TikTok. It’s just my name, betsype. And that’s my website, too, betsype.com. And you can find out all about the work that I do, having me speak for an event that you might be helping to plan or getting trained inside my alchemy institute. But to make it really easy, if you want me, just shoot me a DM. Shoot me a direct message on Instagram.

Betsy [00:12:59]:
And I will be at your service.

Betsy [00:13:00]:
Thanks again for listening, and I will.

Betsy [00:13:02]:
See you all next week.

This week on the show, I interview Kidest Om.

Kidest OM is an Author, Coach, and Corporate Consultant who writes, guides, and speaks exclusively on the primacy of consciousness, deliberate creation, and life mastery. Kidest has been coaching business professionals all over the world on the power of their mindset for over ten years. She knows with clear conviction and absolute certainty that an individual’s potential to achieve any desired outcome is limitless. The infinite capacity for greatness, the unbounded capacity to live the highest imaginable quality of life pulses within each person.   

Contact:
Website: https://www.infinite-life.com/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/KidestOm/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kidestom/
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/KidestOm

Transcription:

Welcome to The Art of Living Big podcast. My name is Betsy Pake, and I’m an author, speaker and a master mindset coach focused on helping you understand and design your life with the power of your subconscious.

This podcast is designed to help you think differently about what could be possible for your life. Now, let’s go live big.

Hello fellow adventurers, welcome to today’s show. I’m so excited. You guys, you know how excited I get when I have somebody really good on. So I’m excited because today I am with my friend Kidest Om. Hello, Kidest.

Hi, Betsy. Thanks for having me.

Yeah, I’m going to read your little bio, and then we’re going to kind of get into it. And if someone is listening that has been a longtime listener, the name probably sounds familiar because I’ve talked about your books on and off, you know, over the last few months.

So Kidest is an author. She’s a coach. And a corporate consultant and she writes, guides and speaks exclusively on the primacy of consciousness, deliberate creation and Life Mastery. You guys, you know, this is like my jam, right? She has been coaching business professionals all over the world on the power of their mindset for over 10 years.

She knows with clear conviction and absolute certainty that an individual’s potential to achieve any desired outcome is limitless. The infinite capacity for greatness, the unbounded capacity to live the highest imaginable quality of life, pulsates within each person. Woohoo, raise the roof on that. I love it all so much. So thanks for being here.

Thanks so much for having me.

You know, I found you I want to say it was like maybe six months ago, and one of my girlfriends had begun working with you. And she said, do you know who this is? And I, when I was like, no, which, you know, I feel like we know the people in the realm that teach this.

So I was like, what in the fresh hell, who is this? And I bought your book. The first one I bought, although I think I have them all. Truly I think I have them all. Um, the first one I bought is called Nothing in the Way: Clearing the Path to Success and Fulfillment.

And I talk about this book a lot. Because it’s one of those books where everything is highlighted. There’s posted notes throughout the entire thing. And I almost use it now. I’ve read it several times, but I use it now almost like an Oracle card in the morning. I’ll just open to anywhere and see what it says. That’s awesome. Yeah. So tell me a little bit about your journey and how you kind of came to this place.

Oh, wow. Um, so I, I’ve been on this amazing journey of sort of discovering our power for a few decades now. It started with I’ve always been curious about human nature. I’ve always had this sort of bubbling curiosity about why we are the way we are, like, even as far back as high school I was just super curious about why are we like this?

Like, why do we, how do we think, how does that even happen? Like how are we thinking, feeling beings? And so I studied psychology in university, and that sort of scratched the surface for me a little bit.

And because we go into, you know, the personality development, the sort of psychosocial development of the human being and the neuroscience aspect of how we do the human thing. Yeah, but it wasn’t enough, like, it was a great peek into sort of the structural, physiological reality of being human, but it didn’t quite take me into the spaces I knew were there for me to explore.

I just intuitively knew there was more so I dove into new thought metaphysics sort of the realm of Buddhist psychology and non duality sort of Eastern esoteric traditions.

Yeah. And I really started to piece together from that a view of being human that had kind of an expansive reality to it. Right. So I was able to both discern and through meditation access deeper spaces within myself that sort of quenched that thing that I was thirsty for for years.

I was gonna ask as you were saying that, did you did you read books to learn that was it simply like you just thinking because I think a lot of this stuff, right is like I have thought a lot about it. And that’s how I’ve come to these conclusions. Which was it for you

But it was so so so I would read something and I’d be like, Well, yeah, not quite what I’m looking for. It’s so like, it’s both and that’s something I encourage in my books is for anyone interacting with what I’m writing, I want them to sort of contemplate it and see where it takes them within themselves, because within us is this depth of ancient knowledge that sort of surfaces into our own awareness when we when we start engaging with the information in our environment, like actively engaging with the information in our environment.

So I read a lot of books like hundreds and hundreds of books. Yeah, from different philosophies, different sort of perspective. And from there, and pieced together what resonated for me or what I thought instead of what I was reading, I was like, No, that doesn’t quite fit, right. This is what I think it is. This is what I feel great to me.

Yeah, so really examining, so it’s really learning something new and then examining if that is true for you.

06:03

Absolutely. Like do you feel really had? Did you have a lot of things to unravel from what you were taught as a kid? You know, we get all of our beliefs and so are so many of our beliefs just from absorbing our surroundings in our environment.

When we’re so little Did you find you had to re examine those things too? Big time, big time. And I think that was sort of the friction that was fueling my curiosity was the way the world was described to me and the way that human nature was described to me wasn’t making sense. I was like,

No, I don’t feel like I’m inherently bad. Which is what you’re taught like human beings are, you know, kicked out of the garden like you hate Yeah, stories of human beings not being enough. Yeah. And it just didn’t sit right. I’m like we live in this universe.

That is so exact, that is so precise. And don’t think the universe would have created a species that we’re in inherently bad like it just doesn’t add up. Yes, yeah. Yeah. That friction of like, No, these these beliefs don’t seem right these narratives, these mythologies we’re being told to doesn’t fear right?

So I was, it was both an online learning but also an affirming of something that I knew in my core, knowing when I did discover these, these other sort of maps of, you know, unified wholeness. For instance, we’re all one thing I was like, Okay, this makes sense. This, this has logical consistency to it. Yes. Yeah. The world that we we, you know, sort of find ourselves in.

Yeah, it was both there was there was quite a bit of cultural programming sort of social programming that I had to undo. Yeah. to uncover sort of the more resonant you know, stories of our nature and the world we live in, and and what were you searching for? Or was it just an understanding of something that you Felt like you didn’t have a full, like realization of.

I don’t think I knew at the time if there was something specific I was searching for, but ultimately, like, the search was the surface of the search, Enter. And I didn’t realize that’s what I was looking for.

I didn’t realize that I was I was looking for a resonant explanation of my true nature, our true nature of, of existence itself. But there was there was something missing from it. There’s just the sense of this isn’t the whole story. For me, I just went through sort of my education and day to day.

It sounds to me that it was sort of just at like, you were just born being curious, curious about things and so you weren’t necessarily accepting what was being given to you.

Then I recall, I think I was 15 or 16 and just having this definitive sense that the information I was being given the the narratives that I was learning, both sort of in school and you know, sort of at church just weren’t it? Yes. It seemed like a faulty narrative to me.

And I stopped. I remember I stopped going to church when I was 16. Because I’m like, No, this Yeah, resonate with me. Yeah, there was that. Yeah, there is that friction of something about this stream of consciousness coming toward me, isn’t that right?

Yeah. So okay, so your whole thing really is and correct me if I’m wrong, but that there’s nothing in the way that we are completely limitless. And so the only thing that’s stopping us from like, have living our hopes and dreams and creating the world that we really want is what would you say is our programming it’s are those beliefs that we’ve been here?

inherited from the environment, those sort of culture, cultural programming that tell us that we’re small that we’re not enough, and that you know, the universe is hostile. Yeah, just the whole horrible beliefs that we’ve taken on that we’ve we’ve accepted that we’ve unquestioningly unquestioningly integrated into your personal May our matrix of beliefs.

Yeah. the mindset that we carry is where the limitation lives. It’s not in the field, the unified field in which we have our existence. It’s not in the universe in which we have our existence.

How would you describe the unified field?

Hmm.

I would describe it as an intricate web of oneness that spans galaxies.

Hi, yes, I love that. So we can tap into that or we are always part of that.

We’re always part of that we’re never not a part of that it’s impossible for us to be apart from that.

And so our problem then lies in us thinking that we’re separate from that and then acting according to that belief that

we are acting within the beliefs of separation. Yeah. What would

somebody be doing if they believed they were part of the Unified Field fully and there was

like, How do you do? Are you able to identify that person, like, believes in this infinity? Like, what are they doing that makes you notice that they have that belief.

So, usually, when you’re in a state of in that integrated awareness that you are part of the whole that you are an integrated integral part of the whole universe, you are in a state of perpetual trust you,

your needs will be met in the next moment you trust that whatever is unfolding is unfolding from a greater system’s intelligence you and you rest in a place of surrender and acceptance but you’re also participating in that universal flow you know, you have a part to play, you know, you have something creative to contribute to the whole because you exist you exist in that creative oneness.

So, you live in a, in a state that that’s able to both flow and rest as the rhythm of sort of the universal field does.

So it’s like a back and forth between the hustle and the flow and knowing when to hustle and knowing when to flow.

