Welcome to Anxious to Secure - the podcast for anyone who feels anxious in love and wants to feel calm, confident, and connected.
If you’re chasing an emotionally unavailable (Avoidant) partner…
If you’re attaching out of fear, not love…
Your relationship is running on survival mode. (I’ve been there - and it can change.) 🤍
I’m Jula: an anxious attachment coach + certified life coach.
In just 6 months, I became a more secure version of myself 🫳🏻🎤
Now I help you stop overthinking every text and feel safe, even when your partner pulls away.
If you’re tired of the doubt, panic, and never feeling enough: this is for you.
Let’s get you into your Secure Era. 🖤
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135: Your avoidant partner doesn’t prioritise you…UNLESS you do THIS.
Episode 136
Tuesday, May 26, 2026 • Duration 16:14
grab your daily anxious-to-secure rewriting protocol so you no longer freak out when he pulls away.
If you don’t feel like a priority in your relationship right now, with your dismissive avoidant partner… this episode will feel like a mirror 🪞💔
Because you have communicated your needs.
You’ve tried to explain.
You’ve tried to get closer.
And somehow… they shut down more.
They pull away.
They get defensive.
And suddenly you feel like you’re competing with their work, friends, sport, routines… even their DOG 🐶⛈️
Here’s the truth nobody explained clearly:
It’s not that you don’t matter.
And it’s not that they don’t love you.
It’s a nervous system dynamic
In this episode, I break down:
➞ Why avoidant partners pull away when you try to get closer
➞ Why “trying harder” actually creates MORE distance
➞ Why your anxiety gets activated so fast (and feels SO real)
➞ The hidden childhood wound behind “I’m not a priority” 🩹
➞ What actually makes your partner feel safe enough to come closer
➞ And how to start shifting the dynamic without chasing or shutting down
You’ll start to see something important:
Your partner isn’t prioritising “against you”…
they’re prioritising what feels emotionally SAFE for them 🖤
And your nervous system is reacting to what feels like abandonment…
even when the situation is not what your younger self experienced 🌪️
I also walk you through the first step of emotional self-regulation that helps break the cycle in real time — especially in those moments when you feel triggered, anxious, and ready to reach for reassurance again.
This is where everything starts to change 🧘🏼♀️🌈
Not by controlling them.
But by learning to come back to YOU first.
Because when you stop chasing safety externally…
the entire relationship dynamic starts to soften
If this episode hits home, you’re not alone in it.
Change starts here.
Thought by thought. Action by action. Episode by episode
xx Jula
DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor.
This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions.
This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns.
Remember: Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.
134: 5 signs you’re in a toxic cycle with a dismissive avoidant partner (and how to break it)
If you keep overthinking texts, chasing reassurance, and feeling stuck in a hot and cold relationship… this is for you
In this episode, Jula breaks down the 5 signs you’re stuck in an anxious attachment + dismissive avoidant toxic cycle and why it feels SO hard to leave even when you want to
You’ll understand what’s really happening in your nervous system, why “just leave” doesn’t work, and how your attachment style is driving the push and pull dynamic 🔮
Most importantly, you’ll learn the first steps to start shifting from anxious attachment into a more SECURE, grounded version of you
This is about breaking the cycle, calming relationship anxiety, and finally feeling SAFE in love again
00:00 Understanding Toxic Cycles in Relationships
00:55 Sign 01
01:41 Sign 02
02:53 Sign 03
03:51 Sign 04
05:18 Sign 05
08:20 Why leaving the Avoidant is NOT the answer
08:56 How to HEAL anxious Attachment when he pulls away
10:12 The Secure Woman Protocol
DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor.
This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions.
This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns.
133: How to break the anxious avoidant cycle (without chasing HIM))
How to break the anxious avoidant cycle without chasing him ❤️🩹
In this episode, I share why anxious and avoidant couples get stuck in the same painful push and pull cycle and how YOU can finally break it without begging for reassurance, overthinking every text, or losing yourself in the relationship
If your partner pulls away, needs space, shuts down emotionally, or becomes distant and your brain instantly spirals into “Is he leaving me?” this episode will help you understand what’s really happening underneath your relationship anxiety.