Yeah, that rhythm that rhythm of you know, inhalation and exhalation right there’s yeah Time to take in information and learn and meditate and be still and just sort of be in that space of receiving and there’s a time in the exhale, there’s a time to create and express and let go and all of that. Yeah,

yeah. And so with the kinds of thoughts that somebody would have, when they’re in that flow would be basically like thoughts that made them feel good, even when things were hard.

=

Absolutely, absolutely. You know, there’s a purpose behind whatever challenges you’re observing, right, yeah. You know, there’s a greater order that’s orchestrating your experiences and that greater order is leading you into greater order. So you don’t resist the circumstances of your life. And you also participate in creating your life.

Okay, so you don’t resist the circumstances of your life. So if you are experiencing something unwanted How, how do you not resist the fact that that is unwanted? Do you have any thoughts?

And I have thoughts, but do you have thoughts on how you would get into the flow of being okay that you’re having this experience that that you really wish you weren’t?

Yeah, you recognize that a challenge is an opportunity to create something new. Right? So you recognize that that challenge, and whatever that challenge is bringing up for you, is igniting you to create something new to both create yourself in a new way, and to create sort of your external world to organize your external world in a new way.

seems almost like a like a pivot, like where you’re on your path to somewhere and you’re trying to get somewhere and then the universe says, This is going to take you longer if you keep going on this path.

So we’re going to disrupt things and then you’re going to have to pivot and kind of get on another path. Is that right? Would you say yes or no? Opportunity to redefine it to rebirth yourself. It’s an opportunity to reform yourself.

Anytime a challenge comes, is igniting you into a new level of expression into a new level of being. It’s, it comes from love. You know whether you call it pray comes from love. It comes from the loving impulse of the universe to become. Yeah.

So do you, do you think that everything then that happens is for our good. And so even even So while we’re resisting it while we’re having something that’s happening that we don’t like we are in resistance to it.

But if we could just release the resistance and be coming at it from a place of acceptance and love, we would flow through it faster or we would get something different from it or what’s the purpose of that?

It’s both. So when we encounter a challenge when we encounter an obstacle when we face Some sort of external apparent obstacle, it’s an opportunity a to sort of revisit our intention, revisit our goal, revisit our focus and sort of clarify where it is what we want it.

We want to go who want to be. So it’s it’s an opportunity to reflect it’s an opportunity to refine, it’s an opportunity to grow. Because like we exist in a growing universe, right?

Yeah, no, we exist in an expanding universe and being woven in the fabric of that universe. we ourselves have to grow and expand. Simply right? That Yeah, I love that.

Oh, yeah. Oh, it never stops. Yeah. And, and that, that’s one of the things we have to recognize is that, you know, you may have grown in the last eight, nine months, tremendously.

You have to recognize that in the upcoming months. months you’re gonna grow again, in some way, shape, if you are aligned to that natural rhythm of flow, you’re going to grow, you’re going to grow mindset, you’re going to grow in your capacity to self regulate, you’re going to grow in your ability to intend you’re going to grow in it in a variety of ways.

And and that gross if we’re, if we’re not fully conscious of the rhythm of our own sort of lifeforce will sometimes feel like crisis will sometimes feel like challenge or sometimes feel like obstacles.

And if we sort of let go of the resistance, let go of defining that event, that circumstance that catalyzing thing as a negative and we go, Okay, this is here to catalyze me into a new level of awareness. This is here to catalyze me into a new level of self reference, or understanding the world in some way.

It’s here to catalyze me into more I want to know what that means. is if you start recognizing that, that chaos, that sort of flux is an invitation to become new be become more expand. Then how you flow through how you integrate the information that that brings up for you is different. Whereas if you try to fight it if you fight it, it’s painful. It’s really painful. Yeah,

yeah. Yeah, I know that there are things like in my life like goals that I have. And there are everybody that’s listening. That’s a longtime listener goes I know what about these goals because I talk about it incessantly is that someday I want to move to the beach.

Now there have been real reasons in my life. Why I have not done that. My husband has a career here. It’s dependent on the state that we live in, which is Georgia so I’m not by the beach. You know, my daughter lived here. He lives here and her dad was here, and just Recently she went off to school.

So there were like real tangible things in my environment of why I had a dream and a goal to go, but I wasn’t actively pursuing it, because it just wasn’t right. So my question then is, there gets to be a point, at least for me with the ocean where it becomes painful that I cannot go.

So how can I relieve the pain of not being able to go based on decisions that I’m making, like real reasons that I have to not go? Does that make sense? And do you have thoughts on that? Because I think there’s a lot of people listening, you know, there’s people that are listening.

They’re like, I have things I want, but I’m not. I can’t get there yet. Like, how do I relieve my suffering in the meantime?

Yeah, I think it’s a number of things. So for one, recognizing that the goal you have is you know, it’s not just you, right? It’s it’s your family. Yeah. Yeah. So creating space in that in that narrative you formed about what the ideal outcome is like the perfect scenario would be if somehow your husband, your husband’s career and your daughter’s education all of it sort of aligned to support you and having that beach or that home by the beach yeah great so there’s there’s an opportunity to refine the vision there where where you have a full a full narrative of everything working out

Oh, yeah, so it’s it’s almost like my reasons are putting up the roadblocks but those reasons might not even be real.

Yeah, I mean, like the universe’s is quite magical.

In how it orchestrates and event. One of the things that I do in my coaching is I ask my clients to do a brain dump of everything that they want and everything they think is in the way and the whole exercise of that is to put in in front of yourself what your sort of overall narrative is and where the contradictions are.

So if your narrative is my family and I have a beach home, and there are no but there are no like, this has to happen and then this like there’s there’s no Can you have a clear narrative, a coherent narrative, how that that unfolds and is much easier to navigate through then, if your narrative has those contradictory buts and more What if sin sort of concern vibrations woven into it?

So the first thing to do would be to look at your goal and to look at the story you’ve created around your goal. Right, the story you say, what you say has to happen for you to have that dream, right? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Cuz I think that’s what I do is I say it has to be in this certain way. And until it is in that certain way, then I don’t want it. So yeah, even as you were talking, I can see some of the extra layers of things that I’ll throw up in the, in the, in my path, right.

Yeah, it’s, it’s, again, it’s that opportunity to refine on when you see your, your desire, your goal, your intention unfolding in a way that doesn’t line up with the picture you have.

You want to look at what those buts and what ifs are telling you about your story. You know, what beliefs are, are there is your belief that the universe can’t orchestrate.

Alright, so I’m recording. Yeah. So we could just kill off I will slice and dice and make it amazing

to what I was saying was the the universe is capable of orchestrating the experience that that we want in magnificent way. It’s evil to coordinate the rate meetings, the right connections, the right situations so that your dream unfolds the way that you you want.

Yeah. So the opportunity and in any in any effort where you’re intentionally creating something or you’re setting goals to achieve, you want to look at the narrative that you’re creating. You want to look at the resonance And the sort of level of coherence there is in the story you’re telling about what you want to create.

So if what you want to create is, is that experience of having a home on the beach in a different state, where your husband has an amazing job that lets you move there, you know, whatever that good feeling story is, that’s what you want to resonate with.

And, and and you want to stay in that resonance and see what feedback comes back to you from the field based on that coherent resonance that you’re, you’re radiating.

Okay, so I really like this. So based on the feedback, so I get into the feeling, right, and I get super aligned with the feeling and I bring the feeling back and back and back so that I’m mainly living in that feeling. Yeah.

And then I start to see what’s being shown to me what opportunities what setbacks what all of that stuff. Am I right so far? Yeah. And so that’s Oh, come when stuff goes wrong. I can go Oh, this is really good because it’s feedback based on me being in the resonance of what I want, and now I can make an adjustment.

Exactly, exactly. And the stuff that appears to go wrong. You want to recognize this just feedback. There’s no rightness or wrongness to it. It’s just the current that sort of being reflected to you on what you’re putting out.

And the other thing is, is it takes time, it takes cycles for us to move from from intention to manifestation. So this was the part I think that cut out was, you have to exercise a level of self love and nurturance and in the process, you have to recognize that you are a powerful creator.

No matter what that you are being heard that your your request your vision, your intention is landing in the field. So you want to compassionately nurture yourself through the process. You want to nourish yourself through the creative process.

Instead of Creating any sort of dialogue of beating yourself up? What am I doing wrong wise in this work? Like you don’t want to go into the currents that sort of diminish and squash You’re late.

Mm hmm. This is gold. So this is the thing. I think that a lot of people me screw up is that I set and I’m very goal oriented. I grew up like very Hustle, Hustle, Hustle, right?

So I set a goal, I get into the intention, I do the meditations, I get into the feeling. And then I’m like, why isn’t it happening? And then I’m like, I must have to adjust and must have to do something different. I must have to. And then I tend to go back to hustle because that’s my home.

Right? That’s what I was taught. And so you’re saying in this process of being in the cycle of manifesting, I need to relax and I need to give myself extra right to be able to work myself for where I am in the cycle.

Yeah, so the the power of flow the power of our creative flow goes through phases of activity and rest so the activity phase is that hustle that do the go the get the take massive action that run the, you know, the sprint, that is the sort of active current, you know, we call it the masculine flow.

But there’s also the the passive current there was deceptive current, which is when you receive the sort of reflection of what you’ve put out. Right. So you have to go into receptive mode, you have to go into surrender and enjoyment and, and sort of savoring, and which are the sort of we call them the feminine.

Current?

Yes. So how do you know to to see the actual guy go ahead, think? Well, I was just gonna say how do you know which one To be in, to be in the hustle or to be in the flow.

Well, when you when you run out of things to do, which is when people try to like, pivot back into more hustle. And yeah is when you relax when you surrender when you get into that trust them, you know what the universe has this the universe has heard me and now I can go relax, I can go you know, bake a cake or whatever raise you Yeah, yeah.

And and get into that, that, you know, do as nature does, right, like, pay attention to the ocean. That Yeah, don’t miss that step that sort of quietness and or go out into the forest and notice that stillness, that, that restful energy to it.

And, and bring a lot of that into especially if your propensity is to hustle, especially if your propensity is to be in that activity, mode predominantly, you want to rehearse your ability to be in the passive mode, and you want to bring those those aspects of your being to balance. Yeah,

yeah. And that’s really just like, like, you don’t pausing and having fun. Yeah.

Like in a conversation.

Yeah. So and we’ll use communication as an example. So healthy communication is one where and there’s both talking and listening. And and what a lot of people do in the West is they do a lot of the talking and not a lot of the listening.

Hmm, great. So they do a lot of the active phase they do a lot of the masculine go do act, take action, take action take action, but they don’t do a lot of the rest. Receive savor enjoy.Relish.

Yeah, do a lot of the listening. They don’t do a lot of the receiving the taking in you have to let them energies of the universe act on you as much as you’re acting on the universe, right? When you take not, that’s good press, you are acting on the universe and you have to let the returning Energy Act on you, you have to get into that receptive mode.

Okay, so how do I get into receptive mode?

Start with taking note of what gives you pleasure, what gives you enjoyment, what allows you to enter that state of receptivity? Right. So for me, it’s drawing or going for a walk, or doodling again, yeah, learning, anything playful playing with my animals, those are all states wherein I just in a receptive state of enjoyment, I’m just in the state of taking in my environment and just enjoying it.

digesting metabolizing it in an enjoyable way. So think about the things that you enjoy. Maybe it’s a Roma therapy and lighting candles or going for a bike ride, and whatever it may be, make a list.

Yes, yeah. Make a list of the things that give give you pleasure that, you know, what are the things that really moved me into that state of savoring the taking pictures is it you know, what is it and get to know what that is and start incorporating those activities in your day to day, you know, 20 minutes every day to start maybe just to get yourself accustomed to moving into that receptive state where you do nothing but enjoy.

I love that, you know, just recently I changed my calendar so that I didn’t take any appointments or nothing before 10:30am because I found in the morning, I liked to take my time I wanted to take extra time to meditate or go for a walk or to read my book.

And I was hustling to try to get to work started right at nine o’clock. Right? And making that shift where I was starting at 1030 it the energy around my whole day feels different.

Yeah, that’s what balance feels like. That’s a balance between the two phases feels like Yeah,

yeah. Yeah, it’s really good. Awesome. So I love all your books and I want everybody to go buy them all, but I want them to especially by nothing in the way just because that’s my favorite. But the others might become my favorite as I get sick of reading this one over and over.

So I feel like you can’t go wrong with any of them. Also, the reality reality is a buffet of frequencies you get to sample I like that book a lot too. So, I do want to ask you about your mind.

Yeah, that is that one takes a little like I have to stop and think I have a friend who said To me, he said, Betsy, you’re like out on a raft in the ocean, and most of us are on the shore.

And so sometimes when you say things, it feels like you’re really way out in the ocean. And to that, I would say, to that, I would say you are out, like on a barge in the middle of the ocean, and I am just right out by the shore, you know, comparatively, so, I love it. I love your books so much, because it really is hard to find, like people to have these kinds of conversations that kind of, you know, get deep into the nature of reality and who we are and why we’re here and what we’re doing and how we can create our own experiences.

And so I am so appreciative of your books because it allowed me to have that friend that I could have those deep conversations with. So thank you for that.

I’m so glad I’m so so glad to hear that. We have like a, I feel like it’s news that we’re scooping here is that you’ve got a new book coming out in the fall. Yes.

Yes. I’m gonna have a new book.

Same topic, deliberate creation. Yeah, that’s my jam, as well. And then in the fall, so, so keep an eye out for that. It’s called anything you want. And the the core premise really is to help people integrate the construct that they can have anything they want, and then it goes deep into different

areas to help incorporate that construct.

Oh, I love that. Well, good. Well, and I’ll be sure to share that all over social media when you get it out. So I’ll be the first one to get a copy. So I will be right in line for that one. So I love it. Now if people want to find you, where can they find you?

Just on my website, it’s infinite dash life.com and they can navigate to my YouTube videos, my Instagram, my Facebook from there, I post daily so

I love your Instagram, everybody should follow you on Instagram because you always have really good videos and just like thought provoking things and they’re short enough, you know that you can listen to them while you’re making lunch or whatever. I love it.

Yeah, I just I want to remind people that you know, every day is an opportunity to connect to their power. And, and there’s it’s never a bad time to do that. to sort of get centered get connected. Get in flow.

Yep. I love that. Now when I get my beach house, will you come and visit and have deep conversations with me by the ocean?

You know, but at the very least I will zoom you

guys I’m on an island.

Oh, you are

Where are you? I am I’m surrounded by ocean. I’m on Vancouver Island.

Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think I knew that I think I didn’t know that. Yeah, well, we will zoom and you will be there when I when I get my beach house because it will be in part because of your books.

So no thank you so much it

Thank you. Thanks for being here so much.

Thank you. Thanks so much for having me.

Thanks so much for listening today. If you want to take a moment to leave us a review on iTunes. Take a quick screenshot before you hit submit and email it over to us at support at Betsy Pake calm, and we will send you a special audio hypnosis to help you overcome a limiting belief. Thanks so much and I’ll see you next week.

Today’s show I talk about the pain of upleveling and everything that goes into taking on a new identity as we grow.

You can join the Facebook group here for the Live Show: www.Theartoflivingbig.com

Transcription:

Welcome to The Art of Living big podcast. My name is Betsy Pake, and I’m an author, speaker and a master mindset coach focused on helping you understand and design your life with the power of your subconscious. This podcast is designed to help you think differently about what could be possible for your life. Now, let’s go live big.

 Hello fellow adventurers. Welcome to today’s show. So today, I want to talk to you a little bit about the pain of up leveling. And this might be something that you’re experiencing right now. I know it’s something that I’m going through. 

And so I thought it might be helpful. Well, I know it will be helpful for me to be able to express it all and share it and maybe it’ll be helpful for you too, because you may see yourself in some of what I’m describing. So as we talk about this and the pain of up leveling Want to let you know that over the next couple of weeks, I won’t be having a show.

 But there will be shows available. I’ve got two really great interviews like amazing, awesome people to bring you over the next couple weeks. But because of that, I want to share a couple things before we get going, because I won’t be able to tell you stuff that I might want to tell you in the next couple of weeks. 

So I’m going to be taking those few weeks off. I’ve got these awesome interviews. So still look for the show. But I also want to let you know that I’m going to be starting a live show. So you’ll still get this podcast but there is going to be a live show. 

That’s going to be starting in just the next couple of weeks, you’re going to be able to watch the live show on Tuesdays inside my facebook group. So you’re gonna want to go to the art of living big.com and that will push you right into the Facebook group. 

But that is going to be something you can put on your calendar. It will be coaching and live a live show every Tuesday. I think it’s gonna be at 10am so stay tuned. More on the exact time that we get worked out.

So I wanted to let you know that I also wanted to give you a couple of ways that you could work with me. We have a membership called the alchemy collective and we are going to be opening up that membership in the next week or so. 

So again, be sure that you’re either in the Facebook group, absolutely get in the Facebook group, but also on my mailing list and you’ll get a notification. The alchemy collective is a membership, it is a monthly membership where you can come in, it’s a freaking amazing community like the people in there are awesome. 

There’s really good shares in there we have a resident astrologist that kind of helps us through the stars and understanding that piece. There is training coaching meditations every month. It’s just really awesome. 

So make sure you get on the mailing list or get in the at the very least get on in the Facebook group so that you can be notified of that. And then the second thing is I’m taking applicants right now for the rise, my rise training. This is a training program that I run it’s a 10 week program.

 It is for people that are really ready to uplevel you know, I love the alchemy collective because it gives you some good information and kind of a piece of me but the people that are in the rise, these are my people. These women are incredible.

 And this is really where I spend most of my time they get tons of access to me, help on everything deep dives, weekly coaching all the things so if this is something that you’re interested in and you want to learn more and you’re really ready to uplevel then head to my website, go to BetsyPake.com/let’s talk and you can book a clarity call. 

It’s a free call where we talk and get clarity and I see if I can even help you. I will tell you if you’re not a good fit for the program, I will tell you that I’ll say I don’t think I can help you with that or I think you should go to see this person or whatever. 

So this is a stress free call but it’s a place for you Be able to connect with me and see if I can help you move forward. Alright, so a couple, those are the couple things that I wanted to say. And now let’s kind of get into the show here and talk about the pain of up leveling. 

You know, a few weeks ago, I talked on the show about how I had this day where I was like, I feel like I’m in the birth canal, right? Like, I just I feel like I’m being squeezed and pushed into something new and it was so uncomfortable. 

And that was the next day when I cleared my whole calendar, and I ended up going to the beach with my husband. So if you listened to that show, it was about lowering the bar to joy. And in that I really found like some really great lessons just about going with the flow and being in my happy place gave me time to reflect and figure out what I really wanted.