I'll break down how abandonment fears, anxious thoughts, emotional triggers, and nervous system reactions create the anxious avoidant cycle and why chasing usually pushes an avoidant partner even further away.
You’ll learn how to self-soothe, challenge anxious thoughts, communicate your needs in a healthier way, and start becoming more securely attached instead of emotionally dependent on reassurance from your partner
Perfect for anyone struggling with anxious attachment, fear of abandonment, overthinking, clinginess, avoidant partners, emotional dependency, or feeling constantly anxious when their partner needs space
xx🎙 with Jula, your anxious to secure attachment coach
CHAPTER:
00:00 Taking Control of Your Emotions
01:09 How the Anxious Avoidant Cycle Starts (not what you THINK)
04:10 The MOST important part how YOU can interrupt the cycle
12:03 How to REFRAME your thoughts when triggered
12:37 How to feel calm when he pulls away
132: NEVER say this to an avoidant partner if you have anxious attachment (it will trigger him into shutdown))
Episode 133
Tuesday, May 5, 2026 • Duration 24:53
Five things you should NEVER say to your avoidant partner UNLESS you want to trigger him to shut down or get defensive...
If you keep thinking “why is he shutting down when I just ask for the bare minimum?” this is for you
In this episode I break down the exact communication patterns that accidentally trigger defensiveness, distance, or emotional shutdown in avoidant partners.
You’ll understand:
➞ why “you never…” instantly creates disconnection
➞ why vague needs like “I need more effort” don’t land
➞ why over-explaining actually pushes them further away
➞ and what to say instead so your words actually get heard
This isn’t about you being “too much.” It’s about the cycle you both get stuck in when anxious attachment meets emotional distance
I also walk you through simple shifts like “you → when” language,
how to make requests clearer, and how secure communication actually sounds in real life (no therapy jargon, just normal human words)
If you’ve ever left a conversation feeling MORE anxious than before… this episode will change how you speak and how you feel inside your relationship
If you’re ready to stop overthinking every message…
stop chasing emotional certainty…
and finally feel CALM in love
Start with THIS protocol:
If you’re ready to stop chasing, stop spiraling, and finally feel secure…
my Secure Woman Protocol walks you through exactly how to rewire your anxious attachment,
regulate your emotions, and feel calm in your relationship
(even with an avoidant partner)
CHAPTER:
131: Hills I will DIE on as someone who healed their anxious attachment…and become secure
Episode 132
Tuesday, April 28, 2026 • Duration 16:21
hills I will die on as someone who healed their anxious attachment…
Ever feel like your world falls apart when your partner pulls away? ⛈️
Like you’re overthinking texts, chasing reassurance, and still feeling not enough?
This episode is for you.
In this raw and honest talk, I share the hills I will die on after healing my anxious attachment style and stepping into earned secure attachment 🧠💛
We go deep into why anxious attachment keeps you stuck in the SAME painful relationship cycle… especially with avoidant partners… and what actually changes everything.
You’ll hear the truth about:
➞ Why you keep attracting avoidant partners (it’s not random)
➞ Why trying to “fix” your partner is making things worse
➞ Why leaving without healing just repeats the pattern
➞ Why your partner is NOT your emotional life support
➞ And why you’re not actually obsessed with them… but with the meaning they represent
This episode will gently challenge everything you thought was true about love, attachment, and “fixing relationships” 🪞💋
Because the real shift is NOT getting more reassurance.
It’s learning how to stop abandoning yourself.
And coming back home to YOU 🫂
If you’ve ever felt:
💔 “I care too much”
💔 “I’m too anxious in love”
💔 “Why do I always choose emotionally unavailable people?”
💔 “How do I stop overthinking and chasing?”
This will land deep.