 It let me slow down a little bit. And when I came back, I realized that I have been Really in the hustle.

And as soon as I came back, I got right back in the hustle. So I had this lesson that kept kind of nagging at me. But I was back in this super hustle of getting up and getting going and doing all the things and trying to do all the things. And I was getting so overwhelmed. 

And I felt like the things that I was doing didn’t really align with me. It was like, those things made me really happy six months ago, but now it felt bad. And so I started to really take a look at that, like what is happening and why is it that the things that once made me happy are now making me feel really drained. 

One of the things that I’ve talked about on the show before is making a list right of what are the things that bring me energy, and what are the things that take away my energy and when I did that exercise And really reflected, I was like, a lot of what I’m doing is taking away my energy and feeling completely depleted.

 And so I really was looking at this, like, what is it that I need to do? And I wanted to understand what was happening. Like why this was happening. Now. I don’t know that we need to understand every little thing. But for me, I like to map it out so that I can see it. 

And then I can help somebody else to see it when it’s happening to them, right. So I felt like, Alright, if this is happening to me, then I know it’s happening to other people. And what was the catalyst? How did this start? And I’ve definitely felt like I was up leveling and it was uncomfortable, right? 

Because the things that I used to do didn’t feel good. So that means I’m moving to something else. But because I kept doing the same old things, it was making me it’s causing me to feel stuck, right to feel like I’m in this old version of me that I don’t like but I’m not doing anything different and I don’t know what to do.

 And so I just decided to just pause to just stop. And I changed my calendar all around so that every day I did not start work or have an opportunity to start work until 1030. So I know that I’m lucky that I’m able to do that. 

But maybe if you work for somebody else, you can adjust your calendar so you’re not having meetings with somebody so that you’re taking care of the stuff you need to take care of first, or whatever that means for you. 

But for me, I wanted to be able to have the time in the morning where I could follow my intuition where I could just do the things that felt good to this new version of me because it was painful trying to stay in the old version. 

And you know, I love my peloton and I talk about my peloton. But it wasn’t feeling good to me to get on the peloton. In fact, I was starting to feel like I should do that. Right? I should do it and So I started listening to what it is I really wanted to do. 

And I kept going back to this idea of me living at the beach. And if you’ve been here for a while, my god, you’re probably exhausted hearing me talk about the beach, but I’m going to tell you a couple things that are that are that are that have been happening. 

So I, but first, let me say this. So I started thinking, like, I just want to be at the beach, because then I could be that version of me. And that’s what I realized. I was like, Wait a second. I want to get to the beach because then I think I can be that version of me. And what does that version of me do? And I have been saying to my husband the last couple weeks if we lived at the beach, I’d go for a walk right now.

But that the experience of me going for a walk here where I live now isn’t what I want, right? It doesn’t make me happy. I don’t like my neighborhood. My neighborhoods. Fine yell. I just don’t like it because it’s not the beach neighborhood that I have in my head.

 It’s a neighborhood. It’s very cookie. cutter. It’s just not what I wanted to experience when I went for my walk. And so I started looking at what are all the things I would do if I was at the beach. And I know that if we want to create the experience, then we’ve got to create the experience regardless of the reality. 

And so I made a list of the things I would do differently at the beach. I would go for a walk every day, I would find joy in the simplest of things, I would relax, I would appreciate where I am. I feel like when I’m there, I will have a freedom I will be able to exhale. 

And so I looked at my life and I was like I have to create that right now. And so I started walking every day in my neighborhood, but only if I felt like it in the morning so far I have but every morning I go for a walk and I haven’t been bringing my dogs because that felt different than it would feel at the beach.

 It brought back into awareness. And if I could just be listening to music or listening to an audio book, I could separate from the reality and just create the experience that I wanted. So I’ve been walking, I’ve been relaxing, I’ve been thinking about things that I would want to do. I’ve been getting way back into scheduling real quality time for my meditations, something that I haven’t done in a long time.

And so I want to offer that to you to start with is that when you’re starting to feel an uncomfortableness with where you are, pause, see what you can shift. Can I shift everything I want to know? 

Not right now, but I can shift a lot of the doings especially in the morning, I can have control over that. And so I’ve started to bring in the things and that has felt so much better.

The other thing is, I’ve noticed in the morning, as soon as I wake up, I’m starting to evaluate beliefs. I’ve noticed as soon as I get up, I’m thinking about what do I really think about abortion, and pizza and health and my family and how families are supposed to be. 

I’ve started to reevaluate everything things that I thought were settled. But when you are up leveling, when you are changing your identity to a new version of you, some things have to fall away. And some things have to just be reevaluated in light of this new version that you’re coming to be. 

So if you’re starting to notice that you feel differently about things that you felt the same about for a long, long time, just allow it just get to a space where you can investigate it. Don’t push it aside because it is part of the up leveling. 

And for me, I feel like the evaluation is as much Part of the up leveling as the new belief, or some of it is the same beliefs, but I’m realizing that I’m looking at them differently. And so it’s important for me to be able to have space to do that.

 If I don’t, then I will continue to stay in the old beliefs. And what that does is creates my identity. So I will continue to stay in the same identity, which isn’t bad if that’s where you want to be. 

But if you’re trying to uplevel and you’re trying to grow and you’re trying to create new experiences, so getting out of the hustle, starting to notice those beliefs, doing the things that I would do if I was where I wanted to be, and then I it kind of caused me to go back and go What, what started this, you know, today I was walking and I was like, what, how did this begin? How did this start?

 And if I want to create this again, if I want to up Again, how can I create it? Once I get through this? It’s painful right now. There’s a lot of almost, I would say, like mourning. Like who I’ve been realizing that I’ve got to let go of a piece of her, and being able to just appreciate her for what she’s done and where she’s brought me. 

You know, sometimes we look back on things and we’re like, oh my god, that was so cringy or, I can’t believe I thought that or did that. But it’s part of the learning. It’s part of what got me here was going through those moments where I screwed up, or I did something I wish I didn’t do, or, or I thought something I wish I didn’t think right. 

And it’s also about letting go of the idea that I want other people to perceive me. Like, I don’t know, let me say it in a different way. People have always perceived me in a certain way and it’s scary to to know Know that they might perceive me in a different way. 

Right? So if I change, if I uplevel, how much will it be? How much will I change? How much of my behavior will really change? Like if I allow these new beliefs because beliefs are going to change what what I do, it’s going to change my action subconsciously. 

So if I reevaluate these beliefs, and I believe something different, then who do I become? And how do people react to me? And are the people that I’m around? Do they stay? Or do they go with what happens? 

So as I was walking, and I’ve been thinking about when did all of this start, what happened? And a few months ago, you know, in the midst of Corona, I think we’ve all kind of scaled back right? We’ve all not been able to do all the things that we’ve always done. 

And so it’s left us sort of with ourselves, and maybe you’ve eaten and drink in yourself to not pay attention to your I’ve done that off and on over this time. So I’m not standing here to judgment. I’m standing here in a understanding. 

But also it is there is a point where then you evaluate, it’s giving you time to look at stuff. So I looked back on my calendar and I journal every day. So it was easy for me to go back. And on June 18, I took a did a breath work class. 

And in that breath, work class, I had a very mystical experience similar to when you’re meditating and you have a really interesting mystical experience when you’re meditating. It was basically the same kind of thing. 

But in this breathwork class, it was like an hour long, breathwork class. I remember I finished and I wrote in my journal that I felt like I was on drugs. I was very much experiencing things in another way. 

And I’ve noted this on the podcast, I’ve talked about this if you listened to all the shows, about me being in the pool, and I can hear the I can feel like there’s rock like a rock wall behind me and I can feel and hear the waterfall. 

And I’m standing in the pool. And there’s somebody talking to me and I know the shape of the pool and I know what the house looks like. So in that experience I, I believe I was there. And it was that experience where I felt the resistance to me moving to the beach dissipate. 

So if you’ve heard me and you’ve been listening to the show for a long time, I talk about moving to the beach all the time. And and if you know me, then you know it’s not really been a thing because I cook because I couldn’t because my husband is his has his job here. 

My daughter has lived here. But in that moment, not the resistance went away. I didn’t have that resistance. So whether my daughter lives here, you know, y’all she’s getting her first apartment. She’s starting her second year of college like her dad lives a mile From her, right, so like it, the resistance to I can’t leave because my daughter’s in high school or whatever it was it, it isn’t valid anymore.

 And in that breathwork class in that mystical experience, all of the resistance went away. And I experienced the reality of me being there. Now, there was absolutely the physical things that I just talked about being in the pool and feeling the water and all of that. But there was also a level of joy that is different from my usual self. 

Now, when I work with my clients, I’ll get them in a state of where they want to be. And then we do a process to notice what’s missing. Like what do they normally have in their life that they don’t have in this experience?

 And then what do they have in this experience that they don’t have in their normal life, right? So I’ve gone back to that moment and Tried to identify what that is. And there is definitely a level of joy.

 It’s almost a carefreeness it is being in the moment, like a very much being in the moment, feeling all the things, seeing all the things and being so appreciative now, in my real life, I think I’m appreciative and I’m grateful and I do all of those exercises, but when it when it comes down to it lately, as I’ve been up leveling, I’m realizing that I’m not really feeling that because I’m so resistant to what is happening right now. And so, as I had that experience, as I had that mystical experience, I realized that I could bring that into my right now that it wasn’t just the physical stuff. It was a sense of being. 

It wasn’t a doing it was the being who Was I being in that moment was really different. Right after Do that breath, work class, everything started going wrong, everything started going wrong. I could give you the list, but just trust me that every thing started to go wrong. 

And I know that when we are creating something new, everything that is currently, your experience has to break apart so that something new can come together. Now I’ve kind of joked about it, how everything broke in my house. My, all of our cars got hit or broken, like everything was changing. 

And so I felt really safe in all of the change where I should have, I say, should have. Maybe in the past, I would have been like, Oh my god, now we’re up to, you know, $10,000 of things broken, but I just didn’t care.

 I just was like, This is the brain apart because something really good is coming together. So now, a couple months later, I can start to feel all of these changes internally. All of these things in the up leveling and I know that whatever is coming together whatever was the catalyst in that breath work experience is starting to move from my reality breaking apart to my internal self questioning breaking apart, right? 

And so it doesn’t feel scary as much as it feels exciting and I’m ready for what’s next. So if you’re feeling stuck or stagnant, it is because where you are no longer feels good, what used to feel good, doesn’t feel good. 

It is a calling and an offering to uplevel. And you can choose to take it or not take it right you can choose to stay stuck, or you can choose to uplevel and that’s that’s the work I do with it. It’s incredible. 

And so it’s wonderful that I’m getting to really do this with myself once again, you know, and it happens over and over and over again, I was talking with a friend, just this morning, and we were talking about how this is what happened when, you know, she said to me, I have been feeling the same thing. 

And this is what happened when I decided to leave my job and you know, change, everything changed. And that is exactly it. Everything changes, and you get new experiences. And then you choose those new experiences. And then after a while, you have the opportunity to uplevel again, and so you get to choose yet again, other experiences.

21:45

So, back to who I was allowed to be in Key West who I was allowed to be in that breathwork class when I experienced that. It was this level of joy. It was somebody who took walks for fun, right? instead of walking For exercise, I did not care.

 In my walks in Key West, I did not care about being fast or any of that I could have gone for walks in my flip flops It was about experiencing, being outside and experiencing the environment and experiencing myself in that environment. 

And so I want to give you a couple things that might be helpful to you. So if you feel stuck, and you feel like I must be trying to uplevel and you’re ready to uplevel then ask yourself, what is the what’s happening in my environment? 

Where do I need to release things, and move forward with other things, you know, make your list what is draining me of energy and what feels really good, what gives me energy, and then start doing those things that give you energy, like take the actions to shift and this is the part I think can be really difficult because we’ve always done what we’ve always done, and so It feels scary to do something different. 

You know, today I was walking, and a really good song came on. And right off, I was like, I want to dance. I know this sounds so weird. And I immediately thought, if I was in Key West, I could just dance because everybody in Key West is weird, right? That’s my perception. 

And but here, I would be the weird woman. And then I would be the weird, like, almost 50 year old woman, middle aged woman. And then I realized, okay, Betsy, look at that. Look at all of the beliefs like I just named, I mean, there’s probably 25 or 50 beliefs just in that right there. So like, what a 50 year old woman woman like is 50 midlife. 

What does it mean to be somebody outside as a woman? That’s midlife. I immediately I go to like, how does she act? What does she do? How does she dress? Right? What how much joy Are you allowed to show Are you only allowed to show joy that society Except right, who is the woman who dances when she walks? 

She’s the kind of woman that gets made into a meme. Right? So I don’t want to do that because I don’t want to be a meme. I don’t want people looking at me. Why don’t I want people looking? Do you see how there are so many beliefs in this?

 I use that example because it is the thing that would bring me joy. As silly as that sounds like and I in even as I’m saying it, I’m like, I do not want to be the woman that’s like, walk dancing, but why not? Like why not?

 When we really look at those people in those videos, we go, they’re really happy, maybe a little weird. But like, I think if I lived in Key West, I would be that happy. And so when I felt that today, I was like, whoa, I’m bringing that reality into me because I’m feeling that happy. 

So I want you to notice that use your environment to give you clues around what it is that you need. You know, this past week, I had a really interesting experience that I’ve never experienced before. But I had someone that reached out to me to coach with me. And then I got kind of ghosted.

 It was really interesting. But what I did was I said, What? Where am I ghosting myself? Where am I giving a commitment to myself and not following through? Where am I just not acknowledging something that I thought or that I needed or that I asked for. 

And then I’m not giving it to myself, I’m disregarding that internal request. So use your out your outer experiences as a mirror, right to reflect what it is that’s going on and what you really need to look at.

Because I believe that that experience was all about what I’m what I’m putting out there, right. It’s a mirror. There’s something in there that I’m putting out that I need to self reflect on, and make changes and really show up for myself. 

And I realized that there was a variety of things that I said I wanted, but probably weren’t really Very high on the value list because I wasn’t following through. And if that’s what I’m doing, if that’s not as high on the value list, as I tell myself It is my actions are going to be different. 

So where do I need to look at my actions? And then maybe I need to reevaluate, reevaluate my values. Now there’s a way I can do that in my subconscious. And so I can actually do that work and go through that process. So that I can start to show up for myself in a different way. That’s easy and effortless. 

The next thing is make space to allow this new version of you to come in, right, so I blocked off my calendar. I blocked off the next couple of weeks of doing the podcast and I’ve got shows for you. But for me, I won’t have to do them because they’re all set up and ready to go. So I created space to allow this new person to come in to fruition, right? 

How will she be I’m not totally sure will she be that different than me? Right now, maybe not. But maybe there will be some specific things that will feel really good because I’ve given it the space to show up, you know, you hear about you like clearing out your office or clearing out your garage or whatever to create space for something new. 

And that’s exactly it. So nature abhors a vacuum is what they say. Every time I think of that, you guys I think of that far side video or far side cartoon. Have you seen it where the woman’s vacuuming you need to google it? So I can use that to my advantage and I can create space so that something new has has space to come in? 

Right? I stopped trying to stop the inspiration. Right? So I when the inspiration would come to me to do something instead of going that feels uncomfortable, because I’ve never done that before.

Now I did stop myself from dancing in the neighborhood. But when I came home, I danced in the kitchen. So So kept trying to have the inspiration and then halted it right? Now I’ve got some growing to do to where I could actually do that in my driveway or in my neighborhood. And maybe I would feel more comfortable doing that someplace like us. 

I don’t know. But it gives me something to look at, right? And I asked myself, what are the things that I’ve believed about me that I believed about everything? And everything about me? 

So, you know, what are the things take a look at what my beliefs really are, you know, I was doing it so much. I was waking up thinking about beliefs and reevaluating things, and I was reevaluating the things before that seemed like reality. 

And I think that’s super important. Because when we start to question what we thought before was our reality, then it gives us an opportunity to really grow into somebody new, right? So, you know, there might be things you know, I’ll give you an example.

 I was on the phone with somebody. This is when I did the up depth. You event live. And we went into these like breakout rooms and there was a woman in there maybe in her 60s. And she said, there was a young woman in the group also, and the young woman said something she wanted to do. 

And the older woman said, It’s way easier to do that when you’re young. Do it while you’re young. And that was she believed that was reality for her. And I remember thinking that’s a really interesting belief. Like, maybe it’s not easier when you’re young. If you’re older, maybe it would serve you to have a belief that it’s easier when you’re older. 

Right? So do your beliefs actually serve you? And even if it feels like reality, if it’s not serving you, there are other ways to look at things. And I started to release the the idea that it was scary to change, right that people have known me in a certain way, and that maybe they will not want to know me in this new way. 

And then I decided so what so what if they do But if they don’t want to be friends with me, then what does that mean? Or if they don’t feel as close to me, or they don’t feel as aligned to me, then they’ll probably be new people that do, and new friendships and maybe it’s exactly what I need. 

And so releasing any of the resistance, and just allowing this new version to come and it is painful, it is hard, and it feels like off and on, you know, sad and scary and confusing. But I do believe that that’s what we’re here for us to grow. 

And I, I believe that so many of us keep ourselves small, keep ourselves in the same space for fear. I talked to a client the other day and she said that she had just listened to the first episode of this podcast and I was like, Whoa, that version of me is so different than this version of And I wonder it’s so different that I wonder if that version of me would be attracted to this version of me and the version of me that’s coming.

 Like I’m not sure. And I also think she was really hungry to, to change and to grow. So perhaps she would have grown faster if she found me. So, you know, look at your look at what’s happening. 

Look at what’s happening in your environment, release the need to control everything, create this space, and allow yourself to uplevel And remember, if this is the work that you want to do, and you want to guide this is the work that I love. 

And so just reach out to me. You can DM me on any social media or just go to my calendar and find a spot Betsy Pake comm backslash, let’s talk and we can just talk about it and see. So when you do that, that’s how I think you live a big life. 

So don’t forget to get in the Facebook group. You guys I’m going to be doing that live show. I think it’s going to be really fun and it’ll be more fun. If I have friends in there. So join me in there and I will see you next week for an incredible interview. I’ll talk to you soon. 

Thanks so much for listening today. If you want to take a moment to leave us a review on iTunes, take a quick screenshot before you hit submit and email it over to us at support at Betsy Pake calm, and we will send you a special audio hypnosis to help you overcome a limiting belief. Thanks so much and I’ll see you next week.