We also talk about:
🧠 emotional regulation (instead of over-communicating)
🪞 why awareness alone keeps you stuck
🧨 the anxious–avoidant cycle no one explains properly
🔮 and how to start shifting into a more secure identity in daily life
Because healing anxious attachment isn’t about finding the “right partner.”
It’s about becoming the version of you who doesn’t lose yourself in love anymore
130: you think your AVOIDANT is pulling away… but these 5 signs say he’s trying
Episode 131
Tuesday, April 21, 2026 • Duration 21:02
Is your avoidant partner pulling away… or actually trying?
here are CLEAR signs he IS trying (and he DOES want you.)
If you have an anxious attachment style and you're constantly overthinking your relationship, checking your phone, and wondering “does he even care?”… this episode will change how you see EVERYTHING.
Because here’s the truth no one tells you:
When an avoidant partner tries… it doesn’t look obvious.
No long texts.
No constant reassurance.
No big emotional speeches.
And that’s exactly why you might be missing it… and spiraling instead.
In this episode, I walk you through 5 clear signs your avoidant partner IS trying, even if it feels confusing or triggering:
➞ He comes back after pulling away
➞ He stays instead of running when things get emotional
➞ You see small changes (not big overnight shifts)
➞ He opens up in little moments, not all at once
➞ He starts tolerating emotional discomfort and connection
You’ll also understand:
✨ Why avoidant behavior feels so triggering for anxious attachment
✨ Why you keep thinking “he’s going to leave me”
✨ Why you can’t just “find a secure partner” without becoming secure yourself
✨ How to stop spiraling and reading into every little thing
Because the more you focus on him…
the more anxious you feel.
And the moment you shift back to YOU?
That’s when everything changes
If you’re tired of:
➞ overthinking every text
➞ feeling sick in your chest when he pulls away
➞ wanting to feel calm, secure, and chosen in your relationship
Then this is your next step.
129: *3 signs* your avoidant partner is becoming SECURE (even if they still pull away)
Episode 130
Tuesday, April 14, 2026 • Duration 18:36
Ever wondered: do avoidants even care? Does he even love me if he pulls away? If you have an anxious attachment style, this episode will hit 🧠⛈️
Because it often feels like YOU are the only one trying…
while your avoidant partner shuts down, pulls away, and says nothing
But what if that “distance” is not lack of care…
but a different kind of emotional growth? 👀
In this episode, I break down 3 signs your avoidant partner is becoming more secure
even if they still need space and still pull away sometimes.
We’ll talk anxious vs avoidant attachment, emotional shutdowns, and why you feel like you care more than your partner
If you’re overthinking texts, spiraling after distance, or trying to fix everything in your head… this is for you
00:00 Understanding Attachment Styles
02:56 Signs of Growth in Attachment Styles
03:45 Sign 01 of healing (emotions)
06:11 Sign 02 of healing (beliefs)
10:02 Sign 03 of healing (needs)
16:19 How to feel calm when he pulls away
DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor.
This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions.
This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns.
128: the UGLY truth why you attract avoidant people, men, friends (they mirror you!)
If you keep ending up with emotionally unavailable partners…
if you feel anxious when he pulls away, overthink every text, and wonder
“why does this ALWAYS happen to me?”…
this episode is going to feel a little confronting… and a lot empowering
Little warning: DON'T blame ME.. blame your PAST.
Because here’s the shift:
It’s not just that you’re attracting avoidant partners.
It’s that your nervous system is used to inconsistency… and calls it love.
I know… 🤯
I used to be anxiously attached too.
I was the one checking my phone, waiting for replies, feeling high when he was close…
and crashing the moment he went distant.
Hot and cold felt normal.
Secure felt… boring.
And that’s exactly why I kept attracting emotionally unavailable men.
In this episode, we go deeper than surface-level dating advice.
We look at your attachment style, your patterns, and the emotional blueprint you learned early on.
Not to blame you.
But to give you your power back 💪🏽✨
Because when you understand this…
You stop asking
“why is he like this?”