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Transcription:

Welcome to The Art of Living big podcast. My name is Betsy Pake, and I’m an author, speaker and a master mindset coach focused on helping you understand and design your life with the power of your subconscious. This podcast is designed to help you think differently about what could be possible for your life. Now, let’s go live big. Hello fellow adventurers. Hey, welcome to today’s show. So if you are new here thank you so much for finding me. If you’ve been here for a while last week was Episode 222 and I didn’t even notice until after the episode was totally finished locked and loaded and I was uploading it and I was like what numbers this and I was like oh 222 so if you are new here you might be like, oh, like she into the numbers. Were really it is lowering the bar to joy. I love finding aligning numbers to to to reminds me of
My friend, Pam grout who has been on the show several times, and her to, to to Foundation, so it just feels fun to me. So I wanted to acknowledge that I cannot even believe it that we’re at Tu, Tu, Tu, we are heading into the fourth year in September, I think it’s September, we’ll be heading into the fourth year of this show. So if you’ve been here for a while, or maybe you’ve started your own show, or you’re doing something that you’ve just started, when I first started those first months and months of this show, I would get like 23 downloads like I would get, I mean, when I remember when I would get 100 downloads, it would be like this big, huge deal. And now it’s thousands of downloads. So I just I wanted to, I wanted to bring that up because I think sometimes and I have a lot of goals and dreams and I am nowhere near a lot of podcasts out there in terms of reach and you can help me with that by sharing this show. But it is a whole lot different, right. So it’s a lot different than it was in the beginning.
I just want to point that out in case you are starting something new. Just keep going, just keep doing what feels fun and what feels aligned. And eventually, it’ll, you know, it’ll pick up some momentum and some steam. So, alright, so this week, I’m doing something a little bit different inside my facebook group, this whole week, I have been doing a live training every single day. So if you want to join us in there it is if you just type in the art of living big.com it’ll push you right into the Facebook group. But what happened was over the last couple months, right with the corona virus, I have heard people talking on social media about the corona 15. Right and about how much we’re like snacking and, and drinking more and all of these things. And I know that’s been true for me too. And over the last couple months, I started to notice that and so I paused and I used some of my tools you
Some of the subconscious reprogramming that I have to be able to identify what was really going on why I was behaving the way that I was and how I could start to shift it so that it worked for me instead of me feeling like I was a victim to like whatever I was doing, right, like I have no control. It’s just happening. And I know that feeling, I know that that can come up. And then right around that same time, I had to retake and get recertified with my nutrition certification, and as I was taking it, the particular kind of certification that I have, is really, really deeply embedded in a subconscious habits. And I was, say retaking the test and I was like, I know why I loved this so much. I know why. When I was just coaching nutrition clients, why it led me into the subconscious work because it’s also tied together and I was like, This is so great. I was just really like rethinking about it. And so I decided I was gonna run
Training this whole week on subconsciously shedding weight, you know, we we hear a lot about like I got to lose weight. And we are also taught not to lose anything, right. And so I really wanted to shift that and I wanted to bring that awareness to people that it is not about losing it, it is about shedding it. It’s about releasing emotional weight and shedding weight that doesn’t serve you anymore. And that’s not helping with your health. That’s not helping you feel the most confident. And I am not one that believes we all have to look a certain way. I don’t believe we have all have to have abs. You know, I’ve talked about this before, but I have had abs and it didn’t make me any happier or even any happier in my body. So it’s not about what you look like it truly isn’t. But when you get to the point where you feel better about how you look, your body begins to shift because it sheds all of the layers of unhealthier unnecessary fat that you
just didn’t need. So inside the Facebook group, it is free all week long. I’ve been doing trainings every day. You’re listening to this maybe on a Thursday, this afternoon, I have another nutrition coach that’s coming on. And we’re going to chat about some of those habits. I’m going to be doing a live hypnosis on Saturday. So join me then Sunday I’m going to be coming in and like just doing a powwow, I’ll have some things to share and answering questions. So, you know, get involved, if that’s something that’s interesting to you, it’s gonna be so much fun. And so today, so I am bringing you the very first training that we did it is on stress, and overeating. So I think this will be eye opening for you. I hope that it is give you some new thoughts, things to contemplate, and to kind of review in your own life and see if there’s some. There are definitely some tactical things that I can share with you here today. That can help you to start to shift in your own way. All right, I’ll be quiet
Now and you can just listen. See you guys next week.
Hello. Hi everybody. I am so excited to be here this week. We have lots of really cool stuff to share. So we are here we’re live it is Monday. If you are new here, my name is Betsy Pake, I help people change their lives using the power of their subconscious. And this week, I really wanted to talk to everybody and to share a little bit more about our subconscious minds in terms of our bodies and feeling healthy and happy in our bodies. And, you know, I want to preface preface this whole experience this week. Just to say that it is not about having the perfect body it’s not about having the body that magazines tell us it’s it’s not about any of that it is about having a contentment inside our own body feeling happy and healthy and understanding why we do things
The way that we do, and how to really shed weight that may be unwanted or unnecessary for us and for our health. And I want to just point out that I used the word shed. And as we go through this, we are so conditioned to talk about weight in terms of losing weight, right? And you’ll hear me that there are times moments where I say it to losing weight. But I really like the idea of shifting that. And I’m going to explain to you why. And as we get into the content this week, and really into the subconscious and how your brain thinks, this is why this is so important. But if you think about it, what are you taught from a very, very young age just to not lose anything? And if you do, you need to find it. And we are taught that from our parents, you know, from our grandparents and teachers, don’t lose it, hang on to it. And if you do lose it, where is it? Think about it, can you find it, can you get it back, and so subconsciously
I really like the idea of shedding weight of releasing weight. It’s unnecessary. And so that’s going to be more of our focus is just on being happy and healthy in your body. understanding why you might be doing the things that you’re doing, and also how can you release unnecessary or unwanted weight that’s not necessary for your health or your fitness. So, let us dive in. Alright, so this week, we’ve got some really cool stuff. If you haven’t already gotten the workbook, you can go to Betsy pake.com backslash experience, just type in your name, and it will, you’ll get an automated message and it should have the workbook on there and we will get it to you. That way you can follow along, there’s a little bit of homework that I have not a lot, just some stuff for you to be thinking about to really help you have a transformation this week. So today we’ve got this live training and tomorrow and Wednesday, all at 1030. So those are going to be the bulk of our training.
Then I’ve got some support stuff for the rest of the weekend on Saturday. I’ve got a really cool hypnosis experience for you. So make sure to mark your calendars and be there with me live for that. Alright, so let’s dive in to today. As we get started, I want to talk about we’re going to be talking about conscious minds and we’re going to be talking about unconscious mind. We, you might hear me say conscious or unconscious, or subconscious, subconscious and unconscious are the same. Those words are interchangeable. conscious mind is what you’re doing right now. It’s how you’re watching me, it’s what you’re thinking about me. It’s, you know, that conscious brain that is experiencing this now. So as we get started, I just want you to keep that in mind unconscious and some subconscious are interchangeable. And here’s the thing. Today, we’re talking a little bit about being overstressed and eating and I think that this is a really it’s a it’s a huge thing right now because we’re heading
home, you know Coronavirus, so many of us are isolated and kept at home. And I have had lots of friends I’ve heard talk about on Facebook and social media, about the, you know, Corona 15, about how we’re just sort of eating and drinking and, and, and not living in a way that maybe feels really comfortable to us. So, you know, as, as women, and most of us are women in here, so if you are one of the men, I honor you for being here and wanting to look at this too, but I’m just going to be speaking, you know, from the point of view of a woman or from someone that is in control of so many pieces of the household, and maybe your children’s lives and your lives and you have a career and you’re trying to balance friendships, and now maybe you’re trying to balance homeschools or figuring out virtual schools and maybe you have pets and that falls on you too. Right? Maybe every time you have to think about getting like toothpaste or toilet paper. Like maybe that is
All on you. And so as women, I think we we wear a lot of hats. And after so many years of this, we can become really drained emotionally really tapped out. It’s an emotional tool, just all of this keeping track of all of these things in our heads. So most of our days are spent multitasking anyway. And now we add in the Coronavirus, and being home and quarantine, and it can make life feel almost impossible. So we’ve got a perfect storm on our hands right now. And I want to talk about why this feels so overwhelming. Our conscious brain can handle about seven chunks of information. So our brain chunks information together, seven plus or minus two chunks, so five to nine chunks of information at any one time. So this is
This is the capacity, this is what we are able to handle. So what this means is when we’re thinking about, like, what’s for dinner and dropping stuff off at the dry cleaner, and picking up the medicine and doing all of these things, those are all chunks, those are all things that we’re having to think about. So by the time we get to the point where we can think about taking care of us, our brains sort of can’t hang on anymore. And you know, I talk to women all the time, and they’ll say, like, I wake up, I’m so motivated. This is so painful for me when they say this, I’m so motivated, I’m so excited. I’m like, I’m going to eat really good. I’m not going to snack You know, I’m going to do all these things. I’m gonna drink a lot of water. And I don’t know what happens because by the afternoon, I’m, I’m like, grabbing potato chips or, and I don’t get it, I just don’t have the motivation anymore. And that’s actually not it. It’s the chunks of information. It’s that your conscious mind can only handle so many things at once. So if you start the day, go