And start seeing:
“where am I doing this to myself?” 👀
We walk through a simple but powerful mirror exercise (grab your journal 📓)
that shows you:
➞ where you might be emotionally unavailable to yourself
➞ where you’re inconsistent with your own needs and boundaries
➞ where you abandon yourself… and then chase him to fill that gap
127: 4 STEPS: how to detach from a relationship, dismissive AVOIDANT partner from emotions, outcomes!
If attachment hasn't work - try it with DETACHMENT... :)
If you’re trying to detach from your dismissive avoidant partner, stop obsessing over your relationship, and finally feel calm again… this episode is for you 🖤
Because right now?
You’re not “too in love.”
You’re stuck in anxious attachment, overthinking everything, replaying texts, and feeling like if you just try harder… he won’t pull away 💭⛈️
But the truth is…
The more you chase, fix, and hold on tight… the more your avoidant partner distances himself.
And I know what you’re thinking…
“If I detach, I’ll lose him.” 🚩
I used to believe that too.
I used to feel sick to my stomach when he pulled away.
Checking my phone. Waiting. Overanalyzing every little shift.
And detachment felt like giving up.
Like losing control. Like losing HIM.
But here’s what changed everything for me… 🧠
Detachment isn’t losing love. It’s losing anxiety.
In this episode, I walk you through the exact 4-step process to emotionally detach from someone you love, without shutting down or pretending you don’t care.
So you can stop feeling like your mood depends on him…
And start feeling secure, calm, and back in control of yourself
Attachment Style QUIZ – Take the 3-min quiz to be 100% sure you're Anxiously Attached: 3 MIN QUIZ
✶ WHAT YOU’LL LEARN IN THIS EPISODE:
✶ THE TRUTH YOU NEED TO HEAR:
⏰ CHAPTERS:
126: why do I keep being 🧲 🚩ATTRACTED to avoidant and EMOTIONALLY unavailable men
Hands up if you have an anxious attachment and wonder… why do I keep being attracted to avoidant and emotionally unavailable men?
Then this one’s for you..
…and it’s starting to feel like a pattern you can’t break 🖤✨
At first, it feels SO good.
There’s chemistry. There’s excitement. There’s hope
But then…
He pulls away.
He shuts down.
He avoids emotional conversations.
And you’re left in your head again… overthinking, waiting, hoping ⛈️
“Why do I always attract emotionally unavailable men?”
In this episode of the anxious to secure podcast, we talk about what’s really going on beneath the surface.
Because this isn’t random.
And it’s not because you’re “too much.”
If you have an anxious attachment style, you might feel things deeply, attach quickly, and crave closeness.
And without realizing it… you can end up attracting avoidant partners who do the opposite.
This anxious-avoidant dynamic can feel intense, addictive… and exhausting ❤️🩹
We break down why this happens:
Maybe emotional distance feels familiar to your nervous system.
Maybe a part of you feels safer with someone who can’t fully see you.
Maybe you learned early on that love means chasing, proving, or waiting.
And sometimes… you’re trying to get love from someone who can’t give it, hoping this time it will finally feel different.
Remember: Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.
This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions.
This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns.
Remember: Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.
00:00 What do say and NOT so say to your dismissive avoidant
06:57 01 Do NOT say this to your Avoidant
10:54 02 Do not say this to your avoidant partner
12:57 03 Phrases that will trigger dismissive avoidants into shutdown
14:42 04 Avoid saying THIS to your partner
17:30 05 What NOT to say in a conversation with your partner
21:44 Healing Anxious Attachment Styles
DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor.
This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions.
This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns.
Remember: Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.
If you’re ready to stop overthinking every message…
stop chasing emotional certainty…
and finally feel CALM in love
Start with THIS protocol:
If you’re ready to stop chasing, stop spiraling, and finally feel secure…
my Secure Woman Protocol walks you through exactly how to rewire your anxious attachment,
regulate your emotions, and feel calm in your relationship
(even with an avoidant partner)
00:00 Hills I will DIE on as someone who has healed their anxious attachment
01:11 01 You can have a healthy relationship with an avoidant partner
02:44 02 YOU need to work on YOU (not on them)
05:19 03 You can't RUN from avoidants
08:16 04 Your partner is NOT your emotional life support
09:09 05 You're not obsessed with THEM but with...