I’m going to eat really great. And I hear this one, I’m going to be good, I’m going to be good. And then you’ve got school and dogs and toothpaste and all these other things. What goes, we’re designed, we’re programmed as women to let ourselves go first. And so that goes from our conscious mind. And then what takes over my unconscious mind. So my unconscious mind is the thing that does all of the tasks that I don’t have to think about. I mean, it does run my processes, like it runs my heart, and it causes me to breathe, right? I don’t have to be thinking about that. But think about this morning when you brushed your teeth, like, I’m gonna guess you didn’t have to like, prepare, like you just did it. It is unconscious. Your brain just runs that action. It knows what to do. But if you think about it, when you were a little kid, your mom probably had to remind you or your dad but your mom probably had to remind you over and over again how to do it.
How long to do it to do it, Intel, it became unconscious. So then what happens is you have this idea that you’re going to be good and you’re going to eat really well. And then you have all these things happen in your life that you have to keep track of your conscious mind brain drops off the one that is for you, because we’ve been programmed to do that. And then your subconscious brain takes over. And your subconscious brain has been running these programs for 20 3040 years. And then you get mad and mad at yourself, and you think you’ve done something wrong or that you’ve failed or that you’ve screwed up. And in fact, that is just not true. Our unconscious brain can process 20 million bits of information per second.
Now, remember I said your conscious brain, it’s seven chunks, it’s about 40. It’s about 40 bits per second. It all depends how you divide
Up Your bits, but 40 bits per second compared to 20 million bits per second. You see the difference my unconscious mind. Like right now, as you’re watching me, you might not have noticed that, that thing right there.
That light switch looks a little bit different right my daughter made that years ago. It’s like a little ceramic pottery light switch cover, you probably didn’t even notice it, your unconscious mind did. But your unconscious mind did not think that was important for you to notice. And so it just skipped over it. Now if you have a little kid that just made one, you might have noticed it because your unconscious mind would have thought that was important. Do you see what I mean? So there are things happening all around. your unconscious mind doesn’t notice. your conscious mind does notice. So the unconscious mind is processing 500,000 times more information every second, then your conscious brain so every 500,000 times more than you eat
Notice is really what the point is. That means there are things happening all around you that you don’t notice. I’m going to tell you why that’s important. So when our conscious mind gets flooded with tasks, right or burned out, or when we get focused on something else, my unconscious mind has to take over. And it runs patterns and it sees everything and it makes decisions. It has a voting system where it decides what’s important
or not. Now, why does your unconscious mind taking over Why does that matter? I think in the end, that means if you are uncomfortable with how you look or feel in your body, that it’s not your fault. It is something that has happened and has been probably created over years and years and years and years. It means actually that your brain is working really well. Because offloading that to your unconscious mind is an act of preservation. It’s something that keeps you alive.
Keeps you floating, right? It keeps you being able to keep track of all of the stuff you got to keep track of. And probably after years and years and years and for you, maybe not putting your needs first, then it’s it’s helping you. It’s helping you to maintain what it thinks is really important. So
I want to talk to you a little bit now that we kind of understand the conscious mind in our unconscious mind why my identity would matter so much. You may have heard people say like, Well, you’ve got to upgrade your identity you’ve made have heard me say that. I want to explain why that’s so important. When we think about our unconscious mind, how does it vote? Like what’s important? How does it vote, what is important for you to notice? Well, it votes it based on your beliefs, your values, your identity, and all of these are unconscious. So years ago, I started my coaching
career in 2012. I owned a cross
But Jim, and I coached nutrition. I’ve written a book on precision nutrition certified and I used to coach nutrition to athletes and I was an athlete, I would compete internationally for Olympic style weightlifting, the snatch and the clean and jerk. I will tell you that right now. I’m 49. I competed internationally until I was 44. So I competed. And it was really important to me now, when you compete with Olympic style lifting, it is built based on age and weight class. So I would need to be weighed in before every meet to see if I made my weight class. So understanding what I was eating and how that impacted my body was really important to me. I knew down to like the cracker. What would happen, how my body would respond, how much water it would hold all of those things. We were going to the beach one year and it was right before, maybe like a month before.
For an international meet and So, before we went down, I looked up where the hotel was where we were staying and I found a gym and I called the gym CrossFit gym and I said, Can I come in and lift? You know, I’m training and I need some training time and they said, Yes. Now, last week, I went to the beach. And I did not look for a gym. I don’t even think I brought sneakers. I brought my flip flops. Why? What’s the difference between four years ago and today? Well, the difference is that I identified at that time as an athlete, I was a competitive athlete. Now I don’t see my I mean, even as I described it to you, I said I used to be so my identity made me behave in a certain way. I was not making a list. I wasn’t like, Oh my god, I got to work out over there. It was just who I was. Right? Have you ever gone on vacation and you’re like, should I bring stuff? Should I bring short? Is it worth packing it Am I going to use
Have you ever done that? So that is because your identity may perhaps isn’t the one of somebody that works out every single time they go anywhere, right? And that’s okay. But the awareness is super important because when we have awareness, then we can start to shift things. So knowing who you are from an identity of values, or beliefs from that perspective is so helpful, because then it helps us to understand why we have these patterns, and how we can start to change those. And when you can start to change who you are from an identity level, then all the other unconscious and conscious things don’t matter as much, and I’m going to explain what I mean. Now, I’m gonna backtrack because maybe you caught this, maybe you didn’t. If you have the workbook, our conscious mind can hold seven chunks of information. I want to make sure you guys have that. I highlighted it and everything on my notes because I
I don’t really follow my notes too well. So the second one is the the subconscious mind, right can process 500,000 times more than what the conscious mind is able to. So now we understand a little bit about identity and why this is so important. So I think I believe that what we really want as women is one less thing to worry about. We don’t want to worry about what we have to eat or meal prepping, or I believe that like, it would be so much easier. any of my goals so much easier if it just happened if it was just in flow, right. I think as women, we want to not be thinking about our bodies all the time. I think that that can be an emotional toll. And I think that marketing is is showing us that we need to be thinking about this, that this is something that we have to take care of right that we need to be in control of that we’re good or bad based on it.
If we fit this certain mold or ideal, or what our actions are, during the day impact our status of good or bad not only with ourselves, but with the world and how we’re seen. I think that this thinking drains us. And it also prevents us from being who we are supposed to be and accomplishing all the things that we’re really supposed to accomplish in the world. We can, it is really easy to control people if you’re getting them to continue to focus on some idealistic, unattainable thing, right. So in my mind, the greatest gift we could give ourselves is to be able to release that to make these things where we feel good in our bodies to make those automatic to make those just part of our identity. So we’re not having to think about it. And then we have the energy and the capacity to think about changing our
lives and building our dreams and impacting people and, and creating amazing experiences for our children and people that we love. Doesn’t that sounds so much better than like, Oh, I was bad because I had some corn chips, right or because I craved a chocolate chip cookie. So one thing I hear all the time is like, why can’t this just be easy? Why? Why do I have to be thinking about this all the time? And I have, I know that for me that I’m just done and spending time thinking about it. I am done judging myself. I will tell you that back when I was competing, in Olympic lifting, you could probably go on my personal Facebook page and just scroll a couple of profile pictures back and you could see I was in amazing shape. I had ABS anything that anyone would say, this is what you would want, but I still was thinking about it. And I didn’t want to be thinking about it. And so I had to get to a place in myself.
Were what I wanted became automatic, and I was not thinking about it. And then I could start to work towards my dreams and build my goals. So I want to talk to you a little bit about what I believe kind of happens with, like the diet industry and assigning those values for you. So I was saying our identity is what controls everything. And that identity is supported by our values and beliefs. And those values many times, I think, are, are developed or handed to us from a marketing perspective, right? So here’s what happens. Here’s how I see the cycle go is that people feel stressed, right? They have anxiety, and so they eat and then they tend to overeat. Well, what’s the real reason for that, besides just a pattern running is also when I’m stressed and I have anxiety, I get in fight or flight. What happens in fight or flight is that the blood moves to my arms and legs so that I can get away right biological perspective here. So I can
runaway. When I eat what happens, it brings the blood back into the core of my body that feels better, it feels more balanced, right? So if I can alleviate some of the stress and anxiety and even stress and anxiety about what I look like and what I’m eating, then I can avoid that cycle right there. But what happens is we get stressed and over an anxious and so we overeat. And then we feel ashamed and shame will keep you small, more than anything else. And then we get upset. And then we say, I’m going to do better, right? So I see this all the time, I’m going to do better. And so people go towards a really strict like, I’m going to have rules. I’m going to change my environment, and I’m going to change my behavior, right? I have these rules, these strict rules, and then they get these rules, and then they get really stressed and anxious. And then they eat and then they feel awful about themselves and then the cycle just repeats and it’s really so unnecessary and there is really truly an easier way
So instead of relying on your conscious mind that is so limited, then we want to set up a meeting with your unconscious mind. That’s where those patterns are. And when we can change the things there, then everything gets so much easier. It’s simpler. It’s natural, and it feels way more in flow. So after all of these years of being an expert in subconscious programming, I found that the biggest, the hardest part of change is actually something that you can do today. And once you do this, everything else becomes easier. So I’m going to teach you something and we’re going to talk about it and you’re gonna have a little homework around it. Okay, so what is that thing? The hardest part is to have the awareness and it’s not just the awareness that I feel like crap i over ate, it is really understanding underneath what the pattern is and where it comes from. So inside your workbook,
There is a special section for you to go through this exercise to get heightened awareness. Okay, if you don’t have the workbook again, just go to my website Betsy Pake comm backslash experience and we’ll send it to you. So this is how you can begin to see patterns and to notice where things need to be shifted. So I’m going to go through the workbook.
I want you to go through it. Like tonight, you can either do it if you have an experience where you feel like you got stressed and you were overeating, or if you can remember one, okay, so this worksheet is just about bringing awareness. So I’m going to review the process so you kind of understand what we’re doing here. So it is a break the pattern worksheet. So I want you to just start with any like recent food or eating related s episode that maybe troubled you. Maybe you didn’t really overeat but you were like, I’m, I’m bored. So I know I’m eating whatever that is. So write down the stuff that was happening around you.
Just before that episode, so like Where were you? What was happening? What were you thinking about? What were you feeling? Who was with you? You know, so many times we can be triggered by family members or situations or and I know right now we’re not around a whole lot of extra people.
But what were you feeling? What were you thinking about? And you know, it’s sometimes it’s like, well, I was thinking about work. But I want you to dive deeper. What was I thinking about work? Right? was I thinking about my boss? was I thinking about being late? was I thinking about money? It was, I think, like, really get to the heart of that. Then the next section is I want you to go back even further. So maybe it’s a couple hours before maybe it’s like two days before maybe it’s a week before when you had a meeting with your boss, right? So where were you again? What were you doing? Who were you with? What were you thinking? What were you feeling? Alright? Now I want you to just get this doesn’t have to be like sentences just write down as much data as
You can just just think through it and just allow whatever is coming to you to come out. One of the things that I say all the time with my clients, when we’re working with the subconscious is do not try to filter it through your consciousness. If you feel like something’s coming, just write it down. And then the next thing is trying to get out. So just even if it doesn’t make sense, doesn’t matter. You can evaluate it later and look at it later. Now, later, I want you to look, and I want you to see if you have any, any patterns, right? And if you don’t see any connections right away, that’s okay. You can try this exercise a couple different times, right? And just start looking for links about what’s happening in the hours before the minutes before maybe the days before you have like a craving for something or something happens or there’s an emotional eating thing. years ago, I had this thing with donuts. I was like obsessed with doughnuts, and it was when I was lifting a lot so it wasn’t necessarily a problem.
bilaam yet I knew it wasn’t the healthiest food for me and my friends and I would kind of laugh because I even had the hot light
app on my phone. So it would alert me when Krispy Kreme had the hot light on. Like, I would get an alert on my phone, you guys. So I would go oh, you know when I would sometimes leave the gym. So I owned the gym, I would leave the gym, go and get my doughnuts. What I needed to do was I needed to realize and I had to understand the pattern was that when I was growing up, I lived in a really small town in Vermont. And my parents if they would go out on a date, they would go 30 minutes to like a city and they had a Dunkin Donuts there. And as a special treat my mother would bring my sister and I back a doughnut. And so doughnuts, I didn’t have them very often wasn’t part of my daily life, but it was special. It made me feel good. It made me feel loved, right. And if I would be missing my mother or missing like that connection, I would want a donut and then pretty soon to be
A pattern where the hot light would come on and the ding would trigger and then I would do it. And once I recognized that there was a really simple, easy program that I did that I ran on myself, and I literally I don’t, I was just saying to one of my coaches, I don’t even I know I’ve had a doughnut in the past four or five years, but I don’t really remember, um, it just went away because I was able to see the pattern and heal the pattern, so much easier than like fighting it, right? Just remember, I deleted that off my focus and really didn’t care it was more of a nuisance than an excitement than a feeling of love, right? So just understand and recognize these patterns. Now, most people will start to notice a pattern, this is what’s gonna happen you’re gonna notice a pattern and then you’re gonna move towards adjusting your behavior, right so you’re gonna see a pattern and then you’re gonna go, Oh, my God, I have this pattern. I do this thing. I need to control this right I need to I need to shift my
My environment or my behavior, and they want to grab onto something that gives them like a strict pattern to follow something else to follow. So the problem, honestly, is that although a lot of programs really work, the majority of people will go back to their old pattern once they’re not on the program anymore. Or once they’re not thinking about it, remember, consciously I might be thinking about it, I might be keeping track of everything I eat or points or whatever it is. But the moment I’m not doing that, I’m just resorting to my subconscious mind that’s running a program. So if I try to change my behavior or my environment, that’s great. I’m not saying don’t do actions, actions are important. But actions that are only available when you’re conscious are not going to be sustaining. And then what happens is we get where we have the ups and downs and then we feel bad about ourselves and then it creates not only a physical issue
With going with our weight going up and down, but also a mental with us feeling good about ourselves. And that’s really what this is about. feel good about yourself so you can get on with other greatness that you’re here to do and design in the life. So, inside your workbook, there is a triangle there. And I want to talk about that triangle. All right. So I think the worst part about all of this is that just people feel bad and then they’re not living out truly shining their light right as far as your light can go. So this is the hierarchy of change this triangle. So at the very top, you can write in identity, this is the thing that rules all things. identity. What I really think about myself is the I am a mom, I am a coach, I am a wife I am that is going to impact everything that I do. Why? Because I have a set of values and beliefs attached to being a mom. What a mom does, how a mom acts. What a mom is supposed to be.
Right. And that is what’s going to design because my identity is unconscious. That’s gonna be what designs everything that I do unconsciously. So the very top is identity. Under that is values. And values are so tricky because so many times we’re like I value health. But then if you really look at your calendar of your life, 15 minute increments all day long. Maybe you don’t really maybe you’re thinking a bunch of garbage, maybe you’re listening to garbage. Maybe you’re like eating garbage, like who knows. So values is something that is unconscious. Okay, the next one below that is beliefs, belief, sometimes we can see beliefs I find that’s one of my superpowers is just talking to people and I can pick out patterns and beliefs. It’s really fun. And you can get like that too. That’s just a practice thing. I wasn’t born like that. It’s just a practice thing. And I can teach you how to do that. But understanding your value or your values and your beliefs and what those beliefs are is super important again,
unconscious, all right, underneath that is really its capabilities. It’s really like because of all of those things above it, the beliefs, the values, the identity, it creates capabilities. It’s like what you think you’re capable of. Right? This is sort of the, the,
the level between consciousness and unconsciousness, I’m starting to get into consciousness. Now what I think I can do. Underneath that is behavior and all the way at the bottom is environment. Now, if you start at the top, everything below it kind of flows. Remember I said about how when I was an athlete, I went to the beach, my identity was I was an athlete, so my behavior was in my environment. That didn’t, that was easy. I didn’t even have to think about it, right. But if my identity is not an athlete, then I’m going to act different my actions are going to be different my subconscious actions, so to create change easily and effortlessly have it be sustainable.
It is best to change those highest levels of the mind. All of the unconscious things. This is why identifying and understanding your patterns is so important for permanent change. So let’s kind of bring this back as we rounded out around stress and overeating. Alright, so when we’re stressed, our conscious mind can’t handle all of the parts coming in. So it has to hand some off to the unconscious. And any conscious change of behavior or environment tends to go out the window. And as the subconscious patterns start to take over, all right, so then when we can complicate things even more, right, because a lot of foods are engineered to be addictive, right? So it’s like we already have all that going on. And then we’ve got like chocolate and pizza and fried foods. They’re engineered, textured so that we want more of them, right? They release neural chemicals in our brain that makes us feel happy, giving us relief. That right now we probably slow down
desperately need. So it’s no wonder that when you’re stressed and anxious, and you’re in fight or flight you want to bring food in. And then you want to choose foods that are designed to make your brain happy. So if you have gained the COVID 15, it is just that your body is working perfectly. It’s that it’s trying to preserve your mental health and help give you something to sustain you. So the solution to this pattern is in your ability to reprogram your subconscious mind so that you’re processing everything that’s coming into your brain consciously and unconsciously, so that it supports your goals instead of just running an old program that doesn’t support you. So I have a client that we were working on a lot of other things but she messaged me, she texted me, and I found it as I was looking through my phone this past week. But what she said was, I’m gonna just read it. She said um
There’s one simple shift to having awareness and knowing what to do has had this incredible impact. I can hear my inner voice super clear, like full on conversations giving me guidance when I’m brushing my teeth, instead of even having to get into meditation, which that’s the best when you can just hear your inner self and you know what’s right. I’ve lost five or six pounds, I don’t snack and I find it I’m not even thinking about food between meals, the stress around food has just gone away. You know, when you do this, there is a new version of you. That’s ready to step forward. It feels effortless, because we’re changing things on an identity level. And you can do this too. You can make this feel effortless. You can find fun and joy in your body, even in the process. This is truly available to everybody. And to start you just need to understand your subconscious mind and to begin to get awareness of those patterns. So my challenge for you tonight is to notice do the work
That’s inside the workbook. Do it tonight. And tomorrow I’m going to be here live at 1030. And we’re going to talk about staying motivated because this is something that people always say to is I’m really motivated. And now you understand a little bit with the chunks of information why your motivation might wane but I have a totally different way of looking at it that you might really like. So I will see you tomorrow at 1030. If you have questions, drop them below. I will make sure that I answer those we are having a q&a day and I will answer all of your questions so you can drop them below or you can message us at support at Betsy Pake calm and I will be sure that I answered them then. Alright, thank you guys so much for being here with me live. Thank you for being here with me on the replay. It was really really an honor to be here and a lot of fun. So I will see you all tomorrow.
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