10:59 06 The harder you cling- the faster they run
🎧 Listen now and start seeing your relationship clearly.
If you’re ready to stop chasing, stop spiraling, and finally feel secure…
my Secure Woman Protocol walks you through exactly how to rewire your anxious attachment,
regulate your emotions, and feel calm in your relationship
(even with an avoidant partner)
CHAPTER:
00:00 Understanding Avoidant Attachment in Relationships
01:23 Why you shouldn't RUN from an avoidant
03:32 Sign 01 - He returns
04:48 Sign 02 - your partner STAYS.
07:03 Sign 03 - your avoidant is making SMALLER changes
13:32 Sign 04 - Your Avoidant's OPENS UP
15:13 Sign 05 - he's able to TOLERATE discomfort
DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor.
This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions.
This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns.
Remember: Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.
Remember: Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.
And THIS is the moment things start to change.
Because anxious attachment isn’t something you’re stuck with.
It’s something you can rewire.
So you can finally stop chasing, stop overthinking…
and start feeling calm, secure, and grounded in your relationships 🖤
If you’re tired of feeling like:
“why do I always want the one who pulls away?”
This is your episode.
Press play.
And let’s break that pattern… for real this time
CHAPTER:
00:00 Why Anxious Attachment attracts the SAME avoidant people
01:35 Your AVOIDANT mirrors YOUR past
11:06 Your Partner and Trigger REVEALS your wounds (exercise))
15:35 How shadow work REVEALS the truth anxious attachment does NOT want to hear
26:53 Why becoming securely attached will attract secure people
DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor.
This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions.
This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns.
Remember: Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.
➞ How to detach from your dismissive avoidant partner without pushing him further away
➞ The REAL reason you feel so attached (hint: it’s not love… it’s fear)
➞ How anxious attachment creates obsession, overthinking, and emotional зависимость
➞ Why your relationship anxiety is making him pull away
➞ How to stop chasing, fixing, and needing constant reassurance
➞ The belief shifts that help you emotionally detach FAST
➞ How to meet your own needs instead of depending on your partner
➞ Mirror work + shadow work to break your attachment patterns
➞ How to rewire your subconscious mind and finally feel secure
You don’t miss him…
You miss the feeling of safety you ONLY get when he’s close 🫂
And that’s why you keep holding on so tight.
But when you finally learn how to detach from the outcome, the relationship, and the constant need for reassurance…
Everything shifts.
He feels less pressure.
You feel more peace.
And for the first time… you’re not waiting to be chosen.
You already feel enough
00:00 How to detach from your dismissive avoidant partner, relationships and outcomes
03:04 STEP 01: How to DETACH (awareness)
10:07 STEP 02 How to emotionally DETACH (beliefs)
23:52 STEP 03 How to DETACH (needs)
39:08 STEP 04 How to emotionally DETACH (mirror work)
44:28 FAST TRACK: How to detach FASTER!
DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor.
This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions.
This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns.
Remember: Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.
We also talk about something most people don’t want to hear…
You might be emotionally unavailable to yourself too.
Not because you’re doing something wrong…
but because you were never taught how to sit with your feelings, soothe yourself, and feel safe on your own.
So you reach for someone else to do it for you
This episode will help you understand your patterns, your attachment style, and why avoidant, emotionally unavailable partners feel so hard to let go of.
And more importantly…
how to start shifting into a more secure way of loving
Because you don’t need to become less emotional.
You just need to feel safe with your emotions first 🫶
CHAPTERS:
00:00 Understanding Emotional Unavailability
00:57 What emotionally unavailable actually looks like
06:37 Attachment styles breakdown
27:30 5 Reasons You Attract Emotionally Unavailable Men
FREE RESOURCES:
Attachment Style QUIZ – Take the 3-min quiz to be 100% sure you're Anxiously Attached: 3 MIN QUIZ
